September 11, 2025 • 27 mins
Oh my gosh, friends, you are in for such an incredible conversation this week on the Thrive After 45™ podcast. I am sitting down with the phenomenal Felicity Ashley, and her story is just proof that our midlife years can be the most powerful and adventurous chapters yet.
At 46, after leading marketing teams for 20 years, Felicity did something absolutely extraordinary: she rowed over 3,000 miles across the Atlantic Ocean with an all-female crew of working moms!
This epic journey proved that women in midlife can do incredible things. But the adventure didn’t stop there.
Soon after, she faced an entirely different kind of challenge: a diagnosis of stage three bowel cancer.
Felicity’s story isn’t just about overcoming a life-threatening illness; it's about using the strength and resilience gained from one challenge to face the next.
She shares how the mental and physical grit she built from rowing the ocean became her superpower to get through cancer treatment. And after overcoming cancer, she celebrated a three-year milestone by running the world's highest marathon at Everest Base Camp!!!
Talk about unstoppable!
We get into a real, honest conversation about what it means to truly thrive through change, uncertainty, and challenge.
We also dive into the idea that age is an advantage, not a limitation. Felicity explains that being a working mom gave her a unique superpower on the Atlantic row. She and her crew were used to broken sleep from feeding children through the night, so the two-hours-on, two-hours-off rowing schedule didn't faze them.
This is a conversation that will leave you feeling so empowered and ready to tackle your own "Everest" whatever that may be.
You'll hear about how she made a career pivot to professional speaking and how her book, "Stronger Than the Storm," is inspiring others to find their own strength.
Felicity’s message is so beautiful and simple...
We are all so much stronger and more capable than we think, and it's only when we're challenged that we truly realize our own power.
She encourages us to push ourselves and to say "yes" to the things that feel right for us, even if they feel scary.
You can connect with Felicity and learn more about her inspiring journey on her website at www.felicityashley.com
LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/felicityashley
Instagram - @felicityashleyspeaker
Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.
And if you loved it, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!
Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at denisedrinkwalter.com, and follow @thethriveafter45podcast for daily insp, tips, and support.
Remember, midlife isn’t the end - it’s just the beginning of a new, exciting chapter! Keep thriving, keep shining, and I’ll see you next time!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to ThriveAfter 45, the podcast where we
redefine what's possible inmidlife.
I'm Denise, drink Walter, yourmidlife renewal coach Here to
help you embrace your power,purpose, and potential.
This is your space to let go ofguilt.
(00:20):
Navigate transitions rediscoverjoy and thrive for you by you.
Because of you.
It is an honor and an absoluteprivilege to welcome and
introduce Felicity Ashley to ourshow today.
Felicity is a motivator, amariner and a marketer who has
(00:43):
inspired.
Thousands with her story ofcourage and resilience.
After 20 years leading marketingteams, she rode over 3000 miles
across the Atlantic with themothership, a crew of working
moms proving.
That midlife women can doextraordinary things.
(01:07):
Soon after Felicity faced a newchallenge, stage three bowel
cancer, she overcame treatment,pivoted her career.
And now shares her powerfuljourney as a professional
speaker helping organizationsand individuals thrive through
(01:27):
change, uncertainty, andchallenge.
Most recently, she marked herthree year cancer milestone by
running.
The world's highest marathon atEverest Base Camp.
Please join me in welcoming theincredible Felicity Ashley, it's
(01:48):
so great to have you here today.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's a privilege to be here.
Oh my goodness.
You have faced both epicadventures.
And life-threatening adversity.
What do you think has taught youmore about resilience?
(02:09):
The ocean, the mountain, or thecancer diagnosis?
I think it's actually acombination of all of them.
I, you know, rowing the ocean isbuilded as the world's toughest
row, and it really is anenormous test of both your
mental and your physicalendurance and resilience.
(02:30):
And it is absolutely all ofthose things, you know, to do
anything of that length.
It took us 40 days rowing, twohours on, two hours off.
24 hours a day to do anythinglike that, you need to be so
mentally and physically strongand you know, both the two years
of training to to, to prepare usfor it.
And then the event itselfcertainly built my resilience,
(02:54):
both my mental and physicalresilience.
Um, and you know, I completedthat and I thought, well, that's
that.
Go back to normal life.
Yeah.
But then as you said in yourintroduction, you know, life had
other plans for me.
And actually what happened was Iwas thrown straight into a very
different challenge of facing acancer diagnosis.
Um, and it was fairly advancedcancer.
(03:14):
It was a large tumor in mybowel.
Um, and you know, at that point,I think it would've been
understandable to think why me?
You know, I've just wrote annotion.
I'm relatively speaking, I'myoung.
I was 40.
Six, I think when I wasdiagnosed.
Had three small children and Iwas having just done the row, I
(03:35):
was fitter and stronger than I'dever been.
And I think, you know, itwould've been understandable to
think Roe is me.
This isn't fair.
Yeah.
But I was actually able tothink, well, why not me thinking
back to the row, because I'm fitand strong and because I have
age on my side, then I'mprobably better placed than most
people to get through this.
(03:55):
And I think just havingcompleted the row and knowing
that I was.
Physically and mentally.
Bulletproof.
Okay.
Physically, I, yeah.
Had cancer and so not quitebulletproof, but, but knowing I
had this resilience and thisgrit that was really my
superpower that helped memm-hmm.
Cope with the cancer diagnosisand then get through the
treatment.
(04:15):
Um, and so I think it reallywas, going back to your
question, it was the combinationof those two things, because I
very much took.
The resilience that I build upthrough the row and I just
applied it to something verydifferent, but using, you know,
similar tools and techniques,um, and, and very much using the
confidence that the row hadgiven me to help me get through
(04:37):
this next challenge.
Um, and both of those things.
Okay.
There were very differentchallenges, but they, to me,
they proved my resilience and mygrit to be able to get through
some of life's biggestchallenges.
