Grace in the Messy Middle with Tahis Blue

What if the bravest thing you do today is tell the truth about how you’re really doing?

 

This conversation with Tahis Blue traces a powerful arc from survival mode to self-trust, guided by breathwork, community, and the unglamorous courage to keep going when life feels stacked against you. We sit with processing ambiguous grief after COVID, the shock of becoming a parent under lockdown, and the lingering loops of fear that won’t let go. Then we map steady ways forward that actually hold up in real life.

 

Tai shares her midlife reclamation with radical clarity: the tools that helped her reintegrate into the world, the moments her children became mirrors for unfinished wounds, and the practices that rewired her nervous system to feel safe again.

 

Breathwork for Tai has become more than a technique; it’s become a homecoming for the body and a daily reset for an overstimulated mind. We talk about learning to ask for help when family support shifts, and how fitness serves as a low-friction training ground for resilience. Some days you lift heavy, some days you sit on the bench and breathe, and both count.

 

This is a story about rebuilding without an audience. It’s honest conversations with people who “get it,” choosing safe listeners who don’t shrink your truth, and letting community remind you that you belong here as you are. It’s parenting with open eyes, modeling repair over perfection, and trusting that the answers you seek are already in your heart.

 

If you’re tired, if you’re tender, if you’ve come too far to quit now, this episode offers tools you can use today and a voice that says keep going.

 

Connect with Tai on Instagram @buildwithtai for resources and to be the first to hear when her breathwork community, Breath Lab, opens.

Thank you so much for listening in! If this episode spoke to you, it would mean the world to me if you left a review or shared it with a friend. And don’t forget to tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me spread the word.

Follow and chat with me on Instagram:

Podcast account - @thrivelikeamother.podcast

Personal account - @thrive.empowered

Sending you light and love always!

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
A lot of the things that I have rediscovered about
myself are actually or evenbecome aware of myself are
actually painful things that Imaybe just suppressed and didn't
pay much attention to.
I think when you live a busylife, especially when you have
one, two, three, multiplechildren, you don't really have
time to, you don't really havetime to sit and think and feel

(00:23):
and process and do all thethings.
I think there are a lot of waysthat I have shown up in my life,
um, my relationship, my marriageeven, that weren't the most
empowered version of me, thatweren't the most worthy version
of me.

SPEAKER_00 (00:40):
Hey love, I'm Abony and welcome to Thrive Like a
Mother.
On this podcast, we're scaredfor our truth, but that fear is
what feebles us to truly live.
You're in the right place if youfeel like you're stuck in
survival mode and you're readyto step into who you would truly
meant to be.

(01:01):
I'll share resources and tools Iuse daily to help you in your
journey with a healthier mindsetand to break the wheel of
survival.
The journey may not be easy, butyou won't have to face it alone.
I'm a mama of three healing dayby day from past trauma, and I'm
on a mission to build a lifeI've always dreamed of, but

(01:22):
never thought was possible.
So love, if you're ready tobelieve in what's possible,
let's ling arms and thrivetogether.
Welcome to the Thrive Like aMother podcast.
So I want to start off straightfrom the get-go.

(01:45):
When I ask you about yourcurrent season of life, you said
you've come too far to quit now.
Let's let's talk, let's jumpstraight into it and talk about
what that means for you.

SPEAKER_01 (01:56):
Yes.
Okay.
Well, first, thank you for eveninviting me to be on your pod
your podcast.
That means a lot to me.
This season, I know you know,you hear about eras that women
go on, self-love era and all thethings.
And I'm I really don't have atheme for it other than it, it

(02:16):
it is hard, but it has beenharder.
And I know that if I could havegotten through the past five
years, I can get through thenext six months or the next
year.
Um, so I think COVID is a thingthat maybe we have talked about
too much a lot, but honestly, Idon't know if my life has ever

(02:40):
been the same since COVID.
No.
Anybody anybody's has, if we'rehonest, right?
So I had my baby, my daughterwho is now five.
I still call her my baby.

SPEAKER_00 (02:52):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (02:53):
Um, two weeks after we went, we shut down here in
Maryland.
And I still ask myself why Godthought I was the best choice to
be a mom of three and to becomea mom of three under such harsh
conditions.

