March 18, 2025 • 52 mins
In this heartfelt and inspiring episode, we sit down with our dear friend who’s been married for an incredible 39 years. From the highs and lows to the lessons learned and the laughter shared, she opens up about what it really takes to keep a marriage strong and thriving for nearly four decades. Whether you're married, single, divorced, or somewhere in between, this conversation is full of wisdom, real talk, and a whole lot of love. Grab a cup of tea (or a glass of wine!) and join us for an honest look at love, commitment, and everything in between.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
A person that I can look across the room and we
don't have to say nothing andbust out laughing.
You know, to be able to look atone of your friends and be able
to say, okay, I know, thatperson has me.
Yes, I don't have to worryabout that person saying
anything about me or allowinganybody else to hurt me in any
type of way.
(00:20):
I always felt safe with him.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
Why don't you guys keep it alive, bring it back to
life, whatever you know?
How can you not support we?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
have to bring it back alive, because you do get so
comfortable that now we're justliving, now we're just existing,
and if sex is the basis of yourrelationship, you're in trouble
.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
This is Lagra, this is Stephanie, this is Cherie and
this is Ivanya.
And this is Timeless andUnfiltered.
Where?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
we are spilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time.
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to thomas in thefilter.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
We are spilling the tea on midlife one laugh at a
time I am legra, I'm full, I'mcharise and I'm ivania.
Stephanie, just ate.
Well, we all just ate, oh god,but it was good.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yes, it was good.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
We probably didn't need to eat before we filmed
right first of all, we alreadyneed naps right without eating,
and now we really needed that,but we gonna get through this
with our energy.
You probably noticed we have afifth host on the couch today.
We thought we'd come and talkto our wonderful, dear friend,
ms Cheryl Biggs.
Hello, hello.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Hello hello.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Well, cheryl has been married for 39 years.
39 years.
Black love, black love, blacklove Okay black love and, being
that I've been married beforeSharice has been married, the
two ladies have not actuallybeen married yet.
I've been married beforeSharice has been married.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
the two ladies have not actually been married, yet
I've been engaged.
Somebody loved me enough togive me a ring for two different
people.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I got one little ring back in high school.
Does that count?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
No, well, the point of it is, we can't give a
perspective of what it's like tobe married with someone for 39
years.
So we thought we'd bring one ofour dear friends on board to
tell us what's the secret,because we're trying to get the
ring hilarious.
Hello, and keep the ring.
Well, some of us are let merephrase that we're trying to
(02:36):
help them get one.
I don't necessarily need one atthis point, if it happens this
is why I'm confused god willing,right, it happens.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
This is why I'm confused with you.
I'm saying if it happens, godwilling, because you was just a
hopeless romantic Right.
Do you want to get married ornot?
Tell her.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Tell her, for me, she can still be a hopeless
romantic without being marriedRight but if it happens, an
opportunity presents, and it'sright, then she's there.
She's not denying it.
She's just like mmm, it's justnot the center and the focus of
my life at the age of 55.
Would I love for it to happen.
I would love, I love, love.
(03:11):
Yeah, I love to be in love.
Yeah, but I love to receivelove.
Yeah, I love to somehow becomemy mother.
I love to cater to my man.
I laugh because when Sharicehas seen me with someone before,
she was like, oh my gosh, shetook a picture and a video.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
Oh, sure did, which is so funny, like what, and
people were like and she wasgetting and I was like I didn't
expect you to be so professionalall the time.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
And now, here you are , giggling like a little.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I'm a girl.
I'm a girl, I love it.
You're a girl, I love it.
I'm a girl, I love it.
But no, I love love, it's justnot the center and my focus.
You know I am deaf.
I'm wide open to receive it,but I'm not chasing after it.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I'm not chasing.
I'm going to attract my deafbuddy, if you're out there.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Well, I don't like going through the weeds.
You had to go through the weedsto get to the flowers I had to
At 55,.
I have been through enoughweeds.
You want to take the short bus?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
in a relationship.
I'm going to get on the shortbus.
Take the short cut.
You might get a short bus.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
And whatever it takes or requires.
So, yes, I am a hopelessromantic and it still would be
wonderful to find that person,even though, look, I don't have
39 years, but if God blessed mewith another 30, it would be
great to spend that 30 withsomeone, and someone to travel
with and all of those goodthings.
So since I can't give you thatperspective, and none of us
(04:39):
could, we had to go get anexpert with 39 years, how you
doing girl Because how in theworld do you do it?
for 39 years that is more thanhalf of your adult life you have
been with the same man.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Come on, girl, give us some tips, because we're
trying to figure it out.
There is no secret.
It's like one day just turnsinto another day and you look up
and I don't know that we payattention to it until somebody
says it.
You know, I know for a fact.
My son's like please tell mehow y'all do this.
(05:15):
And he even calls his father,like how are you with mom?
But it's long, I don'tunderstand.
I don't understand, I can't, Idon't think I can do it, but
you're going on year seven sonbut yes, yeah and there's no
secret, there's no, I can't sithere and lie and say oh, we
(05:37):
compromise, oh, you know we, no,it's just one day.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
But you have to like each other.
We do like each other.
We were friends first.
That's the foundation.
Take us back.
How did you meet.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Okay, how did you meet?
How did you meet, oh God.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Well.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Now is this going to be his version of the story.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
No, it's going to be Cheryl's version.
Anthony, I was coming home frombasketball practice.
His uncle is a year youngerthan me.
There was a train strike in NewYork and Anthony went to
Teterboro School of Aeronautics,so he had to catch the train
(06:21):
and the bus from New York toJersey to get to school back and
forth.
Well because of the strike.
He didn't do it, but his uncle,grandfather, lived, good Lord,
okay, two houses down.
Okay, it's his uncle.
So it's his grandfather.
Okay, lives two houses downfrom me.
But me and his uncle went toschool together, okay, so I was
(06:44):
coming home for basketballpractice, looking a hot mess,
but them short shorts and thelong legs?
Speaker 3 (06:46):
No, anthony can tell you exactly what I had on.
Oh, wow.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I cannot.
I remember I think it was ablue and tan Puma sweatsuit.
If I remember his storycorrectly, he could tell you the
sneakers I had on.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Oh my goodness, Hair swept out, hair swept.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
I looked a hot mess because I was mad because my
mother sent me to the store.
What?
I looked a hot mess because Iwas mad because my mother sent
me to the store and I had towalk because that's up north.
We didn't right right, so I waswalking by.
He said hi.
I said hi.
Curtis introduced me and saidhey, what's up?
And I kept going.
He asked his uncle who was Iand he told me he's a man, you
(07:20):
don't want to bother with her.
She's dating a three-letter man.
You know she already.
That was when we had letterjackets right he had a three's a
man.
You don't want to bother withher.
She's dating a three-letter man.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
You know she already that was when we had letter
jackets.
Right, he had a three-letterman.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Okay, he's playing three different sports, okay so
he was like you don't want tobother with her.
She got three, you knowbrothers blah, blah blah.
And he was like, okay, hisversion of the story is that
when he saw me he said, hmm, Icould do something with that,
okay so apparently he did wewere friends.
(07:52):
I tried to to hook him up withmy friends.
Oh, because I thought he was anice guy, because I was already
taken.
So I never looked at him likethat until he made me look at
him like that, and how did hemake you look at him like?
That.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Just being present.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
He was just present, he was just right.
Like I'm from up north I cansay safely out A hood rat, but I
can dress it up, and so for meit wasn't about like now.
Everybody kind of wantsmicrowave love.
They want you to have the house, the car, the dog, the fence,
(08:31):
and for us we knew that we hadto hustle for it.
So while he was going to schoolI was helping him study because
I had never met a black personsaying they were going to be
aircraft mechanic.
You going to fix what?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Airplanes Airplanes.
We don't do that so he's he'sknown for a long time.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
That's what he wanted to do, no he wanted to throw
bags for eastern airlines,because that's what his uncle
did and he wanted to travel, sohe wanted to travel benefits and
whoever?
His counselor was said whydon't you just go to school to
be a mechanic, not just throwthe bags?
and he was like whatever's goingget me to fly free.
That's what I want to do.
So we used to sit down togetherand study and if I went places,
(09:13):
we his uncle.
We all had the same friendsbecause we went to campus
schools was maybe about 25 blackfolks in this, so we all had
the same friends.
We all ran in the same circle.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Y'all went to private school, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Oh rich?
I don't know why my mother didthat so what happened to the
letterman guy.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Where the three letter man at.
So you were doing all thisstudying while you had a three
letter man, Kind of sort of.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
What happened is I also played volleyball besides
basketball, and we always hadwhat was a 24-hour volley time.
So Anthony came as my friendand would have like food ready
for me juice.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
He was working hard.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
He was working you.
He was working you.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Yeah, setting me up, and so it was winter, we wound
up having a storm that night, asnowstorm, and so we didn't know
it until it was time to go, andso maybe Anthony was with me
for 23 and a half hours, and thelast half an hour my boyfriend
(10:23):
showed up because he was away atcollege.
So he showed up at the Bali timeand he stayed for the last 30
minutes and it was time to gohome and so I would have had to
walk, and so it's 25 blocks frommy school home.
I'm used to that because wewalk in every day, yeah, up
north.
So Anthony said, no, I'll drivey'all home.
(10:46):
So y'all.
So, the one who's been workingyou all this time drove you and
your boyfriend no, okay, so hedrove y'all home and his uncle
drove us home, dropped myboyfriend off first, then
dropped me off and then he wenthome and his uncle said you
stupid, she just played you, youneed, didn't drop me off at
(11:11):
anywhere home.
And he said his uncle said youstupid, she just played you, you
need to drop her, you justplayed it.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
So a couple weeks went by, I hadn't seen him,
didn't talk to him, nothing inmy brain.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
It didn't faze me, because we in a relationship, we
friends so my boyfriend,anthony, decides to come by the
house to talk.
My boyfriend shows up again thesame time.
It's like a movie and this timeAnthony says you have to make a
decision.
He said it in front of yourboyfriend, like my boyfriend was
standing there.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Anthony was standing there, and I'm right here.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
And Anthony said you have to make a decision.
And that's when I looked at himand I was like oh, wow, oh, oh,
okay.
And so I looked at my boyfriend.
I said hey, anthony, you know,came back for a visit, so I'm
gonna have to get with you alittle later so he was saying a
decision on who was staying atthe house or who you gonna date,
(12:00):
who?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
who I was staying with at the house moment, but
the moment I thought it was like, I was like yes, that was his
thing was like I'm not leaving.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
He said, if you tell me to leave, I'm gone.
Oh god, it's always like uh,okay, oh, gosh, love, I'll talk
to you later.
I'm gonna call you.
I'm gonna call you later.
Okay, okay, oh jeez.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
And your boyfriend was okay with that.
No, he wasn't.
No, he wasn't, he couldn't havebeen.
I was just like your boyfriendwas okay with that he left.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
He did leave.
He did leave.
There was a whole lot going onafter that, after he left.
Oh God, he wasn't my.
