May 20, 2025 • 16 mins
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Do you find yourself exhausted, stressed, and struggling with your health despite your best fitness efforts? The missing piece might not be another workout or diet plan—it could be your boundaries.
In this deeply personal episode, I open up about my lifelong struggle as a people-pleaser and how it impacted everything from my autoimmune disorder to my decision to become an entrepreneur. Growing up watching my mother constantly put others first, I absorbed the message that my needs should come last. This pattern follows many of us, especially women, into adulthood where we continue pouring from empty cups.
The health consequences can be severe. When boundaries are poor, stress hormones surge, sleep suffers, nutrition becomes haphazard, and even serious conditions like autoimmune disorders can develop or worsen. I share my own experiences with these challenges and the difficult but necessary journey of learning to say "no" without guilt.
What makes boundary-setting particularly challenging is that people accustomed to your constant "yes" will inevitably react when you begin to decline requests. This adjustment period can be uncomfortable but necessary. Whether it's managing your work schedule, deciding which clients deserve your energy, or determining how to balance family obligations with personal needs, boundaries create the foundation for sustainable health.
Ready to protect your peace and prioritize your wellbeing? Listen now to discover practical strategies for setting boundaries that honor both your needs and your relationships. Your health—and happiness—depend on it.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey friends, if you hear some chirping in the
background, that is my kittenJinx.
He's really actually not akitten at this point, I think he
was just kind of the runt andhe's like part Bombay.
So he's like a tiny little manwith the cutest high-pitched
voice and I absolutely love him.
But he was just following mearound.
Now he's like rubbing my hand.
(00:21):
He loves to rub his gums off ofthings.
Okay, now that we have thatsensory intro, that very
descriptive intro, I wanted towelcome you to the Toned but
Tired podcast, and today Iwanted to chat about something
that is very important to me and, I think, one of those things
in your health and fitnessjourney that just gets really
(00:43):
overlooked and can bechallenging to really do, and
that is setting boundaries,boundary setting.
This is hard, especially forfemales, and let me tell you the
way I grew up, just fromobserving my mom, and nothing
(01:04):
wrong with her, bless her heart,she's the sweetest woman ever,
but she is such a people pleaser.
So am I.
My sister, in a way, is kind oftoo.
I think we could all kind ofrelate to that.
Um, I just grew up as a majorpeople pleaser.
Um, for one reason or another,you know, I just learned that,
(01:25):
hey, you know your needs comelast.
Put everybody else's needsfirst and they'll be happy.
And if you keep people happy,you know life is good.
And again, I think probablymany of you can relate to that,
especially if you're a mom rightnow, or even just maybe a
caregiver to a family member ora loved one.
I see this a lot.
(01:46):
It's like you come last.
You feel like if you relax ortake time for yourself, stuff is
going to crumble.
But this is where it starts toaffect our health and fitness.
You know our energy depletes.
We're pouring from an empty cup.
We become aggravated.
Maybe we gain a couple poundsbecause we've been so stressed
(02:07):
out and like everything kind ofsnowballs, because we haven't
been getting enough sleep.
Our stress is high.
We're eating really quick foods, maybe at the drive-thru.
Maybe we're experiencing somecravings.
Maybe we're just not eatingright.
You're not eating throughoutthe day and then you end up like
super hungry and then you kindof binge on stuff you don't want
(02:29):
to.
Maybe our health goes down thedrain.
Maybe you get an autoimmunedisorder.
Maybe blood pressure creeps up,cholesterol there's so many
things that can happen as aresult of basically neglecting
care for ourselves.
And even though initially, ifyou are someone who's a people
pleaser, it can kind of soundlike, you know, putting yourself
first is a bad thing.
(02:51):
You know it sounds selfish,right?
Like oh my gosh, putting myselffirst before my children, like
what's wrong with you?
And and no, that's not exactlywhat I mean.
Um, I think it's the way weneed to reframe it, of putting
yourself first is actuallycaring, because when you put
(03:11):
yourself first and you allowyourself to show up as your best
self for those that you careabout, that is just a win for
everybody.
And here's another hard truthabout setting boundaries
Sometimes, when you do setboundaries, you're going to
disappoint people, especially ifyou're a people pleaser at
first, because people are goingto expect you.
(03:31):
They know you as the peoplepleaser, they know you as the
person that says yes toeverything.
So when you say no, it can kindof take them aback and they
might get angry.
