Navigating Boundaries: Empowering Autism Moms Against Misjudgments and Oversteps

Welcome back to another episode of the Thriving Moms of Autistics Podcast! I am your host, Dr. Christina Wilson. 

Moms raising autistics are the queens of transitions and change. My mother was quite intuitive. 

She knew everything I was up to when I was growing up. It’s a good thing too. I suspect that my mom was also neurodivergent.

Girls are often maskers and really good at blending in. I recently read about a famous actor who was diagnosed at a much older age and attributed his acting abilities to his being on the spectrum. 

Raising an autistic child in this day and age has its benefits. 1) We know more now than we ever have because the research has exploded, but also 2) People are talking more about autism. 

Many of us no longer wonder what was going on with us as we navigated through the wilds of our youth. We also have children on the spectrum and see it play out in a world that finally wants to know more. 

Unfortunately, we still deal with a lot of ignorance.

In this episode, we dive into setting boundaries with those who do not understand autism with a bonus boundary setting toolkit for moms. Find out which boundary setting type you align with the most.

Find the full transcript for this episode on your favorite podcast app. 

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Experiences with Those Who Overstep Because They Don’t Understand an Autism Mom’s Parenting Strategy Are Daunting

Soon after the diagnosis, my husband and I were still getting our footing. It’s a big shift in having to get the right resources to support, especially when it comes to early intervention. 

All moms want to provide all they can for their child’s success in life. On top of that, you are trying to adjust your parenting style to support your child and keep them safe.

We took our son to the zoo that weekend and wanted to offer him some autonomy outside of the stroller. We knew that he moved like the speed of lightning and had to accommodate him so that he did not elope like autistic children often do. 

We decided to get him one of those backpacks with a harness. Some parents call it a leash and make judgements unknowingly about this option. Others use it and are completely fine with it. 

We decided to try it. The worst that could happen is that we don’t and he gets away and someone unsavory grabs him. 

Even worse is that autistics are prone to drowning and highly attracted to water. It doesn’t take much water for this to occur and there is water all over the zoo. 

So, we tried the backpack. Our son was running along while giggling with my husband right behind him when a childless, young couple in the food court started to loudly judge us stating, “Some people shouldn’t have children. That’s disgusting!”

They were so close that I could reach out and touch them. I stopped in my tracks, shrugged my shoulders, and said, “I don’t care!”

What Moms of Autistics Can Do When People Overstep Their Boundaries By Judging

There are many ways to handle this situation. I chose to let them know I was basically not interested in their opinion and confidently moved on without giving them any more of my energy. 

Yes, you CAN do that. However, there are other ways to deal with this too. 

I want you to remember one thing when deciding how to approach this. Most people still know very little about autism. Some people are actually willing to learn. 

In those cases afford them the opportunity to learn. I