February 12, 2025 • 50 mins
Is life coaching a scam, or does it really hold the key to personal transformation? Join us on the Toxic Cooking Show as we unravel this intricate tapestry of guidance, dissecting the realms of life coaching and therapy with precision and humor. We promise an enlightening exploration into when you might benefit from the pep talks of an energetic life coach and when the profound expertise of a licensed therapist is essential. Along the way, we’ll arm you with the knowledge to make informed choices about the support you need, ensuring you never confuse quick fixes with deep healing.
In a world fraught with anxiety and societal pressures, recognizing the signs of a panic attack can be life-changing. We tackle critical conversations around drink safety and the blurred ethical lines between life coaches and therapists. With Christopher Patchet, LCSW, and Lindsay McClane at the helm, we critique the often exorbitant costs of life coaching and their implications, urging listeners to look beyond the surface for real, qualified help. As we wrap up, we invite you to share your own stories, making this podcast a dynamic dialogue about the toxic ingredients of life and how we can stir them into something meaningful.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Hi and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we
break down toxic people to theirsimplest ingredients.
I'm your host, christopherPadgett, lcsw.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
And I'm Lindsay McLean.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
We are going to talk about life coaching this week.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Oh yes, I hate life coaches.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Life coaches is the answer to therapy.
You know it's a little bitcheaper, know it's.
You know you're you, you don'thave to pay for that whole
degree and everything like that.
You can talk to somebody, talkto them about, to tell them
about your problems.
They'll be able to help you out, you know, and things like that
(00:55):
.
I will say I will start off theprogram like this there are
good reasons to see a life coach.
If you wanted to talk tosomebody and say, like, hey, you
know, I have a, I really wantto be able to do this and I I'm
trying to decide between thisand this, talk to a life coach.
(01:16):
Yeah, if you're one of thesethings where, hey, you know,
like I got offered a jobopportunity but I'm kind of
scared about what are some ofthe advantages, okay, talk to a
business coach, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Although I would also say that you could probably, in
at least those instances, ifyou have a good group of friends
, you would probably be able togo to them and talk to them
about these same things, able togo to them and talk to them
about these same things, I wouldsay okay.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So I would say life coach is somebody that you can
talk to, that is something thatyou you might go to a friend
about, but you kind of want tojust get that that third
person's perspective.
So, like, um, you know, if I,if I was kind of making a
decision between, like I havethis really good job, but I got
(02:10):
this off this other job, and Icome to you and I ask you you're
going to base your decision offof what you know of me.
You might make that decision,being like, well, you know, I
know you kind of get like, youknow, like a really antsy when
starting a new career, so maybeit might be better to just kind
(02:31):
of like stay where you're at, sotaking you out, it takes out
that whole like personalconnection.
And so, yeah, you know, youmight want to talk to a life
coach about things like that,something that you might want to
talk to a life coach aboutthings like that, something that
you might talk to a friendabout, but you just kind of want
to take that person out.
I would say that talking to alife coach, maybe going to see
(02:54):
them once because you just wantto ask a simple question, that
would be all good and dandy.
But to see a life coach for anextended period of time because
you're having anxiety or you'rehaving depression and you're
trying to figure out ways to beable to cope with things like
that.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
That's called go see a therapist.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Yeah, Therapist is a protected profession.
So that means that it isillegal for somebody to say that
they're a therapist unlessthey've actually gone through
the education of it.
Therapist is a protectedprofession.
Doctor can't say that I'm amedical doctor unless you
(03:38):
actually have a license.
Somebody who is doing lifecoaching they're not able to say
they do therapy, they are atherapist, which is why they
call themselves life coach,which is why we had to come up
with this name.
So for me to become a therapist, I went through seven years of
(04:01):
college.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Seven years of college and so usually for like
for me or for a social worker.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
You're going to go through about six or seven years
.
Once I got my MSW my master'sin social work I had to take a
test to get a LSW, which is alicensed social worker.
Once I got my LSW, I was ableto start working under somebody
else and start doing therapythat way.
So at all times, like Icouldn't do independent, I had
(04:35):
to work underneath somebody elsewho was licensed and I had to
do supervision twice a week andI did that for altogether.
It took me about three years toget 2000 hours of supervision
Pennsylvania.
You can get those 2000 hours inin two years, Since I had just
(04:57):
started with, you know, maybelike one or two clients here and
there.
Obviously I'm not doing a 40hour work week week and it took
me three years to get my LCSW.
So how to get supervision?
How to work on somebody else?
There were a couple ofinsurances that wouldn't pay for
(05:20):
my services because of the factthat it wasn't my license, it
was under somebody else'slicense.
So over time I was able tofinally get those $3,000.
Had to take another test to getmy LCSW and, oh my god, that
test is super hard.
40% will fail the first timearound.
(05:42):
I was one of the lucky ones toget on my first try look at you,
go dad yeah, what, what, and soI mean it's.
It's not an easy test, it's nota test that you know unless you
actually study your ass off.
For it's not one of these oneswhere you can just be like I
(06:03):
know my shit and just go in andjust pass it.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I mean, yeah, I kind of want it to be that way.
Like no offense, I mean itsucks that 40% of people don't
pass.
But, like you know, when you goto a therapist or a doctor or
somebody like that, like part ofthe reason why you're paying
all that money is because you'repaying for the experience,
you're paying for the knowledge,hopefully, that they have.
(06:27):
I don't want you able to justlike take an easy little test
and be like, ha ha, I can giveyou fantastic advice.
Like you're not depressed, youjust need some sunshine.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Nope, and that's kind of the thing is that, even with
having a license is that, withtherapy and being able to talk
to other people, there's alwaysgoing to be new things that come
up.
And so, even now that I do havemy license, every two years I
(06:58):
have to renew it.
Part of that renewing is I haveto take a class in ethics.
I also have to take suicideprevention, and then also I have
to take a class in mandatedreporting.
So I'm a mandated reporter.
If I see child abuse oranything like that, I have to
report in, and then also on topof that, I have to take 28
(07:23):
credits, for it could beanything.
So, like this past time that Irenewed my license, I was able
to use the EMDR training that Idid.
I was able to use some of theCPT cognitive processing therapy
credits that I took andeverything like that.
You are encouraged, and not onlyencouraged, but you're required
(07:45):
to continue your education.
So it's not one of these thingswhere, yeah, I got my master's
degree, I passed this test andthere we go, I'm good.
So that is what it takes tobecome a therapist, and not only
become a therapist, but beingable to continue your license in
therapy Life coach, but beingable to continue your, your
license and therapy life coach,well, um.
(08:10):
So, to be a certified lifecoach, uh-huh, you need three to
five hundred hours of trainingtraining in what?
life coaching so they would haveto be under.
It would be kind of like how,the same thing with when I
(08:30):
worked under somebody else.
Then I got that supervision andI mean for me it was 2 000
hours.
Somebody who wants to be acertified life coach?
They only need three to fivehundred hours of that.
So no prior education, justlife coaching.
And somebody is saying like,hey, you know, I think that you
should do this, I think youshould do that.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
And is there like a, a certificate or something that
you you get from this?
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah, I mean that's literally all it is.
It's just so like I looked itup online and I mean that's
literally all it is.
It's just a oh really.
So, like I looked it up onlineand I mean, you know, I saw
advertisements for become acertified life coach in six to
eight weeks.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Very trustworthy.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
That's six to eight weeks compared to six to seven
years.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, same thing, same, thing, same.
Thing.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I don't see the difference.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
You, you have the, you have this whole thing of six
, eight weeks, and that has tobe a certified life coach.
To call yourself a life coach,guess what the requirements are.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Is it?
There are none.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
I would say breathing probably.
That would probably be the.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
That is a good point.
It does help to be alive.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
So you know it's, and then there's nothing wrong with
, like, somebody who doesn'tfinish high school or something
like that and goes on to, youknow, like another career and
things like that, sure.
But the fact that somebody whodoesn't have any education can
just say that they're a lifecoach, that they went, that they
(10:15):
went to the school of hardknocks or whatever, oh god, yeah
, I was kind of curious aboutthis and and so I looked up life
coaches around here and I wasable to find one person and I
was looking at their bio andthey said that they were a, that
(10:36):
they were relationship lifecoach, and their whole thing
with relationship life coach isthe fact that they grew up in a
single mother household withfive female siblings.
Wow I definitely feel likethey're going to give me some
(10:59):
great advice, so that was theirqualification of being a
relationship coach.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Okay, single parent household and had five sisters
yeah, I'm great.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Because there is no difference between a sibling and
a sexual partner.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Correct.
I mean you do live in WestVirginia.
Yeehaw, that would be Alabama.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
That's, I'm sorry to say, but that's not exactly that
qualification.
No, Talking to a partner is ahell of a lot different than
talking to a sibling.
One of the biggest things thatwhenever I have, like you know
somebody coming in for a coupleof therapy, and one of the
things that they, they alwayssay is, like communication.
One of the things I always kindof tell them is that you have
(11:57):
two people from two differentbackgrounds, two different
environments of growing up andtwo different you know,
sometimes two different parts ofthe country or even the world,
and you throw them into a housetogether and you say good luck,
you know which.
So so being able to recognizelike, that whole idea that is
not just the idea of like how totalk to women is learning, how
(12:20):
to be able to talk to somebody,talk to on both sides.
It's learning how to be able totalk to somebody talk to on both
sides, men and women, beingable to talk to each other and
being able to understand eachother, being able to let each
other know that they are beingheard, being able to come up
with ideas of, like how to beable to have a better
(12:44):
understanding of what they'resaying.
Because, like, one of thethings I always kind of say is
that I love the, the sentence.
I did not say she took my money.
I didn't say she took my money.
