November 25, 2025 • 21 mins
Some days begin and end in tears; sometimes theirs, sometimes ours. When the storm hits, the most powerful thing we can offer our kids isn’t a perfect script or a quick fix; it’s a steady presence that says, you are safe here. I’m sharing how choosing calm over urgency transforms meltdowns into moments of trust, and why witnessing can do more than convincing ever will.
We unpack the shift from fixing feelings to holding space for them. I talk through real-life moments with my three kids, what changed when I stopped matching their energy, and how co-regulation teaches emotional safety without lectures. You’ll hear two simple tools you can use today: name what’s true—“You’re tired; I’m tired too”—to help both nervous systems downshift, and reflect after the dust settles to build self-awareness and repair. Along the way, we explore boundaries and limits, why stepping away for five minutes can save the moment, and how open body language, gentle tone, and small choices restore a child’s sense of control.
This conversation is for anyone living through toddler tantrums or kid-sized hurricanes and wondering how to stay grounded. You’ll leave with practical steps that fit real life: breathing before reacting, giving options, using an emotions poster or bedtime debriefs, and remembering that presence matters more than perfection.
Your kids don’t need you to be a robot; they need you to be human and consistent, a safe place they can trust when feelings overflow.
If this episode meets you where you are, share it with a friend who needs a reminder that calm is contagious.
Thank you so much for listening in! If this episode spoke to you, it would mean the world to me if you left a review or shared it with a friend. And don’t forget to tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me spread the word.
Follow and chat with me on Instagram:
Podcast account - @thrivelikeamother.podcast
Personal account - @thrive.empowered
Sending you light and love always!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
You have to allow your kids to see you processing
those big feelings just as theyare trying their best to figure
out how to process those bigfeelings.
So when we even if we are havingbig feelings, when we are able
to re ground ourselves and allowour kids to see that, they start
to learn, okay, there's safetyin this person.
(00:24):
I can trust this person.
When we allow them themselves tofeel, they start to learn that
I'm not too much.
I am enough just as I am.
Right?
Hey Love, I'm Ebony and welcometo Thrive Like a Mother.
On this podcast, we're scaredfor our truth, but that fear is
(00:46):
what fuels us to truly live init.
You're in the right place if youfeel like you're stuck in
survival mode and you're readyto step into who you were truly
meant to be.
I'll share resources and tools Iuse daily to help you in your
journey with a healthier mindsetand to break the wheel of
survival.
(01:07):
The journey may not be easy, butyou won't have to face it alone.
I'm a mama of three healing dayby day from past trauma, and I'm
on a mission to build a lifeI've always dreamed of, but
never thought was possible.
So love, if you're ready tobelieve in what's possible,
let's link arms and thrivetogether.
(01:41):
Today I want to talk aboutsomething that has truly been on
my heart for a while.
And it's about the way that wehold space for our kids when the
emotions are running high.
I mean, let's let's get real.
If you are a mom listening tothis, you know exactly what I
meet, especially if you are nowto be fair, I have younger kids,
(02:04):
right?
So I haven't hit the preteen orteenage years, but let's be
real, the toddler emotions andkid emotions, they are big
sometimes.
Like so big.
And the meltdowns, those bigfeelings, those things that they
can't yet fully process, um,kind of in a way without feeling
(02:29):
like, oh my gosh, it is likethis is the worst possible
feeling ever.
Sometimes it feels like they canhold on to things and be like,
this is just the way things are,and this is horrible.
It's those long days, long dayswhere you are working on getting
them to bed and then they end intears or the start of days where
(02:52):
we start off with big tears inthe morning.
And sometimes it's just theirs,and other times we may be
joining in, right?
Um, so recently there's kind ofbeen a shift.
Let me let me give you a littlebackground first, right?
I'm a mom of three.
I had a seven-year-old, afour-year-old, and um, I'm gonna
(03:13):
say he's he's a little over oneand a half.
He's turning two in February,right?
But there has been a shift inhow I recently have been finding
myself reacting to when thosemoments happened, especially now
being a mom for 70 years.
Wow.
Wild, wild.
But it was maybe a few monthsback, right?
