March 25, 2025 • 32 mins
In this video, we share our honest experience with menopause symptoms like hot flashes, frequent urination, and vision changes. Nobody warned us about these changes, so we're here to talk about it openly and offer some tips for managing these symptoms.
Nobody Warned Us About Menopause: It’s More Than Hot Flashes is the brutally honest, laugh-out-loud series that spills the real tea on menopause—the good, the bad, and the downright sweaty. Everyone talks about hot flashes like they’re the worst part, but what about the brain fog that makes you forget why you walked into a room? Or the mood swings that have you crying over a dog food commercial one minute and ready to fight your mailman the next?
This series dives into all the things they should have warned us about—like waking up at 3 AM for no reason, suddenly needing a fan in every room, or realizing your sex drive has either disappeared completely or turned into a raging teenager. With hilarious personal stories, expert advice, and real talk about everything from weight gain to weird body changes, Nobody Warned Us About Menopause is your survival guide to this wild ride.
So, grab a cold drink (because, let’s be real, you’re probably overheating right now), and join us as we laugh, vent, and figure this menopause thing out together. Because if we don’t laugh about it, we might just start crying again!
💬 Join the conversation! Follow us on social media to see our weekly questions, then leave us a voicemail at timelessandunfiltered.com. Your message might be featured in an upcoming episode! Watch us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@TimelessandUnfilteredPodcast.
📸 Instagram: @timelessandunfiltered
📘 Facebook: @timelessandunfiltered
🎵 TikTok: @timelessandunfiltered
🌐 Website: timelessandunfiltered.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
But you remember when you used to wet the whole bed.
When did that stop?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
When did that stop?
I think it depends on theperson.
Honestly, he's still young.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
See, you're still messing with the women that
still wet up the whole bed.
When did that stop and whathappened?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
to it the right person had you?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
No, the right person will, but if you just looked at
this, Look at me Now.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
you had the man like trying to comment.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Can I try it out?
It was more than just a flat.
No, it was hot.
It was hot because it scaredhim for a minute.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
This is Legra.
This is Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
This is Cherie and this is Legra.
This is Stephanie.
This is Cherie.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
And this is Ivanya, and this is Timeless and
Unfiltered where we are spillingthe tea on midlife one laugh at
a time.
Welcome to another episode ofTimeless and Unfiltered I, I'm
stephanie, I'm sharice and I'mivania, and we would like you to
like, follow and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
click that button we don't know where to put the
button somewhere on the screenlike follow and subscribe thank
you, thank you, thank, becausewe're going to spill the tea on
midlife.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
One laugh at a time One laugh at a time.
Well, let's jump right in.
Let's talk about things youwish somebody had told us about
or warned us about, this stageof life, about midlife.
I'm going to start with myvision.
Let's just start with that.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
I wouldn't be able to see.
I love to read and I don't readvery often because even with
glasses it's hard to see and Idon't know when I stopped being
able to read the pill bottle, Iknow.
Or if I'm cooking something inthe kitchen, trying to read.
I don't read as much, but it'smy vision.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Yeah, I think that's dark.
I don't know when it starts.
I had went and got lasik becauseI couldn't see far away I think
, just nearsighted I couldn'tsee far away and I think at the
time I was like 30, 35, 36 andthe doctor was like oh, you're
approaching 40, you might wantto go get an eye for reading.
I might need no reading eye andI thought I was gonna have like
(02:24):
mismatched eyes.
I was thinking real stupid andhe was like, no, as you approach
40, your eye loses thiselasticity oh, he was like
you're gonna need readingglasses.
Everyone is, and I'm like, man,I'm good, I'm good.
Oh man, I so wish I did it,because now I'm back to wearing
glasses.
I had a surgery so I wouldn'tneed glasses, and now I'm right
(02:44):
back wearing glasses because Ididn't get the um eye for
reading and then I could havegot.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
You could have gotten the distance.
Yeah, one eye for reading.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
That's what Kyra did, so she waited like five years
after my lacing.
She's like you, you ain't goingblind and nothing over there,
are you?
And I was like no girl.
I'm about to go get the.
Uh, the, the, the surgery andshe doesn't have to wear reading
glasses because she went and Iwas like oh man, so you can't,
you can't have it redone.
No, he said, once they do it.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
I can't come back and have it done, but check and see
, because there's new stuff outthere, because I saw another
doctor that says they dodifferent types of surgery.
I couldn't tell you whatthey're called because I had
LASIK also and I'm to the pointwhere I'm about to start needing
readers, and I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
So I'm going to check it out.
Let me know if you get to itbefore I do, because I don't
like glasses.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Glasses give me headaches, they press me.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
They make this little thing.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
When they don't, they'll go right back to having
that I got rid of that now theymay have changed technology now
so you may be able to getanother surgery.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Because I'm waiting for mine.
No one told me about the vision.
What about you?
No one told you about it thatI'm going to have to pee more or
can't hold it Can't hold it.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
As a kid, my mom said don't hold your pee, just go to
the bathroom.
I'm going to hold mine.
I'm going to pee all day.
I hate waking up in the middleof the night.
Use the bathroom, that's onething.
I just oh my god, hold it, thenyou have the pee dream like am
I in the bathroom?
Speaker 5 (04:14):
the pee.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Dream like I'm.
I'm in the bathroom butnothing's coming out, and it's
like my body tell me don't peein this bed like get up and go
to the bathroom.
I'm like it's just not coming,I coming to campaign.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I've never had a dream because you lazy and
subconsciously your brain islike bitch you gotta pee get up,
go to, but you don't want toget up and pee.
So then now it's like in yourdream you gotta pee.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
You need to get up and pee.
It's a pee dream.
Yeah, I haven't had a pee dreamwell, I didn't know if that's
what's called.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
That's why I call it the pd or that when you start
getting older, um and if youhave any type of bladder
inconsistencies, if you, if Isneeze, oh that one.
If you're a little squirt ofpiss, yeah, so you're pissing,
yeah no, and I'm working out ifI'm choking and coughing, oh my.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
If I'm jumping, if I do jumping jacks, yeah, you're
like ha yeah, no one warned me.
Nobody told me about that one.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
I wasn't warned and I know it don't happen to
everybody.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, that happens.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
No, but my doctor OBGYN says it's very common.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I mean, sure it is.
I'm just glad I hadn't got thatyet, or hopefully I don't get
that.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
But, if you do Kegels , sometimes it could pull Kegels
.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah so they say sit down do it.
You got to do a lot.
Just the thought that you weresitting there flexing on the
couch.
Yeah the noni egg, you do theegg.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
No, I just I barely Kegel if she watches this, but
it's still funny to me to thisday.
She was, you know, when theythey do the kegel eggs and they
have like the glass ones.
Yeah, she, she had a glass eggand she was you know, she does
it when you're chilling aroundthe house or whatever, and she's
chilling around the house.
She got her egg in.
Well, she got company and sheforgot the egg was in.
(06:02):
Oh yeah, she forgot the egg wasin and you know, you know they
start messing around a littlebit or whatever.
And she remembered the egg andwas like um, wait, hold on a
second and pop the egg.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
She didn't tell him that she had it in there.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
She said it was some fluids on the egg and stuff and
at first it freaked him out andthen he got excited about it Go
to hell you pop an egg.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
What else can you do?
