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Episode Transcript

(00:05):
But I don't have a theme songright now, but we are working.
We appreciate your patience. You songs. Please reach out. We're getting on
right now. We will take suggestions. Hi, friends, welcome to reality

(00:27):
un corked. You may recognize thisannoying voice as Stephanie from They're Terrifying Tipsy
and if you guess that, youare absolutely correct. But I'm here with
Dustin as well, from a TerrifyingTipsy. Hi, Dustin, Hello,
how's it going good? How areyou good? Courtney's not here with us,
But don't fork out now, don'tfreak out. She's she'll be She'll

(00:48):
be involved for sure. We haven'tgotten rid of her. We didn't.
We didn't take her, you know, kill her. Nothing, nothing happens.
Actually on vacation right now. Thepitch is in Greece right now.
Yeah, she's been posting all sortsof pictures and it looks awesome. I'm
a jealous. That's fine. Yeah, so it looks really like a lot
of fun. So here's a littlebackstory for you guys. Right, so,

(01:08):
me, Courtney and Dustin did apodcast previously called The Terrified and Tipsy.
If you haven't listened, we willnot hold it against you. We
did it for like three and ahalf, three years something like that.
Yeah, we went for a longtime. It was like one hundred and
twenty something episodes. It was prettydamn good. Yeah, I like it.
I was actually listened a little bittoday. It's pretty good. Yeah.
I still listen to E right though, because I mean, Nurses is

(01:30):
fine. But we had to watchon with that show. But we had
some life events happen for those whodon't know, and who those who assumed
Dustin and I are married. Yeah, and we moved out of one crazy
state of Florida to another crazy stateof Texas. Right, So while life

(01:52):
was changing and done and interesting andnow we're adapting to cowboy hats. No
we're not all, but that's notthe thing. But we were still wanting
to be creative and do our show. So we got with Courtney again and
we were like, how do wedo another show? Like what we what
do we do? We don't reallywant to do the horror movie thing?
And we could. No, Ihate it. If you guys don't remember

(02:13):
it, yeah, well you stillhave fun doing the podcast, right,
totally? Yeah, totally yeah.But and then we did the thing where
we just sort of like did likea hodgepodg for a while and then that's
sort of work. That was funthough, Yeah, that was fun.
So we thought, well, wecould do the hodgepodge thing again. But
I was like, you know,we watch some some like reality shows.

(02:34):
We Stephanie and I especially like Survivor, and Courtney likes The Bachelor and The
Bachelorette probably one hundred others. Yeah, and so we thought, well,
why don't we do one on realityTV shows? Yeah, and that's why
we can still drink and all threeof us can be involved and we can
still have a good time. Itdoesn't matter if we're a thousand milesway from
each other. Not will make itwork. We are making it work,

(02:54):
except for today because Courty's and Greece. But for the next episode, Courtney
will be with us virtually. Dustin'sgetting her all set up with a mic
and everything, and I'm sure therewill be awkward technical hiccups and it's fine
Courtney hiccups. If you guys wantto join us for the ride. This
is episode one, and it's onlygonna get weirder probably. Yeah, we're

(03:17):
gonna talk about reality TV shows.I'll tell you right now, we're talking
about The Bachelorette. Today we watchedepisode one and it's the first time I've
ever in my entire life watched TheBachelorette. And I know nothing about any
of it. I know that it'sbeen on TV for like over twenty years.
It's wild and I've never watched asingle I've never even thought about the

(03:38):
show and any and you have turnedout fine. Yeah, I did some
notes. I survived. I decidedto sit here in front of a microphone
and talk about the show. Yeah, but once you know, with Survivor
picks up in like September, ohman, it's gonna it's gonna be a
whole different level of dustin. Guys, like there is gonna be a bit

(03:59):
of dustin believing that he could beon Survivor as well. So, yeah,
that's gonna be interesting and there's probablygonna be a whole lot of judgment.
I think it's fun that you're poppingin for the first time. Like,
I've seen the Bachelor Bachelrette, likenot quite as regularly as Corney.
Yeah, religiously. Courtney watches everyseason. She is a pro. Ye,
I'm here and there, so likeNovice right right right, Dustin's total

(04:23):
newby. So I think it's gonnabe fun to see your whole, especially
male perspective on it. But Ithink this is a fun season for you
to start on because it's with thebachelor Wrette. It's all these like guys
and their toxic masculinity and just likeyou know, witness a little bit of
that in the first episode. It'sprobably crazier. Yeah, I think it's
gonna be fun. Let's see howit goes. Yeah, so I'm excited

(04:43):
to chat about have bear and hangout and talk about it. Should we
happen? Yeah, we'll go andtake a quick commercial break and then we'll
hop right in. But the transitiontransition song. But a transition song?
All right? You ready to getstarted? Yes? Okay, So let's

(05:06):
go and get started. We'll talkabout what do we call her? She's
a bachelorette, right, Yeah,her name is Jen. We can just
call her Jen. Oh right,what do we call her? Right?
We'll call her Jen? How aboutthe name she was given at birth?
Right? Right? Right? Jen? With two ends? I noticed?
Oh fun, I just one.I think she's twenty six. She is

(05:26):
on the previous season of the Bachelorwith Joey's season, so she's the new
Bachelorette. Can you explain that?Could you explain it to me the other
night? Yeah, I don't understandit. So like every season they take
somebody who didn't quote unquote win theprevious season and make them the new Bachelor
Bachelorette. Okay. So so solike for example, in Bachelor, one
of the women who doesn't who getsdoesn't get a rose or whatever, it

(05:48):
doesn't get proposed, doesn't get proposedto at the end, can can be
it qualifies to be at the Bacheloretteand the next season of the mast I
guess like CBS like pick somebody andthey're like, oh, she'd be good
to be at the Bachelorette, andthen they make her and then somebody from
this current season that Jen does notpick is most likely picked as the next
Bachelor. Okay, so that makessense. So basically, no, like

(06:10):
Outsiders, it's always gonna be likeyeah, it's like it keeps it in
the family. It's interesting, Okay, but it's always the previous season.
It's not like seasons before it asfar as I know. Yeah, again,
Courty may have to fill us inon that, but as far as
I know, yes, Okay,So we meet Jen, like you said,
right, she's from Boston. She'sa physician's assistant in training. Right.

(06:31):
She says she's not a traditional girl. She doesn't fit any kind of
mold, which after meeting her,I kind of agree with it, and
I like her. I do too. I hope she doesn't get screwed over.
I think. I hope she doesn'tmake poor choices. Right, So
far interesting. We meet her family. I couldn't help but immediately notice that
there's giant lion statues outside the frontdoor of her parents' house. Did you

(06:54):
notice the statues? They were justlion sculptures, like, okay, concrete
statue yours. Maybe it's a culturalthing. I don't know, but they
know they're just there. I knownothing about that. Maybe we should say
that she's the first Asian American todelarette ever. Yeah, in twenty years,
twenty one years, sure, right, So that's that's that's kind of

(07:15):
cool. Good for her, that'skind of it's kind of I was sort
of surprised by that. I thoughtthat definitely there would have been at least
one. I am no, it'svery surprising to me. Yeah, so
mixing it up good. Yeah,she said that she is ready to flirt
her little booty off, is whatshe's Oh yeah, yeah she said I
heard booyah. Oh I thought she'sa booty off. Maybe she did.

