May 20, 2025 • 36 mins
In this powerful episode of Timeless & Unfiltered, host Leggra talks with s Stephenye about growing up, navigating life and love lessons, and discovering the power of self-love after 50. If you're looking for inspirational conversations for women over 50, real talk about healing, growth, and self-worth, and the unfiltered truth about midlife transformation, this episode is for you.
💬 Topics We Cover:
Growing up and finding your voice
Learning (and unlearning) love
Lessons life teaches us the hard way
Self-love as a daily practice
Embracing midlife with grace and power
💖 This episode is for every woman who’s ever had to start over, find herself, and love herself fiercely.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You get to know Stephanie, stephanie, stephanie.
So I do know that you were amilitary kid, yeah, so let's
talk about your childhood.
What's it like being a military?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I allow people to love me on their terms and you
can't tell someone how to loveyou, but I want to be loved on
my terms.
The wisdom that we need to gofurther, because a lot of things
that I've been through I'vetaken lessons from it.
Like I had to fall and figureit out and get back up.
(00:30):
Okay, let's go, let's go.
This is Legra.
This is Stephanie.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
This is Cherie and this is Ivanya.
This is Stephanie.
This is Cherie and this isIvanya.
And this is Timeless andUnfiltered, where we are
spilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time, hello,hello, hello, hello.
(01:01):
Welcome to another episode ofTimeless and Unfiltered.
I am Lekra and I am Stephanie,and you may notice there is
nobody else on the couch but thetwo of us.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
We didn't kick them to the curb, we didn't kick them
to the curb.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
We wanted to do an episode where you guys kind of
get to know us a little bitbetter, yeah, so we wanted it to
feel a little more intimate.
So today we're gonna have aconversation with stephanie.
Oh, it's stephanie.
Stephanie, you and I go wayback, but we don't go way back
which?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
is funny.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
It's like we go way back, but we don't go way back
I'll talk about how I guess howwe met, or our relationship, or
how do you know, I'm not exactlysure.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
So I I tell people I'm like, yeah, I'm hanging out
with my Akron crew, because Ihave different friend groups,
yes, here in Atlanta.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm hangingout with my Akron crew and I'm
like, wait, who's the Akron crew?
And the Akron crew was you,kyra and your sister.
Yes, so I was like that was myAkron crew.
So I met you guys through Kyra.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I guess.
So well, first of all, look weboth.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Well, I guess you can't say exactly, being from
Akron Ohio no, but yeah, we wentto the same high school for a
period of time, were you?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
there when I was there?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
no, okay, I was already gone, yeah but I heard
of you and like Kyra because youguys were like yeah, and you
guys were like the girl legendslike, yeah, they were cold, they
were the cold girls, so I hadheard of you guys, okay and I
would see you all in passinglike, oh, that's being an
underclassman no, like if therewas events that you guys went
(02:42):
back to games and stuff oh yeah,we would come home every once
in a while.
Yeah, yeah, so okay because no,you guys were in college y'all
left.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Well, we know we have a connection somewhere and it
comes from Akron Ohio.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
We don't know exactly how but then you know years and
years later we're both now inAtlanta.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yeah, and we both.
Well, I had lost track of kyrafor years, because even after
high school she went to school.
I went to a different schooland at one point our schools
played each other so we wereable to connect again.
But then of course, weeverybody life, life happens,
yeah and then we didn't see eachother again and I'm not even
(03:21):
sure how we connected.
I'm not even sure how weconnected once we got back down
here, but I'm glad we did right,and that's what I tell and then
you were friends with Kyra,yeah okay, kyra, and and yeah,
yeah that's so funny.
Like you know, it's just fullcircle now.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
But I tell people, as big as Atlanta is, it's really
not that big, it's not.
It's smaller pockets of peopleand smaller circles of people.
So we were going to inevitably,I guess, run across each
other's paths some at some point, and it's so funny.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
I remember when I first moved to Atlanta I think I
was downtown somewhere andsomebody said Hooper.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I was like because he used to call me that in high
school sometime and I was like Iknow ain't nobody okay, they
came, not they're not talking tome and they said it again and I
remember turning around.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I can't remember who it was, but it was somebody I
knew from high school and I waslike I love that, oh you know I
just I was downtown, but anyway,um, somehow we have connected
yes, we have again, and you know, between all of our old school
concerts oh yeah, we like to goto Our geriatric concerts
Because baby people get old ohmy goodness Well, I had the
(04:30):
blessing of, not too long ago,going to a concert with my son
Went to see Cowboy Carter tourwith Beyonce and I remember
sitting there thinking boy.
This is really different of howconcerts we used to go to.
Ours were one a lot smaller.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
They weren't Well no, I went to a Janet concert back
then.
Hers was cold like the answer.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Janet is somebody else.
Okay, because Janet is cold.
Janet is different.
Janet, beyonce, that'sdifferent.
Okay, yeah, but I rememberconcerts felt more intimate.
I guess they Beyonce, that'sdifferent.
But I remember concerts feltmore intimate.
I guess they were you know, andyou felt almost connected with
the artist, so it was a littlemore intimate and stuff.
And I remember sitting in thestadium going, wow, this is so
nice.
And then even the theatrics andthe technology and the.
(05:17):
You know we all had the littlebands on.
I loved how she controlled theenvironment.
We had these little bands onand they light up.
So when she wanted the stadiumto be red, all our bands were.
Our little things was red andwhen she wanted it white.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
It was white when she wanted it blue, they were blue.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So when you came in, they put these little thing,
gave you these little bands andhad the cowboy carter band on it
, and you didn't do anything.
It just lit up when she wantedit to.
It was amazing, that is so.
So I was like, oh come ontechnology, so I was looking at
him.
You know, my, my son waslooking at at uh, beyonce, I was
looking at everything.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I was like oh wow, this is wow, this is you know,
yeah our concerts were, you know, very simple.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
They just don't stage right there, yeah, and we just
right there with that was ourconcert, but was our concert.
But yeah, so I know, with yourlove of music, what I know about
Stephanie is Stephanie loves todance, stephanie loves to sing,
stephanie loves music.
She's always a big, bright,bubbly ball of energy.
(06:19):
Ball of energy when she comesin the room.
But we want to get to know, butwe want to get to know, we want
to get to know, stephanie,stephanie, stephanie.
So I do know that you were amilitary kid, yeah, so let's,
let's talk about your childhood.
What's it like being a military?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
we moved around um every couple of years, I think,
maybe every two to three years.
Both of my parents were in theair force, so in the air force,
yeah we both move around a lot,but we were primarily based on
the West Coast.
So when I came to Akron, Imigrated from the West Coast to
Akron and I was different.
Well, first of all, west Coastto Akron Ohio was a lot, lot and
(07:03):
it was literally a cultureshock like I had never seen so
many black people in my life.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Oh okay, when I enrolled in high school to where
I was like and my grandma alsowent to John R Bookdale high
school, which was apredominantly black high school.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
You went to the blackest of the blackest, and it
was such a culture shock to methat I, like mentally, couldn't
deal with it, and so mygrandmother had to pull me out
of school for a minute and thenshe put me back in and I went
and was like, ok, this is, thisis, we're going to see how this
is.
And I remember it was a lot tome and when I walked into the
(07:43):
cafeteria I had the tray and Iwas like I'm probably like 60
pounds in a ninth grade.
I'm really tiny and I'm likeand it was two girls that were
like, come, come, sit with usand they were upperclassmen okay
, and it was Aaliyah Dawson andHeather Maxwell, and they were
like little.
I remember their names, Iremember them and they just like
(08:05):
took me under their wingbecause I'm just like I don't
know what to do.
It was just gosh and they werejust my friends and just it was
great, um, but my vernacularcoming I was like such a valley
girl and I'm like so you guyslike want to hang out?
I got beat up a lot, oh, oh,that's what.
