129. The VelociPastor (2018) - Guys... We have no words for this movie LOL - Tipsy Pod

Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
That's in my mind what made senseto me, because it doesn't make sense.
You're giving this movie way too muchcredit. Listen, that's way too
I'm trying to understand and make senseof this goddamn movie. Hello for me?

(00:28):
Are good? How are you good? I have a face too?
Well? But better? No,it looks awkward. Okay, we're not
at our usual table. We're sittingon a couch recording because he recorded a
video before this, so we justdidn't feel like putting the room back together.
So we're like, yeah, we'llmake the couch work. Yeah,
but like Courtney literally had the armof her microphone over her head and in

(00:51):
front of her face, so likehalf her face is blocked by the microphone.
Oh it's fine. I can stillsee your eyes, and that's really
as long as I can make eyecontact with you, that's all that matters.
Well, you can see my fullface, I can see half of
yours. That's really all you needto see. And I can hear you
my earballs, So I think we'reokay. Am I loud enough for you?
Oh yeah, you're basically yelling atme, So we're good. So
back to normal, I guess perusual it's a normal Sunday night right here.

(01:19):
How was your weekend? My weekendwas very good. Good. Uh
yeah, it was a holiday weekend. This is obviously a little delaid,
so we record this a couple ofdays before actually it's coming out. Yeah.
I think we're crunching this one inpretty quick. Yeah. Yeah,
you're welcome. So um. Yeah, but it's we've just kind of just

(01:40):
been chilly. Yeah, it's beenlike I'm not gonna say it's cold because
it's not, but it's been unseasonablycool. It's chili here, which I
am all about. I do.I do enjoy that. Now. The
kids are still playing in the pool, sure, um, because they're children
and they don't have any they don'thave any temperature nation yeah to give.
They don't don't care that it's sixtyfive seventy degrees in the water. Yeah

(02:04):
um, and they could potentially gethypothermia. Yeah. But once that cold
water hits my belly button area andyour lower back, like yeah, I
know, it like takes your breathaway. Yeah, it's horrible. Huh.
And then you're gonna get to likepast your nips in your shoulder just
plunge. Listen, I'm not gettingeven close of that water. They can't

(02:24):
feel temperature. They're outside, wearingthemselves out. It's fantastic works for you
if they're going to be going tosleep. Very does your dog play in
the pool? Oh? My god, she loves it. Oh she does.
She is a water dog. Ohgood, No, No, she
chases after the kids, tries todive, but she can't. She's not
real great at that. She awkward. She's awkward, but she she does
have like a we have like alittle swim best on her. She probably

(02:46):
doesn't need it, but I thinkit's my paranoia about her. I don't
know. She's still a puppy.She's cute. She's cute. She's got
some metted fur though. Oh yeah, yeah, we're gonna have to probably
get that shake its shaved. She'scute, cute, and she loves water.
I know that's fun. I meanshe lives in Florida. She needs
to know how to please say awater dog. Yeah absolutely. Yeah.

(03:07):
Anyway, so this episode, guys, so we were trying to figure out
because we've been doing some of ourlike Patreon exclusive like Florida True Crime episodes,
right yeah, yeah, And thenthe three of us were chatting,
and we were like, well,what's the next episode we want to do
for like our show? I don'tknow. We couldn't really like okay,
well we'll just table it and we'llcome back to kind of figure different line

(03:28):
up whatever. And then we gotsome suggestions and you know what, that's
never a good sign. Uh huh. We're like okay, Veloca Pastor,
and I said okay, and Courtney'slike, fuck you, So I like,
who the fuck did this movie?Who approved this? So this episode
is gonna be a cluster fuck becausewe watched Veloci Pastor. You heard that
correct, You read it right whenyou clicked on our episode Veloca Pastor,

(03:51):
And you know what it is isexactly what it sounds like. It's a
velociraptor slash pastor. Yeah, apreatures into a raptor. Yeah. Yeah,
It's exactly why I can't so gointo the movie with the mindset of
it's intentionally stupid. It's not likea movie that we've seen before, where
where like are they trying to beserious? No, like this is dumb
for the sake of being dumb,Like they made this movie knowing it was

(04:14):
ridicuous. Here's here's my here's myproblem. Okay, because in my mind,
I rationally try to make like tryto understand things and make things make
sense in my brain. Okay,this I could not. You can't.
You have to go into it withthe headspace of like it's gonna be stupid,
because I went into it knowing,Okay, even if I when I

(04:35):
first I watched Okay, well,it's obviously it's intentionally dumb, right,
of course, But some other moviesthat we've watched that wasn't the case,
some other dumb ones. Right,So I went into this movie seeing,
okay, it's titled Veloci Pastor,go into what the headspace of it's titled
Veloci Pastor, and you have noexpectations and you can't be disappointed. And

(04:56):
let me tell you, I wasthoroughly entertained. Of course, you were
thoroughly entertained. So many time stampsof just things that I had to pause
my TV because my husband and Iwere like belly laughing at it, and
he's so fucking gum, here's mything. I was not laughing. I
could this movie. It enraged me. It made me so angry because there

(05:17):
were things in here that didn't makesense. Well, sure there were things
that happened, people exploding for nogoddamn reason. Yeah, well even the
dinosaurs not even good looking, justflimsy. There was a hole in his
crotch where somebody got in there.It was an obvious escape route in the
costume, very obvious, sewn up. No, it was like no hot

(05:38):
glue, not not even like welland that's it, and like it was
obviously with a constume. Was helike pretending to be like a dinosaur?
Like we first it was like likerubber. It was bad. Yes,
it was like Barney's Ugly Twins.Yes, it was just not not cool.
But the whole thing was just itwas absurd, and it could we

(05:58):
start off absurd too, It's likelee into it the whole time. Yeah
we do. Okay, I you'retalking about let's talk a couple of things
first. Oh my god, fine, let's talk about things all right.
So you guys just live on ourwebsite right in there, obviously, Okay,
what haven't you? You should livethere, damn it, vacancy.

(06:21):
We're happy to have you, damnit. Why do you are you happy
to have you? Wow? Okay, she's getting angry. Guy, you
get the final types of stuff onthe website. Get yourself some swag.
We're wearing some. I'm wearing mypiece and wine shirt. I'm wearing you
might be a grandma. I lovethe shirt. I love that shirt too,
It's so nice. I know.I actually ordered it in a travel

(06:42):
coffee bug as well. Of courseyou didn't bring it to work with me,
and anybody who works with me isgonna be like, okay, yeah,
yeah, that makes sense. CoolAnd speaking of our website, yes,
you know what else you get findon there? What our patriot It
just always sounds better when you singit. I know if feels like if
I didn't do it, it wouldjust be missing something. I think that
probably makes people not want to gofor when you don't sing it right,

(07:05):
You're like, oh, that soundsbeautiful. I check it out. Is
that what they really think? BecauseI know, okay, and I think
while you're checking out, while yourearballs are ringing from Courtney's beautiful singing,
when you check it out, there'sa lot of stuff to look at.
Yeah. We have introduced a fourthtier in our Patreon, so exciting.