(03:36):
Jeed our four-year-old.
She's coming out from kind ofthe toddler zone and coming into
her kid era.
She had a full meltdown.
And y'all, my kids havemeltdowns all the time.
Know that, you know, socialmedia can be that highlight
reel, right?
I'm not on there like posting mykids' meltdowns.
(03:58):
Every once in a while, I mightcome on my stories and share
with y'all, hey, like this iswhat's going on.
Me too, right?
Like, you're not the only onedealing with the meltdowns.
But y'all, she was exhausted.
She was exhausted.
And honestly, I was too.
It had been a long, long day.
Every part of me wanted to justwake her up and cry with her
(04:22):
too.
I realized that what good wouldthat do in that moment if we
were both falling apart fromexhaustion?
And I knew that that's what itwas.
I knew that, you know, thiswasn't necessarily something
that, you know, an emotion thatI had to help her process in
that way through talking,because it was mostly like,
(04:45):
we're just tired.
We're exhausted, right?
And so instead of melting downwith her, which sometimes as a
mom you feel like you want todo, I said I took it to a deep
breath, a deep breath.
I did my best to stay grounded.
(05:06):
And I let her cry.
I let her cry and I let her feeleverything she needed to feel in
that moment.
And because I was able to dothat, I was able to become her
safe place.
And I had just enough, justenough left in me to let her
land, to let her be calm whenshe like couldn't find that in
(05:29):
her own in that moment.
And I'm not gonna, I'm notsaying that that's gonna happen
every time, right?
We are human, right?
Mamas still remember that yes,our kids see us as superheroes,
but we are still human.
But there are moments where youcan take that deep breath,
right?
So that's what I want I want totalk about really today, is
really just both the beauty andthe challenge of holding space
(05:52):
for our kids' feelings whilestill honoring who we are too as
people, as humans.
Before you were a mom, you're awoman.
Before you were that, you were ayoung woman.
And before that, you were just alittle girl too, right?
And both can be true.
(06:12):
Right?
We can know that there is beautyin a holding space, and there is
challenge in a holding space.
And both of those deserve youcoming at it from a lens of
compassion.
Okay, so let's talk about how Iused to respond when my kids
were upset or emotional,especially as a new mama of just
(06:36):
one.
When Olivia used to start tohave a meltdown, I used to like
jump quickly into action, try mybest to fix it.
What's wrong?
What's happening?
Sometimes even trying to matchthe energy, be like, oh, are you
gonna come at me?
I'm gonna come at you with thesame energy.
And my goodness did I, thankgoodness I learned from that.
(06:58):
But sometimes there was alsothat part, right?
That was like, okay, maybethey're big emotions, maybe I'm
doing something wrong, right?
Maybe this is a reflection onwhat I've been doing or how I've
been showing up as a parent.
We've all been there, right?
We're human.
And this work as a mother andmotherhood, it's not about
(07:18):
perfection, but it is aboutstarting to become self-aware of
when those moments happen andwhen you can start to possibly
shift them, right?
And so what changed for me, likeI talked about in this in the
beginning, right?
Watching her meltdown.
As much as I wanted to melt downtoo, as much as I wanted to fall
(07:41):
out and cry too, because girl,I'm exhausted too.
I started to slow down, take amoment and slow down, recognize
that both of us are maybefeeling exhausted.
Maybe both of us had a roughday.
But instead, choosing to be thatgrounding space, instead of just
(08:04):
starting to create my own storm,because in that moment, when you
think about it, it's not whatour kids need.
And I'm not saying it's gonna beperfect every time, but if you
are able to slow down and havethat self-awareness in that
moment, you can start to shiftthe way that that interaction is
(08:25):
gonna go.
And so you're gonna start tofirst of all take a deep breath.
Because even if you need to stepaway for five minutes, mama, go
out in the closet, go out in aroom somewhere, say, I just need
to take five, take that momentfor yourself, right?
They'll be fine, right?
They'll be fine if they'recrying and things like that.
(08:46):
They will be fine for fiveminutes for you to take a second
to reset.
And when you come back, go backand have the calm tone.
