The Unfiltered Truth About Divorce for Parents of Children with Special Needs - with Mary Ann Hughes
September 4, 2025 • 22 mins
In this episode of Thrive After 45™, I'm so honored to welcome back Mary Ann Hughes, a certified special needs divorce coach, family mediator, and parenting coordinator.
Mary Ann's journey into this work is deeply personal. After 21 years of marriage, she navigated her own divorce while raising two children on the autism spectrum.
Her experience with the financial and emotional toll of the process inspired her to dedicate her career to helping other families avoid those struggles and focus on what's most important....their children.
Mary Ann brings a unique blend of personal insight and professional expertise to her work. She's here to empower parents to confidently advocate for themselves and their children, providing the clarity and tools they need to move forward with strength and peace of mind.
This conversation is a beautiful reminder that divorce doesn't have to be a win-lose situation. It can be a win-win, where everybody...especially the children...can come out of the process with a renewed sense of hope.
We discuss why having a special needs divorce coach is so important, how to make strategic decisions rather than emotional ones, and how to become the boss of your own divorce.
Mary Ann's message is one of hope: you will get through this, and there is a better life for you after.
For more information about Mary Ann and her work, or to find out about the Divorce for Special Needs Children Summit happening in January 2026, you can find her in these places...
Website: https://www.specialfamilytransitions.com/
Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.
And if you loved it, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!
Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at denisedrinkwalter.com, and follow @thethriveafter45podcast for daily insp, tips, and support.
Remember, midlife isn’t the end - it’s just the beginning of a new, exciting chapter! Keep thriving, keep shining, and I’ll see you next time!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to ThriveAfter 45, the podcast where we
(00:06):
redefine what is possible inmidlife.
I'm Denise.
Drink your Midlife renewal coachhere to help you embrace your
power, purpose, and potential.
This is your space to let go ofguilt.
Navigate transitions rediscoverjoy and thrive for you by you
because of you.
(00:27):
It is such an honor and aprivilege to welcome back to our
show and reintroduce MaryanneHughes.
Today to thrive after 45Maryanne's journey into this
field was deeply personal.
After 21 years of marriage, shenavigated her own divorce,
(00:50):
including the unique challengesof parenting children with
special needs.
That experience inspired her todedicate her career to helping
others.
Facing similar circumstances asa certified special needs
divorce coach, as well as atrained family mediator and
(01:13):
parenting coordinator.
Maryanne brings a rarecombination of personal insight.
Professional expertise.
Over the past four years, shehas directly impacted more than
100 families and has reachedthousands more through her
podcasts and social mediaplatforms.
(01:35):
Maryanne helps parents ofchildren with disabilities
navigate the complexities and.
Overwhelm of special needsdivorce.
Empowering them to conconfidently advocate for
themselves and their children.
Her work is about more thanguidance.
It's about giving families theclarity, confidence, and tools
(01:59):
they need to move forward withstrength and peace of mind.
Maryanne, welcome to our showtoday.
Thank you so much, Denise.
Pleasure to be here again, andthank you for that wonderful
introduction.
I think I'm gonna take some ofthat wording and use it in my
material.
It's wonderful.
It is my pleasure to share thatwith you.
Absolutely.
Can you take us through a littlebit of how you got to the
(02:25):
incredible gifts that you aresharing now?
With your coaching and supportof families and mediation and
everything that you're building,how did that come to be?
I mean, we heard about it, butcan you give us a bit more
robust beginnings so weunderstand?
Sure.
Happy to.
So as you mentioned, I'm the momof two now, young adult children
(02:47):
on the autism spectrum.
And so when I faced a divorce,it wasn't something.
I saw coming and I had to figureout what to do, and I made my
main focus in that to take careof my children, to figure out
what they would need as theywere becoming adults and for the
future.
And so I didn't rush theprocess.
I took my time and there lostcircumstances.
It was COVID, but I ended upspending so much time, money,
(03:10):
and energy on the process.
I thought, this is kind ofcrazy.
For me to have gone through allthis trouble, other families are
probably going through similarchallenges and circumstances
that I want to take my knowledgeand help others who are going to
go through this.
'cause they shouldn't have torecreate the wheel every time
this happens.
And divorce among families thathave a child with some complex
or special needs is very hot.
(03:30):
And so that, that's what led meto my journey to become a
divorce coach.
And since we last spoke, I was acertified divorce coach before,
but I helped inspire.
And actually helped create andnow AM as CER certified as a
certified special needs divorcecoach.
So I actually helped teach thatprogram and the Certified
(03:51):
Divorce Coach program on.
And also, like you mentioned, Ihave some other things that I
did to not just help.
One parent is a divorce coachyou're mainly working with, with
one, uh, individual.
Usually it's the mom thatreaches out to me, but I've
worked with dads also.
Yep.
Um, but I want to take a more,uh, kinda a broader approach, a
more holistic one to work withboth parents if they so choose.
