October 16, 2025 • 26 mins
Get ready, because this conversation is going to make you rethink the voice inside your head!
I had the absolute honour of chatting with Sabrina Trobak, a registered clinical counsellor, clinical supervisor, speaker, and author of the book, The Voice That Lied.
With over 15 years in practice and 20 years as a teacher, Sabrina has guided thousands of people to untangle their self-doubt and finally see their own worth.
In this episode of Thrive After 45™, we go deep into the quiet voice that says, "you are not enough" and how it's secretly been running the show for so many of us.
Sabrina’s journey from a teacher to a sought-after counsellor came from her own moment of realizing how deeply her core beliefs were affecting her life...even landing her in the hospital from stress.
We talk about the power of "baby steps" in managing anxiety, why the opposite of anxiety is confidence, and how failure can actually be a huge confidence booster.
For anyone in midlife feeling like things are changing and new anxieties are popping up, Sabrina shares a powerful insight: you didn't lose yourself; you likely just never had the time to figure out who you were in the first place.
This whole conversation is a wake-up call to stop surviving and start living.
We also talk about:
- How to write a book about mental health for people who don't like to read (hello, chunking!).
- Why the words you use...like saying "I choose to" instead of "I need to" - can completely change your sense of empowerment.
- How to catch your anxiety on the upswing (at a "two out of four") before it hits its peak.
- Why your life after 45 is the perfect time to explore your passions and step into who you want to be.
Sabrina’s wisdom is a gentle but firm reminder that you are way more resilient than you think you are. It's time to choose yourself and start creating the life you want.
Find Sabrina and learn more about her book, The Voice That Lied, on her website or social media channels:
- Website: https://www.trobakholistic.org/
- YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@SabrinaTrobak
- Book: https://a.co/d/g0bAIhZ
- Social Media:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabrina-trobak-b-ed-m-a-c-p-r-c-c-ccs-99725127/ https://www.instagram.com/nge_trobak/ https://www.tiktok.com/@nge_core_belief https://www.facebook.com/trobakholisticcounselling
She has a massive waitlist for her clinical practice, but her book and YouTube channel are incredible resources for anyone looking to make that shift. Go check her out!
Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.
And if you loved it, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!
Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at denisedrinkwalter.com, and follow @thethriveafter45podcast for daily insp, tips, and support.
Remember, midlife isn’t the end - it’s just the beginning of a new, exciting chapter! Keep thriving, keep shining, and I’ll see you next time!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm Denise Drink Walter heartwhisperer, midlife mirror and
(00:03):
mentor.
And every week I am honored toshare energy and space with
inspiring guests whose storiesreflect so many possibilities of
thriving beyond Together we'lluncover the whispers of the
heart, the power of midlifetransformation, the wisdom that
(00:24):
fuels expansion.
Welcome to Thrive after 45.
What if the quiet voice insidethat says you are not enough,
has been running your life?
Sabrina ACH knows that struggleof the quiet voice inside and
(00:45):
out, and she's dedicated herlife to helping others break
free from it.
It is an absolute honor and aprivilege to welcome Sabrina
Roach to our show today withover 15 years as a registered
clinical counselor, clinicalsupervisor, speaker, and author,
(01:06):
plus 20 plus years of teachingexperience.
She's guided.
Thousands of people to untangleself-doubt, ease, anxiety, and
finally see their own worth.
Sabrina's work is about morethan therapy.
It's about transforming thebeliefs that hold us back so we
(01:29):
can step into lives that feelwhole and true.
This conversation.
We'll leave you questioning thestories you've carried ready to
claim something better.
Sabrina, I am so excited for ourconversation today and to help
our listeners discover how wecan shift that voice into
(01:52):
empowerment.
Welcome.
Thanks for having me, Denise.
I'm glad to be here.
You have spent, let, let's goback and get a bit of your story
and then I'm gonna bounce rightinto, into some questions.
So let's start with how did youget where you are today?
So, you know, I was a, a teacherfor 20 years a a and honestly
(02:13):
I've wanted to be a teachersince I was probably in
kindergarten.
Uh, so that was just the path Ialways knew.
A big part of that was Iactually didn't know what other
options were out there.
Um, you know, when I went tohigh school, you took the test.
That told you what you should doand you were either a nurse, a
secretary, or a teacher.
Um, and uh, so I didn't likeblood and didn't really wanna be
(02:35):
a secretary, so I was a teacher.
Right.
One of the three there it isexactly.
Just affirmed what I believedabout since kindergarten.
Um, so I started, uh, as ateacher and uh, was a learning
assistant teacher.
So spend a lot of time.
Working with smaller groups ofkids where you just more, have
more of that connection.
They open a bit more about theiranxiety, their stressors, their,
(02:58):
you know, worries, their fears,and really kind of realized that
I liked working with people whowere struggling with that kind
of stuff.
So I decided to get my master'sin counseling, psychology, and,
uh, start to work as a schoolcounselor.
So I did that for a few years,and then I went to a workshop
that was about suicide, but itwas looking at suicide from that
(03:21):
core belief of feeling not goodenough, not important, not
valued at the end of the threeday workshop, I just, it, it
just, it just resonated with me.
And so I talked with thepresenter and we went back and
forth for about a year and heagreed to teach me his model of
therapy.
So I quit teaching and startedmy own private practice.
(03:42):
In this model of therapy, thatwas back in 2010 and within six
months I had a waiting list.
Uh, and I've had a waiting listever since, and I hate having to
turn people away.
So that's when I decided towrite a book so I could at least
provide a resource for peoplewho can't access counseling for
whatever reason.
(04:03):
Right.
When did the book come out?
Uh, two years ago, this pastsummer.
Okay.
I'm, and I imagine it's stillflying off the shelves.
Oh, no.
It hasn't started to fly off theshelves yet.
Well, it needs to, it's slowly,it's slowly.
