June 10, 2025 • 34 mins
This week, Leggra keeps it all the way real as she breaks down what it’s like to co-parent — not just with her ex-husband, but with his new wife too. Yeah… it gets deep.
👀 How do you navigate that kind of dynamic without drama?
🧠 What does real emotional maturity look like after divorce?
👶🏽 Are the kids really the focus, or is ego still in the way?
Leggra opens up about the highs, lows, and hard truths of blended family life — from setting clear boundaries to healing old wounds and making space for new relationships.
💥 This episode is for anyone who’s co-parenting, thinking about it, or just trying to heal and move different after the breakup. It’s messy, it’s raw, it’s grown-folk talk.
📌 Topics We Cover:
- Co-parenting with your ex AND their new partner
- Managing emotions when new people step in
- Letting go of ego & focusing on the kids
- Building a healthy blended family with respect
🗣️ Leggra’s story is proof that peace is possible — but it takes work.
🔔 Subscribe for more unfiltered conversations that hit home.
💬 Drop a comment — could you co-parent with your ex and their new spouse?
#TimelessAndUnfiltered #CoParenting #BlendedFamily #BreakupHealing #PuttingKidsFirst #LifeAfterDivorce #EmotionalGrowth #UrbanPodcast #UnfilteredTalk #LeggraSpeaks
💬 Join the conversation! Follow us on social media to see our weekly questions, then leave us a voicemail at timelessandunfiltered.com. Your message might be featured in an upcoming episode! Watch us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@TimelessandUnfilteredPodcast.
📸 Instagram: @timelessandunfiltered
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🌐 Website: timelessandunfiltered.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
For all y'all mothers out there that won't let your
children see their fatherbecause he got a new girlfriend,
that means you have feelings.
Now don't be wrong.
Unless that girlfriend is doingsomething, she ain't got no
business or nothing.
You know what I'm saying.
But when it's not somethingthat's detrimental to that child
sweetheart, go look in themirror or something you still
caught up.
This is Legra, this isStephanie, this is Cherie, and
(00:22):
this is Legra.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
This is Stephanie.
This is Cherie.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
And this is Ivanya, and this is Timeless and
Unfiltered, where we arespilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time, uh-oh.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Timeless and Unfiltered.
Stephanie One laugh at a time.
Uh-oh Uh, time is in the filter.
Stephanie Allegra Sharice whenthey at, where they at.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
We filling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time.
I don't know.
You just a little turn for aminute.
I want you up.
Oh look, she got a little badboots on.
Well, they ain't even.
I don't know if I'm saying thisis a boot.
Is it a boot sandal, boot,sandal.
That's really cute.
That's cute.
Boot sandals, boot sandals,baby feet.
What size shoe is that?
A six?
I think I was born a seven.
(01:11):
I think when I was born I cameout with a seven.
I was like what little babyshoe is that?
But it is cute.
It is cute.
And shit girl.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Thank you, so you can always buy shoes right,
Stephanie?
I get the sale.
The display shoes are always onsale, Whatever whatever.
And that's why I have so manyshoes.
I get all the display shoes forlike 20 bucks.
Oh my God.
Isn't that nice, I love itIsn't that nice.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I love it.
Roll your eyes at her.
What are we talking about today?
Y'all what?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
a carryover for one of our episodes.
I think it was exes.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I think we were talking about.
Being progressive inrelationships after exes.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Oh the relationship after the relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yes, yes Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, and I think how we got to it.
That was a good way to put itno, no, the relationship after
the relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Yeah, and I think we got to it because you had said
that your ex-husband was comingon oh yeah, we're going to
jamaica.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
We're going to be filming in jamaica on location
while we're on our trip tojamaica when is that?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
what's the date um june 19th?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
through the 23rd for the southern soul getaway, that
is the dj trucker.
Southern soul getaway.
We're gonna.
So we're gonna film the episodewhile we're there, and,
yvonneonne, you'll be there too,so that's going to be great.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
We'll all four be there, yeah, I think that's
progressive as hell.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, and Stephanie was like, that's progressive.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
And when I realized I can have relationships after
relationship.
I just have to get to a pointwhere I'm not in love with you
anymore.
Once I get past that I'm not inlove with you, I can still love
and care about you, but I haveto get past the being in love
with you.
In order for me to have arelationship with you, like to
be cool or do business and stuff, I got to get past being in
(02:55):
love with you because it's notgoing to be the same.
We can't be friends in lovewith you.
Yeah, I don't want to love, befriends still in love.
That girl crazy yeah.
I don't want to love you neitherand be your friend.
So we got to get past that.
But even with kids, I thinkthat's so grown up because once
(03:16):
my kids got 18, hey you on yourown with your relationship with
your dad and other familymembers.
I don't have to be thatcatalyst anymore to keep
everything together and justUnless it's grandkids involved,
I think that's when you all cancome back together.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
The reason why I wanted to really talk about it
is because I think this issomething that would get a whole
lot of comments, to be honest,and I'm going to tell you why.
So you're having a trip?
I mean, it's your, you knowit's your business.
It's your business, part of mybusiness, yeah so, and your son
is over 18 years old now.
I'm just saying how peopleright would talk to me you know
(03:55):
just almost 30.
I'm just in the comments,because I could see a lot of
people well, not a lot, but Icould see just mix people well,
not a lot, but I could see justmixed um comments about it and
some people saying, well, whatthey when they turn 18?
Right, then you would come outof the mix potentially right,
(04:16):
depending on everybody'srelationships with different.
I could see it.
I mean, you know, I could seepeople saying if it was a
graduation, or something joint,then it would make sense that
the parents would be there,although my daughter's getting
ready to close on a house andshe said her dad was coming and
I'm like, why, why?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
But anyway, why Okay?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
So you know.
So there's just the mix.
You know what I mean.
It's just that mixed ideologyabout Right.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
But I think it depends on what kind of
relationship you have with yourex.
Yeah, you know, for me it'snormal.
It's normal Shout out to my dadand my stepmother and my
stepmother.
They have been together almost40 years.
(05:04):
I'm 55.
They've been together, I think,think since I was 13 years old,
um, and I remember when myparents split it was really hard
.
It was hard for me, um, becausethe conditions that my parents
split weren't ideal.
You know it was.
It was life shit.
You know I'm not gonna put alltheir business out in the street
, but it was life shit.
You know I'm not going to putall their business out in the
(05:24):
street, but it was life shit,you know.
And it wasn't ideal and therewas a lot of hurt and, as kids,
you know, we always have thisconversation about kids' view of
what happened.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
And then there's the adult view of what?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
happened, I had the kids' view of what happened, you
know, and so I was angry withmy dad for a long time and and
didn't talk to him for a longtime.
And sports, when I really gotinto sports, you know, sports
brought us back together, Right,you know?
because she was that girl youknow, you see that, you know
(06:03):
because, well, sports brought usback together.
But then you know, we hadanytime.
We had graduations or we had,or it was a party, or you had to
pick and choose who you weregoing to spend the holiday with,
and all that kind of stuff.
It just was, it was a strain onthe kids, you know, while y'all
are doing whatever, because wecan't all be in the same room at
the same time.
(06:23):
And then I remember once we hadchildren, so now there's
grandchildren like you just saidonce, there's grandchildren
involved.
I think that was the turningpoint in our family At that time
.
My dad and his wife live inOhio.
My mom lived in Georgia.
We were now all in Georgia.
The grandkids are now down herein Georgia.
When my dad came to visit, heand his wife stayed at my
(06:47):
mother's house At my mother'shouse, you know why?
Because we were all at thehouse, so they got to see the
kids, they got to play with thegrandkids, all that kind of
stuff.
I think there's issues whenthere's still feelings involved.
You know, you know me.
I always say when I'm done, I'mdone.
When I'm done, you can sitright here, you can sit right
(07:07):
here, and I could care lessbecause when I'm done, I'm done.
