June 18, 2024 • 55 mins
Welcome to Episode 29 of Touched Out! A Mental Health Podcast for Parents.
Join us as we explore the inspiring journey of a commercial photographer from Vancouver Island who overcame significant health challenges through powerlifting and a low-carb diet. Ali shares her story of transformation, parenting, and finding strength.
Ali's Transformation: Powerlifting and Weight Loss
Ali's incredible journey involves losing over 140 pounds and embracing a low-carb lifestyle. Hear how she navigated these changes while parenting two brilliant daughters and how her new strength has positively impacted her life.
Triumphs in Parenting and Self-Acceptance
Discover the impressive achievements of Ali's eldest daughter in robotics and engineering. Ali discusses the importance of self-acceptance and building physical and mental resilience, both for herself and her children.
Navigating Relationships and Public Perception
Our host shares candid reflections on the complexities of relationships, including differing beliefs on religion, LGBTQ+ issues, and COVID-19. Hear about her tumultuous divorce, postpartum challenges, and the journey to finding new love and self-esteem.
Teenage Crushes, Music, and Modern Parenting
Take a nostalgic trip through memories of punk concerts, teenage antics, and the anxieties of parenting in today's world. This episode explores the influence of ADHD, childhood traumas, and societal biases, all set against the backdrop of the enduring power of music and memories.
Join the Conversation
Tune in to hear Ali's inspiring story and explore the joys and challenges of parenting, relationships, and self-discovery. Follow us on social media and share your thoughts on this episode.
Thanks for listening to Touched Out: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carter (00:01):
We would like to acknowledge the traditional
custodians of this land.
We pay our respects to theElders past, present and
emerging, for they hold thememories, the traditions and the
culture of the Aboriginal andTorres Strait Islander people
across the nation.
Warning this podcast containsexplicit language and discusses
(00:22):
sensitive topics related tomental health childhood trauma,
birth trauma, abuse, miscarriageand suicide.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you find these subjectsdistressing or triggering, we
recommend taking caution andconsidering whether to proceed
with listening.
If you or someone you know isstruggling, please reach out to
a mental health professional ora trusted individual for support
(00:43):
.
Your wellbeing is our priority.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Touched Out podcast.
Today we have Ali fromVancouver Island.
Ali shares her incrediblejourney through mental health, a
messy divorce, weight loss andparenting two girls, which is
nothing short of inspiring.
Throughout the episode, youwill hear us discuss Ali being a
host for a true crime podcast,which is no longer the case.
(01:05):
Full disclosure, as Ali and Iboth have ADHD.
The conversation takes us on anostalgic trip through our
teenage years and our sharedlove for punk and pop punk bands
.
I hope you enjoy today'sepisode.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Cheers.
So take a breath fromeverything right here and Take
some time, it's alright, you'llbe fine.
After touch of a cat.
Take all night, you'll be fine,it's all right.
(01:53):
The Touched Up Podcast.
Carter (01:56):
So today we have Ali.
Ali is 41, a mother of two fromVancouver.
She is the co-host of themurder podcast.
That's so Fucked Up, tsfu.
Thanks so much for joining metoday, ali, how are you going?
Ali (02:13):
Hello, thanks for having me so excited.
Carter (02:17):
Awesome.
So why don't you tell me alittle bit about yourself, a
little bit about your historyand why you've decided to join
me today?
Ali (02:25):
Okay, so I'm actually from Vancouver Island, british
Columbia, which is verydifferent than Vancouver.
So Vancouver is like the bigcity and I'm on an island near
there and I live in the middleof fucking nowhere.
We have well, I mean, comparedto places in Australia, not the
middle of nowhere, but like wehave a gas station slash
barbershop.
That's all we got in my town,so it's very small.
Carter (02:45):
Like in one building.
Yeah, that's fucking ghetto.
Ali (02:48):
It's so small.
It's so small, but I live abouta half an hour from like a real
town and I've lived here forabout seven years.
I'm a commercial photographer,so I am the creative director of
a magazine, so I do all thephotography for that, and I also
have a portrait studio where Ispecialize in like newborn and
family photography.
I've lost a fuck ton of weight,which is kind of how we know
each other from Instagram, so Istarted my weight loss journey.
(03:11):
That sounds so cheesy, but youknow what I'm saying.
Carter (03:14):
He's one of these.
Ali (03:15):
I know, right About five years ago, when I was just like
woke up one day and I was justreally sad and sick and I just
was like I'm ready to die, likeI was what, like 36 years old,
and I was like, is this my life,is this it?
And I had to go check my mailand my mailbox was like three
blocks away and I was like outof breath and I could hardly
(03:35):
walk and I was like I'm done.
So I decided to try going lowcarb and I started doing low
carb and then I started feelingbetter, started walking, started
feeling better, and now I justgot a new coach for powerlifting
and I weightlift.
So awesome, yeah.
And so, along with like thephysical transformation, there's
been like a huge mentaltransformation as well, and life
(03:55):
is getting pretty fucking good.
Carter (03:57):
Would you be happy to divulge the starting weight
versus current weight?
Ali (04:03):
Oh sure, so my starting weight, well, and also like I'm
a thick bitch, I'm still a biggirl, but I people are usually
shocked I'll say I'll say pantsizes to start with.
So I was at a size like 30, 32,like I'm not talking like a
men's 30, I'm talking a women's30 32, and now I'm like a 14.
(04:23):
So my original weight was 370pounds and I'm now I kind of
fluctuate between like 220 and230.
And I know that's not.
I'm 510, though I'm very talland I am very muscular.
So, yeah, I'm about a size 12.
I'm 14.
I'm super fucking happy withwhere I am with my body right
now.
I did have skin removal surgerya couple of years ago and I
(04:45):
went to a surgeon and he wantedme to lose an additional 70
pounds and I was like I would beliterally skin and bones and I
wouldn't be happy.
And I was like, no, I like, Ilike my curves.
And he was like, really Like hewas shocked and I was like, no,
I'm like, I'm really happy withhow I look now.
Carter (05:01):
So yeah, Doctors are so good at showing that the sexism
aren't they?
Ali (05:05):
Yeah, Like I was like he, I think he primarily worked on
like Barbie dolls, which like,no hate, good for you, but
that's never going to be me.
And I heard something on TikTokand it was like you can't train
a German shepherd into achihuahua, and so I'm.
My goal now for my body is justlike being stronger, lifting
heavier, being happier, andthat's about it as far as my
(05:26):
like.
Health and weight loss Awesome.
Carter (05:29):
Kicking goals both physically and mentally.
Good to hear.
So you've got two daughters, 15years old and 12 years old.
Why don't you run me through alittle bit about your parenting
history, the pregnancy stories,the birth stories?
Ali (05:47):
You know all of that's kind of.
My kids are so old now that'sall so blurry.
But, well, I had been with my ex.
I'm going through a divorcecurrently, but I'd been with my
ex since I was 14.
And it wasn't a greatrelationship.
It wasn't bad at first, but itjust wasn't great.
It wasn't happy, it wasn'thealthy.
(06:08):
It was very codependent.
But I was quite big then and Iwas kind of like growing up in
the 90s you're taught that menonly want really skinny women,
like that's what I, and so Iwould have people be like, wow,
you're so lucky you got him.
Looking at me and I was like,so that was my mentality, was
like, well, at least I havesomeone.
(06:30):
I'm not going to get anyoneelse, so at least I have someone
.
So it wasn't like a super happyrelationship.
And then we had our firstdaughter when I was 25.
And he kind of just startedworking a lot and it was just
kind of me and my daughter andmy daughter's a genius, like I'm
not, like I'm not.
She was reading, or sorry, shewas talking at nine months.
She was reading at two and ahalf and now she's graduating
(06:52):
about two years early.
She she specialized the pastfour years in robotics and
engineering.
So she went to a special school, starting in sixth grade for
robotics and engineering.
She looks like an animecharacter and she's fucking
brilliant.
She would like to be either abiomedical engineer or
mechanical engineer, but she'salso really interested in
hydrogen fusion.
(07:13):
Is that the good one?
Yes, hydrogen fusion.
And when she talks I have noidea what she's talking about.
And then, when she was three, Ihad my second daughter and she
just makes me laugh more thanany child in the world.
She's super sporty, she's superathletic nothing that I ever
was.
She's one of the seriously oneof the funniest kids in the
world.
She's super sarcastic andbrilliant in her own.
(07:34):
She's not super into school butshe's, I think, to be like,
incredibly funny.
You obviously have to be veryintelligent and she's just so
quick, witted and hilarious.
So, yeah, I split up with theirdad almost four years ago and
that's kind of when I started toget happier, and so it's just
kind of been me and the girlsfor the past few years.
He's around, but it's still meprimarily parenting them and
(07:59):
they're awesome.
They're amazing.
My younger daughter and I werekind of famous over lockdown.
I think I showed you some ofthe images of creating pop
culture images.
I don't know if you want toshare any of those on your
social, but feel free to,because they're hilarious.
Carter (08:13):
They are very cool, very , very creative.
Ali (08:15):
Yeah, so I used.
When lockdown started I went tomy photography studio and I
grabbed a bunch of gear and Ibrought it home and so during
lockdown we just recreatedimages of like that's kind of
how we stayed sane and yeah, itwas super fun.
And then we were even contactedby the Ellen show.
Carter (08:33):
We don't talk about hair anymore, though, do we?
Ali (08:36):
No, well, it's funny because they like literally
wanted emotion porn, I thinkit's what it's called.
So they were like are you goingto lose your house?
Are you like destitute, are you?
And I was like no, I'm like,I'm.
Canadian, so we get Serb.
We got like.
And then they were like oh okay, nevermind.
Like they wanted a really sadstory and I didn't have it.
So everyone's like why didn'tyou lie?
And I'm like cause I believe inkarma.
Carter (08:56):
Yeah, the media is is.
So just finished up a campaignfor Men's Mental Health Week and
I had a film crew come to myhouse and like film this awesome
segment with me talking aboutmy experience with postpartum
depression and it was like fiveminutes of footage.
And then one national newsstation decided to run the story
(09:19):
but only use like three secondsof my footage and it was just
like this footage that said Iwas really scared that I was
going to hurt my kids andthey're like he was scared that
he was going to hurt his kidsand I was like, oh you
motherfuckers yeah, yeah, yeahit's yeah, taken out of context
and sensationalized yeah, sothat was sucky and I got like
(09:39):
the the statistics of how farthose stories reached after the
campaign.
It was like 52 million people.
It was the reach.
No, I'm like there's so manypeople in australia.
I fucking wanted to hurt mykids oh my god, that's horrible
that's fine.
I'm living my own truth, rightof course and I'm a glutton for
(10:02):
punishment too, because I'vejust been offered the chance to
go on another fucking news showto do another story on
postpartum.
But this time I'm like, oh, I'mready for them.
I'm going to choose my wordscarefully.
Ali (10:15):
You have your sound bites already pre-programmed in your
head.
Carter (10:17):
Yeah, I'll have it all written out, yeah.
Ali (10:20):
Yeah, yeah, so that's kind of a little bit about me.
Carter (10:25):
What, yeah, yeah, so that's kind of a little bit
about me, what else you want toknow.
I'm an open book for the mostpart.
So I mean we went through alittle bit about your journey on
instagram when we were textingback and forth, and I do want to
delve into your relationshipwith your ex a little bit more
and kind of the reasons in whichthat relationship ended and
kind of where you're at nowversus where he's at now.
(10:47):
As I understand it, he may ormay not be part of for lack of a
better word a cult.
Ali (10:55):
So I can't like go into too much detail because like we're
still in the middle of ourdivorce, but I'm going to kind
of, basically, he grew up in aChristian household and I did
not, but I, you know, did thewhole thing where on like Friday
nights you go to youth groupbecause it was a small town and
I was like pretty open toreligion and then, through some
experiences I had, I just reallykind of realized that the idea
(11:19):
of organized religion was notfor me.
And he was kind of he did hisown thing and we had our own
point of views and we kind ofrespect, respected each other.
And then things started to kindof change a little bit in our
beliefs.
I am very, very much an allyand I have a lot of queer
friends and family, and he verymuch believes that it's a sin
(11:40):
and it's mental health issuesare causing this.
And and then I just I think itwas around the same time where I
just realized like thisrelationship was not ever a
really I don't even know how toword it we seemed more like
roommates.
Our entire relationship, likethere was not a lot of like
romance or spark or anything,and I just really realized that
(12:01):
I wanted more and we, our viewsand our beliefs, just didn't
align.
And during that time was when hestarted to get into some online
forums that may involveconspiracies and things, and
then, especially with COVID, andwhen COVID hit and different,
different beliefs around thevaccine and about the I we had
(12:24):
very, very different viewpointsand he went one way, and I'm not
extreme in any way.
I have friends who their husbanddied from COVID and he was a
happy, healthy, he wasn'tespecially old, and so I know it
was real and he was telling meit wasn't and it's not a big
(12:44):
issue, and I just didn't havethe same beliefs as him.