Whether they're challenges thatyou've chosen, like the ro, or
whether they're challenges yousimply have to face like a
health, you know, a healthdiagnosis.
(04:58):
Um, and actually what they'veshown me is that I can do.
Almost anything I set my mindto.
And they gave me the confidencethen to tackle the world's
highest marathon at every spacecamp.
I wasn't a serial marathonrunner.
In fact, I had a hip replacementbefore the row and No way.
Way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the one thing the surgeonsaid to me that I might not want
(05:20):
to do with a hip replacement wasa marathon.
And I kind of thought, well,it's not an ordinary marathon.
So, you know, I hadn't run manymarathons before.
I'd run two marathons before.
Um.
I'd never tested myself foraltitude before, but that wasn't
a reason not to do it.
Actually, it was a reason to go.
Do you know I, I know I can rowan ocean.
I've never done that before.
I've got through cancertreatment.
(05:40):
I know I'm tough.
I can prepare myself for thisother challenge of altitude and
running a marathon altitude.
So yeah, it's very much thecombination of all of them and
having been through challenges,it's the confidence that coming
through the other side andfinding your strength gives you
to enable you to tackle otherthings, other challenges in
life.
Right.
(06:01):
There's some, there's so much inthat that I wanna unpack, but
the one thing that's reallyresonating for me is something
you shared that you said age ison your side.
Age was on your side.
Our audience of midlife womenthrive after 45.
We are.
Battling, I'm going to say thisidea, and there's so much out
(06:25):
there around ageism and, okay,you've hit, that's it.
You're plateau.
You might as well just startgoing down the hill.
Now at whatever age that societyfeels that is, tell us what you
mean by age is on your sidebecause we need to unpack that
and share with our audience whatthat can mean.
Absolutely.
So in cancer terms, 46 is veryyoung to be diagnosed with
(06:49):
something like bowel cancer.
It's associated typically withmuch older people and and also
with men.
And so I was this fit,relatively speaking, young
person being diagnosed with itand therefore.
Because I was young, I was morelikely to be able to get through
it.
You know, I had this strengthand this youth on my side to be
(07:10):
able to get through, get throughit.
Where most people who aretreated with something like
bowel cancer, for something likebowel cancer are a lot older,
have less natural, you know,body strength and therefore
don't recover as quickly fromsurgery and then don't cope as
well with.
Things like chemotherapy andtherefore it was, you know,
simply being younger.
(07:30):
I had a better chance that wason my side.
Um, but also I think age bringsexperience.
You know, you don't get tomidlife, let's say, without
having.
You are having had, you know,your fair share of knocks,
right?
And having had to pick yourselfup from those, and that does
give you resilience.
(07:51):
Um, as I say, it might bethings, it might be challenges
that you've chosen, like I choseto do the Atlantic Row, or it
might be challenges that simplycome your way through life.
Um, but that's where I think ageis a tremendous advantage
because it gives you thatexperience, that wisdom.
And in many ways, the confidencethat you can get through things.
So I think it works in, indifferent ways.
(08:13):
You know, partly the physicalresilience, the physical
strength, I suppose, um, ofbeing relatively young, right,
for a cancer diagnosis.
But equally having got tomidlife the experience that
comes with it.
Exactly, and I, I love whatyou're sharing because this is
key for our conversation interms of that wisdom and to step
(08:37):
into that wisdom and use it andnot listen to those outside
going, oh, well what do you knowyour, well, let me tell you what
I do know and how I came toknow.
What I do know through like yoursharing your experiences.
Yeah.
Right.
And, and and that age actually,and the experience and the
(09:00):
wisdom and the resilience itgives you was, was such an
advantage for us as a crew offour working moms doing the the
Atlantic Row.
We were quite different to theprofile of your standard crew at
the time that we rode theAtlantic, which was.
Three and a half years ago now,most of the crews were men,
typically white young men, um,deemed to be stronger and fitter
(09:23):
and everything else, morecapable of doing things like
that.
Mm-hmm.
We were very different crew ofmidlife working moms and nobody
expected very much of us.
Um.
You know, I think many peoplethought we would probably give
up somewhere on the way to thestart line, you know, that we,
the challenges we would face asworking moms in our mid midlife
(09:44):
sure would just be too much toovercome and we'd just give up.
Um, if that didn't happen, Ithink people thought we'd just
sort of float in somewhere nearthe back of the fleet, just give
it a go, but, but not doanything particularly, um,
impressive.
We wanted to challenge thoseperceptions about what we could
do in midlife because we, weknew that we were so much more
(10:04):
capable than those expectationsof us, and that made us work
really, really hard.
And we had enormous challengesto overcome in the two years of
preparation for the race.
Some of them, because we were,you know, mothers and we had
lots of other things going on,but being able to get through
those challenges gave us so muchmore.
(10:25):
Confidence and resilience toactually get through the race
itself.
And when we came to the race,some of the biggest challenges
for other crews are things likesleep deprivation.
Mm-hmm.
Because you have to row twohours on, two hours off 24 hours
a day, which means the maximumsleep you get at any one point
is about 90 minutes.
So during the night, you are upevery two.
(10:46):
To row a two hour shift.
And for most people, that isincredibly daunting.
They think, well, I, I simplycan't do that.
If you're used to your 8,000night, I simply can't do that.
But as moms, we were used tofeeding children through the
night for months and months onend, you know, month.
We years of broken sleep, ofcourse, and we knew that we
could do it.
We knew that your body.
(11:06):
Going,'cause you have to.
And so that didn't phase us andthat was a superpower because of
course that's one thing thatreally a a lot of crews really
struggle with, but we knew wecould do it.
Yeah.
You know, 40 days is actually inthe context of feeding children
through the night and havebroken sleep.
It's a short period of time.
Um.
And so that again, is where ageand experience as mothers and as
(11:28):
Midlifers was really ouradvantage and our superpower.
I love that.
How did you come to the journeyof putting yourself into the
throws of that race?