What other tricks you got?
Speaker 1 (06:34):
I still remember when she called to tell me that I
said you did what she said, girl, I just was like wait, hold on,
and popped the egg out.
But yeah, but she said itreally helps with kegels and
stuff to build your bladder,your pelvic floor, really, yeah,
your pelvic floor becausethat's what it is whatever
exercise you can do, ladies,please don't but yeah, I haven't
(06:57):
had the the sneeze and I can'thold it like I used to.
Yeah, so if I say, oh, I gottapee, it can wait, just no, it
can't let me go and go to yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
So if I say, oh, I got to pee.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
It can wait, just go.
No, it can't.
Let me go and go to thebathroom.
See, I'm a camel.
I can hold mine forever.
That's the one thing I can doUnless you sneeze, unless I
sneeze, I'll be like oh shit, ohmy God, and I went to the
doctor and I walk aroundsmelling like little pissy so he
didn't know he was like I don'tknow girl.
(07:26):
Yes, he looked like prince.
He's so little and petite andcute and so when he left the
nurse she's a woman of our age.
She's like that's because we'renot emptying our bladder fully
so she said, when you go to thebathroom and pee, she said
because you always have maybelike two or three drops that you
didn't get out so she was likeyou lean forward and squeeze.
I do that them and see I Ididn't know that and she said
(07:50):
that's why you'll smell pee.
And she said because you mighthave two, two to three little
drops left that you didn't getout.
So she said lean over andsqueeze.
And she said you hear themlittle things yeah, you do and
then, you'll be fine.
I was like nobody.
I never know, I never heardthat.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Well, I've never heard that.
Yeah, I do Every time that Iuse the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
when I finish, I lean forward, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
And almost do a Kegel exercise.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Yeah, I was going to say in Swedish and that last
little two, three drops come out, I'm like yep, now I'm done, so
you walk around smelling freshall day.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Sometimes you say the random farts, okay, nobody told
.
Well, I think part of it isbecause things you used to be
able to eat you can't eatanymore.
You're not eating as much Likeyou know, even us, we had lunch
earlier today.
I had to run upstairs and go tothe bathroom Like what is my
body doing?
Something I ate said nope, uh-uh, ma'am, you don't know that,
(08:40):
uh-uh, ma no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
No no, no, no, no, no , no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no.
It's just health issues.
You have to just get it all out.
You don't want to havedigestive.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Well, you already know, one of my biggest ones too
, is the hot flashes.
But I used to see women havehot flashes.
But I think until you start tohave them, you don't understand
it, you don't get it.
So the hot flashes, as I'msitting here right now with our
fifth co-host, the fan.
But it's even worse I haven'tslept.
(09:28):
I haven't slept probably inover a year where I can say I've
slept through the night, andprobably over a year.
Why does it keep you fromsleeping?
Because I have hot flashesduring my sleep, and so I'm
sleep.
I gotta get out of the coversbecause I'm hot.
Now I'm freezing.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I gotta put.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I probably take my covers on and off a good 10 to
15 times every night.
I haven't had a full night'ssleep in probably at least over
a year.
I don't sleep, which is why,when the morning comes now,
you're exhausted so you pass outand fall asleep and you need to
get up.
I got work to do.
I don't have time to sleep till10, 11 o'clock.
(10:04):
I'm exhausted.
I haven't slept all night.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
What causes them?
Do we know what causes them?
I have night sweats, real badNight sweats.
I'm like kicking my leg outtrying to get in.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Put that one leg out, I wake up and that's why he be
like you just be stripping.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
You be butt naked naked.
Then you're like I'm cool, butyou know that's estrogen covers
up, that's your estrogen.
You need to have your estrogentested.
Um, but the moment I'm clearmedically for estrogen, that's
the first thing, the first thingI will be blind with bifocal
zone, but my estrogen gonna beall right.
I might not be able to see, butI'm going to get that estrogen
because that you know, for meit's my quality of life.
This man look all this becausethere's going to hair that
estrogen, because for me it's myquality of life.
This band look all this becausethere's growing a hair in my
face.
But I'm hot all the time.
I'm tired of my underwear beingwet.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Like I am.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
So I will sit here soaking wet for no reason.
And it's worse at night.
It's worse at night.
So you're burning up and you'refreezing.
You're burning up and you'refreezing.
I've been in Walmart damn nearnaked because I'm coming out my
clothes, I'm coming out, andwhen they first started I didn't
realize or recognize what itwas, because I mean, you heard
(11:19):
about it, but I'm having hotflashes.
What is that?
Literally, I was in Walmart inthe checkout line.
It was a long line behind me.
Fortunately, my checkout ladywas a little bit older lady.
I was like I couldn't, and whenit happens sometimes I can't
hear you Because you're that hot, I'm so hot, I can't focus on
what we're talking about rightnow.
I got to solve this Right.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
You know what I'm saying so.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I was in the checkout line and I had a major hot
flash when they first startedand I didn't really know what it
was and everything and I waslike I think I'm having a hot
flash and the lady was like shejust made her take your time, I
can't, I can't check out rightnow because I can't focus on
trying to give you my card LikeI can't even.
(12:00):
I'm barely I'm going to passout and remember we were in
Jamaica.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I was going to say how did you survive Jamaica?
Oh, no yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I kept going in and out the air condition but we
went and when we had to go seePrincess, I remember I almost
fainted, oh Lord, because oneI'm internally burning up and
then I have the extra heat.
So I've already told my doctor.
And then mine are really badbecause I'm One, your estrogen
(12:28):
gets low.
Now, before my diagnosis I wasgetting hormone therapy and the
great thing about it is, whenyou get estrogen, your hot
flashes will stop in 24 hours.
You'll never have another oneas long because your estrogen
levels off.
But because of the type ofcancer I had, is estrogen driven
.
They're blocking my estrogen.
(12:49):
So I'm on.
I take a pill every nightbefore I go to bed to block
estrogen.
So when I go to bed I'm in hell.
I'm in hell.
I'm in hell all day.
So it's messing with my qualityof life.
So I told my doctor.
And then they give you.
Amazingly enough, they gave meCymbalta, which is the
(13:13):
depression medicine, and I waslike well, why am I getting
depression medicine?
Well, you know, my littlegodson is a pharmacist.
Why are they giving me?
You know, so I had to asksomeone and he said is something
in the Cymbalta that's supposedto, because Cymbalta is for
depression that's supposed tolevel off.
It's for other stuff though,yeah, but it's supposed to, um,
because cymbaltas for depression, that's supposed to level off.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
Yeah, but it's supposed to be for so many
things it's supposed to leveloff my body temperature.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
So they're trying to find other methods than giving
me estrogen.
So but I already told them.
Well, it didn't work, so theygave me something else, but I'm
giving.
I just started it, maybe abouta week or two ago, and I told
him once we I'm going to give it60 days, but after 60 days.
I'm coming off everything I'mnot taking, I'm not taking the
blocker, I'm not taking a singlesolitary thing, I quit.
(14:02):
Oh god, you know, I, you know,could I got a double mastectomy
to limit the risk?
So now I can't sit aroundworried every day.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
I'm gonna have, I'm gonna get cancer.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I'm gonna get cancer.