(08:26):
I got jumped so much and andit's really up.
And I'm gonna say it's upbecause, like I said I was like
60 pounds.
I was very tiny and it would bethe upperclassmen girls.
It would be like five at a timejumping on me because for
whatever reason, some, some boylooked at me or liked me and I
didn't understand that either.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
That's how it always happens.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I'm new, what is and from where I came from in
Colorado, I was okay wait aminute how'd you get to Colorado
?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
That's the west coast .
I grew up between Arizona,california, colorado okay, okay
that little.
We were just stationed, wemoved around, but when I
migrated from Colorado to Akron,and then the thing with what
you consider a valley girl, itwas just my vernacular, I was
(09:18):
just more proper, or I was justproper it comes out every once
in a while it does, and I hearthat people like, oh, there goes
that.
And I'm like, oh my god, itcomes out.
It comes out every once in awhile, but I just felt that it
was just.
It was never fair.
Um, if a boy like me it was.
(09:40):
That's why I said Akron waslike the worst five years of my
life, which is so.
I hate that for you.
I got beat up so much Like theninth grade to where my
grandmother had to pull me outof John R Buchtel and send me
over to Central Howard where itwas more diverse.
Yeah, it was very diverse overthere, because I was like
Griffin of the Month in theninth grade Because I was like I
strive to maintain my academiclevel.
(10:01):
I was just like all the whiteadministrators at John.
They loved me and I worked inthe office.
They were like, come hang outin the office because they've
seen the kids picking on me alot and they're like she ain't
even from here Y'all messingwith this little girl.
And they always had me in theoffice helping them out just to
keep me out of the hallways.
It was now, jack people up now.
I loved high school.
(10:21):
It was um, but I went tocentral howard and I hung with
some people that taught me howto fight.
So now, now you that, now you,that girl, what.
I was able to go back tobooktube.
I was like I wish somebody wouldmess with me at this so you
ended up going back to the yeahyeah, okay, I just went 10th
(10:44):
grade central howard learned acouple of ones and then I was
always fighting in the streets,now you know, outside of, and
then I started dancing, hip-hopdancing okay when, I got back to
um booked old chastity rightwas like when I was in the hall.
She's like you look like youcould dance and I was like I
don't know, and then I wound upjoining a girls group with her.
(11:05):
So now we're opening up pepassemblies, winning the talent
shows.
We're traveling to, like thewhat was it sand run the african
festival yeah we're dancing.
So now people know me as, oh,she's a dancer and people really
stop kind of messing with mebecause now I kind of made a
name for myself.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I'm the girl that dance.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
You know we're opening for men at large and
laverde and x clan like we'redoing like big stuff yeah we was
cold.
We was cold, um, we was cold.
What happened?
I got pregnant, you little fastass.
And so, the crazy thing aboutit, I got pregnant.
I didn't start my menstrualtill 17, which was people
(11:44):
consider yeah, that's late.
That is late for and the firsttime I had sex, I got pregnant.
Oh, wow, jesus, the first time,the very first time I had, and
it wasn't even worth it becausewe struggled so bad.
I was like how did that happen?
Because we struggled so bad.
But we had literally just wentto Boston and performed at an
(12:05):
Orchard Park rec center wherenew addition was discovered.
And so this scout was there andwas like, oh, oh, I want to
work with you girls, and he wasbuilding a girls group and it
was like five of us that went upthere to perform, but he only
wanted me and Chastity at thetime.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
And I was like dog man.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
But he had some other girls and he wanted to combine
us into a girls group.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
That's how that usually works, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, and then when we were up there at 2 o'clock in
the morning I'm like God, Iwant some Chinese food and some
pizza Didn't dawn on me that Iwas pregnant.
I'm doing the backflips andSammy grow up and performing,
doing all the little stuff, anddidn't know that my high-end
pops was pregnant.
And then we got back home and Itold Chaz I was like you know,
I miss my period, and she's likewell, let's go to Planned
(12:48):
Parenthood.
And we skipped school that day.
Oh wow.
She went with me to PlannedParenthood and I took the
pregnancy test and the lady waslike, oh, I think you're in the
clear and you start wearingprotection.
And I was like, ok, oh, so youcame back negative.
Nothing showed up on the thing.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
It was too soon.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
So, I was like yeah, hall and she's like I need to
talk to you.
So Chassie's like, did youleave something in there?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
And I was like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So they told you you were negative, that you weren't
pregnant, and then called youdidn't even make it down the
hall, it was a faint line thatstarted showing up.
She was like I said oh my Godand my coat, and I walked out,
(13:36):
sad like the 90s sitcomchallenge, because I was really
like on the sitcom and I walkedout with my coat and I was
looking.
She said what, why you looklike that, I said.
She said I'm pregnant andchastity, I didn't cry, I didn't
do nothing, I was just like ohmy god, I'm pregnant.
Chastity cried.
She's like you f***ed up thegroup baby when I tell you that
was all that lady was worriedabout cause she's like this is
our chance to blow up.
(13:56):
And you messed it up.
And she ran down the streetcrying and went and talked to me
on the bus and I was like so itdidn't go anywhere.
At that point we didn't blow up.
But that didn't stop the talentand my drive to try to do
anything and that's why I woundup in Atlanta, because I would
come down here and notice that Iwas like man, there's a bunch
(14:17):
of people that look like me andthey're young and they're doing
it and they got cars and it'sjust, you know, I'm going to a
club, ain't nobody fighting likeit was just all love.
This is in the 90s, so I'm justlike, oh so that's what made you
come down, baby?
As soon as I got out of highschool well no, because I
started some mess in Akron, mygrandma sent me to California.
(14:38):
You got to go and I was like,so I got sent back to California
.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
No, did you have a baby at this time, so you and
the baby got sent back toCalifornia.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
The port of California.
My grandma's like I ain't doingthis with her and I got sent to
California.
And what?
Deported to California.
My grandma's like I ain't doingthis with her and I got sent to
California.
And what I realize now inhindsight, my dad, I was 19.
So my dad was 39 and he has ateenager, now a grandchild, and
this teenager that was off thechain because now she learned
how to fight and she talkedmessed to dudes and chicks and
(15:11):
she's like yeah, yeah, yeah,just just this is you?
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah, I'm assuming, okay.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I started a whole bunch of mess man, and so now in
California it's synonymous forgangs, yeah, Gangs.
So he like oh, how do I keepthis?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
girl, he don't know what to do with you at this
point.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
And he just kept trying to keep me locked up in
the house.
Bless his heart and I get it.
But I was like yeah, I'm notdoing this.
And one day I called a frienddown in Atlanta, was like hey,
can I come down there for aminute?
And me and a baby, because thiswas her niece and she was like
girl come on.
And then, um, one day he went towork, I got it and I actually
(15:49):
my second baby daddy.
He was coming to see me inCalifornia and he had sent me
money.
He was like yeah, I'm gonnacome check you out or whatever.
And he sent me money and I usedthat money to buy a ticket and
to come to Atlanta.
And he done went out toCalifornia.
He like where is she at?
And my dad like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
She left and then he called my grandma and grandma
like she in Georgia you do, know, do know you and I just had a
conversation before we came oncamera and I said, Stephanie,
you need to put these stories tomusic or something, Because
what I tell you, my girl gotstories, I got stories, you got
stories for days.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
My life, my life, it's just so.
That's how I came to Atlantaand then my goal was.
Goal was oh, I'm gonna be arapper and an interior designer,
because I went to Akron U for ayear for architecture and
interior design okay, I was likeyeah.
I'm gonna do interior design andmy goal was to get the athletes
down here.
So I was like I know thesebasketball players and football
(16:47):
players they houses don't looklike nothing because they're
dudes.
So I was like I'm a networkwith the athletes and be like,
hey, let me decorate your houseand in the meantime I'm going to
try to be a rapper and blow up.