How did you pull it together?
Like what came to be in orderfor, let's go do this, ladies.
(11:50):
But it, it came about really, I,I suppose my brother-in-law was,
um, was the instigator in manyways.
He rode the Atlantic two yearsbefore I rode the Atlantic, and
when I first heard about himdoing it, I thought he was
absolutely mad.
I thought why would.
Anyone choose to put themselvesin this tiny little rowing boat
(12:11):
in massive waves.
And the idea of it ter literallyterrified me, for sure.
Um, and then it was only when Iwatched his race and his race
had started, and I was followinghim on social media.
And then in particular, seeinghim finish the race and I'd, um,
I was watching him on my iPad,sat in my bed at home in the
middle of the night, and it wasspine tingly exciting.
(12:33):
I, I just remember.
Seeing him crossing thefinishing line and the look on
their faces and thinking, wow,if I feel this excited,
thousands of miles away sat inmy bed.
What must it be like to do that?
And at that point, you know,the, the, this seed was planted
and I thought I would love toexperience that for myself, but
my sort of rational brain tookover and I.
(12:55):
Well, look, the children are tooyoung.
At the time, they were two,four, and six, so I thought
they're too young.
Um, but maybe I could do it infive to 10 years time when, you
know, they're a bit older and abit more independent, and I'm
not too old to do it.
Um, and so sort of the, thethought was lodged, but I pushed
it to one side.
But then about a week later, myyounger sister Pip called me and
(13:17):
she said, D, I've got a boat.
Do you want a road?
The Atlantic?
I, I mean, I immediately feltthis glow of excitement, you
know, waving through my bodyand.
Even though the words thatpopped outta my mouth were, of
course I can't do it.
The kids are too young.
I've just had a hip, hipreplacement.
(13:39):
I knew in my heart of heartsthat I was gonna say yes.
I'm a big believer in seasoningopportunities that come along.
And this to me just felt like aonce in a life opportunity to do
something absolutelyextraordinary and to do it with
my sister.
Yeah.
Uh, and I'm also a big believerin.
Uh, not having regrets.
And it's the things that youdon't do that you typically
(14:01):
regret rather than the thingsthat you do do.
Um, and yeah, and so, so that'sreally where it first started.
And Pip said to me, look, stopgiving me reasons why you can't
start giving me reasons why youcan, can.
Um, and I put the phone down,had a quick conversation with my
husband, and the next day Icalled her back and said, I'm
in.
(14:21):
We're doing it.
Beautiful.
Uh, and that was the start.
And then I.
It was such an enormous goal,and it was sort of almost two
years away.
Yeah.
Um, that, but it was that goaland that desire to do it.
That kept us going through allof the different challenges that
we faced.
And we were training throughCOVID.
We had multiple crew changes.
(14:41):
There were so many differentobstacles in our way.
Um, but we had this massive goaland, and this, I suppose, shared
commitment to doing it, and thatkept us going.
So you and your sister.
Were the two foundational piecesthat started the Yeah.
Boat rowings.
(15:01):
Yeah.
As so to speak.
How beautiful.
Yeah.
And you've got that memoryforever, don't you?
Yeah.
And it was such a privilege toshare it with my sister.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I think we both got to knoweach other on a completely
different level.
And I'm not sure that we've everactually spent that much time in
such close confinement together.
(15:24):
Certainly not in adult life.
You know, we've got sevenchildren between us and whether
when we do get together, it'schaos.
Oh.
So we barely get a second toactually have a proper
conversation, whereas on theboat we had 40 days just to chat
and to remember who we are.
Yeah.
And to meet these multiplelayers of life.
Um, and, and as I say, it wassuch a privilege and it was
(15:46):
lovely to.
See each other as, as we oncewere, you know, underneath all
those layers.
Yeah.
Very, very in.
What an incredible opportunityfor both of you.
Yeah.
And you, I love how it came tobe.
And that inner spark, is thatsomething common that.
(16:06):
Happens for you where this islike that little feeling or that
big feeling that washes overyou, is that common in some of
the aspects when you think aboutyourself over the years?
Is that how you've alwaysgreeted new opportunities?
Is that something common or wasthat out of the ordinary?
I think it was a little bitoutta the ordinary actually.
(16:27):
Okay.
I thrown myself into challenges,but on, you know, challenges,
they, they felt like massivechallenges at the time,
triathlons and things like that.
But now looking, you know, I nowcall'em kind of mini endurance
events, so I've always enjoyedthrowing myself into things like
that.
This was on a completelydifferent scale and I think it
got that, you know, theexcitement ter, if you like,
(16:49):
ramped up.
Right.
Um, but it's certainly somethingthat I've noticed since then.
Ah, you know, something willjust spark that interest for,
and it can be for a number ofdifferent reasons, but I think,
you know, I'll.
That's what I want to do.
Yeah.
Um, and I think having rode theAtlantic at the time, I, I very
much talked about it as a oncein a lifetime opportunity.
(17:11):
But having done it, I realizedit's not a once in a lifetime
opportunity and I got so muchout of it.
And I think also it was aboutinspiring other people as well,
inspiring our children, otherwomen, to show them that they
can go and do extraordinarythings and to encourage people
to dream big.
Um.
So having done it.
(17:33):
Something that I just want to doagain, not necessarily the row,
although I'd love to do a rowagain, but other things like
that because I got so much outof it outta challenging myself
and pushing myself, and I thinkthat's what gives me that spark
now.
It's finding things that willpush me, whether it's from a
professional perspective, youknow, launching a new career,
having that career pivot toprofessional speaker.
(17:54):
Or whether it's in my personallife, it's finding those things
that can help me develop andhelp me grow in different ways
because I think I've realizedhow much I get outta challenging
myself.
And do you notice an impact?
You mentioned briefly thereabout showing other people
what's possible.
Are you receiving feedback thatalso impacts your next moves as
(18:21):
well?
Yeah, definitely.
