May 27, 2025 • 23 mins
In this powerful and heart-opening sit-down, Charisse dives deep into the emotional layers of motherhood, identity, and self-love. She shares her personal journey of feeling lost in the role of “Mom” and what it took to reconnect with the woman she is beyond the responsibilities.
🌱 Discover how to start meaningful conversations with your children
💬 Learn the importance of letting your kids see you as a full person
❤️ Explore ways to reclaim your identity without guilt
Whether you're a mother, daughter, or just someone navigating womanhood — this talk is for YOU. It’s time to stop hiding behind the title and start being fully seen.
📌 Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more honest conversations about motherhood, womanhood, and self-worth.
#Motherhood #SelfLove #CharisseSpeaks #MomLife #WomensVoices #ParentingJourney
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Thinking about something last night.
Ok, Thinking about aconversation I had with my
daughter a couple of weeks ago.
She said mom, I didn't reallyknow who you were up until about
four years ago.
I think COVID really broughtpeople together and so I thought
that was so profound.
Like what do you mean?
You don't know your mom andyour mother.
It made me sad a bit, because Iimagine there's so many women
(00:25):
their children know them astheir mom and they don't know
any other part of them.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
This is Legra.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
This is Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
This is Cherie and this is Ivanya and this is
Evanya.
And this is Timeless andUnfiltered, where we are
spilling the tea on midlife onelaugh at a time.
Welcome to another episode ofTimeless and Unfiltered.
(00:59):
I'm Legra, I'm Cherie and againwe don't have any other
co-hosts, but that wasintentional.
This is the Get to Know Cheriseepisode.
Just kind of a little deeperdive into whatever you'd like to
share with us and for ouraudience can kind of get to know
(01:21):
each one of us, Connect withwhichever one resonates with you
, and then we'll get backtogether and get back on the
couch together and talk somemore shit.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yeah yeah, Sharice is layered.
It's interesting when wethought about doing this.
I thought this is interestingbecause we sit down and have
girlfriend talks all the time,but you know what this is a
girlfriend talk down and havegirlfriend talks all the time,
but you know what this is agirlfriend talk.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
It's a girlfriend talk.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
This is absolutely what we do.
We just come up with thingsthat's going on in our lives and
we talk about it.
So I was just thinking aboutsomething last night, okay, I
was sitting in my Zoom room andhad a conversation, was thinking
about a conversation I had withmy daughter a couple weeks ago,
okay, and she said, mom, Ididn't really know who you were
(02:15):
up until about four years ago, Ithink.
Covid, you know, I think COVIDreally brought people together,
and so I thought that was soprofound, like what do you mean?
You don't know who I am.
I'm your mother.
And I realized last night, justsitting and thinking she's right
, because I think we have to beso many different people and
(02:41):
personalities based on theenvironment that we're in, and
not everybody necessarily, and Iwas thinking about that too.
I think that some people,allegra, are strong enough to
really be who they are from avery young age and they don't
deviate from that.
And I thought about it.
(03:04):
Is that because it's ingrainedin them?
Is that how they were born?
There's natural born leaders,there's people who they just
have it in them to just be whothey are.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
That wasn't the case for me, but that wasn't my case
either, sharice, really no, wedon't talk about you.
That's interesting, but thatwasn't my case either.
Sharice, really Funny.
No, we don't talk about you.
That's interesting, but that'snot my case.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
So, and I think that for me, I was a cumulative of my
surroundings the things thatyou hear and right and we may
all be, but somewhere where's mypurse?
So you know, I did a girl'strip a couple years late, last
(03:51):
year in costa rica and Iactually gave this out, but I
was reading it last nightbecause I was just thinking
about that conversation I hadwith my daughter and it's so
funny because it was just alittle scroll that we put on the
plate.
So it was a scroll.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Okay, it was a scroll .
Speaker 1 (04:05):
With a ribbon around it.
Okay, okay.
But I'm going to read thisbecause just having that
conversation with my daughter,this resonated in my soul.
I'm like, oh my God, I got totalk to my friends.
Why did I?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
whisper.
I know, I don't know what I wasgoing to say.
I was going to say who are wewhispering to?
You know, I have my glasses on,oh wait wait.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Oh wait, I thought I had them.
That's okay, we're going tomake it work.
I'm going to make it work.
Okay, go ahead.
It says.
As women, we are taught fromchildhood the importance of
making others happy.
Be pretty, be quiet, be fun, bejust the way he wants you to be
, be just the way he wants youto be.
(04:44):
So we learn how to navigate, topresent only the parts of
ourselves that are pleasing towhomever, whoever we are trying
to please.