(07:26):
It's called Superstars because you are superstars. Superstar that tier has everything the OMGBFS
has. Plus we are also goingto be doing a discord access on there
as well. Oh my gosh,so we're working out the King Yeah we
are. But our thought is thatonce a month will watch like a short

(07:46):
horror film like with you guys onthe Superstars tier together on discord. How
fun would that be? That's reallyfun. We're always coming up with something
new. Yeah. And if youwant to like dip your so it's the
depo without diving in all the way. We are also doing a free week
trial of Patreontic, which is crazy. Yeah, so join the free trial,

(08:09):
test out which cheer you like,and then commit fully jump on at
the deep end because you know what. We are there with safety rafts to
just guide you. You will besafe, my friends. Oh wow,
right, I mean yeah, Imean that's true. It just sounds very
little floaties. That feels better.It's flies. And speaking of Patreon,

(08:31):
we have two pats, so excitingthat just one. No, don't for
our Spanish speaking friends. Okay,wow, we're bilingual. Sure, so
joining our omg BF tire we haveto resa okay, t say, and
joining our superstart here that's Superstar herselfShelley. Hey, Shelly, Hey,

(08:58):
ladies, thank you for joining ouraton. Welcome to the dysfunction. This
is a dysfunctional family. But welove it. We see you, we
love you. We're so glad youcan join us. Welcome and now you've
made it a little overcome completely.We love it. Yes, thank you.
Follow all our social media Facebook,Instagram, Turner, TikTok you two.

(09:20):
Yeah, follow our Facebook, butalso join our Facebook group. That's
just what the weird shit happens.Be part of the weird shit. That's
really a nice way to put it. It's good stuff though. It's really
interactive on there. We asked forbuzzwords when we record episodes, just to
say random shit that we can justtry to slide the episode. Be part
of that. We also go thereto ask a lot of opinion questions,

(09:41):
even like suggestions for a ridiculous movie. Okay, Veloso Pastor came right from
there, so check it out,guys, seriously, who approved us?
All right? You want to hopin of course? Okay, So when

(10:01):
I was watching this movie, Iwatched it on Peacock, right, huh.
And the synopsis on Peacock was verygeneric, right, it was super
simple. It was one sentence.It was like a priest travels to China
where he inherits like a mysterious,mysterious omen or whatever it was. It
was one sentence, super generic,and I was like, okay, interesting.

(10:22):
So I have it ready on myTV and I'm getting my notes ready
and I always copy the IMDb intomy note Huh. So I copy it
and I'm like, okay, wewasn't already like two sentences, so it's
a little bit longer than peacocks synopsisof it. Do you want to hear
the i AMDB synopsis for this onebecause it's fucking ridiculous. Okay, go
for it. It somehow gets progressivelyworse and weirder until you is and you're

(10:43):
like, it's only like two sentences, but remember the peacock one was a
priest travels to China where and heinherits a bad omen or whatever. Right,
Okay, Okay. After losing hisparents, a priest travels to China
where he inherits a mysterious ability thatallows him to turn it to a dinosaur.
Okay, alreadie weird the peacock,but by we're still parallel, right

(11:07):
huh? Okay, hold up,okay. At first, horrified by his
new power, a hooker convinces himto use this to fight crime and Ninja's
I mean it's not wrong. Whybefore even why movie? It's ready for
me to press play, I'm gettingmy notes together and I'm like, wait

(11:30):
a second, wait, wait asecond. You read you read this before
you watched the movie. Yeah,I read the synopsis from Peacock as I
was on my TV screen before pressplay, right, and I'm getting my
notes ready and I'm like, Iam dB. Hold on a second.
The part that killed me was aconvinces him to use it to fight crime,
and Ninja's nint. Well, letme just tell you, Ninja's were

(11:54):
a very big part of this movie. I have a question about Ninja's please
go for it. How does onecome one? Do you need to go
through the type of training courses?Is there a ninja college? Because these
guys they were not trained nor educatedin the art of being a ninja.
No. They were in the middleof the woods in this like tent and
they were doing tai chi on theoutside. And I'm not gonna lie.

(12:15):
Most of them were white. Yeah, I'm blonde. What you know what?
You could be you could beach,you could be who you want,
and then wouldn't be a ninja beingand would be a god damn dinosaur.
I don't give a fuck, butlike what And also I can ever figure
out where the fuck we were?Like what state are we in? Wait
a minute, I feel like you'reangry than I am right now. No,

(12:35):
I have so many answer questions becauseat one point we're like in China,
but I'm like, no, butwe're not like the woods right not
okay, the woods in Georgia.But then it's like the ninjas are there
and I'm like, wait, arewe not in China anymore? And then
the ninja is like live in thewoods that are like maybe in the US
somewhere. No, yeah, forsure. And then I like couldn't figure

(12:56):
out what town or state we werein. And then at one point,
the Velocity pastor makes a phone calland it's a two one two area.
Couldn't okay, well, it's NewYork City. I got Burrow in New
York. Fine, okay, okay, but no, we're not in New
York. I don't. Well,there are hills, so it's got to
be someplace. There's hills in NewYork. I'm just saying it's got You've

(13:20):
been in Florida your whole live.No, I'm just saying it could have
been any state above, like inthe middle of the country. Conclusive,
inconclusive, we don't know. I'llhop in. Okay, to unpack as
we go, Jesus, are youready? I am so the fuck ready.
Okay. So we meet Pastor DougJones. Okay, Doug Dougie Fresh

(13:48):
uh you see, giving a sermon. He goes outside. He waves to
his mom and dad, who areacross the street from the church, that
he is doing a sermonette. Butas he runs to them, we hear
like this explode. And then weget this onscreen text. I mean we
start off strong here. Oh yeah, we get some onscreen texts that said
VFX like visual effects. Yeah,car on fire. So apparently there was

(14:13):
a car that was on fire,but it literally just has onscreen tech.
Car wasn't there and there was nocar. It was an empty curb.
Yes, with this onscreen text.Yes, that was like usual imagination because
we don't have the budget for anexplosive car. Here's how Then the camera
pans back to Priest Dug and he'slike and then go back to the empty
curb where it's like car on fire, car on fire. So here's my

(14:33):
take on it. Yeah, I'mthinking that maybe this was like the last
scene of the entire movie. Theyran out of money. Sure, because
it's a low budget fill Oh fuck, we forgot about the cars. Yeah,
they didn't put it in the budget. Don't worry, we will just
make it. Nope, that saysvisual effects came on fire. People can't
imagine that. They can't envision acrime fire. Or maybe they they are

(14:56):
like trying to get money throughout theentire movie, so they decided to put
that in there as like a placeholderfor when they got their burning car and
it never happened, so they justlike, fuck it, we have to
have the scene. I have aquestion, Yes, could you not go
to like a local fire department andbe like, hey, I'm feeling a
movie. Okay, how does thiswork where I want help monitoring a fire?

(15:20):
Does that? I mean, Iguess that's arson technically yes, but
like if you're getting the fire departmentor like authorities involved a technical like possibility,
I don't know. Do you haveto own the car for it to
be put on fire like you likebuy it cheap on the junkyard because who
cares if start getting fire, right, they can just show it like already
on fire right. Huh. Idon't know. We don't got a filmmaker.

(15:41):
I know nothing about this ship.You know what. We just had
a recording with a filmmaker. Weshould have asked. We should have asked
him. Huh. Next time wetalked to Ricky, we'll ask him what.
Yeah, we're gonna sticks are andsetting a car on fire. I
wonder if he knows I'm interested justfor a pile reasons only. It's okay.
So as you said, he freaksout. Um, and then now
he's being consoled by Father Stewart,who is the father of this well destination.

