Embracing Authenticity | Nicole’s Story of Coming Out, Co-Parenting, Feminine Art and Self Love - Touched Out! A Mental Health Podcast for Parents

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ali (00:01):
We would like to acknowledge the traditional
custodians of this land.
We pay our respects to theElders past, present and
emerging, for they hold thememories, the traditions and the
culture of the Aboriginal andTorres Strait Islander people
across the nation.

Carter (00:18):
Warning this podcast contains explicit language and
discusses sensitive topicsrelated to mental health
childhood trauma, birth trauma,abuse, miscarriage and suicide.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you find these subjectsdistressing or triggering, we
recommend taking caution andconsidering whether to proceed
with listening.
If you or someone you know isstruggling, please reach out to

(00:40):
a mental health professional ora trusted individual for support
.
Your wellbeing is our priority.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of the Touched Out
podcast.
On today's episode, I speakwith Nicole, who opens up about
her journey from corporatestress to artistic fulfilment
and mental health advocacy.
Nicole shares her pivotalmoment of coming out as a
lesbian at 32 and thecomplexities of co-parenting her

(01:03):
two sons After a life-alteringbreakup.
She finds herself at her lowest, but through prioritising
mental health and embracing hertrue self, nicole turned her
struggles into a powerfulnarrative of recovery and
inspiration tough.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
So take a breath from everything right here and take
some time.
It's alright, you'll be fine.
Touch a podcast, take all night.

Carter (01:57):
So today we have Nicole.
Nicole runs her own podcast.
Your Say Podcast, is that right?

Ali (02:03):
Your Say Podcast.
Yeah, Everyone gets nice andopinionated on it.
That's the idea.

Carter (02:08):
Awesome.
Thank you very much for joiningme.
Why don't you tell me a littlebit about yourself, a little bit
about your past and a littlebit about why you've decided to
come on today?

Ali (02:16):
Oh, awesome, I was really keen to talk to you.
Number one I am a lesbian andmy entire world is always
surrounded by women and I lovethat you are a man.
So there you go.
I was really keen.
Anything around mental healthand parenting for me is
something of a passion.
I have a podcast and I'm alsoan artist.

(02:38):
That's kind of my first job,and then I'm also a coach, so I
work with clients around theirmental health and it's basically
what I do and live and breatheall day.
So yeah, a little bit about me.
I started my kind of career inretail and had a very successful
career, kind of moved myselfall the way up to a general
manager and was really high inthe corporate, up the corporate

(03:00):
ladder, earning all the money.
And I went through a breakupwith my ex-wife.
We didn't quite get married,but I call her my ex-wife.
Two and a half years ago Sorry,I'm jumping way ahead I married
a man first, so I married a manand then I had a son, and my
son, dakota, is 17, nearly 18.

(03:22):
And we co-parented him.
We split only after about ayear and a half.
So we've co-parented him sortof one week on, one week off,
for his whole life.
He's nearly 18.
Until probably the last twoyears he lives with me
permanently now, which issomething we can chat about
because it's an interesting one.
And then I came out as being gaywhen I was around 32 and I'm 47
now.
So in that time I had twopartners, one for a couple of

(03:45):
years and then my ex, who wewere together for 10 years and
probably that's when my mentalhealth personally just went from
here to here and along thatjourney I really learned that
I'd kind of been living with abit of a mask on.
To be honest, I was prettyobsessed with all the
materialistic things in life.
I was addicted to beingvalidated by her.

(04:10):
I didn't have a lot ofself-esteem, although to look at
you would think that I had allthe self-esteem in the world.
So it was a bit of a.
It was a bit of a bit ofbullshit, to be honest.
And sadly our relationshipended and I was very in love and
it was a.
It was quite dramatic.
It was from an affair.
She had an affair.
So that was really really hardand before that occurred I would

(04:32):
have said we were really happy,like we were a done deal.
So that was two and a half yearsago now, and in that time I've
kind of hit my rock bottom andthen built myself back up and
have changed really everything.
Honestly, kind of everything inmy life is so different now.
I quit my corporate job I domiss the money, I will say that

(04:54):
but started my own business,decided to back myself, I shaved
my head.
I care less about what othersthink, and I'd kind of been told
my whole life that you need tothink before you as a kid, you
need to think before you speak,nikki.
And then in a corporate worldit was like you're a bit much,

(05:14):
but it was okay for the men totalk up in the boardroom, you
know it was looking back at itnow.
I never felt like I could be mein all of the environments that
I put myself in, but it made mevery resilient and the
resilience made me verysuccessful.
But now I'm kind of I kind ofhad to learn who I was.
It's such a cliche thing to say, but two and a half years ago I

(05:35):
had to learn who I was, youknow, and then go to
co-parenting.
My ex-wife and I had a secondson and he is six, so we
co-parent him.
So at that time I wasco-parenting two kids with two
different parents and I had alot of shame around that Like.
I had a lot of shame becausethat wasn't Instagram perfect,
like that wasn't.

(05:56):
That wasn't what I signed upfor.
I was going to have onemarriage and it was going to be
perfect.
So it's.
It's been a journey.
It's been a really, a reallybig journey and in that sort of
two and a half years now I've Ikind of went through a survival
year, just moving, separating,you know, doing all the things.
And then 2022, I did everythingfor me.

(06:19):
So I quit my corporate job, Istarted my own business.
Art had always been something.
I'd always had my art businesson the side, but I decided to go
all in on it.
So, yeah, then this year, thebeginning of this year, was all
about community and me gettingout there and sharing and not
having shame around the factthat my relationship didn't work

(06:41):
, and I decided to say fuck youto the world and started a
podcast because people weren'ttalking about it.
You know we were that couplethat just everyone just thought
was done and dusted Like we were.
You know we were a good coupleand everyone just thought we
would survive.
And you know, in my darkesthours I was isolated, like I

(07:03):
isolated myself from everyone.
No one knew in the year that itwas going on.
I didn't even share with mybest friend, which is very not
like me because I'm a hugeoversharer.

Carter (07:12):
So for the last six months That- all came from a
place of shame, did it?

Ali (07:16):
Absolutely.
It came from shame and also Iwas trying to work on the
relationship.
So we spent a year of what Ithought was trying to get the
relationship back on track, butthe affair still went on.
But I didn't know that at thetime.
So there was a lot of there's alot of sneaking around.
It was really horrible.
It was a really horriblesituation and I almost became
obsessed with making it work.

(07:37):
So I didn't want to tell anyonebecause I didn't want them to
think ill of her, you know.
So I was sort of protecting herand that year was diabolical.
So I thought, but then inhindsight, 21 was the survival
and I was in fight or flight.
So it was just do sell, be agood mom, make the dinner, keep

(07:58):
making the beds, you know.
And then it was 21 whenmentally, I was just like I
don't want to do this anymore,like I just, you know, I stopped
.
I finally allowed myself tostop.

