November 4, 2025 • 23 mins
A birthday turns into a love letter to growth. Gerald, my husband, joins me on the mic for his 34th and ended up tracing our family story arc. From two restless freshmen in a class we couldn’t stand to a home full of tiny feet, takeout picnics, and an unexpected sense of calm.
Along the way we unpack the myth that a four-year degree is the only path to a good life. And why chasing titles left us more anxious than secure. The shift came when we started designing for resilience: skills over status, options over ego, and a family baseline we can always return to.
Parenting remade our definition of love. Gerald talks about learning patience and empathy as daily practices as a father. We get honest about dividing roles by strengths, protecting our children from adult stress, and using simple rituals to reconnect—dance breaks in the kitchen, a shared plate, a song that time-warps us back to the early days. Comfort became our north star, not as an excuse to coast, but as proof we built a safe landing when life throws us curveballs.
Gerald leaves us with a simple piece of relationship advice: step outside your ego to find a path forward together. If you’re craving practical, tender takeaways on partnership, parenting, career choices, and creating a steady home, this episode is for you.
If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a reminder that love can adapt, and leave a quick review so more parents and partners can find the show.
Thank you so much for listening in! If this episode spoke to you, it would mean the world to me if you left a review or shared it with a friend. And don’t forget to tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me spread the word.
Follow and chat with me on Instagram:
Podcast account - @thrivelikeamother.podcast
Personal account - @thrive.empowered
Sending you light and love always!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
Hey look, I'm Ebony and welcome to Thrive Like a
(00:03):
Mother.
On this podcast, we're scaredfor our truth, but that fear is
what leads us too.
You're in the right place if youfeel like you're stuck in
survival mode and you're readyto step into food methods.
I'll share resources and tools Iuse daily to help you in your
(00:25):
journey with helping yourmindset and to break the wheel
of survival.
The journey may not be easy, butyou won't have to face it alone.
I'm a mama of three healing dayby day from past trauma, and I'm
on a mission to build a lifeI've always dreamed of, but
never thought was possible.
So love, if you're ready tobelieve in what's possible,
(00:48):
let's link arms and thrivetogether.
Okay, uh hey, welcome to anotherepisode of the Thrive Like a
Mother podcast.
And y'all, today's extra, extraspecial because it's not gonna
be just another conversation.
(01:09):
This is a celebration, y'all.
Uh, my husband, Gerald, he isturning 34.
And we're not just celebratinghis birthday this year, but we
are also gonna be talking about15 years together, y'all.
15 years.
That's a whole, that's a wholeperson, right?
From being just college kids,really trying to figure life out
(01:31):
to building a home, a family,lots of memories in between.
And so I thought it would be funto bring him on the show for the
first time and really justreflect on everything we've
learned about love, growth,parenting, partnership.
So, welcome to the podcast.
Hello.
(01:51):
Okay, okay.
I don't want to get too deep toofast because 15 years, y'all.
That that's a long time.
But let's start here.
How does it feel to be turning34 years old?
SPEAKER_00 (02:01):
Uh, it's a bit surreal.
Um, I feel like after you pass acertain age, it's just another
year.
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think after I hit 30,everything else feels like I hit
30 of the year.
SPEAKER_02 (02:16):
Yeah, it does kind of feel like that.
When you think about the past 15years, what's what memory that
comes in mind first for you?
SPEAKER_00 (02:28):
Um, let's see.
From the 15 last 15 years, Ithink Libby being born was
probably the biggest one.
Uh that's our first uh oldestdaughter.
unknown (02:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (02:39):
Um and yeah, I think that was the the biggest if if
the first thing that comes tomind, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (02:47):
Yeah.
If you could go back to littlecollege, Ebony and Gerald,
right?
Little little people, whatadvice would you give to us?
SPEAKER_00 (02:59):
I would say to practice, not practice, but to
be more mindful of financialsand know that school life isn't
the only thing that makes acareer.
SPEAKER_02 (03:15):
That's a good one.
Let's dig deeper into that one.
Um, because me and a friend,even just last night, we were
having a conversation aboutgetting college degrees and how
sometimes we put so much into,you know, you get your college
degrees.
I mean, that's how we grew up,right?
(03:35):
You go to a high school andyou're going to college.
But what can you share with thelisteners about what other paths
there are available, right?
Besides just going and getting acollege degree.
SPEAKER_00 (03:49):
Uh yeah.
So when we were growing up, itwas mostly like uh you had to go
to college to be successful.
That's the way it's always been.
And over the years, college hasbecome more and more expensive,
and jobs have markets have beenmore and more uh tricky to the
point where you some sometimesyou can't afford to just wait
(04:12):
till you're done with afour-year degree to start like
going out into the world.
I think it's important toidentify what you actually want
to do, and then know thatcollege is just a tool to
achieving that.
And there are other tools outthere, boot camps, technical
colleges, uh skills trades orwhatnot to get to where you
(04:35):
want.