Um.
Through the row we had, youknow, we built up quite a
following on social media andduring the row itself, we didn't
really get to hear much of thefeedback because we were pretty
much cut off from communication.
But when we got back, it was anopportunity to kind of go
through lots of those messagesthat we were receiving on our
(18:42):
social channels.
It was incredible.
You know, I think we'd set outto inspire other people, but I'm
not sure we actually realizedhow much we could do that.
And the messages from otherpeople, women, women and men,
were just so positive.
And you know, people saying,you've made me realize what we
can all achieve and you areincredible.
(19:02):
All of those kind of things.
And I think that made us allrealize that actually going and
doing something that like that.
Can really inspire people.
Um, and then subsequentlyhaving, you know, made the pivot
to, um, to professional speaker,I'm in such a privilege
privileged position to be ableto share my story and inspire
(19:22):
other people.
And again, it's the messagesthat I get from audience members
afterwards.
Right.
Um.
Who tell me about changesthey've made in their life as a
result of hearing myexperiences.
And it may be, you know, peoplewill say, I went for a run this
morning because I, I, you know,I heard you speak, or I've, you
know, I, somebody, somebody toldme, um, the other day having
(19:44):
read my book, that having notdriven for 10 years, she started
driving again because it gaveher the courage to do that.
So it's amazing hearing how.
My experiences and story canhave an impact on individuals in
different ways.
Um, and that yeah, that's such aprivilege to be able to have a
platform to be able to do that.
(20:06):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Tell us about your book.
So I've recently published mybook, um, in July this year.
It's called Stronger Than theStorm.
Um, it's really my memoirs, my,it is a very raw and personal
account of my experiences.
It starts with the foundationalyears, I suppose, growing up and
(20:26):
right, maybe where some of myattitude and mindset came from.
But the focus really is about.
You know, the row what camedirectly before the row, the hip
replacement, the row, and thenthe cancer diagnosis.
And it's about my journeythrough those various
challenges, the highs and thelows, um, and how I, how I
(20:47):
approached it all really.
And some of the lessons thatI've learned along the way.
So it's, it's, it's memoirstyle.
Um, it's very much, it, it's mystory.
But there are lots of lessons Ithink that people can take from
it.
And, you know, I've had so manypeople reaching out to me
afterwards just to say how muchthey've both enjoyed it, but
also how it's maybe inspiredthem or helped them think
(21:09):
differently.
It could be thinking differentlyabout challenges that they might
be facing or about things thatthey're capable of doing.
Yeah.
But yes, it's, it's available inall good, well, in Amazon, uh,
yeah.
Where most people get theirbooks.
We will make sure all of thatinformation is in the show notes
so that people can find theirway to it and grab their own
(21:31):
copy and reach out to you andhave a conversation.
Brilliant.
Thank you.
Is there one message that youwould love to leave our audience
with?
Yes.
And that is that we are all somuch stronger and more capable
(21:51):
than we think.
And really it's only when we arechallenged that we realize how
strong we are.
And that challenge can come fromyou choosing to challenge
yourself.
Where it come from having, itcan come from having to face
challenges in life, but.
The power, you know, all of thatstrength is within us all.
Yes, we can look for otherpeople to help us, but within us
(22:14):
all, we have the power to getthrough challenges.
Um, and.
I would love to encourage peopleto push themselves, to give
themself license to do things,which feels scary because it's
only in doing that, that yourealize how strong you are.
And when you do things likethat, it gives you the
confidence to do more and moreand more and go further.
(22:35):
And I think we typically,especially as women, we hold
ourselves back.
We, we naturally think about thenegatives and the why nots
instead of thinking of thereasons.
To do something or to say yes,and I'd love to encourage people
to just push yourselves and sayyes to things that feel right
for you, and see where thattakes you.
(22:55):
And you really don't have to begreat, and you don't have to
have all of the answers when youdecide to do something.
It's about having that personalcommitment, just having the
courage and being bold enough tosay yes and then learning along
the way and you'll get so muchgrowth and um, satisfaction from
(23:16):
challenging yourself.
And you mentioned earlier, and Iwanna bring it back'cause it
ties in beautifully to what youjust shared, but the idea of the
regrets.
Right, and it's, people don'tregret that they did it.
They regret that they didn't goforward and just put, just put
(23:37):
it out there and just go for itbecause you need to do this for
you by you because of you.
Nobody else can do it for you.
And you are a perfect examplefor us women in our midlife
years too.
Take that challenge, rise up, dowhat feels right.
(23:58):
I love that point that you justmade as well.
Don't do it to prove something.
Do it to prove for yourself, notfor anybody else.
Don't do it because somebodysaid, well, well, you can't do
it.
You do it.
That happened to you, but youweren't doing it for that
purpose.
You were doing it.
Because it was what was feelingright for you and aligned and
(24:21):
your body tangled withexcitement, just with the
concept of what if I could dothat?
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, and I, and I think that'sa great point.
You don't have to say yes toeverything'cause you just wear
yourself out.
But it's about finding the rightthings for you.
And when you found those rightthings.
Go all in.
You know, it is either all in,all out, but nothing in between.
(24:44):
And that's the way for me,that's the way, that's the way
to live life.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and I think, you know, whatI've learned from experience is
that you just never know what'scoming around the corner.
Yeah.
And so often we wait for theright time, you know, or we tell
ourselves it's not the righttime when X, Y, or z.
Happens, then I'll do something.
But actually those things mightnever happen.
(25:05):
Something might come along inthe meantime that throw it,
throw it all sideways.
So generally speaking, now isthe right time.
Just, just get started.
Yeah, yeah.
Just do it.
Yeah.
Infamous Nike.
Just do it.
Exactly.
Felicity, what a privilege toshare space with you this
(25:27):
morning and learn about yourjourney and.
I would love to have you back onthe show Absolutely.
To go deeper and divespecifically into some other
components that we didn't get totoday.
