Welcome to Episode 24 of Touched Out! A Mental Health Podcast for Parents.
In this episode, we dive into the incredible journey of Tarrine, a single mom, technical recruiter by day, and OnlyFans content creator by night. Tarrine's story is one of resilience, strength, and determination as she balances motherhood, battles domestic violence, and navigates the complex world of sex work while focusing on her son's mental health and emotional intelligence.
Tarrine's Background and Career
Tarrine's journey is marked by her diverse career paths and personal challenges. As a technical recruiter, she navigates the corporate world, while her work as an OnlyFans content creator showcases her entrepreneurial spirit. These dual careers have uniquely shaped Tarrine's approach to parenting and her commitment to providing a stable and nurturing environment for her son.
Overcoming Domestic Violence
Tarrine opens up about her harrowing experiences with domestic violence and how she overcame these challenges. Her story is a powerful testament to the strength and resilience required to break free from abusive relationships and build a better life for herself and her child. Tarrine's journey is an inspiring example of how one can rise above adversity and emerge stronger.
Balancing Parenthood and Dual Careers
In this episode, Tarrine shares the realities of balancing single parenthood with her dual careers. She discusses the impact of her work on family dynamics and how she manages societal judgments and stigmas associated with sex work. Tarrine offers insights into the delicate balance of providing for her family while nurturing her son's emotional and mental well-being.
Focusing on Men's Mental Health and Emotional Intelligence
A key focus of Tarrine's parenting approach is raising her son with an emphasis on men's mental health and emotional intelligence. She believes in the importance of teaching her child to be kind, assertive, and emotionally aware. Tarrine shares her strategies for fostering a healthy and respectful relationship with her son, highlighting the significance of these values in today's world.
Debunking Stigmas Around Sex Work
Join us as Tarrine and I discuss the societal stigmas surrounding sex work and the misconceptions that often accompany this industry. We delve into the complexities of sex work and Tarrine's personal experiences, shedding light on the
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Theme music written and performed by Ben Drysdale ©2025:
emotional intelligence from ayoung age is integral to
children growing into adults whoare confident in expressing and
communicating their emotionstough.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
So take a breath from
everything right here and take
some time.
It's alright, you'll be fineafter a touch of a cat.
(01:43):
Take all night.
Carter (01:58):
So today we have Taryn.
Taryn is from Washington.
Tarrine (02:03):
Yes.
Carter (02:04):
Yes, and Taryn has a
two-year-old boy named Keith.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
How are you going?
Tarrine (02:10):
I'm going great, I am
living the dream.
I'm kid-free tonight so that Ican host this podcast.
That's pretty exciting.
Or co-host, or feature, I don'tknow what to call it.
How are you?
Carter (02:23):
I'm good.
Thank you, Kid-free.
That's awesome.
Tarrine (02:25):
Yeah, pretty awesome,
my mom picked him up from
daycare today, and so I'veworked past midnight every night
this week, so I'm like Ifinally get a night off off.
Carter (02:34):
Yeah, awesome, that's so
good.
So tell me a little bit aboutyou and your family and what you
do and how you guys survive.
Tarrine (02:42):
How we survive.
Man well, are we surviving?
I think we're thriving.
That's what I tell everyone.
Carter (02:48):
That's perfect.
Tarrine (02:48):
I try to do more than
survive.
Keith and I are it.
That is our full family.
I was married to his dad, andhis dad got arrested for
domestic violence, and so he isno longer in the picture.
And yeah, so it's just me andKeith, and I am a technical
recruiter at Microsoft, whichkeeps me really, really busy,
(03:09):
and I also most aren't OnlyFans.
Those are my two sources ofincome Kind of makes up for not
having another source of incomemost of the time.
Carter (03:18):
Okay, cool.
And how long have you been withMicrosoft?
Tarrine (03:21):
That's a great question
.
16 months, so just over a year.
Carter (03:24):
Okay, and what does that
entail?
Tarrine (03:26):
It's normally like an
eight to five job.
I get to talk to people all day.
I don't do any headhunting, butI like screen candidates before
they go to the hiring managerphase and then help get them set
up for interviews.
I do a lot of back screening aswell.
It's a lot of paperwork but alot of talking to people, which
is what I really enjoy doing.
I love talking to people.
Carter (03:46):
Awesome, and I imagine
OnlyFans would be almost the
same, just with a little bit ofless clothing.
Tarrine (03:52):
Yeah, it's the same.
I just get to wear silkypanties.
Well, actually I can wearwhatever panties I want in my
other job.
Carter (04:01):
Yeah, that's it, yep.
So I guess we'll dive straightinto the question that everyone
wants to know Fans, how do younavigate doing OnlyFans as a
single mother?
Do you have any thoughts onbeing a parent with an OnlyFans?
Are you worried about?
Once Keith grows up a littlebit?
He's going to find out.
(04:21):
How will you navigate thatconversation?
Tarrine (04:24):
Yeah, that's a great
question.
I get asked that all the time.
That's probably like the mostcommon question I get is like
what happens if he finds outwhen he's older?
Like what are you going to do?
And it's like the reason that alot of people tell me to take
it down right, like this isinappropriate, you shouldn't do
this.
But the way I see it is that Ithink that having this as a
second income is better thanlike bringing another partner in
(04:44):
who could potentially harm us.
Like it makes more sense for meto just like figure it out on
my own, and I have, like Ifigured it out without a second
person, and so that is.
It's been really nice that ithas worked as that second income
, even if it's not a full income.
All the time.
It does, you know, fill in thegaps.
It pays the groceries orwhatever else that I need.
(05:06):
So that's really nice.
And I think that you know I'mplanning to raise him to be sex
positive and like understandwhat everything means.
I don't think that it would belike a oh, my mom did this and
this is terrible.
Carter (05:18):
It's like, oh, well,
that's what my mom did to put
food on the table, you know yeah, yeah, I think think with
Keith's generation, hopefullythey'll grow up without that
stigma of sex work and seeing itas a negative thing, like oh,
your mom's a slut, kind of thing.
Tarrine (05:35):
I mean hopefully, which
isn't the way to go.
Ideally he won't find out atall, but if he does, yeah, yeah.
Carter (05:46):
I think even if kids do
find out that might be a little
bit of a better thing to mayberein their internet usage in,
they won't go.
They won't go seeking it out alittle bit more than what, what
we probably did growing up.
Tarrine (05:56):
I'll be a little bit
more careful of the things they
click on well, it's so mucheasier to seek it out now than
it used to be because I reckon Imean I didn't even really know
what porn or like any of thatwas as a kid, right like as a
young kid, and when I was ananny man, it was six years ago,
five, six years ago there wasan 11 year old that was addicted
(06:18):
to it and he was homeschoolinglike I was homeschooling these
kids and their his mom was like,yeah, you can't let him on the
laptop without you know,watching him the whole time,
because he's watching this andI'm like, oh lovely, that's
exactly what 19 year old mewanted to hear so, 11 year old,
an 11 year old person, you werenannies.
Carter (06:38):
What introduced you to
porn?
Tarrine (06:43):
you know, there is a
reason I'm not a nanny anymore
very interesting.