I mean, that's the opposite ofwhat they're giving you, right?
We're not matching energy here.
No, you're not matching energybecause that is just a recipe
for disaster.
But we are being open with ourbody language and saying, hey,
(09:10):
I'm here.
I'm here and available for you,right?
When you're ready.
And just being that gentlepresence that when they realize,
okay, all is not ending, this isnot, you know, the worst thing
that's ever happened.
Like I'm gonna be okay.
They'll be ready to come to you.
(09:31):
So in that moment, you know,taking a second and realizing
it, even though I was exhaustedtoo, that I was able to hold
space.
And it doesn't mean that I haveto have any answers, right?
I don't know what she's feelingcompletely in her body.
Yes, as a mom, I can gauge, likeyou're tired, right?
But maybe she had been goingthrough something else earlier
(09:52):
in the day that she hadn't toldme yet.
Sometimes that happens with myoldest, right?
I do my best as a mom to checkin with them and say, how was
your day?
You know, what was your favoritepart?
What was the worst part?
I do all those things, butsometimes all the things don't
come up.
And sometimes they forget too.
And so you don't have to haveall the answers.
(10:14):
You just have to hold space andbe open.
You just have to give them asafe place to feel their
emotions, right?
Know that you're not gonna judgethem.
You're not going to try to getthem to stop.
Of course, keep them safe,right?
I always tell my kids, like,hey, my number one priority is
(10:36):
definitely to keep you safe.
And so I'm gonna make sure thatyou can safely feel whatever
you're feeling right now.
And when you're ready, like I'mhere, right?
But why does this matter, right?
Why does it matter for them?
Why does it matter for us?
It's because I learned that ourkids start to learn emotional
(11:00):
regulation when they're watchingours, right?
And that doesn't mean that wehave to be perfect all the time,
but you have to allow your kidsto see you processing those big
feelings just as they are tryingtheir best to figure out how to
process those big feelings.
(11:21):
So when we, even if we arehaving big feelings, when we are
able to reground ourselves andallow our kids to see that, they
start to learn, okay, there'ssafety in this person.
I can trust this person.
When we allow them themselves tofeel, they start to learn that
(11:43):
I'm not too much.
I am enough just as I am, right?
You're allowing them to also seethat my mom still has limits.
My mom also gets tired, and I'mwatching her honor that she's
human and she can still be asafe space for me and for
(12:08):
herself to feel her feelings,and for me to feel my feelings
and know that she's not gonnatell me, you know, I'm being too
much or I need to stop.
She is that place where I can'tprocess, and so I want to offer
you two ways to start topractice this this balance,
(12:31):
right?
It's not about being perfect,it's not about putting on a mask
and saying mama is always thisgrounded perfect person.
That's not it.
But you want to start first one,name it for yourself, name that
feeling for yourself.
(12:52):
For me, in that moment, it wassaying I'm tired and she's
tired, and verbalizing that tothem too.
My gosh, you're so tired.
Me too.
And when you like pause to givea name to what's happening, not
only does it start to give yournervous system a cue to slow
(13:14):
down, it starts to give them acue to understand what's
happening with their body,right?
Or it gives them a clue to startthinking about what's happening,
why they're reacting in thisway.
Because sometimes we may not wemay not be right.
What we say, maybe they'refeeling, may not be what they're
(13:34):
feeling, and that's okay.
But it gives them, it opens thedoor for them to think, and it
opens the door for them to knowit's okay to tell mama what
exactly is going on with me,even if it takes me a second to
understand like what that is.
And it gives them a chance tolike regulate, right?
(13:58):
It's like a little light bulb.
It's the light bulb that nowthey can focus on instead of
outwardly feeling their feelingsor just feeling like, oh, this
is doom and gloom.
It's just the end of everything.
This is awful.
This is the worst time ever.
It gives them something else tofocus on so that they can
regulate themselves and start torespond to you and with you,
(14:22):
right?
And at that time, y'all both cantake a deep breath.
And if they are still not thereyet, then that's your moment,
mama, to say, I'm going to stepinto another room.
Would you like me to do that?
Or do you want me to stay withyou?
Right?
Give them the option.