Look, I tried your way.
It's not working and it isreally messing with my quality
of life and for me, my life andjoy is more important.
So if I got a good ten years,if I got a good 10 years, if I
got a good 20, I'm going outwith a bang, but I ain't going
to be sitting around here withhot flashes.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't sleep.
(14:43):
I'm exhausted, I'm tired.
Nobody told you that hotflashes could be this severe.
I didn't know it.
I thought it was just going tobe a little sweat on my forehead
.
This is going to take me downand I'm not doing it.
So nobody told me hot flasheswere this bad and I was going to
walk around like the old ladywith the fan everywhere, and
then your joints.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
I think we didn't talk about our joints feeling
hurting and not being able todrop it like we want to drop it
anymore, but it happensovernight.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
It happens overnight, but even more so, even more
than just the physical stuff,that happens um midlife.
I know we were talking, orhaving that conversation, about
people having to come out ofretirement.
Managing your money.
Managing your money you thinkyou have all the time in the
world.
You think about that 401k andfor those of you that move jobs
(15:35):
and you take your 401k or youcash out your 401k and then all
of a sudden you look up, you're55 years old and you don't have
a retirement plan be a publicworking until you're 80.
Yeah, you know and that's that'sone of my fears is and.
Sharisse, and I talk about thisall the time too, Charisse.
What don't we talk about?
We talk about everything don'twe, Because I've said it 10
(15:57):
times we talk about this all thetime and shout out to all the
people seniors that are working,customer service and stuff and
the Walmarts, and we're not inTarget right now, but you know,
the fast food places are such aservice job.
Because a lot of them are therebecause they have to be there,
(16:18):
not because they want to be,it's inflation.
Not because they want to be,and my biggest fear is that I'm
not ready for retirement.
When it's time for me to sitdown, I can't sit down, so I
think that's one reason why, too, too, I also work so hard,
because my clock is a ticking.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
I need money, yeah so I feel we make money, but we
don't always save money becausewe always think, well, yeah,
it'll be fine, like it's so faraway.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Retirement seems so far away, and now it's like I
felt like I just celebrated my50th birthday and then, all of a
sudden, I went to sleep andtook a nap.
When I woke up, I was 55.
Where did those five years go?
Like they went by so fast.
It was just new year's and nowwe're already in, or past first
quarter of the year it's alreadygone um, I think another thing
(17:06):
I heard you say something aboutwas credit yeah, oh yeah, nobody
told you about credit when youwere younger.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Yeah, and here are these credit cards.
Here's a credit card To a point, but even with credit, you can
have good credit and thensomething drastic happens in
your life, like I got laid offlike two times within two years
and so now I'm like, oh, I can'tpay my bills and my credit just
went all the way down my life.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
So I'm having to start everything all over it
because it took two seconds frommy score to go to shit.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Right, it's gonna take forever to build it back up
and I'm just like, oh my god.
So yeah, I I don't know whatmore you can know about credit.
You know credit to get you incertain doors and in certain
rooms, through certain doors andin certain rooms, but if
something happens, unless youjust have a shitload of money
saved, yeah, this just goes intocredit and money and we're
(17:57):
living day to day and takingcare of our adult kids, trying
to help them out and do all this, and that's why I was like,
yeah, I can't do nothing fornobody, because helping you guys
out my savings weren't whatthey needed to be and thank god,
I was able to make it throughall of the layoffs or whatever.
Thank you, jesus.
But it's like, yeah, yeah, webuild everything at 50.
(18:18):
I'm starting over, so right andthat's so scary.
It is, that's so scary, I'mscared to death like this is
terrible and that's why I'msitting here like do I sell my
house, do I?
What do I do like it's justbecause I feel like my house is
like money in the bank.
But I want to pull money out ofmy house, but they're like, oh,
your score is just not that andI'm like what the fuck?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
so I like this is just uh terrible but, one day at
a time, but it's scary it is,it's very scary um.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
My mother was an entrepreneur but my mother
didn't know about businesscredit.
I wish I had learned aboutbusiness credit at an earlier
age.
I know about it now theimportance of it and I have
business credit and, and and I'mstill learning a little bit,
(19:09):
but being able to maneuver withbusiness credit and the options
and the what it gives you, youknow, to be able to change,
because you can really changeyour life through the use of
business credit.
But I wish I had have knownthis years ago, because I've
been an entrepreneur for yearsbut never knew.
That's just like those people,like you have those 800 credit
(19:29):
scores, what y'all doing with it.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
What are?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
bless you.
What are you doing with it?
Just having?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
it.
What's the point of?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
having it if it's not if you haven't learned what it
does, what it could do for you.
So you know, we used to have afriend who always bragged about
it.
Speaker 5 (19:43):
I was just going to say that Go ahead, I'll let you
say it 800 credit score yeah,just to say it Didn't invest,
didn't do anything Like youcould have made that work for
you, and they just didn't.
It was just the ideal of it forthem.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Yeah like nobody warned me that I might have to
retire and then come back out ofretirement.
Nobody want to go through that,right.
But if you learn how to usecredit, if you learn how to use
your business credit, your 401ks, like you just said, you lost
your job in a two-year periodtwice, yes, twice, and having to
(20:23):
rebuild.
But if you have that nest egg,the importance of
entrepreneurship there's so manydifferent things Like I wish we
just had got that, just a justa little bit sooner, yeah, just
a little bit sooner.
Anything else what?
But that you wish someone hadwarned you, just that, um it's
hard to get the weight off aftera day
Speaker 5 (20:46):
like seriously like I just had no idea, yeah I mean I
was always 105 pounds.
I used to call me olive oil,and then one day, the weight.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Really I hated it because I always had hips this
is a little skinny thing withhips.
She was slim, fit.
Speaker 5 (21:04):
I had these hips because the kids used to tease
me, the boys used to tease me.
The same boys, boys, they lovedit.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
You didn't know, I didn't know.
Yeah, they loved it.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
So I was always 105 pounds.
It's a little old thing, right.
And then one day you wake upand this weight is here and you
can't.
I mean, I used to.
I don't know if anybodyremembers this used to be this
stuff called weight on.
Did you used to drink so youcould gain weight?
Like to gain weight?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Like protein.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
It was like a protein , so I just always drink them to
gain weight because I was solittle.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
I wish you could give it back, I know right.
Like nobody ever said this isgoing to happen at a certain age
Make sure that you, you know,run or work out or do something.
You just, I just assumed that Iwas going to be where I was
girl forever You're still a hotgirl.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
You see her cut her eyes at me.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
I'm still a hot girl.
You're still a hot girl.
It is harder.
Speaker 5 (21:58):
Still got these hips, yeah, but you know, I just
wished that, you know somebodywould have said.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
You know, this is called a fupa and all of that
stuff.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
Like nobody told me any of this.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
It's like okay, gonna , I'm gonna steer you, steer you
a little different direction.
Look, don't, don't look at us,don't judge us.
Mo, and it might just be me Iknow every woman is different, I
know I know every woman's bodyis different, but you remember
when you used to wet the wholebed, oh yeah when did that?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
stop when did that?
I think it depends on theperson.
Honestly, he's still young.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
It depends on the person still messing with the
women that still wet up thewhole bed.