These other parts are stillthere, brewing, steaming in the
(05:04):
displeasure of being ignored anddenied, hidden away and covered
with a pretty smile.
A girl who's really just scared, and the author is sex life.
It was.
It was a movie on Netflixcalled sex life, but when I read
(05:24):
, when I saw that and I listenedto just that piece from and I
literally pulled this out lastnight so it's interesting that
you know it was just a goodconversation, but I really
thought about this and I thoughtabout the conversation that I
had with my daughter.
I'm not going to cry, go ahead,I'm not going to cry Go ahead,
(05:47):
I'm not Safe space.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yes, and all of the people watching that's all right
, they on the other side of thecamera it made me sad a bit,
because I imagine there's somany women.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Their children know them as their mom and they don't
know any other part of them,right?
So you know cause you're myfriend girl.
We laugh, we have fun, I act acomplete fool.
I'm a flirt, all I know is thatI was when I wasn't in a
relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
No, you still flirt, but you flirt with respect, oh,
okay.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Whatever that is, you respectfully flirt.
Oh Lord, oh Lord.
But anyway, I say that to sayI'm glad I moved away from this,
you know, and while I'm notglad that COVID hit us and all
of the things that happened, I'mglad for me that it gave me a
(06:51):
space to be able to open up, toknow my daughters and for them
to see me differently and to beintentional in being their
friend as well, being theirfriend as well.
So, you know, a lot of timesparents will say you know, we're
not friends, you're my, you'remy child or my daughter.
(07:11):
Right, and they will always beour children.
But I'm just glad in life,before I depart, that my
daughters will get to see me asa woman.
That's it.
They actually get to seeSharice, the woman, the one that
goes through pain, the one thathave heartaches to, the one who
don't understand and know whoshe is at times.
(07:33):
You know the one who'svulnerable much more.
I'm much more vulnerable, yes,even with them, and I can.
I can show up with them withoutjudgment.
But I often wonder and I'llnever know the answer but damn
it, why did we get this be thisway?
(07:53):
So in every single relationshipI truly showed up different, so
it was like I don't know who Iam.
Yeah, who's the authenticSharice?
The Sharice that's been hereprobably for the last five or
six years.
So I don't know who I am.
Yeah, who's the authenticSharice?
The Sharice that's been hereprobably for the last five or
six years.
So I don't know what others gotfrom me.
Honestly, I don't Everybody gotsomething different from me.
(08:14):
They got a piece.
Because that's what?
What did this thing say?
The piece of you that they wantyou to see, and yeah, but today
you know I'm.
But that comes with maturity.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
It does, it comes with self-love self-acceptance.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yeah, all of the things that I had to come to and
, quite honestly, you know justI say it all the time, but just
therapy really helped me digdeep and understand who Sharice
is.
What does she want?
Being transparent and authenticwith my children and you know I
(08:52):
am who I am, every single partof me for everybody, like I love
.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I remember when we first met you were a little
stressed about your daughtersand everything, and even I have
seen your evolution, yourevolution, the way you stand up
for yourself the way you setboundaries, the way you set
boundaries not just in yourchildren, but in everybody, how
(09:19):
you set boundaries andrelationships and friendships
and your you know family things.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
That just how much you've grown and how much it was
, hard it was, and I think apart of it just comes with what
you got as a child or didn't get, and just growing up and just
wanting to make sure thateverybody was okay except but I
think you were forgotten I thinkit's part of being mothers and
(09:46):
a woman, because that wasingrained, because that's what
we were taught right to be,whoever it is they want you to
be and so you don't even knowwho you are.
Remember you said when we hadCheryl on the show and she was
like I looked up after so manyyears married and I'm like, who
am I?
Who am I?
Speaker 2 (10:03):
and I'm.
I felt that in my marriage um,and I'm happy that I was able to
recognize that at an earlier,earlier, an earlier age, and
part of this conversation isfunny.
Du Bois and I had a little pieceof this conversation a couple
of weeks ago when we filmed ourepisode after Mother's Day Okay,
(10:26):
talking about how we have thisimage that we have to have,
especially as mom, mm-hmm, andwe hide a lot of ourselves from
our kids because we want you to.
We're trying to raise you in acertain way.
We're trying to protect youfrom certain things.
We don't want you to see thatwe're vulnerable.
We're trying to raise you in acertain way.