I didn't say she took my money,I didn't say she took my money.
So, just depending on theemphasis you you know, you can
(13:04):
either say that I didn't say shetook my money, meaning I didn't
but somebody else did all theway to.
I didn't say she took my money,meaning that she didn't do it,
but somebody else did.
And and I love that.
I love that sentence becauseit's seven words, same exact
order.
All you have to do is justemphasize one word differently
(13:27):
and you have seven, meaning yeah, exactly and, and that's the
thing, is that, like, I think Imight have mentioned it here,
but I, I love the fact that theword decent like yes, you know,
I, I, I grew up in philly, and Igrew up in philly in the 90s
and when we said the word decent, it was like that, that I mean
(13:50):
that was as high as you could go.
You know you had all right,good, great.
Oh man, that's fucking decentyo otherwise.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I'm hearing that as a not Philly native I'm like that
is so fucking rude.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Exactly, exactly, like.
So so I mean if, if I would, ifI, you know, thankfully I got
out of the habit of saying thatbut if I was dating somebody say
, let's Indiana, and she's like,you know, like what?
Do you think of this dress?
Do you think I look good inthis?
I'd be like, oh man, you, youknow, you look fucking decent in
that that's how you go fromlike dating to single yeah and
(14:31):
and that's kind of the thing isthat you know that that
communication style and and thething is, is that being able to
say, like from what I'm hearingfrom you, is you think that this
looks just okay, rather thanbeing able to say, like you know
, like being able to call theperson out and say, like you
(14:51):
know, like this is what I'mhearing.
So I mean, one of the things Ireally go into is active
listening and I mean that'ssomething that's again like if
you've grown up in the samehousehold, around the same time
and same friends.
Yeah, there are gonna be someslight differences here and
there, but you're gonna be ableto kind of pick up off of each
(15:12):
other because you've known eachother since birth you grew up in
the same culture.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
You grew up in the in this case, literally same
family, like there are certainthings that my sister and I just
know about each other, likeabout our communication style,
that somebody else, coming inwould be like I don't get why
you do this and why the otherone does that.
It's just like yeah, but for usit's normal.
It's not saying it's normal foreveryone, though.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Except for the whole David Bowie thing.
That is completely not normalfor anybody, though, except for
the old david bowie thing, thatis completely not normal for
anybody.
Look, yes, I'm calling you bothout hey uh, but yeah, yeah, you
know you're gonna pick oncertain things, like when you're
(16:03):
growing up together and thingslike that.
So, on top of that, a lifecoach is not able to diagnose or
really help with mental illnessas a whole because they don't
have that training.
You know, like flat out, likeI'm sorry to say, but they have
(16:23):
no training in any type of likemental disorders and and so one
of the things, uh, there are twopeople that I really kind of
wanted to bring up.
So, the first person I kind ofwant to bring up, uh, she goes
by the, the, the namecaffeinated kitty, and I
actually started following herbecause you know she does have
(16:45):
good advice every now and then.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Every now and then.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Well, I mean, Broken Clock is right twice a day, True
, true.
But I started following her andthere was one thing that I
heard that was completely.
It fucking blew my mind.
So I'm actually going to playsomething that absolutely
fucking blew my mind.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
In a good way or bad way.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
You girls are so paranoid.
The man said to me at a barseveral years back when I just
happened to put my hand over mycup because I was doing a Levi
Ackerman impression and I gotused to doing it ironically and
then I couldn't stop so itstarted to become unironic.
But all of that is to say, Iput my hand over the top of my
drink and he made that kind ofcomment after trying to chat me
(17:32):
up, incredibly unsuccessfully,and I decided I was going to
absolutely ruin his perspectivefor an evening out of
retaliation.
Good day, my name is Kitty andI'm a life coach.
I'm kind of known fortraumatizing the men who
bothered me, and I crossed 700000 followers a bit ago, which
means I owe you all the storytime, and this was one of the
things that tied on my pastron.
So here we go.
Well, you know, it actually isjust like an anime reference.
(17:54):
Not anything defensive, Iassure you, but hold on.
Speaking of references, thatguy over there, the blonde yeah,
the one behind you doesn,doesn't he like look like
somebody that like was on Vine?
I swear I saw him on Vine.
Oh, I know, right, rip.
Anyway, no, don't stare at him,don't stare, it's fine, it's
fine.
Don't stare at him, it'll beweird Anyway hey cheers, honey.
(18:15):
I bet you can't chug that badboy back fast.
And I can chug this back.
All right, you're on, let's go.
Good job, hey, oh no, there'sno need for another round.
I'm sure it'll only be about 15minutes before that kicks in
for you.
Oh, not the alcohol, no, no, no, I don't think you're that much
of a lightweight.
Well, you didn't notice whenyou turned around me fiddling
(18:36):
with your drink.
You didn't see, and then youchecked it back.
So it wouldn't matter if youdid see, because you drank it so
clearly.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Even if you did see, you weren't worried about what
it could do to you I know it'skind of hard to kind of pick
that up, like you know,listening to it, but she
basically what she did is shewas just kind of like acting out
this, this moment, where shewas talking to a guy and she was
saying that the the guy wassaying about how, like, women
are paranoid about having theirtheir hands over the cup and
(19:01):
everything like that, and shewas trying to make a point and
she directed this guy to lookthe other way and then you know
she acted out how she picked upher cup or the guy's cup and,
just like you know, laid it backdown, saying hey, I bet you I
can chug this faster than you.
And then saying that oh, by theway, by the way, you know you're
(19:25):
gonna feel that soon, uh, notthe alcohol, but you know
something I put into your drink.
And then covering up with oh, Iwas just joking, but you know
that pit in the stomach that youfeel right now, wondering if I
joked or not.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
Yeah well, that is probably not like I okay, you
know what?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
yeah, a guy who is going all saying that you know,
like you're being paranoid andeverything like that.
We, we live in an age where mendo shitty things like that.
They'll put something in awoman's drink and, yes, it is
being taught to either put yourhand or put, like you, you know,
like something over your drink,which is beautiful idea,
(20:07):
beautiful idea.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Also, maybe if you have this guy who's being weird
about it, why are you stilltalking to him?
That's where you get up andmove.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Cause clearly, this person is not trustworthy,
exactly, and and so the thing is.
So is that like a guy who is,who doesn't get it?
You can talk to him once?
I mean like, hey, look, this isa legit thing that we aren't
just being paranoid, that guyswill actually put things in a
woman's drink and let him havethat opportunity?
(20:43):
Oh well, you know shit, Ididn't realize that.
Or if he wants to really makelike a huge you know stink about
it, okay, you're obviously notthe guy that I want to talk to.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah, You've weeded yourself out.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
But to kind of throw that trauma back onto the other
guy and saying, hey, maybe I putsomething in your drink.
That guy is not going to makethat connection of you know,
like that men do this.
He's now just going to makethat connection that, oh shit,
this girl may or may not befucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yeah, the lesson was not the correct.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Lesson will not be learned in that situation Ever,
yeah you know, yeah, yeah, Imean, he's not going to think
any differently, he's not goingto be like, huh, yeah, I do feel
scared.
Therefore, I think she is right, like no, that's not going to
(21:43):
happen, but yeah, and then also,on top of that, the fact that
she does use the phrase that, uh, I am the villain life coach.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
I am known for traumatizing men who bother me I
don't, I don't like it, I don'tlike it.
I mean, sometimes people needto be traumatized.
I do think that sometimes wehave to teach people lessons.
If you fuck around, you findout, but like there's a.
There's a pretty hard, obviousline that should be really
visible of like again, if youfuck around, you will find out,
(22:21):
but you don't.
Just you know, you're havingthis conversation with somebody
and they mention this and theyask why you do something and
you're like you know what you'regonna find.
To find out now, so unnecessary.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
It's unnecessary, you're wasting your time, you're
wasting the guy's time You'reputting, you're not teaching
this guy what it's like to be awoman, because if he doesn't get
it in the first place again,this is not going to be the
thing to show this guy like.
What is like being a woman.
No, you know, and and the thingis on top of that, like if I
(22:58):
were to tell a client that thatwould be completely fucking
unethical for me to say like oh,my god.
And and that's know.
On top of that, like you know,the difference between a
therapist and a life coach isthat I am held responsible for
(23:19):
the things I do.
If something happens to one ofmy clients, I might actually
have, you know, like a boardcoming up to me and ask me what
the hell did I do?
What were the things I did tomake sure that this didn't
happen?
So I'm actually being heldliable by the state and you know
(23:41):
somebody who's life coach?
They can tell them anything.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, cause there's no board over them to say this
is an okay thing.
To say this is not like there.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
there's, there's nothing like that right, right,
so, so, so, yeah, that that's,that's one.
So this is another uh guy thatis a life coach this is one that
I was kind of talking aboutearlier where he is able to cure
your trauma within five minuteswe talked about this publicly
(24:13):
before, but I'm going to teachyou specifically how to never
have a panic attack again, andit's so simple.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
You're going to wonder why you've never done
this sooner.
For the next 14 days.
Here's exactly what you'regoing to do, just as you're
beginning to feel the panicattack.
Number one I want you to trackexactly what you're doing with
your body.
Where are you tempting up yourmuscles?
Are you breathing full orshallow?
Are you contracted or are youexpanded?
(24:40):
Number two I want you to trackexactly what you're thinking
about in your mind.
Are you anticipating the worstcase scenario?
Are you replaying a traumaticmoment in your head?
And number three I want you totrack how many times in one
single day you have a panicattack.
When you're clear on thesethree things, you can use your
nervous system differently toprevent ever having a panic
(25:01):
attack again.
So you don't need to just cope,because you'll see exactly how
you're creating them with yourmind and body.