When did that stop and whathappened?
Speaker 2 (22:43):
to it right person have you?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
yeah, no, the right person will.
But if you just looked at meand you could wet the floor.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I can't waste it for everybody.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
What did you say?
I can't waste it.
I can't waste it, but also too,if you're not sexually active
as often as you used to be.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
They also say, if you don't use it, you lose it, so
you know I say well, run thedraft.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Yes, what did you say ?
What?
Speaker 3 (23:10):
did you say the well run the draft?
That, yes, we said a well wellrun strap.
That is gonna dig a littledeeper, like what, what I?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
was like what, what happened to that?
Yeah, like to that you swim, Iknow like I'm swimming it.
Like what happened to that?
Is it there?
It's still there it's stillthere.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Well, part of it.
But that's also part of onereason why I say I need a
therapist, because I got so muchstuff to unpack.
But I also didn't realize theimpact that going through a
health scare has on you like I'mand I hate to say this publicly
, but it's true, I'm a little Ihave a little anxiety about
actually having sex right now oh, that's fair considering
(23:50):
everything that you've gonethrough you're talking about the
estrogen, like, yes, like onyour body, like, how are you?
supposed to have, okay, anotherfunny story so much.
The last time that I did getsome and it wasn't all that long
ago I'd love to start out testto see if she still worked.
I had a hot flash in the middle, but the funny thing was he
(24:10):
felt it, that he was like what'sgoing on.
He probably loved that hotglass.
First of all, it's already warm, thank you.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
It made it warmer, it turned up the heat, but no, it
was hot.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
It wasn't warm.
It was hot that he felt how hotmy body got At the time.
He was kind of inside, sothat's a hot flash.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
She was like oh, my god like my body instantly went
from this to this.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Yeah, I was burning up and like we had to stop, give
me a minute, my temperaturecome back down.
But at the time we were in theact and he felt he literally
felt it how hot I got internally.
Speaker 5 (25:07):
Okay, Trying to make sure this is clean.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
You definitely should .
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Trying to make sure this stays on the cleaver,
that's a hot yes now you had theman like trying to comment
Speaker 1 (25:23):
can I try it out?
It was more than just a flat.
No, it was hot.
It was hot because it scaredhim for a minute, like what is?
Because sometimes you feel likeit's going to come up and you'd
be like, okay, come on.
Let's get back down.
Get it back down, but you don'tknow.
But when it goes, there's nowarning.
It's like from zero to 100,instantly, and you're, and
(25:45):
intimately, all intertwined andconnected like that's the nicest
way to say it and all of asudden your body is at a
thousand degrees.
And he was just like no, ma'am,what is?
That I was like I'm having ahot flash get off me I thought I
(26:06):
could get through it.
I thought I could get throughit hot flash.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
But yeah, sorry, I hate that for you yes, so I have
a little anxiety about that'sfair though it's ruining my life
.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I need estrogen.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah, that's coming soon baby soon, yes, I need
estrogen.
Speaker 5 (26:25):
I know we have to wrap up, but I think the myth
that we're older and so we don'twork, or whatever the case may
be, that is truly a myth,because we always I mean, they
say at 40, that's when we hitour sexual peak.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
I truly believe that.
I think I did too.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
I truly believe that and I think we've all
experienced it.
Experience it, but the theolder you get to me, um, when
that crib is gone and thatplaypen is put in, it just gets
you.
You don't have to worry aboutthings.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
I just think it makes it easier better more open for
you to play no, no, she lost metoo.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
I was like I'm sorry, you usually your baby oh yeah,
oh yeah, play pin you're playingI was lost.
So, yeah, so, um, I you know, Ijust think that it's all mind
over matter.
Okay, it's what you said.
If you don't use it, you loseit.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
But, um, you know so does sex get better than when
you get older?
I think so, I absolutely thinkso.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
Yeah, we're not just doing a mister thing.
You know the things that youdon't know you turn.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Put your leg up there , grab your ankles.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
No, I'm kidding.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
No you're not.
No, you're not.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
You're not Unfiltered ?
No, I think it does, becauseyou said you know you.
Speaker 5 (27:52):
You've gotten to a point where you know your body,
you know what you like, you knowwhat you don't want and you're
to me, I think it is moreenjoyable and you can verbalize
what you like, what you don'tlike, the things that when
you're younger you don't know,you just take it, you have a
condition to just be like well,whatever they want, I don't know
.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
And then I take it you kind of condition to just be
like, well, whatever they want.
I don't know, I was never likethat.
Sex was never like that for me.
Speaker 5 (28:12):
Well, no, it may not be like that for you.
What I'm saying is that's whatgirls are basically taught, for
the most part Not because, youwere, not because you were.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
What did he.
Speaker 5 (28:21):
My mom was a bit different.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
That goes to say my, I don't think I was ever like
that.
Yeah, no, I'd be like you.
Better put it on your face.
Speaker 5 (28:40):
I had a mom who was very free when I say free.
I mean, I love that.
That's one of the things I cantruly say I loved about my mom.
She was free, so she didn't getcaught up in the things that
you're supposed to do.
What she wanted, she got, shetook, whatever the case may be.
But for the most part, girlsare conditioned to please the
(29:01):
guy wherever he want.
And we don't learn, we reallydon't.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
We're not taught you the true meaning of an orgasm
and you feeling good and tellingpeople what you want, right.
Speaker 5 (29:11):
And so we a lot, of, a lot of girls think they're out
here doing something becausethey can hum.
But why did I do the hump?
I know For real, for real.
The older you get, you know youcome into the space of your own
and you can truly tell themwhat you want, what you like or
(29:32):
what you don't want, what youdon't like or buy because this
ain't going to work.
You know you get to that pointspace in your life.
So yeah, honey, an older woman.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
That's why they run into us.
Well, we did ask a quickquestion to our people because I
just remembered I had one onour over here.
Mr Mo, jump over there for usand hit that.
That first one, all the way atthe top, Asked was sex better
now that you get older?
Speaker 4 (30:01):
Hello, my name is Tamika.
I'm calling from Atlanta.
So the question is does sex getbetter with age?
I'm early 40s.
So the question is does sex getbetter with age?
I'm early 40s and I guess withme it just depends on the person
and how I'm feeling at thatmoment, if that makes sense,
because I know what I want and Iknow what I don't want, and I
(30:21):
know if I'm dealing with someonethat's older, you might want a
little more.
If it's someone younger, thenhey, I ain't looking for nothing
too much.
So I guess it's not the age Ifit gets better with age.
To me it depends on the personthat's very true.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, I think it's just a combination of things.
Speaker 5 (30:45):
It's a combination, but my personal opinion, when
you age, things are always,should always get better,
because it's the wisdom thatcomes with yeah, yeah, I think
it is, because it's more thanjust the physical.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
It is, it's more than just the physical, it's okay,
all right.
Well, anything else you wishsomebody had warned y'all about,
that's it life gets better?
Speaker 2 (31:06):
yes, it does get better it does it gets better.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
it gets harder sometimes, but it gets better.
Yes, it does get better.
It does it gets better.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
It gets harder sometimes, but it gets better,
but it gets easier in other ways.
Yeah, it's this balance.
Speaker 5 (31:17):
Think about the things you used to worry about
when you were younger.