Carter (06:48):
Well, I for one am very
sex positive and I think sex
work is an incredibly legitimateincome and an incredibly
legitimate profession, and Ithink it takes a lot of fucking
bravery, uh, to do something,especially when it is one of the
things that is the most againstthe grain in our normal society
(07:09):
if you want to call it normal,abnormal society.
So I tip my hat to you for that.
Yeah, it takes a specialsomeone to be able to do that,
especially as a mother or afather.
Tarrine (07:20):
For sure it does.
And it's interesting, I've lostI've definitely lost friends
from it.
I've had friends like you knowbe like oh, I can't be friends
with you anymore because you'redoing this.
And I'm like, well, you know,you learn who your true friends
are and see who's willing tosupport you through.
Because at the time microsoftit's a big company, like at the
time I started, they had beendoing a ton of layoffs and my
(07:42):
hours got cut from 40 to 32.
So, like I know, I needed tomake up that income somewhere
and it just worked out that,like everything fell into place
at the right time.
And then now it's like okay,well, I probably don't have to
do it anymore now that I'm backup to 40 hours, but it's why
stop now?
Carter (07:58):
Yeah, yeah, I mean the
income once you kind of get on a
roll it's, it's prettyincredible, yeah, incredible,
yeah.
Tarrine (08:08):
I really like I started
after I popped off on tiktok,
which happened when I decided todip my boobs in the snow as a
joke.
My friend sent me a video andthey're like oh, I bet you won't
do this and I'm like watch me Idid see that video.
Yes, hard to miss.
Carter (08:25):
Yeah, so that one.
So that's what kicked off theOnlyFans, is it so, tiktok?
You gained the big following onthere and then you were like
OnlyFans.
Tarrine (08:33):
Yeah.
So my TikTok prior to thatvideo had less than 400
followers.
Like I really didn't post veryoften, I really did post that as
a joke and and it popped offand a ton of people were asking
for my OnlyFans.
But because my TikTok hadn'tbeen super popular, I had my
Snapchat in my bio and so thenall these people were messaging
(08:55):
me like asking for nudes,whatever.
And I was like, yeah, I'll sendyou, you know, like kind of as
a joke I didn't think anyonewould buy, you know, nudes
whatever.
I was like, yeah, I'll send you, you know, a front photo for
$20.
And so many people like Iprobably made $300 in one day
just selling the same photo.
Carter (09:13):
Yeah, awesome, I
appreciate the hustle, I really
do.
Tarrine (09:19):
That is one thing I
don't do anymore.
I don't talk to anyone onSnapchat anymore, because it was
too much it got to the pointwhere I had like 600 people who
just wanted me to and thenthey'd get upset.
I didn't message back rightaway and I'm like I can't.
I can't do this.
You know that was not tangible.
Carter (09:34):
Yeah, certainly so.
I guess OnlyFans is is great inthe fact that it's kind of like
set price you get to chooseyour own stuff, you don't owe
anyone your time and like thingslike Snapchat.
I think people see it as a lotmore personal, so they think
that them giving you money meansthat you owe them time.
Tarrine (09:57):
Yeah, well, and it was
my personal Snapchat.
So then, like the friends andrelationships, like Clea, her
and I had a Snapchat streak forforever and we ended up losing
it because I was just so likebusy trying to respond to
everyone and then I got so burntout so I was like I can't do
this anymore.
Carter (10:15):
Yeah, definitely so you
did mention Clea.
That's how we know each other.
You're actually the firstperson to feature on the Touched
Out podcast twice, which iscool.
So if anyone listeningremembers, back in episode four
with Clea, taryn is her bestfriend, who they were hanging
out together in the hotel afterthe couple nights at the Hobbit
(10:36):
Hotel.
Tarrine (10:37):
Yeah, yeah, the Hobbit
house.
It was so fun.
Yeah, yeah, clea's the coolestand she did get us introduced.
Carter (10:44):
Yeah, shea's the coolest
and she did get us introduced.
Yeah, she's awesome and excuseme, so, since episode four and
since the podcast with Clea,we'll do a little quick update
with Clea.
So her husband did return home,is that right?
Tarrine (10:56):
Yes, and he's gone
again now.
Carter (10:58):
He's gone again.
Yeah, it was a very short-livedvisit, but I'm sure it was
really great for her to be ableto catch up with her husband and
they got some family photosdone, I think, which was really
really beautiful.
Tarrine (11:10):
They did and she, like
I think she realized while he
was there how much she hadreally been missing, because it
wasn't very long after theirsecond child was born that he
left.
And now, like he comes home andhe's putting the kids to bed
and she's like I can take a bath.
I can do this for five minutes,you know, which is what
parenting should look like whenthere's two people in the home.
(11:32):
So it's really beautiful, andwe go to the park together and
he even helps with my son, sothen it's like like when it's
three of us on three kids, it'slike, oh, this is easy, we got
that, we got the adult to kidratios Good.
Carter (11:44):
Yeah, no, it would have
been awesome.
It's sad that he's gone again,but you know you got to do what
you got to do for the family,right?
Tarrine (11:51):
You do.
Unfortunately he will.
This trip is shorter, I believe.
I think he's coming back sooner.
This is just for training.
Carter (11:59):
Yeah, awesome.
So let's get into a little bitabout your history and we'll
talk about the pregnancy ofKeith and the birth.
And why don't you run methrough that story?
Because I know you did want totalk about some hardships you
endured during pregnancy.
Tarrine (12:14):
Yeah for sure.
So I got pregnant right aftermy ex came back from Korea.
He was in the military and Igot pregnant.
And as soon as I got pregnantand I had my first appointment,
I found out I also got chlamydiaas soon as he came back, which
was less than ideal.
I had been, we were dating atthat point, not married, and I
(12:35):
had been only with him and hehad obviously stepped out, which
was, you know, a choice that hemade and we we decided, okay,
well, we're having a kid, likewe need to figure things out
essentially anyways.
And we ended up getting marriedat when I was 15 weeks pregnant
and that's kind of when Inoticed like a switch in him,
(12:56):
like things had changed andthere was a few instances that
happened, name calling, thingswere thrown.
But at 36 and a half weekspregnant he took his forearm and
essentially pushed it down onmy neck so that I couldn't
breathe and it was consideredstrangulation and yeah.
So that caused me to startearly labor at 36 and a half
(13:21):
weeks.
So I was in early labor forthree and a half weeks.
I was stuck at three and a halfcentimeters Prior to getting
pregnant.
Labor for three and a halfweeks I was stuck at three and a
half centimeters Prior togetting pregnant.
I was told it would neverhappen for me Because I had so
much scar tissue in my uterus.
I had a miscarriage.
It'll be.
Oh, I guess it just hit.
Eight years ago In May I had amiscarriage and so because of
(13:43):
that and my endometriosis, theysaid you'll never be able to
have babies.
And then so Keith wasdefinitely a surprise.
He was not a planned pregnancy,but having kids was something
we had talked about doing.
But anyway.
So the scar there was scartissue that was preventing my
uterus from dilating any further, which caused Keith to just
(14:05):
cook a little bit longer than mybody wanted him to cook, and it
caused for a very stressful endof my pregnancy.
Carter (14:14):
So the birth itself?