But if you certainly still needto step out for that five,
please take it, mama.
(14:44):
Please.
There is no shame in lettingthem see that you are human just
like them.
And that just because you areolder doesn't mean that you no
longer have feelings.
It just means that maybe you'rea little bit better at
(15:05):
regulating them.
And sometimes that means takinga step out to get yourself
together first before you startresponding, before you can get
so worked up that you do startmatching their energy.
And then when you come back, youcan start to witness your
child's feelings instead oftrying to go into fix it mode.
(15:29):
Okay.
So, first one, start to try toname the feeling.
Start to help them try to namethe feeling.
Number two, you want to reflectafterward, right?
And this is like something thatyou guys can do together,
depending on like when thisevent happened.
At bedtime, it was like, okay,nope, we've regulated and now
(15:52):
it's time to get rest.
We can talk about it in themorning.
Or if you would like, we cantalk about it.
But you want to reflect alwayswith yourself after, because
that's where the magic is goingto happen for you as a parent
with that awareness.
Like, did I respond?
Did I show up in the way that Iwanted to?
(16:13):
Was there any where?
And this is not a judgmentmoment, right?
This is that self-awareness,right?
Were there any places where Icould have done something
differently or I could haveresponded in a different way?
When you feel like you didn'trespond in the way that you
wanted to.
(16:34):
Like I said, this is nojudgment.
You give yourself grace.
You give yourself grace becausethat is part of modeling
humanity too.
That's a part of saying, hey,baby, I didn't exactly show up
the way that I wanted to.
But you know what?
I noticed that, and I can changethat for next time.
Not only are you giving yourselfgrace, but you're also teaching
(16:58):
them that it's okay to makemistakes.
It's okay to be human.
It's okay to have thatself-awareness to understand
basically that, okay, I am stillgrowing, I am still learning,
right?
It opens up that door of mama ishuman too, right?
We're not superheroes, we're notrobots.
(17:20):
We are human too.
And so as we wrap up today, Iwant to remind you that you
don't need to be perfect.
Your kids don't need you to beperfect.
They just need you to bepresent.
And whatever it takes for you toget to that point, you do,
(17:42):
whether it's the deep breath,whether it's the five minutes of
walk away time, because you needsome time so that you don't
match their energy, because thatwould not be helpful, right?
But they need to know also thatthose big feelings, those
feelings that feel like they arebigger almost in them, that it's
(18:06):
not gonna scare you away.
That you're not gonna be like,whoa, that's too much.
You want to let them know thatit's safe to cry with you, to be
frustrated, to be annoyed, tohave a day that is hard, because
they will start to see and theywill see what safety looks like
(18:27):
in you, and they will know thatyou are a safe space.
And then on your side, you getto show up as the human that you
are.
How awesome is it to take thatpressure off because we still
get tired, we still feeloverwhelmed, we still need that
one minute or five minutes, westill need that moment to step
(18:50):
away, to take a deep breath, toallow ourselves to regulate
before we come back and respondto our kids.
That's how we ourselves learn,continue to learn emotional
safety.
And that's how we show them howto create emotional safety.
So this week, I want you topractice those two things,
(19:12):
right?
I want you to name what's truefor you in that moment and what
you're naming.
Try to help them name it,especially those with younger
kids.
They sometimes they're stilllearning what those emotions
are, right?
Help them understand what theyare.
In our house, we have there's aposter.
There is a poster that shows theemotions.
(19:35):
And when they're in school, theystart to talk about these things
too.
But help them start to figureout, okay, how are we actually
feeling?
Which one of these matches likewhere you're at right now,
right?
Because we want to name whatthat is so we can start to work
through it.
And number two, I want you totake a deep breath before you
(19:58):
react.
Regulate yourself before youreact.
And then reflect after youreact.
Take that moment forself-learnings and let that that
pause and that moment, let thatbecome your superpower.
Right?
Let that become the thing thatmaybe your kids don't have just
(20:20):
yet, but they're gonna watch youand they're gonna start to pick
up those traits and thosequalities.