So I think that seeing how mymother handled that situation
and it just made our family lifeso much better, so much it made
it easier.
Now, is it perfect?
It perfect?
You know they don't have to bebest friends, right, but when my
(07:27):
mother got sick, guess who wascalling on, checking on my
mother all the time?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
his wife, his wife was all that time and it makes
sure that my mother was good.
I mean that part, I mean someof that.
Now I'm just now, I'm talkingfrom a charise perspective.
That makes sense that your momand wait a minute your mother
and father, your father and yourstepmom was married, yes, okay,
(07:55):
and they came and stayed withyour mom At my mother's house
which was his ex-wife.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
They stayed at his ex-wife's house Because we spent
.
We had big Christmases.
Yeah, yeah because that's wherethe grandkids are, so the
grandkids.
Or else, if you're gonna stayat the hotel, then what do you
come for dinner for?
An?
Hour or something, and then, goback to the hotel but we
actually spent time together asa family all the time.
So even when I would, when Iwas divorced, um my ex-husband
(08:27):
and I everything.
It was always about our son.
I didn't care what holiday hehad him.
I don't care if he just had himlast weekend.
I don't care what the judge say.
The schedule is.
When my son says I want daddy,hey, come get your baby.
You want him this weekend.
(08:48):
Yeah, you know, it don't matterif he had him every weekend.
My mother used to be like hejust had him for Thanksgiving.
He's gonna be gone forChristmas.
Yeah, he gone for Christmas.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
I got him every day.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
You know who cares if it's Christmas, it's every day.
You know I pick him up fromschool every day.
I got to do this, you do that,so I was never really big on
what a set schedule was.
So now my son is in his 20s andwhen he turned 18, like you
said, you don't have to call mewhen he got his own phone call
your son, you ain't got to callme.
(09:16):
Hell, that was in high school,you know.
So we don't talk all the time,but guess what?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
He all the time, but guess what?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
He is still my family , because he is my son's father.
For me, he's still family.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
He's not my ex-husband, no more.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
He's like my distant cousin.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
That's hard for a lot of people.
It is for a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
No judgment, but it's like your son is 18.
This is your business trip.
It has nothing to do with him,or nothing, and his dad and his
wife and I called and personallyinvited his dad and his wife to
come on vacation.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
That's progressive, because this is the first time,
you know, for my dad is going tobe there and his wife.
We're used to seeing them, yeah, but my dad's been sick the
last few years.
He ain't been able to travel.
My dad is 77 or something, Idon't know how many more times
he's going to travel.
You know, just because of age,you know, hell, I might not be
(10:15):
here tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
You know, who knows?
Speaker 1 (10:17):
You know, and my son is coming, his friends are
coming.
I invited his friends to comewith him.
He's bringing like eight peoplewith him to come and I was like
you know what?
It would have been really coolif your dad was there.
We ain't got to sit around andchi-chi and stuff all the time,
but your dad needs to be therewith you and stuff.
(10:38):
You know what I'm saying.
So he's going to hang out withhis son, then we're going to
hang out in Jamaica.
I have nothing against hisex-wife, my ex-husband my
ex-husband is a great guy.
It just wasn't meant for us tobe together.
It don't take away from himbeing a great guy and the whole
thing with those, with peoplewith relationships like he went
that I've never had no beef withher.
(11:07):
The only, yeah, the only thingI ever asked my son when my son
when the two of them first gottogether, and I asked this about
any woman that came into myex-husband's life.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
How does she?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
treat you when he is not around.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
That's the only question I have ever asked.
I don't want to know wherey'all go.
Don't come back and give me aplay-by-play of all the stuff.
You did One.
I know your father.
I know your father's gonna makesure you are in good hands.
I, because I know your father,he's gonna make sure you're in
good hands.
He already know I'm crazy.
He gonna handle crazy folksaround you.
But I also know women you knowwhat I'm saying who will smile
(11:37):
and act like they're the bestperson in the world while your
father is there but may do orsay crazy money.
So the only thing I've everasked my son is how does she
treat you when your father's notaround?
And my son said he loved herand I said that's enough for me.
That's enough for me stillprogressive as hell it is, it is
but, when your relationship isover, and when you're not, when
(11:59):
you're done, you're done.
He's a great guy we never had.
We never had that.
Yeah, but I think it goesbeyond craziness in our
relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
For me it goes, because you said that a couple
times.
So yeah, for me it.
It don't have anything to dowith it being over for charisse,
like when it's over.
For me too, it is over, right,but I I don't even want to say
but, because I get along witheverybody, to be honest like.
I've never really had a breakupwhere I can't talk to somebody,
(12:31):
we can't communicate.
Something's wrong.
We don't hate each other, youknow what I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
It's okay, but at the very beginning you said, oh,
we're closing and your dad'sgonna be there.
And you said why?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
right, because I raised her and I'm the one who
put everything into you getright, so that's the status of
y'all relationship.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
But seeing for me, his dad was there.
No, I get that all.
So it's just normal.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
No, no, no, but that's not even where I was
going with that.
What I was, where I was goingwith that was it don't have
anything for me with emotions,whether I'm over somebody or not
, it's just that when they're, Imean.
But everybody's different.
So for me I was just like butif your son is beyond 18, but
you explained it and it makessense for you why is the stepdad
(13:21):
and the wife being, when it hasnothing to do with the son?
So that's what I was trying toget to, but it does for you.
I mean your analogy and all ofthat is different.
So it makes sense All I wassaying was this is good, this is
just good conversation.
Yeah, it's differences Forpeople to understand.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
You know, my trips almost become a family vacation
sometimes.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
No, no, I know that you know what I'm saying, you
know so this is almost like afamily vacation I know that's
why that's part of hisconversation I think it's good
conversation yeah that's, that'spart of his family I think I
don't have a problem with exes.
I ain't inviting nobody doingall that but, I I don't have a
problem with exes, and thensometimes the people I date
really do, but I don't, and thenthat becomes contentious
(14:05):
because it's based on the other.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
They may not be comfortable and that's what I
was going to say.
It may be the ex that may notbe comfortable, because all my
kids over 18 and when theirfather comes to town he'll come
to the house to sit and spendtime with the kids, but he has
to be on facetime with his girlthe whole time, because that's
her she don't feel comfortablewith him being there with his
(14:28):
kids and she probably like whyyou got to be at the house,
because that's her insecurity hereally don't have to be at the
house, girl, he don't okay hello, these kids has grown, he can
take them out and do whatever.
It was weird to me, like why youwant to come over here, but but
, but that's their issue.
Yeah, and that's why I'd rathernot even these kids have grown
(14:51):
Send for them to come out thereand hang out with you.
You don't have to come here andjust be around.
It's just a little work BecauseI'm not inviting them to.
Oh, yeah, you and her come overto the house.
Yeah, no, yeah, am I weird?
No, you're not.
I don't think it's weird.
She's like why your voice sohigh?
Everybody got their thing.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
You know what I think we've always.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I think we've always.
Our son was always the centerpoint of everything.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
And that's clearly still what it is He'll probably
be 50.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
And he'll be the.
We were just together lastweekend.
My son is releasing his.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
And he's so cold, he's so cold.
Well, when this air.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
It'll probably have already been out June 6th, his
first single is out, so he hasEP release party and you know,
his dad and his wife are there.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Which that's a mouth?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
yeah, that's a thing, but they came and sat and
talked with us and when it wastime to do the family picture.
It was me, it was my son and itwas his dad and I said yeah,
that makes sense, and I said I'msorry, tap her on the shoulder,
tell her come, get in thepicture but, it was around him.
Not right, because but that'sthe whole thing.
It's always about my son, so myson is coming on this trip.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
He grown, he is grown .
He ain't gonna be with hisfriends.
He ain't gonna be studs withneither you or his dad.
