258 | Gym Bros Who Say No: The Problem with Fitness Gatekeeping

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Have you ever been made to feel like you don't belong in a fitness space? You're absolutely not alone. In this candid and eye-opening discussion, I dive into one of the fitness industry's most problematic trends: trainers who turn away clients because they don't fit neatly into rigid training methodologies.

Drawing from both client stories and my personal observations, I expose the harmful "black and white" mentality some fitness professionals bring to their practice. These are often the trainers who present themselves as having the "perfect method" but become dismissive when clients express limitations – whether it's fatigue from a menstrual cycle, symptoms from an autoimmune condition, or just being new to fitness. The message they send is devastating: there's no place for you in fitness unless you can perform at their expected level.

I contrast this with what truly professional training should look like, outlining the rare legitimate reasons for client-trainer mismatches while highlighting why adaptability is essential for effective coaching. I also address a concerning industry gap – the decreasing visibility of general fitness trainers who work with everyday people just looking to feel better, lose weight, or increase energy, while specialists working exclusively with athletes or competitive clients dominate the landscape.

As someone who wasn't naturally athletic growing up, I share how this exclusionary environment impacted my own fitness journey and why I'm passionate about creating inclusive fitness spaces. The heart of this episode centers on a powerful mindset shift: fitness isn't about competing with others but becoming slightly better than you were yesterday. Success should be measured by consistent small improvements over time – more squats than before, holding a plank longer than last week, or simply making it to the gym more consistently.

Ready to find a trainer who truly meets you where you are? Subscribe to Toned but Tired for more honest conversations about navigating fitness in ways that feel empowering rather than intimidating.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode
of the Toned but Tired podcast.
Today I wanted to chat aboutsomething that's been on my mind
.
If you've ever been a personaltraining client like if you
hired a trainer maybe you took aclass at a gym or even just
like went to a gym, got a tour,experienced something with like

(00:23):
a gym professional experience,something with like a gym
professional um, this may be foryou and this would be for
somebody as well who's lookingfor a trainer in the future,
even just looking to join a gym.
Okay, be aware of these things.
I get so annoyed when I hearfitness professionals who like
think clients are too difficult.

(00:45):
Okay, this bothers me.
Um, because a lot of times letme paint the picture for you a
lot of times it's usually like agym bro, um, someone who's fit
maybe they've been fit theirwhole lives and you know they're
kind of cocky.
Like they're just like I havethe best method, I have the best
workouts, this and that, andthey look really fit and maybe

(01:07):
that's why you were drawn tothem like wow, this person's
gonna help me.
But then, like maybe somethingcomes up like you're like man,
like I have my period and I'mlike really tired.
This can be females too.
Um, this, this can happen withfemales as well.
But you know, I have a periodI'm really tired, like I really
can't do this, like I don't wantto do this, and then I hear you
know stories from clients.

(01:27):
I've seen it in action becauseI've trained other trainers at
jobs that I've been at like fortheir positions and things, and
they're just like well, I can'ttrain you if you don't do it
this way, it's wrong, I'm nottraining you.
Um, and they have like thisvery black and white mentality
and that that's not a goodmessage for you, the client of
being like oh well, I guess Ijust suck and there's not a

(01:50):
place for me in fitness.
Now, don't get me wrong.
There are some times Let mepaint the spectrum here there
are definitely some times thatmaybe the client is difficult
for one reason or another orthey're not ready, but this
usually has nothing to do withfitness.
Nothing to do with fitness Ifit is medical or fitness related

(02:11):
.
That is when the trainer shouldbe professional and say hey, um
, you know, I think this is alittle out of my scope, so I'm
going to refer you out tosomeone else or I suggest that
you follow up with a medicalprofessional before returning to
training, right?
Usually, though, 99% of thetime, there is something that

(02:32):
you can do to help improve theclient and move with them and
work with them, no matter wherethey are at, no matter how small
the movement is, but sometimesthat does happen.
The other issue would be, again, if it's not fitness related,
it's more so.
Maybe the client is really lateall the time, maybe they're
missing their sessions andthey're not reliable, maybe it's

(02:55):
a personality thing.
Sometimes people just don'tquite mesh together like the
trainer-client relationship.
Again, this is pretty rare andusually can be screened out
through a consultation.
You'll know if you're a rightfit, right.
So it does happen sometimes,but that would be really the
only time where in my head thata trainer would be like no, I