Was it a C-section?
Tarrine (14:16):
No, they were able to
cut the band and I was able to
have a normal vaginal delivery.
Carter (14:22):
Okay, and Keith was
delivered, all healthy.
Tarrine (14:26):
When he was first born
the umbilical cord was wrapped
around his neck twice.
It was long enough to getaround twice.
So he wasn't breathing when hewas first born.
But it was pretty quick thatthey were able to get that out
from around his neck and then wedid chest to chest and he was
fine after that.
But there was a point when hewas not breathing and they
definitely were talking aboutgoing to C-section.
(14:48):
The doctor looked at me and shegoes most first time moms push
for two hours, like two to twoand a half hours.
You don't have two and a halfhours.
You know you got to get thisbaby out or we're going to cut
this baby out.
So and C-section was somethingthat you were actively against
or what was your frame of mindin that?
(15:08):
No, so after three and a halfweeks of labor, I was, I was
pretty done when I got to thehospital.
I wasn't progressing and I likethey're like you're still at a
three and a half.
You were at a three and a halffour days ago when you were here
.
This is an active labor.
Like they thought I was losingit and thankfully the nurse who
admitted me found the band.
So the only reason I think thatKeith is even here today is
because she found the band whenshe did, because, had she not,
(15:31):
then his heart rate was droppingwith every contraction because
the band that was around hisneck twice was strangling him
essentially.
Obviously very thankful for herand I'm thankful for the whole
medical team.
But at that point when I was inthe hospital, I looked her in,
like I looked a nurse in the eyeand I said they, when they were
like you haven't progressed, Iwas like I don't care if you
(15:53):
have to cut this baby out of me,like get him out Right now Like
.
I'm done and my stepmom's alabor and delivery nurse, so she
was actually, thankfully enough, she decided to go get her
doula certificate.
She's amazing.
I just call her Debra.
I think it's weird to saystepmom.
My parents split up when I was18 and they both got remarried
and so, like I have, like I haveTerry and Debra.
(16:14):
I don't have a stepmom and astepdad, but that's how she fits
in.
But yeah, she was there for mybirth.
Carter (16:31):
And my birth, and that
helped a lot too, just having
that person who, like a, knewwhat they were doing and talking
about and b was there tosupport.
Yeah, good.
Well, I'm glad that keith wasdelivered in the end.
All all good now.
Totally fine if you don't wantto talk about your ex, but after
the strangulation, what didthat relationship look like?
Did you, did you him then?
Was that when he was charged?
Was that when he went to jail?
Tarrine (16:47):
No, so I didn't leave
him then.
That's not when he was chargedor when he went to jail.
So because he was in themilitary, I knew he would lose
his job if I called the police.
And that was kind of always inthe back of my mind is like,
okay, well, I can't call thepolice on him, like I don't want
him to lose his job.
And at that point I mean I wasso hormonal and I was so
pregnant.
I was like, well, maybe I amthe problem, like maybe you know
(17:09):
, like maybe almost like Ideserved it and I didn't tell
anyone about it.
That was a very like, that wasa very private thing to me.
And arguments in general, Imean there's so many sources and
so many people who say like, oh, you shouldn't talk negatively
(17:30):
about your partner, you know,that kind of thing and that kind
of shielded me from feelingcomfortable to talk about it.
So and I was like, well, it's aone time thing, like maybe
it'll never happen again.
You know, justifying all thethings in my head of like, oh
well, you know he's normallyfine and this isn't normal.
But yeah, I mean I wish.
Looking back, obviously I'mlike man, I wish I would have
left.
And there was a lot of thoseinstances that happened where
(17:51):
I'm like I wish I would haveleft then.
That time, that time I shouldhave left.
And it wasn't just abuse like,it was physical abuse, it was
emotional abuse.
He continued to cheat on methroughout our whole
relationship.
Three weeks postpartum he wason tinder and someone messaged
me like, hey, so I just matchedwith your husband on tinder.
(18:11):
He's kind of an idiot.
Because he posted a photo ofhis uniform and then he posted,
um, you know his profile, and soin his uniform it has his last
name on it and they're like itwas really easy to find him on
facebook.
I'm like, well, at least he'san idiot across the board and
not just to me.
Um, no-transcript, I know thatthat like psychologically can
(19:07):
affect a child and so that's,you know, just thinking about
all the times that he saw thatand he saw the way that I was
being treated and thinking isthis how I want my kid to treat
someone one day?
And it's not.
And I want him, if he's goingto have a relationship in his
like, if he's going to visualizeand see a relationship, I want
it to be a healthy one.
Carter (19:26):
Certainly.
Thank you for sharing it withme.
That's not an easy thing totalk about and it's something
that's not talked about.
And not an easy thing to talkabout and it's something that's
not talked about and I wouldn'tsay not talked about enough.
But you know, because of thetrauma involved it's very, very
hard to talk about.
But it is something that needsto be talked about more
especially in society.
So it's not as hard for otherpeople hearing these types of
(19:47):
stories to relate and realizethat you know it is possible to
get help and you don't have tocarry that burden all by
yourself.
So I mean I'm glad that youwere able to get out of that
situation with Keith, both happyand healthy.
Unfortunately in the world itdoesn't always go that way for
domestic violence survivors andyou know there is a lot of
(20:11):
backlash and there's people thatdon't believe them and then
there's, you know, the mensaying you know they're just
trying to take my kids away,like the gaslighting and all of
that.
So it's really really hard kindof thing to navigate.
But I think what's mostimportant is that, yet again,
that early intervention kind ofthing.
You know your story was kind ofaround, so it was around 12
(20:34):
months of you dealing with thatabuse.
Is that right?
Tarrine (20:37):
Yeah, so March 6th was
the first incidence of 2021.
And then February 7th was theday that I was like you got to
leave.
Carter (20:46):
And what did that look
like?
Did you just pack your stuffand get out?
Tarrine (20:50):
So it was a week after
he had thrown the scissors and
the knife.
He had had covid when thathappened and so, because he had
had covid, I had to then go gettested and all my test results
and everything they were throughthe military and so I had to go
on his computer because that'swhere the logins were for
everything and he knew I wouldbe going on his computer that
(21:12):
day.
I'd already tested positive atthis point a few days prior.
But I was nannying part time,just two days a week.
It was like eight hours a weekthat I was basically watching my
friend's kid I don't even knowif I could call it nanny, so
part time, but I was just doingthat super part time.
And for me to go back, theywanted me to go get tested again
and see if I was negative priorto, you know, going and being
(21:34):
around their family which istotally fair, going into their
home and being in theirdaughter's space and, you know,
playing with the kids and stuff.
And so I had gone on his laptopor on his computer and while I
was in his computer, likeautomatically a chat box popped
up and it was some other girlwho had been sending nudes and I
(21:55):
was like, okay, you know it'snot gonna stop ever.
It doesn't matter.
We had just bought a hometogether, like all of these
things had just happened, and soit's like it doesn't matter.
You know where things are withus.
It happened right after Keithwas born.
It happened while he was inKorea.
It's happening again now, rightafter we bought a home together
(22:16):
.
And I'm like I can't keep livinglike this.
And so I told him.
