October 22, 2025 • 31 mins
At 50+, “high value” hits different. It’s not about money, status, or six-packs — it’s about peace, emotional maturity, and consistency. In this episode, we get real about what women truly want at this stage in life: honesty, effort, and energy that feels safe. Because at this age, we’re not building men — we’re building peace.
✨ Watch, laugh, and relate as we unpack love, standards, and what “high value” really means now.
#TimelessAndUnfiltered #HighValueMen #WomenOver50 #SoftLife #GrownWomanEnergy
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_03 (00:00):
I've been seeing a lot of stuff all summer about
high value men, what you bringto the table.
Always asking women what theybring to the table.
We never rarely ask men whatthey bring to the table.
SPEAKER_01 (00:09):
It's actually more good in the world.
Yes.
It's actually more good in theworld, period, than bad.
We just focus on the bad.
Because it's so bad that that'sall we know.
Yeah.
And we forget about all thegood.
SPEAKER_07 (00:21):
If I sit here and take care of you, you say when I
walk out the door, you can't askme nothing.
You can't ask me when you comehome.
SPEAKER_03 (00:32):
I think a lot of single mother homes, a lot of
them have never seen healthyrelationships.
And we don't know what thatlooks like.
And if you look off, if you looklike society, if you go off of
society, you you gonna getclose.
I wanted to read y'all firstwhat the dictionary says a
high-value man is, and then whatthe description of a high value
woman is and the conditions.
So a high value man is this isLegra.
SPEAKER_06 (00:59):
This is Stephanie, this is Cherie, and this is
Ivanya.
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
And this is Timeless and Unfiltered, where we are
spilling the tea on midlife onelaugh at a time.
SPEAKER_03 (01:19):
Hey everybody, this is Legra with Timeless and
Unfiltered.
This is Stephanie.
This is Sharice.
This is Ivanya.
And we are here to spill the teaon midlife one laugh at a time.
All right, ladies, this we'regonna deep dive into some stuff.
We might as well just jump rightin for this season two.
We talking crap.
(01:39):
Okay, so all summer I have beenhearing about high value men and
what women want in this highvalue man.
And y'all know I you know I godown the rabbit hole.
You know, sometime when I'mstarting and we start getting
texts.
SPEAKER_04 (01:54):
What is this?
What is this?
What else does all that speech?
SPEAKER_03 (01:58):
What is that stupid stuff be popping up on my phone,
which especially the lady thatbe reading the books.
Oh, yeah.
The little children's books.
SPEAKER_07 (02:06):
Oh, I love that.
The little children's books, butthey nasty.
SPEAKER_03 (02:09):
That just cracks me up all the time.
But I've been seeing a lot ofstuff all summer by how high
value men.
A lot of stuff about what youbring to the table.
Like always asking women whatthey bring to the table.
We very rarely ask men what theybring to the table.
Right?
Women, what they bring to thetable.
And y'all know, like I said, Igo down the rabbit hole and I
start watching all my little,you know, I love all my little
(02:30):
ratchet stuff.
I don't post it, but I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (02:34):
That's your guilty pleasure.
SPEAKER_03 (02:35):
That's my guilty pleasure.
That's my break where I need totake a break for a minute.
I just go down the rabbit hole.
And I'm always watching theepisodes with um the gold digger
pranks, which is probably one ofmy favorite.
But at the same time, it gets onmy nerves.
Like I be rooting for the younggirls, like, okay, she's not
gonna be a gold digger.
She's not gonna be a golddigger.
And they get in the car.
(02:55):
Well, first of all, they theysee a gentleman walks up to him,
introduces himself.
Hi, I'm so-and-so or whatever.
You look beautiful today.
Uh are you talking to me?
I can't believe you're eventalking to me.
And he's like, What are youtalking about?
I just said, hi, how you doing?
Uh no, you don't look like you,you, you don't have no money.
You don't look like you did thethat's that's the opening hello.
SPEAKER_07 (03:14):
Do you think that's a skit or is it real?
SPEAKER_03 (03:16):
No, I'm telling you.
Because I really don't think so.
I don't think all of them thatterrible.
But no, they usually have the,yeah, they have the camera
across the street.
They have a guy usually, andsometimes he'll say, like,
because a couple of them getwild.
And he'll be like, ma'am, you'rebeing recorded.
Like, there's my and he'll pointout the cameraman across the
street.
SPEAKER_07 (03:36):
Like he would have to tell them that anyway,
because you can't just postrandom people.
Well, you can't interact withthat.
You could get their permissionafter.
Well, you don't even have tohave their permission.
SPEAKER_03 (03:45):
No, I don't think, I don't think you have to.
I'm gonna sue you.
You walking down the sidewalkand you have like anywhere,
everywhere.
Yeah, you have walking down thesidewalk.
I introduce myself, I say hello,you tell me how a couple people
are like, well, I don't like fatboys, or I don't like this, I
don't like that.
And he'd be like, you know what?
I'm sorry, you have a good day.
And she keep walking.
Uh, first of all, let's startwith that.
She walking.
(04:07):
Let's start with that.
And then secondly, then he goesto his Lamborghini, or he goes
to his, you know, whatever carhe's driving.
And you will see them youngladies turn around.
Sometimes they run, likesprinting back.
Now he in the car, they tappingon the window.
And I, it's my guilty pleasurebecause I love it.
But sometimes I do, I be sittingthere rooting for him, like,
(04:28):
come on now.
We we we not this bad, y'all.
We really not this bad, butyeah, it's clear.
Clearly, it's that bad.
And of course, everybody's like,you know, all of this, you know,
and shaking their butt, youknow, he'll say, do a 360, and
she does a 360.
I need to get, oh, it's hot outhere.
I need to be able to get in thecar.
Can I get in the car?
And sometimes he lets them in,sometimes they let him in.
And it's not just one person,it's several people that do
(04:49):
these.
And they do them like they're inAtlanta, they're in Dallas,
they're in Houston.
They're they're all over theplace.
That's what I said.
First of all, you're walking.
You're walking.
And then um, then they get inthe car and he's like, and you
know, and he's like, well, youknow, I want to get to know you
or whatever.
You know, I like shopping, Ilike trips.
Let's go on over here.
You say, well, where are youwhere you want to go get
(05:10):
something to eat?
Let's go to Steak 48.
Oh, wow.
Let's go to, and he's like, Um,no, okay.
And some just outright just,you're gonna pay my bills.
Wow.
You're not gonna pay my bills,you're not gonna whatever,
you're not gonna do this, you'renot gonna do that.
And I'll be sitting there going,he'd be like, Well, what'd you
bring to the table?
I'm pretty.
unknown (05:27):
Wow.
SPEAKER_03 (05:28):
I'm pretty, my presence, you know, like
literally, like literally.
That but that's all you'redoing.
It's pretty.
But I love it's it's one guy,and I'm not gonna say his name.
But I love it.
He said, Okay, so you'rebasically a pretty bum.
Ooh.
SPEAKER_04 (05:45):
I love it!
SPEAKER_03 (05:46):
I love it.
This is my guilty pleasure.
So, you know, and and I'mthey're always asking, well,
what do you bring to the table?
What do you bring to the table?
So you always keep hearing abouthigh value men, and you'll hear
the women say, you know, they'relooking for a high value man.
But obviously, most of thewomen, most, because there's
some, there's a couple olderwomen walking down the street.
(06:07):
No, but it's a couple of a fewolder women walking down the
street that they stop and theythey still say the same thing.
So, but my thought was what Ithought of that was high value
when I was 20 and 30.