Carter (08:10):
Yeah, so that's kind of when you hit the rock bottom
just from having that facade forso long.

Ali (08:16):
Yeah, absolutely, and I'd started to sort of share.
I'd started to share things andmy rock bottom was in October 21
.
And no one knew.
You know, I sort of pickedmyself back up and was seeing
counselors and triedpsychologists and was doing all
those things.
But yeah, I think when you'retruly affected by mental health,

(08:39):
it's dark, like it was a darkplace, like I still showed up
smiling, I was a leader,managing 200, 300 people.
I would walk in.
Everyone thought I was greatand it wasn't even so much a
feeling of I just didn't.
I just I did not want to do mylife without her, like I just
could not grieve and I hadn'tgrieved.

(09:00):
So the year before I justsurvived, survived.
It's like grieving a death, youknow, except that you're
co-parenting.
When someone dies, people rallyaround you and make you food
and you know you can kind of ownit.
But when you lose a partner andthen you still got to watch
them be with someone else it wasreally hard.
It was really hard.

(09:20):
I don't actually talk about itso much anymore because I feel
like it gives it airplay, butI'm in the best place now I can
be.
And you know, the last sixmonths for me have been
phenomenal really Mentally.
I'm kind of you know I've madea whole business out of it,
essentially.

Carter (09:36):
Yeah.
So those dark days are reallyquite intriguing to me, because
I always try to find differentanalogies to explain it, as if
someone's never heard ofdepression or anything like that
.
But the way I see it, whenyou're in the thick of it is
it's like the most comfortableand warm and snuggly hug that

(09:58):
you could ever receive.
But that hug is choking thelife out of you.
When you're in it, you just youfind comfort in the in just
surviving.
Yeah, totally and it's so easyto stay trapped there and then
it just takes like one littlething and that's when you hit
that rock bottom, you go shit, Ineed-.

(10:18):
I'm fucking in deep here.
I need to get out.

Ali (10:22):
Yeah, and then yeah, and I think and and then, from there
you start to rebuild, yourebuild.

Carter (10:26):
You start to air out your shame.
You liberate yourself.
You, you own the shame, you ownthe feelings.
You say this is how I fuckingfeel.
I'm not doing okay, I'm tryingbetter, I will get there and
it's just.
Yeah, it's kind of like abutterfly, you know, you emerge
from your little fucking sadnesscocoon and you're all beautiful

(10:49):
and bright and liberated.

Ali (10:51):
And I think as well I found my brother is eight years
younger than me, I'm 47.
And he'd suffered, you knowhe'd had suicide attempts along
the way and you know has beeninto drugs and all sorts of you
of.
Not that I'm judging in any way, I'm not but he'd had a
colorful life for want of abetter word and I've always
worked managing really largeteams.

(11:12):
So I know I was very aware ofdepression, I was very much, I
was very educated on what itlooked like, but I was judgy and
not until it hit me.
And I definitely became highlyanxious in the year that the
affair was going on and that wasyou know, and I went to the
doctor and got on anxietytablets and I had so much shame

(11:34):
around that and when I was inthe doctor's surgery I was kind
of like I've been anxious mywhole life Like I just didn't
know, I just didn't know it, youknow, whole life, like I just
didn't know, I just didn't knowit, you know.
And so I had kind of, and thenthe depression for me didn't hit
until that 21.
And that was when I allowedmyself to stop and actually
grieve like that and for me thedepression was I just I have so

(12:00):
much more sympathy and empathyfor anyone that's ever suffered
from it, because I was never.
Mine was very.
My therapist says it's likeit's very, it's what I was.
The way I was acting in minecould kill me, because I was
literally like a splitpersonality, because I still
showed up, still went to work,but then secretly I'm like I'm

(12:20):
not going to be here.
Then, like I got that dark,like I didn't want to be here
anymore and I would have beenthat person where people would
go, what.
Like she's so together, herhome looks perfect, she's
putting all the thing.
It was very silently, literallykilling me.
And like I went and got myaffairs in order, wheels like
cause I'm a very high achieverin what I do and I'm like if I'm

(12:48):
going to go out, I'm going todo it really structured and like
it's going to be, like there'sno coming back.
And I think I learned for methrough that experience that you
know when you get to a pointwhere you feel suicidal and this
is the first time I've everspoken about it.
So here we are.
But I was, I was suicidal and II'd always looked at it as
selfish, like I'd obviously beentouched by a suicide and I was
like, oh, how selfish, how couldyou do that?

(13:08):
How could you?
But when I was in it, you arethat fucking low, but that's the
only option.
You know, and I have a newfoundrespect for that, and I, you
know, you hear people going oh,they committed suicide, or you
know they left the poor kidsbehind.
And whereas now my heart justgoes out to the person and I'm

(13:29):
like, wow, the pain that theymust've been in.
But before that my judgment waslike how could they do that?
How could they know the kidswere going to see?
And no, no, no, no.
And having now gone through itpersonally, I was just, yeah, it
was a really dark time For me.
It was dark, it was a reallyshort time and I got help and I

(13:52):
got out of it quite quickly.
But if I didn't live the life Ilead now, where I practice it
constantly, even just a darkmood, now I recognize the thing
and I'm like right, I got to getup, I got to go to nature, I
got to you know, like I'vereally got to overreact to it,
because I think it's like, yeah,I think once it gets you, it

(14:13):
becomes an option For me, itbecame an option which is really
fun.
Like I can't even believe I'mtalking about this so blatantly,
but it's maybe it's time now,but it was an like things were
so hard that it was.
It became an option for me andI was very aware it was going to
fuck my kids like.
I've since spoken to my bestfriend.
She's like well, what aboutyour kids?
And I'm like you don'tunderstand that when you're
there, you're not thinking aboutthem.

(14:33):
Like all I could think of isfinancially.
They're okay and I can't do itlike it's.
It's not selfish to them, it'scan't do it Like you, you know.
So, yeah, that was a big answerto your first question.

Carter (14:49):
Yeah, no, thank you so much for sharing.
I really appreciate it.
I myself have been through mysuicide days and I was like you.
Prior to I'd had friends thathad committed suicide in my
younger years and I alwaysthought, wow, how selfish for
them to leave a world behind andleave just absolute agony in
their path.
You know, with their friendsand their family, just missing

(15:12):
every second that they're gone.
But when you're in it, youthink it's not selfish because
the world and the people aroundyou would be so much better off
without you in it, and that'sthe frame of mind that I had,
definitely.
And it's hard, it's fuckinghard, when you are just so low
and so beaten by life.
It's not a selfish thing, it'sliterally just.

(15:35):
I need to fucking get off thistrain and everyone will be just
fine without me.
Yeah, so anyone who's had thosedays and lives to see the next
day nothing but absolute respectfor pushing through.

