Breaking Through the Chaos by Bringing Unconscious Motivations to the Surface and Persevering

Welcome back to another episode of the Thriving Moms of Autistics Podcast! I am your host, Dr. Christina Wilson. 

Feel like you are just trying to survive? Like you are running on fumes? You don’t even know what day it is or what month? 

You can continue on the trail of surviving but not forever. It’s not sustainable. Surviving is exhausting. 

This is common for moms raising autistics. I have a question for you to ponder. What was your life like before kids? As many of you know, I did not marry and have my son until late in life. 

I had an ordered and structured life. I was able to plan everything out without a ton of curve balls. I did what I wanted when I wanted. It was great! 

Before I had my son, I had unusual stress in my career, especially when I was working in emergency psyc. You never knew what you were walking into… bridge jumps, swat teams, psychotic breaks. The difference was that I could leave all that behind me at the office.

Then came the diagnosis around age 2, which brought all the OT, speech, and PT appointments. My son suddenly had a full-time job of ABA 40 hours a week.

Things like eating food, drinking, delayed speech, and potty training looked very different from my friend’s neurotypicals. I had to be on my toes and ready to pivot at any moment. 

The chaos had set in but in a very different way. Moms can’t just leave it behind at the office.

In this episode, we dive into getting unstuck when the chaos sets in and growing from it. 

Find the full transcript for this episode on your favorite podcast app. 

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How Do Moms of Autistics Who Get Lost in the Chaos Find Themselves Stuck? 

Your thoughts and your behaviors have a purpose. Moms get so enmeshed in the chaos, that they don’t take time to consider the origins or the purpose of those thoughts and behaviors. 

It’s not that they don’t want to. It feels too hard to slow down long enough to do so. As a result, we get stuck in the chaos. We are just trying to keep our child safe and survive the day. We live life minute by minute for many days.

When Moms of Autistics Understand What Drives Their Thoughts and Behaviors, They can Move Forward Rather Than Get Stuck

Getting stuck is never good. So why do we get stuck? If you ask yourself what is driving a particular thought or behavior, and you don’t have an answer for that, there is an underlying unconscious reason. 

Unconscious motivators lack awareness. There is something deep within us that is fueling these thoughts and behaviors. When chaos ensues, it also drives us. 

When we lose our confidence during chaotic times, we start to second guess ourselves, which further sets us back. You might develop negative self-talk. Why did I handle it like this? Why didn’t I… and so on. We dig ourselves deeper and deeper. Insecurities keep you stuck and keep you from growing. 

Who we are and how we behave is tied to beliefs, which are connected to our values and habits. Beliefs are derived from our upbringing, cultural background, and experiences.

We are conditioned very early on, which makes it very difficult to change, especially in the midst of chaos. The good news is that we do have capacity for change. 

Those with a fixed mindset believe that this is set in stone, but it is not. When you believe that growth can occur, you will grow and learn.

Three Ingredients for Change So Moms of Autistics Can Persevere