I was like please don't comehome.
You can come, you can get yourstuff.
I'll like I'll leave for a fewhours or whatever.
You can come get your stuff,but you need to tell me when
you're coming.
And you know, like this isbasically this is it?
And so she or sorry.
So then he did end up cominghome and I was like you have to
(22:38):
leave, like you can't just behere and like continue to cheat
on me, whatever.
And he came home in the middleof the day and then he ended up.
I opened the door to the officeand we were in an argument and
he ended up kicking me in thestomach and I was just like I
(23:00):
called the cops that was kind ofit.
Like it was, there were so manyother things going on and the
cops he was still in uniformwhen they showed up and they
kind of were like well, he saysthat you kicked the door down
and that's why he kicked you, soit was self-defense, and so if
we arrested him, we'd have toarrest you too.
And I'm I'm still activelybreastfeeding Keith was solidly
breastfed until he was almostright under two if he weaned
himself.
And so it was like I was like,stuck between a rock and a hard
(23:23):
place, like, okay, I finallyreached out for help and now no
one's helping me.
So we, at that point he movedto the barracks and he was still
paying at least like theutility bills.
We didn't have a mortgagepayment yet and I was like, okay
, I got to get a job.
And when he finally moved to anapartment, that's when I
(23:43):
started my job with Microsoftthree days later, so I didn't
even have a full-time income.
When we split up, and we werestill like quasi cordial at that
point and I was trying to makeit work co-parenting wise for
Keith, and I was like, if youwant alone time with him, you
have to, you know, go angermanagement, whatever, like this
is what you need to do.
(24:03):
And then one day we were goingto get the tabs for the cars and
I needed him there with mebecause the cars were both in
his name.
And so I was like, hey, like,but I need you to print out your
LES, which is just like themilitary's fancy way of saying
pay stubs to prove that you'rein the military, because it
gives us a discount on the tabs,otherwise they're gonna be like
(24:25):
$400.
And he was like okay, and hebought a printer and he didn't
buy paper.
And then he was mad at me.
He didn't buy paper.
And then he was mad at mebecause he didn't buy paper.
And so he said sometimes I wantto take my gun out of the safe
and shoot you because he didn'tbuy paper.
And I was like this isn't like.
At this point he also had foursexual partners that I knew
about.
He'd like openly told me likeI'm dating all these women and
(24:46):
I'm like great, you go give themdiseases.
I don't want any anymore, youknow.
And I didn't really care Likenone of that stuff bothers me.
I think you should be able tomove on from people.
Like if that's what you want todo, that's you.
I'm just going to keep doing me.
But the fact that there wasstill abuse going on, even
though he had four new partnerslike I was like this is never
(25:07):
going to stop.
And so I reached out to hischain of command at that point,
command at that point, and I waslike I don't know what to do
because I don't feel safe.
I don't think I'll ever nowfeel safe, no matter how many
anger management courses hetakes um for him to be alone
with keith, you know, and at theend of the day mine and keith's
safety were prominent, becauseif he did something to harm me,
custody would have automaticallyfallen to him for keith and
(25:29):
then keith wouldn't have beensafe.
And anyone who can get thatangry about paper, I mean, I
feel like that's the silliestthing, you know.
Carter (25:37):
Yeah, so I mean there's
no excuse for the way in which
he's behaved, but I do want toask if you have an opinion on
where that behaviour came from.
Was that a learned behaviour?
Did he grow up?
Tarrine (25:55):
in an abusive household
, do you know?
So I know he had trauma when hewas an infant.
His dad would come around oncein a while and like threaten his
mom that he was going to throwhim in the canal and stuff.
And these are all just storiesthat his mom's told me.
You know nothing that he wouldremember.
Necessarily.
She told me actually, cause shewas telling me in front of him
and he's like my dad did what.
(26:15):
Like I had literally no ideaabout any of this, not that,
like I said earlier, it doesn'tmatter how old you are is in
brain, in your subconscious.
But after that his mom didn'treally date and so he was an
only child living in a singleparent household, kind of like
Keith is right now, which alittle you know, a little funny,
but the way his mom doted onhim, I just don't think he had
(26:38):
any real idea of what conflictwas like.
And another thing like thatvividly sticks in my brain when
he cheated on me when he was,when Keith was three weeks old,
I told his mom about it.
I was like this is what yourkid did.
Like I had already at thatpoint bought tickets to go see
her in Florida, so it's asix-hour plane ride and I took a
(27:00):
five-week-old baby by myselffrom Washington to Florida and
back just so that he could, sothat Keith could meet his you
know at the time Grammy.
But I did it by myself and solike I look back on that and I'm
like I had all these thingsthat I was doing already by
myself.
So I was like kind of like Iwas basically already a single
parent.
But she told me, when he was ababy and her and her ex had
(27:23):
split up, that her sister toldher don't cry with the baby in
your arms.
It's not like the baby's gonnaknow you're upset and that's not
good for the baby.
Then the baby's going to knowwhat being upset is.
Basically, and I think shegenuinely just suppressed her
feelings so much and she didn'tsay this she's like that's what
I needed to do, that's what shetold me.
You know, I need to set thebaby down.
(27:44):
I can't be upset while I havethe baby.
And I'm like, and I told her atone point when, after we had
separated, right before courtand everything, I told her I was
like no, actually I don't setKeith down when I'm upset.
I say mom's upset right now andI don't know what else to do
with my body.
So you know, I'm crying alittle bit and it's okay to be
upset.
So I just think that, likethose big emotions were
(28:07):
suppressed so much that hedidn't have the ability to feel
them.
And I think that's reallycommon, especially in men, where
you're told you know, you falldown, oh, you better get back up
Rub some dirt on it.
Carter (28:18):
Yep Stiff upper lip.
Tarrine (28:20):
Yeah.
Carter (28:21):
It's absolutely
incredible how common it is.
And even with me growing up Ididn't have a grasp of all of
the different emotions.
And you know you've got likeyour main emotions happiness,
sadness, anger, etc.
But then all of the emotionsthat come in the subcategories
that aren't talked about andthey kind of If you don't learn
(28:44):
them from a young age, they fallinto this weird shame category
and when you don't know whatthey are and you don't know how
to express them, when you don'tknow what they are and you don't
know how to express them, youstart to feel ashamed and then
you default to one of the maincategories just as a whole.
And if it's a shameful emotion,it's generally going to be
sadness or anger, which I thinkis a massive, massive reason why
(29:07):
there's such a men's mentalhealth pandemic worldwide.
You know people just aren'table to talk about it, which
sucks, which is what I'm tryingto change and I'm trying to
change that in my children.
I'm trying to make some sort ofpositive change in society with
my involvement with Men's MentalHealth Week last week and the
Perinatal Anxiety and DepressionOrganization.
(29:28):
So I had a film crew come to myhouse and like film my story and
everything and that was supercool and it was.
It was really cool and everyoneyou know has said you know it's
really brave of you to do and,while I understand people saying
that it's such a low bar and itshouldn't be something that's
(29:49):
commended or seen as brave, justto talk about your shit, it
should just be normal.
So it was unfortunate I was mystory was published in a lot of
like online publications andnewspapers, which that story ran
really, really well.