And that didn't happen.
My album is still on the shelf,so, but you did cut an album.
No, not really.
I was running around withsomebody that said they were
(17:08):
putting me on, that was on thelabel and he had me running
around with him and I'm like butI think you just want me to run
around, be cute with you.
And then I did try.
I still was like dancing.
I tried out for it to be abackground dancer.
I was a fill-in for Blackstreetand then I tried out to be a
(17:30):
Hawks cheerleader and I feltlike I was too dark.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I didn't know all of this about you.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I think I was too black back in the day in the 90s
Because I got through tworounds and they'd be like oh,
cut.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
I'm like oh, oh yeah, but that's more.
I was going to say so.
You were a cheerleader too, butthat's more dancing.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
It's dancing, dancing , like the dancing.
But I was a cheerleader in umColorado.
That was little kid stuff andthat's what I was going to say.
My point is, when I migratedfrom Colorado and on the west
coast, I was still in juniorhigh.
Okay.
So to come to Akron and be inhigh school was like whoa and
all the kids were really juniorhigh was part of high school
like ninth grade for y'all.
Yeah, it was like ninth gradeand twelfth.
But um, in on the west coast,ninth grade was still in junior
(18:16):
high and high school was 10th,11th and 12th.
Yes.
So I was like, oh, I'm not anupperclassman here, I'm a lower
classman and these people areway bigger than the people I'm
used to seeing.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Well, if you were 60 pounds, everybody was bigger
than you yeah, I was tiny, ohwell, I hate that you have that
experience, but part of all ofthese things and all of these
stories is what has grown you to, what is built character yes,
and who you are now.
Well, one of the things I loveabout, um, just even hearing
(18:47):
your story is like here we arenow.
What 50?
Still have the dream, stillstriving.
But not only that, but you'retrying to help other people.
Oh yeah, with theirs, so tellme about.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
The artistry?
Yeah, tell us about theartistry, the artistry.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
First of all, spell it because people don't spell it
wrong.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
It's capital R-T-I-S-T-R-Y.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Yes, the artistry.
Yes, okay, take the a out of it.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Take the a out of it um, and what I tell people is
that I moved to atlanta topursue my dreams of being a star
and we didn't have theplatforms that they have now
with social media and things ofthat sort.
I was like I was literally outlooking like a fool, dancing
everywhere, everywhere and I'mjust like yeah, yeah, and I'm
(19:37):
like, oh, I just did some stuff,man, it's so.
I was like this is so different.
Now it's so different and Ijust like to provide a platform
because I love talented people,I just love the art of, I love
how God gives everybody theirtalents and their spirits and I
was like, oh, this is so greatand I love watching it so.
I tell people come out, do yourthing.
(20:00):
And I tell people you know ittakes a lot for people to get up
here and to do what they do,because you do.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
You have people come sing.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah, they do spoken word, comedians, vocalists,
rappers, um, that's pretty muchit for now, but I'm like,
whatever y'all do, come on out,you know um, but I just like and
I just be like.
I love looking at the people dotheir thing.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I just think it's so dope okay, how do they, how, how
do they find the artistry?
I'm on instagram.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
I'm under the artistry r-t-i-s-t-r-y.
There was somebody else namedthe artistry.
I had to put ink but I'm in theartistry.
I'm legally incorporated as theartistry okay, um so, yeah, on
tiktok, facebook and instagram,I want to do the the youtube.
(20:51):
I feel like I'm so old and outof touch with technology, jesus,
because even when I post myvideos, I'll have people like
you want me to help you withyour video.
I'm like, yeah, that'd be greatbecause y'all trying to tell me
I still look like shit tryingto put the people out there.
I'm trying to put them out there, but yeah, the artistry, come
check us out once monthly followus okay.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
So I know your life is such a journey.
What would you, what would youwant to change about your
journey to where you are now?
Or or would you change anythingabout your journey to where you
are now?
I feel?
Speaker 2 (21:23):
like I wouldn't change, because I think in one
of our conversations on one ofthe episodes, it's a part.
It helps us gain the wisdomthat we need to go further,
because a lot of things thatI've been through I've taken
lessons from it.
Like I had to fall and figureit out and get back up and, okay
(21:47):
, let's go, let's go.
And so I've learned a lot andeven till today I'm still
learning.
Yes, I learning never ceasesand what I realize is that no
one is perfect.
We're all going to go throughsome mess.
It's just how you handle it.
Yeah, how you, who Jesus?
(22:07):
Yeah, it's how you handle it.
Sometimes I want to crash outlike Lord Jesus, but it's a part
of life and I take it and keepit going, keep it moving.
Well, let's talk about a littlemore personal, stephanie.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
You know Stephanie loves love.
I do, Stephanie, love love.
I want to be in love.
Know you do so bad, so bad, sobad that sometimes do you think
sometimes you wanting to be inlove so bad have tainted your
(22:44):
choices?
Yeah, oh, your selection ofyeah, yeah, people in your life.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Yeah, and I think that's a lesson um, a lesson
that I'm learning.
I think I I allow people tolove me on their terms, and you
can't tell someone how to loveyou, but I want to be loved on
(23:09):
my terms.
So what I realized is that,instead of just settling for
people loving me on their terms,I need to love Stephanie enough
to put her foot down and saylisten, this is what I.
I want to find someone that'sin alignment with me and not try
to love people into myalignment because I keep getting
(23:32):
kicked in the face trying to dothat I do, and so, god Jesus,
yeah, I just got to findsomebody that's in alignment
with how I want to be loved, andI swear.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
I feel like it's simple.
We all say that it sounds sosimple, but finding that person
and let's keep in mind, in mindtoo, we're in a very small pool
that pool got piss and shitright.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
We're in a very small pool, it's not the same as when
we were younger, so finding,finding that person and you know
that's sad because you wouldthink people have evolved but a
lot of people aren't putting inthe work to evolve.
Geez, because I'm evolving whatyou saying.
(24:22):
But why you saying like thatBecause I'm evolving, because I
know I got my shit about me.
I'm OCD, but not like supercrazy.
I just want you to wash yourhands when you come out of the
bathroom.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I think that's just standard.
No, it's not.
It's supposed to be.
But I wouldn't say that'smaking you OCD.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
You would think that people do, but it's not that
freaking common men and women,shit, it's not and I'm like yeah
, and so I'm just like this,like germaphobe, so um, yeah, so
that might get on somebody'snerves.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
I'm like so you're not, you're not gonna wash your
hands well, first of all, you, Iwould, you would have to align
with somebody that that's justnormal for them let's start with
that.
A lot of times you don't youmay not know that right a lot of
those things well, we, we haveyour story from before about the
, the basketball shorts and and,yeah, and I didn't know that
that was months in, yeah, soit's like, dang, how do you have
(25:22):
these conversations with people?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
and so, jokingly, I had discussed this with somebody
and I was like, yeah, I'm gonnajust start asking dudes
straight up like, hey, uh, thisdad, this dad, this dad.
And he said, man, I would, I'dget up and walk away from you.
He was like now I tell theother dudes, man, don't go talk
to her, she's crazy.
And I was like, because I wantto not waste your time, I don't
want to waste nobody's time.
So, listen, do you do this, doyou do that?
(25:46):
Do you?
No, okay, we good, let's, let'smove forward.
And he's like, yeah, I wouldwalk away from you and tell the
other dudes don't talk to her,she crazy.
And I said it's probably a lotof y''t be that crass, but you
(26:17):
know it's you know, yeah, justdon't put your hand in my plate.
No, and I'm not.
Don't get anything right?
Speaker 1 (26:21):
no, don't touch me hey dating is hard at this age.
It's dating is hard.
I don't wish this.
I don't wish being single atthis age on anybody it's very
hard.
The dating pool is very small.
The um well one.
A lot of people are married,whether they are married.
