May 13, 2025 • 52 mins
In this heartfelt and deeply personal Mother’s Day special, Leggra sits down with her son DuBois (aka Dubwaah) for a raw, unfiltered conversation about their journey — from the early days of mother and child to the evolving dynamic of mother and grown man.
Together, they reflect on:
The joys and challenges of growing up together
How DuBois perceived his mother as a child vs. now as a man
The shifting roles, respect, and realities that come with adulthood
Healing, understanding, and learning to see each other through grown-up eyes
What it truly means to love, protect, and evolve as family
This episode is full of laughter, honesty, and emotional depth — a celebration of growth, legacy, and the unbreakable bond between a mother and her son.
✨ Whether you're a mom, a son, or someone navigating family dynamics — this conversation will touch your heart.
🛎️ Subscribe for more real talk, unfiltered stories, and powerful connections every week on Timeless & Unfiltered.
👇 Drop your thoughts in the comments and share how your relationship with your parent or child has evolved over the years. We want to hear your story!
#TimelessAndUnfiltered #MothersDay #MotherSon #Dubwaah #Leggra #Podcast #FamilyTalk #HealingConversations #BlackMothers #Growth #ParentingAdultChildren
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You check me a lot, I mean.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
A lot.
Someone asked you A lot Onceagain.
If there was a husband he'd bedoing it A lot of times, you're
right, but damn, let me have one.
I do think a lot of it a lot oftimes.
In the black community is notseeing children as people worthy
of respect.
Do as I say, not as I do,because I said so, and part of
(00:23):
being an adult, like we said, isdropping the curtain.
I see the b**** sometimes.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I remember being pregnant with you the day I had
you.
It was the day I knew I was notgoing to have any kids.
I didn't think I could loveanother kid like I loved you
yeah.
This is Legra, this is Stephanie, this is Cherie and this is
(00:54):
legra.
This is Stephanie, this isSheree and this is Evania.
And this is timeless andunfiltered, where we are
spilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time.
Welcome to another episode oftimelesseless and Unfiltered.
I'm Legra and I don't have myco-host with me, but happy
Mother's Day.
(01:14):
This is a Mother's Day edition,and so I'm actually very
honored to be spilling the teatoday with my son, mr Du Bois.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Honored, I'm honored, wow, wow.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Okay, first let me start off by saying he acts just
like me, so we're going to seewhere this conversation goes.
But yes, I am very honored foryou to be sitting on the
timeless and unfiltered couchfor our Mother's Day edition
yeah, it's interesting being onthe other side.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
You know, I usually have my chair over there yes
everything.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So I was like okay, let's see how this goes yes,
well, I was hoping we had a justa conversation just about our
journey as as-son.
You always hear aboutmother-son dynamics, good or bad
.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Good or bad and how we have evolved as mother-child.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Yeah, valid.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
You know, and now mother and I got a grown man.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
You know and how our relationship has grown, how it's
changed, how you know, you'vebeen my rock for the last couple
years, as I've been on a cancerjourney and yeah all those
different things and we justgonna see where this
conversation goes.
We don't know y'all right now.
We don't know where ourconversation that is cool.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
People have always like my friends and everything
I've always been like.
Oh, such a great relationship.
And I go, wow, you have such acool mom.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
If only they knew Right, let me get some patty out
here, honey.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
If only they knew no, but I mean that's been.
I would say that's been aconstant, even growing up.
I mean you know like you wouldcome to school hey, you're Du
Bois' mom or Miss Du Bois' mom,right, you know.
So it's like I feel like peoplehave always seen our
relationship, even just thedynamic we have.
I mean, we argue.
(03:09):
You know, jordan and Alex werehere this past weekend.
Alex sees it all the time,jordan is new to it, but he's
like oh, I get y'all differences, but I also get y'all
similarities.
Yes, we really do have a lot incommon, and I think, growing up
, or as I get older, as you getolder, it's about trying to
(03:30):
figure out what these newpersonalities and these new
wants and wishes look like.
I've always known you as mom.
You've been mom for God knowshow long.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
For all of your life.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
But I think over the last few years you've had to be
a lot less mom-centered.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Being mom isn't like your personality anymore.
It's like, okay, it's a part ofyou.
So learning you and figuringout who the hell is Legro I like
mom.
I don't know too much aboutLegro, you know a lot about
Legro.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
You probably know know too much about Allegra.
You know a lot about Allegra.
You probably know way too muchabout Allegra.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Yeah, I don't know if me and Allegra would have been
cool like that.
Me and mom are great.
You don't know if you likeAllegra.
I don't know if me and Allegrarock and roll like that, but me
and mom are cool.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Why is mom different than Allegra?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
No, I think I like Legra more than I like mom.
To be honest, I think I likeLegra more than I like mom, and
I think it's something thatevery parent does.
You feel like you have to beMom, Big dog in the house.
You know what I mean, and overthe last few years I mean
obviously after going throughchemo and everything I think a
(04:44):
lot of your walls have just comedown and you were never like
super strict, major pain.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I was gonna say was.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
I no, you've always been fun and you've always had a
really like.
There's always been alight-hearted aspect to our
relationship yeah but I thinkthat that's been a lot more on
the forefront.
We're in sync lately where themoon is in the sky.
(05:22):
I think that you've suppresseda lot of your personality.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
But I think you know what these are, conversations
that Sharice and I have all thetime.
I think a lot of times and Idon't know why we, as parents,
feel like we have to.
You remember the saying youknow, do as I say not as I do
right saying you know, do as Isay, not as I do, right, so we,
(05:49):
we always it's something aboutbeing responsible for another
human being like, yeah, as aparent, we're responsible for
you, so you always want to set agood example, so you don't.
We don't let you see the sidesthat are off.
You know what I'm saying.
We don't let you see, well,some parents don't.
We don't want you to know thatwe're broke yeah, you know what
(06:09):
I'm saying and or that we'restruggling, what we don't want
you to stress and we don't wantyou to worry.
So we hide a lot of things andwe suppress a lot of things to
protect what we think areprotecting you, but and
sometimes I think it's notprotecting you.
Like, I think sometimes youneed to see some of these things
that we hide from you and, Ithink, in our relationship
(06:32):
because, um, you know, with yourdad and I splitting with you,
being at a very young age, I wasa young parent, even though I
wasn't a teen parent, yeah, butI rarely even babysat when I was
a kid, so I didn't know how totake care of a child yeah you
know.
(06:53):
So you were kind of anexperiment.
You were a guinea pig on a lotof things, honey, because I
didn't know, I didn't know how.
So you were my first child andonly child, which is funny,
because taking me down anotherstory, honey, because I told
y'all we don't know where we'regoing to end up with this story,
(07:13):
with this episode.
I always wanted a lot of kids.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I knew I was going to have five kids.
I knew I wanted like five kids,I wanted a starting lineup.
They was going be athlete, yeah, they were gonna be all of that
.
But the funny thing was Iremember at which I don't
remember a whole lot of things,but I remember being pregnant
with you.
I Remember the day I had youvery vividly, like it was
(07:46):
yesterday that I remember that,which is so funny, and I think
it was because it was the day Iknew I was not gonna have no
more kids.
I didn't think I could love andthat's to this day and I mean,
if I heard me say it I didn'tthink I could love another kid
like I loved you yeah when I sawyou and people always say oh no
, you love them differently.
I was like nope, nope, I'mtelling you, I don't know what
(08:08):
this thing did to me when hecame out and ripped me and I had
to get stitches and she had tostitch me back together remember
how we said we know too muchabout each other oh yeah, oh
honey, all of those things, butI don't.
I just knew I was like I lovethis little thing right here,
which is funny because I never.
I was not that that girl thatdreamed about being married.
(08:30):
You know, some people dream oftheir weddings and marriage or
they they dream about their,their families and kids.
I never even thought abouthaving kids.
So it was something about whenyou were born and I just said,
oh yeah, it wouldn't be fair, Iwould not be fair to the other
children and I don't know if itwas because you were the first
(08:53):
and experiencing that kind oflove for someone.
It was hard.
I dropped you a couple times,you know.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
It shows, it shows.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
I dropped you a couple of times.
You know, um, I still rememberthe first time I dropped you, I
had an epidural when you wereborn and no one told me that it
stays in your system for so long, even though I was up and about
and everything.
And I think, um I, after you,were released from the hospital
because you were jaundiced.
I don't know if you rememberthat.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Well, I remember that .
I've told you that, yeah, I wasup there.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Right, you were there , but I told you that.
So you stayed in the hospitallike an extra three, four, five
days.
I can't remember how many daysand luckily you were born in the
middle of Kansas and it was youand one other baby in the whole
freaking hospital, so I had alot of attention from all the
nurses there was nobody else inthe maternity ward because you
(09:48):
were in the middle of Kansas butjust being able to nurture you
and stuff, and I think alsoseeing you so vulnerable because
you were in like an incubatorand all that kind of stuff.
And then when it was time tocome home with you, I remember
the nurses and I was like wait,y'all not coming with me, like
(10:11):
what am I supposed to do withhim when I get home, you know?
And so I always was so carefulwith you and carrying you.
And I remember walking down thestairs one day and literally I
had no legs Like gone, like mywhole body went numb and and I
didn't find out till later it'slike, yeah, the epidural, you
know it stays in your system forquite some time and like
(10:33):
literally at that very moment mylegs were numb.
I was walking down the stairsand I remember I dropped you for
the first time, look, and Ithought I broke you and I
thought I broke you and I cried.
I don't think I cried so hard.
Well, first of all, the screamthat you had when you hit the
floor, yeah, was excruciatinglypainful for me.
(10:54):
So I was like, oh my god, and Iremember calling the doctor and
we were gonna get you there.
The doctor's like, oh, he'sfine.
I was like I don't need tobring him in.
He's like, oh, no, he's fine,his bones are soft, he ain't
broke nothing or whatever.
It more scared you.
It probably scared him morethan it hurt him and stuff.
And I don't know.
I think at that moment it did.
Your dad got to a point.
He wouldn't let me carry youanymore and you're going
downstairs.
Call me when you're coming downthe stairs, I'll come get him.
(11:16):
Like I can carry my baby.
We didn't have brails in the90s.
No, we did.
But you know, first of all, youhaven't had children yet and
you definitely aren't a mom.
We have everything.
I had the baby in this hand.
I was probably carryingsomething else in this hand.
I probably had something on myback.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know, we're always multitasking.
Yeah, we're always multitasking.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
We can't.
We're mothers, we can't focusright.
We got to take care ofeverything.
So I remember dropping you andthat was just probably the most
excruciating thing.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah, you probably didn't need another kid, because
you would have dropped him too.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
It's a good possibility.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Yeah, you would have dropped him too.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
It's a good possibility.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And you know I think growing up I felt like I always
wanted siblings, but it kind oftook me some time to mentally
kind of wrap my head around,even like will's in that
relationship yeah, you know,like which is your my nephew
yeah, will will and I to thisday be like that's my brother.
We don't really we rarelyreally call each other cousins
at this point, because there'snot a point.
I mean, you think, about.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
You guys grew up a lot together too, because you
know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Like yeah, we think of everything that quote-unquote
brothers are supposed to quote,supposed to do or go through.
I mean, we lived in the samehouse for A lot of your
childhood.
Probably, at least like 11 ofmy like pre-18 years.