And so it know it was real andhe was telling me it wasn't and
it's not a big issue, and I justdidn't have the same beliefs as
him, and so it was about thattime we were starting to break
up anyway and I think thecombination of lockdown, covid
and our relationship splittingup he very much delved into
online groups and I didn't, andhe definitely has different
viewpoints and I didn't, and hedefinitely has different
(13:07):
viewpoints about men and women'srelationships and what rights
women should have and whatbeliefs women should have, and
you know that when you enterinto a marriage, you have
entered into a covenant with God, which means you're married
until one of you is dead.
And I don't necessarily havethe same beliefs, so it's
definitely been very, verychallenging, and probably once
my divorce is fully finalized Ican go into more detail.
(13:28):
But it's been difficult, to saythe least.
But in that time I've met a newpartner and it made me realize
how relationships should be.
Can I tell you the story of howwe met?
Carter (13:40):
Please, please do.
Ali (13:43):
So I'd only ever dated my ex and and I literally thought
like no man would ever beinterested in me, because my
brain was like fucked up and Ihave really low self-esteem.
And I was sitting at a riverwith some friends and our kids
were swimming and I look up onthis cliff and I see like this,
the most handsome man I've everseen, and my heart's like
pounding and I'm like, oh my God, who is that?
I smack my friend.
I'm like who the fuck is that?
Because, again, I live in areally small town and he does
(14:05):
not look like the guys that livein my town and anyway, I just
couldn't stop staring at thisguy.
But then, of course, because Ihave super low self-esteem, I
was like, wow, this man's sohandsome, he would never be
interested in me.
So then I was on a dating app.
You know the dating app.
I was on Tinder and I wastalking to a guy in real life, a
(14:26):
friend of a friend, and he saidI've never seen you on Tinder
and I said, well, how old areyou?
And he said I'm 27.
I'm like you're a fucking child.
That is why.
And he said, well, what's yourage limit?
And I said 35 to 50.
And he was like you shouldlower your age range.
And I said okay, and I loweredmy age range.
And then I woke up the nextmorning and who had liked me?
But the guy from the river.
And I was like that's the guy.
(14:48):
I know who that guy is.
And then so I swipe on him andI said I've seen you before.
And he goes no, you haven't,I'm not from here, I don't know
anyone, you haven't seen me.
And I said I had.
And then I was like this isgoing to be such a fun hookup,
this is.
Carter (15:05):
Awesome, that's super cute.
My wife and I were also aTinder meetup.
It's a great app if you canjust find the right one.
I think nowadays it's a littlebit different no-transcript know
(15:54):
anyone.
Ali (15:55):
And then, after he met me, he said wait a second, do you
know this girl, ali?
And they said yeah, sheactually shot us for her
magazine.
So then he was like oh my god,you know her.
So yeah, it was all I don'tknow, we'll see.
Carter (16:06):
It's very cute he's absolutely lovely what do you
mean?
We'll say Very cute, he'sabsolutely lovely.
Ali (16:10):
What do you mean?
We'll see.
It's been two and a half years,I think.
We've seen mate.
Yeah, he's absolutely wonderful, or are?
Carter (16:14):
you still a little bit low on the self-esteem and you
just keep thinking that it'slike a really, really long con.
Ali (16:19):
At times.
Yeah, no, I still definitely.
My self-esteem is not.
It's getting better, but it'slike I've grown up my whole life
having this perception ofmyself that only recently I
realized is just in my head.
It's not true.
I would be literally at the barand someone would come up to me
(16:40):
and start talking to me and I'dbe like they're making fun of
me.
This is a prank.
Yeah, that's like still to thisday.
That's kind of what happens ifsomeone like hits on me.
I'm like like when I was inhigh school, I remember a guy
coming up and I was wearing aBlink 182 shirt and this is
before they were big.
Okay, this was like CheshireCat first album.
And this guy was like I likeyour shirt.
(17:01):
And he was like a footballplayer and I was like fuck you
and kept walking.
I like your shirt.
Why would you say that?
Carter (17:10):
to me and I was like I'm sorry.
I thought you were making funof me, so you are like a female
version of me that lives on theother side of the world.
So I've also had the same kindof self-esteem issues where I've
you know, I have always kind ofstruggled to reconcile my own
feelings and my own view ofmyself versus how other people
would see me.
Ali (17:29):
And it's only just like.
Carter (17:30):
I'm almost five years into marriage and I still
struggle.
It's like peaks and valleys, butmy first ever tattoo was a
Blink-182 tattoo on my chest andI was walking through the park
and one of like the super, supercool like pop punk kids his
name's brendan was like are youthe dude with the blink 182
(17:52):
tattoo?
And I was just I was.
So I was so wary of of myselfand hated myself so much that
there was no way in hell thatthis super popular kid not only
knew who I was, but knew that Ihad a blink 182 tattoo and would
actively talk to me in publicunless it was making fun of me.
So I turned around and I waslike fuck you, motherfucker.
(18:13):
Like I arced up straight awayand, yeah, burnt a bridge and I
saw him at a tattoo convention,like years later, a decade later
, and he's like an establishedtattoo artist now and he's still
super fucking cool.
And he's like what was thatabout?
And I was just like hey, likehey, man, I'm fucking sorry.
He's like blink 182 was myfavorite band and like you were
(18:36):
a year or two older than me andlike you're the only person I
knew in town because this issmallish country town you're the
only person I knew with a blink182 tattoo.
I just I was fucking super keento talk to you about music and
you just like went off at me.
So it's a super weird kind ofthing to look back on and
(18:59):
realize how you shaped your ownexistence just based off what
you see in the fucking mirror.
Ali (19:01):
I was actually just telling my kids today that when I was
in high school there was thisboy, this punk boy, and I had
the biggest crush on him.
I just thought he I had aboyfriend at the time, but this
kid, I thought he was like thecoolest, hottest, like my heart
would pound, so much so that ifI saw him in the hall I would
walk the other direction and goaround the outside of the school
.
So I didn't have to walk by himbecause I was just like so in
(19:23):
love with him and looking backhe was like this chubby, nerdy
kid with acne and I was like Icould have totally just been
like hey, do you want to hangout?
And he definitely would havesaid yes, but in my head I was
just like he's so cool and it'sso ridiculous looking back.
Carter (19:39):
Yeah, it's geez, looking back at all of those kind of
times, especially now that I'man adult and I have my ADHD and
autism diagnosis.
I think back to like all ofthese fucking really pivotal
awkward moments with like datingand first loves and all of that
sort of stuff.
I was thinking about it theother day.
There was down the road from myhouse when I lived with my
(20:02):
parents.
I was like 13 years old, Ireckon there was a girl named
Kate and me and anotherneighbourhood kid and her and
like one of her friends were alllike hanging out on her
driveway playing, spin thebottle, yeah, and I remember
just being like I fucking hopeit lands on her, like she's so
beautiful, she's so beautifuland I don't think I'd even
(20:23):
kissed anyone at that stage andI span it and landed on her.
It and landed on her and I kindof I was so nervous and giddy
and like had this big old ballof like nervousness in inside me
that it came out of my nose andlike this big string of snot
(20:44):
came out of my left nostril likedead set down to my belly, and
then I was like and just snortedit back up into my nose and she
still kissed me.
She didn't even make it likeshe straight faced, straight
face.
And to this day I'm just like Iwish I could just find her on
social media and be like I knowyou fucking remember this,
(21:06):
because that had to be traumaticfor you and I'm really sorry.
Oh my god.
And to this day I'm still just.
Ali (21:13):
I'm so secondhand embarrassed by myself but that's
adorable that you have to putthat on social media and find
her, because just good on her,like thanks for really chopping
me out there, kate.
Carter (21:27):
Yeah, if you're listening.
Ali (21:28):
She was.
She knew the assignment.
She understood the assignment.
She was going to get it done.
Carter (21:34):
Yeah, it could have been worse and I could have sucked
it through my mouth.
Ali (21:39):
No, then she would have ran , I think.
Carter (21:41):
Yeah, I think so.
Ali (21:42):
I, whenever there was spin the bottle, I would never would
play.
I would have never played.
I would have just been like Ihave to go to the bathroom and I
would have just like left.
I'd never.
I was way too insecure and shy.
It's weird, though, talkingabout because I have teenagers
now, right, and they're bothwell, my older one somewhat, but
(22:02):
my younger daughter is soconfident, she's so confident.
She had to go to this event atanother school and she just like
would go up to kids and be liketo a girl, be like, oh my God,
you're so pretty.
What's your TikTok, do you wantto be friends?
And then they're friends,whereas, like, I needed people
to like continuously validate me, to know that they actually
wanted to be my friend.
(22:23):
And I have another coolparenting story and I don't know
if you saw this on my TikTok oron my Instagram about NoFX, the
punk band, nofx.
Did you see this whole story?
Okay, so last year, nofx youknow NoFX, right, the punk band.
Yeah, okay.
So NoFX was coming to a townnear me with the Descendants.
(22:44):
So NoFX is one of my favoritebands growing up and they're my
daughter's favorite band myolder daughter and Descendants
are my favorite band.
So I wanted to go to this showand I was like, oh my God, we're
going to.
And it was at a venue that'snot a licensed venue so you can
have kids there.
But this show happened to be abeer festival, so no kids were
(23:04):
allowed in.
I don't know what it's like inAustralia, but in Canada you
have to be 19 to be in thosekinds of events.
So I was like, oh my God, whatdo I do?
Do I get you a fake ID?
And I almost got her a fake IDbecause she's like six feet tall
and probably could pull it off,but I was like, oh, we both
have anxiety.
So instead I went to TikTok andI made a TikTok and I'm like,
hey, this is a message for NoFX.
This is my daughter, this iswhy she's amazing.
(23:34):
She's involved with STEM andengineering and da, da, da, da,
da and I a bunch of pictures ofher for the past like five years
, wearing no effects shirts andshe'd done art and all this
stuff.
So then I go out for dinner witha friend and all of a sudden I
see on my phone Fat Recordsstarted following you, no
effects started following youand I was like oh my god, what's
happening?
The band saw the video.
They're like we're gonna getyou backstage and so we're
freaking out.
But two days before the show,first of all band announces
they're breaking up and then,second of all, the tour manager
emails me and said the venuewill not let her backstage, she
(23:54):
can't go.
So she was heartbroken.
I was like sorry, kid, and Iwent anyway.
But they are now coming toTacoma.
So Tacoma is near SeattleWashington, which is about a six
or seven hour trip for me andit's an all ages show.
And we talked to the tourmanager and we're going on
Saturday.
So this Saturday my daughter andI get to go to NoFX together.
Carter (24:17):
Super cool.
Ali (24:18):
Very very cool.
Carter (24:20):
I am incredibly jealous.
I saw NoFX.
When would it have been, I wantto say 2012, maybe?
Amazing show, loved it, hadsuch a fun time.
They played with another one ofmy favourite punk bands of all
time.
It's an Australian band calledBody Jar.
(24:40):
If you haven't heard of them,check them out.
They are absolutely great, beenaround for many, many years.
Just like NoFX had an amazingnight and I was the next morning
I had a game of basketball withmy workmates and I blew my knee
completely in a half like MCL,acl, meniscus and a fracture,
(25:01):
and yeah so I got to see NoFXthe night before my life changed
and I had to get a knee recoand give up sports.
Ali (25:09):
How is it this?
How is it like today?
Are you, is it better all theway, or is it still giving you?
Carter (25:13):
issues.
My bad knee is now my good kneebecause I'm 36 years old and
still am way more than I should.
So yeah, the reconstructed kneeis the good knee now, and I'm
just waiting for the other oneto go.
My wife's like any fucking day.
Ali (25:29):
We had a German shepherd and we had to have his knee, her
knee, replaced and then acouple months later her other
knee went.
So you know, that was like mydog.
It's funny talking about punkshows, though, because my kids
are like my older daughterespecially is like tell me about
Warped Tour.
So back in the day, like I wentto Warped Tour 95, warped Tour
(25:50):
96, and I would see bands likeNoFX, bad Religion, pennywise,
blink-182, all of those bandsfor like $30.
Like you would get a ticket forlike $25, $30 and see all your
favorite bands, and now ticketsfor Blink-182 would like start
at $400.
It's insane and I feel so badfor these kids.
Carter (26:05):
Yeah, but I guess that's what we had a warped tour here
in I don't know what year it was.
I was in year nine at schooland like it was a public school
and it was like warped tour waslike a two-hour drive from our
school and for some fuckingreason I don't understand how or
(26:26):
why or who talked the schoolinto it, but they hired a bus,
no, and like on a school day, wewere able to buy tickets with
parental consent.
Teachers drove a bus toMelbourne to the Warped Tour and
they got to just hang out andwatch shows.