But there was one news storythat was on like our local news
(30:09):
all our Australian news channel,wynn TV, and out of like the
five or so minutes of footagethat this film crew had filmed
with me in my home, they usedlike five seconds and they spun
the story as if, when my babywas born, I was scared that I
was going to become violent withmy baby what yeah, yeah, yeah.
(30:31):
So it it really really sucks andlike.
So.
I saw that last week and it waslike the news anchor was, like
you know, matt carter was scaredthat he was going to hurt his
baby.
After his baby was born, he wasdiagnosed with postnatal
depression and then, like, thesegment they used was just me
being like the sound of theircries, cut me, cut cut through
(30:53):
me like a knife.
And that's the only part theyused out of context, nothing
else.
Tarrine (30:59):
So you know, oh no, it
made me upset, that my children
were upset and I didn't know howto deal with that.
That doesn't mean you're goingto hurt them?
Oh my goodness.
Carter (31:08):
Yeah.
So I mean anyone listening thathas been listening, knows my
story and knows that that's notthe way it was.
But I mean, my mental healthhas been pretty shitty for the
last like week because of thatstory.
You know, something that wassupposed to be really, really
positive and helpful to thecommunity was spun in this
shitty way to make it seem likeI was someone that I'm not.
(31:31):
And I know I shouldn't careabout what strangers and people
around Australia think of me andI know I shouldn't care about
what strangers and people aroundAustralia think of me and I
have zero doubt in my mind thatthey have seen that and just
completely moved on with theirlives.
But that sucks because that's areally inaccurate portrayal of
who I am as a person and I wasnever, ever one that there was
never even a tiny, tiny part ofme that was worried that I was
(31:53):
going to be violent with my kidsor hurt my kids in any way.
Tarrine (31:56):
Right, and then talk
about mental health-ish.
You're already being I don'twant to say brave, because, like
you said, it should be thestandard you should just be able
to talk about it.
But it's already difficult totalk about your feelings and
emotions, especially as a man,because you're seen as whatever
the world wants to paint you as,but then for something to not
even be accurate and they'respitting something that's not
(32:18):
true, that's just not fair.
I'm so sorry.
Carter (32:21):
It sucks.
But I mean, the rest of thepublications were awesome and
they told my story accurately,which is super cool.
And I have been emailing backand forth with, like the PR team
, and and and Panda, and I havetold them.
You know this is prettyupsetting, the way in which this
was portrayed, and you knowthey've offered their apologies
and they, you know, said we'regoing to, you know, be in
(32:42):
contact with the journalist whospun the story in this way to,
you know, educate further tomake sure that you know stories
like this are told accurately.
And I just said to them forsomething that was supposed to
be positive and uplifting forour community and for Men's
Mental Health Week and to kindof get those types of stories
(33:04):
out there.
The ball's been dropped prettyhard, so I'm pretty disappointed
, but it is what it is.
It just kind of showcases thatwe are still not quite there
when it comes to men's mentalhealth and being open and
talking about it and everythinglike that.
But you know I'll continue tokeep doing the things that I
need to do.
Tarrine (33:23):
And now I know what
news channel to not watch while
I'm in Australia.
Carter (33:27):
That's it.
Yeah, win TV, it's nothappening.
Tarrine (33:31):
They turn that on, I'll
be like, nope, I can't watch
this.
Carter (33:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah turn it
off.
Tarrine (33:39):
Seven news.
Go to seven news.
Carter (33:40):
Seven news okay that's
the one seven news.
Seven news is awesome.
We have a weather presenter onthere named jane bunn and she is
great.
Everyone loves jane bunn janebunn her last name is bunn.
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, she's awesome, and I'msure I speak for many men out
there that definitely appreciatewhen Jane Bun tells us about
the weather.
Tarrine (34:03):
Love that.
Well, if Jane Bun ever has anOnlyFans account, I'll make sure
to let you know, oh Jesus, shewould absolutely rake it in,
Absolutely rake it in.
Carter (34:13):
She'd be a millionaire
overnight, I think.
Tarrine (34:17):
I love that.
I love that.
Carter (34:21):
So let's talk about your
current day-to-day.
What does your days with Keithlook like?
What does work days look like?
How does working from homeparent operate?
Tarrine (34:31):
Well, for 15 of the 16
months that I've been working
from home, I had Keith at homewith me, and now he's in daycare
full time, which is lovely.
Monday was a holiday here andmy daycare was closed, but my
work was open and I originallywas gonna have my mom watch
Keith, and she ended up stayingout of town an extra day, and so
(34:53):
that one day working at homewith him made me realize why I
could never do it again.
I don't know how I did it, butwe just managed at that point,
like I think I was just still insuch survival mode.
But thankfully the last monthhas been pretty good.
We moved from our home, whichis about 30 minutes from here,
to an apartment.
We're in a two bedroomapartment now, and daycare is
(35:16):
now four minutes away instead of30 minutes, which is really
nice, and so I essentially wewake up whatever time he wakes
up.
I normally don't all once in awhile, set an alarm if I have a
high priority meeting, but mostof my meetings don't start until
10.
And so I have a little bit offlexibility in my morning, and
normally he wakes up earlier,early enough on his own for me
(35:36):
to not be late even to start it,but I try and drop him off at
daycare so we wake up, we bothget dressed, brush our teeth.
I normally will grab him sometype of snack to eat on the way,
and then I drop him off.
I come back home I got a fancynew espresso machine, so I make
myself an espresso now Insteadof buying it.
It saves me $6 a day.
And then, yeah, my workday isusually really busy.
(36:03):
The last few weeks, my legalteam has been really nice to me
and just wanted me to work evenmore than I normally do.
I don't know if you could sensethe sarcasm there.
That was a lot of sarcasm,though.
Carter (36:11):
Yeah, oh no, no, it
certainly came through.
Okay good, it certainly camethrough, okay good, it's a
universal language.
Tarrine (36:17):
Clea does not speak.
Sarcasm, that is a language shedoes not speak.
Carter (36:22):
Oh, okay, that's the
neurodivergence in her.
Tarrine (36:26):
I speak sarcasm very
fluently and sometimes I'll say
something and she's like I don'tknow if you're being serious or
not.
I'm like I'm not being serious,it's okay.
Oh, bless our little cottons.
But we both know we have reallygood intentions for each other.
So even when I'm sarcastic andshe thinks it might be mean,
she's like that's still my bestfriend.
But yeah, so I'm in meetingsmost of the day.
(36:47):
I have a call every hour on thehour from 10am to three,
sometimes 4pm, and sometimesthose calls last a full hour.
So sometimes that like fullhour chunk is taken up and then
I have a lot of paperworkprocessing from there to go on.
But I love my job.
I get to talk to people who areexcited about something which
is really cool, and my favoritequestion to ask people is like
(37:08):
well, why do you want to workfor Microsoft?
And everyone's like well, it'sMicrosoft and, like you know,
they created Xbox.
Well, and that's why I thinkit's so cool, because I'm the
youngest of six siblings andbecause I was the youngest when
Xbox first came out.
We would all play multiplayergames and I would want to play
and they would leave mycontroller unplugged and I
didn't know it for a while I waslike three, four and probably
(37:31):
around like four or five.