You know what I mean.
Like we grew up together in thesame space and vicinity and our
relationship was a lot morelike that.
(12:37):
Even Gabriel Gabriel was alwaysaround.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Other nephew.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, yeah, gabriel was always around.
So I felt like the need forsiblings kind of decreased as I
got older and then I didn't wantto be a big brother.
Why do you want to be a bigbrother?
That's a lot of responsibility.
You didn't want theresponsibility.
That's a lot of responsibility.
I have to give you words ofwisdom.
I'm the dumbest person I know.
No, I'm not doing that, I'msorry.
(13:05):
I'm sorry, but you know, my dadalways had a really big family
and I think seeing therelationship he had with his
siblings growing up made mealways feel like I needed or
wanted siblings.
I mean, I have siblings, I havecousins.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
I think that was also one of the reasons why, just as
a child, I remember you alwaysstayed the summers with your dad
.
You always spent 90% of everyholiday was with your dad and I
remember I think it wasChristmas or something you had
(13:39):
just come back from Thanksgiving.
You're back in school for acouple of weeks and then you're
back on Christmas break and Iremember you were going to leave
for Christmas and I remember mymom God rest her soul was like
he just had him for Thanksgiving.
He's never home for christmas.
I always wanted you to havethat big family that I could not
(13:59):
give to you, so I never wantedyou to feel like you missed out
on anything and you were with meall the time.
So, yeah, go for the holidayswhen all the family is together,
because your dad was from avery big family, but one of 11 I
think it was one of 11 siblings.
I mean, even when we weremarried, I remember the first
(14:20):
time going to the house and allthe.
It was a family gathering.
All the kids and the cousinsand all that stuff were there
and stuff and I, being from asmaller family, I wanted you to
have that like I wanted.
I wanted you to go to familyreunions and and all of those,
those things.
So I'm Hopefully you never feltlike I was Getting rid of you
(14:42):
or something.
You know what I'm saying, orlike pushing you away for the
holidays, but it was anexperience I couldn't give you.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
And I used to love women.
To this day, I still love goingto Kansas City.
I was just like there were twoyears ago last year so many.
But I think even seeing that orliving in that, you can see it
in my friend groups.
I have big friend groups, yeah,and they might be from here,
there, whatever you know, myfriends all mesh well together.
So when it is time to actuallysee and I'm not being a recluse,
(15:10):
I know I'm going to have andpeople come over, it's like oh,
there's a lot of people here.
So I do like that because I grewup in that environment I'm
always feeling like ain't morepeople showing up?
There's more people showing up,right, where are more people at
?
That kind of runs through myhead a lot and I don't ever
really felt like I was beinggotten rid of.
I think I was damn nearthrowing my book bag in the car
(15:32):
like are you leaving, you're notpicking me up early.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
We're not going like right now.
Right now.
Well, your dad and I never kepta schedule.
It was whenever Du Bois wantedto come, we made it happen, and
I remember recently having aconversation with you, or just
something you shared with me.
It wasn't exactly aconversation.
(15:56):
Where you were saying your dadalmost lost his job or something
because he was so trying tomake sure he was involved in
your life, having to take offwork or whatever.
Because literally whenever hewas like I want to see my daddy,
I was like okay, you know, likemake a phone call.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Right, you did, you did it.
You used to say I want to seemy daddy and you did.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's how you did it .
Speaker 2 (16:13):
I don't know if I said it like that you have some
like auditory disassociationokay, whatever that's.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
That's how he said it y'all, that's that's exactly
how he said yeah, but even like,like, same way, I feel like
with you.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I've been growing to know you as a person and not as
a parent.
You know, dad and I talk a lotabout everything.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Now, yeah, um, and I'm so glad for you for that,
because you I always felt likeyou felt, I felt like you felt
like you couldn't share with himsome of the things that you
would share with me.
Oh, yeah or talk to him aboutsome things that I would wish,
like I don't.
I don't want to hear this rightnow, but I'm going to act like
it's not phased in me because Idon't want him to think he can't
come talk to me.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
This is really a dad issue.
Well, I tell people even now,when people ask me about just
like my background or like whatgrowing up was like for me, I
always say that it's really hardfor me to give one straight
answer yeah.
Because, I can't.
I feel like I fortunately hadparents who were always trying
to expose me to a bunch of stuff, and so living with you was
(17:17):
different than living with dad.
I think you guys had differentlifestyles and personalities.
Obviously if it was like onehousehold there would have been
some differences.
But yeah, you were, althoughalthough you were still mom, I
knew mom was a little bit moreof a hot girl, not a bad way,
like I was like wait, but likeyou would throw parties and
(17:37):
stuff or like you know I alwayslove entertaining, you know you
would.
There were always people at thehouse or you were always trying
something new.
Versus.
Dad was like the poster childof stability yes you know,
pastor, same job my entire life.
We moved.
He moved houses prettyfrequently, but like that, dad
had a level of consistencysometimes that I felt like I
(17:58):
couldn't disrupt or that I feltlike me being myself would be
like, whoa, this wasn't in thepicture, this isn't in the plan.
Like you know, um, sports was abig hurdle and even as as an
adult, when dad and I have theseconversations, dad has kind of
had to tell me, like when yousaid you didn't want to do
sports, I stopped talking aboutit and as a child, that was such
(18:18):
a big thing because I alwaysfelt like it was such a yeah,
you didn't go back.
Well, you didn't go back.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Well, you didn't play basketball, which is funny
because I don't think we, Ididn't, I don't think we did.
But I've also learned that achild's perception is also
different than the adultperception.
Like, even for you, you're anartist.
Come on, let's say the wordYou're an artist, you're an
artist and you're singing.
And I remember you in thebackseat of the car, literally
(18:49):
in a car seat, singing Earth,wind and Fire.
Kid, you not, because you knowyour parents were old school,
like old school music, but Earth, wind and Fire wasn wasn't
playing, it wasn't a music onyou were just singing in a car
seat, singing earth, wind andfire.
And you should have put me insinging lessons then you were a
baby, barely talking, but youwere singing earth, wind and
fire I should have let you knowthen okay, I might have missed
(19:13):
it.
Apparently I missed, missed it,but I remember you talking,
well, us talking.
And I remember when you camehome from school and you said
you were going to be in the bandat high school and I was like
do you know how to play an?
instrument.
He's like nope, but they saidthey'll teach me and I was like,
oh, okay, and then for you togo to F and be in the band the
(19:37):
marching 100 being the band andnot just do it but to be very
good at it and I was like oh, heis definitely musically
inclined.
I still never saw singing,until you called one day and
said hey mom, I got a class andum yeah they're gonna air it
online or something and we haveto do.
(19:58):
I don't know if it was a test orsomething, yeah we have three
recitals yeah or something, andI remember logging on so I can
see you know Du Bois is gonnasing, you guys, he's gonna sing,
and you were singing opera yeahand I was like, okay, wait,
whoa like you never told me whatyou were gonna sing and you
were singing opera.
And then all of a sudden, youknow, here we are, graduated
(20:21):
from school, trying to figureout your life journey and your
career journey, and you said youwanted to sing.
And I remember going well, whyhave you never sang before?
And you said to me you neversang in front of me because one
time you were in the car singingand I told you to be quiet yeah
(20:42):
and I told you to be quietscarred me and it scarred you.
And so when I tell you and it'sso funny because I had this
conversation with sharice afteryou told me that the things that
we say or do to our kids, likewe didn't real, like I didn't
realize that, scarred you, andthen even I don't even remember
the moment, so I can't defendmyself or I can't, I can't say I
(21:03):
did it.
I can't say I didn't, because Idon't even remember the moment,
but your perception of metelling you to be quiet, to
completely shut that gift off.
Yeah, you know what I'm sayingwhere for me, as your mom would
hope that that would have beensomething I could have nurtured
(21:23):
if I had have known, but I don'tknow what was happening in that
moment that.
I told you to be quiet yeah butthe way you perceived it was to
never do this again like tonever sing again and you know
that's what I mean by when I saythe way we look at things as as
a kid or adult.
It also made me think about somethings like even with my
(21:44):
parents.
You know, my mom was a hustler,she worked hard and how some
some of the things.
Like I always say, you takequalities of your parents, you
should take qualities of yourparents that you love and you
incorporate those things in yourlife.
You kind of become your parents, but you also have to see your
(22:04):
parents flaws yeah and howpeople, how we repeat the cycle
and it's generational and it.
But you got to find the thingsthat you didn't like about me or
whatever, to make sure youdon't repeat those things.
So I was thinking about whenyou said how I told you not to
sing.
It made me think about my life,how I'm so happy that you have
(22:29):
the opportunity to try to pursueyour goals and your dreams and
I hope that I'm giving you thatopportunity to pursue your goals
because your dreams, and I hopethat I'm giving you that
opportunity to pursue your goalsbecause pretty soon we're going
to do something else.
No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
No, really we're not going to do 30 Lakers, Right?
No, we already got so long.
But.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I think just culturally.
You know and Cherise, and Italked about this before too
we're so easy to kick our kidsout at a certain because you've
hit this certain age or whatever.
But I think about my 20s.
I didn't know who I was in my20s, and so it to give you that
time to figure it out and tofigure out what you want to do.
I think I did a lot of thingsbecause I I was expected to do
(23:09):
certain things, so that's what Idid, and then it didn't align
with who I was and then I wasunhappy yeah and I'm not saying
this to say because your dad andI have a great relationship- in
terms of respect for each otherin hindsight in hindsight, I
would have probably never gottenmarried that early.
(23:30):
Um, but it was one of thosethings.
I was kind of expected to do it.
But I also think I did it tooout of fear, because I was
graduating from college and it'slike, well, what was next which
?
What are you supposed to donext?
Like you, you couldn't say youknow what.
I think I'm just gonnagallivant around the country for
a while and figure my life out.
You know?
(23:51):
No, you it was.
You're supposed to graduatefrom high school.
You're supposed to go tocollege.
You're supposed to graduatefrom high school.
You're supposed to go tocollege.
You're supposed to get a goodjob.
You're supposed to get married,you're supposed to have kids.
And I think I was doing all ofthose things and I think I woke
up one day and said I don't wantto do this anymore.
Who am I?
I'm hoping that, while youfigure out your journey, that
(24:14):
you're doing it on your ownterms yeah um, and that I can be
as supportive to you as I canwhile still being mom, while
still being mom, but I want youto always feel like you could
live your life your way yeah andnot of what I expect of you
yeah, no, that's fair and andyou know we're obviously we've
(24:34):
talked about this, yeah, outsideof this setting, but even
presently I don't fault you forhow I took your whole singing
career when you've been the nextusher.
Chris Brown saying that as ayoung child I had to get that
out, but no, I don't, I don'tfault you because I'm 28 now you
have me.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
What 28?
I was 28, but no, I don't faultyou because I'm 28 now.
You had me.
At what 28?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I was 28.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I don't know how to talk to kids.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
That's what I'm saying.
You don't know, I don't knowhow to talk to kids.
You don't know.
You just do the best you can Ihave friends who have kids.
And every time I say something,I'm like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
So yeah, and I also don't fault you because I like
it, it's nice, yeah um, but Ialso think that a lot of times
what we're like tuned to lookout for plays a role in what we
see in other people.
So you know, like a dad, youand dad were both athletes.