You're not my boyfriend, nomore.
I guess not.
May he rest in peace.
But you know, and that's whatmade me look at him, because
every girl I would set him upwith, they would come back and
(12:53):
be like he said nothing.
What do you mean?
He said nothing.
Anthony talks a mile a minuteto anybody.
And they were like you ain'tsay nothing to us.
And I was like what are youdoing?
I'm setting you up with likethe nicest girls.
What are you doing?
I'm setting you up with likethe nicest girls, what are you
doing?
And they was like no, he wantyou, and that's when my
girlfriend was like he wants youand I was like no, he doesn't,
I'm dating.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Oh little love story.
Yeah, he slow walked her down,he showed it.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It, built it did it.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Yeah, that's that's how we met and 39 years later
and I was, of course, we all weonly get to see the end result.
You know, the outside lookingin, I'm sure, ups downs
absolutely round and round andall of that, but y'all still
together, we're still togetherthat's why I said when y'all
asked me to come here, I waslike what day is it?
Speaker 1 (13:47):
am I going to say nice things today?
I'm not going to say nicethings.
My mother was like behaveyourself.
And anthony just laughed.
But no 39, I feel safe with himand that's what's important to
me only.
The only downside of that, Iwould say, is I felt like I gave
all of myself to my family.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
And so now, here I am at 60 saying who is Cheryl?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yes, what does she want, what does she like?
And it's a difficult situationbecause when we got married I a
television, he had a VCR, soeverything, hey, we watch the tv
, everything we have other thanhis motorcycles have been in
(14:36):
both of our names.
Yeah, so it's like when Iturned 50 I went and bought my
own car, and that was the firsttime that I bought anything on
my own.
Oh wow, and he didn't like it.
Oh gee, he did not like that.
I did that.
Did he already have hismotorcycle?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yes, he wanted to be included.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Right.
Why did I feel?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
the need to go get something with just my own money
.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Like what you trying to say he was getting scared.
He's like feel the need to goget something with just my name
on it.
Like what you trying to sayhe's gonna scare he's actually
about to leave what's he?
Doing I should have been theone because at the motorcycle
club and I don't.
I don't rock with that crowd.
I definitely stand out.
Um, so I'm the one that shouldshow the concern, but to him,
(15:26):
for me to step out and dosomething on my own was like
wait a minute.
Where did that, you know?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
where did that come from, especially after that?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
many years yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah, and I and I I don't know why I felt the need
to not tell anybody I was goingto get it or anything like that.
I think I did it just to see ifI could, just to see if Cheryl
could do it Not mommy, not wife,not your mother's caretaker,
not you know, just Cheryl.
(15:57):
And so it was funny because Ihad a handicap sticker in my car
and I told my, my oldestdaughter.
I said I think I'm gonna go getthe license plate that have
said that's selfish.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I'm sorry are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I said why is my car like?
It's not like you take thesticker and put it in your car?
And she was like I don't know.
That just seems so singularlike you don't want to share
it's not supposed to be shared Ilost it.
I lost it on her.
I said I have given y'all myentire life.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I can't even have my own license plate.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Oh wow, I didn't know know.
That's how my family looked atme, like yeah, you're ours.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
You belong to us.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
You don't get to do things on your own, oh Lord.
So that's why, if I travel withyou guys, like my phone is
constantly going off.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Oh my God, you okay.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Are you all right To the point that you can't?
Speaker 3 (17:00):
enjoy yourself because you are still solving
problems, because we traveltogether all the time she's
still solving problems at home.
While we're in jamaica, whilewe're in mexico or wherever we
are, her phone rings from herfamily the whole time so look
don't again.
I'm put a disclaimer out there.
I'm single.
(17:21):
Don't listen to me.
You're going to be sittingthere single.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
No, no, no, no, no, no I'm going to give you my
disclaimer, but it's learnedbecause and I was listening to
y'all conversation earlier andwhat you said- no Boundaries.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yes, it's starting to set boundaries.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
And so what's sad is that before, when Anthony and I
were having issues with ourmarriage, I would always say
that you're never home.
Well of course not.
He's on the motorcycle, that'shis thing, that's like his
fraternity.
And the one thing he said to methat hurt my feelings, but it
was so true.
He said don't get mad at mebecause you don't have a hobby.
(18:03):
And I was like, oh no, hedidn't, yeah.
And then I had to sit there andsay, oh, he's right, I got to
do something, because your wholelife has been mommy, wifey.
Always, always Working.
When I got let go because of mydisability, that was my
(18:24):
identity, that was mine.
To better lead the work, myworking as a manager at a
doctor's office taking care ofother people.
That was my identity, and whenI lost that I had a problem Did
you find something to do.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Not yet, oh geez, Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
So we're still trying to discover who Shirley is,
that's so amazing At 60.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
At 60.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
Now we're trying to discover who Shirley is.
There's something that we allhave in common yes, single and
married.
One of the things that wetalked about in one of our
episodes was you get to middleage and you're trying to figure
out what am I supposed to donext?
But the difference is we saidthat we had the free time, that
it was quiet.
(19:05):
Right, it was quiet and we cando that.
You're kind of in the samething because you said where's
my identity?
Who am I?
Who is cheryl at that midlife?
Right, it's just that you stillhave your husband and family
kind of surrounding you, butit's it's still there same.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Thing it's right there and they have their own
identities.
And so, wow, uh, there was afacebook page.
I think I had posted all threeof my kids and I was like I'm so
proud of them.
They're out there living theirlives.
Anthony commented under thereand said they get it from their
dad, right?
And I commented and saidsomebody had to be the
(19:48):
disciplinary somebody had to bethe disciplinary.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Somebody had to be the same one to keep this thing
going.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And that's the truth.
If you look at my children'spage or my husband's page, they
jumping on planes.
They swimming with sharks.
Wow.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Well, what can you do or are you doing to try to
discover who sure or free,cheryl cuz?
Speaker 4 (20:17):
she in there, whatever.
Whatever it is in there, what?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
what are you doing, or trying to do, or what to do?
I don't know.
Ain't I not here?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
No, she ain't looking for me on the street, I know,
but I'm just saying she ain'tout there.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
But, but, but, but.
There's nothing out here.
But I don't wanna.
I don't wanna go out lookinglike some old lady.
I want somebody to say, oh, shelived a good life Like I.
I'm still going to keep myselfup and I'm a big flirt.
This just, but I'm gonna tellyou she a good wingman too.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
No, because surely get you in trouble, to be like
sure.
Oh no, because Cheryl would getyou in trouble too.
I'd be like Cheryl, no.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Call her and talk to her.
That's a joke with me and myson, because my son thought it
was my husband that turned meout.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Oh, turned me out and I was like no boo-boo.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
No, it was me.
And he was like what?
Yeah, it was your mama.
Your daddy was a nice guy.
Your mama was not a nice guy.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Because they can't view mama in that light.
Mama can't be sexual, mamacan't be sexy, mama can't be the
aggressive one.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
That's not mama, mama can't go out to dance.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Lord you and this going out to dance.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
I just told my son.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Me and my friends are going to.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Ellery's.
He's like that's not safe.
Why are y'all going out?
And I said here you go.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
When we went out to see your son sing.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
And here's the thing about that.
Anthony will say I will takeyou to do those things.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Well, sometimes I don't want you to go with me, I
want to go have fun with myfriends.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
I want to go out and act like yep, I'm single too.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Don't, don't, don't, do that.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I got a Google number , but I'm not doing that.
Okay, look, we're going to cutthis episode.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
What's going on?
We're going to cut this episode.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I know you do.
Look, we gotta cut this episode, look, because we about to have
nobody saying I'm over herebreaking up, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Only we can break up our marriage period even even
when people have attempted to doso, and I've gotten text
messages from people that say oh, we sharing the same man.
Baby, tuck him in and make surehe don't catch a cold.
Ok, because I need my billspaid.
I'm not playing with you.
If you got a connection withhim, clearly he gave you a
(23:00):
number or something.
Oh my God.
I'm not arguing with you.
I'm not arguing with you.
It's been too long and my nameon everything.
I'm not leaving, so you ain'tbreaking up the marriage.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
If it's broken up, it's because you decided or he
decided right and so that's myrunning joke.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
I'm like girl.
Look, if long as you see thattattoo of my name on his body,
I'm not going nowhere.
All his grandchildren on hisarm boo, he's stuck, he's stuck.
But we're friends, we'refriends.
He's that person that I canlook across the room and we
don't have to say nothing andbust our laughing.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Because he's a good guy To be a friend first.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah, I think it's important because, I don't know,
I could just look, you know, tobe able to look at one of your
friends and be able to say, ok,I know that person has me.
Yes, I don't have to worryabout that person saying
anything about me or allowinganybody else to hurt me in any
(24:04):
type of way.
So I don't have to worry aboutthat, and I knew that with him
because I always felt safe withhim.
Speaker 4 (24:12):
no, that's, that's so important, yeah, it is he?
Speaker 1 (24:16):
he was my landing pad , like if I because I used to
have a really, really, reallybad temper, really bad used to I
haven't met that hero, but Iheard yeah there's another part
of me, Right.
You might have that make you seecolors that you didn't know was
there and he's always been.
(24:38):
He's the opposite.
He's the one that will reel meback and be like no, sheryl,
what's that TikTok thing thatthey be saying?
Somebody nice opens the doorand somebody saying that, the
other person jumping out fromfront saying what you said.
You know, it's like that, likepeople would say to him you
married to who?
Because he's always the niceguy.
Are we not gonna get in the waywith you being nice?
(25:00):
I'm gonna need to move becausethis, but we're not gonna do
that, and so he always had a wayof diffusing me.
It's like yin and yangAbsolutely, absolutely we are.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Well, I'm glad you reeled this back, because I
didn't know what direction wewas going to head.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
I'm like no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Because you asked me what was I trying to do, to find
myself.
So just to go out there andlike if I go somewhere I will
sit there and text him and sayyou are still the most
attractive man in the room andhe may not be with me that's so
great, but I can sit there andjust like stand in the room and
(25:45):
be like yeah, no, you know it'sjust, I still got the one, I
still got it.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I still got.
I still got in the right handand I think, as long as you, you
feel that after 39 years it'sstill well, you got a good one,
shara, yeah I don't even knowwhere I was 39 years ago.
Like what in the world?
Speaker 4 (26:02):
absolutely okay, wait , let me see like I'm
calculating backwards, like likethe passion, like how did you
know the same things for thatlong?
Like how do you guys keep italive?
Bring it back to like whateveryou know how do you?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
have to bring it back alive, because you do get so
comfortable that now we're justliving, now we're just existing
and if sex is the basis of yourrelationship, you're in trouble.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yeah I understand you're in trouble.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Um, even with my condition, I I'm in pain a lot,
but I hide it, um, and I don'tthink that he really understood
it right until two months agowhen he got sick.
