September 2, 2024 • 53 mins
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What if the transition from military life could lead to a newfound sense of self-worth and identity? Join us as we sit down with Kurt Waterstradt, a retired Navy chief, who shares his remarkable journey of transformation. From his structured years in the Navy to the unexpected challenges of post-retirement life, Kurt opens up about the pivotal moment when yoga became his anchor. Learn how he moved from teaching elementary school mathematics to becoming a yoga instructor and professional speaker, emphasizing the importance of adventure, self-discovery, and continuous personal growth.
Ever wondered about the liberating power of starting from zero? We explore this intriguing concept with Kurt, delving into the freedom that comes from shedding preconceived notions and embracing new beginnings. Whether through travel, shifting life phases, or adopting a beginner's mindset, Kurt's insights reveal how these transitions can be both daunting and empowering. We discuss the importance of self-discovery during pivotal moments and highlight how zero is not a place of emptiness but one of immense potential and opportunity.
In our conversation, we also touch on the critical role of self-value and self-love in maintaining healthy relationships. Kurt emphasizes how relationships mirror our self-worth and the dangers of emotional depletion from constant giving without receiving. Through personal anecdotes, he illustrates how embracing vulnerability and emotional honesty can lead to authentic connections and emotional healing. Discover how yogic values like kindness and self-control can foster a more harmonious and understanding world, and how starting with self-care is essential for helping others effectively. Tune in to gain valuable insights from Kurt Waterstradt's inspiring journey and learn how to unlock your own path to personal transformation.
Kurt Waterstadt | website coming soon
Veterans Disability Compensation (13:19) | va.gov/disability
Transacting Value Podcast (24:20) | website
Pass It On (33:20) | website
Developing Character (34:23)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (00:00):
The views expressed in this podcast
are solely those of the podcasthost and guest and do not
necessarily represent those ofour distribution partners,
supporting businessrelationships or supported
audience.
Welcome to Transacting Value,where we talk about practical
applications for instigatingself-worth when dealing with
(00:23):
each other and even withinourselves, when we foster a
podcast listening experiencethat lets you hear the power of
a value system for managingburnout, establishing boundaries
, fostering community andfinding identity.
My name is Josh Porthouse, I'myour host and we are redefining
sovereignty of character.
This is why values still holdvalue.
This is Transacting Value.
Kurt Waterstradt (00:47):
When we talk about relationships mirroring
our value.
If you don't value yourself,your relationships will mirror
that.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (00:56):
Today on Transacting Value.
See, a problem that a lot ofpeople tend to have is, when you
get stuck in a rut or in aroutine for so long, it becomes
part of your identity.
This conversation we're talkingwith Kurt Waterstradt all
about his experience and how hefigured out for himself what it
was like to reinvent himselfthroughout a process where he
(01:18):
didn't have to sacrifice hissense of self and his identity.
So, without further ado, folks,I'm Porter, his sense of self
and his identity.
So, without further ado, folks,I'm Porter, I'm your host, and
this is Transacting Value.
Kurt, what's up man?
I'm good man.
How are you doing?
I'm doing good.
I appreciate you coming in fromthe rain or whatever, in from
the sweat you bicycle everywhereright.
Kurt Waterstradt (01:37):
Yeah, I do.
I ride my bike all around Tampa.
So yeah, I spend a lot of timein the sun and I do sweat, and
if it rains it's actually kindof nice yeah.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (01:47):
I bet it is.
I bet it is, and so let me openwith this.
I guess, first of all, theusual important pleasantries.
In my opinion, in anyrelationship is a fair degree of
gratitude, a little bit ofhumility and a lot of, I guess,
inquiry.
So thanks for your time.
I appreciate you coming on tothe show to talk a little bit,
tell your story, share yourexperience as it applies to your
(02:08):
own self-worth journey, but Idon't really know a lot about
you.
For anybody new to the show,we're on a video call, Kurt and
I.
At the moment, it's easier totalk face to face when you have
a face with another face, and sohere we are.
But since you guys are onlyhearing the audio out of this
conversation, for the time beingat least, as of right now when
we're recording it, Kurt, take acouple minutes.
(02:28):
Man, who are you?
Where are you from?
You know what sort of thingshave shaped your perspective.
Kurt Waterstradt (02:34):
I am originally from Detroit,
michigan.
Long, long time ago I was inthe military.
Just like you, I did 20 yearsin the US Navy and that was was
my formative years, from 19 to39,.
I retired as a Navy Chief.
I worked in the intelligencecommunity.
That became pretty much a largepart of my life.
At the time.
My wife and I met her in themilitary.
(02:55):
I have three kids Before that.