We're trying to protect youfrom certain things we don't
(10:46):
want you to see that we'revulnerable.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
We don't want you to see that we're broke right and
we don't want you to see thestress on our face right and
that we're stressing on how thisis going to get done or that's
going to get done.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
So we hide a lot of those things from our kids and I
think we become very good atthat that all of a sudden it
becomes our identity and part ofwho we are.
But whatever that's in you isstill there and I always felt
like I did everything the way Iwas supposed to, but according
to whose rules?
Whose rules?
You know, my parents wanted meto do certain things.
(11:17):
My mom I was supposed tograduate from high school Did
that check.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I was supposed to go to college.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Did that check?
You know I was supposed to geta good job.
Did that check?
Then you're supposed to getmarried and you're supposed to
have kids.
And then you look up one dayand I say whose life is this?
Speaker 1 (11:31):
It's not mine, because there's other things
that I want other than just this.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
And so I watched my mom be superwoman, and then I
watched my mom develop into herwomanhood and independence, and
so that's when you said earlierat the show, like, like, this
stuff is ingrained in me, it waslike no, and surprisingly
enough, I'm actually very shy.
I don't care what you say,cherise, I'm shy, but I blossom
(11:59):
in certain environments.
I blossom in safe spaces, okay,but I'm actually shy, which is
why I'm such a people watcher.
I'm looking for, I pick up offenergy, feed off energy, and I
think that's one thing, onereason why we got along so great
, because even crying, sharice,even though she cried every five
(12:21):
minutes, charisse, you alwayshad this energy, this spirit
about you, and it was alwaysgenuine and it's always
authentic but, that's just who,authentically who you were at
that time.
You know what I'm saying.
So that old Charisse is stillCharisse, but you were able to
let out some of the other thingsin you, and I think that's
(12:43):
because, like you said, wealways hide behind a mask and
now you're in this space offreedom.
Yes, thank you, jesus Offreedom that you can be yourself
, and it's a shame that it takesus so long sometimes to get
there.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
And I think, if I'm being honest with myself, and I
think they'll be okay with mesaying this, but I feel like I
did them an injustice in someways because, um them trying to
navigate through things that Ithink I never showed them
because I didn't want them tosee it.
So you know, just being younger, how am I going to get this
(13:20):
bill paid?
Now, it always happened, butbut it's.
It's a double-sided, becauseI've seen parents stress so much
over like finances or payingbills that they stress their
kids the hell out and then theygot anxious, so I didn't want
that, but I also, in some ways,it's like damn, but I didn't
show them you know what I mean,like some of the things that
(13:41):
needed to happen.
Yeah, or you know being in arelationship and some of the
things that needed to happen.
Or you know being in arelationship and maybe
necessarily not having arguments, because you may have seen it
and so you don't want them tosee that, but then okay, damn,
they don't.
They don't know what thislooked like, you know.
So it's just that fine linethat we, that fine line that you
walk.
(14:01):
But I think, ultimately, aftertalking to her, after you know,
for whatever reason, justreading that again, because when
she said that to me it was soprofound that you're bringing up
to really encourage them to bewho they are and not you know
(14:39):
bend and twist to fit intosomebody else's circle.
But I think it's hard to raiseyour children to do that when
you're doing that, yeah right,you know what I'm saying.
Oh, no, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
We pour that on our kids Exactly.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
And that's why I think I'm saying today, because
we have the wisdom right, makingsure that hopefully somebody is
here hear us.
You know what I mean.
Somebody understood and again,like I said in the beginning,
it's not everybody.
But for those that just wasn'tstrong enough, who didn't have
it or at least understand whatwe're talking about, to start
(15:08):
instilling that, if it's notyour daughters, cause they're
too old, your granddaughters,but just do it, Just, but just
do it.
Just.
Just encourage us, the girls,to just don't let go, don't bend
and fold to fit into somebodyelse's that probably go for the
boy you do as well I do.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I do, just put them in a box and quit saying you got
to go to college, you know youhave to do this and you have to
do that I told my son I didn'tcare if he went to college yeah,
just just.
But but college was for me.
College was to give him achance for to to be away from,
(15:48):
from the, the protective netthat we put around our kids.
Right, you know what I'm saying.
I told him go out there, sleepwith as many people as you want
to while you're in college.
I did.
I.
That was my, my pep talk.
Go have as much sex as you want.
Be be careful, because rightnow you're still in that safe
space.
You kind of in that safe spacebecause you have plenty of times
(16:09):
to be an adult.
Go enjoy college.
Come out with that piece ofpaper so we ain't waste our
money.
But, uh, that piece of paper.
I wasn't really caring muchabout his grades.
I know that's terrible.