Right.
Ain't the same high value that Ithink of at 55.
Now, this is just this is mythought.
(06:27):
This is this is verygeneralization.
So I wanted to read y'all firstwhat what the uh the dictionary
says a high value man.
Okay, and then uh what thedescription of a high value
woman is.
A high value.
So a high value man is a personwith strong character,
integrity, emotional maturity,and purpose-driven life, who
(06:50):
possesses self-control,discipline, and respect for
himself as others.
This concept is subjective, butgenerally includes traits as
ambition, strong worth ethic,ethical behavior, clear values,
excellent communication skills,and the ability to build
positive relationships.
The mark of a true high-valueman is the ability to generate a
six-figure income consistentlyfor at least three years in a
(07:13):
row.
If you make at least$100,000 ayear for at least three years,
you've ruled out luck and ananomaly.
SPEAKER_01 (07:19):
So are we high-value women?
SPEAKER_03 (07:21):
Hello.
Hello.
So a high value woman ischaracterized by her self-worth,
her maturity, her confidence,her emotional stability, and
commitment to personal growth.
She possesses strongcommunication skills, sets
healthy boundaries, and expectsrespectful treatment.
She is independent, has her owninterests and career, and
maintains a positive,compassionate outlook on life
(07:42):
while also taking responsibilityfor her actions.
SPEAKER_07 (07:44):
The definition is uh uh what's the word?
Misogynistic.
Hello.
SPEAKER_03 (07:53):
It is so this whole wow, that's an addictionary.
Yes, this whole idea of a highvalue man versus the high value
woman.
But what what's that what's howis your taken aback?
Like and and and but it's theit's the the contrast in me to
(08:19):
in my opinion of what youconsidered what's considered
high value.
Now for me, high value at 20s,but I I don't know, what what
might have been income?
Because we weren't partlyincome.
SPEAKER_07 (08:32):
I wasn't worried about how I never was.
I never was.
I just you love me, I love you,and that was cool.
So I was a different So what'shigh value what's high value,
what's high value to you now?
What's a high value man to you?
Somebody that can pour into me.
Because what I realize is atthis age I've been through life,
I've raised kids, I've worked,gone through VM Pauls and just
(08:55):
started businesses and did allthis myself.
So what can a man bring to me atthis age?
Someone that can pour into me.
Because I'm a sapioosexual, so Ilike I need you to teach me
something.
I want to learn from you.
Like to me, that's high value.
I don't care how much money youcan make and stuff like that.
Because I know we can combineand do what we gotta do
(09:17):
together, but I just I need youto pour into me.
And that's what I consider.
SPEAKER_05 (09:22):
What do you need in the pour into you when you say
pour into you?
I need to pour into you.
SPEAKER_07 (09:26):
Because I I'm I'm turned on by intellectual
conversations and banter.
So if you could talk to me aboutworldly things, uh, talk to me
about politics, teach mesomething I don't know.
So my last relationship, mostpeople, you know, might have
looked at him like, oh, he wasjust a regular.
That man was so smart.
He was so smart and he pouredinto me, and I just like, oh my
(09:48):
god.
And so because I like to teachpeople whatever he taught me, I
was, did you know that in the uhif if there was an apocalyptic
situation that if you go nearthe driveway, you can find worms
to eat?
Like it is weird stuff likethat.
Look so dope to me.
So I'm teaching people I canlive on worms, like, but you
gotta be next to the semen,that's where they are.
(10:09):
Like, I would have never knownthat.
SPEAKER_03 (10:11):
Like, yeah, I don't need I don't know if I need to
know that right now, but I'mremembering that.
SPEAKER_07 (10:16):
Y'all get some worms to eat.
You get your protein, you canlive.
But things like that, that thatwas such a turn on to me.
And I'm like, oh my god.
So I need you to pour into me.
I'm sorry.
This story just went home.
This story just went home.
So we're that's my pouring intome.
Just be able to talk to me andteach me something.
(10:38):
I want to learn.
unknown (10:39):
Okay.
SPEAKER_07 (10:40):
I feel like I've always taught everybody, my
kids, people, and I'm like, Idon't want somebody to TV.
Like, I I want someone to teachme.
SPEAKER_03 (10:48):
Well, I'm I'm gonna piggyback off of something you
just said because you said, youknow, I know the last guy that I
dated, everybody thought, youknow, what was what was what was
the word she just used?
Everybody thought, you know, hewas just a regular guy.
SPEAKER_07 (11:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:02):
Or something.
Well, I'm gonna tell you fromthe out from the outside looking
in at your relationship.
I never looked at him as aregular guy.
I thought he was amazing.
Hold on, let me let me finish.
Amazing from the outside lookingin.
I'm not in your relationship, soI don't know the relationship
parts of it.
What I didn't like was not thathe was a regular guy.
(11:25):
What I didn't like was how youshared how you felt with him.
Like some of the insecurities onhis end, yeah.
But it also affected you.
SPEAKER_07 (11:41):
Because I had to keep hearing about it.
SPEAKER_03 (11:43):
See, that's what I'm saying.
But it affected you.
So it wasn't that he was aregular guy, but I love a man
that worked with his hands.
Let's start with that.
I love a man, come fix someshit.
I love everything he did.
Hello, come fix some shit.
Yeah, I still need some shitfixed, but out of respect, I
can't call him.
But you know what I'm saying?
I still need some shit fixed.
But I love a man that workedwith his hands.
(12:04):
I've never been about what hisjob was or what his career was.
I know you know I love countryboy.
I love a country boy.
He was a good old country boy orwhatever.
But what I didn't like, andagain, this is the outside
looking in.
The outside looking in.
The outside looking in.
All I'd look at is how does myfriend who are you when you're
with him?
That's the only thing that'sever was important to me.
(12:29):
Okay, you know how your mamasays, you know how when you have
you have you're in arelationship with somebody, and
you when y'all have a fight,your mama say, Don't tell me.
Yeah.
Because when you share certainthings about when your
relationship is bad, and nowy'all back together.
Right, y'all done moved on.
Your friends are still in thisspace.
(12:51):
So when I say how what I feltwas I didn't like some of the
things that you shared with yourfriends of how you felt.
Yeah.
Because I don't, of course, Idon't want nobody that's gonna
make my friend not feel sexy andthe bomb and you that bitch, and
you know what I'm saying?
That's that's what makes me likehim.
So it wasn't that he was anordinary guy.
(13:12):
It was I don't like how you makemy friend feel.
Now y'all might have moved on.
SPEAKER_07 (13:17):
He projected that he every time we was out, he just
had something to say about howhe looked with me.
SPEAKER_03 (13:25):
And then I was like, God, Jesus, I look you, it's all
that matters.
You know, and I I don't want I'dnever like to be in a situation
where I have to feel like I haveto dim my light.
And and and you know what I'msaying, just period.
That person that you're withshould make you shine.
(13:45):
And sometimes I felt like justand this is only based off of
our conversations.
Or when I let me back to yourconversations, because we just
usually sat and listened.
I didn't like how you felt youhad to dim your shine.
That's the but it wasn't that Ididn't like him.
Because you're the shit.
For real, for real.
Bitch.
(14:06):
The shit.
And I didn't like sometimes thatyou didn't feel that way.
You know what I'm saying?
And that's just based off ofwhat you shared with us.
Wasn't that he was a regularguy.
So I wanted to clear that upbecause when you said that,
like, I know people thought hewas just a regular guy.
I liked he was a regular guy.
I didn't like how he made myfriend feel, or at least what
(14:26):
she shared with me.