But I wish you all the best asyou continue this new, you
pivoted and are now doing thisspeaking and, um, let's make
(25:51):
sure we get your voice out intothis world because you've got so
much to offer all of us.
In terms of inspiration andproof of what is possible when
you dig in and you go for it andyou don't hold back.
'cause we get to do whatever wechoose to do.
So thank you so much for beinghere and sharing your gifts with
(26:13):
us today.
Oh, thank you so much for havingme, Denise.
It's, it's been brilliant tohave a conversation with you
this morning.
For those of you who are notalready subscribed, please
subscribe to wherever you listento your podcasts.
We are also on YouTube, so youcan, if you are a visual learner
and want to see the energybehind the scenes, make sure you
(26:36):
subscribe to our YouTubechannel.
And if this has sparkedsomething in you and you want to
explore further and needcommunity support, becoming her
mentor membership is availablefor women in midlife years.
All of the information can befound on any of my social media,
(26:57):
so join us there behind thescenes.
And let's get that journey goingfor you by you because of you.
Have a wonderful day and thankyou for following, sharing and
subscribing.
Bye-bye.
Hello and welcome to ThriveAfter 45, the podcast where we
redefine what's possible inmidlife.
I'm Denise, drink Walter, yourmidlife renewal coach Here to
help you embrace your power,purpose, and potential.
This is your space to let go ofguilt.
(00:20):
Navigate transitions rediscoverjoy and thrive for you by you.
Because of you.
It is an honor and an absoluteprivilege to welcome and
introduce Felicity Ashley to ourshow today.
Felicity is a motivator, amariner and a marketer who has
(00:43):
inspired.
Thousands with her story ofcourage and resilience.
After 20 years leading marketingteams, she rode over 3000 miles
across the Atlantic with themothership, a crew of working
moms proving.
That midlife women can doextraordinary things.
(01:07):
Soon after Felicity faced a newchallenge, stage three bowel
cancer, she overcame treatment,pivoted her career.
And now shares her powerfuljourney as a professional
speaker helping organizationsand individuals thrive through
(01:27):
change, uncertainty, andchallenge.
Most recently, she marked herthree year cancer milestone by
running.
The world's highest marathon atEverest Base Camp.
Please join me in welcoming theincredible Felicity Ashley, it's
(01:48):
so great to have you here today.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's a privilege to be here.
Oh my goodness.
You have faced both epicadventures.
And life-threatening adversity.
What do you think has taught youmore about resilience?
(02:09):
The ocean, the mountain, or thecancer diagnosis?
I think it's actually acombination of all of them.
I, you know, rowing the ocean isbuilded as the world's toughest
row, and it really is anenormous test of both your
mental and your physicalendurance and resilience.
(02:30):
And it is absolutely all ofthose things, you know, to do
anything of that length.
It took us 40 days rowing, twohours on, two hours off.
24 hours a day to do anythinglike that, you need to be so
mentally and physically strongand you know, both the two years
of training to to, to prepare usfor it.
And then the event itselfcertainly built my resilience,
(02:54):
both my mental and physicalresilience.
Um, and you know, I completedthat and I thought, well, that's
that.
Go back to normal life.
Yeah.
But then as you said in yourintroduction, you know, life had
other plans for me.
And actually what happened was Iwas thrown straight into a very
different challenge of facing acancer diagnosis.
Um, and it was fairly advancedcancer.
(03:14):
It was a large tumor in mybowel.
Um, and you know, at that point,I think it would've been
understandable to think why me?
You know, I've just wrote annotion.
I'm relatively speaking, I'myoung.
I was 40.
Six, I think when I wasdiagnosed.
Had three small children and Iwas having just done the row, I
(03:35):
was fitter and stronger than I'dever been.
And I think, you know, itwould've been understandable to
think Roe is me.
This isn't fair.
Yeah.
But I was actually able tothink, well, why not me thinking
back to the row, because I'm fitand strong and because I have
age on my side, then I'mprobably better placed than most
people to get through this.
(03:55):
And I think just havingcompleted the row and knowing
that I was.
Physically and mentally.
Bulletproof.
Okay.
Physically, I, yeah.
Had cancer and so not quitebulletproof, but, but knowing I
had this resilience and thisgrit that was really my
superpower that helped memm-hmm.
Cope with the cancer diagnosisand then get through the
treatment.
(04:15):
Um, and so I think it reallywas, going back to your
question, it was the combinationof those two things, because I
very much took.
The resilience that I build upthrough the row and I just
applied it to something verydifferent, but using, you know,
similar tools and techniques,um, and, and very much using the
confidence that the row hadgiven me to help me get through
(04:37):
this next challenge.
Um, and both of those things.
Okay.
There were very differentchallenges, but they, to me,
they proved my resilience and mygrit to be able to get through
some of life's biggestchallenges.
Whether they're challenges thatyou've chosen, like the ro, or
whether they're challenges yousimply have to face like a
health, you know, a healthdiagnosis.
(04:58):
Um, and actually what they'veshown me is that I can do.
Almost anything I set my mindto.
And they gave me the confidencethen to tackle the world's
highest marathon at every spacecamp.
I wasn't a serial marathonrunner.
In fact, I had a hip replacementbefore the row and No way.
Way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the one thing the surgeonsaid to me that I might not want
(05:20):
to do with a hip replacement wasa marathon.
And I kind of thought, well,it's not an ordinary marathon.
So, you know, I hadn't run manymarathons before.
I'd run two marathons before.
Um.
I'd never tested myself foraltitude before, but that wasn't
a reason not to do it.
Actually, it was a reason to go.
Do you know I, I know I can rowan ocean.
I've never done that before.
I've got through cancertreatment.
(05:40):
I know I'm tough.
I can prepare myself for thisother challenge of altitude and
running a marathon altitude.
So yeah, it's very much thecombination of all of them and
having been through challenges,it's the confidence that coming
through the other side andfinding your strength gives you
to enable you to tackle otherthings, other challenges in
life.