Out of all of these years, he'sseen me taking me to the
hospital, to the doctor, untilhe experienced that he was like
(26:54):
oh my god, I don't know howyou're doing this, I don't and
I'm telling him they are, oh hewas sick though, and I'm trying
to explain to him how you needto take your pain meds, how you
need to not don't chase the pain, say yeah, you gotta stay ahead
.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
He didn't get it.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
He was just like.
I am so sorry I'm so sorrybecause I didn't get it.
So you know, and that's what Iexplained to my kids.
I said sex is not thecornerstone of your relationship
.
You need to have some kind ofconnection, because what happens
when that stops?
Yeah, what happens if that hasto take a break, and so the
(27:30):
funny part of it is that youcould not think about it for a
while and all of a sudden hewalked past and I smell come
here we were watching when youwas like I miss smelling a man,
(27:51):
me and him, was watching that.
Oh, y'all and he was sittingthere, so I smell good and I
just laugh.
He makes me laugh, he makes melaugh and I'm you right, you
right, you right, come on and socome on, lay down or I'll leave
somewhere and he'll be likewhere are you going?
You got 10 minutes.
Listen, I love that I can giveyou 15.
(28:14):
I can give you 15.
Right, don't waste my time.
In 10 minutes I can give you 15.
So it's just really a comfortthing at this point, because
it's not like I'm having sexlike a marathon, like I'm trying
to keep you.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Right At this point.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
We're just relaxing with each other that's what it
is you could fall on the floor,sometimes on vacation you know,
but it is what it is.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Oh wow, nice, I love it.
A good love story yeah, it'sstill a love story?
Speaker 1 (28:47):
oh yeah, because there's not a lot of people out
here to choose from these days.
No, and I think that peoplehave to get away from.
Initially, you are attracted towhat you see, so don't lie and
say, oh, it was his eyes, oh,his conversation.
No, you're attracted.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Something draws you.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
It's a physical attraction.
Something draws you Somewhereand you don't's a physical
attraction, something draws youSomewhere and you you don't
think so.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
No, what is she saying?
I'm just saying that they haveto be dropped dead for this.
I always hear you say thatthat's a good looking man.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
She's just saying there's something that.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Yeah, oh, for anybody .
Yeah, like there's somethingyou need that you see and be
like oh, if you, if you'reattracted to somebody if it's
his smile okay swag the way hewalked there was something that
made you look twice.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Yes, yes, that's not saying that's the person that
you wind up no, no we're justspeaking in general, like if you
see someone you're like, ohshoot yeah, yeah, okay, yeah,
because.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
But I think now I at least I see my, at least like my
daughter's friends and stuffthey want the guy to come with
the whole package and sometimesyou have to go ahead and put
that package together becausewhen, when anthony had nothing
and I'm studying with him and wewould go, a date would be go to
the airport and we will watchthe planes take off.
(30:06):
And it was part of a test forhim because he had to be able to
identify that plane in the sky727 300, 204 and and we would be
sitting there with the booklooking up at the plane take off
and laying they go and laid andI said I know my friends think
I am so, corny, but for me thatbook was my future.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
So we think these days are willing to go through
that with a guy.
No, I don't see it.
I'm the men.
Will I leave you and they?
Speaker 1 (30:39):
go get the next.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Thing that's what we, a lot of women, that's the
problem.
Be worried about that.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
That's it too because these women, I, you don't care
to take what's yours no, theydon't if they see that you think
it's good they want it and Iwant it.
Right, they want but you don'tknow what I put into it.
Thank you to make it good likeit's a recipe.
If you take me out the recipe,baby, it's not the same it's not
(31:08):
the same.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
It's not the same.
It's okay.
At this age and just talking tothe ladies, I always felt like
my younger Legra was ready to gothrough the fire with someone
55, legra Ain't got that kind oftime.
I don't have that kind of time.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
But you would think at this point people halfway got
you, but if, but, if they did,we wouldn't all have four single
people sitting on the couch.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
Well, we're in atlanta.
It's a difference.
Yeah, it's a difference.
Why are you saying?
Speaker 2 (31:42):
because we're in atlanta like yeah, yeah, it's
ten to one.
It's different because I'veheard men tell me, man, if you
lived in Alabama or anywhereelse I would have been married
but because I'm here in Atlantaand it's 10 to 1, it's just way
more women.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Too many options for them it is it is.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
and then for women?
Women have now become theaggressors with the men, because
they have this scarcity complex.
There aren't hardly any, youknow, heterosexual men for us to
mess with, so I don't care thathe's with her.
If he's showing me attention, Ithink I can pull him from her.
Some men, no men, yeah, yeah,it's bad.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
We both seen him here the last time.
Yeah, we did.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
You know what?
Honestly, at the end of the day, who's for you?
Speaker 2 (32:25):
is for you.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
And I'm going to just be honest.
I've never had a problem likeever with anybody.
And I'm I don't.
I'm not saying you guys haveinsecurity, so that's not what
I'm saying, but what somebody dois what they do and at the end
of the day, if I have somebodyand somebody's coming for them
as the receiver, they have theultimate decision on how they
(32:48):
respond.
I don't give a damn who's comingafter them and what they're
doing, and I'm not jealous andI'm not sitting there trying to
figure you out.
You don't have to give me out.
We didn't say all of this, butI'm just saying I'm not looking
in your phone.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Nope.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
I'm not trying to figure out what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
I don't either.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
I'm not being insecure, I'm not being insecure
.
I'm not texting you and for me,the people that I date or
whatever, they know that aboutme and I have never in any
relationship ever gone back.
Once I'm gone, I'm gone.
Everybody know that.
I'm very no nonsense in thatway so I don't give a damn who's
(33:27):
out there?
Ain't nobody me.
Ain't nobody out there.
That's out there.
Ain't nobody me.
There's nobody out there.
That's Charisse, that's me.
There's somebody that's alwaysgoing to have a better body
longer hair, whatever they havegoing on, more money, whatever
they have going on.
So I don't care nothing aboutthat, and in Atlanta I can still
(33:48):
fool whoever, whatever it's notbeing here.
How do you get that?
Speaker 2 (33:52):
to the younger girls, Because a younger me now I'm
like that.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
But as a young girl.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
no, I did them with these phones.
I think it's what we see.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
I think it's what we watch.
I was younger and I probablywas very different than I am now
.
You know what I mean and I'msure my daughters see me
different today.
Then they saw you know moresecurity.
I feel you know more safe.
Now I could honestly say I'vealways been a one.
I think I've said that before.
I Don't mind approachingsomebody, so that may be a part
(34:23):
of it too, but I'm not.
I'm.
I'm just not falling to that.
I'm not falling into that thingabout what Atlanta look like
and what the other women aredoing, because I just think that
we give the I keep saying thereceiver but the other person.
We'll go after another womanand say what she's doing, but we
(34:44):
never sit back and look at whatthe person who's the receiver
they're coming at.
They got to come after your manand what is he doing and how
did they get his number hisnumber.
They said jump in their damnpocket or phone, that's right,
but but because we don't want todeal with it, the
accountability of holding thatmfa responsible, exactly, we
don't want to be responsible forholding him accountable.
(35:06):
So we go jump on the otherperson and and they got
something to do with it.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Actually they don't know me.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
They don't owe me anything you owe me something
yeah, and I'm not coming outwith you, I'm not trying to
figure out what you're doingwhen I don't feel comfortable or
safe I'm done.
It's all right.
It's time for me to go.
It's just that simple.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
I don't give a damn what city we live in, atlanta or
anywhere else.
I don't think I've ever, Idon't think I don't think I have
ever gone through his stuffyeah, because why never right?
Right well I'm gonna do callher up and say, hey, I found
your number in your phone.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
What?
Speaker 4 (35:45):
no people do.
I'm never gonna say he's right,you will never see me right,
I've never right.
Never see me Swear, right, I'venever Right.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
And it's the truth.
It's like you said.
People still come up to me oh,you married.
Yes, are you happy?
Speaker 4 (35:58):
What People are bold yes.
They do do that.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, they will ask you, they don't care.
People are bold, they don'tcare.
Speaker 4 (36:05):
But when you're, I feel like I'm not married either
, but I feel like when yourrelationship is strong, even in
dating, if y'all have somethingas strong as that, you're
committed to or you really careabout this person, then you
really care about their emotions, and that comes with safety.
That's what.
That's what feeling safe, feellike like you're, we're here
(36:29):
together and I don't have toworry and the second, those
feelings come up or something'sgoing on.
I don't have to do, but thatcomes with mature conversations
with somebody right.
So when you're having matureconversations and you're dating
or you decide whatever you'regoing to do, y'all do know, as
women, we could be seeingsomebody and then after a while
(36:50):
we just assume we, they,whatever, and they never even
ask us.
You know, there's a lot ofassumptions, but once and I
always say we just doing thistill we don't, until somebody
asks the other person like wegotta have that.
We have to have the adultconversation right, and then,
once you do that, you have tofeel secure and safe and be this
is what it is.
And as an adult, when it's notthat, you have to feel secure
(37:10):
and safe and be this is what itis.
And as an adult, when it's notanymore, then you have to be an
adult and let's have aconversation to move this along.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
Speaker 4 (37:21):
People just don't do that.
It's communication.
We don't communicate like weshould.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Well that's why I think friendships to build a
friendship first is thefoundation, yes, and I build
friendships with everyone thatI've dated to, where I don't
have like real bad breakupsthey're, they're real amicable,
and I'm like yeah, this ain't,this ain't uh working out for me
.
I release you out of love and Ican see her.
We just yeah, and so that'swhen they're well.
(37:46):
You have abandonment issuesbecause of your past and I'm
like like, oh, friend, youthrowing up.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
What's going?
Speaker 2 (37:51):
on Like don't, don't do that and it's not to have
abandonment issues.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
I'm just not going to keep putting up with your shit
at the end of the day and Irelease you.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
I love.
And I'm still cool with a lotof my exes.
We still have conversationsbecause I just don't have bad
breakups.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
I really communicate as an adult, but I like what you
say.
We're just what you say.
We're doing this until we'renot until we're not, yeah, we're
just about to start runningthat?
Speaker 2 (38:17):
yeah, I'm about to use the shit out of it because
at the end of the day, that'sright that's.
That's what it is.
And if I feel like we're notmeshing and this ain't going
anywhere, hey, let's have aconversation.
And I have adult comment andthey're uncomfortable.
A lot of times they justsitting there tapping, can't
believe this.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
You doing me like this and hey, yeah, I mean me
and anthony have gone throughphases where we didn't talk.
I mean he worked that night, Iworked during the day and it
would just be ships passing inthe night right and just be like
like you said.
Then you got to be an adult.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Say okay what's going on now?
What's what we what, what, whatlet's talk.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
So who's?
Speaker 2 (38:54):
the bigger person, you or him?
Who's the bigger person?
You mean, like who's going toapologize?
Speaker 1 (38:58):
first I feel like, I feel like I feel like I'm the
one that always has to back down, because I'm like anthony will
sit there like real calm, andthen you feel crazy like dang
calm, dang okay, he's not gonnalook.
Dang, and it used to be a placewhere I yelled a lot and then I
(39:26):
stopped and looked and I waslike he don't hear me.