Yeah, that now you don't evenremember, but it was such a
worry back then.
So it does, it gets better.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
It's just embracing it and being happy with where
you are.
Yeah, it's better, kids.
Just don't let stephanie sneeze.
Make sure you like, follow andsubscribe to timeless and
unfiltered and I'm legra.
I'm stephanie I'm charise andI'm ivania and we're gonna.
And I'm Lycra, I'm Steph andI'm Cherise and I'm Evanya and
we're going to keep on spillingthis tea.
(31:52):
Y'all better come on back overhere.
We're going to keep spillingthe tea on Midlife.
One laugh at a time.
All right, like us, follow us,subscribe to us, come get us.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Uh-oh All right, eddie, y'all she hot and ready.
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
But you remember when you used to wet the whole bed.
When did that stop?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
When did that stop?
I think it depends on theperson.
Honestly, he's still young.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
See, you're still messing with the women that
still wet up the whole bed.
When did that stop and whathappened?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
to it the right person had you?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
No, the right person will, but if you just looked at
this, Look at me Now.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
you had the man like trying to comment.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Can I try it out?
It was more than just a flat.
No, it was hot.
It was hot because it scaredhim for a minute.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
This is Legra.
This is Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
This is Cherie and this is Legra.
This is Stephanie.
This is Cherie.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
And this is Ivanya, and this is Timeless and
Unfiltered where we are spillingthe tea on midlife one laugh at
a time.
Welcome to another episode ofTimeless and Unfiltered I, I'm
stephanie, I'm sharice and I'mivania, and we would like you to
like, follow and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
click that button we don't know where to put the
button somewhere on the screenlike follow and subscribe thank
you, thank you, thank, becausewe're going to spill the tea on
midlife.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
One laugh at a time One laugh at a time.
Well, let's jump right in.
Let's talk about things youwish somebody had told us about
or warned us about, this stageof life, about midlife.
I'm going to start with myvision.
Let's just start with that.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
I wouldn't be able to see.
I love to read and I don't readvery often because even with
glasses it's hard to see and Idon't know when I stopped being
able to read the pill bottle, Iknow.
Or if I'm cooking something inthe kitchen, trying to read.
I don't read as much, but it'smy vision.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Yeah, I think that's dark.
I don't know when it starts.
I had went and got lasik becauseI couldn't see far away I think
, just nearsighted I couldn'tsee far away and I think at the
time I was like 30, 35, 36 andthe doctor was like oh, you're
approaching 40, you might wantto go get an eye for reading.
I might need no reading eye andI thought I was gonna have like
(02:24):
mismatched eyes.
I was thinking real stupid andhe was like, no, as you approach
40, your eye loses thiselasticity oh, he was like
you're gonna need readingglasses.
Everyone is, and I'm like, man,I'm good, I'm good.
Oh man, I so wish I did it,because now I'm back to wearing
glasses.
I had a surgery so I wouldn'tneed glasses, and now I'm right
(02:44):
back wearing glasses because Ididn't get the um eye for
reading and then I could havegot.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
You could have gotten the distance.
Yeah, one eye for reading.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
That's what Kyra did, so she waited like five years
after my lacing.
She's like you, you ain't goingblind and nothing over there,
are you?
And I was like no girl.
I'm about to go get the.
Uh, the, the, the surgery andshe doesn't have to wear reading
glasses because she went and Iwas like oh man, so you can't,
you can't have it redone.
No, he said, once they do it.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
I can't come back and have it done, but check and see
, because there's new stuff outthere, because I saw another
doctor that says they dodifferent types of surgery.
I couldn't tell you whatthey're called because I had
LASIK also and I'm to the pointwhere I'm about to start needing
readers, and I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
So I'm going to check it out.
Let me know if you get to itbefore I do, because I don't
like glasses.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Glasses give me headaches, they press me.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
They make this little thing.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
When they don't, they'll go right back to having
that I got rid of that now theymay have changed technology now
so you may be able to getanother surgery.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Because I'm waiting for mine.
No one told me about the vision.
What about you?
No one told you about it thatI'm going to have to pee more or
can't hold it Can't hold it.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
As a kid, my mom said don't hold your pee, just go to
the bathroom.
I'm going to hold mine.
I'm going to pee all day.
I hate waking up in the middleof the night.
Use the bathroom, that's onething.
I just oh my god, hold it, thenyou have the pee dream like am
I in the bathroom?
Speaker 5 (04:14):
the pee.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Dream like I'm.
I'm in the bathroom butnothing's coming out, and it's
like my body tell me don't peein this bed like get up and go
to the bathroom.
I'm like it's just not coming,I coming to campaign.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I've never had a dream because you lazy and
subconsciously your brain islike bitch you gotta pee get up,
go to, but you don't want toget up and pee.
So then now it's like in yourdream you gotta pee.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
You need to get up and pee.
It's a pee dream.
Yeah, I haven't had a pee dreamwell, I didn't know if that's
what's called.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
That's why I call it the pd or that when you start
getting older, um and if youhave any type of bladder
inconsistencies, if you, if Isneeze, oh that one.
If you're a little squirt ofpiss, yeah, so you're pissing,
yeah no, and I'm working out ifI'm choking and coughing, oh my.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
If I'm jumping, if I do jumping jacks, yeah, you're
like ha yeah, no one warned me.
Nobody told me about that one.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
I wasn't warned and I know it don't happen to
everybody.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Yeah, that happens.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
No, but my doctor OBGYN says it's very common.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I mean, sure it is.
I'm just glad I hadn't got thatyet, or hopefully I don't get
that.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
But, if you do Kegels , sometimes it could pull Kegels
.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah so they say sit down do it.
You got to do a lot.
Just the thought that you weresitting there flexing on the
couch.
Yeah the noni egg, you do theegg.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
No, I just I barely Kegel if she watches this, but
it's still funny to me to thisday.
She was, you know, when theythey do the kegel eggs and they
have like the glass ones.
Yeah, she, she had a glass eggand she was you know, she does
it when you're chilling aroundthe house or whatever, and she's
chilling around the house.
She got her egg in.
Well, she got company and sheforgot the egg was in.
(06:02):
Oh yeah, she forgot the egg wasin and you know, you know they
start messing around a littlebit or whatever.
And she remembered the egg andwas like um, wait, hold on a
second and pop the egg.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
She didn't tell him that she had it in there.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
She said it was some fluids on the egg and stuff and
at first it freaked him out andthen he got excited about it Go
to hell you pop an egg.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
What else can you do?
What other tricks you got?
Speaker 1 (06:34):
I still remember when she called to tell me that I
said you did what she said, girl, I just was like wait, hold on,
and popped the egg out.
But yeah, but she said itreally helps with kegels and
stuff to build your bladder,your pelvic floor, really, yeah,
your pelvic floor becausethat's what it is whatever
exercise you can do, ladies,please don't but yeah, I haven't
(06:57):
had the the sneeze and I can'thold it like I used to.
Yeah, so if I say, oh, I gottapee, it can wait, just no, it
can't let me go and go to yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
So if I say, oh, I got to pee.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
It can wait, just go.
No, it can't.
Let me go and go to thebathroom.
See, I'm a camel.
I can hold mine forever.