Ali (15:49):
Yeah, and I think anyone Reaching out and climbing out of
that hole that you're in.
And it's just the one thing.
Like I, it was almost like forme.
I don't know.
I find it hard now to even putit into words, but I don't know
why I didn't In the end.
I just went like and I plannedit meticulously and there was no

(16:12):
chance of it not working, so itwas like it was going to happen
.
And then I just was about to doit and went hmm, and even then I
still see, unlike you, I wasn'tthinking that people were
better off without me.
I wasn't even thinking that,like I did not know how to
continue being as who I was like.
I just didn't like.

(16:33):
I mean, I did.
I was 45 at the time and Ialmost felt like everything was
fraudulent, you know.
And so it was like, and it wasthree months later that I quit
my job and career and I haven'thad a personality change by any
stretch, but I definitely wentinto serving others and helping

(16:53):
others and you know, that's kindof I'm just a better person now
.
I'm just not a judgmentalasshole, which I really was.
Like I was very much, oh, theycome from a shit family, and I'd
come from a shit family and soI had held myself.
I shouldn't say I've come froma shit family.
I'd come from a verydysfunctional family and I was
the normal one Fuck, I hate theword normal and so it was like

(17:17):
it would have blown them away,like I've since told my mum how
bad I got and she can't eventalk about it.
She's like but you didn't likeshe.
It just doesn't even mix withwho I was portraying as a person
.
So but yeah, that's that's.
That was that yucky journey,but for me it's.
It's a year and a half ago,nearly two years, a year and a

(17:39):
half ago.
That for me, and it's not evensomething I think about, it's
not even something that comesinto my.
It's only if I have a reallyyucky I.
I've never thought about doingit again.
I've never.
I've just got a hell of a lotmore sympathy for people that
suffer from depression and feellike they've got nowhere to go.
And you know, I work with I'm acoach now and work with many

(18:00):
women.
I've got eight clients at themoment and I work with them
one-on-one but we also use likeWhatsApp, so I'm their kind of
lifeline.
And not that I'm working withwomen that are suicidal, it's
more at a business supportinglevel.
But I've now got a coach.
That's that for me.
So if I'm, if I'm triggered orhaving an immediate bad day, if
I didn't have that, and I pay alot of money to have her at my

(18:21):
beck and call, but that's whatI've had to do, like that's just
what you know I've kind of hadto do and restructure my whole
life so that I can kind of showup being me so you've started it
, so it's a life coach business.

Carter (18:33):
Yeah, essentially yeah, it's the best way to say it.
Yeah, yeah, I I work with.

Ali (18:38):
Yeah, it's a life coaching.
It's.
I work with women in groupcontainers like online courses
that I run, and then I work withwomen one-on-one and it's
really it always starts withmindset, right.
Everything comes back to who weare as people.
So I work with women, usuallypretty intensely for sort of
like an eight-week program it'scalled your Way where we meet

(18:59):
weekly but then we are sort ofvoice messaging each other or
texting throughout the day and Iteach them the tools, I teach
them all the tools that helpedme pull myself out of those
spaces.
And then, having been asuccessful business person, I do
business coaching as well.
So it just depends on theclient as to who they are or
where they are.
And you know I've ended uphaving a pretty colorful life

(19:23):
essentially.
You know I've been straight,I've been gay, I've been, you
know.
So I've kind of I've got aninteresting bucket.
But I do coaching.
Coaching's like 50% of my time,and then 50% of my time is
creating artwork, you know,probably 40%, and then 10%
smashing out a couple ofpodcasts.
But like you, you know know,I've had guests on our podcast

(19:43):
that just I'm just fascinated tohear people's stories and to
normalize that you know the shitwe see on tv is not real, the
shit we see on social media isnot real and you know, if we can
bring real conversations intopeople's ears, it's like it can
have it I shouldn't say it can.
It has a massive impact, like Iknow just from my podcast and

(20:06):
I'm'm sure, carter, you've hadthe same people are like oh,
thanks for that, like that'sjust what I needed, like I just
needed to hear that, to knowthat, to normalize my own
feelings.

Carter (20:18):
Yeah, it's been an amazing journey with my podcast.
I'm sure you can probablyrelate.

Ali (20:24):
How long have you been podcasting for?

Carter (20:26):
Since March.

Ali (20:28):
Okay, yeah, I'm since February.

Carter (20:30):
Yeah, so I've just released my 10th episode
yesterday, with one bonusepisode, a Mother's Day episode
about my mum and her life, butI've had so much awesome
feedback from all over the world, which is just crazy to me.

Ali (20:48):
It is isn't it?

Carter (20:48):
You know, there's people in like fucking Saskatchewan,
canada, that listen to me everyfortnight, and I've had an
amazing lady from Israel on as aguest.
Wow, yeah, she reached out tome and just all of these things.
And then I've even got likestraight single in their 20s
that I work with, that listen tomy podcast every fortnight.

(21:09):
They're not parents, they'rejust like.
I just love listening toeveryone's stories, yeah, so
good.
And the fact that we're talkingabout mental health.
Everyone likes the dirt,everyone likes hearing about
other people's trauma.
It's a weird kind of reality TVshow kind of lens that you can
look through into other people'slives yeah, and I think, if I

(21:30):
think it's super fun, it is.

Ali (21:32):
It's really fun.
We, we I've just done 45episodes, so we were smashing
out to a week.
So it's been, as you know, atruckload of work and, exactly
like you, have touched women allover the world, have had guests
from all over the world and Ithink just shining the light on
the mental health will put it asa big umbrella shining because

(21:54):
essentially what we're chattingabout is not dissimilar, and
people sharing their story soauthentically.
This is what our parents didn'tdo right.
So they are all from thegeneration where you didn't talk
about it and you swept it underthe table and that's why we
were the way we were and I think, from a generational
perspective, my eldest son'snearly 18.

(22:17):
He doesn't listen to thepodcast.
He's got no interest whatsoever.
I'm really open about my sexlife and dating and all that
stuff.
So I'm like you know you aren'tgoing to like this.
And even to my family, I've gotno idea who in my family, if
anyone, has ever listened to it,and I've been.
You know the first few episodesare super dark of what my
childhood was like through mylens and I said to mum like

(22:39):
you'll be highly offended by itif you listen, but it's not
aimed at you.
It's just how I felt.
It's my story, like it's mystory of the choices that you
made and it's my.
I don't want to listen to that.
I'm like no, don't.
Whereas if that was me and mykid at a podcast, I'd be
straight on it.
You know, but her generationand I say that pretty
comfortably because I'veinterviewed a lot of people over

(23:01):
65.
They don't want to deal withtheir stuff.
Majority of them, they justwant to keep doing what they're
doing she doesn't understandwhat life coaching means.
I recently went to a silentretreat for 10 days and
meditated, called Vipassana,which is a style of meditation.
You give up everything.
You have no technology, nophones, you can't even gesture,

(23:23):
you can't look at another personand you meditate for 14 hours a
day, very monk-like, and itlike.
The people that knew me frompre two and a half years ago are
like you're doing what?
And we're very judgmental, likewhy the fuck would you do that?