Okay, okay, I can't hear whenyou yell, yeah.
Yeah, so then I stopped and evenmy son had a situation where he
upset me and I said nothing andfor days my son was like I'm
(39:50):
going gonna need you to yell atme, cuss me out something
because something ain't right,something I don't like.
Speaker 4 (39:54):
This I don't like this?
Speaker 1 (39:56):
you not saying that that's like danger right, there
right and it.
I got to a point now where I'llsay you know, the warning is
okay, you start running when Isay all right now yeah, that
yeah, because I'm not, I'm not,I'm not, and that drives him
crazy and he's like cheryl saysomething to me, what?
Speaker 3 (40:18):
what would you?
Speaker 2 (40:19):
like me to say oh, they hate that I ain't got
nothing.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
No, we in trouble then I have a question now that
we're talking, my wheels arespinning.
Now my wheels are spinning, soyou know you'll hear therapists
or people talk about.
Well, everybody, the ultimategoal is is to get married right,
so why?
are you with somebody?
Why are you doing that if y'alldon't plan on getting married?
(40:43):
You see that a lot on tiktok,instagram and all of that stuff.
But first of all, everybody Imean everybody is not looking to
get married.
But the question is when you'rein this dating realm, isn't
that something that you thinkthat should be discussed?
If that's what your ultimategoal is, yeah, it's not wasting
(41:03):
time, right?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
yeah, that's yes.
That's what your ultimate goalis.
Speaker 4 (41:05):
Yeah, that's like I know you want your girl.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
Saying deaf partner is being that you want your deaf
buddy yeah that's aconversation that you're having
up front yeah, okay, you know, Iwas just curious about that.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
Yeah, and my current one was like oh, I don't know,
one get me and I'm like so, okay, we basically gonna do this
till it's done till.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
You're not till, I'm not yeah but there's no surprise
yeah, I already told you don'tsit over here.
You'll be single.
Okay, don't okay.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah, I have those conversations yeah, I let them
know.
I'm dating with a purpose andthis is my intention.
What are yours?
Oh, I know okay but you're but,you're still dating.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Yeah, don't, don't come on this side of the couch
with me well, no, it's.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
It's companionship for me and, I guess, for both of
us.
Currently we're companions toeach other.
We both know what we want andwe just don't do it until it's
done yeah honestly, and so thatconversation is like yeah, I
think, okay, I want all right,man, it's been cool and yeah,
and we'll just go about our way.
We'll still be friends, ofcourse, but no, we'll just go,
(42:16):
but do you feel like?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
because someone is in that space, what you're looking
for can't come into that spacebecause it's already occupied.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
No, I walk around every day.
I'm one hell of a way.
One hell of a way.
She said one hell of a way.
Some might speak to me, butpeople don't.
And that's actually how he gotin.
Men don't approach me, theyjust don't, they just stare and
stare and stare and the factthat you go hey, can I talk?
(42:48):
They just don't, they juststare, and stare and stare.
Speaker 4 (42:49):
And the fact that you're like hey, I was like, oh
shit, and that's also.
I respect you as a man, becausemen do not, it's like they're
scared of me or something.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Yeah, and I was like man, you're a whole man out here
and I appreciated that abouthim and this, our friendship,
just kind of grew into somethingwe were friends and we're real
good friends.
He's like you're my best friendand so we're really really good
friends, so you're so animatedso there's.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
There's no secret sauce, it's just day by day it
is day day, it is year by year.
It is just building stufftogether.
Yeah, not material stuff, butjust.
Yeah, it's just, and you lookup and it's 39 years later.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
It'll be 40 in August .
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
You sit there and be like whoa, that's a lot.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
But that's a flex too .
Whoa what in the world?
That's a lot, but that's a flextoo, though it's a merit to
somebody.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Like that's the biggest flex that you have a
relationship that just lastedthrough time and time ups and
downs, like a lot of peoplecan't say that yeah, they can't
say that Well, that's why we hadto have somebody else come on
the couch because none of us say
Speaker 1 (44:00):
that.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
Yeah, else come on the couch, because none of us
say that, yeah we can't say that.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
It's definitely a ride for sure, and I think what
I respect for him is that hedoes.
I allow him to be him yes,that's so important, so right
like we gotta work on cheryl.
Speaker 4 (44:14):
We gotta work on cheryl.
I'm actually excited.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
I'm now getting excited about opening myself up
to things like because peopleinvite me to things that before
I wouldn't go, mm-hmm, I'm notgonna bother stuff.
But now I'm going out there,you know, just to see what
Cheryl enjoy, not to throwmyself up, you're right.
Speaker 4 (44:43):
Not I mean you know, he, he knows you have a good set
of friends and I think it'sreally gonna have a good time.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah right, like it is
weird for me when we moved tothe south from jersey, like my
friends knew that they werewelcome to my house.
You're just welcome to my houseif I'm I didn't get home yet.
Whatever anthony's there goingin the house, you know, do eat
your food, whatever.
When we moved here and peoplewere like, oh, you're not home,
(45:12):
okay, I'm just gonna sit in thecar and wait till you get here
what it's a hospital, a southernrespect hospitable thing down
here right but that was weird tous because, now are who, who,
who don't, who don't you trustyou or him?
Speaker 2 (45:27):
because I don't, I don't know.
I just think it's just likethat that's ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (45:33):
Go in the house like what are you talking about me in
my house if I'm not here, see,that's just well, I mean if my
family, because it's always afamily so it's never just him in
the house, it's always somebodyso go and make yourself
comfortable, I'll call.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
You can be like, hey, so-and-so, sitting in the
driveway and y'all know, anthony, he will be like, get out of
the car, just come in the houseand and people be like, oh okay,
and then they'll call back likeI'm in the house, oh okay, this
is fine, I'll be there in aminute.
Just hold on, I'll be there ina minute.
Don't take your coat off.
If you feel that way, that wasweird for us because we're we
(46:07):
are such a enveloping familylike everybody's, like, oh, come
on in, take off your shoes,relax, yeah, kind of atmosphere.
And to to not meet people thataren't like.
That is weird to me and that'smy discernment.
It's like, okay, I'm not, I'mnot kicking it with it's you,
but what?
You are no, but there arecertain people that I absolutely
(46:29):
I am not, you're not getting myaddress period.
Um.
So that's the part of me that'snow opening myself up to saying
, hey, it's okay for you to goout and do xyz, it's okay for
you to tell anthony, hey, I needthe car today because I'm going
to x, y and z and I think he ishappier now.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
She's doing stuff I'm not sitting in the house.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
When you come home I can see that you gotta play 5 30
while you're in the home.
It's 5's 545.
I think he's happier like y'allwas getting dressed and I was
sitting at the table.
He was like, ok, I'm gettingready to go get this car fixed.
I'm going to be downtown.
He was like you, good, I'm good.
Ok, goodbye, because he's likeshe's out the house.
(47:14):
Oh, shoot.
Speaker 4 (47:15):
Well, she ain't going to get the house.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
You're outside, I'm outside, she's outside baby I'm
outside and I love, it Okay, alot of my habits, unfortunately,
are things that I can only domyself.
You know, like crocheting ormaking my rugs and stuff.
Those are things that I.
It's not a group effort.
So I have to purposely say I'mnot doing that today.
(47:40):
I'm putting that down and I'mgonna go out.
So if he'll call me, he'd belike you went to the mall, what?
Speaker 4 (47:48):
by yourself.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
Yes, I went to the mall by myself.
I didn't like it, but I went tothe mall and it's funny to them
because my entire family feelsthe same way.
Like she.
Not in the house when she atwhat?
Speaker 3 (48:01):
You're calling me 500 times Even my grandson now
calls me.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
I'm just calling to see what you're doing.
Speaker 4 (48:09):
Girl.
I was scared them.
Girls are deaf about stayinghome that much.
Speaker 3 (48:13):
They dragged me to the mental institution.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
But and then again.
Speaker 3 (48:18):
another part of that is, I'm my mother's caretaker
now, so that's a whole notherconversation about taking care
of your aging parents, right.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
I got to make sure somebody's covering me when I'm
running out.
So just like you, and you calland I said give me them dates,
because I got to write it onfamily calendar.
Speaker 4 (48:36):
So y'all know, none of y'all can go away this week
because I'm out and before Iwould have been like no.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
I?
No, I can't go.
I gotta take care of my mom andI feel like I missed out on a
lot.
Yeah, doing that, not thinkingsomebody else can do it, right
that they can help.
Okay, if you don't do it theway I did it, I come home she's
still alive, right?
Or they'll call me on facetimeto be like your mother's not
(49:02):
cooperating today.
I'm gonna need you to talk toher.
So we go on FaceTime and thefirst thing she says when you're
coming home soon I'm not givingyou a date because then you'll
be calling me.
It's that day you're not home,so I'll be like you'll be all
right, everything's fine.
You're not connected to no IBpoles and they're like that.
You're still up and walkingaround and they'll be like she
(49:25):
ain't taking her medicine.
Oh well, she don't want to doright, it'll wait till I get
home.
So that's a that's a new thingfor me to let that go, to let
that go and not think, oh my god, she's gonna die while I'm gone
.
Speaker 3 (49:39):
Put yourself first, so you're going to have to come
to our classes.
Speaker 4 (49:44):
Are we doing what Belly dancing?
We're going to do a bellydancing we're going to do.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
we have a sexologist that is coming on in a couple of
episodes that we have scheduledto come on and join us.
Who's going to?
Not to say first of all, not tosay we ain't sexy, but to get
that inner sexy back, if thatmakes sense, because we've been
mommy, and mommy and wifey andeverything else for so long I
(50:13):
want that little sex kitten back.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
It is.
Speaker 3 (50:16):
That's a yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
To find yourself to say I'm still relevant, yes,
that.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
I'm still.
That's the whole purpose oftimeless and unfiltered from
every aspect, from your beingmarried, from being single just
for being over 50, just forbeing over 40 that we're still
relevant we're not disposable weare still relevant.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
I have a third eye in my forehead Right.
Speaker 3 (50:41):
And.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
I still need to in that Kelly Rowland line.
I keep myself up.
But, now I'm doing it for me.
I'm doing it for me so yep, allright.
Speaker 3 (50:53):
Well, I can't wait to see how you evolve in this new
Cheryl.
Not that we just don't loveCheryl, but if Cheryl is going
to be more than what she alreadyis, she's going to be a hot
mess, and I can't wait to seeher.
I live for all of it Don't comeon this side of the couch with
me, but I'm going to live forall of it, but thank you so much
(51:13):
for joining us.
Speaker 4 (51:14):
Thank you for having me.
We love a good love story.
Speaker 3 (51:17):
Thank you, I'm glad you made it Well.
You guys can't see, but we gotour EP Mo over there.
Thanks Mo, thanks Mo, you holdus down.
Man, and this is anotherepisode of Timeless is
Unfiltered, and I'm Allegra.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
I'm Stephanie, I'm Charisse and I'm Evanya.