But they're not angry at younecessarily.
Um, I think they're just angryat the idea that they didn't get
what they wanted.
They knew that they could cometo you.
(03:52):
Yeah, jenny's always the girlthat says yes, I know I can rely
on her.
That's similar to work as well,right goes into work.
Why is the worker who alwaysworks super, super hard all the
time, uh, the one that getstaken advantage of the most,
right?
Oh, my god, I always say yes tocoming in when you want me to
(04:12):
come in.
On my off days, I'm alwaysdoing more, I'm always staying
later and then, like the onetime you don't, it's like this
big deal.
But then you have, like thecoworker who half asses
everything and like they justscoot under the radar and
everybody's like, oh, that'sjust how they are, like it's
fine, right, I have been theremany, many times.
That's actually one of thereasons that I went into working
(04:35):
for myself A lot of, like ministory time here, a lot of the
jobs that I've worked for.
It's just in my nature to kindof go above and beyond, like you
know, most jobs.
If you're working, like youknow, at a box gym I worked at a
car wash, like even just at agrocery store, right, like you
know, you come in, you do yourjob, you leave, you make an X
amount of dollars.
(04:55):
If you work harder, that's notnecessarily going to guarantee
that you get more pay.
Maybe at the end of the yearyou might get a raise.
Who knows the way today's workenvironment is.
That's usually not the case.
Working harder doesn'tnecessarily mean anything, but I
would Like.
I would just be like, oh, thisis really dirty and this is
bothering me, like I want toclean it because I have some
extra time and it makes me feelbetter.
(05:16):
It wasn't't, you know, out oflike, oh, my god, I need to do
all this extra, uh, work, youknow, to look good.
It was just kind of like mystandards of what I wanted and
you know, I just I got takenadvantage of.
It'd be like, oh, tina, do this, do this, do this, and like
anytime, I went back to like thebare minimum, like less than
(05:37):
above beyond.
It was like viewed as anegative.
I would like work my butt offand I would not get raises.
It was terrible.
So that's actually one of thereasons I went into business for
myself, because I was like,well, at least if I go above and
beyond, I know that it's goingtowards my work, my business,
(05:59):
I'm growing something, so it'snot, you know, going to some
corporation who's just using mefor the money kind of deal.
Right, so that that was a plus,but yes, so this is a reminder,
and maybe you haven't even beentold this or maybe you heard
this.
You're like, yeah, that's notme, because I can tell you that
this is a continuing practice,like setting boundaries is so
(06:21):
important.
As somebody who has anautoimmune disorder and I do
believe, like I used to stressmyself out I used to be worried
all day, every day, um my, mypain of not getting what I want
versus the pain I experiencewhen somebody else doesn't get
what they want because of mydecisions.
(06:43):
That's usually more so.
I'll usually give in and I'lllike.
A perfect example is if, likeme and my husband are going out
and you know I'm like, oh my god, I'm like genuinely excited,
I'm like I want to go here.
And then you can see it in hisface he's just like not really
feeling it, but he, he's likeI'll go if it makes you happy.
There's some instances where I'mlike, screw you, I want to
(07:03):
enjoy it, like if I really,really, really want to go
somewhere, but I'd say 90% ofthe time.
Um, once he says that, I'm likeI can't.
I said because I'm gonna gothrough this the whole time,
knowing that you're not happyand that bothers me, like I'd
rather do what he wants to do,if it makes him happy, like as
again on the other end of thespectrum, as long as it's not
(07:24):
super torturous, like I'd rathergo do what he does, like I'm
very good with the flow withthat and I think that stems from
the people pleasing in me andand.
But just dealing with myautoimmune disorder and like
having to push through till I'mabsolutely exhausted and saying
yes to all these things and youknow to make people happy and to
(07:45):
accommodate their schedule, andyou know saying yes to things
when I have the energy.
And then the day comes and Idon't um having a business where
you do have to make harddecisions and you can't, people,
please, sometimes you just haveto make decisions that are best
for the business.
There's a lot of times and I'vegotten a lot of practice to set
(08:22):
these boundaries and I thinkhard, I think long, for instance
, right, you can maybe relate tothis with somewhere in your
life where I'd be like, oh, it'dbe so fun.
Like I love Pilates, right, andI love teaching abs, oh, my God
, it'd be so fun to have anevening class.