(23:43):
As if you're going to be ableto shut up, and it's like no,
this is who I am now and youknow I came back from that
experience even more attuned tomyself and it was the hardest
thing I've ever done.
I've run a couple of marathonsbefore.
I wouldn't say it was harderthan my separation, but in terms
of physically being alone withyour thoughts for 10 days, like

(24:05):
you couldn't do it if youweren't mentally strong, there's
just no way you could make itthrough.
But it was good.
It was a really interestingexperience and I've sort of come
out of that now even moreself-aware, so self-aware Like I
still catch it after it's outof my mouth.
I'm like, ah, fuck, I shouldhave, you know.
But I'm so aware like I'll dosomething and immediately I'll

(24:28):
be like, yeah, I'm veryreflective on it.
And even if I listened to thepodcast that I created in
January, february this year, I'mlike, oh, no, I don't think
that anymore.
So I'm very contradictory, butaware of it, I can be easy.
I'm not easily influenced, butIf I listen to something, I'm
like, no, that's right.
Yeah, no, I changed my mind onthat, you know, and I kind of I

(24:51):
found that really hard to accept.
But for me, change it's like, oh, you didn't used to believe in
that, nikki.
It's like, no, I know, I didn't, I own that.
I didn't, I own that.
I used to be a selfish assholeand now I'm not, and now I do
live my life like this.
So my old friends and networkreally struggle and I don't

(25:12):
really hang out with themanymore.
You know like I've got a wholedifferent space of people and I
would say I'm still finding thepeople I want to hang out with.
You know, I want to be able tosay hey, I'm off to go on a
meditation retreat for four daysand I'm going to do this, this,
and I don't want to feel shameabout it.
I want them to go awesome,because if that's what you want
to fucking do, go and do it.
You know, you do you yeah 100%.

Carter (25:33):
I think that that evolution of personality after
you've kind of gone throughthose dark days and you start
like the re-emergence andrebuilding yourself and figuring
out what you actually like justas a you, just as an individual
.

Ali (25:45):
Exactly.

Carter (25:46):
Super important Me myself.
I would hate to be alone withmy thoughts for that long.
I think that would beincredibly destructive.
I admire you for doing it.

Ali (25:56):
And it's not for everyone right, and I did it as it's a
way of life and it's a.
The underlying thing that youlearn is that you learn to get
attuned to what's reality, andthe reality is everything
changes every minuscule second.
So you sharpen your brainduring meditation, so much so

(26:19):
that I live now in the present,which I didn't, I was always.
But once I get that, and once Ihave that house, and then this,
you know, and I lived like thatfor a really long time and I
still struggle with it becauseit's, you know, it's only 10
days.
It's 10 days against 47 years.
You know what I mean.
But I now, yeah, like the moststressful thing could happen, it

(26:41):
could be, you know, a terminalillness for my child, or I'm
trying to think of somethingreally something really tragic
and dramatic, and I just knowI'm okay, like I just don't have
any, I don't fear death, Idon't.
I just don't fear anythinganymore.
And no, my kids have noticed adramatic difference.
I actually asked my son lastnight cause it's just me and the
two boys and we've got a littlepuppy, alice, and I said to him

(27:03):
do you notice how chill I amthese days?
And he goes oh, yeah, like okay, do you remember what it was
like when we used to be a bigfamily and sit at the dinner
table and I had my partner andhe's like, yeah, that's way
better now, mom, and I'm like,is it?
And he goes, yeah, you're waybetter, you're so much happier,
and he can see that now.
I don't think he would havesaid that a year earlier,

(27:24):
potentially while I was stillhighly anxious.
But yeah, but look, you knowco-parenting our youngest one.
You know we talk aboutparenting on your podcast.
It's hard, I think, would I sayit's hard.
We do a really, really good jobof it in light of everything,
but it has had a massive impacton our youngest son, who's six,

(27:47):
whereas my eldest son son weseparated they were the same age
, essentially, and we did oneweek on, one week off with him
and he just had two homes, twolives he did become a people
pleaser.
That's something I've foundreally common in kids that have
two homes, because they go toone and they've got one set of
rules and so they act a certainway and then they get to the
next one and then it might justbe nature.

(28:09):
But yeah, he became verypeople-pleasing, whereas my
little one.
It's been nearly three yearsand he's still probably every
second or third night.
Why can't I just have one house?
Why can't I just have it?
Still says it after three yearsand he's not unhappy in either
of his homes.
It just pisses him off.
You know he's like why can't Ijust?
And I get it, I'm like mate, itmust be.

(28:30):
I say to him I say that must beso frustrating, but you know
you've got two extra people thatlove you now.
You know like, but it is hard.
I wonder what the wholeco-parenting?
I sometimes sit down now andthink like what will they be
podcasting about?
You know, like what will theybe saying on their podcast when
they're 40?
You know I lived in two homesand this mum did this and this

(28:52):
mum did that.
And you know I do reflect.
I didn't do that with my eldestson because I was a fucking
crazy bitch then, but now I do.
I look at, and I had theafternoon.
We went up to Mount Tambourinewith my little one yesterday and
I got to spend some qualitytime with him yesterday and I
got to spend some quality timewith him and he's such a good
kid, you know.
But in his other family.
There's a new baby about to beborn and they've since got

(29:14):
married and you know so there'sa lot going on.
So he's he's pretty emotional,which is why we kind of went and
had some one-on-one time.
But I think that for me, I'veco-parented both my kids.
Sadly, I mean my, my, my secondone.
I didn't co-parent him forthree years, but I'm a great
parent for it.
Like when I'm on parenting I'mon, so I don't and you haven't

(29:37):
seen them.
So I feel like they get.
My kids, particularly my eldestson, had lived a really
sheltered life so you can go outand drink and party and do
anything that you don't deemappropriate away from your
children.
So my eldest son, he justdidn't see anything.
I remember once he must've beenlike 11 or 12 and we're at a
shopping center and a fightstarted and he like fell to the

(30:00):
ground.
Like he fell to the ground andwent mom, what's happening?
They're hitting each other andI was like I grew up seeing
domestic violence and all thethings you know.
And I was like up seeingdomestic violence and all the
things you know and I was like,wow, good on me for creating
this beautiful, safe, lovingspace.
But I've had to have lots oftalk to him in the last few
years.
This isn't normal like you'vehad this perfect, beautiful life

(30:22):
where you've gone on overseasholidays every year and you've
lived on the water and it's beenvery privileged to go to the
best schools and all the stuffI'm like.
But this isn most of the worlddoesn't get this.
But he, that's all he knew,right?
So he just thinks everyone goesto Japan snowboarding every
January.
He just thinks that's normal,right?
And I had to teach him at 14,15, 16.