(26:44):
You're not, you know happy ornot you're, they're married at
our age.
Um, a lot of us that are single, like you said, a lot of people
haven't done the work onthemselves or are still carrying
things from past relationshipsand and and things like that.
Um, and it's hard meetingpeople now, um one, I don't know
(27:06):
.
For me, I think I've become alittle bit of a recluse
sometimes.
I think, like you, we have ourcircle of friends and you just
kind of roll in that circle, soyou don't, you don't go to beat,
we don't.
It's harder to meet people, Ithink, unless you're doing
something virtually and onlineor what they say.
You got to get out in thesestreets, but I'm, you're in your
50s.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
I'll be in the streets, baby.
I mean you do.
I'll go to a bar and it'll bewith girlfriends where we're
like let's meet up and have adrink, and yeah, I get to drink.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
I'm chatty, kathy.
Baby, I'm very social.
I know you are.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Hey, it's your food, good sir.
Yeah, yeah, um, so yeah I, I,but even with going out, I.
I went to an event last nightand the men just sit there and
stare.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Yeah, it's, that's what I'm saying.
It's different, it's different.
Men used to approach men usedto send drinks or um, some of
them, that's a few, but it'sit's far and few between, yeah,
few farm, it's far and fewbetween um, and then I always
love like we danced back then.
(28:17):
That's why I want to go toellery's okay, we're gonna have
to get you.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
I tried to go last night we got got there too late.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
We're going to have to get you over there girl.
But I love to, but it wasn'tjust one place that you would go
you could go People dance, evenwhen you go to parties and
events and stuff.
It's a lot of standing around,not the grown folks.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Because even the event last night they was out
there jooking, it's just not thesame.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
But you have to go.
You would have to be in a, in aspace where it is people our
age, yeah, yeah, our age, ourage.
But it's let's talk about thisage thing um with dating.
Have you dated younger?
Yeah, younger men, yeah,because it seems like now
younger.
The last relationship I was in,he was four years younger
that's still same to me, that'she's still in the he in the
range oh, no, younger, my nervestoo bad.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
I just know I had a 39 piece and that still had my
nerves.
I said, oh, you 39?
Oh, I just felt like I was justjust doing something so wrong.
I just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
No, it's, it's, it's weird, it is, it's a little it
feels.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
It feels unnatural sometimes well, and then you're
going to have to have your stufftogether.
Yeah, like I ain't trying to bebe funny, because I don't want
you to feel like I'm no sugarmama and I just no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no.
I just, I don't know.
(29:50):
I've always had this thing thatyou, you could maybe fuck
around with somebody youngerthan you, but I don't know that
I would necessarily marry,because in my mind I'm always
thinking that as a woman, you'regoing to get older and our
bodies are going to change andthis man is still going to be
younger.
And he's going to want you totry to keep up with him and
you're like I can't keep up, andthen he's like well, I'm going
(30:13):
to go find something youngerthat can.
And I just always, because Ijust know men, and nine times
out of 10, they just go findsomething younger and they may
not lead a woman or whatever.
But she's like I don't feellike it tonight, or I'm, I'm
going through menopausalsymptoms.
I always different and I just hegonna go get something younger
(30:33):
and to mess with, so and that'swhy I was like I can't, I don't
want to with them, no, but thenyou.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
But then we also have the opposite with men.
Our age, yeah, that don't stopthem from wanting something
younger.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
I don't know what you're doing with it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It don't matter what they're doing with it.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
If they want it, they want it Y'all.
You on the struggle bus, sir,and you want to run out and try
to and you can't.
Yeah, it's so.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
So do you still believe in soulmates?
Speaker 2 (31:08):
I do, I do with all my heart and with all my soul.
And wherever you are soulmate,so you haven't met him yet.
I couldn't have, because I'd bewith him and be happy and just
in love and marry, and Iwouldn't be looking for a deaf
buddy.
I'd have my deaf buddy, my deafbuddy would be here.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
He would be here.
So what?
What would you hope people orwant people to know about you?
Um, that I'm the timeless andunfiltered audience that I am a
very approachable person.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
I'm not stuck up, I'm not mean, because, contrary to
people look at me, I've hadwomen just look at me like I
don't like her.
I get that every day Like why,and then it'll take someone else
, like have you talked to her?
Like she's like the coolestperson.
But I just I hate that peoplelook at me and judge me like
that and I'm like, I'm so not.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Now, why do you?
Why do you think that is thatthey look at me like that?
Why do you?
Why do you think people havethat perception?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
I think, because I don't walk around smiling all
the time and that's why I saidyou expect me to walk around,
and every day, all day.
I'm not going gonna do thatbecause at the end of the day, I
do have a life.
I'm a single parent with threekids.
That stressing me out, you knowthey're, they're grown, they
live on their own, but they havetheir things.
(32:33):
I'm still mama.
I still have to walk themthrough things, mentally,
emotionally, financially, and Iget drained at times, and then
I'm still trying to pursue myaspirations and do things, and
you know.
And then I'm there for myfriends if my friends need
anything, and then if I'm in arelationship, I'm trying to take
care of my partner or whatever,and so a bitch be tired a lot
(32:54):
of times Sound like you're beinga woman.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm not walking around justsmiling all the time, but I'm
just, maybe I guess I walkaround with a resting bitch face
until someone says it like hey,hey, girl, and then just, it's
just.
But I just, I have a lot on mymind all the time my life.
So you think it shows, it doesthe stress shows, and I think
(33:16):
that might be why people deem meunapproachable.
But I'm not.
How are we gonna release?
Speaker 1 (33:22):
some stress.
How do we relieve stress?
What's your stress reliever,other than that it's in a box
under my bed?
Well, that still don't stop youfrom having a resting bitch
face.
So what, I'll be happy I'll behappy.
Afterward like, oh shit I canstart anew start anew you're so
(33:47):
crazy happy.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
But, um girl, you're so crazy.
Stress really it's bad, becauseit shouldn't be a stress
reliever.
But shopping, when I feel bad,if I'm doing a bunch of stuff
for everybody and I'moverwhelmed like I mean go look
for some sales and even if it'sjust one little thing, I buy
myself it just, and when itcomes in the mail I'm like I
(34:08):
feel it's like my dopamine.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Shopping, shopping.
Yeah, that's my stress reliever.
Okay, all right, come on, giveme three words to describe who
Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Give me three words A mama, a creative and a hopeless
romantic.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
You are a hopeless romantic.
I love, love, buy me love.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
It is bad because I got people that love the shit
out of me.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Well, it has to be mutual, it has to be mutual, it
has to be mutual, and especiallyat this stage of life, I think
you have to.
You got to find someone thatnot loving isn't enough.
It can't just be love we gotta,we gotta like each other.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, we gotta have stuff in common, because I want
to ride this life out.
It's.
It's simple.
I just want to travel, eating.
We can gain weight.
We ain't judging each other, wejust gonna.
We gonna baby, we gonna startwalking, so keep these hearts up
.
We gonna still be healthy, butI don't want anybody judging me
on me aging, and that's why Ifind a lot of men start judging
(35:17):
women after a while, and it'slike no hold on man, we all
aging and we're all gonna gothrough stuff, so I just just
listened.
We could, though, or you do toomuch, or and I'm like Lord I
just ain't everybody's cup oftea, evidently.
Um so, alignment versusattachment.
(35:38):
I like that alignment versusattachment yeah, because I got
more summers behind me than I doahead, so I just want to ride
it out happy and creatively andas a mama girl, you know you're
crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Well, thank you for sitting down and hopefully we
kind of gave our our listeners alittle bit of insight as to
this lady you are, you knowbecause when we're all four
sitting on the couch, you knowthe conversation, you know we
have to make sure theconversation is being spread and
sometimes, you know we miss out.
Yeah, you miss out on who's.
Who's that, that person?