I realized I was like, wait,I'm going left and my character
is not going left.
What's going on?
And I realized my thing wasunplugged and they're like no,
the magic elf is just helpingyou, and that's what happens
sometimes.
And so I joke with my siblings.
I'm like, yeah, you guysthought I wasn't even good
enough to play a game, but who'sworking there now?
(37:52):
Yeah, definitely.
Carter (37:57):
I have a little bit of
an upper leg there.
That's the only ultimatesibling.
Tarrine (38:01):
Suck it in your faces
well, all my brothers are also
over six feet tall and mysister's five eight, and I'm
five two and so like.
Literally, it's the only upperleg I have.
All my other legs are shortyeah, you're tiny.
Carter (38:15):
I I thought you were
taller because of all of like
the snaps I will not snaps theinsta stories and stuff that I
see of you and clea, and she'sso much shorter than you so I
thought you would you were tall,but you're short and she's just
really short.
Oh, really, yeah.
Oh, I always thought that shewas a lot shorter than you she
might have like half an inchshorter.
Tarrine (38:34):
I I'm like five two and
a half and I think she's five
two on the dot.
Carter (38:37):
Yeah right, my wife is
also very, very short.
I think when we first matchedon Tinder, she had told me.
Tarrine (38:45):
You guys matched on
Tinder.
Carter (38:46):
Yeah, yeah, we were
Tinder romances.
So, yeah, we matched in.
I think I want to say the startof February 2017.
We were engaged less than ayear later, we were married,
pregnant and building a house.
Yes, less than a year afterthat, so within two years, we
(39:07):
started a family and built ahouse.
That's fast, yeah very fast.
Tarrine (39:14):
Do you feel like it's a
when you know, you know, or
does a part of you or her feellike oof?
Maybe we should have waited sixmore months to have kids and
just enjoyed each other a little?
No.
Carter (39:19):
No, not at all.
Everything felt like.
I mean, as far as wishing towait, there's, you know, there's
things like I wish we were ableto travel the world together
before we had kids, but thosethings can wait.
We can do that once we retireand our kids are grown up.
Right, everything fell intoplace perfectly.
We were both very much whateach other needed at the time
(39:41):
and still to this day Like she'smy best friend.
But yeah, back to the shortnessthing.
I remember she told me how tallshe was and I remember Googling
how tall you have to be or howshort you have to be to be
legally considered like a littleperson, and I think she was
only like an inch or two off andI was like, oh, I'm going to be
(40:05):
dating a little person.
Tarrine (40:07):
Is Tinder in Australia
inches or is it centimetres?
Carter (40:12):
We do feet and inches
here.
Oh, no, sorry, we kind of gobetween feet and inches and
centimetres, centimetres.
We do feet and inches here.
Oh, no, sorry, we kind of gobetween feet and inches and
centimetres.
Centimetres is the general, butbecause I think, just because
of America and the influencewhen it comes to height, we go
by feet and inches a lot moreoften.
Tarrine (40:28):
Okay, that's good to
know.
Carter (40:30):
The Australian listeners
.
Tarrine (40:31):
Do I need to convert
that?
Because I don't think I could.
Carter (40:34):
I can tell you that I'm
5'11" and I don't know how many
centimetres that is.
I think it's like 178centimetres, 180, something like
that.
Tarrine (40:42):
I would have guessed
180, yeah, yeah something like
that.
Carter (40:45):
But weight we go by
kilos and not pounds.
Tarrine (40:48):
I did know that.
It's funny.
Carter (40:50):
I actually happened to
look up how many kilos I was
earlier today actually happenedto look up how many kilos I was
earlier today, just in case itcame up just going through your
head.
Like what questions is this guygoing to ask me?
How tall and how how much doyou weigh?
Tarrine (41:06):
no, I was talking about
how, where I was, at what am I
heaviest?
And I wanted to see how much,or how many kilos I was when I
was pregnant, cause I think Iwas 80 kilos while I was nine
months pregnant, like full-termpregnant, um.
And so then I was like, oh, Iwonder how many kilos I have now
.
And so I looked it up and I waslike, oh, it's so, like it's so
(41:27):
weird, and losing 10 kilos isway more than losing 10 pounds.
But like tangibly in my head,I'm like they're the same, it's
all the same yeah, I rememberlike, because I also have like
an instagram, a weight lossinstagram.
Carter (41:42):
So I've lost over the
last few years like 40 kilos.
I've put a bunch back on, butwe won't talk about that.
Yeah, and I was big, big boyjust after the birth of my first
.
Yeah, it was 142 kilos, which Ithink it's pushing like 300
pounds, which is is big.
So, yeah, I worked my ass offfor it and I always really
enjoyed converting my weightloss into pounds because it's a
higher number.
(42:02):
This is the only thing I likeabout pounds.
Tarrine (42:08):
Yeah, I don't like
looking at the number that I was
, but I like looking at thenumber that I've lost.
It makes you feel better.
Carter (42:16):
That's it, yeah, so,
apart from doing the work from
home thing, when you don't havework on, what does your days
look like?
I know that you enjoy beingoutside with Keith, and you guys
are quite a nature orientedfamily.
Tarrine (42:28):
Yeah, so not to name
drop another podcast.
I don't know if I'm allowed to,yeah go for it.
Okay, a Thousand Hours Outsidepodcast I don't know if I'm
allowed'll help me be a bettermom and I don't think it'll help
(42:56):
Keith be a better kid, not,like you know, more well behaved
.
I don't necessarily believe inkids sitting down and shutting
up.
I believe in kids finding allthe sticks that they can on the
longest walk that you can findto entertain them.
Obviously, there's time and aplace where I need you to sit
down and be quiet, but I try andavoid that time and space to as
limited as possible and justlet him roam and be free in
(43:21):
nature and in the world.
And I think it's so rewardingto be outside and so that
podcast really like I think itdoes help me to be outside Like
and it's helped me realize, likemy mental health struggles if I
don't spend at least five hoursoutside every rain or shine, um
, and we have like the full rainsuit.
I know you're on my Instagram soyou get to see it.
(43:41):
I don't have very many peopleon my Instagram.
It's very, very private, forgood reason, because I do post a
lot about Keith and so I tryand keep and like how many.
Like you know the normal parkswe frequent, you see it it all,
and so I'm like, yeah, we don'tneed any creepers on here, so I
do keep it pretty limited.
But with that being said, yeah,I think my mental health has
(44:01):
increased so much just with likeknowing, okay, I need X amount
of time outside every week orI'm not going to feel fulfilled
at the end of the week.
I might be more stressed at theend of the week and like
charting that and realizing that, but yeah, so that's what we do
Typically.
Saturday morning we wake up.
I do special breakfast eitheron Saturday or Sunday, so I'll
(44:22):
make either pancakes or wafflesor French toast or you know
something outside of the norm oflike oatmeal or I make
breakfast sandwiches a lot like.
Those are like our normal, and Iactually just got like a
ketchup bottle so I could docharacter pancakes.
So this last Saturday we hadOlaf pancakes.
I made a little Olaf pancake.
It was fun and Keith was prettyexcited about it.
