April 2, 2025 • 41 mins
Welcome to the Season 3 Premiere of Touched Out!
On todays episode we welcome back our episode 1 guest, Kate!
Kate returns to share the remarkable conclusion to her custody journey that defied the odds – she's now officially, legally Paige's mother. When twelve-year-old Paige made the brave decision not to return to her biological mother's home, Kate began navigating the complex legal system to provide her stepdaughter the stability she desperately needed. What followed was an emotional rollercoaster through affidavits, court orders, and tense conversations with biological parents who had largely stepped away from their parental roles.
In a system where less than 3% of non-birth parents gain full legal custody, Kate faced what seemed impossible. Her lawyer's tearful Sunday morning phone call delivering the news that the courts had recognized what Paige had known for years – Kate was her true mother – marks one of the most touching moments in Touched Out podcast history. Paige's reaction? "Mom, I need to poop" – proving that even in life's most profound moments, kids remain wonderfully, authentically themselves.
But Kate's story doesn't end there. She also shares her recent marriage to Kyle, whom Paige considers her real dad, and the unexpectedly emotional moment when her once-resistant stepdaughter broke down upon seeing Kate in her wedding dress.
It's a powerful reminder that family isn't defined by DNA but by who shows up consistently with love and support. Whether you're navigating stepparent adoption, feeling discouraged by family court proceedings, or simply need reassurance that love can triumph over bureaucracy, this follow-up episode delivers both happy tears and practical insights into how Kate became part of the 3%.
Thanks for listening to Touched Out: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, share, and leave a rating and review. Your support helps others discover their new favorite parenting and mental health podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
We would like to acknowledge the traditional
custodians of this land.
We pay our respects to theelders past, present and
emerging, for they hold thememories, the traditions and the
culture of the Aboriginal andTorres Strait Islander people
across the nation.
G'day everyone and a massivewelcome to Season 3 of the
award-winning podcast TouchedOut.
(00:21):
If you're new here, I'm Carter,your host, and if you've been
with me for a while, it's greatto have you back.
I know this season took waylonger to drop than I originally
planned and I just want to sayI really appreciate your
patience.
Touched Out is a one-dad showand, as much as I love making
this podcast, sometimes life asa working husband and father
have to come first.
Between family work, work andjust trying to take care of
(00:44):
myself, the podcast had to takea bit of a backseat, but I'm
back and I'm so excited forwhat's ahead this season.
And before we get into the firstepisode of season three, a
little announcement.
We have a new theme songWritten by season two guest and
award-winning singer-songwriter,Ben Drysdale.
Ben wanted to create somethingthat really captures what
(01:05):
Touched Out is all about Alittle chaotic, a little
traumatic, but full of heart.
Plus, it's an absolute bangerthat will definitely get stuck
in your head.
So sorry, not sorry in advance.
Be sure to drop a comment onSpotify or at TouchedOutcom to
let me know what you think of it.
So, without further ado, hereis season three of the Touched.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Out podcast.
Dad became a dad.
Now you're screaming at yourbrother in his Lego underfoot.
We're trying to do the best wecan, but it's not very good.
Daddy's really sorry, he didn'tmean to shout.
We all get a little touchdownTouchdown.
We all get a little.
We all get a little.
We all get a little touchdownTouchdown.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
All right.
So today we have Kate.
Kate, you might remember fromepisode one the kickoff of the
Touched Out podcast.
Thanks for joining us, kate.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
You're more than welcome.
Some of the listeners mightremember that I'd posted a
little screenshot of ourconversation from a week or two
ago, that you've got some prettybig updates and some pretty
cool news to share.
So before we kick it off, Iwill just read a little snippet
from the first episode torefresh everyone.
(02:35):
So Kate is a stepmother tothree children, including a
child with autism and astepdaughter with an acquired
brain injury.
Kate shares her experience ofco-parenting with her partner
and her stepdaughter'sbiological mother, and how she
manages to balance herresponsibilities while taking
care of herself, her family andher mental health.
So yeah, I mean yeah, we kickedit off.
(02:59):
Some might remember Kate and Ihave known each other for quite
some time and, yeah, she reachedout a few weeks ago to share
some awesome updates and do alittle bit of a follow-up
podcast, so I'm super excited.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
It's very exciting.
Thank you for having me back.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
First of all, More than welcome, always welcome.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
It's awesome to be back.
Yeah, I guess I'll jumpstraight into it.
I've had a bit of an updatewith my stepdaughter from my
previous relationships, which iswho I was co-parenting with her
biological mother At thebeginning of this year.
Paige come and never left myhouse.
(03:41):
She refused to go back and thatwas her decision, and her
biological mum was in hospitalat the time, which unfortunately
isn't quite unusual for her.
But there was a lot going onfor Paige at the time, and so I
(04:02):
started a court process and gother biological parents mum and
dad met up with.
Both of them gave them somepaperwork that they signed.
Don't think they really read itproperly, but it got signed, it
went through the courts andPaige is now legally my child.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
So good.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
That makes me so happy.
I'm getting really emotionalagain.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
That's all right.
Cry, let's cry.
Let's have a good cry together.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Man, it was so full on.
I was doing all this stuff forconsent orders and at first I
was kind of hopeful that I couldjust get on there with her mum,
that we would both have everyright to page, because her dad
hasn't really been in thepicture for long and he's
actually reached out that hewants to try and start that
process again, which you knowgood for him.
(04:54):
But I just needed to get thatprocess started with her mum and
they both relinquished fullparental rights to me and we had
a bit of setback.
The lawyer called me and waslike no, the courts said no,
this was back in the start ofMarch.
They're like nope, the courtsaid no, we need affidavits from
(05:14):
both the parents.
And I was like, oh, this iswhere it's going to get really
tricky, because her mum didn'tread the paperwork at all.
She literally just signed itall, didn't read a thing that
she was signing.
I thought, right, this is goingto be really difficult now.
I've given her everyopportunity to sign it.
But I said to her that sheneeded to write up an affidavit.
(05:38):
She asked me to actually writeit for her.
So I did and I took it to herand said you need to read this.
This is what you're saying andyou need to sign it in front of
a legal someone who's legallyauthorized to sign that they've
witnessed it Like a JP justiceof the peace kind of deal.
And she goes yep, no worries,signed it all.
I took it back to the lawyersand I was supposed to hear this.
(06:00):
So the next court hearing datewas the 18th of April and I
didn't hear anything, not ableep Nothing from my lawyer.
I was messaging her all day andshe's like nothing, nothing,
nothing.
And I'm like so I wait for theFriday.
Nothing, the day rolls around.
I'm like all right, it's theweekend, I'm not going to
message my lawyer on the weekend, I'm going to leave it, it's
(06:21):
going to be fine.
I'm going to leave it, it'sgoing to be fine.
I'm just going to manifest somegood things, some good shit,
put it into the universe.
And then, sunday morning sothat's the 21st of April Paige
had been at her best friend'shouse the night prior for a
sleepover, for her birthday, forher best friend's 13th birthday
, and at 9.47, I got a phonecall from my lawyer sunday
(06:47):
morning, bawling her eyes out,and I'm like no man, what's
happened now?
And she's like we did it.
She's yours, she's yourdaughter, you don't have to
answer to anyone else.
She doesn't have to answer toanybody else.
She's yours, we've done it,it's done, you've done it.
You did all the hard work and I, literally, I just pulled my
eyes out, man, I just.
(07:09):
I sat there on the phone cryingto her for a good three to five
minutes.
I just couldn't stop thankingher and she said to me she goes,
I'll send you througheverything today, but it's been
stamped backdated to the 18th soyou can apply for everything
from the 18th First certificates, passports, whatever you need,
(07:30):
she's yours from the 18th.
It was funny because as soon asI got off the phone from the
lawyer, I heard the front doorand it was Paige and my husband,
my now husband, kyle.
He'd gone to pick her up, mynow husband Kyle.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
He'd gone to pick her up Just before.
We kind of get sorry tointerrupt just before we get
into like you telling Paige andhow that all went.
I just want to ask because Ithink we did discuss it briefly.
I just want to ask if you knowthe statistics of how goddamn
rare it is for a non-birthparent to gain full legal
(08:04):
custody of a child in Australia.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Yeah, so, look, it could be slightly different
state to state and my lawyer isbased out of Brisbane but she
works predominantly for NewSouth Wales and Victorian
clients.