You it's not just you have to goto through college to get there.
It's it's just one of the toolsthat you have at your spokes.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (04:44):
I love that.
Yeah, one of the tools in yourtoolbox, y'all.
Don't put all your eggs in onebasket.
Okay, so I think it's a littlebit crazy to think, and I was
trying to think the other night,I was like, wow, you know, I've
known you for half your life.
We're not there yet.
We have like two more yearsuntil that.
But we've basically grown uptogether and we've both seen
(05:08):
different versions of each otherthroughout this life.
Um, like it's it's it's wild tome.
Wild.
Um, so what do you let's talkabout when we first met and
we're starting adulthood?
What do you remember most aboutthat season?
SPEAKER_00 (05:26):
Um it was freshman year of college, and we were in
the same orientation class thatwe both hated at the time.
For different career majors, wewe were in different majors that
we didn't really click with.
And the class was kind of justlike, I don't know, it was it
(05:47):
was a little bit like, okay,this is why I don't want to be
in this major.
Basically.
So our minds kind of wandered,and um, I think we just saw each
other from across the room.
Of course, I was also uh next tomy friend at the time.
SPEAKER_02 (06:02):
Yeah, shout out to Victor.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:04):
And uh basically we were kind of just not really in
it because it just wasn't a fit.
So we kind of just our minddistracted, and I guess we just
distracted to each other.
SPEAKER_02 (06:14):
Yeah.
Goodness.
How do you think that's a lot,y'all, but how do you think
we've changed since then asindividuals and as a couple?
SPEAKER_00 (06:25):
Think well, I think for the most part we've matured.
Uh, we've had a lot ofexperiences, uh, both good and
bad, uh, kind of just dealingwith how do you, I won't say
survive, but thrive in an adultsetting.
Um, so we we really went fromour young adults uh age into
(06:49):
adulthood together, um, which Iguess is unique.
Uh some people meet once they'relike full-grown adults, but uh,
we really got to kind of growtogether, you know.
SPEAKER_02 (07:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's cool.
What's oh, this is a good one.
What is something that we usedto think was like a huge deal
and now we can laugh about it?
SPEAKER_00 (07:13):
We were very worried about our jobs or our I don't
know if it's jobs, but the jobsthat we had at the time.
They weren't necessarily jobsthat we really cared about or
were like in our career at thattime.
And I think we were so focusedon just getting through the job.
We weren't really thinking aboutlike career growth and stuff
(07:36):
like that at that time, not asmuch.
And that only came later onafter like uh companies would
have layoffs and stuff, and thenyou start saying, Hey, this is
not a stable way to kind of livehere.
So I think we took our careersmore seriously over time.
SPEAKER_02 (07:54):
Yeah.
So it's kind of like juststressing about things that
maybe we didn't have to stressout about at the time,
especially where we where we arenow, especially with just job
security in general.
I think back then we were verylike, oh no, we've got to like
stay in this role, you know,we've got to climb the ladder.
(08:15):
That's how we're gonna, youknow, get to our financial
goals.
And now we know very muchdifferent.
SPEAKER_01 (08:23):
That's what I said.
SPEAKER_02 (08:24):
Okay.
So you talked about Olivia beinglike one of I guess one of the
most pivotal moments in ourrelationships as individuals.
Yeah, being being parentstogether really did change
everything.
If you had one lesson you'velearned about yourself through
(08:45):
fatherhood, what would that be?
SPEAKER_00 (08:47):
I think the thing that's wearable fatherhood, I
mean, like the most importantthing is probably being more
empathetic and I guess patient.
Because these little tiny humanshave like their own thoughts,
fears, anxieties and stuff.
And it's important to navigatethat in a kind of sensitive way
(09:09):
because they're still learningthings.
Um, but they yeah, it's got morepatient empathy, I guess.
SPEAKER_02 (09:16):
Yeah, yeah, and I even say it every once in a
while, even if like Olivia willbe getting hard on herself.
I'm like, hey, baby, you've onlybeen on this earth for like
seven years.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
You still have a lot more justto learn.
Okay, so how how has parentingmade our relationship stronger?
SPEAKER_00 (09:36):
I feel like we are more collaborative uh when it
comes to parenting because weboth have kind of a I guess a
business term state.
We uh we also have been able tobetter uh kind of define what I
guess maybe I'm better atsomething and you're better at
this and something of thatnature when it comes to taking
(09:58):
care of the kids.
And um, I think it makes thingsmuch easier and less stressful,
especially on those uh timesyou'll notice it on the times
when you're like when whenyou're just alone with the kids
for a few days or something ofthat nature, you'll just notice
it.
SPEAKER_02 (10:15):
And what surprised you or has surprised you most
about me as a mom?
Let's see.