He do Trust me.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
He gonna be running them Jamaica streets.
Now I'm gonna tell you rightnow he don't stud me.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
He ain going to be with his friends.
He's going to be with hisfriends.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
He has a whole different relationship with me
than he has with his dad.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
He's going to be with his friends.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I'm telling you he's going to be with his friends but
his dad just realized he drinks.
Huh, because he would neverdrink in front of his father.
Because you know, I don't knowwhat, this father-son thing, the
image that he, because Du Boisand I had to sit and have this
conversation You're not givingyour dad the real you, because I
don't know who this fake littlechild is.
(16:48):
This little perfect little thingyou try to be with your little
fly ass mouth and all that kindof stuff, because I know you
don't talk to your daddy.
The way you sit and be tryingto talk you know what I'm saying
that kind of thing.
So for me this is a chance forthe two of them to really bond.
It ain't about me, I could careless, they ain't bonding down
here they will, but you knowwhat?
(17:13):
He needs to see him with hisfriends.
He needs to see that Negro overthere.
Is he smoking weed?
I don't know?
Hello, he was at the EP releaseparty.
Du Bois got lit at the EPrelease party, but you don't
never get to be around his dadin those kind of environments.
It's always been just with me.
(17:34):
So for me it was more importantfor me that he and his dad had
that kind of time together.
That's your son right there.
I don't know who this littlefake little Negro is over here
that's perpetrating like he.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
You know he's a perfect little child, all the
time?
No, that's that negro rightthere yeah, and that's so.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
It was more important for me, it's it's it's family
time.
Hey, go hang with your dad, dowhat you do.
He gonna be with his friends,of course, of course, but go
spend time with your dad andwhatever.
And then, as far as me and myex-husband and his wife, we have
(18:16):
conversations, but it's all youcan.
To me, it's it's um, it'salways been nice, it's always
been pleasant, but we, we'venever really talked, if that
makes sense.
And not to say that we have to,you know what I'm saying.
Not to say that we have to, butguess what?
Our son has a lot of stuffgoing on.
We're going to be in a lot ofthe same spaces together.
Yeah, absolutely, and it don'tneed to be that way, and that's
fine, and that's understandable.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
All of that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yeah, I'm just stuck on the picnic.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
It still don't make sense to me.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
I was like is he performing down there?
Is that why the dad and I'mlike that's so progressive of
you girls?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
for us, because we always just that's all.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Yeah, that's the only thing that's ever been
important to me was hisrelationship with his dad.
Yeah, and there's probably alot of people that like you.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah, it's not about me.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yeah, it's not about me well, I was just interested
in what people comments.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I don't care what none of y'all say.
I know you don't.
No, y'all say a lot.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
But like and subscribe and do all the stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
You know what?
But that's the thing.
What did you say?
I don't live by nobody's rules.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
No, no, no, I don't live by anybody's rules.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
This works for my family, nobody's.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
No, no, no, no.
I don't live by anybody's rules.
This works for my family.
Yeah, my family.
He's the only child.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Right, he's the only child, and I'm not trying to be
funny, I'm watching them toobecause, guess what?
I was just diagnosed withcancer.
I wasn't sure I was gonna behere.
Who gonna be who gonna?
Who gonna be with my son whenI'm gone?
I want to know who gonna bearound my baby too.
I don't care if he's 50.
He ain't learned everything.
Hell, our kids.
Now they're adults right.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
We still hand-holding our kids right now.
If I was up and out of here.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
guess who's going to be around?
My son all the time, him andhis wife Period.
We family y'all, whether welike it or not.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
No, this was really a good subject.
I mean, it really is a goodsubject because people really
because people don't get it andthey don't see it and it's just
like the insecurities of othersA lot of times just make it so
difficult.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
I don't know.
A lot of times you have thatbitter ex-wife or whatever.
I don't know what she thinks ofme.
You know what I'm saying andI'm not no disrespect, I really
don't care.
I don't know what he thinks ofme, I really don't care.
What I care about is yourrelationship with your son
Period.
And even though he isn't anadult, he's been around me 90%
(20:51):
of his life.
90% of his life.
He act like me, he got a mouthlike me, all those kinds of
things.
There are certain there arecertain now he's hitting a stage
in his life, especially now.
You always say you know youhaving that male influence
around when they're kids, buthe's in a stage in his life
right now too.
(21:11):
Even some of the discussions wehave, obviously they're going.
God, I wish your daddy was here, because this is show a daddy
conversation like you know whatI'm saying like, but he feels
more comfortable in having someof those conversations with me
because he's around me allthe time yeah, you, you and your
dad need to spend a little moretime together, or something
like there you go, there you go,and then it's in a relaxed
environment.
(21:31):
Is we going to be turning upand having fun.
I loved his wife came over andsaid what you drinking?
Because his father's a pastornow.
Now, he wasn't a pastor when Iwas.
We were together, but he's apastor now so and he didn't
really drink.
He didn't drink then orwhatever hell.
I was happy.
She asked me about a cocktailbecause I was like, okay, turn
up, girl.
You know what I'm saying.
Like, come on, you can turn itup too.
(21:52):
You know what I'm saying.
So it's, but for me it's just,it's just another extension of
my family, it's just anotherextension of my part of your
life experience.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
It's that cousin that you see once a year well, I
always say, I tell people I I'ma good baby mama because, like
my kid's father never had issues, even when, like I, wasn't one
of those crazy ones that wasgoing to give him problems.
Just because, he got with a newgirl or anything.
I didn't bother that man, Ijust and I was like, yeah, I
know I'm like the best baby mamabecause his lady never had
(22:24):
problems I'm not gonna givey'all no problems that, but it
comes down to the no emotionslike she said when you're?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
done when you're not connected anymore it just
doesn't bother you, you're notfazed by it at all.
Because that's where a lot ofbaby mama drama come from.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
They still got emotions.
There's still attachment.
There's still emotions.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I don't care who you you with.
Is she good to my son Right,when he come over there?
Do he got any problems?
Is he being fed?
Is he being talked to like hecrazy?
Is he whatever, whatever?
Now, the moment that crossesthe line, we got issues.
And when you say cross the line.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
I laugh because my kid's father wound up going to
get with a child and she's inbetween the ages of our daughter
and so the girl's clicking withher because they're like, oh,
in their 20s or whatever.
And then I know my she had saidsomething crazy to my son or,
and my son like snapped back andthen his dad was like, oh, you
(23:23):
don't talk to her.
Like like that.
And my son's like bro, she'slike six years older than me,
like she's basically like mysister's age you can't expect us
to respect this child woman ofyours like you can't.
We're not going to give her thesame respect we give our mom,
because she's like our age, likewe're just not but the respect
is is earned.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
I don't care what age you are, that's the respect is
earned, and his ex't care whatage you are.
The respect is earned.
And his ex-wife earned myrespect in the way that she
treats my son.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
That's enough of me.
That's what matters.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
She earned my respect in the way she treats my son.
That's all that matters to me.
I don't want it, but when youstill want them, no matter how,
small when you still got those,you can tell those kind of
feelings and attachment.
That's where the drama comesfrom yeah, that's where the
drama comes from.
So for me this is and the facetime, wanting to face time?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
yeah, because you worry I don't want him girl
right, he's not worried abouthim she's not worried about him
spending time with his kids.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
She worried about him spending time with you, yeah,
yeah, she's worried about himspending time with you.
Yeah, with you, because I wasthe original Dada, baby, mama
number one, lord, and there's notelling what he say, what he's
saying.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Right, that's what's like he's projecting his
feelings to where you just neverknow and he may not.
Some women are just insecure.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Because we have a great friendship.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Yeah, you don't have to do anything.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
You don't have to do anything, but just exist.
Ooh Lord.
Well, he had told my kids.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
He said I don't care where we are in life.
If your mom ever need me, I gother for the rest of her life.