But she told me that it is lessthan 5% that get custody, but
generally for full sole custodywith no other parent involved,
because Kyle's not involved,it's just one parent on her now,
(08:31):
which is me, and it's less than3% for that as a non-parent.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
That's so incredible.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
So everything poor Paige had to endure her whole
life and you know everythingthat we went through together on
this journey to get here.
You know the courts actuallyreally saw it and they've
they've recognized how dire itkind of was and they've gone.
Yeah well, this kid's muchbetter off and this child has
(09:01):
everything that they requirefrom this one person.
And there's so many people onthis side of the fence that have
let her down, including thesystem itself for a very long
time.
Just yeah, constant letdowns,and it's so nice that the court
actually saw that.
And to be one of those you knowthree to 5% of people that
(09:22):
actually succeeds and doesn'thave to go through that anymore.
It's just incredible.
I couldn't believe it when shetold me the statistics.
That was insane.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Yeah yeah, it's absolutely wild.
I'd be remiss in not mentioningthat it sucks for the 97% of
other people with goodintentions and love in their
heart that want to provide abetter life for a child but
can't because of differentscenarios.
(09:54):
But I am so, so pleased for youand your family and I'm so, so
happy.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
That Paige gets to have that fairy tale ending
that's so elusive.
A lot of these heartbreakingstories.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Yeah, and you know what Like not to toot my own
horn, but you know for her aswell.
You know she's finally got thatstability and we know that
we're the right home for her,we're the right family for her,
the support, the love.
You know everything she needsand we know that in our hearts
that we are what's best for her.
(10:30):
And she knows that and she'sknown it for a long time.
And just to have it recognizedby the legal system finally was
just incredible and yeah, it'sso good for her.
Yeah, Okay, it was hard for meand it was a really tough battle
for me mentally as well, but atthe end of the day, it wasn't
(10:51):
about me, it's about her and hersafety and her wellbeing.
And yeah, that was somethingelse, but I will just get back
to when I told her because it'sactually hilarious.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Yeah, no, please do.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I was hysterically running down the hallway bawling
my eyes out, and she's walkedin the front door and she's
looked at me and she goes areyou okay, mama?
And I'm like my God, paige, I'mcrying and I'm blubbering all
over and I'm hugging her andKyle's looking at me like what's
going on?
Has someone died, has someonebeen born?
Like what's going on?
(11:28):
And I grabbed her face and Iheld it and I was pushing her
hair back behind her ears and Isaid to her I'm like we did it.
I'm like my lawyers called me.
We've done it.
Like you don't, you never haveto go back, you never have to
leave here.
Like I'm your mama, like younever have to go anywhere again.
It's all legal.
(11:49):
It's all happened because I wasvery open and transparent with
her throughout the whole legalprocess of what could and
couldn't happen, what mighthappen, what might not happen,
what was likely to happen, andshe hugged me really, really
tight and she didn't really showmuch emotion.
And then I couldn't let her gobecause I was just hysterically
crying.
And then she looks up at me andshe goes, mum, and I go, yeah,
and she's like she goes.
I need to poop.
And the first thing Carl didwas look at me and he goes she's
(12:14):
your kid, she's like she'syours, like there's no doubt
about it, like biology meansnothing, she's yours.
And she was like I'm reallyexcited, but I've got to go.
And I'm really excited, butI've got to go and I'm like all
right.
So she goes and yeah, she comesout and you know, made us.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Sometimes we just need an excitement dump.
You know, I just it was sofunny.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
And she comes out to me and she goes.
I thought about what, whatcause she goes.
She flops between Kyle and dadwith Kyle and she goes.
I thought about what Kyle saidwhen I went to the toilet and I
really am your kid, just thatreal excitement poop.
You know, mom, I was like yeah,thanks, like really out in me.
But um, that was just soexciting and she was really
(12:57):
excited, she didn't cry oranything, she was just relieved
and, like you know, she said tome she goes, I'm just, she goes,
I don't feel so tired.
That's the first thing she saidwas I don't feel so exhausted
anymore because I'm not stressed12.
She's 13 in july, yeah, so thewhole thing was just great.
(13:18):
You know we called family andfriends and you know she called
her best friend and told her andyou know her best friend was
just like.
I can't believe my second mum'snow really my second mum and
that was really sweet of her.
She's a great kid and it wasjust amazing.
That's my big big news and bigbig news, it is yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
So we'll just keep on Paige for a few more minutes
because I've got some otherquestions.
So I mean, the whole process initself would have been
extremely draining for Paigebecause you know she's at an age
where, like, stability is sofriggin important and she would
have a pretty profoundunderstanding of all of the
(14:02):
intricacies of of what it tookto gain custody of her and it
seems all along that's neverbeen like a push from you or
anything like that, like youhave really just followed what
Paige wants.
So was there a specificconversation that Paige had
(14:23):
discussed with you where she waslike I want you to be my mum,
my only mum, or was it more of alike I just don't want to
fucking go back there?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
That conversation kind of happened about four and
a half years ago when she waseight, nine years old and we
started homeschooling.
She was just like I just wantyou to be my mum, I don't want
to go back, kind of thing, andthat was a big conversation back
then.
But you know just the constantback and forth for her and the
difference in environments.
(14:53):
And then, yeah, at the start ofJanuary it got to a point Well,
it wasn't even the start ofJanuary, it was just after
Christmas and she went campingwith one of her friends for a
few days and she come home herebecause her mum was in hospital
and she's just like I'm notgoing back.
She goes, I'm not doing it,just done, just done.
She's like I don't want to, Idon't think I have to, I don't
(15:15):
think anyone can make me.
So I said to her I'm like, doyou want me to contact someone
and see what the legal side ofthat is?
If anyone can make you go backand she goes, well, I want to
know that if I stay here, arethey going to try and charge you
with kidnapping me?
And that was her biggest thingwas me getting charged with
(15:37):
kidnapping her?
And I said to her I'm like,right, let's do it.
And I called the local policestation and they said to me it's
tricky, but we can't forciblyremove her from the home.
The best option you have is tostart going through the family
court, though, because as soonas family law is involved, cops
(15:58):
won't touch it.
They'll look at it and go, nope, not happening, we're not going
to be anywhere near it.
There's family law involved andwe refuse to touch it because
family law trumps pretty mucheverything.
They said our biggestsuggestion is that you start a
case in the court of law.
(16:18):
And then I went back to thefamily court sorry of law.
And I went back to Paige andtold her that, and she said can
we do it?
And I said, yep, if that's whatyou want and I did say to her
I'm like I'll give you the nightto think on it.
It's a big decision.
You are quite young, you are 12.
But you do know what you wantand I do believe you are smart
(16:39):
enough and old enough to knowthat and I want you, I do really
want you to think about andwrite a pros and cons list and
come to me in the morning and ifit's still what you want, we'll
do it great we did awesome now.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
You and I did discuss the conversation between Paige
and her biological dad.
Are you comfortable talkingabout that on here?
Yeah, yeah, cool.
So how did that all go downwhen he signed the papers?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
A lot better than I expected.
To be honest, he and I had hadno communication since she was
five, so that's seven years Ihaven't spoken to or seen this
man.
That's a lifetime really, whenyou think about it.
I mean a year goes by andpeople change so much.
So in seven years it was huge.
So I reached out to him, toldhim that I had paid full time
(17:30):
since this date and I wanted tohave a chat with him about
getting full custody of Paigemyself.
And he was really respectfulwith the messaging.
He said he wanted to confirmsome things and wanted to go
over some things.
And I kind of expected theworst from that, knowing him the
way I did know him and he justkind of said to me you know, is
(17:54):
it what she wants?
And he even said he goes.
I don't have the capacity tohave it full time.
He goes.
I wish that I did and I wish Iwas a better father to her.
He goes, but I don't and Ithink she's best off with you.
So if this is what's happening,send me everything.
I'll sign whatever I need to hegoes.
I do want to build arelationship with her, but if
she doesn't want to build arelationship with me.
(18:15):
I won't push it because shedoesn't have to, she doesn't
know me, I haven't been around.
And then we met up eventually,after back and forth messaging
and stuff, and he signed thefirst round of papers and then
we met up again and Paigeactually said to me she wanted
to come with me and I said toher I go, okay, I go, it could
(18:40):
bring some stuff up that youdon't want it to.
Again, just being respectful ofher and letting her know
everything you know.
And she's like nope, that'sfine, I want to come, I want to
come for the day, I want to seehim and I go yep, cool.