(07:35):
I wrote she says she's gonna flirther boo yah. That makes no sense.
No, I don't. I don'tknow what that means. I don't
know. She's she's ready to flirther little booty off. Remember before that
that her mom started crying. Okay, her mom's adorable, right, Sometimes
you never know how like family isgoing to react to, like their kids
going on to reality making with liketwenty guys. Yeah, so but she

(07:56):
seemed very proud of her and shestarted crying. Mm hmmm. So that
so that was nice. But yees, so she's gonna flirt her boy or
her booty off. She's gonna dosome flirting for sure, gonna flirt something
off. Basically, So we're atthe mansion, right, we meet Jesse
Palmer. Is it Palmer Palm JessePalmer is or Palmer Palmberini. I think

(08:20):
I can help with this pan pansituation, right, right, So they
do their awkward intros Jesse's the host, right, you know Jesse and Jenner
making is like awkward conversation of like, oh are you excited? That's oh
I'm so excited, even though it'slike it's awkward and comfortable watch like,
let's see the guys, Let's getthe action going because this is just uncomfortable.
Let's does almost nothing. He justpops in and reminds us of obvious

(08:45):
things. And then he has,oh my god, what a gig?
Right, can you imagine on asuit? He has probably three minutes of
air time. Yeah, he popson the screen. He goes awkward,
awkward, awkward, right, andthen like Homer Simpson backs into the bushes
and then he comes down out again, like thirty minutes later, awkward,
awkward, right back the way.It's all he does. I can do
that ship. How do we getthat? God? I want that gig.

(09:07):
I can make it awkward. Ifyou think about Jeff Probst from The
Survivor, he is in it.He is basically a survivor. He's running
at times. I want no jobthat involves me running. Right, These
are polar opposite hosts, polar oppositeright, mister Palmer, Palmer does almost
nothing. He wears a nice suit. Wear a nice suit. He's a
good looking guy. He wears asuit. Did he see a football player?

(09:28):
I think I don't know. Okay, come on anyway, I just
watched it for the first time.Jesus Courtney, help us Courney, may
Day, may Day, the Limmo, the lima pulls up the moment we've
been waiting for, and then theyall yell, jan yeah, so I
happened. I think that's okay,definitely crazy. Yeah, but is that

(09:50):
like a thing do they? Yes? Okay, what every season I have
seen when they get all together inthe past, they're like yeo, their
name really loud, and they're like, okay, get It drives me insane.
The awkward like script in is ofthe show, like she's just like,
oh, I just organically stand withthis balcony and like pretend to put
my makeup back on, like right. And you said, there's a lot
of consistencies like that where they saycertain things. Is always like looking for

(10:13):
my person. There was my personand I was like, oh, I'm
looking for my wife or my husband. They always just say person. Oh
you know what I would really likeif they did, like a gay bachelor
or bachelorette. Wouldn't that be fun? Yeah, just like all dudes are
all women? Yeah, or likefluid or whatever. Oh my god,
spice it up, just mix.Yes, how much fun would that be?

(10:33):
That would be confused? That wouldbe like an MTV show, though
not a CBS. H Oh andthe guy from the challenge could host it?
Yeah, what was his name?Oh? Maybe Rup Paul could host
it. I don't know if that'stoo much, too much, too much?
Okay, I've got I'm not toofar. Get us back we meet
Marcus. These are first man.He's the first contender. What's the word
for them, contender? I don'tknow, future bachelor? Maybe maybe maybe

(10:54):
he's an army ranger. M hmm. He's had six deployments. He was
hit with a grenade and then hewoke up in Washington, DC hospital.
So I'm wondering, a where washis mission that he had a hit by
a grenade Maryland? Or was heout for that long? Out for that
long and he just doesn't remember?Great questions. I have no idea.
My first thought is, Okay,we're going to a lot of backstroind Marcus.

(11:16):
You know, he's staying around atleast for the first round, because
he's he's gonna be here meeting alot in a public park, like Survivor.
I'll keep bringing it up. Butwhen you get backstories and like you
kind of know that they're going toprobably get immunity. Yeah, they're going
to be there for a minute,all right. So then we meet Marvin
who starts speaking in French, butnot like organic God, It's like he

(11:39):
read like a like a level ofFrench French book, learn French phrases.
He's like, okay, what's thissentence I can say to Chad to like
war and he's like, jessuis lachanfi. They were like, no,
that's not it. I ent fromthe Muzzy commercial. But apparent I'm taking
around. So I wrote, ifI was speaking in French, I am
not impressed. Moving on, Iwrote, he's too tall and his chat

(12:03):
was too short. Oh yeah,you just did the French thing. Nobody
knows what the he said and thenhe left that was it, and she
said a French She said yeah,uh and chant and then like that was
it. And then she goes andI said, if you were going to
approach me and speak French, youbetter have a god damnissant with you and
a la because if I am goingto be approached in any way, there

(12:28):
better be a godamn snack that's relativeto the weird language speaking to you.
Yeah, exactly, if you're gonnacome at me with a language, you
got circle, I got even aglass of wine. Oh great, champagne
bread. Yes see now this iscurse at all this entire episode. But
talking about croissants and bag it's yeah, this would be anyway. The next

(12:52):
person we meet is Sam and SamSam n there's two Sam's sam En.
So this guy seemed to me wasa little bit weird, but ahead he's
a creep. I think he isvery unsettling. He also somebody who like
does one of those deep stairs anddoesn't blink one like the weird hair,
Yeah, like a danglar. Whatdo you call that? It's like a
little curl, like a superman curl, just like a blow was super greasy,

(13:16):
yes, and he had it andhe had like a little swab.
It's bad. He starts off bytelling everybody that he's a virgin, right,
and then there's like awkward silence andJen's like what and Dust and I
were like yeah, the whole wholehouse went silent, and then the whole
team went because I literally now andso it's like, that's a weird thing
to lead with head. No judgmenton whoever chooses to do whatever they want

(13:39):
to do with their body, nojudgment is that's what you're leading with,
right, it's bold, right.But then he goes, oh, not
a virgin, a love virgin,and which is awesome, it's almost weirder.
I'm irritated now he said he's neverhad a girlfriend or something to love
that, never had a girlfriend.I don't know. How does it happen?
And then given in middle school orhigh school, I don't know.
We could this backstory from Sam nowmeeting his family his parents are Iranian and

(14:03):
then immediately transitioning from like my parentscame from Iran. Now we see him
looking at himself in the mirror,curling his own eyelash. Never seen this.
I've never curled my eyelash. I'venever seen a man curl his eyelashes,
not in a million years. AndI'm not saying it's bad or wrong.
I've just never and I've just neverseen I've seen women do it all
and like you know, the differentshows and stuff. But I've never seen

(14:24):
a man do that. I mean, I'll promote self care, but like
it was just a lot, Butis that really self care? Is it
like a little bit like there's alot. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know. Arcissism, That'swhat I'm thinking. Very yeah, self
And then he had some weird,cheesy jokes and I'm like, move on,
move on, move on. Hewas the guy that said I'm gonna
be a perfect gentleman. And thenand then he's like, looked at the

(14:48):
producers and it got quiet and crickets, and then he's like, get it,
gen because her name is Jen.Get it. I love a pun.
No, but you've lost me waybefore this. Yes, Sam By
right, don't like him all right? Moving from Sam, we get Grant.
Grant. He starts beatboxing right andsinging and singing, and then all
of a sudden, we get abackstory of him, and it's showing that

(15:11):
he used to play basketball whatever,and I'm like, bro, stick with
basketball, right, but here's whatI'm starting to learn. So he got
hurt playing basketball, and the people'sbackup plans is that you're thinking, Well,
I'm starting to wonder if all theseguys just got hurt because you got
the guy that got hit with agrenade, you got this guy. I'm
sure the last guy probably got insome you know, weird eyelash curling accident,

(15:31):
you know what I mean. Wedon't know that yet his forehead for
curling that one little strand of hairon his forehead. Anyway. Anyway,
So then I right after this guy, I said, so far they're all
too tall for her. They're allabout two feet too. Basically twice,
she's like five ft. After Grant, we get another Sam sam M,
not to be confused with Sam nsam M. Right, So he's like