(36:17):
So thanks for sitting down andtaking a quick little chat with
me on this little episode oftimeless and unfiltered who the
f is stephanie right, like I was.
Like well, who the f is?
Stephanie?
I'm lecra and we are holding itdown spilling the tea on
midlife one laugh at a time.
Thanks, stephanie.
Thanks for watching guys.
You get to know Stephanie, stephanie, stephanie.
So I do know that you were amilitary kid, yeah, so let's
talk about your childhood.
What's it like being a military?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I allow people to love me on their terms and you
can't tell someone how to loveyou, but I want to be loved on
my terms.
The wisdom that we need to gofurther, because a lot of things
that I've been through I'vetaken lessons from it.
Like I had to fall and figureit out and get back up.
(00:30):
Okay, let's go, let's go.
This is Legra.
This is Stephanie.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
This is Cherie and this is Ivanya.
This is Stephanie.
This is Cherie and this isIvanya.
And this is Timeless andUnfiltered, where we are
spilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time, hello,hello, hello, hello.
(01:01):
Welcome to another episode ofTimeless and Unfiltered.
I am Lekra and I am Stephanie,and you may notice there is
nobody else on the couch but thetwo of us.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
We didn't kick them to the curb, we didn't kick them
to the curb.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
We wanted to do an episode where you guys kind of
get to know us a little bitbetter, yeah, so we wanted it to
feel a little more intimate.
So today we're gonna have aconversation with stephanie.
Oh, it's stephanie.
Stephanie, you and I go wayback, but we don't go way back
which?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
is funny.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
It's like we go way back, but we don't go way back
I'll talk about how I guess howwe met, or our relationship, or
how do you know, I'm not exactlysure.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
So I I tell people I'm like, yeah, I'm hanging out
with my Akron crew, because Ihave different friend groups,
yes, here in Atlanta.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm hangingout with my Akron crew and I'm
like, wait, who's the Akron crew?
And the Akron crew was you,kyra and your sister.
Yes, so I was like that was myAkron crew.
So I met you guys through Kyra.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I guess.
So well, first of all, look weboth.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Well, I guess you can't say exactly, being from
Akron Ohio no, but yeah, we wentto the same high school for a
period of time, were you?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
there when I was there?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
no, okay, I was already gone, yeah but I heard
of you and like Kyra because youguys were like yeah, and you
guys were like the girl legendslike, yeah, they were cold, they
were the cold girls, so I hadheard of you guys, okay and I
would see you all in passinglike, oh, that's being an
underclassman no, like if therewas events that you guys went
(02:42):
back to games and stuff oh yeah,we would come home every once
in a while.
Yeah, yeah, so okay because no,you guys were in college y'all
left.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Well, we know we have a connection somewhere and it
comes from Akron Ohio.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
We don't know exactly how but then you know years and
years later we're both now inAtlanta.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yeah, and we both.
Well, I had lost track of kyrafor years, because even after
high school she went to school.
I went to a different schooland at one point our schools
played each other so we wereable to connect again.
But then of course, weeverybody life, life happens,
yeah and then we didn't see eachother again and I'm not even
(03:21):
sure how we connected.
I'm not even sure how weconnected once we got back down
here, but I'm glad we did right,and that's what I tell and then
you were friends with Kyra,yeah okay, kyra, and and yeah,
yeah that's so funny.
Like you know, it's just fullcircle now.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
But I tell people, as big as Atlanta is, it's really
not that big, it's not.
It's smaller pockets of peopleand smaller circles of people.
So we were going to inevitably,I guess, run across each
other's paths some at some point, and it's so funny.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
I remember when I first moved to Atlanta I think I
was downtown somewhere andsomebody said Hooper.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I was like because he used to call me that in high
school sometime and I was like Iknow ain't nobody okay, they
came, not they're not talking tome and they said it again and I
remember turning around.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I can't remember who it was, but it was somebody I
knew from high school and I waslike I love that, oh you know I
just I was downtown, but anyway,um, somehow we have connected
yes, we have again, and you know, between all of our old school
concerts oh yeah, we like to goto Our geriatric concerts
Because baby people get old ohmy goodness Well, I had the
(04:30):
blessing of, not too long ago,going to a concert with my son
Went to see Cowboy Carter tourwith Beyonce and I remember
sitting there thinking boy.
This is really different of howconcerts we used to go to.
Ours were one a lot smaller.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
They weren't Well no, I went to a Janet concert back
then.
Hers was cold like the answer.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Janet is somebody else.
Okay, because Janet is cold.
Janet is different.
Janet, beyonce, that'sdifferent.
Okay, yeah, but I rememberconcerts felt more intimate.
I guess they Beyonce, that'sdifferent.
But I remember concerts feltmore intimate.
I guess they were you know, andyou felt almost connected with
the artist, so it was a littlemore intimate and stuff.
And I remember sitting in thestadium going, wow, this is so
nice.
And then even the theatrics andthe technology and the.
(05:17):
You know we all had the littlebands on.
I loved how she controlled theenvironment.
We had these little bands onand they light up.
So when she wanted the stadiumto be red, all our bands were.
Our little things was red andwhen she wanted it white.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
It was white when she wanted it blue, they were blue.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So when you came in, they put these little thing,
gave you these little bands andhad the cowboy carter band on it
, and you didn't do anything.
It just lit up when she wantedit to.
It was amazing, that is so.
So I was like, oh come ontechnology, so I was looking at
him.
You know, my, my son waslooking at at uh, beyonce, I was
looking at everything.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I was like oh wow, this is wow, this is you know,
yeah our concerts were, you know, very simple.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
They just don't stage right there, yeah, and we just
right there with that was ourconcert, but was our concert.
But yeah, so I know, with yourlove of music, what I know about
Stephanie is Stephanie loves todance, stephanie loves to sing,
stephanie loves music.
She's always a big, bright,bubbly ball of energy.
(06:19):
Ball of energy when she comesin the room.
But we want to get to know, butwe want to get to know, we want
to get to know, stephanie,stephanie, stephanie.
So I do know that you were amilitary kid, yeah, so let's,
let's talk about your childhood.
What's it like being a military?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
we moved around um every couple of years, I think,
maybe every two to three years.
Both of my parents were in theair force, so in the air force,
yeah we both move around a lot,but we were primarily based on
the West Coast.
So when I came to Akron, Imigrated from the West Coast to
Akron and I was different.
Well, first of all, west Coastto Akron Ohio was a lot, lot and
(07:03):
it was literally a cultureshock like I had never seen so
many black people in my life.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Oh okay, when I enrolled in high school to where
I was like and my grandma alsowent to John R Bookdale high
school, which was apredominantly black high school.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
You went to the blackest of the blackest, and it
was such a culture shock to methat I, like mentally, couldn't
deal with it, and so mygrandmother had to pull me out
of school for a minute and thenshe put me back in and I went
and was like, ok, this is, thisis, we're going to see how this
is.
And I remember it was a lot tome and when I walked into the
(07:43):
cafeteria I had the tray and Iwas like I'm probably like 60
pounds in a ninth grade.
I'm really tiny and I'm likeand it was two girls that were
like, come, come, sit with usand they were upperclassmen okay
, and it was Aaliyah Dawson andHeather Maxwell, and they were
like little.
I remember their names, Iremember them and they just like
(08:05):
took me under their wingbecause I'm just like I don't
know what to do.
It was just gosh and they werejust my friends and just it was
great, um, but my vernacularcoming I was like such a valley
girl and I'm like so you guyslike want to hang out?
I got beat up a lot, oh, oh,that's what.
(08:26):
I got jumped so much and andit's really up.
And I'm gonna say it's upbecause, like I said I was like
60 pounds.
I was very tiny and it would bethe upperclassmen girls.
