June 17, 2025 • 16 mins
We’ve been sold a version of self-care that looks good on Instagram—but often leaves us feeling even more burnt out.
In this episode, I’m breaking down what self-care really means, what it absolutely isn’t, and why so many of us confuse survival mode with restoration. Spoiler alert: if your “self-care” still leaves you exhausted, it’s not care—it’s another performance.
We’ll unpack:
- Why self-care is rooted in feminine energy, not hustle
- How to stop using bubble baths to bandage burnout
- The subtle difference between self-preservation and self-nourishment
- And 4 ways to bring intentional, honest self-care into your everyday life
This isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence.
Because when you learn to care for yourself from a place of wholeness (not pressure), everything shifts.
#selfdevelopment #Wellness
#thym4teawithmikita #manifest #purposefulliving #liveunapplogectically #freedom #podcast #womeninpodcast #podcastlife #empoweringwomen
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And here's the truth Sometimes freedom doesn't feel
like freedom when it still comeswith guilt, pressure or needing
to explain your joy to everyone.
Hey, there, I'm Makita, a smalltown girl with big dreams who
started a podcast with an oldheadset and a laptop at my
(00:21):
kitchen table and made my dreamscome true.
And a laptop at my kitchentable and made my dreams come
true.
On my podcast, time for Teawith Makita, we chat about
living life unapologetically, onyour terms, from career advice,
entrepreneurship, relationshipsand everything in between.
This is your one-stop shop forreal conversations and
inspiration.
If you're looking forconnection, then you found it
(00:44):
here.
Join me every Tuesday as wedive into those sometimes hard
to have conversations.
So grab your cup of tea orcoffee and get comfy, because
this is time for Tea with Makitaand the tea is definitely hot.
Ever feel like you need asuperpower boost of motivation
with exclusive tips and toolswith your goals in mind?
(01:05):
Well, say hello to your newinspiration hotspot the Tuesday
Tea Newsletter, your weeklyinfusion of big thinking energy
that will propel you to chaseyour wildest dreams and never
shy away from using the power ofyour voice.
Sign up for the Tuesday TeaNewsletter today at
BeautifullyUnbalancedcom andelevate your goals to the next
level.
Welcome back, it is definitelytime for some tea and I'm your
(01:29):
host.
Makita, I want to thank you somuch for sharing your time, your
space and your energy with metoday.
Now, this episode may have youfeeling like I am holding up a
mirror.
It's one of those moments whereyou pause and ask.
Is one of those moments whereyou pause and ask is this the
life I chose, or the one Isettled into because it was
(01:50):
expected?
Because lately, I've beenthinking about this idea of a
legacy and purpose, not in thisheavy, dramatic way, but in the
kind of way where you catchyourself daydreaming while doing
the dishes or folding theclothes and you wonder is this
it?
Do the people in my life reallysee me, or am I even leaving a
(02:15):
mark?
What will be my legacy when I'mno longer here?
Now, that train of thought tookme back to a book that I read a
while ago the Invisible Life ofAddie LaRue.
Now, I won't go deep into theplot, but it's about a woman who
lives for centuries and no oneever remembers who she is.
(02:36):
She goes unnamed, unseen,unheard.
Every interaction is fleetingand forgotten.
Every connection slips away.
Every interaction is fleetingand forgotten.
Every connection slips away.
But what stuck with me wasn'tthe magic of the story or the
deal she made to live forever.
It was how real that feeling iseven today.
(03:05):
So I'm not here to leave a bookreview or tell you what you
should be reading.
I'm here to talk about the ideaof sometimes even fleeting
moments where you're withfriends, family or reading a
book.
Some things stick with you andthey always come back and pop up
in your mind and they staythere for a while and they help
you realize that there'ssomething more to life.
(03:26):
They bring up thoughts, theymake you reflect and think a
little deeper, and for me, thatwas realizing this idea of what
freedom really looks and feelslike, what impact am I making,
and about how, even in themiddle of our connected world,
(03:47):
so many of us feel so invisible.
