June 21, 2023 • 9 mins
For our final Summer Session, Tara Thurber, Ellie Bright and Vitoria Wright discuss passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace. In a recent article by CNBC, a psychology expert outlined 7 signs of passive-aggressive co-workers and how to cope noting, "Colleagues who exhibit passive-aggressive tendencies are especially insidious to organizations because they can masquerade as productive."
Our team considered all aspects and provided some tips for how to manage and eradicate passive-aggressive behaviors at work.
1) Find Different Perspectives
2) Nip it in the Bud
3) Provide a Safe Communication Space
4) Acknowledge & Be Aware
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tara Thurber (00:01):
Hey ladies, welcome back to DT Chats, DT
Talks. DT Us (laughs).
Ellie Bright (00:07):
(laughs)
Tara Thurber (00:07):
We're getting into the nitty gritty of HR and
recruiting. Super curious that Ijust want to kind of jump right
into how do we deal how doesanybody deal with passive
aggressive co workers? Passiveaggressive behavior in the
workplace. Ellie, I'm gonna giveyou the spotlight right away.
(00:31):
And let's just jump into thistopic.
Ellie Bright (00:34):
Yeah, so I think in our last conversation, we
talked a little bit aboutconflict resolution, and one of
the things that we talked aboutwas bringing in a trusted third
party person to kind of getoutside perspective and to maybe
just see where you may have gonewrong, or where they may have
(00:54):
gone wrong, just to kind of,again, get some new perspective,
a different view.
Tara Thurber (00:59):
Right.
Ellie Bright (01:00):
I think where that gets dicey, and a little bit
more of an issue is when itbecomes gossipy, and then it's
spread beyond that one person inthe office. And then all of a
sudden, you have kind of this,he said, she said issue where
(01:20):
it's not just you and thatperson anymore. It's everybody
in the office is picking sides.
And I think that's somethingthat is to be avoided, but
again, creates this like passiveaggressive culture. And again,
knowing yourself, can you go tosomebody? Are you a gossip? What
does that look like? But beingable to contain situations like
(01:42):
that and just handle themstraight on before getting
everybody else involved. I thinkis super important. Just being
cognitive, of who you aretrusting with that information
so that it doesn't lead to amore toxic situation.
Tara Thurber (02:02):
Yeah.
Ellie Bright (02:03):
In terms of like, passive aggressive coworkers, I
think it's just nipping it inthe bud. If you have something
where that happens. Again, wetalked, Victoria about not just
dealing with it through email orthrough text, but I feel like
our generation is still a phonecall generation and being able
to say, Hey, I did not feelrespected, or I did not feel
(02:27):
that that was the right thing tosay, or the appropriate thing to
say, like if there is an issue,or if there's something that I
can do better to assist you, orpartner with you just let me
know, I don't want this to be arelationship where we feel like
we have to dance around certaintopics, I think just nipping it
(02:48):
in the bud being direct andsaying, We can't do this. Just
tell me what you need.
Tara Thurber (02:54):
Yeah. Yeah. I think passive aggressive
behavior is something that canbe extremely toxic in any work
environment, whether it's comingfrom leadership down through the
ranks to equal leveled coworkers, right? I always see. I
(03:14):
always see businesses as more ofa flat representation, I think
is the best way to do it, whereeverybody's in it together.
We're all partnered together,there's no hierarchy, right? But
the reality is, there's a lot ofcompanies that are dead set on
that hierarchy. But when we canlook at passive behavior,
(03:37):
passive aggressive behaviorsfrom anybody in the workplace,
it's something like, what's theunderlying reason for that?
Because it's just creating anegative energy. It's creating
this animosity or thisuncomfortableness for people
around you where if it's one onone, that it's becoming this
(04:02):
conflict, it is being able tostand up for yourself, speak up
for yourself, Hey, why are youacting this way? Why are you or
I'm feeling that you're actingthis way. I'm feeling this
negative energy from you, Ithink, is better than saying why
(04:22):
are you, right?
Ellie Bright (04:23):
Right.
Victoria Wright (04:23):
Yeah.
Tara Thurber (04:24):
You say, Why are you and you're putting that
energy on to somebody andthey're gonna get super judgy
not judgey but super defensive.,right? So by saying - go ahead.