(15:56):
a Southern guy, I think,yes, And he says that he's gonna
shoot his shot and it's like shota clock or whatever. Here's the thing
Corney may have to fill us in. Maybe this is a joke from the
previous season that went way over ourheads. Because I did, it came
up more than once or two differentguys, multiple guys. So do we
miss something? Okay, So hesaid he has this whole story. He
says, close your eyes and imagineyou're fifty years from supist, like get

(16:18):
eighty something years old, which iswhy why fifty years is too long?
It's too much of a commitment too, Like, I am meeting twenty something
guys and I got a picture withfifty years. Dude, go to thirty
years. Top commitment anyway. Sothen he says, you wake up in
bed with me, and do youknow what time it is or something?
And it's it's shot a clock andI'm like, and she thought it was
funny, but I just I wasreally hung up on the eighty year old

(16:41):
thing. Yeah. You really couldn'thear anything else after that. Yeah.
So then he had like these syringersfull of some sort of liquid something something.
She drank it and she survived.I guess she didn't know what it
was. But great, I meangood thinks she's a PA. But anyway,
Sam sticks around. We know hedoes. We get it's injuryed by
him too. Whatever. Next personlike this guy Thomas is one of my

(17:03):
picks. Yeah, so we getThomas. I remember Thomas n Thomas whin.
I think, yes, so Thomaswin. Yes, it's a win
win and I am in in okaybecause I am on the Thomas bandwagon.
Right. He has like a similarbackstory to Jen with her family and all

(17:23):
this stuff like the same almost almosttheir normal hype difference. Right. No,
I think they're almost even. Ithink they like they look at they're
a good looking gum. He's avery sweet guy. He's like he charmed
her when they were talking, andI was like, okay, Thomas,
I see you. Yeah, hehad a good smile. And also back
to my original thing, he isa swimmer and he got hurt swimming.

(17:45):
Oh yes, okay, so they'reall getting hurt. I think the bigger
question here is did you get mylike win win joke? And then when
I said did you get that,like, did you think it was funny
or did you just like because it'slike win win, I'm in Like I
just was like okay, I meanlike the acknowledgement. No, No,
it was good. I just wantyou to know that I think I'm funny.
Okay. Uh so, yeah,so we both like Thomas. Yeah,

(18:06):
okay, I think I agree thathe's my top pick. Yeah,
me too. He's the one thatmakes the most sense. Yes, I
like him a lot. Okay.The next guy we get before we start
like picking up the pace and kindof like rushing through guys is Brandon or
Brendan Brendan Brendan. This guy wasa problem for me. Brendan Brendan,
me too, he I can't tryingto make a strong entrance and trying to

(18:29):
make a big impression, right,So Brendan Brendon, I here's a thing.
He wants to make a strong intro. He pops out of the lima,
looking a bit disheveled, opens hissuit jacket. I didn't know what
was happening at first. He startseating stuff, right, I didn't.
I thought, honestly, you knowwhat I thought it was. I thought
it was carrots, because he saidhe said, what's up, doc?

(18:52):
And I thought he was eating carrotslike that, what's bunny? Okay,
I missed all of that. Ididn't. I didn't think carrots, what's
up? Docor I like, that'sa good entrance. No, it's still
so tacky, but it's better thanwhat he did. Okay. This guy
busts out a hot pepper. Whatkind of pepper was it? Did he
say a ghost pepper or something?He is now putting pepper usually sweating right,

(19:14):
taking huge, full on man sizeand another one out of his jacket
and like basically nose knows with herlike like chomping, Like what if you
get any like pepper juices in hereye? That's way too risky, too
close the course to be aggressively eatingpepper in front of someone's face. Like
the next scene, she's wearing likeregular glasses because she had to take her
contacts out. She's got goggles ona hazmat suit. She just can't be

(19:34):
too sure. So he is eatinghis pepper and it's just not a good
greeting because then he like goes infor a hug and I'm like, he's
sweaty, Like listen, listen,people, sweat My hands are always clammy.
I'm a sweaty bitch. Fine,but like I'm not gonna start chopping
down on some hot peppers are perfuseof sweating and be like come on in
here. Well here's the thing.Okay. So like okay, so you

(19:56):
know, like the hot ones.Yes, okay. So the guy,
that guy, the host, he'sbeen for years, he's been eating hot
sauce and all. This was abullshit but he can handle it. And
so but this guy can't. Imean, it's just like you can't know.
It would be like if my thingwas like I'm gonna shoot a three
pointer and hit it on the firsttry, and that's my entrance. Yeah,
that's not what I'm gonna do rightright, There's no way that I

(20:17):
make that shot on any planet.So why is this guy eating these peppers
knowingly that he's knowing that he's goingto be It's not a good show.
Yeah, I want to back upfor a second. Yeah, back to
Thomas just for a second. Imention this. I love him. Yeah,
he gives her a little bracelet,the little plastic bracelet. Yeah.
I think it's got his last nameon it or something. I think so.

(20:37):
Yeah, And but the reason Iwant to bring that up is because
in the next scene when Brendan showsup, the bracelet's gone. So then,
yeah, I don't know, Idon't know if you noticed that,
but the bracelet was missing. Theyprobably didn't didn't do it the right kind
of sequence maybe, or it wouldbe weird if she still had it on.
Yeah, I would show a littlefavoriteism, but I'll take it all,

(20:59):
right. We go with and thenso he eats the thing and then
he put off that rushes into themansion to go get something to drink because
he is sweated. Yeah, he'shaving a full on meltdown. Okay,
so now we pick up the pacenow through some guy, which I was
happy for because it seemed like thiswas really dragging on, right all these
backstories. Do you need to dotheir names or do we just yeah,

(21:19):
we'll just school rapid fire. Sothe first one is Sam M. Another
Sam he said says, uh what, I don't know what I have written
here? Sam M says makes zerofucking sense, And I agree, I
don't know what that means, buteverything. I ran out of bandwidth and
just went to the next moved onfrom we had Dakota. He popped some

(21:41):
champagne breaks the top of a boy. Yeah yeah, yeah, off off
some champagne. And I don't knowwhen he did that for that was interesting.
Kevin who came out of the limoand skis full ski gear. He
was like Holy mis keys, buthad the ski boots on. It was
like wattle water and I'm like wondering, what's that show? Let's make a
deal. But they have those stupidcostumes on him, like remember wrong show,

(22:03):
Wrong show? Yeah, I'm like, what's going on? We're just
doing costumes? He missed the wrongshow. Next one is spencer. He
has matching pocket squares, which Ididn't understand. I think she has no
pocket. Did that ring a jacket? It's not a good one. Another
shot? Clock shot a clock?Yeah he had this. He had syringes.
Yeah, the other one didn't havesyringers. Okay, we have met
who did more shots? Right?He has the treasure yeahers ginger shots which

(22:29):
sounds gross. Ginger is spicy.Yeah, it didn't look at you.
Another like frothy on the top too, and she just like threw it back
and I'm my girl, careful.Did we get Austin fire extinguished? Yeah?
He just threw a fire extinguish ordust everywhere, which I don't know
what that's about, Ricky. AllI have written is creep with a bunch
of ease. Yeah, because hestarted rapping about her being naked or in
her scrubs and then she was likegirl, yeah okay, and then she

(22:52):
thought he was staring at her boobsthe whole time. Oh right, I
remember that, Yeah, Thomas A. So you want to talk about this
one. This bitch comes out ofthe limma with two goddamn adorable puppies,
two black labs or some little labpuppies and he's holding them, and I
said, oh my god, Iwould love to TETs shot abut the puppies.
But his pants were so short.I wrote that too, Okay,

(23:15):
midship, Oh yeah, it wastoo short. And I know it's like
a style now to like have pantsthat like don't necessarily touch the top of
your shoes. Fine. No,it literally looked like the wardrobe department ordered
him the wrong size, and theywere like, puppies distraction, Take the
puppies and go. So okay,fine, puppies were distraction. I remember