Save this video and follow mefor more value.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
He doesn't actually tell you how to not have a panic
attack.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
You know, and the thing is okay, you know.
For this, yes, it is importantto be able to recognize, like,
what are the things that arecausing that panic attack?
Yeah, but being able to copebecause the thing is, when
somebody is having a panicattack, there is you know
they're going through a wholeprocess, it's, it's you know the
whole idea like that they arefeeling, like that they're
(25:39):
having a heart attack and I mean, you know, they might not even
be able to focus on what iscausing it, because all their
focus is on their, their heart,their palms sweating.
They feel the temperaturerising, maybe even collapsing.
They're focused on that, sothey're not even focusing on
(26:03):
what is the thought that isgoing there.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Well, even if you recognize what is the thought,
like I can recognize oftentimesif I'm having you know, like you
leave the house and suddenlyyou're like is my oven on?
You know you can recognizethat's completely illogical.
You're like I haven't touchedthe oven yet today.
Like I know I turned the stoveoff and yet you know the back of
your head you're like, oh no, Ican recognize that.
(26:27):
But, like you, just recognizingit doesn't stop it from going
away.
Like you need actual copingmechanisms, you need actual
steps to go through, to be likeokay, I've recognized I'm having
this panic attack, I'verecognized this.
I'm at a point in the panicattack where I can actually
still think and function torecognize it, to recognize it.
(26:53):
And then here are the things Ican do to bring myself down from
there.
Which he doesn't cover.
He's just like and then you'lljust magically cope.
Why didn't I think of that?
Speaker 1 (27:02):
genius I'll just hope my way through I mean, that is,
that is the first you know, andthat's the thing is like you
have to learn how to cope firstprior to like really kind of
working on what the hell isgoing on, because if somebody is
panicking, like in socialsituations and things like that,
then you know that that panicis it's.
(27:25):
It's real, it's very real tothem.
So, being able to figure outhow to cope with things first
and then start working on whatare the things that are kind of
causing the awareness and thatalertness, you know, to kind of
climb in the first place.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Well, yeah, but now I have the skills and so I feel
it coming on and I can start torecognize oh hey, in this
situation, but I have the toolsto bring myself down.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
All right, let's hear the second one.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
What I want you to do is I want you, on purpose, to
bring yourself up to about a sixof anxiety every day, twice a
day, for five minutes.
You're going to sit down.
You're going to get yourself toa level six out of 10 anxiety
and you're going to stay therefor five straight minutes and
put a timer on your phone andwhen the timer goes off,
literally just stand up andcontinue with your day.
Imagine if you were lookingover the edge of a cliff and I
(28:19):
came up behind you and I lightlypushed on your back.
What are you automaticallygoing to do?
I'll push back.
There you go, yes, so whatwe're going to do is have you
make yourself as anxious aspossible twice a day, for five
minutes each.
Make yourself as anxious aspossible twice a day, for five
minutes each, and you're goingto notice it is extremely hard
(28:43):
to make yourself anxious orpanicky after like one or two
days.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
First off.
First off, what is a six out of10 of panic we haven't talked
about like you need to give mesome guidelines first so I can
position what is for me a sixout of 10.
Panic for me is not going to bethe same thing as for you.
(29:07):
So just saying like a six outof 10, that doesn't tell us a
lot anyway.
So just saying like a six outof 10, that doesn't tell us a
lot anyway.
Also, I'm pretty sure thatmaking yourself anxious multiple
times a day will just make youreally anxious.
I don't think your body's justme.
(29:28):
Like you know what, man, I'mtired of this bullshit.
I don't want to get anxiousanymore.
I know at 3 pm.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
We're going anxious time so I'm just gonna stop you
know, and so okay, first off,the body.
Could I mean, uh, I've seenpeople going through anxiety
attacks for 45 minutes.
Yes, there is a certain pointwhere the body is going to be
like, okay, this is way too muchenergy and it's going to cause
(29:57):
the person to finally come offof that panic attack.
Yeah, five minutes, you know,for some people that's just the
start of a panic attack and,just like you said, like a six
out of 10 is going to bedifferent for me compared to
somebody else, and that's ifsomebody is purposely putting
(30:19):
them into like a panic attack.
Part of part of the whole thingof a panic attack is that you
don't have that control.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
You know if, if the whole idea of a panic attack was
that you're you to have controlof things like, that's not a
panic attack.
People don't sit there, and whodo have anxiety and who do have
panic attacks they're not like.
Well, you know what?
I haven't panicked in a littlewhile.
You know what?
Today is a good day to kind ofpanic, let me just bring it on.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Good day to kind of panic, bring it on.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
So now you're telling somebody to have a controlled
panic attack.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
But only a little one , only five minutes.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Only for five minutes .
Yeah, that's just like.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
That just sounds like a recipe to be anxious the rest
of the day, bring yourself upto this level, and then to be
like, oh my god, this isterrible, this is terrible.
Okay, now I'm not going tothink about it.
Your brain isn't going to belike done, cool, got it.
Got, got the message.
I struggle with this, but youknow, at this time I'm gonna
just stop, it's fine.
No, you're gonna keep comingback to it.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Whatever it was that you used to get yourself up to,
that is gonna stay, and thenyou're just gonna be thinking
about that for the rest of theday until it's time for panic
attack number two you know, oneof the things I I talk to people
about, like you know,especially when you're talking
about, uh, alcoholism and peoplewho, uh, use alcohol and and do
(31:50):
have anxiety a lot of times,I'll ask them, I'll say, like
you know, how anxious are youwaking up first thing in the
morning?
And I'll actually make like ascale for them and they'll say,
like usually like two or three.
I'm like, okay, so you'restarting off at a two or three,
you know, first thing in themorning and kind of think of it.
(32:13):
As you know, you're on the topof a hill and you have a boulder
up there and all it.
You know, basically with ananxiety attack you're, you're
basically kind of going back andforth with the boulder and
you're rocking it back and forthuntil it starts, like you know,
going down the hill.
As it's coming down, the hillis going to get uh stronger and
(32:34):
faster and things like that.
So if you're already puttingyourself out of three first
thing in the morning, likeduring the day, you know that
boulder doesn't have to havethat, that much energy to to
keep on going.
And and that's kind of one ofthe things I'll talk to people
about who say you know that theyhave anxiety and they're
(32:55):
drinking every single night.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
So, yeah, it's not a good idea to put yourself in a
position where you're going tohave anxiety yeah, why would you
just run up and be like ontothe boulder when you know that
that's going to cause it to belike down the hill?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
that is a terrible, terrible idea, yeah and again
there is nothing that they arebeing held liable for.
Uh, because again, you know,like as a therapist, uh, I have
the state that that uh willliable.
I can, if I say something likereally fucked up or something
(33:35):
like that, or if I do somethingfucked up, my license can be
taken away.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Yeah, and rightly so.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, and rightly so.
Yeah, you know, like, and thething is is that there is
nothing there preventing themfrom having their.
You know, even if they arecertified, you know, even if
there is a governing board ofcertification, well, they can
still call themselves a lifecoach.
(34:02):
You know, you can.
Again, the only requirement tobeing a life coach is breathing.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Yeah, Even if you lose the certified, because I
don't think most people areaware that there's like a
certified life coach and anon-certified life coach.
I had never heard of thatdistinction before and I've seen
plenty of people callingthemselves life coaches on the
internet.
I'm sure that most people don'tever go through with the
certification, because are youable to get that much more money
(34:29):
by being certified?
Probably not.
I mean maybe.
Maybe it's worth it, but basedon the fact that I've certainly
never seen anyone talk about it,I'm doubtful.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I did look up uh of a uh life coach around here and I
was kind of curious what, whatthe asking price was and you
were able to make a phone callfor $3.
33 cents per minute.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Oh my.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
God.
So for a 45-minute session thatis $149.85.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Just go to therapy.
Therapy is cheaper.
Yeah, I never thought.
I would say that I neverthought I would say that.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
So so you're you're getting quote, unquote advice
from somebody who is chargingthe same as a therapist, who has
no qualifications, who has noauthority that is holding him
responsible.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Damn, maybe I need to get into life coaching.
I'm just that that is a lot ofmoney.
Yeah, to pay per minute to talkto anybody, but especially to
somebody who does not havecertified qualifications.
I mean again, you know, whenyou talk to a lawyer, lawyers
(35:53):
are expensive.
Lawyers go through tons ofyears of schooling to know their
stuff.
That's why it costs a lot ofmoney for them to do their job.
Same thing for a therapist.
You're paying for theirexperience.
You're paying for, like, as yousaid, all of the exams you've
had to go through, all theschooling you've had to go
through all of the likecontinued education that you
(36:13):
have to go through.
That's why you're you pay moneyfor that.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
You pay money for experience yeah, you know, and
that's the thing is like.
Therapy is expensive for areason.
The emdr class is that I took.
Thankfully I got them while Iwas working at the veterans
affairs, so it didn't cost meany money.
(36:38):
But if I would have done it onmy own it would have been a
total of six thousand dollars.
Wow, uh, because it's it's twoweekends.
First weekend would have beenthree thousand, another, uh,
three thousand for a secondweekend, and then you have to go
through um supervision with themdr, and that's not cheap
(37:02):
either.
I think it's like 10 sessions,for usually people will charge
like about 150.
So that's another $1,500 on topof that Again, thankfully,
thankfully I I had thatcompletely paid for You're
welcome.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
My tax dollars.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Your tax dollars.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
When, when, when did you do it?
What year?
Speaker 1 (37:25):
23.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Wait, yeah, yeah, no, I didn't pay tax.
I was already in Europe then.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
But but I do think your mom and dad.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, and my sister.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
And your sister.