Don't flunk out, don't wastethe money, but go have the
experience.
It was the culture of beingable to meet people from all
(16:31):
around the world, get differentexperiences, semi-live on your
own.
You know what I'm saying.
Learn how to pay a few billsand stuff, because you, on your
own you know what I'm sayinglearn how to pay a few bills and
stuff, because you got your ownlittle place, but you still
have an independence, but youstill got that rope around you.
So, yeah, go to college and dothat right go experience
something I can't show youbecause now you can get it from
a world of other people, likesometimes when I go back home,
(16:55):
um like for people that havenever left home.
I think sometimes their visionor view is a little different
because they haven't had theexperiences and I've always
wanted him to experience rightexperience all the things I
can't show you.
Yeah, you have to give yourselfsome credit as the parent.
Um, she had to get that braveryfrom somewhere.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Yeah, probably the things that we don't see
sometimes, or this insecuritysometimes of thinking did I
really do enough?
Was I an okay parent?
Those things that you dummydown sometimes.
But I think that and I'm goingto be honest, you may have heard
me say this before, so it'skind of funny.
(17:42):
But when people would say to meyou know, you know, kids do
great, and it's likecongratulations, you did good,
give yourself credit.
And I'm like, well, you knowwhat?
I give them a whole lot morecredit because they're the ones
that did it, because if they wasa serial killer, I wouldn't be
talking about.
Oh, that's my child, they gotthat from me.
(18:02):
So, uh, it's funny, but youknow what I mean?
Like we have to give the credittoo to the, the kids, the
children, the young adults thatreally do their thing, because,
yeah, they listened and they sawsomething.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
So if there was something you'd want your girls
to know about you, what'ssomething you would share with
your girls to know about you, orhow you would want them to see
you?
Speaker 1 (18:36):
I would want them to see me as a woman, as a woman
who have gone through a lot ofdifferent things.
I would want them to know thatI have not been as strong as
they think I have been, thatthere has been a lot of
(18:58):
vulnerability built in me and Ihaven't been as strong as they
think I've been.
I've just done what I needed todo and I think it's important
for them to know that.
Yeah, I operated out of a.
I operated out of fear Fear ofnot being successful, Fear of
(19:27):
not being good enough, Fear ofhow they specifically would view
me.
It wasn't even so much the worldas it was them.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Yeah, and I think that's why when our children say
things to us, it hurts so bad.
Ooh, we talk about that all thetime.
Be like girl.
My daughter said this.
I'd be like girl.
The boy said this.
You know, and the way it stingsyou.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Nobody can hurt for me yeah nobody can hurt you more
than the things that you hearfrom your children, but I'm glad
that we give them the freedomto be able to express it,
because you know, a lot ofparents don't a?
lot of parents, even with adults, will not listen to their
(20:17):
children.
Well, that's just the way itwas, or I didn't do that to you,
or all of the things, and theyreally don't give them an
opportunity to voice that.
I'm glad that we do that now.
It hurt, but not, but it hurtand we listen and we apologize
and sometimes that's all ourkids want.
That's all they want is I hearyou I apologize for, because how
(20:43):
they feel is how they feel.
We can't change that.
And if we just did more of that?
And I went through a lot, butwhen I listened and heard them,
I did those things.
You know what I mean and I'mmuch more, being a very young
parent, but I'm much moreintentional now, so it doesn't
(21:04):
matter.
You know where you start at.
Just start and do somethingdifferent.
But yeah, just want them to knowI'm a fun person, I'm funny,
I'm loving, I'm a mess.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
The oldest knows that she think that you know she's
starting to see it.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, I think when you have levels with your
children.
But I think that oldest, Ithink she's always seen me,
though she's always seen me andshe tells me now mom, you don't
fool me, and she's like me.
I don't know about that, I know, but anyway, but anyway yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Alright, good, okay, give me three words.
Describe Charisse in threewords and we'll wrap it up.
Three words Describe Charisse.
Charisse is.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Charisse is today bold, bold, transparent.
You know I tell everything nowand she takes up a whole lot of
space that's charise, come on,come on, charise.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Well, all right now.
Look, we got to see a littlelittle bit of recent yeah, a
little bit of recent food.
I'm glad we did these.
Yes, just kind of a little bitof, because you know you have to
when you have to spread thelove across all four.
You know, sometimes I'm reallylooking forward to when we do
ivania's, because she's the morequiet one, so I'm really
(22:25):
looking forward to her gettingto know the the crunk turnt up
ready to party.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Quiet, shy, because we're just learning her too.