I didn't get to go because Ithink I was grounded at the time
(26:49):
for being caught with marijuanaor some shit, but all my mates
went and they said it was thebest thing ever.
Ali (26:55):
That's amazing.
Oh, that's so cool.
Carter (26:57):
I don't understand it.
Ali (26:58):
I'm doing a lot of reminiscing today.
I know let's keep talking aboutold punk shows.
It's funny because when I wasin grade eight so I guess year
eight is what you'd say I hadtickets to Green Day.
I had tickets to blink one, orsorry, not like I do to the
green day.
I tickets to green day and Iwas so excited.
And then my friend and Ithought it'd be like a really
good idea to stay out all nightand sleep on the beach with her
boyfriend.
So we and which in my head itwas going to be really cool and
(27:21):
really it was me sitting therelike shivering, freezing and
them making out the whole time.
It sucked.
And I got home at like sixo'clock in the morning and my
mom was like why are you home atsix o'clock in the morning?
And I was like there wasconstruction next to her house
and it kept us awake becausethat was a good idea when I was
13.
And I did not get to go to seeGreen Day.
Carter (27:41):
That was my punishment.
My friends got to.
Ali (27:44):
I didn't get to.
Carter (27:45):
That sucks.
One of my favorite memories iswe had a tour come through in 04
, 05, 06.
I think it was like three years, called the Taste of Chaos.
It was like all like theScreamo bands of the early 2000s
, like the MySpace bands, theUsed MyCam Rise Against Funeral
(28:06):
for a Friend Story of the Year,like a bunch of other awesome,
awesome bands, like my favouritebands at the time, and I begged
.
I begged my mum to like let mego, let me go.
And she relented and let me go.
And me and my old bandmate whohad two nicknames one was Freaky
(28:27):
and the other was Ninja, steve,don't tell me why.
Don't ask me why.
Sorry, because I couldn't tellyou.
We packed our bags and jumpedon a train to Melbourne.
Yet again, it was like an hourand a half, two hours away and
like for some reason, my mumdidn't ask me how we were
getting home or where we werestaying or what time the concert
finished or any of these likequestions that any parent would
(28:50):
ask.
And we didn't even think aboutit, like we had no plan, we just
went to this concert.
So the concert finished at likemidnight.
Ali (28:56):
Yeah.
Carter (28:57):
And it was the first time I'd been in the big city by
myself, like with mates, notwith parents or anything like
that.
So that night after the concertI ended up getting spat on by a
homeless heroin addict inMcDonald's on Flinders Street so
Flinders Street is like themain street of Melbourne.
We slept on the stairs of likeshitty offices and like we
(29:19):
literally were sleeping withother homeless people and stuff.
We had a great time.
But I got a box cutter pulledon me and they like asked me for
my money and I was like likedude, do I fucking look like I
have money?
Yeah, like you can have mywallet.
That's about it.
It was, yeah, it was dicey, itwas a sketchy time, but like
good fun it was a different time.
Ali (29:41):
My, my kids don't understand now why I'm so
concerned with, like, where theyare and where they're going.
And well, for one thing, I do atrue crime podcast.
I hear about all the horrorstories and and I I guess
growing up in like the 80s and90s, there was not a lot of
parental supervision and it wasthe whole thing of like go
outside and come back when thestreetlights are on, like we
(30:03):
definitely had that, and I knowabout all the horrible things
that happened and the thingskids did, and so that's why I
want to know where you are, Iwant to know who you're with and
don't talk to men.
Those are my.
I'm constantly telling my girlslike there is no reason why an
adult will need to talk to you.
You're a child, so you do, andvery much like I love the
(30:26):
podcast my Favorite Murder aswell when they say fuck
politeness.
I'm like if an adult comes upto talk to you, you like, and
you and your friends are playing, there's no reason adult needs
to talk to you.
Carter (30:34):
You can walk away, you do not need to be polite yeah,
because, yeah, you're a childand we've taught my
four-year-old to just scream.
Just scream like, leave mealone, I don't know you as loud
as you can and like we're in thecar and I'm like, give it to me
louder, babe.
Someone that walks up to youand you don't know them, what do
you do?
And she's like leave me alone.
(30:54):
Fuck, you Get him.
Ali (30:59):
That's all felt well and good until my sister, when she
was about six and I was eight,she wanted a new pair of pajamas
, I think, at the mall, and mymom was like no, I'm not going
to buy those for you.
And then she looked at my momand she goes, I don't know you,
stranger, stranger, and startedyelling that and my mom was like
, and then was like okay, andwalked away and then my sister,
of course, started crying andchasing after her.
(31:20):
But it's great until theyweaponize it against you.
Carter (31:23):
Yeah, straight up.
One of my biggest fears with mydaughter because she loves
telling fibs at the moment she'sso deep into her little lying
four-year-old phase one of mydeepest fears is that I'm going
to go pick her up from daycareand daycare are going to be like
no, no, you're the mother'sgoing to have to come get her
(31:43):
because she has told us that youhit her or yeah, or something.
I'm like I'm terrified.
I'm so terrified Right,actually I do and like I can't
talk about it with her becausethen that plants the seed.
I can't be like don't ever tellanyone that I hit you.
Ali (31:59):
Because that's exactly what you would say if you were
hitting her yeah, fucking guiltyas.
Carter (32:03):
I just have to let it play out.
Ali (32:04):
Yeah, I'm going to say it gets easier, but like they just
get more manipulative.
Carter (32:09):
I'm excited for when she can actually lie, but like have
it be believable, oh yeah,because then ignorance is bliss.
I don't really care, lie yourass off.
But when I bite into an appleand she tells me that the apple
isn't existing, like don'tgaslight me, you're four years
old.
Yeah, I know that this appleexists.
Like don't gaslight me, you'refour years old.
(32:30):
Yeah, I know that this appleexists.
Ali (32:31):
I have one child that only tells the truth and I have one
child that rarely tells thetruth, and I raise them the same
.
I don't know.
It's just it comes to natureversus nurture, I guess, and it
just comes naturally to one ofthem to not always tell the
truth and the other one, likeshe can't lie Everything she'll.
If I know she's done somethingwrong.
(32:53):
When she doesn't want to say,she just kind of like looks away
and then I'm like, okay, whathappened?
And then she usually tells me,but she has anxiety.
Carter (33:09):
So she doesn't want to lie.
If it's a really really kind ofminor thing, that's just such a
silly thing to lie about, thatdoesn't have real consequences.
But when it's something a bitmore major like we saw her
backhand her little brother theother day and we were like
trying to talk to her about itand she was just like she just
shut down and she wouldn't talkto us about it and I was like
(33:31):
come talk, you know like yeah,we'll, we'll have a chat.
I'm not yelling, we'll justtalk about why you think it was
okay to hit your brother.
And she was like I just want tobe left alone, I'm really angry
and that's that's all we couldget out of her.
She was like a rock from thereon.
I was like you are, you arelike your mother, little aries
(33:55):
so what else you want to talkabout?
I mean we've for a mental healthpodcast.
This has been really chirpy, Iknow.
So you mentioned that yourdaughter has anxiety.
I'm guessing that you also havesome official diagnoses
yourself.
You have to run me through them, yeah.
Ali (34:13):
So my whole life I was like I have anxiety, I have anxiety.
And then I got my ADHDdiagnosis and realized that that
had more to do with it.
And as soon as I got on my ADHDmedication, my anxiety it's
minuscule compared to what itwas.
So I'll see, I'm doing it rightnow.
I told you I didn't take mymeds.
Today.
I'm like what was I justtalking about?
Carter (34:35):
So I realized that Don't let the fog yeah.
Ali (34:37):
So that was the thing is that there was so much brain fog
, everything was so overwhelmingin life that I would get so
anxious about everything.
And I remember the first timewhat was it?
I think it was Ritalin mydoctor gave me oh, was it
Ritalin?
Yeah, that's it, it was a one.
She was like here's two pills.
I want you to take these.
(34:59):
You're going to know right awayif they work, if you feel like
you are on speed and you feelit's not for you, but if you
feel good, then we'll prescribeyou.
I'm on Concerta now, which Idon't know if it's called
Concerta everywhere, but it'ssome form of meth, I don't know.
And I went home, I took thepills and that day I actually
felt so upset because I was likethis is how other people
function.
This isn't fair.
(35:20):
Everything has felt sooverwhelming and I was like, oh,
I'm going to do a task.
And then I just got that taskdone, whereas before I'd be like
I'm going to do this task, oh,but I got to do this, but I got
to do this, oh, there's so muchto do, I'm just going to go lay
in bed, like that's how my brainwould work.
And everything was sodisorganized and cluttered and I
would get like a client wouldmessage me and I would get so
(35:40):
much anxiety about having tomessage them back that I
wouldn't, and then I'd lose theclient.
Like ever since getting my ADHDdiagnosis, life has gotten so
much easier, so much, and I'm tothe point now where, like today
, I just didn't take my pillbecause I was running around and
I kind of forgot.
But I have so many othersystems in place now and life is
so much more organized that Ican go a couple of days without
(36:03):
it and it's fine.
And yeah, so I haven't been onanxiety medication or haven't
even needed it since.
I mean I have situationalanxiety like divorce, selling my
house.
Of course I have anxietyrelated to that, but before it
was I had the diagnosis of ageneralized anxiety disorder.
So just every I was anxiousabout everything and everything
was overwhelming and everythingwas stressful.
(36:24):
And I think a lot of women ADHDshows differently in men than
women a lot of times of womenADHD shows differently in men
than women a lot of times.
And I always just thought ADHDwas like hyperactive little boys
and I was like I can't havethat.
Carter (36:36):
I didn't realize it Jumping off the walls and
destructive in class.
Ali (36:40):
And no, but for me, I was always super disorganized,
leaving everything to the lastminute, super anxious.
I would have piles of stuffeverywhere.
I think my doctor saidsomething like how many coffee
cups are in your car?
And I said I was like I don'tknow 20.
And she had all these questionswhen she was asking me about,
like when you got a paper senthome from your teacher in
(37:03):
elementary school, where did itgo?
And I was like crumpled up inthe bottom of my backpack, like
my parents never saw it.
And yeah, there was all theselittle things relating to my
childhood where I was like, oh,I didn't realize that was ADHD.
Okay, because there'sinattentive ADHD and hyperactive
ADHD and I have a little bitcombo, but mostly inattentive,
yeah.
So it was very eye-opening andthe medication has totally
(37:27):
changed my life.
Carter (37:28):
Did you struggle through school but also got straight
A's in classes that you loved?
Ali (37:34):
Oh, I got straight A's in almost every class, but I never
did homework.
I never did, or I'd leave myhomework till the last minute.
Carter (37:41):
Like the night before.
Yeah, and throw somethingtogether 3,000 word essay the
night before.
I struggled all through schooland I was like season D's for
like English and math andgeography and all of the classes
that I fucking hated.
But theatre studies, drama,media, anything, technology or
(38:04):
acting or anything like thatbased, excuse me, straight A
pluses.
Ali (38:08):
Yeah.
Carter (38:09):
Because I was just, I loved it, I was hyper focused on
all of that sort of thing.
Yeah, yeah, because I was just,I loved it, I was hyper focused
on all of that sort of thing.
And you know, obviously withthe autism, now that I know I
have autism, of course I'm goingto be good at drama, because
I've been fucking masking mywhole life.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yeah, what the hell yeah.
Carter (38:23):
Like my entire life has been acting.
Ali (38:26):
Right, okay, I shouldn't say I got A's and everything I
got, like, I got solid Bs, butanything I applied myself to,
yeah, a plus 100%.
Have you seen the bionicreading apps?
Do you know what I'm talkingabout?
Okay, so basically, it's forpeople with ADHD and it
highlights the beginning of eachword so that when you're
reading it, it keeps bringingyour eyes back to it.
You have to look that up, youhave to look up bionic reading
(38:48):
and see and it's because rightnow I'm at a point where, like,
I can't read a book.
Carter (38:52):
I can't read books.
I haven't read books in years.
Ali (38:55):
And the funny thing is, as a child I was hyper focused on
books.
I had books in every room and Iwas reading seven books at once
and that was my hyper focus.
And now I'll pick up a book andI'm like, nope, it's like two
pages in.
But with this Bionic Readingapp it's made to kind of like
stimulate your brain.
(39:15):
I don't actually know all that,but reading a paragraph, you
can read it in like a second andit's so clear and I was like,
oh, that is very helpful.
Yeah, it's really cool.
Carter (39:23):
Yeah, I'll have to check it out.
If I was to pick up a book now,even on excuse me medication, I
think I would still probablyread like three chapters and
then stop and think like I don'tremember any of what I fucking
read.
It'll just be my mind dartingon words, recognising some words
but not picking up any of thestoryline.
(39:43):
And I love gaming and I loveadventure games, like single
player adventure games, god ofWar and Uncharted and the Last
of Us and things like that.