But but yeah, you know, andthat's the thing is that it does
cost a lot of money, you know,to keep these, you know,
continue educations and thingslike that, whereas you know
somebody who is a life coach.
That's $140, that's goingstraight into their pocket.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
They're just so scammy.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
With all that being said, what do you think that we
should do about?
Speaker 2 (38:12):
this more picky when they're choosing who to, who to
idolize, who to follow, who toget advice from, and that
applies to kind of all levels, Imean even amongst friends, you
(38:33):
know.
So you can have a really goodfriend and you can look at them
and be like I'm, I'm not goingto listen to anything you say
about this one.
You just you're not qualifiedon this.
Like, nope, you're a goodfriend, I'll listen to you for
other stuff, but this, thisthing right here, no, no, we're
not going to do that.
And I'd love to see people kindof apply that, the friendships,
(38:57):
and apply it to stuff like this.
I mean, it's not to say thatyou can't get good advice from
somebody who doesn't haveschooling or something like that
, but they can say, hey, youwant some business advice.
I have started and then soldthese six startups and they're
(39:20):
all within the same field andthey all kind of do this thing.
And I was able to.
I had this idea, I created it,I got the business, I got it to
this level and then I sold it.
So I can help you do the same.
Okay, I can see that you haveexperience in this specific
field, on these things.
Maybe you would be a good lifecoach for that, sure, but just
(39:41):
kind of this general oh, I needhelp in life.
I'm not sure where to go.
I just need some advice onthings.
How can you tell that somebodyhas experience in that?
That's more of a friendshiplevel.
Your friends know you.
Your friends know what's normalfor you, what you're good at,
(40:02):
what you're not good at.
Don't overcomplicate it.
Don't be looking for thingslike oh, this person charges so
much money, they must betrustworthy.
False, that's a scam.
And if you do realize that youhave these bigger things that
your friends can't help you with, maybe try and find somebody
who has actual experience, ie atherapist.
(40:25):
Again, if you're feelinganxious or you're having some
really big issues in your worklife even if it's not anxiety,
but just like I'm not sure whereI want to go, do I want to
change careers, do I want to dothis that might actually be
something to talk about with atherapist, somebody who can help
you potentially find theunderlying issue and be like aha
(40:46):
, maybe you're struggling inyour work life because you've
got these things here that weneed to work on and once we can
like work through those, youknow you didn't realize it was
depression, because you're a manand depression doesn't exist.
And but now we've establishedthat, yes, you are depressed and
we've given you the copingskills to work through that, and
so now you can happily continuewith your life.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Yeah, and actually you said perfectly, because I
was actually going to throw inthere, like another thing is, is
that if somebody is anxiousabout one thing, you know, and
and here's kind of theimportance of having a coping
mechanism and being able to workon anxiety itself, is that I
(41:32):
I've a lot of people think thattheir therapy is just, you know,
going in and somebody is sayinglike this is what you need to
do.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Well, which is actually what you're not
supposed to do.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Exactly, exactly.
And, and you know, one of thethings that I love like a lot
I've gotten this a couple oftimes is like why don't you just
tell me what to do?
Like you know, like, give methe you know, like, no, no it's
not the point of this.
You know, the the whole thing isis that that, especially with
anxiety, is that I can tell youwhat to do and I can calm your
(42:06):
nerve on this one thing.
But if there is something thatis driving that anxiety, then it
becomes a game of whack-a-mole.
As soon as you calm down fromthis thing, something else is
going to pop up.
You calm yourself down fromthat thing, something else know,
and and then it just becomes athing or a game of like.
You're trying to calm down onething at a time.
(42:28):
Well, there's something that iskind of lying underneath of it
and you're going to continuehaving that whack-a-mole game
until you figure out what thehell is causing that yep, yeah,
it's better.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
The whole point of the therapist is to help you
find the underlying issues andto give you the tools to deal
with it so that you can nowapply that to other things in
your life instead of just thisone situation.
And I feel like life coachesget stuck on because they don't
have the training, they don'thave those skills, and so it
just gets stuck on.
The.
I'm going to help you fix quoteunquote help skills, and so it
(43:12):
just gets stuck on.
The I'm going to help you fixquote unquote help.
You fix this one issue and so,yeah, maybe that's fixed, but
we've ignored everything elseand there can potentially be
like a whole host of new issuesthat come up or nothing changes.
Because, yeah, you fix this,like a little bit the tip of the
iceberg, but all of the otherunderlying problems also because
you're having to pay.
What was it?
Three euro, three dollars perminute to talk to somebody.
I mean, that's the type ofthing that I'm now like looking
(43:34):
at the phone, being like youbetter hurry up and talk faster,
bitch.
Like, give me that advice, giveme that advice that does that
does not foster like a goodenvironment of like I can have
this chat with you and I can getthis advice and feel good we
can talk through things.
If I'm staring down like the,the minutes on my phone being
(43:54):
like it's another three dollars,and I you know, like one of the
things is I really, reallydon't like doing phones.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
I did it with one person.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
No, because you can't see their face, you can't see
everything that's going on.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Because half of therapy is also like trying to
gauge where the other person'sat.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Looking at the expression on their face.
Like, you know, like are they.
Are they understanding what'sgoing on?
Are they rejecting what's goingon?
Are they having resistance?
You know, like, whatever youcan't see all that on the phone.
It's hard enough to do itonline, but impossible as all
hell to do it on the phone.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Exactly.
It's why I don't like talkingto anybody that I don't know on
the phone, because you can't seewhat's going on.
Like friends, that's fine,because friends I know well
enough.
I'm like I can read your toneof voice, just like I can
usually read text messages,sometimes even amongst friends.
Like text messages, things goawry.
But then you can call and likeyou and I can call, and that
(44:59):
would be fine because I know howyou be.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
On our scale of toxicity.
Where would you put this?
Would you put this as a greenpotato, where you just shave off
the green and you can eat it?
Would you call this a death capmushroom where it is a 50-50
shot of killing?
You Would you say that this isantifreeze where it's a
delightful last meal.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
I'm going to put life coaches at a.
I'm biased, I really don't likethem, but I guess I would say
that they're probably a deathcap mushroom, because I think
that there are some instanceswhere people who call themselves
(45:46):
life coaches can help somebody,can provide the needed
assistance Something we didn'tget a chance to really talk
about in this episode.
But I feel like a lot of lifecoaches are very scammy and
there's a lot of.
You know, buy my ebook, buy mythis, do that with me.
(46:07):
Like, in addition to this, oh,you can like, you know we'll
have this relationship and youcan call and we'll, we'll talk
through things.
Oftentimes it feels like there'sthere's that, there's hey, for
every minute that we call, itcosts you $3.
And then I may, on top of that,suggest to you like hey, for
every minute that we call, itcosts you $3.
And then I may, on top of that,suggest to you like oh, if you
(46:29):
really want to improve yourcommunication skills, by the way
, I've got this course that youcan buy, of course, but I have
seen enough of that to get thatkind of scammy feel from a lot
of life coaches that you don'thave the qualifications.
(46:49):
You're just out here givingadvice.
Making money that seems to bethe main goal of a life coach is
to make money, and I don'tthink that that's the type of
person that I want to get advicefrom yeah, I, I would, I would
agree.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
I think it's a high death cap, because that guy that
I was saying about I I didn'tlook too much further into it,
but I'm sure they cure yourtrauma in five minutes is
probably one of these thingswhere it's just like buy this
and you'll be able to cure yourtrauma and oh god, that, that,
(47:28):
that right there, that isfucking scary, um it is because
you're preying on people who arevery vulnerable, who may be
watching this video and you'vepresented yourself.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
Your therapist, I think, can sometimes seen,
sometimes be seen, as like maybea little bit separate, maybe a
little bit aloof.
They've got all this training,they're very educated, they're
not like the regular people,whereas life coaches present
themselves like I'm just likeyou, but better, yay.
And so you're like, oh, this issomebody that I can relate to,
this is somebody I can feel goodaround.
They understand my life, theytalk like me, they act like me.
(48:01):
And they understand my life.
They talk like me, they actlike me.
And I'm dealing with a lot ofanxiety, I'm not sure what to do
.
And then they hit you with this, like buy my ebook.
And you're like, okay, I'll buyyour ebook, like I don't want
to be anxious anymore.
And now you're out money andyou're still anxious, oh God.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
So, yeah, yeah, I think that, outside of like, if
you think that you need to see alife coach for more than one or
two sessions, I think that'skind of like a good indicator to
say like, hey, maybe I shouldsee a therapist over there, a
life coach.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Yeah, unless that life coach is a very specific,
very narrow definition of whatthey're called.
They're saying, oh, I'm a lifecoach for this, this and this
situation, because I personallyhave been in these situations
Again, you know, like creating abusiness, moving to a different
country and dealing with all ofthat.
Like that's something where youmight say, like this is someone
(48:59):
that I would want to talk to adifferent country and dealing
with all of that.
Like that's something where youmight say, like this is someone
that I would want to talk to acouple more times.
Again, very specific situations, but yeah, in general, like if
you, if you're needing to talkto somebody, get better friends
and or get a therapist, justpromise off, yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:22):
So, with all that being said, check us out on
Facebook Instagram ThreadsTikTok.
Speaker 2 (49:31):
I mean okay, so hold on, hold on, hold on.
Technically, technically, wehave X.
We're getting off of X soonbecause we don't support that
shit Threads is under your nameand you dropped off of social
media.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
Oh, shit, okay, oh shit.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
So we do have.
We have Facebook, we haveInstagram.
Oh yeah, TikTok is under yourname to get you dropped off of.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Well, so TikTok I still have.
Oh shit Cause.
Yeah, you can't download itagain.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
What.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
I thought, it was Well so on the App Store, you
still can't download it.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
Ah, okay, All right.