(23:37):
what Thomas looks like at all,but I remember those damn puppies. What
they do with those puppies, Idon't know. Jesse appeared again and he's
like, this is the best partof my job, and I'm like,
he just happened often. He justlike snatched him up. So yeah,
but she's not gonna keep the puppies. They're not gonna live in the house.
No, They probably just like goback to the pounds or something.
Okay, okay, Okay. Wehave Jonathan, who oh, this one's

(24:03):
very interesting. Okay. So heshows up in a full I didn't even
write his name first. I said, what the fuck first, because we
don't know. We just see theselike e m T looking guys wheeling in
this like stretcher gurney thing, andthere's like a patient full on like dropped
on his face of dam mummy.It looks like a stupid mummy. And

(24:27):
then it's like, okay, hiseyes and mouth. We get it.
She's a p a, get it. It's Halloween. Fine, we're terrified,
we're tipsy, We get it.Fine. So this man he gets

(24:47):
off of the gurney and flashing bunsbecause he's naked under this full on nude
to the point of a little bitlater they have to blur out his fronts
because you can see dick out lyingthrough his gown. I'm sure you can
why old yeah, but they putlike a rose or something like that over

(25:07):
his ass, and she's like,oh wow. And then I just feel
like it's awkward because like then theyhave to like hug So she's like awkwardly
hugging this guy with this very veryvery thin layer hospa game between her and
his deck. Right Anyway, interestingtact, we'll see how works out from
Cotton says he's cheeky, and hewalks away okay, see his butt Okay,
And then I wrote, oh,oh my god, there's more men,

(25:27):
and just didn't stop this show.And then Jesse asked her to get
like a little interviewing with like Jesseagain, and he's like, oh,
are you feeling any sparks? Andshe's like I am, And I'm like,
how what? Maybe maybe the sparkswould be with the puppies, because
that would be quite the connection.It would be completely derailed from the whole
concept of the show. I wouldhave left, Like if Jesse came over

(25:48):
to get the puppies, I'd belike, listen, I'm going in that
limit with the puppies and we're outof here. Here, We're done here.
Tell buns to just take a guyhere. Turn the cameras off.
Okay, we got more men,don't Weah, motorcycle guy okay. Motorcycle
guy is Aaron, right, hisbrother. He calls the motorcycle a hog,
which I thought was funny. Gotokay, Aaron is such And I

(26:11):
mean this in a nice way.I don't mean this in a mean way.
Aaron's a bit of a nerd,right, and I mean that in
a very endearing Wedman kind of becauseHe says that he's an adrenal juggle.
It wants to be a fighter pilot, but he calls it a hog.
He's definitely nerdy. He's an aerospaceengineer, and he calls it a hog.
Aaron stops and ironically called it ahog. Right. His twin brother,
Noah is Noah who was on previousseasons. He met his wife Abigail

(26:36):
on Bachelor Paradise. Right. Cool. That means nothing to us. I
don't know what that means, butit's gound be a little fact. Yeah,
cool, basis are twin brothers,but he's I don't think they are
twins because he keeps referring to itas his younger brother. No but then
he did confirm later on it washis twin, and I'm like, okay,
what you guys are two minutes apart? Who refers to their twin is
their younger brother? Right? Butis it? I don't know whatever.

(26:56):
At some point that he does clarifyfor fraternal twins, but I'm not a
scientist. I don't know what thatmeans. Next, we have Jeremy.
Jeremy's a handful. He drives up. I wrote sports car because I don't
know think about cars. I wasa red sports car, maybe a Corvette,
I think so. It was ared sports car, red sports car,
and he's from New York. He'sa little cocky. He basically tells

(27:18):
her I have a big penis,and she says, I have a huge
dick. But they blurt, theybleep it out yeah, and then she
goes, did you say the Pword? And he's like, he'll believe
it, and I said, yikes, yeah, but she seemed interested.
She was intrigued because then he sayssomething to her about like he'll make sure
to save a ride for her ashe's walking away, and I'm like,
that's not what he meant. Hedid not mean in that red sports car.
But then later on cuts to herand she says, I can't wait

(27:41):
to see and then dot dot dothear more from him or something like that.
I think she was like Freudian slipping. She want to see that,
she's interested, he wants she wantsto see what he's selling. Okay,
Next we have Dylan, who hasa stethoscope. They all yelled Jen again,
Oh god, no, I don't. I'm tweeting that part out because

(28:02):
it makes me so angry. Judedo you know so you know, you
know? Okay, Dylan pops outthe stethoscope. The only thing I said
is that his lower third thing saidhe was twenty four. No, this
man looked like he was thirty fiveyears old, right, twenty four?

(28:23):
Yeah, no, no, Iwrote, he's wearing a stethoscope and he's
way too fucking tall, and hejetted away. He seemed very uncomfortable thing
with height, Like, are youlike no, But I think it's important
in a relationship. Yeah. Theydo show a pret like a clip of
like future episodes where like she's makingout one of the guys and he is

(28:44):
hunched. Yeah, oh it's important. It makes a big deal. It's
a great difference. But he seemednot comfortable. I don't know if you
caught that, but he did.He moved really quickly. Yeah, he
didn't want to be there. Hewanted to leave. He was out.
Yeah, yeah, he was checkinghis own heartbeat. Next we have John
who puts her on a literal pedestal. He takes like this, like like
pedestal out and he like stands pedestal. Pedestal, pedestal. Are you saying

(29:08):
pedestal? No way? Right?Pedestal pedestal. It just pedestal. Pedestal.
Yeah, pedestal. Yeah you're sayingstool and pedestal, pedestal. That's
not right. You'll have to rewindit and let me hear if I said
pedestal, I did it again.Yeah, you just did it anyway.

(29:30):
He put her on literal platform andnow she's taller than he is and it's
awkward. Moving on, we meetBrett. He's this adorable, big teddy
bear guy. He's gigantic. He'sa linebacker and probably got hurt, but
he seems he's definitely injured. Heseems very sweet. Lets we find out
later, Oh yeah, slice,Yeah, that's his party trick. That

(29:52):
big guy is agile. Okay.Then we have Mose, who has the
ugliest shoes I've ever seen in mylife. Oh yeah, that's all I
wrote, ugly shoes. He sayslater they he's the most dangerous, which
is I kind of like that.Yeah, it's good, but it's not
really what like it's going to reallyget him very far? Okay. So
then we have jahon h. Hegives her a chest piece and says she's
a queen. Okay, which isnice. I like chess. Yeah,

(30:14):
okay, nerd alert ye come on, Okay, let's back up. Okay,
back it up. If you learnto play chess, yeah, and
you like it, you will becomeaddicted. I anyway, you become addicted.
Why it's an addicting game. Anybodylistening that likes chess knows what I'm
talking. Nobody's interested. Okay,sorry, If you like chess and you're

(30:38):
addicted, this is now a chesspodcast, Yes Night five five to twelve
thirty eight, binga. Okay,moving on. Now we have Devin.
Okay, okay, this one's interesting. Yeah, Devon interesting and here's why

(30:59):
I like. Okay, here's why. Though. So we're meeting Devin.
He's so loud, he got whiteshoes, is very loud. He's kind
of dorky. He says he's aman of few words. But I don't
agree with no way he talks about. So anyway, as I'm watching this,
he's had a really big head.Yeah, I can see that as
I'm watching this. He doesn't lookexactly like Pete Davidson to me, is

(31:22):
kind of like his mann hysms andsort of his like stature and just sort
of the way he his man talksand stuff is very Pete Davidson esque.
And I was starting to write thaton my notes and I said, that's
just stupid, and I literally erasedit. And then five minutes later,
this bitch Jen was like, he'sreally cute. He kind of reminds me
of Pete Davidson. And I stoodup. I said, what the fuck?
Like, I said, one ofthe odds of that, but I

(31:44):
can't prove it because I erased it. It's really annoying. I wrote Pete
Davidson vibes for you don't worry?Oh did you say that? I did
it because I said it, butI just didn't write it, Okay,
And then, thank god, becometo the last the last one contender.
I don't know what they're called bachelor'spotent, Yeah, bachelor's but no,
because that's prospects contestants. Yes,what are some like old tiny terms?