(04:12):
And so that's when I wentthrough some mediation training
and actually teach about autismSpecial.
In that, uh, in that group and,uh, also parenting coordinator,
so that way I can help whateverpoint in the process they might
be, whether they're thinkingabout divorce or going through
divorce or even afterwards tokind of help them do what's
right and best for that childrenand try to keep the conflict
(04:34):
low.
That's incredible.
Have you found that you havehad, with now such a wealth and
breadth of knowledge, have youfound that you are seeing more
couples coming to you than youdid before?
Or is it just beginning thatway, or what's happening there?
(04:56):
Just beginning.
I've had some conversations withsome couples and, um.
Usually one will reach out to meand we'll discuss that as maybe
an option.
And so that's worked out whereI've helped one couple talk
about what was best for theirrelationship.
Mm-hmm.
And they decided jointly thenthat divorce was the best
(05:17):
option.
And then from there we talkedabout few sessions about how to
break the news to the kids, howto support them in the process.
And then from there they went onto work with the lawyers.
Um, to go through the process.
I worked with another couple.
Who was also thinking aboutdivorce.
They hadn't gone through theprocess yet, but they were
trying to plan ahead.
What would they need to plan fortheir adult son who, um, was
(05:40):
gonna be transitioning outtahigh school soon?
Mm-hmm.
So even though they had met withthe other professionals and been
in different presentations, minewas very valuable to them.
They really.
Right way of looking at it.
It was really, I, I basicallyalways almost what the family
needs and the couple or personmight need.
Right.
But it was perspective fromsomeone who had been through it,
(06:00):
some real practical advice aswell as some strategic advice of
things think about and resourcesthat they could connect to as
well.
So yeah, so happy to do that.
But most of my business still iswith the, with the moms reaching
out to me.
To support them.
Some of'em are stay at homemoms, um, which I was at the
time, and, um, sure some of'emare working moms and figure out
how to balance everything.
(06:21):
So it's, it can be challengingand there's a lot of overwhelm
and burnout with, you know, inthis process and being a special
needs mom in general.
Well, isn't it true, like asyou're speaking my mind is just
wor whirling with all of thecomplexities that we talked
about briefly in the intro, butthe complexities not only of all
the emotion that's charged upbehind this idea of.
(06:46):
Divorce.
No divorce, what do we do?
Figuring out that piece as anindividual.
Then as the couple, then add thethe special needs component to
it and how do we supporteverybody in this process so
that everybody gets what theyneed to the best of their
(07:06):
ability and everybody thrives inthe end to be able to be
successful because you're livingproof that that can happen.
Right, right.
That is the goal.
To try to do it in a, in a waythat you're looking at the big
picture as opposed to fightingover things that maybe are ego
driven or financially driven andpeople thinking that has to be a
(07:29):
win-lose.
We're really, we come at, wewanna come at it as a win-win.
How can we all benefit,especially the children?
That's really the most importantpart.
And I think the parents wouldagree as well, but sometimes
there's disagreement as to whatthe child's needs are and how to
address that and what that'sgonna look like.
Right, so.
So is that part of your coachingwhere you help people understand
(07:50):
the child their needs?
What is the best way to be ableto put this together in a way
that supports your child, yourchildren?
Is that the priority?
Yes, for sure.
For sure.
So some people already in theprocess and then they have
other.
Con conflicts and sure thatthey're dealing with it or
presented to them.
(08:11):
But if they're starting out fromthe beginning, that's the best
time to start thinking aboutthat and lay the groundwork so
that it is as amicable processas it can be and doesn't develop
into a more high conflict, whichthen takes on a life of its own.
Right.
Right.
So when you work with thefamilies that you work with,
(08:33):
you, do you, um, connect withthem at different stages?
I kind of heard you say therewere some people who were
looking into, is this the bestthing for us to do, is divorce,
is that the way to go based onour situation?
Or do you like, tell me whereyou get your clients through
which, which um, stage are theyin?
(08:55):
Or is there a mix?
Yes.
Yeah, this is a mix for sure.
So.
A lot of times people don't evenknow about divorce coaches, much
less about special needs divorcecoaches, and so by the time they
find me or learn about methrough podcasts is yours and
try information I try to put outthere like, oh, I, or I, I need
this.
Or if, or afterwards they'relike, oh, I wish I knew this,
what I was going through divorceand, and so I can help people
(09:16):
either before divorce, duringthe process and even afterwards
as well to maybe work on theircommunication, the relationship.
Um, with the, the ex-partner andwith their kids and how to, how
to kind of smooth things out asmuch as possible because I
think, um, I mean there arepeople who are specialized in
high conflict and I can workwith some of those people too.
(09:37):
But really my goal is to try to,um, kind of really identify the
issues that are maybe causingthe, we can try to address that.
Love that.
Love that.
Love that.