So we have Facebook, we haveInstagram and we will maybe at
some point soon be getting BlueSky.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Yes, we'll think about that one.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
We'll put that through a vote with the EP.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
We'll put that there.
A vote with the EP.
But if you do have any storiesof life coaches, please feel
free to email us at toxic, atawesome my skillscom.
This has been the toxic cookingshow.
My name has been ChristopherPatchett, lcsw.
Speaker 2 (50:39):
And I've been Lindsay McLean.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Bye, bye.
Hi and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we
break down toxic people to theirsimplest ingredients.
I'm your host, christopherPadgett, lcsw.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
And I'm Lindsay McLean.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
We are going to talk about life coaching this week.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Oh yes, I hate life coaches.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Life coaches is the answer to therapy.
You know it's a little bitcheaper, know it's.
You know you're you, you don'thave to pay for that whole
degree and everything like that.
You can talk to somebody, talkto them about, to tell them
about your problems.
They'll be able to help you out, you know, and things like that
(00:55):
.
I will say I will start off theprogram like this there are
good reasons to see a life coach.
If you wanted to talk tosomebody and say, like, hey, you
know, I have a, I really wantto be able to do this and I I'm
trying to decide between thisand this, talk to a life coach.
(01:16):
Yeah, if you're one of thesethings where, hey, you know,
like I got offered a jobopportunity but I'm kind of
scared about what are some ofthe advantages, okay, talk to a
business coach, you know.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Although I would also say that you could probably, in
at least those instances, ifyou have a good group of friends
, you would probably be able togo to them and talk to them
about these same things, able togo to them and talk to them
about these same things, I wouldsay okay.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So I would say life coach is somebody that you can
talk to, that is something thatyou you might go to a friend
about, but you kind of want tojust get that that third
person's perspective.
So, like, um, you know, if I,if I was kind of making a
decision between, like I havethis really good job, but I got
(02:10):
this off this other job, and Icome to you and I ask you you're
going to base your decision offof what you know of me.
You might make that decision,being like, well, you know, I
know you kind of get like, youknow, like a really antsy when
starting a new career, so maybeit might be better to just kind
(02:31):
of like stay where you're at, sotaking you out, it takes out
that whole like personalconnection.
And so, yeah, you know, youmight want to talk to a life
coach about things like that,something that you might want to
talk to a life coach aboutthings like that, something that
you might talk to a friendabout, but you just kind of want
to take that person out.
I would say that talking to alife coach, maybe going to see
(02:54):
them once because you just wantto ask a simple question, that
would be all good and dandy.
But to see a life coach for anextended period of time because
you're having anxiety or you'rehaving depression and you're
trying to figure out ways to beable to cope with things like
that.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
That's called go see a therapist.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Yeah, Therapist is a protected profession.
So that means that it isillegal for somebody to say that
they're a therapist unlessthey've actually gone through
the education of it.
Therapist is a protectedprofession.
Doctor can't say that I'm amedical doctor unless you
(03:38):
actually have a license.
Somebody who is doing lifecoaching they're not able to say
they do therapy, they are atherapist, which is why they
call themselves life coach,which is why we had to come up
with this name.
So for me to become a therapist, I went through seven years of
(04:01):
college.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Seven years of college and so usually for like
for me or for a social worker.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
You're going to go through about six or seven years
.
Once I got my MSW my master'sin social work I had to take a
test to get a LSW, which is alicensed social worker.
Once I got my LSW, I was ableto start working under somebody
else and start doing therapythat way.
So at all times, like Icouldn't do independent, I had
(04:35):
to work underneath somebody elsewho was licensed and I had to
do supervision twice a week andI did that for altogether.
It took me about three years toget 2000 hours of supervision
Pennsylvania.
You can get those 2000 hours inin two years, Since I had just
(04:57):
started with, you know, maybelike one or two clients here and
there.
Obviously I'm not doing a 40hour work week week and it took
me three years to get my LCSW.
So how to get supervision?
How to work on somebody else?
There were a couple ofinsurances that wouldn't pay for
(05:20):
my services because of the factthat it wasn't my license, it
was under somebody else'slicense.
So over time I was able tofinally get those $3,000.
Had to take another test to getmy LCSW and, oh my god, that
test is super hard.
40% will fail the first timearound.
(05:42):
I was one of the lucky ones toget on my first try look at you,
go dad yeah, what, what, and soI mean it's.
It's not an easy test, it's nota test that you know unless you
actually study your ass off.
For it's not one of these oneswhere you can just be like I
(06:03):
know my shit and just go in andjust pass it.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I mean, yeah, I kind of want it to be that way.
Like no offense, I mean itsucks that 40% of people don't
pass.
But, like you know, when you goto a therapist or a doctor or
somebody like that, like part ofthe reason why you're paying
all that money is because you'repaying for the experience,
you're paying for the knowledge,hopefully, that they have.
(06:27):
I don't want you able to justlike take an easy little test
and be like, ha ha, I can giveyou fantastic advice.
Like you're not depressed, youjust need some sunshine.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Nope, and that's kind of the thing is that, even with
having a license is that, withtherapy and being able to talk
to other people, there's alwaysgoing to be new things that come
up.
And so, even now that I do havemy license, every two years I
(06:58):
have to renew it.
Part of that renewing is I haveto take a class in ethics.
I also have to take suicideprevention, and then also I have
to take a class in mandatedreporting.
So I'm a mandated reporter.
If I see child abuse oranything like that, I have to
report in, and then also on topof that, I have to take 28
(07:23):
credits, for it could beanything.
So, like this past time that Irenewed my license, I was able
to use the EMDR training that Idid.
I was able to use some of theCPT cognitive processing therapy
credits that I took andeverything like that.
You are encouraged, and not onlyencouraged, but you're required
(07:45):
to continue your education.
So it's not one of these thingswhere, yeah, I got my master's
degree, I passed this test andthere we go, I'm good.
So that is what it takes tobecome a therapist, and not only
become a therapist, but beingable to continue your license in
therapy Life coach, but beingable to continue your, your
license and therapy life coach,well, um.
(08:10):
So, to be a certified lifecoach, uh-huh, you need three to
five hundred hours of trainingtraining in what?
life coaching so they would haveto be under.
It would be kind of like how,the same thing with when I
(08:30):
worked under somebody else.
Then I got that supervision andI mean for me it was 2 000
hours.
Somebody who wants to be acertified life coach?
They only need three to fivehundred hours of that.
So no prior education, justlife coaching.
And somebody is saying like,hey, you know, I think that you
should do this, I think youshould do that.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
And is there like a, a certificate or something that
you you get from this?
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah, I mean that's literally all it is.
It's just so like I looked itup online and I mean that's
literally all it is.
It's just a oh really.
So, like I looked it up onlineand I mean, you know, I saw
advertisements for become acertified life coach in six to
eight weeks.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Very trustworthy.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
That's six to eight weeks compared to six to seven
years.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, same thing, same, thing, same.
Thing.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I don't see the difference.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
You, you have the, you have this whole thing of six
, eight weeks, and that has tobe a certified life coach.
To call yourself a life coach,guess what the requirements are.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Is it?
There are none.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
I would say breathing probably.
That would probably be the.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
That is a good point.
It does help to be alive.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
So you know it's, and then there's nothing wrong with
, like, somebody who doesn'tfinish high school or something
like that and goes on to, youknow, like another career and
things like that, sure.
But the fact that somebody whodoesn't have any education can
just say that they're a lifecoach, that they went, that they
(10:15):
went to the school of hardknocks or whatever, oh god, yeah
, I was kind of curious aboutthis and and so I looked up life
coaches around here and I wasable to find one person and I
was looking at their bio andthey said that they were a, that
(10:36):
they were relationship lifecoach, and their whole thing
with relationship life coach isthe fact that they grew up in a
single mother household withfive female siblings.
Wow I definitely feel likethey're going to give me some
(10:59):
great advice, so that was theirqualification of being a
relationship coach.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Okay, single parent household and had five sisters
yeah, I'm great.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Because there is no difference between a sibling and
a sexual partner.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Correct.
I mean you do live in WestVirginia.
Yeehaw, that would be Alabama.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
That's, I'm sorry to say, but that's not exactly that
qualification.
No, Talking to a partner is ahell of a lot different than
talking to a sibling.
One of the biggest things thatwhenever I have, like you know
somebody coming in for a coupleof therapy, and one of the
things that they, they alwayssay is, like communication.
One of the things I always kindof tell them is that you have
(11:57):
two people from two differentbackgrounds, two different
environments of growing up andtwo different you know,
sometimes two different parts ofthe country or even the world,
and you throw them into a housetogether and you say good luck,
you know which.
So so being able to recognizelike, that whole idea that is
not just the idea of like how totalk to women is learning, how
(12:20):
to be able to talk to somebody,talk to on both sides.
It's learning how to be able totalk to somebody talk to on both
sides, men and women, beingable to talk to each other and
being able to understand eachother, being able to let each
other know that they are beingheard, being able to come up
with ideas of, like how to beable to have a better
(12:44):
understanding of what they'resaying.
Because, like, one of thethings I always kind of say is
that I love the, the sentence.
I did not say she took my money.
I didn't say she took my money.
I didn't say she took my money,I didn't say she took my money.
So, just depending on theemphasis you you know, you can
(13:04):
either say that I didn't say shetook my money, meaning I didn't
but somebody else did all theway to.
I didn't say she took my money,meaning that she didn't do it,
but somebody else did.
And and I love that.
I love that sentence becauseit's seven words, same exact
order.