(30:45):
Yeah, I had to really explainto him that not all the schools
look like your school and it wasreally interesting and I tried
so hard for perfection and thenwas like you know, my iPad broke
.
Can I get a new one?
No, not anymore.
We don't roll like that anymore.

Carter (31:03):
Yeah, had to send him to the school of hard knocks, get
a bit of street knowledge.

Ali (31:07):
Yeah, so no, he's definitely, definitely.
I mean, you know he's, he's.
He's not street smart at alllike you know, he's not.
He's not street smart and hedoesn't.
I mean, he gets it.
Now he's pushing 18 but he'sgot no idea entering the
workforce, what's about tohappen, and just doesn't get it.
And I've got an insane workethic which he hasn't inherited,
which is really interestingbecause he's watched, he's had a

(31:29):
working mum his whole life butit hasn't.
I mean, he works, he's got ajob at subway and he works two
or three shifts a week but youknow it's, if they ask him to do
another shift, he's like well,I don't need another shift.
You know, I'd prefer to gosurfing, or you know, whereas
when I was a kid it was likeanything for more money.
But yeah, it's interesting,co-parent, did you?

(31:50):
Co-parent, carter?

Carter (31:51):
I do not know.
I've you do not?
I've got three kids and I ammarried yeah, that's lovely.
Yeah, no, it's really lovely, Iam I am the product of a broken
home, though I am a child ofdivorce myself.
My, my parents divorced.
When I was five.
I went with mum, my brotherwent with dad, my sister oh wow,
that's hard yeah, so he's threeyears older than dad.

(32:12):
My sister oh wow, that's hard.
Yeah, so he's three years olderthan me and my sister's 11
years older than me.
So she came with us for alittle while but then moved in
with friends.
You know, as she was much older, it was like an every second
weekend thing.
I went to my dad's house.
I never really liked doing thatmuch.
I was very much a mummy's boyand I always wanted to stay with

(32:34):
mum and I always resentedhaving to leave.
So I mean that's you weresaying before that you don't
really know how your son feels,or you like, reflect on it.
That's how I felt.

Ali (32:42):
Yeah, well, that's no, that's what happened to him.
So once he got his license,sort of a year and a half ago
and you know the way I parent,my mum was, my mum had me at 17,
so she was loosey-goosey likejust you know all that we got.
Also I they her.
My dad split up when I wasabout six or seven

(33:03):
coincidentally he's not my realdad, that's a whole nother
podcast but didn't find that outtill later in life.
It was a colorful life, right,it's pretty dysfunctional lots
of different boyfriends, and herbrother was a drug addict and
got exposed to things that kidsshouldn't have seen, and I was
sort of hell bent against mykids.
I was going to break the cycle.
I was like that's just nothappening in, you know.

(33:25):
And so when I went through mylife, I was, I knew I was gay, I
knew I was born gay.
I loved women, but I was like mywillpower to want to break the
cycle of drama was far greater.
So I was like, no, I've got tofind a guy, I've got to get
married.
I've got to have a good job.
I've got to get a company car,I've got to buy a house.
Really young I mean, I bought ahouse at 19.

(33:45):
Like at 19, like who the fuckdoes that?
Now like just stupid right.
But for me that was that wouldpull me away from what I was in,
like that was kind of how I sawit, and so I did all that.
And then those thoughts ofwomen didn't just it's really
hard to make them go away theyjust didn't go away.

Carter (34:03):
So did you reject your homosexuality until you came out
and you were exclusively forwomen.

Ali (34:12):
Yeah, I think I definitely pushed it down.
You know, I had an ability thenin my life to push my.
I was like a professionalblocker back then, so I pushed
it down, pushed it down, pushedit down.
It was definitely always there.
I did not enjoy being with men.
I had a boyfriend from sort of13 to 15, 15 to 19.

(34:33):
And then I met Dakota's dad andthat was kind of an on and off
thing.
That's my eldest son and Ididn't sleep with a woman until
after, you know, until ourmarriage separated.
But I definitely dabbled withthem.
I remember my hen's party,passing three women and thinking
, okay, it's out of my systemnow, like it'll go away, you

(34:53):
know, and like we're talking 25,30 years ago.
So that was not what I mean.
Now it's very common.
It's almost like they do it forthe attention and it's
something, you see, but itcertainly wasn't then, and my
brother's gay as well.
So, yeah, I definitely ignoredit, pushed it away, pushed it
away.
And then I met a particulargirl, my first girlfriend, and I
just locked eyes with her and Iwas like, oh, this is like I
have to, you know, and it meantblowing up everything.

(35:17):
That was the life I'd built.
It was my previousunderstanding of the world and
it meant I would come from abroken home, which then meant I
was just like my family, youknow, and that's probably when
my mental health journey started.
So I was like 31, 32.
That's when I first startedtalking to counselors and
dealing with, then, that's whenI dealt with all my past trauma,

(35:40):
all my childhood stuff.
And you know, I've been yeah,I'd say I don't think there'd be
yeah, I'd say I've been workingon myself solidly for 15 years
and, you know, more intensely atdifferent times in my life, but
I've always, I'd say from 30 to40, I dealt with all the family
stuff and I think it took me 10years, took me 10 years to kind

(36:01):
of process and have a reallygood understanding of what my
triggers were and how I couldhave a relationship with certain
people and my family are all inMelbourne.
I live on the Gold Coast, whichis about a for those listening
overseas it's like a two and ahalf hour flight, so it's a long
way, and I left in earlytwenties, you know, and I love
my family from a distance, youknow, and we have a okay

(36:25):
relationship, but that's it Likethere's.
No, I don't go there forChristmas.
For Christmas it's like a oncea year thing or a wedding, or
now it's starting to becomefunerals and I would never want
that for my kids.
But the fact that it's that, inlight of all the stuff we went
through, is amazing.
I'm actually really happy thatwe've got to a point where
that's the relationship.

(36:45):
But that was all the work I did, and then from 40 on was kind
of more work that I did onmyself.
So that's kind of and that's anongoing lifelong journey for me
.
I think some people, when theyfirst start dealing with their
trauma, they think that there'sa finish line, you know, and
it's hard to accept that there'snot.

(37:05):
There's periods where your lifefeels a bit easier and but
life's 50,.
I often say to my clients lifeis 50% shit and 50% good.
You know, and if you can have areally reality, if you can have
a realistic expectation, thenyou'll be okay.
Whereas I used to think I grewup, my family, my family
conditioning, came from TV.