And so when you do that work,do, do you find that people get
aha moments where they didn'trealize what some of the driving
(10:00):
forces were?
They do because they're lookingat it as I did during my divorce
at the beginning, of course.
Uh, in terms of how is thisgonna impact me?
But we're not thinking about.
Why is the other person takingthis position?
What can we do to maybe addresstheir concerns so that our
concerns are also met?
And that's where my mediationtraining kind of comes in and
(10:22):
helps.
Yeah.
Perfect.
So tell me this, why wouldsomeone want to work with a
divorce coach rather than justworking with a lawyer?
Like at the end of the day, thelawyer is the one who gets all
of the ducks in a row, and thisis what's happening and this is,
(10:42):
and there's the dotted lineside.
Why would somebody want to work?
See a benefit of working with adivorce coach like yourself?
Right.
That's a great question because,uh, divorces can be so expensive
and so time consuming, like,well, do I really have the
bandwidth or time or money towork with somebody else?
(11:04):
And so what I learned the hardway, and I try to help people
not go down this path, is thatif you go into a lawyer's office
prepared and focus and just.
Work and discuss the legalmatters that they're there to
help you with, then you can comeout out this process with less
stress, less time, and lessmoney that you've got to pay and
(11:27):
continue paying if, especiallyif it does become a high
conflict.
So I, for instance, excuse me, Ispent, um, so much of my.
Time, maybe with one of mylawyers initially about maybe
some of the emotional things Iwas going through and trying to
plan different scenarios, whichreally didn't need to be done,
maybe with an attorney, whichhas a much higher billable rate
(11:50):
than a coach would.
And so by talking things throughwith somebody else, like a
divorce coach that can help you.
Um, be more focused and reallyfocus on those discussions
where, uh, the legal expertiseis really valuable.
And so definitely, definitelyyou wanna have a really good
attorney, family, law attorneywho understands and experience
(12:11):
special needs because it isdifferent than a divorce when
you don't have that.
So, definitely, I'm not here tosay you don't need an attorney,
you wanna make sure you have agood one.
But as part of that, beprepared.
Show up professionally, show upwith your information ready.
Sometimes people are just.
Scared of the whole process,what to expect next, or how to
fill out forms and what theyneed to be thinking about really
(12:33):
for that child and how toadvocate.
And so I can share a lot of.
Ideas and strategies regardingthat.
How do you share informationwith your attorney?
What's the way to do that?
That maybe if that person, uh,either whether they have
experience or not with specialneeds, maybe your child's needs
are different that they haven'treally seen before.
Right?
And what do you need and what'syour vision for your divorce?
Because depending on how you goabout it.
(12:55):
You're the boss of your divorceand people think the attorney
is, but really you're in chargeand so you need to set the tone
for what you want that to looklike and what you want
conversations with the otherparty to look like as well.
That is such an important.
Peace, isn't it?
Because that goes back to thewhole premise of our show.
(13:15):
When you make sure that you dothis work behind the scenes with
a coach like Maryanne who hasthe expertise and the.
Life experience combined.
She can help you create what itis that you desire at the end of
the day, and you're doing thatfor you by you because of you.
(13:38):
And when you go in with thatknowledge, I love what you just
shared, something that Ipersonally would've never
contemplated.
So I am so grateful that youhave.
Taken this path and really dugin, and I, and I'm going to say
I'm, I know why you're doing it,because you are passionate about
(14:02):
it.
You are there for the childrenand parent wanting to make sure
that everything comes out asseamlessly as possible, and the
children get everything thattheir needs.
Require based on their needs.
And you cannot go wrong when youput children first.
(14:25):
My personal opinion.
Exactly.
That's exactly what I do.
And why, why I do it.
I mean, my passion is my, mykids and, and this whole process
in helping others to help theirkids.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And.
Can I ask, could you share amoment from your own journey
through your own divorce thatcompletely changed how you've
(14:48):
approached helping other parentsin the same situation or similar
situation?
So one piece of advice I wouldshare that somebody gave me was,
don't rush into making decisionsin your divorce.
And so I think.
That's so important for peopleto remember that this is not a
(15:09):
race.
Yeah.
This is, this is a journey.
It's kind of a marathon.
Not that we want to takeforever, but there's no, um,
unless there's othercircumstances for whatever
reason, of course, but you wantto really think about it as a
business decision, right.
I've got a business background,got an MBA, and so that's how I
come across my.
(15:31):
My approach in my business is tolook at it as a business
transaction as opposed to anemotional, um, experience.
I mean, it is emotional,definitely for sure.
Not to say I don't havefeelings, and it wasn't impacted
really by that, but we have toknow how to, um, manage those
emotions and turn those intosomething positive.
(15:51):
That's gonna help us in ourdivorce to get the result we
want.
That's what we talked about, thevision.
What is it?
Right.