(44:43):
And then so we'll do specialbreakfast one of the days, and
one of the days we'll havenormal breakfast and then we
literally just like go outside.
We'll either go on a walk or tothe park or do something that
involves us being outside untilnap time for sure, and so then
he naps from noon to three, andthe weekends is usually.
I'll either take a nap if I needto catch up on sleep, or I do
(45:05):
laundry, or I just, you know,take a minute to breathe myself,
I'll watch a show, somethinglike that, because that's pretty
much the only time I get that.
I like that like little napwindow.
I'm like this is the time thatI get to myself.
It's about me that no one elsecan tell me what to do, like no
one else is telling me what todo, where to go.
I'm not like out and aboutdoing something like this is my
(45:26):
relaxation period and that'spretty much my, that's my window
in the week that I get to mewhich it's a window and then he
wakes up from nap and I grab, Iusually will have snacks packed
already and we'll go backoutside and we'll either go to a
park or on a walk or something,a trail, whatever we can find,
and we'll do that both Saturdayand Sunday, spend literally all
(45:48):
day outside, like I said, rainor shine, and usually one of the
two days we try and spend withfriends outside because I think
it's important for him to havelittle people around him as
often as possible so that he canlearn how to interact with
other people.
Carter (46:03):
Yeah, definitely Awesome
.
Being outside is something thatwe need to work on as a family,
because both my wife and I dohave sensory processing issues.
Being inside our house is oursafe space.
You know, we've got each otheras best friends, so we're not
the most social of people.
With that being said, kids arebeing looked after by grandma
(46:25):
tonight and we are going to aparty, and I'm very excited
because it's been a while sincewe've been social and my wife is
Dezo driver, so I get to have afew drinks and not be dad for a
little bit, which is going tobe really cool.
I'm very excited.
That is so working on beingoutside with the kids is
something that I need toactively do more, but there's
(46:48):
three of them.
Tarrine (46:50):
Yeah, and you're so
outnumbered.
Carter (46:52):
Yeah, there's three of
them.
So like getting them dressedand getting them ready, because
it's winter here and we live incountry Victoria and it is cold.
Tarrine (47:01):
Cold, Very cold.
Yeah, the farther south you goin Australia, the colder it is
right.
Carter (47:06):
Yeah, I'm not too sure.
I think so.
Yeah, Queensland's not as cold,but, like because I work night
shift as well, Last night it wasminus two and rainy and yucky
and I hated every bit of it.
Just the thought of them goingoutside in such crappy weather,
even if it's out the back like Idon't want them to get sick,
(47:27):
but it's something that I that'sa myth.
Tarrine (47:28):
It's not true.
Carter (47:29):
Yeah, I know, I know
it's easy to fall back on.
But it's also easy to fall backon Like, well, they've got
daycare today, so like they'llbe outside with daycare or
kindergarten and that's theiroutside time, where they get to
hang out with their friends aswell.
But it's not enough.
I need to do better.
So A Thousand.
Tarrine (47:46):
Hours Outside, is it
Sorry?
Carter (47:48):
A Thousand Hours Outside
podcast.
Tarrine (47:51):
Is that what you said?
Yes, they have an Instagram.
They have an app too, andthat's what helped keep me on
track.
Is you essentially like you canclick it when you go outside
and it'll track your timeoutside and you click it?
I'm really bad at doing that.
I normally just log the hourslater, because I'm bad at
remembering to start and stop it, and one time I had like 87
hours on my clock because I hadforgotten.
Carter (48:17):
They need to introduce
like if it goes over 24 hours,
they need to send like a messagebeing like are you homeless, do
you need help?
Speaker 2 (48:21):
it's not a really
good weekend camping maybe stop
doing drugs.
Tarrine (48:25):
You're not supposed to
get up for 87 hours.
Carter (48:27):
That's not healthy so
it's literally just like you log
and you try to have a thousandhours outside per year yeah,
exactly and they give you.
Tarrine (48:36):
It's kind of nice.
They give you like incentives,they give you like badges I mean
, it's not like anything youactually win, right, and then
each badge is a coloring sheettoo.
We haven't done that yet, and Ireckon that that's something
that we'll probably do.
We'll be more exciting nextyear.
He's just kind of now startedcoloring Last year year it
(49:00):
definitely wouldn't have beenlike it would have been me
coloring the whole picture, buteach badge is they get to color,
and I have friends with olderkids who, um, have done it and
they like, let their kid pressthe button to start the outside
time and then they remember forthem so they don't have to
remember kids memories are sogood, just so, so good yeah,
well, and like what kid doesn'twant to press a button?
Carter (49:17):
Yeah, 100%, that's it.
Tarrine (49:20):
Yeah.
Carter (49:20):
So you said that you're
coming to Australia.
Tarrine (49:22):
I am coming to
Australia.
Carter (49:24):
And when's that
happening?
Tarrine (49:25):
For my 25th birthday.
I'm going to Australia, soAugust.
I leave early August and I'llbe gone for about two weeks.
Carter (49:32):
Cool, and Keith is
coming.
Tarrine (49:34):
No, Keith is not coming
.
Carter (49:36):
Oh, okay, single mum
vacation.
Tarrine (49:39):
Yeah, I feel quasi
guilty about it but also like,
like it's definitely the rightdecision.
I'm staying with friends I'venever met before, who I met on
TikTok and so, like, I've had alot of interaction with them
like this over the phone, but noin-person interaction, so I
definitely wouldn't bring mytoddler across to another
continent.
I do have a lot of connectionsin Australia.
(50:00):
My brother lived there andplayed for the Adelaide Adelaide
fight the baseball team.
He played two seasons, so hewas there for six months back
for six months and then thereagain for six months, and so he
obviously had a great time andmade a lot of friends and
connections there.
And so, if I like, if there wasan emergency and I needed
something, I know I could callon one of his friends, but I
(50:21):
would prefer not to and I'dprefer just not even to be in
that situation with a toddler.
Plus the idea of a 17 hourplane ride alone with a 10 year
old, that screams yuck thank you.
I'm glad you said it so I didn'thave to.
Carter (50:36):
Yeah, no, no, fuck all
of that noise.
Tarrine (50:40):
Yeah, fuck all that
noise for real.
Carter (50:42):
So where in Australia
are you staying?
Tarrine (50:44):
I'll be staying in
Canberra, but I'm flying into
Sydney and so I'll spend a fewdays in Sydney.
We're going to do dinner at theSydney Tower, go to the zoo.
I want to go to as many zoos asI can while I'm in Australia.
I really want to try and hold akoala, if I can, or at least
see kangaroos in real life.
I've seen, like the little whatare they called?
(51:04):
Wallabies, the little kangaroos?
Yeah, seen one of those before,but I've never seen a kangaroo
in real life, so I'm excited.
Carter (51:16):
It's so funny.
It's so so funny that you knowkangaroos and koalas are such a
big deal to people that aren'tfrom here.
Tarrine (51:19):
You're like, I saw like
six this morning, can you-.
Carter (51:21):
I literally saw a pack
of 30 kangaroos this morning on
my way home and I saw a koalarunning across the road, like
last week, like it's just such anormality.