SPEAKER_07 (14:27):
But again, that was his projection, I think, that I
always had that that he feltright he would use the word, I
feel like the help, I look likethe help.
And I'm like, not at all.
So that started wearing on me,you know, after a while.
SPEAKER_01 (14:42):
But I but let me say something, because you know I
was sitting over here looking atthe couple.
The Humbrita High Value fear ofcrap.
When you look at the term, sofirst of all, I think we take a
lot of things and they justbecome popular, like
narcissists, you know, nobody'sa therapist, but now everybody's
a therapist.
Everybody's a narcissist, orthis whole high value thing,
(15:03):
it's I guess it's the term.
Hell, I didn't even know whatnone of this was, but I just
started hearing it.
But when you was reading this,and when I look at this, I think
for me from our era, I thinkfrom our probably our mothers,
um that's what I'm not sure thatthe term I mean that is what
(15:24):
they're using now, a high valueman.
But really, this is just aperson with good character.
Hello.
Good provider.
I mean, you threw in a hundred,the only thing that's different
is money and a hundred thousanddollars in money.
SPEAKER_00 (15:39):
Who the hell made that up?
SPEAKER_01 (15:40):
Money.
Because now, I will saysomething, and you and I have
talked about this before.
But when we talk about strongwork ethic, self-control,
discipline, respect for himselfand others, ambitions, isn't
that what anybody would want andvalue, right?
For me, you would think for mepersonally, you know, and I have
(16:04):
that now, but I need somebodywho's intentional.
Yes, that I know that they seeme.
We all like right that um thechurch say amen.
That will take care of me.
Yeah, five, ten, twenty dollars,right?
I'm gonna get 19 and they'llkeep the dollar.
Not that that's how I want it tohappen, but my point is, right?
(16:26):
I think that when I was younger,I don't think I know.
When I was younger, none of thiswould have applied to me.
I couldn't bring this to thetable.
So if somebody had a lot,including the money, the
confidence, the emotionalmaturity, and I'm just being,
I'm just being 100 right now.
(16:48):
I wasn't that girl that couldbring it to the table.
Right.
So attracting a high value,whatever, I was in my struggle.
You know what I mean?
Like I was just in the struggletrying to find somebody to get
it, get it on, get the things,the bills paid with me, because
I wasn't shown this, taughtthis, understood this, know
(17:10):
this.
So a lot of times when we lookat some of the young girls, they
don't have anything to bring tothe table, but they looking for
let's take everything outbecause I think that as people,
we would want male or female, wewant all of the attributes.
But you looking for the hundredthousand and the this, that, and
the third, but you're notbringing, you can't even figure
(17:33):
out how to bring it to thetable.
Right.
And in my transparency, I know Icouldn't.
But all of this is new for me.
Today, I am those things now,right?
I I get it, I understand it, notjudging anybody for having it or
not.
I think we grow into differentspaces.
(17:55):
But to define this is where aperson is and that's where a
person is.
Overall, there's just certaincharacters and uh
characteristics that we justwant.
And there's also things that wehave to do to work, because the
Lord knows I've done a lot ofwork.
We have to do the work to get tothose spaces where when we see
(18:15):
it, what I did, I attracted itbecause I I grew.
I took time down to myself toget therapy, to understand who I
am, to understand the thingsthat I didn't have, and and and
what I was never taught, andsome of these terms.
(18:35):
It's just like, what in the hellis that?
What does that mean?
What I do know without sayinghigh value, I do know that there
were certain things that Ilacked.
There was certain so I couldn'tcall that to me.
How could I call something to methat I don't even know what it
is?
And it just took sitting bymyself, getting to know who I
am, what I want.
(18:56):
And then I just woke up one dayand I had it because in some
ways I think the I called it tome by doing the work.
So you know, I just we just makeup these things, and then you
have all of these.
And not everybody's calledpastors who say, you know, or
(19:17):
who was the guy, God bless thesoul, but who was the guy who
passed.
Kevin Samuels.
You know, we were like KevinSamuels.
And I I don't really know hisstory or what was happening, how
robust that thing was, and whatpeople said, but what I know is
that uh yeah, we have to do thework first.
(19:41):
I think you no matter where youare, you have to do the work.
But if you ask me today, whenyou talk about this high-value
man situation, we fit in thiscategory.
Yeah.
But we're moved down here.
Is it because we're women?
Yeah.
Hello.
Hello, hello.
SPEAKER_07 (20:02):
Because we're not supposed to earn and we're not
supposed to take the lead andmanage our own lives.
I think they look to the men todo that, the high-value men.
But to me, that's just him beinga provider.
What they explained to me isback in the day, you got a dude
that was gonna take care of thewoman, and I'm gonna leave and
(20:24):
do this, and then she keepsshe's at home with the kids.
Because men were providers.
SPEAKER_03 (20:28):
And and financial providers.
SPEAKER_07 (20:31):
Yes.
Let's start with that.
Yeah, that's that's all that'ssaying.
And I guess it's still in thatmind.
Just different times, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:38):
Just different different eras, different times,
and I think that's just a newterm.
SPEAKER_06 (20:42):
But we talked about that, but then what about men
feeling that they have to beneeded?
Has that changed?
Or do they still feel like theyneed to be needed now?
SPEAKER_03 (20:49):
Well, I think I think even from a male men and
women, I think you have to feellike you're being needed.
But a lot of times, I I think inthis uh modern society, need is
financial.
So when a woman comes and shedon't financially need you for
things, like you don't need Idon't need you to pay my bills.
We ain't got I could take youout to eat.
(21:11):
We I d I planned us a vacationand it's already paid for.
Like, then it somehow it'stranslated into financial.
That but but again, we get backto that traditionally men were
providers.
Women stayed at home.
We were the we we took care ofthe home.
(21:31):
Now, again, we can get into thiswhole back and forth.
It was it's pros and cons toboth sides of it.
Because if if we're gonna listento what society tells us,
society tells us men gonnacheat.
SPEAKER_05 (21:44):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:45):
They do.
Men gonna cheat.
So what do you do when a womanwho has nothing, who her whole
life depends on her husband,because he's the provider.
That's why you've I think youhad a lot of women who stayed
because they had no choice.
Yeah, that's that happens whoput up with shit that they had
to because they had no choice,because you couldn't, you've
never had a job, or you hadminimal jobs, or you you have
(22:07):
all the children at home, youdon't have, you know what I'm
saying?
So there's it's pros and cons toboth sides of that.
It's pros and cons to both sidesof that.
So I think it also depends onhow you were you were raised.
I was raised by a boss.
That's the only way I candescribe her.
You know what I'm saying?
(22:28):
I was raised by a boss.
You you you need to always haveyour own.
I don't care how much he has, Idon't care what he has, you are
you should always have your own,and you should always take be
able to take care of yourself.
And you should never be left ina situation where you have to
(22:49):
put up with anything.
Now, does that make me less of anurturer?
No, does that make me less of myfeminine energy?
Right.
And and not that you have tohave all these walls up, not
that you have to have walls up,but I've always been taught to
be self-sufficient.
Now, have I always beenself-sufficient?
No, I didn't have all thateither.
(23:11):
I like you said, I had to growinto it, I had to learn, you
know, and after my divorce, Iwas I didn't have a thing, you
know what I'm saying?
And trying to build your lifeback up.
And I relied on family and Irelied on friends to help me get
through it, but eventually yougotta get through it.
You know, you gotta be trying towork towards something, not just
saying I'm pretty, right, or notjust, you know, I I I I have
(23:36):
give you sex.