We want outta this divorce meangranted whether we wanted it or
not, or it was our choice or weinitiated, or no, it doesn't.
Doesn't matter.
Mm-hmm.
The point is, we're gettingdivorced.
What are we gonna do about it tomake sure that we're gonna be
okay and our kids are gonna beokay.
I love that.
I love that because again, itgoes back to you're doing what
(16:13):
you need to do for you by youbecause of you.
So taking that time and notrushing and running in through a
motion door that is part of thehouse of divorce, but you get to
decide when that door has toopen and when it closes and when
you're thinking the big pictureas you're speaking Maryanne, I'm
(16:34):
thinking, yep.
Make it into a business, then itseparates it from you and your
heart and you can make probablybetter decisions'cause you're
not tied up in the emotionalcomponent of it.
Is that work you help people do?
For sure, for sure.
Yeah.
So I can definitely help themwork through the emotion.
But if they're really having ahard time and dealing with a
(16:56):
trauma, then definitely I wouldrecommend they seek out the
support of a mental healthprofessional.
That's what their focus is.
And, and so you can definitelywork with a mental health
professional Sure.
To help you work with the past,uh, that led you to the point of
divorce.
Right.
Right.
Um, and my focus is like, whereare we now and how can we work
on what we want?
(17:16):
To get to the future goal.
Right.
Right.
Wonderful.
Is there anything that we, Imean, I know there's lots we
haven't touched on.
Is there anything in particularyou would love to share with our
audience before we wrap up thisincredible conversation and we
make sure people know how tofind you?
(17:38):
Sure.
So I would say, you know, withyou being a coach for women and
midlife.
This happened to me in midlifeand not something that I ever
saw as my future.
And so as a result, I had tofind myself and rediscover
myself and who I am.
Mm-hmm.
And who I remember who I was andhow that I could, I can do this.
(18:01):
And so through this wholeprocess, I'm like a new person
now.
Even my son during the divorce,right afterwards I was starting
my business.
He's like, mommy, you're adifferent person than you were
before divorce.
And so for someone.
You know, like him to recognizethat, that, that means the world
to me.
And so, so my, my message is oneof hope that you can get through
(18:22):
this.
You will get through this andthere's a better life for you
after, after this.
Thank you so much Maryanne, foryour time, your energy, your
skills knowledge.
We will have in the show noteshow to find you.
Is there anything coming up thatyou would like to share with our
(18:45):
audience that you wanna makesure they keep an eye open for,
that you're gonna be doing inthe near future or anything like
that?
Thanks for asking.
So yeah, so, um.
In addition to the work I do atSpecial Family Transitions and
my website is under that nameand all my social media, so it's
really easy to find me.
But I also, uh, with a colleagueof mine, created a new website
(19:06):
called Divorce for Special NeedsChildren, and we're gonna be
having a summit.
With all kinds of speakers andexperts in special needs
divorce, sharing their knowledgein January of 2026.
So definitely follow me and I'llbe sharing information on that
as that develops.
I'm very excited about that.
And so the point of that isthat, like you said, we can't do
(19:27):
this.
Hello?
We might need different help.
We talked about mental health,we talked about divorce coaches,
but you may need a, uh, specialneeds financial planner.
You may need, um, another coachlike yourself to help support
you through the process youmight need.
Good family law attorneys,estate planning attorneys,
people to help with the child'seducation, planning, all kinds
of people come into play andthings that, um, make this so
(19:50):
complex in terms of thedecisions we have to make in
divorce or start thinking about.
So this is a way to startlearning about that.
So excited to, to be able toshare more resources for people.
That was the thing I had troublewith it.
And my divorce is finding peopleto help that have this
knowledge.
And so that's, that's my goalwith, with this project, is to
make sure that people have thatinformation, access to those
people who have that experienceand can help.
(20:12):
Thank you for providing thatbecause it brings me back to
years when I was in educationand we talked a lot about having
one point of entry so thatpeople as parents struggling
with whatever was going on, theydidn't have to go here and then
go over there and try and it'slike finding a needle in a
haystack, but when you bring allof those expertise together,
(20:34):
thank you for doing that.
You and your friend.
Yay.
Thank you.
We are excited when we willabsolutely put all of that
information in the show notes asit comes together.
Maryanne will make sure I getwhatever we need for the link so
people can find it readily.
We want to make this as easy aspossible for our audience.
(20:56):
So thank you again for beinghere.
Mary Ann.
It's always a pleasure to sharetime, space, and energy with
you.
'cause you bring such a, awonderful calmness to
conversations that is so needed.
Not only today's day and age,but also with people who are
(21:17):
struggling with the challengesof thinking about divorce.
With children in the family whohave special needs, whatever
that may entail.
So thank you for everything youdo every day.
Um, make sure that you check theshow notes because all the
information will be there.
Reach out to Maryanne.
Follow her.
She's always busy.
(21:37):
Oh my gosh.