And then I think, I think aboutTina Are you going to be
miserable.
After the initial excitementwears off, you're going to have
(08:43):
to leave the gym.
Okay, you know, chill at homefor a couple hours.
Come back to the gym later inthe evening, when maybe
motivation is low.
Maybe you're tired in thewinter.
What if the snow's bad like?
Are you going to want to dothat?
Are you going to be wiped outfrom clients earlier in the day?
That's actually why, personallynot that you guys maybe care or
(09:07):
not, but if you're into my life, that's personally why I
haven't committed to anyevenings yet for me, because I
don't know about you but doingsplit shifts is kind of like a
thing as a trainer and it's kindof miserable.
I'm one of those people, though,that, like, for me, my Tuesday,
wednesday, thursdays arededicated chaos days, like I am
(09:28):
moving pretty much 5am tillabout 6pm at night, so those are
pretty much just work days.
Mondays are my work from homedays, so they're a little bit
more chill, but I still do a lotof stuff.
And then Friday is more of ahalf day and I call it a crash
day, like I'm working up untilabout noon or one, and then I
come home and I do absolutelynothing because my brain's like
fried from the week.
(09:49):
So that's pretty much how myschedule works.
And then Saturday, sunday,depending on what I'm doing, if
it's like a chill day, I'll workon some casual odds and end
stuff, things that don't stressme out, that I just like kind of
want to work on, or we'll justbe out and traveling and
sometimes I don't work at all.
But that's kind of where I fallnow with my personal boundaries
(10:10):
.
But again and again you canmaybe relate to this I don't
think it's necessarily wrong tocommit to something if you you
kind of know the risks thatyou're taking of like, hey, you
know, this is just a season.
So like, for instance, if I waslike, hey, I really do want to
work on filling up my eveningtime slots, I know it's going to
(10:31):
be a little bit more highenergy, so I'm going to go into
this and know that this is whatI'm doing.
This is a phase X, y, z.
So I think if you frame thingslike that, it's a little bit
easier.
Again, you're almost settingthat boundary with yourself.
You're stretching that boundaryright.
(10:52):
A lot of the examples that I wastalking about earlier was more
so about restricting.
You know, you're conservingyour energy.
You're saying hey, this iswhere my limit is and you don't
have to be an ass about it.
I think people do get takenaback because people don't like
to be told no, and it's like Ifeel like a lot of us are kind
of like yes, men.
So it's like weird when we dosay no, like oh my God, like
they're taken aback and theydon't know how to react.
(11:13):
But I think if you say in a firm, direct but polite way of like
hey, you know, like there's somany ways you could say it, like
hey, you know, I don't have theenergy and the tank to be able
to fulfill this.
You know, like there'sdifferent ways to say different
things.
Um, and and some people mightget mad, especially if they are
(11:35):
a people pleaser maybe theydon't have good boundaries and
they extend themselves.
So they almost get thisresentment of like well, I do
all this crazy stuff, why aren'tyou right?
Like so there's a lot ofdifferent plays on it.
But getting back to theopposite end of the spectrum of
committing two times when youcan extend yourselves a little
more, I think that's good, andI'll actually share an example
(11:57):
with my business and then I'llstart to wrap this up here.
So an example with my businessis, as a trainer, you kind of
have busy and slow seasons.
That's with most businesses,right.
And I would say when I firstkind of went fully independent,
I was very grateful and blessedto be like not super slow, but I
(12:23):
did definitely have downtime,right, like I wasn't working 40
hours a week, um, and sometimes,you know, I ended up working
more than that, but, um, I was,I had a lot of free time.
So I, during that time it waskind of like in my mind I was
like Tina, you don't have theluxury to be picky, right, you
don't have the luxury to bepicky.
(12:45):
You're trying to build up aschedule, so you kind of have to
say yes to a lot of people,right.
And I mean, as a trainer, youown your business, so you have
to think there might be clientsthat might not be a good fit
with you.
They might be flaky, they mightnot show up.
I've dealt with that.
The people that, like, alwayshave an excuse.
They're always canceling on you, um, maybe they're a difficult
(13:08):
client, maybe they constantly,um, you know, ask xyz, and it's
like, oh my god they're, they'renot respecting your boundaries,
they're messaging you, uh,outside of work hours, this, and
that there's a lot that goeswith it.