(04:24):
You know, uh, Canada producessomething like 10,000, uh,
self-help books a year orsomething along that lines.
Okay.
And I'm little peon Sabrina inNorthern British Columbia.
So it's just trying to get itout there.
People who read the book say,this is great, this is
wonderful.
I wanna buy another copy for afriend.
But it's just trying to get itout there so people are aware of
(04:45):
it.
For sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So can you give us a bit of asnapshot of the book in terms of
what it gives the reader?
'cause books present in allkinds of ways, so don't have to
give us meat and potatoes, butjust an idea of how it reads and
what types of things for surepeople would receive.
(05:06):
Yeah, right.
So, you know, I think one of thebiggest things.
Um, it, me being a teacher, Iknow that people with anxiety
struggle with reading.
So how do you write a book aboutand mental health for people who
don't like to read?
But I learned as a learningassistant teacher, there's
things you can do to buildconfidence so that you feel more
(05:26):
confident in reading.
And so, you know, there's a fewthings in the book that are done
specifically to help readersstay focused.
It's written in a larger font,so it's not as overwhelming.
And it's chunked into reallysmall sections.
You know, I, when, as a teacher,I'd take a page and I'd say to
the student, you know, read thispage.
And the, I can't, it's too much,it's too overwhelming.
(05:47):
Mm.
Half the page with another blankpiece of paper.
And I'd say, okay, just readthat paragraph.
Well, no problem.
I could read that paragraph.
And then you just slowly movethe page down and they were more
able to read it in smallerchunks.
So the book has a lot ofvisuals, a lot of diagrams, a
lot of charts, um, and it'sbroken into really small chunks.
So really you can read like ahalf a page and stop.
(06:09):
The other thing I did was Iprovided, made it interactive.
So you read a little bit ofinformation and then you
complete an activity based onyour own experiences.
So it allows you to kind ofreally apply that information in
a written format where it allowsyou to really think through and
sort through things.
For sure.
(06:29):
When you speak about anxiety,and I'm totally hearing you,
former educator here.
Behind the mic, um, chunking, isthat the same concept, not only
for reading, but do you do thesame concept when you are
supporting the anxiety of all ofyour clients chunk things so
(06:50):
that they can manage piece bypiece?
I do that with everything I do.
Okay.
Um, we really talk a lot aboutbaby steps.
So not even normal steps.
We need to take really baby,baby, baby steps and then before
we take the next step, we needto practice that step until it
feels comfortable.
(07:11):
Once it feels comfortable, thenyou take another step, right?
A lot of people think anxiety iskind of about the event, right?
I have in school, I have anxietytest writing.
Not, it's not about tests.
If it was, every single studentwould have anxiety writing tests
and they don't.
Anxiety is about belief in yourability to handle it.
(07:32):
So if I believe I can handlewriting tests, I'm not gonna
have anxiety.
If I believe I can't handlewriting the test, I'm gonna have
more anxiety.
So the opposite of anxiety isconfidence.
Okay?
The more I feel confident insomething, the less anxiety.
So whenever you're learning anew skill, you wanna build the
confidence.
How do you do that?
(07:52):
Practice, practice, practice,practice.
So we chunk practice, chunkpractice, chunk practice.
Really, really, reallyimportant.
We want slow, gradual changeover a significant period of
time.
Gonna be way more sustainablethan great big jumps and leaps.
That makes a lot of sense to me.
Like a lot of sense.
(08:12):
What my father always used tosay, Rome was not built in a
day.
That's right.
Yeah.
And yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
Right.
And probably a lot of trial anderror I would imagine too,
right?
Yeah, totally.
And is there, um, something thatyou see with the people that you
(08:32):
work with, with your clients,with your history?
When people fall.
It's harder to get back up.
So they're doing the practiceand it doesn't work out.
Ah, right.
Back to ground zero.
How does that work?
Or does it?
Yeah.
You know, again, it, it's aboutthat building that confidence,
(08:53):
right?
So there's confidence that comesfrom succeeding.
Right.
There's also confidence thatcomes from failing and getting
back up.
You know, in the schools we havethe kid who's a straight A
student, a strong athlete, gotlots of friends, and now you
know, his girlfriend breaks upwith him and he's absolutely
devastated because he's neverhad to deal with frustration.
(09:15):
He's never had to deal withfailure.
Whereas the kid who strugglesacademically, who you know, has
to really work on creatingfriendships who you know is, is
working hard.
They're fine with failure'causethey deal with it all the time.
So anything new is going tocreate more insecurity, more
anxiety.
It's getting better atrealizing, hey, this is new.
(09:37):
Something I haven't dealt withbefore.
But I can handle it.
And the more we practicebuilding that, whatever it is,
whether it's hiking or writing atest or anything in between, the
more you practice it, the moreconfident you're gonna get.
So there's, you know, there'sconfidence building in doing,
but there's actually even moreconfidence in failing and
(09:58):
getting back up and figuring itout and moving forward.
I love that.
I love that.
That makes so much sense.
And for women in midlife years,when everything seems to be
changing in the world in termsof our family unit, for example,
children going off topost-secondary.
(10:19):
Life, physiology, physical stuffgoing on in our bodies and we're
like, this is all new.
And I thought I was fine.
And all of a sudden these thingsstart hitting.
Do you notice that people have anew experience with anxiety that
where they never had it beforeand is it the same process you
(10:40):
go through in terms of yoursupport?
I think anxiety can kind ofchange and adapt as we, as we
get older, for sure.
But I think for a lot of peopleit's always been there.
We just have been too busy torecognize it.
So when you're busy working andtaking care of kids and doing
all these other things, we justavoid, avoid, avoid, avoid,
avoid.
Right now those things go awayand it's like uhoh, what is
(11:04):
going on?
Um, and so we often, when when Italk with clients, they kind of
come to that realization, youknow, that was there before.