But if you sat me down, I'veplayed God of War, the
entirecharted and the Last of Usand things like that.
But if you sat me down, I'veplayed God of War, the entire
series like multiple times,multiple playthroughs.
I've platinumed the last twogames that have come out
Ragnarok and God of War 2018.
(40:05):
If you sat me down and asked mefor the storyline, I don't know
, skip cut scene every fuckingtime.
Skip cutscene.
Or if I can't skip the cutscene, it will end in my PlayStation
going into sleep mode because Ilose focus and just start doom
scrolling TikTok.
Ali (40:22):
That is my problem.
Carter (40:23):
Two hours later I'm like shit.
I was fucking playing a game.
Ali (40:26):
Yeah, and I'm curious if my older daughter does have ADHD.
She definitely has anxiety andshe's very open about it.
So I'm like she's totally openwith me talking about it.
So we had a really rough gofrom about the age of like eight
till maybe 12 with her.
She was just so angry all thetime and that's how my anxiety
(40:47):
would manifest as well was anger.
So she.
I remember one time I actuallyjust brought this up to her a
couple of days ago where I saidsomething like hey, I made
dinner.
And she's like I'm not hungry.
And I was like I like allyou've eaten today is cereal.
I made chicken, can you pleaseeat?
Get some protein.
And she screamed at me you'regonna give me an eating disorder
.
And I was like, oh my God.
(41:07):
And but about a year ago Ifinally had had enough.
I was like I love my child butI don't like her right now.
And I just didn't want to be inthe same room with her and I
took her to the doctor and shewent in by herself because she
was, you know, 14 or whateverthe time, and she came out and
she's like I have anxiety.
I was like, yeah, I figured.
(41:28):
And so she got on medication.
Am I glitching for you?
Hold on one second.
Carter (41:33):
No, no, you're all good.
Ali (41:34):
Are we recording again?
It's still going.
Carter (41:38):
Yeah, we're still recording.
Ali (41:39):
I'll tell you the rest of this story.
Carter (41:41):
Cool, I hope.
Oh, there we go.
Ninety, nine percent, all good,please continue.
Ali (41:47):
OK, so sorry.
So my daughter, the doctor saidlike we want to try her on this
medication.
And I was a little leery to puta teenager on medication but I
was just we'd tried counseling,we tried a bunch of things and I
just I had had enough and so wetried her on this medication.
And I remember it was like aweek after she started the
medication, I was cooking in thekitchen and she just came in
(42:07):
and she said hi, mom, what areyou doing?
And I just looked at her and Iwas like it was like a feral cat
where you don't want to like.
I didn't want to upset her oranything, and I was.
She like gave me a hug and shewanted to hang out.
And this past year we've gottencloser than we ever have been.
She's just, she's so happy, shehas friends for the first time
ever.
She never really has hadfriends before and now she has
(42:28):
big groups of friends and she'salways done really well at
school but she's just enjoyingit and she's so happy.
And, yeah, her anxiety was justruining her life before and the
combination of, I think,counselling and medication has
been so beneficial and she'ssuper happy now.
Awesome, that's a great result.
Carter (42:47):
My four-year-old is just so different to me and my wife.
She's like super, super girlygirl loves pink.
We painted her room pink.
She loves unicorns and she haslike rainbow fingernail polish
on at the moment and like she'sjust like this super just just
like loves barbie and loves mylittle pony and all that type of
(43:08):
really colorful stuff and sheis just fucking friends with
everyone.
Yeah, like I still remember Imoved schools a lot.
I went through like four orfive different primary schools
and like three different highschools and secondary colleges,
et cetera.
And I still remember just likethe immense anxiety that I felt
(43:30):
on like my first days or likeleading up to my first day of
school of like you know God,everyone's going to hate me, I'm
going to have to go throughmeeting new bullies all over
again and finding out what kindof torture they fucking like
putting me through, whereas likeshe's a year out of school at
the moment, like she's enrolledto start next year.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
Yeah.
Carter (43:51):
And every day, when I pick her up from daycare, she's
like can we drop past my school?
Ali (43:55):
I want to see my school.
Carter (43:56):
I want to see the playground, I want to see the
football oval, and she's justlike that's where me and my
friends are going to sit and eatlunch and talk, and we're going
to talk about things we like,like unicorns, and she's just
like she has no doubt in hermind that just everyone that
(44:16):
will be attending school withher, just friends, she hasn't
met yet and I think that'sfucking cool and I am so fearful
of the day she comes homecrying because she has
experienced a bully for thefirst time.
Ali (44:25):
Oh, that's happened.
It happened about a year ago toone of my kids and I.
She was okay with it, like she,but I felt all of those
feelings that I felt when I wasa kid come back tenfold, because
when it's your own child, I wascrying about it, I was
devastated, not in front of her,but like she, was like it's
fine, I'm fine and I just yourheart breaks for your kid.
Carter (44:48):
I know I'm going to have to reconcile a lot of feelings
within myself if slash when ithappens, because I never
advocated for myself, I neverstood up for myself, and now
that I am a 36-year-old man andI would easily win a fight with
a fucking five-year-old, I'mreally going to have to suppress
(45:10):
the need to go and avenge mydaughter, right.
Ali (45:13):
I'm really going to have to suppress the need to go and
avenge my daughter, right.
So it's actually interestingtalking about, like your past
and as a parent and as an adult,I just recently started therapy
again.
I hadn't done it in a while andit was.
I've had therapists in the pastwhere basically everything was
just like how does that make youfeel?
And how did that make you feel?
And it didn't really get to thebottom of anything.
(45:34):
And I recently I was goingthrough BetterHelp and I did
their online Zoom therapy and mytherapist, within about two or
three sessions, I was tellingher about this situation, this
situation and basically I'd hada situation where someone was
upset with me over somethingthat was absolutely not my fault
and they didn't have a reasonto be upset with me.
(45:55):
And she's like well, how didthat make you feel?
And I said horrible, I felt sobad.
I wanted to make sure she knewI didn't do this thing.
And she's like but she wasreally inappropriate and she did
this and she did this.
And weren't you angry?
And I said, well, no, I didn'twant her to be upset.
I didn't want her to be upset.
So she explained to me thatthere's fight or flight, which
are two of the main traumaresponses, and then there's also
(46:15):
fawn, and another one I don'tremember.
Carter (46:20):
But fawn and freeze.
Ali (46:22):
Yes, fawn and freeze, Thank you, and I fawn.
So I have to make everyone likeme and if someone doesn't like
me, it's my fault and how can Ifix it.
So my therapist was saying sowhat if someone doesn't like you
?
And I was like, well, why don'tthey like me?
And she goes, it doesn't matter, they don't like you.
And I was like but can I makethem like me?
And she's like nope, they don'tlike you.
And I was like, but well, whynot?
(46:42):
And she's like how do you feel?
I'm like horrible.
Well, what did is going to likeyou?
But even just the thought, hersaying that I started to get
panicky and I realized my entirelife I've put up with so much
shit from people because of thatfawn response and that I just I
(47:04):
need people to like me and so,even if they're horrible to me
and even if they're treating melike garbage, I can't have them
be mad at me.
And realizing that sometimesthings don't have to do with me
and the reason people feelcertain ways about me doesn't
have anything to do with me orhow people treat me has more to
do with them than with me.
And that's been reallyeye-opening recently to just
(47:25):
realize I don't have to be niceand sweet and kind to everyone
if they don't deserve it,because that's just how I've
basically being, you know, 370pounds.
I had to be charming and sweetand funny and kind just to be
treated like a basic person,just to be treated like a human.
And now it's very strange forme to get like attention,
(47:48):
especially from men.
I do get like no, I'm not gonnasay a lot of attention, but
like I get attention from men,and for no reason just because
of the way I look, I guess, andthey're kind to me and they're
nice to me just based on how Ilook.
And I think about how the samesorts of people were fucking
horrible to me just based on howI looked.
I wasn't treated like a person.
(48:08):
I remember once I was at aparty with a friend or with
friends and these guys I wassuper nice and kind and funny
and trying to be all everything,just to be treated like a
person.
And these guys threw a beer atme and started laughing and then
called me fat or whatever.
And there's such a thing as thinand pretty privilege, and I'm
(48:30):
not that thin and I'm not thatpretty, but I have so much more
privilege than I did five or sixyears ago.
Like people bought me coffeesat Starbucks, just being like,
oh, let me get this for you, andI'm like what?
Or opening doors for me or justdoing little kind things.
I was at the beach not thatlong ago when I was carrying I
had my paddleboard on my backand I was carrying a cooler and
(48:52):
this guy like came running andlike tripping over himself, like
can I help, oh, let me takethat for you.
And I was like, no, I'm good,like I lift, this is nothing.
But if I was 150 pounds heavierthere's no way that man would
have done that and it's sostrange.
So I'm just seeing society.
I'm seeing especially the way alot of men treat women so
(49:16):
differently now and I think Ihave friends who have a very
opposite experience where, say,they were super hot in high
school and in their 20s and theyhad all this thin, pretty
privilege and men did stuff forthem and people were so nice to
them.
And now, as they're aging,they're losing that.
Because women become disposableafter a certain age, people
just stop treating them them thesame way and they're devastated
(49:36):
and they'll try to like flirtand it doesn't work and they
don't know how to deal, and it'sso interesting to me because
I've never had that.
Carter (49:44):
It's like that whole like peak in high school kind of
trope.
You know Exactly it's astereotype for a reason, to an
extent, because you know thatdoes happen.
You know, I was always thechubby kid growing up, but now
in my 30s I'm the chubbytattooed guy with a mustache and
a dad bod.
I'm a fucking wanted commodityin today's society.
(50:06):
And it's weird and like I'llprobably edit that out because,
like, just coming out of mymouth made me feel really
uncomfortable no, it's totallytrue.
Ali (50:17):
When I was on dating apps, I had there was this picture of
miley cyrus like licking a cakeand on the cake I had it had
written like tattoos and dadbods.
Because I was like so no, 100,totally true.
But yeah, it's weird when allof a sudden, people are
attracted to you and you'venever had that before and you're
like what is happening.
Carter (50:37):
Yes, like my wife and I have had the whole conversation
of like who's the reacher andwho's the settler and it's not
the most healthy conversation,but we were quite jovial and
jestful in the conversation andI was like I'm for sure the
reacher Like she's nine yearsyounger than me.
Ali (50:54):
Oh, my partner's, nine years younger than me.
Carter (50:56):
Oh, okay, well, I didn't know at the time she catfished
me.
She'd had her age set higherthan it was Okay.
And I also catfished her on ourfirst date because in all of my
Tinder photos I had luscioushair and she rocked up for our
first date and I'd shaved myhead the day before Britney
speared myself, but I was likeI'm 110% the reacher and she's
(51:19):
just like no, you're not.
Like.
In her mind, she's the reacherbecause to me, to her, I'm
beautiful.
And it's still hard to reconcilethat, but it gets easier.
We've got three kids.
Ali (51:33):
Oh, do you have three?
I thought you only had two.
Okay, how old are they?
Carter (51:35):
I've got three, so we've got.
Hendrix is my firstborn, she'sfour.
Roman is my son, he is two,Three next month and Salem is
one year old tomorrow.
Ali (51:48):
Little girl you have such good names too.
Oh, happy birthday, salem.
It's funny when we were namingour girls.
You have such good names too.
Oh, happy birthday, salem.
It's funny when we were namingour girls.
My ex liked names like Tiffanyand Vanessa.
He liked really 80s traditionalnames and I was telling my
daughter her name is Michaelabecause my great grandfather's
name was Mikhail.
We're Russian, it's like atraditional kind of name in our
family.
She's Michaela.
(52:09):
But I didn't know that everybasic bitch about five years
older than her is all namedMichaela.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that, like, everybasic bitch about five years
older than her is all namedMichaela.
I didn't know that.
I didn't have a kid.
So, anyway, she is not a fan ofher name.
And I was like, yeah, your dadliked names like you know these
basic names and I like nameslike Sloan and Lux, like L-U-X
it's from the book the VirginSuicides.
And she was like my name couldhave been Lux.
(52:29):
She was so mad.
She was like can I change it?
And then I was like, except hermiddle name's.
Carter (52:43):
Grey, so I was like Lux Grey sounds like a porn star or
a paint colour Brilliant,brilliant.
All right.
So I'm sorry we have to wrap upbecause I do have another
podcast to record, but is thereanything you want to finish up
on, anything that you want tosend out into the world?
Ali (52:54):
plug your podcast as well.
Yeah, if you think I'mmoderately funny or you like
true crime cults, generallyfucked up shit.
Listen to tsfu, the podcast onapple podcasts and spotify
awesome and thank you so muchfor having me.
This was fun.
I felt like we were justhanging out.
It didn't actually feel like a100, it's.
Carter (53:09):
I mean.
I mean it's.
It's usually the podcast whereI talk about trauma and nitty
gritty shit.
So it's been a nice change,just to be happy and cheerful.