Right, and again, some of youwho are nurses, hairstylists,
maybe a similar job you couldprobably agree heck, even if you
(13:28):
work in a grocery store and youhave the old lady that's like
constantly, um, telling you herlife story and you're like I'm
just trying to wring out yourgroceries, your total is 104,
like you know those kinds ofthings.
But I at that time period couldkind of bite the bullet with
those things Because in my mindmy boundary was like hey, you
know, we have to loosen thisboundary a little bit.
(13:50):
I got to take what I can getbecause I have a looser schedule
, right, so some business isbetter.
Now, of course, there is a linethere, right, we don't want to
like kill ourselves and stressourselves out and have the worst
client ever.
But I extended my boundary alittle bit.
Now that I'm busier and my timeis more restricted, I've
learned, and I am learning, tosay no to certain things because
(14:14):
I don't necessarily need thatspace for that client, I don't
need that extra income, and so Ican be pickier about who I hold
in my space.
And I think that's fair,because if I say yes to
everybody, my energy is drained.
I'm running around like achicken with my head cut off.
I cannot deliver a good serviceto the clients who do pay me
(14:38):
and are there to show up.
So it's that like fine balance,right, and again this is going
to look different for everybody.
This could be you, withsplitting up sports.
Who's who goes to whose kidssports.
You know, what hobbies are yourkids going to do?
What hobbies are you going todo?
How can you get your workoutsin?
Maybe you walk around whileyour kid is at sports practice?
(15:01):
How?
What are the boundaries withmeals Like?
Are you going to compromise andbe like well, maybe I'll just
invest in a meal prep serviceright now.
Excuse me, sorry, you had tohear me die there.
I don't know if I'm going toedit that out or not, but you
know, maybe you know the mealprep service.
(15:21):
Yes, you're sacrificing moneyfor investing in meal prep
service, but maybe you know thatsaving in time is more worth it
for you, right?
So you're kind of playingaround with with different
things, and I don't know if thatnecessarily falls into
boundaries, but for some reasonin my brain it does.
So, uh, yeah, pretty much.
(15:41):
I just wanted to share thatwith you guys.
Hopefully that gets your gearsgoing around.
You know what you want to sayyes to, what's and I think
that's more what I was gettingat with the, with the boundaries
of like, what's a yes right now, what's a no, what are you
willing to sacrifice, what areyou willing to not sacrifice,
right?
Um, and I think that's good toevaluate, because I think a lot
(16:03):
of us we just we we say yes, yes, yes, yes.
We have all these things on ourplate.
We wonder why we're like crazy,like something else that's good
to do is reevaluate your lifeand see if there are things that
you need to cut back on.
Say no to if you're feelingoverwhelmed, if it's not
absolutely necessary.
It might be a no for right nowto protect your peace and free
up some time and space for you.
(16:24):
So that is my thoughts fortoday.
Thank you for tuning in andI'll chat with you next time.
Bye.
Hey friends, if you hear some chirping in the
background, that is my kittenJinx.
He's really actually not akitten at this point, I think he
was just kind of the runt andhe's like part Bombay.
So he's like a tiny little manwith the cutest high-pitched
voice and I absolutely love him.
But he was just following mearound.
Now he's like rubbing my hand.
(00:21):
He loves to rub his gums off ofthings.
Okay, now that we have thatsensory intro, that very
descriptive intro, I wanted towelcome you to the Toned but
Tired podcast, and today Iwanted to chat about something
that is very important to me and, I think, one of those things
in your health and fitnessjourney that just gets really
(00:43):
overlooked and can bechallenging to really do, and
that is setting boundaries,boundary setting.
This is hard, especially forfemales, and let me tell you the
way I grew up, just fromobserving my mom, and nothing
(01:04):
wrong with her, bless her heart,she's the sweetest woman ever,
but she is such a people pleaser.
So am I.
My sister, in a way, is kind oftoo.
I think we could all kind ofrelate to that.
Um, I just grew up as a majorpeople pleaser.
Um, for one reason or another,you know, I just learned that,
(01:25):
hey, you know your needs comelast.
Put everybody else's needsfirst and they'll be happy.
And if you keep people happy,you know life is good.
And again, I think probablymany of you can relate to that,
especially if you're a mom rightnow, or even just maybe a
caregiver to a family member ora loved one.
I see this a lot.
(01:46):
It's like you come last.
You feel like if you relax ortake time for yourself, stuff is
going to crumble.
But this is where it starts toaffect our health and fitness.