He was like I don't care whoshe went what she was doing.
I got your mama and she mustfeel that.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I'm like why to your relationship?
Can I have the kids?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
But that's between, but you have to be careful
because some guys with rooms onthe bed I've been with somebody
before who actually tells, whoactually say to women or have
said to women I know we're nottogether and there's nothing
between us, but if there'sanything, she ever needs.
Oh yeah, you cannot say that tothe average woman.
You can't say that to theaverage woman.
(25:26):
They can't handle it, theycan't take it and you need to
check yourself, sir or ma'am, orwhoever.
Check yourself.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
You can't be saying, I mean, come on now, even if you
feel that way, you don't, youdon't, you don't, you don't
gotta say that I tell my kidsright now I could call my
ex-husband, if I, if somethingcame up.
Yeah, if something came up Icould, I could call him.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
And you know what?
Speaker 1 (25:47):
he's going to say I'm going to talk to my wife about
it, as he should.
I'm going to talk to my wifeabout it and I'll get back to
you.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
If I needed something Now, don't be wrong.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
That's never going to happen, right.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
I go down with the ship.
When that boat go down, I'msinking with it.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, I'm going to sink with it, baby, but I know
that I could, because I knowwhat type of person he is and I
know what kind of relationshipwe have.
We didn't have a badrelationship.
We didn't have a bad breakup.
Y'all were young.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
We were young we got married.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I was 22 years old when I got married.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Yeah, you know, I was grown Girl, please.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Ain't no even know who I was at 22.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
You know, and at the time he was 26.
And think about it.
Think about your kids now intheir 20s.
They still trying to figure itout.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
They are, they don't know who they are.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
They're still trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
So getting married and you have a child.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Yeah, that was a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
And don't be wrong.
Shout out to all the youngcouples that are doing it and
the couples that do it, andthey've been, we're together, we
were friends.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
That's the foundation .
We were friends.
That's the great part about it.
I liked him.
He was a good person.
You could stay friends forever,not my man.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
He was a good person, yeah, and guess what?
He still is.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah, praise, jesus, and guess what, when?
Speaker 1 (27:05):
we broke up, he took excellent care of his son.
That's great.
Was everything perfect?
It wasn't perfect.
Oh, absolutely it wasn'tperfect.
But you one thing you're notgonna say is he wasn't there
when his son called.
Period, I didn't have thoseissues.
And then, when we you know,when we got divorced I was in
(27:26):
georgia, georgia.
I remember, um, the judgeduring our divorce, I was like
the only thing the judge caresabout is what we're doing about
the baby, yeah, okay, well, howare we doing child support?
And I was like I don't want thejudge cares about.
Is what we're doing about thekids With the baby?
Yeah, okay, how we doing childsupport?
And I was like I don't wantchild support.
He said, oh no, in the state ofGeorgia, we have to have child
support, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
It wasn't an option for me to say I didn't need
child support.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Oh, wow.
And the reason why I said itwas because I it was required if
there's a child involved.
Now I don't know if laws havechanged, but when I got divorced
it was required.
So they put him on childsupport.
Now, when we started, you knowour lives and careers.
Remember we were still young,we got divorced, you know 30s.
So our income here Now I wasn'tthat baby mama excuse me,
(28:18):
ex-wife that every time hisincome went up, he was, you went
back to him.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
I have never in 18 years went back into court
Because you knew he was going totake care of his baby.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Yeah, Because, guess what?
I had a debit card on hischecking account until he almost
got married.
Honestly, I never had to use it.
I forgot we even had it, andthere was something when they
were going to close on theirhouse or something.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Remember.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I was still on something and he had to send me
some documents assigned to takeme off or whatever.
But it was because, if anythingever happened, he's like, look,
if you can't reach me insomething and that boy need
something, something, somethingthat's so great, tell me about
it, get it, and then, you know,tell me about it later.
But that was just ourrelationship.
So for me he's a great guy.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
It just was not.
We were just not meant to betogether.
But that don't take away fromhim being a great dad and a
great guy, and he married awonderful woman and and now
they're going to be on a greattrip.
Who loves my son, and y'all gohave a great time with him.
I'm going to be at work.
You already know how we move.
We have almost 500 peopleheaded to Jamaica.
I'm busy, I'm at work, so y'alldo y'all thing.
(29:27):
I'm going to see you when I seeyou, because that's it.
So y'all have a good time withour son, because that's our son.
Yeah, she's been in his life,for I think he had just hit high
school, I think.
So she's been in his life agood little piece.
That's his other mom.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
I never had to put my kids on child support.
I never needed to because Iknew when he had it the kids
would have it, and even when hehad moments where he didn't, I
wasn't tripping, because I hadit or whatever.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
But no, I knew I didn't, I wasn't tripping
because I had it or whatever,but no, I knew I never, had to
put him because, like you said,I knew who I know, that I know
who I laid down and had kidswith, and that these kids were
going to be all right.
And they've been all rightright.
So it don't faze me.
Let's go on vacation.
Y'all have a good time.
You have a good time.
All right, have a good time,that's it.
So y'all say what y'all want tosay about me, he's still my
cousin.
Say what y'all want to sayabout me, I don't care, he's
still my cousin.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
It's like that cousin you see at the family reunion
that wants every two years he'sstill family.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
They still family.
That don't mean you got to talkall the time and see each other
every day.
He's still family.
It is what it is, I'm sorry.
In my head I can hear Stephanieall her thoughts going in her
head Like girl, I don't knowwhat I'm doing.
I'm doing it with you.
I can hear it.
I can hear it, it's killing you.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
It's killing you.
That's why she's veryprogressive.
It's killing you.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Hey, the bottom line is all three of us love my son.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
Yeah, that's what counts.
That's it, my son, yep, that'sit.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
That's what counts.
That's it Y'all done with me.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
I've been in the hot seat.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
No.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
That wasn't meant to be the hot seat.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
It wasn't.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
You know, I don't care girl, it wasn't.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
No, that definitely wasn't meant to be the hot seat
it was just like this is reallysomething.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
This was a thought-provoking conversation
to be honest, because it reallymakes you challenge.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
I mean, you know, hopefully it'll make people
challenge their thought process,their reasoning.
Am I doing this because I'mwith somebody who they don't
like it?
You, know what I mean, so I'mhaving to tiptoe a little bit,
because I need them to be.
I mean it just makes you thinkabout it.
It just makes you think aboutit.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
And you do what works for your family.
That's all, that's it.
You don't follow nobody's norm.
What works for your family andwhen you put your children first
and you don't use your childrenas a weapon and I'm saying it
because many women do when youuse your children as a weapon
and retaliation and all thatkind of stuff, you need to sit
down and check yourself and lookin the mirror, boo.
(31:58):
You need to check yourself andlook in the mirror because you
still ain't over that brother,mm-mm, because you don't care.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
When you done, you don't care.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I told you that brother could sit right there,
you don't care, mm-mm, you don't, you don't care, but you still
tied up still, you still tied up, caught up, that feeling that
we're caught up, we're gonna doa concert, we gotta do a 30
minute concert with this oneright here.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Concerts every day in my house they had a camera baby
concerts every day.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Anyway, we done with this charise, we're done.
Can't wait to see the commentson this.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
If we get any hair.
Well, the men just gonna watch,so.
But hopefully done.
Can't wait to see the commentson this.
If we get any hair, I reallywant to see the comments.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
The men just gonna watch.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I would love to see.
Now, this was a good one formen to comment on too, though.
Absolutely Comment y'all.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
We'd love to hear what you got to say, and the
ladies too.
Oh, absolutely, and the ladiestoo.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
We want the ladies too, but we was.
We was talking earlier on oneof our episodes about men just
watching and not commenting, sothis to me is a good one to
comment on.
Talk to us, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
So for all y'all mothers out there that won't let
your children see their fatherbecause he got a new girlfriend,
don't be like that baby.