All you have to do is justemphasize one word differently
(13:27):
and you have seven, meaning yeah, exactly and, and that's the
thing, is that, like, I think Imight have mentioned it here,
but I, I love the fact that theword decent like yes, you know,
I, I, I grew up in philly, and Igrew up in philly in the 90s
and when we said the word decent, it was like that, that I mean
(13:50):
that was as high as you could go.
You know you had all right,good, great.
Oh man, that's fucking decentyo otherwise.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I'm hearing that as a not Philly native I'm like that
is so fucking rude.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Exactly, exactly, like.
So so I mean if, if I would, ifI, you know, thankfully I got
out of the habit of saying thatbut if I was dating somebody say
, let's Indiana, and she's like,you know, like what?
Do you think of this dress?
Do you think I look good inthis?
I'd be like, oh man, you, youknow, you look fucking decent in
that that's how you go fromlike dating to single yeah and
(14:31):
and that's kind of the thing isthat you know that that
communication style and and thething is, is that being able to
say, like from what I'm hearingfrom you, is you think that this
looks just okay, rather thanbeing able to say, like you know
, like being able to call theperson out and say, like you
(14:51):
know, like this is what I'mhearing.
So I mean, one of the things Ireally go into is active
listening and I mean that'ssomething that's again like if
you've grown up in the samehousehold, around the same time
and same friends.
Yeah, there are gonna be someslight differences here and
there, but you're gonna be ableto kind of pick up off of each
(15:12):
other because you've known eachother since birth you grew up in
the same culture.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
You grew up in the in this case, literally same
family, like there are certainthings that my sister and I just
know about each other, likeabout our communication style,
that somebody else, coming inwould be like I don't get why
you do this and why the otherone does that.
It's just like yeah, but for usit's normal.
It's not saying it's normal foreveryone, though.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Except for the whole David Bowie thing.
That is completely not normalfor anybody, though, except for
the old david bowie thing, thatis completely not normal for
anybody.
Look, yes, I'm calling you bothout hey uh, but yeah, yeah, you
know you're gonna pick oncertain things, like when you're
(16:03):
growing up together and thingslike that.
So, on top of that, a lifecoach is not able to diagnose or
really help with mental illnessas a whole because they don't
have that training.
You know, like flat out, likeI'm sorry to say, but they have
(16:23):
no training in any type of likemental disorders and and so one
of the things, uh, there are twopeople that I really kind of
wanted to bring up.
So, the first person I kind ofwant to bring up, uh, she goes
by the, the, the namecaffeinated kitty, and I
actually started following herbecause you know she does have
(16:45):
good advice every now and then.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Every now and then.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Well, I mean, Broken Clock is right twice a day, True
, true.
But I started following her andthere was one thing that I
heard that was completely.
It fucking blew my mind.
So I'm actually going to playsomething that absolutely
fucking blew my mind.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
In a good way or bad way.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
You girls are so paranoid.
The man said to me at a barseveral years back when I just
happened to put my hand over mycup because I was doing a Levi
Ackerman impression and I gotused to doing it ironically and
then I couldn't stop so itstarted to become unironic.
But all of that is to say, Iput my hand over the top of my
drink and he made that kind ofcomment after trying to chat me
(17:32):
up, incredibly unsuccessfully,and I decided I was going to
absolutely ruin his perspectivefor an evening out of
retaliation.
Good day, my name is Kitty andI'm a life coach.
I'm kind of known fortraumatizing the men who
bothered me, and I crossed 700000 followers a bit ago, which
means I owe you all the storytime, and this was one of the
things that tied on my pastron.
So here we go.
Well, you know, it actually isjust like an anime reference.
(17:54):
Not anything defensive, Iassure you, but hold on.
Speaking of references, thatguy over there, the blonde yeah,
the one behind you doesn,doesn't he like look like
somebody that like was on Vine?
I swear I saw him on Vine.
Oh, I know, right, rip.
Anyway, no, don't stare at him,don't stare, it's fine, it's
fine.
Don't stare at him, it'll beweird Anyway hey cheers, honey.
(18:15):
I bet you can't chug that badboy back fast.
And I can chug this back.
All right, you're on, let's go.
Good job, hey, oh no, there'sno need for another round.
I'm sure it'll only be about 15minutes before that kicks in
for you.
Oh, not the alcohol, no, no, no, I don't think you're that much
of a lightweight.
Well, you didn't notice whenyou turned around me fiddling
(18:36):
with your drink.
You didn't see, and then youchecked it back.
So it wouldn't matter if youdid see, because you drank it so
clearly.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Even if you did see, you weren't worried about what
it could do to you I know it'skind of hard to kind of pick
that up, like you know,listening to it, but she
basically what she did is shewas just kind of like acting out
this, this moment, where shewas talking to a guy and she was
saying that the the guy wassaying about how, like, women
are paranoid about having theirtheir hands over the cup and
(19:01):
everything like that, and shewas trying to make a point and
she directed this guy to lookthe other way and then you know
she acted out how she picked upher cup or the guy's cup and,
just like you know, laid it backdown, saying hey, I bet you I
can chug this faster than you.
And then saying that oh, by theway, by the way, you know you're
(19:25):
gonna feel that soon, uh, notthe alcohol, but you know
something I put into your drink.
And then covering up with oh, Iwas just joking, but you know
that pit in the stomach that youfeel right now, wondering if I
joked or not.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
Yeah well, that is probably not like I okay, you
know what?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
yeah, a guy who is going all saying that you know,
like you're being paranoid andeverything like that.
We, we live in an age where mendo shitty things like that.
They'll put something in awoman's drink and, yes, it is
being taught to either put yourhand or put, like you, you know,
like something over your drink,which is beautiful idea,
(20:07):
beautiful idea.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Also, maybe if you have this guy who's being weird
about it, why are you stilltalking to him?
That's where you get up andmove.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Cause clearly, this person is not trustworthy,
exactly, and and so the thing is.
So is that like a guy who is,who doesn't get it?
You can talk to him once?
I mean like, hey, look, this isa legit thing that we aren't
just being paranoid, that guyswill actually put things in a
woman's drink and let him havethat opportunity?
(20:43):
Oh well, you know shit, Ididn't realize that.
Or if he wants to really makelike a huge you know stink about
it, okay, you're obviously notthe guy that I want to talk to.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah, You've weeded yourself out.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
But to kind of throw that trauma back onto the other
guy and saying, hey, maybe I putsomething in your drink.
That guy is not going to makethat connection of you know,
like that men do this.
He's now just going to makethat connection that, oh shit,
this girl may or may not befucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yeah, the lesson was not the correct.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Lesson will not be learned in that situation Ever,
yeah you know, yeah, yeah, Imean, he's not going to think
any differently, he's not goingto be like, huh, yeah, I do feel
scared.
Therefore, I think she is right, like no, that's not going to
(21:43):
happen, but yeah, and then also,on top of that, the fact that
she does use the phrase that, uh, I am the villain life coach.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
I am known for traumatizing men who bother me I
don't, I don't like it, I don'tlike it.
I mean, sometimes people needto be traumatized.
I do think that sometimes wehave to teach people lessons.
If you fuck around, you findout, but like there's a.
There's a pretty hard, obviousline that should be really
visible of like again, if youfuck around, you will find out,
(22:21):
but you don't.
Just you know, you're havingthis conversation with somebody
and they mention this and theyask why you do something and
you're like you know what you'regonna find.
To find out now, so unnecessary.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
It's unnecessary, you're wasting your time, you're
wasting the guy's time You'reputting, you're not teaching
this guy what it's like to be awoman, because if he doesn't get
it in the first place again,this is not going to be the
thing to show this guy like.
What is like being a woman.
No, you know, and and the thingis on top of that, like if I
(22:58):
were to tell a client that thatwould be completely fucking
unethical for me to say like oh,my god.
And and that's know.
On top of that, like you know,the difference between a
therapist and a life coach isthat I am held responsible for
(23:19):
the things I do.
If something happens to one ofmy clients, I might actually
have, you know, like a boardcoming up to me and ask me what
the hell did I do?
What were the things I did tomake sure that this didn't
happen?
So I'm actually being heldliable by the state and you know
(23:41):
somebody who's life coach?
They can tell them anything.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, cause there's no board over them to say this
is an okay thing.
To say this is not like there.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
there's, there's nothing like that right, right,
so, so, so, yeah, that that's,that's one.
So this is another uh guy thatis a life coach this is one that
I was kind of talking aboutearlier where he is able to cure
your trauma within five minuteswe talked about this publicly
(24:13):
before, but I'm going to teachyou specifically how to never
have a panic attack again, andit's so simple.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
You're going to wonder why you've never done
this sooner.
For the next 14 days.
Here's exactly what you'regoing to do, just as you're
beginning to feel the panicattack.
Number one I want you to trackexactly what you're doing with
your body.
Where are you tempting up yourmuscles?
Are you breathing full orshallow?
Are you contracted or are youexpanded?
(24:40):
Number two I want you to trackexactly what you're thinking
about in your mind.
Are you anticipating the worstcase scenario?
Are you replaying a traumaticmoment in your head?
And number three I want you totrack how many times in one
single day you have a panicattack.
When you're clear on thesethree things, you can use your
nervous system differently toprevent ever having a panic
(25:01):
attack again.
So you don't need to just cope,because you'll see exactly how
you're creating them with yourmind and body.
Save this video and follow mefor more value.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
He doesn't actually tell you how to not have a panic
attack.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
You know, and the thing is okay, you know.
For this, yes, it is importantto be able to recognize, like,
what are the things that arecausing that panic attack?
Yeah, but being able to copebecause the thing is, when
somebody is having a panicattack, there is you know
they're going through a wholeprocess, it's, it's you know the
whole idea like that they arefeeling, like that they're
(25:39):
having a heart attack and I mean, you know, they might not even
be able to focus on what iscausing it, because all their
focus is on their, their heart,their palms sweating.