SPEAKER_00 (03:10):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So goodness.
Okay.
So let's talk through some moreof that because I know, like you
said, COVID changed us all.
Like it changed us as parents.
It changed our kids, the waythey're growing up in the world
now.
How did you coming coming out ofthat experience, how did you

(03:32):
navigate that change, knowingthat okay, nothing is ever gonna
be the same after thisexperience?
Especially previously alreadyhaving two kids, right?
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (03:45):
Such a good question because I think in my mind,
COVID as a an era or a time waslonger than it actually was in
my mind.
So I got stuck in a loop ofthoughts.

(04:05):
Yeah.
Outside of the what I will callthe traumatic experience of all
things COVID, right?
Um, and I think the best thing Icould have done for myself
during it was to keep showing upas little or as much as I could
for myself.
So through exercise, throughjournaling, through, you know,

(04:28):
profession professionaldevelopment, things like that,
because that was something thatI had to hold on to throughout.
But then also something that Ihad to kind of re-ground me when
I realized I have to change mythinking around what life can be
now, because we're not in thatspace anymore, if that makes any
sense.

(04:48):
Um I had I had a hard time evenreintegrating with the world and
a little what I would almostcall PTSD, where like if the
kids cough, I'm like, no, no,no, they can't go to school,
they'll infect the whole school.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like there's just little subtleways where it still shows up in
my life five years later.
But I definitely would say thebiggest thing for me to kind of

(05:12):
come out of it was justself-awareness, just being aware
of what I was thinking and whatI was feeling, and if it was
moving me forward or keeping mestuck.
Yeah.
And then realizing that it waskind of keeping me stuck,
figuring out how to get out ofthat mental space.
Yes.

SPEAKER_00 (05:28):
I almost feel like, especially for coming out of
that time period, it felt likealmost like a rebirth for all of
us because we had to learn, likeyou said, like how to now just
be in this new space, in thisnew world that, you know, is
forever changed.

SPEAKER_01 (05:45):
For sure.
And I think it was a grievingtoo, like a yes.
And grieving of what life wasbefore, who you were before, who
your family was before, andunderstanding that that is it's
okay that you are in a grief.
It feels weird.
It's like this ambiguous grief.
It feels very strange, butallowing it to be okay that you
do have that grief.

SPEAKER_00 (06:07):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (06:08):
For that.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (06:09):
Absolutely.
All right.
So for y'all listening in whoare meeting Ty for the very
first time, y'all, she's an armyveteran turned personal trainer,
group fitness instructor, andy'all, double, double certified
breath work coach.
And we're gonna get into that alittle bit later about your
breath work.
But she's also now, y'all, she'straining to become a Pilates

(06:31):
instructor.
As you've heard, she's a mama ofthree, and she's also host of
the podcast Build with Ty.
And I think really what I lovemost about Thai story is how
she's taken just every chapterthat has been painful in her
life, and she's turned it aroundto not only help herself
rebuild, but also help otherwomen learn how they can rebuild

(06:53):
mind, body, and soul.
Um, and so you've walkedthrough, you walked through so
many transitions, right?
Motherhood, grief, emotionalhealing, even some of what
you've shared with me, like yousaid, within the past five
years.
What did rebuilding look likefor you just in real time?

SPEAKER_01 (07:10):
Hmm.
Well, I think if I'm honest, I'mstill in kind of a rebuilding
phase.
I call this my midlifereclamation.
But I think some of the veryimportant tools in this
particular season of rebuildingum are the breath work.

SPEAKER_00 (07:30):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (07:31):
For me, breath work has really opened me up to
myself and helped me understandwhat's true for me and bridge
the gap between what I'mthinking, what I'm feeling, and
understand how those two thingsare interrelated and connected.

SPEAKER_00 (07:46):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (07:47):
So that piece having real, honest, and sometimes
extremely challengingconversations with the people in
my life who have a major impacton my life and my day-to-day
existence.
Um, but then also being incommunity with people who are
doing similar work and want todo the similar things and and

(08:11):
have similar transformations.
So I would say those those threethings.
Being being able to access myauthentic self through just
being still in breath work andthen sharing that outwardly, and
then finding people who get it.
Finding being with people and incommunity with people who I
would say get it.
Get it is just the easiest wayto say what I don't know how to

(08:32):
say.