Right.
(06:01):
There's some, there's so much inthat that I wanna unpack, but
the one thing that's reallyresonating for me is something
you shared that you said age ison your side.
Age was on your side.
Our audience of midlife womenthrive after 45.
We are.
Battling, I'm going to say thisidea, and there's so much out
(06:25):
there around ageism and, okay,you've hit, that's it.
You're plateau.
You might as well just startgoing down the hill.
Now at whatever age that societyfeels that is, tell us what you
mean by age is on your sidebecause we need to unpack that
and share with our audience whatthat can mean.
Absolutely.
So in cancer terms, 46 is veryyoung to be diagnosed with
(06:49):
something like bowel cancer.
It's associated typically withmuch older people and and also
with men.
And so I was this fit,relatively speaking, young
person being diagnosed with itand therefore.
Because I was young, I was morelikely to be able to get through
it.
You know, I had this strengthand this youth on my side to be
(07:10):
able to get through, get throughit.
Where most people who aretreated with something like
bowel cancer, for something likebowel cancer are a lot older,
have less natural, you know,body strength and therefore
don't recover as quickly fromsurgery and then don't cope as
well with.
Things like chemotherapy andtherefore it was, you know,
simply being younger.
(07:30):
I had a better chance that wason my side.
Um, but also I think age bringsexperience.
You know, you don't get tomidlife, let's say, without
having.
You are having had, you know,your fair share of knocks,
right?
And having had to pick yourselfup from those, and that does
give you resilience.
(07:51):
Um, as I say, it might bethings, it might be challenges
that you've chosen, like I choseto do the Atlantic Row, or it
might be challenges that simplycome your way through life.
Um, but that's where I think ageis a tremendous advantage
because it gives you thatexperience, that wisdom.
And in many ways, the confidencethat you can get through things.
So I think it works in, indifferent ways.
(08:13):
You know, partly the physicalresilience, the physical
strength, I suppose, um, ofbeing relatively young, right,
for a cancer diagnosis.
But equally having got tomidlife the experience that
comes with it.
Exactly, and I, I love whatyou're sharing because this is
key for our conversation interms of that wisdom and to step
(08:37):
into that wisdom and use it andnot listen to those outside
going, oh, well what do you knowyour, well, let me tell you what
I do know and how I came toknow.
What I do know through like yoursharing your experiences.
Yeah.
Right.
And, and and that age actually,and the experience and the
(09:00):
wisdom and the resilience itgives you was, was such an
advantage for us as a crew offour working moms doing the the
Atlantic Row.
We were quite different to theprofile of your standard crew at
the time that we rode theAtlantic, which was.
Three and a half years ago now,most of the crews were men,
typically white young men, um,deemed to be stronger and fitter
(09:23):
and everything else, morecapable of doing things like
that.
Mm-hmm.
We were very different crew ofmidlife working moms and nobody
expected very much of us.
Um.
You know, I think many peoplethought we would probably give
up somewhere on the way to thestart line, you know, that we,
the challenges we would face asworking moms in our mid midlife
(09:44):
sure would just be too much toovercome and we'd just give up.
Um, if that didn't happen, Ithink people thought we'd just
sort of float in somewhere nearthe back of the fleet, just give
it a go, but, but not doanything particularly, um,
impressive.
We wanted to challenge thoseperceptions about what we could
do in midlife because we, weknew that we were so much more
(10:04):
capable than those expectationsof us, and that made us work
really, really hard.
And we had enormous challengesto overcome in the two years of
preparation for the race.
Some of them, because we were,you know, mothers and we had
lots of other things going on,but being able to get through
those challenges gave us so muchmore.
(10:25):
Confidence and resilience toactually get through the race
itself.
And when we came to the race,some of the biggest challenges
for other crews are things likesleep deprivation.
Mm-hmm.
Because you have to row twohours on, two hours off 24 hours
a day, which means the maximumsleep you get at any one point
is about 90 minutes.
So during the night, you are upevery two.
(10:46):
To row a two hour shift.
And for most people, that isincredibly daunting.
They think, well, I, I simplycan't do that.
If you're used to your 8,000night, I simply can't do that.
But as moms, we were used tofeeding children through the
night for months and months onend, you know, month.
We years of broken sleep, ofcourse, and we knew that we
could do it.
We knew that your body.
(11:06):
Going,'cause you have to.
And so that didn't phase us andthat was a superpower because of
course that's one thing thatreally a a lot of crews really
struggle with, but we knew wecould do it.
Yeah.
You know, 40 days is actually inthe context of feeding children
through the night and havebroken sleep.
It's a short period of time.
Um.
And so that again, is where ageand experience as mothers and as
(11:28):
Midlifers was really ouradvantage and our superpower.
I love that.
How did you come to the journeyof putting yourself into the
throws of that race?
How did you pull it together?
Like what came to be in orderfor, let's go do this, ladies.
(11:50):
But it, it came about really, I,I suppose my brother-in-law was,
um, was the instigator in manyways.
He rode the Atlantic two yearsbefore I rode the Atlantic, and
when I first heard about himdoing it, I thought he was
absolutely mad.
I thought why would.
Anyone choose to put themselvesin this tiny little rowing boat
(12:11):
in massive waves.
And the idea of it ter literallyterrified me, for sure.
Um, and then it was only when Iwatched his race and his race
had started, and I was followinghim on social media.
And then in particular, seeinghim finish the race and I'd, um,
I was watching him on my iPad,sat in my bed at home in the
middle of the night, and it wasspine tingly exciting.
(12:33):
I, I just remember.
Seeing him crossing thefinishing line and the look on
their faces and thinking, wow,if I feel this excited,
thousands of miles away sat inmy bed.
What must it be like to do that?
And at that point, you know,the, the, this seed was planted
and I thought I would love toexperience that for myself, but
my sort of rational brain tookover and I.