SPEAKER_00 (10:21):
The most surprising thing about you is that you
really value the I guess the notthe peaceful moments, but like
the time when um things are kindof in a good, like not good
spot, but like a storm, uh youyou value that you have time to
do things like hobbies and stufflike that.
(10:43):
And you you find that as a uhkind of a a benefit because some
because when we first met, Ithought you were very uh I guess
career focused and stuff, but II think it's it's very
surprising and admintable thatyou you want you know when to
kind of slow down and kind oflike really um feed your inner,
(11:05):
you know, your inner uh problembear.
SPEAKER_02 (11:09):
Okay, so the the one thing that surprised me about
you as a dad.
Ooh, I don't know if it's asurprise, but more of just like
I love the way that you canalways keep things, you know how
you're just like it's not thatserious.
(11:32):
It's just I don't you have thisway of yeah, kids are chaotic.
Let's let's just say that kidscan be chaotic and they have a
lot of emotions, lots of justyou know, roller coaster things
happening, and you can alwaysjust be that steady person to be
like, okay, you can be that.
I'm right here.
Let's get back to level.
(11:53):
So you just yeah, you just havethat way with them of bringing
them back to a steady level.
What do you think we've donewell as a teen, even when things
didn't get hard?
SPEAKER_00 (12:06):
I think the thing we've done the best is not
letting things that arehappening like in the world or
maybe even like between usaffect how we raise our kids.
You know, I think that they'rerelatively other than their own
drama, but they are prettyprotective and pretty uh, how do
(12:26):
you say, I don't want to sayignorant, but they're very
happy, I guess, if we could saythat.
You know, not that there's likea whole bunch of like negative
things or whatever, but like Ithink we've done a good job of
separating our work life andlike life outside, uh and their
growth and you know, mama anddad, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (12:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:49):
Um, of course, like later on, I'm I'm okay with this
if they want like oh, what doyou do?
Well, what are you strivingwith?
That's definitely yeah.
But I mean, I think as they growup, I think they it's it's okay
to have kind of a safeenvironment to kind of you know
be themselves.
They don't they shouldn't haveto worry about like a bill or
something or or something likethat.
SPEAKER_02 (13:09):
Yeah, yeah.
I hope that answer.
So I think it's really powerfulto take a second to reflect and
see that even in like the hardmoments, in the sleepless
nights, which sometimes we'restill in in the transitions,
which we're very much still in.
Our youngest is one and a half.
We're in wine toddler city rightnow.
(13:31):
Um it's rough, but we still finda way just to show up for each
other.
So if you could describe ourrelationship in one word, what
would that be?
SPEAKER_00 (13:42):
In one word, I would say I think it was the uh keep
making comfy.
I was gonna say comfy.
Yeah, I think comfy.
I think that yeah, I think Ifeel like in our relationship,
we find ways to make each othercomfortable, I guess.
Um because there's a lot ofthings going on.
(14:05):
Yeah, I think once when I thinkthat's kind of the thing that's
special about us is that wealways find a way back to like a
a baseline that's comfortable,you know?
SPEAKER_02 (14:17):
Okay.
What's one thing that you'velearned about love from us being
together this long?
SPEAKER_00 (14:25):
One thing I've learned about love is that it it
adapts and it changes over time.
And you also have to be kind ofcognitive of that people change
as well.
And I think that you shouldn'tsee that as like a d deter, but
you're as you're uh kind ofseeing or forming or or
(14:50):
awakening to who the otherperson actually is, you know.
And I think I think that's kindof magical.
And that I guess that's why Ilike uh marriage in general, is
because uh really we're justkind of growing together, you
know.
SPEAKER_02 (15:04):
Yeah, yeah.
We're just evolving over time.
Okay, let's share with thepeople because I'm sure they
want to know.
We have three kids, right?
Three little ones.
What is something that helps usstay connected through all the
changes we go through in life?
Careers, kids, all the all thechaos.
What's one thing that just keepsus leaked?
SPEAKER_00 (15:25):
Um, it's gonna be silly, but I feel like because
we're such footies, anytime itthis doesn't matter on the
situation or whatever.
If we if either of us seesomething that's like super
yummy or a recipe that's reallyinteresting or something, it's
it's kind of like a dropeverything and look, it's like,
oh my gosh, what is that?
(15:45):
I think that's uh a little bitof uh madness thing.
So I I guess I could say that Iguess food is has kind of was
connected, which is as weird asthe way sound, but like it it
seems like anytime dependingregardless of the situation or I
guess the emotional state, uhfood kind of brings us back
together.
SPEAKER_02 (16:06):
Yeah, yeah, even mid-bite if we're eating the
same thing, don't we have thethe same reaction?
Like equal, did you taste thoseflanders?
Yeah, okay.
What what do you think keeps ourpartnership now strong versus
like back then in the earlydays, like even before kids?
(16:29):
Let's see.
SPEAKER_00 (16:30):
I think what keeps our relationship strong is kind
of a little bit of uh a littletrust, you know.