I don't think she sleeps.
I swear I'm like looking atLinkedIn.
There she's again gonna doanother.
She is all over this and thankheavens for that.
If this has inspired you oropened up new ways of thinking
for you, please make sure thatyou follow, share, give a review
to our podcast that allows thisinformation to go wider to an
(22:03):
audience that needs to hear fromMaryanne and hear about how we
can all thrive after 45.
And if you have not yet seen,you can.
Get involved in my Becoming HerMentor membership.
It is a fee generated monthlyfee generated opportunity.
(22:25):
It's not a program.
It's a gathering of incrediblewomen, and we would love to have
you in that space.
You can find it anywhere in anyof my social media.
I wish you all a wonderful dayand make sure you go and do
something for you by you becauseof you today.
Goodbye everyone.
Hello and welcome to ThriveAfter 45, the podcast where we
(00:06):
redefine what is possible inmidlife.
I'm Denise.
Drink your Midlife renewal coachhere to help you embrace your
power, purpose, and potential.
This is your space to let go ofguilt.
Navigate transitions rediscoverjoy and thrive for you by you
because of you.
(00:27):
It is such an honor and aprivilege to welcome back to our
show and reintroduce MaryanneHughes.
Today to thrive after 45Maryanne's journey into this
field was deeply personal.
After 21 years of marriage, shenavigated her own divorce,
(00:50):
including the unique challengesof parenting children with
special needs.
That experience inspired her todedicate her career to helping
others.
Facing similar circumstances asa certified special needs
divorce coach, as well as atrained family mediator and
(01:13):
parenting coordinator.
Maryanne brings a rarecombination of personal insight.
Professional expertise.
Over the past four years, shehas directly impacted more than
100 families and has reachedthousands more through her
podcasts and social mediaplatforms.
(01:35):
Maryanne helps parents ofchildren with disabilities
navigate the complexities and.
Overwhelm of special needsdivorce.
Empowering them to conconfidently advocate for
themselves and their children.
Her work is about more thanguidance.
It's about giving families theclarity, confidence, and tools
(01:59):
they need to move forward withstrength and peace of mind.
Maryanne, welcome to our showtoday.
Thank you so much, Denise.
Pleasure to be here again, andthank you for that wonderful
introduction.
I think I'm gonna take some ofthat wording and use it in my
material.
It's wonderful.
It is my pleasure to share thatwith you.
Absolutely.
Can you take us through a littlebit of how you got to the
(02:25):
incredible gifts that you aresharing now?
With your coaching and supportof families and mediation and
everything that you're building,how did that come to be?
I mean, we heard about it, butcan you give us a bit more
robust beginnings so weunderstand?
Sure.
Happy to.
So as you mentioned, I'm the momof two now, young adult children
(02:47):
on the autism spectrum.
And so when I faced a divorce,it wasn't something.
I saw coming and I had to figureout what to do, and I made my
main focus in that to take careof my children, to figure out
what they would need as theywere becoming adults and for the
future.
And so I didn't rush theprocess.
I took my time and there lostcircumstances.
It was COVID, but I ended upspending so much time, money,
(03:10):
and energy on the process.
I thought, this is kind ofcrazy.
For me to have gone through allthis trouble, other families are
probably going through similarchallenges and circumstances
that I want to take my knowledgeand help others who are going to
go through this.
'cause they shouldn't have torecreate the wheel every time
this happens.
And divorce among families thathave a child with some complex
or special needs is very hot.
(03:30):
And so that, that's what led meto my journey to become a
divorce coach.
And since we last spoke, I was acertified divorce coach before,
but I helped inspire.
And actually helped create andnow AM as CER certified as a
certified special needs divorcecoach.
So I actually helped teach thatprogram and the Certified
(03:51):
Divorce Coach program on.
And also, like you mentioned, Ihave some other things that I
did to not just help.
One parent is a divorce coachyou're mainly working with, with
one, uh, individual.
Usually it's the mom thatreaches out to me, but I've
worked with dads also.
Yep.
Um, but I want to take a more,uh, kinda a broader approach, a
more holistic one to work withboth parents if they so choose.
(04:12):
And so that's when I wentthrough some mediation training
and actually teach about autismSpecial.
In that, uh, in that group and,uh, also parenting coordinator,
so that way I can help whateverpoint in the process they might
be, whether they're thinkingabout divorce or going through
divorce or even afterwards tokind of help them do what's
right and best for that childrenand try to keep the conflict
(04:34):
low.
That's incredible.
Have you found that you havehad, with now such a wealth and
breadth of knowledge, have youfound that you are seeing more
couples coming to you than youdid before?
Or is it just beginning thatway, or what's happening there?
(04:56):
Just beginning.
I've had some conversations withsome couples and, um.
Usually one will reach out to meand we'll discuss that as maybe
an option.