So we went and met up with himand he was very respectful to
her and he read every singlepage, every single word.
We sat there for about twohours while he went over it all
(19:04):
and he, after every little thingthat he had to put his initials
next to, he, looked at Paigeand said is this what you want?
Is this 100% what you want?
You know, are you happy withthis?
Are you happy with that?
And I was really thankful forthat because it showed that he
actually did care about whereshe would be at in the world,
regardless of whether or not hewas in it.
So I did.
(19:27):
You know I respected that a lot, that he did care enough about
what she wanted, whereas,unfortunately, when her mum did
all the signing, it wasliterally just signatures, which
was really upsetting, paige,and for myself to see that
happen.
But it is what it is.
(19:47):
But her dad kind of just said Iwant to be in her life, I want
to be a part of it, but if shedoesn't want me to, I understand
that and I said, look, I'vetold her.
She knows.
She asked him a few questions.
He answered them.
Obviously, things conflictedwith what she'd been told by her
mum.
And yeah, when we left, youknow, during the interaction he
(20:09):
did keep referring to himself asdad, which she actually she got
to be uncomfortable about andshe went really quiet while we
were with him.
And then when we left, she waslike I didn't like that and I'm
like what didn't you like?
And she's like the whole dadthing.
She goes, kyle's my dad.
She goes Kyle's been my dadsince you and him first met each
other.
Like I didn't even have to knowhim, he was my dad.
(20:31):
And I was like, yeah, and shegoes yeah, and I loved that.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Me too, because that's how we know each other.
We know each other throughPaige's biological father, yes,
and I have my own prettynegative past with him, so
hearing that Paige was like youknow, my dad yeah, and my inner
dialogue's like yeah, fuckingsuck it.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
And I'm so here for that.
I mean, you know, in my heartit made me realize I'd made,
first of all, the right choiceabout kyle, that she loved him
so much, and second of all, youknow everything that he and I
kind of went through and youknow, look, there's no bad blood
between me and her biologicaldad.
Now I don't, I'm not gonna holdresentment and things like that
that just weigh me down.
But after everything that kindof happened and you know him
(21:25):
kind of leaving her andabandoning her as such whether
that was through him or thebiological mother, whatever um,
in my head I was just like fuckyou, yeah, fuck a lot of you.
And in my head.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I was just like fuck you.
Yeah, fuck the son of a bitch.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
And in my head too.
I was like you know what?
You had the chance to save thischild seven years ago and you
fucking walked out on her.
So fuck you, you don't get tocall yourself dad, and she knows
that.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah, and that was kind of my fucking moment.
Not only that, but he's alsosince in that seven years, had
another child who he has alsoabandoned.
Fuck that guy.
Yeah, Anyway that's enough ofthat.
That's not what this podcast isfor.
It was my little fuck youmoment.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah, paige, being just like I didn't like that.
He's not my dad, but you knowrespect for him actually wanting
to try and signing it andasking me if it was for that,
and I said, yeah, I go, look,there's big respect there and
hopefully that means he's grownup a bit and that's great.
But in my head I'm sittingthere like yeah, just little
(22:27):
monkeys in my head doing this onthe way home.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
She's just she's giving the finger, by the way,
for anyone listening sorrythat's okay, just went silent
there um, yeah, no, awesome.
So what an absolutely greatoutcome and I'm so, so happy for
you and it fills my heart andI'm so proud of you and I'm
proud of page and I'm proud ofKyle and I'm proud of Paige's
(22:50):
siblings and she just she'salways been just such an awesome
little girl and it's awesome tosee that she she's getting
everything that she truly doesdeserve now.
So there is now more updates onon your life.
So when we recorded our episodetogether, which was around
about 14 months ago, I want tosay you and Kyle were just
(23:13):
dating.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
But now you're married.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Yeah, we're married.
I'm not Kate Rance, I'm KateRoberts.
Everyone can know who I am, Idon't mind.
Yeah, I'm a wifey.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
I'm an actual legal mum and a legal step mum now.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Congratulations, thank you.
I was always one of those girls, you know, man, that was like
I'm never going to get married,like I'm just one of the boys,
I'll always be single and, youknow, no one's ever going to
want to love me like that, comeon, like I'll just drink beers
with the boys on the weekend anddo my things.
All my friends are boys bar twoand uh, yeah, this, this
(23:59):
fella's gone and changed mywhole dialogue and now I have to
change my whole depressingstoryline.
And but no, it was amazing andit was such a good day.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
So was it a surprise wedding?
Had he proposed to you prior?
What's the lead up to marriage?
Speaker 3 (24:20):
No, so I reckon that when we did our recording I
reckon we'd just gotten engaged.
Actually I think we might havejust gotten engaged.
He engaged me, he proposed tome.
Just gotten engaged.
He engaged me, he proposed tome on.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Target engaged yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
He proposed to me on Christmas Day a couple years ago
and then, yeah, it was just awhole lot of planning and stuff
and then we realized, gee, it'sactually really soon because we
booked in the date, because mydate was non-negotiable.
I wanted to get married on mynan and pop's wedding
anniversary and my nan issomeone very special to me, you
(25:00):
know.
She's just my best friend inthe whole world.
My pop's been gone a very longtime now 18, 19 years now and
you know I was very close to himwhen I was little as well.
But uh, my nan's, just she's mywhole world.
and I asked her and she did thewhole crying, of course, you can
get married on my wedding dateand I love that and thank you
(25:20):
and I'm on it.
And then, yeah, kyle and I kindof looked around and went holy
shit, mate, we've booked in awedding and sent out save the
dates for, uh, eight months fromnow and, uh, we don't have a
celebrant, we don't have a dress, we don't have anything.
We've got some ideas and asmall bank account that's not
very large, and what are wegoing to do?
(25:41):
So we hammered down, savedeverything we could, cured a
venue within that month, plannedeverything in six months to six
to seven months and, yeah,april this year, we tied the
knot, um, at a beautiful venuein victoria and I hope you don't
mind I will give it a plug it'scalled harawong estate.
(26:02):
It is one of the most beautifulplaces I've ever seen in my
life.
It's actually just everything Iwanted very, very old school,
barn sort of.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
I saw the photos and I was my breath was taken away.
All of you look so beautifuland so handsome and so fucking
happy.
I love love.
But it's like you know you seesomething so cute.
You're like, oh, baby's so cute.
I want to punch it in the face.
That's how I felt, like I sawall the photos.
(26:37):
I'm like, I'm like they're sobeautiful.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
But fucking, I want to punch them.
They're so cute.
Yeah, yep, I love that, the big, strong emotions where it's
like, right, this is gonna getphysical soon.
I don't just want to give you ahug, I want to give you a right
on smack yeah, but but likenothing but love, you know yeah,
it's all intended with lovelike a positive beat down yes,
you know it's amazing and youknow, having obviously I've
(27:01):
spoken openly about my mentalhealth issues and stuff before,
I've had a lot of doubts thatthe wedding would go the way it
would.
I was like, no, something'sgonna go wrong, he's not gonna
show up, I'm not gonna show upto stay asleep, someone's going
to break a leg, I don't know.
Something's going to happen.
The whole day just went offwithout a hitch and I had a
couple of my bridesmaids thatbumped into some guests in the
(27:24):
foyer in the morning when wewere getting ready and they were
like how's Bridezilla thismorning?
Like we can imagine what poorkate would be going through in
her head at the moment.
And they were like we haveactually never seen her karma in
our entire lives and we're soworried that she's either gonna
snap or that she's a completelydifferent person, because we've
never seen her karma in ourentire lives.
Like this is just, she's takeneverything in her stride like
(27:47):
okay, itoh Kate's dissociating.
Literally though I was, becausemy best friend started to panic
and she sent my best friend,jules she was my maid of honour
and I also had my other bestfriend, brandon.
He was my man of honour and shemessaged him because he was in
with the boys getting ready andshe's like SOS, something's not
right, like this bitch is toocalm.
(28:09):
I don't like this.
And she was like what's goingon?
Have you disassociated or what?
And I'm like no, I'm literallyjust there's nothing for me to
stress about.
Whatever happens happens.
And yeah, no, it was a magicalday, it was beautiful, it was
amazing.
But I do need to say myfavorite part of the day was
nothing to do with the ceremonyor the nuptials.
(28:29):
It was actually my first revealto the bridal party.