Um, because I can trust that ifsay I drop the ball somewhere
that you'll kind of pick it up,and then you can also trust that
(16:50):
if you become overwhelmed, I'lltry to bring it back to the
baseline type of thing.
So I think I think we balanceeach other pretty well.
SPEAKER_02 (16:58):
Okay, so let's end in a fun way.
Uh so we're gonna do some somefun questions.
Okay, first one, who's I don'tknow the answer to this one, but
who's more likely to start adance party in the kitchen?
SPEAKER_00 (17:14):
Oh, that's actually a tricky one because I think
it's both of us, but I guess me.
SPEAKER_02 (17:19):
Yeah, yeah.
He's notorious for just liketaking his phone, putting on a
playlist, and next thing youknow, all the kids, all of us
for just dating.
Oh yeah, they love this music.
Uh, who takes longer to getready?
You yeah, yes, definitely.
Do you have a favorite datenight that we've had?
SPEAKER_00 (17:40):
Um, I like the one where we went to the point.
I don't remember what it'scalled, the parameter point or
something.
It was just a nice time.
We did some walking and we gotto see some things.
Uh any any date night is a goodnight night, but like I thought
that was special.
They had live music and stuff,and we kind of were just like
(18:02):
separate from we weren't justmom and dad.
I think that's what makes itspecial.
SPEAKER_02 (18:07):
Yes, yes.
Those moments where you can justbe, yeah, not parents, just
we're just Ebony and Gerald.
Yes.
What is a song that reminds youof us?
SPEAKER_00 (18:18):
Um the ET song Katie Perry.
Yes.
We were listening to that somany times when you're in uh
college.
Uh I whenever I hear I justthink it was uh Yeah, yeah, the
early days.
SPEAKER_02 (18:35):
Hey, what's one thing that you're most proud of
about us?
SPEAKER_00 (18:39):
I am proud of I guess I'm proud that we're I
guess succeeding at parenting.
I think that's very amenable,you know.
Some people, I mean, like it's astruggle.
It is a struggle, but I thinkthat we're I I don't think we're
bad parents, I think we're goodparents.
I think we're very good parents.
SPEAKER_02 (18:58):
I think so too.
Okay, so when you think aboutthe next year, your 34th year,
what is something that you arehoping for?
SPEAKER_00 (19:10):
Or are you not looking forward to?
I'm actually looking forward tomaybe getting Livy into some
sports or something, or maybe anactivity.
She l had a trial of likecooking this year, and she loved
it.
I think if we could get her moreinto that space where she's
meeting other people andfollowing instructions and stuff
(19:33):
like that, I think it'll be verygood for her for us.
I'm looking forward to that.
Uh you mean for me or something.
SPEAKER_02 (19:41):
What about for me?
What's something you're lookingforward to or hoping for your
for yourself?
Outside of dad mode.
Uh well, let me see.
SPEAKER_00 (19:52):
Yeah, it's hard to come out uh parent mode it is.
I asked for next year.
I'm looking forward to what Ican do for the backyard, I
guess.
Because I mean we haven't doneanything with the backyard.
SPEAKER_02 (20:07):
I just got so excited, y'all.
SPEAKER_00 (20:08):
And I think we're gearing it up and very we we
talked about it like a wholebunch.
And I think that'd be a goodproject.
Uh this is like the next levelof after youth gardening and
stuff.
But uh, we really wanna likelike some love into it.
Yeah, some love.
Yeah.
Um, probably it's fine, but youknow, the backyard could use
(20:31):
some work, and I think it couldbe a good space.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:35):
Okay.
So we are coming down to theend.
I uh wanna end really with he'slooking, y'all.
I have the okay, transparencyhere.
I have the teleprompter up.
Of course, he's looking at theteleprompter, seeing what I'm
about to say.
But thank you.
I just want to say thank you forfirst of all being willing to
(20:55):
come on the podcast with me.
I know this is not really aspace that you like to to pop
on.
If y'all notice, like he doesnot do social media, he doesn't
post, he doesn't do all thosethings, right?
But he was like, Yeah, I'll comeon the podcast with you.
Yeah.
So just thank you.
Thank you for loving me, forsticking with me through all
(21:18):
these years.
You've seen a lot of versions, alot of versions of me.
And just for just for continuingto be my person through it all,
my steadiness, my person that ifI'm like spiraling and crashing
out, like I know like I can cometo you and you're just gonna be
like, it's fine.
Like it's yeah, oh yeah.
(21:42):
All right, y'all.
I'm gonna let you end it.
I want you to leave ourlisteners one piece of advice
about love or partnership.
What would that be?
SPEAKER_00 (21:54):
I would say that sometimes you have to take
yourself out of a situation tofind a path forward with your
partner.
A lot of times I think that egoor you know, kind of just like
focusing on how stuff affectsyou dilutes what you're trying
(22:17):
to establish with your partner.