It would be like five at a timejumping on me because for
whatever reason, some, some boylooked at me or liked me and I
didn't understand that either.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
That's how it always happens.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I'm new, what is and from where I came from in
Colorado, I was okay wait aminute how'd you get to Colorado
?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
That's the west coast .
I grew up between Arizona,california, colorado okay, okay
that little.
We were just stationed, wemoved around, but when I
migrated from Colorado to Akron,and then the thing with what
you consider a valley girl, itwas just my vernacular, I was
(09:18):
just more proper, or I was justproper it comes out every once
in a while it does, and I hearthat people like, oh, there goes
that.
And I'm like, oh my god, itcomes out.
It comes out every once in awhile, but I just felt that it
was just.
It was never fair.
Um, if a boy like me it was.
(09:40):
That's why I said Akron waslike the worst five years of my
life, which is so.
I hate that for you.
I got beat up so much Like theninth grade to where my
grandmother had to pull me outof John R Buchtel and send me
over to Central Howard where itwas more diverse.
Yeah, it was very diverse overthere, because I was like
Griffin of the Month in theninth grade Because I was like I
strive to maintain my academiclevel.
(10:01):
I was just like all the whiteadministrators at John.
They loved me and I worked inthe office.
They were like, come hang outin the office because they've
seen the kids picking on me alot and they're like she ain't
even from here Y'all messingwith this little girl.
And they always had me in theoffice helping them out just to
keep me out of the hallways.
It was now, jack people up now.
I loved high school.
(10:21):
It was um, but I went tocentral howard and I hung with
some people that taught me howto fight.
So now, now you that, now you,that girl, what.
I was able to go back tobooktube.
I was like I wish somebody wouldmess with me at this so you
ended up going back to the yeahyeah, okay, I just went 10th
(10:44):
grade central howard learned acouple of ones and then I was
always fighting in the streets,now you know, outside of, and
then I started dancing, hip-hopdancing okay when, I got back to
um booked old chastity rightwas like when I was in the hall.
She's like you look like youcould dance and I was like I
don't know, and then I wound upjoining a girls group with her.
(11:05):
So now we're opening up pepassemblies, winning the talent
shows.
We're traveling to, like thewhat was it sand run the african
festival yeah we're dancing.
So now people know me as, oh,she's a dancer and people really
stop kind of messing with mebecause now I kind of made a
name for myself.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I'm the girl that dance.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
You know we're opening for men at large and
laverde and x clan like we'redoing like big stuff yeah we was
cold.
We was cold, um, we was cold.
What happened?
I got pregnant, you little fastass.
And so, the crazy thing aboutit, I got pregnant.
I didn't start my menstrualtill 17, which was people
(11:44):
consider yeah, that's late.
That is late for and the firsttime I had sex, I got pregnant.
Oh, wow, jesus, the first time,the very first time I had, and
it wasn't even worth it becausewe struggled so bad.
I was like how did that happen?
Because we struggled so bad.
But we had literally just wentto Boston and performed at an
(12:05):
Orchard Park rec center wherenew addition was discovered.
And so this scout was there andwas like, oh, oh, I want to
work with you girls, and he wasbuilding a girls group and it
was like five of us that went upthere to perform, but he only
wanted me and Chastity at thetime.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
And I was like dog man.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
But he had some other girls and he wanted to combine
us into a girls group.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
That's how that usually works, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, and then when we were up there at 2 o'clock in
the morning I'm like God, Iwant some Chinese food and some
pizza Didn't dawn on me that Iwas pregnant.
I'm doing the backflips andSammy grow up and performing,
doing all the little stuff, anddidn't know that my high-end
pops was pregnant.
And then we got back home and Itold Chaz I was like you know,
I miss my period, and she's likewell, let's go to Planned
(12:48):
Parenthood.
And we skipped school that day.
Oh wow.
She went with me to PlannedParenthood and I took the
pregnancy test and the lady waslike, oh, I think you're in the
clear and you start wearingprotection.
And I was like, ok, oh, so youcame back negative.
Nothing showed up on the thing.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
It was too soon.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
So, I was like yeah, hall and she's like I need to
talk to you.
So Chassie's like, did youleave something in there?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
And I was like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
So they told you you were negative, that you weren't
pregnant, and then called youdidn't even make it down the
hall, it was a faint line thatstarted showing up.
She was like I said oh my Godand my coat, and I walked out,
(13:36):
sad like the 90s sitcomchallenge, because I was really
like on the sitcom and I walkedout with my coat and I was
looking.
She said what, why you looklike that, I said.
She said I'm pregnant andchastity, I didn't cry, I didn't
do nothing, I was just like ohmy god, I'm pregnant.
Chastity cried.
She's like you f***ed up thegroup baby when I tell you that
was all that lady was worriedabout cause she's like this is
our chance to blow up.
(13:56):
And you messed it up.
And she ran down the streetcrying and went and talked to me
on the bus and I was like so itdidn't go anywhere.
At that point we didn't blow up.
But that didn't stop the talentand my drive to try to do
anything and that's why I woundup in Atlanta, because I would
come down here and notice that Iwas like man, there's a bunch
(14:17):
of people that look like me andthey're young and they're doing
it and they got cars and it'sjust, you know, I'm going to a
club, ain't nobody fighting likeit was just all love.
This is in the 90s, so I'm justlike, oh so that's what made you
come down, baby?
As soon as I got out of highschool well no, because I
started some mess in Akron, mygrandma sent me to California.
(14:38):
You got to go and I was like,so I got sent back to California
.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
No, did you have a baby at this time, so you and
the baby got sent back toCalifornia.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
The port of California.
My grandma's like I ain't doingthis with her and I got sent to
California.
And what?
Deported to California.
My grandma's like I ain't doingthis with her and I got sent to
California.
And what I realize now inhindsight, my dad, I was 19.
So my dad was 39 and he has ateenager, now a grandchild, and
this teenager that was off thechain because now she learned
how to fight and she talkedmessed to dudes and chicks and
(15:11):
she's like yeah, yeah, yeah,just just this is you?
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah, I'm assuming, okay.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I started a whole bunch of mess man, and so now in
California it's synonymous forgangs, yeah, Gangs.
So he like oh, how do I keepthis?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
girl, he don't know what to do with you at this
point.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
And he just kept trying to keep me locked up in
the house.
Bless his heart and I get it.
But I was like yeah, I'm notdoing this.
And one day I called a frienddown in Atlanta, was like hey,
can I come down there for aminute?
And me and a baby, because thiswas her niece and she was like
girl come on.
And then, um, one day he went towork, I got it and I actually
(15:49):
my second baby daddy.
He was coming to see me inCalifornia and he had sent me
money.
He was like yeah, I'm gonnacome check you out or whatever.
And he sent me money and I usedthat money to buy a ticket and
to come to Atlanta.
And he done went out toCalifornia.
He like where is she at?
And my dad like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
She left and then he called my grandma and grandma
like she in Georgia you do, know, do know you and I just had a
conversation before we came oncamera and I said, Stephanie,
you need to put these stories tomusic or something, Because
what I tell you, my girl gotstories, I got stories, you got
stories for days.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
My life, my life, it's just so.
That's how I came to Atlantaand then my goal was.
Goal was oh, I'm gonna be arapper and an interior designer,
because I went to Akron U for ayear for architecture and
interior design okay, I was likeyeah.
I'm gonna do interior design andmy goal was to get the athletes
down here.
So I was like I know thesebasketball players and football
(16:47):
players they houses don't looklike nothing because they're
dudes.
So I was like I'm a networkwith the athletes and be like,
hey, let me decorate your houseand in the meantime I'm going to
try to be a rapper and blow up.
And that didn't happen.
My album is still on the shelf,so, but you did cut an album.
No, not really.
I was running around withsomebody that said they were
(17:08):
putting me on, that was on thelabel and he had me running
around with him and I'm like butI think you just want me to run
around, be cute with you.
And then I did try.
I still was like dancing.