They feel the temperaturerising, maybe even collapsing.
They're focused on that, sothey're not even focusing on
(26:03):
what is the thought that isgoing there.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Well, even if you recognize what is the thought,
like I can recognize oftentimesif I'm having you know, like you
leave the house and suddenlyyou're like is my oven on?
You know you can recognizethat's completely illogical.
You're like I haven't touchedthe oven yet today.
Like I know I turned the stoveoff and yet you know the back of
your head you're like, oh no, Ican recognize that.
(26:27):
But, like you, just recognizingit doesn't stop it from going
away.
Like you need actual copingmechanisms, you need actual
steps to go through, to be likeokay, I've recognized I'm having
this panic attack, I'verecognized this.
I'm at a point in the panicattack where I can actually
still think and function torecognize it, to recognize it.
(26:53):
And then here are the things Ican do to bring myself down from
there.
Which he doesn't cover.
He's just like and then you'lljust magically cope.
Why didn't I think of that?
Speaker 1 (27:02):
genius I'll just hope my way through I mean, that is,
that is the first you know, andthat's the thing is like you
have to learn how to cope firstprior to like really kind of
working on what the hell isgoing on, because if somebody is
panicking, like in socialsituations and things like that,
then you know that that panicis it's.
(27:25):
It's real, it's very real tothem.
So, being able to figure outhow to cope with things first
and then start working on whatare the things that are kind of
causing the awareness and thatalertness, you know, to kind of
climb in the first place.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Well, yeah, but now I have the skills and so I feel
it coming on and I can start torecognize oh hey, in this
situation, but I have the toolsto bring myself down.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
All right, let's hear the second one.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
What I want you to do is I want you, on purpose, to
bring yourself up to about a sixof anxiety every day, twice a
day, for five minutes.
You're going to sit down.
You're going to get yourself toa level six out of 10 anxiety
and you're going to stay therefor five straight minutes and
put a timer on your phone andwhen the timer goes off,
literally just stand up andcontinue with your day.
Imagine if you were lookingover the edge of a cliff and I
(28:19):
came up behind you and I lightlypushed on your back.
What are you automaticallygoing to do?
I'll push back.
There you go, yes, so whatwe're going to do is have you
make yourself as anxious aspossible twice a day, for five
minutes each.
Make yourself as anxious aspossible twice a day, for five
minutes each, and you're goingto notice it is extremely hard
(28:43):
to make yourself anxious orpanicky after like one or two
days.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
First off.
First off, what is a six out of10 of panic we haven't talked
about like you need to give mesome guidelines first so I can
position what is for me a sixout of 10.
Panic for me is not going to bethe same thing as for you.
(29:07):
So just saying like a six outof 10, that doesn't tell us a
lot anyway.
So just saying like a six outof 10, that doesn't tell us a
lot anyway.
Also, I'm pretty sure thatmaking yourself anxious multiple
times a day will just make youreally anxious.
I don't think your body's justme.
(29:28):
Like you know what, man, I'mtired of this bullshit.
I don't want to get anxiousanymore.
I know at 3 pm.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
We're going anxious time so I'm just gonna stop you
know, and so okay, first off,the body.
Could I mean, uh, I've seenpeople going through anxiety
attacks for 45 minutes.
Yes, there is a certain pointwhere the body is going to be
like, okay, this is way too muchenergy and it's going to cause
(29:57):
the person to finally come offof that panic attack.
Yeah, five minutes, you know,for some people that's just the
start of a panic attack and,just like you said, like a six
out of 10 is going to bedifferent for me compared to
somebody else, and that's ifsomebody is purposely putting
(30:19):
them into like a panic attack.
Part of part of the whole thingof a panic attack is that you
don't have that control.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
You know if, if the whole idea of a panic attack was
that you're you to have controlof things like, that's not a
panic attack.
People don't sit there, and whodo have anxiety and who do have
panic attacks they're not like.
Well, you know what?
I haven't panicked in a littlewhile.
You know what?
Today is a good day to kind ofpanic, let me just bring it on.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Good day to kind of panic, bring it on.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
So now you're telling somebody to have a controlled
panic attack.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
But only a little one , only five minutes.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Only for five minutes .
Yeah, that's just like.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
That just sounds like a recipe to be anxious the rest
of the day, bring yourself upto this level, and then to be
like, oh my god, this isterrible, this is terrible.
Okay, now I'm not going tothink about it.
Your brain isn't going to belike done, cool, got it.
Got, got the message.
I struggle with this, but youknow, at this time I'm gonna
just stop, it's fine.
No, you're gonna keep comingback to it.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Whatever it was that you used to get yourself up to,
that is gonna stay, and thenyou're just gonna be thinking
about that for the rest of theday until it's time for panic
attack number two you know, oneof the things I I talk to people
about, like you know,especially when you're talking
about, uh, alcoholism and peoplewho, uh, use alcohol and and do
(31:50):
have anxiety a lot of times,I'll ask them, I'll say, like
you know, how anxious are youwaking up first thing in the
morning?
And I'll actually make like ascale for them and they'll say,
like usually like two or three.
I'm like, okay, so you'restarting off at a two or three,
you know, first thing in themorning and kind of think of it.
(32:13):
As you know, you're on the topof a hill and you have a boulder
up there and all it.
You know, basically with ananxiety attack you're, you're
basically kind of going back andforth with the boulder and
you're rocking it back and forthuntil it starts, like you know,
going down the hill.
As it's coming down, the hillis going to get uh stronger and
(32:34):
faster and things like that.
So if you're already puttingyourself out of three first
thing in the morning, likeduring the day, you know that
boulder doesn't have to havethat, that much energy to to
keep on going.
And and that's kind of one ofthe things I'll talk to people
about who say you know that theyhave anxiety and they're
(32:55):
drinking every single night.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
So, yeah, it's not a good idea to put yourself in a
position where you're going tohave anxiety yeah, why would you
just run up and be like ontothe boulder when you know that
that's going to cause it to belike down the hill?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
that is a terrible, terrible idea, yeah and again
there is nothing that they arebeing held liable for.
Uh, because again, you know,like as a therapist, uh, I have
the state that that uh willliable.
I can, if I say something likereally fucked up or something
(33:35):
like that, or if I do somethingfucked up, my license can be
taken away.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Yeah, and rightly so.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, and rightly so.
Yeah, you know, like, and thething is is that there is
nothing there preventing themfrom having their.
You know, even if they arecertified, you know, even if
there is a governing board ofcertification, well, they can
still call themselves a lifecoach.
(34:02):
You know, you can.
Again, the only requirement tobeing a life coach is breathing.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Yeah, Even if you lose the certified, because I
don't think most people areaware that there's like a
certified life coach and anon-certified life coach.
I had never heard of thatdistinction before and I've seen
plenty of people callingthemselves life coaches on the
internet.
I'm sure that most people don'tever go through with the
certification, because are youable to get that much more money
(34:29):
by being certified?
Probably not.
I mean maybe.
Maybe it's worth it, but basedon the fact that I've certainly
never seen anyone talk about it,I'm doubtful.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I did look up uh of a uh life coach around here and I
was kind of curious what, whatthe asking price was and you
were able to make a phone callfor $3.
33 cents per minute.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Oh my.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
God.
So for a 45-minute session thatis $149.85.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Just go to therapy.
Therapy is cheaper.
Yeah, I never thought.
I would say that I neverthought I would say that.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
So so you're you're getting quote, unquote advice
from somebody who is chargingthe same as a therapist, who has
no qualifications, who has noauthority that is holding him
responsible.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Damn, maybe I need to get into life coaching.
I'm just that that is a lot ofmoney.
Yeah, to pay per minute to talkto anybody, but especially to
somebody who does not havecertified qualifications.
I mean again, you know, whenyou talk to a lawyer, lawyers
(35:53):
are expensive.
Lawyers go through tons ofyears of schooling to know their
stuff.
That's why it costs a lot ofmoney for them to do their job.
Same thing for a therapist.
You're paying for theirexperience.
You're paying for, like, as yousaid, all of the exams you've
had to go through, all theschooling you've had to go
through all of the likecontinued education that you
(36:13):
have to go through.
That's why you're you pay moneyfor that.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
You pay money for experience yeah, you know, and
that's the thing is like.
Therapy is expensive for areason.
The emdr class is that I took.
Thankfully I got them while Iwas working at the veterans
affairs, so it didn't cost meany money.
(36:38):
But if I would have done it onmy own it would have been a
total of six thousand dollars.
Wow, uh, because it's it's twoweekends.
First weekend would have beenthree thousand, another, uh,
three thousand for a secondweekend, and then you have to go
through um supervision with themdr, and that's not cheap
(37:02):
either.
I think it's like 10 sessions,for usually people will charge
like about 150.
So that's another $1,500 on topof that Again, thankfully,
thankfully I I had thatcompletely paid for You're
welcome.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
My tax dollars.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Your tax dollars.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
When, when, when did you do it?
What year?
Speaker 1 (37:25):
23.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Wait, yeah, yeah, no, I didn't pay tax.
I was already in Europe then.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
But but I do think your mom and dad.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, and my sister.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
And your sister.
But but yeah, you know, andthat's the thing is that it does
cost a lot of money, you know,to keep these, you know,
continue educations and thingslike that, whereas you know
somebody who is a life coach.
That's $140, that's goingstraight into their pocket.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
They're just so scammy.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
With all that being said, what do you think that we
should do about?
Speaker 2 (38:12):
this more picky when they're choosing who to, who to
idolize, who to follow, who toget advice from, and that
applies to kind of all levels, Imean even amongst friends, you
(38:33):
know.
So you can have a really goodfriend and you can look at them
and be like I'm, I'm not goingto listen to anything you say
about this one.