(32:09):
We can use someone to a corklike a corked. Uh, they're gonna
court prospect that's like I don't know, we'll come up with something. What
is it like, you know,like when uh, yeah, you know
how it's like, oh, myroyal family, is this like an arranged

(32:30):
situation? Yeah? Gesture Joker,Joker, the next Joker, the last
Joker that comes back. Joker comesout. This one is a joker.
Okay, this actually cracking a bitafter the fact. His name is Hakeem.
He came in with a full onharness like around his chest and shoulders,
and it looked like straight up fromPixar up. He had dozens,

(32:51):
which is not the like thought youwant to evoke meeting a woman. Oh
no, cry immediately right, totalimmediate tears. He's got a sexy love
doess of balloons. But I meanit's kind of sentimental though, isn't it
like that It's a love story inthe beginning. A talking dog. Okay,
that dog is awesome anyway. Sohe comes in balloons, Okay.

(33:15):
The guys that are like watching himenter, they're all like, oh,
okay, I respect it, andI'm like, I don't. Why is
he wearing dozens of balloons? Irespect nothing about this. What is happening.
That's a waste of helium short ofhelium. I know when they do
the balloons, are they disposing themproperly? Because they're sea turtles who do
not need to be ingesting balloons seaand birds into the air what are they

(33:37):
called seagulls? Seagulls birds. Sothen he dropping all sorts of balloon puns.
You forgot to say, oh popoff and like, oh yeah,
that one actually was funny. He'sthrown out all sorts of balloon puns.
His balloons are getting stuck everywhere.He literally gets stuck in a tree at
one point. He's like, he'spopping balloons everywhere he walks in the mansion,

(34:00):
know, like, can somebody takethe harness off of him and dispose
of the balloons properly? See turtles? People see turtles anyway, Right,
he's in the tree now, Okay, So that's it. That's all the
guys. It's like twenty five guys, right, I thank god? Too
many? Does it? How many? Twenty five? I think so fifty
fifty. It seems like a lot. It's a lot. But luckily the
ones that we know are going tolose, they are you know, are

(34:21):
going to be yeah right through.Okay, all right, so let's take
a quick break, okay, andwhen we come back, we'll go talk
about what they do next, whichis like it starts getting a little well
steam, We'll see a little dramatic. It's comptail hour that we gotta have
rose. Yeah, there's some testosterone. There's a very interesting part about the
car where that was a very interestingscene. I might actually start liking this

(34:45):
show. I think you will.I think if it keeps like this and
gets more dramatic. We see morebuns with the hospital gown. It's just
we'll get there, all right,we'll be right back. But the transition
transitions on. But the transition transitionsong, all right, let's jump into

(35:07):
it, okay. So Jen getsin front of all the guys tells them
together, Yes, they're all acrowded on these couches and standing there.
She's standing there with her champagne.She starts telling them about like what love
means to her and that, likeit was a very nice feature. Was
saying that she has her own selfworth and she knows what her standards are.
So I think it was very naturallysaid. I'm basically like, I

(35:28):
know what I'm worth. I havecertain that's certain things, so confident.
I like her a lot. Ialso want to mention that the guy is
still wearing the gauze on his face, okay, and the mummy is still
mummified, right, Yeah, it'sit's a whole problem. And the guys
as well as Dustin and myself arejudging it hard. Yeah, they're all
And somebody says, I wonder ifit's a celebrity. Oh, that would
have been fun. It was Idid, and then I was like,

(35:51):
oh, could it have been?And I'm like no, I was like,
oh, baby, Steve O.Probably not. We have known by
his voice immediately it was Steve O. Could you imagine? Yeah, it
just sounds just like Steve O.And it's like, I wonder who that
is. So then once it getslike to the time of where they can
all start mingling, sam M,wait before that, I want to.
I want to. I wrote somethingdown that doesn't make any sense. He's
gonna happen a lot. Yeah,I wrote, quote unquote gives a slate

(36:15):
for a fiery love. What doesI don't know what that means? It
doesn't it she said, maybe Idon't know what that means anyway. Anyway,
So now it starts dispersed, theycan all start mingling, and then
sam M immediately swoops in and snagsJen and it is on and the guys
are not happy about it. Right, it was fast, right, he
was like, let's talk, let'sroll. He's the guy that did the

(36:37):
eighty five years old thing. Ohyeah, picture us when we're eighty five
and dying in bed holding hands.So does that mean she's gonna be like
medicine shot I guess so yeah,right in the ass. So he starts
talking to her mom on the couch. Okay, I have he's drunk,
slurring with his eyes half closed,and he's very handsy. Yeah, his

(36:59):
hands are all over her legs,which I was thi upper thighs, and
I was like, listen, Ithink that's very intimate and if you want
to be touch it was when youwere talking to intimately. Yes, but
this is literally their first conversation evertechnically, and he's like drunken like handsying
her. Okay, and then shecheeks whiches him and they move on.
Right, But I noticed I thinkthat she this was the only kiss on

(37:21):
the cheek. Yeah, I agree, Yeah, and so yeah, so
he seemed very drunk and very handsy. Right next she talks to Spencer.
Right, he had on a legtwo in this case. I noticed,
Yeah, but it was more likeme, so it wasn't as bad,
much more respectable. Yes, shehas her own self worth. Okay,

(37:42):
so he does pet portraits and whenit was listed on his lower third,
I'm not gonna lie. I judgeda little bit because I was like,
what I'm thinking, Like, he'spainting pets. Bring in your Tua penestl
fking bluey where they get the painton their sides. We're parents. If
you don't watch blue you should shameon you. So no, people send

(38:06):
in like pictures of their pets andhe puts them on like prints or back
to the phones. It's actually prettycool. He starts his own he's an
entrepreneur. Fine, I wrote,he has strangely small ears. Okay,
that's a fun observation. Never piercesears. Oh my god, the piercing
would look ridiculous. Wold he's sogiant weird. Anyway, Okay, she
like she did see and you know, honestly, she seemed to like the
last guy, Samon, the drunkone. Yeah, she's sure said that,

(38:30):
she said, I said she hasShe's saying that she has a connection
and then they give a kiss onthe cheek. So anyway, we're on
to the third one. Thomas winningnumber one. Yes, he's the next
chat he had his hand on onher leg too, Yeah, Thomas,
and she put her hand on topof his hand, which she embraced it
because she knows she did the twohand cup hold with the other guys.