And I definitely took too muchof my ADHD meds this morning.
Ali (53:22):
But if this would have been me five years ago, I would have
been like and now I'm just.
This is kind of who I am now.
Carter (53:29):
Go us.
Ali (53:29):
Awesome.
Well, thank you again forhaving me.
See you, mate.
Speaker 2 (53:43):
Have a good day.
Thanks so much.
Bye, bye, bye, bye.
Then your only thing is me Justknowing that I'm trying to make
a change.
Can I put it all on me,responsibilities, and all the
(54:03):
other nonsense coming byrepeatedly?
But there's one thing I know,it's knowing to let go.
Just knowing that I'm trying tomake a change Doesn't seem too
much.
Just to ask for give up onthose many things that I do.
We would like to acknowledge the traditional
custodians of this land.
We pay our respects to theElders past, present and
emerging, for they hold thememories, the traditions and the
culture of the Aboriginal andTorres Strait Islander people
across the nation.
Warning this podcast containsexplicit language and discusses
(00:22):
sensitive topics related tomental health childhood trauma,
birth trauma, abuse, miscarriageand suicide.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you find these subjectsdistressing or triggering, we
recommend taking caution andconsidering whether to proceed
with listening.
If you or someone you know isstruggling, please reach out to
a mental health professional ora trusted individual for support
(00:43):
.
Your wellbeing is our priority.
Welcome to another episode ofthe Touched Out podcast.
Today we have Ali fromVancouver Island.
Ali shares her incrediblejourney through mental health, a
messy divorce, weight loss andparenting two girls, which is
nothing short of inspiring.
Throughout the episode, youwill hear us discuss Ali being a
host for a true crime podcast,which is no longer the case.
(01:05):
Full disclosure, as Ali and Iboth have ADHD.
The conversation takes us on anostalgic trip through our
teenage years and our sharedlove for punk and pop punk bands
.
I hope you enjoy today'sepisode.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Cheers.
So take a breath fromeverything right here and Take
some time, it's alright, you'llbe fine.
After touch of a cat.
Take all night, you'll be fine,it's all right.
(01:53):
The Touched Up Podcast.
Carter (01:56):
So today we have Ali.
Ali is 41, a mother of two fromVancouver.
She is the co-host of themurder podcast.
That's so Fucked Up, tsfu.
Thanks so much for joining metoday, ali, how are you going?
Ali (02:13):
Hello, thanks for having me so excited.
Carter (02:17):
Awesome.
So why don't you tell me alittle bit about yourself, a
little bit about your historyand why you've decided to join
me today?
Ali (02:25):
Okay, so I'm actually from Vancouver Island, british
Columbia, which is verydifferent than Vancouver.
So Vancouver is like the bigcity and I'm on an island near
there and I live in the middleof fucking nowhere.
We have well, I mean, comparedto places in Australia, not the
middle of nowhere, but like wehave a gas station slash
barbershop.
That's all we got in my town,so it's very small.
Carter (02:45):
Like in one building.
Yeah, that's fucking ghetto.
Ali (02:48):
It's so small.
It's so small, but I live abouta half an hour from like a real
town and I've lived here forabout seven years.
I'm a commercial photographer,so I am the creative director of
a magazine, so I do all thephotography for that, and I also
have a portrait studio where Ispecialize in like newborn and
family photography.
I've lost a fuck ton of weight,which is kind of how we know
each other from Instagram, so Istarted my weight loss journey.
(03:11):
That sounds so cheesy, but youknow what I'm saying.
Carter (03:14):
He's one of these.
Ali (03:15):
I know, right About five years ago, when I was just like
woke up one day and I was justreally sad and sick and I just
was like I'm ready to die, likeI was what, like 36 years old,
and I was like, is this my life,is this it?
And I had to go check my mailand my mailbox was like three
blocks away and I was like outof breath and I could hardly
(03:35):
walk and I was like I'm done.
So I decided to try going lowcarb and I started doing low
carb and then I started feelingbetter, started walking, started
feeling better, and now I justgot a new coach for powerlifting
and I weightlift.
So awesome, yeah.
And so, along with like thephysical transformation, there's
been like a huge mentaltransformation as well, and life
(03:55):
is getting pretty fucking good.
Carter (03:57):
Would you be happy to divulge the starting weight
versus current weight?
Ali (04:03):
Oh sure, so my starting weight, well, and also like I'm
a thick bitch, I'm still a biggirl, but I people are usually
shocked I'll say I'll say pantsizes to start with.
So I was at a size like 30, 32,like I'm not talking like a
men's 30, I'm talking a women's30 32, and now I'm like a 14.
(04:23):
So my original weight was 370pounds and I'm now I kind of
fluctuate between like 220 and230.
And I know that's not.
I'm 510, though I'm very talland I am very muscular.
So, yeah, I'm about a size 12.
I'm 14.
I'm super fucking happy withwhere I am with my body right
now.
I did have skin removal surgerya couple of years ago and I
(04:45):
went to a surgeon and he wantedme to lose an additional 70
pounds and I was like I would beliterally skin and bones and I
wouldn't be happy.
And I was like, no, I like, Ilike my curves.
And he was like, really Like hewas shocked and I was like, no,
I'm like, I'm really happy withhow I look now.
Carter (05:01):
So yeah, Doctors are so good at showing that the sexism
aren't they?
Ali (05:05):
Yeah, Like I was like he, I think he primarily worked on
like Barbie dolls, which like,no hate, good for you, but
that's never going to be me.
And I heard something on TikTokand it was like you can't train
a German shepherd into achihuahua, and so I'm.
My goal now for my body is justlike being stronger, lifting
heavier, being happier, andthat's about it as far as my
(05:26):
like.
Health and weight loss Awesome.
Carter (05:29):
Kicking goals both physically and mentally.
Good to hear.
So you've got two daughters, 15years old and 12 years old.
Why don't you run me through alittle bit about your parenting
history, the pregnancy stories,the birth stories?
Ali (05:47):
You know all of that's kind of.
My kids are so old now that'sall so blurry.
But, well, I had been with my ex.
I'm going through a divorcecurrently, but I'd been with my
ex since I was 14.
And it wasn't a greatrelationship.
It wasn't bad at first, but itjust wasn't great.
It wasn't happy, it wasn'thealthy.
(06:08):
It was very codependent.
But I was quite big then and Iwas kind of like growing up in
the 90s you're taught that menonly want really skinny women,
like that's what I, and so Iwould have people be like, wow,
you're so lucky you got him.
Looking at me and I was like,so that was my mentality, was
like, well, at least I havesomeone.
(06:30):
I'm not going to get anyoneelse, so at least I have someone
.
So it wasn't like a super happyrelationship.
And then we had our firstdaughter when I was 25.
And he kind of just startedworking a lot and it was just
kind of me and my daughter andmy daughter's a genius, like I'm
not, like I'm not.
She was reading, or sorry, shewas talking at nine months.
She was reading at two and ahalf and now she's graduating
(06:52):
about two years early.
She she specialized the pastfour years in robotics and
engineering.
So she went to a special school, starting in sixth grade for
robotics and engineering.
She looks like an animecharacter and she's fucking
brilliant.
She would like to be either abiomedical engineer or
mechanical engineer, but she'salso really interested in
hydrogen fusion.
(07:13):
Is that the good one?
Yes, hydrogen fusion.
And when she talks I have noidea what she's talking about.
And then, when she was three, Ihad my second daughter and she
just makes me laugh more thanany child in the world.
She's super sporty, she's superathletic nothing that I ever
was.
She's one of the seriously oneof the funniest kids in the
world.
She's super sarcastic andbrilliant in her own.
(07:34):
She's not super into school butshe's, I think, to be like,
incredibly funny.
You obviously have to be veryintelligent and she's just so
quick, witted and hilarious.
So, yeah, I split up with theirdad almost four years ago and
that's kind of when I started toget happier, and so it's just
kind of been me and the girlsfor the past few years.
He's around, but it's still meprimarily parenting them and
(07:59):
they're awesome.
They're amazing.
My younger daughter and I werekind of famous over lockdown.
I think I showed you some ofthe images of creating pop
culture images.
I don't know if you want toshare any of those on your
social, but feel free to,because they're hilarious.
Carter (08:13):
They are very cool, very , very creative.
Ali (08:15):
Yeah, so I used.
When lockdown started I went tomy photography studio and I
grabbed a bunch of gear and Ibrought it home and so during
lockdown we just recreatedimages of like that's kind of
how we stayed sane and yeah, itwas super fun.
And then we were even contactedby the Ellen show.
Carter (08:33):
We don't talk about hair anymore, though, do we?
Ali (08:36):
No, well, it's funny because they like literally
wanted emotion porn, I thinkit's what it's called.
So they were like are you goingto lose your house?
Are you like destitute, are you?
And I was like no, I'm like,I'm.
Canadian, so we get Serb.
We got like.
And then they were like oh okay, nevermind.
Like they wanted a really sadstory and I didn't have it.
So everyone's like why didn'tyou lie?
And I'm like cause I believe inkarma.
Carter (08:56):
Yeah, the media is is.
So just finished up a campaignfor Men's Mental Health Week and
I had a film crew come to myhouse and like film this awesome
segment with me talking aboutmy experience with postpartum
depression and it was like fiveminutes of footage.
And then one national newsstation decided to run the story
(09:19):
but only use like three secondsof my footage and it was just
like this footage that said Iwas really scared that I was
going to hurt my kids andthey're like he was scared that
he was going to hurt his kidsand I was like, oh you
motherfuckers yeah, yeah, yeahit's yeah, taken out of context
and sensationalized yeah, sothat was sucky and I got like
(09:39):
the the statistics of how farthose stories reached after the
campaign.
It was like 52 million people.
It was the reach.
No, I'm like there's so manypeople in australia.
I fucking wanted to hurt mykids oh my god, that's horrible
that's fine.
I'm living my own truth, rightof course and I'm a glutton for
(10:02):
punishment too, because I'vejust been offered the chance to
go on another fucking news showto do another story on
postpartum.
But this time I'm like, oh, I'mready for them.
I'm going to choose my wordscarefully.
Ali (10:15):
You have your sound bites already pre-programmed in your
head.
Carter (10:17):
Yeah, I'll have it all written out, yeah.
Ali (10:20):
Yeah, yeah, so that's kind of a little bit about me.
Carter (10:25):
What, yeah, yeah, so that's kind of a little bit
about me, what else you want toknow.
I'm an open book for the mostpart.
So I mean we went through alittle bit about your journey on
instagram when we were textingback and forth, and I do want to
delve into your relationshipwith your ex a little bit more
and kind of the reasons in whichthat relationship ended and
kind of where you're at nowversus where he's at now.
(10:47):
As I understand it, he may ormay not be part of for lack of a
better word a cult.
Ali (10:55):
So I can't like go into too much detail because like we're
still in the middle of ourdivorce, but I'm going to kind
of, basically, he grew up in aChristian household and I did
not, but I, you know, did thewhole thing where on like Friday
nights you go to youth groupbecause it was a small town and
I was like pretty open toreligion and then, through some
experiences I had, I just reallykind of realized that the idea
(11:19):
of organized religion was notfor me.
And he was kind of he did hisown thing and we had our own
point of views and we kind ofrespect, respected each other.
And then things started to kindof change a little bit in our
beliefs.
I am very, very much an allyand I have a lot of queer
friends and family, and he verymuch believes that it's a sin
(11:40):
and it's mental health issuesare causing this.
And and then I just I think itwas around the same time where I
just realized like thisrelationship was not ever a
really I don't even know how toword it we seemed more like
roommates.
Our entire relationship, likethere was not a lot of like
romance or spark or anything,and I just really realized that
(12:01):
I wanted more and we, our viewsand our beliefs, just didn't
align.
And during that time was when hestarted to get into some online
forums that may involveconspiracies and things, and
then, especially with COVID, andwhen COVID hit and different,
different beliefs around thevaccine and about the I we had
(12:24):
very, very different viewpointsand he went one way, and I'm not
extreme in any way.
I have friends who their husbanddied from COVID and he was a
happy, healthy, he wasn'tespecially old, and so I know it
was real and he was telling meit wasn't and it's not a big
(12:44):
issue, and I just didn't havethe same beliefs as him.
And so it know it was real andhe was telling me it wasn't and
it's not a big issue, and I justdidn't have the same beliefs as
him, and so it was about thattime we were starting to break
up anyway and I think thecombination of lockdown, covid
and our relationship splittingup he very much delved into
online groups and I didn't, andhe definitely has different
viewpoints and I didn't, and hedefinitely has different
(13:07):
viewpoints about men and women'srelationships and what rights
women should have and whatbeliefs women should have, and
you know that when you enterinto a marriage, you have
entered into a covenant with God, which means you're married
until one of you is dead.
And I don't necessarily havethe same beliefs, so it's
definitely been very, verychallenging, and probably once
my divorce is fully finalized Ican go into more detail.