SPEAKER_02 (22:19):
Yeah, what a good, what a good way to end it.
Um, so I'm so glad I was able toshare this episode with you,
y'all.
This is the birthday guy.
So make sure you go and comment,tell him happy birthday,
celebrate with us.
Uh 34.
34.
Are we excited?
SPEAKER_01 (22:39):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (22:40):
Good news.
All right, y'all.
I will see you on the nextepisode.
Bye.
Thank you so much for listening,Love.
If anything in today's episoderesonated with you, share it
with your bestie or share it onsocial media and tag me so we
can chat about it.
As always, sending you light andlove.
And remember, you are worthy,you are enough, and you deserve
(23:04):
to thrive.
Hey look, I'm Ebony and welcome to Thrive Like a
(00:03):
Mother.
On this podcast, we're scaredfor our truth, but that fear is
what leads us too.
You're in the right place if youfeel like you're stuck in
survival mode and you're readyto step into food methods.
I'll share resources and tools Iuse daily to help you in your
(00:25):
journey with helping yourmindset and to break the wheel
of survival.
The journey may not be easy, butyou won't have to face it alone.
I'm a mama of three healing dayby day from past trauma, and I'm
on a mission to build a lifeI've always dreamed of, but
never thought was possible.
So love, if you're ready tobelieve in what's possible,
(00:48):
let's link arms and thrivetogether.
Okay, uh hey, welcome to anotherepisode of the Thrive Like a
Mother podcast.
And y'all, today's extra, extraspecial because it's not gonna
be just another conversation.
(01:09):
This is a celebration, y'all.
Uh, my husband, Gerald, he isturning 34.
And we're not just celebratinghis birthday this year, but we
are also gonna be talking about15 years together, y'all.
15 years.
That's a whole, that's a wholeperson, right?
From being just college kids,really trying to figure life out
(01:31):
to building a home, a family,lots of memories in between.
And so I thought it would be funto bring him on the show for the
first time and really justreflect on everything we've
learned about love, growth,parenting, partnership.
So, welcome to the podcast.
Hello.
(01:51):
Okay, okay.
I don't want to get too deep toofast because 15 years, y'all.
That that's a long time.
But let's start here.
How does it feel to be turning34 years old?
SPEAKER_00 (02:01):
Uh, it's a bit surreal.
Um, I feel like after you pass acertain age, it's just another
year.
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think after I hit 30,everything else feels like I hit
30 of the year.
SPEAKER_02 (02:16):
Yeah, it does kind of feel like that.
When you think about the past 15years, what's what memory that
comes in mind first for you?
SPEAKER_00 (02:28):
Um, let's see.
From the 15 last 15 years, Ithink Libby being born was
probably the biggest one.
Uh that's our first uh oldestdaughter.
unknown (02:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (02:39):
Um and yeah, I think that was the the biggest if if
the first thing that comes tomind, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (02:47):
Yeah.
If you could go back to littlecollege, Ebony and Gerald,
right?
Little little people, whatadvice would you give to us?
SPEAKER_00 (02:59):
I would say to practice, not practice, but to
be more mindful of financialsand know that school life isn't
the only thing that makes acareer.
SPEAKER_02 (03:15):
That's a good one.
Let's dig deeper into that one.
Um, because me and a friend,even just last night, we were
having a conversation aboutgetting college degrees and how
sometimes we put so much into,you know, you get your college
degrees.
I mean, that's how we grew up,right?
(03:35):
You go to a high school andyou're going to college.
But what can you share with thelisteners about what other paths
there are available, right?
Besides just going and getting acollege degree.
SPEAKER_00 (03:49):
Uh yeah.
So when we were growing up, itwas mostly like uh you had to go
to college to be successful.
That's the way it's always been.
And over the years, college hasbecome more and more expensive,
and jobs have markets have beenmore and more uh tricky to the
point where you some sometimesyou can't afford to just wait
(04:12):
till you're done with afour-year degree to start like
going out into the world.
I think it's important toidentify what you actually want
to do, and then know thatcollege is just a tool to
achieving that.
And there are other tools outthere, boot camps, technical
colleges, uh skills trades orwhatnot to get to where you
(04:35):
want.
You it's not just you have to goto through college to get there.
It's it's just one of the toolsthat you have at your spokes.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (04:44):
I love that.
Yeah, one of the tools in yourtoolbox, y'all.
Don't put all your eggs in onebasket.
Okay, so I think it's a littlebit crazy to think, and I was
trying to think the other night,I was like, wow, you know, I've
known you for half your life.
We're not there yet.
We have like two more yearsuntil that.
But we've basically grown uptogether and we've both seen
(05:08):
different versions of each otherthroughout this life.
Um, like it's it's it's wild tome.
Wild.
Um, so what do you let's talkabout when we first met and
we're starting adulthood?
What do you remember most aboutthat season?