And so that's worked out whereI've helped one couple talk
about what was best for theirrelationship.
Mm-hmm.
And they decided jointly thenthat divorce was the best
(05:17):
option.
And then from there we talkedabout few sessions about how to
break the news to the kids, howto support them in the process.
And then from there they went onto work with the lawyers.
Um, to go through the process.
I worked with another couple.
Who was also thinking aboutdivorce.
They hadn't gone through theprocess yet, but they were
trying to plan ahead.
What would they need to plan fortheir adult son who, um, was
(05:40):
gonna be transitioning outtahigh school soon?
Mm-hmm.
So even though they had met withthe other professionals and been
in different presentations, minewas very valuable to them.
They really.
Right way of looking at it.
It was really, I, I basicallyalways almost what the family
needs and the couple or personmight need.
Right.
But it was perspective fromsomeone who had been through it,
(06:00):
some real practical advice aswell as some strategic advice of
things think about and resourcesthat they could connect to as
well.
So yeah, so happy to do that.
But most of my business still iswith the, with the moms reaching
out to me.
To support them.
Some of'em are stay at homemoms, um, which I was at the
time, and, um, sure some of'emare working moms and figure out
how to balance everything.
(06:21):
So it's, it can be challengingand there's a lot of overwhelm
and burnout with, you know, inthis process and being a special
needs mom in general.
Well, isn't it true, like asyou're speaking my mind is just
wor whirling with all of thecomplexities that we talked
about briefly in the intro, butthe complexities not only of all
the emotion that's charged upbehind this idea of.
(06:46):
Divorce.
No divorce, what do we do?
Figuring out that piece as anindividual.
Then as the couple, then add thethe special needs component to
it and how do we supporteverybody in this process so
that everybody gets what theyneed to the best of their
(07:06):
ability and everybody thrives inthe end to be able to be
successful because you're livingproof that that can happen.
Right, right.
That is the goal.
To try to do it in a, in a waythat you're looking at the big
picture as opposed to fightingover things that maybe are ego
driven or financially driven andpeople thinking that has to be a
(07:29):
win-lose.
We're really, we come at, wewanna come at it as a win-win.
How can we all benefit,especially the children?
That's really the most importantpart.
And I think the parents wouldagree as well, but sometimes
there's disagreement as to whatthe child's needs are and how to
address that and what that'sgonna look like.
Right, so.
So is that part of your coachingwhere you help people understand
(07:50):
the child their needs?
What is the best way to be ableto put this together in a way
that supports your child, yourchildren?
Is that the priority?
Yes, for sure.
For sure.
So some people already in theprocess and then they have
other.
Con conflicts and sure thatthey're dealing with it or
presented to them.
(08:11):
But if they're starting out fromthe beginning, that's the best
time to start thinking aboutthat and lay the groundwork so
that it is as amicable processas it can be and doesn't develop
into a more high conflict, whichthen takes on a life of its own.
Right.
Right.
So when you work with thefamilies that you work with,
(08:33):
you, do you, um, connect withthem at different stages?
I kind of heard you say therewere some people who were
looking into, is this the bestthing for us to do, is divorce,
is that the way to go based onour situation?
Or do you like, tell me whereyou get your clients through
which, which um, stage are theyin?
(08:55):
Or is there a mix?
Yes.
Yeah, this is a mix for sure.
So.
A lot of times people don't evenknow about divorce coaches, much
less about special needs divorcecoaches, and so by the time they
find me or learn about methrough podcasts is yours and
try information I try to put outthere like, oh, I, or I, I need
this.
Or if, or afterwards they'relike, oh, I wish I knew this,
what I was going through divorceand, and so I can help people
(09:16):
either before divorce, duringthe process and even afterwards
as well to maybe work on theircommunication, the relationship.
Um, with the, the ex-partner andwith their kids and how to, how
to kind of smooth things out asmuch as possible because I
think, um, I mean there arepeople who are specialized in
high conflict and I can workwith some of those people too.
(09:37):
But really my goal is to try to,um, kind of really identify the
issues that are maybe causingthe, we can try to address that.
Love that.
Love that.
Love that.
And so when you do that work,do, do you find that people get
aha moments where they didn'trealize what some of the driving
(10:00):
forces were?
They do because they're lookingat it as I did during my divorce
at the beginning, of course.
Uh, in terms of how is thisgonna impact me?
But we're not thinking about.
Why is the other person takingthis position?
What can we do to maybe addresstheir concerns so that our
concerns are also met?
And that's where my mediationtraining kind of comes in and
(10:22):
helps.
Yeah.
Perfect.
So tell me this, why wouldsomeone want to work with a
divorce coach rather than justworking with a lawyer?
Like at the end of the day, thelawyer is the one who gets all
of the ducks in a row, and thisis what's happening and this is,
(10:42):
and there's the dotted lineside.
Why would somebody want to work?
See a benefit of working with adivorce coach like yourself?