Speaker 3 (51:31):
And we're going to keep on, keep on, keep on
spilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time.
Speaker 4 (51:37):
Thank you, you guys like follow?
Speaker 3 (51:39):
subscribe.
Yes, like follow and subscriberight now.
A person that I can look across the room and we
don't have to say nothing andbust out laughing.
You know, to be able to look atone of your friends and be able
to say, okay, I know, thatperson has me.
Yes, I don't have to worryabout that person saying
anything about me or allowinganybody else to hurt me in any
type of way.
(00:20):
I always felt safe with him.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
Why don't you guys keep it alive, bring it back to
life, whatever you know?
How can you not support we?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
have to bring it back alive, because you do get so
comfortable that now we're justliving, now we're just existing,
and if sex is the basis of yourrelationship, you're in trouble
.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
This is Lagra, this is Stephanie, this is Cherie and
this is Ivanya.
And this is Timeless andUnfiltered.
Where?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
we are spilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time.
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to thomas in thefilter.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
We are spilling the tea on midlife one laugh at a
time I am legra, I'm full, I'mcharise and I'm ivania.
Stephanie, just ate.
Well, we all just ate, oh god,but it was good.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yes, it was good.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
We probably didn't need to eat before we filmed
right first of all, we alreadyneed naps right without eating,
and now we really needed that,but we gonna get through this
with our energy.
You probably noticed we have afifth host on the couch today.
We thought we'd come and talkto our wonderful, dear friend,
ms Cheryl Biggs.
Hello, hello.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Hello hello.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Well, cheryl has been married for 39 years.
39 years.
Black love, black love, blacklove Okay black love and, being
that I've been married beforeSharice has been married, the
two ladies have not actuallybeen married yet.
I've been married beforeSharice has been married.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
the two ladies have not actually been married, yet
I've been engaged.
Somebody loved me enough togive me a ring for two different
people.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I got one little ring back in high school.
Does that count?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
No, well, the point of it is, we can't give a
perspective of what it's like tobe married with someone for 39
years.
So we thought we'd bring one ofour dear friends on board to
tell us what's the secret,because we're trying to get the
ring hilarious.
Hello, and keep the ring.
Well, some of us are let merephrase that we're trying to
(02:36):
help them get one.
I don't necessarily need one atthis point, if it happens this
is why I'm confused god willing,right, it happens.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
This is why I'm confused with you.
I'm saying if it happens, godwilling, because you was just a
hopeless romantic Right.
Do you want to get married ornot?
Tell her.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Tell her, for me, she can still be a hopeless
romantic without being marriedRight but if it happens, an
opportunity presents, and it'sright, then she's there.
She's not denying it.
She's just like mmm, it's justnot the center and the focus of
my life at the age of 55.
Would I love for it to happen.
I would love, I love, love.
(03:11):
Yeah, I love to be in love.
Yeah, but I love to receivelove.
Yeah, I love to somehow becomemy mother.
I love to cater to my man.
I laugh because when Sharicehas seen me with someone before,
she was like, oh my gosh, shetook a picture and a video.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
Oh, sure did, which is so funny, like what, and
people were like and she wasgetting and I was like I didn't
expect you to be so professionalall the time.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
And now, here you are , giggling like a little.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I'm a girl.
I'm a girl, I love it.
You're a girl, I love it.
I'm a girl, I love it.
But no, I love love, it's justnot the center and my focus.
You know I am deaf.
I'm wide open to receive it,but I'm not chasing after it.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I'm not chasing.
I'm going to attract my deafbuddy, if you're out there.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Well, I don't like going through the weeds.
You had to go through the weedsto get to the flowers I had to
At 55,.
I have been through enoughweeds.
You want to take the short bus?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
in a relationship.
I'm going to get on the shortbus.
Take the short cut.
You might get a short bus.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
And whatever it takes or requires.
So, yes, I am a hopelessromantic and it still would be
wonderful to find that person,even though, look, I don't have
39 years, but if God blessed mewith another 30, it would be
great to spend that 30 withsomeone, and someone to travel
with and all of those goodthings.
So since I can't give you thatperspective, and none of us
(04:39):
could, we had to go get anexpert with 39 years, how you
doing girl Because how in theworld do you do it?
for 39 years that is more thanhalf of your adult life you have
been with the same man.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Come on, girl, give us some tips, because we're
trying to figure it out.
There is no secret.
It's like one day just turnsinto another day and you look up
and I don't know that we payattention to it until somebody
says it.
You know, I know for a fact.
My son's like please tell mehow y'all do this.
(05:15):
And he even calls his father,like how are you with mom?
But it's long, I don'tunderstand.
I don't understand, I can't, Idon't think I can do it, but
you're going on year seven sonbut yes, yeah and there's no
secret, there's no, I can't sithere and lie and say oh, we
(05:37):
compromise, oh, you know we, no,it's just one day.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
But you have to like each other.
We do like each other.
We were friends first.
That's the foundation.
Take us back.
How did you meet.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Okay, how did you meet?
How did you meet, oh God.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Well.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Now is this going to be his version of the story.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
No, it's going to be Cheryl's version.
Anthony, I was coming home frombasketball practice.
His uncle is a year youngerthan me.
There was a train strike in NewYork and Anthony went to
Teterboro School of Aeronautics,so he had to catch the train
(06:21):
and the bus from New York toJersey to get to school back and
forth.
Well because of the strike.
He didn't do it, but his uncle,grandfather, lived, good Lord,
okay, two houses down.
Okay, it's his uncle.
So it's his grandfather.
Okay, lives two houses downfrom me.
But me and his uncle went toschool together, okay, so I was
(06:44):
coming home for basketballpractice, looking a hot mess,
but them short shorts and thelong legs?
Speaker 3 (06:46):
No, anthony can tell you exactly what I had on.
Oh, wow.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I cannot.
I remember I think it was ablue and tan Puma sweatsuit.
If I remember his storycorrectly, he could tell you the
sneakers I had on.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Oh my goodness, Hair swept out, hair swept.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
I looked a hot mess because I was mad because my
mother sent me to the store.
What?
I looked a hot mess because Iwas mad because my mother sent
me to the store and I had towalk because that's up north.
We didn't right right, so I waswalking by.
He said hi.
I said hi.
Curtis introduced me and saidhey, what's up?
And I kept going.
He asked his uncle who was Iand he told me he's a man, you
(07:20):
don't want to bother with her.
She's dating a three-letter man.
You know she already.
That was when we had letterjackets right he had a three's a
man.
You don't want to bother withher.
She's dating a three-letter man.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
You know she already that was when we had letter
jackets.
Right, he had a three-letterman.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Okay, he's playing three different sports, okay so
he was like you don't want tobother with her.
She got three, you knowbrothers blah, blah blah.
And he was like, okay, hisversion of the story is that
when he saw me he said, hmm, Icould do something with that,
okay so apparently he did wewere friends.
(07:52):
I tried to to hook him up withmy friends.
Oh, because I thought he was anice guy, because I was already
taken.
So I never looked at him likethat until he made me look at
him like that, and how did hemake you look at him like?
That.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Just being present.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
He was just present, he was just right.
Like I'm from up north I cansay safely out A hood rat, but I
can dress it up, and so for meit wasn't about like now.
Everybody kind of wantsmicrowave love.
They want you to have the house, the car, the dog, the fence,
(08:31):
and for us we knew that we hadto hustle for it.
So while he was going to schoolI was helping him study because
I had never met a black personsaying they were going to be
aircraft mechanic.
You going to fix what?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Airplanes Airplanes.
We don't do that so he's he'sknown for a long time.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
That's what he wanted to do, no he wanted to throw
bags for eastern airlines,because that's what his uncle
did and he wanted to travel, sohe wanted to travel benefits and
whoever?
His counselor was said whydon't you just go to school to
be a mechanic, not just throwthe bags?
and he was like whatever's goingget me to fly free.
That's what I want to do.
So we used to sit down togetherand study and if I went places,
(09:13):
we his uncle.
We all had the same friendsbecause we went to campus
schools was maybe about 25 blackfolks in this, so we all had
the same friends.
We all ran in the same circle.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Y'all went to private school, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Oh rich?
I don't know why my mother didthat so what happened to the
letterman guy.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Where the three letter man at.
So you were doing all thisstudying while you had a three
letter man, Kind of sort of.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
What happened is I also played volleyball besides
basketball, and we always hadwhat was a 24-hour volley time.
So Anthony came as my friendand would have like food ready
for me juice.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
He was working hard.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
He was working you.
He was working you.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Yeah, setting me up, and so it was winter, we wound
up having a storm that night, asnowstorm, and so we didn't know
it until it was time to go, andso maybe Anthony was with me
for 23 and a half hours, and thelast half an hour my boyfriend
(10:23):
showed up because he was away atcollege.
So he showed up at the Bali timeand he stayed for the last 30
minutes and it was time to gohome and so I would have had to
walk, and so it's 25 blocks frommy school home.
I'm used to that because wewalk in every day, yeah, up
north.
So Anthony said, no, I'll drivey'all home.
(10:46):
So y'all.
So, the one who's been workingyou all this time drove you and
your boyfriend no, okay, so hedrove y'all home and his uncle
drove us home, dropped myboyfriend off first, then
dropped me off and then he wenthome and his uncle said you
stupid, she just played you, youneed, didn't drop me off at
(11:11):
anywhere home.
And he said his uncle said youstupid, she just played you, you
need to drop her, you justplayed it.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
So a couple weeks went by, I hadn't seen him,
didn't talk to him, nothing inmy brain.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
It didn't faze me, because we in a relationship, we
friends so my boyfriend,anthony, decides to come by the
house to talk.
My boyfriend shows up again thesame time.
It's like a movie and this timeAnthony says you have to make a
decision.
He said it in front of yourboyfriend, like my boyfriend was
standing there.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Anthony was standing there, and I'm right here.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
And Anthony said you have to make a decision.
And that's when I looked at himand I was like oh, wow, oh, oh,
okay.
And so I looked at my boyfriend.
I said hey, anthony, you know,came back for a visit, so I'm
gonna have to get with you alittle later so he was saying a
decision on who was staying atthe house or who you gonna date,
(12:00):
who?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
who I was staying with at the house moment, but
the moment I thought it was like, I was like yes, that was his
thing was like I'm not leaving.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
He said, if you tell me to leave, I'm gone.
Oh god, it's always like uh,okay, oh, gosh, love, I'll talk
to you later.
I'm gonna call you.
I'm gonna call you later.
Okay, okay, oh jeez.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
And your boyfriend was okay with that.
No, he wasn't.
No, he wasn't, he couldn't havebeen.
I was just like your boyfriendwas okay with that he left.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
He did leave.
He did leave.
There was a whole lot going onafter that, after he left.
Oh God, he wasn't my.
You're not my boyfriend, nomore.
I guess not.
May he rest in peace.
But you know, and that's whatmade me look at him, because
every girl I would set him upwith, they would come back and
(12:53):
be like he said nothing.
What do you mean?
He said nothing.