Ellie Bright (04:37):
Yeah, I was gonna say in going back and kind of
tying back into my initial pointabout like, the perspective
person versus like the gossipyperson, if you're creating that
gossip, again, he said/she saidenvironment and then people
don't feel comfortable justgoing straight to that person.
(04:57):
It becomes this one side of theoffice versus the other, and
then you get the passiveaggressive because you don't
feel comfortable or respected togo straight to that person. It's
a little bit of the which camefirst the chicken or the egg
situation. But again, it's ifyou're fostering an environment
where you're able to feelrespected and valued the passive
(05:21):
aggressiveness stops, becauseyou feel like you can go
straight to that person. But ifyou have that again, gossipy
uncomfortable toxic environment,then you don't feel like you
have the safe space to verbalizeyour feelings or your emotions.
Victoria Wright (05:40):
Yeah, absolutely. I agree. I think it
also, it just creates thisproblem where people stop
listening to understand, andthey listen to respond, right?
Everyone's just on the defense.
Tara Thurber (05:52):
Yes!
Victoria Wright (05:53):
So if we can create a scenario where it's
like, I actually want to come upwith solutions. I think we've
all been a part of aconversation where somebody is
just like poking holes, andyou're like, Cool, thanks. Do
you have an idea? Right? Like,instead of just telling me this
is awful, like, how would youimprove it?
Tara Thurber (06:09):
(laughs)
Victoria Wright (06:09):
That's what I want to hear, right? So if we
can create an opportunity whereyou can actually come with a
solution, or at least be open tosomebody else's solution and
putting the ego aside puttingthe Well, my feelings are hurt
aside for a second to actuallyjust understand, like, again,
maybe that just wasn't theirintention. And maybe their tone
came off weird, because theywere just in a bad mood. Maybe
(06:31):
they didn't even realize thatlike putting a period instead of
an exclamation mark was going tomake you feel some type of way.
We've all been there (laughs).
Tara Thurber (06:37):
Oh my gosh, yeah, you get email and text
messaging, and holy cow, it'sall over (laughs).
Victoria Wright (06:43):
I read into all of it. I'm like, did you just
send me okay, it's, like, we alldo. We all do it, but being able
to kind of put that aside if youcan, right? And if not, then it
is seeking out where can I getthat safe space? Or where can I
get that person who can comewith solutions instead of just
(07:04):
Well, that was wrong?
Tara Thurber (07:06):
Yeah.
Victoria Wright (07:06):
Okay, awesome.
Now what? So it's, it's a finebalance of trying to figure that
all out. And I think allconflict resolution usually
starts with a communicationissue.
Tara Thurber (07:18):
Mmmm hmm.
Victoria Wright (07:18):
And how do we resolve that? And then how do we
also take out the emotion?
Because if you keep just saying,Well, my feelings are hurt, my
feelings aren hurt, that is onlygonna get you so far.
Tara Thurber (07:29):
Yeah, that's not a solution.
Ellie Bright (07:31):
I'll sing it again, emotionally intelligent
leadership (sings like a tune).
Victoria Wright (07:37):
Right, yeah (laughs)!
Ellie Bright (07:40):
Building your employees and their ability to
communicate and their ability towork as strong leaders, again,
trickles down into that teamcommunication and what people
feel comfortable being 100%.
Victoria Wright (07:59):
For sure.
Tara Thurber (08:01):
I couldn't agree more with the two of you. And
it's really enlightening to beable to have these discussions.
And hopefully share this withour audience to just - you're
not alone in any situation. Andbeing able to talk about passive
aggressive behaviors orconflict. I mean, we all go
(08:24):
through it. And I think it'simportant to be able to
acknowledge and be aware, Ithink, are two of my biggest
words, when it comes toconflict, and passive aggressive
behavior, or just being able to,like you said Victoria, it take
(08:45):
the emotion out of it, I think,is a super huge because, again,
we are working with each other,probably more than we're seeing
our families, or our friends.
And so for us to be able tocommunicate and work through any
and all conflicts is really, atthe end of the day that's a
successful team and a successfulculture that is being fostered
(09:09):
within, as long as there's thatsafe place for everybody to
grow.
Victoria Wright (09:17):
Absolutely.