Because when you are choosing tobe the calm instead of matching
that energy, instead of matchingthe chaos that is a toddler
tantrum, you're teaching yourkid that love is holding space
(20:41):
for feelings, or love can holdspace for feelings without
losing itself, right?
You can be that safe spacewithout saying, I am going to
also go off the rails with you.
I want to remind you that you'redoing a beautiful job, right?
Thank you always, y'all.
(21:01):
Thank you for just letting mecome on here and share this
space with you, share mythoughts with you as my own
journey through motherhood.
And as always, I'm sending youlove, I'm sending you light, I'm
sending you grace for everysingle moment, both in the calm
and when the storm hits.
(21:25):
Thank you so much for listening,love.
If anything in today's episoderesonated with you, share it
with your bestie or share it onsocial media and tag me so we
can chat about it.
As always, sending you light andlove.
And remember, you are worthy,you are enough, and you deserve
to thrive.
You have to allow your kids to see you processing
those big feelings just as theyare trying their best to figure
out how to process those bigfeelings.
So when we even if we are havingbig feelings, when we are able
to re ground ourselves and allowour kids to see that, they start
to learn, okay, there's safetyin this person.
(00:24):
I can trust this person.
When we allow them themselves tofeel, they start to learn that
I'm not too much.
I am enough just as I am.
Right?
Hey Love, I'm Ebony and welcometo Thrive Like a Mother.
On this podcast, we're scaredfor our truth, but that fear is
(00:46):
what fuels us to truly live init.
You're in the right place if youfeel like you're stuck in
survival mode and you're readyto step into who you were truly
meant to be.
I'll share resources and tools Iuse daily to help you in your
journey with a healthier mindsetand to break the wheel of
survival.
(01:07):
The journey may not be easy, butyou won't have to face it alone.
I'm a mama of three healing dayby day from past trauma, and I'm
on a mission to build a lifeI've always dreamed of, but
never thought was possible.
So love, if you're ready tobelieve in what's possible,
let's link arms and thrivetogether.
(01:41):
Today I want to talk aboutsomething that has truly been on
my heart for a while.
And it's about the way that wehold space for our kids when the
emotions are running high.
I mean, let's let's get real.
If you are a mom listening tothis, you know exactly what I
meet, especially if you are nowto be fair, I have younger kids,
(02:04):
right?
So I haven't hit the preteen orteenage years, but let's be
real, the toddler emotions andkid emotions, they are big
sometimes.
Like so big.
And the meltdowns, those bigfeelings, those things that they
can't yet fully process, um,kind of in a way without feeling
(02:29):
like, oh my gosh, it is likethis is the worst possible
feeling ever.
Sometimes it feels like they canhold on to things and be like,
this is just the way things are,and this is horrible.
It's those long days, long dayswhere you are working on getting
them to bed and then they end intears or the start of days where
(02:52):
we start off with big tears inthe morning.
And sometimes it's just theirs,and other times we may be
joining in, right?
Um, so recently there's kind ofbeen a shift.
Let me let me give you a littlebackground first, right?
I'm a mom of three.
I had a seven-year-old, afour-year-old, and um, I'm gonna
(03:13):
say he's he's a little over oneand a half.
He's turning two in February,right?
But there has been a shift inhow I recently have been finding
myself reacting to when thosemoments happened, especially now
being a mom for 70 years.
Wow.
Wild, wild.
But it was maybe a few monthsback, right?
(03:36):
Jeed our four-year-old.
She's coming out from kind ofthe toddler zone and coming into
her kid era.
She had a full meltdown.
And y'all, my kids havemeltdowns all the time.
Know that, you know, socialmedia can be that highlight
reel, right?
I'm not on there like posting mykids' meltdowns.
(03:58):
Every once in a while, I mightcome on my stories and share
with y'all, hey, like this iswhat's going on.
Me too, right?
Like, you're not the only onedealing with the meltdowns.
But y'all, she was exhausted.
She was exhausted.
And honestly, I was too.
It had been a long, long day.
Every part of me wanted to justwake her up and cry with her
(04:22):
too.
I realized that what good wouldthat do in that moment if we
were both falling apart fromexhaustion?
And I knew that that's what itwas.