You just you're not qualifiedon this.
Like, nope, you're a goodfriend, I'll listen to you for
other stuff, but this, thisthing right here, no, no, we're
not going to do that.
And I'd love to see people kindof apply that, the friendships,
(38:57):
and apply it to stuff like this.
I mean, it's not to say thatyou can't get good advice from
somebody who doesn't haveschooling or something like that
, but they can say, hey, youwant some business advice.
I have started and then soldthese six startups and they're
(39:20):
all within the same field andthey all kind of do this thing.
And I was able to.
I had this idea, I created it,I got the business, I got it to
this level and then I sold it.
So I can help you do the same.
Okay, I can see that you haveexperience in this specific
field, on these things.
Maybe you would be a good lifecoach for that, sure, but just
(39:41):
kind of this general oh, I needhelp in life.
I'm not sure where to go.
I just need some advice onthings.
How can you tell that somebodyhas experience in that?
That's more of a friendshiplevel.
Your friends know you.
Your friends know what's normalfor you, what you're good at,
(40:02):
what you're not good at.
Don't overcomplicate it.
Don't be looking for thingslike oh, this person charges so
much money, they must betrustworthy.
False, that's a scam.
And if you do realize that youhave these bigger things that
your friends can't help you with, maybe try and find somebody
who has actual experience, ie atherapist.
(40:25):
Again, if you're feelinganxious or you're having some
really big issues in your worklife even if it's not anxiety,
but just like I'm not sure whereI want to go, do I want to
change careers, do I want to dothis that might actually be
something to talk about with atherapist, somebody who can help
you potentially find theunderlying issue and be like aha
(40:46):
, maybe you're struggling inyour work life because you've
got these things here that weneed to work on and once we can
like work through those, youknow you didn't realize it was
depression, because you're a manand depression doesn't exist.
And but now we've establishedthat, yes, you are depressed and
we've given you the copingskills to work through that, and
so now you can happily continuewith your life.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Yeah, and actually you said perfectly, because I
was actually going to throw inthere, like another thing is, is
that if somebody is anxiousabout one thing, you know, and
and here's kind of theimportance of having a coping
mechanism and being able to workon anxiety itself, is that I
(41:32):
I've a lot of people think thattheir therapy is just, you know,
going in and somebody is sayinglike this is what you need to
do.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Well, which is actually what you're not
supposed to do.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Exactly, exactly.
And, and you know, one of thethings that I love like a lot
I've gotten this a couple oftimes is like why don't you just
tell me what to do?
Like you know, like, give methe you know, like, no, no it's
not the point of this.
You know, the the whole thing isis that that, especially with
anxiety, is that I can tell youwhat to do and I can calm your
(42:06):
nerve on this one thing.
But if there is something thatis driving that anxiety, then it
becomes a game of whack-a-mole.
As soon as you calm down fromthis thing, something else is
going to pop up.
You calm yourself down fromthat thing, something else know,
and and then it just becomes athing or a game of like.
You're trying to calm down onething at a time.
(42:28):
Well, there's something that iskind of lying underneath of it
and you're going to continuehaving that whack-a-mole game
until you figure out what thehell is causing that yep, yeah,
it's better.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
The whole point of the therapist is to help you
find the underlying issues andto give you the tools to deal
with it so that you can nowapply that to other things in
your life instead of just thisone situation.
And I feel like life coachesget stuck on because they don't
have the training, they don'thave those skills, and so it
just gets stuck on.
The.
I'm going to help you fix quoteunquote help skills, and so it
(43:12):
just gets stuck on.
The I'm going to help you fixquote unquote help.
You fix this one issue and so,yeah, maybe that's fixed, but
we've ignored everything elseand there can potentially be
like a whole host of new issuesthat come up or nothing changes.
Because, yeah, you fix this,like a little bit the tip of the
iceberg, but all of the otherunderlying problems also because
you're having to pay.
What was it?
Three euro, three dollars perminute to talk to somebody.
I mean, that's the type ofthing that I'm now like looking
(43:34):
at the phone, being like youbetter hurry up and talk faster,
bitch.
Like, give me that advice, giveme that advice that does that
does not foster like a goodenvironment of like I can have
this chat with you and I can getthis advice and feel good we
can talk through things.
If I'm staring down like the,the minutes on my phone being
(43:54):
like it's another three dollars,and I you know, like one of the
things is I really, reallydon't like doing phones.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
I did it with one person.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
No, because you can't see their face, you can't see
everything that's going on.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Because half of therapy is also like trying to
gauge where the other person'sat.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Looking at the expression on their face.
Like, you know, like are they.
Are they understanding what'sgoing on?
Are they rejecting what's goingon?
Are they having resistance?
You know, like, whatever youcan't see all that on the phone.
It's hard enough to do itonline, but impossible as all
hell to do it on the phone.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Exactly.
It's why I don't like talkingto anybody that I don't know on
the phone, because you can't seewhat's going on.
Like friends, that's fine,because friends I know well
enough.
I'm like I can read your toneof voice, just like I can
usually read text messages,sometimes even amongst friends.
Like text messages, things goawry.
But then you can call and likeyou and I can call, and that
(44:59):
would be fine because I know howyou be.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
On our scale of toxicity.
Where would you put this?
Would you put this as a greenpotato, where you just shave off
the green and you can eat it?
Would you call this a death capmushroom where it is a 50-50
shot of killing?
You Would you say that this isantifreeze where it's a
delightful last meal.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
I'm going to put life coaches at a.
I'm biased, I really don't likethem, but I guess I would say
that they're probably a deathcap mushroom, because I think
that there are some instanceswhere people who call themselves
(45:46):
life coaches can help somebody,can provide the needed
assistance Something we didn'tget a chance to really talk
about in this episode.
But I feel like a lot of lifecoaches are very scammy and
there's a lot of.
You know, buy my ebook, buy mythis, do that with me.
(46:07):
Like, in addition to this, oh,you can like, you know we'll
have this relationship and youcan call and we'll, we'll talk
through things.
Oftentimes it feels like there'sthere's that, there's hey, for
every minute that we call, itcosts you $3.
And then I may, on top of that,suggest to you like hey, for
every minute that we call, itcosts you $3.
And then I may, on top of that,suggest to you like oh, if you
(46:29):
really want to improve yourcommunication skills, by the way
, I've got this course that youcan buy, of course, but I have
seen enough of that to get thatkind of scammy feel from a lot
of life coaches that you don'thave the qualifications.
(46:49):
You're just out here givingadvice.
Making money that seems to bethe main goal of a life coach is
to make money, and I don'tthink that that's the type of
person that I want to get advicefrom yeah, I, I would, I would
agree.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
I think it's a high death cap, because that guy that
I was saying about I I didn'tlook too much further into it,
but I'm sure they cure yourtrauma in five minutes is
probably one of these thingswhere it's just like buy this
and you'll be able to cure yourtrauma and oh god, that, that,
(47:28):
that right there, that isfucking scary, um it is because
you're preying on people who arevery vulnerable, who may be
watching this video and you'vepresented yourself.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
Your therapist, I think, can sometimes seen,
sometimes be seen, as like maybea little bit separate, maybe a
little bit aloof.
They've got all this training,they're very educated, they're
not like the regular people,whereas life coaches present
themselves like I'm just likeyou, but better, yay.
And so you're like, oh, this issomebody that I can relate to,
this is somebody I can feel goodaround.
They understand my life, theytalk like me, they act like me.
(48:01):
And they understand my life.
They talk like me, they actlike me.
And I'm dealing with a lot ofanxiety, I'm not sure what to do
.
And then they hit you with this, like buy my ebook.
And you're like, okay, I'll buyyour ebook, like I don't want
to be anxious anymore.
And now you're out money andyou're still anxious, oh God.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
So, yeah, yeah, I think that, outside of like, if
you think that you need to see alife coach for more than one or
two sessions, I think that'skind of like a good indicator to
say like, hey, maybe I shouldsee a therapist over there, a
life coach.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Yeah, unless that life coach is a very specific,
very narrow definition of whatthey're called.
They're saying, oh, I'm a lifecoach for this, this and this
situation, because I personallyhave been in these situations
Again, you know, like creating abusiness, moving to a different
country and dealing with all ofthat.
Like that's something where youmight say, like this is someone
(48:59):
that I would want to talk to adifferent country and dealing
with all of that.
Like that's something where youmight say, like this is someone
that I would want to talk to acouple more times.
Again, very specific situations, but yeah, in general, like if
you, if you're needing to talkto somebody, get better friends
and or get a therapist, justpromise off, yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:22):
So, with all that being said, check us out on
Facebook Instagram ThreadsTikTok.
Speaker 2 (49:31):
I mean okay, so hold on, hold on, hold on.
Technically, technically, wehave X.
We're getting off of X soonbecause we don't support that
shit Threads is under your nameand you dropped off of social
media.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
Oh, shit, okay, oh shit.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
So we do have.
We have Facebook, we haveInstagram.
Oh yeah, TikTok is under yourname to get you dropped off of.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Well, so TikTok I still have.
Oh shit Cause.
Yeah, you can't download itagain.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
What.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
I thought, it was Well so on the App Store, you
still can't download it.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
Ah, okay, All right.
So we have Facebook, we haveInstagram and we will maybe at
some point soon be getting BlueSky.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Yes, we'll think about that one.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
We'll put that through a vote with the EP.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
We'll put that there.
A vote with the EP.
But if you do have any storiesof life coaches, please feel
free to email us at toxic, atawesome my skillscom.
This has been the toxic cookingshow.
My name has been ChristopherPatchett, lcsw.
Speaker 2 (50:39):
And I've been Lindsay McLean.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Bye, bye.
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