I just didn't recognize it.
I didn't acknowledge it.
And again, there's a confidencepiece that has to come with
that.
If I don't believe I can handlerecognizing my anxiety, I'm not
gonna do it.
But once I start believing inmyself more and believing that I
(11:26):
can handle doing those things,then I can start to see things
that before I just blocked outbecause I wasn't ready to deal
with them.
Right.
So does Belief come before.
Or does it come during thepractices or does it come after?
Or is it all encompassing?
All of the above.
All, you know, I think it, it isneeded in the beginning stage.
(11:51):
Bottom line, if you don'tbelieve you can handle
something, you're not gonna doit.
So you've gotta believe inyourself that you can handle it.
But then once you do it becauseyou believe in yourself, then
you believe in yourself evenmore.
Then if it goes well, you canbelieve in yourself after, if it
doesn't go well and you go,okay, well I could do these
things differently next time,it's gonna believe in yourself
(12:11):
even more that you can do it.
So it's definitely the seed, um,that needs to be planted when
you start, but then you, you arewatering it throughout for sure.
I love that.
Yeah, I love that.
And you are part of not only thewatering, but you are also the
sunshine and you are also theopportunity for the oxygen to be
put in as the growth happens,right?
(12:33):
So that people can reflect.
Do you find people are reallygood reflectors, self
reflectors?
Or is that a journey as well?
That's a journey as well?
Yeah.
You know, I think we've spentmost of our life just kind of
suppressing things.
Definitely suppressing emotions.
But we often, so many people arejust in survival mode.
(12:54):
Right.
Yes.
Just I get through the day.
I gotta get through the day.
I gotta get through the day.
Well, there's not a lot ofopportunity there for really
understanding why you're doingwhat you're doing, seeing things
at a different level.
Once that you can slow that downa little bit and actually live
rather than survive.
Yeah.
Then you all kinds of thingsthat before you just weren't
(13:16):
able to see because you weren'tready.
There was too much other thingson your plate.
I love what you're saying.
Can you say that again?
You said very clearly becauseyou weren't ready.
It's not because you didn't dowhat you were supposed to do, it
was because you were not readyand available.
Right?
Yeah.
There, you know, you really, youhave to believe in yourself.
(13:37):
You can handle doing it.
Otherwise, you're just not goingto do it.
Whether that's responsibility,whether that's awareness,
whether that's feeling youremotions, whatever it is, if you
don't believe you can handledoing it, you're not gonna do
it.
And that's often where that corebelief comes in.
If you feel not good enough, notnot valued.
You are not gonna believe inyourself.
You can handle things, so youend up avoiding all kinds of
(14:00):
things.
The more you avoid, the moreyou're feeding that anxiety.
'cause you don't believe inyourself, you can handle it.
The more you're reinforcing thatcore belief.
So it all, all, they all spiralinto each other and just create
this massive snowball effectthat we end up carrying with us.
And it nothing stays the same,either gonna get better or get
worse over time if you're notmaking a real conscious effort
(14:21):
to challenge it.
It's gonna be getting worse,right?
Right.
So if you're in the audienceright now going, oh, that makes
sense because things are gettingworse for me, so I need to step
back and take a different lensof opportunity here.
Right?
Right.
And so what I even challenge myclients on that is, no, you
(14:41):
don't need to, but you canchoose to.
That feels different, right?
Need is again, it's thatsurvival.
I gotta get it push.
No, I choose to do this.
For me, that's way moreempowering.
That's got more ownership, moreresponsibility, right?
So we gotta be careful of eventhe words that we're often using
(15:01):
for ourselves.
That, are they actually feedingthat insecurity, that
self-doubt, that core belief,that anxiety, are they actually
allowing us to challengeourselves to do things a bit
differently?
For sure.
Right, right.
When you say about, um, choice.
(15:21):
We always have a choice in theway we think, in the way we
respond, in the way that wedecide we're gonna show up or
we're not gonna show up.
Every day, choices are beingmade and if you take it through
the lens, you want to share sodeeply in terms of you are
(15:42):
enough, then that will help withthat shift, won't it Long term.
For sure.
The, the more you believe inyourself, the more that core
belief is good enough, importantand valued.
The more confident you're gonnabelieve in yourself, that you
can make choices.
Um, if I, you know, if my corebelief is not good enough, not
important, not valued, I'm gonnastruggle with making decisions,
(16:05):
I'm gonna struggle with having avoice.
'cause I don't believe inmyself.
I can handle doing it.
So I don't do it.
As that core belief shifts, nowI feel more confident in myself
that I can make those choices,make those decisions.
So instead of letting lifehappen to me, I am now actively
creating the life that I wannacreate.
(16:27):
You mentioned at the beginningof the show.
This is so good.
Thank you for all these nuggets.
I'm just like lapping them up.
Thank you.
You mentioned at the beginningof the show that you started in
education because that was thelitmus test that came out, that
you were the educator, right?
No blood.
Nope.
Not going to nursing.
Thanks anyway.
Even though they're helpers thatdo all the amazing things
(16:48):
differently, it's all cool.
Right?
So.
After years of helping so manypeople get untangled about that
painful belief that they're justnot good enough.
Is there a time you can recallthat you came face to face
yourself with that voice in yourown life?
(17:09):
And what did it take for you tostop letting that take over the
show and you took the reins andmade that choice and decision?
No.
I'm doing this.
So there was a significantimpact that happened when I was
teaching, but I didn't clue intoit until I went to the workshop.
(17:32):
So when I went to that workshopand he was talking about the
core belief, not good enough,not important, not valued.
It was just like this wholeripple effect came into effect
where it was like, oh, now I seewhy I did what I did.
When I was working as a teacher,I was teaching science.
And I remember going into aclassroom and, um, I forgot the
(17:54):
beakers.
We needed 250 milliliter beakersand I didn't have them.