Dad worked in athletics.
All of my family is freakingathletes.
You know what I mean but youwere athletic yeah, but that
(25:53):
doesn't show up in a lot ofdifferent ways.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah it does.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
You know what I mean.
And so it's like I think that alot of times we look for I told
dad, I realized I didn't knowhow to work hard, or I didn't
know how to pursue things Iwanted, because everybody was
telling me you're an athlete,you're an athlete, you're an
athlete and sports came hard tome, not to say I feel like it
(26:21):
should be easy, but in my head.
As a kid I told dad that if thisis what I'm supposed to be
doing, everything else is aboutto be 10,000 times harder if
this is what everybody's sayingoh, you're built for this,
you're cut out for this.
This is what you're made to be.
You're an athlete.
Shit is hard yeah, being anathlete is hard and I don't want
to do this and we wanted you toso badly so badly, and so I
think, even like I, I remembergrowing up like I would sing in
church sometimes or, um, I woulddo like little talent shows at
(26:45):
school, like, oh, they're gonnagive out candy to whoever sings
in the talent show.
To my mother, some candy, youknow what I mean so like in my
bring your candy.
Yeah, so like in my head, head,I had all these instances or
all these moments where it feltlike I was trying and it was
just like good job.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
That's what you got from us.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I mean, that was kind of how it felt you know what I
mean Versus, like withbasketball.
I felt like there was such likea oh, you want to do basketball
, okay, let's do it, let's getyou a coach, let's put you in
private lessons, let's take youto camp, and I just think that,
like I said, that's what youguys knew how to nurture, you
knew how to raise an athlete.
And I, or when my athleticismshowed up in different ways,
(27:26):
even even though we like to jokelike oh, I didn't get rhythm
until I was like 14, you knowwhat I mean like I've always
loved dancing, even if I was thechild who was just hopping
around.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
I think it's because you had your father's rhythm as
a young child as a young child,oh for sure.
And then I still remember was iteighth grade, yeah, and you
said you were singing in single,I mean dancing in single de
mayo.
And I was like, oh yeah, oh mygod, they're gonna.
They gonna laugh at my baby,because my baby didn't have any
rhythm.
I was like, oh my god, they'regonna laugh at my baby.
But everybody come, I broughteverybody out.
(27:56):
Y'all come and support my baby,y'all better cheer and you've
been all of that, I don't care.
And you danced your little assoff and I was like when did he
get rhythm?
yeah, because you can't, I don't.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
You can teach someone to dance, but you can't teach
rhythm well, you can, and Ithink that, but I also think
that's a perception a lot ofpeople have of the arts I think
people look at when you seethings like sports as this is a
tangible skill somebody had tolearn.
Nobody comes out of the roomplaying basketball.
Michael phelps, with all hishis genetic predispositions,
(28:28):
still had to learn how to swim,but I think when it comes to the
arts outside of an instrument,people assume you're born with
it.
You're born knowing how to sing.
You're born knowing how todance.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
So you could teach me to sing.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
I would never do that , why not?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
I've always wanted to sing in a church, but it's for
selfish reasons.
Forgive me, jesus, I've, butit's for selfish reasons.
Okay, forgive me, jesus.
I've always wanted to makepeople cry something about when,
but that's that I want to thatto move you.
And when I say make you cry, tomove you to the point of tears,
(29:00):
like her voice, her message isso moving but that's valid
because, honestly, becausethat's how I feel, and maybe
it's like you know what I wantto give this to somebody else.
But then I hear myself and belike, but that's how I feel
about singing.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I've always I've always loved music because of
how it makes me feel, and evenmaking my own music.
Um, I always have theconversation of like, what would
I want someone else to takefrom this?
Like, what's the what's themoment?
I would want somebody to playthis song, what are they doing?
What are they?
Are they getting ready for howdo they feel?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, and I think those are thethings we're born with when it
(29:32):
comes to art.
You live, your own experiencesand then you create that.
But the skill of art itself, Imean, that's anything Learning
how to paint, learning how todraw, learning how to dance,
learning how to sing, being agood writer.
I think we feel like people aresupposed to be born with these
gifts, or we perceive these asgifts people are born with and
in actuality, I mean we have tolearn it, just to live, to learn
(29:52):
everything else.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Like how you always say do you have to train your
voice?
Yeah, you have to train yourvoice to sing.
It's a muscle.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Just like the saying I've got to learn how to walk or
learn how to dribble abasketball, learn how to run a
40, like all of those things.
I think those conceptually justmade sense to you guys because
you knew that there was coachesor people who were, who were
outside of you, who can give youthose gifts yeah so I'd never
fault you guys for not knowingwhat the right thing to do was,
(30:19):
especially because I was in sucha completely different sphere
of interest that you guys didn'tknow how to nurture you know, I
mean.
So it's easy to watch um BlueIvy, becausece knows what that
looks like when you have aninterest in wanting to sing and
dance and you know like there'svideos of blue growing up yeah
for she's in rehearsal, she'sdancing behind beyonce and it's
(30:39):
like you know people be like oh,that's cute, look at her mom
she's really learning, shereally wants to do that and so
when you see her now, she's 13on a freaking national tour,
world tour.
Sold out stadium.
Yes and did freaking amazingyou see what I'm saying, so it's
like but, but her parents are,because they're in arts yeah, oh
(30:59):
, okay.
Whenever I'm in rehearsal, blueis dancing with her.
She must like dancing, you know.
So I think.
I think it's just not somethingthat we're aware of now.
If I had a toddler or a newbornbaby who was singing Earth,
wind and Fire and didn't evenknow how to talk, I would look
at him and say, oh, he reallylikes singing.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Sometimes I miss the mark.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
You didn't really learn.
You didn't really learn.
But I can't fault you becauseonce again, you didn't know, I
didn't know, know.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
You don't know what that natural gift looks like and
I also think it wasn't.
It wasn't on the radar.
I lived in survival mode a lotof your childhood.
I'm just trying to.
I was trying to figure out mylife, you know, and in survival
mode, and we had a small village.
(31:50):
Thank you, jesus, that we didwith my sister and my mom and
you know you mentioned Williamand and and Gabriel that we had
a village to try to figure allthose things out that were
supporting us and helping us andand all those kinds of things.
And now here we are, at thisstage of life, your mother's in
(32:19):
her 50s and I told y'all, I toldy'all, act just like me.
And then here comes cancer yeahlike and I felt like cancer
came right at the moment where Ifelt like I was getting my
stride.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Yeah, it did.
I remember all theconversations we had, yeah,
cause I moved home that February.
Okay At the end of Februarythat year, and then you got
diagnosed that October.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Was it the same year?
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I don't remember.
I don't remember it being thesame year, but okay, it was the
same year I had just moved home.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
I was really just starting to get into
entertainment television film.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
That was the year I worked my first BET Awards.
Okay, yes.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
So did that, and then had October come around no, it
was November because I was aboutto work Soul Train Awards.
I left for Soul Train Awardsand you called me that Monday
and they said the doctor calledyou back and said the biopsy
came back positive and it wascancer.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
What was your thoughts, what were you thinking
or how did you feel?
Speaker 2 (33:25):
It was a lot to process, yeah, but I also think
a lot of times my emotionalstate goes into, like you said,
survival mode.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
I felt like I didn't really have a lot of time to
worry or sulk, I guess is theword I called my friends.
That's probably the first timemy friends ever saw me cry.
Oh, you cry.
Yeah, I guess is the word Icalled my friends.
That's probably the first timemy friends ever saw me cry.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Oh, you cry, yeah, I cried a few times.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
I cried a few times I called my friends.
It was the first time myfriends ever saw me cry and I
made sure to never let you seethat, because I never saw it.
Yeah, yeah, I made sure tonever, but I know my child too.
I know he cried at some point.
(34:14):
He's a cry baby.
I know you did, yeah, but Inever wanted you to see that
because I felt like that tookaway from what you were going
through and I think I'm gonnatell you, my biggest fear was if
it was worse than I thought itwas going to be, was was leaving
you behind.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Yeah, that was my biggest fear, and not to say
like fear of death.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
It was.
Had I prepared you well enough?
Right, were you going to besecure enough?
Mm-hmm, the first thing in mymind was oh my God, my house is
not in order, you know, likefinancially, making sure you
were going to be okay, becausethere are no siblings, you know,
did I, did I teach you all thethings to make sure you were
(34:54):
going to be this great man?
Like you start thinking aboutall of these things.
It wasn't.
It wasn't me yeah that came tomy mind it was oh my god, what's
gonna happen with you?
And I don't know if that's themommy, parent thing or whatever
that is, but it was more so.
Whatever happens with me isgoing to happen with me.
(35:15):
I'm going to fight or whatever.
But if I didn't make it ordon't make it, what's going to
happen with my son?
I instilled all the things thatI should have to make sure that
you were going to be a greatman Financially.
Is he gonna be strugglingbecause you had just moved like
home, like you saying?
You know you just moved backhome.
Do I have everythingfinancially?
(35:37):
Okay, you use your lifeinsurance in order like all
these were the things that camein.
My mind was like was I a goodmom?
Yeah to make sure that you weregonna be yeah okay that's valid
.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
That's valid.
I don't think I ever reallyeven had time to consider that
that was the first thing yeah,for me.
I don't really feel like I hadtime to consider that, because I
think dad had also just told meabout yeah he, your dad, had a
health scare yeah, dad had alsojust told me about his stuff,
and, and then here you know.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Right behind you.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
We knew the next year .
Some change was going to beweird.
I think it was the first time Iconsidered the mortality of my
parents.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, we're human.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Yeah, and it's like we know that, right, but it's
not until that that you knowthey say faced with it oh, like
this can happen to anybody yeahyou know, but I, I also, I, you
know, I'm a believer everythinghappens for a reason.
Yeah, um, I I think that thatchanged my outlook on a lot of
things that I was doing in mylife.
(36:44):
Yeah, um, that was when I Idecided, you know, okay, I'm
going to sing?
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yeah, I'm going to sing.
Yeah, yeah, I've decided fortomorrow is not promised.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
I had to say life is too short.
But I mean, life really is tooshort.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
And I felt like I had invested a lot of like my
talents and capabilities intodoing stuff for yeah, and I
don't mind doing that, but Ididn't feel like I was getting
anything that made me feel good,yeah, um, so shout out to
cancer for that.
You did one thing right.
Um, still sucks yeah, yeah stillsucks and honestly, if I feel
(37:19):
like if I hadn't started thataround that time, that it would
have been a much bigger strainon our relationship.
I think cancer was a really bigstrain on our relationship and
it it didn't really leave me alot of room to vocalize how I
was feeling going through thatyou know trying to be so
(37:39):
considerate of me yeah, which isfine.
You know what I mean, but youwere going through a lot and
obviously that takes a toll onyou mentally and emotionally,
and so I hope I wasn't that badI mean, I can't say you were or
weren't, because I don't reallyknow what, what it's supposed to
look like.
Yeah, I can't say you were orweren't, but I do know that it
was a lot more tense between thetwo of us a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
And for things we couldn't even control.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
You're mad because you can't feel your feet.
What am I?
I was mad at everybody.
You need to get over it.
Well, you can't, but I at leasthad things that I was working
on to be able to I hate to sayget away from you.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah, to get away from me and I wanted to always
make sure, like I know, a lot oftimes you didn't want to leave
me or like you didn't want to goplaces and I was like no, no,
please go.