I ain't trying to be funny, hegive you sex.
You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_06 (23:40):
Yeah, everybody else giving it away to sex.
Right, you know what I'm saying?
Sex is a dime a dozen.
SPEAKER_03 (23:44):
It ain't it can't be about sex.
I mean, you can have all the sexin the world, and I mean, but
that's not gonna keep him athome.
But does that make you less of aless valuable because you have
you don't need him financially.
SPEAKER_07 (24:00):
Well, what has made me go hard in my life was being
that stay-at-home mom, I ain'thave to work.
Um because he took care of me.
And he stayed messing with amillion people.
And it's like, oh, I take careof you and I give you everything
you want.
You got your house, you got yourcars, yeah, and I can go do what
(24:20):
I want to do.
And and being with him and goingthrough that and all the cheat,
all the shit that came with it.
I was like, I will never solelybe dependent on a man that was
in your 20s.
Yes, and that is why I go sohard to take care of me and my
kids, even with a partner, like,nah, I'm I'm I'm doing something
because, and then I was duringmy breakup, the um we arguing or
(24:49):
whatever, and he said, he said,one of the worst things they
could have did was inventedwomen's live.
SPEAKER_03 (24:56):
That's so ignorant, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_07 (24:58):
Because he basically like, you should take my shit
and not say nothing.
Like, you, you, and I was like,Why?
And then we had a conversation.
Now everything nice I just saidabout him, I gotta take it back.
No, I'm just kidding.
He said, if, because I was like,Well, you know, me and shit were
the providers.
They're supposed to, you know,earn more than women and take.
(25:20):
He said, Let me tell yousomething.
If I sit here and take care ofyou, he said, when I walk out
that door, you can't ask menothing.
You can't ask me when I'm cominghome.
If I'm coming home, you can'task me nothing.
I was like, Really?
Like that was his mindset.
He's like, nah, if I take careof you, I can't.
Well, he just said it out loud.
SPEAKER_01 (25:36):
What is that paper at that said emotional maturity?
SPEAKER_07 (25:39):
Baby, and I was like, why didn't you just say
loyal?
Because one of the thingsself-control, it says
self-control, and you need tohave control, not be out there
in the streets.
But they feel like that they gotwomen and they taking care of
you.
I can do whatever I want to do,and you can't say nothing.
Okay, now that's the hearing.
Can I say something?
Yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01 (25:59):
I don't believe that all men cheat.
I don't either.
I mean, I don't either.
Yeah, I mean, but I'm beingfunny.
SPEAKER_07 (26:06):
I'm being funny.
SPEAKER_01 (26:07):
I don't think oh, okay.
Because when you said that, Ilook like I'm like they do.
SPEAKER_07 (26:11):
Because it's a whole little thing.
I think Kevin Hart.
Somebody had something that allmen don't cheat.
Like it was a whole little fun.
Was it showing?
Yeah, it was a funny thing.
That's all the price.
SPEAKER_01 (26:20):
I mean, men, women, whoever, you know what I mean?
I just really don't believethat.
I think that there's some goodones.
There, there are.
You know what?
There's actually more good inthe world, I believe.
I believe there's actually moregood in the world, period, than
bad.
We just, oh, and y'all knowthis.
We focus on the bad because it'sso bad that that's all we know.
(26:44):
Yeah.
And we forget about all of thegood.
I don't think, yeah, Idefinitely know because my son
is not a cheater.
SPEAKER_07 (26:50):
He's so great.
He's like his mom.
We'll hunker down with somebodyand just ride out, we ain't
cheating, we ain't think aboutso.
Yeah, my son, he's not acheater.
SPEAKER_01 (26:59):
Yeah.
So I think he'll grow up thedisplay.
I believe there's very gooddisciplined.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_07 (27:05):
Teresa's on this definition.
She's on this definition, man.
I also taught my son growing up,too, and I would tell him, like,
if they caught me crying orwhatever, and I will always tell
him, never treat a girl the wayyou want nobody treating your
mom or your sisters.
Like, don't cheat, don't hurther.
And I think that like stuck withhim.
(27:25):
Because he's been with this girllike five years.
Straight out of high school.
They don't have problems.
SPEAKER_05 (27:30):
So what are the dads are teaching them though?
What do the dads teach theirboys about women?
SPEAKER_03 (27:33):
Like, well, I think a lot of uh we have a lot of
single mother homes.
A lot of them have never seenit.
And I'm just gonna be honest,like a lot of us haven't seen
healthy relationships.
That we don't know what thatlooks like.
And if you look off, if you looklike society, you go off of
society, you uh you're gonna belost.
SPEAKER_01 (27:53):
You're gonna be lost.
I had no idea what a healthyrelationship looked like.
Um, which is why it just took solong to figure it out, you know
what I mean?
And understand it, because whatis that?
For me, that's what it was forme.
SPEAKER_07 (28:11):
I didn't provide my kids with an example, but every
time I went through some hurt orsomething, I would talk to them
like when you get older, don'tallow this.
It's like as well.
SPEAKER_03 (28:21):
Now, what do you mean you didn't provide them
with an example?
SPEAKER_07 (28:24):
Of like two parents together, loving in a home and
stuff like that.
I didn't.
They dad was in and out of jail.
It was always me by myself.
And then, like I said, I didn'tbring men around my kids.
I was real, like, I ain'tplaying around with that.
So um, it wasn't until they gotolder that because I told you
for a minute, my daughter pulledout her computer, like, hey, you
(28:46):
ever thought of online dating?
Like my kids was trying to putme on online.
unknown (28:51):
Mama.
SPEAKER_07 (28:52):
Mama can get what she wants.
You just don't see it.
I'm not bringing nobody aroundy'all.
So I I taught from my experiencewith them, and then it wasn't
until they got older that theystarted seeing me like in
relationships with people andthings like that.
SPEAKER_03 (29:12):
But mom was out in them streets.
She was crawling out the windowand sneaking back in the house,
and she can't.
That's what my mother told me.
SPEAKER_04 (29:22):
Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_03 (29:23):
Yeah, I do.
SPEAKER_07 (29:24):
Yeah, I do.
And then the men would feel bad.
You must have a man at home.
You always getting up, leaving.
SPEAKER_04 (29:31):
No, I got kids.
Got kids.
Like, no.
SPEAKER_03 (29:35):
Yeah.
But yeah, that that that thatdebate just always stressed me
out.
Now we can't gonna go into awhole nother we're gonna address
this on the next issue.
We don't talk about high valuewomen.
Okay?
Because I ain't trying to befunny.
I think I got four high valuewomen sitting on the couch.
I know that.
Cause if if we're gonna uselet's use the definition of a
(29:56):
man.
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_07 (29:57):
But I think that's up the whole interpretation.
SPEAKER_03 (30:00):
Right.
That's what I'm saying.
I may not feel like we're highvalue.
And that's that's the issue.
That's the question.
Because all these traits thatyou just we read for the man,
including the income.
Hello?
Including the income is a highvalue woman.
(30:20):
But why are we looked atdifferently?
Why are we looked atdifferently?
Little men in a women's body.
And why does that make you anywhy does that make you less of a
woman?
That you can't be in yourfeminine energy when you have to
be the man of your house all thetime.
But the right man brings thatfeminine energy out of it.
SPEAKER_04 (30:41):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (30:42):
Oh, you say, and you become a fly.
So look, we'll talk about thaton the next episode.
We'll talk about that on thenext episode because we're gonna
be here for two hours when we wewe talk about this one.
So this is Timeless andUnfiltered.
This is Lecra.