You know, we're really as aresult of this, I think we're
really starting to.
We still don't know, but weknow more than probably most,
but that will be a good,interesting one.
Yeah, it's going to be a greatepisode, but thank you, guys.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
This is another episode of Timeless and
Unfiltered.
And I'm Lycra, I'm Cherise andwe're going to keep spilling the
tea on midlife, one laugh at atime.
(23:11):
We'll see y'all next time.
Thinking about something last night.
Ok, Thinking about aconversation I had with my
daughter a couple of weeks ago.
She said mom, I didn't reallyknow who you were up until about
four years ago.
I think COVID really broughtpeople together and so I thought
that was so profound.
Like what do you mean?
You don't know your mom andyour mother.
It made me sad a bit, because Iimagine there's so many women
(00:25):
their children know them astheir mom and they don't know
any other part of them.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
This is Legra.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
This is Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
This is Cherie and this is Ivanya and this is
Evanya.
And this is Timeless andUnfiltered, where we are
spilling the tea on midlife onelaugh at a time.
Welcome to another episode ofTimeless and Unfiltered.
(00:59):
I'm Legra, I'm Cherie and againwe don't have any other
co-hosts, but that wasintentional.
This is the Get to Know Cheriseepisode.
Just kind of a little deeperdive into whatever you'd like to
share with us and for ouraudience can kind of get to know
(01:21):
each one of us, Connect withwhichever one resonates with you
, and then we'll get backtogether and get back on the
couch together and talk somemore shit.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yeah yeah, Sharice is layered.
It's interesting when wethought about doing this.
I thought this is interestingbecause we sit down and have
girlfriend talks all the time,but you know what this is a
girlfriend talk down and havegirlfriend talks all the time,
but you know what this is agirlfriend talk.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
It's a girlfriend talk.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
This is absolutely what we do.
We just come up with thingsthat's going on in our lives and
we talk about it.
So I was just thinking aboutsomething last night, okay, I
was sitting in my Zoom room andhad a conversation, was thinking
about a conversation I had withmy daughter a couple weeks ago,
okay, and she said, mom, Ididn't really know who you were
(02:15):
up until about four years ago, Ithink.
Covid, you know, I think COVIDreally brought people together,
and so I thought that was soprofound, like what do you mean?
You don't know who I am.
I'm your mother.
And I realized last night, justsitting and thinking she's right
, because I think we have to beso many different people and
(02:41):
personalities based on theenvironment that we're in, and
not everybody necessarily, and Iwas thinking about that too.
I think that some people,allegra, are strong enough to
really be who they are from avery young age and they don't
deviate from that.
And I thought about it.
(03:04):
Is that because it's ingrainedin them?
Is that how they were born?
There's natural born leaders,there's people who they just
have it in them to just be whothey are.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
That wasn't the case for me, but that wasn't my case
either, sharice, really no, wedon't talk about you.
That's interesting, but thatwasn't my case either.
Sharice, really Funny.
No, we don't talk about you.
That's interesting, but that'snot my case.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
So, and I think that for me, I was a cumulative of my
surroundings the things thatyou hear and right and we may
all be, but somewhere where's mypurse?
So you know, I did a girl'strip a couple years late, last
(03:51):
year in costa rica and Iactually gave this out, but I
was reading it last nightbecause I was just thinking
about that conversation I hadwith my daughter and it's so
funny because it was just alittle scroll that we put on the
plate.
So it was a scroll.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Okay, it was a scroll .
Speaker 1 (04:05):
With a ribbon around it.
Okay, okay.
But I'm going to read thisbecause just having that
conversation with my daughter,this resonated in my soul.
I'm like, oh my God, I got totalk to my friends.
Why did I?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
whisper.
I know, I don't know what I wasgoing to say.
I was going to say who are wewhispering to?
You know, I have my glasses on,oh wait wait.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Oh wait, I thought I had them.
That's okay, we're going tomake it work.
I'm going to make it work.
Okay, go ahead.
It says.
As women, we are taught fromchildhood the importance of
making others happy.
Be pretty, be quiet, be fun, bejust the way he wants you to be
, be just the way he wants youto be.
(04:44):
So we learn how to navigate, topresent only the parts of
ourselves that are pleasing towhomever, whoever we are trying
to please.
These other parts are stillthere, brewing, steaming in the
(05:04):
displeasure of being ignored anddenied, hidden away and covered
with a pretty smile.
A girl who's really just scared, and the author is sex life.
It was.