(16:06):
Yeah, they're like the two priestsat this church. And it's funny
because he's like consoling him, buthe's not comforting at all. And they're
drinking wine and I'm like the ceremonialwine classes when they when you go up
for like Sarah, like for communionand it's like Blood of Christ's like those
chalics they're drinking wine out of andI'm like, those are the ceremony cups.
Great well, yeah, because he'slike everything happens for a reason.

(16:27):
He's like, just drink some wine, Sarah. He tells Doug he needs
to travel someplace that he will notfind God and if he doesn't find him,
but I said where God won't findyou? Oh? Well go oh
was it that? Anyways, ifhe doesn't find him, but he still
hears him, then that means thathe knows that he's within him. What

(16:48):
in the world? Anyways? Movingon, So we find Doug wandering through
the woods of China now because hehas taken will God not find him in
the woods? Apparently? Not inChina? Not in China? Huge on
screen Texas has China? Isn't theentire screen. I'm like, calm down,
are you yelling at me? Soas he what he's what? I
think he's doing some kind of liketai chi moves in the middle of the

(17:11):
woods. One in China. Right. A random woman who has just been
shot in the back by an arrowcollapses at Doug's feet out of nowhere.
He didn't see her coming, apparentlythe crunchy leaves you could not hear apparently,
and he asked her, are youokay? Yeah, He's like,
are you hurt, and I'm like, yeah, she's bleeding. It has
the arrow through her entire body,and she's like, oh you ever,

(17:33):
He's like, are you gonna beable to bounce back from this? Loo?
She's dead anyways. Before she dies, she gives him what looks like
a tooth of some sort, likea fossil, fossil of some sort,
and tells him to destroy it orthey will follow him forever. But he
can't speak Chinese, so he hasno idea what she is saying to him.
He's like, keep it cool,right. The only thing that she

(17:55):
says in English that he can understandis dragon warrior, and I'm like,
oh, so we can't think English. Dragon warrior, that's those are the
only two words she's ever learned inEnglish. Out of all the words in
the English language, those are thetwo words. And warriors. Right.
So the guy that shot the girlnow pops up tries to shoot Doug and
he ends up scraping his hands somehowand passes out. He's like, holding

(18:19):
that fossil in his hand, eitherlike gripped it too tight or something,
but like cuts the palm of hishand. So he's bleeding and he's like,
rah, and now he like wakesup in his bed back in god
knows what state in the US inhow did you get there? And then
the other priest, father Stewart,runs in and they have the most absurd
exchange. Oh you had those dreamsagain? How long has he been back?

(18:42):
I don't know. They were gone. I don't know. I don't
know what happened. He was justbringing him some soup he wanted him to
eat. But then but then Doug'slike, I'm so hungry. He runs
out of the like the building.He runs past a girl that he uh
that we follow now, Like he'slike running down the road, she's going

(19:02):
in the opposite direction. Her nameis Carol. Okay, so Carol's a
sex worker. Yes, And Ilove the fact that her name is Carol
because to me, it's like theleast sex worker name you could have baby
last night with Carol. What butyou would think that she would have like
like a name Candy or something,setripper name maybe yeah, a street name

(19:23):
of some sort of thing, notlike her real name. Because I feel
like, don't you like even ifyou are like an exotic dancer or like
a streetwalker or something, don't youlike not use your name, right,
I mean, I would think Idon't know unless her name is like Betty,
And she's like, you can callme Carol. What the fuck?
But this next scene is my absolutefucking favorite. Are you talking about Frankie

(19:47):
Mermay Okay, I cannot express somuch. I almost paid myself laughing at
the scene. So she, like, I said, Carol the sex worker,
Carol sex worker. Yes, she'swalk game another street. Yeah.
She ends up giving this like homelessman some money. He's happy. Fine.
She walks up to her pimp,who back is to her, and

(20:07):
she asks him like, hey,where you want me to go? Basically
yeah, he gets pissed. Heturns around and literally bitch slaps the fuck
out of her. Yeah, hedoes. God damn you, Carol.
What he don't have to tell you? Not the question what I do?
Now? What's my name Frankie Mermaid? And why is my name Frankie Mermaid?

(20:30):
Speak up, girls, I'm gonnagive me a fucking book because you're
swimming in bitches. You goddamn right, you goddamn right, I can't.
I literally, whoever like created thatline was so proud of themselves. They
were so proud Okay, how's theline I would write? You know that?

(20:51):
Very right there, very punny,very punny. What pimp his name?
Frankie goddamn Mermaid, Frankie Mermaid.And he's serious about it too.
He loves it. He slaps somebodyover it. She's asking him a work
related question. This is a workrelated question, and he's like, bitch,
slap, Yeah, who are youtalking to? Frankie Mermay you know

(21:12):
why they call me that? Yeah? We know? And I love every
second of it. I love everysecond of I can't. Oh my god.
Okay, So now apparently it's nighttime. It was daytime just a second

(21:33):
ago, but now snighttime. Dougis like still staggering, like like like
limping and like in pain. Itlooks like, I don't know. He's
in the woods. Now, nowhe's in the woods. He starts growling
his eyes get green lizard. Yeah, carol, um, who's in this
empty park as well? Our woods? I don't know what it is.
Why is she in the woods?Well? I think she's working. I

(21:53):
think it's the park. Actually,do you can turn tricks in the woods?
Apparently? Okay, okay, Soanyways, a guy comes up to
her and puts a gun to herand says that he wants money. She's
like, well, unless you payme money, I can't give you any
money. Exain't got none. Who'sgonna mug a sex worker? I don't
know. But we hear a raptorscreen. We hear some loud noises coming

(22:15):
from the woods behind the mugger,Yes, we do. The robber gets
pulled to the ground. We heargunshots. The robber has a small handgun,
shoots over and over and over again. HiT's nothing. How many bullets

(22:37):
are in this handgun? I meantoo many? And also so we see
a dinosaur on top of the mugger, right, and the mugger has his
handgun and he's shooting in front ofhim. So in your mind he would
be shooting his dinosaurs attacking him,right, he would be apparently not no,

(22:59):
because he's like like shooting everywhere else. Does not the dinosaur one time?
No, But then when the muggergets up, the dinosaur like bites
him and then like his head comesoff and like rolls. But it's like
a visible mannequin head. Yes,we see lots of visible mannequin heads.
I mean not even a question oflike it's it's supposed No, no,

(23:21):
it's intentionally a mannequin head. Yeah, it has like the painted on hair,
and it's smaller than a normal humansize head. Yes. So anyways,
so now we see the blood drippingfrom the raptor's mouth because we just
see a head. The head.Yeah, it looks like one of those
like plastic hand puppets. You knowyou can buy those like souvenir shots,
the ones that you hold that it'sthe little chopper ones where you like pick

(23:41):
things up. It looks like that. It's like a head on the stick
or like the actual hand ones thatare like oh yeah, yeah, all
right. I was either way,I was thinking of the ones that were
on the stick. And it hasa little thing and it like grabbed.
That would have been more effective thanthis dinosaurs showka because that can actually pinch
something. It could it actually beuseful. So the next day, Doug
wakes up in his bed naked.Carol saunters in, but no, it's

(24:04):
Carol's bed. Oh, I'm sorry, it's Carol's bed, not dugs a
bed. I'm sorry. Carol walksin. This is her, her house,
her apartment or wherever. So Carolwalks in. Saunters has a little
smirk on her face. She's drinkingher a cup of coffee or tea or
whatever the hell she's drinking, andsays, how great the last night was?
Sure like in this very sultry,sexy voe. So we're all to
assume that Carol and Doug had sex, right, that's what we assume?