I knew that, you know, thiswasn't necessarily something
that, you know, an emotion thatI had to help her process in
that way through talking,because it was mostly like,
(04:45):
we're just tired.
We're exhausted, right?
And so instead of melting downwith her, which sometimes as a
mom you feel like you want todo, I said I took it to a deep
breath, a deep breath.
I did my best to stay grounded.
(05:06):
And I let her cry.
I let her cry and I let her feeleverything she needed to feel in
that moment.
And because I was able to dothat, I was able to become her
safe place.
And I had just enough, justenough left in me to let her
land, to let her be calm whenshe like couldn't find that in
(05:29):
her own in that moment.
And I'm not gonna, I'm notsaying that that's gonna happen
every time, right?
We are human, right?
Mamas still remember that yes,our kids see us as superheroes,
but we are still human.
But there are moments where youcan take that deep breath,
right?
So that's what I want I want totalk about really today, is
really just both the beauty andthe challenge of holding space
(05:52):
for our kids' feelings whilestill honoring who we are too as
people, as humans.
Before you were a mom, you're awoman.
Before you were that, you were ayoung woman.
And before that, you were just alittle girl too, right?
And both can be true.
(06:12):
Right?
We can know that there is beautyin a holding space, and there is
challenge in a holding space.
And both of those deserve youcoming at it from a lens of
compassion.
Okay, so let's talk about how Iused to respond when my kids
were upset or emotional,especially as a new mama of just
(06:36):
one.
When Olivia used to start tohave a meltdown, I used to like
jump quickly into action, try mybest to fix it.
What's wrong?
What's happening?
Sometimes even trying to matchthe energy, be like, oh, are you
gonna come at me?
I'm gonna come at you with thesame energy.
And my goodness did I, thankgoodness I learned from that.
(06:58):
But sometimes there was alsothat part, right?
That was like, okay, maybethey're big emotions, maybe I'm
doing something wrong, right?
Maybe this is a reflection onwhat I've been doing or how I've
been showing up as a parent.
We've all been there, right?
We're human.
And this work as a mother andmotherhood, it's not about
(07:18):
perfection, but it is aboutstarting to become self-aware of
when those moments happen andwhen you can start to possibly
shift them, right?
And so what changed for me, likeI talked about in this in the
beginning, right?
Watching her meltdown.
As much as I wanted to melt downtoo, as much as I wanted to fall
(07:41):
out and cry too, because girl,I'm exhausted too.
I started to slow down, take amoment and slow down, recognize
that both of us are maybefeeling exhausted.
Maybe both of us had a roughday.
But instead, choosing to be thatgrounding space, instead of just
(08:04):
starting to create my own storm,because in that moment, when you
think about it, it's not whatour kids need.
And I'm not saying it's gonna beperfect every time, but if you
are able to slow down and havethat self-awareness in that
moment, you can start to shiftthe way that that interaction is
(08:25):
gonna go.
And so you're gonna start tofirst of all take a deep breath.
Because even if you need to stepaway for five minutes, mama, go
out in the closet, go out in aroom somewhere, say, I just need
to take five, take that momentfor yourself, right?
They'll be fine, right?
They'll be fine if they'recrying and things like that.
(08:46):
They will be fine for fiveminutes for you to take a second
to reset.
And when you come back, go backand have the calm tone.
I mean, that's the opposite ofwhat they're giving you, right?
We're not matching energy here.
No, you're not matching energybecause that is just a recipe
for disaster.
But we are being open with ourbody language and saying, hey,
(09:10):
I'm here.
I'm here and available for you,right?
When you're ready.
And just being that gentlepresence that when they realize,
okay, all is not ending, this isnot, you know, the worst thing
that's ever happened.
Like I'm gonna be okay.
They'll be ready to come to you.
(09:31):
So in that moment, you know,taking a second and realizing
it, even though I was exhaustedtoo, that I was able to hold
space.
And it doesn't mean that I haveto have any answers, right?
I don't know what she's feelingcompletely in her body.
Yes, as a mom, I can gauge, likeyou're tired, right?
But maybe she had been goingthrough something else earlier
(09:52):
in the day that she hadn't toldme yet.