It was a movie on Netflixcalled sex life, but when I read
(05:24):
, when I saw that and I listenedto just that piece from and I
literally pulled this out lastnight so it's interesting that
you know it was just a goodconversation, but I really
thought about this and I thoughtabout the conversation that I
had with my daughter.
I'm not going to cry, go ahead,I'm not going to cry Go ahead,
(05:47):
I'm not Safe space.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yes, and all of the people watching that's all right
, they on the other side of thecamera it made me sad a bit,
because I imagine there's somany women.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Their children know them as their mom and they don't
know any other part of them,right?
So you know cause you're myfriend girl.
We laugh, we have fun, I act acomplete fool.
I'm a flirt, all I know is thatI was when I wasn't in a
relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
No, you still flirt, but you flirt with respect, oh,
okay.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Whatever that is, you respectfully flirt.
Oh Lord, oh Lord.
But anyway, I say that to sayI'm glad I moved away from this,
you know, and while I'm notglad that COVID hit us and all
of the things that happened, I'mglad for me that it gave me a
(06:51):
space to be able to open up, toknow my daughters and for them
to see me differently and to beintentional in being their
friend as well, being theirfriend as well.
So, you know, a lot of timesparents will say you know, we're
not friends, you're my, you'remy child or my daughter.
(07:11):
Right, and they will always beour children.
But I'm just glad in life,before I depart, that my
daughters will get to see me asa woman.
That's it.
They actually get to seeSharice, the woman, the one that
goes through pain, the one thathave heartaches to, the one who
don't understand and know whoshe is at times.
(07:33):
You know the one who'svulnerable much more.
I'm much more vulnerable, yes,even with them, and I can.
I can show up with them withoutjudgment.
But I often wonder and I'llnever know the answer but damn
it, why did we get this be thisway?
(07:53):
So in every single relationshipI truly showed up different, so
it was like I don't know who Iam.
Yeah, who's the authenticSharice?
The Sharice that's been hereprobably for the last five or
six years.
So I don't know who I am.
Yeah, who's the authenticSharice?
The Sharice that's been hereprobably for the last five or
six years.
So I don't know what others gotfrom me.
Honestly, I don't Everybody gotsomething different from me.
(08:14):
They got a piece.
Because that's what?
What did this thing say?
The piece of you that they wantyou to see, and yeah, but today
you know I'm.
But that comes with maturity.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
It does, it comes with self-love self-acceptance.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yeah, all of the things that I had to come to and
, quite honestly, you know justI say it all the time, but just
therapy really helped me digdeep and understand who Sharice
is.
What does she want?
Being transparent and authenticwith my children and you know I
(08:52):
am who I am, every single partof me for everybody, like I love
.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I remember when we first met you were a little
stressed about your daughtersand everything, and even I have
seen your evolution, yourevolution, the way you stand up
for yourself the way you setboundaries, the way you set
boundaries not just in yourchildren, but in everybody, how
(09:19):
you set boundaries andrelationships and friendships
and your you know family things.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
That just how much you've grown and how much it was
, hard it was, and I think apart of it just comes with what
you got as a child or didn't get, and just growing up and just
wanting to make sure thateverybody was okay except but I
think you were forgotten I thinkit's part of being mothers and
(09:46):
a woman, because that wasingrained, because that's what
we were taught right to be,whoever it is they want you to
be and so you don't even knowwho you are.
Remember you said when we hadCheryl on the show and she was
like I looked up after so manyyears married and I'm like, who
am I?
Who am I?
Speaker 2 (10:03):
and I'm.
I felt that in my marriage um,and I'm happy that I was able to
recognize that at an earlier,earlier, an earlier age, and
part of this conversation isfunny.
Du Bois and I had a little pieceof this conversation a couple
of weeks ago when we filmed ourepisode after Mother's Day Okay,
(10:26):
talking about how we have thisimage that we have to have,
especially as mom, mm-hmm, andwe hide a lot of ourselves from
our kids because we want you to.
We're trying to raise you in acertain way.
We're trying to protect youfrom certain things.
We don't want you to see thatwe're vulnerable.
We're trying to raise you in acertain way.
We're trying to protect youfrom certain things we don't
(10:46):
want you to see that we'revulnerable.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
We don't want you to see that we're broke right and
we don't want you to see thestress on our face right and
that we're stressing on how thisis going to get done or that's
going to get done.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
So we hide a lot of those things from our kids and I
think we become very good atthat that all of a sudden it
becomes our identity and part ofwho we are.
But whatever that's in you isstill there and I always felt
like I did everything the way Iwas supposed to, but according
to whose rules?
Whose rules?
You know, my parents wanted meto do certain things.
