Lords:
* Erica
* Jenni
Topics:
* The chaos you missed
* Having a baby is like being assigned a set of hobbies you don't necessarily care about but are expected to engage in full-time
* Do people actually live longer in Greece and Japan or do they just have more pension fraud?
* Too Many Women Become Desperate, by Infinite Sexy Marriage
* https://bsky.app/profile/infinitesexy.bsky.social/post/3lcxskqdmoc26
* Is it possible to never show your kid Cocomelon and they never demand to be shown Cocomelon or are they gonna find out about it through osmosis
Microtopics:
* Beneficial nematodes: are they really that good?
* How to pronounce "iykyk."
* Singing "beneficial nematodes" to the tune of Hall of the Mountain King.
* Going extreme on the melismas.
* The Saying Hi Chamber.
* Shazam chastising you for singing.
* 100 MIDIs that some Chinese intern threw together in a couple of hours and now every baby is going to grow up with these tunes in their heads.
* Inventing a new way to live that's worse in every respect.
* Having dinner with a friend while grandma puts the kid to bed.
* A baby getting upset because he isn't staring at geometric shapes right now.
* Making sure the baby makes all the right neural connections and not the wrong ones.
* A video of a guy walking down every street in Vice City.
* Twenty minutes of people icing cakes. Not the really fancy cakes, just regular-ass cakes.
* Clutching at your face as the cake icer puts red next to brown.
* Caking Bad.
* A coup amongst the Smithsonian National Zoo's naked mole rats.
* Stabbing your mom with your teeth so that you can breed.
* A horrible skin creature with prehensile chopsticks.
* Eusocial mammals.
* Growing extra vertebrae every time you give birth.
* A Topic Lords field trip to the naked mole rat colony to meet the new queen.
* Intervertebral red shift.
* EBF, EFF and EP.
* Wake windows and contact naps.
* Holding them like a football and making a sandwich and putting the sandwich in the football, and now you're breastfeeding!
* Whether it's ethical to leave your baby at the Burger King or if you need to go fast casual.
* The poop potato who has opinions.
* You gotta draw the line somewhere, and it's sweeping the floor.
* All the things you're not supposed to put in the crib with the baby.
* Replacing your baby with a gerbil because you're not allowed to kiss your baby on the forehead in case you have a cold sore.
* How to tell if a gerbil has been replaced with a similar gerbil.
* Paying $7/month for the NYT crossword but not getting access to the articles so you click on the crossword constructors' notes but you're already at your three free article limit.
* Anthrocyanins.
* Cynical Jim says yes, Regular Jim says maybe.
* The most domesticated mammal: man.
* Small Japanese women having the longest lifespans because they hide in your crawlspace and death cannot find them.
* Old ladies? In my duct work?
* Hoping there are no old ladies living in your duct work because you haven't cleaned in s while and there are probably mold spores in there
* Poop Songs for Roy.
* Thinking of the shrieking old lady as a sonic shower for you duct work.
* The future-episodes channel, where we discuss episodes that may one day exist.
* Remember that time when you retweeted a thing and it turned into a picture of a fish.
* The ransom note on top of peach tarts aesthetic.
* Welcome to lesbianism. Here is your greeting card with peaches.
* Whether reverse image search is bad now or if it was always bad.
* The Poem is Entertaining.
* Speculative fiction about soviets invading.
* The kind of poem you'd read in feminist bookstores in the early 00s.
* Children's YouTube channels full about new wave songs about trucks.
* Showing your child only OG Sesame Street episodes so they can't relate to adults or children their own age and are technically Xennials.
* Xennial Warrior Princess.
* Everything's more true when you're wearing pants.
* The 25th place you can post pictures o