(38:52):
Yeah, and so she knows thatthey're the same heights, so they're better.
She's like, what do you findseven perfect? They seem to have
a lot in common, like yousaid, Yes, he's talking about he's
got some tattoos on his fingers thatrepresent his Vietnamese culture, talking about having
immigrant parents and similar like upbringings andbeing kind of first generation here. And
they really hit it off. AndI'm like, Thomas for the win,

(39:13):
win wine, not in number numberone pick yes, okay, hospital gown
Jonathan's next. Everyone's uncomfortable, includingus, And I think it's funny that
the guys mentioned that they're like alllike tracking where he's sitting with his bare
ass because they they want to sitwherever he was sitting. There's no way,
yes, and you know there's sweat, Like, there's no way that

(39:34):
he's a leather cow because he's probablysweating through the front of it. Gross.
He's excited. I don't know,mate, happened to get a little
draft in there and maybe he gotsome bear buns on everything. Anyway,
okay, moving on, moving on, So we got him. Did they
talk? I don't think, Iwrote. I think they come back to
them because they start playing truth orDare note and their number one one,

(40:00):
Dare number one. I don't knowif this is out was edited, but
Dare number one is they go streakingthrough the house. Yeah, Austin has
to go streaking. Yeah, andhe does it. He does it,
He just strips down. She likedit. Well, yeah, I mean
that takes a lot of well alot of balls. That's a lot of
bouncing balls, a lot of bouncingballs. And he does he does he
and he remains naked for a while. So and he was the guy that

(40:22):
blew the fire ext wisher earlier.Yes, yes, someone's cooking like a
chicken. Brett's doing like splits.It's just like a whole bing. Yes,
right, okay, so now we'reback to like our one on ones
and whatever. Now we're with Samand is he talking to her or is
he talking to I think he's talkingto her right right. Sam is the
one that said he's never he's thelove virgin. Okay, I wrote that

(40:45):
he told her that he wants theirsouls to kiss, not their lips.
The fuck does that mean? Well? No, seriously, what does that
even mean? I don't know.It creeps me out, It really creeps
me out. Is that a deaththreat? Is that? Like? Is
that like a murder suicide situation?Is that? I mean it sounds like

(41:09):
a threat. Yeah, she shouldbe backing away very slowly. But anyway,
I'm like, no, Sam andjust grooping every out read the room.
You've never had a girlfriend, You'renot getting one, now, move
on? All right? Now they'retalking to God's guy, God's guy Jonathan.
Now they're chatting. He says he'slove sick. That's why he has
a little hospital bracelet. He didgo the full, I guess. But

(41:31):
here's the thing. I hate it. I hate all of it. Right,
it's like leaning too far into thehole. Like she's a doctor,
we get we get it. Leaningtoo far into it. He has the
hospital bracelet, says love sick.That's what I mean. Okay, So
she unwraps his that's what she says. She's like eating this ship up,

(41:52):
and I'm like, look, geta new prescription. I hate it.
So she unwraps his face, andI'm like, oh my god, maybe
he's all sweaty and pimplebe. Wedon't know, he's not. She thinks
he's hot, and then I said, he's all right, he's right.
I wrot too. But what Ithought was funny was like his make like
his makeup or whatever it was likestriped on his face had the Mummy because

(42:12):
they probably pulled this makeup on himand then they wrapped his face and started
sweating. Probably he still looks likea mummy. It's good for him.
Yeah, he's rocking the mummy.Oh, and I wrote he's got quite
the honker, and then I putdot dot dot. No, I mean,
yeah, what because he's you don'tknow anyway, if he knows,
you knows. So now we seeJesse. He brings out the first impression

(42:34):
rose and just kind of plants iton the table. Yes, I sort
of expected it to have a stemor a longer, that's what the bachelor.
So the bachelor hands out like fulllength stem roses and hands the rose
to thorns. Right, with thorns, there's usually blood involved, but he
hands the rose and they're like,yes, so these are like supposed to

(42:54):
be for like a that's what I'mlooking up. Yeah. So it's supposed
to like a little magnazine, butit's based on the other ships we've been
watching, like them married at firstSight. They don't do boot news anymore,
I guess not, yeah, butthey do something different anyway. So
he plans on to the table together, but he's like all like nervous about
the who's she gonna give it to? Who's she gonna give it to?

(43:15):
Okay, so Jeremy the New Yorkguy in the sports car now takes Jen
outside. Oh all right, Ohwell I had a couple other things.
Oh you did, Maybe I missedsome stuff. Yeah, I said.
This is when Mose says he's mostdangerous fun And he's doing math on a
chalkboard and it's actually it's kind ofinteresting. He's an algebra teacher. Yeah,

(43:35):
So he gets to the bottom andhe's like, the formula ends up
being I let's stand three you likeit looks like I love you or what.
Yeah, it's just kind of funny. But Brett can do the splits
and then uh, that's right,yeah him. They're doing a secret handshake,
which I thought was kind of cute, and then if he sticks around,
then they can maybe bring that back. Jen says she feels like the

(44:00):
main character in her love story,and then I wrote, you are the
main character in your love See you'reliterally the bachelorette. Yeah, you're a
bachelorette. Now I'm slowly losing alittle bit of respect for her because she
seems like maybe an idiot that happenedquickly for you. Yeah, I've been
very quickly. But I like herconfidence, okay, and she's very pretty.
Yes, I like her a lot. All right, now we're to

(44:21):
the Jeremy of the car guy.He said he shifted in from New York.
I guess they're in LA or something. Yes, that's where they are
usually. Yes, okay, Sothey're talking in the car. He doesn't
have the keys on him, soshe couldn't start it. I can't take
it for a ride. They're justsitting in yes, right, she's in
the driver's seat, he's in thepassenger seat. Yes. So then we
see Brian, the guy who hadthe literal syringes of shots, and he's

(44:45):
like, I gotta get my time. So he starts going down the stairs
to go outside, and I wrotehe cock blocks completely. Oh, they're
about to kiss, I think orsomething. Yeah, like they are talking
very closely. They're leaving a centerconsole thing. And then Brian I did
not his approach. He does likeawkwardly and aggressively like kicked Jeremy out of
the passenger seat. Yeah, Brianhas the keys to the car. Yeah,

(45:07):
and he's telling him that the caris like too much for him to
handle to his car, and thenhe gener needs somebody else in the car.
Then who's can handle the horse power? I'm like, get at a
much? Okay, let me askyou something red flash. So Jeremy ends
up leaving. He ends up capitulating, and he's like I'll just leave.
Yeah, because he really was battling, like do I fight this guy in
front of her? Like verbally?All right, So do you think he

(45:29):
made the right choice? That's myquestion. Okay, if it were me,
I wouldn't want you're Jeremy and thegirl. If it were me and
Jens, it does make sense.Yes, if it was me and Jen's
position, I should say, andthis whole thing was happening in front of
me, I would have wanted Jeremyto at least say something of like,

(45:50):
hey, give us two more minutessomething to like make it seem like he
was or can you just give methe keys to my car? You don't
belong here? Yeah? Like,hey, I feel like I would push
back more. I don't think heneeds to be confrontational and like aggressive.
I don't think he needs, thoughI agree, but I don't think he
needs to match his energy, LikeI don't think because Brian was aggressive,
and I don't think he needs tomatch that. But I do think if

(46:12):
he like maybe vocalized a bit morethan he did, and I would have
been okay with him being like,listen, I'm not going to do this.
I'm not gonna start a fight.I'm gonna be the bigger person and
gener'll meet up with you again later. Like I could have respected that,
but I would have wanted like alittle bit of a pushback leading on to
that. Like you know, likein nature when you have like you know,

(46:34):
antelopes or I don't know, somesort of animal and they like gorillas
or something. Yeah, maybe gorillasand they fight each other. Yeah,
and oh, I see you're saying, like a moose, how they like
go out each other? Yeah youpicked antelope first? Yeah, okay,
Yeah, that's where your brain veryaggressive fighting animals. Yeah, but they
still they butt heads and the winnergets the girl. Yeah. And so

(46:55):
I'm like, I feel like hesort of lost that in like a very
nap tull like sense of you know, recording of I can see that,
especially like if it's you like toyour point, you don't want to take
it too far? Yeah, LikeI don't want I wouldn't want him to
be like what the fuck, bro, Like that would be a major no,
no, no, you don't wantto be there. I do want
him to just like stand stand upfor himself and situation. I think that

(47:17):
he lost in that situation. Ithink he was trying to be the bigger
person and in that got in hisown way. I think that's what happens.
I think he'd lost definitely. Yeah. And now they're revving in the
car. He started this man's carand is now revving it. Yeah.
And then we see Jeremy inside,who's like what what is that the car?
And then you hear them like whoolike cheering in the car. And
now Jeremy is now like five inchestall. He's like just getting really just