Anthony talks a mile a minuteto anybody.
And they were like you ain'tsay nothing to us.
And I was like what are youdoing?
I'm setting you up with likethe nicest girls.
What are you doing?
I'm setting you up with likethe nicest girls, what are you
doing?
And they was like no, he wantyou, and that's when my
girlfriend was like he wants youand I was like no, he doesn't,
I'm dating.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Oh little love story.
Yeah, he slow walked her down,he showed it.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It, built it did it.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Yeah, that's that's how we met and 39 years later
and I was, of course, we all weonly get to see the end result.
You know, the outside lookingin, I'm sure, ups downs
absolutely round and round andall of that, but y'all still
together, we're still togetherthat's why I said when y'all
asked me to come here, I waslike what day is it?
Speaker 1 (13:47):
am I going to say nice things today?
I'm not going to say nicethings.
My mother was like behaveyourself.
And anthony just laughed.
But no 39, I feel safe with himand that's what's important to
me only.
The only downside of that, Iwould say, is I felt like I gave
all of myself to my family.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
And so now, here I am at 60 saying who is Cheryl?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yes, what does she want, what does she like?
And it's a difficult situationbecause when we got married I a
television, he had a VCR, soeverything, hey, we watch the tv
, everything we have other thanhis motorcycles have been in
(14:36):
both of our names.
Yeah, so it's like when Iturned 50 I went and bought my
own car, and that was the firsttime that I bought anything on
my own.
Oh wow, and he didn't like it.
Oh gee, he did not like that.
I did that.
Did he already have hismotorcycle?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yes, he wanted to be included.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Right.
Why did I feel?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
the need to go get something with just my own money
.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Like what you trying to say he was getting scared.
He's like feel the need to goget something with just my name
on it.
Like what you trying to sayhe's gonna scare he's actually
about to leave what's he?
Doing I should have been theone because at the motorcycle
club and I don't.
I don't rock with that crowd.
I definitely stand out.
Um, so I'm the one that shouldshow the concern, but to him,
(15:26):
for me to step out and dosomething on my own was like
wait a minute.
Where did that, you know?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
where did that come from, especially after that?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
many years yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah, and I and I I don't know why I felt the need
to not tell anybody I was goingto get it or anything like that.
I think I did it just to see ifI could, just to see if Cheryl
could do it Not mommy, not wife,not your mother's caretaker,
not you know, just Cheryl.
(15:57):
And so it was funny because Ihad a handicap sticker in my car
and I told my, my oldestdaughter.
I said I think I'm gonna go getthe license plate that have
said that's selfish.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I'm sorry are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I said why is my car like?
It's not like you take thesticker and put it in your car?
And she was like I don't know.
That just seems so singularlike you don't want to share
it's not supposed to be shared Ilost it.
I lost it on her.
I said I have given y'all myentire life.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I can't even have my own license plate.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Oh wow, I didn't know know.
That's how my family looked atme, like yeah, you're ours.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
You belong to us.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
You don't get to do things on your own, oh Lord.
So that's why, if I travel withyou guys, like my phone is
constantly going off.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Oh my God, you okay.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Are you all right To the point that you can't?
Speaker 3 (17:00):
enjoy yourself because you are still solving
problems, because we traveltogether all the time she's
still solving problems at home.
While we're in jamaica, whilewe're in mexico or wherever we
are, her phone rings from herfamily the whole time so look
don't again.
I'm put a disclaimer out there.
I'm single.
(17:21):
Don't listen to me.
You're going to be sittingthere single.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
No, no, no, no, no, no I'm going to give you my
disclaimer, but it's learnedbecause and I was listening to
y'all conversation earlier andwhat you said- no Boundaries.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yes, it's starting to set boundaries.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
And so what's sad is that before, when Anthony and I
were having issues with ourmarriage, I would always say
that you're never home.
Well of course not.
He's on the motorcycle, that'shis thing, that's like his
fraternity.
And the one thing he said to methat hurt my feelings, but it
was so true.
He said don't get mad at mebecause you don't have a hobby.
(18:03):
And I was like, oh no, hedidn't, yeah.
And then I had to sit there andsay, oh, he's right, I got to
do something, because your wholelife has been mommy, wifey.
Always, always Working.
When I got let go because of mydisability, that was my
(18:24):
identity, that was mine.
To better lead the work, myworking as a manager at a
doctor's office taking care ofother people.
That was my identity, and whenI lost that I had a problem Did
you find something to do.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Not yet, oh geez, Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
So we're still trying to discover who Shirley is,
that's so amazing At 60.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
At 60.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
Now we're trying to discover who Shirley is.
There's something that we allhave in common yes, single and
married.
One of the things that wetalked about in one of our
episodes was you get to middleage and you're trying to figure
out what am I supposed to donext?
But the difference is we saidthat we had the free time, that
it was quiet.
(19:05):
Right, it was quiet and we cando that.
You're kind of in the samething because you said where's
my identity?
Who am I?
Who is cheryl at that midlife?
Right, it's just that you stillhave your husband and family
kind of surrounding you, butit's it's still there same.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Thing it's right there and they have their own
identities.
And so, wow, uh, there was afacebook page.
I think I had posted all threeof my kids and I was like I'm so
proud of them.
They're out there living theirlives.
Anthony commented under thereand said they get it from their
dad, right?
And I commented and saidsomebody had to be the
(19:48):
disciplinary somebody had to bethe disciplinary.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Somebody had to be the same one to keep this thing
going.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And that's the truth.
If you look at my children'spage or my husband's page, they
jumping on planes.
They swimming with sharks.
Wow.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
Well, what can you do or are you doing to try to
discover who sure or free,cheryl cuz?
Speaker 4 (20:17):
she in there, whatever.
Whatever it is in there, what?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
what are you doing, or trying to do, or what to do?
I don't know.
Ain't I not here?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
No, she ain't looking for me on the street, I know,
but I'm just saying she ain'tout there.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
But, but, but, but.
There's nothing out here.
But I don't wanna.
I don't wanna go out lookinglike some old lady.
I want somebody to say, oh, shelived a good life Like I.
I'm still going to keep myselfup and I'm a big flirt.
This just, but I'm gonna tellyou she a good wingman too.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
No, because surely get you in trouble, to be like
sure.
Oh no, because Cheryl would getyou in trouble too.
I'd be like Cheryl, no.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Call her and talk to her.
That's a joke with me and myson, because my son thought it
was my husband that turned meout.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Oh, turned me out and I was like no boo-boo.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
No, it was me.
And he was like what?
Yeah, it was your mama.
Your daddy was a nice guy.
Your mama was not a nice guy.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Because they can't view mama in that light.
Mama can't be sexual, mamacan't be sexy, mama can't be the
aggressive one.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
That's not mama, mama can't go out to dance.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Lord you and this going out to dance.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
I just told my son.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Me and my friends are going to.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Ellery's.
He's like that's not safe.
Why are y'all going out?
And I said here you go.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
When we went out to see your son sing.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
And here's the thing about that.
Anthony will say I will takeyou to do those things.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Well, sometimes I don't want you to go with me, I
want to go have fun with myfriends.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
I want to go out and act like yep, I'm single too.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Don't, don't, don't, do that.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I got a Google number , but I'm not doing that.
Okay, look, we're going to cutthis episode.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
What's going on?
We're going to cut this episode.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I know you do.
Look, we gotta cut this episode, look, because we about to have
nobody saying I'm over herebreaking up, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Only we can break up our marriage period even even
when people have attempted to doso, and I've gotten text
messages from people that say oh, we sharing the same man.
Baby, tuck him in and make surehe don't catch a cold.
Ok, because I need my billspaid.
I'm not playing with you.
If you got a connection withhim, clearly he gave you a
(23:00):
number or something.
Oh my God.
I'm not arguing with you.
I'm not arguing with you.
It's been too long and my nameon everything.
I'm not leaving, so you ain'tbreaking up the marriage.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
If it's broken up, it's because you decided or he
decided right and so that's myrunning joke.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
I'm like girl.
Look, if long as you see thattattoo of my name on his body,
I'm not going nowhere.
All his grandchildren on hisarm boo, he's stuck, he's stuck.
But we're friends, we'refriends.
He's that person that I canlook across the room and we
don't have to say nothing andbust our laughing.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Because he's a good guy To be a friend first.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah, I think it's important because, I don't know,
I could just look, you know, tobe able to look at one of your
friends and be able to say, ok,I know that person has me.
Yes, I don't have to worryabout that person saying
anything about me or allowinganybody else to hurt me in any
(24:04):
type of way.
So I don't have to worry aboutthat, and I knew that with him
because I always felt safe withhim.
Speaker 4 (24:12):
no, that's, that's so important, yeah, it is he?
Speaker 1 (24:16):
he was my landing pad , like if I because I used to
have a really, really, reallybad temper, really bad used to I
haven't met that hero, but Iheard yeah there's another part
of me, Right.
You might have that make you seecolors that you didn't know was
there and he's always been.
(24:38):
He's the opposite.
He's the one that will reel meback and be like no, sheryl,
what's that TikTok thing thatthey be saying?
Somebody nice opens the doorand somebody saying that, the
other person jumping out fromfront saying what you said.
You know, it's like that, likepeople would say to him you
married to who?
Because he's always the niceguy.
Are we not gonna get in the waywith you being nice?
(25:00):
I'm gonna need to move becausethis, but we're not gonna do
that, and so he always had a wayof diffusing me.
It's like yin and yangAbsolutely, absolutely we are.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Well, I'm glad you reeled this back, because I
didn't know what direction wewas going to head.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
I'm like no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Because you asked me what was I trying to do, to find
myself.
So just to go out there andlike if I go somewhere I will
sit there and text him and sayyou are still the most
attractive man in the room andhe may not be with me that's so
great, but I can sit there andjust like stand in the room and
(25:45):
be like yeah, no, you know it'sjust, I still got the one, I
still got it.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I still got.
I still got in the right handand I think, as long as you, you
feel that after 39 years it'sstill well, you got a good one,
shara, yeah I don't even knowwhere I was 39 years ago.
Like what in the world?
Speaker 4 (26:02):
absolutely okay, wait , let me see like I'm
calculating backwards, like likethe passion, like how did you
know the same things for thatlong?
Like how do you guys keep italive?
Bring it back to like whateveryou know how do you?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
have to bring it back alive, because you do get so
comfortable that now we're justliving, now we're just existing
and if sex is the basis of yourrelationship, you're in trouble.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yeah I understand you're in trouble.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Um, even with my condition, I I'm in pain a lot,
but I hide it, um, and I don'tthink that he really understood
it right until two months agowhen he got sick.
Out of all of these years, he'sseen me taking me to the
hospital, to the doctor, untilhe experienced that he was like
(26:54):
oh my god, I don't know howyou're doing this, I don't and
I'm telling him they are, oh hewas sick though, and I'm trying
to explain to him how you needto take your pain meds, how you
need to not don't chase the pain, say yeah, you gotta stay ahead
.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
He didn't get it.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
He was just like.