Because, let's be real I know Iwill there have been seasons in
my life where I've lookedaround and thought this isn't
bad, this is nice, I like thislife, but it's not the life I
(04:07):
want.
If you've ever felt that, Ihave been there.
I know what it feels like.
I'm with you, you follow theplan, you do the things, you
smile in the pictures.
But beneath all of that,there's this quiet ache or
emptiness, this feeling ofdisconnection, like something's
(04:30):
not quite right, like you tradedone set of expectations for
something else, you broke onecycle, only to step into a new
version of the same pattern thatyou tried to leave behind.
And here's the truth Sometimesfreedom doesn't feel like
(04:50):
freedom when it still comes withguilt, pressure or needing to
explain your joy to everyone.
We're told now that we can doanything Start a business, leave
a relationship, move across thecountry and that's powerful,
yes, but sometimes the weight ofa choice can feel like it is
(05:14):
suffocating and it leaves usfeeling like what's happening
happening Because you start thebusiness and, first thing,
people say you left that goodjob to do that.
Or you say, hey, I'm going tomove across the country, sell
everything and start this newlife.
And why do you want to do that?
(05:35):
It's like they give youpermission to do all of these
amazing things, but then youhave to sit there and feel this
pressure to explain why this isgoing to make you happy, and
that's not really freedom.
It's freedom with strings.
And it reminded me of this booknot the fantasy, but the
(06:00):
feeling of it Living a lifewhere you feel free but not seen
Present, but disconnected.
So what I want you to askyourself are you building a life
that feels like yours?
Or are you editing yourself tomake everyone else feel
(06:22):
comfortable, what you love tofit into the boxes of everyone
else's expectation, until youstart feeling so small, so
displaced, so unsure of who youare that you will be questioning
(06:45):
everything.
Just know that you are allowedto change your mind to start
over to ask what do I want, mindto start over to ask what do I
want, and actually take the timeto wait for the answer.
Sometimes we just want a magicanswer, but it isn't always that
simple, right?
We ask ourselves what do wewant?
(07:12):
And it takes some time, ittakes some peeling back a lot of
different layers to find thatidea of what you want.
Because, honestly, what I wantedwhen I was 16 and in my 20s is
not the same that I want nowthat I'm in my 40s.
It looks different, it feelsdifferent and sometimes, when
I'm thinking about what it is Itruly want, I think about the
feeling I want to have.
What will that truly feel likefor me?
(07:36):
Sometimes I think about it inthe form of a food right,
because I love some good icecream.
So I wanted to feel like eatinga bowl of my favorite ice cream
, which is birthday cake,outside on a summer, sunny day,
sunny day.
Or maybe I wanted to feel likesipping on a favorite tea, some
(07:58):
lemongrass, where all I'm doingis basking in the idea of just
doing nothing.
That's what freedom feels like.
So understanding what it willfeel like and then picturing
what it would look like.
So when we get there, we knowwhat that is, what that thing is
(08:23):
that we want, and givingourselves permission to take our
time until we find it.
You don't have to be in a rushand, like I said, you can change
your mind anytime you want andyou are free to start over.
It's never too late.
You are never too late to startliving a new dream.
(08:48):
And here's another thing I'vebeen sitting with, because we
live in a world where everythingis shared but not everything is
felt.
It's easy to be visible.
It's harder to be seen.
If you've ever walked into aroom, smiled, did the polite
thing and still felt like no oneactually noticed you, like
(09:11):
people are interacting with theversion of you they decided is
safe or comfortable.
You can be the strong one, thehelper, the funny one, and still
feel invisible in your truth,that quiet, aching invisibility.
It's not new, it just wearsdifferent shoes.
(09:32):
It just wears different shoes.
It's in being the one who checkson everyone else but never gets
the how are you doing?