Right.
That's a great question because,uh, divorces can be so expensive
and so time consuming, like,well, do I really have the
bandwidth or time or money towork with somebody else?
(11:04):
And so what I learned the hardway, and I try to help people
not go down this path, is thatif you go into a lawyer's office
prepared and focus and just.
Work and discuss the legalmatters that they're there to
help you with, then you can comeout out this process with less
stress, less time, and lessmoney that you've got to pay and
(11:27):
continue paying if, especiallyif it does become a high
conflict.
So I, for instance, excuse me, Ispent, um, so much of my.
Time, maybe with one of mylawyers initially about maybe
some of the emotional things Iwas going through and trying to
plan different scenarios, whichreally didn't need to be done,
maybe with an attorney, whichhas a much higher billable rate
(11:50):
than a coach would.
And so by talking things throughwith somebody else, like a
divorce coach that can help you.
Um, be more focused and reallyfocus on those discussions
where, uh, the legal expertiseis really valuable.
And so definitely, definitelyyou wanna have a really good
attorney, family, law attorneywho understands and experience
(12:11):
special needs because it isdifferent than a divorce when
you don't have that.
So, definitely, I'm not here tosay you don't need an attorney,
you wanna make sure you have agood one.
But as part of that, beprepared.
Show up professionally, show upwith your information ready.
Sometimes people are just.
Scared of the whole process,what to expect next, or how to
fill out forms and what theyneed to be thinking about really
(12:33):
for that child and how toadvocate.
And so I can share a lot of.
Ideas and strategies regardingthat.
How do you share informationwith your attorney?
What's the way to do that?
That maybe if that person, uh,either whether they have
experience or not with specialneeds, maybe your child's needs
are different that they haven'treally seen before.
Right?
And what do you need and what'syour vision for your divorce?
Because depending on how you goabout it.
(12:55):
You're the boss of your divorceand people think the attorney
is, but really you're in chargeand so you need to set the tone
for what you want that to looklike and what you want
conversations with the otherparty to look like as well.
That is such an important.
Peace, isn't it?
Because that goes back to thewhole premise of our show.
(13:15):
When you make sure that you dothis work behind the scenes with
a coach like Maryanne who hasthe expertise and the.
Life experience combined.
She can help you create what itis that you desire at the end of
the day, and you're doing thatfor you by you because of you.
(13:38):
And when you go in with thatknowledge, I love what you just
shared, something that Ipersonally would've never
contemplated.
So I am so grateful that youhave.
Taken this path and really dugin, and I, and I'm going to say
I'm, I know why you're doing it,because you are passionate about
(14:02):
it.
You are there for the childrenand parent wanting to make sure
that everything comes out asseamlessly as possible, and the
children get everything thattheir needs.
Require based on their needs.
And you cannot go wrong when youput children first.
(14:25):
My personal opinion.
Exactly.
That's exactly what I do.
And why, why I do it.
I mean, my passion is my, mykids and, and this whole process
in helping others to help theirkids.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And.
Can I ask, could you share amoment from your own journey
through your own divorce thatcompletely changed how you've
(14:48):
approached helping other parentsin the same situation or similar
situation?
So one piece of advice I wouldshare that somebody gave me was,
don't rush into making decisionsin your divorce.
And so I think.
That's so important for peopleto remember that this is not a
(15:09):
race.
Yeah.
This is, this is a journey.
It's kind of a marathon.
Not that we want to takeforever, but there's no, um,
unless there's othercircumstances for whatever
reason, of course, but you wantto really think about it as a
business decision, right.
I've got a business background,got an MBA, and so that's how I
come across my.
(15:31):
My approach in my business is tolook at it as a business
transaction as opposed to anemotional, um, experience.
I mean, it is emotional,definitely for sure.
Not to say I don't havefeelings, and it wasn't impacted
really by that, but we have toknow how to, um, manage those
emotions and turn those intosomething positive.
(15:51):
That's gonna help us in ourdivorce to get the result we
want.
That's what we talked about, thevision.
What is it?
Right.
We want outta this divorce meangranted whether we wanted it or
not, or it was our choice or weinitiated, or no, it doesn't.
Doesn't matter.
Mm-hmm.
The point is, we're gettingdivorced.
What are we gonna do about it tomake sure that we're gonna be
okay and our kids are gonna beokay.
I love that.
I love that because again, itgoes back to you're doing what
(16:13):
you need to do for you by youbecause of you.
So taking that time and notrushing and running in through a
motion door that is part of thehouse of divorce, but you get to
decide when that door has toopen and when it closes and when
you're thinking the big pictureas you're speaking Maryanne, I'm
(16:34):
thinking, yep.
Make it into a business, then itseparates it from you and your
heart and you can make probablybetter decisions'cause you're
not tied up in the emotionalcomponent of it.
Is that work you help people do?
For sure, for sure.