I'm Stephanie.
I'm Sharice.
And we're gonna spill the tea onthis bullshit on the next
episode.
One laugh out of two.
We ain't laughing.
SPEAKER_04 (31:02):
We ain't laughing.
I've been seeing a lot of stuff all summer about
high value men, what you bringto the table.
Always asking women what theybring to the table.
We never rarely ask men whatthey bring to the table.
SPEAKER_01 (00:09):
It's actually more good in the world.
Yes.
It's actually more good in theworld, period, than bad.
We just focus on the bad.
Because it's so bad that that'sall we know.
Yeah.
And we forget about all thegood.
SPEAKER_07 (00:21):
If I sit here and take care of you, you say when I
walk out the door, you can't askme nothing.
You can't ask me when you comehome.
SPEAKER_03 (00:32):
I think a lot of single mother homes, a lot of
them have never seen healthyrelationships.
And we don't know what thatlooks like.
And if you look off, if you looklike society, if you go off of
society, you you gonna getclose.
I wanted to read y'all firstwhat the dictionary says a
high-value man is, and then whatthe description of a high value
woman is and the conditions.
So a high value man is this isLegra.
SPEAKER_06 (00:59):
This is Stephanie, this is Cherie, and this is
Ivanya.
SPEAKER_02 (01:09):
And this is Timeless and Unfiltered, where we are
spilling the tea on midlife onelaugh at a time.
SPEAKER_03 (01:19):
Hey everybody, this is Legra with Timeless and
Unfiltered.
This is Stephanie.
This is Sharice.
This is Ivanya.
And we are here to spill the teaon midlife one laugh at a time.
All right, ladies, this we'regonna deep dive into some stuff.
We might as well just jump rightin for this season two.
We talking crap.
(01:39):
Okay, so all summer I have beenhearing about high value men and
what women want in this highvalue man.
And y'all know I you know I godown the rabbit hole.
You know, sometime when I'mstarting and we start getting
texts.
SPEAKER_04 (01:54):
What is this?
What is this?
What else does all that speech?
SPEAKER_03 (01:58):
What is that stupid stuff be popping up on my phone,
which especially the lady thatbe reading the books.
Oh, yeah.
The little children's books.
SPEAKER_07 (02:06):
Oh, I love that.
The little children's books, butthey nasty.
SPEAKER_03 (02:09):
That just cracks me up all the time.
But I've been seeing a lot ofstuff all summer by how high
value men.
A lot of stuff about what youbring to the table.
Like always asking women whatthey bring to the table.
We very rarely ask men what theybring to the table.
Right?
Women, what they bring to thetable.
And y'all know, like I said, Igo down the rabbit hole and I
start watching all my little,you know, I love all my little
(02:30):
ratchet stuff.
I don't post it, but I love it.
SPEAKER_01 (02:34):
That's your guilty pleasure.
SPEAKER_03 (02:35):
That's my guilty pleasure.
That's my break where I need totake a break for a minute.
I just go down the rabbit hole.
And I'm always watching theepisodes with um the gold digger
pranks, which is probably one ofmy favorite.
But at the same time, it gets onmy nerves.
Like I be rooting for the younggirls, like, okay, she's not
gonna be a gold digger.
She's not gonna be a golddigger.
And they get in the car.
(02:55):
Well, first of all, they theysee a gentleman walks up to him,
introduces himself.
Hi, I'm so-and-so or whatever.
You look beautiful today.
Uh are you talking to me?
I can't believe you're eventalking to me.
And he's like, What are youtalking about?
I just said, hi, how you doing?
Uh no, you don't look like you,you, you don't have no money.
You don't look like you did thethat's that's the opening hello.
SPEAKER_07 (03:14):
Do you think that's a skit or is it real?
SPEAKER_03 (03:16):
No, I'm telling you.
Because I really don't think so.
I don't think all of them thatterrible.
But no, they usually have the,yeah, they have the camera
across the street.
They have a guy usually, andsometimes he'll say, like,
because a couple of them getwild.
And he'll be like, ma'am, you'rebeing recorded.
Like, there's my and he'll pointout the cameraman across the
street.
SPEAKER_07 (03:36):
Like he would have to tell them that anyway,
because you can't just postrandom people.
Well, you can't interact withthat.
You could get their permissionafter.
Well, you don't even have tohave their permission.
SPEAKER_03 (03:45):
No, I don't think, I don't think you have to.
I'm gonna sue you.
You walking down the sidewalkand you have like anywhere,
everywhere.
Yeah, you have walking down thesidewalk.
I introduce myself, I say hello,you tell me how a couple people
are like, well, I don't like fatboys, or I don't like this, I
don't like that.
And he'd be like, you know what?
I'm sorry, you have a good day.
And she keep walking.
Uh, first of all, let's startwith that.
She walking.
(04:07):
Let's start with that.
And then secondly, then he goesto his Lamborghini, or he goes
to his, you know, whatever carhe's driving.
And you will see them youngladies turn around.
Sometimes they run, likesprinting back.
Now he in the car, they tappingon the window.
And I, it's my guilty pleasurebecause I love it.
But sometimes I do, I be sittingthere rooting for him, like,
(04:28):
come on now.
We we we not this bad, y'all.
We really not this bad, butyeah, it's clear.
Clearly, it's that bad.
And of course, everybody's like,you know, all of this, you know,
and shaking their butt, youknow, he'll say, do a 360, and
she does a 360.
I need to get, oh, it's hot outhere.
I need to be able to get in thecar.
Can I get in the car?
And sometimes he lets them in,sometimes they let him in.
And it's not just one person,it's several people that do
(04:49):
these.
And they do them like they're inAtlanta, they're in Dallas,
they're in Houston.
They're they're all over theplace.
That's what I said.
First of all, you're walking.
You're walking.
And then um, then they get inthe car and he's like, and you
know, and he's like, well, youknow, I want to get to know you
or whatever.
You know, I like shopping, Ilike trips.
Let's go on over here.
You say, well, where are youwhere you want to go get
(05:10):
something to eat?
Let's go to Steak 48.
Oh, wow.
Let's go to, and he's like, Um,no, okay.
And some just outright just,you're gonna pay my bills.
Wow.
You're not gonna pay my bills,you're not gonna whatever,
you're not gonna do this, you'renot gonna do that.
And I'll be sitting there going,he'd be like, Well, what'd you
bring to the table?
I'm pretty.
unknown (05:27):
Wow.
SPEAKER_03 (05:28):
I'm pretty, my presence, you know, like
literally, like literally.
That but that's all you'redoing.
It's pretty.
But I love it's it's one guy,and I'm not gonna say his name.
But I love it.
He said, Okay, so you'rebasically a pretty bum.
Ooh.
SPEAKER_04 (05:45):
I love it!
SPEAKER_03 (05:46):
I love it.
This is my guilty pleasure.
So, you know, and and I'mthey're always asking, well,
what do you bring to the table?
What do you bring to the table?
So you always keep hearing abouthigh value men, and you'll hear
the women say, you know, they'relooking for a high value man.
But obviously, most of thewomen, most, because there's
some, there's a couple olderwomen walking down the street.
(06:07):
No, but it's a couple of a fewolder women walking down the
street that they stop and theythey still say the same thing.
So, but my thought was what Ithought of that was high value
when I was 20 and 30.
Right.
Ain't the same high value that Ithink of at 55.
Now, this is just this is mythought.
(06:27):
This is this is verygeneralization.
So I wanted to read y'all firstwhat what the uh the dictionary
says a high value man.