How are you really doing?
It's in staying silent to keepthe peace, even when your voice
(09:53):
is begging to scream out loudand be used.
And that's when you start towonder what happened.
If I just disappeared for aweek, would anyone notice?
Not post anything, not reply,who would notice?
How many people would stop andsay hey, haven't seen you on
(10:14):
social.
What's going on?
Here's what I've learned weunderestimate the power of
presence.
We think our legacy has to beloud to matter, and it doesn't.
(10:38):
But it's often the small things, a simple word, a moment, a
glance, a pat on the back, asmile, that leave the deepest
mark.
And that's what this storyabout the invisible life of
Addie LaRue taught me.
But it also taught me that lifeis ever-changing, no-transcript
(11:04):
, through strangers who sawsomething in you that you hadn't
yet claimed.
I remember working with someoneand it was crazy, because I'm
usually in a very great mood,especially at work.
I have no reason not to be in ajoyful mood, right, I'm just.
(11:26):
I'm overall normally happyperson.
But that day I was feeling alittle stressed.
I had a lot on my mind and Icame in and I think I was trying
to pretend to be my normal selfand someone stopped me and they
said hey, and they touched megently on the shoulder and
looked me in the eyes and saidhey, how are you?
(11:52):
And I've had people ask mebefore in passing hey, how you
doing?
Well, hey, how are you?
But this person actually took amoment to stop, stand, touch me
, even if they didn't touch you.
Stand, touch me even if theydidn't touch you, but look me in
(12:12):
the eye, because that eyecontact let me know that they
saw me in that moment.
They saw and they said how areyou?
And it was the best feeling inthe world because I had been
struggling, and not that Idecided to pour out my whole
life story, but what I said wasit's been a challenging week and
(12:33):
thank you, thank you for askingme.
It means a lot and I don't knowif they knew how much that meant
to me, but that single impactmade me slow down to ask myself?
Am I doing the same for others?
Am I showing up, letting thepeople in my life know that I
(12:55):
see them?
I truly see you.
So I want you to ask yourselfwhen is the last time you felt
truly seen and what would itlook like to show up as your
full self, not this polishedversion of you that you've put
together for everyone else, orthis highly inflated persona
(13:19):
that you show on social media,or the person that you are at
work, but just yourself, you?
You take everything away.
It's like taking off the makeupat night.
Like if you were that person,what would it look like?
How would you feel?
Because, just understand, youdon't need to be everywhere.
(13:40):
You just need to be present inthe places that make you feel
real.
I've been in a lot of rooms andI was very excited and honored
to be in those rooms and,honestly, I wouldn't take them
back.
It was amazing learning lessons, but what I realized when I was
(14:01):
in those rooms is what theywere not for me.
Not only that, I feel out ofplace and unseen.
I realized that in that moment,if I could not step in that
room and truly be me, theversion of myself that I know is
the best and just let my lightshine, instead of conforming to
(14:24):
the expectations of what someoneelse wanted me to be then that
was not the room for me.
So it's okay to appreciate theexperience and still say that's
okay.
I'd rather be somewhere thatmakes me feel whole and complete
.
(14:46):
So no, this episode is not justabout the story of the book.
It's about you.
It's about how easy it is toslip into a version of life that
looks fine on paper but feelsheavy in your chest.
It's about how you don't haveto wait for a crisis to happen
to pivot.
How you don't have to wait fora crisis to happen to pivot or
(15:11):
to get a title or promotion tomatter or have this huge
following of people to beremembered.
Sometimes you're leaving yourlegacy in places that you can't
even see, and how you listen andin how you care and in how you
choose yourself over and overagain, even when it's quiet,
even when no one's clapping.
(15:32):
So if you've been feeling alittle invisible, a little lost
in your own story, I want you tohear this you, my friend, are
not behind.
You are not too much.
You, my friend, are not behind.
You are not too much.