(24:27):
Yes? Right? Was it bad? I was weird? Oh honestly,
it all happened so quickly. Iwas very scared. I think I even
impeded myself. Oh was it yourfirst time too? Yeah, as I

(24:47):
said, I'm a priest, sowe can never say, what are you
even talking about? What are youtalking about the time you turn into a
dinosaur and ate someone. That's howshe explained the whole dinosaur interaction in the
woods. Yeah, and we're thinkingthat they're talking about sex, and I'm
thinking, oh wow, she thoughtit was weird and she almost pete herself

(25:10):
during Okay, yeah it wasn't.It was the raptor. You are giving
you a prehistoric animal? Oh mygod? Why? Okay? Well,
he ends up jumping up, freaksout and says that he doesn't believe her.
It can't be true, because dinosaursdon't exist. She's like, never
existed. She's like, bitch,let me just show you where his body
is. He realizes he is likenaked, asks her for something to wear.

(25:33):
She's like, oh, I gotyou boo. So she's like,
as we see the walking through thewoods, he is literally wearing this short
orange sweater dress, beater dress.It's tighter than shit. It barely covers
his junk barely. But you knowwhat, though, dog looks good in
it. Work in this sweater dress. It's got like quite the neckline,

(25:55):
yeah yeah, feeling, of course, and it's like barely covering his junk
and he's like pulling it down,waggling through the woods. Sweater dress.
I can't the girl you had nosweatpants. I can't. Okay, fantastic,
Oh my god. Well she showshim the body. He freaks out,
especially when she tells him, uh. She goes into the conversation about

(26:15):
herself and that she is a hooker, her words, not mine. Um.
She tells him that he saved herlife and maybe turning into a dinosaur
and killing bad people wasn't such abad thing. No, I guess not.
It could be a good thing.She could like take out all of
the horrible people in the world.Okay, Yeah. He runs off and
says he has to give a confession. He's like, no, I'm not

(26:37):
doing that, that is I ama priest. Yeah, I am not
a raptor, begilte or. No, I can't be going around killing people.
So he makes it back to hishouse. He changes out into his
kind his sweater dress, his priestoutfit. There you go. He runs
to the church and he goes intoone of like the confession cubicle things.

(26:59):
Yeah, it's a cubicle. Thinkshe's a confessional confessional definitely not. Nope.
Okay, anyways, um, heasked the person sitting on the other
side that is going to that isthere to give their confession that he asked
him. He's like, so,when was the last time that you gave
a confession? Since I last confessed? Oh, Jesus, Padre, you're

(27:21):
gonna make me whole's uh oh,it's been about two years. There's a
lot of chronicle of you can't smokein here, my son, listen,
Padre, Frankie fucking Mermaid smokes morethe fuck he wants because his life is
on fire and he's like, ohman, it's been a long time ago,

(27:44):
and he says he's a pampum.He confesses that he does drugs.
What is it that you would liketo confess? Oh, geez, I
guess we could cover the last fourdays. Stole candy from this baby.
Then I threw the baby in theriver, so could his stitch obviously.
Then Uh, well, I pimp, bitches, I do drugs, sell

(28:06):
drugs, murder people. Uh really, you name it. I'd done its
appalled. Yeah, he's like,He's like, I don't know who the
fuck you are. And he askedwho the last person that he killed was.
He says that actually it was acouple of months ago and there was
this old couple that he blew upin a car and it was actually right

(28:27):
outside the church church, his exactchurch, imagine that. So he says
there was blood everywhere. Then Doug'sface starts like twitching, and he starts
like convulsing a little bit. Heputs his dinosaur hand because it's his whole
body, isn't is it a raptor? He isn't turning into the Hulk with
rage. Heightn't do a dinosaur withrage. But just then, not enough

(28:48):
rage to convert his whole body justhis hand, so he punches through the
confessional window with his raptor hand.He does. He chokes the pimp and
demands to know who orders to havehis parents die. Yeah, because he's
like because Frankie Mermaid's like, Ididn't do it. I was just told
to do it right, right,right, Okay? Anyways, he won't
tell him, so he ends upslicing his throat with his claw. Yeah,

(29:11):
he kills the mermaid. Great,he kills the Mermaid. So Doug
goes to Carol's apartment again and askshow they are going to make this work?
He gets all excited, Now,how is he going to make this
work? And being a dinosaur andlike killing all these bad people because he
just killed somebody, And I'm thinkingto myself, how is this Carol's problem?
How is why is Carol the onehas to like come up with the

(29:33):
plan the dinosaur? Well, myanother favorite line I have is they're doing
this back in fourth Thing, andCarol agrees, like we have to have
just a plan, Like there's parameter, right, He's just kill bad people
like a weird dinall vigilante. Andshe says to him in all sincerity because
he's like, they're good exchange.Right, I'll teach you about the Bible,

(29:55):
you help me kill people, right, And she goes, I don't.
I don't know much about odd Idon't know much about dinosaurs. And
they just stare. I can't,I literally can't. It's like it was
a turn on for both of them. Why. He goes, I don't
know much about dinosaur. I literallyhave nothing to say. I literally I'm

(30:21):
speechless. I don't. Okay,we should record with our arms in our
sleeves. Arms. I can't getit. Yeah, can't. Let's not
okay. And it's a t rexon a raptor. It's fine, right,
you're getting your dinosaurs mixed up.I don't know much about dinosaur.
Okay, Okay. He says thathe killed the guy who killed his parents,

(30:44):
which was Frankie Mermaid. So shehugs him and thanks him, and
we see like this montage of thetwo of them hanging out, getting closer,
getting closer. He's exercising, wesee him killing people as a dino.
He's preaching to the congregation. Wesee them just like it really is.
Yeah, just calmed down. Yeah. So now we're in the middle
of the woods again. Actually thatI missed that back in a second.

(31:07):
That montage way too long. Itwas too long, and there was too
many images on the screen. Yeah, because it's like a weird collage of
like moving images. Yeah. Andthen like some of the images were like
of just his chest and it wasfor too long. Yeah, I didn't
know, and they were one oftheir feet, and it was like none
of it made sense to me.This whole movie didn't make sense. So

(31:29):
it makes sense. Okay. Sonow we're in the middle of the woods
somewhere what country, we don't know, so we meet. I called him
the Chinese Master. I called himthe Ninja Master. Okay, so his
name is sure, great, Ihave it later in the note I don't
whatever. So in his I saidthe Chinese Master and his karate crew.
He is talking to one of theguys about killing the Dragon Warrior and getting

(31:52):
his next shipment of coke to sellbecause they're running out of money. Okay,
this Chinese Master is talking to thiswhite boy. Yeah, who's a
slash ninja. Yeah, he's blonde. He's very blonde, curly hair,
yes, pasty, very fair,and that's like his like assistant, right,
hand ninja worker guy, and they'rediscussing the drug trade, of course,

(32:15):
and the next coke shipment, andI'm like, what the fuck is
happening. I don't where did thecoke come from? And not coke that
you drink, No, no cocaine, cocaine, cocaine cocaine. So uh.
The Chinese master starts manigly laughing.The other guy starts, I said,
giggling. Okay, so this guy, can we insert some of this,