(37:26):
So I love TV.
So because my home life wasn'tfunctioning like, I literally
thought family ties, the BradyBunch, anything I watched on TV,
that was what I wanted, right,because for me that was normal,
bewitched anything, anythingthat had a mom, a dad and a nice
home.
And I didn't grow up without.

(37:47):
It wasn't that dramatic.
I always had a house, et cetera.
I know people grow up in harderenvironments than what I did,
but for me it was hard right,but that was my family network.
So that was what I saw and, Ithink, what that did.
The conditioning that that didfor me is that's all the things
you had to have had to have acompany car, had to have a nice
car, had to have a nice house,had to you know, and that was

(38:09):
where that came from.
Right now I'm renting.
I just earned the lowest salaryI've ever earned in 30 years in
the previous 12 months and I'venever been happier, hand on
heart, like I've never beenhappier.
I need to earn more moneybecause my lifestyle was built
from earning more money.
But if I didn't like thosethings so much, like I actually
wish that I didn't want for allthose things, if that makes

(38:32):
sense, like it doesn't thematerialistic things that I've
become accustomed to, I kind ofwish I didn't want them so much
because it now doesn't agreewith me, does that make sense?
Like it just doesn't?
It's like I'm about to moveinto a beautiful bougie
apartment near Hedges Avenue andit's stunning and I love it,

(38:52):
but it then means I've got toearn a certain amount of money
and I hate that, you know, andthat's because of all the work
I've done.
Like I'm a contradiction, youknow, I'm yeah, and that's just
my journey and it's taken me along time.
For anyone that's listening tothe podcast, like, once you
start, if you're invested andyou love yourself and you're
going to do the work, you don'tstop, you don't get to a finish

(39:14):
line, you don't get there.
You, you know I've earned allthe money in the world like
didn't change anything.
I had the wife, the house, theyou know like and that's where,
kind of just living in the dayand the moment and literally
waking up and smelling the roses.
It's so funny, isn't it?
Kind of like all the clichestatements that we're told and

(39:36):
that we hear growing up, it'snow reality.
You know, love yourself beforeyou can love.
You can't love someone untilyou love yourself.
I must have been told that Idon't know a hundred times.
As a young person, I didn'tever listen to what that meant.

Carter (39:50):
Not until I was, because they're just words.

Ali (39:52):
They were just words until you're actually in it.

Carter (39:55):
Yeah, I find things like anything to do with parenting,
any of those cliches of likeyou'll understand when you have
kids, and all of that.
You know, I got told that shitall the time when I was growing
up and it was literally justwords, and it may as well have
been a completely differentlanguage, just words, and it may

(40:15):
as well have been a completelydifferent language.
And then, slowly but surely,after having kids.

Ali (40:19):
I just those words creep back into my mind my dear old
mom saying them you wait, youwait, you wait.

Carter (40:24):
She was right, she was right, yeah, she was right about
everything, and I say them tomy kids now as well, and and I'm
like this is pointless to saythis but one day, one day,
they'll be in their 30s withthree kids and they want to pull
their hair out and they'll sayto their kids you wait until
you're a parent, and they'llhave a little smile on their
face.

Ali (40:44):
It's funny.
You know, I love, love being aparent and I wouldn't change
obviously my situation I'm notsomeone that lives with regret
but change obviously mysituation.
I'm not someone that lives withregret.
But if I had my time over Iwouldn't have kids.
And I don't say that in a likeI kind of own that these days,
like I love them, I'm a greatmom, I provide for them, but
they don't define who I am.

(41:05):
You know I'm not a mom that sotell me.
Someone says, tell me aboutyourself.
I don't talk about my kids forquite a bit, like they're kind
of down, especially when I'mdating someone new or when I
meet someone new.
And that doesn't mean I don'tlove them at all, but they, you
know, I've always been a workingmom.
I've always had my own purposeand I strongly believe that kids
mimic the behavior that theysee.

(41:26):
And that's what I've done withmy, you know, my eldest son's
coming into 18.
And, aside from my work ethic,he's a bloody good kid and he's
a good guy and but what I had tocorrect and what I learned at
that 15, 16 year old Mark, likewhat I said before, is I was
like, oh shit, I'm making himthink that this is real life.
And then you know we go to athird world, we go to Bali for a

(41:47):
holiday and he's just likecrying at how they live, like,
and I'm like, oh my god, youthink, living on like he thought
that was real.
But why wouldn't he?
That's all he knew, and so I'vehad to correct the course along
the way.
And how old your eldest carter?

Carter (42:04):
four, four a four-year-old girl, a
two-year-old boy and a almostone-year-old girl.

Ali (42:09):
Yeah, baby yeah, and you know, navigating young adults is
a whole new thing and one ofthe things I used to say, like
people used to say to me and myeldest son was always a great
kid and people would say, oh,he's such a good kid.
You know, when you become aparent, you don't get a rule
book.
You don't get a rule book.
It's like, no, you don't.
But there are books, right,like you actually can research
being a good parent and if yourkid's a certain way and if

(42:30):
you're intuitive, like you knowand I've done that with him like
when we separated, I was like,right, where's the books on
separating?
When I came out as gay, I'mlike, how do I educate and and
all the like.
These days there's so muchinformation, support out there,
but like when my son was born,we didn't even have a smartphone
.
Like I was 27 and I didn't knowanything.

(42:51):
Like you didn't track, youdidn't it?
Just, you know, was 27 and Ididn't know anything.
Like you didn't track, youdidn't you?
Just, you know, and I and I I'mvery aware now that I'm
bringing out kids in a lifewhere they do have all of that,
and so I'm not a parent, thatI'm not anti-screens.
I'm not well back in my day.
We used to, you know, and I Ido wish that they.

(43:11):
I just think everything inmoderation, like yesterday.
We were at Mount Tambourine andhiked and spent the whole best
part of six hours out in natureand when we got home, my son's
like can I watch YouTube?
Absolutely, knock yourself out.
He was upstairs for two hours.
I did dinner, I caught up onsome work and everyone's happy.
You know, that's no differentto me watching four or five

(43:34):
hours of TV, which I would haveas a kid.
But navigating parenting inthis day and age is hard and I
see when you talk to yourfriends that have got kids at a
similar age and everyone makestheir own rules.
I'm just doing my best and I gothrough stages.
I recently took my iPad off myyoungest one and said it was

(43:54):
getting fixed at Apple and hedidn't have it for a month and
then it miraculously appearedone day when he was sick and I
had to get work done.
But yeah, I think parenting kidsnow in this space I had to
parent my son, losing hisvirginity, and the first
girlfriend's there's so muchfocus, I think, when you're

(44:15):
pregnant and when you're goingto be a parent, about the baby
and the birth, right, and thatshit's gone in two years.
And the truth is you're insurvival mode, as you would know
better than any of us, right,like you just got to get them
fed, eating and functioning,right.
If you can do all that, you'reokay.
And then you come up for airand I find what new parents and
new couples don't talk about isdo they want their kid to work?