(47:44):
shrunk, Like poor guy. Ido for him. The best part next,
the best part is. Okay,so remember that one guy that beat
boxed. Apparently they can all beatbox because all the other guys start beat
boxing and rapping about the dude stealingthe car. Ryan's doing it, the
guy I know, but all theother ones are. Yeah, they're wrapping
right in front of this dude,like, oh, they stole your car,
they stole your girl. Jeremy issitting right there while they are all

(48:07):
wrapping about how Brian's stole. That'swhere you guys, stick up for yourself.
The testosterone. Yeah, it's toomuch. He lost totally owned.
Yeah, so all right, sowe're past that. Yes, all right,
So Devin is chatting with her nowright, that's the Pete Davis and
guy. Yes. Yes, shesays they got a good connection because he's
a larger than life personality. Yeah. And then she said that she shaved

(48:30):
her toes today. I mean,okay, I wrote that too, and
I still don't really know where thatcame from. Like they're talking about like
manicures and pedicures. And then shesaid that she shaved her toes and I
go, well, that was unprompted. Nobody asked you that. Nobody Eve
got nobody at all. And she'slike, I will give the information unasked
to, and he's like cool,Yeah, okay, I've never another thing

(48:55):
I learned. I've never known anybodyto ever shave their toes. I ever
really need to shave their toes.I mean, if she's got to do
it, then cool, self carefine, but like maybe like self conscious
about it. Maybe yeah, shejust was. She has like hobbit feet.
Do you think they're really they're likereally hairy. I think they're really
hairy. Yeah, totally. Okay. Now we're with Grant outside and he's

(49:17):
showing off his basketball moves and Isaid, no, woman cares, No
one cares, no, Right,he's the former basketball player. And it's
like, oh, so this wasyour profession and you can shoot baskets really
well, no one cares. Thisis all you do. This is all
you do. And he's making hershoes. She's probably sweating. She's not
interested. Wasn't she wearing his jacketat one point? Like she was so
women in it? And I'm like, it looks like a scientis scientist labor?

(49:38):
No one cares, no, onecares. No, that was not
a good tech. I mean itlooks like I can shoot the ball.
Look at me walk, Look atme walk over here, get me walk
rebound, let me go? Okay, Grant Okay, So who was next?

(49:58):
Thomas ends her away? But that'sall I wrote. That's what I
wrote too, because it was reallynot exciting, but it said girl was
biting her lip and then Thomas cameand stole her away. Oh yeah,
because her and Grant were sitting downafter basketball and they were talking and he
was like leaning in because I thinkhe was also the guy when the guys
were talking before. It's be likedid anybody get that first kiss? Did

(50:19):
anybody like? Yeah? And thenso like you know, since he brought
it up, he was gonna bethe one that got the first kiss,
right, gonna. So he's leaningin and she's biting her lower lip.
Yes, yes, and then Thomascomes in and steals her away, which
is okay because it's our guy,right. And then I had that she's
talking to Marcus next, and shelikes his confidence about Thomas at all.
I don't know what they I hadnothing about it. Yeah, that's it.

(50:42):
Marcus was the first guy we metthat was in the military before him.
He does rock climbing, yeah,he like, and she likes.
She's a rock climber too. She'sa fear of heights, but she likes
rock cli likes to conquer a fearof heights through rock climbing. Yeah,
and she likes his confidence. AndI was like, okay, that'd be
another good way to conquer your yourrocks. Yeah and climbing. Yeah,

(51:04):
okay. Now she's talking to Aaron, who is the guy who came in
on the motorcycle who's related to Noahand all that's whatever. He's the twin
guy. Yeah, he likes thatshe's got this independence about her. I
wrote that when he told her thatNoah was his younger brother, she was
like, okay, yeah, ohthey're twins. Ever I didn't I don't
think she knows who Noah is.Like she was like, I've been doing

(51:27):
conversation. Oh no one, ohright yeah, paradise, paradise Yeah yeah,
yeah, that's it. I said, she is shot. But we
learned something about her. We learnedthat she can build furniture. Yeah,
she uses paratools, get girl yeodfor her. I don't know what that
means. Does she like how fardoes she go? Is she like?

(51:47):
Uh, like is she a carpenter. Yeah, is she like splitting wood
and creating timber? And then like, oh, like is she the lumberjack
the carpenter or like or is itlike a Kia. Is she going to
like home deeople and buying the plywhen the two by fours or whatever and
then just put it together? Oris it ikea Because if it's Ikea,
then we can build furniture. Yes, and I use power tools when I

(52:08):
assemble. I here for sure andI forget stuff brush anyway, it's the
second reference to Okay, So nowwhen we have the first impression Rose right
taking a quick break, Oh yeah, before we find out who she thinks
I was coming up And I didn'tknow that was the thing, but it's

(52:30):
the thing. We had the firstimpression Rows, and then we have the
rest of the Rose ceremony. Sowe're at the end. We're at the
very end right there. Stick withus and we'll be right back. But
the transition transition song. But transitiontransition song, we're back. Okay.
So she pulls Sam m the onewho we thought was drunk aside, and

(52:54):
I mean I wrote that I thinkhe's handsome, like I think he's a
good book. It reminds me ofOkay, I'm i thinking of the right
guy. Okay, So Ocean's eleven, yes, oh, the guy who
was in Okay, that's the sonof the guy who was in Misery King.
What's his name? That actor whowas in another Wilfare movie elf?

(53:15):
Okay, Oh, yeah, thedad, the dad's son, that's his
actual dad. Well, the guyfrom the Ocean's eleven, right, Oh,
I didn't know that anyway, Yes, I agree. He got a
buff guy from Oceans eleven, gotthe big shoulders, right, and hangs
out with Casey affleck. He doesn'tlike him, Yeah, he looks just
like him. Google all of thatbecause we don't know names. Okay.
So she loves talking to him,She's really making this connection with him,

(53:39):
and then they starts some mood.She yeah, and she says, she
says she can't She said, Ican't stop thinking about you all night.
Yes, the conversation. Okay,she is not giving him a fair shake.
Okay, So they were the firstconversation, because you guys, remember
during the mingling time, Sam immediatelyand since then she has not stopped thinking

(54:00):
about it, haunting her brain,probably because she didn't know what the he
said, because he was mumbling andwhat he was saying. Yeah, She's
like, maybe I can get moreinformation if I just go back to talk
to him some more. So whenhe gives in the first impression Rose,
right when we say that they smooch, Yeah, guys, I mean full
on makeout. Oh my god,they so much to Yeah, they were
like one degree away from banging.He's almost like he's like basically laying on

(54:22):
top of her. Yeah, heseems like a good kisser. Yeah,
he's handsy. He has ham onher hip and I was like okay,
and then when to put on theside of her head by her face,
like that's how you get it.Good for you, buddy. He seemed
like a good kisser. They werereally into it, right, Okay.
So the way that they ended upfilming this next part is actually kind of
funny because Jesse kind of like corralsall the rest of the guys to be

(54:42):
like, okay, it's tied forthe Rose ceremony. But they keep flipping
back and forth between like all themen moving away and then like Jen and
Sam still making out. It's likeit's like a zoominin frame of them on
the couch taking out, and thenthey like the other room and the guys
are getting into this one room andthey flashed to the sands. Yeah,
and they're still making out, andit's like, are they all in the
same room behind the what's the contexthere? I said, it looks daytime

(55:07):
outside. Did you notice that thelight outside was very inconsistent, because that's
sometimes she's talking to the guys outsideand it's definitely night time. And then
there's sometimes that the guys are talkingto each other and it's definitely daytime.
So I don't I have no ideahow long this cocktail hour lasted. She
said. The kiss was feral.Yeah, I didn't like that description.
Does that mean is it es likea faral cat? Like like that's just

(55:30):
like a wild cat? Does thatmean like wild? I guess it makes
me think dirty. Yeah, itdidn't take outside like homeless homeless cats.
What I think of me too?It did not sound good to me.
It sounded like a negative like itwas a feral kiss, like it sounded
like he maybe his breath, andoh maybe it was stinky like a cat,

