December 28, 2023 • 39 mins
Ever wondered how the pros turn social anxiety into a magnetic presence? Lori Crever, author, actress, and speaker, joins Tonka Talk to reveal the powerful synergy between mentorship and improv, as laid out in her riveting book "Protégé Power."
We weave through the art of creating positive connections that can weather any storm. Her wisdom isn't just theory; it's a lifeline for anyone looking to thrive in their personal and professional networks.
These tales aren't just relatable—they're your guide to navigating those tricky moments with grace and safeguarding the sanctity of personal boundaries.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to Tonka Talk.
Welcome to one of our liveswhich is also going to be a
podcast episode.
I'm Natalie Webster and onTonka Talk we share the ways
people create community andconnection, find their way in
the world.
And today my guest is a womanwho who, if we had to list out
(00:21):
really everything that she did,we would honestly just be here
all day.
She's an author, she's anactress and she's a speaker, and
her name is Laurie Creaver.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Welcome, Laurie.
It's great to come back.
Natalie, I'm so excited to talkwith you today.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yes, and we're talking about a very I think, a
really interesting topic.
So if you are joining us on thelive, feel free to jump into
the comments and share anycomments or questions that you
have, and if you have anyquestions for Laurie, we'll work
on getting to that.
Now Laurie does.
Let's just let's start withjust one part.
Let's start with.
(00:56):
You're an author.
She wrote a book called ProtégéPower.
Can you, can you kind of tellpeople what the book was
basically about?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Protégé Power is a career development book about
the immense value having a goodmentor can bring to your life,
to your happiness, your mentalhealth and your career success.
And I'm excited to talk today,natalie, you and I, about
positive networks, positiveconnections, because so often in
(01:30):
our career, if we're looking tomake a job change or looking to
find a mentor, someone to be asounding board and a helper and
a guide, what precedes that ishaving a good network, a good
network of people that arepositive and honest and really
affirm and support you that isthat's very true.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
That's very true.
What I find very interestingabout your work, you know, with
mentoring and the topic we'retalking about, it's there's a
little bit of a plot twist here.
People, a little bit of a plottwist.
Hello, kelly Mills from Cuba.
Wow, that's really.
I just geek out when peoplejump into our live chat from
(02:13):
other other places.
I think it's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
It's wonderful, muy bonita.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
You do improv work.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yes, I am a late bloomer.
On topic of improvisation, Ihad done scripted theater in a
regular place, on and off, sinceI was five years old, but it
really wasn't until I was 41years old that I embraced and
started to study and thenperform improvisation and I like
(02:46):
to say, taking an improvisationclass it's like taking your
imagination to the gym.
And, natalie, many people don'tbelieve this about me, but on
the Myers-Briggs assessment, Ishow up as a big old I, which is
what For introvert?
What?
(03:06):
Well, I know, like many peopleinvolved with theater and
performing arts, I can manifesta very seemingly extroverted
personality.
But on Myers-Briggs, if youshow up as introvert, what that
means is that you recharge yourbattery from a long time.
(03:32):
And so from this, I definitelyhad throughout my life and I
think some of the viewers orlisteners might relate to this a
lot of social anxiety.
And I was working ininternational banking, pretty
sophisticated area, and I wouldget deployed constantly to go to
business lunches and businesssocial events and I would have
(03:52):
such sweaty palms and anxietybecause I would think I'm going
to blurt out the wrong thing orI'm going to say something
that's going to demonstrate I'mnot very bright after all and
people around me are going towonder who admitted hurt to the
ranks of international banking.
Don't those people have goodeducation and smarts and good
vocabulary, right?
Well, how this ties intoimprovisation is after I started
(04:15):
studying improvisation, withina year and a half or two I began
to notice complete 180.
Really, yeah, social situations.
I no longer had that anxietybecause improvisation you work
your social muscles, as it were,on being able to be present and
(04:38):
remain present no matter whatsomeone grows at you.
No matter what.
So I didn't have thatnervousness anymore.
So that's how improv I find isvery useful for connections,
networking and, I think, anyprofession any profession.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Yeah, you're right, and hello Sue Irwin in the chat
there Having.
It's so funny because knowingyou and I've known her for a
while.
But I totally get it because Ido the same thing, where for me
to recharge I really need to bealone or just with my Tony, and
(05:17):
often in a windowless room, orin fact I used to have when I
used to live in a town home.
I had a walk-in closet and Ihad it set up with a chair in
there so that I could go intothe closet and shut the door and
the lights were more dim andthat was how I kind of recharged
.
And now I don't have room in mycloset but I'll close the
(05:40):
blinds out.
I just need some time torecharge that way.
So I guess I'm with you.
I feel that way too in terms ofenergy and the same thing.
Sometimes people don't believeme.
They're like well, we can besocially extroverted and
interested in other people andaggressively enthusiastic.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
We are assertively enthusiastic, Exactly
assertively.
Hang on to your socks.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
But be able to recharge that way.
How do you find that in the,whether it's in working in the
corporate world or doing aspeaking engagement, or with the
way improv plays into this?
I feel like all of theseexperiences you've been able to,
this topic of strengtheningpositive connections and getting
(06:31):
rid of toxicity.
As an artist, as an author, Ifeel that there must, because
I've seen this where you'realmost like sometimes a little
bit of a magnet for that nastyenergy and that toxic behavior.
How does this all come togetherto like, how do you deal with
(06:52):
it?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
That is so powerful, absolutely.
I sometimes just could fall offmy seat with how blindside did
I get, with people just givingyou harsh, unsolicited guidance
that is super, not in line inany way with who you are.
(07:19):
It is stressful.
It is stressful.
I try to follow the wisdom fromGandhi of be the change that
you would like to see in theworld.
This is something else I takefrom improv.
One of the principles ofimprovisation I'm sure several
of you are aware of this is tosay yes, yes, and but preceding
(07:46):
that would be that you actuallyhave your antenna up for
something about the other humanbeing to affirm that you would
like to affirm.
So I go into social situationsand dialogue with others,
listening for and having myantenna up for what is the good
(08:10):
stuff about this person toamplify, to acknowledge, to
affirm, and then I do expectthat.
That's how people handleconversation, you know, from
their end, with me as well,right, yeah, because you're not
going in there.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
And if you get some type of you know negative
response or maybe it's somebodythat you're working with in the
office place, right, or maybesometimes it's somebody in your
family, or even it'd be somebodyin your friend group that just
brings that negative attitude.
And there's a differencebetween, hey, I'm struggling
right now, I'm having a bad dayI will even admit, not every day
(08:51):
is all rainbows and unicorns,what, as much as I would like
for it to be, it is just notalways, not always that way, but
something I've definitelylearned this is why I think your
book and everything out reallyresonates with me is because
that is exactly it.
Right, if you can, we get whatwe focus on.
(09:12):
And sometimes I mean, somepeople are just no matter what
you do, it's just a rotten egg.
You just can't get rid of thesmell.