(44:36):
Do they want their like?
What actually like?
What are the how they're goingto parent the six-year-old, the
seven-year-old, the 10-year-old?
Are they going to be allowed tohave sex in the home?
Do they want like all thoseconversations don't necessarily
happen, right, and I say itoften to friends that are, you
know, newly married or having akid I'm like, don't worry about
the first few years because thatshit's just, it's survival,

(44:59):
right, it's like sleepdeprivation.
Talk about what you're gonna doas a family.
Talk about your family values,like, talk about how you're
gonna.
Are you gonna sit down fordinner?
What are your not negotiables,like you know?
Yeah, then when phones become athing, just decide as a family
what's your rules around phonesand all those things.
So far, I'm comfortable withhow I'm navigating them, but

(45:22):
it's fucking hard, right, likeit's hard.

Carter (45:26):
I've had those conversations with my wife.
We've talked about it allbecause my wife and I were both
absolutely fucking balls to thewall teenagers and we got into
some mischief.
We both were like we need tohave a clear plan very, very far
in advance for our kids,because yeah if karma's a thing,

(45:46):
we're in for a, a real timeyeah, so you know we've talked
about phones and we've, we've,you know, we've discussed.
We want our kids to feel liketheir home is the safe space we
would love totally their home tobe like the group hangout,
where all the kids come and hangout here, and like the fun
house and all of that as far aslike alcohol and drugs, you know

(46:09):
I'm not going to ever condoneit, but if they're going do it,
they're going to do it, and I'drather them do it in a safe and
controlled environment than beout on the streets.
Yeah, we'll always discuss thesethings openly as a family.
So they know that there's trustthere and they know that if
they're ever in trouble thefirst person they call is me or
their mum.

Ali (46:29):
Yeah, carter, I'm the same.
That's been my rule and, andyou know, my son's nearly 80 and
I I was never into drugs as akid.
I didn't do any of that till mymid-20s but and I so I had no
rules.
Growing up I could do what Iwant when I want.
I was driving my mom's car at16 I I was just lucky I wasn't
naughty so I had my own, likejust who I?

(46:52):
I just wasn't a rat bag, Iwasn't into.
But my son, when he got to theage I was exactly like you.
All I wanted was to be told andmy two family non-negotiables
we own our shit.
So when we fuck up because wewill all fuck up we own it right
.
And that's my biggest thing.

(47:12):
And my eldest son had a fewsituations at school where he
wouldn't and I would know I'mlike, mate, I know you did it
just say you did it, own yourshit and then let's, let's talk
about that.
So he learned that at a sort ofmiddle age.
It was only small things, likehe got out of his fucking cabin
at camp and like nothing.
You know, I remember when I gotthe call and they said, oh,

(47:33):
he's got out of his cabin andsnuck to the other rooms at camp
.
Like, honestly, I was like, ohyes, like he's got a bit of,
fucking, get up and go in him,because he was quite like, just,
I was like, I was like I wasactually happy and then they're
like we're gonna suspend him.
I go suspend him for that.
Are you fucking kidding?
Like you know, he goes to areally strict school.
It was a really strict school,but I knew that the drug things

(47:54):
was happening and I was like,have you tried it yet?
Where are you at?
What are you, you know?
And he, oh, are you still there?
I think I just lost you.
Oh, yeah, you've come back.
Yeah, you're back.
He eventually, yeah, I triedmarijuana and this is, you know,
this is what I thought of itand you know I was trying to
give him his first beer at 16and he just didn't want it.
He now drinks.

(48:15):
So he's just hitting nightclubsnow.
So probably the last fourmonths he's going out to
nightclubs on a Saturday nightand they go out and they get
home at four in the morning andthey've been drinking and they
Uber and, honestly, like I loveit.

Carter (48:33):
I'm like this is the best time of your life, mate.

Ali (48:35):
Have a ball, be safe, go hard, go hard.
Like you know I've got no, yeah.
And his first girlfriend, likehe was like, can she stay the
night?
I'm like, have you slepttogether yet?
No, we haven't, you know.
And he was with her for sixmonths and that was hard to
navigate, you know like, and Ithink when you're single, you're
kind of like I was like, oh,I've got no one to talk to about
it, right?
So you just sort of make upyour decision and you go with it

(48:56):
.
But yeah, no, parenting youngadults is, you know, it's just
completely different.
And his dad took the other path, where I don't want to know
about it, I'm not interested.
And subsequently he doesn'tstay at his dad's anymore.
He hasn't stayed at his dad'shouse in a year and a half, you
know.
And so, as a parent, you get anopportunity where you can.
Either you can put your head inthe sand, but you lose them

(49:19):
along the way, right, like kidsare all going to lie and they're
all going to do the things thatthey're going to do, and you
just have to make a decision onwhether you want to know about
it or you don't.
Jesus.

Carter (49:32):
I'd always rather know about it.

Ali (49:34):
Same, same same and like he's, you know.
I mean he hasn't done any, wehaven't had a major touch.
Whatever we touch, I don't haveany wood in front of me, but
yes, I have there.
We go touch wood.
I haven't had any major dramawith him yet, but it will happen
.
Someone will take too much, orthey'll have their first drug,
or you know, he's just startingto want to go to festivals and

(49:59):
like I know it's there, right.
But I hand on heart, 100% knowthat he will call me.
I know he will call me and ifhe didn't get me he'd call my
ex-partner and he not like if hecouldn't get me and he would
call and that's all I want youknow, you know, I don't know
what the drug scene is going tobe like when my kids are of age
I know right probably going tobe fucking digital.

Carter (50:22):
Put this fucking chip in your neck or something lens in
your eye or some shit, I don'tknow imagine what it would be
like.
That's interesting yeah, no, Ithink about it quite often
actually, but just just theamount of dangerous situations
that I I could have been in as a, as a young man like I would.
I went to festivals and aperson that I had never seen in

(50:44):
my life would walk up to me andshe'd be like open your mouth.
And I'd be like, fucking sure,what did I just take?
It could have been battery acid.
I fucking do not know.
And you know I'm very, verylucky that those were some of
the coolest nights of my life.

Ali (51:00):
Same.
I'm the same Same.

Carter (51:01):
Yeah.