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm not goingto do anything, but go to sleep.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, you don't need to sit here and watch me sleep.
So go, do, go, go, hang outwith your friends, go to the
studio, go to go, all thosethings, because I didn't want
you to feel like your life hadto stop.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Yeah, I didn't feel like it did.
I definitely felt like goingthrough that gave me a lot of
anxiety, even when I would leave.
I was trying to come back quickas hell.
I don't want to be gone for avery long time.
My room is right beneath yoursso to this day, you drop
anything.
I'm like you.
Good, it was a lot ofhyper-vigilance and I think that
(39:10):
that also.
I also felt that way becauseyou would never really tell me
just how bad it was I didn'twant you to know how bad it was
and you would.
You would kind of give me asneak, you would tell me here
and there.
Yeah, I mean, but you'regenerally someone who's super
self-sufficient.
You don't like asking for help,you don't really want to take
the help, but but it was hard toeven feel like it was you and
(39:37):
me against it because physicallythere's nothing I can do for
you.
Mm-hmm, you know what I mean.
And when you don't feel good,you go into your boss lady mode.
I do what would I do?
And so, even in trying to behelpful or be there, I didn't
really have a lot of optionswith you.
I can't physically help you, Ican't financially help you, I
(40:03):
can't emotionally support you.
You don't really allow me.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
I think you did emotionally support me.
I think I emotionally supportedyou when you allowed me to
emotionally support you.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
I think you did emotionally support me.
I think you, I think Iemotionally supported you when
you allowed me to emotionallysupport you.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
I give you that.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
I think when you felt like it, it happened.
I'm terrible, you're notterrible, but we all have our
ways.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
But you know what I think it was.
The thing is again.
I think it's mommy mode.
I didn't want you to see that Iwas suffering well, it's only
you and me.
I know, but I still.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
I didn't have a lot of other places to look.
I know, but I still didn't wantyou to see the struggle or that
I was suffering yeah, and Ithink sometimes feeling I felt
kind of shut out of that and itfelt it felt sometimes like a
damned if I do, damned if Idon't type of situation where
it's like I'm sorry you feltlike that I mean, but that's
never a game, it's not reallymuch I can do, you know, and
(40:58):
obviously a lot of the supportthat you would have gotten would
typically come from a husbandor a partner.
You know what I mean.
So when that's not there, it'slike I didn't really feel like
there was a place for me in thatsupport system.
Now, obviously I know I stilldid and I know that.
(41:19):
I thought you were verysupportive yeah, I mean it's
like those things still happenagain perceptions but I did feel
a lot of times like I felt likeI had to fight you to be there
for you.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
You did yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
You did.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
And I can say that for sure.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
You did.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
I didn't want to feel like a burden to anybody, so
the best thing was not to havenobody around when it was bad.
It was just bad and deal withit.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
It's valid and I think that's kind of how we all
would end up going through it, Ithink, sometimes just on the
outside, being the support partyit was like if I'm here, it
don't matter, if I'm gone itdon't matter.
Sometimes it felt like do youreally even need me here?
And obviously I didn't kind offall into that or just be like
(42:07):
you know, I'm just not going tobe here.
I never felt that from you yeah,but I do feel like going
through that it was.
It was tough because I I alsohad never had to be there for
you, right, not in that capacity.
And then the first time ithappens, it's like oh, cancer
and I think um part of that toowas again not.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I felt like this was some shit I had to deal with and
again I need therapy, because Ifeel like now I need therapy
after cancer.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
What'd you?
Speaker 1 (42:38):
say I need therapy.
Okay, oh, you need me to repeatit?
No, I've said it multiple timesI need therapy and need to call
Dr Angela.
I say it every week and forwhatever reason.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
I haven't.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
But that too, adhd, that, that too.
But it's giving me some anxiety, like you know, I don't.
I don't trust my body, I don'ttrust myself.
You know, during, during chemoand all that kind of stuff, I
couldn't go far from the housebecause you don't know what your
, your body's getting ready todo.
You know you couldn't holdhouse because you don't know
what your, your body's gettingready to do.
(43:11):
You know you couldn't hold foodin.
You didn't know what was goingto happen.
So somehow, in the midst of allthat, now coming out of it,
I've adapted those habits.
So it's hard to leave the housesometimes.
Um, I still question my body,uh, the neuropathy.
You know, when the damage, thechemo, damaged the nerves in my
(43:32):
hands and my feet, even now,like I went to take a open a
pill bottle, I still can't gripI think my hand won't grip
something and and firmly hold itto twist.
You know I couldn't open my ownwater bottles.
You know my feet.
I couldn't feel my feet, Istopped exercising.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
It's hard to exercise when you can't feel your feet
side note, it's very funny yousay that the habits we take out
of it, because you know, anytimenow I had somebody a ball of
water, I open it for me right asyou always open my water,
thanks, I think, yeah, but I hadto.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
I mean, so it's just some things that I think I've
got to kind of get out of myhead a little bit yeah.
That I'm a little bit in myhead.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Right.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
I wanted to publicly say thank you for supporting me.
Don't you start.
I hate you.
You know I can't stand you.
Okay, this it was tough.
So I know it was tough for meand I know it was tough for you.
I'm sure it was tough for youto watch.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
You said you were talking about clenching butt
cheeks.
Oh, no, no.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
You got Stephanie off on the side telling him clench
his butt, cheeks so he won't cry.
But I know it was tough towatch.
I know it was a tough journey.
I know I wasn't always the mostpleasant of people to be around
.
I know I probably pushed youaway a lot but that also was my
(45:00):
way of defending protectingmyself, but also in protecting
you, like I didn't I.
I want you to see me in certainways, but that was that
conversation from earlier wherewe say you know what the things
that you do, even though you are20 something years old it's
still mommy mode to hide thethings that you do, even though
you are 20-something years old.
It's still mommy mode to hidethose things from you to hide
how you feel, to hide, you know,when things aren't the greatest
yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Just period Once again.
You know, like I say,everything happens for a reason.
I think there was.
I think our communicationimproved Absolutely this morning
.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
And you know, we still have our moments, but
there was a time where youcouldn't say anything or I
couldn't say anything.
We were very defensive.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Yeah, we were very on eggshells and I think being in
this post-cancer space has madeboth of us just a lot more
receptive to leaning back intoour relationship and actually I
don't want't say getting back toenjoying each other, because
we've always enjoyed each other,but not having that like
walking on eggshells, feel aboutit and actually having the
(45:58):
conversations.
That makes our relationship alot because you check me a lot.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
I mean a lot someone has a lot.
Once again, if there was ahusband he'd be doing a lot, but
sometimes I'm prepping you tosend you out into the world okay
, but I'm gonna say a lot oftimes you're right but, damn,
let me have one.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
No, every once in a while like no, you've had the
episodes about generationaltraumas and crisis.
You know what I mean, but I dothink a lot of it a lot of times
in the black community is notand you don't do this, but not
seeing children as people worthyof like respect or yeah, or
just in decency.
(46:43):
You know, and you were neverlike that.
You were never your child.
Stay in your place orda-da-da-da.
You know what I mean.
But sometimes I mean you dofall, like all parents.
Do you fall into that?
Do as I say, not as I do,because I said so, da-da-da-da.
And part of being an adult,like we said, is dropping the
curtain.
I see, I see the bullshit,sometimes Like that's what you
(47:07):
did just say, but.
I think, I think a lot of timeswhen we get into it.
Sometimes you view it as like ame versus you type of situation
.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
OK, but can I say this Can I?
Interject.
Most of the time is tone.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
It is not the message , it is tone.
I agree.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
It's not the message.
I agree, and you should know mewell enough to know by now that
if you take a certain tone withme, I don't care what your
message is, because I can't hearyou at that point.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
But that's why I don't talk to you that way.
Or I've gotten a lot better,you've gotten better.
I come to you a lot more oftenand say I apologize, I didn't
mean to say it that way.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
Yes, you did, I was just hungry and that's that.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
I was just hungry.
I'm hungry now.
Before you see that, we see theothers, I know, but I think I
think a lot of times when we getinto it you view it as a you
versus me and in my head it'syou and me versus confusion.
So when I come to you, a lot oftimes I'm trying to explain
something to you.
I'm not trying to argue withyou.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I'm trying to get to the point of clarity okay, but
the the tone of the message orthe way that you deliver the
message I come and say mom, canI talk to you really quick?
Sometimes put me at defense.
No, that, no, you do now we'retalking about now and we haven't
had problems we haven't had aproblem with that.
(48:26):
But yeah, I think part of thatjust is just learning how to
communicate with you as an adultand not just as my child yeah,
because you can't just tell mestuff I know, but I never just
told you stuff before, did I?
okay, anyway, look, we're gonnabe here all day.
All right, we'll be here allday, but yeah, I, I love our
(48:51):
relationship.
Um, when you going out of town,I'm sad you leave and then I'd
be happy you go and then you'dbe going about 24 hours and I'd
be like, okay, well, when is hecoming back?
Yeah, you'd be going you'regonna have a great time, I know,
but I'm glad I'm.
but you know what?
I'm so happy for theopportunities that your dad gave
(49:12):
you to travel as a kid, justbeing able to travel with you
myself now, even as an adult,and I'm actually looking forward
to.
You know, your dad and his wifeTerry.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
I am too.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
Are actually going on a trip with one of the Southern
Soul.
Getaway with us, because it'llbe an opportunity for one, for
you, to spend more time withyour dad and in a real casual
kind of setting.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
I'll be working.
I'm going to have him takingshots at a jacuzzi bar.
Speaker 1 (49:49):
Yeah, okay, yeah, we'll see how that happens.
Yeah, okay, yeah, we'll see howthat happens.
Careful we'll see if thathappens, but I'm very glad for
the way our relationship hasevolved and I think it's just
going to get better yeah, Iagree.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Okay, so last question what do you feel like
is the best trade I've gottenfrom you and the worst trade
I've gotten from you?
Speaker 1 (50:07):
they're actually exactly the same thing it's the
best and the worst okay, um,you've gotten my well one.
We'll start with adhd, let'stalk about that.
But no, you've gotten my senseof you can do anything.
Speaker 2 (50:27):
Yeah, you can do anything, you yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:29):
You can do anything.
You're good at everything.
Yeah, you're good at anything,and if you say you want to do it
, damn it, it's going to getdone.
But that also is terrible.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
At the same time, because I can do anything,
because you can do anythingRight.
So sometimes it's hard to stayfocused on this because there is
no limit, but I hope you keepthat too, like don't ever let
anybody put you in a box.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
Yeah, that's valid.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
Do?
Do you do it?
Well, just just know that ifyou're going to do it, just give
it your best.
And what mom always say throwit against the wall until it
sticks you.
Just, you just keep doing it.
So I think you got that's.
It's a good thing, and it couldbe a bad thing I like it, it's
fun.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
So okay, you want to do your sign off now, like, how
does that?
We want to?
Speaker 1 (51:18):
I know I'm gonna fist bump with you and I'm gonna say
thank you for joining me onthis mother's day edition of
timeless and unfiltered thankyou for having me.
I hope the mic might haveshared a little more about me
than I wanted, or or I don'tknow.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
We'll see.
