Lords:
* Erica
* Judy
* https://www.tiktok.com/@diluftmensch
* https://www.tumblr.com/diluftmensch
* https://bsky.app/profile/diluftmensch.bsky.social
Topics:
* The Pantone college experience
* Why is everyone with superpowers a crime fighter or a criminal
* Sell me on metal utensils
* Grand Avenue, by Ron Koertge
* https://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php%3Fdate=2014%252F10%252F19.html
* Abridged version: https://allpoetry.com/poem/14373111-Grand-Avenue-by-Ronald-Koertge
* Toothpaste is traditionally spicy
Microtopics:
* Just Judy.
* Telling your friends you love them.
* Taking a break from the Internet and staring at the ceiling.
* Realizing you need to take a break and then trying to figure out what you need to take a break from.
* Doing absolutely nothing for ten minutes.
* People who enjoy meditation explaining that you just need to meditate harder.
* Taking a depressing game and remaking it, reframing it as relaxing.
* Tetromino Chill.
* Asking "do I have the flu?" in French.
* Clicking on a wav file of Sleepwalk by Santo and Johnny and thinking "computer music is cool"
* Your college's particular shade of purple.
* The proliferation of this exact shade of purple now that Pantone has made it possible to exactly reproduce a color.
* The reason why can't we tell who's buff and sexy any more.
* Going to college to get sick of a particular color.
* Whether any place is as intensely branded as a college campus.
* What the founding fathers would think of this college campus' branding.
* James Madison inventing the signature duplicator.
* James Madison insisting that his entire family sleep sitting up.
* Colors that you can't use until you really mean it.
* Colors that are not allowed in the bathroom.
* Pantone inventing a way to pee any known color.
* Boom Box Guy.
* The professor with the glasses with two different color lenses who is constantly complaining about JMU Purple.
* Having jaws strong enough to eat bones and eating way more bones than you used to.
* Topics that have been in the bucket since the inception of the bucket.
* Unlimited energy. (Not limited energy.)
* Why isn't Superman using his x-ray vision to watch TV better than anyone?
* Lois Lane wearing superman's shirt.
* Using your x-ray vision to make sure ant colonies aren't siphoning money out of bank vaults.
* Advising strangers on the street that they have an untreated medical condition and they're like "go away creep"
* The spoon doing a catapult move because the handle is too heavy, and flinging chili everywhere.
* Plastic utensils for adults.
* Hitting the age when doctors start saying things like "let's see if we can get a couple more good years out of you"
* Whether the fork ever touches your tongue.
* Ceramic spoons.
* Melamine, the plastic material manufactured on Alf's home planet.
* Handsome Korean wooden spoons.
* Just slurping down a whole bowl of guacamole.
* Everyday Carry Forks.
* Metal utensils: so good, you carry them around.
* Trying to eat a leaf of lettuce with an extremely heavy fork.
* Eating a meal with a pickaxe and a pronged shovel.
* Turning the corner by Señor Fish.
* Different ways to kil for somebody.
* A punch-line that was not set up in the descriptive part of the poem.
* A poem that is a subset of another poem.
* Where is the wacky misunderstanding that I was promised?
* A bumper sticker reading "you just got passed by a bad driver (AI)"
* Slapping the "artificial intelligence" label on everything you write so people blame AI.
* Cinnamon toothpaste and ginger toothpaste.
* Conventionally spicy toothpaste.
* Toothpaste that doesn't taste like anything. (You know, for cats!)
* Spicy tuna toothpaste and black pepper toothpaste.
* Rinsing your mouth with lemon cleanser so your mouth can feel lemon fresh.
* Pure Piperin.
* Tubes: they're for squeezing.
* Phosphoric acid toothpaste.