That's the one thing I can doUnless you sneeze, unless I
sneeze, I'll be like oh shit, ohmy God, and I went to the
doctor and I walk aroundsmelling like little pissy so he
didn't know he was like I don'tknow girl.
(07:26):
Yes, he looked like prince.
He's so little and petite andcute and so when he left the
nurse she's a woman of our age.
She's like that's because we'renot emptying our bladder fully
so she said, when you go to thebathroom and pee, she said
because you always have maybelike two or three drops that you
didn't get out so she was likeyou lean forward and squeeze.
I do that them and see I Ididn't know that and she said
(07:50):
that's why you'll smell pee.
And she said because you mighthave two, two to three little
drops left that you didn't getout.
So she said lean over andsqueeze.
And she said you hear themlittle things yeah, you do and
then, you'll be fine.
I was like nobody.
I never know, I never heardthat.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Well, I've never heard that.
Yeah, I do Every time that Iuse the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
when I finish, I lean forward, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
And almost do a Kegel exercise.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Yeah, I was going to say in Swedish and that last
little two, three drops come out, I'm like yep, now I'm done, so
you walk around smelling freshall day.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Sometimes you say the random farts, okay, nobody told
.
Well, I think part of it isbecause things you used to be
able to eat you can't eatanymore.
You're not eating as much Likeyou know, even us, we had lunch
earlier today.
I had to run upstairs and go tothe bathroom Like what is my
body doing?
Something I ate said nope, uh-uh, ma'am, you don't know that,
(08:40):
uh-uh, ma no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
No no, no, no, no, no , no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
, no, no, no.
It's just health issues.
You have to just get it all out.
You don't want to havedigestive.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Well, you already know, one of my biggest ones too
, is the hot flashes.
But I used to see women havehot flashes.
But I think until you start tohave them, you don't understand
it, you don't get it.
So the hot flashes, as I'msitting here right now with our
fifth co-host, the fan.
But it's even worse I haven'tslept.
(09:28):
I haven't slept probably inover a year where I can say I've
slept through the night, andprobably over a year.
Why does it keep you fromsleeping?
Because I have hot flashesduring my sleep, and so I'm
sleep.
I gotta get out of the coversbecause I'm hot.
Now I'm freezing.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I gotta put.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I probably take my covers on and off a good 10 to
15 times every night.
I haven't had a full night'ssleep in probably at least over
a year.
I don't sleep, which is why,when the morning comes now,
you're exhausted so you pass outand fall asleep and you need to
get up.
I got work to do.
I don't have time to sleep till10, 11 o'clock.
(10:04):
I'm exhausted.
I haven't slept all night.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
What causes them?
Do we know what causes them?
I have night sweats, real badNight sweats.
I'm like kicking my leg outtrying to get in.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Put that one leg out, I wake up and that's why he be
like you just be stripping.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
You be butt naked naked.
Then you're like I'm cool, butyou know that's estrogen covers
up, that's your estrogen.
You need to have your estrogentested.
Um, but the moment I'm clearmedically for estrogen, that's
the first thing, the first thingI will be blind with bifocal
zone, but my estrogen gonna beall right.
I might not be able to see, butI'm going to get that estrogen
because that you know, for meit's my quality of life.
This man look all this becausethere's going to hair that
estrogen, because for me it's myquality of life.
This band look all this becausethere's growing a hair in my
face.
But I'm hot all the time.
I'm tired of my underwear beingwet.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Like I am.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
So I will sit here soaking wet for no reason.
And it's worse at night.
It's worse at night.
So you're burning up and you'refreezing.
You're burning up and you'refreezing.
I've been in Walmart damn nearnaked because I'm coming out my
clothes, I'm coming out, andwhen they first started I didn't
realize or recognize what itwas, because I mean, you heard
(11:19):
about it, but I'm having hotflashes.
What is that?
Literally, I was in Walmart inthe checkout line.
It was a long line behind me.
Fortunately, my checkout ladywas a little bit older lady.
I was like I couldn't, and whenit happens sometimes I can't
hear you Because you're that hot, I'm so hot, I can't focus on
what we're talking about rightnow.
I got to solve this Right.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
You know what I'm saying so.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I was in the checkout line and I had a major hot
flash when they first startedand I didn't really know what it
was and everything and I waslike I think I'm having a hot
flash and the lady was like shejust made her take your time, I
can't, I can't check out rightnow because I can't focus on
trying to give you my card LikeI can't even.
(12:00):
I'm barely I'm going to passout and remember we were in
Jamaica.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I was going to say how did you survive Jamaica?
Oh, no yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I kept going in and out the air condition but we
went and when we had to go seePrincess, I remember I almost
fainted, oh Lord, because oneI'm internally burning up and
then I have the extra heat.
So I've already told my doctor.
And then mine are really badbecause I'm One, your estrogen
(12:28):
gets low.
Now, before my diagnosis I wasgetting hormone therapy and the
great thing about it is, whenyou get estrogen, your hot
flashes will stop in 24 hours.
You'll never have another oneas long because your estrogen
levels off.
But because of the type ofcancer I had, is estrogen driven
.
They're blocking my estrogen.
(12:49):
So I'm on.
I take a pill every nightbefore I go to bed to block
estrogen.
So when I go to bed I'm in hell.
I'm in hell.
I'm in hell all day.
So it's messing with my qualityof life.
So I told my doctor.
And then they give you.
Amazingly enough, they gave meCymbalta, which is the
(13:13):
depression medicine, and I waslike well, why am I getting
depression medicine?
Well, you know, my littlegodson is a pharmacist.
Why are they giving me?
You know, so I had to asksomeone and he said is something
in the Cymbalta that's supposedto, because Cymbalta is for
depression that's supposed tolevel off.
It's for other stuff though,yeah, but it's supposed to, um,
because cymbaltas for depression, that's supposed to level off.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
Yeah, but it's supposed to be for so many
things it's supposed to leveloff my body temperature.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
So they're trying to find other methods than giving
me estrogen.
So but I already told them.
Well, it didn't work, so theygave me something else, but I'm
giving.
I just started it, maybe abouta week or two ago, and I told
him once we I'm going to give it60 days, but after 60 days.
I'm coming off everything I'mnot taking, I'm not taking the
blocker, I'm not taking a singlesolitary thing, I quit.
(14:02):
Oh god, you know, I, you know,could I got a double mastectomy
to limit the risk?
So now I can't sit aroundworried every day.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
I'm gonna have, I'm gonna get cancer.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I'm gonna get cancer.
Look, I tried your way.
It's not working and it isreally messing with my quality
of life and for me, my life andjoy is more important.
So if I got a good ten years,if I got a good 10 years, if I
got a good 20, I'm going outwith a bang, but I ain't going
to be sitting around here withhot flashes.
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't sleep.
(14:43):
I'm exhausted, I'm tired.
Nobody told you that hotflashes could be this severe.
I didn't know it.
I thought it was just going tobe a little sweat on my forehead
.
This is going to take me downand I'm not doing it.
So nobody told me hot flasheswere this bad and I was going to
walk around like the old ladywith the fan everywhere, and
then your joints.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
I think we didn't talk about our joints feeling
hurting and not being able todrop it like we want to drop it
anymore, but it happensovernight.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
It happens overnight, but even more so, even more
than just the physical stuff,that happens um midlife.