That means you have feelingsfor him.
Now, don't be wrong, unlessthat girlfriend is doing
something, she ain't got nobusiness or whatever.
You know what I'm saying.
But when it's not somethingthat's detrimental to that child
(33:21):
sweetheart, go look in themirror or something you still
caught up.
Anyway, this is.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Allegra y'all.
This is Stephanie, this isCharisse and we still missing.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Ivanya, but this is Timeless and Unfiltered and we
will see y'all next week.
Bye.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
We spilled the tea.
Can't wait for the commentsy'all.
Okay, we are spilling tea.
Oh, now that was some tea.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
That was some tea.
Some tea, coffee and liquor andshit With a shot of Patron.
Bye y'all.
Thanks for watching, guys.
For all y'all mothers out there that won't let your
children see their fatherbecause he got a new girlfriend,
that means you have feelings.
Now don't be wrong.
Unless that girlfriend is doingsomething, she ain't got no
business or nothing.
You know what I'm saying.
But when it's not somethingthat's detrimental to that child
sweetheart, go look in themirror or something you still
caught up.
This is Legra, this isStephanie, this is Cherie, and
(00:22):
this is Legra.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
This is Stephanie.
This is Cherie.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
And this is Ivanya, and this is Timeless and
Unfiltered, where we arespilling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time, uh-oh.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Timeless and Unfiltered.
Stephanie One laugh at a time.
Uh-oh Uh, time is in the filter.
Stephanie Allegra Sharice whenthey at, where they at.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
We filling the tea on midlife.
One laugh at a time.
I don't know.
You just a little turn for aminute.
I want you up.
Oh look, she got a little badboots on.
Well, they ain't even.
I don't know if I'm saying thisis a boot.
Is it a boot sandal, boot,sandal.
That's really cute.
That's cute.
Boot sandals, boot sandals,baby feet.
What size shoe is that?
A six?
I think I was born a seven.
(01:11):
I think when I was born I cameout with a seven.
I was like what little babyshoe is that?
But it is cute.
It is cute.
And shit girl.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Thank you, so you can always buy shoes right,
Stephanie?
I get the sale.
The display shoes are always onsale, Whatever whatever.
And that's why I have so manyshoes.
I get all the display shoes forlike 20 bucks.
Oh my God.
Isn't that nice, I love itIsn't that nice.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I love it.
Roll your eyes at her.
What are we talking about today?
Y'all what?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
a carryover for one of our episodes.
I think it was exes.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I think we were talking about.
Being progressive inrelationships after exes.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Oh the relationship after the relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yes, yes Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, and I think how we got to it.
That was a good way to put itno, no, the relationship after
the relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Yeah, and I think we got to it because you had said
that your ex-husband was comingon oh yeah, we're going to
jamaica.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
We're going to be filming in jamaica on location
while we're on our trip tojamaica when is that?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
what's the date um june 19th?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
through the 23rd for the southern soul getaway, that
is the dj trucker.
Southern soul getaway.
We're gonna.
So we're gonna film the episodewhile we're there, and,
yvonneonne, you'll be there too,so that's going to be great.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
We'll all four be there, yeah, I think that's
progressive as hell.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, and Stephanie was like, that's progressive.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
And when I realized I can have relationships after
relationship.
I just have to get to a pointwhere I'm not in love with you
anymore.
Once I get past that I'm not inlove with you, I can still love
and care about you, but I haveto get past the being in love
with you.
In order for me to have arelationship with you, like to
be cool or do business and stuff, I got to get past being in
(02:55):
love with you because it's notgoing to be the same.
We can't be friends in lovewith you.
Yeah, I don't want to love, befriends still in love.
That girl crazy yeah.
I don't want to love you neitherand be your friend.
So we got to get past that.
But even with kids, I thinkthat's so grown up because once
(03:16):
my kids got 18, hey you on yourown with your relationship with
your dad and other familymembers.
I don't have to be thatcatalyst anymore to keep
everything together and justUnless it's grandkids involved,
I think that's when you all cancome back together.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
The reason why I wanted to really talk about it
is because I think this issomething that would get a whole
lot of comments, to be honest,and I'm going to tell you why.
So you're having a trip?
I mean, it's your, you knowit's your business.
It's your business, part of mybusiness, yeah so, and your son
is over 18 years old now.
I'm just saying how peopleright would talk to me you know
(03:55):
just almost 30.
I'm just in the comments,because I could see a lot of
people well, not a lot, but Icould see just mix people well,
not a lot, but I could see justmixed um comments about it and
some people saying, well, whatthey when they turn 18?
Right, then you would come outof the mix potentially right,
(04:16):
depending on everybody'srelationships with different.
I could see it.
I mean, you know, I could seepeople saying if it was a
graduation, or something joint,then it would make sense that
the parents would be there,although my daughter's getting
ready to close on a house andshe said her dad was coming and
I'm like, why, why?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
But anyway, why Okay?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
So you know.
So there's just the mix.
You know what I mean.
It's just that mixed ideologyabout Right.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
But I think it depends on what kind of
relationship you have with yourex.
Yeah, you know, for me it'snormal.
It's normal Shout out to my dadand my stepmother and my
stepmother.
They have been together almost40 years.
(05:04):
I'm 55.
They've been together, I think,think since I was 13 years old,
um, and I remember when myparents split it was really hard
.
It was hard for me, um, becausethe conditions that my parents
split weren't ideal.
You know it was.
It was life shit.
You know I'm not gonna put alltheir business out in the street
, but it was life shit.
You know I'm not going to putall their business out in the
(05:24):
street, but it was life shit,you know.
And it wasn't ideal and therewas a lot of hurt and, as kids,
you know, we always have thisconversation about kids' view of
what happened.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
And then there's the adult view of what?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
happened, I had the kids' view of what happened, you
know, and so I was angry withmy dad for a long time and and
didn't talk to him for a longtime.
And sports, when I really gotinto sports, you know, sports
brought us back together, Right,you know?
because she was that girl youknow, you see that, you know
(06:03):
because, well, sports brought usback together.
But then you know, we hadanytime.
We had graduations or we had,or it was a party, or you had to
pick and choose who you weregoing to spend the holiday with,
and all that kind of stuff.
It just was, it was a strain onthe kids, you know, while y'all
are doing whatever, because wecan't all be in the same room at
the same time.
(06:23):
And then I remember once we hadchildren, so now there's
grandchildren like you just saidonce, there's grandchildren
involved.
I think that was the turningpoint in our family At that time
.
My dad and his wife live inOhio.
My mom lived in Georgia.
We were now all in Georgia.
The grandkids are now down herein Georgia.
When my dad came to visit, heand his wife stayed at my
(06:47):
mother's house At my mother'shouse, you know why?
Because we were all at thehouse, so they got to see the
kids, they got to play with thegrandkids, all that kind of
stuff.
I think there's issues whenthere's still feelings involved.
You know, you know me.
I always say when I'm done, I'mdone.
When I'm done, you can sitright here, you can sit right
(07:07):
here, and I could care lessbecause when I'm done, I'm done.
So I think that seeing how mymother handled that situation
and it just made our family lifeso much better, so much it made
it easier.
Now, is it perfect?
It perfect?
You know they don't have to bebest friends, right, but when my
(07:27):
mother got sick, guess who wascalling on, checking on my
mother all the time?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
his wife, his wife was all that time and it makes
sure that my mother was good.
I mean that part, I mean someof that.
Now I'm just now, I'm talkingfrom a charise perspective.
That makes sense that your momand wait a minute your mother
and father, your father and yourstepmom was married, yes, okay,
(07:55):
and they came and stayed withyour mom At my mother's house
which was his ex-wife.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
They stayed at his ex-wife's house Because we spent
.
We had big Christmases.
Yeah, yeah because that's wherethe grandkids are, so the
grandkids.