(03:18):
can't work with you, right, andI guess the other exception
would be if maybe you went tothis trainer and they're very
specialized in something.
But again, this will be for you, the client.
Then, when you're um, you know,meeting with a trainer or
professional to ask them abouttheir training philosophies and

(03:38):
be very upfront about yourconcerns, just be like hey, like
you know, for me, like I havean autoimmune disorder.
There's some days where, like Ijust wake up and for no reason,
like I have no energy, I'm inpain.
So, like you know, for me, likeI have an autoimmune disorder,
there's some days where, like Ijust wake up and for no reason,
like I have no energy, I'm inpain.
So, like you know, my workoutoutput might be inconsistent.
Like is that okay?
Are you able to work with that?
And, like, be very upfront,like some days I might be able

(03:59):
to kill it and then some days wemight just be doing light
stretching, you know, becausesome people may not like that.
Like I said, I think a lot ofthe issue lies in, like those
guys who they love trainingbodybuilders.
You know, okay, they only trainathletes, or maybe it's only
CrossFit or they're only this.
But again, if you find someonewho you know, if you go to a

(04:19):
CrossFit person but you're justlooking for general health
probably not the best fit there,like if you don't know where to
start, I would go with a moregeneralized personal trainer,
and that's actually somethingreally interesting too.
That I've noticed Is that Idon't know if this is a recent
thing, but I've just noticed Ifeel like there's no, there's no
general fitness personaltrainers Really Like at least

(04:42):
that I see advertised.
I think they're out there, Ithink they just have their
clients and they don't reallylike advertise and they're happy
and they have their you knowtheir set people and that's it.
But it's like I don't see anyprominent general fitness
trainers and I enjoy like thegeneral population, I enjoy
people who just want to likelose a little bit of weight,

(05:07):
tone up, feel good, like youknow.
Um, I'll take odds and endspeople here and there, obviously
because I've worked with a widerange, but it's like everybody
like seems to work with like 20year olds or they're like I
train crossfit people or I'mtraining people for bikini
competitions, like it's veryspecified, excuse me, it's very
specified and I think there'sactually a lack for that general
population of people and Ithink that's why a lot of people

(05:27):
feel kind of left out, likethey feel like they need to
perform in a certain way to kindof get in with that group of
people.
But like that was me growing up.
I was never fit.
I was always that like outsiderwho wanted to get into fitness
but I never felt like I was, Ihad the right stuff, you know, I
felt like you just were bornathletic and I'm like, oh well,

(05:50):
that wasn't me.
But the more I got into thespace, that's why I wanted to
kind of create this safe spaceso people of all walks of life
can feel comfortable togetherand they feel like you know
you're competing with you.
You're not competing withanybody else who, like your past
self.
Are you being better than them?
Would your past self be able todo x amount of squats?

(06:11):
Hold that wall sit, come to thegym this regularly, like, make
that healthy eating choice.
Those are the things we'recomparing against Nobody else.
And as long as you're being alittle bit better than the
person you were yesterday andover time you're happy with you.
That's all that matters, right?
So I don't know, that was justlike a little rant, that was a

(06:33):
little thought.
I actually have like a notes.
Oh, you don't want to see mynotes app, but I have a notes
app on my phone.
I went through and organized itthis weekend and like, if I
have an idea that comes to mymind, forget trying to remember
it, so I just jot it down, andthat was one.
So I just jotted down and thatwas one of the things I jotted
down about like pretty muchasshole trainers and like how
they turn away clients, becauseI've had quite a few of my

(06:54):
clients share experiences withthat.
Like, oh, I went to meet withthis trainer and they kind of
said they didn't want to workwith me, or or I worked with
them and they kicked me out andI'm like, and then I work with
them and they're fine, likethey're not these horrible

(07:14):
clients and that kind of rubbedme the wrong way, um, and so,
yeah, I just wanted to share alittle bit about that to maybe
ease your mind and give you sometips to look for.
Um, if you're looking for atrainer, just to be wary, do
your research.
Um, against, I would start withgeneral fitness.
Again, if you don't know whereto start, you know, unless you
have a very specific goal inmind, like you're training for a
5k or you want yoga or Pilatesor something like that Like, um,

(07:34):
do your research, pick ageneral trainer, look at client
testimonials and reviews, um,and you'll probably be off to a
good start.
And you'll probably be off to agood start, all right, but all
right.
That is the episode for today.
A nice quick little brain dumpfrom Tina.
We are tired and toned overhere, but I hope you have a

(07:55):
great rest of your day and I'llchat with you soon.