Tara Thurber (09:19):
Awesome. Well, I'm gonna say thank you both, again,
for joining me on DT Talks. It'sbeen really wonderful chatting
with you guys today, and Iappreciate your time and I'm
looking forward to what comes ofour next chats.
Victoria Wright (09:36):
Same here.
Ellie Bright (09:36):
Of course. Great talk.
Tara Thurber (09:39):
All right, ladies, make it a great day.
Hey ladies, welcome back to DT Chats, DT
Talks. DT Us (laughs).
Ellie Bright (00:07):
(laughs)
Tara Thurber (00:07):
We're getting into the nitty gritty of HR and
recruiting. Super curious that Ijust want to kind of jump right
into how do we deal how doesanybody deal with passive
aggressive co workers? Passiveaggressive behavior in the
workplace. Ellie, I'm gonna giveyou the spotlight right away.
(00:31):
And let's just jump into thistopic.
Ellie Bright (00:34):
Yeah, so I think in our last conversation, we
talked a little bit aboutconflict resolution, and one of
the things that we talked aboutwas bringing in a trusted third
party person to kind of getoutside perspective and to maybe
just see where you may have gonewrong, or where they may have
(00:54):
gone wrong, just to kind of,again, get some new perspective,
a different view.
Tara Thurber (00:59):
Right.
Ellie Bright (01:00):
I think where that gets dicey, and a little bit
more of an issue is when itbecomes gossipy, and then it's
spread beyond that one person inthe office. And then all of a
sudden, you have kind of this,he said, she said issue where
(01:20):
it's not just you and thatperson anymore. It's everybody
in the office is picking sides.
And I think that's somethingthat is to be avoided, but
again, creates this like passiveaggressive culture. And again,
knowing yourself, can you go tosomebody? Are you a gossip? What
does that look like? But beingable to contain situations like
(01:42):
that and just handle themstraight on before getting
everybody else involved. I thinkis super important. Just being
cognitive, of who you aretrusting with that information
so that it doesn't lead to amore toxic situation.
Tara Thurber (02:02):
Yeah.
Ellie Bright (02:03):
In terms of like, passive aggressive coworkers, I
think it's just nipping it inthe bud. If you have something
where that happens. Again, wetalked, Victoria about not just
dealing with it through email orthrough text, but I feel like
our generation is still a phonecall generation and being able
to say, Hey, I did not feelrespected, or I did not feel
(02:27):
that that was the right thing tosay, or the appropriate thing to
say, like if there is an issue,or if there's something that I
can do better to assist you, orpartner with you just let me
know, I don't want this to be arelationship where we feel like
we have to dance around certaintopics, I think just nipping it
(02:48):
in the bud being direct andsaying, We can't do this. Just
tell me what you need.
Tara Thurber (02:54):
Yeah. Yeah. I think passive aggressive
behavior is something that canbe extremely toxic in any work
environment, whether it's comingfrom leadership down through the
ranks to equal leveled coworkers, right? I always see. I
(03:14):
always see businesses as more ofa flat representation, I think
is the best way to do it, whereeverybody's in it together.
We're all partnered together,there's no hierarchy, right? But
the reality is, there's a lot ofcompanies that are dead set on
that hierarchy. But when we canlook at passive behavior,
(03:37):
passive aggressive behaviorsfrom anybody in the workplace,
it's something like, what's theunderlying reason for that?
Because it's just creating anegative energy. It's creating
this animosity or thisuncomfortableness for people
around you where if it's one onone, that it's becoming this
(04:02):
conflict, it is being able tostand up for yourself, speak up
for yourself, Hey, why are youacting this way? Why are you or
I'm feeling that you're actingthis way. I'm feeling this
negative energy from you, Ithink, is better than saying why
(04:22):
are you, right?
Ellie Bright (04:23):
Right.
Victoria Wright (04:23):
Yeah.
Tara Thurber (04:24):
You say, Why are you and you're putting that
energy on to somebody andthey're gonna get super judgy
not judgey but super defensive.,right? So by saying - go ahead.
Ellie Bright (04:37):
Yeah, I was gonna say in going back and kind of
tying back into my initial pointabout like, the perspective
person versus like the gossipyperson, if you're creating that
gossip, again, he said/she saidenvironment and then people
don't feel comfortable justgoing straight to that person.