My photographer had the girlsline up and Lonica and Paige
were there, and he's like right,lonica, I need you to slam this
door open as soon as I say go,and I need you to slam the door
open and walk through soeveryone can get through at once
(28:49):
and see her.
This is a first reveal, whichmeans that it's the first time
you're all going to see her inher dress, hair, makeup, shoes,
everything and Lonica goes okay,I can do it, I've got this.
And he's like right, lonica, Ineed you to slam that door open.
And he's got the camera readyand she slams it and it slams
back at her and she just slamsit straight back open again and
(29:10):
she puts her hands up to herface and covers her mouth and
her nose and she runs over to meand she hysterically starts
crying.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Now for those that, because she saw you, or is that
because, okay, I thought thedoor hit her?
Speaker 3 (29:23):
no, the door didn't hit her no, at first that's what
I thought it was too, and I'mlike man, it's hit her.
But page was actually in frontof her and I, page, had her hand
in front of it and she comesrunning over to me and she's
just going you're so beautiful,you're so beautiful.
And yeah, for those thatremember, my um initial episode
was Lonica was my challenge.
Her and I butt heads a lot andsometimes don't see eye to eye
(29:48):
and in saying that things havebeen very, very good, um, for a
very long time lonica was, uh,very much like a.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
You're not my mom, I don't have to do what you tell
me hate you?
Speaker 3 (29:57):
I don't want to talk to you.
Yeah, you don't tell me what todo, sort of thing.
And yeah, to have her look atme, that the way she looked at
me and then ran at me and shejust sobbed like, held my hip
and sobbed and she was bawlingher eyes out.
I've just never felt that sortof love radiate from a child
before.
It was something else, likedifferent to anything I've ever
(30:21):
felt with Paige or anything elseI've ever felt with Nate, not
saying it was stronger or better, but different.
You know, and again, that I'mgoing to punch you in the face
if you keep hugging me, becausethis is just too beautiful, kind
of thing like one of those realstrong things and she's just
you're so beautiful, I love youso much you're actually gonna be
my stepmom in two hours.
And because she's always beentold by her mom that until Kate
(30:45):
and dad are married, she's notyour stepmom, she's no one sort
of thing.
And and well, I don't haveproof of that, but that's what
the kids have told me, so Ibelieve whatever they tell me
until I'm told differently.
But you know, that was justreally beautiful for me.
And then seeing little snippetsof her and Paige walking down
the aisle together holding hands, and I walked down the aisle
(31:06):
with my dad and there's Natestanding up there right next to
Kyle, and I was just like thisis literally like my fairy tale
thing.
I've got my kids, I've got mydad on my side, I've got my mum
and my nan right there, mysister's up there, my best
friends are up there and thelove of my life.
Like it was just awesome, dude,like so good, well done.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Well done, congratulations, thank you,
thank you for not inviting me,but congratulations.
That's a total joke, by the way, rough.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
No, just you know all those battles with Lonica too,
like it's been so good and yeah,that just solidified everything
.
Now we're going to Japan.
Instead of having a honeymoon,we've decided, no, we're going
to have a family moon and we'retaking the kids and yeah, she
loves me even more now.
So this is just good.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
I just got to keep it up.
Oh yeah, that'll be fun for you.
What a gross update.
Yeah For a mental healthparenting podcast.
I feel like a lot of updateswouldn't be as fucking cool.
So it's nice to see the littlepersons win.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Yeah, it's awesome.
The first thing, like you know,I got the orders the wedding
was over with and I was likefuck, I'm like I haven't even
told Carter.
I'm like I've got to tell himand that's what I messaged him.
I'm like have I told you?
And you were like have you toldme what?
And I'm like oh my God, indoing that with me, because I
(32:30):
need to update everyone.
I just feel like I need toshare this with the world.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Yeah Well, I don't know if you are aware, but our
episode together is still themost listened to episode of the
podcast, which I've now got 25episodes out, Still Across the
year.
You're still number one, mate.
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Let's have a quick look.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
I'll just bring the stats up for you.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I thought old mate Luke, the stay-at-home dad,
would have gone ahead of me.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
He's number two.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
His episode was pretty fun though, yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, so I mean you're still in front of his by
50.
We're sitting on 390 for youand 340 for him.
Yours, let's go all time.
Our episode together, kate, inthe last year has been listened
to in seven different countriesAustralia, united States, canada
(33:27):
, new Zealand, united Kingdom,netherlands and Thailand.
Out of those seven countries, atotal of 80 cities, the top
five being Melbourne, sydney,perth, brisbane and Saskatoon.
Saskatchewan, canada.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
And in fifth.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Canada is my biggest base apart from Australia.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
It's in second.
Yeah, because I've had a lot ofCanadian guests on.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Episode two was Canada.
The last episode I justreleased was canada and a couple
more, but yeah, you've um.
It's pretty incredible hazy tome.
My head's exploding right nowyeah, I'm just wondering how
they're coping with my accent390 people over the last year
have listened to your story andI hope those same 390 people
(34:15):
listen to the update.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
I hope so too.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Everyone deserves to know that fairy tales do come
true.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Yeah, I hope they listen to it too and I hope that
it inspires some people who youknow might be going through the
same legal battles, or you knowwho might have these sort of
processes with stepkids and youknow non-biological children, or
you know nieces and nephewsthat they might be going through
with something like this.
It is possible.
You can be a part of that 5%and it's a lot of hard work, but
(34:49):
it's definitely worth it.
Every single bit of money thatwent into it, every single tear,
every single night that Istayed up and did not sleep,
every stomachache, everyheadache, every nervous poop,
every nervous wee, every panicattack Every poop.
(35:10):
Yes, yep, nervous week, everypanic attack, every poop, yes,
yep, every little, you know,mental meltdown I had to my
wonderful, very loving,supportive husband.
It was all worth it and yeah,just yeah, so good I.
I really appreciate peoplelistening to my story too,
because that's awesome, likeyeah, you know 100, these people
want to listen to my, my too,because that's awesome, like
(35:31):
yeah, you know 100 people wantto listen to my my shit, like
that's cool still don't get itlike like I, I refuse to take
credit for any of it.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
You know it's because so like people listening will
message me and be like thank youso much for doing the podcast,
and I'll be like it's my guests,it's got nothing to do with me.
And then people were just likeI want to know about you and
that's why my wife and I did thepodcast episode together.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
That was a sick episode, by the way I still have
trouble.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Thank you very much.
I still have trouble kind ofbelieving that there's people
all over the world that have anyfucking interest in the things
that I say or do.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
I know you refuse to take credit for it, but you are
an amazing person and I've seenyou grow and obviously you know,
like we said earlier, knowingeach other from not a very great
source of person.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
but you know, we were both in really shit spots when
we met too.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
We were and you've grown so much, mate, and you've
got so much love and genuinecare to spread.
I commend you for doing thispodcast and giving people a
chance to be a voice, because,yeah, your guests make the
podcast in the end, becausewithout your guests, yeah, you
wouldn't have a podcast.
But you know what You're givingthem their voices.
(36:48):
A lot of people wouldn't feellike they can voice it, and I've
heard people on your podcast,mate.
I've heard them say you know, Inever felt like I could kind of
voice this with other people oryou know, this isn't something
I really open up about, but yougive them that safe environment
and they just you do so well,mate, and I really hope that at
some point you can allowyourself to take credit for it
(37:10):
and realise that you are sofucking good man and this is
what you were destined to do.
You're destined to help people,man.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Thanks, man.
Okay, now shut the fuck up.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
Sorry, I'm quiet.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
But I have such a fucking like.
There's this kind of weirddouble-edged sword inside my
body.
That's like praise me but don'tpraise me, because I'll cry,
because I'm not used to it.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
Yeah, and I will too.
I'll praise your wife as well,because she's obviously been
such a huge support to you.
Yeah, you know the episode youdid with her was amazing and you
know that was.
You both opened up about a lotand I haven't met her, but I'd
love to one day catch up and,you know um, actually meet her,
(38:00):
because she just seems soincredible.
And I think that you know, theminute you two walked into each
other's lives, you just changedit for the best, and you know
the two of you together areabsolute, unbeatable team.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
yeah, yeah she's, she's awesome, she's my best
friend.
I'm trying.
Two of you together areabsolute unbeatable team.
Yeah, yeah, she's, she'sawesome, she's my best friend.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
I'm trying to make you cry again.
I'll shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
No, no, I know I appreciate it.