And so instead of going, okay,kids, gimme two minutes, I gotta
run back and grab the beakers,I'll be right back.
I said that, but on the waythere, I beat myself the whole
way.
Beat myself up the whole way.
Oh, you're so stupid.
How could you forget thosebeepers?
Why do you have to do this now?
The kids are all gonna thinkthat you can't even do anything.
(18:14):
You're so incompetent.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
Right?
I didn't even realize I wasdoing it because I did it quite
regularly, right?
Mm-hmm.
Shortly after that, I ended upin the hospital because I was
getting these really, really badheadaches.
They did, uh, lumbar puncturebecause they thought I had some
sort of a brain aneurysm orsomething like that.
(18:35):
When they, uh, removed theneedle from the lumbar puncture,
it didn't seal up.
So I continued to have fluid,spinal fluid, um, coming out of
the the, um.
Spinal cord, whatever it was,right.
I'm like, I said, I'm notGotcha.
Anyways, I ended up in a blackroom for five days.
(18:57):
My head felt like it was goingto explode, and they said
There's nothing wrong with you.
And I was like, there'ssomething wrong.
And so I did start to realizethen, okay, there's nothing
going on here.
This is stress.
This is me kind of beatingmyself, putting up too much
pressure on myself.
So there was a slight awarenessand a a bit of a shift, but I
(19:17):
still continued to do what Idid.
It wasn't a.
Until I really became aware fromthat workshop of, oh, this is
way deeper than what I was doingbefore that I was really able to
kind of heal and sort throughthings for sure.
Wow, wow.
Can you still, this is maybe abizarre question, but I have to
(19:39):
ask it.
Can you still remember that painthat you went through in those
five days or no.
No, I, I remember I was in pain,but I don't actually.
You don't recall?
You don't like I don't.
I remember it, but I don't feelit.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Right.
Like when I think about it, Idon't feel that pain.
(20:00):
No.
Which to me tells me you healed.
That part of you?
Yeah, for you know, and sinceI've started, because I still
was getting headaches, theydefinitely got a bit better
'cause I was managing my stressa bit more.
But I was still getting thesereally bad headaches.
I haven't had a headache likethat now in almost 11 years.
(20:22):
Because I'm aware of what mystress looks like or my anxiety
looks like.
As it gets higher and higher, Iput strategies in place.
So I manage it before it gets tothat point.
And in the book we talk aboutall these more subtle symptoms
of anxiety.
That we often don't realize.
We know what our anxiety lookslike when it's like at its
highest peak, but we don'tnecessarily know what like it's
(20:45):
like as it's growing, whichmeans we're not doing anything
about it until it's really,really high.
Whereas now I know what myanxiety looks like at, you know,
a two out of four, a three outof four put strategies in place.
I don't have to get to that.
Four to four.
I love that listeners.
That's perfect.
Perfect information for you tosit back and reflect, whoa,
(21:07):
imagine what could happen if Istarted understanding that I am
enough, and understand where theanxiety begins so I can do that
reflection and grab the book.
And also Sabrina, you are doingsome amazing things on YouTube.
(21:29):
Tell us about what's going onthere.
'cause that's exciting for thosein the audience who were really
visual people, right?
Yeah.
So, um, yeah, just a couplemonths ago I started working
with a guy to help me kind ofpromote my YouTube channel as a
way of hoping to try to sell mybook.
You know, I've spent the lasttwo years trying all kinds of
different things.
(21:50):
One of them was podcasting.
So I have done quite a fewpodcast interviews.
I did this one podcast interviewwhere this guy said, you know, I
can help you get your YouTubekind of up and running.
I had a YouTube channel beforethat for, I don't know, maybe
two, two and a half years orsomething.
Mm-hmm.
Put a little bit on it.
Not a lot.
Uh, my total views in threeyears was 764 or something like
(22:14):
that.
Okay.
Yep.
In these last two months, reallypromoting and putting a lot of
shorts out.
Right now I just reached ahundred thousand views, total
views, um, in, in my videos.
And now we're starting to domore of the longer videos where
we're going into more detailabout some of this stuff as
well.
So, you know.
Hopefully it sells book, butreally I'm, the purpose of doing
(22:37):
the book is just to provide moreinformation to people so they
can see and understand thingsdifferently.
And if people are able to dothat through the YouTube
channel, that works for me too.
That's still the, you know, thepurpose of doing this is to try
to provide support and help asmany people as I can.
For sure.
Exactly.
Like you shared near thebeginning of the show, the wait
list is huge.
(22:58):
There's a reason because whatyou do is help people come home
to themselves.
Right.
And I, and, and that's whyyou're on my show because you're
so aligned with what we talkabout here.
You are in the driver's seat,and there are times where you
(23:18):
feel like, I can't do, I don'tknow.
Well, where am I?
I am lost.
Sabrina will have, will have allof her contact information in
the show notes so you can findher, you can find the channel,
you can find the book that asyou explore the book, you'll be
able to piece together what'sgoing on behind the scenes for
(23:40):
yourself and come up with thestrategies that work for you as
part of that journey.
When we are getting ready to doour close, I always love to ask
this question.
Is there one thing that youwould love to make sure that our
listeners, our audience, ourcommunity, really hears from you
(24:04):
as a last nugget of truth thatyou wanna share?
You know, I'm 57, um, and youknow, I think that, you know, 45
after really even after 40.
Once the, the kids are gone,things are kind of quieting.
It really is your time to figureout who you are.
(24:24):
And I have a lot of clients thatkind of say to me, you know, I,
I lost who I was.
And I often challenge them onthat and say, no, I don't think
you did.
'cause I don't think you everreally found out who you were in
the first place.
You spend your whole life tryingto please your parents, please
your teachers, please yourfamily.
Please your kids, please, yourpartner.
Please.
Please your, please, your boss.
You never really stop and thinkabout who you wanna do.