That's right and then that'stime to you know diplomatically,
but, you know, distanceyourself from that person or
that situation but, being animprov, you're saying these are
(09:33):
skills that help you in yourcareer path, because what you're
doing is you're going out anddoing speaking engagement and
you're dealing with people,right.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Yes, and you're saying yes, you're finding what
is good and positive andsomething to amplify and
strengthen, Like you're saying.
Natalie, you know we continueto find that we get more of what
we put energy into.
Yeah, yeah.
And here's.
You know we are doing this liveduring a time of year where
(10:05):
many of us are going to bespending more and more time with
family and extended family.
And here's the delicacy andforgive me if it seems ironic,
because I write and speak aboutmentoring.
We talked about this before,natalie about installing a
mental speed bump when you'relistening to someone and you
think, oh, oh, oh, I could fixthem.
(10:28):
I can fix this.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Put that speed, bump in and really pause before you
offer advice that's not beenrequested of you.
Cool, here is the risk when weoffer unsolicited advice and
think about this.
If this has happened to you, itcan easily react on us
(10:53):
receiving it as wow, this personis only listening to me through
a lens of my deficiencies, yeah, and it feels awful.
Yeah, so far different.
If someone comes to you orsomeone pulls you aside at a
family function because of this,that or the other expertise or
(11:16):
experience you have and says I'mso glad you're here.
Would you mind could I talk toyou for a moment?
I have a situation like Natalie, with you.
You do real estate.
Maybe someone pulls you asideand says I've got a question
about this property or how tostage a house, or then weigh in.
Obviously they've explicitlyasked you to, but unless they've
asked you to do, you thinkyou've got something fabulous to
(11:40):
offer.
You can certainly always sayhearing what you're saying.
I have some thoughts on this.
Would you like to hear them?
First?
It's just going into theirhouse.
Give them the chance to say no,right, because sometimes we
just want to vent, we just wantto be heard, and that is a
(12:01):
positive connection, someonethat hears us, listens without
judgment, accepts us and justgive us that nice, hearty
acknowledgement that we've beenheard.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
So, Kelly says, a friend always smiled and said hi
, how are you?
To his enemies?
Very disconcerting for them,Absolutely.
I am a big believer and, Laura,I'd love to hear your thoughts
on this and we will also sayhello, Aloha ladies, Aloha from
Oregon.
Thank you so much.
(12:32):
Tell me this do you find withand I'm kind of like I'm
fascinated with the improv partof this too and how it plays
into having these skills,because, as someone who has,
because of my background and theway I grew up, often struggled
with social situations andfeeling like I'm just saying the
(12:55):
wrong thing or doing the wrongthing, but then also coming to
learn that there's no wrongthing, I think to say, really,
if you're being conscious ofwhat you're saying, of the other
person, right and is whatyou're talking about, you can
bring up a topic that maybe isunsolicited.
(13:15):
But I think you're right when itcomes to if I walk into
somebody's house and I'm likeyou know what, you should really
move these things around here,and maybe they're not even
selling their home, but I'm likebecause to sell your house and
I'm coming up with all thesesolutions and they're like what
are you talking about?
I'm not even trying to sell myhome?
I wouldn't do that.
Yet We'll go to familygatherings or other social
(13:36):
things and there's always thatperson, at least one who does
exactly that, where it's justthey feel like it's open season
on all of your faults and theway sometimes it's communicated.
You still single.
You still single.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
How about this?
If anybody out there has adeath wish right now, go to a
family function and offerunsolicited parenting advice?
That is going to just.
I've never, ever seen that gowell.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Not a welcome thing.
No, there's certain things youdon't talk about.
I mean house.
I'm so loving this talk andit's full for communication,
thank you, thank you.
That is very, that's very true.
You find that is this somethingthat came easy to you when you
got into improv and you're usingthese improv skills in regular
(14:39):
relationships.
You're using them in business.
Talk some more about some ofthose tips.
Like you said, not sharingunsolicited advice is a very
good one.
Oh, it did not come well at all.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
It did not come well at all.
I mean full disclosure, no.
And I well remember when Istarted studying improv, I had
just been promoted in mycorporate job to be a manager
and so be a boss, and in my mind, just how I was raised as the
(15:12):
boss.
This is so old fashioned, butit made me think all right, that
means I know everything.
How fortunate you would be tobe a direct report of mine and
improv just completely.
You know, it was like beingthrown into a blender or
(15:33):
something.
I mean it just turned all thaton its side because they want
you to be approaching your groupsetting as like status lists
and have the notion that eachperson with whom you're
interacting and working has aninfinite capacity for wisdom,
imagination, bright ideas.
And so I had to become what Ibelieve is a more contemporary
(15:57):
version of a manager, which issomeone who's more of a listener
than a talker and really seeksto draw out the intelligence and
bright thinking and hard workof others, more so than being,
you know, kind of the dominatingforce.
That feels a little like lastcentury.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Russian being a manager?
It really does.
And Kelly says too true, theworst one when first married.
So when are you going to getpregnant?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah, stick to your own, lane, right Row your own
canoe.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
So how would you say then, what advice?
Because we are talking aboutthat time of year where we're
getting together more and whereit's just a busy time, whether
it's with friends and otherpeople.
What advice would you give andwhether it was an improv tool or
wherever it came from on, if Iwere meeting up at a family
event and I'm just like Laurie,so you changed jobs again, you
(16:56):
just, you know, just going downthat like nitpicky, like you
said, seeing you through thelens of deficiency.
So how do you?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
actually handle that In that setting.
I think it might be wise butfolks see what you think of this
to deftly shift the topic awayfrom such deep personal things
to maybe something like a lot ofus, in the climate that we're
in, natalie, because it's verycold in the winter, we plan a
(17:29):
getaway during winter months tosomewhere warm.
So maybe you want to just shiftthe topic to hey, cousin Bill,
did I hear right that you areplanning to go to Cabo San Lucas
in February?
Tell me about that.
Like, just shift it tosomething that's very positive,
(17:52):
neutral, you know, get theattention off you, because that
just doesn't feel good.
It's so unexpected to besuddenly thrust under a
microscope and, frankly, it'snone of cousin's business.
That's my opinion.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
And you probably would welcome talking about.
I know in my experience oftenyou know, people are more than
happy to talk about what theyhave going on and what they have
coming up, and you're right,that's a great tool to kind of
deflect that.
When are you going to getpregnant?
Or you know those things thatmaybe you're not, you know,
you're just not that interestedin talking about.
Sometimes, too, in certainfamily situations or with friend
(18:28):
groups, there is a historythere and sometimes I think
certain people let's call themlike you know maybe where that
toxicity comes from just want togo right into those topics and
just poke the bear about it.
And so you're saying, beingable to kind of like it seemed
like it's a skill that could bepracticed to just move on to
(18:52):
something else versus givingthem the reaction that maybe
they even want.