Um, yeah, yeah, shout out to mywife, george, she's a fucking
legend yeah yeah, yeahabsolutely beautiful.
Well, I reckon we'll wrap it upthere, mate.
Thank you so fucking much forjoining me today and for
updating everyone on the awesomenews and how fucking awesome
(38:38):
the trajectory that is your lifeis going.
Thank you, and Paige, I reallyappreciate you sharing it and I
am again so happy for all of youand so proud of you.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
Thanks so much, mate.
Thanks for having me and, yeah,and letting me share that with
everyone.
It was really important to methat I actually did get to share
that, so thank you, you'rewelcome.
For having me back.
I love it.
I love this place.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
You're always welcome , mate.
You've got a lifetime spot onthe guest list.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
I'm here for it.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
All right, mate, you take care.
We would like to acknowledge the traditional
custodians of this land.
We pay our respects to theelders past, present and
emerging, for they hold thememories, the traditions and the
culture of the Aboriginal andTorres Strait Islander people
across the nation.
G'day everyone and a massivewelcome to Season 3 of the
award-winning podcast TouchedOut.
(00:21):
If you're new here, I'm Carter,your host, and if you've been
with me for a while, it's greatto have you back.
I know this season took waylonger to drop than I originally
planned and I just want to sayI really appreciate your
patience.
Touched Out is a one-dad showand, as much as I love making
this podcast, sometimes life asa working husband and father
have to come first.
Between family work, work andjust trying to take care of
(00:44):
myself, the podcast had to takea bit of a backseat, but I'm
back and I'm so excited forwhat's ahead this season.
And before we get into the firstepisode of season three, a
little announcement.
We have a new theme songWritten by season two guest and
award-winning singer-songwriter,Ben Drysdale.
Ben wanted to create somethingthat really captures what
(01:05):
Touched Out is all about Alittle chaotic, a little
traumatic, but full of heart.
Plus, it's an absolute bangerthat will definitely get stuck
in your head.
So sorry, not sorry in advance.
Be sure to drop a comment onSpotify or at TouchedOutcom to
let me know what you think of it.
So, without further ado, hereis season three of the Touched.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Out podcast.
Dad became a dad.
Now you're screaming at yourbrother in his Lego underfoot.
We're trying to do the best wecan, but it's not very good.
Daddy's really sorry, he didn'tmean to shout.
We all get a little touchdownTouchdown.
We all get a little.
We all get a little.
We all get a little touchdownTouchdown.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
All right.
So today we have Kate.
Kate, you might remember fromepisode one the kickoff of the
Touched Out podcast.
Thanks for joining us, kate.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
You're more than welcome.
Some of the listeners mightremember that I'd posted a
little screenshot of ourconversation from a week or two
ago, that you've got some prettybig updates and some pretty
cool news to share.
So before we kick it off, Iwill just read a little snippet
from the first episode torefresh everyone.
(02:35):
So Kate is a stepmother tothree children, including a
child with autism and astepdaughter with an acquired
brain injury.
Kate shares her experience ofco-parenting with her partner
and her stepdaughter'sbiological mother, and how she
manages to balance herresponsibilities while taking
care of herself, her family andher mental health.
So yeah, I mean yeah, we kickedit off.
(02:59):
Some might remember Kate and Ihave known each other for quite
some time and, yeah, she reachedout a few weeks ago to share
some awesome updates and do alittle bit of a follow-up
podcast, so I'm super excited.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
It's very exciting.
Thank you for having me back.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
First of all, More than welcome, always welcome.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
It's awesome to be back.
Yeah, I guess I'll jumpstraight into it.
I've had a bit of an updatewith my stepdaughter from my
previous relationships, which iswho I was co-parenting with her
biological mother At thebeginning of this year.
Paige come and never left myhouse.
(03:41):
She refused to go back and thatwas her decision, and her
biological mum was in hospitalat the time, which unfortunately
isn't quite unusual for her.
But there was a lot going onfor Paige at the time, and so I
(04:02):
started a court process and gother biological parents mum and
dad met up with.
Both of them gave them somepaperwork that they signed.
Don't think they really read itproperly, but it got signed, it
went through the courts andPaige is now legally my child.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
So good.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
That makes me so happy.
I'm getting really emotionalagain.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
That's all right.
Cry, let's cry.
Let's have a good cry together.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Man, it was so full on.
I was doing all this stuff forconsent orders and at first I
was kind of hopeful that I couldjust get on there with her mum,
that we would both have everyright to page, because her dad
hasn't really been in thepicture for long and he's
actually reached out that hewants to try and start that
process again, which you knowgood for him.
(04:54):
But I just needed to get thatprocess started with her mum and
they both relinquished fullparental rights to me and we had
a bit of setback.
The lawyer called me and waslike no, the courts said no,
this was back in the start ofMarch.
They're like nope, the courtsaid no, we need affidavits from
(05:14):
both the parents.
And I was like, oh, this iswhere it's going to get really
tricky, because her mum didn'tread the paperwork at all.
She literally just signed itall, didn't read a thing that
she was signing.
I thought, right, this is goingto be really difficult now.
I've given her everyopportunity to sign it.
But I said to her that sheneeded to write up an affidavit.
(05:38):
She asked me to actually writeit for her.
So I did and I took it to herand said you need to read this.
This is what you're saying andyou need to sign it in front of
a legal someone who's legallyauthorized to sign that they've
witnessed it Like a JP justiceof the peace kind of deal.
And she goes yep, no worries,signed it all.
I took it back to the lawyersand I was supposed to hear this.
(06:00):
So the next court hearing datewas the 18th of April and I
didn't hear anything, not ableep Nothing from my lawyer.
I was messaging her all day andshe's like nothing, nothing,
nothing.
And I'm like so I wait for theFriday.
Nothing, the day rolls around.
I'm like all right, it's theweekend, I'm not going to
message my lawyer on the weekend, I'm going to leave it, it's
(06:21):
going to be fine.
I'm going to leave it, it'sgoing to be fine.
I'm just going to manifest somegood things, some good shit,
put it into the universe.
And then, sunday morning sothat's the 21st of April Paige
had been at her best friend'shouse the night prior for a
sleepover, for her birthday, forher best friend's 13th birthday
, and at 9.47, I got a phonecall from my lawyer sunday
(06:47):
morning, bawling her eyes out,and I'm like no man, what's
happened now?
And she's like we did it.
She's yours, she's yourdaughter, you don't have to
answer to anyone else.
She doesn't have to answer toanybody else.
She's yours, we've done it,it's done, you've done it.
You did all the hard work and I, literally, I just pulled my
eyes out, man, I just.
(07:09):
I sat there on the phone cryingto her for a good three to five
minutes.
I just couldn't stop thankingher and she said to me she goes,
I'll send you througheverything today, but it's been
stamped backdated to the 18th soyou can apply for everything
from the 18th First certificates, passports, whatever you need,
(07:30):
she's yours from the 18th.
It was funny because as soon asI got off the phone from the
lawyer, I heard the front doorand it was Paige and my husband,
my now husband, kyle.
He'd gone to pick her up, mynow husband Kyle.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
He'd gone to pick her up Just before.
We kind of get sorry tointerrupt just before we get
into like you telling Paige andhow that all went.
I just want to ask because Ithink we did discuss it briefly.
I just want to ask if you knowthe statistics of how goddamn
rare it is for a non-birthparent to gain full legal
(08:04):
custody of a child in Australia.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Yeah, so, look, it could be slightly different
state to state and my lawyer isbased out of Brisbane but she
works predominantly for NewSouth Wales and Victorian
clients.
But she told me that it is lessthan 5% that get custody, but
generally for full sole custodywith no other parent involved,
because Kyle's not involved,it's just one parent on her now,
(08:31):
which is me, and it's less than3% for that as a non-parent.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
That's so incredible.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
So everything poor Paige had to endure her whole
life and you know everythingthat we went through together on
this journey to get here.
You know the courts actuallyreally saw it and they've
they've recognized how dire itkind of was and they've gone.
Yeah well, this kid's muchbetter off and this child has
(09:01):
everything that they requirefrom this one person.
And there's so many people onthis side of the fence that have
let her down, including thesystem itself for a very long
time.
Just yeah, constant letdowns,and it's so nice that the court
actually saw that.
And to be one of those you knowthree to 5% of people that
(09:22):
actually succeeds and doesn'thave to go through that anymore.