(24:45):
So I think, you know, at thisstage in your life where things
are a bit quieter, this is agreat opportunity to really stop
and think about.
Who do you wanna be?
Who are you?
What are your passions?
What are your challenges?
You know, what are the thingsthat you, you know, you, you
wanna learn and grow and figureout more of, you are way more
resilient than you give yourselfcredit for.
(25:07):
And if you take little steps onexploring that, um, in a year,
you're gonna come a really longway.
I love that.
Sabrina, thank you so much forbeing with us today, sharing
your wisdom, and like I say inthe show notes, we'll have all
the information that you need inorder to contact Sabrina and see
(25:28):
what she's up to.
She's all over social media.
I follow her everywhere.
It's.
Great to see her snippets andher shorts full of such great
information.
So thank you.
Thank you for taking thatjourney that you had to take.
I believe always have believedand will always believe until my
last breath, that what we havebeen given, we are exactly where
(25:50):
we are supposed to be.
So thank you for taking thejourney you've taken and doing
what you do every day to make adifference for yourself and
those around you.
Thanks for having me.
I enjoyed our conversation.
What activated in you Claim yourSovereignty Me Academy expands
(26:18):
you.
Until next time, have awonderful day everyone.
I'm Denise Drink Walter heartwhisperer, midlife mirror and
(00:03):
mentor.
And every week I am honored toshare energy and space with
inspiring guests whose storiesreflect so many possibilities of
thriving beyond Together we'lluncover the whispers of the
heart, the power of midlifetransformation, the wisdom that
(00:24):
fuels expansion.
Welcome to Thrive after 45.
What if the quiet voice insidethat says you are not enough,
has been running your life?
Sabrina ACH knows that struggleof the quiet voice inside and
(00:45):
out, and she's dedicated herlife to helping others break
free from it.
It is an absolute honor and aprivilege to welcome Sabrina
Roach to our show today withover 15 years as a registered
clinical counselor, clinicalsupervisor, speaker, and author,
(01:06):
plus 20 plus years of teachingexperience.
She's guided.
Thousands of people to untangleself-doubt, ease, anxiety, and
finally see their own worth.
Sabrina's work is about morethan therapy.
It's about transforming thebeliefs that hold us back so we
(01:29):
can step into lives that feelwhole and true.
This conversation.
We'll leave you questioning thestories you've carried ready to
claim something better.
Sabrina, I am so excited for ourconversation today and to help
our listeners discover how wecan shift that voice into
(01:52):
empowerment.
Welcome.
Thanks for having me, Denise.
I'm glad to be here.
You have spent, let, let's goback and get a bit of your story
and then I'm gonna bounce rightinto, into some questions.
So let's start with how did youget where you are today?
So, you know, I was a, a teacherfor 20 years a a and honestly
(02:13):
I've wanted to be a teachersince I was probably in
kindergarten.
Uh, so that was just the path Ialways knew.
A big part of that was Iactually didn't know what other
options were out there.
Um, you know, when I went tohigh school, you took the test.
That told you what you should doand you were either a nurse, a
secretary, or a teacher.
Um, and uh, so I didn't likeblood and didn't really wanna be
(02:35):
a secretary, so I was a teacher.
Right.
One of the three there it isexactly.
Just affirmed what I believedabout since kindergarten.
Um, so I started, uh, as ateacher and uh, was a learning
assistant teacher.
So spend a lot of time.
Working with smaller groups ofkids where you just more, have
more of that connection.
They open a bit more about theiranxiety, their stressors, their,
(02:58):
you know, worries, their fears,and really kind of realized that
I liked working with people whowere struggling with that kind
of stuff.
So I decided to get my master'sin counseling, psychology, and,
uh, start to work as a schoolcounselor.
So I did that for a few years,and then I went to a workshop
that was about suicide, but itwas looking at suicide from that
(03:21):
core belief of feeling not goodenough, not important, not
valued at the end of the threeday workshop, I just, it, it
just, it just resonated with me.
And so I talked with thepresenter and we went back and
forth for about a year and heagreed to teach me his model of
therapy.
So I quit teaching and startedmy own private practice.
(03:42):
In this model of therapy, thatwas back in 2010 and within six
months I had a waiting list.
Uh, and I've had a waiting listever since, and I hate having to
turn people away.
So that's when I decided towrite a book so I could at least
provide a resource for peoplewho can't access counseling for
whatever reason.
(04:03):
Right.
When did the book come out?
Uh, two years ago, this pastsummer.
Okay.
I'm, and I imagine it's stillflying off the shelves.
Oh, no.
It hasn't started to fly off theshelves yet.
Well, it needs to, it's slowly,it's slowly.
(04:24):
You know, uh, Canada producessomething like 10,000, uh,
self-help books a year orsomething along that lines.
Okay.
And I'm little peon Sabrina inNorthern British Columbia.
So it's just trying to get itout there.
People who read the book say,this is great, this is
wonderful.
I wanna buy another copy for afriend.
But it's just trying to get itout there so people are aware of
(04:45):
it.
For sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So can you give us a bit of asnapshot of the book in terms of
what it gives the reader?
'cause books present in allkinds of ways, so don't have to
give us meat and potatoes, butjust an idea of how it reads and
what types of things for surepeople would receive.
(05:06):
Yeah, right.
So, you know, I think one of thebiggest things.
Um, it, me being a teacher, Iknow that people with anxiety
struggle with reading.
So how do you write a book aboutand mental health for people who
don't like to read?
But I learned as a learningassistant teacher, there's
things you can do to buildconfidence so that you feel more
(05:26):
confident in reading.
And so, you know, there's a fewthings in the book that are done
specifically to help readersstay focused.
It's written in a larger font,so it's not as overwhelming.
And it's chunked into reallysmall sections.
You know, I, when, as a teacher,I'd take a page and I'd say to
the student, you know, read thispage.