Because I think, I feel thatpeople who are truly we all have
bad days, we all sometimes saystuff we absolutely regret in a
moment of anger or whatever, butthen you have the true toxic
people who just have that toxicenergy and their golden life
(19:14):
seems to be to try and muddle upyours as much as possible.
And is being able to put someseparation there.
Can you give more examples ofhow you do that?
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yeah, well, I already gave one suggested topic to
switch to.
If you, you know, need like alittle bit of time before you
can just get out of their space.
Other topics, super easy, wouldbe movies, or sometimes I will
change the topic to has anybodyseen anything worthwhile lately
(19:49):
on Netflix or Amazon Prime?
Once again, get them talking,get yourself off the hot seat,
off of being interrogated andpeople will commonly have that
or hobbies See the theme here.
These are all subjects that areinnocuous.
They're not going for thejugular on anyone, and you know.
(20:13):
But let's face it, you know, ifyou really felt like you were
at your wit's end, you need tolay down some sass.
Yes, I was trying to get thatpersonal with me.
I might say hang on, I'm justgoing to go to my bag and get
the results of my latestcolonoscopy.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Yeah, I'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I mean, and just try to like get them to see like
dude or do that Like this is sointensely personal, Can you just
back off?
Yeah, I see once a year.
But thank you, Natalie, I dothink pretty much all of us have
some assortment of characterslike that in our extended family
(20:50):
or in your neighborhood.
I'm just from some people thatlike neighbors, that just like
open your door and come in andjust like put themselves on very
intimate terms with you and hey, if you've agreed to that and
that's just part of the socialcontract in your immediate
neighborhood, that's cool.
But I think a lot of us haveboundaries.
(21:13):
It's not too much to ask Can Imaintain a boundary?
That would be another funnything to say too.
If it's not too much to ask,would it be all right if I
maintained a boundary?
That would be so funny tosomeone.
But I was like giving them adose of their own medicine.
(21:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
It would be.
I like that way of handling itbecause, instead of getting it
into it with them and having anargument or a discussion about
again through this lens of yourdeficiencies, it changes the
subject and then it doesn't mowyour water, it's you have.
I've come to learn that really,boundaries are more about just
(21:58):
that.
It doesn't even need to be.
I mean, you do boundaries, howyou do boundaries For me.
I find, just by putting inthere, without even saying like
that's a boundary for me, itprobably helps that I don't have
a lot of boundaries.
It's in terms of what I want tocommunicate about or what I'm
(22:19):
willing to communicate about.
There's so much, but there aresome things definitely that's
like okay.
I've also learned that it's goodto have those boundaries.
It's good to like it's okay forme to have parts of my life
that are off limits from whoeverI decide that, who those people
(22:41):
are.
So Kelly says do you think someof this lack of boundaries is a
result of the world of Facebook, et cetera?
People share too much.
Ooh, kelly, let's get into that, let's get into that.
What do you think about that?
Oh, that is powerful.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I completely agree with that observation.
It gets to be overkill too muchT M I right.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Yeah, I mean I'm guilty of a lot of it in real
life, but I will stop short ofposting a photo of a rash, or
here's where I ripped my toenailoff.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
I'm so glad that you got out of that habit.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Now I just text it to people Look at this rash.
What do you think that is?
I know.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
I can remember one time a human resources person in
my prior corporate job this wasso beautiful how she worded
this I had been producing amonthly newsletter and it was
about business topics or productdevelopments for our division
of a few thousand people andthen we had, by popular demand,
(23:52):
a people corner.
So every edition of thenewsletter we would do a
spotlight to learn a little bitabout one of our colleagues and
what the background is.
And someone had shared part ofher personal story was that her
first marriage.
It was sadly a domestic abusesituation and so she was sharing
(24:13):
it.
To say that I consider to beone of the greatest triumphs of
my life that I got out of thatmarriage with my two boys and
I'm now happily remarried OnPlanet Lory.
As the editor of the newsletter,I thought that was human and
lovely.
My HR partner asked me to takethat part of her story out and
(24:36):
when I queried it she said werespect that this person would
like to communicate this aspectof their story.
At the same time, we need torespect that some of our readers
don't want to hear this part ofher story in a work setting.
(24:58):
I thought that was a reallybeautiful way to phrase it
because it's not invalidatingthe person with a sincere desire
and willingness to communicateopenly.
But also, is everyone'scatchers-mit open to receive
that ball when you throw it atthem?
And not everybody's are, andthat's all right.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
We're saying that's all right.
Yeah, that time and place,because that's the other thing
that I have come to learn isit's not always, maybe, what I'm
talking about, or because I'vehad the tables turn where I'm
the one being interviewed andit's for, maybe, a community
newspaper, something not relatedto some things, and it's more
(25:42):
kept to the community, justright, in my community, where I
live and whatnot, and I havebeen guilty of throwing out
something like, well, because ofthis is this and this is why I
do this.
It's sometimes a bitoverwhelming for them because I
have just like again, I have awillingness to communicate about
(26:02):
quite a lot and not recognizingthat, okay, this is not the
venue for that.
This specific publication, it'smore just like the fluff and
the good stuff and, to yourpoint, that's just not what
their audience is looking for.
Whereas a different publicationor maybe on a different podcast
(26:23):
, it would be extremely relevantto have the freedom to go ahead
and talk about those things ina completely free way, because
people know if I'm tuning intowhether it's this other podcast
or other YouTube channel.
You know what it is.
And with social media, this,and it's hard for me to say like
(26:44):
, oh, people just overshare itbecause I have been so.
I have been guilty of it attimes, but it desensitizes us in
a way to those boundaries andone of my struggles has been not
is in going.
Okay, I'm okay with talkingabout this, it's fine, I'm not
embarrassed to buy it or I foundit fascinating and I want to
(27:06):
hear more about what you thinkabout this.
But not always stopping andthinking or recognizing does the
person I'm talking to.
Are they okay with it?
Is it a boundary for them totalk about these things?
The topic that maybe I'minterested in, because I am not
fabulous at the small talk andit's part of why I love getting
(27:28):
together with very small groupsof people, you know, one on one,
maybe, like there's three of us, and I do love.
I love where I can meet a lotof different people and going to
things.
But I'll get a little anxiousbecause all the things I think I
shouldn't ask about are all thethings that are in my head.
(27:49):
I'll go to a fundraiser,something just as for in fact
it's happened not that long agoand I walk in and I'm like, okay
, don't talk about this, don'ttalk about that.
And then I'm like that's all Iwant to talk about.
It's all I can think about.
Anyone want to talk aboutaliens and it's not.
(28:10):
It's just not, it's not.
Helpful as well, it's findingthat, you know, finding that
balance and, for me, recognizingthat just because I'm okay
having the conversation, theperson I have cornered at a
party or at gathering might notbe okay talking about that topic
and living where we live, welive in, we live in Minnesota,
(28:32):
we're in the Midwest, the socialcontracts and the etiquette is
different, and when I firstmoved to Minnesota, the question
I would get very often was areyou from the East Coast?