It's just incredible.
I couldn't believe it when shetold me the statistics.
That was insane.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Yeah yeah, it's absolutely wild.
I'd be remiss in not mentioningthat it sucks for the 97% of
other people with goodintentions and love in their
heart that want to provide abetter life for a child but
can't because of differentscenarios.
(09:54):
But I am so, so pleased for youand your family and I'm so, so
happy.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
That Paige gets to have that fairy tale ending
that's so elusive.
A lot of these heartbreakingstories.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Yeah, and you know what Like not to toot my own
horn, but you know for her aswell.
You know she's finally got thatstability and we know that
we're the right home for her,we're the right family for her,
the support, the love.
You know everything she needsand we know that in our hearts
that we are what's best for her.
(10:30):
And she knows that and she'sknown it for a long time.
And just to have it recognizedby the legal system finally was
just incredible and yeah, it'sso good for her.
Yeah, Okay, it was hard for meand it was a really tough battle
for me mentally as well, but atthe end of the day, it wasn't
(10:51):
about me, it's about her and hersafety and her wellbeing.
And yeah, that was somethingelse, but I will just get back
to when I told her because it'sactually hilarious.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Yeah, no, please do.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I was hysterically running down the hallway bawling
my eyes out, and she's walkedin the front door and she's
looked at me and she goes areyou okay, mama?
And I'm like my God, paige, I'mcrying and I'm blubbering all
over and I'm hugging her andKyle's looking at me like what's
going on?
Has someone died, has someonebeen born?
Like what's going on?
(11:28):
And I grabbed her face and Iheld it and I was pushing her
hair back behind her ears and Isaid to her I'm like we did it.
I'm like my lawyers called me.
We've done it.
Like you don't, you never haveto go back, you never have to
leave here.
Like I'm your mama, like younever have to go anywhere again.
It's all legal.
(11:49):
It's all happened because I wasvery open and transparent with
her throughout the whole legalprocess of what could and
couldn't happen, what mighthappen, what might not happen,
what was likely to happen, andshe hugged me really, really
tight and she didn't really showmuch emotion.
And then I couldn't let her gobecause I was just hysterically
crying.
And then she looks up at me andshe goes, mum, and I go, yeah,
and she's like she goes.
I need to poop.
And the first thing Carl didwas look at me and he goes she's
(12:14):
your kid, she's like she'syours, like there's no doubt
about it, like biology meansnothing, she's yours.
And she was like I'm reallyexcited, but I've got to go.
And I'm really excited, butI've got to go and I'm like all
right.
So she goes and yeah, she comesout and you know, made us.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Sometimes we just need an excitement dump.
You know, I just it was sofunny.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
And she comes out to me and she goes.
I thought about what, whatcause she goes.
She flops between Kyle and dadwith Kyle and she goes.
I thought about what Kyle saidwhen I went to the toilet and I
really am your kid, just thatreal excitement poop.
You know, mom, I was like yeah,thanks, like really out in me.
But um, that was just soexciting and she was really
(12:57):
excited, she didn't cry oranything, she was just relieved
and, like you know, she said tome she goes, I'm just, she goes,
I don't feel so tired.
That's the first thing she saidwas I don't feel so exhausted
anymore because I'm not stressed12.
She's 13 in july, yeah, so thewhole thing was just great.
(13:18):
You know we called family andfriends and you know she called
her best friend and told her andyou know her best friend was
just like.
I can't believe my second mum'snow really my second mum and
that was really sweet of her.
She's a great kid and it wasjust amazing.
That's my big big news and bigbig news, it is yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
So we'll just keep on Paige for a few more minutes
because I've got some otherquestions.
So I mean, the whole process initself would have been
extremely draining for Paigebecause you know she's at an age
where, like, stability is sofriggin important and she would
have a pretty profoundunderstanding of all of the
(14:02):
intricacies of of what it tookto gain custody of her and it
seems all along that's neverbeen like a push from you or
anything like that, like youhave really just followed what
Paige wants.
So was there a specificconversation that Paige had
(14:23):
discussed with you where she waslike I want you to be my mum,
my only mum, or was it more of alike I just don't want to
fucking go back there?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
That conversation kind of happened about four and
a half years ago when she waseight, nine years old and we
started homeschooling.
She was just like I just wantyou to be my mum, I don't want
to go back, kind of thing, andthat was a big conversation back
then.
But you know just the constantback and forth for her and the
difference in environments.
(14:53):
And then, yeah, at the start ofJanuary it got to a point Well,
it wasn't even the start ofJanuary, it was just after
Christmas and she went campingwith one of her friends for a
few days and she come home herebecause her mum was in hospital
and she's just like I'm notgoing back.
She goes, I'm not doing it,just done, just done.
She's like I don't want to, Idon't think I have to, I don't
(15:15):
think anyone can make me.
So I said to her I'm like, doyou want me to contact someone
and see what the legal side ofthat is?
If anyone can make you go backand she goes, well, I want to
know that if I stay here, arethey going to try and charge you
with kidnapping me?
And that was her biggest thingwas me getting charged with
(15:37):
kidnapping her?
And I said to her I'm like,right, let's do it.
And I called the local policestation and they said to me it's
tricky, but we can't forciblyremove her from the home.
The best option you have is tostart going through the family
court, though, because as soonas family law is involved, cops
(15:58):
won't touch it.
They'll look at it and go, nope, not happening, we're not going
to be anywhere near it.
There's family law involved andwe refuse to touch it because
family law trumps pretty mucheverything.
They said our biggestsuggestion is that you start a
case in the court of law.
(16:18):
And then I went back to thefamily court sorry of law.
And I went back to Paige andtold her that, and she said can
we do it?
And I said, yep, if that's whatyou want and I did say to her
I'm like I'll give you the nightto think on it.
It's a big decision.
You are quite young, you are 12.
But you do know what you wantand I do believe you are smart
(16:39):
enough and old enough to knowthat and I want you, I do really
want you to think about andwrite a pros and cons list and
come to me in the morning and ifit's still what you want, we'll
do it great we did awesome now.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
You and I did discuss the conversation between Paige
and her biological dad.
Are you comfortable talkingabout that on here?
Yeah, yeah, cool.
So how did that all go downwhen he signed the papers?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
A lot better than I expected.
To be honest, he and I had hadno communication since she was
five, so that's seven years Ihaven't spoken to or seen this
man.
That's a lifetime really, whenyou think about it.
I mean a year goes by andpeople change so much.
So in seven years it was huge.
So I reached out to him, toldhim that I had paid full time
(17:30):
since this date and I wanted tohave a chat with him about
getting full custody of Paigemyself.
And he was really respectfulwith the messaging.
He said he wanted to confirmsome things and wanted to go
over some things.
And I kind of expected theworst from that, knowing him the
way I did know him and he justkind of said to me you know, is
(17:54):
it what she wants?
And he even said he goes.
I don't have the capacity tohave it full time.
He goes.
I wish that I did and I wish Iwas a better father to her.
He goes, but I don't and Ithink she's best off with you.
So if this is what's happening,send me everything.
I'll sign whatever I need to hegoes.
I do want to build arelationship with her, but if
she doesn't want to build arelationship with me.
(18:15):
I won't push it because shedoesn't have to, she doesn't
know me, I haven't been around.
And then we met up eventually,after back and forth messaging
and stuff, and he signed thefirst round of papers and then
we met up again and Paigeactually said to me she wanted
to come with me and I said toher I go, okay, I go, it could
(18:40):
bring some stuff up that youdon't want it to.
Again, just being respectful ofher and letting her know
everything you know.
And she's like nope, that'sfine, I want to come, I want to
come for the day, I want to seehim and I go yep, cool.
So we went and met up with himand he was very respectful to
her and he read every singlepage, every single word.
We sat there for about twohours while he went over it all
(19:04):
and he, after every little thingthat he had to put his initials
next to, he, looked at Paigeand said is this what you want?
Is this 100% what you want?
You know, are you happy withthis?
Are you happy with that?
And I was really thankful forthat because it showed that he
actually did care about whereshe would be at in the world,
regardless of whether or not hewas in it.
So I did.
(19:27):
You know I respected that a lot, that he did care enough about
what she wanted, whereas,unfortunately, when her mum did
all the signing, it wasliterally just signatures, which
was really upsetting, paige,and for myself to see that
happen.
But it is what it is.