SPEAKER_00 (08:33):
That makes no, it makes sense a hundred percent to
me.
I feel like I say that all thetime.
Like even with you have to findyour circle that just
understands.
For sure.
Because not everybody is goingto, right?
And like that's that's okay.
But if you have your circle, youcan feel supported.
For sure.
Yeah.
So, y'all, one of my favoriteparts about Ties Platform, she's

(08:55):
always reminded me to breathe.
Y'all, it's it's so simple,right?
It feels like even my meditationthis morning, it was like, you
know, that one thing that justyour body does automatically.
But if you take a moment to dothat with intention, right?
There's there's just there'smagic, there's a shift that
happens within yourself to justreset everything.

(09:17):
So I want to I want to talkabout you've shared like three
just powerful tools with ourlisteners already.
Are there any parts of yourselfthrough doing those those tools
and those activities that youhave been able to rediscover new
parts of yourself lately?

SPEAKER_01 (09:36):
Hmm.
So interesting because listeningto you say that even that I am
an army veteran, even though Iknow I'm an army veteran,
veteran, hearing someone elsesay it is like, wow, you did,
you you did do that.
Yes.
You know, and then rememberingall the things that came along
with making that choice.

(09:58):
Well, if I'm honest, a lot ofthe things that I have
rediscovered about myself areactually, or even become aware
of myself, are actually painfulthings that I maybe just
suppressed and didn't pay muchattention to.
I think when you live a busylife, especially when you have
one, two, three, multiplechildren, you don't really have

(10:18):
time to, you don't really havetime to sit and think and feel
and process and and do all thethings.
So I think there are a lot ofways that I have shown up in my
life, um, my relationship, mymarriage, even, that weren't the
most empowered version of me,that weren't the most worthy

(10:39):
version of me.
So yeah, I think honestly, thebiggest revelations I've had
were the ways that I wasn'tfulfilling my greatest
potential.
I even joined the army because,not because I was this brave
person and I wanted to fightthese battles, but honestly
because I was kind of tired ofquitting on myself.

(11:02):
Yeah.
You know, in college, I leftbecause the money was a little
bit, money was a little funnyand I went to work.
And I don't know, I was justkind of tired of that struggle
between where to spend the.
I was just tired of quitting onmyself and tired of being
unclear.
And I was like, you know what?
Joining the army is a bravechoice that will get my bills

(11:22):
paid and and help me figure outa path forward.
So just the biggest thing wasjust understanding why I've made
the moves that I've made.
Deep, deep understanding of whyI've done the things that I've
done.
And then kind of forgive myselffor maybe not meeting my fullest
potential, but also being verycompassionate and honoring the

(11:48):
version of myself who was justdoing the best I could with what
I knew.
Yeah.
And surviving at that time.
So I think now this reclamationis like, okay, now you know
these things.
What are what are we going to donow?
What are we doing next?

SPEAKER_00 (12:02):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (12:03):
Yeah.
Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 (12:04):
Yeah.
Exactly.
Do you remember?
Because it sounds to me like youyou had a moment um where you
had the realization that you hadeither lost your voice or lost
yourself in just being anddoing.
Do you remember what that momentwas?
And then like what helped you belike, okay, no, we're we're

(12:25):
moving differently.
That's so good.

SPEAKER_01 (12:27):
I don't know if I could say I had a moment, but I
will tell you, my teenager, somy oldest daughter is 15.
When she was in middle school,so she's 10th grade now, so I
would say seventh, eighth grade,she was having a really, really
hard time with everything.
Yeah her friends, her grades,her hair, everything.