I am so sorry I'm so sorrybecause I didn't get it.
So you know, and that's what Iexplained to my kids.
I said sex is not thecornerstone of your relationship
.
You need to have some kind ofconnection, because what happens
when that stops?
Yeah, what happens if that hasto take a break, and so the
(27:30):
funny part of it is that youcould not think about it for a
while and all of a sudden hewalked past and I smell come
here we were watching when youwas like I miss smelling a man,
(27:51):
me and him, was watching that.
Oh, y'all and he was sittingthere, so I smell good and I
just laugh.
He makes me laugh, he makes melaugh and I'm you right, you
right, you right, come on and socome on, lay down or I'll leave
somewhere and he'll be likewhere are you going?
You got 10 minutes.
Listen, I love that I can giveyou 15.
(28:14):
I can give you 15.
Right, don't waste my time.
In 10 minutes I can give you 15.
So it's just really a comfortthing at this point, because
it's not like I'm having sexlike a marathon, like I'm trying
to keep you.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Right At this point.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
We're just relaxing with each other that's what it
is you could fall on the floor,sometimes on vacation you know,
but it is what it is.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Oh wow, nice, I love it.
A good love story yeah, it'sstill a love story?
Speaker 1 (28:47):
oh yeah, because there's not a lot of people out
here to choose from these days.
No, and I think that peoplehave to get away from.
Initially, you are attracted towhat you see, so don't lie and
say, oh, it was his eyes, oh,his conversation.
No, you're attracted.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Something draws you.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
It's a physical attraction.
Something draws you Somewhereand you don't's a physical
attraction, something draws youSomewhere and you you don't
think so.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
No, what is she saying?
I'm just saying that they haveto be dropped dead for this.
I always hear you say thatthat's a good looking man.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
She's just saying there's something that.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Yeah, oh, for anybody .
Yeah, like there's somethingyou need that you see and be
like oh, if you, if you'reattracted to somebody if it's
his smile okay swag the way hewalked there was something that
made you look twice.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Yes, yes, that's not saying that's the person that
you wind up no, no we're justspeaking in general, like if you
see someone you're like, ohshoot yeah, yeah, okay, yeah,
because.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
But I think now I at least I see my, at least like my
daughter's friends and stuffthey want the guy to come with
the whole package and sometimesyou have to go ahead and put
that package together becausewhen, when anthony had nothing
and I'm studying with him and wewould go, a date would be go to
the airport and we will watchthe planes take off.
(30:06):
And it was part of a test forhim because he had to be able to
identify that plane in the sky727 300, 204 and and we would be
sitting there with the booklooking up at the plane take off
and laying they go and laid andI said I know my friends think
I am so, corny, but for me thatbook was my future.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
So we think these days are willing to go through
that with a guy.
No, I don't see it.
I'm the men.
Will I leave you and they?
Speaker 1 (30:39):
go get the next.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
Thing that's what we, a lot of women, that's the
problem.
Be worried about that.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
That's it too because these women, I, you don't care
to take what's yours no, theydon't if they see that you think
it's good they want it and Iwant it.
Right, they want but you don'tknow what I put into it.
Thank you to make it good likeit's a recipe.
If you take me out the recipe,baby, it's not the same it's not
(31:08):
the same.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
It's not the same.
It's okay.
At this age and just talking tothe ladies, I always felt like
my younger Legra was ready to gothrough the fire with someone
55, legra Ain't got that kind oftime.
I don't have that kind of time.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
But you would think at this point people halfway got
you, but if, but, if they did,we wouldn't all have four single
people sitting on the couch.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
Well, we're in atlanta.
It's a difference.
Yeah, it's a difference.
Why are you saying?
Speaker 2 (31:42):
because we're in atlanta like yeah, yeah, it's
ten to one.
It's different because I'veheard men tell me, man, if you
lived in Alabama or anywhereelse I would have been married
but because I'm here in Atlantaand it's 10 to 1, it's just way
more women.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Too many options for them it is it is.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
and then for women?
Women have now become theaggressors with the men, because
they have this scarcity complex.
There aren't hardly any, youknow, heterosexual men for us to
mess with, so I don't care thathe's with her.
If he's showing me attention, Ithink I can pull him from her.
Some men, no men, yeah, yeah,it's bad.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
We both seen him here the last time.
Yeah, we did.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
You know what?
Honestly, at the end of the day, who's for you?
Speaker 2 (32:25):
is for you.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
And I'm going to just be honest.
I've never had a problem likeever with anybody.
And I'm I don't.
I'm not saying you guys haveinsecurity, so that's not what
I'm saying, but what somebody dois what they do and at the end
of the day, if I have somebodyand somebody's coming for them
as the receiver, they have theultimate decision on how they
(32:48):
respond.
I don't give a damn who's comingafter them and what they're
doing, and I'm not jealous andI'm not sitting there trying to
figure you out.
You don't have to give me out.
We didn't say all of this, butI'm just saying I'm not looking
in your phone.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Nope.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
I'm not trying to figure out what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
I don't either.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
I'm not being insecure, I'm not being insecure
.
I'm not texting you and for me,the people that I date or
whatever, they know that aboutme and I have never in any
relationship ever gone back.
Once I'm gone, I'm gone.
Everybody know that.
I'm very no nonsense in thatway so I don't give a damn who's
(33:27):
out there?
Ain't nobody me.
Ain't nobody out there.
That's out there.
Ain't nobody me.
There's nobody out there.
That's Charisse, that's me.
There's somebody that's alwaysgoing to have a better body
longer hair, whatever they havegoing on, more money, whatever
they have going on.
So I don't care nothing aboutthat, and in Atlanta I can still
(33:48):
fool whoever, whatever it's notbeing here.
How do you get that?
Speaker 2 (33:52):
to the younger girls, Because a younger me now I'm
like that.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
But as a young girl.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
no, I did them with these phones.
I think it's what we see.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
I think it's what we watch.
I was younger and I probablywas very different than I am now
.
You know what I mean and I'msure my daughters see me
different today.
Then they saw you know moresecurity.
I feel you know more safe.
Now I could honestly say I'vealways been a one.
I think I've said that before.
I Don't mind approachingsomebody, so that may be a part
(34:23):
of it too, but I'm not.
I'm.
I'm just not falling to that.
I'm not falling into that thingabout what Atlanta look like
and what the other women aredoing, because I just think that
we give the I keep saying thereceiver but the other person.
We'll go after another womanand say what she's doing, but we
(34:44):
never sit back and look at whatthe person who's the receiver
they're coming at.
They got to come after your manand what is he doing and how
did they get his number hisnumber.
They said jump in their damnpocket or phone, that's right,
but but because we don't want todeal with it, the
accountability of holding thatmfa responsible, exactly, we
don't want to be responsible forholding him accountable.
(35:06):
So we go jump on the otherperson and and they got
something to do with it.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Actually they don't know me.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
They don't owe me anything you owe me something
yeah, and I'm not coming outwith you, I'm not trying to
figure out what you're doingwhen I don't feel comfortable or
safe I'm done.
It's all right.
It's time for me to go.
It's just that simple.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
I don't give a damn what city we live in, atlanta or
anywhere else.
I don't think I've ever, Idon't think I don't think I have
ever gone through his stuffyeah, because why never right?
Right well I'm gonna do callher up and say, hey, I found
your number in your phone.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
What?
Speaker 4 (35:45):
no people do.
I'm never gonna say he's right,you will never see me right,
I've never right.
Never see me Swear, right, I'venever Right.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
And it's the truth.
It's like you said.
People still come up to me oh,you married.
Yes, are you happy?
Speaker 4 (35:58):
What People are bold yes.
They do do that.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, they will ask you, they don't care.
People are bold, they don'tcare.
Speaker 4 (36:05):
But when you're, I feel like I'm not married either
, but I feel like when yourrelationship is strong, even in
dating, if y'all have somethingas strong as that, you're
committed to or you really careabout this person, then you
really care about their emotions, and that comes with safety.
That's what.
That's what feeling safe, feellike like you're, we're here
(36:29):
together and I don't have toworry and the second, those
feelings come up or something'sgoing on.
I don't have to do, but thatcomes with mature conversations
with somebody right.
So when you're having matureconversations and you're dating
or you decide whatever you'regoing to do, y'all do know, as
women, we could be seeingsomebody and then after a while
(36:50):
we just assume we, they,whatever, and they never even
ask us.
You know, there's a lot ofassumptions, but once and I
always say we just doing thistill we don't, until somebody
asks the other person like wegotta have that.
We have to have the adultconversation right, and then,
once you do that, you have tofeel secure and safe and be this
is what it is.
And as an adult, when it's notthat, you have to feel secure
(37:10):
and safe and be this is what itis.
And as an adult, when it's notanymore, then you have to be an
adult and let's have aconversation to move this along.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
Speaker 4 (37:21):
People just don't do that.
It's communication.
We don't communicate like weshould.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Well that's why I think friendships to build a
friendship first is thefoundation, yes, and I build
friendships with everyone thatI've dated to, where I don't
have like real bad breakupsthey're, they're real amicable,
and I'm like yeah, this ain't,this ain't uh working out for me
.
I release you out of love and Ican see her.
We just yeah, and so that'swhen they're well.
(37:46):
You have abandonment issuesbecause of your past and I'm
like like, oh, friend, youthrowing up.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
What's going?
Speaker 2 (37:51):
on Like don't, don't do that and it's not to have
abandonment issues.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
I'm just not going to keep putting up with your shit
at the end of the day and Irelease you.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
I love.
And I'm still cool with a lotof my exes.
We still have conversationsbecause I just don't have bad
breakups.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
I really communicate as an adult, but I like what you
say.
We're just what you say.
We're doing this until we'renot until we're not, yeah, we're
just about to start runningthat?
Speaker 2 (38:17):
yeah, I'm about to use the shit out of it because
at the end of the day, that'sright that's.
That's what it is.
And if I feel like we're notmeshing and this ain't going
anywhere, hey, let's have aconversation.
And I have adult comment andthey're uncomfortable.
A lot of times they justsitting there tapping, can't
believe this.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
You doing me like this and hey, yeah, I mean me
and anthony have gone throughphases where we didn't talk.
I mean he worked that night, Iworked during the day and it
would just be ships passing inthe night right and just be like
like you said.
Then you got to be an adult.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Say okay what's going on now?
What's what we what, what, whatlet's talk.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
So who's?
Speaker 2 (38:54):
the bigger person, you or him?
Who's the bigger person?
You mean, like who's going toapologize?
Speaker 1 (38:58):
first I feel like, I feel like I feel like I'm the
one that always has to back down, because I'm like anthony will
sit there like real calm, andthen you feel crazy like dang
calm, dang okay, he's not gonnalook.
Dang, and it used to be a placewhere I yelled a lot and then I
(39:26):
stopped and looked and I waslike he don't hear me.
Okay, okay, I can't hear whenyou yell, yeah.
Yeah, so then I stopped and evenmy son had a situation where he
upset me and I said nothing andfor days my son was like I'm
(39:50):
going gonna need you to yell atme, cuss me out something
because something ain't right,something I don't like.