Yeah.
So I can definitely help themwork through the emotion.
But if they're really having ahard time and dealing with a
(16:56):
trauma, then definitely I wouldrecommend they seek out the
support of a mental healthprofessional.
That's what their focus is.
And, and so you can definitelywork with a mental health
professional Sure.
To help you work with the past,uh, that led you to the point of
divorce.
Right.
Right.
Um, and my focus is like, whereare we now and how can we work
on what we want?
(17:16):
To get to the future goal.
Right.
Right.
Wonderful.
Is there anything that we, Imean, I know there's lots we
haven't touched on.
Is there anything in particularyou would love to share with our
audience before we wrap up thisincredible conversation and we
make sure people know how tofind you?
(17:38):
Sure.
So I would say, you know, withyou being a coach for women and
midlife.
This happened to me in midlifeand not something that I ever
saw as my future.
And so as a result, I had tofind myself and rediscover
myself and who I am.
Mm-hmm.
And who I remember who I was andhow that I could, I can do this.
(18:01):
And so through this wholeprocess, I'm like a new person
now.
Even my son during the divorce,right afterwards I was starting
my business.
He's like, mommy, you're adifferent person than you were
before divorce.
And so for someone.
You know, like him to recognizethat, that, that means the world
to me.
And so, so my, my message is oneof hope that you can get through
(18:22):
this.
You will get through this andthere's a better life for you
after, after this.
Thank you so much Maryanne, foryour time, your energy, your
skills knowledge.
We will have in the show noteshow to find you.
Is there anything coming up thatyou would like to share with our
(18:45):
audience that you wanna makesure they keep an eye open for,
that you're gonna be doing inthe near future or anything like
that?
Thanks for asking.
So yeah, so, um.
In addition to the work I do atSpecial Family Transitions and
my website is under that nameand all my social media, so it's
really easy to find me.
But I also, uh, with a colleagueof mine, created a new website
(19:06):
called Divorce for Special NeedsChildren, and we're gonna be
having a summit.
With all kinds of speakers andexperts in special needs
divorce, sharing their knowledgein January of 2026.
So definitely follow me and I'llbe sharing information on that
as that develops.
I'm very excited about that.
And so the point of that isthat, like you said, we can't do
(19:27):
this.
Hello?
We might need different help.
We talked about mental health,we talked about divorce coaches,
but you may need a, uh, specialneeds financial planner.
You may need, um, another coachlike yourself to help support
you through the process youmight need.
Good family law attorneys,estate planning attorneys,
people to help with the child'seducation, planning, all kinds
of people come into play andthings that, um, make this so
(19:50):
complex in terms of thedecisions we have to make in
divorce or start thinking about.
So this is a way to startlearning about that.
So excited to, to be able toshare more resources for people.
That was the thing I had troublewith it.
And my divorce is finding peopleto help that have this
knowledge.
And so that's, that's my goalwith, with this project, is to
make sure that people have thatinformation, access to those
people who have that experienceand can help.
(20:12):
Thank you for providing thatbecause it brings me back to
years when I was in educationand we talked a lot about having
one point of entry so thatpeople as parents struggling
with whatever was going on, theydidn't have to go here and then
go over there and try and it'slike finding a needle in a
haystack, but when you bring allof those expertise together,
(20:34):
thank you for doing that.
You and your friend.
Yay.
Thank you.
We are excited when we willabsolutely put all of that
information in the show notes asit comes together.
Maryanne will make sure I getwhatever we need for the link so
people can find it readily.
We want to make this as easy aspossible for our audience.
(20:56):
So thank you again for beinghere.
Mary Ann.
It's always a pleasure to sharetime, space, and energy with
you.
'cause you bring such a, awonderful calmness to
conversations that is so needed.
Not only today's day and age,but also with people who are
(21:17):
struggling with the challengesof thinking about divorce.
With children in the family whohave special needs, whatever
that may entail.
So thank you for everything youdo every day.
Um, make sure that you check theshow notes because all the
information will be there.
Reach out to Maryanne.
Follow her.
She's always busy.
(21:37):
Oh my gosh.
I don't think she sleeps.
I swear I'm like looking atLinkedIn.
There she's again gonna doanother.
She is all over this and thankheavens for that.
If this has inspired you oropened up new ways of thinking
for you, please make sure thatyou follow, share, give a review
to our podcast that allows thisinformation to go wider to an
(22:03):
audience that needs to hear fromMaryanne and hear about how we
can all thrive after 45.
And if you have not yet seen,you can.
Get involved in my Becoming HerMentor membership.
It is a fee generated monthlyfee generated opportunity.
(22:25):
It's not a program.
It's a gathering of incrediblewomen, and we would love to have
you in that space.
You can find it anywhere in anyof my social media.
I wish you all a wonderful dayand make sure you go and do
something for you by you becauseof you today.
Goodbye everyone.
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