I know we were talking, orhaving that conversation, about
people having to come out ofretirement.
Managing your money.
Managing your money you thinkyou have all the time in the
world.
You think about that 401k andfor those of you that move jobs
(15:35):
and you take your 401k or youcash out your 401k and then all
of a sudden you look up, you're55 years old and you don't have
a retirement plan be a publicworking until you're 80.
Yeah, you know and that's that'sone of my fears is and.
Sharisse, and I talk about thisall the time too, Charisse.
What don't we talk about?
We talk about everything don'twe, Because I've said it 10
(15:57):
times we talk about this all thetime and shout out to all the
people seniors that are working,customer service and stuff and
the Walmarts, and we're not inTarget right now, but you know,
the fast food places are such aservice job.
Because a lot of them are therebecause they have to be there,
(16:18):
not because they want to be,it's inflation.
Not because they want to be,and my biggest fear is that I'm
not ready for retirement.
When it's time for me to sitdown, I can't sit down, so I
think that's one reason why, too, too, I also work so hard,
because my clock is a ticking.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
I need money, yeah so I feel we make money, but we
don't always save money becausewe always think, well, yeah,
it'll be fine, like it's so faraway.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Retirement seems so far away, and now it's like I
felt like I just celebrated my50th birthday and then, all of a
sudden, I went to sleep andtook a nap.
When I woke up, I was 55.
Where did those five years go?
Like they went by so fast.
It was just new year's and nowwe're already in, or past first
quarter of the year it's alreadygone um, I think another thing
(17:06):
I heard you say something aboutwas credit yeah, oh yeah, nobody
told you about credit when youwere younger.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Yeah, and here are these credit cards.
Here's a credit card To a point, but even with credit, you can
have good credit and thensomething drastic happens in
your life, like I got laid offlike two times within two years
and so now I'm like, oh, I can'tpay my bills and my credit just
went all the way down my life.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
So I'm having to start everything all over it
because it took two seconds frommy score to go to shit.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Right, it's gonna take forever to build it back up
and I'm just like, oh my god.
So yeah, I I don't know whatmore you can know about credit.
You know credit to get you incertain doors and in certain
rooms, through certain doors andin certain rooms, but if
something happens, unless youjust have a shitload of money
saved, yeah, this just goes intocredit and money and we're
(17:57):
living day to day and takingcare of our adult kids, trying
to help them out and do all this, and that's why I was like,
yeah, I can't do nothing fornobody, because helping you guys
out my savings weren't whatthey needed to be and thank god,
I was able to make it throughall of the layoffs or whatever.
Thank you, jesus.
But it's like, yeah, yeah, webuild everything at 50.
(18:18):
I'm starting over, so right andthat's so scary.
It is, that's so scary, I'mscared to death like this is
terrible and that's why I'msitting here like do I sell my
house, do I?
What do I do like it's justbecause I feel like my house is
like money in the bank.
But I want to pull money out ofmy house, but they're like, oh,
your score is just not that andI'm like what the fuck?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
so I like this is just uh terrible but, one day at
a time, but it's scary it is,it's very scary um.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
My mother was an entrepreneur but my mother
didn't know about businesscredit.
I wish I had learned aboutbusiness credit at an earlier
age.
I know about it now theimportance of it and I have
business credit and, and and I'mstill learning a little bit,
(19:09):
but being able to maneuver withbusiness credit and the options
and the what it gives you, youknow, to be able to change,
because you can really changeyour life through the use of
business credit.
But I wish I had have knownthis years ago, because I've
been an entrepreneur for yearsbut never knew.
That's just like those people,like you have those 800 credit
(19:29):
scores, what y'all doing with it.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
What are?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
bless you.
What are you doing with it?
Just having?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
it.
What's the point of?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
having it if it's not if you haven't learned what it
does, what it could do for you.
So you know, we used to have afriend who always bragged about
it.
Speaker 5 (19:43):
I was just going to say that Go ahead, I'll let you
say it 800 credit score yeah,just to say it Didn't invest,
didn't do anything Like youcould have made that work for
you, and they just didn't.
It was just the ideal of it forthem.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Yeah like nobody warned me that I might have to
retire and then come back out ofretirement.
Nobody want to go through that,right.
But if you learn how to usecredit, if you learn how to use
your business credit, your 401ks, like you just said, you lost
your job in a two-year periodtwice, yes, twice, and having to
(20:23):
rebuild.
But if you have that nest egg,the importance of
entrepreneurship there's so manydifferent things Like I wish we
just had got that, just a justa little bit sooner, yeah, just
a little bit sooner.
Anything else what?
But that you wish someone hadwarned you, just that, um it's
hard to get the weight off aftera day
Speaker 5 (20:46):
like seriously like I just had no idea, yeah I mean I
was always 105 pounds.
I used to call me olive oil,and then one day, the weight.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Really I hated it because I always had hips this
is a little skinny thing withhips.
She was slim, fit.
Speaker 5 (21:04):
I had these hips because the kids used to tease
me, the boys used to tease me.
The same boys, boys, they lovedit.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
You didn't know, I didn't know.
Yeah, they loved it.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
So I was always 105 pounds.
It's a little old thing, right.
And then one day you wake upand this weight is here and you
can't.
I mean, I used to.
I don't know if anybodyremembers this used to be this
stuff called weight on.
Did you used to drink so youcould gain weight?
Like to gain weight?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Like protein.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
It was like a protein , so I just always drink them to
gain weight because I was solittle.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
I wish you could give it back, I know right.
Like nobody ever said this isgoing to happen at a certain age
Make sure that you, you know,run or work out or do something.
You just, I just assumed that Iwas going to be where I was
girl forever You're still a hotgirl.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
You see her cut her eyes at me.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
I'm still a hot girl.
You're still a hot girl.
It is harder.
Speaker 5 (21:58):
Still got these hips, yeah, but you know, I just
wished that, you know somebodywould have said.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
You know, this is called a fupa and all of that
stuff.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
Like nobody told me any of this.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
It's like okay, gonna , I'm gonna steer you, steer you
a little different direction.
Look, don't, don't look at us,don't judge us.
Mo, and it might just be me Iknow every woman is different, I
know I know every woman's bodyis different, but you remember
when you used to wet the wholebed, oh yeah when did that?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
stop when did that?
I think it depends on theperson.
Honestly, he's still young.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
It depends on the person still messing with the
women that still wet up thewhole bed.
When did that stop and whathappened?
Speaker 2 (22:43):
to it right person have you?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
yeah, no, the right person will.
But if you just looked at meand you could wet the floor.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I can't waste it for everybody.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
What did you say?
I can't waste it.
I can't waste it, but also too,if you're not sexually active
as often as you used to be.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
They also say, if you don't use it, you lose it, so
you know I say well, run thedraft.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Yes, what did you say ?
What?
Speaker 3 (23:10):
did you say the well run the draft?
That, yes, we said a well wellrun strap.
That is gonna dig a littledeeper, like what, what I?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
was like what, what happened to that?
Yeah, like to that you swim, Iknow like I'm swimming it.
Like what happened to that?
Is it there?
It's still there it's stillthere.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Well, part of it.