And the, I can't, it's too much,it's too overwhelming.
(05:47):
Mm.
Half the page with another blankpiece of paper.
And I'd say, okay, just readthat paragraph.
Well, no problem.
I could read that paragraph.
And then you just slowly movethe page down and they were more
able to read it in smallerchunks.
So the book has a lot ofvisuals, a lot of diagrams, a
lot of charts, um, and it'sbroken into really small chunks.
So really you can read like ahalf a page and stop.
(06:09):
The other thing I did was Iprovided, made it interactive.
So you read a little bit ofinformation and then you
complete an activity based onyour own experiences.
So it allows you to kind ofreally apply that information in
a written format where it allowsyou to really think through and
sort through things.
For sure.
(06:29):
When you speak about anxiety,and I'm totally hearing you,
former educator here.
Behind the mic, um, chunking, isthat the same concept, not only
for reading, but do you do thesame concept when you are
supporting the anxiety of all ofyour clients chunk things so
(06:50):
that they can manage piece bypiece?
I do that with everything I do.
Okay.
Um, we really talk a lot aboutbaby steps.
So not even normal steps.
We need to take really baby,baby, baby steps and then before
we take the next step, we needto practice that step until it
feels comfortable.
(07:11):
Once it feels comfortable, thenyou take another step, right?
A lot of people think anxiety iskind of about the event, right?
I have in school, I have anxietytest writing.
Not, it's not about tests.
If it was, every single studentwould have anxiety writing tests
and they don't.
Anxiety is about belief in yourability to handle it.
(07:32):
So if I believe I can handlewriting tests, I'm not gonna
have anxiety.
If I believe I can't handlewriting the test, I'm gonna have
more anxiety.
So the opposite of anxiety isconfidence.
Okay?
The more I feel confident insomething, the less anxiety.
So whenever you're learning anew skill, you wanna build the
confidence.
How do you do that?
(07:52):
Practice, practice, practice,practice.
So we chunk practice, chunkpractice, chunk practice.
Really, really, reallyimportant.
We want slow, gradual changeover a significant period of
time.
Gonna be way more sustainablethan great big jumps and leaps.
That makes a lot of sense to me.
Like a lot of sense.
(08:12):
What my father always used tosay, Rome was not built in a
day.
That's right.
Yeah.
And yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
Right.
And probably a lot of trial anderror I would imagine too,
right?
Yeah, totally.
And is there, um, something thatyou see with the people that you
(08:32):
work with, with your clients,with your history?
When people fall.
It's harder to get back up.
So they're doing the practiceand it doesn't work out.
Ah, right.
Back to ground zero.
How does that work?
Or does it?
Yeah.
You know, again, it, it's aboutthat building that confidence,
(08:53):
right?
So there's confidence that comesfrom succeeding.
Right.
There's also confidence thatcomes from failing and getting
back up.
You know, in the schools we havethe kid who's a straight A
student, a strong athlete, gotlots of friends, and now you
know, his girlfriend breaks upwith him and he's absolutely
devastated because he's neverhad to deal with frustration.
(09:15):
He's never had to deal withfailure.
Whereas the kid who strugglesacademically, who you know, has
to really work on creatingfriendships who you know is, is
working hard.
They're fine with failure'causethey deal with it all the time.
So anything new is going tocreate more insecurity, more
anxiety.
It's getting better atrealizing, hey, this is new.
(09:37):
Something I haven't dealt withbefore.
But I can handle it.
And the more we practicebuilding that, whatever it is,
whether it's hiking or writing atest or anything in between, the
more you practice it, the moreconfident you're gonna get.
So there's, you know, there'sconfidence building in doing,
but there's actually even moreconfidence in failing and
(09:58):
getting back up and figuring itout and moving forward.
I love that.
I love that.
That makes so much sense.
And for women in midlife years,when everything seems to be
changing in the world in termsof our family unit, for example,
children going off topost-secondary.
(10:19):
Life, physiology, physical stuffgoing on in our bodies and we're
like, this is all new.
And I thought I was fine.
And all of a sudden these thingsstart hitting.
Do you notice that people have anew experience with anxiety that
where they never had it beforeand is it the same process you
(10:40):
go through in terms of yoursupport?
I think anxiety can kind ofchange and adapt as we, as we
get older, for sure.
But I think for a lot of peopleit's always been there.
We just have been too busy torecognize it.
So when you're busy working andtaking care of kids and doing
all these other things, we justavoid, avoid, avoid, avoid,
avoid.
Right now those things go awayand it's like uhoh, what is
(11:04):
going on?
Um, and so we often, when when Italk with clients, they kind of
come to that realization, youknow, that was there before.
I just didn't recognize it.
I didn't acknowledge it.
And again, there's a confidencepiece that has to come with
that.
If I don't believe I can handlerecognizing my anxiety, I'm not
gonna do it.
But once I start believing inmyself more and believing that I
(11:26):
can handle doing those things,then I can start to see things
that before I just blocked outbecause I wasn't ready to deal
with them.
Right.
So does Belief come before.
Or does it come during thepractices or does it come after?
Or is it all encompassing?
All of the above.
All, you know, I think it, it isneeded in the beginning stage.
(11:51):
Bottom line, if you don'tbelieve you can handle
something, you're not gonna doit.
So you've gotta believe inyourself that you can handle it.
But then once you do it becauseyou believe in yourself, then
you believe in yourself evenmore.
Then if it goes well, you canbelieve in yourself after, if it
doesn't go well and you go,okay, well I could do these
things differently next time,it's gonna believe in yourself
(12:11):
even more that you can do it.
So it's definitely the seed, um,that needs to be planted when
you start, but then you, you arewatering it throughout for sure.
I love that.
Yeah, I love that.
And you are part of not only thewatering, but you are also the
sunshine and you are also theopportunity for the oxygen to be
put in as the growth happens,right?