Even I was in college, checkedout educational stuff just
didn't fit with me at the timeand the military gave me an
option to travel because travelto me is really important.
As you get to know me, I'malways up for a good adventure,
especially if it's overseas orsomeplace I've never been.
I'm one of those people.
I want to see every country.
(03:16):
At least once I haven't beenthere yet.
I've been to six or sevencontinents Antarctica.
I'm looking to find how to getdown there.
But otherwise I like to travel.
And then, after the military, Ididn't really know what to do.
You know I came out and 20years you know it is in the
military you come out and you'relike, okay, what now?
(03:36):
I was a school teacher.
I've always really liked toteach.
I taught students andelementary school mathematics
and middle school Englishlanguage arts, and that was fine
, but it just didn't quite fitwith the life I wanted at the
time and I really didn't knowwhat I wanted at the time.
So, lo and behold, I took aseasonal retail gig and one day
(03:58):
I went to a yoga studio in themilitary.
I mean, you're a Marine, so youknow your body takes a beating
over the years and you have allthese like aches pains.
So I found yoga and I starteddoing yoga just to try and heal
up my body, because I had reallybad back pain and, sure enough,
doing yoga really helped.
But I really didn't know who Iwas.
(04:19):
So as I continued down my yogapath, I had kind of one of those
epiphany moments and I knewthings had to change.
I'd only been retired ninemonths and I was not on a good
path.
And from there, man, I have doveheadfirst into yoga.
I now teach yoga.
I teach yoga to at-riskpopulations, I teach in yoga
(04:41):
studios.
I'm also a professional speaker, as how you and I met, because
I've been starting to work withveteran populations about the
identity challenges when youtransition from military service
into civilian life, right fromFirewatch magazine.
So I'm also a writer.
I never really anticipatedmyself being right here right
now, let alone being a yogainstructor and being able to
(05:04):
offer that to so many differentpeople and opening their eyes to
all the benefits like brandedyoga pants obviously yeah, yeah,
of course.
I mean the yoga pants are reallyimportant, but uh, at the same
time frame you can kind of justdo it whatever you want.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (05:19):
But I would say yes fair, you know,
never know To each his own.
So I'm curious here in thebeginning of all this, I guess
you went from well, I guesstheoretically teaching since you
were 19,.
Right, even as a chief pettyofficer you're not not teaching,
right?
So now I've always taughtmentoring, yeah, in some
(05:40):
capacity, right?
So what was your drive orreasoning?
You went from well, let's say,a warfighting industry like the
Navy, I don't know qualified howyou want, I'd consider it more
of a social science where youhave to specialize in humanities
.
But then you got into socialsciences, math and language arts
, you said, albeit elementaryschool kids, but there's plenty
(06:03):
of sailors, where it's acomparable education level, yeah
, absolutely.
Now you focus almost entirelyon humanities.
What?
Kurt Waterstradt (06:11):
changed.
That's actually really true,all of it.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (06:13):
What changed for you?
Why one from one to the other?
If it's all teaching, why apreference in one or another?
Kurt Waterstradt (06:19):
I look at it this way right, everyone always
talks about their why, theirpurpose, and sometimes you can
know what that purpose is.
But there are differentvehicles for that purpose.
I still taught you're rightbefore I was even in the Navy.
When I was in high school Iused to teach swim camps to
younger kids.
I was on the swim team in myhigh school and I did real well
and then I actually would teachyounger kids.
So I've always had that driveto teach.
(06:42):
But knowing what the rightvehicle for me was was a lot
more difficult, because in orderto really live your purpose,
you have to know who you are.
And the thing is is, when I was, when I was younger, I joined
the military just to get out ofwhere I lived and kind of see
the world.
(07:02):
But when I got older now it wasa matter of I hadn't really
thought about myself.
What drove me since I was ateenager.
Because, as you know, withmilitary service and this
applies to a lot of people whereyour job has to be focused on
the mission and focused on yourteammates and everything like
(07:23):
that when that goes away, a lotof the things that you were once
into you forget about, becausenow you have all these imprints
and you have all these titlesattached to you and nouns Like,
yes, before I was, I was Kurt asa kid and then I became chief
petty officer, intelligenceanalyst, mentor, you know, cfl,
(07:44):
father husband.
You start adding up all thesenouns and you get a really long
list of them, which is great,but at the same time frame that
doesn't always equate to yourvalue.
So as those start falling off,especially when you have big
life transitions, you go back towho are you?
Who am I?
What really lights me up?
(08:04):
Yeah, you can still know yourpurpose, but how do I live that
purpose in a way that'sbeneficial for my life and I can
still help other people?
I think that's the difference.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (08:17):
I think there's still a definite
benefit.