But that's also part of onereason why I say I need a
therapist, because I got so muchstuff to unpack.
But I also didn't realize theimpact that going through a
health scare has on you like I'mand I hate to say this publicly
, but it's true, I'm a little Ihave a little anxiety about
actually having sex right now oh, that's fair considering
(23:50):
everything that you've gonethrough you're talking about the
estrogen, like, yes, like onyour body, like, how are you?
supposed to have, okay, anotherfunny story so much.
The last time that I did getsome and it wasn't all that long
ago I'd love to start out testto see if she still worked.
I had a hot flash in the middle, but the funny thing was he
(24:10):
felt it, that he was like what'sgoing on.
He probably loved that hotglass.
First of all, it's already warm, thank you.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
It made it warmer, it turned up the heat, but no, it
was hot.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
It wasn't warm.
It was hot that he felt how hotmy body got At the time.
He was kind of inside, sothat's a hot flash.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
She was like oh, my god like my body instantly went
from this to this.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Yeah, I was burning up and like we had to stop, give
me a minute, my temperaturecome back down.
But at the time we were in theact and he felt he literally
felt it how hot I got internally.
Speaker 5 (25:07):
Okay, Trying to make sure this is clean.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
You definitely should .
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Trying to make sure this stays on the cleaver,
that's a hot yes now you had theman like trying to comment
Speaker 1 (25:23):
can I try it out?
It was more than just a flat.
No, it was hot.
It was hot because it scaredhim for a minute, like what is?
Because sometimes you feel likeit's going to come up and you'd
be like, okay, come on.
Let's get back down.
Get it back down, but you don'tknow.
But when it goes, there's nowarning.
It's like from zero to 100,instantly, and you're, and
(25:45):
intimately, all intertwined andconnected like that's the nicest
way to say it and all of asudden your body is at a
thousand degrees.
And he was just like no, ma'am,what is?
That I was like I'm having ahot flash get off me I thought I
(26:06):
could get through it.
I thought I could get throughit hot flash.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
But yeah, sorry, I hate that for you yes, so I have
a little anxiety about that'sfair though it's ruining my life
.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I need estrogen.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah, that's coming soon baby soon, yes, I need
estrogen.
Speaker 5 (26:25):
I know we have to wrap up, but I think the myth
that we're older and so we don'twork, or whatever the case may
be, that is truly a myth,because we always I mean, they
say at 40, that's when we hitour sexual peak.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
I truly believe that.
I think I did too.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
I truly believe that and I think we've all
experienced it.
Experience it, but the theolder you get to me, um, when
that crib is gone and thatplaypen is put in, it just gets
you.
You don't have to worry aboutthings.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
I just think it makes it easier better more open for
you to play no, no, she lost metoo.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
I was like I'm sorry, you usually your baby oh yeah,
oh yeah, play pin you're playingI was lost.
So, yeah, so, um, I you know, Ijust think that it's all mind
over matter.
Okay, it's what you said.
If you don't use it, you loseit.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
But, um, you know so does sex get better than when
you get older?
I think so, I absolutely thinkso.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
Yeah, we're not just doing a mister thing.
You know the things that youdon't know you turn.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Put your leg up there , grab your ankles.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
No, I'm kidding.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
No you're not.
No, you're not.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
You're not Unfiltered ?
No, I think it does, becauseyou said you know you.
Speaker 5 (27:52):
You've gotten to a point where you know your body,
you know what you like, you knowwhat you don't want and you're
to me, I think it is moreenjoyable and you can verbalize
what you like, what you don'tlike, the things that when
you're younger you don't know,you just take it, you have a
condition to just be like well,whatever they want, I don't know
.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
And then I take it you kind of condition to just be
like, well, whatever they want.
I don't know, I was never likethat.
Sex was never like that for me.
Speaker 5 (28:12):
Well, no, it may not be like that for you.
What I'm saying is that's whatgirls are basically taught, for
the most part Not because, youwere, not because you were.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
What did he.
Speaker 5 (28:21):
My mom was a bit different.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
That goes to say my, I don't think I was ever like
that.
Yeah, no, I'd be like you.
Better put it on your face.
Speaker 5 (28:40):
I had a mom who was very free when I say free.
I mean, I love that.
That's one of the things I cantruly say I loved about my mom.
She was free, so she didn't getcaught up in the things that
you're supposed to do.
What she wanted, she got, shetook, whatever the case may be.
But for the most part, girlsare conditioned to please the
(29:01):
guy wherever he want.
And we don't learn, we reallydon't.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
We're not taught you the true meaning of an orgasm
and you feeling good and tellingpeople what you want, right.
Speaker 5 (29:11):
And so we a lot, of, a lot of girls think they're out
here doing something becausethey can hum.
But why did I do the hump?
I know For real, for real.
The older you get, you know youcome into the space of your own
and you can truly tell themwhat you want, what you like or
(29:32):
what you don't want, what youdon't like or buy because this
ain't going to work.
You know you get to that pointspace in your life.
So yeah, honey, an older woman.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
That's why they run into us.
Well, we did ask a quickquestion to our people because I
just remembered I had one onour over here.
Mr Mo, jump over there for usand hit that.
That first one, all the way atthe top, Asked was sex better
now that you get older?
Speaker 4 (30:01):
Hello, my name is Tamika.
I'm calling from Atlanta.
So the question is does sex getbetter with age?
I'm early 40s.
So the question is does sex getbetter with age?
I'm early 40s and I guess withme it just depends on the person
and how I'm feeling at thatmoment, if that makes sense,
because I know what I want and Iknow what I don't want, and I
(30:21):
know if I'm dealing with someonethat's older, you might want a
little more.
If it's someone younger, thenhey, I ain't looking for nothing
too much.
So I guess it's not the age Ifit gets better with age.
To me it depends on the personthat's very true.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, I think it's just a combination of things.
Speaker 5 (30:45):
It's a combination, but my personal opinion, when
you age, things are always,should always get better,
because it's the wisdom thatcomes with yeah, yeah, I think
it is, because it's more thanjust the physical.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
It is, it's more than just the physical, it's okay,
all right.
Well, anything else you wishsomebody had warned y'all about,
that's it life gets better?
Speaker 2 (31:06):
yes, it does get better it does it gets better.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
it gets harder sometimes, but it gets better.
Yes, it does get better.
It does it gets better.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
It gets harder sometimes, but it gets better,
but it gets easier in other ways.
Yeah, it's this balance.
Speaker 5 (31:17):
Think about the things you used to worry about
when you were younger.
Yeah, that now you don't evenremember, but it was such a
worry back then.
So it does, it gets better.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
It's just embracing it and being happy with where
you are.
Yeah, it's better, kids.
Just don't let stephanie sneeze.
Make sure you like, follow andsubscribe to timeless and
unfiltered and I'm legra.
I'm stephanie I'm charise andI'm ivania and we're gonna.
And I'm Lycra, I'm Steph andI'm Cherise and I'm Evanya and
we're going to keep on spillingthis tea.
(31:52):
Y'all better come on back overhere.
We're going to keep spillingthe tea on Midlife.
One laugh at a time.
All right, like us, follow us,subscribe to us, come get us.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Uh-oh All right, eddie, y'all she hot and ready.
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com