(12:33):
So that people can reflect.
Do you find people are reallygood reflectors, self
reflectors?
Or is that a journey as well?
That's a journey as well?
Yeah.
You know, I think we've spentmost of our life just kind of
suppressing things.
Definitely suppressing emotions.
But we often, so many people arejust in survival mode.
(12:54):
Right.
Yes.
Just I get through the day.
I gotta get through the day.
I gotta get through the day.
Well, there's not a lot ofopportunity there for really
understanding why you're doingwhat you're doing, seeing things
at a different level.
Once that you can slow that downa little bit and actually live
rather than survive.
Yeah.
Then you all kinds of thingsthat before you just weren't
(13:16):
able to see because you weren'tready.
There was too much other thingson your plate.
I love what you're saying.
Can you say that again?
You said very clearly becauseyou weren't ready.
It's not because you didn't dowhat you were supposed to do, it
was because you were not readyand available.
Right?
Yeah.
There, you know, you really, youhave to believe in yourself.
(13:37):
You can handle doing it.
Otherwise, you're just not goingto do it.
Whether that's responsibility,whether that's awareness,
whether that's feeling youremotions, whatever it is, if you
don't believe you can handledoing it, you're not gonna do
it.
And that's often where that corebelief comes in.
If you feel not good enough, notnot valued.
You are not gonna believe inyourself.
You can handle things, so youend up avoiding all kinds of
(14:00):
things.
The more you avoid, the moreyou're feeding that anxiety.
'cause you don't believe inyourself, you can handle it.
The more you're reinforcing thatcore belief.
So it all, all, they all spiralinto each other and just create
this massive snowball effectthat we end up carrying with us.
And it nothing stays the same,either gonna get better or get
worse over time if you're notmaking a real conscious effort
(14:21):
to challenge it.
It's gonna be getting worse,right?
Right.
So if you're in the audienceright now going, oh, that makes
sense because things are gettingworse for me, so I need to step
back and take a different lensof opportunity here.
Right?
Right.
And so what I even challenge myclients on that is, no, you
(14:41):
don't need to, but you canchoose to.
That feels different, right?
Need is again, it's thatsurvival.
I gotta get it push.
No, I choose to do this.
For me, that's way moreempowering.
That's got more ownership, moreresponsibility, right?
So we gotta be careful of eventhe words that we're often using
(15:01):
for ourselves.
That, are they actually feedingthat insecurity, that
self-doubt, that core belief,that anxiety, are they actually
allowing us to challengeourselves to do things a bit
differently?
For sure.
Right, right.
When you say about, um, choice.
(15:21):
We always have a choice in theway we think, in the way we
respond, in the way that wedecide we're gonna show up or
we're not gonna show up.
Every day, choices are beingmade and if you take it through
the lens, you want to share sodeeply in terms of you are
(15:42):
enough, then that will help withthat shift, won't it Long term.
For sure.
The, the more you believe inyourself, the more that core
belief is good enough, importantand valued.
The more confident you're gonnabelieve in yourself, that you
can make choices.
Um, if I, you know, if my corebelief is not good enough, not
important, not valued, I'm gonnastruggle with making decisions,
(16:05):
I'm gonna struggle with having avoice.
'cause I don't believe inmyself.
I can handle doing it.
So I don't do it.
As that core belief shifts, nowI feel more confident in myself
that I can make those choices,make those decisions.
So instead of letting lifehappen to me, I am now actively
creating the life that I wannacreate.
(16:27):
You mentioned at the beginningof the show.
This is so good.
Thank you for all these nuggets.
I'm just like lapping them up.
Thank you.
You mentioned at the beginningof the show that you started in
education because that was thelitmus test that came out, that
you were the educator, right?
No blood.
Nope.
Not going to nursing.
Thanks anyway.
Even though they're helpers thatdo all the amazing things
(16:48):
differently, it's all cool.
Right?
So.
After years of helping so manypeople get untangled about that
painful belief that they're justnot good enough.
Is there a time you can recallthat you came face to face
yourself with that voice in yourown life?
(17:09):
And what did it take for you tostop letting that take over the
show and you took the reins andmade that choice and decision?
No.
I'm doing this.
So there was a significantimpact that happened when I was
teaching, but I didn't clue intoit until I went to the workshop.
(17:32):
So when I went to that workshopand he was talking about the
core belief, not good enough,not important, not valued.
It was just like this wholeripple effect came into effect
where it was like, oh, now I seewhy I did what I did.
When I was working as a teacher,I was teaching science.
And I remember going into aclassroom and, um, I forgot the
(17:54):
beakers.
We needed 250 milliliter beakersand I didn't have them.
And so instead of going, okay,kids, gimme two minutes, I gotta
run back and grab the beakers,I'll be right back.
I said that, but on the waythere, I beat myself the whole
way.
Beat myself up the whole way.
Oh, you're so stupid.
How could you forget thosebeepers?
Why do you have to do this now?
The kids are all gonna thinkthat you can't even do anything.
(18:14):
You're so incompetent.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
Right?
I didn't even realize I wasdoing it because I did it quite
regularly, right?
Mm-hmm.
Shortly after that, I ended upin the hospital because I was
getting these really, really badheadaches.
They did, uh, lumbar puncturebecause they thought I had some
sort of a brain aneurysm orsomething like that.
(18:35):
When they, uh, removed theneedle from the lumbar puncture,
it didn't seal up.
So I continued to have fluid,spinal fluid, um, coming out of
the the, um.
Spinal cord, whatever it was,right.
I'm like, I said, I'm notGotcha.
Anyways, I ended up in a blackroom for five days.
(18:57):
My head felt like it was goingto explode, and they said
There's nothing wrong with you.
And I was like, there'ssomething wrong.
And so I did start to realizethen, okay, there's nothing
going on here.
This is stress.
This is me kind of beatingmyself, putting up too much
pressure on myself.