SPEAKER_00 (05:26):
Um it was freshman year of college, and we were in
the same orientation class thatwe both hated at the time.
For different career majors, wewe were in different majors that
we didn't really click with.
And the class was kind of justlike, I don't know, it was it
(05:47):
was a little bit like, okay,this is why I don't want to be
in this major.
Basically.
So our minds kind of wandered,and um, I think we just saw each
other from across the room.
Of course, I was also uh next tomy friend at the time.
SPEAKER_02 (06:02):
Yeah, shout out to Victor.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:04):
And uh basically we were kind of just not really in
it because it just wasn't a fit.
So we kind of just our minddistracted, and I guess we just
distracted to each other.
SPEAKER_02 (06:14):
Yeah.
Goodness.
How do you think that's a lot,y'all, but how do you think
we've changed since then asindividuals and as a couple?
SPEAKER_00 (06:25):
Think well, I think for the most part we've matured.
Uh, we've had a lot ofexperiences, uh, both good and
bad, uh, kind of just dealingwith how do you, I won't say
survive, but thrive in an adultsetting.
Um, so we we really went fromour young adults uh age into
(06:49):
adulthood together, um, which Iguess is unique.
Uh some people meet once they'relike full-grown adults, but uh,
we really got to kind of growtogether, you know.
SPEAKER_02 (07:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's cool.
What's oh, this is a good one.
What is something that we usedto think was like a huge deal
and now we can laugh about it?
SPEAKER_00 (07:13):
We were very worried about our jobs or our I don't
know if it's jobs, but the jobsthat we had at the time.
They weren't necessarily jobsthat we really cared about or
were like in our career at thattime.
And I think we were so focusedon just getting through the job.
We weren't really thinking aboutlike career growth and stuff
(07:36):
like that at that time, not asmuch.
And that only came later onafter like uh companies would
have layoffs and stuff, and thenyou start saying, Hey, this is
not a stable way to kind of livehere.
So I think we took our careersmore seriously over time.
SPEAKER_02 (07:54):
Yeah.
So it's kind of like juststressing about things that
maybe we didn't have to stressout about at the time,
especially where we where we arenow, especially with just job
security in general.
I think back then we were verylike, oh no, we've got to like
stay in this role, you know,we've got to climb the ladder.
(08:15):
That's how we're gonna, youknow, get to our financial
goals.
And now we know very muchdifferent.
SPEAKER_01 (08:23):
That's what I said.
SPEAKER_02 (08:24):
Okay.
So you talked about Olivia beinglike one of I guess one of the
most pivotal moments in ourrelationships as individuals.
Yeah, being being parentstogether really did change
everything.
If you had one lesson you'velearned about yourself through
(08:45):
fatherhood, what would that be?
SPEAKER_00 (08:47):
I think the thing that's wearable fatherhood, I
mean, like the most importantthing is probably being more
empathetic and I guess patient.
Because these little tiny humanshave like their own thoughts,
fears, anxieties and stuff.
And it's important to navigatethat in a kind of sensitive way
(09:09):
because they're still learningthings.
Um, but they yeah, it's got morepatient empathy, I guess.
SPEAKER_02 (09:16):
Yeah, yeah, and I even say it every once in a
while, even if like Olivia willbe getting hard on herself.
I'm like, hey, baby, you've onlybeen on this earth for like
seven years.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
You still have a lot more justto learn.
Okay, so how how has parentingmade our relationship stronger?
SPEAKER_00 (09:36):
I feel like we are more collaborative uh when it
comes to parenting because weboth have kind of a I guess a
business term state.
We uh we also have been able tobetter uh kind of define what I
guess maybe I'm better atsomething and you're better at
this and something of thatnature when it comes to taking
(09:58):
care of the kids.
And um, I think it makes thingsmuch easier and less stressful,
especially on those uh timesyou'll notice it on the times
when you're like when whenyou're just alone with the kids
for a few days or something ofthat nature, you'll just notice
it.
SPEAKER_02 (10:15):
And what surprised you or has surprised you most
about me as a mom?
Let's see.
SPEAKER_00 (10:21):
The most surprising thing about you is that you
really value the I guess the notthe peaceful moments, but like
the time when um things are kindof in a good, like not good
spot, but like a storm, uh youyou value that you have time to
do things like hobbies and stufflike that.
(10:43):
And you you find that as a uhkind of a a benefit because some
because when we first met, Ithought you were very uh I guess
career focused and stuff, but II think it's it's very
surprising and admintable thatyou you want you know when to
kind of slow down and kind oflike really um feed your inner,
(11:05):
you know, your inner uh problembear.
SPEAKER_02 (11:09):
Okay, so the the one thing that surprised me about
you as a dad.
Ooh, I don't know if it's asurprise, but more of just like
I love the way that you canalways keep things, you know how
you're just like it's not thatserious.