But with that being said, if Icame to america and saw a moose
or a deer or a bear, I wouldlose my mind.
(51:44):
So it's just.
It always makes me laugh howamericans are.
Like I could never live inaustralia.
You've got so many things thatkill you.
I'm like, yeah, but you havemountain lions and fucking bears
, so like I will say, outside ofthe zoo, I've never seen a
mountain lion.
I have seen a bear, but it waspretty far away yeah, but
they've seen you sorry I said,yeah, but they've seen you the
(52:07):
mountain lions doubtful yeah, no, it's, it's always, it always
makes me I don't like outside.
Tarrine (52:14):
That much okay, carter.
Carter (52:16):
Yeah, don't be afraid of
like snakes and spiders and
stuff like that when you comeover here.
It's not something you need tobe worried about.
Tarrine (52:23):
What do you mean?
Carter (52:24):
it's not something I
need to be worried about,
Because they're just they'relike you might, but they, unless
you piss them off, they're notgoing to try to kill you, Unless
you piss them off, they're notgoing to try to kill you.
Tarrine (52:40):
I was talking to
someone yesterday and they were
like I reckon that the snakes,the fear of snakes, is something
that's passed down throughgenerations and it's like
something that you instill inyour kids or like something you
know, like that parents give totheir kids, whatever, and I'm
like I don't think that youunderstand that.
That's how all fears are Like.
Every fear that you have wasprobably gifted to you from your
parents anxiety about something, whether it be your fear of
(53:01):
heights, and your parents werelike that's what you know, like
comments like that are what putsfear in our brains, and so
parenting sorry reactiveparenting reactive parenting.
Yep, I try really hard not touse the words be careful.
It's hard, but instead of becareful, I'll be like hey, be
mindful of your body.
I see a ledge.
(53:22):
You're like there's a ledgeright there.
Be mindful, Because I don'twant him to be an idiot, but I
also don't want him to be ananxious mess.
So you know.
Carter (53:32):
My four-year-old and
two-year-old are really really
kind of thrill seekers and theamount of stuff they like to
jump off and climb up andwhatnot is I hate personally
Because I was that kid and Ihave broken most bones in my
body since I was a kid.
But yeah, I try really hard tolet them be and like, as far as
(53:53):
telling them I try not to belike, don't do that, you'll hurt
yourself, I instead say like ifyou're going to do that, you
need to know you will probablyhurt yourself.
Tarrine (54:04):
Or at least we're going
to throw it out as a
possibility.
Carter (54:06):
Yeah, like if you keep
going, eventually you're going
to probably hurt yourself andthat's okay, we'll deal with it
when that happens, or?
Tarrine (54:15):
I have seen my child on
the on this table.
Carter (54:18):
I can't even and he
jumps off oh, wow, okay, my kids
wouldn't do that.
I think that they wouldprobably be too afraid to do
that because they think, oh,I'll get in trouble, excuse me I
definitely don't encouragegoing on the table and jumping
off, but it's not something hegoes in time out for.
Yeah, I have a nephew who climbseverything and has been
(54:40):
climbing since pretty much theday he could walk.
So like there would be timeswhere they'd go into the kitchen
and see him up like standing onthe stove or like I think you
know you'd put your chairs up onthe table to vacuum and mop and
he would climb on the table andthen on the chair as well, so
he'd be like up near the lights.
Tarrine (55:02):
He sounds like my child
.
Carter (55:03):
Yeah, yep, awesome.
So before we wrap up, is thereanything else you want to add?
Is there anything you want tothrow out into the universe, any
tips or tricks or advice, oranyone that's going through
anything similar?
Tarrine (55:18):
yeah, two things, um.
So I'll start with the piece ofadvice I give any person who is
going through what I was goingthrough, at least with a partner
who, like, isn't pulling theirweight right.
So even like, take away theabusive stuff.
Like just someone who's notpulling their weight, it is so
much easier to do it by yourself.
Even like, take away theOnlyFans, take away the second
(55:40):
income.
It is so much easier to do iton your own than to have a
partner that isn't pulling theirweight and, like you want them
to do the things and you havethese like almost expectations
in your brain of what a partnershould do and just like, having
someone that's not showing up isit's actually worse for having
someone not show up than justdoing it all by yourself,
because I wake up every day andI know I have to do everything.
(56:01):
If I don't do the dishes,they're not getting done.
If I don't fold the laundry,it's not getting folded.
So I would say that that's myone piece of advice for someone
who's going through somethingsimilar, and my one thing I want
to throw into the universe,throwing it out there, is my
upset song.
So when my son's really upsetand like I can tell he doesn't
(56:22):
know what to do with his body.
You know like he's hittingthings or he's screaming, or
whatever it may be.
I sing this song, so you aregoing to get blessed with a song
.
You're welcome already.
Very excited blessed with a song.
You're welcome already veryexcited.
Okay, what do we do when we getupset?
We take a deep breath, and wejust take a deep breath together
.
And sometimes it makes him moremad when I sing that and I go,
(56:43):
oh, sometimes I'm so upsetbecause we're not talking about
his feelings, right, it's not,it's not just about his feelings
.
I'm like, oh, sometimes I getso upset that I have to take two
deep breaths.
I'm gonna take two deep breaths, I'm going to take two deep
breaths.
And so then I take deep breathsand like it not only helps him
regulate, but it helps meregulate and be a better parent
as well, which is really nice.
(57:05):
So that is my song for theuniverse.
Carter (57:08):
Your song Awesome.
Thank you so much for sharingthat the power of breathing is
great.
It's something that we'retrying to do.
We much for sharing that thepower of breathing is great.
It's something that we'retrying to do.
We don't have a song, so I'mgoing to start singing that now.
Tarrine (57:19):
You are welcome to
Awesome.
Carter (57:21):
Well, thank you so much,
taryn, for joining me, and
thank you for your honesty andallowing yourself to be
vulnerable and telling yourstory.
I can't imagine how hard thewhole journey has been, and
probably continues to be on aday-to-day basis, but you're
doing great.
Thank you for your time, thankyou for sharing your journey and
(57:41):
I think that will help a lot ofpeople that are listening and,
yeah, thanks.
Tarrine (57:46):
Thank you for having me
.
I feel super happy to be here.
Carter (57:49):
Awesome, all right.
Well, I'll leave you to yournight child-free.
Go have some more drinks andhave a bath and do your thing,
yeah.
Tarrine (57:56):
And you have some
amazing drinks tonight with your
wife.
Carter (58:00):
I am going to.
Tarrine (58:00):
And I hope that you
have the best time ever.
Kid freak.
Carter (58:03):
I shall too.
All right, thanks, mate.
Have a good one.
Bye, bye, bye.
Speaker 2 (58:11):
Bye day.
I'll try and find a way to makeit so my life's a better place.
If there's one thing I see,then your only thing is me just
knowing that I'm trying to makea change.
Can I put it all on me?
(58:31):
Put it all on meResponsibilities and all the
other nonsense coming byrepeating it.
There's one thing I know it'sknowing to let go.
Just knowing that I'm trying tomake a change.
Does it seem too much Just toask for love?
(58:55):
Cause there's many things thatI do over, and I've got a lot,
but I won't give up On thosemany things that I do over.