Ali (51:02):
Yeah, I'm the same and I, yeah, I have the same memories
and I, my eldest son's bestfriend he was, if we're going
back a few years earlier.
His parents weren't parentingthe same, so so he got into
vaping and was getting intobongs and they were not allowing
it and they were starting toreally lose him, you know.
And he got into it a bityounger then and at that time my

(51:23):
son wasn't into it and we usedto be neighbors before I
separated with my partner and sowe're close.
And you know, she reached outand was like I'm losing him and
I'm like mate, you've got totake the red tape off.
Like he's getting out thewindow, he's gonna do it anyway,
you know, you're gonna lose himcompletely.
And we went on a family holidaywith them a year ago and they

(51:44):
changed their parenting styleliterally completely.
Like we, literally they're likeno, you're right, I'm like,
just let him do it.
Who cares?
He's doing it.
A year earlier, like he vapesyou guys both smoked.
He vapes it Like it's not okay.
But if you keep, you know thelying and you know all that was
worse.
And so they completely changedthe way they were parenting him

(52:06):
and they are all so close now,like their whole family network,
my, they live.
They live near the water, nearour old house, and my son stays
there.
And the other night they got inon Sunday and they were coming
in at five and the dad just gotup.
He's like oh geez, boys, comeover here, gave him a HydroLite
and some Panadol and sent him tobed.

(52:27):
Now, if that was a year earlierhe would have been like where
the hell have you been making abig deal about it?
And it's like's like they are17, they are getting into a
nightclub with fake id.
They're not quite 18 yet, butit's okay like it actually is.
And even the bouncers look atit and go okay, mate in, you go,
yeah, you know you think youthink things have changed, but

(52:48):
it kind of yeah, it kind of hasnI, yeah, it doesn't.
It's an interesting thing for me.
I grew up in Melbourne so wedidn't get our license until we
were 18.
So you got your license at 18and you could then go out,
whereas here they get inQueensland they get their
licenses at 16, which for anyonein America it's completely
different.
They're 16 and then can't drinkto 21.

(53:08):
So I find that really so for me.
Once he got his license I waslike, like there's no curfews
anymore, like I trust you, yousmash the car if you drink,
drive, did it, you know, andhe's lost all his points.
He's driving around the momentwith one point because he lost
three points for doing, forspeeding, and he won't ever.
He won't drink and drivebecause at the moment he needs
the car, like that's hislifeline.

(53:29):
So he ubers everywhere, whichis smart, yeah, whereas when we
were young we drank and drove.
That's what we did.
Like, yeah, we would literallybe at it, we'd be at a rave and
we would finish it and we'relike so who's who's gonna do
this?
Like who's tripping the less,and I often drove, I'll drive.
You know, and I sort of preachthat I've never drunk, drove and

(53:49):
I'm like you might have beendrunk, but you definitely were.

Carter (53:52):
You definitely were.
On something.
I didn't get my licence until Iwas 25 because I had lost a
fair few friends from drinkdriving and stuff.

Ali (54:04):
Did you.
That's horrible.

Carter (54:06):
I was the type of person that would do it because I just
didn't give a fuck.
So I consciously was like, okay, well, the only way I can
ensure that I don't drink, driveand don't die behind the wheel
of a car is just to not get mylicence.

Ali (54:19):
So I was always just the drunk passenger.
Yeah, yeah, it's smart, it'sreally smart I saved myself by
doing that.
Yeah, really smart.

Carter (54:28):
Is there anything you want to throw out to the world
before we wrap up, Nicole?
What do I want to?

Ali (54:35):
throw out to the world.
You know what I'd love to throwout to the world.
I am just so incrediblypassionate about you know.
It's not so much aroundparenting but just being true to
who you are.
Right Like.
It feels like such a cliche, butfuck, conforming, fuck society,
fuck what you've been broughtup.

(54:55):
Believing, you know, findingwho you are and being true to
that person is the mostliberating thing I've ever done
in my life and I am such anadvocate for it and I just yeah,
for anyone out there thatdoesn't even know what that
means, because if I had haveheard me saying this three years
ago, I would have been likewhat the fuck is she talking

(55:17):
about?
But life gets to be really easy, like when you accept who you
inherently are and you trust whoyou are and you have integrity
in yourself.
Everyday tasks get to be easy,like I just like cleaning my
house, washing, like all of thethings that that were
traditionally piss you off.
If you're in a really goodstate of mind, that shit's just

(55:39):
not hard.
It's just what you're going todo, you know.
But you just you don't have thatresentment.
So I would like to throw out tothe world that life does get to
be really easy, but you do haveto do the work.
You can't and the work's innerit's all about you.
It's never about anyone else.
It's never about a relationship, a home, a job.
It's always a fucking insidejob.
And that's what I do.

(56:01):
I help women do that work andit's the most rewarding thing
ever, you know.
But that would be my throw out.

Carter (56:08):
Awesome, be who you are, perfect.
And just before I let you go,do you want to plug your
businesses, plug your artworkand your life coaching?

Ali (56:17):
Yeah, totally Totally so.
My art business is called yourArt by Nicole, and Instagram is
where I'm most active.
And then my coaching andpodcast is your Say.
So the word your Say, your Sayby Nicole.
So my podcast is also onSpotify, apple and all of the
platforms and over there we do areally similar thing to you.

(56:41):
We don't necessarily have theparenting link, but we talk a
lot about the conversations thatpeople are really having, you
know, and not the mums that aregoing to the coffee shop in all
of their $300 leggings, theconversations that actually
really should be happening.
That's kind of what our podcastis about.

(57:02):
But, yeah, I do coaching.
I work with women all over theworld and I do it via Zoom and
you'll find it all on Instagramso we can drop it in the show
notes and stuff.

Carter (57:12):
Yeah, awesome.
Well, thank you very much forjoining me.
No worries, thank you, carter,it's been really good.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
The deep chat was way deeperthan I thought I was going to go
, but deep is good we got deep.
It was good we will catch upsoon.
I think I'm going to come onyour podcast.

Ali (57:28):
You are going to be the first man I've ever, and by the
time you get on there, I'll havedone 50 episodes and I won't
have spoken to a guy yet.
So you are going to be thefirst.

Carter (57:39):
Very excited.

Ali (57:40):
Yeah, sounds good.

Carter (57:41):
All right, mate, you take care.

Ali (57:43):
Thank you.

Carter (57:43):
Hooray bye.

Speaker 3 (57:48):
See you, it's another day to try and find a way to
make it so my life's a betterplace.
If there's one thing I see,then your only thing is me.
Just knowing that I'm trying tomake a change.
Can I put it all on me?

(58:11):
Can I put it all on me,Responsibilities and all the
other nonsense coming byrepeatedly?
There's one thing I know it'sknowing to let go, Just knowing
that I'm trying to make a changeOutro Music.

All Episodes

Embracing Authenticity | Nicole’s Story of Coming Out, Co-Parenting, Feminine Art and Self Love

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

24/7 News: The Latest

Therapy Gecko

The Joe Rogan Experience

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Embracing Authenticity | Nicole’s Story of Coming Out, Co-Parenting, Feminine Art and Self Love