Or else, if you're gonna stayat the hotel, then what do you
come for dinner for?
An?
Hour or something, and then, goback to the hotel but we
actually spent time together asa family all the time.
So even when I would, when Iwas divorced, um my ex-husband
(08:27):
and I everything.
It was always about our son.
I didn't care what holiday hehad him.
I don't care if he just had himlast weekend.
I don't care what the judge say.
The schedule is.
When my son says I want daddy,hey, come get your baby.
You want him this weekend.
(08:48):
Yeah, you know, it don't matterif he had him every weekend.
My mother used to be like hejust had him for Thanksgiving.
He's gonna be gone forChristmas.
Yeah, he gone for Christmas.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
I got him every day.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
You know who cares if it's Christmas, it's every day.
You know I pick him up fromschool every day.
I got to do this, you do that,so I was never really big on
what a set schedule was.
So now my son is in his 20s andwhen he turned 18, like you
said, you don't have to call mewhen he got his own phone call
your son, you ain't got to callme.
(09:16):
Hell, that was in high school,you know.
So we don't talk all the time,but guess what?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
He all the time, but guess what?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
He is still my family , because he is my son's father.
For me, he's still family.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
He's not my ex-husband, no more.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
He's like my distant cousin.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
That's hard for a lot of people.
It is for a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
No judgment, but it's like your son is 18.
This is your business trip.
It has nothing to do with him,or nothing, and his dad and his
wife and I called and personallyinvited his dad and his wife to
come on vacation.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
That's progressive, because this is the first time,
you know, for my dad is going tobe there and his wife.
We're used to seeing them, yeah, but my dad's been sick the
last few years.
He ain't been able to travel.
My dad is 77 or something, Idon't know how many more times
he's going to travel.
You know, just because of age,you know, hell, I might not be
(10:15):
here tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
You know, who knows?
Speaker 1 (10:17):
You know, and my son is coming, his friends are
coming.
I invited his friends to comewith him.
He's bringing like eight peoplewith him to come and I was like
you know what?
It would have been really coolif your dad was there.
We ain't got to sit around andchi-chi and stuff all the time,
but your dad needs to be therewith you and stuff.
(10:38):
You know what I'm saying.
So he's going to hang out withhis son, then we're going to
hang out in Jamaica.
I have nothing against hisex-wife, my ex-husband my
ex-husband is a great guy.
It just wasn't meant for us tobe together.
It don't take away from himbeing a great guy and the whole
thing with those, with peoplewith relationships like he went
that I've never had no beef withher.
(11:07):
The only, yeah, the only thingI ever asked my son when my son
when the two of them first gottogether, and I asked this about
any woman that came into myex-husband's life.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
How does she?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
treat you when he is not around.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
That's the only question I have ever asked.
I don't want to know wherey'all go.
Don't come back and give me aplay-by-play of all the stuff.
You did One.
I know your father.
I know your father's gonna makesure you are in good hands.
I, because I know your father,he's gonna make sure you're in
good hands.
He already know I'm crazy.
He gonna handle crazy folksaround you.
But I also know women you knowwhat I'm saying who will smile
(11:37):
and act like they're the bestperson in the world while your
father is there but may do orsay crazy money.
So the only thing I've everasked my son is how does she
treat you when your father's notaround?
And my son said he loved herand I said that's enough for me.
That's enough for me stillprogressive as hell it is, it is
but, when your relationship isover, and when you're not, when
(11:59):
you're done, you're done.
He's a great guy we never had.
We never had that.
Yeah, but I think it goesbeyond craziness in our
relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
For me it goes, because you said that a couple
times.
So yeah, for me it.
It don't have anything to dowith it being over for charisse,
like when it's over.
For me too, it is over, right,but I I don't even want to say
but, because I get along witheverybody, to be honest like.
I've never really had a breakupwhere I can't talk to somebody,
(12:31):
we can't communicate.
Something's wrong.
We don't hate each other, youknow what I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
It's okay, but at the very beginning you said, oh,
we're closing and your dad'sgonna be there.
And you said why?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
right, because I raised her and I'm the one who
put everything into you getright, so that's the status of
y'all relationship.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
But seeing for me, his dad was there.
No, I get that all.
So it's just normal.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
No, no, no, but that's not even where I was
going with that.
What I was, where I was goingwith that was it don't have
anything for me with emotions,whether I'm over somebody or not
, it's just that when they're, Imean.
But everybody's different.
So for me I was just like butif your son is beyond 18, but
you explained it and it makessense for you why is the stepdad
(13:21):
and the wife being, when it hasnothing to do with the son?
So that's what I was trying toget to, but it does for you.
I mean your analogy and all ofthat is different.
So it makes sense All I wassaying was this is good, this is
just good conversation.
Yeah, it's differences Forpeople to understand.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
You know, my trips almost become a family vacation
sometimes.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
No, no, I know that you know what I'm saying, you
know so this is almost like afamily vacation I know that's
why that's part of hisconversation I think it's good
conversation yeah that's, that'spart of his family I think I
don't have a problem with exes.
I ain't inviting nobody doingall that but, I I don't have a
problem with exes, and thensometimes the people I date
really do, but I don't, and thenthat becomes contentious
(14:05):
because it's based on the other.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
They may not be comfortable and that's what I
was going to say.
It may be the ex that may notbe comfortable, because all my
kids over 18 and when theirfather comes to town he'll come
to the house to sit and spendtime with the kids, but he has
to be on facetime with his girlthe whole time, because that's
her she don't feel comfortablewith him being there with his
(14:28):
kids and she probably like whyyou got to be at the house,
because that's her insecurity hereally don't have to be at the
house, girl, he don't okay hello, these kids has grown, he can
take them out and do whatever.
It was weird to me, like why youwant to come over here, but but
, but that's their issue.
Yeah, and that's why I'd rathernot even these kids have grown
(14:51):
Send for them to come out thereand hang out with you.
You don't have to come here andjust be around.
It's just a little work BecauseI'm not inviting them to.
Oh, yeah, you and her come overto the house.
Yeah, no, yeah, am I weird?
No, you're not.
I don't think it's weird.
She's like why your voice sohigh?
Everybody got their thing.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
You know what I think we've always.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I think we've always.
Our son was always the centerpoint of everything.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
And that's clearly still what it is He'll probably
be 50.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
And he'll be the.
We were just together lastweekend.
My son is releasing his.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
And he's so cold, he's so cold.
Well, when this air.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
It'll probably have already been out June 6th, his
first single is out, so he hasEP release party and you know,
his dad and his wife are there.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Which that's a mouth?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
yeah, that's a thing, but they came and sat and
talked with us and when it wastime to do the family picture.
It was me, it was my son and itwas his dad and I said yeah,
that makes sense, and I said I'msorry, tap her on the shoulder,
tell her come, get in thepicture but, it was around him.
Not right, because but that'sthe whole thing.
It's always about my son, so myson is coming on this trip.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
He grown, he is grown .
He ain't gonna be with hisfriends.
He ain't gonna be studs withneither you or his dad.
He do Trust me.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
He gonna be running them Jamaica streets.
Now I'm gonna tell you rightnow he don't stud me.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
He ain going to be with his friends.
He's going to be with hisfriends.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
He has a whole different relationship with me
than he has with his dad.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
He's going to be with his friends.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I'm telling you he's going to be with his friends but
his dad just realized he drinks.
Huh, because he would neverdrink in front of his father.
Because you know, I don't knowwhat, this father-son thing, the
image that he, because Du Boisand I had to sit and have this
conversation You're not givingyour dad the real you, because I
don't know who this fake littlechild is.
(16:48):
This little perfect little thingyou try to be with your little
fly ass mouth and all that kindof stuff, because I know you
don't talk to your daddy.
The way you sit and be tryingto talk you know what I'm saying
that kind of thing.