(11:17):
My mom I was supposed tograduate from high school Did
that check.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I was supposed to go to college.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Did that check?
You know I was supposed to geta good job.
Did that check?
Then you're supposed to getmarried and you're supposed to
have kids.
And then you look up one dayand I say whose life is this?
Speaker 1 (11:31):
It's not mine, because there's other things
that I want other than just this.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
And so I watched my mom be superwoman, and then I
watched my mom develop into herwomanhood and independence, and
so that's when you said earlierat the show, like, like, this
stuff is ingrained in me, it waslike no, and surprisingly
enough, I'm actually very shy.
I don't care what you say,cherise, I'm shy, but I blossom
(11:59):
in certain environments.
I blossom in safe spaces, okay,but I'm actually shy, which is
why I'm such a people watcher.
I'm looking for, I pick up offenergy, feed off energy, and I
think that's one thing, onereason why we got along so great
, because even crying, sharice,even though she cried every five
(12:21):
minutes, charisse, you alwayshad this energy, this spirit
about you, and it was alwaysgenuine and it's always
authentic but, that's just who,authentically who you were at
that time.
You know what I'm saying.
So that old Charisse is stillCharisse, but you were able to
let out some of the other thingsin you, and I think that's
(12:43):
because, like you said, wealways hide behind a mask and
now you're in this space offreedom.
Yes, thank you, jesus Offreedom that you can be yourself
, and it's a shame that it takesus so long sometimes to get
there.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
And I think, if I'm being honest with myself, and I
think they'll be okay with mesaying this, but I feel like I
did them an injustice in someways because, um them trying to
navigate through things that Ithink I never showed them
because I didn't want them tosee it.
So you know, just being younger, how am I going to get this
(13:20):
bill paid?
Now, it always happened, butbut it's.
It's a double-sided, becauseI've seen parents stress so much
over like finances or payingbills that they stress their
kids the hell out and then theygot anxious, so I didn't want
that, but I also, in some ways,it's like damn, but I didn't
show them you know what I mean,like some of the things that
(13:41):
needed to happen.
Yeah, or you know being in arelationship and some of the
things that needed to happen.
Or you know being in arelationship and maybe
necessarily not having arguments, because you may have seen it
and so you don't want them tosee that, but then okay, damn,
they don't.
They don't know what thislooked like, you know.
So it's just that fine linethat we, that fine line that you
walk.
(14:01):
But I think, ultimately, aftertalking to her, after you know,
for whatever reason, justreading that again, because when
she said that to me it was soprofound that you're bringing up
to really encourage them to bewho they are and not you know
(14:39):
bend and twist to fit intosomebody else's circle.
But I think it's hard to raiseyour children to do that when
you're doing that, yeah right,you know what I'm saying.
Oh, no, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
We pour that on our kids Exactly.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
And that's why I think I'm saying today, because
we have the wisdom right, makingsure that hopefully somebody is
here hear us.
You know what I mean.
Somebody understood and again,like I said in the beginning,
it's not everybody.
But for those that just wasn'tstrong enough, who didn't have
it or at least understand whatwe're talking about, to start
(15:08):
instilling that, if it's notyour daughters, cause they're
too old, your granddaughters,but just do it, Just, but just
do it.
Just.
Just encourage us, the girls,to just don't let go, don't bend
and fold to fit into somebodyelse's that probably go for the
boy you do as well I do.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I do, just put them in a box and quit saying you got
to go to college, you know youhave to do this and you have to
do that I told my son I didn'tcare if he went to college yeah,
just just.
But but college was for me.
College was to give him achance for to to be away from,
(15:48):
from the, the protective netthat we put around our kids.
Right, you know what I'm saying.
I told him go out there, sleepwith as many people as you want
to while you're in college.
I did.
I.
That was my, my pep talk.
Go have as much sex as you want.
Be be careful, because rightnow you're still in that safe
space.
You kind of in that safe spacebecause you have plenty of times
(16:09):
to be an adult.
Go enjoy college.
Come out with that piece ofpaper so we ain't waste our
money.
But, uh, that piece of paper.
I wasn't really caring muchabout his grades.
I know that's terrible.
Don't flunk out, don't wastethe money, but go have the
experience.
It was the culture of beingable to meet people from all
(16:31):
around the world, get differentexperiences, semi-live on your
own.
You know what I'm saying.
Learn how to pay a few billsand stuff, because you, on your
own you know what I'm sayinglearn how to pay a few bills and
stuff, because you got your ownlittle place, but you still
have an independence, but youstill got that rope around you.