(12:53):
And I think I realized, hmm,this is about the time when I
started to have these messagesas well, right?
And our lives look verydifferent.
You know, my parents weredivorced.
I have, you know, a little bitof trauma with that.
And so her life is a lotdifferent, but the things that
we experience in our seasons oflife and and human development

(13:14):
are very similar.
And I think seeing her believesome of the messaging that I
would say, like, that's a lie.
Make sure you tell yourself thatthat's not true.
I know that's what you'rethinking, but tell yourself that
that is not true.
Like, start having those typesof conversations.
I think that woke me up to theneed for me to heal the wounds

(13:36):
from 30, 25, 30 years ago.
I don't want to show up for mykids as the same wounded thir
13-year-old.
And the fact that I canviscerally remember things the
way that she's going throughthem in the same ways.
I'm like, yeah, it's time, it'stime.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it's like that.

(13:56):
Oh, that's still there.
Yeah.
You didn't know it was stillthere, but it is.
The healing, the healing journeythat I've been on, I've been
very, you know, and not not allthe parts, and I and I'm very um
appropriate with how I share andand her level of under
understanding, but I share itwith her as I'm growing through
it.

(14:16):
And it has been so powerful forher as she navigates her
friendships and relationshipsand her identity and her
relationship with herself.
And I'm just so it just makes meso thankful that that I had that
awakening.
So I don't like I said, I don'tthink it was a moment, but I
think over time just observingwhat was going on with my with

(14:37):
my family.
Yes.

SPEAKER_00 (14:39):
I love that.
Especially especially our kids.
There's that that quote of thatum, you know, kids, especially
if you're a woman and you havegirls.
It's like they they hold up amirror to you and you're like,
oh, there's some things I havenot dealt with that I probably
should, you know, at this pointin my life.

(14:59):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (15:00):
That was it.
So it's definitely um my oldestfor that.
And then my my youngest is mypatience.
Like she triggers every everytrigger.
That five-year-old is like ping,ping, ping, ping, ping.
So she definitely helps meunderstand.
She has been the the catalyst inme understanding my nervous

(15:23):
system better and how I respondto overstimulation and you know,
how I respond to perceivedthreat and things like that.
So the bookend girls havedefinitely fueled um my journey
for sure.
Oh.

SPEAKER_00 (15:39):
Goodness.
Okay, Ty, what would you tellthe woman who's listening right
now and she's in a season whereshe feels like she's stuck, or
she's in that season wherethings are just like
compounding.
It's like, okay, what am I gonnahave to deal with next?
What would you tell that woman?

SPEAKER_01 (15:58):
Hmm.
The first thing I'm going to sayis give yourself grace.
And it's so funny that five isthe biblical number of grace.
Five has been a huge number forme over the past five years.
So it's very funny to me thatgrace is now coming up in this
conversation five years into myum what I'm going to call my
healing journey, but have gracefor yourself and take take time

(16:24):
to really be still with yourselfso you can understand what
you're feeling and what is realand what is not.
I think a lot of times when weget stuck, it's because we have
so many different messagescoming from so many different
places.
We can't even really truly hearourselves.

(16:44):
And we don't even really trulyknow what is real and what's not
real and what matters and whatdoesn't matter.
So I think the biggest thing isjust being willing to be honest
with yourself about what youwant, you know, about what you
don't want, about what hurts,about what feels good.
I think being honest withourselves can sometimes be the

(17:04):
hardest.

SPEAKER_00 (17:05):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (17:06):
But then once you're once you feel like you're truly
getting honest and things arereally coming through for you in
that authentic way, share itwith somebody.
Share it with someone you trustso that they can help you help
kind of sometimes we it's trickybecause sometimes you think
something is real, but if youshare it with the wrong person,

(17:27):
they will shut you down.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no.
Put that away.
Don't let's not, right?
And so I think you really needto talk to somebody who you know
who you know you can trust thatreally has your best interest in
mind for their own, right?
They don't they don't see yourtruth as a threat to themselves.

(17:49):
Yeah, I think that's reallyimportant.
Yeah, that's powerful.
Yeah, people will keep you stuckif you're sure.

SPEAKER_00 (17:56):
That's true.
That's true.
Yeah.
Goodness.
Okay, so what is what is onerecent hard thing that you face
that you feel like stretchedyour capacity, but also helped
you just kind of grow in turn?

SPEAKER_01 (18:15):
I'm gonna share this with and I think that I am over
the hump of it where it's not umas much of an emotional trigger.
But my mother moved away um in2023.
When April, May we'll be on,we'll be at three years.