(12:55):
Well, look, the children are tooyoung.
At the time, they were two,four, and six, so I thought
they're too young.
Um, but maybe I could do it infive to 10 years time when, you
know, they're a bit older and abit more independent, and I'm
not too old to do it.
Um, and so sort of the, thethought was lodged, but I pushed
it to one side.
But then about a week later, myyounger sister Pip called me and
(13:17):
she said, D, I've got a boat.
Do you want a road?
The Atlantic?
I, I mean, I immediately feltthis glow of excitement, you
know, waving through my bodyand.
Even though the words thatpopped outta my mouth were, of
course I can't do it.
The kids are too young.
I've just had a hip, hipreplacement.
(13:39):
I knew in my heart of heartsthat I was gonna say yes.
I'm a big believer in seasoningopportunities that come along.
And this to me just felt like aonce in a life opportunity to do
something absolutelyextraordinary and to do it with
my sister.
Yeah.
Uh, and I'm also a big believerin.
Uh, not having regrets.
And it's the things that youdon't do that you typically
(14:01):
regret rather than the thingsthat you do do.
Um, and yeah, and so, so that'sreally where it first started.
And Pip said to me, look, stopgiving me reasons why you can't
start giving me reasons why youcan, can.
Um, and I put the phone down,had a quick conversation with my
husband, and the next day Icalled her back and said, I'm
in.
(14:21):
We're doing it.
Beautiful.
Uh, and that was the start.
And then I.
It was such an enormous goal,and it was sort of almost two
years away.
Yeah.
Um, that, but it was that goaland that desire to do it.
That kept us going through allof the different challenges that
we faced.
And we were training throughCOVID.
We had multiple crew changes.
(14:41):
There were so many differentobstacles in our way.
Um, but we had this massive goaland, and this, I suppose, shared
commitment to doing it, and thatkept us going.
So you and your sister.
Were the two foundational piecesthat started the Yeah.
Boat rowings.
(15:01):
Yeah.
As so to speak.
How beautiful.
Yeah.
And you've got that memoryforever, don't you?
Yeah.
And it was such a privilege toshare it with my sister.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I think we both got to knoweach other on a completely
different level.
And I'm not sure that we've everactually spent that much time in
such close confinement together.
(15:24):
Certainly not in adult life.
You know, we've got sevenchildren between us and whether
when we do get together, it'schaos.
Oh.
So we barely get a second toactually have a proper
conversation, whereas on theboat we had 40 days just to chat
and to remember who we are.
Yeah.
And to meet these multiplelayers of life.
Um, and, and as I say, it wassuch a privilege and it was
(15:46):
lovely to.
See each other as, as we oncewere, you know, underneath all
those layers.
Yeah.
Very, very in.
What an incredible opportunityfor both of you.
Yeah.
And you, I love how it came tobe.
And that inner spark, is thatsomething common that.
(16:06):
Happens for you where this islike that little feeling or that
big feeling that washes overyou, is that common in some of
the aspects when you think aboutyourself over the years?
Is that how you've alwaysgreeted new opportunities?
Is that something common or wasthat out of the ordinary?
I think it was a little bitoutta the ordinary actually.
(16:27):
Okay.
I thrown myself into challenges,but on, you know, challenges,
they, they felt like massivechallenges at the time,
triathlons and things like that.
But now looking, you know, I nowcall'em kind of mini endurance
events, so I've always enjoyedthrowing myself into things like
that.
This was on a completelydifferent scale and I think it
got that, you know, theexcitement ter, if you like,
(16:49):
ramped up.
Right.
Um, but it's certainly somethingthat I've noticed since then.
Ah, you know, something willjust spark that interest for,
and it can be for a number ofdifferent reasons, but I think,
you know, I'll.
That's what I want to do.
Yeah.
Um, and I think having rode theAtlantic at the time, I, I very
much talked about it as a oncein a lifetime opportunity.
(17:11):
But having done it, I realizedit's not a once in a lifetime
opportunity and I got so muchout of it.
And I think also it was aboutinspiring other people as well,
inspiring our children, otherwomen, to show them that they
can go and do extraordinarythings and to encourage people
to dream big.
Um.
So having done it.
(17:33):
Something that I just want to doagain, not necessarily the row,
although I'd love to do a rowagain, but other things like
that because I got so much outof it outta challenging myself
and pushing myself, and I thinkthat's what gives me that spark
now.
It's finding things that willpush me, whether it's from a
professional perspective, youknow, launching a new career,
having that career pivot toprofessional speaker.
(17:54):
Or whether it's in my personallife, it's finding those things
that can help me develop andhelp me grow in different ways
because I think I've realizedhow much I get outta challenging
myself.
And do you notice an impact?
You mentioned briefly thereabout showing other people
what's possible.
Are you receiving feedback thatalso impacts your next moves as
(18:21):
well?
Yeah, definitely.
Um.
Through the row we had, youknow, we built up quite a
following on social media andduring the row itself, we didn't
really get to hear much of thefeedback because we were pretty
much cut off from communication.
But when we got back, it was anopportunity to kind of go
through lots of those messagesthat we were receiving on our
(18:42):
social channels.
It was incredible.
You know, I think we'd set outto inspire other people, but I'm
not sure we actually realizedhow much we could do that.
And the messages from otherpeople, women, women and men,
were just so positive.
And you know, people saying,you've made me realize what we
can all achieve and you areincredible.
(19:02):
All of those kind of things.
And I think that made us allrealize that actually going and
doing something that like that.
Can really inspire people.
Um, and then subsequentlyhaving, you know, made the pivot
to, um, to professional speaker,I'm in such a privilege
privileged position to be ableto share my story and inspire
(19:22):
other people.
And again, it's the messagesthat I get from audience members
afterwards.
Right.
Um.
Who tell me about changesthey've made in their life as a
result of hearing myexperiences.