(32:37):
oh a hundred of some of thelaughs on because it doesn't stop and
it gets weirder. Yeah, Likeit's weird. It's it reminded me of

(33:15):
like Austin Powers when Doctor Evil's triedto be like, yeah, like endlessly
Yeah, you know, kind ofweird evil laugh. It's weird. It's
so weird. And it goes onfor a very long time. Everything goes
on for a very long time.Yeah. So, like this movie was
under an hour and a half.How great. Great. So we see
Father Stewart catching Doug and Carol flirtingacross the street from the church and chitchen

(33:37):
they are. Father doesn't seem veryimpressed, so he decides to a little
bit later confront him about it andsays that he's always chronically late, he
doesn't eat much, and that girlhas been hanging around. He demands to
know what is going on with Doug, because did he forget his vow of
chastity. Apparently he did, helikes it. They mean that they may

(34:00):
know. Well they didn't. Hejust turned into a rap rapster, a
raptor, and she paid herself.So there we go. So like a
dinosaur who raps I think, Ithink in a napster. Oh god,
that's showing my Oh god, I'mold. So Doug tells him that he's

(34:21):
different, and Stuart's like, yeah, you are a little different. He's
like, no, I'm really different. So we don't hear him actually explaining
that he's a raptors. But thenext scene, it's a nighttime now and
Father Stewart says that this is impossibleand he needs to be exercised. Yeah,

(34:44):
he needs an exorcism, and heneeds to rid himself of Carol.
There's nothing wrong with Carol. Youleave Carol out of this. Carol is
a very nice girl. She's anice girl. She's very nice. She's
premed. She said she's premed.Law student is what she said, premed
law, I don't know if Iwrote it in and I'm hoping I did
it. I can't remember. Butshe's like, there's no I can't remember

(35:05):
what it was, but she shesays, there's not really a need for
um a premed poor something like aprostitute premed. I don't know what.
Anyways, I'm moving on. Sohe tells him that he may be on
a mission from God to kill people, and Father Stewart leaves him and basically
locks him in the room and says, Okay, I'm gonna go and figure

(35:28):
this out. Your ass is stayingright here because you're you've got some demon
insiding you, not a dinosaur,some kind of demon demon. Yeah.
So now we hear a voiceover fromDoug on how his parents feel about his
life decision. Yeah, why weget a flashback but why so they say
they're proud of him, they're excitedfor him to become a priest. Blah
blah blah blah blah. Yeah,it kind of comes back at the end

(35:52):
with the white voice scene of likehis parents and him stinging in the car
and his dad's like, this isa big responsibility, but we support you,
right, Thanks dad? Thanks,mom, hug and the car awkward,
Mom's the back seat hug. Fine, but his parents were supportive of
him. Correct, and we onlysee him and his parents. Yes,
that will come back. So nowfather Stewart takes matter to his own hands
because he can't go through the chainof command of getting exercised or whatever.

(36:15):
So he's just deciding to take Dougover to Father Jones, I think is
what it is. He seems likehe's a little bit of like a Satan
worshiper. I think he used tobe with the church, but now he's
like not, which seems like whywould you bring him there? It seems
like against everything that like father Stewartwould go for, right. Okay,

(36:37):
Okay, So anyways, this guydoes exorcisms, so his methods apparently are
sometimes suspect, per Father's Stewart suspectthat's the word you use. Okay.
Also, do we know what likedecade this was supposed to take place?
I have no fucking clue because Idon't know where we're at, eighties,
what part of it felt like itwas like maybe late nights, early two

(36:58):
thousands, and I have no idea, no clue, Great Gregor, Okay,
so Jones tells Doug to start fromthe beginning of when he started,
or of when all of this startedfor him. So then we have this
voiceover from Father's Stewart on how heknows this Jones guy, um, and
he doesn't. He hasn't seen himsince quote unquote the war, to which

(37:20):
I said, which war? Whatwar? It's the war? Okay.
Again, we don't know where,what time time period we're in, but
we get a flashback and we seefather Stewart walking in this field. Which
are there the same woods that wasin China? Yeah, and also not
in China, right, And Isaid, is there a man in the
background wearing jeans? They are inquote unquote war? Uh huh? And

(37:45):
there is a man wearing a cutoffsleeved shirt camo. Listen, they did
not have a big budget for thismovie. Jeans and van sneakers. Bring
your own gear that you own inyour closet that has camouflage on it,
and where it to set. Well, they put the people that had the
military looking outfits in the front sothat you wouldn't look at the people in

(38:07):
the back. Do you see howstupid Father's stoking his stupid helmet Oh my
god, that wig, the wigand his helmet with his hair sticking out,
yeah, the chin strap and hisglasses that were like cocka not like
take the helmet off, I can'tlook at your facing war. Take the
helmet off. And the guy behindhim with like the open vest, cut
off sleeve of camo vest i.Just there was a lot. There was

(38:29):
a lot happening. It was verybut this whole this whole scene was extremely
dysfunction. It was so funny.So we see Stuart talking to one of
his buddies, Ali about starting afamily and then get back from the war.
From the war, right, quoteunquote, um, didn't we see
his wife running like from the middleof the woods towards them. She's out

(38:52):
of nowhere, calling his name.Where the fuck did she come from?
Where? Why is there a womanin the woods? What? Wait a
second? Okay, So she endsup blowing up like like she gets pretty
close to him, Yeah, andshe just implodes, just completely blows up.

(39:13):
Okay. So but okay, sowe're supposed to be in quote unquote
the war and does any civilian canjust show up? But are but where
are we? We don't know whyshe there? War? It is was
it here? Was it someplace else? She's in the woods, Stewart yelling
to him. She gets within afew feet of him, blows up completely,

(39:34):
and then there were two soldiers standingbehind him. Yeah, and they
both walk over like, oh,that didn't look good. And one of
them was like, I don't thinkwe can do anything for her now.
She's too far gone. What doyou think she was doing in the forest?
And I'm like, please tell me. Yeah, can you just got
some question? Well, I wasthinking, because of course I'm trying to
make sense in my brain as towhy she's in the woods. And I

(39:58):
was like, well, maybe itwas just some kind of like image.
Maybe he's like having some PTSD frombeing in the war and he's just pretending
to see her, and it wasjust like a metaphor kind of thing where
it blew up in his face andshe had blood all over him. That's,
in my mind, what made senseto me, because it doesn't make
sense. You're giving this movie waytoo much credit. Listens too, I'm
trying to understand and make sense ofthis goddamn movie. I think what happened

(40:20):
is he's telling Ali before Also,I laid eyes too in this whole thing,
it's weird whatever. And he's tellingyou about how he just wants to
have this life with a wife andchildren with her, and then it's like
taken from him. So now he'slike, no, I can't have any
of that, so I will bea priest. Okay, okay, great,
just really extreme, right, Sonow we're back at the seance.
So now we're back at the seanceand Doug is sitting around the table.