(18:36):
So 2023, she packed up all herstuff, sold some of her stuff,
gave me her house plants, andmoved clear across the country.
Wow.
And it was devastating for me.
So many things came up, so manyold wounds, and I never really
realized that that was a wholeother area of grief that I had

(18:57):
to deal with.
But I also had guilt dealingwith that grief.
Um, but I think it grew me insuch a way that I realized even
without that help and thatsupport, I'm still able to make
things happen.
Yes.
I just can't do it the wayhonestly, with her not being

(19:18):
here, I realized I don't have todo it the way she wants me to,
because start coming our own wayand coming in and saying, Oh, is
this how you've designed yourhouse?
Or is this how this isn't clean,or you know what I mean?
Some of the things that wereally are worried about our
mothers judging us about.
Yeah.

(19:39):
But it definitely opened my eyesto my own capacity.
You know, I don't have her tohelp me pick up the kids or do
certain things or or come overand keep the kids so that I can
go out and things like that.
So it opened me up to it openedme up to being able to ask for
help.

SPEAKER_00 (19:56):
Oh, that's a big one for me.
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (19:59):
Yeah.
Not having mama mom and beingable to call her when I needed
her to pick up my oldest fromher activities or come over to
the house so that I could go toa job, or my husband and I could
go out or whatever, reallyforced me to figure out other
ways to ask for help.
So that was a big one.
My mom also was never a big askof help.

(20:22):
So I kept myself stuck in thatstory.
Well, my mom didn't have to askfor help.
Why should I have to ask forhelp?
Then she left, and I think itwas it was a blessing in
disguise.
Yeah.
So I think in the biggest, inthe biggest way, it showed me
that it's okay to let peopleshow up for you when you need
it.
Yes.

SPEAKER_00 (20:41):
Yes.
But something I'm constantlyreminding myself is that I don't
have to be superwoman.
Do not have to be that, youknow, all of the times.
Sometimes, you know, we needhelp too.
We need it.
Okay.
So how time how do you rightnow, how do you personally
prepare to face challenges?
And I know that that can be atough question because sometimes

(21:02):
you don't know when thechallenge is coming, right?
But how do you, how do you stayready?
Maybe that's how do you stayready for things that are gonna
come up in our lives?

SPEAKER_01 (21:11):
Yeah, that's good.
I think the biggest I I use fitmy fitness journey as the lowest
hanging fruit to get throughchallenges.
And it's not just, you know, thelifting weights, picking up
heavy things and putting heavythings down.
It's really the schedulingaround it, the recovery around

(21:32):
it, your mindset around it.
You know, when I'm working outwith my kids at home, it's like
the being patient around it,being okay with it being 20
minutes rather than the 60minutes that I had planned.
So I think I think I stay readyfor hard things just by showing

(21:53):
up for hard things and themental capacity that I've built
around that.
That's the that's I don't knowany other other way than just
show showing up to work out.
I show up to work out andsometimes I'm super, super
strong, and sometimes I I'm hereand I'm just gonna sit on this
bench.

SPEAKER_00 (22:12):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (22:12):
And if something comes out, then fine.
And if it doesn't, at least Itry it, right?

SPEAKER_00 (22:18):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (22:19):
Yeah, I think it's just controlling what you can
control and like I like I say,about everything, listening to
yourself, listen to your bodyand figure out what feels good
in that moment.

SPEAKER_00 (22:32):
I love that.
I love that.
Well, I see you've built, you'vebeen able to build such a
beautiful community and justhave been involved in some
beautiful communities.
What is something that communityhas taught you about healing and
resilience?
Wow.

SPEAKER_01 (22:48):
The biggest thing community has taught me about
about healing is we all havesomething to offer.
We all have a voice that needsto be heard, all of us.
All of our stories, all of ourexperiences, all of our
tragedies, our triumphs.

(23:08):
We all have a story.
We can all inspire each other.
Um and I think I know that mysharing my story has inspired
and encouraged someone else toshare their theirs.
And I think community just kindof shows you that you're not
alone.
You are supported, and it allowsyou to see where other people

(23:31):
have found the courage and foundthe strength.
It allows you to be inspired andit allows you to find your voice
amongst amongst other people,right?
Yeah.
Especially as someone who so I Igrew up in Baltimore City, which
if you've ever seen The Wire,it's the city.