You are not too bold or tooloud or too emotional, and you
are never too late.
(15:53):
You are just getting started inyour life.
It's already making waves.
Remember that.
All right, my friends, if thisstory connected with you or you
(16:25):
feel like it will connect withsomeone else, share this with
them.
Let us all be empowered tocreate the freedom in life that
we want to leave the legacy.
That is all the tea that I haveto spill, but don't forget to
join me next time for some moredelicious hot tea.
Until then, namaste.
And here's the truth Sometimes freedom doesn't feel
like freedom when it still comeswith guilt, pressure or needing
to explain your joy to everyone.
Hey, there, I'm Makita, a smalltown girl with big dreams who
started a podcast with an oldheadset and a laptop at my
(00:21):
kitchen table and made my dreamscome true.
And a laptop at my kitchentable and made my dreams come
true.
On my podcast, time for Teawith Makita, we chat about
living life unapologetically, onyour terms, from career advice,
entrepreneurship, relationshipsand everything in between.
This is your one-stop shop forreal conversations and
inspiration.
If you're looking forconnection, then you found it
(00:44):
here.
Join me every Tuesday as wedive into those sometimes hard
to have conversations.
So grab your cup of tea orcoffee and get comfy, because
this is time for Tea with Makitaand the tea is definitely hot.
Ever feel like you need asuperpower boost of motivation
with exclusive tips and toolswith your goals in mind?
(01:05):
Well, say hello to your newinspiration hotspot the Tuesday
Tea Newsletter, your weeklyinfusion of big thinking energy
that will propel you to chaseyour wildest dreams and never
shy away from using the power ofyour voice.
Sign up for the Tuesday TeaNewsletter today at
BeautifullyUnbalancedcom andelevate your goals to the next
level.
Welcome back, it is definitelytime for some tea and I'm your
(01:29):
host.
Makita, I want to thank you somuch for sharing your time, your
space and your energy with metoday.
Now, this episode may have youfeeling like I am holding up a
mirror.
It's one of those moments whereyou pause and ask.
Is one of those moments whereyou pause and ask is this the
life I chose, or the one Isettled into because it was
(01:50):
expected?
Because lately, I've beenthinking about this idea of a
legacy and purpose, not in thisheavy, dramatic way, but in the
kind of way where you catchyourself daydreaming while doing
the dishes or folding theclothes and you wonder is this
it?
Do the people in my life reallysee me, or am I even leaving a
(02:15):
mark?
What will be my legacy when I'mno longer here?
Now, that train of thought tookme back to a book that I read a
while ago the Invisible Life ofAddie LaRue.
Now, I won't go deep into theplot, but it's about a woman who
lives for centuries and no oneever remembers who she is.
(02:36):
She goes unnamed, unseen,unheard.
Every interaction is fleetingand forgotten.
Every connection slips away.
Every interaction is fleetingand forgotten.
Every connection slips away.
But what stuck with me wasn'tthe magic of the story or the
deal she made to live forever.
It was how real that feeling iseven today.
(03:05):
So I'm not here to leave a bookreview or tell you what you
should be reading.
I'm here to talk about the ideaof sometimes even fleeting
moments where you're withfriends, family or reading a
book.
Some things stick with you andthey always come back and pop up
in your mind and they staythere for a while and they help
you realize that there'ssomething more to life.
(03:26):
They bring up thoughts, theymake you reflect and think a
little deeper, and for me, thatwas realizing this idea of what
freedom really looks and feelslike, what impact am I making,
and about how, even in themiddle of our connected world,
(03:47):
so many of us feel so invisible.
Because, let's be real I know Iwill there have been seasons in
my life where I've lookedaround and thought this isn't
bad, this is nice, I like thislife, but it's not the life I
(04:07):
want.
If you've ever felt that, Ihave been there.
I know what it feels like.
I'm with you, you follow theplan, you do the things, you
smile in the pictures.