You know our energy depletes.
We're pouring from an empty cup.
We become aggravated.
Maybe we gain a couple poundsbecause we've been so stressed
(02:07):
out and like everything kind ofsnowballs, because we haven't
been getting enough sleep.
Our stress is high.
We're eating really quick foods, maybe at the drive-thru.
Maybe we're experiencing somecravings.
Maybe we're just not eatingright.
You're not eating throughoutthe day and then you end up like
super hungry and then you kindof binge on stuff you don't want
(02:29):
to.
Maybe our health goes down thedrain.
Maybe you get an autoimmunedisorder.
Maybe blood pressure creeps up,cholesterol there's so many
things that can happen as aresult of basically neglecting
care for ourselves.
And even though initially, ifyou are someone who's a people
pleaser, it can kind of soundlike, you know, putting yourself
first is a bad thing.
(02:51):
You know it sounds selfish,right?
Like oh my gosh, putting myselffirst before my children, like
what's wrong with you?
And and no, that's not exactlywhat I mean.
Um, I think it's the way weneed to reframe it, of putting
yourself first is actuallycaring, because when you put
(03:11):
yourself first and you allowyourself to show up as your best
self for those that you careabout, that is just a win for
everybody.
And here's another hard truthabout setting boundaries
Sometimes, when you do setboundaries, you're going to
disappoint people, especially ifyou're a people pleaser at
first, because people are goingto expect you.
(03:31):
They know you as the peoplepleaser, they know you as the
person that says yes toeverything.
So when you say no, it can kindof take them aback and they
might get angry.
But they're not angry at younecessarily.
Um, I think they're just angryat the idea that they didn't get
what they wanted.
They knew that they could cometo you.
(03:52):
Yeah, jenny's always the girlthat says yes, I know I can rely
on her.
That's similar to work as well,right goes into work.
Why is the worker who alwaysworks super, super hard all the
time, uh, the one that getstaken advantage of the most,
right?
Oh, my god, I always say yes tocoming in when you want me to
(04:12):
come in.
On my off days, I'm alwaysdoing more, I'm always staying
later and then, like the onetime you don't, it's like this
big deal.
But then you have, like thecoworker who half asses
everything and like they justscoot under the radar and
everybody's like, oh, that'sjust how they are, like it's
fine, right, I have been theremany, many times.
That's actually one of thereasons that I went into working
(04:35):
for myself A lot of, like ministory time here, a lot of the
jobs that I've worked for.
It's just in my nature to kindof go above and beyond, like you
know, most jobs.
If you're working, like youknow, at a box gym I worked at a
car wash, like even just at agrocery store, right, like you
know, you come in, you do yourjob, you leave, you make an X
amount of dollars.
(04:55):
If you work harder, that's notnecessarily going to guarantee
that you get more pay.
Maybe at the end of the yearyou might get a raise.
Who knows the way today's workenvironment is.
That's usually not the case.
Working harder doesn'tnecessarily mean anything, but I
would Like.
I would just be like, oh, thisis really dirty and this is
bothering me, like I want toclean it because I have some
extra time and it makes me feelbetter.
(05:16):
It wasn't't, you know, out oflike, oh, my god, I need to do
all this extra, uh, work, youknow, to look good.
It was just kind of like mystandards of what I wanted and
you know, I just I got takenadvantage of.
It'd be like, oh, tina, do this, do this, do this, and like
anytime, I went back to like thebare minimum, like less than
(05:37):
above beyond.
It was like viewed as anegative.
I would like work my butt offand I would not get raises.
It was terrible.
So that's actually one of thereasons I went into business for
myself, because I was like,well, at least if I go above and
beyond, I know that it's goingtowards my work, my business,
(05:59):
I'm growing something, so it'snot, you know, going to some
corporation who's just using mefor the money kind of deal.
Right, so that that was a plus,but yes, so this is a reminder,
and maybe you haven't even beentold this or maybe you heard
this.
You're like, yeah, that's notme, because I can tell you that
this is a continuing practice,like setting boundaries is so
(06:21):
important.
As somebody who has anautoimmune disorder and I do
believe, like I used to stressmyself out I used to be worried
all day, every day, um my, mypain of not getting what I want
versus the pain I experiencewhen somebody else doesn't get
what they want because of mydecisions.
(06:43):
That's usually more so.
I'll usually give in and I'lllike.