Welcome to the other side ofthat, welcome to the other side
of having your business all inthe streets.
I know right, I can't wait toput more of your business in
more streets.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
Do I have any business to put in the streets?
Speaker 2 (51:42):
We'll find out.
Speaker 1 (51:52):
I'm going to my 50s.
Hello, get ready, get ready.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
But thank you guys for joining us on another
episode of timeless andunfiltered.
I'm lagra and you are oh yeah,hey guys, I'm the voice.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
Thanks for spilling the tea with me on midlife.
One laugh at a time, we'll seey'all.
Thanks for watching, guys.
You check me a lot, I mean.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
A lot.
Someone asked you A lot Onceagain.
If there was a husband he'd bedoing it A lot of times, you're
right, but damn, let me have one.
I do think a lot of it a lot oftimes.
In the black community is notseeing children as people worthy
of respect.
Do as I say, not as I do,because I said so, and part of
(00:23):
being an adult, like we said, isdropping the curtain.
I see the b**** sometimes.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
I remember being pregnant with you the day I had
you.
It was the day I knew I was notgoing to have any kids.
I didn't think I could loveanother kid like I loved you
yeah.
This is Legra, this is Stephanie, this is Cherie and this is
(00:54):
legra.
This is Stephanie, this isSheree and this is Evania.
And this is timeless andunfiltered, where we are
spilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time.
Welcome to another episode oftimelesseless and Unfiltered.
I'm Legra and I don't have myco-host with me, but happy
Mother's Day.
(01:14):
This is a Mother's Day edition,and so I'm actually very
honored to be spilling the teatoday with my son, mr Du Bois.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Honored, I'm honored, wow, wow.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Okay, first let me start off by saying he acts just
like me, so we're going to seewhere this conversation goes.
But yes, I am very honored foryou to be sitting on the
timeless and unfiltered couchfor our Mother's Day edition
yeah, it's interesting being onthe other side.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
You know, I usually have my chair over there yes
everything.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So I was like okay, let's see how this goes yes,
well, I was hoping we had a justa conversation just about our
journey as as-son.
You always hear aboutmother-son dynamics, good or bad
.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Good or bad and how we have evolved as mother-child.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Yeah, valid.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
You know, and now mother and I got a grown man.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
You know and how our relationship has grown, how it's
changed, how you know, you'vebeen my rock for the last couple
years, as I've been on a cancerjourney and yeah all those
different things and we justgonna see where this
conversation goes.
We don't know y'all right now.
We don't know where ourconversation that is cool.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
People have always like my friends and everything
I've always been like.
Oh, such a great relationship.
And I go, wow, you have such acool mom.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
If only they knew Right, let me get some patty out
here, honey.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
If only they knew no, but I mean that's been.
I would say that's been aconstant, even growing up.
I mean you know like you wouldcome to school hey, you're Du
Bois' mom or Miss Du Bois' mom,right, you know.
So it's like I feel like peoplehave always seen our
relationship, even just thedynamic we have.
I mean, we argue.
(03:09):
You know, jordan and Alex werehere this past weekend.
Alex sees it all the time,jordan is new to it, but he's
like oh, I get y'all differences, but I also get y'all
similarities.
Yes, we really do have a lot incommon, and I think, growing up
, or as I get older, as you getolder, it's about trying to
(03:30):
figure out what these newpersonalities and these new
wants and wishes look like.
I've always known you as mom.
You've been mom for God knowshow long.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
For all of your life.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
But I think over the last few years you've had to be
a lot less mom-centered.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Being mom isn't like your personality anymore.
It's like, okay, it's a part ofyou.
So learning you and figuringout who the hell is Legro I like
mom.
I don't know too much aboutLegro, you know a lot about
Legro.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
You probably know know too much about Allegra.
You know a lot about Allegra.
You probably know way too muchabout Allegra.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Yeah, I don't know if me and Allegra would have been
cool like that.
Me and mom are great.
You don't know if you likeAllegra.
I don't know if me and Allegrarock and roll like that, but me
and mom are cool.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Why is mom different than Allegra?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
No, I think I like Legra more than I like mom.
To be honest, I think I likeLegra more than I like mom, and
I think it's something thatevery parent does.
You feel like you have to beMom, Big dog in the house.
You know what I mean, and overthe last few years I mean
obviously after going throughchemo and everything I think a
(04:44):
lot of your walls have just comedown and you were never like
super strict, major pain.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I was gonna say was.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
I no, you've always been fun and you've always had a
really like.
There's always been alight-hearted aspect to our
relationship yeah but I thinkthat that's been a lot more on
the forefront.
We're in sync lately where themoon is in the sky.
(05:22):
I think that you've suppresseda lot of your personality.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
But I think you know what these are, conversations
that Sharice and I have all thetime.
I think a lot of times and Idon't know why we, as parents,
feel like we have to.
You remember the saying youknow, do as I say not as I do
right saying you know, do as Isay, not as I do, right, so we,
(05:49):
we always it's something aboutbeing responsible for another
human being like, yeah, as aparent, we're responsible for
you, so you always want to set agood example, so you don't.
We don't let you see the sidesthat are off.
You know what I'm saying.
We don't let you see, well,some parents don't.
We don't want you to know thatwe're broke yeah, you know what
(06:09):
I'm saying and or that we'restruggling, what we don't want
you to stress and we don't wantyou to worry.
So we hide a lot of things andwe suppress a lot of things to
protect what we think areprotecting you, but and
sometimes I think it's notprotecting you.
Like, I think sometimes youneed to see some of these things
that we hide from you and, Ithink, in our relationship
(06:32):
because, um, you know, with yourdad and I splitting with you,
being at a very young age, I wasa young parent, even though I
wasn't a teen parent, yeah, butI rarely even babysat when I was
a kid, so I didn't know how totake care of a child yeah you
know.
(06:53):
So you were kind of anexperiment.
You were a guinea pig on a lotof things, honey, because I
didn't know, I didn't know how.
So you were my first child andonly child, which is funny,
because taking me down anotherstory, honey, because I told
y'all we don't know where we'regoing to end up with this story,
(07:13):
with this episode.
I always wanted a lot of kids.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I knew I was going to have five kids.
I knew I wanted like five kids,I wanted a starting lineup.
They was going be athlete, yeah, they were gonna be all of that
.
But the funny thing was Iremember at which I don't
remember a whole lot of things,but I remember being pregnant
with you.
I Remember the day I had youvery vividly, like it was
(07:46):
yesterday that I remember that,which is so funny, and I think
it was because it was the day Iknew I was not gonna have no
more kids.
I didn't think I could love andthat's to this day and I mean,
if I heard me say it I didn'tthink I could love another kid
like I loved you yeah when I sawyou and people always say oh no
, you love them differently.
I was like nope, nope, I'mtelling you, I don't know what
(08:08):
this thing did to me when hecame out and ripped me and I had
to get stitches and she had tostitch me back together remember
how we said we know too muchabout each other oh yeah, oh
honey, all of those things, butI don't.
I just knew I was like I lovethis little thing right here,
which is funny because I never.
I was not that that girl thatdreamed about being married.
(08:30):
You know, some people dream oftheir weddings and marriage or
they they dream about their,their families and kids.
I never even thought abouthaving kids.
So it was something about whenyou were born and I just said,
oh yeah, it wouldn't be fair, Iwould not be fair to the other
children and I don't know if itwas because you were the first
(08:53):
and experiencing that kind oflove for someone.
It was hard.
I dropped you a couple times,you know.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
It shows, it shows.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
I dropped you a couple of times.
You know, um, I still rememberthe first time I dropped you, I
had an epidural when you wereborn and no one told me that it
stays in your system for so long, even though I was up and about
and everything.
And I think, um I, after you,were released from the hospital
because you were jaundiced.
I don't know if you rememberthat.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Well, I remember that .
I've told you that, yeah, I wasup there.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Right, you were there , but I told you that.
So you stayed in the hospitallike an extra three, four, five
days.
I can't remember how many daysand luckily you were born in the
middle of Kansas and it was youand one other baby in the whole
freaking hospital, so I had alot of attention from all the
nurses there was nobody else inthe maternity ward because you
(09:48):
were in the middle of Kansas butjust being able to nurture you
and stuff, and I think alsoseeing you so vulnerable because
you were in like an incubatorand all that kind of stuff.
And then when it was time tocome home with you, I remember
the nurses and I was like wait,y'all not coming with me, like
(10:11):
what am I supposed to do withhim when I get home, you know?
And so I always was so carefulwith you and carrying you.
And I remember walking down thestairs one day and literally I
had no legs Like gone, like mywhole body went numb and and I
didn't find out till later it'slike, yeah, the epidural, you
know it stays in your system forquite some time and like
(10:33):
literally at that very moment mylegs were numb.
I was walking down the stairsand I remember I dropped you for
the first time, look, and Ithought I broke you and I
thought I broke you and I cried.
I don't think I cried so hard.
Well, first of all, the screamthat you had when you hit the
floor, yeah, was excruciatinglypainful for me.
(10:54):
So I was like, oh my god, and Iremember calling the doctor and
we were gonna get you there.
The doctor's like, oh, he'sfine.
I was like I don't need tobring him in.
He's like, oh, no, he's fine,his bones are soft, he ain't
broke nothing or whatever.
It more scared you.
It probably scared him morethan it hurt him and stuff.
And I don't know.
I think at that moment it did.
Your dad got to a point.
He wouldn't let me carry youanymore and you're going
downstairs.
Call me when you're coming downthe stairs, I'll come get him.
(11:16):
Like I can carry my baby.
We didn't have brails in the90s.
No, we did.
But you know, first of all, youhaven't had children yet and
you definitely aren't a mom.
We have everything.
I had the baby in this hand.
I was probably carryingsomething else in this hand.
I probably had something on myback.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know, we're always multitasking.
Yeah, we're always multitasking.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
We can't.
We're mothers, we can't focusright.
We got to take care ofeverything.
So I remember dropping you andthat was just probably the most
excruciating thing.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah, you probably didn't need another kid, because
you would have dropped him too.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
It's a good possibility.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Yeah, you would have dropped him too.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
It's a good possibility.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And you know I think growing up I felt like I always
wanted siblings, but it kind oftook me some time to mentally
kind of wrap my head around,even like will's in that
relationship yeah, you know,like which is your my nephew
yeah, will will and I to thisday be like that's my brother.
We don't really we rarelyreally call each other cousins
at this point, because there'snot a point.
I mean, you think, about.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
You guys grew up a lot together too, because you
know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Like yeah, we think of everything that quote-unquote
brothers are supposed to quote,supposed to do or go through.
I mean, we lived in the samehouse for A lot of your
childhood.
Probably, at least like 11 ofmy like pre-18 years.
You know what I mean.
Like we grew up together in thesame space and vicinity and our
relationship was a lot morelike that.
(12:37):
Even Gabriel Gabriel was alwaysaround.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Other nephew.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, yeah, gabriel was always around.
So I felt like the need forsiblings kind of decreased as I
got older and then I didn't wantto be a big brother.
Why do you want to be a bigbrother?
That's a lot of responsibility.
You didn't want theresponsibility.
That's a lot of responsibility.
I have to give you words ofwisdom.
I'm the dumbest person I know.
No, I'm not doing that, I'msorry.