(04:57):
It becomes this one side of theoffice versus the other, and
then you get the passiveaggressive because you don't
feel comfortable or respected togo straight to that person. It's
a little bit of the which camefirst the chicken or the egg
situation. But again, it's ifyou're fostering an environment
where you're able to feelrespected and valued the passive
(05:21):
aggressiveness stops, becauseyou feel like you can go
straight to that person. But ifyou have that again, gossipy
uncomfortable toxic environment,then you don't feel like you
have the safe space to verbalizeyour feelings or your emotions.
Victoria Wright (05:40):
Yeah, absolutely. I agree. I think it
also, it just creates thisproblem where people stop
listening to understand, andthey listen to respond, right?
Everyone's just on the defense.
Tara Thurber (05:52):
Yes!
Victoria Wright (05:53):
So if we can create a scenario where it's
like, I actually want to come upwith solutions. I think we've
all been a part of aconversation where somebody is
just like poking holes, andyou're like, Cool, thanks. Do
you have an idea? Right? Like,instead of just telling me this
is awful, like, how would youimprove it?
Tara Thurber (06:09):
(laughs)
Victoria Wright (06:09):
That's what I want to hear, right? So if we
can create an opportunity whereyou can actually come with a
solution, or at least be open tosomebody else's solution and
putting the ego aside puttingthe Well, my feelings are hurt
aside for a second to actuallyjust understand, like, again,
maybe that just wasn't theirintention. And maybe their tone
came off weird, because theywere just in a bad mood. Maybe
(06:31):
they didn't even realize thatlike putting a period instead of
an exclamation mark was going tomake you feel some type of way.
We've all been there (laughs).
Tara Thurber (06:37):
Oh my gosh, yeah, you get email and text
messaging, and holy cow, it'sall over (laughs).
Victoria Wright (06:43):
I read into all of it. I'm like, did you just
send me okay, it's, like, we alldo. We all do it, but being able
to kind of put that aside if youcan, right? And if not, then it
is seeking out where can I getthat safe space? Or where can I
get that person who can comewith solutions instead of just
(07:04):
Well, that was wrong?
Tara Thurber (07:06):
Yeah.
Victoria Wright (07:06):
Okay, awesome.
Now what? So it's, it's a finebalance of trying to figure that
all out. And I think allconflict resolution usually
starts with a communicationissue.
Tara Thurber (07:18):
Mmmm hmm.
Victoria Wright (07:18):
And how do we resolve that? And then how do we
also take out the emotion?
Because if you keep just saying,Well, my feelings are hurt, my
feelings aren hurt, that is onlygonna get you so far.
Tara Thurber (07:29):
Yeah, that's not a solution.
Ellie Bright (07:31):
I'll sing it again, emotionally intelligent
leadership (sings like a tune).
Victoria Wright (07:37):
Right, yeah (laughs)!
Ellie Bright (07:40):
Building your employees and their ability to
communicate and their ability towork as strong leaders, again,
trickles down into that teamcommunication and what people
feel comfortable being 100%.
Victoria Wright (07:59):
For sure.
Tara Thurber (08:01):
I couldn't agree more with the two of you. And
it's really enlightening to beable to have these discussions.
And hopefully share this withour audience to just - you're
not alone in any situation. Andbeing able to talk about passive
aggressive behaviors orconflict. I mean, we all go
(08:24):
through it. And I think it'simportant to be able to
acknowledge and be aware, Ithink, are two of my biggest
words, when it comes toconflict, and passive aggressive
behavior, or just being able to,like you said Victoria, it take
(08:45):
the emotion out of it, I think,is a super huge because, again,
we are working with each other,probably more than we're seeing
our families, or our friends.
And so for us to be able tocommunicate and work through any
and all conflicts is really, atthe end of the day that's a
successful team and a successfulculture that is being fostered
(09:09):
within, as long as there's thatsafe place for everybody to
grow.
Victoria Wright (09:17):
Absolutely.
Tara Thurber (09:19):
Awesome. Well, I'm gonna say thank you both, again,
for joining me on DT Talks. It'sbeen really wonderful chatting
with you guys today, and Iappreciate your time and I'm
looking forward to what comes ofour next chats.
Victoria Wright (09:36):
Same here.
Ellie Bright (09:36):
Of course. Great talk.
Tara Thurber (09:39):
All right, ladies, make it a great day.
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