A perfect example is if, likeme and my husband are going out
and you know I'm like, oh my god, I'm like genuinely excited,
I'm like I want to go here.
And then you can see it in hisface he's just like not really
feeling it, but he, he's likeI'll go if it makes you happy.
There's some instances where I'mlike, screw you, I want to
(07:03):
enjoy it, like if I really,really, really want to go
somewhere, but I'd say 90% ofthe time.
Um, once he says that, I'm likeI can't.
I said because I'm gonna gothrough this the whole time,
knowing that you're not happyand that bothers me, like I'd
rather do what he wants to do,if it makes him happy, like as
again on the other end of thespectrum, as long as it's not
(07:24):
super torturous, like I'd rathergo do what he does, like I'm
very good with the flow withthat and I think that stems from
the people pleasing in me andand.
But just dealing with myautoimmune disorder and like
having to push through till I'mabsolutely exhausted and saying
yes to all these things and youknow to make people happy and to
(07:45):
accommodate their schedule, andyou know saying yes to things
when I have the energy.
And then the day comes and Idon't um having a business where
you do have to make harddecisions and you can't, people,
please, sometimes you just haveto make decisions that are best
for the business.
There's a lot of times and I'vegotten a lot of practice to set
(08:22):
these boundaries and I thinkhard, I think long, for instance
, right, you can maybe relate tothis with somewhere in your
life where I'd be like, oh, it'dbe so fun.
Like I love Pilates, right, andI love teaching abs, oh, my God
, it'd be so fun to have anevening class.
And then I think, I think aboutTina Are you going to be
miserable.
After the initial excitementwears off, you're going to have
(08:43):
to leave the gym.
Okay, you know, chill at homefor a couple hours.
Come back to the gym later inthe evening, when maybe
motivation is low.
Maybe you're tired in thewinter.
What if the snow's bad like?
Are you going to want to dothat?
Are you going to be wiped outfrom clients earlier in the day?
That's actually why, personallynot that you guys maybe care or
(09:07):
not, but if you're into my life, that's personally why I
haven't committed to anyevenings yet for me, because I
don't know about you but doingsplit shifts is kind of like a
thing as a trainer and it's kindof miserable.
I'm one of those people, though,that, like, for me, my Tuesday,
wednesday, thursdays arededicated chaos days, like I am
(09:28):
moving pretty much 5am tillabout 6pm at night, so those are
pretty much just work days.
Mondays are my work from homedays, so they're a little bit
more chill, but I still do a lotof stuff.
And then Friday is more of ahalf day and I call it a crash
day, like I'm working up untilabout noon or one, and then I
come home and I do absolutelynothing because my brain's like
fried from the week.
(09:49):
So that's pretty much how myschedule works.
And then Saturday, sunday,depending on what I'm doing, if
it's like a chill day, I'll workon some casual odds and end
stuff, things that don't stressme out, that I just like kind of
want to work on, or we'll justbe out and traveling and
sometimes I don't work at all.
But that's kind of where I fallnow with my personal boundaries
(10:10):
.
But again and again you canmaybe relate to this I don't
think it's necessarily wrong tocommit to something if you you
kind of know the risks thatyou're taking of like, hey, you
know, this is just a season.
So like, for instance, if I waslike, hey, I really do want to
work on filling up my eveningtime slots, I know it's going to
(10:31):
be a little bit more highenergy, so I'm going to go into
this and know that this is whatI'm doing.
This is a phase X, y, z.
So I think if you frame thingslike that, it's a little bit
easier.
Again, you're almost settingthat boundary with yourself.
You're stretching that boundaryright.
(10:52):
A lot of the examples that I wastalking about earlier was more
so about restricting.
You know, you're conservingyour energy.
You're saying hey, this iswhere my limit is and you don't
have to be an ass about it.
I think people do get takenaback because people don't like
to be told no, and it's like Ifeel like a lot of us are kind
of like yes, men.
So it's like weird when we dosay no, like oh my God, like
they're taken aback and theydon't know how to react.
(11:13):
But I think if you say in a firm, direct but polite way of like
hey, you know, like there's somany ways you could say it, like
hey, you know, I don't have theenergy and the tank to be able
to fulfill this.
You know, like there'sdifferent ways to say different
things.
Um, and and some people mightget mad, especially if they are
(11:35):
a people pleaser maybe theydon't have good boundaries and
they extend themselves.