(40:45):
Are actually this this Jones, guyStewart and Doug are all sitting around this
table with candles, and Jones startslike chanting and some in a different language,
and he tells him that if hefeels anything to let him know.
As he's chanting, so he kindof goes back and forth. He's like,
how do you know, I'm kindof starting to feel anxious and he's

(41:05):
like no, no, no,like something bigger, like something that you
feel. And he's like, well, I'm getting hot and I feel empty.
I'm gonna need you to give mebetter adjectives than hot and empty.
What then I can feel that.Let's be real. I mean I feel
hot and empty on a daily basiswhen I'm hungry and I'm outside and when
it's ninety five degrees in the weather, I just okay. So anyways,

(41:35):
then he starts getting a little bitcrazier, right yeah, and he says
that he feels hungry. Oh yeah, he starts convulsing, turns into a
raptor. He ends up killing Stewart'sarm again. Oh, just like he
gets the lizard eyes okay, andhis face gets a little bit weird but
not dinosaur weird, right, andhe's that's yelling and just his like left
arm from like the elbow to hisfingers are like dinosaur arm again, right,

(42:00):
and he's like mab a dinosaur andlike lunges at Stewart and like pulls
his eyeball out of his socket.And then the demonologist guy whoever the fuck
he is, Jones whatever, saysno, the hounds of Hell are truly
loose, as Doug leaves and isnow in the fucking woods again. He

(42:22):
just likes to be in the woods. Clearly, this guy is not good
at his job before performing. No, but he's real proud of himself that
he's created a raptor. Well,and also he made it out attack by
a dinosaur. That's true. That'san accomplishment. He's pretty pleased in general.
Okay, so we're in the woods. Yeah, so he's met by
some ninjas, as one is whowhen they're a dinosaur in the woods.

(42:42):
Of course, that's what always happens. I just want to know who created
this movie and was like, Okay, this guy turns into a dinosaur.
But you know what, every dinosaurhas to fight who their their enemy is.
Everybody knows the true enemy of adinosaur is a ninja. Of course,
Nina, We're like, well,yeah, the movie all of a
sudden, on it. Let's go. You had me at dinosaurs and ninjas.

(43:05):
Let's roll. Oh god, okay, so rapped or dug Rapper Doug
Rapper Dino, Doug Dino, Doug. We can do Hey, we can
do puns all day long. Ilove it. He starts attacking these ninjas
and then a little later, Carolgoes into her apartment to find Doug.
Okay, I'm gonna try to paintthe picture. Please do so, Carol.

(43:29):
She goes into the apport into herapartment, she finds Doug, who
is in this bloody white tank top, barely barely bloody. It's got like
a scrape on his side, okay, ripped jeans and he's curled into a
ball, like at the foot ofher bed, like at the corner of
the wall, in the bed,under the window covered with newspaper. So

(43:52):
Doug made himself a newspaper blanket opposedto just taking an actual blanket. Where
did you get the newspapers? Didhe stop on his way to make his
own blanket? I don't know,because like, why why not under like
an actual blanket. I don't knowwhy he was on her newspaper. I
don't know why he was on hernewspaper. She didn't question it either,
No, she didn't. I wouldhave been like, one, how did
you get in my house? Right? Why are you here? And newspapers?

(44:14):
Why are you under newspaper? Whichalso makes you wonder what fucking year
is this? What year is this? Well, I mean they still have
newspapers, okay, but like nobody'sgoing out and buying that many to cover
themselves in. Maybe it was afterThanksgiving, because you know, you buy
newspapers to get the like the likelike the sales say, you know,
I don't buy shit from newspapers.I don't either. I'm on Amazon girl,

(44:36):
I am too, and I feellike it's a very nostalgic thing for
me, and I do it everyyear. Okay, but to see like
the sales and stuff, I don'tknow why, Like Black Friday says,
right, I always buy online anyway, so I don't really know. Anyways,
a little about me. Um,okay. He tells her that he
killed Stewart when he was being exercised, father Stewart, and then she tells
him that he's not a monster,and then they like it turn on.

(45:00):
So they started like kissing and havingsex. Now they're a banging. What
what why? Here's my another favoritepart. We see them okay, cool,
they're floating around, they fall asleep. Yeah, they wake up in
a very unrealistic pose. Oh yeah, don't lay that way too hot,
twin size bed, get on yournewspapers. No, it's gonna be much

(45:21):
more comfortable. They are awoken byNinja's literally diving into the two windows,
fucking roll guys her apartment. Yeah. I don't know if she's on the
first floor or if these ninjas arejust that good. Maybe they jump to
the third floor, dove into thewindows and they're like yeah, yeah,
yeah, we're ninjas. So nowDoug jumps up in his tidy whitey are
not very flattering on him. Theyare very high waisted. Don't look good.

(45:44):
They're kind of baggy too, You'renot attractive. No, Carol gets
up and like her brawn underwear,and now the two of them in like
does not in dino form, inpriest form, former priests. Well he's
naked. He's a naked priest.Yeah, okay, so four priest and
all of a sudden, Carol thesex worker can fight a fucking ninja.

(46:05):
Yeah she can't. Two of themare yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
fighting these three or four ninjas andthey win. And I'm like, when
Carol is a walk in the streetsbut also at night going to pre med
law school and she also learning selfdefense and how to fight against ninjas because
she is kicking ass. How maybeoh, oh, I have an idea.

(46:27):
I would love to hear it.You know how in the Disney movie,
Um, what's it called? Iwas about to say, Mulu,
that's not it Milan, Yeah,yeah, without the ruge, without ruge.
Absolutely, we're like, she pretendsto be a boy so that she
can go and like dress up asa ninja. Well she's not. That's

(46:50):
not ninja? No, or isit what's that Amanda Binds movie where it's
like when she soccer remember that ChanningTatum? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
okay, what's it called? Shelike pretends to be like and then she
goes to the soccer can and they'relike, why do you have Tampa?
She's like, oh, it helpsthe bloody nose and the guys. Oh
my god, this is such agreat scene, such a great what's that

(47:12):
Movie's the man? She hadn't thatit? She's the man that could be
it? I think he just madeit up. I think it wasn't both
China say, is that she couldhave been in disguise? Yeah? Absolutely,
no, No, okay, Soanyway, it's a turn on that
they just like kicked these ninja's asses. So they start making out again.
Yeah, now I know I wasturned off. Okay, shut up.

(47:35):
Okay. So well, father Stewartis still alive and he wakes up.
He got his eye pull like hedidn't get killed. No, oh yeah
that's true. I don't mean foryou, but it's like he like Doug
literally pulled out his eye. Iwas like, I murdered him. It's
like you pull out his eye that'strue. Scruciating. I mean, he
couldn't pull it out maybe I don'tknow, and he kind of hits to
the face. He also was wearingan eye patch over his eyeglasses, and

(47:59):
that infurious in me and his entiremovie. You can see right through it.
She can see his existing eye withthat gap and the entire movie.
That got me mad. Oh thatpissed you off. Like, put the
glasses on the jam patch. Whatare we doing here? Take the glasses
off? I mean serious, amonocle for pob Take you got one eyeball,
now, mole, just break yourfucking glasses and put it over one

(48:22):
ear and just lean it on yourkneel in your nose. Yeah, but
the bridge still, that's fine,that's fine, it'll work. It'll it'll
work. Stewart or by contacts byhalf the price, you're goosh right,
Well, we don't know what erathis was in. Maybe they didn't have
contacts, who knows what decade.I mean, they could have had a
monocle, who knows, I meanwe could. It could be my mind.
I picture it with like the chain, oh yeah, you know in

(48:44):
the pocket. Absolutely, Okay,he's kind of going on. Okay,
So he wakes up in this bed. He's got the stupid patch on his
eye over his glasses. Oh,his name is the mask, the Chinese
Master. His name is way Chan. Oh. Okay, you're welcome.
Right sitting right next to him,waiting for him to wake up. He
gives them some tea and tells himto come with him. So he takes

(49:06):
them out of that tent and toanother tent. But as we're going through
there, we still see the ninjas, like doing their practice moves and stuff.
Yeah, she's punching as she's doingthat. Guys, that's all they're
doing in the woods. Well,I mean it because they're not ninjas.
They're ninjas in training, but theyneed a lot more training. They are
taking karate classes, that's it.They're at the local line. They're lying

(49:28):
how to punch the air. Okay. He takes them to another tent.
He shows him his all of hiscocaine that he has and how he's going
to convert the Christians with it.Yes, I did not understand this part
at all. No, I wastrying to follow along. I was going
to rewind it, but then Ithought, oh, I don't care.