(23:52):
Yeah.
And I I moved, my mom moved usout to what we call the county
here, which is like 30 minutesaway.
And I everything was different.
I talked different, I dresseddifferent.
I never really felt like I fitin anywhere.
I didn't really know how Ishould talk or how I should be
as a human being.
And I think when that is how youkind of grow up, it sticks with

(24:15):
you for a long time.
And I think finding community isa place where you can finally
just relax and breathe and justbe yourself.

SPEAKER_00 (24:24):
Yes.
Yes.
You don't have to be like, oh,how should I show up in this
room at this certain time?
No, just just be you.
Just be you at all work out.
That's so good.

SPEAKER_01 (24:34):
Yeah, I think that's the biggest thing with community
is like settle in.
You you're welcome here.
You belong here.
You don't have to be you don'thave to wear a mask or or be
someone you don't hear.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (24:45):
Yes.
I love that.

unknown (24:47):
All right.

SPEAKER_00 (24:48):
Well, Ty, if you could leave the women that are
listening today with oneaffirmation or truth that is
guiding you right now, whatwould that be?

SPEAKER_01 (24:57):
Oh my gosh.
The biggest, the biggest truthis that everything, I want to
say this in the most profoundway, but it's gonna come out the
only way I know how to say it.
Everything that you want andneed is available to you.
Every question that you have canbe answered if you listen to

(25:21):
your heart.
And if you feel stuck, I promiseyou that your honesty is is in
your heart, and your honesty isthe best way to be free.

SPEAKER_00 (25:32):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (25:33):
So I don't know if that's an affirmation, but no,
I'm I'm holding on to that one.
Yeah.
I don't I don't know if it's anaffirmation, but I think we the
answers are with the answers arewithin us.

SPEAKER_00 (25:45):
Yes, and if they're already there.

SPEAKER_01 (25:47):
There is no other time, no better time than this
very time to get clear on thoseanswers.

SPEAKER_00 (25:54):
Yes.
And just trust.
I love that you through ourwhole conversation, just be
honest with yourself, y'all.
Just be honest.
Don't listen to he said, shesaid, they're saying, what do
you say?
What do you say?

SPEAKER_01 (26:08):
Yeah, even what your mama said 50 40 years ago.
Yeah, it was important, but itmaybe doesn't apply anymore.

SPEAKER_00 (26:16):
Yes, yes.
I love that.
Let's thank you for bringingyour full heart to this
conversation.
I think you have right remindedme and then just so many of us
listening that even the middle,the hard, the messy, we're still
becoming, we're still here.
Um, and like you said, I'm gonnasay it back.

(26:36):
You've come too far to quit now.
You've come too far to quit now.
That is a message.
I think every single mamalistening into this right now,
like we all need to hear it.
Um, so I want to share someways, share some ways that they
can stay connected with you onsocial media.

SPEAKER_01 (26:52):
Yes.
So I am on all my social mediaplatforms as BuildWith Build
with Tie.
Really just Instagram right now.
I don't use TikTok at allbecause you know how we can get
into that rabbit hole.
Soon, very soon, I will be lereleasing my breathwork
community.

(27:13):
It's going to be called theBreath Lab.
I'm super excited about it.
I hope to have it released bythe end of the year.
So I will keep you abreast ofthat on Instagram and social
media.
But anywhere that I am availableis going to be at Bill with Tie.

SPEAKER_00 (27:28):
Yes.
Thank you.
I can't wait to plug into thatbreathwork community.
I need.
All right, y'all.
Well, until next time, rememberyour growth takes grace and
you've already come so muchfurther than you think.
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (27:43):
Thank you, Ebony.
You're welcome.

SPEAKER_00 (27:47):
Thank you so much for listening, love.
If anything in today's episoderesonated with you, share it
with your bestie or share it onsocial media and tag me so we
can chat about it.
As always, sending you light andlove.
And remember, you are worthy,you are enough, and you deserve
to thrive.