(13:28):
But it's been difficult, to saythe least.
But in that time I've met a newpartner and it made me realize
how relationships should be.
Can I tell you the story of howwe met?
Carter (13:40):
Please, please do.
Ali (13:43):
So I'd only ever dated my ex and and I literally thought
like no man would ever beinterested in me, because my
brain was like fucked up and Ihave really low self-esteem.
And I was sitting at a riverwith some friends and our kids
were swimming and I look up onthis cliff and I see like this,
the most handsome man I've everseen, and my heart's like
pounding and I'm like, oh my God, who is that?
I smack my friend.
I'm like who the fuck is that?
Because, again, I live in areally small town and he does
(14:05):
not look like the guys that livein my town and anyway, I just
couldn't stop staring at thisguy.
But then, of course, because Ihave super low self-esteem, I
was like, wow, this man's sohandsome, he would never be
interested in me.
So then I was on a dating app.
You know the dating app.
I was on Tinder and I wastalking to a guy in real life, a
(14:26):
friend of a friend, and he saidI've never seen you on Tinder
and I said, well, how old areyou?
And he said I'm 27.
I'm like you're a fucking child.
That is why.
And he said, well, what's yourage limit?
And I said 35 to 50.
And he was like you shouldlower your age range.
And I said okay, and I loweredmy age range.
And then I woke up the nextmorning and who had liked me?
But the guy from the river.
And I was like that's the guy.
(14:48):
I know who that guy is.
And then so I swipe on him andI said I've seen you before.
And he goes no, you haven't,I'm not from here, I don't know
anyone, you haven't seen me.
And I said I had.
And then I was like this isgoing to be such a fun hookup,
this is.
Carter (15:05):
Awesome, that's super cute.
My wife and I were also aTinder meetup.
It's a great app if you canjust find the right one.
I think nowadays it's a littlebit different no-transcript know
(15:54):
anyone.
Ali (15:55):
And then, after he met me, he said wait a second, do you
know this girl, ali?
And they said yeah, sheactually shot us for her
magazine.
So then he was like oh my god,you know her.
So yeah, it was all I don'tknow, we'll see.
Carter (16:06):
It's very cute he's absolutely lovely what do you
mean?
We'll say Very cute, he'sabsolutely lovely.
Ali (16:10):
What do you mean?
We'll see.
It's been two and a half years,I think.
We've seen mate.
Yeah, he's absolutely wonderful, or are?
Carter (16:14):
you still a little bit low on the self-esteem and you
just keep thinking that it'slike a really, really long con.
Ali (16:19):
At times.
Yeah, no, I still definitely.
My self-esteem is not.
It's getting better, but it'slike I've grown up my whole life
having this perception ofmyself that only recently I
realized is just in my head.
It's not true.
I would be literally at the barand someone would come up to me
(16:40):
and start talking to me and I'dbe like they're making fun of
me.
This is a prank.
Yeah, that's like still to thisday.
That's kind of what happens ifsomeone like hits on me.
I'm like like when I was inhigh school, I remember a guy
coming up and I was wearing aBlink 182 shirt and this is
before they were big.
Okay, this was like CheshireCat first album.
And this guy was like I likeyour shirt.
(17:01):
And he was like a footballplayer and I was like fuck you
and kept walking.
I like your shirt.
Why would you say that?
Carter (17:10):
to me and I was like I'm sorry.
I thought you were making funof me, so you are like a female
version of me that lives on theother side of the world.
So I've also had the same kindof self-esteem issues where I've
you know, I have always kind ofstruggled to reconcile my own
feelings and my own view ofmyself versus how other people
would see me.
Ali (17:29):
And it's only just like.
Carter (17:30):
I'm almost five years into marriage and I still
struggle.
It's like peaks and valleys, butmy first ever tattoo was a
Blink-182 tattoo on my chest andI was walking through the park
and one of like the super, supercool like pop punk kids his
name's brendan was like are youthe dude with the blink 182
(17:52):
tattoo?
And I was just I was.
So I was so wary of of myselfand hated myself so much that
there was no way in hell thatthis super popular kid not only
knew who I was, but knew that Ihad a blink 182 tattoo and would
actively talk to me in publicunless it was making fun of me.
So I turned around and I waslike fuck you, motherfucker.
(18:13):
Like I arced up straight awayand, yeah, burnt a bridge and I
saw him at a tattoo convention,like years later, a decade later
, and he's like an establishedtattoo artist now and he's still
super fucking cool.
And he's like what was thatabout?
And I was just like hey, likehey, man, I'm fucking sorry.
He's like blink 182 was myfavorite band and like you were
(18:36):
a year or two older than me andlike you're the only person I
knew in town because this issmallish country town you're the
only person I knew with a blink182 tattoo.
I just I was fucking super keento talk to you about music and
you just like went off at me.
So it's a super weird kind ofthing to look back on and
(18:59):
realize how you shaped your ownexistence just based off what
you see in the fucking mirror.
Ali (19:01):
I was actually just telling my kids today that when I was
in high school there was thisboy, this punk boy, and I had
the biggest crush on him.
I just thought he I had aboyfriend at the time, but this
kid, I thought he was like thecoolest, hottest, like my heart
would pound, so much so that ifI saw him in the hall I would
walk the other direction and goaround the outside of the school
.
So I didn't have to walk by himbecause I was just like so in
(19:23):
love with him and looking backhe was like this chubby, nerdy
kid with acne and I was like Icould have totally just been
like hey, do you want to hangout?
And he definitely would havesaid yes, but in my head I was
just like he's so cool and it'sso ridiculous looking back.
Carter (19:39):
Yeah, it's geez, looking back at all of those kind of
times, especially now that I'man adult and I have my ADHD and
autism diagnosis.
I think back to like all ofthese fucking really pivotal
awkward moments with like datingand first loves and all of that
sort of stuff.
I was thinking about it theother day.
There was down the road from myhouse when I lived with my
(20:02):
parents.
I was like 13 years old, Ireckon there was a girl named
Kate and me and anotherneighbourhood kid and her and
like one of her friends were alllike hanging out on her
driveway playing, spin thebottle, yeah, and I remember
just being like I fucking hopeit lands on her, like she's so
beautiful, she's so beautifuland I don't think I'd even
(20:23):
kissed anyone at that stage andI span it and landed on her.
It and landed on her and I kindof I was so nervous and giddy
and like had this big old ballof like nervousness in inside me
that it came out of my nose andlike this big string of snot
(20:44):
came out of my left nostril likedead set down to my belly, and
then I was like and just snortedit back up into my nose and she
still kissed me.
She didn't even make it likeshe straight faced, straight
face.
And to this day I'm just like Iwish I could just find her on
social media and be like I knowyou fucking remember this,
(21:06):
because that had to be traumaticfor you and I'm really sorry.
Oh my god.
And to this day I'm still just.
Ali (21:13):
I'm so secondhand embarrassed by myself but that's
adorable that you have to putthat on social media and find
her, because just good on her,like thanks for really chopping
me out there, kate.
Carter (21:27):
Yeah, if you're listening.
Ali (21:28):
She was.
She knew the assignment.
She understood the assignment.
She was going to get it done.
Carter (21:34):
Yeah, it could have been worse and I could have sucked
it through my mouth.
Ali (21:39):
No, then she would have ran , I think.
Carter (21:41):
Yeah, I think so.
Ali (21:42):
I, whenever there was spin the bottle, I would never would
play.
I would have never played.
I would have just been like Ihave to go to the bathroom and I
would have just like left.
I'd never.
I was way too insecure and shy.
It's weird, though, talkingabout because I have teenagers
now, right, and they're bothwell, my older one somewhat, but
(22:02):
my younger daughter is soconfident, she's so confident.
She had to go to this event atanother school and she just like
would go up to kids and be liketo a girl, be like, oh my God,
you're so pretty.
What's your TikTok, do you wantto be friends?
And then they're friends,whereas, like, I needed people
to like continuously validate me, to know that they actually
wanted to be my friend.
(22:23):
And I have another coolparenting story and I don't know
if you saw this on my TikTok oron my Instagram about NoFX, the
punk band, nofx.
Did you see this whole story?
Okay, so last year, nofx youknow NoFX, right, the punk band.
Yeah, okay.
So NoFX was coming to a townnear me with the Descendants.
(22:44):
So NoFX is one of my favoritebands growing up and they're my
daughter's favorite band myolder daughter and Descendants
are my favorite band.
So I wanted to go to this showand I was like, oh my God, we're
going to.
And it was at a venue that'snot a licensed venue so you can
have kids there.
But this show happened to be abeer festival, so no kids were
(23:04):
allowed in.
I don't know what it's like inAustralia, but in Canada you
have to be 19 to be in thosekinds of events.
So I was like, oh my God, whatdo I do?
Do I get you a fake ID?
And I almost got her a fake IDbecause she's like six feet tall
and probably could pull it off,but I was like, oh, we both
have anxiety.
So instead I went to TikTok andI made a TikTok and I'm like,
hey, this is a message for NoFX.
This is my daughter, this iswhy she's amazing.
(23:34):
She's involved with STEM andengineering and da, da, da, da,
da and I a bunch of pictures ofher for the past like five years
, wearing no effects shirts andshe'd done art and all this
stuff.
So then I go out for dinner witha friend and all of a sudden I
see on my phone Fat Recordsstarted following you, no
effects started following youand I was like oh my god, what's
happening?
The band saw the video.
They're like we're gonna getyou backstage and so we're
freaking out.
But two days before the show,first of all band announces
they're breaking up and then,second of all, the tour manager
emails me and said the venuewill not let her backstage, she
(23:54):
can't go.
So she was heartbroken.
I was like sorry, kid, and Iwent anyway.
But they are now coming toTacoma.
So Tacoma is near SeattleWashington, which is about a six
or seven hour trip for me andit's an all ages show.
And we talked to the tourmanager and we're going on
Saturday.
So this Saturday my daughter andI get to go to NoFX together.
Carter (24:17):
Super cool.
Ali (24:18):
Very very cool.
Carter (24:20):
I am incredibly jealous.
I saw NoFX.
When would it have been, I wantto say 2012, maybe?
Amazing show, loved it, hadsuch a fun time.
They played with another one ofmy favourite punk bands of all
time.
It's an Australian band calledBody Jar.
(24:40):
If you haven't heard of them,check them out.
They are absolutely great, beenaround for many, many years.
Just like NoFX had an amazingnight and I was the next morning
I had a game of basketball withmy workmates and I blew my knee
completely in a half like MCL,acl, meniscus and a fracture,
(25:01):
and yeah so I got to see NoFXthe night before my life changed
and I had to get a knee recoand give up sports.
Ali (25:09):
How is it this?
How is it like today?
Are you, is it better all theway, or is it still giving you?
Carter (25:13):
issues.
My bad knee is now my good kneebecause I'm 36 years old and
still am way more than I should.
So yeah, the reconstructed kneeis the good knee now, and I'm
just waiting for the other oneto go.
My wife's like any fucking day.
Ali (25:29):
We had a German shepherd and we had to have his knee, her
knee, replaced and then acouple months later her other
knee went.
So you know, that was like mydog.
It's funny talking about punkshows, though, because my kids
are like my older daughterespecially is like tell me about
Warped Tour.
So back in the day, like I wentto Warped Tour 95, warped Tour
(25:50):
96, and I would see bands likeNoFX, bad Religion, pennywise,
blink-182, all of those bandsfor like $30.
Like you would get a ticket forlike $25, $30 and see all your
favorite bands, and now ticketsfor Blink-182 would like start
at $400.
It's insane and I feel so badfor these kids.
Carter (26:05):
Yeah, but I guess that's what we had a warped tour here
in I don't know what year it was.
I was in year nine at schooland like it was a public school
and it was like warped tour waslike a two-hour drive from our
school and for some fuckingreason I don't understand how or
(26:26):
why or who talked the schoolinto it, but they hired a bus,
no, and like on a school day, wewere able to buy tickets with
parental consent.
Teachers drove a bus toMelbourne to the Warped Tour and
they got to just hang out andwatch shows.
I didn't get to go because Ithink I was grounded at the time
(26:49):
for being caught with marijuanaor some shit, but all my mates
went and they said it was thebest thing ever.
Ali (26:55):
That's amazing.
Oh, that's so cool.
Carter (26:57):
I don't understand it.
Ali (26:58):
I'm doing a lot of reminiscing today.
I know let's keep talking aboutold punk shows.
It's funny because when I wasin grade eight so I guess year
eight is what you'd say I hadtickets to Green Day.
I had tickets to blink one, orsorry, not like I do to the
green day.
I tickets to green day and Iwas so excited.
And then my friend and Ithought it'd be like a really
good idea to stay out all nightand sleep on the beach with her
boyfriend.
So we and which in my head itwas going to be really cool and
(27:21):
really it was me sitting therelike shivering, freezing and
them making out the whole time.