(49:50):
It didn't seem like it parallel likeyou was trying to do, because when
they first started talking, it wasabout like they were going to cut off
the existing like line of how peopleget their drugs and like supplement with their
so it creates the need for theirdrugs. Right, Okay, fine,
I can no brow with that.Fine, I've seen breaking bad. I
get it. Okay, I getit basically, God damn bro, I

(50:13):
get it. But then it allas one took a one eighty and was
saying that it was going to converttheir religion, and I just got confused.
And Father Stuart was piss and offended. He was He's like, we
can't do this, can't convert allthese people. This is ridiculous. So
he basically told the master Ninja guywhatever his name was, wait Chan,
wait Chan, that he can't dothis. Wait Chan was like, well

(50:35):
what I want to hear? No, and then just like gets his blade
of some type sword knife thingy andjust like stabs Father Stewart and the gut
yeah, and then kills him.Well, but before he dies, he's
like, Doug will stop you?Is Doug gonna stop you? Is it?
Because he's a raptor and he's gonnalike gonna kill you. How it
doesn't matter and moving on. Okay, So Doug and Carol, who's dressed

(50:58):
in a black onesie. Yeah,very revealing, very revealing. Seems like
she's got quite the plunging to herbelly button neckline. Yeah, and I'm
thinking, if you're doing as ninja, not a great choice. No boobs
are gonna fly out. Well,her rooms are not that big, so
I mean still, I know itwas really small. It was very nice.
It was small. And then Dougalso makes a comment about like he's
glad that the ninjas told them wherethe hideout was before he died. That's

(51:19):
something I knew where to go.It's the same woods. I mean,
we're only one it's only one wood. Oh what would so anyways, so
they get to it. They getto the ninja hide out and then middle
of the woods. But before theystart attacking each other, we find out
that one of the ninjas, whohas a weird laugh is actually plot twist,

(51:40):
is Doug's brother. His name isSam, and we were we heard
right. We heard that Doug wasthe only son, but Sam was always
like standing there in the background.So we got to get the flashbacks of
um Doug being with his like hisparents, Yeah, sitting at the table
and laughing and stuff. And thenwe like hand over to the doorway and
we see just Sam staying. Doug'sprevious flashbacks are now like showing to us

(52:06):
from like a different angle where Samis there but being completely ignored by his
family. Correct. Yeah, sohe's got some resentment toward his brother because
he was clearly the favorite and hisparents hated him. And it's like,
well, Sam, you're trying tobe nam ninja. Well maybe he had
to resort to that. Maybe he'sjust like, I can't fit it anywhere.
I'm just gonna be a ninja.Yeah, so they started attacking each
other. But why is Doug notturning into a raptor at this point?

(52:30):
Okay, I had the same question. Great, because I'm like, so
you're either full raptor arm raptor ornot a raptor at all. Maybe he
can't control his powers. He hasn'tquite honed the art yet. Maybe Okay,
I mean I feel like maybe it'sbeen a short period of time and
still hasn't perfected it yet, stilla learning curve for him. Yes,
yes, yes, So Doug jugends up stabbing Sam, and while he

(52:55):
is just staying there all proud ofhimself, Carol's like kicking the other ninja's
asses, but then she ends upgetting slashed by one, and then all
the ninjas start hugging each other andcrying because she's dying. Yeah, and
then why because I don't understand becauselike the ninja took like a sword and
like sliced across her chest. Didnot look deep. No, a couple
of stitches. Maybe maybe it's verysuperficial. Yeah, let me be the

(53:17):
glue stitch. It's not even likeyeah, she know, like it'd be
like a little butterfly. Yes,like really just kind of close that up
and put some sporing on it,you know, I could get affected,
keep it safe. So Doug runsover and like he's thinking that she's dying,
and then she's telling Doug it shebelieves in him, And like the

(53:39):
ninjas that were just attacking her,like you were saying, are standing there
like their arms rounding each other andthey're crying at the sentimental moment happened between
Carol and Doug, And I'm like, does nobody else why were we fighting?
If I don't give a fuck whatwere we doing here, I don't
I don't know. Well, nowDoug is angry, he is, he's

(54:00):
transforming into the rage of Dino Dog. I said, Uh, there's a
hole in the crotch of that dino. Okay, so this is the first
time we see full headed toe dino, full on dino, full on dino.
Every time it was like elbow down, yeah, and just a little
glimpse. Yeah. Yeah. Thisis a full on ridiculous cost and it

(54:21):
reminded me of it, you knows, in inflatable as that people wear they
run around and I'm now, okay, that's better. Yeah, this absolutely
because this looks like it's made outof some type of like silicon rubber.
Yeah. Yeah. And there's ahuge hole in the crotch that someone visibly
climbed into put their feet in.The dino feet is running around without velcrowing
a close. Yeah, it's likeit's like blowing in the breeze. It's

(54:42):
a draft up there. Well maybemaybe it's in the middle of the summer
and they needed a draft, Iguess, so maybe it was hot and
whatever freaking woods they were in.Baby, So the Dino dog is now
fighting to ninjas. Uh, huh, okay, and then the old man
mastered Ninja guy Chan sorry tears withlike a bow and arrow huh and shoots

(55:05):
it. A dog gets him inthe leg, which transform him back to
regular Doug. How does that work? I guess he's injured, is in
pain? He turns back to ahuman. I don't it broke his concentration,
so he does, okay, handon his thigh, and he's like
lab and shot in the thigh,which definitely has got her. That's got
a terrible oh my god. Anyway, so Doug pulls his hand from behind

(55:30):
his like when the guy the wayChan comes up to him, he pulls
his hand from behind his back,which is still raptorized, and ends up
popping the head off of way Chan. Yeah, which is clearly a mannequin
head. Like it's small, yes, because the way Chan asked, don't
you have a lastma? Who pastaonly six? I think my hand is

(55:55):
immune. His hand is still avelociraptor. It's raptorized, rapturized, thank
you, you're welcome, and squeezeshis neck and is physically holding a mannequin
head. It's little, it's alittle head. It's a little head and
they crudely put giant eyebrows on itand a goatee to make it a lot
like shaking face to make it lookI can't it was like offensive, a

(56:19):
little bit, a little bit,yeah, yeah, real, real offensive.
Actually, oh my god. Sookay, we're done with that scene
because I'm done with it. Sonow we're in the hospital waiting room.
This crewe doctor comes in smoking acigarette like Doug is sitting there in the
waiting room, and he says thathe did it. We did it.