Okay, and then uh what thedescription of a high value
woman is.
A high value.
So a high value man is a personwith strong character,
integrity, emotional maturity,and purpose-driven life, who
(06:50):
possesses self-control,discipline, and respect for
himself as others.
This concept is subjective, butgenerally includes traits as
ambition, strong worth ethic,ethical behavior, clear values,
excellent communication skills,and the ability to build
positive relationships.
The mark of a true high-valueman is the ability to generate a
six-figure income consistentlyfor at least three years in a
(07:13):
row.
If you make at least$100,000 ayear for at least three years,
you've ruled out luck and ananomaly.
SPEAKER_01 (07:19):
So are we high-value women?
SPEAKER_03 (07:21):
Hello.
Hello.
So a high value woman ischaracterized by her self-worth,
her maturity, her confidence,her emotional stability, and
commitment to personal growth.
She possesses strongcommunication skills, sets
healthy boundaries, and expectsrespectful treatment.
She is independent, has her owninterests and career, and
maintains a positive,compassionate outlook on life
(07:42):
while also taking responsibilityfor her actions.
SPEAKER_07 (07:44):
The definition is uh uh what's the word?
Misogynistic.
Hello.
SPEAKER_03 (07:53):
It is so this whole wow, that's an addictionary.
Yes, this whole idea of a highvalue man versus the high value
woman.
But what what's that what's howis your taken aback?
Like and and and but it's theit's the the contrast in me to
(08:19):
in my opinion of what youconsidered what's considered
high value.
Now for me, high value at 20s,but I I don't know, what what
might have been income?
Because we weren't partlyincome.
SPEAKER_07 (08:32):
I wasn't worried about how I never was.
I never was.
I just you love me, I love you,and that was cool.
So I was a different So what'shigh value what's high value,
what's high value to you now?
What's a high value man to you?
Somebody that can pour into me.
Because what I realize is atthis age I've been through life,
I've raised kids, I've worked,gone through VM Pauls and just
(08:55):
started businesses and did allthis myself.
So what can a man bring to me atthis age?
Someone that can pour into me.
Because I'm a sapioosexual, so Ilike I need you to teach me
something.
I want to learn from you.
Like to me, that's high value.
I don't care how much money youcan make and stuff like that.
Because I know we can combineand do what we gotta do
(09:17):
together, but I just I need youto pour into me.
And that's what I consider.
SPEAKER_05 (09:22):
What do you need in the pour into you when you say
pour into you?
I need to pour into you.
SPEAKER_07 (09:26):
Because I I'm I'm turned on by intellectual
conversations and banter.
So if you could talk to me aboutworldly things, uh, talk to me
about politics, teach mesomething I don't know.
So my last relationship, mostpeople, you know, might have
looked at him like, oh, he wasjust a regular.
That man was so smart.
He was so smart and he pouredinto me, and I just like, oh my
(09:48):
god.
And so because I like to teachpeople whatever he taught me, I
was, did you know that in the uhif if there was an apocalyptic
situation that if you go nearthe driveway, you can find worms
to eat?
Like it is weird stuff likethat.
Look so dope to me.
So I'm teaching people I canlive on worms, like, but you
gotta be next to the semen,that's where they are.
(10:09):
Like, I would have never knownthat.
SPEAKER_03 (10:11):
Like, yeah, I don't need I don't know if I need to
know that right now, but I'mremembering that.
SPEAKER_07 (10:16):
Y'all get some worms to eat.
You get your protein, you canlive.
But things like that, that thatwas such a turn on to me.
And I'm like, oh my god.
So I need you to pour into me.
I'm sorry.
This story just went home.
This story just went home.
So we're that's my pouring intome.
Just be able to talk to me andteach me something.
(10:38):
I want to learn.
unknown (10:39):
Okay.
SPEAKER_07 (10:40):
I feel like I've always taught everybody, my
kids, people, and I'm like, Idon't want somebody to TV.
Like, I I want someone to teachme.
SPEAKER_03 (10:48):
Well, I'm I'm gonna piggyback off of something you
just said because you said, youknow, I know the last guy that I
dated, everybody thought, youknow, what was what was what was
the word she just used?
Everybody thought, you know, hewas just a regular guy.
SPEAKER_07 (11:02):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (11:02):
Or something.
Well, I'm gonna tell you fromthe out from the outside looking
in at your relationship.
I never looked at him as aregular guy.
I thought he was amazing.
Hold on, let me let me finish.
Amazing from the outside lookingin.
I'm not in your relationship, soI don't know the relationship
parts of it.
What I didn't like was not thathe was a regular guy.
(11:25):
What I didn't like was how youshared how you felt with him.
Like some of the insecurities onhis end, yeah.
But it also affected you.
SPEAKER_07 (11:41):
Because I had to keep hearing about it.
SPEAKER_03 (11:43):
See, that's what I'm saying.
But it affected you.
So it wasn't that he was aregular guy, but I love a man
that worked with his hands.
Let's start with that.
I love a man, come fix someshit.
I love everything he did.
Hello, come fix some shit.
Yeah, I still need some shitfixed, but out of respect, I
can't call him.
But you know what I'm saying?
I still need some shit fixed.
But I love a man that workedwith his hands.
(12:04):
I've never been about what hisjob was or what his career was.
I know you know I love countryboy.
I love a country boy.
He was a good old country boy orwhatever.
But what I didn't like, andagain, this is the outside
looking in.
The outside looking in.
The outside looking in.
All I'd look at is how does myfriend who are you when you're
with him?
That's the only thing that'sever was important to me.
(12:29):
Okay, you know how your mamasays, you know how when you have
you have you're in arelationship with somebody, and
you when y'all have a fight,your mama say, Don't tell me.
Yeah.
Because when you share certainthings about when your
relationship is bad, and nowy'all back together.
Right, y'all done moved on.
Your friends are still in thisspace.
(12:51):
So when I say how what I feltwas I didn't like some of the
things that you shared with yourfriends of how you felt.
Yeah.
Because I don't, of course, Idon't want nobody that's gonna
make my friend not feel sexy andthe bomb and you that bitch, and
you know what I'm saying?
That's that's what makes me likehim.
So it wasn't that he was anordinary guy.
(13:12):
It was I don't like how you makemy friend feel.
Now y'all might have moved on.
SPEAKER_07 (13:17):
He projected that he every time we was out, he just
had something to say about howhe looked with me.
SPEAKER_03 (13:25):
And then I was like, God, Jesus, I look you, it's all
that matters.
You know, and I I don't want I'dnever like to be in a situation
where I have to feel like I haveto dim my light.
And and and you know what I'msaying, just period.
That person that you're withshould make you shine.
(13:45):
And sometimes I felt like justand this is only based off of
our conversations.
Or when I let me back to yourconversations, because we just
usually sat and listened.
I didn't like how you felt youhad to dim your shine.
That's the but it wasn't that Ididn't like him.
Because you're the shit.
For real, for real.
Bitch.
(14:06):
The shit.
And I didn't like sometimes thatyou didn't feel that way.
You know what I'm saying?
And that's just based off ofwhat you shared with us.
Wasn't that he was a regularguy.
So I wanted to clear that upbecause when you said that,
like, I know people thought hewas just a regular guy.
I liked he was a regular guy.
I didn't like how he made myfriend feel, or at least what
(14:26):
she shared with me.
SPEAKER_07 (14:27):
But again, that was his projection, I think, that I
always had that that he feltright he would use the word, I
feel like the help, I look likethe help.
And I'm like, not at all.
So that started wearing on me,you know, after a while.