(13:05):
I'm sorry, but you know, my dadalways had a really big family
and I think seeing therelationship he had with his
siblings growing up made mealways feel like I needed or
wanted siblings.
I mean, I have siblings, I havecousins.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
I think that was also one of the reasons why, just as
a child, I remember you alwaysstayed the summers with your dad
.
You always spent 90% of everyholiday was with your dad and I
remember I think it wasChristmas or something you had
(13:39):
just come back from Thanksgiving.
You're back in school for acouple of weeks and then you're
back on Christmas break and Iremember you were going to leave
for Christmas and I remember mymom God rest her soul was like
he just had him for Thanksgiving.
He's never home for christmas.
I always wanted you to havethat big family that I could not
(13:59):
give to you, so I never wantedyou to feel like you missed out
on anything and you were with meall the time.
So, yeah, go for the holidayswhen all the family is together,
because your dad was from avery big family, but one of 11 I
think it was one of 11 siblings.
I mean, even when we weremarried, I remember the first
(14:20):
time going to the house and allthe.
It was a family gathering.
All the kids and the cousinsand all that stuff were there
and stuff and I, being from asmaller family, I wanted you to
have that like I wanted.
I wanted you to go to familyreunions and and all of those,
those things.
So I'm Hopefully you never feltlike I was Getting rid of you
(14:42):
or something.
You know what I'm saying, orlike pushing you away for the
holidays, but it was anexperience I couldn't give you.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
And I used to love women.
To this day, I still love goingto Kansas City.
I was just like there were twoyears ago last year so many.
But I think even seeing that orliving in that, you can see it
in my friend groups.
I have big friend groups, yeah,and they might be from here,
there, whatever you know, myfriends all mesh well together.
So when it is time to actuallysee and I'm not being a recluse,
(15:10):
I know I'm going to have andpeople come over, it's like oh,
there's a lot of people here.
So I do like that because I grewup in that environment I'm
always feeling like ain't morepeople showing up?
There's more people showing up,right, where are more people at
?
That kind of runs through myhead a lot and I don't ever
really felt like I was beinggotten rid of.
I think I was damn nearthrowing my book bag in the car
(15:32):
like are you leaving, you're notpicking me up early.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
We're not going like right now.
Right now.
Well, your dad and I never kepta schedule.
It was whenever Du Bois wantedto come, we made it happen, and
I remember recently having aconversation with you, or just
something you shared with me.
It wasn't exactly aconversation.
(15:56):
Where you were saying your dadalmost lost his job or something
because he was so trying tomake sure he was involved in
your life, having to take offwork or whatever.
Because literally whenever hewas like I want to see my daddy,
I was like okay, you know, likemake a phone call.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Right, you did, you did it.
You used to say I want to seemy daddy and you did.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's how you did it .
Speaker 2 (16:13):
I don't know if I said it like that you have some
like auditory disassociationokay, whatever that's.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
That's how he said it y'all, that's that's exactly
how he said yeah, but even like,like, same way, I feel like
with you.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I've been growing to know you as a person and not as
a parent.
You know, dad and I talk a lotabout everything.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Now, yeah, um, and I'm so glad for you for that,
because you I always felt likeyou felt, I felt like you felt
like you couldn't share with himsome of the things that you
would share with me.
Oh, yeah or talk to him aboutsome things that I would wish,
like I don't.
I don't want to hear this rightnow, but I'm going to act like
it's not phased in me because Idon't want him to think he can't
come talk to me.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
This is really a dad issue.
Well, I tell people even now,when people ask me about just
like my background or like whatgrowing up was like for me, I
always say that it's really hardfor me to give one straight
answer yeah.
Because, I can't.
I feel like I fortunately hadparents who were always trying
to expose me to a bunch of stuff, and so living with you was
(17:17):
different than living with dad.
I think you guys had differentlifestyles and personalities.
Obviously if it was like onehousehold there would have been
some differences.
But yeah, you were, althoughalthough you were still mom, I
knew mom was a little bit moreof a hot girl, not a bad way,
like I was like wait, but likeyou would throw parties and
(17:37):
stuff or like you know I alwayslove entertaining, you know you
would.
There were always people at thehouse or you were always trying
something new.
Versus.
Dad was like the poster childof stability yes you know,
pastor, same job my entire life.
We moved.
He moved houses prettyfrequently, but like that, dad
had a level of consistencysometimes that I felt like I
(17:58):
couldn't disrupt or that I feltlike me being myself would be
like, whoa, this wasn't in thepicture, this isn't in the plan.
Like you know, um, sports was abig hurdle and even as as an
adult, when dad and I have theseconversations, dad has kind of
had to tell me, like when yousaid you didn't want to do
sports, I stopped talking aboutit and as a child, that was such
(18:18):
a big thing because I alwaysfelt like it was such a yeah,
you didn't go back.
Well, you didn't go back.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Well, you didn't play basketball, which is funny
because I don't think we, Ididn't, I don't think we did.
But I've also learned that achild's perception is also
different than the adultperception.
Like, even for you, you're anartist.
Come on, let's say the wordYou're an artist, you're an
artist and you're singing.
And I remember you in thebackseat of the car, literally
(18:49):
in a car seat, singing Earth,wind and Fire.
Kid, you not, because you knowyour parents were old school,
like old school music, but Earth, wind and Fire wasn wasn't
playing, it wasn't a music onyou were just singing in a car
seat, singing earth, wind andfire.
And you should have put me insinging lessons then you were a
baby, barely talking, but youwere singing earth, wind and
fire I should have let you knowthen okay, I might have missed
(19:13):
it.
Apparently I missed, missed it,but I remember you talking,
well, us talking.
And I remember when you camehome from school and you said
you were going to be in the bandat high school and I was like
do you know how to play an?
instrument.
He's like nope, but they saidthey'll teach me and I was like,
oh, okay, and then for you togo to F and be in the band the
(19:37):
marching 100 being the band andnot just do it but to be very
good at it and I was like oh, heis definitely musically
inclined.
I still never saw singing,until you called one day and
said hey mom, I got a class andum yeah they're gonna air it
online or something and we haveto do.
(19:58):
I don't know if it was a test orsomething, yeah we have three
recitals yeah or something, andI remember logging on so I can
see you know Du Bois is gonnasing, you guys, he's gonna sing,
and you were singing opera yeahand I was like, okay, wait,
whoa like you never told me whatyou were gonna sing and you
were singing opera.
And then all of a sudden, youknow, here we are, graduated
(20:21):
from school, trying to figureout your life journey and your
career journey, and you said youwanted to sing.
And I remember going well, whyhave you never sang before?
And you said to me you neversang in front of me because one
time you were in the car singingand I told you to be quiet yeah
(20:42):
and I told you to be quietscarred me and it scarred you.
And so when I tell you and it'sso funny because I had this
conversation with sharice afteryou told me that the things that
we say or do to our kids, likewe didn't real, like I didn't
realize that, scarred you, andthen even I don't even remember
the moment, so I can't defendmyself or I can't, I can't say I
(21:03):
did it.
I can't say I didn't, because Idon't even remember the moment,
but your perception of metelling you to be quiet, to
completely shut that gift off.
Yeah, you know what I'm sayingwhere for me, as your mom would
hope that that would have beensomething I could have nurtured
(21:23):
if I had have known, but I don'tknow what was happening in that
moment that.
I told you to be quiet yeah butthe way you perceived it was to
never do this again like tonever sing again and you know
that's what I mean by when I saythe way we look at things as as
a kid or adult.
It also made me think about somethings like even with my
(21:44):
parents.
You know, my mom was a hustler,she worked hard and how some
some of the things.
Like I always say, you takequalities of your parents, you
should take qualities of yourparents that you love and you
incorporate those things in yourlife.
You kind of become your parents, but you also have to see your
(22:04):
parents flaws yeah and howpeople, how we repeat the cycle
and it's generational and it.
But you got to find the thingsthat you didn't like about me or
whatever, to make sure youdon't repeat those things.
So I was thinking about whenyou said how I told you not to
sing.
It made me think about my life,how I'm so happy that you have
(22:29):
the opportunity to try to pursueyour goals and your dreams and
I hope that I'm giving you thatopportunity to pursue your goals
because your dreams, and I hopethat I'm giving you that
opportunity to pursue your goalsbecause pretty soon we're going
to do something else.
No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
No, really we're not going to do 30 Lakers, Right?
No, we already got so long.
But.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I think just culturally.
You know and Cherise, and Italked about this before too
we're so easy to kick our kidsout at a certain because you've
hit this certain age or whatever.
But I think about my 20s.
I didn't know who I was in my20s, and so it to give you that
time to figure it out and tofigure out what you want to do.
I think I did a lot of thingsbecause I I was expected to do
(23:09):
certain things, so that's what Idid, and then it didn't align
with who I was and then I wasunhappy yeah and I'm not saying
this to say because your dad andI have a great relationship- in
terms of respect for each otherin hindsight in hindsight, I
would have probably never gottenmarried that early.
(23:30):
Um, but it was one of thosethings.
I was kind of expected to do it.
But I also think I did it tooout of fear, because I was
graduating from college and it'slike, well, what was next which
?
What are you supposed to donext?
Like you, you couldn't say youknow what.
I think I'm just gonnagallivant around the country for
a while and figure my life out.
You know?
(23:51):
No, you it was.
You're supposed to graduatefrom high school.
You're supposed to go tocollege.
You're supposed to graduatefrom high school.
You're supposed to go tocollege.
You're supposed to get a goodjob.
You're supposed to get married,you're supposed to have kids.
And I think I was doing all ofthose things and I think I woke
up one day and said I don't wantto do this anymore.
Who am I?
I'm hoping that, while youfigure out your journey, that
(24:14):
you're doing it on your ownterms yeah um, and that I can be
as supportive to you as I canwhile still being mom, while
still being mom, but I want youto always feel like you could
live your life your way yeah andnot of what I expect of you
yeah, no, that's fair and andyou know we're obviously we've
(24:34):
talked about this, yeah, outsideof this setting, but even
presently I don't fault you forhow I took your whole singing
career when you've been the nextusher.
Chris Brown saying that as ayoung child I had to get that
out, but no, I don't, I don'tfault you because I'm 28 now you
have me.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
What 28?
I was 28, but no, I don't faultyou because I'm 28 now.
You had me.
At what 28?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
I was 28.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I don't know how to talk to kids.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
That's what I'm saying.
You don't know, I don't knowhow to talk to kids.
You don't know.
You just do the best you can Ihave friends who have kids.
And every time I say something,I'm like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
So yeah, and I also don't fault you because I like
it, it's nice, yeah um, but Ialso think that a lot of times
what we're like tuned to lookout for plays a role in what we
see in other people.
So you know, like a dad, youand dad were both athletes.
Dad worked in athletics.
All of my family is freakingathletes.
You know what I mean but youwere athletic yeah, but that
(25:53):
doesn't show up in a lot ofdifferent ways.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah it does.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
You know what I mean.
And so it's like I think that alot of times we look for I told
dad, I realized I didn't knowhow to work hard, or I didn't
know how to pursue things Iwanted, because everybody was
telling me you're an athlete,you're an athlete, you're an
athlete and sports came hard tome, not to say I feel like it
(26:21):
should be easy, but in my head.