(11:32):
It's just I don't you have thisway of yeah, kids are chaotic.
Let's let's just say that kidscan be chaotic and they have a
lot of emotions, lots of justyou know, roller coaster things
happening, and you can alwaysjust be that steady person to be
like, okay, you can be that.
I'm right here.
Let's get back to level.
(11:53):
So you just yeah, you just havethat way with them of bringing
them back to a steady level.
What do you think we've donewell as a teen, even when things
didn't get hard?
SPEAKER_00 (12:06):
I think the thing we've done the best is not
letting things that arehappening like in the world or
maybe even like between usaffect how we raise our kids.
You know, I think that they'rerelatively other than their own
drama, but they are prettyprotective and pretty uh, how do
(12:26):
you say, I don't want to sayignorant, but they're very
happy, I guess, if we could saythat.
You know, not that there's likea whole bunch of like negative
things or whatever, but like Ithink we've done a good job of
separating our work life andlike life outside, uh and their
growth and you know, mama anddad, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (12:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:49):
Um, of course, like later on, I'm I'm okay with this
if they want like oh, what doyou do?
Well, what are you strivingwith?
That's definitely yeah.
But I mean, I think as they growup, I think they it's it's okay
to have kind of a safeenvironment to kind of you know
be themselves.
They don't they shouldn't haveto worry about like a bill or
something or or something likethat.
SPEAKER_02 (13:09):
Yeah, yeah.
I hope that answer.
So I think it's really powerfulto take a second to reflect and
see that even in like the hardmoments, in the sleepless
nights, which sometimes we'restill in in the transitions,
which we're very much still in.
Our youngest is one and a half.
We're in wine toddler city rightnow.
(13:31):
Um it's rough, but we still finda way just to show up for each
other.
So if you could describe ourrelationship in one word, what
would that be?
SPEAKER_00 (13:42):
In one word, I would say I think it was the uh keep
making comfy.
I was gonna say comfy.
Yeah, I think comfy.
I think that yeah, I think Ifeel like in our relationship,
we find ways to make each othercomfortable, I guess.
Um because there's a lot ofthings going on.
(14:05):
Yeah, I think once when I thinkthat's kind of the thing that's
special about us is that wealways find a way back to like a
a baseline that's comfortable,you know?
SPEAKER_02 (14:17):
Okay.
What's one thing that you'velearned about love from us being
together this long?
SPEAKER_00 (14:25):
One thing I've learned about love is that it it
adapts and it changes over time.
And you also have to be kind ofcognitive of that people change
as well.
And I think that you shouldn'tsee that as like a d deter, but
you're as you're uh kind ofseeing or forming or or
(14:50):
awakening to who the otherperson actually is, you know.
And I think I think that's kindof magical.
And that I guess that's why Ilike uh marriage in general, is
because uh really we're justkind of growing together, you
know.
SPEAKER_02 (15:04):
Yeah, yeah.
We're just evolving over time.
Okay, let's share with thepeople because I'm sure they
want to know.
We have three kids, right?
Three little ones.
What is something that helps usstay connected through all the
changes we go through in life?
Careers, kids, all the all thechaos.
What's one thing that just keepsus leaked?
SPEAKER_00 (15:25):
Um, it's gonna be silly, but I feel like because
we're such footies, anytime itthis doesn't matter on the
situation or whatever.
If we if either of us seesomething that's like super
yummy or a recipe that's reallyinteresting or something, it's
it's kind of like a dropeverything and look, it's like,
oh my gosh, what is that?
(15:45):
I think that's uh a little bitof uh madness thing.
So I I guess I could say that Iguess food is has kind of was
connected, which is as weird asthe way sound, but like it it
seems like anytime dependingregardless of the situation or I
guess the emotional state, uhfood kind of brings us back
together.
SPEAKER_02 (16:06):
Yeah, yeah, even mid-bite if we're eating the
same thing, don't we have thethe same reaction?
Like equal, did you taste thoseflanders?
Yeah, okay.
What what do you think keeps ourpartnership now strong versus
like back then in the earlydays, like even before kids?
(16:29):
Let's see.
SPEAKER_00 (16:30):
I think what keeps our relationship strong is kind
of a little bit of uh a littletrust, you know.
Um, because I can trust that ifsay I drop the ball somewhere
that you'll kind of pick it up,and then you can also trust that
(16:50):
if you become overwhelmed, I'lltry to bring it back to the
baseline type of thing.
So I think I think we balanceeach other pretty well.
SPEAKER_02 (16:58):
Okay, so let's end in a fun way.
Uh so we're gonna do some somefun questions.
Okay, first one, who's I don'tknow the answer to this one, but
who's more likely to start adance party in the kitchen?
SPEAKER_00 (17:14):
Oh, that's actually a tricky one because I think
it's both of us, but I guess me.
SPEAKER_02 (17:19):
Yeah, yeah.