SPEAKER_01 (14:42):
But I but let me say something, because you know I
was sitting over here looking atthe couple.
The Humbrita High Value fear ofcrap.
When you look at the term, sofirst of all, I think we take a
lot of things and they justbecome popular, like
narcissists, you know, nobody'sa therapist, but now everybody's
a therapist.
Everybody's a narcissist, orthis whole high value thing,
(15:03):
it's I guess it's the term.
Hell, I didn't even know whatnone of this was, but I just
started hearing it.
But when you was reading this,and when I look at this, I think
for me from our era, I thinkfrom our probably our mothers,
um that's what I'm not sure thatthe term I mean that is what
(15:24):
they're using now, a high valueman.
But really, this is just aperson with good character.
Hello.
Good provider.
I mean, you threw in a hundred,the only thing that's different
is money and a hundred thousanddollars in money.
SPEAKER_00 (15:39):
Who the hell made that up?
SPEAKER_01 (15:40):
Money.
Because now, I will saysomething, and you and I have
talked about this before.
But when we talk about strongwork ethic, self-control,
discipline, respect for himselfand others, ambitions, isn't
that what anybody would want andvalue, right?
For me, you would think for mepersonally, you know, and I have
(16:04):
that now, but I need somebodywho's intentional.
Yes, that I know that they seeme.
We all like right that um thechurch say amen.
That will take care of me.
Yeah, five, ten, twenty dollars,right?
I'm gonna get 19 and they'llkeep the dollar.
Not that that's how I want it tohappen, but my point is, right?
(16:26):
I think that when I was younger,I don't think I know.
When I was younger, none of thiswould have applied to me.
I couldn't bring this to thetable.
So if somebody had a lot,including the money, the
confidence, the emotionalmaturity, and I'm just being,
I'm just being 100 right now.
(16:48):
I wasn't that girl that couldbring it to the table.
Right.
So attracting a high value,whatever, I was in my struggle.
You know what I mean?
Like I was just in the struggletrying to find somebody to get
it, get it on, get the things,the bills paid with me, because
I wasn't shown this, taughtthis, understood this, know
(17:10):
this.
So a lot of times when we lookat some of the young girls, they
don't have anything to bring tothe table, but they looking for
let's take everything outbecause I think that as people,
we would want male or female, wewant all of the attributes.
But you looking for the hundredthousand and the this, that, and
the third, but you're notbringing, you can't even figure
(17:33):
out how to bring it to thetable.
Right.
And in my transparency, I know Icouldn't.
But all of this is new for me.
Today, I am those things now,right?
I I get it, I understand it, notjudging anybody for having it or
not.
I think we grow into differentspaces.
(17:55):
But to define this is where aperson is and that's where a
person is.
Overall, there's just certaincharacters and uh
characteristics that we justwant.
And there's also things that wehave to do to work, because the
Lord knows I've done a lot ofwork.
We have to do the work to get tothose spaces where when we see
(18:15):
it, what I did, I attracted itbecause I I grew.
I took time down to myself toget therapy, to understand who I
am, to understand the thingsthat I didn't have, and and and
what I was never taught, andsome of these terms.
(18:35):
It's just like, what in the hellis that?
What does that mean?
What I do know without sayinghigh value, I do know that there
were certain things that Ilacked.
There was certain so I couldn'tcall that to me.
How could I call something to methat I don't even know what it
is?
And it just took sitting bymyself, getting to know who I
am, what I want.
(18:56):
And then I just woke up one dayand I had it because in some
ways I think the I called it tome by doing the work.
So you know, I just we just makeup these things, and then you
have all of these.
And not everybody's calledpastors who say, you know, or
(19:17):
who was the guy, God bless thesoul, but who was the guy who
passed.
Kevin Samuels.
You know, we were like KevinSamuels.
And I I don't really know hisstory or what was happening, how
robust that thing was, and whatpeople said, but what I know is
that uh yeah, we have to do thework first.
(19:41):
I think you no matter where youare, you have to do the work.
But if you ask me today, whenyou talk about this high-value
man situation, we fit in thiscategory.
Yeah.
But we're moved down here.
Is it because we're women?
Yeah.
Hello.
Hello, hello.
SPEAKER_07 (20:02):
Because we're not supposed to earn and we're not
supposed to take the lead andmanage our own lives.
I think they look to the men todo that, the high-value men.
But to me, that's just him beinga provider.
What they explained to me isback in the day, you got a dude
that was gonna take care of thewoman, and I'm gonna leave and
(20:24):
do this, and then she keepsshe's at home with the kids.
Because men were providers.
SPEAKER_03 (20:28):
And and financial providers.
SPEAKER_07 (20:31):
Yes.
Let's start with that.
Yeah, that's that's all that'ssaying.
And I guess it's still in thatmind.
Just different times, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (20:38):
Just different different eras, different times,
and I think that's just a newterm.
SPEAKER_06 (20:42):
But we talked about that, but then what about men
feeling that they have to beneeded?
Has that changed?
Or do they still feel like theyneed to be needed now?
SPEAKER_03 (20:49):
Well, I think I think even from a male men and
women, I think you have to feellike you're being needed.
But a lot of times, I I think inthis uh modern society, need is
financial.
So when a woman comes and shedon't financially need you for
things, like you don't need Idon't need you to pay my bills.
We ain't got I could take youout to eat.
(21:11):
We I d I planned us a vacationand it's already paid for.
Like, then it somehow it'stranslated into financial.
That but but again, we get backto that traditionally men were
providers.
Women stayed at home.
We were the we we took care ofthe home.
(21:31):
Now, again, we can get into thiswhole back and forth.
It was it's pros and cons toboth sides of it.
Because if if we're gonna listento what society tells us,
society tells us men gonnacheat.
SPEAKER_05 (21:44):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:45):
They do.
Men gonna cheat.
So what do you do when a womanwho has nothing, who her whole
life depends on her husband,because he's the provider.
That's why you've I think youhad a lot of women who stayed
because they had no choice.
Yeah, that's that happens whoput up with shit that they had
to because they had no choice,because you couldn't, you've
never had a job, or you hadminimal jobs, or you you have
(22:07):
all the children at home, youdon't have, you know what I'm
saying?
So there's it's pros and cons toboth sides of that.
It's pros and cons to both sidesof that.
So I think it also depends onhow you were you were raised.
I was raised by a boss.
That's the only way I candescribe her.
You know what I'm saying?
(22:28):
I was raised by a boss.
You you you need to always haveyour own.
I don't care how much he has, Idon't care what he has, you are
you should always have your own,and you should always take be
able to take care of yourself.
And you should never be left ina situation where you have to
(22:49):
put up with anything.
Now, does that make me less of anurturer?
No, does that make me less of myfeminine energy?
Right.
And and not that you have tohave all these walls up, not
that you have to have walls up,but I've always been taught to
be self-sufficient.
Now, have I always beenself-sufficient?
No, I didn't have all thateither.
(23:11):
I like you said, I had to growinto it, I had to learn, you
know, and after my divorce, Iwas I didn't have a thing, you
know what I'm saying?
And trying to build your lifeback up.
And I relied on family and Irelied on friends to help me get
through it, but eventually yougotta get through it.
You know, you gotta be trying towork towards something, not just
saying I'm pretty, right, or notjust, you know, I I I I have
(23:36):
give you sex.
I ain't trying to be funny, hegive you sex.
You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_06 (23:40):
Yeah, everybody else giving it away to sex.
Right, you know what I'm saying?
Sex is a dime a dozen.
SPEAKER_03 (23:44):
It ain't it can't be about sex.