Sometimes that happens with myoldest, right?
I do my best as a mom to checkin with them and say, how was
your day?
You know, what was your favoritepart?
What was the worst part?
I do all those things, butsometimes all the things don't
come up.
And sometimes they forget too.
And so you don't have to haveall the answers.
(10:14):
You just have to hold space andbe open.
You just have to give them asafe place to feel their
emotions, right?
Know that you're not gonna judgethem.
You're not going to try to getthem to stop.
Of course, keep them safe,right?
I always tell my kids, like,hey, my number one priority is
(10:36):
definitely to keep you safe.
And so I'm gonna make sure thatyou can safely feel whatever
you're feeling right now.
And when you're ready, like I'mhere, right?
But why does this matter, right?
Why does it matter for them?
Why does it matter for us?
It's because I learned that ourkids start to learn emotional
(11:00):
regulation when they're watchingours, right?
And that doesn't mean that wehave to be perfect all the time,
but you have to allow your kidsto see you processing those big
feelings just as they are tryingtheir best to figure out how to
process those big feelings.
(11:21):
So when we, even if we arehaving big feelings, when we are
able to reground ourselves andallow our kids to see that, they
start to learn, okay, there'ssafety in this person.
I can trust this person.
When we allow them themselves tofeel, they start to learn that
(11:43):
I'm not too much.
I am enough just as I am, right?
You're allowing them to also seethat my mom still has limits.
My mom also gets tired, and I'mwatching her honor that she's
human and she can still be asafe space for me and for
(12:08):
herself to feel her feelings,and for me to feel my feelings
and know that she's not gonnatell me, you know, I'm being too
much or I need to stop.
She is that place where I can'tprocess, and so I want to offer
you two ways to start topractice this this balance,
(12:31):
right?
It's not about being perfect,it's not about putting on a mask
and saying mama is always thisgrounded perfect person.
That's not it.
But you want to start first one,name it for yourself, name that
feeling for yourself.
(12:52):
For me, in that moment, it wassaying I'm tired and she's
tired, and verbalizing that tothem too.
My gosh, you're so tired.
Me too.
And when you like pause to givea name to what's happening, not
only does it start to give yournervous system a cue to slow
(13:14):
down, it starts to give them acue to understand what's
happening with their body,right?
Or it gives them a clue to startthinking about what's happening,
why they're reacting in thisway.
Because sometimes we may not wemay not be right.
What we say, maybe they'refeeling, may not be what they're
(13:34):
feeling, and that's okay.
But it gives them, it opens thedoor for them to think, and it
opens the door for them to knowit's okay to tell mama what
exactly is going on with me,even if it takes me a second to
understand like what that is.
And it gives them a chance tolike regulate, right?
(13:58):
It's like a little light bulb.
It's the light bulb that nowthey can focus on instead of
outwardly feeling their feelingsor just feeling like, oh, this
is doom and gloom.
It's just the end of everything.
This is awful.
This is the worst time ever.
It gives them something else tofocus on so that they can
regulate themselves and start torespond to you and with you,
(14:22):
right?
And at that time, y'all both cantake a deep breath.
And if they are still not thereyet, then that's your moment,
mama, to say, I'm going to stepinto another room.
Would you like me to do that?
Or do you want me to stay withyou?
Right?
Give them the option.
But if you certainly still needto step out for that five,
please take it, mama.
(14:44):
Please.
There is no shame in lettingthem see that you are human just
like them.
And that just because you areolder doesn't mean that you no
longer have feelings.
It just means that maybe you'rea little bit better at
(15:05):
regulating them.
And sometimes that means takinga step out to get yourself
together first before you startresponding, before you can get
so worked up that you do startmatching their energy.
And then when you come back, youcan start to witness your
child's feelings instead oftrying to go into fix it mode.
(15:29):
Okay.
So, first one, start to try toname the feeling.
Start to help them try to namethe feeling.
Number two, you want to reflectafterward, right?
And this is like something thatyou guys can do together,
depending on like when thisevent happened.
At bedtime, it was like, okay,nope, we've regulated and now
(15:52):
it's time to get rest.