(56:40):
He saved Carol's life and her woundsare healing, and as a matter of
fact, they're almost healed now,and then he can go see her.
The whole time they're talking, he'ssifting through an ashtray and lighting up cigarette
butts to smoking. What a doctor, gros? What is happening? And
I don't know. I like peoplespoke the cigarettes. You don't know who
they are. You're putting your mouthand seems good. They just smoked,

(57:02):
and now you're gonna smoke their butts. Apparently apparently this was before COVID.
But we don't know. We haveno idea, true, we haven't been
last year. We don't know.Oh, my god. So sometime later,
because we don't know, in themiddle of the woods, because we
don't know what woods it is,Carol says that there is a billion dollar
bounty on Duck's head, and whatis he going to do next? It's

(57:25):
kind of like asking, like,what are you gonna do next? When
you win the Super Bowl? I'mgoing to Disney's, like Pinky the Brain,
like, what are you gonna do? Try to take over the world?
Yeah, no, See he's he'slike, he's cocky um. And
he says that he does what he'sgonna do, what he does best.
And of course they start making outbecause I guess he thinks that he's a

(57:45):
kind of a badass and a sexsymbol of some sort um. And I
said, well, that's kind ofpresumptuous, isn't it. It is it
is, And then that's it.It's it's over, Thank god, thank
god. I have two fun facts, but I can't guarantee they're fine.

(58:06):
Okay, it was slim pickins.I can't imagine this first one will be
a surprise to you to know thatthe movie costs the creators somewhere between thirty
five thousand and forty five thousand.Isn't that surprising? So surprising, so
surprising. I didn't have a bloodbudget. That's why I exactly absolutely visual

(58:27):
effects, no effects whatsoever. Okay, this one I have a really hard
time with because I think it's justunnecessary. Again, Okay. Most of
the scratches on the film were achievedby Brandon Steer, the director, dragging
the unproduced film along the surfaces inhis bathroom, the only room in his
apartment with no windows and therefore darkenough to not expose the raw film.

(58:52):
What year was there? What?Twenty eighteen came out? Eighteen? I
don't I does know X we canput into a film to make it look
a little ended, I don't scrapeit. I don't know. God,
I hate that. I thought itwas nineteen ninety two? Was it not?
Well? This was released in twentyeighteen. Why do I have nineteen

(59:14):
ninety two? Oh God, Idon't know. I don't know. I'm
glad if I watched the right movieit looked like it. Maybe I don't
wrong. I mean I could havemade it up too. I don't twenty
eighteen, huh, I wonder whereI saw twenty nineteen? Maybe so we
thought it should take place. Idon't fucking know. I mean, okay,
well you know there's that. Wedid it. Oh we did it.

(59:38):
Guys, come back next week,please please. I hope we didn't
scare you off five velos a pastor. No, no, no, I
don't think so. You know what, maybe had we done our t rex
army, maybe would have scared themaway. But I think since we didn't
please on your call, I thinkit kept us safe. I think maybe
you should um uh, let ushear what a lost after would sound like.

(01:00:00):
Okay, let me get into themoat again. My arms and she's
putting she's putting her arms in hershirt so she has too tight for this.
Okay, you have to do that. I can I get into the
I am I am method acting.But let me limber up. She's got

(01:00:21):
her close out. Okay, Iwant to hear it. Go. That
was amazing. Can you please Iscare anybody away? It's me, I'm
back, it's me, I'm back. It wasn't a real dinosaur with me

(01:00:42):
the whole time. She's not aveloc of Stephanie, a stephisaurus. Yeah
that sounds like a real dinosaur insteadof like a stegosaurus. I could be
like a Stephosaurus. Huh right,sure, you know what you can be
whatever dinosaur you want to be adinosaur, would you be Courtney if you
were a sad I like tri Saratops. I was gonna say, either snagasaurs

(01:01:02):
or try Saratos. Yeah, Ifeel like they're very nice. Yeah,
it's because of Sarah from probably Neverany stort n It's Never Lana before Time,
Before Time. Yeah, it's sucha great movie. Um, it
would took me a long time torealize I was like Sarah from Try Sarah
Tops. I did. It tookme a I mean until was that was

(01:01:24):
that? Like? Was that likesupposed to be that? I would imagine?
So I like that me too.Okay, try Sarah try Sarah talk.
Yeah that's cute. All right,guys, Um, you know,
tell us a dinosaurs. You wouldbe on our Facebook group. Yeah,
tell us all about your dicnosaurs.And if you were a dinosaur and you

(01:01:45):
maybe are a pastor whatever and youwanted to be a veloss of pastor,
you're more than welcome to Yeah.Um, but if there are any other
dinosaurs that maybe you want to be, do it or you would be if
you were a dinosaur we want toknow? Yeah, or um if they
could hern on it. Oh wait, I have an idea. Okay,
So Dustin set up this like audiothing that you can get to from our
Facebook group. Yea, yeah,facebook website, can't remember check it out.

(01:02:07):
Um, because we were asking peopleto submit like random like ask me
anything questions or like if you wantto record yourself asking a question, you
can record it. If you wantto record yourself with making your best dinosaur
sound to us, we can seehow a comparison mine and we'll go from
there. We'll see who this isbetter. I mean good loud, I
mean that was classic. I thinkthat was like your best work yet.

(01:02:29):
Thanks welcome. If you could beany type of like animal, what animal
would you be? Oh? Ithink i'd be a red panda? A
red panda? Have you seen them? No? Oh? They're so stick
and cute and they're just like doofyand weird. So you think you're doofy
and weird. Yes, okay,and you have red hair, so you
think you just should be Yeah,a red panda? Okay, you've seen

(01:02:52):
them before? I probably have.Look yeah, oh you thinking a little
raccoon? Yeah? Face? Ohmy gosh, like a little teddy beer.
And I see video of them,it's kind of like weird and just
strange, and there are kind oflike I guess they are kind of raccoon
looking, but I think I don'twant to be ones. Okay, okay,
what about you? Hmm, Nowthis is usable. That's one's gonna

(01:03:12):
let all this, of course heis. He's like, guys, you
got to an hour. Congratulations.You just had to go over dan't you
had to go over? Um?What would I be? I'd probably be
a draft. Yeah, that's fun. I feel like I love a giraffe.
I like drafts. I love awkwardanimals. Yea, yea, I
love elephants. I could be amanatee, little merman. Little that could

(01:03:37):
be a sea cow, a littleFrankie mermaid. Yeah like a yeah yeah,
but yeah, I think I likea draft. Yeah, that'd be
fun. That'd be fun. I'mtall, Yeah, yeah, make a
good drama. I'm gonna own itall right. Guys love Facebook group,
tell us it and we get too. Who cares what we're at it?

(01:03:58):
Patreon check all of ourself media.You can listen to our our episode on
our website if you want it's funto order you up a tipsy potsum was
wine glass? Why not? Whynot? I mean, yeah, right,
and he don't eat the glass.About the contents of the glass.
Maybe, I mean, it's notalways you your preference, but I'm sure
it's for you. I'm sure itis. Maybe you mean come back with
me follow us on social media Facebook, Instagram to wait a minute, I

(01:04:30):
led into it. Weird what thatwas? Not normal? She said,
I have. She guns him andthanks him. Hugs, hugs, hugs,
gun not gun hugs. Where'd thegun come from? So she hugs
him and thanks him. IDD's like, why are you searching for floss the
past or twice

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129. The VelociPastor (2018) - Guys... We have no words for this movie LOL

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}129. The VelociPastor (2018) - Guys... We have no words for this movie LOL