I tried out for it to be abackground dancer.
I was a fill-in for Blackstreetand then I tried out to be a
(17:30):
Hawks cheerleader and I feltlike I was too dark.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I didn't know all of this about you.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I think I was too black back in the day in the 90s
Because I got through tworounds and they'd be like oh,
cut.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
I'm like oh, oh yeah, but that's more.
I was going to say so.
You were a cheerleader too, butthat's more dancing.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
It's dancing, dancing , like the dancing.
But I was a cheerleader in umColorado.
That was little kid stuff andthat's what I was going to say.
My point is, when I migratedfrom Colorado and on the west
coast, I was still in juniorhigh.
Okay.
So to come to Akron and be inhigh school was like whoa and
all the kids were really juniorhigh was part of high school
like ninth grade for y'all.
Yeah, it was like ninth gradeand twelfth.
But um, in on the west coast,ninth grade was still in junior
(18:16):
high and high school was 10th,11th and 12th.
Yes.
So I was like, oh, I'm not anupperclassman here, I'm a lower
classman and these people areway bigger than the people I'm
used to seeing.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Well, if you were 60 pounds, everybody was bigger
than you yeah, I was tiny, ohwell, I hate that you have that
experience, but part of all ofthese things and all of these
stories is what has grown you to, what is built character yes,
and who you are now.
Well, one of the things I loveabout, um, just even hearing
(18:47):
your story is like here we arenow.
What 50?
Still have the dream, stillstriving.
But not only that, but you'retrying to help other people.
Oh yeah, with theirs, so tellme about.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
The artistry?
Yeah, tell us about theartistry, the artistry.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
First of all, spell it because people don't spell it
wrong.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
It's capital R-T-I-S-T-R-Y.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Yes, the artistry.
Yes, okay, take the a out of it.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Take the a out of it um, and what I tell people is
that I moved to atlanta topursue my dreams of being a star
and we didn't have theplatforms that they have now
with social media and things ofthat sort.
I was like I was literally outlooking like a fool, dancing
everywhere, everywhere and I'mjust like yeah, yeah, and I'm
(19:37):
like, oh, I just did some stuff,man, it's so.
I was like this is so different.
Now it's so different and Ijust like to provide a platform
because I love talented people,I just love the art of, I love
how God gives everybody theirtalents and their spirits and I
was like, oh, this is so greatand I love watching it so.
I tell people come out, do yourthing.
(20:00):
And I tell people you know ittakes a lot for people to get up
here and to do what they do,because you do.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
You have people come sing.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah, they do spoken word, comedians, vocalists,
rappers, um, that's pretty muchit for now, but I'm like,
whatever y'all do, come on out,you know um, but I just like and
I just be like.
I love looking at the people dotheir thing.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I just think it's so dope okay, how do they, how, how
do they find the artistry?
I'm on instagram.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
I'm under the artistry r-t-i-s-t-r-y.
There was somebody else namedthe artistry.
I had to put ink but I'm in theartistry.
I'm legally incorporated as theartistry okay, um so, yeah, on
tiktok, facebook and instagram,I want to do the the youtube.
(20:51):
I feel like I'm so old and outof touch with technology, jesus,
because even when I post myvideos, I'll have people like
you want me to help you withyour video.
I'm like, yeah, that'd be greatbecause y'all trying to tell me
I still look like shit tryingto put the people out there.
I'm trying to put them out there, but yeah, the artistry, come
check us out once monthly followus okay.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
So I know your life is such a journey.
What would you, what would youwant to change about your
journey to where you are now?
Or or would you change anythingabout your journey to where you
are now?
I feel?
Speaker 2 (21:23):
like I wouldn't change, because I think in one
of our conversations on one ofthe episodes, it's a part.
It helps us gain the wisdomthat we need to go further,
because a lot of things thatI've been through I've taken
lessons from it.
Like I had to fall and figureit out and get back up and, okay
(21:47):
, let's go, let's go.
And so I've learned a lot andeven till today I'm still
learning.
Yes, I learning never ceasesand what I realize is that no
one is perfect.
We're all going to go throughsome mess.
It's just how you handle it.
Yeah, how you, who Jesus?
(22:07):
Yeah, it's how you handle it.
Sometimes I want to crash outlike Lord Jesus, but it's a part
of life and I take it and keepit going, keep it moving.
Well, let's talk about a littlemore personal, stephanie.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
You know Stephanie loves love.
I do, Stephanie, love love.
I want to be in love.
Know you do so bad, so bad, sobad that sometimes do you think
sometimes you wanting to be inlove so bad have tainted your
(22:44):
choices?
Yeah, oh, your selection ofyeah, yeah, people in your life.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Yeah, and I think that's a lesson um, a lesson
that I'm learning.
I think I I allow people tolove me on their terms, and you
can't tell someone how to loveyou, but I want to be loved on
(23:09):
my terms.
So what I realized is that,instead of just settling for
people loving me on their terms,I need to love Stephanie enough
to put her foot down and saylisten, this is what I.
I want to find someone that'sin alignment with me and not try
to love people into myalignment because I keep getting
(23:32):
kicked in the face trying to dothat I do, and so, god Jesus,
yeah, I just got to findsomebody that's in alignment
with how I want to be loved, andI swear.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
I feel like it's simple.
We all say that it sounds sosimple, but finding that person
and let's keep in mind, in mindtoo, we're in a very small pool
that pool got piss and shitright.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
We're in a very small pool, it's not the same as when
we were younger, so finding,finding that person and you know
that's sad because you wouldthink people have evolved but a
lot of people aren't putting inthe work to evolve.
Geez, because I'm evolving whatyou saying.
(24:22):
But why you saying like thatBecause I'm evolving, because I
know I got my shit about me.
I'm OCD, but not like supercrazy.
I just want you to wash yourhands when you come out of the
bathroom.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I think that's just standard.
No, it's not.
It's supposed to be.
But I wouldn't say that'smaking you OCD.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
You would think that people do, but it's not that
freaking common men and women,shit, it's not and I'm like yeah
, and so I'm just like this,like germaphobe, so um, yeah, so
that might get on somebody'snerves.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
I'm like so you're not, you're not gonna wash your
hands well, first of all, you, Iwould, you would have to align
with somebody that that's justnormal for them let's start with
that.
A lot of times you don't youmay not know that right a lot of
those things well, we, we haveyour story from before about the
, the basketball shorts and and,yeah, and I didn't know that
that was months in, yeah, soit's like, dang, how do you have
(25:22):
these conversations with people?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
and so, jokingly, I had discussed this with somebody
and I was like, yeah, I'm gonnajust start asking dudes
straight up like, hey, uh, thisdad, this dad, this dad.
And he said, man, I would, I'dget up and walk away from you.
He was like now I tell theother dudes, man, don't go talk
to her, she's crazy.
And I was like, because I wantto not waste your time, I don't
want to waste nobody's time.
So, listen, do you do this, doyou do that?
(25:46):
Do you?
No, okay, we good, let's, let'smove forward.
And he's like, yeah, I wouldwalk away from you and tell the
other dudes don't talk to her,she crazy.
And I said it's probably a lotof y''t be that crass, but you
(26:17):
know it's you know, yeah, justdon't put your hand in my plate.
No, and I'm not.
Don't get anything right?
Speaker 1 (26:21):
no, don't touch me hey dating is hard at this age.
It's dating is hard.
I don't wish this.
I don't wish being single atthis age on anybody it's very
hard.
The dating pool is very small.
The um well one.
A lot of people are married,whether they are married.
(26:44):
You're not, you know happy ornot you're, they're married at
our age.
Um, a lot of us that are single, like you said, a lot of people
haven't done the work onthemselves or are still carrying
things from past relationshipsand and and things like that.
Um, and it's hard meetingpeople now, um one, I don't know
(27:06):
.
For me, I think I've become alittle bit of a recluse
sometimes.