(55:51):
like an outdoor cat. So likewhat there are no other like adjectives
she could have used to describe wild. You can just say wild, you
say untamed. Yeah, I don'teven untamed like a like a feral cat,
untamed like an antelope. You know, when they like fight each other
for there, when they lick eachother's faces and they snuggle. I wrote,

(56:13):
Okay, time to get rid ofsome of these yahoos. Oh look
at you go. Yeah, Idon't know what to call them. Okay,
so you're the keepers. Let's rollthrough who she picks. So a
lot of who they got rid ofjust because Duce figured it out. So
obviously, the first impression Rose goesto Sam m so he's staying around.
So in the actual first Rose orthe ceremony goes okay, wait, but
as you go through these, I'mgonna I'm gonna kind of go through my

(56:35):
notes and I'm gonna say who theyare because otherwise they're just names. So
Dylan was he the Steposcope guy.This is gonna be harder than I thought.
Thomas Matt Mot Dylan, Yeah,send this guy. And he's way
too tall. He's the one whodoesn't like it. So before okay,
and then we have our boy Thomasand what he's Yep, we know who
he is Okay, we have Spencer, he was the pocket Squares guy,

(57:00):
good good portraits, right, Uhno, just pocket Squares. Sorry sorry
sorry, fuck that so Spencer pocketSquares. Then we have Grant, who
is the basketball guy. Yep,Marcus the military guy. That sounds right.
I can't find him, but Ibelieve you. I have Tom Marcus.
Yeah, he's the first guy.Next was Thomas A. I don't

(57:20):
remember who that is at all.He's the one of the Oh no,
that's Thomas M. Thomas. Ohhe's the one that brought the puppies.
Oh god damn it. It's becausethose puppies. She won those puppies back.
Yeah, because she knows that.She sends him home. She doesn't
get the puppies totally. She hasto keep him around. What a good
strategy on his part, Well play, she's she's not getting those puppies.
She doesn't know that. She doesknow that, right? Rickery John?

(57:43):
Who the fuck is John John?We didn't talk about it, John Jahon?
No, I have John? Didit autocorrect for you? No?
Because I've got jayhon lowered down tooon here? Who is John? That's
wrong? Okay? Well, maybethere's a John. Maybe there's no,
John say in my notes, Idon't know we got John after Thomas as
Oh John M. There's more thanone John who didn't even know one John.

(58:07):
Yeah, John M. I don'tknow who is John? Who are
you? John M? Made it? John M is for made it.
We have Jeremy, he was asports car guy who got kind of they
got cock blocked in his car wasjacked. We have Devin who's the Pete
Davidson lookalike. Good memory. Wehave Brian who's the one who cock blocked
Jeremy at the car. We haveAaron who showed up in the motorcycle and

(58:32):
related to Noah that we all weresupposed to know, we supposed to know
us. See, those are funnyones. Okay. We have Johan r
ch piece chess piece, that's right. We have Hakeem who came in in
the balloons, Jonathan who was inthe hospital gown Austin who was the fire

(58:54):
extinguisher slash streaker, right, andthen we have Marvin. He was like
the second one to come out thelimb. What he did? Marvin,
Yeah, he was like the secondone to come out after Marcus. No
wait, okay maybe Marvin yeah,oh wait, I'm not not far up
enough. After Marcus came out thelimo, I think, well, Marvin,

(59:15):
oh that's the guy that did theFrench Oh no, and then he
had no back no backp Yeah,get out of here. How do you
say, mar Marvin, Marvin orMarvin? So then the final Rose the
suspense and Jesse reminds us all thatthis is the final Rose. Gentlemen,
got it. Funnel Rose goes tothe creeper of the night, sam N,

(59:37):
who's the love virgin, and Isaid, he's freaking everybody at so
sam N, who he also likewhen she called his name, he like
was like hyper ventilating a bit.Yeah, he kept saying. And the
narration, He's like, if Idon't get this Rose, well, I
mean he was really obsessed about it. He's like, I don't know if
I could live or I don't knowwhat he was saying, but it was

(59:58):
home sight. Do you talk toour first total of four minutes, Yeah,
you're a virgin. She's just you'regetting a virgin Rose. Yeah,
you're on for the drama that theyjust told her that she had to keep
you on the show. That's theguy with hair. Yes, so we're
girl we're both doing it, butyou can't see it. Yeah, I
wish you guys could see us.We've got our fingers are forward anyway.
So then the rejects get kicked outof the mansion piece out of wah?
And then am I saying that wrong? What wah? Move on? I

(01:00:22):
can't be friend. So then shetells them all that they are not staying
in the main some big news,breaking news. They are going to Australia,
Australia. My New Yorker came outThey're going to Australia. And she
says Melbourne, like Melbourne, melbShe said, We're going to Melbourne,

(01:00:44):
Australia, Australia. And I waslike, but US Americans who don't say
Melbourne Barcelona. Oh, we haveto say it differently, I said.
She says she has some news,and I wrote, if she's pregnant from
the makeout session, I'm not surprised. She's like, I have news if
that's the knocked me up with thathardcore makeout from Sam Pression Rose. So

(01:01:06):
that's it. That's how it ends. Alloks like, yeah, and we'll
see them on the beach and stufflooks very pretty okay, So do you
have any predictions, Uh, Thomas, obviously, I mean that's our boy,
right and then also, okay,so it's gonna come down to the
guy that jacked the car, Brianthat him and Jeremy they're gonna have it

(01:01:28):
out. I'm well, it's gonnacome down to whether she liked that move
or not, or whether she likedthe fact that he capitulated or not.
Okay, interesting, yes, Likedoes she want somebody that's going to stick
up for himself or was she happyto not have a confrontation? Yes?
And I and I also think thatsam M. So in the X minut
seasons of Badeloratch that I have watched, there's always one prospect who is,

(01:01:54):
like we all know as the vieweris not who she's gonna pick, but
she's very on to them, andwe're like, this is the toxic person
of the group and somebody. AndI have a prediction that I think sam
M is going to be that personfor her because he seemed drunk the entire
time he was talking to her.Yes, and she seemed so drawn to
him, And I'm like, youhad good conversations with other people, I

(01:02:15):
remember anything? Yes, yes,And it's like I really think that she's
gonna have this like tunnel vision withhim throughout the season, and I think
he's gonna be a mistake for her. There's always one, And I think
he's very like dopey eyed. ButI don't know if it's because it's the
way he looks or if he's Dru'sdrunk. It's very possible it's both.
So I don't know. Sam m. Okay, well, let me ask

(01:02:36):
you who would you rather be with? Sam M or Sam in the Virgin?
I mean, for the sake ofentertainment the Virgin, right, I
mean, because God knows what he'sgonna say to us next time. He
just really shares a lot of informationand I'm here for it. I want
to see him meet her parents.Oh my god. Can imagine he'd be
like, Hi, my name isSam Inn and I'm a love Virgin and

(01:02:58):
they're like bye, Sam. Nextweek, we're hoping to have Courtney with
us, right because we need tobe reunited and it feels so good,
Corny need to hop in on that. Yeah, definitely didn't. It didn't
feel right. It was like reallybasy and then Hi, we need that,
Like yeah, middle, So we'regonna We're gonna record an episode next

(01:03:20):
week for episode two. So watchepisode two of The Bachelorette, or don't
and just listen to us rag onit for an hour. Whatever this really
to me isn't about the show TheBachelorette. Obviously not yet. That could
change, obviously, maybe I'll becomelike a big Bachelorette head. I think
you're gonna get into it. Yeah, I think you are. Because we
watched Survivor a lot. We justgotta bring it back every day. Yeah,

(01:03:43):
all right, all right, byebye ou outro. Just to recap,
I mean, you don't have ahope. You enjoyed the yep, but so