Speaker 4 (39:54):
This I don't like this?
Speaker 1 (39:56):
you not saying that that's like danger right, there
right and it.
I got to a point now where I'llsay you know, the warning is
okay, you start running when Isay all right now yeah, that
yeah, because I'm not, I'm not,I'm not, and that drives him
crazy and he's like cheryl saysomething to me, what?
Speaker 3 (40:18):
what would you?
Speaker 2 (40:19):
like me to say oh, they hate that I ain't got
nothing.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
No, we in trouble then I have a question now that
we're talking, my wheels arespinning.
Now my wheels are spinning, soyou know you'll hear therapists
or people talk about.
Well, everybody, the ultimategoal is is to get married right,
so why?
are you with somebody?
Why are you doing that if y'alldon't plan on getting married?
(40:43):
You see that a lot on tiktok,instagram and all of that stuff.
But first of all, everybody Imean everybody is not looking to
get married.
But the question is when you'rein this dating realm, isn't
that something that you thinkthat should be discussed?
If that's what your ultimategoal is, yeah, it's not wasting
(41:03):
time, right?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
yeah, that's yes.
That's what your ultimate goalis.
Speaker 4 (41:05):
Yeah, that's like I know you want your girl.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
Saying deaf partner is being that you want your deaf
buddy yeah that's aconversation that you're having
up front yeah, okay, you know, Iwas just curious about that.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
Yeah, and my current one was like oh, I don't know,
one get me and I'm like so, okay, we basically gonna do this
till it's done till.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
You're not till, I'm not yeah but there's no surprise
yeah, I already told you don'tsit over here.
You'll be single.
Okay, don't okay.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah, I have those conversations yeah, I let them
know.
I'm dating with a purpose andthis is my intention.
What are yours?
Oh, I know okay but you're but,you're still dating.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Yeah, don't, don't come on this side of the couch
with me well, no, it's.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
It's companionship for me and, I guess, for both of
us.
Currently we're companions toeach other.
We both know what we want andwe just don't do it until it's
done yeah honestly, and so thatconversation is like yeah, I
think, okay, I want all right,man, it's been cool and yeah,
and we'll just go about our way.
We'll still be friends, ofcourse, but no, we'll just go,
(42:16):
but do you feel like?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
because someone is in that space, what you're looking
for can't come into that spacebecause it's already occupied.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
No, I walk around every day.
I'm one hell of a way.
One hell of a way.
She said one hell of a way.
Some might speak to me, butpeople don't.
And that's actually how he gotin.
Men don't approach me, theyjust don't, they just stare and
stare and stare and the factthat you go hey, can I talk?
(42:48):
They just don't, they juststare, and stare and stare.
Speaker 4 (42:49):
And the fact that you're like hey, I was like, oh
shit, and that's also.
I respect you as a man, becausemen do not, it's like they're
scared of me or something.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Yeah, and I was like man, you're a whole man out here
and I appreciated that abouthim and this, our friendship,
just kind of grew into somethingwe were friends and we're real
good friends.
He's like you're my best friendand so we're really really good
friends, so you're so animatedso there's.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
There's no secret sauce, it's just day by day it
is day day, it is year by year.
It is just building stufftogether.
Yeah, not material stuff, butjust.
Yeah, it's just, and you lookup and it's 39 years later.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
It'll be 40 in August .
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
You sit there and be like whoa, that's a lot.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
But that's a flex too .
Whoa what in the world?
That's a lot, but that's a flextoo, though it's a merit to
somebody.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Like that's the biggest flex that you have a
relationship that just lastedthrough time and time ups and
downs, like a lot of peoplecan't say that yeah, they can't
say that Well, that's why we hadto have somebody else come on
the couch because none of us say
Speaker 1 (44:00):
that.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
Yeah, else come on the couch, because none of us
say that, yeah we can't say that.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
It's definitely a ride for sure, and I think what
I respect for him is that hedoes.
I allow him to be him yes,that's so important, so right
like we gotta work on cheryl.
Speaker 4 (44:14):
We gotta work on cheryl.
I'm actually excited.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
I'm now getting excited about opening myself up
to things like because peopleinvite me to things that before
I wouldn't go, mm-hmm, I'm notgonna bother stuff.
But now I'm going out there,you know, just to see what
Cheryl enjoy, not to throwmyself up, you're right.
Speaker 4 (44:43):
Not I mean you know, he, he knows you have a good set
of friends and I think it'sreally gonna have a good time.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah right, like it is
weird for me when we moved tothe south from jersey, like my
friends knew that they werewelcome to my house.
You're just welcome to my houseif I'm I didn't get home yet.
Whatever anthony's there goingin the house, you know, do eat
your food, whatever.
When we moved here and peoplewere like, oh, you're not home,
(45:12):
okay, I'm just gonna sit in thecar and wait till you get here
what it's a hospital, a southernrespect hospitable thing down
here right but that was weird tous because, now are who, who,
who don't, who don't you trustyou or him?
Speaker 2 (45:27):
because I don't, I don't know.
I just think it's just likethat that's ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (45:33):
Go in the house like what are you talking about me in
my house if I'm not here, see,that's just well, I mean if my
family, because it's always afamily so it's never just him in
the house, it's always somebodyso go and make yourself
comfortable, I'll call.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
You can be like, hey, so-and-so, sitting in the
driveway and y'all know, anthony, he will be like, get out of
the car, just come in the houseand and people be like, oh okay,
and then they'll call back likeI'm in the house, oh okay, this
is fine, I'll be there in aminute.
Just hold on, I'll be there ina minute.
Don't take your coat off.
If you feel that way, that wasweird for us because we're we
(46:07):
are such a enveloping familylike everybody's, like, oh, come
on in, take off your shoes,relax, yeah, kind of atmosphere.
And to to not meet people thataren't like.
That is weird to me and that'smy discernment.
It's like, okay, I'm not, I'mnot kicking it with it's you,
but what?
You are no, but there arecertain people that I absolutely
(46:29):
I am not, you're not getting myaddress period.
Um.
So that's the part of me that'snow opening myself up to saying
, hey, it's okay for you to goout and do xyz, it's okay for
you to tell anthony, hey, I needthe car today because I'm going
to x, y and z and I think he ishappier now.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
She's doing stuff I'm not sitting in the house.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
When you come home I can see that you gotta play 5 30
while you're in the home.
It's 5's 545.
I think he's happier like y'allwas getting dressed and I was
sitting at the table.
He was like, ok, I'm gettingready to go get this car fixed.
I'm going to be downtown.
He was like you, good, I'm good.
Ok, goodbye, because he's likeshe's out the house.
(47:14):
Oh, shoot.
Speaker 4 (47:15):
Well, she ain't going to get the house.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
You're outside, I'm outside, she's outside baby I'm
outside and I love, it Okay, alot of my habits, unfortunately,
are things that I can only domyself.
You know, like crocheting ormaking my rugs and stuff.
Those are things that I.
It's not a group effort.
So I have to purposely say I'mnot doing that today.
(47:40):
I'm putting that down and I'mgonna go out.
So if he'll call me, he'd belike you went to the mall, what?
Speaker 4 (47:48):
by yourself.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
Yes, I went to the mall by myself.
I didn't like it, but I went tothe mall and it's funny to them
because my entire family feelsthe same way.
Like she.
Not in the house when she atwhat?
Speaker 3 (48:01):
You're calling me 500 times Even my grandson now
calls me.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
I'm just calling to see what you're doing.
Speaker 4 (48:09):
Girl.
I was scared them.
Girls are deaf about stayinghome that much.
Speaker 3 (48:13):
They dragged me to the mental institution.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
But and then again.
Speaker 3 (48:18):
another part of that is, I'm my mother's caretaker
now, so that's a whole notherconversation about taking care
of your aging parents, right.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
I got to make sure somebody's covering me when I'm
running out.
So just like you, and you calland I said give me them dates,
because I got to write it onfamily calendar.
Speaker 4 (48:36):
So y'all know, none of y'all can go away this week
because I'm out and before Iwould have been like no.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
I?
No, I can't go.
I gotta take care of my mom andI feel like I missed out on a
lot.
Yeah, doing that, not thinkingsomebody else can do it, right
that they can help.
Okay, if you don't do it theway I did it, I come home she's
still alive, right?
Or they'll call me on facetimeto be like your mother's not
(49:02):
cooperating today.
I'm gonna need you to talk toher.
So we go on FaceTime and thefirst thing she says when you're
coming home soon I'm not givingyou a date because then you'll
be calling me.
It's that day you're not home,so I'll be like you'll be all
right, everything's fine.
You're not connected to no IBpoles and they're like that.
You're still up and walkingaround and they'll be like she
(49:25):
ain't taking her medicine.
Oh well, she don't want to doright, it'll wait till I get
home.
So that's a that's a new thingfor me to let that go, to let
that go and not think, oh my god, she's gonna die while I'm gone
.
Speaker 3 (49:39):
Put yourself first, so you're going to have to come
to our classes.
Speaker 4 (49:44):
Are we doing what Belly dancing?
We're going to do a bellydancing we're going to do.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
we have a sexologist that is coming on in a couple of
episodes that we have scheduledto come on and join us.
Who's going to?
Not to say first of all, not tosay we ain't sexy, but to get
that inner sexy back, if thatmakes sense, because we've been
mommy, and mommy and wifey andeverything else for so long I
(50:13):
want that little sex kitten back.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
It is.
Speaker 3 (50:16):
That's a yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
To find yourself to say I'm still relevant, yes,
that.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
I'm still.
That's the whole purpose oftimeless and unfiltered from
every aspect, from your beingmarried, from being single just
for being over 50, just forbeing over 40 that we're still
relevant we're not disposable weare still relevant.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
I have a third eye in my forehead Right.
Speaker 3 (50:41):
And.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
I still need to in that Kelly Rowland line.
I keep myself up.
But, now I'm doing it for me.
I'm doing it for me so yep, allright.
Speaker 3 (50:53):
Well, I can't wait to see how you evolve in this new
Cheryl.
Not that we just don't loveCheryl, but if Cheryl is going
to be more than what she alreadyis, she's going to be a hot
mess, and I can't wait to seeher.
I live for all of it Don't comeon this side of the couch with
me, but I'm going to live forall of it, but thank you so much
(51:13):
for joining us.
Speaker 4 (51:14):
Thank you for having me.
We love a good love story.
Speaker 3 (51:17):
Thank you, I'm glad you made it Well.
You guys can't see, but we gotour EP Mo over there.
Thanks Mo, thanks Mo, you holdus down.
Man, and this is anotherepisode of Timeless is
Unfiltered, and I'm Allegra.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
I'm Stephanie, I'm Charisse and I'm Evanya.
Speaker 3 (51:31):
And we're going to keep on, keep on, keep on
spilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time.
Speaker 4 (51:37):
Thank you, you guys like follow?
Speaker 3 (51:39):
subscribe.
Yes, like follow and subscriberight now.
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