As a kid I told dad that if thisis what I'm supposed to be
doing, everything else is aboutto be 10,000 times harder if
this is what everybody's sayingoh, you're built for this,
you're cut out for this.
This is what you're made to be.
You're an athlete.
Shit is hard yeah, being anathlete is hard and I don't want
to do this and we wanted you toso badly so badly, and so I
think, even like I, I remembergrowing up like I would sing in
church sometimes or, um, I woulddo like little talent shows at
(26:45):
school, like, oh, they're gonnagive out candy to whoever sings
in the talent show.
To my mother, some candy, youknow what I mean so like in my
bring your candy.
Yeah, so like in my head, head,I had all these instances or
all these moments where it feltlike I was trying and it was
just like good job.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
That's what you got from us.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I mean, that was kind of how it felt you know what I
mean Versus, like withbasketball.
I felt like there was such likea oh, you want to do basketball
, okay, let's do it, let's getyou a coach, let's put you in
private lessons, let's take youto camp, and I just think that,
like I said, that's what youguys knew how to nurture, you
knew how to raise an athlete.
And I, or when my athleticismshowed up in different ways,
(27:26):
even even though we like to jokelike oh, I didn't get rhythm
until I was like 14, you knowwhat I mean like I've always
loved dancing, even if I was thechild who was just hopping
around.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
I think it's because you had your father's rhythm as
a young child as a young child,oh for sure.
And then I still remember was iteighth grade, yeah, and you
said you were singing in single,I mean dancing in single de
mayo.
And I was like, oh yeah, oh mygod, they're gonna.
They gonna laugh at my baby,because my baby didn't have any
rhythm.
I was like, oh my god, they'regonna laugh at my baby.
But everybody come, I broughteverybody out.
(27:56):
Y'all come and support my baby,y'all better cheer and you've
been all of that, I don't care.
And you danced your little assoff and I was like when did he
get rhythm?
yeah, because you can't, I don't.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
You can teach someone to dance, but you can't teach
rhythm well, you can, and Ithink that, but I also think
that's a perception a lot ofpeople have of the arts I think
people look at when you seethings like sports as this is a
tangible skill somebody had tolearn.
Nobody comes out of the roomplaying basketball.
Michael phelps, with all hishis genetic predispositions,
(28:28):
still had to learn how to swim,but I think when it comes to the
arts outside of an instrument,people assume you're born with
it.
You're born knowing how to sing.
You're born knowing how todance.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
So you could teach me to sing.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
I would never do that , why not?
Speaker 1 (28:40):
I've always wanted to sing in a church, but it's for
selfish reasons.
Forgive me, jesus, I've, butit's for selfish reasons.
Okay, forgive me, jesus.
I've always wanted to makepeople cry something about when,
but that's that I want to thatto move you.
And when I say make you cry, tomove you to the point of tears,
(29:00):
like her voice, her message isso moving but that's valid
because, honestly, becausethat's how I feel, and maybe
it's like you know what I wantto give this to somebody else.
But then I hear myself and belike, but that's how I feel
about singing.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I've always I've always loved music because of
how it makes me feel, and evenmaking my own music.
Um, I always have theconversation of like, what would
I want someone else to takefrom this?
Like, what's the what's themoment?
I would want somebody to playthis song, what are they doing?
What are they?
Are they getting ready for howdo they feel?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, and I think those are thethings we're born with when it
(29:32):
comes to art.
You live, your own experiencesand then you create that.
But the skill of art itself, Imean, that's anything Learning
how to paint, learning how todraw, learning how to dance,
learning how to sing, being agood writer.
I think we feel like people aresupposed to be born with these
gifts, or we perceive these asgifts people are born with and
in actuality, I mean we have tolearn it, just to live, to learn
(29:52):
everything else.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Like how you always say do you have to train your
voice?
Yeah, you have to train yourvoice to sing.
It's a muscle.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Just like the saying I've got to learn how to walk or
learn how to dribble abasketball, learn how to run a
40, like all of those things.
I think those conceptually justmade sense to you guys because
you knew that there was coachesor people who were, who were
outside of you, who can give youthose gifts yeah so I'd never
fault you guys for not knowingwhat the right thing to do was,
(30:19):
especially because I was in sucha completely different sphere
of interest that you guys didn'tknow how to nurture you know, I
mean.
So it's easy to watch um BlueIvy, becausece knows what that
looks like when you have aninterest in wanting to sing and
dance and you know like there'svideos of blue growing up yeah
for she's in rehearsal, she'sdancing behind beyonce and it's
(30:39):
like you know people be like oh,that's cute, look at her mom
she's really learning, shereally wants to do that and so
when you see her now, she's 13on a freaking national tour,
world tour.
Sold out stadium.
Yes and did freaking amazingyou see what I'm saying, so it's
like but, but her parents are,because they're in arts yeah, oh
(30:59):
, okay.
Whenever I'm in rehearsal, blueis dancing with her.
She must like dancing, you know.
So I think.
I think it's just not somethingthat we're aware of now.
If I had a toddler or a newbornbaby who was singing Earth,
wind and Fire and didn't evenknow how to talk, I would look
at him and say, oh, he reallylikes singing.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Sometimes I miss the mark.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
You didn't really learn.
You didn't really learn.
But I can't fault you becauseonce again, you didn't know, I
didn't know, know.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
You don't know what that natural gift looks like and
I also think it wasn't.
It wasn't on the radar.
I lived in survival mode a lotof your childhood.
I'm just trying to.
I was trying to figure out mylife, you know, and in survival
mode, and we had a small village.
(31:50):
Thank you, jesus, that we didwith my sister and my mom and
you know you mentioned Williamand and and Gabriel that we had
a village to try to figure allthose things out that were
supporting us and helping us andand all those kinds of things.
And now here we are, at thisstage of life, your mother's in
(32:19):
her 50s and I told y'all, I toldy'all, act just like me.
And then here comes cancer yeahlike and I felt like cancer
came right at the moment where Ifelt like I was getting my
stride.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Yeah, it did.
I remember all theconversations we had, yeah,
cause I moved home that February.
Okay At the end of Februarythat year, and then you got
diagnosed that October.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Was it the same year?
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I don't remember.
I don't remember it being thesame year, but okay, it was the
same year I had just moved home.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
I was really just starting to get into
entertainment television film.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
That was the year I worked my first BET Awards.
Okay, yes.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
So did that, and then had October come around no, it
was November because I was aboutto work Soul Train Awards.
I left for Soul Train Awardsand you called me that Monday
and they said the doctor calledyou back and said the biopsy
came back positive and it wascancer.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
What was your thoughts, what were you thinking
or how did you feel?
Speaker 2 (33:25):
It was a lot to process, yeah, but I also think
a lot of times my emotionalstate goes into, like you said,
survival mode.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
I felt like I didn't really have a lot of time to
worry or sulk, I guess is theword I called my friends.
That's probably the first timemy friends ever saw me cry.
Oh, you cry.
Yeah, I guess is the word Icalled my friends.
That's probably the first timemy friends ever saw me cry.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Oh, you cry, yeah, I cried a few times.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
I cried a few times I called my friends.
It was the first time myfriends ever saw me cry and I
made sure to never let you seethat, because I never saw it.
Yeah, yeah, I made sure tonever, but I know my child too.
I know he cried at some point.
(34:14):
He's a cry baby.
I know you did, yeah, but Inever wanted you to see that
because I felt like that tookaway from what you were going
through and I think I'm gonnatell you, my biggest fear was if
it was worse than I thought itwas going to be, was was leaving
you behind.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Yeah, that was my biggest fear, and not to say
like fear of death.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
It was.
Had I prepared you well enough?
Right, were you going to besecure enough?
Mm-hmm, the first thing in mymind was oh my God, my house is
not in order, you know, likefinancially, making sure you
were going to be okay, becausethere are no siblings, you know,
did I, did I teach you all thethings to make sure you were
(34:54):
going to be this great man?
Like you start thinking aboutall of these things.
It wasn't.
It wasn't me yeah that came tomy mind it was oh my god, what's
gonna happen with you?
And I don't know if that's themommy, parent thing or whatever
that is, but it was more so.
Whatever happens with me isgoing to happen with me.
(35:15):
I'm going to fight or whatever.
But if I didn't make it ordon't make it, what's going to
happen with my son?
I instilled all the things thatI should have to make sure that
you were going to be a greatman Financially.
Is he gonna be strugglingbecause you had just moved like
home, like you saying?
You know you just moved backhome.
Do I have everythingfinancially?
(35:37):
Okay, you use your lifeinsurance in order like all
these were the things that camein.
My mind was like was I a goodmom?
Yeah to make sure that you weregonna be yeah okay that's valid
.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
That's valid.
I don't think I ever reallyeven had time to consider that
that was the first thing yeah,for me.
I don't really feel like I hadtime to consider that, because I
think dad had also just told meabout yeah he, your dad, had a
health scare yeah, dad had alsojust told me about his stuff,
and, and then here you know.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Right behind you.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
We knew the next year .
Some change was going to beweird.
I think it was the first time Iconsidered the mortality of my
parents.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, we're human.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Yeah, and it's like we know that, right, but it's
not until that that you knowthey say faced with it oh, like
this can happen to anybody yeahyou know, but I, I also, I, you
know, I'm a believer everythinghappens for a reason.
Yeah, um, I I think that thatchanged my outlook on a lot of
things that I was doing in mylife.
(36:44):
Yeah, um, that was when I Idecided, you know, okay, I'm
going to sing?
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yeah, I'm going to sing.
Yeah, yeah, I've decided fortomorrow is not promised.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
I had to say life is too short.
But I mean, life really is tooshort.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
And I felt like I had invested a lot of like my
talents and capabilities intodoing stuff for yeah, and I
don't mind doing that, but Ididn't feel like I was getting
anything that made me feel good,yeah, um, so shout out to
cancer for that.
You did one thing right.
Um, still sucks yeah, yeah stillsucks and honestly, if I feel
(37:19):
like if I hadn't started thataround that time, that it would
have been a much bigger strainon our relationship.
I think cancer was a really bigstrain on our relationship and
it it didn't really leave me alot of room to vocalize how I
was feeling going through thatyou know trying to be so
(37:39):
considerate of me yeah, which isfine.
You know what I mean, but youwere going through a lot and
obviously that takes a toll onyou mentally and emotionally,
and so I hope I wasn't that badI mean, I can't say you were or
weren't, because I don't reallyknow what, what it's supposed to
look like.
Yeah, I can't say you were orweren't, but I do know that it
was a lot more tense between thetwo of us a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
And for things we couldn't even control.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
You're mad because you can't feel your feet.
What am I?
I was mad at everybody.
You need to get over it.
Well, you can't, but I at leasthad things that I was working
on to be able to I hate to sayget away from you.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah, to get away from me and I wanted to always
make sure, like I know, a lot oftimes you didn't want to leave
me or like you didn't want to goplaces and I was like no, no,
please go.
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm not goingto do anything, but go to sleep.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, you don't need to sit here and watch me sleep.
So go, do, go, go, hang outwith your friends, go to the
studio, go to go, all thosethings, because I didn't want
you to feel like your life hadto stop.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Yeah, I didn't feel like it did.
I definitely felt like goingthrough that gave me a lot of
anxiety, even when I would leave.
I was trying to come back quickas hell.
I don't want to be gone for avery long time.