(19:47):
But her dad kind of just said Iwant to be in her life, I want
to be a part of it, but if shedoesn't want me to, I understand
that and I said, look, I'vetold her.
She knows.
She asked him a few questions.
He answered them.
Obviously, things conflictedwith what she'd been told by her
mum.
And yeah, when we left, youknow, during the interaction he
(20:09):
did keep referring to himself asdad, which she actually she got
to be uncomfortable about andshe went really quiet while we
were with him.
And then when we left, she waslike I didn't like that and I'm
like what didn't you like?
And she's like the whole dadthing.
She goes, kyle's my dad.
She goes Kyle's been my dadsince you and him first met each
other.
Like I didn't even have to knowhim, he was my dad.
(20:31):
And I was like, yeah, and shegoes yeah, and I loved that.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Me too, because that's how we know each other.
We know each other throughPaige's biological father, yes,
and I have my own prettynegative past with him, so
hearing that Paige was like youknow, my dad yeah, and my inner
dialogue's like yeah, fuckingsuck it.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
And I'm so here for that.
I mean, you know, in my heartit made me realize I'd made,
first of all, the right choiceabout kyle, that she loved him
so much, and second of all, youknow everything that he and I
kind of went through and youknow, look, there's no bad blood
between me and her biologicaldad.
Now I don't, I'm not gonna holdresentment and things like that
that just weigh me down.
But after everything that kindof happened and you know him
(21:25):
kind of leaving her andabandoning her as such whether
that was through him or thebiological mother, whatever um,
in my head I was just like fuckyou, yeah, fuck a lot of you.
And in my head.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I was just like fuck you.
Yeah, fuck the son of a bitch.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
And in my head too.
I was like you know what?
You had the chance to save thischild seven years ago and you
fucking walked out on her.
So fuck you, you don't get tocall yourself dad, and she knows
that.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah, and that was kind of my fucking moment.
Not only that, but he's alsosince in that seven years, had
another child who he has alsoabandoned.
Fuck that guy.
Yeah, Anyway that's enough ofthat.
That's not what this podcast isfor.
It was my little fuck youmoment.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah, paige, being just like I didn't like that.
He's not my dad, but you knowrespect for him actually wanting
to try and signing it andasking me if it was for that,
and I said, yeah, I go, look,there's big respect there and
hopefully that means he's grownup a bit and that's great.
But in my head I'm sittingthere like yeah, just little
(22:27):
monkeys in my head doing this onthe way home.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
She's just she's giving the finger, by the way,
for anyone listening sorrythat's okay, just went silent
there um, yeah, no, awesome.
So what an absolutely greatoutcome and I'm so, so happy for
you and it fills my heart andI'm so proud of you and I'm
proud of page and I'm proud ofKyle and I'm proud of Paige's
(22:50):
siblings and she just she'salways been just such an awesome
little girl and it's awesome tosee that she she's getting
everything that she truly doesdeserve now.
So there is now more updates onon your life.
So when we recorded our episodetogether, which was around
about 14 months ago, I want tosay you and Kyle were just
(23:13):
dating.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
But now you're married.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Yeah, we're married.
I'm not Kate Rance, I'm KateRoberts.
Everyone can know who I am, Idon't mind.
Yeah, I'm a wifey.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
I'm an actual legal mum and a legal step mum now.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Congratulations, thank you.
I was always one of those girls, you know, man, that was like
I'm never going to get married,like I'm just one of the boys,
I'll always be single and, youknow, no one's ever going to
want to love me like that, comeon, like I'll just drink beers
with the boys on the weekend anddo my things.
All my friends are boys bar twoand uh, yeah, this, this
(23:59):
fella's gone and changed mywhole dialogue and now I have to
change my whole depressingstoryline.
And but no, it was amazing andit was such a good day.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
So was it a surprise wedding?
Had he proposed to you prior?
What's the lead up to marriage?
Speaker 3 (24:20):
No, so I reckon that when we did our recording I
reckon we'd just gotten engaged.
Actually I think we might havejust gotten engaged.
He engaged me, he proposed tome.
Just gotten engaged.
He engaged me, he proposed tome on.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Target engaged yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
He proposed to me on Christmas Day a couple years ago
and then, yeah, it was just awhole lot of planning and stuff
and then we realized, gee, it'sactually really soon because we
booked in the date, because mydate was non-negotiable.
I wanted to get married on mynan and pop's wedding
anniversary and my nan issomeone very special to me, you
(25:00):
know.
She's just my best friend inthe whole world.
My pop's been gone a very longtime now 18, 19 years now and
you know I was very close to himwhen I was little as well.
But uh, my nan's, just she's mywhole world.
and I asked her and she did thewhole crying, of course, you can
get married on my wedding dateand I love that and thank you
(25:20):
and I'm on it.
And then, yeah, kyle and I kindof looked around and went holy
shit, mate, we've booked in awedding and sent out save the
dates for, uh, eight months fromnow and, uh, we don't have a
celebrant, we don't have a dress, we don't have anything.
We've got some ideas and asmall bank account that's not
very large, and what are wegoing to do?
(25:41):
So we hammered down, savedeverything we could, cured a
venue within that month, plannedeverything in six months to six
to seven months and, yeah,april this year, we tied the
knot, um, at a beautiful venuein victoria and I hope you don't
mind I will give it a plug it'scalled harawong estate.
(26:02):
It is one of the most beautifulplaces I've ever seen in my
life.
It's actually just everything Iwanted very, very old school,
barn sort of.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
I saw the photos and I was my breath was taken away.
All of you look so beautifuland so handsome and so fucking
happy.
I love love.
But it's like you know you seesomething so cute.
You're like, oh, baby's so cute.
I want to punch it in the face.
That's how I felt, like I sawall the photos.
(26:37):
I'm like, I'm like they're sobeautiful.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
But fucking, I want to punch them.
They're so cute.
Yeah, yep, I love that, the big, strong emotions where it's
like, right, this is gonna getphysical soon.
I don't just want to give you ahug, I want to give you a right
on smack yeah, but but likenothing but love, you know yeah,
it's all intended with lovelike a positive beat down yes,
you know it's amazing and youknow, having obviously I've
(27:01):
spoken openly about my mentalhealth issues and stuff before,
I've had a lot of doubts thatthe wedding would go the way it
would.
I was like, no, something'sgonna go wrong, he's not gonna
show up, I'm not gonna show upto stay asleep, someone's going
to break a leg, I don't know.
Something's going to happen.
The whole day just went offwithout a hitch and I had a
couple of my bridesmaids thatbumped into some guests in the
(27:24):
foyer in the morning when wewere getting ready and they were
like how's Bridezilla thismorning?
Like we can imagine what poorkate would be going through in
her head at the moment.
And they were like we haveactually never seen her karma in
our entire lives and we're soworried that she's either gonna
snap or that she's a completelydifferent person, because we've
never seen her karma in ourentire lives.
Like this is just, she's takeneverything in her stride like
(27:47):
okay, itoh Kate's dissociating.
Literally though I was, becausemy best friend started to panic
and she sent my best friend,jules she was my maid of honour
and I also had my other bestfriend, brandon.
He was my man of honour and shemessaged him because he was in
with the boys getting ready andshe's like SOS, something's not
right, like this bitch is toocalm.
(28:09):
I don't like this.
And she was like what's goingon?
Have you disassociated or what?
And I'm like no, I'm literallyjust there's nothing for me to
stress about.
Whatever happens happens.
And yeah, no, it was a magicalday, it was beautiful, it was
amazing.
But I do need to say myfavorite part of the day was
nothing to do with the ceremonyor the nuptials.
(28:29):
It was actually my first revealto the bridal party.
My photographer had the girlsline up and Lonica and Paige
were there, and he's like right,lonica, I need you to slam this
door open as soon as I say go,and I need you to slam the door
open and walk through soeveryone can get through at once
(28:49):
and see her.
This is a first reveal, whichmeans that it's the first time
you're all going to see her inher dress, hair, makeup, shoes,
everything and Lonica goes okay,I can do it, I've got this.
And he's like right, lonica, Ineed you to slam that door open.
And he's got the camera readyand she slams it and it slams
back at her and she just slamsit straight back open again and
(29:10):
she puts her hands up to herface and covers her mouth and
her nose and she runs over to meand she hysterically starts
crying.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Now for those that, because she saw you, or is that
because, okay, I thought thedoor hit her?
Speaker 3 (29:23):
no, the door didn't hit her no, at first that's what
I thought it was too, and I'mlike man, it's hit her.