I mean, you can have all the sexin the world, and I mean, but
that's not gonna keep him athome.
But does that make you less of aless valuable because you have
you don't need him financially.
SPEAKER_07 (24:00):
Well, what has made me go hard in my life was being
that stay-at-home mom, I ain'thave to work.
Um because he took care of me.
And he stayed messing with amillion people.
And it's like, oh, I take careof you and I give you everything
you want.
You got your house, you got yourcars, yeah, and I can go do what
(24:20):
I want to do.
And and being with him and goingthrough that and all the cheat,
all the shit that came with it.
I was like, I will never solelybe dependent on a man that was
in your 20s.
Yes, and that is why I go sohard to take care of me and my
kids, even with a partner, like,nah, I'm I'm I'm doing something
because, and then I was duringmy breakup, the um we arguing or
(24:49):
whatever, and he said, he said,one of the worst things they
could have did was inventedwomen's live.
SPEAKER_03 (24:56):
That's so ignorant, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_07 (24:58):
Because he basically like, you should take my shit
and not say nothing.
Like, you, you, and I was like,Why?
And then we had a conversation.
Now everything nice I just saidabout him, I gotta take it back.
No, I'm just kidding.
He said, if, because I was like,Well, you know, me and shit were
the providers.
They're supposed to, you know,earn more than women and take.
(25:20):
He said, Let me tell yousomething.
If I sit here and take care ofyou, he said, when I walk out
that door, you can't ask menothing.
You can't ask me when I'm cominghome.
If I'm coming home, you can'task me nothing.
I was like, Really?
Like that was his mindset.
He's like, nah, if I take careof you, I can't.
Well, he just said it out loud.
SPEAKER_01 (25:36):
What is that paper at that said emotional maturity?
SPEAKER_07 (25:39):
Baby, and I was like, why didn't you just say
loyal?
Because one of the thingsself-control, it says
self-control, and you need tohave control, not be out there
in the streets.
But they feel like that they gotwomen and they taking care of
you.
I can do whatever I want to do,and you can't say nothing.
Okay, now that's the hearing.
Can I say something?
Yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01 (25:59):
I don't believe that all men cheat.
I don't either.
I mean, I don't either.
Yeah, I mean, but I'm beingfunny.
SPEAKER_07 (26:06):
I'm being funny.
SPEAKER_01 (26:07):
I don't think oh, okay.
Because when you said that, Ilook like I'm like they do.
SPEAKER_07 (26:11):
Because it's a whole little thing.
I think Kevin Hart.
Somebody had something that allmen don't cheat.
Like it was a whole little fun.
Was it showing?
Yeah, it was a funny thing.
That's all the price.
SPEAKER_01 (26:20):
I mean, men, women, whoever, you know what I mean?
I just really don't believethat.
I think that there's some goodones.
There, there are.
You know what?
There's actually more good inthe world, I believe.
I believe there's actually moregood in the world, period, than
bad.
We just, oh, and y'all knowthis.
We focus on the bad because it'sso bad that that's all we know.
(26:44):
Yeah.
And we forget about all of thegood.
I don't think, yeah, Idefinitely know because my son
is not a cheater.
SPEAKER_07 (26:50):
He's so great.
He's like his mom.
We'll hunker down with somebodyand just ride out, we ain't
cheating, we ain't think aboutso.
Yeah, my son, he's not acheater.
SPEAKER_01 (26:59):
Yeah.
So I think he'll grow up thedisplay.
I believe there's very gooddisciplined.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_07 (27:05):
Teresa's on this definition.
She's on this definition, man.
I also taught my son growing up,too, and I would tell him, like,
if they caught me crying orwhatever, and I will always tell
him, never treat a girl the wayyou want nobody treating your
mom or your sisters.
Like, don't cheat, don't hurther.
And I think that like stuck withhim.
(27:25):
Because he's been with this girllike five years.
Straight out of high school.
They don't have problems.
SPEAKER_05 (27:30):
So what are the dads are teaching them though?
What do the dads teach theirboys about women?
SPEAKER_03 (27:33):
Like, well, I think a lot of uh we have a lot of
single mother homes.
A lot of them have never seenit.
And I'm just gonna be honest,like a lot of us haven't seen
healthy relationships.
That we don't know what thatlooks like.
And if you look off, if you looklike society, you go off of
society, you uh you're gonna belost.
SPEAKER_01 (27:53):
You're gonna be lost.
I had no idea what a healthyrelationship looked like.
Um, which is why it just took solong to figure it out, you know
what I mean?
And understand it, because whatis that?
For me, that's what it was forme.
SPEAKER_07 (28:11):
I didn't provide my kids with an example, but every
time I went through some hurt orsomething, I would talk to them
like when you get older, don'tallow this.
It's like as well.
SPEAKER_03 (28:21):
Now, what do you mean you didn't provide them
with an example?
SPEAKER_07 (28:24):
Of like two parents together, loving in a home and
stuff like that.
I didn't.
They dad was in and out of jail.
It was always me by myself.
And then, like I said, I didn'tbring men around my kids.
I was real, like, I ain'tplaying around with that.
So um, it wasn't until they gotolder that because I told you
for a minute, my daughter pulledout her computer, like, hey, you
(28:46):
ever thought of online dating?
Like my kids was trying to putme on online.
unknown (28:51):
Mama.
SPEAKER_07 (28:52):
Mama can get what she wants.
You just don't see it.
I'm not bringing nobody aroundy'all.
So I I taught from my experiencewith them, and then it wasn't
until they got older that theystarted seeing me like in
relationships with people andthings like that.
SPEAKER_03 (29:12):
But mom was out in them streets.
She was crawling out the windowand sneaking back in the house,
and she can't.
That's what my mother told me.
SPEAKER_04 (29:22):
Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_03 (29:23):
Yeah, I do.
SPEAKER_07 (29:24):
Yeah, I do.
And then the men would feel bad.
You must have a man at home.
You always getting up, leaving.
SPEAKER_04 (29:31):
No, I got kids.
Got kids.
Like, no.
SPEAKER_03 (29:35):
Yeah.
But yeah, that that that thatdebate just always stressed me
out.
Now we can't gonna go into awhole nother we're gonna address
this on the next issue.
We don't talk about high valuewomen.
Okay?
Because I ain't trying to befunny.
I think I got four high valuewomen sitting on the couch.
I know that.
Cause if if we're gonna uselet's use the definition of a
(29:56):
man.
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_07 (29:57):
But I think that's up the whole interpretation.
SPEAKER_03 (30:00):
Right.
That's what I'm saying.
I may not feel like we're highvalue.
And that's that's the issue.
That's the question.
Because all these traits thatyou just we read for the man,
including the income.
Hello?
Including the income is a highvalue woman.
(30:20):
But why are we looked atdifferently?
Why are we looked atdifferently?
Little men in a women's body.
And why does that make you anywhy does that make you less of a
woman?
That you can't be in yourfeminine energy when you have to
be the man of your house all thetime.
But the right man brings thatfeminine energy out of it.
SPEAKER_04 (30:41):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (30:42):
Oh, you say, and you become a fly.
So look, we'll talk about thaton the next episode.
We'll talk about that on thenext episode because we're gonna
be here for two hours when we wewe talk about this one.
So this is Timeless andUnfiltered.
This is Lecra.
I'm Stephanie.
I'm Sharice.
And we're gonna spill the tea onthis bullshit on the next
episode.
One laugh out of two.
We ain't laughing.
SPEAKER_04 (31:02):
We ain't laughing.
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