So for me this is a chance forthe two of them to really bond.
It ain't about me, I could careless, they ain't bonding down
here they will, but you knowwhat?
(17:13):
He needs to see him with hisfriends.
He needs to see that Negro overthere.
Is he smoking weed?
I don't know?
Hello, he was at the EP releaseparty.
Du Bois got lit at the EPrelease party, but you don't
never get to be around his dadin those kind of environments.
It's always been just with me.
(17:34):
So for me it was more importantfor me that he and his dad had
that kind of time together.
That's your son right there.
I don't know who this littlefake little Negro is over here
that's perpetrating like he.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
You know he's a perfect little child, all the
time?
No, that's that negro rightthere yeah, and that's so.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
It was more important for me, it's it's it's family
time.
Hey, go hang with your dad, dowhat you do.
He gonna be with his friends,of course, of course, but go
spend time with your dad andwhatever.
And then, as far as me and myex-husband and his wife, we have
(18:16):
conversations, but it's all youcan.
To me, it's it's um, it'salways been nice, it's always
been pleasant, but we, we'venever really talked, if that
makes sense.
And not to say that we have to,you know what I'm saying.
Not to say that we have to, butguess what?
Our son has a lot of stuffgoing on.
We're going to be in a lot ofthe same spaces together.
Yeah, absolutely, and it don'tneed to be that way, and that's
fine, and that's understandable.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
All of that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Yeah, I'm just stuck on the picnic.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
It still don't make sense to me.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
I was like is he performing down there?
Is that why the dad and I'mlike that's so progressive of
you girls?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
for us, because we always just that's all.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Yeah, that's the only thing that's ever been
important to me was hisrelationship with his dad.
Yeah, and there's probably alot of people that like you.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah, it's not about me.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yeah, it's not about me well, I was just interested
in what people comments.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I don't care what none of y'all say.
I know you don't.
No, y'all say a lot.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
But like and subscribe and do all the stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
You know what?
But that's the thing.
What did you say?
I don't live by nobody's rules.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
No, no, no, I don't live by anybody's rules.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
This works for my family, nobody's.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
No, no, no, no.
I don't live by anybody's rules.
This works for my family.
Yeah, my family.
He's the only child.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Right, he's the only child, and I'm not trying to be
funny, I'm watching them toobecause, guess what?
I was just diagnosed withcancer.
I wasn't sure I was gonna behere.
Who gonna be who gonna?
Who gonna be with my son whenI'm gone?
I want to know who gonna bearound my baby too.
I don't care if he's 50.
He ain't learned everything.
Hell, our kids.
Now they're adults right.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
We still hand-holding our kids right now.
If I was up and out of here.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
guess who's going to be around?
My son all the time, him andhis wife Period.
We family y'all, whether welike it or not.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
No, this was really a good subject.
I mean, it really is a goodsubject because people really
because people don't get it andthey don't see it and it's just
like the insecurities of othersA lot of times just make it so
difficult.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
I don't know.
A lot of times you have thatbitter ex-wife or whatever.
I don't know what she thinks ofme.
You know what I'm saying andI'm not no disrespect, I really
don't care.
I don't know what he thinks ofme, I really don't care.
What I care about is yourrelationship with your son
Period.
And even though he isn't anadult, he's been around me 90%
(20:51):
of his life.
90% of his life.
He act like me, he got a mouthlike me, all those kinds of
things.
There are certain there arecertain now he's hitting a stage
in his life, especially now.
You always say you know youhaving that male influence
around when they're kids, buthe's in a stage in his life
right now too.
(21:11):
Even some of the discussions wehave, obviously they're going.
God, I wish your daddy was here, because this is show a daddy
conversation like you know whatI'm saying like, but he feels
more comfortable in having someof those conversations with me
because he's around me allthe time yeah, you, you and your
dad need to spend a little moretime together, or something
like there you go, there you go,and then it's in a relaxed
environment.
(21:31):
Is we going to be turning upand having fun.
I loved his wife came over andsaid what you drinking?
Because his father's a pastornow.
Now, he wasn't a pastor when Iwas.
We were together, but he's apastor now so and he didn't
really drink.
He didn't drink then orwhatever hell.
I was happy.
She asked me about a cocktailbecause I was like, okay, turn
up, girl.
You know what I'm saying.
Like, come on, you can turn itup too.
(21:52):
You know what I'm saying.
So it's, but for me it's just,it's just another extension of
my family, it's just anotherextension of my part of your
life experience.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
It's that cousin that you see once a year well, I
always say, I tell people I I'ma good baby mama because, like
my kid's father never had issues, even when, like I, wasn't one
of those crazy ones that wasgoing to give him problems.
Just because, he got with a newgirl or anything.
I didn't bother that man, Ijust and I was like, yeah, I
know I'm like the best baby mamabecause his lady never had
(22:24):
problems I'm not gonna givey'all no problems that, but it
comes down to the no emotionslike she said when you're?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
done when you're not connected anymore it just
doesn't bother you, you're notfazed by it at all.
Because that's where a lot ofbaby mama drama come from.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
They still got emotions.
There's still attachment.
There's still emotions.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I don't care who you you with.
Is she good to my son Right,when he come over there?
Do he got any problems?
Is he being fed?
Is he being talked to like hecrazy?
Is he whatever, whatever?
Now, the moment that crossesthe line, we got issues.
And when you say cross the line.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
I laugh because my kid's father wound up going to
get with a child and she's inbetween the ages of our daughter
and so the girl's clicking withher because they're like, oh,
in their 20s or whatever.
And then I know my she had saidsomething crazy to my son or,
and my son like snapped back andthen his dad was like, oh, you
(23:23):
don't talk to her.
Like like that.
And my son's like bro, she'slike six years older than me,
like she's basically like mysister's age you can't expect us
to respect this child woman ofyours like you can't.
We're not going to give her thesame respect we give our mom,
because she's like our age, likewe're just not but the respect
is is earned.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
I don't care what age you are, that's the respect is
earned, and his ex't care whatage you are.
The respect is earned.
And his ex-wife earned myrespect in the way that she
treats my son.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
That's enough of me.
That's what matters.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
She earned my respect in the way she treats my son.
That's all that matters to me.
I don't want it, but when youstill want them, no matter how,
small when you still got those,you can tell those kind of
feelings and attachment.
That's where the drama comesfrom yeah, that's where the
drama comes from.
So for me this is and the facetime, wanting to face time?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
yeah, because you worry I don't want him girl
right, he's not worried abouthim she's not worried about him
spending time with his kids.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
She worried about him spending time with you, yeah,
yeah, she's worried about himspending time with you.
Yeah, with you, because I wasthe original Dada, baby, mama
number one, lord, and there's notelling what he say, what he's
saying.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Right, that's what's like he's projecting his
feelings to where you just neverknow and he may not.
Some women are just insecure.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Because we have a great friendship.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Yeah, you don't have to do anything.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
You don't have to do anything, but just exist.
Ooh Lord.
Well, he had told my kids.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
He said I don't care where we are in life.
If your mom ever need me, I gother for the rest of her life.
He was like I don't care whoshe went what she was doing.
I got your mama and she mustfeel that.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I'm like why to your relationship?
Can I have the kids?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
But that's between, but you have to be careful
because some guys with rooms onthe bed I've been with somebody
before who actually tells, whoactually say to women or have
said to women I know we're nottogether and there's nothing
between us, but if there'sanything, she ever needs.
Oh yeah, you cannot say that tothe average woman.
You can't say that to theaverage woman.
(25:26):
They can't handle it, theycan't take it and you need to
check yourself, sir or ma'am, orwhoever.
Check yourself.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
You can't be saying, I mean, come on now, even if you
feel that way, you don't, youdon't, you don't, you don't
gotta say that I tell my kidsright now I could call my
ex-husband, if I, if somethingcame up.