So, yeah, go to college and dothat right go experience
something I can't show youbecause now you can get it from
a world of other people, likesometimes when I go back home,
(16:55):
um like for people that havenever left home.
I think sometimes their visionor view is a little different
because they haven't had theexperiences and I've always
wanted him to experience rightexperience all the things I
can't show you.
Yeah, you have to give yourselfsome credit as the parent.
Um, she had to get that braveryfrom somewhere.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Yeah, probably the things that we don't see
sometimes, or this insecuritysometimes of thinking did I
really do enough?
Was I an okay parent?
Those things that you dummydown sometimes.
But I think that and I'm goingto be honest, you may have heard
me say this before, so it'skind of funny.
(17:42):
But when people would say to meyou know, you know, kids do
great, and it's likecongratulations, you did good,
give yourself credit.
And I'm like, well, you knowwhat?
I give them a whole lot morecredit because they're the ones
that did it, because if they wasa serial killer, I wouldn't be
talking about.
Oh, that's my child, they gotthat from me.
(18:02):
So, uh, it's funny, but youknow what I mean?
Like we have to give the credittoo to the, the kids, the
children, the young adults thatreally do their thing, because,
yeah, they listened and they sawsomething.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
So if there was something you'd want your girls
to know about you, what'ssomething you would share with
your girls to know about you, orhow you would want them to see
you?
Speaker 1 (18:36):
I would want them to see me as a woman, as a woman
who have gone through a lot ofdifferent things.
I would want them to know thatI have not been as strong as
they think I have been, thatthere has been a lot of
(18:58):
vulnerability built in me and Ihaven't been as strong as they
think I've been.
I've just done what I needed todo and I think it's important
for them to know that.
Yeah, I operated out of a.
I operated out of fear Fear ofnot being successful, Fear of
(19:27):
not being good enough, Fear ofhow they specifically would view
me.
It wasn't even so much the worldas it was them.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Yeah, and I think that's why when our children say
things to us, it hurts so bad.
Ooh, we talk about that all thetime.
Be like girl.
My daughter said this.
I'd be like girl.
The boy said this.
You know, and the way it stingsyou.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Nobody can hurt for me yeah nobody can hurt you more
than the things that you hearfrom your children, but I'm glad
that we give them the freedomto be able to express it,
because you know, a lot ofparents don't a?
lot of parents, even with adults, will not listen to their
(20:17):
children.
Well, that's just the way itwas, or I didn't do that to you,
or all of the things, and theyreally don't give them an
opportunity to voice that.
I'm glad that we do that now.
It hurt, but not, but it hurtand we listen and we apologize
and sometimes that's all ourkids want.
That's all they want is I hearyou I apologize for, because how
(20:43):
they feel is how they feel.
We can't change that.
And if we just did more of that?
And I went through a lot, butwhen I listened and heard them,
I did those things.
You know what I mean and I'mmuch more, being a very young
parent, but I'm much moreintentional now, so it doesn't
(21:04):
matter.
You know where you start at.
Just start and do somethingdifferent.
But yeah, just want them to knowI'm a fun person, I'm funny,
I'm loving, I'm a mess.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
The oldest knows that she think that you know she's
starting to see it.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, I think when you have levels with your
children.
But I think that oldest, Ithink she's always seen me,
though she's always seen me andshe tells me now mom, you don't
fool me, and she's like me.
I don't know about that, I know, but anyway, but anyway yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Alright, good, okay, give me three words.
Describe Charisse in threewords and we'll wrap it up.
Three words Describe Charisse.
Charisse is.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Charisse is today bold, bold, transparent.
You know I tell everything nowand she takes up a whole lot of
space that's charise, come on,come on, charise.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Well, all right now.
Look, we got to see a littlelittle bit of recent yeah, a
little bit of recent food.
I'm glad we did these.
Yes, just kind of a little bitof, because you know you have to
when you have to spread thelove across all four.
You know, sometimes I'm reallylooking forward to when we do
ivania's, because she's the morequiet one, so I'm really
(22:25):
looking forward to her gettingto know the the crunk turnt up
ready to party.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Quiet, shy, because we're just learning her too.
You know, we're really as aresult of this, I think we're
really starting to.
We still don't know, but weknow more than probably most,
but that will be a good,interesting one.
Yeah, it's going to be a greatepisode, but thank you, guys.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
This is another episode of Timeless and
Unfiltered.
And I'm Lycra, I'm Cherise andwe're going to keep spilling the
tea on midlife, one laugh at atime.
(23:11):
We'll see y'all next time.
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