It sucked.
And I got home at like sixo'clock in the morning and my
mom was like why are you home atsix o'clock in the morning?
And I was like there wasconstruction next to her house
and it kept us awake becausethat was a good idea when I was
13.
And I did not get to go to seeGreen Day.
Carter (27:41):
That was my punishment.
My friends got to.
Ali (27:44):
I didn't get to.
Carter (27:45):
That sucks.
One of my favorite memories iswe had a tour come through in 04
, 05, 06.
I think it was like three years, called the Taste of Chaos.
It was like all like theScreamo bands of the early 2000s
, like the MySpace bands, theUsed MyCam Rise Against Funeral
(28:06):
for a Friend Story of the Year,like a bunch of other awesome,
awesome bands, like my favouritebands at the time, and I begged
.
I begged my mum to like let mego, let me go.
And she relented and let me go.
And me and my old bandmate whohad two nicknames one was Freaky
(28:27):
and the other was Ninja, steve,don't tell me why.
Don't ask me why.
Sorry, because I couldn't tellyou.
We packed our bags and jumpedon a train to Melbourne.
Yet again, it was like an hourand a half, two hours away and
like for some reason, my mumdidn't ask me how we were
getting home or where we werestaying or what time the concert
finished or any of these likequestions that any parent would
(28:50):
ask.
And we didn't even think aboutit, like we had no plan, we just
went to this concert.
So the concert finished at likemidnight.
Ali (28:56):
Yeah.
Carter (28:57):
And it was the first time I'd been in the big city by
myself, like with mates, notwith parents or anything like
that.
So that night after the concertI ended up getting spat on by a
homeless heroin addict inMcDonald's on Flinders Street so
Flinders Street is like themain street of Melbourne.
We slept on the stairs of likeshitty offices and like we
(29:19):
literally were sleeping withother homeless people and stuff.
We had a great time.
But I got a box cutter pulledon me and they like asked me for
my money and I was like likedude, do I fucking look like I
have money?
Yeah, like you can have mywallet.
That's about it.
It was, yeah, it was dicey, itwas a sketchy time, but like
good fun it was a different time.
Ali (29:41):
My, my kids don't understand now why I'm so
concerned with, like, where theyare and where they're going.
And well, for one thing, I do atrue crime podcast.
I hear about all the horrorstories and and I I guess
growing up in like the 80s and90s, there was not a lot of
parental supervision and it wasthe whole thing of like go
outside and come back when thestreetlights are on, like we
(30:03):
definitely had that, and I knowabout all the horrible things
that happened and the thingskids did, and so that's why I
want to know where you are, Iwant to know who you're with and
don't talk to men.
Those are my.
I'm constantly telling my girlslike there is no reason why an
adult will need to talk to you.
You're a child, so you do, andvery much like I love the
(30:26):
podcast my Favorite Murder aswell when they say fuck
politeness.
I'm like if an adult comes upto talk to you, you like, and
you and your friends are playing, there's no reason adult needs
to talk to you.
Carter (30:34):
You can walk away, you do not need to be polite yeah,
because, yeah, you're a childand we've taught my
four-year-old to just scream.
Just scream like, leave mealone, I don't know you as loud
as you can and like we're in thecar and I'm like, give it to me
louder, babe.
Someone that walks up to youand you don't know them, what do
you do?
And she's like leave me alone.
(30:54):
Fuck, you Get him.
Ali (30:59):
That's all felt well and good until my sister, when she
was about six and I was eight,she wanted a new pair of pajamas
, I think, at the mall, and mymom was like no, I'm not going
to buy those for you.
And then she looked at my momand she goes, I don't know you,
stranger, stranger, and startedyelling that and my mom was like
, and then was like okay, andwalked away and then my sister,
of course, started crying andchasing after her.
(31:20):
But it's great until theyweaponize it against you.
Carter (31:23):
Yeah, straight up.
One of my biggest fears with mydaughter because she loves
telling fibs at the moment she'sso deep into her little lying
four-year-old phase one of mydeepest fears is that I'm going
to go pick her up from daycareand daycare are going to be like
no, no, you're the mother'sgoing to have to come get her
(31:43):
because she has told us that youhit her or yeah, or something.
I'm like I'm terrified.
I'm so terrified Right,actually I do and like I can't
talk about it with her becausethen that plants the seed.
I can't be like don't ever tellanyone that I hit you.
Ali (31:59):
Because that's exactly what you would say if you were
hitting her yeah, fucking guiltyas.
Carter (32:03):
I just have to let it play out.
Ali (32:04):
Yeah, I'm going to say it gets easier, but like they just
get more manipulative.
Carter (32:09):
I'm excited for when she can actually lie, but like have
it be believable, oh yeah,because then ignorance is bliss.
I don't really care, lie yourass off.
But when I bite into an appleand she tells me that the apple
isn't existing, like don'tgaslight me, you're four years
old.
Yeah, I know that this appleexists.
Like don't gaslight me, you'refour years old.
(32:30):
Yeah, I know that this appleexists.
Ali (32:31):
I have one child that only tells the truth and I have one
child that rarely tells thetruth, and I raise them the same
.
I don't know.
It's just it comes to natureversus nurture, I guess, and it
just comes naturally to one ofthem to not always tell the
truth and the other one, likeshe can't lie Everything she'll.
If I know she's done somethingwrong.
(32:53):
When she doesn't want to say,she just kind of like looks away
and then I'm like, okay, whathappened?
And then she usually tells me,but she has anxiety.
Carter (33:09):
So she doesn't want to lie.
If it's a really really kind ofminor thing, that's just such a
silly thing to lie about, thatdoesn't have real consequences.
But when it's something a bitmore major like we saw her
backhand her little brother theother day and we were like
trying to talk to her about itand she was just like she just
shut down and she wouldn't talkto us about it and I was like
(33:31):
come talk, you know like yeah,we'll, we'll have a chat.
I'm not yelling, we'll justtalk about why you think it was
okay to hit your brother.
And she was like I just want tobe left alone, I'm really angry
and that's that's all we couldget out of her.
She was like a rock from thereon.
I was like you are, you arelike your mother, little aries
(33:55):
so what else you want to talkabout?
I mean we've for a mental healthpodcast.
This has been really chirpy, Iknow.
So you mentioned that yourdaughter has anxiety.
I'm guessing that you also havesome official diagnoses
yourself.
You have to run me through them, yeah.
Ali (34:13):
So my whole life I was like I have anxiety, I have anxiety.
And then I got my ADHDdiagnosis and realized that that
had more to do with it.
And as soon as I got on my ADHDmedication, my anxiety it's
minuscule compared to what itwas.
So I'll see, I'm doing it rightnow.
I told you I didn't take mymeds.
Today.
I'm like what was I justtalking about?
Carter (34:35):
So I realized that Don't let the fog yeah.
Ali (34:37):
So that was the thing is that there was so much brain fog
, everything was so overwhelmingin life that I would get so
anxious about everything.
And I remember the first timewhat was it?
I think it was Ritalin mydoctor gave me oh, was it
Ritalin?
Yeah, that's it, it was a one.
She was like here's two pills.
I want you to take these.
(34:59):
You're going to know right awayif they work, if you feel like
you are on speed and you feelit's not for you, but if you
feel good, then we'll prescribeyou.
I'm on Concerta now, which Idon't know if it's called
Concerta everywhere, but it'ssome form of meth, I don't know.
And I went home, I took thepills and that day I actually
felt so upset because I was likethis is how other people
function.
This isn't fair.
(35:20):
Everything has felt sooverwhelming and I was like, oh,
I'm going to do a task.
And then I just got that taskdone, whereas before I'd be like
I'm going to do this task, oh,but I got to do this, but I got
to do this, oh, there's so muchto do, I'm just going to go lay
in bed, like that's how my brainwould work.
And everything was sodisorganized and cluttered and I
would get like a client wouldmessage me and I would get so
(35:40):
much anxiety about having tomessage them back that I
wouldn't, and then I'd lose theclient.
Like ever since getting my ADHDdiagnosis, life has gotten so
much easier, so much, and I'm tothe point now where, like today
, I just didn't take my pillbecause I was running around and
I kind of forgot.
But I have so many othersystems in place now and life is
so much more organized that Ican go a couple of days without
(36:03):
it and it's fine.
And yeah, so I haven't been onanxiety medication or haven't
even needed it since.
I mean I have situationalanxiety like divorce, selling my
house.
Of course I have anxietyrelated to that, but before it
was I had the diagnosis of ageneralized anxiety disorder.
So just every I was anxiousabout everything and everything
was overwhelming and everythingwas stressful.
(36:24):
And I think a lot of women ADHDshows differently in men than
women a lot of times of womenADHD shows differently in men
than women a lot of times.
And I always just thought ADHDwas like hyperactive little boys
and I was like I can't havethat.
Carter (36:36):
I didn't realize it Jumping off the walls and
destructive in class.
Ali (36:40):
And no, but for me, I was always super disorganized,
leaving everything to the lastminute, super anxious.
I would have piles of stuffeverywhere.
I think my doctor saidsomething like how many coffee
cups are in your car?
And I said I was like I don'tknow 20.
And she had all these questionswhen she was asking me about,
like when you got a paper senthome from your teacher in
(37:03):
elementary school, where did itgo?
And I was like crumpled up inthe bottom of my backpack, like
my parents never saw it.
And yeah, there was all theselittle things relating to my
childhood where I was like, oh,I didn't realize that was ADHD.
Okay, because there'sinattentive ADHD and hyperactive
ADHD and I have a little bitcombo, but mostly inattentive,
yeah.
So it was very eye-opening andthe medication has totally
(37:27):
changed my life.
Carter (37:28):
Did you struggle through school but also got straight
A's in classes that you loved?
Ali (37:34):
Oh, I got straight A's in almost every class, but I never
did homework.
I never did, or I'd leave myhomework till the last minute.
Carter (37:41):
Like the night before.
Yeah, and throw somethingtogether 3,000 word essay the
night before.
I struggled all through schooland I was like season D's for
like English and math andgeography and all of the classes
that I fucking hated.
But theatre studies, drama,media, anything, technology or
(38:04):
acting or anything like thatbased, excuse me, straight A
pluses.
Ali (38:08):
Yeah.
Carter (38:09):
Because I was just, I loved it, I was hyper focused on
all of that sort of thing.
Yeah, yeah, because I was just,I loved it, I was hyper focused
on all of that sort of thing.
And you know, obviously withthe autism, now that I know I
have autism, of course I'm goingto be good at drama, because
I've been fucking masking mywhole life.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yeah, what the hell yeah.
Carter (38:23):
Like my entire life has been acting.
Ali (38:26):
Right, okay, I shouldn't say I got A's and everything I
got, like, I got solid Bs, butanything I applied myself to,
yeah, a plus 100%.
Have you seen the bionicreading apps?
Do you know what I'm talkingabout?
Okay, so basically, it's forpeople with ADHD and it
highlights the beginning of eachword so that when you're
reading it, it keeps bringingyour eyes back to it.
You have to look that up, youhave to look up bionic reading
(38:48):
and see and it's because rightnow I'm at a point where, like,
I can't read a book.
Carter (38:52):
I can't read books.
I haven't read books in years.
Ali (38:55):
And the funny thing is, as a child I was hyper focused on
books.
I had books in every room and Iwas reading seven books at once
and that was my hyper focus.
And now I'll pick up a book andI'm like, nope, it's like two
pages in.
But with this Bionic Readingapp it's made to kind of like
stimulate your brain.
(39:15):
I don't actually know all that,but reading a paragraph, you
can read it in like a second andit's so clear and I was like,
oh, that is very helpful.
Yeah, it's really cool.
Carter (39:23):
Yeah, I'll have to check it out.
If I was to pick up a book now,even on excuse me medication, I
think I would still probablyread like three chapters and
then stop and think like I don'tremember any of what I fucking
read.
It'll just be my mind dartingon words, recognising some words
but not picking up any of thestoryline.
(39:43):
And I love gaming and I loveadventure games, like single
player adventure games, god ofWar and Uncharted and the Last
of Us and things like that.
But if you sat me down, I'veplayed God of War, the
entirecharted and the Last of Usand things like that.
But if you sat me down, I'veplayed God of War, the entire
series like multiple times,multiple playthroughs.
I've platinumed the last twogames that have come out
Ragnarok and God of War 2018.
(40:05):
If you sat me down and asked mefor the storyline, I don't know
, skip cut scene every fuckingtime.
Skip cutscene.
Or if I can't skip the cutscene, it will end in my PlayStation
going into sleep mode because Ilose focus and just start doom
scrolling TikTok.
Ali (40:22):
That is my problem.
Carter (40:23):
Two hours later I'm like shit.
I was fucking playing a game.
Ali (40:26):
Yeah, and I'm curious if my older daughter does have ADHD.
She definitely has anxiety andshe's very open about it.