But beneath all of that,there's this quiet ache or
emptiness, this feeling ofdisconnection, like something's
(04:30):
not quite right, like you tradedone set of expectations for
something else, you broke onecycle, only to step into a new
version of the same pattern thatyou tried to leave behind.
And here's the truth Sometimesfreedom doesn't feel like
(04:50):
freedom when it still comes withguilt, pressure or needing to
explain your joy to everyone.
We're told now that we can doanything Start a business, leave
a relationship, move across thecountry and that's powerful,
yes, but sometimes the weight ofa choice can feel like it is
(05:14):
suffocating and it leaves usfeeling like what's happening
happening Because you start thebusiness and, first thing,
people say you left that goodjob to do that.
Or you say, hey, I'm going tomove across the country, sell
everything and start this newlife.
And why do you want to do that?
(05:35):
It's like they give youpermission to do all of these
amazing things, but then youhave to sit there and feel this
pressure to explain why this isgoing to make you happy, and
that's not really freedom.
It's freedom with strings.
And it reminded me of this booknot the fantasy, but the
(06:00):
feeling of it Living a lifewhere you feel free but not seen
Present, but disconnected.
So what I want you to askyourself are you building a life
that feels like yours?
Or are you editing yourself tomake everyone else feel
(06:22):
comfortable, what you love tofit into the boxes of everyone
else's expectation, until youstart feeling so small, so
displaced, so unsure of who youare that you will be questioning
(06:45):
everything.
Just know that you are allowedto change your mind to start
over to ask what do I want, mindto start over to ask what do I
want, and actually take the timeto wait for the answer.
Sometimes we just want a magicanswer, but it isn't always that
simple, right?
We ask ourselves what do wewant?
(07:12):
And it takes some time, ittakes some peeling back a lot of
different layers to find thatidea of what you want.
Because, honestly, what I wantedwhen I was 16 and in my 20s is
not the same that I want nowthat I'm in my 40s.
It looks different, it feelsdifferent and sometimes, when
I'm thinking about what it is Itruly want, I think about the
feeling I want to have.
What will that truly feel likefor me?
(07:36):
Sometimes I think about it inthe form of a food right,
because I love some good icecream.
So I wanted to feel like eatinga bowl of my favorite ice cream
, which is birthday cake,outside on a summer, sunny day,
sunny day.
Or maybe I wanted to feel likesipping on a favorite tea, some
(07:58):
lemongrass, where all I'm doingis basking in the idea of just
doing nothing.
That's what freedom feels like.
So understanding what it willfeel like and then picturing
what it would look like.
So when we get there, we knowwhat that is, what that thing is
(08:23):
that we want, and givingourselves permission to take our
time until we find it.
You don't have to be in a rushand, like I said, you can change
your mind anytime you want andyou are free to start over.
It's never too late.
You are never too late to startliving a new dream.
(08:48):
And here's another thing I'vebeen sitting with, because we
live in a world where everythingis shared but not everything is
felt.
It's easy to be visible.
It's harder to be seen.
If you've ever walked into aroom, smiled, did the polite
thing and still felt like no oneactually noticed you, like
(09:11):
people are interacting with theversion of you they decided is
safe or comfortable.
You can be the strong one, thehelper, the funny one, and still
feel invisible in your truth,that quiet, aching invisibility.
It's not new, it just wearsdifferent shoes.
(09:32):
It just wears different shoes.
It's in being the one who checkson everyone else but never gets
the how are you doing?
How are you really doing?
It's in staying silent to keepthe peace, even when your voice
(09:53):
is begging to scream out loudand be used.
And that's when you start towonder what happened.
If I just disappeared for aweek, would anyone notice?
Not post anything, not reply,who would notice?
How many people would stop andsay hey, haven't seen you on
(10:14):
social.
What's going on?
Here's what I've learned weunderestimate the power of
presence.
We think our legacy has to beloud to matter, and it doesn't.