And it may be, you know, peoplewill say, I went for a run this
morning because I, I, you know,I heard you speak, or I've, you
know, I, somebody, somebody toldme, um, the other day having
(19:44):
read my book, that having notdriven for 10 years, she started
driving again because it gaveher the courage to do that.
So it's amazing hearing how.
My experiences and story canhave an impact on individuals in
different ways.
Um, and that yeah, that's such aprivilege to be able to have a
platform to be able to do that.
(20:06):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Tell us about your book.
So I've recently published mybook, um, in July this year.
It's called Stronger Than theStorm.
Um, it's really my memoirs, my,it is a very raw and personal
account of my experiences.
It starts with the foundationalyears, I suppose, growing up and
(20:26):
right, maybe where some of myattitude and mindset came from.
But the focus really is about.
You know, the row what camedirectly before the row, the hip
replacement, the row, and thenthe cancer diagnosis.
And it's about my journeythrough those various
challenges, the highs and thelows, um, and how I, how I
(20:47):
approached it all really.
And some of the lessons thatI've learned along the way.
So it's, it's, it's memoirstyle.
Um, it's very much, it, it's mystory.
But there are lots of lessons Ithink that people can take from
it.
And, you know, I've had so manypeople reaching out to me
afterwards just to say how muchthey've both enjoyed it, but
also how it's maybe inspiredthem or helped them think
(21:09):
differently.
It could be thinking differentlyabout challenges that they might
be facing or about things thatthey're capable of doing.
Yeah.
But yes, it's, it's available inall good, well, in Amazon, uh,
yeah.
Where most people get theirbooks.
We will make sure all of thatinformation is in the show notes
so that people can find theirway to it and grab their own
(21:31):
copy and reach out to you andhave a conversation.
Brilliant.
Thank you.
Is there one message that youwould love to leave our audience
with?
Yes.
And that is that we are all somuch stronger and more capable
(21:51):
than we think.
And really it's only when we arechallenged that we realize how
strong we are.
And that challenge can come fromyou choosing to challenge
yourself.
Where it come from having, itcan come from having to face
challenges in life, but.
The power, you know, all of thatstrength is within us all.
Yes, we can look for otherpeople to help us, but within us
(22:14):
all, we have the power to getthrough challenges.
Um, and.
I would love to encourage peopleto push themselves, to give
themself license to do things,which feels scary because it's
only in doing that, that yourealize how strong you are.
And when you do things likethat, it gives you the
confidence to do more and moreand more and go further.
(22:35):
And I think we typically,especially as women, we hold
ourselves back.
We, we naturally think about thenegatives and the why nots
instead of thinking of thereasons.
To do something or to say yes,and I'd love to encourage people
to just push yourselves and sayyes to things that feel right
for you, and see where thattakes you.
(22:55):
And you really don't have to begreat, and you don't have to
have all of the answers when youdecide to do something.
It's about having that personalcommitment, just having the
courage and being bold enough tosay yes and then learning along
the way and you'll get so muchgrowth and um, satisfaction from
(23:16):
challenging yourself.
And you mentioned earlier, and Iwanna bring it back'cause it
ties in beautifully to what youjust shared, but the idea of the
regrets.
Right, and it's, people don'tregret that they did it.
They regret that they didn't goforward and just put, just put
(23:37):
it out there and just go for itbecause you need to do this for
you by you because of you.
Nobody else can do it for you.
And you are a perfect examplefor us women in our midlife
years too.
Take that challenge, rise up, dowhat feels right.
(23:58):
I love that point that you justmade as well.
Don't do it to prove something.
Do it to prove for yourself, notfor anybody else.
Don't do it because somebodysaid, well, well, you can't do
it.
You do it.
That happened to you, but youweren't doing it for that
purpose.
You were doing it.
Because it was what was feelingright for you and aligned and
(24:21):
your body tangled withexcitement, just with the
concept of what if I could dothat?
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, and I, and I think that'sa great point.
You don't have to say yes toeverything'cause you just wear
yourself out.
But it's about finding the rightthings for you.
And when you found those rightthings.
Go all in.
You know, it is either all in,all out, but nothing in between.
(24:44):
And that's the way for me,that's the way, that's the way
to live life.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and I think, you know, whatI've learned from experience is
that you just never know what'scoming around the corner.
Yeah.
And so often we wait for theright time, you know, or we tell
ourselves it's not the righttime when X, Y, or z.
Happens, then I'll do something.
But actually those things mightnever happen.
(25:05):
Something might come along inthe meantime that throw it,
throw it all sideways.
So generally speaking, now isthe right time.
Just, just get started.
Yeah, yeah.
Just do it.
Yeah.
Infamous Nike.
Just do it.
Exactly.
Felicity, what a privilege toshare space with you this
(25:27):
morning and learn about yourjourney and.
I would love to have you back onthe show Absolutely.
To go deeper and divespecifically into some other
components that we didn't get totoday.
But I wish you all the best asyou continue this new, you
pivoted and are now doing thisspeaking and, um, let's make
(25:51):
sure we get your voice out intothis world because you've got so
much to offer all of us.
In terms of inspiration andproof of what is possible when
you dig in and you go for it andyou don't hold back.
'cause we get to do whatever wechoose to do.
So thank you so much for beinghere and sharing your gifts with
(26:13):
us today.
Oh, thank you so much for havingme, Denise.
It's, it's been brilliant tohave a conversation with you
this morning.
For those of you who are notalready subscribed, please
subscribe to wherever you listento your podcasts.
We are also on YouTube, so youcan, if you are a visual learner
and want to see the energybehind the scenes, make sure you
(26:36):
subscribe to our YouTubechannel.
And if this has sparkedsomething in you and you want to
explore further and needcommunity support, becoming her
mentor membership is availablefor women in midlife years.
All of the information can befound on any of my social media,
(26:57):
so join us there behind thescenes.
And let's get that journey goingfor you by you because of you.
Have a wonderful day and thankyou for following, sharing and
subscribing.
Bye-bye.
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My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.