So they almost get thisresentment of like well, I do
all this crazy stuff, why aren'tyou right?
Like so there's a lot ofdifferent plays on it.
But getting back to theopposite end of the spectrum of
committing two times when youcan extend yourselves a little
more, I think that's good, andI'll actually share an example
(11:57):
with my business and then I'llstart to wrap this up here.
So an example with my businessis, as a trainer, you kind of
have busy and slow seasons.
That's with most businesses,right.
And I would say when I firstkind of went fully independent,
I was very grateful and blessedto be like not super slow, but I
(12:23):
did definitely have downtime,right, like I wasn't working 40
hours a week, um, and sometimes,you know, I ended up working
more than that, but, um, I was,I had a lot of free time.
So I, during that time it waskind of like in my mind I was
like Tina, you don't have theluxury to be picky, right, you
don't have the luxury to bepicky.
(12:45):
You're trying to build up aschedule, so you kind of have to
say yes to a lot of people,right.
And I mean, as a trainer, youown your business, so you have
to think there might be clientsthat might not be a good fit
with you.
They might be flaky, they mightnot show up.
I've dealt with that.
The people that, like, alwayshave an excuse.
They're always canceling on you, um, maybe they're a difficult
(13:08):
client, maybe they constantly,um, you know, ask xyz, and it's
like, oh my god they're, they'renot respecting your boundaries,
they're messaging you, uh,outside of work hours, this, and
that there's a lot that goeswith it.
Right, and again, some of youwho are nurses, hairstylists,
maybe a similar job you couldprobably agree heck, even if you
(13:28):
work in a grocery store and youhave the old lady that's like
constantly, um, telling you herlife story and you're like I'm
just trying to wring out yourgroceries, your total is 104,
like you know those kinds ofthings.
But I at that time period couldkind of bite the bullet with
those things Because in my mindmy boundary was like hey, you
know, we have to loosen thisboundary a little bit.
(13:50):
I got to take what I can getbecause I have a looser schedule
, right, so some business isbetter.
Now, of course, there is a linethere, right, we don't want to
like kill ourselves and stressourselves out and have the worst
client ever.
But I extended my boundary alittle bit.
Now that I'm busier and my timeis more restricted, I've
learned, and I am learning, tosay no to certain things because
(14:14):
I don't necessarily need thatspace for that client, I don't
need that extra income, and so Ican be pickier about who I hold
in my space.
And I think that's fair,because if I say yes to
everybody, my energy is drained.
I'm running around like achicken with my head cut off.
I cannot deliver a good serviceto the clients who do pay me
(14:38):
and are there to show up.
So it's that like fine balance,right, and again this is going
to look different for everybody.
This could be you, withsplitting up sports.
Who's who goes to whose kidssports.
You know, what hobbies are yourkids going to do?
What hobbies are you going todo?
How can you get your workoutsin?
Maybe you walk around whileyour kid is at sports practice?
(15:01):
How?
What are the boundaries withmeals Like?
Are you going to compromise andbe like well, maybe I'll just
invest in a meal prep serviceright now.
Excuse me, sorry, you had tohear me die there.
I don't know if I'm going toedit that out or not, but you
know, maybe you know the mealprep service.
(15:21):
Yes, you're sacrificing moneyfor investing in meal prep
service, but maybe you know thatsaving in time is more worth it
for you, right?
So you're kind of playingaround with with different
things, and I don't know if thatnecessarily falls into
boundaries, but for some reasonin my brain it does.
So, uh, yeah, pretty much.
(15:41):
I just wanted to share thatwith you guys.
Hopefully that gets your gearsgoing around.
You know what you want to sayyes to, what's and I think
that's more what I was gettingat with the, with the boundaries
of like, what's a yes right now, what's a no, what are you
willing to sacrifice, what areyou willing to not sacrifice,
right?
Um, and I think that's good toevaluate, because I think a lot
(16:03):
of us we just we we say yes, yes, yes, yes.
We have all these things on ourplate.
We wonder why we're like crazy,like something else that's good
to do is reevaluate your lifeand see if there are things that
you need to cut back on.
Say no to if you're feelingoverwhelmed, if it's not
absolutely necessary.
It might be a no for right nowto protect your peace and free
up some time and space for you.
(16:24):
So that is my thoughts fortoday.
Thank you for tuning in andI'll chat with you next time.
Bye.
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