So there was a slight awarenessand a a bit of a shift, but I
(19:17):
still continued to do what Idid.
It wasn't a.
Until I really became aware fromthat workshop of, oh, this is
way deeper than what I was doingbefore that I was really able to
kind of heal and sort throughthings for sure.
Wow, wow.
Can you still, this is maybe abizarre question, but I have to
(19:39):
ask it.
Can you still remember that painthat you went through in those
five days or no.
No, I, I remember I was in pain,but I don't actually.
You don't recall?
You don't like I don't.
I remember it, but I don't feelit.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Right.
Like when I think about it, Idon't feel that pain.
(20:00):
No.
Which to me tells me you healed.
That part of you?
Yeah, for you know, and sinceI've started, because I still
was getting headaches, theydefinitely got a bit better
'cause I was managing my stressa bit more.
But I was still getting thesereally bad headaches.
I haven't had a headache likethat now in almost 11 years.
(20:22):
Because I'm aware of what mystress looks like or my anxiety
looks like.
As it gets higher and higher, Iput strategies in place.
So I manage it before it gets tothat point.
And in the book we talk aboutall these more subtle symptoms
of anxiety.
That we often don't realize.
We know what our anxiety lookslike when it's like at its
highest peak, but we don'tnecessarily know what like it's
(20:45):
like as it's growing, whichmeans we're not doing anything
about it until it's really,really high.
Whereas now I know what myanxiety looks like at, you know,
a two out of four, a three outof four put strategies in place.
I don't have to get to that.
Four to four.
I love that listeners.
That's perfect.
Perfect information for you tosit back and reflect, whoa,
(21:07):
imagine what could happen if Istarted understanding that I am
enough, and understand where theanxiety begins so I can do that
reflection and grab the book.
And also Sabrina, you are doingsome amazing things on YouTube.
(21:29):
Tell us about what's going onthere.
'cause that's exciting for thosein the audience who were really
visual people, right?
Yeah.
So, um, yeah, just a couplemonths ago I started working
with a guy to help me kind ofpromote my YouTube channel as a
way of hoping to try to sell mybook.
You know, I've spent the lasttwo years trying all kinds of
different things.
(21:50):
One of them was podcasting.
So I have done quite a fewpodcast interviews.
I did this one podcast interviewwhere this guy said, you know, I
can help you get your YouTubekind of up and running.
I had a YouTube channel beforethat for, I don't know, maybe
two, two and a half years orsomething.
Mm-hmm.
Put a little bit on it.
Not a lot.
Uh, my total views in threeyears was 764 or something like
(22:14):
that.
Okay.
Yep.
In these last two months, reallypromoting and putting a lot of
shorts out.
Right now I just reached ahundred thousand views, total
views, um, in, in my videos.
And now we're starting to domore of the longer videos where
we're going into more detailabout some of this stuff as
well.
So, you know.
Hopefully it sells book, butreally I'm, the purpose of doing
(22:37):
the book is just to provide moreinformation to people so they
can see and understand thingsdifferently.
And if people are able to dothat through the YouTube
channel, that works for me too.
That's still the, you know, thepurpose of doing this is to try
to provide support and help asmany people as I can.
For sure.
Exactly.
Like you shared near thebeginning of the show, the wait
list is huge.
(22:58):
There's a reason because whatyou do is help people come home
to themselves.
Right.
And I, and, and that's whyyou're on my show because you're
so aligned with what we talkabout here.
You are in the driver's seat,and there are times where you
(23:18):
feel like, I can't do, I don'tknow.
Well, where am I?
I am lost.
Sabrina will have, will have allof her contact information in
the show notes so you can findher, you can find the channel,
you can find the book that asyou explore the book, you'll be
able to piece together what'sgoing on behind the scenes for
(23:40):
yourself and come up with thestrategies that work for you as
part of that journey.
When we are getting ready to doour close, I always love to ask
this question.
Is there one thing that youwould love to make sure that our
listeners, our audience, ourcommunity, really hears from you
(24:04):
as a last nugget of truth thatyou wanna share?
You know, I'm 57, um, and youknow, I think that, you know, 45
after really even after 40.
Once the, the kids are gone,things are kind of quieting.
It really is your time to figureout who you are.
(24:24):
And I have a lot of clients thatkind of say to me, you know, I,
I lost who I was.
And I often challenge them onthat and say, no, I don't think
you did.
'cause I don't think you everreally found out who you were in
the first place.
You spend your whole life tryingto please your parents, please
your teachers, please yourfamily.
Please your kids, please, yourpartner.
Please.
Please your, please, your boss.
You never really stop and thinkabout who you wanna do.
(24:45):
So I think, you know, at thisstage in your life where things
are a bit quieter, this is agreat opportunity to really stop
and think about.
Who do you wanna be?
Who are you?
What are your passions?
What are your challenges?
You know, what are the thingsthat you, you know, you, you
wanna learn and grow and figureout more of, you are way more
resilient than you give yourselfcredit for.
(25:07):
And if you take little steps onexploring that, um, in a year,
you're gonna come a really longway.
I love that.
Sabrina, thank you so much forbeing with us today, sharing
your wisdom, and like I say inthe show notes, we'll have all
the information that you need inorder to contact Sabrina and see
(25:28):
what she's up to.
She's all over social media.
I follow her everywhere.
It's.
Great to see her snippets andher shorts full of such great
information.
So thank you.
Thank you for taking thatjourney that you had to take.
I believe always have believedand will always believe until my
last breath, that what we havebeen given, we are exactly where
(25:50):
we are supposed to be.
So thank you for taking thejourney you've taken and doing
what you do every day to make adifference for yourself and
those around you.
Thanks for having me.
I enjoyed our conversation.
What activated in you Claim yourSovereignty Me Academy expands
(26:18):
you.
Until next time, have awonderful day everyone.
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