Oh, because you were direct orbold, because I was directed,
not recognizing that.
Okay, there's like sometimesyou got to warm people up a
(28:54):
little bit.
Sptv fan.
I think it's more about growingup in family or community where
some people were regularlycrossing boundaries.
That's a good point too.
Right, where you come from andhow your family was.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
I think that is very true.
I grew up with something of adichotomy, I think that my
father was a career carpenterand foreman and outdoorsy and my
mom was a surgical nurse oh wow.
(29:32):
And our mom was prettyboundaryless and we learned from
an early age to not ask her atthe dinner table what she did at
work that day, because shewould tell us in literal, gory
detail which, as kids, wethought that was sort of cool,
(29:56):
you know, learning about openheart surgery and what that
looked like or entailed.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
But maybe not over macaroni and cheese.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
I mean, but our dad would have to like excuse
himself and just you know hewould get a gag reflex going.
So yes, I think over the yearsI began to appreciate privately
different family members.
They would pull my mom aside atevents and she was very
generous about it and they mightpose, you know, some body issue
(30:25):
or just something.
You know that was a lot morepersonal.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
And it was a private way.
And then we look at this rashand very comfortable talking
with her, like I say, she wasgenerous about it, but it
wouldn't be something that wewould ever, you know, know about
.
It could be kept, keptprivately.
So I think that's probably agood way to address.
It is, if someone needs or isseeking something that you've
(30:51):
got intimate knowledge of, thenpull them aside.
I have a cousin who's a doctorand it just happened over the
summer I actually was workingfor a healthcare company and
just something that was justgnawing at me.
I was so glad when he was intown and so I just said to him
at one point during the partyI'm like no pressure and not
right now, but at some pointcould we go down to the fire
(31:14):
circle just the two of us,because I have to ask you
something in your doctorness.
Just a query I have like helpme to get my head around this.
Then, sure enough, a littlelater on he's like hey is now a
good time and we had a wonderful, just more intimate type talk,
private.
Nobody else needed to hearabout it, whatnot?
(31:36):
I was so glad that I could getthat interaction with him and
just have him weigh in.
That's the way to address ittoo, and hopefully if you are
that person at a family function, it's a compliment.
I'm sure he was very glad tolend a near and tell me his
thoughts.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I love that, and what I find so fascinating about
your story again, is how thedifferent things that you've
done with writing a book, withbeing an actress, with being a
speaker, being in the corporateworld in so many different ways
it really sounds like each ofthese experiences have helped to
guide you.
I love how you use improv inyour personal life.
(32:18):
What a fun thing for people tobe able to take an improv class.
Is that how it started?
You took a class.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Yes, I went to a Lunch and Learn.
This is a good reminder in yourwork life or in your community.
If you ever have a chance to goto a Lunch and Learn and just
get a little nugget of something, it can really reap huge
benefits.
Because it was a Lunch andLearn with the Brave New
Workshop Theater, which is along, long time comedy
(32:48):
institution in the Twin Citiesand very well known around the
United States.
They were demonstrating howimprov principles could be used
in a business setting.
Wow, I thought, dang, this iscool.
It's like they're taking overcorporate America with
theatrical principles.
Sign me up.
Do you remember what some ofthem were?
(33:08):
Well, just the willingness tosay yes to your partner and the
willingness to embrace whatevershows up.
Because commonly, if you'vebeen to an improv show or
watched the TV program who'slying is it anyway?
Improvisers get suggestionsfrom the audience.
That really demonstrates wetruly don't know what's coming.
(33:32):
It's just like a familygathering.
Yeah, very similar, yes,metaphorically, like your
typical family gathering.
And the other thing aboutimprovisation, I would say is
that it helps you to foster aquality that I can only
characterize as hospitality, inthat when you are hosting and
(33:58):
you have a viewpoint ofproviding hospitality, you are
kind, you are patient, you arelooking to create ease and
comfort for the other person,and so that's something that we
can bring to our networking andconnections.
(34:18):
Is, how can I make things easy?
I was doing a book signing inAlabama one time and this
gentleman stood in line oldergentleman and I don't know if
this was right or wrong, butwhen he is his turn to come and
talk to me and have me sign abook, he grabbed my hands and he
(34:42):
started talking to me about.
I am like you.
I also worked in a largecorporation in financial
services and, in fact, I am asubject in a Netflix TV series
right now about criminalitybecause I ended up going to
federal prison for financialfraud.
(35:04):
So I did time in prison and theimproviser in me, natalie, as
he's holding my hands, I lookedat him and I said, haven't we
all?
I just wanted him to feelcompletely at ease and, just
(35:24):
like I am honoring what you arewilling to share with me.
And then, of course, we talkedfurther and I clarified I'm
really to date.
The day is young.
I have not spent time myself asa convicted felon white collar
crime in a federal prison, soyou can relate to what he was
(35:50):
saying.
I wanted to practice goodhospitality and I just wanted
him to know because it was sovulnerable.
I was just trying to convey tohim as a human being you're not
alone, I'm under way.
I haven't done time in prisonmyself, but I can employ my
imagination and I could say like, maybe metaphorically, we've
(36:11):
all been in different prisons ofour own.
Maybe that's really what wasgoing on, but we became great
friends.
He's amazing and, yes, he isprominently featured in a
Netflix series and he's writtenbooks.
I mean, his name is Aaron Beam,the great, great, lovely part
of his story.
His sentence was three monthsand he was in kind of like a
(36:32):
country club type person, buthe's written a couple of books
with professors on businessethics and he has devoted his
life and he speaks for free.
He goes all over the country touniversity business schools to
talk about how truly in the realworld, challenging it can be If
you are in a crucible of likesuch enormous stress.
(36:55):
He was the CFO at a publiclyheld company, so they were
getting so much pressure fromWall Street investors to keep
upping their numbers, and thethen CEO convinced him that they
should fudge their numbers toappease Wall Street.
And so it's just.
It's a beautiful story and astory of protection.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
That is an interesting story and I love the
way that you handled that andhelped him feel acknowledged.
It was just so beautiful.
I probably would have said, didyou make a shang?
Like what was your experiencelike?
Because I would be genuinelylike, oh yeah, the food.
Like, talk about this, tell meabout your prison time.
Like I want to know.
I'm here for all of it.
Do they have gluten freeoptions?
(37:34):
Yeah, no, I didn't.
I'm sorry.
The yard Did you have to picklike a group of people to align
yourself with?
I love this, lori, and peoplecan pick up your book Protege
Power on your website.
For sure, protegepowercom.
I'll have a link to that in theshow note.
You can learn more, too, aboutLori and the different things
that she does and how she bringsall of these worlds together
(37:58):
and, I believe, has a ton of fundoing it.
So thank you so much for beinghere and sharing.
It's just.
I think we just need more ofthese different ways to manage
and work through thesesituations, but without just
blowing up and losing it.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Yeah, exactly, most of us have done that and see how
well that turns out.