I think, like you, we have ourcircle of friends and you just
kind of roll in that circle, soyou don't, you don't go to beat,
we don't.
It's harder to meet people, Ithink, unless you're doing
something virtually and onlineor what they say.
You got to get out in thesestreets, but I'm, you're in your
50s.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
I'll be in the streets, baby.
I mean you do.
I'll go to a bar and it'll bewith girlfriends where we're
like let's meet up and have adrink, and yeah, I get to drink.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
I'm chatty, kathy.
Baby, I'm very social.
I know you are.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Hey, it's your food, good sir.
Yeah, yeah, um, so yeah I, I,but even with going out, I.
I went to an event last nightand the men just sit there and
stare.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Yeah, it's, that's what I'm saying.
It's different, it's different.
Men used to approach men usedto send drinks or um, some of
them, that's a few, but it'sit's far and few between, yeah,
few farm, it's far and fewbetween um, and then I always
love like we danced back then.
(28:17):
That's why I want to go toellery's okay, we're gonna have
to get you.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
I tried to go last night we got got there too late.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
We're going to have to get you over there girl.
But I love to, but it wasn'tjust one place that you would go
you could go People dance, evenwhen you go to parties and
events and stuff.
It's a lot of standing around,not the grown folks.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Because even the event last night they was out
there jooking, it's just not thesame.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
But you have to go.
You would have to be in a, in aspace where it is people our
age, yeah, yeah, our age, ourage.
But it's let's talk about thisage thing um with dating.
Have you dated younger?
Yeah, younger men, yeah,because it seems like now
younger.
The last relationship I was in,he was four years younger
that's still same to me, that'she's still in the he in the
range oh, no, younger, my nervestoo bad.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
I just know I had a 39 piece and that still had my
nerves.
I said, oh, you 39?
Oh, I just felt like I was justjust doing something so wrong.
I just I don't know.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
No, it's, it's, it's weird, it is, it's a little it
feels.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
It feels unnatural sometimes well, and then you're
going to have to have your stufftogether.
Yeah, like I ain't trying to bebe funny, because I don't want
you to feel like I'm no sugarmama and I just no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no.
I just, I don't know.
(29:50):
I've always had this thing thatyou, you could maybe fuck
around with somebody youngerthan you, but I don't know that
I would necessarily marry,because in my mind I'm always
thinking that as a woman, you'regoing to get older and our
bodies are going to change andthis man is still going to be
younger.
And he's going to want you totry to keep up with him and
you're like I can't keep up, andthen he's like well, I'm going
(30:13):
to go find something youngerthat can.
And I just always, because Ijust know men, and nine times
out of 10, they just go findsomething younger and they may
not lead a woman or whatever.
But she's like I don't feellike it tonight, or I'm, I'm
going through menopausalsymptoms.
I always different and I just hegonna go get something younger
(30:33):
and to mess with, so and that'swhy I was like I can't, I don't
want to with them, no, but thenyou.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
But then we also have the opposite with men.
Our age, yeah, that don't stopthem from wanting something
younger.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
I don't know what you're doing with it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It don't matter what they're doing with it.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
If they want it, they want it Y'all.
You on the struggle bus, sir,and you want to run out and try
to and you can't.
Yeah, it's so.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
So do you still believe in soulmates?
Speaker 2 (31:08):
I do, I do with all my heart and with all my soul.
And wherever you are soulmate,so you haven't met him yet.
I couldn't have, because I'd bewith him and be happy and just
in love and marry, and Iwouldn't be looking for a deaf
buddy.
I'd have my deaf buddy, my deafbuddy would be here.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
He would be here.
So what?
What would you hope people orwant people to know about you?
Um, that I'm the timeless andunfiltered audience that I am a
very approachable person.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
I'm not stuck up, I'm not mean, because, contrary to
people look at me, I've hadwomen just look at me like I
don't like her.
I get that every day Like why,and then it'll take someone else
, like have you talked to her?
Like she's like the coolestperson.
But I just I hate that peoplelook at me and judge me like
that and I'm like, I'm so not.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Now, why do you?
Why do you think that is thatthey look at me like that?
Why do you?
Why do you think people havethat perception?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
I think, because I don't walk around smiling all
the time and that's why I saidyou expect me to walk around,
and every day, all day.
I'm not going gonna do thatbecause at the end of the day, I
do have a life.
I'm a single parent with threekids.
That stressing me out, you knowthey're, they're grown, they
live on their own, but they havetheir things.
(32:33):
I'm still mama.
I still have to walk themthrough things, mentally,
emotionally, financially, and Iget drained at times, and then
I'm still trying to pursue myaspirations and do things, and
you know.
And then I'm there for myfriends if my friends need
anything, and then if I'm in arelationship, I'm trying to take
care of my partner or whatever,and so a bitch be tired a lot
(32:54):
of times Sound like you're beinga woman.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm not walking around justsmiling all the time, but I'm
just, maybe I guess I walkaround with a resting bitch face
until someone says it like hey,hey, girl, and then just, it's
just.
But I just, I have a lot on mymind all the time my life.
So you think it shows, it doesthe stress shows, and I think
(33:16):
that might be why people deem meunapproachable.
But I'm not.
How are we gonna release?
Speaker 1 (33:22):
some stress.
How do we relieve stress?
What's your stress reliever,other than that it's in a box
under my bed?
Well, that still don't stop youfrom having a resting bitch
face.
So what, I'll be happy I'll behappy.
Afterward like, oh shit I canstart anew start anew you're so
(33:47):
crazy happy.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
But, um girl, you're so crazy.
Stress really it's bad, becauseit shouldn't be a stress
reliever.
But shopping, when I feel bad,if I'm doing a bunch of stuff
for everybody and I'moverwhelmed like I mean go look
for some sales and even if it'sjust one little thing, I buy
myself it just, and when itcomes in the mail I'm like I
(34:08):
feel it's like my dopamine.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Shopping, shopping.
Yeah, that's my stress reliever.
Okay, all right, come on, giveme three words to describe who
Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Give me three words A mama, a creative and a hopeless
romantic.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
You are a hopeless romantic.
I love, love, buy me love.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
It is bad because I got people that love the shit
out of me.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Well, it has to be mutual, it has to be mutual, it
has to be mutual, and especiallyat this stage of life, I think
you have to.
You got to find someone thatnot loving isn't enough.
It can't just be love we gotta,we gotta like each other.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, we gotta have stuff in common, because I want
to ride this life out.
It's.
It's simple.
I just want to travel, eating.
We can gain weight.
We ain't judging each other, wejust gonna.
We gonna baby, we gonna startwalking, so keep these hearts up
.
We gonna still be healthy, butI don't want anybody judging me
on me aging, and that's why Ifind a lot of men start judging
(35:17):
women after a while, and it'slike no hold on man, we all
aging and we're all gonna gothrough stuff, so I just just
listened.
We could, though, or you do toomuch, or and I'm like Lord I
just ain't everybody's cup oftea, evidently.
Um so, alignment versusattachment.
(35:38):
I like that alignment versusattachment yeah, because I got
more summers behind me than I doahead, so I just want to ride
it out happy and creatively andas a mama girl, you know you're
crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Well, thank you for sitting down and hopefully we
kind of gave our our listeners alittle bit of insight as to
this lady you are, you knowbecause when we're all four
sitting on the couch, you knowthe conversation, you know we
have to make sure theconversation is being spread and
sometimes, you know we miss out.
Yeah, you miss out on who's.
Who's that, that person?
(36:17):
So thanks for sitting down andtaking a quick little chat with
me on this little episode oftimeless and unfiltered who the
f is stephanie right, like I was.
Like well, who the f is?
Stephanie?
I'm lecra and we are holding itdown spilling the tea on
midlife one laugh at a time.
Thanks, stephanie.
Thanks for watching guys.
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