But page was actually in frontof her and I, page, had her hand
in front of it and she comesrunning over to me and she's
just going you're so beautiful,you're so beautiful.
And yeah, for those thatremember, my um initial episode
was Lonica was my challenge.
Her and I butt heads a lot andsometimes don't see eye to eye
(29:48):
and in saying that things havebeen very, very good, um, for a
very long time lonica was, uh,very much like a.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
You're not my mom, I don't have to do what you tell
me hate you?
Speaker 3 (29:57):
I don't want to talk to you.
Yeah, you don't tell me what todo, sort of thing.
And yeah, to have her look atme, that the way she looked at
me and then ran at me and shejust sobbed like, held my hip
and sobbed and she was bawlingher eyes out.
I've just never felt that sortof love radiate from a child
before.
It was something else, likedifferent to anything I've ever
(30:21):
felt with Paige or anything elseI've ever felt with Nate, not
saying it was stronger or better, but different.
You know, and again, that I'mgoing to punch you in the face
if you keep hugging me, becausethis is just too beautiful, kind
of thing like one of those realstrong things and she's just
you're so beautiful, I love youso much you're actually gonna be
my stepmom in two hours.
And because she's always beentold by her mom that until Kate
(30:45):
and dad are married, she's notyour stepmom, she's no one sort
of thing.
And and well, I don't haveproof of that, but that's what
the kids have told me, so Ibelieve whatever they tell me
until I'm told differently.
But you know, that was justreally beautiful for me.
And then seeing little snippetsof her and Paige walking down
the aisle together holding hands, and I walked down the aisle
(31:06):
with my dad and there's Natestanding up there right next to
Kyle, and I was just like thisis literally like my fairy tale
thing.
I've got my kids, I've got mydad on my side, I've got my mum
and my nan right there, mysister's up there, my best
friends are up there and thelove of my life.
Like it was just awesome, dude,like so good, well done.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Well done, congratulations, thank you,
thank you for not inviting me,but congratulations.
That's a total joke, by the way, rough.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
No, just you know all those battles with Lonica too,
like it's been so good and yeah,that just solidified everything
.
Now we're going to Japan.
Instead of having a honeymoon,we've decided, no, we're going
to have a family moon and we'retaking the kids and yeah, she
loves me even more now.
So this is just good.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
I just got to keep it up.
Oh yeah, that'll be fun for you.
What a gross update.
Yeah For a mental healthparenting podcast.
I feel like a lot of updateswouldn't be as fucking cool.
So it's nice to see the littlepersons win.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Yeah, it's awesome.
The first thing, like you know,I got the orders the wedding
was over with and I was likefuck, I'm like I haven't even
told Carter.
I'm like I've got to tell himand that's what I messaged him.
I'm like have I told you?
And you were like have you toldme what?
And I'm like oh my God, indoing that with me, because I
(32:30):
need to update everyone.
I just feel like I need toshare this with the world.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Yeah Well, I don't know if you are aware, but our
episode together is still themost listened to episode of the
podcast, which I've now got 25episodes out, Still Across the
year.
You're still number one, mate.
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Let's have a quick look.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
I'll just bring the stats up for you.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I thought old mate Luke, the stay-at-home dad,
would have gone ahead of me.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
He's number two.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
His episode was pretty fun though, yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, so I mean you're still in front of his by
50.
We're sitting on 390 for youand 340 for him.
Yours, let's go all time.
Our episode together, kate, inthe last year has been listened
to in seven different countriesAustralia, united States, canada
(33:27):
, new Zealand, united Kingdom,netherlands and Thailand.
Out of those seven countries, atotal of 80 cities, the top
five being Melbourne, sydney,perth, brisbane and Saskatoon.
Saskatchewan, canada.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
And in fifth.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Canada is my biggest base apart from Australia.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
It's in second.
Yeah, because I've had a lot ofCanadian guests on.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Episode two was Canada.
The last episode I justreleased was canada and a couple
more, but yeah, you've um.
It's pretty incredible hazy tome.
My head's exploding right nowyeah, I'm just wondering how
they're coping with my accent390 people over the last year
have listened to your story andI hope those same 390 people
(34:15):
listen to the update.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
I hope so too.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Everyone deserves to know that fairy tales do come
true.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Yeah, I hope they listen to it too and I hope that
it inspires some people who youknow might be going through the
same legal battles, or you knowwho might have these sort of
processes with stepkids and youknow non-biological children, or
you know nieces and nephewsthat they might be going through
with something like this.
It is possible.
You can be a part of that 5%and it's a lot of hard work, but
(34:49):
it's definitely worth it.
Every single bit of money thatwent into it, every single tear,
every single night that Istayed up and did not sleep,
every stomachache, everyheadache, every nervous poop,
every nervous wee, every panicattack Every poop.
(35:10):
Yes, yep, nervous week, everypanic attack, every poop, yes,
yep, every little, you know,mental meltdown I had to my
wonderful, very loving,supportive husband.
It was all worth it and yeah,just yeah, so good I.
I really appreciate peoplelistening to my story too,
because that's awesome, likeyeah, you know 100, these people
want to listen to my, my too,because that's awesome, like
(35:31):
yeah, you know 100 people wantto listen to my my shit, like
that's cool still don't get itlike like I, I refuse to take
credit for any of it.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
You know it's because so like people listening will
message me and be like thank youso much for doing the podcast,
and I'll be like it's my guests,it's got nothing to do with me.
And then people were just likeI want to know about you and
that's why my wife and I did thepodcast episode together.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
That was a sick episode, by the way I still have
trouble.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Thank you very much.
I still have trouble kind ofbelieving that there's people
all over the world that have anyfucking interest in the things
that I say or do.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
I know you refuse to take credit for it, but you are
an amazing person and I've seenyou grow and obviously you know,
like we said earlier, knowingeach other from not a very great
source of person.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
but you know, we were both in really shit spots when
we met too.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
We were and you've grown so much, mate, and you've
got so much love and genuinecare to spread.
I commend you for doing thispodcast and giving people a
chance to be a voice, because,yeah, your guests make the
podcast in the end, becausewithout your guests, yeah, you
wouldn't have a podcast.
But you know what You're givingthem their voices.
(36:48):
A lot of people wouldn't feellike they can voice it, and I've
heard people on your podcast,mate.
I've heard them say you know, Inever felt like I could kind of
voice this with other people oryou know, this isn't something
I really open up about, but yougive them that safe environment
and they just you do so well,mate, and I really hope that at
some point you can allowyourself to take credit for it
(37:10):
and realise that you are sofucking good man and this is
what you were destined to do.
You're destined to help people,man.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Thanks, man.
Okay, now shut the fuck up.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
Sorry, I'm quiet.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
But I have such a fucking like.
There's this kind of weirddouble-edged sword inside my
body.
That's like praise me but don'tpraise me, because I'll cry,
because I'm not used to it.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
Yeah, and I will too.
I'll praise your wife as well,because she's obviously been
such a huge support to you.
Yeah, you know the episode youdid with her was amazing and you
know that was.
You both opened up about a lotand I haven't met her, but I'd
love to one day catch up and,you know um, actually meet her,
(38:00):
because she just seems soincredible.
And I think that you know, theminute you two walked into each
other's lives, you just changedit for the best, and you know
the two of you together areabsolute, unbeatable team.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
yeah, yeah she's, she's awesome, she's my best
friend.
I'm trying.
Two of you together areabsolute unbeatable team.
Yeah, yeah, she's, she'sawesome, she's my best friend.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
I'm trying to make you cry again.
I'll shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
No, no, I know I appreciate it.
Um, yeah, yeah, shout out to mywife, george, she's a fucking
legend yeah yeah, yeahabsolutely beautiful.
Well, I reckon we'll wrap it upthere, mate.
Thank you so fucking much forjoining me today and for
updating everyone on the awesomenews and how fucking awesome
(38:38):
the trajectory that is your lifeis going.
Thank you, and Paige, I reallyappreciate you sharing it and I
am again so happy for all of youand so proud of you.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
Thanks so much, mate.
Thanks for having me and, yeah,and letting me share that with
everyone.
It was really important to methat I actually did get to share
that, so thank you, you'rewelcome.
For having me back.
I love it.
I love this place.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
You're always welcome , mate.
You've got a lifetime spot onthe guest list.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
I'm here for it.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
All right, mate, you take care.
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