We can talk about it in themorning.
Or if you would like, we cantalk about it.
But you want to reflect alwayswith yourself after, because
that's where the magic is goingto happen for you as a parent
with that awareness.
Like, did I respond?
Did I show up in the way that Iwanted to?
(16:13):
Was there any where?
And this is not a judgmentmoment, right?
This is that self-awareness,right?
Were there any places where Icould have done something
differently or I could haveresponded in a different way?
When you feel like you didn'trespond in the way that you
wanted to.
(16:34):
Like I said, this is nojudgment.
You give yourself grace.
You give yourself grace becausethat is part of modeling
humanity too.
That's a part of saying, hey,baby, I didn't exactly show up
the way that I wanted to.
But you know what?
I noticed that, and I can changethat for next time.
Not only are you giving yourselfgrace, but you're also teaching
(16:58):
them that it's okay to makemistakes.
It's okay to be human.
It's okay to have thatself-awareness to understand
basically that, okay, I am stillgrowing, I am still learning,
right?
It opens up that door of mama ishuman too, right?
We're not superheroes, we're notrobots.
(17:20):
We are human too.
And so as we wrap up today, Iwant to remind you that you
don't need to be perfect.
Your kids don't need you to beperfect.
They just need you to bepresent.
And whatever it takes for you toget to that point, you do,
(17:42):
whether it's the deep breath,whether it's the five minutes of
walk away time, because you needsome time so that you don't
match their energy, because thatwould not be helpful, right?
But they need to know also thatthose big feelings, those
feelings that feel like they arebigger almost in them, that it's
(18:06):
not gonna scare you away.
That you're not gonna be like,whoa, that's too much.
You want to let them know thatit's safe to cry with you, to be
frustrated, to be annoyed, tohave a day that is hard, because
they will start to see and theywill see what safety looks like
(18:27):
in you, and they will know thatyou are a safe space.
And then on your side, you getto show up as the human that you
are.
How awesome is it to take thatpressure off because we still
get tired, we still feeloverwhelmed, we still need that
one minute or five minutes, westill need that moment to step
(18:50):
away, to take a deep breath, toallow ourselves to regulate
before we come back and respondto our kids.
That's how we ourselves learn,continue to learn emotional
safety.
And that's how we show them howto create emotional safety.
So this week, I want you topractice those two things,
(19:12):
right?
I want you to name what's truefor you in that moment and what
you're naming.
Try to help them name it,especially those with younger
kids.
They sometimes they're stilllearning what those emotions
are, right?
Help them understand what theyare.
In our house, we have there's aposter.
There is a poster that shows theemotions.
(19:35):
And when they're in school, theystart to talk about these things
too.
But help them start to figureout, okay, how are we actually
feeling?
Which one of these matches likewhere you're at right now,
right?
Because we want to name whatthat is so we can start to work
through it.
And number two, I want you totake a deep breath before you
(19:58):
react.
Regulate yourself before youreact.
And then reflect after youreact.
Take that moment forself-learnings and let that that
pause and that moment, let thatbecome your superpower.
Right?
Let that become the thing thatmaybe your kids don't have just
(20:20):
yet, but they're gonna watch youand they're gonna start to pick
up those traits and thosequalities.
Because when you are choosing tobe the calm instead of matching
that energy, instead of matchingthe chaos that is a toddler
tantrum, you're teaching yourkid that love is holding space
(20:41):
for feelings, or love can holdspace for feelings without
losing itself, right?
You can be that safe spacewithout saying, I am going to
also go off the rails with you.
I want to remind you that you'redoing a beautiful job, right?
Thank you always, y'all.
(21:01):
Thank you for just letting mecome on here and share this
space with you, share mythoughts with you as my own
journey through motherhood.
And as always, I'm sending youlove, I'm sending you light, I'm
sending you grace for everysingle moment, both in the calm
and when the storm hits.
(21:25):
Thank you so much for listening,love.
If anything in today's episoderesonated with you, share it
with your bestie or share it onsocial media and tag me so we
can chat about it.
As always, sending you light andlove.
And remember, you are worthy,you are enough, and you deserve
to thrive.
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