(10:38):
But it's often the small things, a simple word, a moment, a
glance, a pat on the back, asmile, that leave the deepest
mark.
And that's what this storyabout the invisible life of
Addie LaRue taught me.
But it also taught me that lifeis ever-changing, no-transcript
(11:04):
, through strangers who sawsomething in you that you hadn't
yet claimed.
I remember working with someoneand it was crazy, because I'm
usually in a very great mood,especially at work.
I have no reason not to be in ajoyful mood, right, I'm just.
(11:26):
I'm overall normally happyperson.
But that day I was feeling alittle stressed.
I had a lot on my mind and Icame in and I think I was trying
to pretend to be my normal selfand someone stopped me and they
said hey, and they touched megently on the shoulder and
looked me in the eyes and saidhey, how are you?
(11:52):
And I've had people ask mebefore in passing hey, how you
doing?
Well, hey, how are you?
But this person actually took amoment to stop, stand, touch me
, even if they didn't touch you.
Stand, touch me even if theydidn't touch you, but look me in
(12:12):
the eye, because that eyecontact let me know that they
saw me in that moment.
They saw and they said how areyou?
And it was the best feeling inthe world because I had been
struggling, and not that Idecided to pour out my whole
life story, but what I said wasit's been a challenging week and
(12:33):
thank you, thank you for askingme.
It means a lot and I don't knowif they knew how much that meant
to me, but that single impactmade me slow down to ask myself?
Am I doing the same for others?
Am I showing up, letting thepeople in my life know that I
(12:55):
see them?
I truly see you.
So I want you to ask yourselfwhen is the last time you felt
truly seen and what would itlook like to show up as your
full self, not this polishedversion of you that you've put
together for everyone else, orthis highly inflated persona
(13:19):
that you show on social media,or the person that you are at
work, but just yourself, you?
You take everything away.
It's like taking off the makeupat night.
Like if you were that person,what would it look like?
How would you feel?
Because, just understand, youdon't need to be everywhere.
(13:40):
You just need to be present inthe places that make you feel
real.
I've been in a lot of rooms andI was very excited and honored
to be in those rooms and,honestly, I wouldn't take them
back.
It was amazing learning lessons, but what I realized when I was
(14:01):
in those rooms is what theywere not for me.
Not only that, I feel out ofplace and unseen.
I realized that in that moment,if I could not step in that
room and truly be me, theversion of myself that I know is
the best and just let my lightshine, instead of conforming to
(14:24):
the expectations of what someoneelse wanted me to be then that
was not the room for me.
So it's okay to appreciate theexperience and still say that's
okay.
I'd rather be somewhere thatmakes me feel whole and complete
.
(14:46):
So no, this episode is not justabout the story of the book.
It's about you.
It's about how easy it is toslip into a version of life that
looks fine on paper but feelsheavy in your chest.
It's about how you don't haveto wait for a crisis to happen
to pivot.
How you don't have to wait fora crisis to happen to pivot or
(15:11):
to get a title or promotion tomatter or have this huge
following of people to beremembered.
Sometimes you're leaving yourlegacy in places that you can't
even see, and how you listen andin how you care and in how you
choose yourself over and overagain, even when it's quiet,
even when no one's clapping.
(15:32):
So if you've been feeling alittle invisible, a little lost
in your own story, I want you tohear this you, my friend, are
not behind.
You are not too much.
You, my friend, are not behind.
You are not too much.
You are not too bold or tooloud or too emotional, and you
are never too late.
(15:53):
You are just getting started inyour life.
It's already making waves.
Remember that.
All right, my friends, if thisstory connected with you or you
(16:25):
feel like it will connect withsomeone else, share this with
them.
Let us all be empowered tocreate the freedom in life that
we want to leave the legacy.
That is all the tea that I haveto spill, but don't forget to
join me next time for some moredelicious hot tea.
Until then, namaste.
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