So I'm like she's totally openwith me talking about it.
So we had a really rough gofrom about the age of like eight
till maybe 12 with her.
She was just so angry all thetime and that's how my anxiety
(40:47):
would manifest as well was anger.
So she.
I remember one time I actuallyjust brought this up to her a
couple of days ago where I saidsomething like hey, I made
dinner.
And she's like I'm not hungry.
And I was like I like allyou've eaten today is cereal.
I made chicken, can you pleaseeat?
Get some protein.
And she screamed at me you'regonna give me an eating disorder
.
And I was like, oh my God.
(41:07):
And but about a year ago Ifinally had had enough.
I was like I love my child butI don't like her right now.
And I just didn't want to be inthe same room with her and I
took her to the doctor and shewent in by herself because she
was, you know, 14 or whateverthe time, and she came out and
she's like I have anxiety.
I was like, yeah, I figured.
(41:28):
And so she got on medication.
Am I glitching for you?
Hold on one second.
Carter (41:33):
No, no, you're all good.
Ali (41:34):
Are we recording again?
It's still going.
Carter (41:38):
Yeah, we're still recording.
Ali (41:39):
I'll tell you the rest of this story.
Carter (41:41):
Cool, I hope.
Oh, there we go.
Ninety, nine percent, all good,please continue.
Ali (41:47):
OK, so sorry.
So my daughter, the doctor saidlike we want to try her on this
medication.
And I was a little leery to puta teenager on medication but I
was just we'd tried counseling,we tried a bunch of things and I
just I had had enough and so wetried her on this medication.
And I remember it was like aweek after she started the
medication, I was cooking in thekitchen and she just came in
(42:07):
and she said hi, mom, what areyou doing?
And I just looked at her and Iwas like it was like a feral cat
where you don't want to like.
I didn't want to upset her oranything, and I was.
She like gave me a hug and shewanted to hang out.
And this past year we've gottencloser than we ever have been.
She's just, she's so happy, shehas friends for the first time
ever.
She never really has hadfriends before and now she has
(42:28):
big groups of friends and she'salways done really well at
school but she's just enjoyingit and she's so happy.
And, yeah, her anxiety was justruining her life before and the
combination of, I think,counselling and medication has
been so beneficial and she'ssuper happy now.
Awesome, that's a great result.
Carter (42:47):
My four-year-old is just so different to me and my wife.
She's like super, super girlygirl loves pink.
We painted her room pink.
She loves unicorns and she haslike rainbow fingernail polish
on at the moment and like she'sjust like this super just just
like loves barbie and loves mylittle pony and all that type of
(43:08):
really colorful stuff and sheis just fucking friends with
everyone.
Yeah, like I still remember Imoved schools a lot.
I went through like four orfive different primary schools
and like three different highschools and secondary colleges,
et cetera.
And I still remember just likethe immense anxiety that I felt
(43:30):
on like my first days or likeleading up to my first day of
school of like you know God,everyone's going to hate me, I'm
going to have to go throughmeeting new bullies all over
again and finding out what kindof torture they fucking like
putting me through, whereas likeshe's a year out of school at
the moment, like she's enrolledto start next year.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
Yeah.
Carter (43:51):
And every day, when I pick her up from daycare, she's
like can we drop past my school?
Ali (43:55):
I want to see my school.
Carter (43:56):
I want to see the playground, I want to see the
football oval, and she's justlike that's where me and my
friends are going to sit and eatlunch and talk, and we're going
to talk about things we like,like unicorns, and she's just
like she has no doubt in hermind that just everyone that
(44:16):
will be attending school withher, just friends, she hasn't
met yet and I think that'sfucking cool and I am so fearful
of the day she comes homecrying because she has
experienced a bully for thefirst time.
Ali (44:25):
Oh, that's happened.
It happened about a year ago toone of my kids and I.
She was okay with it, like she,but I felt all of those
feelings that I felt when I wasa kid come back tenfold, because
when it's your own child, I wascrying about it, I was
devastated, not in front of her,but like she, was like it's
fine, I'm fine and I just yourheart breaks for your kid.
Carter (44:48):
I know I'm going to have to reconcile a lot of feelings
within myself if slash when ithappens, because I never
advocated for myself, I neverstood up for myself, and now
that I am a 36-year-old man andI would easily win a fight with
a fucking five-year-old, I'mreally going to have to suppress
(45:10):
the need to go and avenge mydaughter, right.
Ali (45:13):
I'm really going to have to suppress the need to go and
avenge my daughter, right.
So it's actually interestingtalking about, like your past
and as a parent and as an adult,I just recently started therapy
again.
I hadn't done it in a while andit was.
I've had therapists in the pastwhere basically everything was
just like how does that make youfeel?
And how did that make you feel?
And it didn't really get to thebottom of anything.
(45:34):
And I recently I was goingthrough BetterHelp and I did
their online Zoom therapy and mytherapist, within about two or
three sessions, I was tellingher about this situation, this
situation and basically I'd hada situation where someone was
upset with me over somethingthat was absolutely not my fault
and they didn't have a reasonto be upset with me.
(45:55):
And she's like well, how didthat make you feel?
And I said horrible, I felt sobad.
I wanted to make sure she knewI didn't do this thing.
And she's like but she wasreally inappropriate and she did
this and she did this.
And weren't you angry?
And I said, well, no, I didn'twant her to be upset.
I didn't want her to be upset.
So she explained to me thatthere's fight or flight, which
are two of the main traumaresponses, and then there's also
(46:15):
fawn, and another one I don'tremember.
Carter (46:20):
But fawn and freeze.
Ali (46:22):
Yes, fawn and freeze, Thank you, and I fawn.
So I have to make everyone likeme and if someone doesn't like
me, it's my fault and how can Ifix it.
So my therapist was saying sowhat if someone doesn't like you
?
And I was like, well, why don'tthey like me?
And she goes, it doesn't matter, they don't like you.
And I was like but can I makethem like me?
And she's like nope, they don'tlike you.
And I was like, but well, whynot?
(46:42):
And she's like how do you feel?
I'm like horrible.
Well, what did is going to likeyou?
But even just the thought, hersaying that I started to get
panicky and I realized my entirelife I've put up with so much
shit from people because of thatfawn response and that I just I
(47:04):
need people to like me and so,even if they're horrible to me
and even if they're treating melike garbage, I can't have them
be mad at me.
And realizing that sometimesthings don't have to do with me
and the reason people feelcertain ways about me doesn't
have anything to do with me orhow people treat me has more to
do with them than with me.
And that's been reallyeye-opening recently to just
(47:25):
realize I don't have to be niceand sweet and kind to everyone
if they don't deserve it,because that's just how I've
basically being, you know, 370pounds.
I had to be charming and sweetand funny and kind just to be
treated like a basic person,just to be treated like a human.
And now it's very strange forme to get like attention,
(47:48):
especially from men.
I do get like no, I'm not gonnasay a lot of attention, but
like I get attention from men,and for no reason just because
of the way I look, I guess, andthey're kind to me and they're
nice to me just based on how Ilook.
And I think about how the samesorts of people were fucking
horrible to me just based on howI looked.
I wasn't treated like a person.
(48:08):
I remember once I was at aparty with a friend or with
friends and these guys I wassuper nice and kind and funny
and trying to be all everything,just to be treated like a
person.
And these guys threw a beer atme and started laughing and then
called me fat or whatever.
And there's such a thing as thinand pretty privilege, and I'm
(48:30):
not that thin and I'm not thatpretty, but I have so much more
privilege than I did five or sixyears ago.
Like people bought me coffeesat Starbucks, just being like,
oh, let me get this for you, andI'm like what?
Or opening doors for me or justdoing little kind things.
I was at the beach not thatlong ago when I was carrying I
had my paddleboard on my backand I was carrying a cooler and
(48:52):
this guy like came running andlike tripping over himself, like
can I help, oh, let me takethat for you.
And I was like, no, I'm good,like I lift, this is nothing.
But if I was 150 pounds heavierthere's no way that man would
have done that and it's sostrange.
So I'm just seeing society.
I'm seeing especially the way alot of men treat women so
(49:16):
differently now and I think Ihave friends who have a very
opposite experience where, say,they were super hot in high
school and in their 20s and theyhad all this thin, pretty
privilege and men did stuff forthem and people were so nice to
them.
And now, as they're aging,they're losing that.
Because women become disposableafter a certain age, people
just stop treating them them thesame way and they're devastated
(49:36):
and they'll try to like flirtand it doesn't work and they
don't know how to deal, and it'sso interesting to me because
I've never had that.
Carter (49:44):
It's like that whole like peak in high school kind of
trope.
You know Exactly it's astereotype for a reason, to an
extent, because you know thatdoes happen.
You know, I was always thechubby kid growing up, but now
in my 30s I'm the chubbytattooed guy with a mustache and
a dad bod.
I'm a fucking wanted commodityin today's society.
(50:06):
And it's weird and like I'llprobably edit that out because,
like, just coming out of mymouth made me feel really
uncomfortable no, it's totallytrue.
Ali (50:17):
When I was on dating apps, I had there was this picture of
miley cyrus like licking a cakeand on the cake I had it had
written like tattoos and dadbods.
Because I was like so no, 100,totally true.
But yeah, it's weird when allof a sudden, people are
attracted to you and you'venever had that before and you're
like what is happening.
Carter (50:37):
Yes, like my wife and I have had the whole conversation
of like who's the reacher andwho's the settler and it's not
the most healthy conversation,but we were quite jovial and
jestful in the conversation andI was like I'm for sure the
reacher Like she's nine yearsyounger than me.
Ali (50:54):
Oh, my partner's, nine years younger than me.
Carter (50:56):
Oh, okay, well, I didn't know at the time she catfished
me.
She'd had her age set higherthan it was Okay.
And I also catfished her on ourfirst date because in all of my
Tinder photos I had luscioushair and she rocked up for our
first date and I'd shaved myhead the day before Britney
speared myself, but I was likeI'm 110% the reacher and she's
(51:19):
just like no, you're not.
Like.
In her mind, she's the reacherbecause to me, to her, I'm
beautiful.
And it's still hard to reconcilethat, but it gets easier.
We've got three kids.
Ali (51:33):
Oh, do you have three?
I thought you only had two.
Okay, how old are they?
Carter (51:35):
I've got three, so we've got.
Hendrix is my firstborn, she'sfour.
Roman is my son, he is two,Three next month and Salem is
one year old tomorrow.
Ali (51:48):
Little girl you have such good names too.
Oh, happy birthday, salem.
It's funny when we were namingour girls.
You have such good names too.
Oh, happy birthday, salem.
It's funny when we were namingour girls.
My ex liked names like Tiffanyand Vanessa.
He liked really 80s traditionalnames and I was telling my
daughter her name is Michaelabecause my great grandfather's
name was Mikhail.
We're Russian, it's like atraditional kind of name in our
family.
She's Michaela.
(52:09):
But I didn't know that everybasic bitch about five years
older than her is all namedMichaela.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that, like, everybasic bitch about five years
older than her is all namedMichaela.
I didn't know that.
I didn't have a kid.
So, anyway, she is not a fan ofher name.
And I was like, yeah, your dadliked names like you know these
basic names and I like nameslike Sloan and Lux, like L-U-X
it's from the book the VirginSuicides.
And she was like my name couldhave been Lux.
(52:29):
She was so mad.
She was like can I change it?
And then I was like, except hermiddle name's.
Carter (52:43):
Grey, so I was like Lux Grey sounds like a porn star or
a paint colour Brilliant,brilliant.
All right.
So I'm sorry we have to wrap upbecause I do have another
podcast to record, but is thereanything you want to finish up
on, anything that you want tosend out into the world?
Ali (52:54):
plug your podcast as well.
Yeah, if you think I'mmoderately funny or you like
true crime cults, generallyfucked up shit.
Listen to tsfu, the podcast onapple podcasts and spotify
awesome and thank you so muchfor having me.
This was fun.
I felt like we were justhanging out.
It didn't actually feel like a100, it's.
Carter (53:09):
I mean.
I mean it's.
It's usually the podcast whereI talk about trauma and nitty
gritty shit.
So it's been a nice change,just to be happy and cheerful.
And I definitely took too muchof my ADHD meds this morning.
Ali (53:22):
But if this would have been me five years ago, I would have
been like and now I'm just.
This is kind of who I am now.
Carter (53:29):
Go us.
Ali (53:29):
Awesome.
Well, thank you again forhaving me.
See you, mate.
Speaker 2 (53:43):
Have a good day.
Thanks so much.
Bye, bye, bye, bye.
Then your only thing is me Justknowing that I'm trying to make
a change.
Can I put it all on me,responsibilities, and all the
(54:03):
other nonsense coming byrepeatedly?
But there's one thing I know,it's knowing to let go.
Just knowing that I'm trying tomake a change Doesn't seem too
much.
Just to ask for give up onthose many things that I do.
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