He's notorious for just liketaking his phone, putting on a
playlist, and next thing youknow, all the kids, all of us
for just dating.
Oh yeah, they love this music.
Uh, who takes longer to getready?
You yeah, yes, definitely.
Do you have a favorite datenight that we've had?
SPEAKER_00 (17:40):
Um, I like the one where we went to the point.
I don't remember what it'scalled, the parameter point or
something.
It was just a nice time.
We did some walking and we gotto see some things.
Uh any any date night is a goodnight night, but like I thought
that was special.
They had live music and stuff,and we kind of were just like
(18:02):
separate from we weren't justmom and dad.
I think that's what makes itspecial.
SPEAKER_02 (18:07):
Yes, yes.
Those moments where you can justbe, yeah, not parents, just
we're just Ebony and Gerald.
Yes.
What is a song that reminds youof us?
SPEAKER_00 (18:18):
Um the ET song Katie Perry.
Yes.
We were listening to that somany times when you're in uh
college.
Uh I whenever I hear I justthink it was uh Yeah, yeah, the
early days.
SPEAKER_02 (18:35):
Hey, what's one thing that you're most proud of
about us?
SPEAKER_00 (18:39):
I am proud of I guess I'm proud that we're I
guess succeeding at parenting.
I think that's very amenable,you know.
Some people, I mean, like it's astruggle.
It is a struggle, but I thinkthat we're I I don't think we're
bad parents, I think we're goodparents.
I think we're very good parents.
SPEAKER_02 (18:58):
I think so too.
Okay, so when you think aboutthe next year, your 34th year,
what is something that you arehoping for?
SPEAKER_00 (19:10):
Or are you not looking forward to?
I'm actually looking forward tomaybe getting Livy into some
sports or something, or maybe anactivity.
She l had a trial of likecooking this year, and she loved
it.
I think if we could get her moreinto that space where she's
meeting other people andfollowing instructions and stuff
(19:33):
like that, I think it'll be verygood for her for us.
I'm looking forward to that.
Uh you mean for me or something.
SPEAKER_02 (19:41):
What about for me?
What's something you're lookingforward to or hoping for your
for yourself?
Outside of dad mode.
Uh well, let me see.
SPEAKER_00 (19:52):
Yeah, it's hard to come out uh parent mode it is.
I asked for next year.
I'm looking forward to what Ican do for the backyard, I
guess.
Because I mean we haven't doneanything with the backyard.
SPEAKER_02 (20:07):
I just got so excited, y'all.
SPEAKER_00 (20:08):
And I think we're gearing it up and very we we
talked about it like a wholebunch.
And I think that'd be a goodproject.
Uh this is like the next levelof after youth gardening and
stuff.
But uh, we really wanna likelike some love into it.
Yeah, some love.
Yeah.
Um, probably it's fine, but youknow, the backyard could use
(20:31):
some work, and I think it couldbe a good space.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (20:35):
Okay.
So we are coming down to theend.
I uh wanna end really with he'slooking, y'all.
I have the okay, transparencyhere.
I have the teleprompter up.
Of course, he's looking at theteleprompter, seeing what I'm
about to say.
But thank you.
I just want to say thank you forfirst of all being willing to
(20:55):
come on the podcast with me.
I know this is not really aspace that you like to to pop
on.
If y'all notice, like he doesnot do social media, he doesn't
post, he doesn't do all thosethings, right?
But he was like, Yeah, I'll comeon the podcast with you.
Yeah.
So just thank you.
Thank you for loving me, forsticking with me through all
(21:18):
these years.
You've seen a lot of versions, alot of versions of me.
And just for just for continuingto be my person through it all,
my steadiness, my person that ifI'm like spiraling and crashing
out, like I know like I can cometo you and you're just gonna be
like, it's fine.
Like it's yeah, oh yeah.
(21:42):
All right, y'all.
I'm gonna let you end it.
I want you to leave ourlisteners one piece of advice
about love or partnership.
What would that be?
SPEAKER_00 (21:54):
I would say that sometimes you have to take
yourself out of a situation tofind a path forward with your
partner.
A lot of times I think that egoor you know, kind of just like
focusing on how stuff affectsyou dilutes what you're trying
(22:17):
to establish with your partner.
SPEAKER_02 (22:19):
Yeah, what a good, what a good way to end it.
Um, so I'm so glad I was able toshare this episode with you,
y'all.
This is the birthday guy.
So make sure you go and comment,tell him happy birthday,
celebrate with us.
Uh 34.
34.
Are we excited?
SPEAKER_01 (22:39):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (22:40):
Good news.
All right, y'all.
I will see you on the nextepisode.
Bye.
Thank you so much for listening,Love.
If anything in today's episoderesonated with you, share it
with your bestie or share it onsocial media and tag me so we
can chat about it.
As always, sending you light andlove.
And remember, you are worthy,you are enough, and you deserve
(23:04):
to thrive.
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