So, natalie, it has been acomplete pleasure.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Yeah, a pleasure.
She will be back.
Thank you for catching us inthe live and if you're catching
us on the podcast, thank you too.
If you haven't already, pleaselike this video and subscribe to
the channel, otherwise I willtalk to you later.
Hello and welcome to Tonka Talk.
Welcome to one of our liveswhich is also going to be a
podcast episode.
I'm Natalie Webster and onTonka Talk we share the ways
people create community andconnection, find their way in
the world.
And today my guest is a womanwho who, if we had to list out
(00:21):
really everything that she did,we would honestly just be here
all day.
She's an author, she's anactress and she's a speaker, and
her name is Laurie Creaver.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Welcome, Laurie.
It's great to come back.
Natalie, I'm so excited to talkwith you today.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yes, and we're talking about a very I think, a
really interesting topic.
So if you are joining us on thelive, feel free to jump into
the comments and share anycomments or questions that you
have, and if you have anyquestions for Laurie, we'll work
on getting to that.
Now Laurie does.
Let's just let's start withjust one part.
Let's start with.
(00:56):
You're an author.
She wrote a book called ProtégéPower.
Can you, can you kind of tellpeople what the book was
basically about?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Protégé Power is a career development book about
the immense value having a goodmentor can bring to your life,
to your happiness, your mentalhealth and your career success.
And I'm excited to talk today,natalie, you and I, about
positive networks, positiveconnections, because so often in
(01:30):
our career, if we're looking tomake a job change or looking to
find a mentor, someone to be asounding board and a helper and
a guide, what precedes that ishaving a good network, a good
network of people that arepositive and honest and really
affirm and support you that isthat's very true.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
That's very true.
What I find very interestingabout your work, you know, with
mentoring and the topic we'retalking about, it's there's a
little bit of a plot twist here.
People, a little bit of a plottwist.
Hello, kelly Mills from Cuba.
Wow, that's really.
I just geek out when peoplejump into our live chat from
(02:13):
other other places.
I think it's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
It's wonderful, muy bonita.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
You do improv work.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yes, I am a late bloomer.
On topic of improvisation, Ihad done scripted theater in a
regular place, on and off, sinceI was five years old, but it
really wasn't until I was 41years old that I embraced and
started to study and thenperform improvisation and I like
(02:46):
to say, taking an improvisationclass it's like taking your
imagination to the gym.
And, natalie, many people don'tbelieve this about me, but on
the Myers-Briggs assessment, Ishow up as a big old I, which is
what For introvert?
What?
(03:06):
Well, I know, like many peopleinvolved with theater and
performing arts, I can manifesta very seemingly extroverted
personality.
But on Myers-Briggs, if youshow up as introvert, what that
means is that you recharge yourbattery from a long time.
(03:32):
And so from this, I definitelyhad throughout my life and I
think some of the viewers orlisteners might relate to this a
lot of social anxiety.
And I was working ininternational banking, pretty
sophisticated area, and I wouldget deployed constantly to go to
business lunches and businesssocial events and I would have
(03:52):
such sweaty palms and anxietybecause I would think I'm going
to blurt out the wrong thing orI'm going to say something
that's going to demonstrate I'mnot very bright after all and
people around me are going towonder who admitted hurt to the
ranks of international banking.
Don't those people have goodeducation and smarts and good
vocabulary, right?
Well, how this ties intoimprovisation is after I started
(04:15):
studying improvisation, withina year and a half or two I began
to notice complete 180.
Really, yeah, social situations.
I no longer had that anxietybecause improvisation you work
your social muscles, as it were,on being able to be present and
(04:38):
remain present no matter whatsomeone grows at you.
No matter what.
So I didn't have thatnervousness anymore.
So that's how improv I find isvery useful for connections,
networking and, I think, anyprofession any profession.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Yeah, you're right, and hello Sue Irwin in the chat
there Having.
It's so funny because knowingyou and I've known her for a
while.
But I totally get it because Ido the same thing, where for me
to recharge I really need to bealone or just with my Tony, and
(05:17):
often in a windowless room, orin fact I used to have when I
used to live in a town home.
I had a walk-in closet and Ihad it set up with a chair in
there so that I could go intothe closet and shut the door and
the lights were more dim andthat was how I kind of recharged
.
And now I don't have room in mycloset but I'll close the
(05:40):
blinds out.
I just need some time torecharge that way.
So I guess I'm with you.
I feel that way too in terms ofenergy and the same thing.
Sometimes people don't believeme.
They're like well, we can besocially extroverted and
interested in other people andaggressively enthusiastic.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
We are assertively enthusiastic, Exactly
assertively.
Hang on to your socks.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
But be able to recharge that way.
How do you find that in the,whether it's in working in the
corporate world or doing aspeaking engagement, or with the
way improv plays into this?
I feel like all of theseexperiences you've been able to,
this topic of strengtheningpositive connections and getting
(06:31):
rid of toxicity.
As an artist, as an author, Ifeel that there must, because
I've seen this where you'realmost like sometimes a little
bit of a magnet for that nastyenergy and that toxic behavior.
How does this all come togetherto like, how do you deal with
(06:52):
it?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
That is so powerful, absolutely.
I sometimes just could fall offmy seat with how blindside did
I get, with people just givingyou harsh, unsolicited guidance
that is super, not in line inany way with who you are.
(07:19):
It is stressful.
It is stressful.
I try to follow the wisdom fromGandhi of be the change that
you would like to see in theworld.
This is something else I takefrom improv.
One of the principles ofimprovisation I'm sure several
of you are aware of this is tosay yes, yes, and but preceding
(07:46):
that would be that you actuallyhave your antenna up for
something about the other humanbeing to affirm that you would
like to affirm.
So I go into social situationsand dialogue with others,
listening for and having myantenna up for what is the good
(08:10):
stuff about this person toamplify, to acknowledge, to
affirm, and then I do expectthat.
That's how people handleconversation, you know, from
their end, with me as well,right, yeah, because you're not
going in there.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
And if you get some type of you know negative
response or maybe it's somebodythat you're working with in the
office place, right, or maybesometimes it's somebody in your
family, or even it'd be somebodyin your friend group that just
brings that negative attitude.
And there's a differencebetween, hey, I'm struggling
right now, I'm having a bad dayI will even admit, not every day
(08:51):
is all rainbows and unicorns,what, as much as I would like
for it to be, it is just notalways, not always that way, but
something I've definitelylearned this is why I think your
book and everything out reallyresonates with me is because
that is exactly it.
Right, if you can, we get whatwe focus on.
(09:12):
And sometimes I mean, somepeople are just no matter what
you do, it's just a rotten egg.
You just can't get rid of thesmell.
That's right and then that'stime to you know diplomatically,
but, you know, distanceyourself from that person or
that situation but, being animprov, you're saying these are
(09:33):
skills that help you in yourcareer path, because what you're
doing is you're going out anddoing speaking engagement and
you're dealing with people,right.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Yes, and you're saying yes, you're finding what
is good and positive andsomething to amplify and
strengthen, Like you're saying.