Yeah, if something came up Icould, I could call him.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
And you know what?
Speaker 1 (25:47):
he's going to say I'm going to talk to my wife about
it, as he should.
I'm going to talk to my wifeabout it and I'll get back to
you.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
If I needed something Now, don't be wrong.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
That's never going to happen, right.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
I go down with the ship.
When that boat go down, I'msinking with it.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, I'm going to sink with it, baby, but I know
that I could, because I knowwhat type of person he is and I
know what kind of relationshipwe have.
We didn't have a badrelationship.
We didn't have a bad breakup.
Y'all were young.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
We were young we got married.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I was 22 years old when I got married.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Yeah, you know, I was grown Girl, please.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Ain't no even know who I was at 22.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
You know, and at the time he was 26.
And think about it.
Think about your kids now intheir 20s.
They still trying to figure itout.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
They are, they don't know who they are.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
They're still trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
So getting married and you have a child.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Yeah, that was a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
And don't be wrong.
Shout out to all the youngcouples that are doing it and
the couples that do it, andthey've been, we're together, we
were friends.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
That's the foundation .
We were friends.
That's the great part about it.
I liked him.
He was a good person.
You could stay friends forever,not my man.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
He was a good person, yeah, and guess what?
He still is.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah, praise, jesus, and guess what, when?
Speaker 1 (27:05):
we broke up, he took excellent care of his son.
That's great.
Was everything perfect?
It wasn't perfect.
Oh, absolutely it wasn'tperfect.
But you one thing you're notgonna say is he wasn't there
when his son called.
Period, I didn't have thoseissues.
And then, when we you know,when we got divorced I was in
(27:26):
georgia, georgia.
I remember, um, the judgeduring our divorce, I was like
the only thing the judge caresabout is what we're doing about
the baby, yeah, okay, well, howare we doing child support?
And I was like I don't want thejudge cares about.
Is what we're doing about thekids With the baby?
Yeah, okay, how we doing childsupport?
And I was like I don't wantchild support.
He said, oh no, in the state ofGeorgia, we have to have child
support, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
It wasn't an option for me to say I didn't need
child support.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Oh, wow.
And the reason why I said itwas because I it was required if
there's a child involved.
Now I don't know if laws havechanged, but when I got divorced
it was required.
So they put him on childsupport.
Now, when we started, you knowour lives and careers.
Remember we were still young,we got divorced, you know 30s.
So our income here Now I wasn'tthat baby mama excuse me,
(28:18):
ex-wife that every time hisincome went up, he was, you went
back to him.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
I have never in 18 years went back into court
Because you knew he was going totake care of his baby.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Yeah, Because, guess what?
I had a debit card on hischecking account until he almost
got married.
Honestly, I never had to use it.
I forgot we even had it, andthere was something when they
were going to close on theirhouse or something.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Remember.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I was still on something and he had to send me
some documents assigned to takeme off or whatever.
But it was because, if anythingever happened, he's like, look,
if you can't reach me insomething and that boy need
something, something, somethingthat's so great, tell me about
it, get it, and then, you know,tell me about it later.
But that was just ourrelationship.
So for me he's a great guy.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
It just was not.
We were just not meant to betogether.
But that don't take away fromhim being a great dad and a
great guy, and he married awonderful woman and and now
they're going to be on a greattrip.
Who loves my son, and y'all gohave a great time with him.
I'm going to be at work.
You already know how we move.
We have almost 500 peopleheaded to Jamaica.
I'm busy, I'm at work, so y'alldo y'all thing.
(29:27):
I'm going to see you when I seeyou, because that's it.
So y'all have a good time withour son, because that's our son.
Yeah, she's been in his life,for I think he had just hit high
school, I think.
So she's been in his life agood little piece.
That's his other mom.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
I never had to put my kids on child support.
I never needed to because Iknew when he had it the kids
would have it, and even when hehad moments where he didn't, I
wasn't tripping, because I hadit or whatever.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
But no, I knew I didn't, I wasn't tripping
because I had it or whatever,but no, I knew I never, had to
put him because, like you said,I knew who I know, that I know
who I laid down and had kidswith, and that these kids were
going to be all right.
And they've been all rightright.
So it don't faze me.
Let's go on vacation.
Y'all have a good time.
You have a good time.
All right, have a good time,that's it.
So y'all say what y'all want tosay about me, he's still my
cousin.
Say what y'all want to sayabout me, I don't care, he's
still my cousin.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
It's like that cousin you see at the family reunion
that wants every two years he'sstill family.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
They still family.
That don't mean you got to talkall the time and see each other
every day.
He's still family.
It is what it is, I'm sorry.
In my head I can hear Stephanieall her thoughts going in her
head Like girl, I don't knowwhat I'm doing.
I'm doing it with you.
I can hear it.
I can hear it, it's killing you.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
It's killing you.
That's why she's veryprogressive.
It's killing you.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Hey, the bottom line is all three of us love my son.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
Yeah, that's what counts.
That's it, my son, yep, that'sit.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
That's what counts.
That's it Y'all done with me.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
I've been in the hot seat.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
No.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
That wasn't meant to be the hot seat.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
It wasn't.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
You know, I don't care girl, it wasn't.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
No, that definitely wasn't meant to be the hot seat
it was just like this is reallysomething.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
This was a thought-provoking conversation
to be honest, because it reallymakes you challenge.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
I mean, you know, hopefully it'll make people
challenge their thought process,their reasoning.
Am I doing this because I'mwith somebody who they don't
like it?
You, know what I mean, so I'mhaving to tiptoe a little bit,
because I need them to be.
I mean it just makes you thinkabout it.
It just makes you think aboutit.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
And you do what works for your family.
That's all, that's it.
You don't follow nobody's norm.
What works for your family andwhen you put your children first
and you don't use your childrenas a weapon and I'm saying it
because many women do when youuse your children as a weapon
and retaliation and all thatkind of stuff, you need to sit
down and check yourself and lookin the mirror, boo.
(31:58):
You need to check yourself andlook in the mirror because you
still ain't over that brother,mm-mm, because you don't care.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
When you done, you don't care.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I told you that brother could sit right there,
you don't care, mm-mm, you don't, you don't care, but you still
tied up still, you still tied up, caught up, that feeling that
we're caught up, we're gonna doa concert, we gotta do a 30
minute concert with this oneright here.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Concerts every day in my house they had a camera baby
concerts every day.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Anyway, we done with this charise, we're done.
Can't wait to see the commentson this.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
If we get any hair.
Well, the men just gonna watch,so.
But hopefully done.
Can't wait to see the commentson this.
If we get any hair, I reallywant to see the comments.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
The men just gonna watch.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I would love to see.
Now, this was a good one formen to comment on too, though.
Absolutely Comment y'all.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
We'd love to hear what you got to say, and the
ladies too.
Oh, absolutely, and the ladiestoo.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
We want the ladies too, but we was.
We was talking earlier on oneof our episodes about men just
watching and not commenting, sothis to me is a good one to
comment on.
Talk to us, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
So for all y'all mothers out there that won't let
your children see their fatherbecause he got a new girlfriend,
don't be like that baby.
That means you have feelingsfor him.
Now, don't be wrong, unlessthat girlfriend is doing
something, she ain't got nobusiness or whatever.
You know what I'm saying.
But when it's not somethingthat's detrimental to that child
(33:21):
sweetheart, go look in themirror or something you still
caught up.
Anyway, this is.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Allegra y'all.
This is Stephanie, this isCharisse and we still missing.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Ivanya, but this is Timeless and Unfiltered and we
will see y'all next week.
Bye.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
We spilled the tea.
Can't wait for the commentsy'all.
Okay, we are spilling tea.
Oh, now that was some tea.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
That was some tea.
Some tea, coffee and liquor andshit With a shot of Patron.
Bye y'all.
Thanks for watching, guys.
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