My room is right beneath yoursso to this day, you drop
anything.
I'm like you.
Good, it was a lot ofhyper-vigilance and I think that
(39:10):
that also.
I also felt that way becauseyou would never really tell me
just how bad it was I didn'twant you to know how bad it was
and you would.
You would kind of give me asneak, you would tell me here
and there.
Yeah, I mean, but you'regenerally someone who's super
self-sufficient.
You don't like asking for help,you don't really want to take
the help, but but it was hard toeven feel like it was you and
(39:37):
me against it because physicallythere's nothing I can do for
you.
Mm-hmm, you know what I mean.
And when you don't feel good,you go into your boss lady mode.
I do what would I do?
And so, even in trying to behelpful or be there, I didn't
really have a lot of optionswith you.
I can't physically help you, Ican't financially help you, I
(40:03):
can't emotionally support you.
You don't really allow me.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
I think you did emotionally support me.
I think I emotionally supportedyou when you allowed me to
emotionally support you.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
I think you did emotionally support me.
I think you, I think Iemotionally supported you when
you allowed me to emotionallysupport you.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
I give you that.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
I think when you felt like it, it happened.
I'm terrible, you're notterrible, but we all have our
ways.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
But you know what I think it was.
The thing is again.
I think it's mommy mode.
I didn't want you to see that Iwas suffering well, it's only
you and me.
I know, but I still.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
I didn't have a lot of other places to look.
I know, but I still didn't wantyou to see the struggle or that
I was suffering yeah, and Ithink sometimes feeling I felt
kind of shut out of that and itfelt it felt sometimes like a
damned if I do, damned if Idon't type of situation where
it's like I'm sorry you feltlike that I mean, but that's
never a game, it's not reallymuch I can do, you know, and
(40:58):
obviously a lot of the supportthat you would have gotten would
typically come from a husbandor a partner.
You know what I mean.
So when that's not there, it'slike I didn't really feel like
there was a place for me in thatsupport system.
Now, obviously I know I stilldid and I know that.
(41:19):
I thought you were verysupportive yeah, I mean it's
like those things still happenagain perceptions but I did feel
a lot of times like I felt likeI had to fight you to be there
for you.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
You did yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
You did.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
And I can say that for sure.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
You did.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
I didn't want to feel like a burden to anybody, so
the best thing was not to havenobody around when it was bad.
It was just bad and deal withit.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
It's valid and I think that's kind of how we all
would end up going through it, Ithink, sometimes just on the
outside, being the support partyit was like if I'm here, it
don't matter, if I'm gone itdon't matter.
Sometimes it felt like do youreally even need me here?
And obviously I didn't kind offall into that or just be like
(42:07):
you know, I'm just not going tobe here.
I never felt that from you yeah,but I do feel like going
through that it was.
It was tough because I I alsohad never had to be there for
you, right, not in that capacity.
And then the first time ithappens, it's like oh, cancer
and I think um part of that toowas again not.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
I felt like this was some shit I had to deal with and
again I need therapy, because Ifeel like now I need therapy
after cancer.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
What'd you?
Speaker 1 (42:38):
say I need therapy.
Okay, oh, you need me to repeatit?
No, I've said it multiple timesI need therapy and need to call
Dr Angela.
I say it every week and forwhatever reason.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
I haven't.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
But that too, adhd, that, that too.
But it's giving me some anxiety, like you know, I don't.
I don't trust my body, I don'ttrust myself.
You know, during, during chemoand all that kind of stuff, I
couldn't go far from the housebecause you don't know what your
, your body's getting ready todo.
You know you couldn't holdhouse because you don't know
what your, your body's gettingready to do.
(43:11):
You know you couldn't hold foodin.
You didn't know what was goingto happen.
So somehow, in the midst of allthat, now coming out of it,
I've adapted those habits.
So it's hard to leave the housesometimes.
Um, I still question my body,uh, the neuropathy.
You know, when the damage, thechemo, damaged the nerves in my
(43:32):
hands and my feet, even now,like I went to take a open a
pill bottle, I still can't gripI think my hand won't grip
something and and firmly hold itto twist.
You know I couldn't open my ownwater bottles.
You know my feet.
I couldn't feel my feet, Istopped exercising.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
It's hard to exercise when you can't feel your feet
side note, it's very funny yousay that the habits we take out
of it, because you know, anytimenow I had somebody a ball of
water, I open it for me right asyou always open my water,
thanks, I think, yeah, but I hadto.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
I mean, so it's just some things that I think I've
got to kind of get out of myhead a little bit yeah.
That I'm a little bit in myhead.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Right.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
I wanted to publicly say thank you for supporting me.
Don't you start.
I hate you.
You know I can't stand you.
Okay, this it was tough.
So I know it was tough for meand I know it was tough for you.
I'm sure it was tough for youto watch.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
You said you were talking about clenching butt
cheeks.
Oh, no, no.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
You got Stephanie off on the side telling him clench
his butt, cheeks so he won't cry.
But I know it was tough towatch.
I know it was a tough journey.
I know I wasn't always the mostpleasant of people to be around
.
I know I probably pushed youaway a lot but that also was my
(45:00):
way of defending protectingmyself, but also in protecting
you, like I didn't I.
I want you to see me in certainways, but that was that
conversation from earlier wherewe say you know what the things
that you do, even though you are20 something years old it's
still mommy mode to hide thethings that you do, even though
you are 20-something years old.
It's still mommy mode to hidethose things from you to hide
how you feel, to hide, you know,when things aren't the greatest
yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Just period Once again.
You know, like I say,everything happens for a reason.
I think there was.
I think our communicationimproved Absolutely this morning
.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
And you know, we still have our moments, but
there was a time where youcouldn't say anything or I
couldn't say anything.
We were very defensive.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Yeah, we were very on eggshells and I think being in
this post-cancer space has madeboth of us just a lot more
receptive to leaning back intoour relationship and actually I
don't want't say getting back toenjoying each other, because
we've always enjoyed each other,but not having that like
walking on eggshells, feel aboutit and actually having the
(45:58):
conversations.
That makes our relationship alot because you check me a lot.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
I mean a lot someone has a lot.
Once again, if there was ahusband he'd be doing a lot, but
sometimes I'm prepping you tosend you out into the world okay
, but I'm gonna say a lot oftimes you're right but, damn,
let me have one.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
No, every once in a while like no, you've had the
episodes about generationaltraumas and crisis.
You know what I mean, but I dothink a lot of it a lot of times
in the black community is notand you don't do this, but not
seeing children as people worthyof like respect or yeah, or
just in decency.
(46:43):
You know, and you were neverlike that.
You were never your child.
Stay in your place orda-da-da-da.
You know what I mean.
But sometimes I mean you dofall, like all parents.
Do you fall into that?
Do as I say, not as I do,because I said so, da-da-da-da.
And part of being an adult,like we said, is dropping the
curtain.
I see, I see the bullshit,sometimes Like that's what you
(47:07):
did just say, but.
I think, I think a lot of timeswhen we get into it.
Sometimes you view it as like ame versus you type of situation
.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
OK, but can I say this Can I?
Interject.
Most of the time is tone.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
It is not the message , it is tone.
I agree.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
It's not the message.
I agree, and you should know mewell enough to know by now that
if you take a certain tone withme, I don't care what your
message is, because I can't hearyou at that point.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
But that's why I don't talk to you that way.
Or I've gotten a lot better,you've gotten better.
I come to you a lot more oftenand say I apologize, I didn't
mean to say it that way.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
Yes, you did, I was just hungry and that's that.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
I was just hungry.
I'm hungry now.
Before you see that, we see theothers, I know, but I think I
think a lot of times when we getinto it you view it as a you
versus me and in my head it'syou and me versus confusion.
So when I come to you, a lot oftimes I'm trying to explain
something to you.
I'm not trying to argue withyou.
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I'm trying to get to the point of clarity okay, but
the the tone of the message orthe way that you deliver the
message I come and say mom, canI talk to you really quick?
Sometimes put me at defense.
No, that, no, you do now we'retalking about now and we haven't
had problems we haven't had aproblem with that.
(48:26):
But yeah, I think part of thatjust is just learning how to
communicate with you as an adultand not just as my child yeah,
because you can't just tell mestuff I know, but I never just
told you stuff before, did I?
okay, anyway, look, we're gonnabe here all day.
All right, we'll be here allday, but yeah, I, I love our
(48:51):
relationship.
Um, when you going out of town,I'm sad you leave and then I'd
be happy you go and then you'dbe going about 24 hours and I'd
be like, okay, well, when is hecoming back?
Yeah, you'd be going you'regonna have a great time, I know,
but I'm glad I'm.
but you know what?
I'm so happy for theopportunities that your dad gave
(49:12):
you to travel as a kid, justbeing able to travel with you
myself now, even as an adult,and I'm actually looking forward
to.
You know, your dad and his wifeTerry.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
I am too.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
Are actually going on a trip with one of the Southern
Soul.
Getaway with us, because it'llbe an opportunity for one, for
you, to spend more time withyour dad and in a real casual
kind of setting.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
I'll be working.
I'm going to have him takingshots at a jacuzzi bar.
Speaker 1 (49:49):
Yeah, okay, yeah, we'll see how that happens.
Yeah, okay, yeah, we'll see howthat happens.
Careful we'll see if thathappens, but I'm very glad for
the way our relationship hasevolved and I think it's just
going to get better yeah, Iagree.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Okay, so last question what do you feel like
is the best trade I've gottenfrom you and the worst trade
I've gotten from you?
Speaker 1 (50:07):
they're actually exactly the same thing it's the
best and the worst okay, um,you've gotten my well one.
We'll start with adhd, let'stalk about that.
But no, you've gotten my senseof you can do anything.
Speaker 2 (50:27):
Yeah, you can do anything, you yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:29):
You can do anything.
You're good at everything.
Yeah, you're good at anything,and if you say you want to do it
, damn it, it's going to getdone.
But that also is terrible.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
At the same time, because I can do anything,
because you can do anythingRight.
So sometimes it's hard to stayfocused on this because there is
no limit, but I hope you keepthat too, like don't ever let
anybody put you in a box.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
Yeah, that's valid.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
Do?
Do you do it?
Well, just just know that ifyou're going to do it, just give
it your best.
And what mom always say throwit against the wall until it
sticks you.
Just, you just keep doing it.
So I think you got that's.
It's a good thing, and it couldbe a bad thing I like it, it's
fun.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
So okay, you want to do your sign off now, like, how
does that?
We want to?
Speaker 1 (51:18):
I know I'm gonna fist bump with you and I'm gonna say
thank you for joining me onthis mother's day edition of
timeless and unfiltered thankyou for having me.
I hope the mic might haveshared a little more about me
than I wanted, or or I don'tknow.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
We'll see.
Welcome to the other side ofthat, welcome to the other side
of having your business all inthe streets.
I know right, I can't wait toput more of your business in
more streets.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
Do I have any business to put in the streets?
Speaker 2 (51:42):
We'll find out.
Speaker 1 (51:52):
I'm going to my 50s.
Hello, get ready, get ready.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
But thank you guys for joining us on another
episode of timeless andunfiltered.
I'm lagra and you are oh yeah,hey guys, I'm the voice.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
Thanks for spilling the tea with me on midlife.
One laugh at a time, we'll seey'all.
Thanks for watching, guys.
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