Natalie, you know we continueto find that we get more of what
we put energy into.
Yeah, yeah.
And here's.
You know we are doing this liveduring a time of year where
(10:05):
many of us are going to bespending more and more time with
family and extended family.
And here's the delicacy andforgive me if it seems ironic,
because I write and speak aboutmentoring.
We talked about this before,natalie about installing a
mental speed bump when you'relistening to someone and you
think, oh, oh, oh, I could fixthem.
(10:28):
I can fix this.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Put that speed, bump in and really pause before you
offer advice that's not beenrequested of you.
Cool, here is the risk when weoffer unsolicited advice and
think about this.
If this has happened to you, itcan easily react on us
(10:53):
receiving it as wow, this personis only listening to me through
a lens of my deficiencies, yeah, and it feels awful.
Yeah, so far different.
If someone comes to you orsomeone pulls you aside at a
family function because of this,that or the other expertise or
(11:16):
experience you have and says I'mso glad you're here.
Would you mind could I talk toyou for a moment?
I have a situation like Natalie, with you.
You do real estate.
Maybe someone pulls you asideand says I've got a question
about this property or how tostage a house, or then weigh in.
Obviously they've explicitlyasked you to, but unless they've
asked you to do, you thinkyou've got something fabulous to
(11:40):
offer.
You can certainly always sayhearing what you're saying.
I have some thoughts on this.
Would you like to hear them?
First?
It's just going into theirhouse.
Give them the chance to say no,right, because sometimes we
just want to vent, we just wantto be heard, and that is a
(12:01):
positive connection, someonethat hears us, listens without
judgment, accepts us and justgive us that nice, hearty
acknowledgement that we've beenheard.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
So, Kelly says, a friend always smiled and said hi
, how are you?
To his enemies?
Very disconcerting for them,Absolutely.
I am a big believer and, Laura,I'd love to hear your thoughts
on this and we will also sayhello, Aloha ladies, Aloha from
Oregon.
Thank you so much.
(12:32):
Tell me this do you find withand I'm kind of like I'm
fascinated with the improv partof this too and how it plays
into having these skills,because, as someone who has,
because of my background and theway I grew up, often struggled
with social situations andfeeling like I'm just saying the
(12:55):
wrong thing or doing the wrongthing, but then also coming to
learn that there's no wrongthing, I think to say, really,
if you're being conscious ofwhat you're saying, of the other
person, right and is whatyou're talking about, you can
bring up a topic that maybe isunsolicited.
(13:15):
But I think you're right when itcomes to if I walk into
somebody's house and I'm likeyou know what, you should really
move these things around here,and maybe they're not even
selling their home, but I'm likebecause to sell your house and
I'm coming up with all thesesolutions and they're like what
are you talking about?
I'm not even trying to sell myhome?
I wouldn't do that.
Yet We'll go to familygatherings or other social
(13:36):
things and there's always thatperson, at least one who does
exactly that, where it's justthey feel like it's open season
on all of your faults and theway sometimes it's communicated.
You still single.
You still single.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
How about this?
If anybody out there has adeath wish right now, go to a
family function and offerunsolicited parenting advice?
That is going to just.
I've never, ever seen that gowell.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Not a welcome thing.
No, there's certain things youdon't talk about.
I mean house.
I'm so loving this talk andit's full for communication,
thank you, thank you.
That is very, that's very true.
You find that is this somethingthat came easy to you when you
got into improv and you're usingthese improv skills in regular
(14:39):
relationships.
You're using them in business.
Talk some more about some ofthose tips.
Like you said, not sharingunsolicited advice is a very
good one.
Oh, it did not come well at all.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
It did not come well at all.
I mean full disclosure, no.
And I well remember when Istarted studying improv, I had
just been promoted in mycorporate job to be a manager
and so be a boss, and in my mind, just how I was raised as the
(15:12):
boss.
This is so old fashioned, butit made me think all right, that
means I know everything.
How fortunate you would be tobe a direct report of mine and
improv just completely.
You know, it was like beingthrown into a blender or
(15:33):
something.
I mean it just turned all thaton its side because they want
you to be approaching your groupsetting as like status lists
and have the notion that eachperson with whom you're
interacting and working has aninfinite capacity for wisdom,
imagination, bright ideas.
And so I had to become what Ibelieve is a more contemporary
(15:57):
version of a manager, which issomeone who's more of a listener
than a talker and really seeksto draw out the intelligence and
bright thinking and hard workof others, more so than being,
you know, kind of the dominatingforce.
That feels a little like lastcentury.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Russian being a manager?
It really does.
And Kelly says too true, theworst one when first married.
So when are you going to getpregnant?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah, stick to your own, lane, right Row your own
canoe.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
So how would you say then, what advice?
Because we are talking aboutthat time of year where we're
getting together more and whereit's just a busy time, whether
it's with friends and otherpeople.
What advice would you give andwhether it was an improv tool or
wherever it came from on, if Iwere meeting up at a family
event and I'm just like Laurie,so you changed jobs again, you
(16:56):
just, you know, just going downthat like nitpicky, like you
said, seeing you through thelens of deficiency.
So how do you?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
actually handle that In that setting.
I think it might be wise butfolks see what you think of this
to deftly shift the topic awayfrom such deep personal things
to maybe something like a lot ofus, in the climate that we're
in, natalie, because it's verycold in the winter, we plan a
(17:29):
getaway during winter months tosomewhere warm.
So maybe you want to just shiftthe topic to hey, cousin Bill,
did I hear right that you areplanning to go to Cabo San Lucas
in February?
Tell me about that.
Like, just shift it tosomething that's very positive,
(17:52):
neutral, you know, get theattention off you, because that
just doesn't feel good.
It's so unexpected to besuddenly thrust under a
microscope and, frankly, it'snone of cousin's business.
That's my opinion.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
And you probably would welcome talking about.
I know in my experience oftenyou know, people are more than
happy to talk about what theyhave going on and what they have
coming up, and you're right,that's a great tool to kind of
deflect that.
When are you going to getpregnant?
Or you know those things thatmaybe you're not, you know,
you're just not that interestedin talking about.
Sometimes, too, in certainfamily situations or with friend
(18:28):
groups, there is a historythere and sometimes I think
certain people let's call themlike you know maybe where that
toxicity comes from just want togo right into those topics and
just poke the bear about it.
And so you're saying, beingable to kind of like it seemed
like it's a skill that could bepracticed to just move on to
(18:52):
something else versus givingthem the reaction that maybe
they even want.
Because I think, I feel thatpeople who are truly we all have
bad days, we all sometimes saystuff we absolutely regret in a
moment of anger or whatever, butthen you have the true toxic
people who just have that toxicenergy and their golden life
(19:14):
seems to be to try and muddle upyours as much as possible.
And is being able to put someseparation there.
Can you give more examples ofhow you do that?
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yeah, well, I already gave one suggested topic to
switch to.
If you, you know, need like alittle bit of time before you
can just get out of their space.
Other topics, super easy, wouldbe movies, or sometimes I will
change the topic to has anybodyseen anything worthwhile lately
(19:49):
on Netflix or Amazon Prime?
Once again, get them talking,get yourself off the hot seat,
off of being interrogated andpeople will commonly have that
or hobbies See the theme here.
These are all subjects that areinnocuous.
They're not going for thejugular on anyone, and you know.
(20:13):
But let's face it, you know, ifyou really felt like you were
at your wit's end, you need tolay down some sass.
Yes, I was trying to get thatpersonal with me.
I might say hang on, I'm justgoing to go to my bag and get
the results of my latestcolonoscopy.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Yeah, I'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I mean, and just try to like get them to see like
dude or do that Like this is sointensely personal, Can you just
back off?
Yeah, I see once a year.
But thank you, Natalie, I dothink pretty much all of us have
some assortment of characterslike that in our extended family
(20:50):
or in your neighborhood.
I'm just from some people thatlike neighbors, that just like
open your door and come in andjust like put themselves on very
intimate terms with you and hey, if you've agreed to that and
that's just part of the socialcontract in your immediate
neighborhood, that's cool.
But I think a lot of us haveboundaries.
(21:13):
It's not too much to ask Can Imaintain a boundary?
That would be another funnything to say too.
If it's not too much to ask,would it be all right if I
maintained a boundary?
That would be so funny tosomeone.
But I was like giving them adose of their own medicine.
(21:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
It would be.
I like that way of handling itbecause, instead of getting it
into it with them and having anargument or a discussion about
again through this lens of yourdeficiencies, it changes the
subject and then it doesn't mowyour water, it's you have.
I've come to learn that really,boundaries are more about just
(21:58):
that.
It doesn't even need to be.
I mean, you do boundaries, howyou do boundaries For me.
I find, just by putting inthere, without even saying like
that's a boundary for me, itprobably helps that I don't have
a lot of boundaries.
It's in terms of what I want tocommunicate about or what I'm
(22:19):
willing to communicate about.
There's so much, but there aresome things definitely that's
like okay.
I've also learned that it's goodto have those boundaries.
It's good to like it's okay forme to have parts of my life
that are off limits from whoeverI decide that, who those people
(22:41):
are.
So Kelly says do you think someof this lack of boundaries is a
result of the world of Facebook, et cetera?
People share too much.
Ooh, kelly, let's get into that, let's get into that.
What do you think about that?
Oh, that is powerful.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I completely agree with that observation.
It gets to be overkill too muchT M I right.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Yeah, I mean I'm guilty of a lot of it in real
life, but I will stop short ofposting a photo of a rash, or
here's where I ripped my toenailoff.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
I'm so glad that you got out of that habit.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Now I just text it to people Look at this rash.
What do you think that is?
I know.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
I can remember one time a human resources person in
my prior corporate job this wasso beautiful how she worded
this I had been producing amonthly newsletter and it was
about business topics or productdevelopments for our division
of a few thousand people andthen we had, by popular demand,
(23:52):
a people corner.
So every edition of thenewsletter we would do a
spotlight to learn a little bitabout one of our colleagues and
what the background is.
And someone had shared part ofher personal story was that her
first marriage.
It was sadly a domestic abusesituation and so she was sharing
(24:13):
it.
To say that I consider to beone of the greatest triumphs of
my life that I got out of thatmarriage with my two boys and
I'm now happily remarried OnPlanet Lory.
As the editor of the newsletter,I thought that was human and
lovely.
My HR partner asked me to takethat part of her story out and
(24:36):
when I queried it she said werespect that this person would
like to communicate this aspectof their story.
At the same time, we need torespect that some of our readers
don't want to hear this part ofher story in a work setting.
(24:58):
I thought that was a reallybeautiful way to phrase it
because it's not invalidatingthe person with a sincere desire
and willingness to communicateopenly.
But also, is everyone'scatchers-mit open to receive
that ball when you throw it atthem?
And not everybody's are, andthat's all right.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
We're saying that's all right.
Yeah, that time and place,because that's the other thing
that I have come to learn isit's not always, maybe, what I'm
talking about, or because I'vehad the tables turn where I'm
the one being interviewed andit's for, maybe, a community
newspaper, something not relatedto some things, and it's more
(25:42):
kept to the community, justright, in my community, where I
live and whatnot, and I havebeen guilty of throwing out
something like, well, because ofthis is this and this is why I
do this.
It's sometimes a bitoverwhelming for them because I
have just like again, I have awillingness to communicate about
(26:02):
quite a lot and not recognizingthat, okay, this is not the
venue for that.
This specific publication, it'smore just like the fluff and
the good stuff and, to yourpoint, that's just not what
their audience is looking for.
Whereas a different publicationor maybe on a different podcast
(26:23):
, it would be extremely relevantto have the freedom to go ahead
and talk about those things ina completely free way, because
people know if I'm tuning intowhether it's this other podcast
or other YouTube channel.
You know what it is.
And with social media, this,and it's hard for me to say like
(26:44):
, oh, people just overshare itbecause I have been so.
I have been guilty of it attimes, but it desensitizes us in
a way to those boundaries andone of my struggles has been not
is in going.
Okay, I'm okay with talkingabout this, it's fine, I'm not
embarrassed to buy it or I foundit fascinating and I want to
(27:06):
hear more about what you thinkabout this.
But not always stopping andthinking or recognizing does the
person I'm talking to.
Are they okay with it?
Is it a boundary for them totalk about these things?
The topic that maybe I'minterested in, because I am not
fabulous at the small talk andit's part of why I love getting
(27:28):
together with very small groupsof people, you know, one on one,
maybe, like there's three of us, and I do love.
I love where I can meet a lotof different people and going to
things.
But I'll get a little anxiousbecause all the things I think I
shouldn't ask about are all thethings that are in my head.
(27:49):
I'll go to a fundraiser,something just as for in fact
it's happened not that long agoand I walk in and I'm like, okay
, don't talk about this, don'ttalk about that.
And then I'm like that's all Iwant to talk about.
It's all I can think about.
Anyone want to talk aboutaliens and it's not.
(28:10):
It's just not, it's not.
Helpful as well, it's findingthat, you know, finding that
balance and, for me, recognizingthat just because I'm okay
having the conversation, theperson I have cornered at a
party or at gathering might notbe okay talking about that topic
and living where we live, welive in, we live in Minnesota,
(28:32):
we're in the Midwest, the socialcontracts and the etiquette is
different, and when I firstmoved to Minnesota, the question
I would get very often was areyou from the East Coast?
Oh, because you were direct orbold, because I was directed,
not recognizing that.
Okay, there's like sometimesyou got to warm people up a
(28:54):
little bit.
Sptv fan.
I think it's more about growingup in family or community where
some people were regularlycrossing boundaries.
That's a good point too.
Right, where you come from andhow your family was.
What do you think about that?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
I think that is very true.
I grew up with something of adichotomy, I think that my
father was a career carpenterand foreman and outdoorsy and my
mom was a surgical nurse oh wow.
(29:32):
And our mom was prettyboundaryless and we learned from
an early age to not ask her atthe dinner table what she did at
work that day, because shewould tell us in literal, gory
detail which, as kids, wethought that was sort of cool,
(29:56):
you know, learning about openheart surgery and what that
looked like or entailed.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
But maybe not over macaroni and cheese.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
I mean, but our dad would have to like excuse
himself and just you know hewould get a gag reflex going.
So yes, I think over the yearsI began to appreciate privately
different family members.
They would pull my mom aside atevents and she was very
generous about it and they mightpose, you know, some body issue
(30:25):
or just something.
You know that was a lot morepersonal.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
And it was a private way.
And then we look at this rashand very comfortable talking
with her, like I say, she wasgenerous about it, but it
wouldn't be something that wewould ever, you know, know about
.
It could be kept, keptprivately.
So I think that's probably agood way to address.
It is, if someone needs or isseeking something that you've
(30:51):
got intimate knowledge of, thenpull them aside.
I have a cousin who's a doctorand it just happened over the
summer I actually was workingfor a healthcare company and
just something that was justgnawing at me.
I was so glad when he was intown and so I just said to him
at one point during the partyI'm like no pressure and not
right now, but at some pointcould we go down to the fire
(31:14):
circle just the two of us,because I have to ask you
something in your doctorness.
Just a query I have like helpme to get my head around this.
Then, sure enough, a littlelater on he's like hey is now a
good time and we had a wonderful, just more intimate type talk,
private.
Nobody else needed to hearabout it, whatnot?
(31:36):
I was so glad that I could getthat interaction with him and
just have him weigh in.
That's the way to address ittoo, and hopefully if you are
that person at a family function, it's a compliment.
I'm sure he was very glad tolend a near and tell me his
thoughts.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I love that, and what I find so fascinating about
your story again, is how thedifferent things that you've
done with writing a book, withbeing an actress, with being a
speaker, being in the corporateworld in so many different ways
it really sounds like each ofthese experiences have helped to
guide you.
I love how you use improv inyour personal life.
(32:18):
What a fun thing for people tobe able to take an improv class.
Is that how it started?
You took a class.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Yes, I went to a Lunch and Learn.
This is a good reminder in yourwork life or in your community.
If you ever have a chance to goto a Lunch and Learn and just
get a little nugget of something, it can really reap huge
benefits.
Because it was a Lunch andLearn with the Brave New
Workshop Theater, which is along, long time comedy
(32:48):
institution in the Twin Citiesand very well known around the
United States.
They were demonstrating howimprov principles could be used
in a business setting.
Wow, I thought, dang, this iscool.
It's like they're taking overcorporate America with
theatrical principles.
Sign me up.
Do you remember what some ofthem were?
(33:08):
Well, just the willingness tosay yes to your partner and the
willingness to embrace whatevershows up.
Because commonly, if you'vebeen to an improv show or
watched the TV program who'slying is it anyway?
Improvisers get suggestionsfrom the audience.
That really demonstrates wetruly don't know what's coming.
(33:32):
It's just like a familygathering.
Yeah, very similar, yes,metaphorically, like your
typical family gathering.
And the other thing aboutimprovisation, I would say is
that it helps you to foster aquality that I can only
characterize as hospitality, inthat when you are hosting and
(33:58):
you have a viewpoint ofproviding hospitality, you are
kind, you are patient, you arelooking to create ease and
comfort for the other person,and so that's something that we
can bring to our networking andconnections.
(34:18):
Is, how can I make things easy?
I was doing a book signing inAlabama one time and this
gentleman stood in line oldergentleman and I don't know if
this was right or wrong, butwhen he is his turn to come and
talk to me and have me sign abook, he grabbed my hands and he
(34:42):
started talking to me about.
I am like you.
I also worked in a largecorporation in financial
services and, in fact, I am asubject in a Netflix TV series
right now about criminalitybecause I ended up going to
federal prison for financialfraud.
(35:04):
So I did time in prison and theimproviser in me, natalie, as
he's holding my hands, I lookedat him and I said, haven't we
all?
I just wanted him to feelcompletely at ease and, just
(35:24):
like I am honoring what you arewilling to share with me.
And then, of course, we talkedfurther and I clarified I'm
really to date.
The day is young.
I have not spent time myself asa convicted felon white collar
crime in a federal prison, soyou can relate to what he was
(35:50):
saying.
I wanted to practice goodhospitality and I just wanted
him to know because it was sovulnerable.
I was just trying to convey tohim as a human being you're not
alone, I'm under way.
I haven't done time in prisonmyself, but I can employ my
imagination and I could say like, maybe metaphorically, we've
(36:11):
all been in different prisons ofour own.
Maybe that's really what wasgoing on, but we became great
friends.
He's amazing and, yes, he isprominently featured in a
Netflix series and he's writtenbooks.
I mean, his name is Aaron Beam,the great, great, lovely part
of his story.
His sentence was three monthsand he was in kind of like a
(36:32):
country club type person, buthe's written a couple of books
with professors on businessethics and he has devoted his
life and he speaks for free.
He goes all over the country touniversity business schools to
talk about how truly in the realworld, challenging it can be If
you are in a crucible of likesuch enormous stress.
(36:55):
He was the CFO at a publiclyheld company, so they were
getting so much pressure fromWall Street investors to keep
upping their numbers, and thethen CEO convinced him that they
should fudge their numbers toappease Wall Street.
And so it's just.
It's a beautiful story and astory of protection.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
That is an interesting story and I love the
way that you handled that andhelped him feel acknowledged.
It was just so beautiful.
I probably would have said, didyou make a shang?
Like what was your experiencelike?
Because I would be genuinelylike, oh yeah, the food.
Like, talk about this, tell meabout your prison time.
Like I want to know.
I'm here for all of it.
Do they have gluten freeoptions?
(37:34):
Yeah, no, I didn't.
I'm sorry.
The yard Did you have to picklike a group of people to align
yourself with?
I love this, lori, and peoplecan pick up your book Protege
Power on your website.
For sure, protegepowercom.
I'll have a link to that in theshow note.
You can learn more, too, aboutLori and the different things
that she does and how she bringsall of these worlds together
(37:58):
and, I believe, has a ton of fundoing it.
So thank you so much for beinghere and sharing.
It's just.
I think we just need more ofthese different ways to manage
and work through thesesituations, but without just
blowing up and losing it.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Yeah, exactly, most of us have done that and see how
well that turns out.
So, natalie, it has been acomplete pleasure.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Yeah, a pleasure.
She will be back.
Thank you for catching us inthe live and if you're catching
us on the podcast, thank you too.
If you haven't already, pleaselike this video and subscribe to
the channel, otherwise I willtalk to you later.
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