Nothing against the chief'smess and blood drives and Taco
Bell raising money, but you know, donut days are nice.
I've appreciated a few solidgalley trips in my day as well.
So you definitely don't don'tundersell yourself here.
You had a contribution, okay,but no, in all seriousness
though, of all of thoseinterests or I guess you'd call
(08:39):
them hobbies maybe that you'vegotten into now writing and yoga
, albeit as a profession, butforms of expression, let's say,
what is that?
I guess tie in for you as itapplies to travel, because it
sounds like those are yourprimary two avenues of
self-discovery travel andextrinsic sort of stimulators
(08:59):
and culture and whatever, andthen intrinsic or introspection,
introspective type journeys,right?
So what's the connection therefor you among all those things?
Kurt Waterstradt (09:09):
So with travel , for me it's that being
completely out of an element.
There's no comfort necessarilyaround me, there's nothing that
I'm familiar with, so I feelprimed for growth in those ways,
when you go to a country andyou travel around, like last
year I was in Cambodia, so Itook a bus between Simreap,
(09:33):
where Angkor Wat and the templesare, to capital city of Phnom
Penh, and we stopped in thislittle village.
I couldn't tell you anywhere inbetween.
I don't know what it was.
Village.
I couldn't tell you anywhere inbetween.
I don't know what it was.
I had to be the only Westernwhite American, any of those.
I was the only person probablywithin however many kilometers.
(09:55):
But actually getting a chance tosit in that element and really
experience people who wereinterested in me and I was
interested in them, it fills mycup because then I feel more
connected to a greater group ofpeople and it takes away some of
those illusions I won't evensay illusions.
I think sometimes we just wedon't exactly know.
(10:17):
We hear things but, as you know, you can read something and
then experiencing something isvery different, and this is
where the real difference is andthis is the biggest connection.
I think of it as like startingfrom zero.
So a lot of people think ofzero as like a negative thing.
However, zero in this case oftravel and starting somewhere
new and zero in terms of as Itransitioned into yoga, it was
(10:42):
freeing.
I was free, liberating.
I'm full of inspiration,creativity.
I have no preconceived notions,I have no expertise that tells
me not to try something.
When you have that beginner'smindset, that starting out, I
think that's one of the mostpowerful things we can have and
I feel that every time I travel,just like I feel it and I
(11:04):
cultivate it when I get on a mat.
If I could do this yogasequence for the first time even
though I might have done it ahundred times, but I can stay
present as if it's the firsttime it's a greater sense of
self for me.
I feel more present with whatis going on now, without
thinking about what the past waslike or imagining what the
(11:26):
future might be like.
I think that's the biggestconnection for me.
Josh "Porter" Porthous (11:30):
Presence ?
Yeah, there's.
Well, I'm sure you've knownplenty of people, and probably
from what you said yourselfincluded, right, you had nine
months there in retirement whereyou were trying to figure out
who you were again and I assumeit's been a continuing journey
ever since.
But there's plenty of people.
You know what you could pick anindustry.
There's a very similar conceptacross all of these different
(11:51):
demographics as a through lineto this point where you look at
convicts, serving any degree oftime, foster care, traumatic
upbringing, type phases for kids.
You look at leaving home forthe first time, going to school,
joining the military, whateverhappens at that point for people
I don't know, 18 to 22 yearsold.
(12:11):
You consider a couple of yearsto a long career in any industry
and then you get out or emptynesters.
Well, I've lived my life for mykids, which is great and
admirable, but now you're not,because they're living their
lives for them.
They've alleviated thatstressor from your consideration
, right, they're mature enoughto handle it.
So who are you then?
(12:32):
And oftentimes I think we lookback and we're like man.
I never actually stopped tothink about it and now I'm
absolutely petrified and anxietygoes through the roof, stress
goes through the roof andeverything just seems to be fear
driven, which, I arguinganxiety almost always is.
But those are all thingstheoretically, that haven't
(12:53):
happened yet and so they're allin our control, whatever those
outcomes are, of our decisions.
And I think that you made areally powerful point just now.
Just because we're startingover, or looking at the prospect
of starting over, it's likehanging 10 toes on the diving
board.
You know you get up thereeither way, you're gonna fall,
it's gonna happen, it just will.
(13:13):
All right, folks sit tight andwe'll be right back on
Transacting Value.
Announcer (13:19):
This message is from the US Department of Veterans
Affairs.
Va disability compensation isopen to veterans with a
disability rating of 10% or more.
Veterans may qualify for morethan $4,000 a month.
Those with a disability ratingof 10% or more also get free or
low-cost VA health care.
If you have a disability rating, you can apply for a rating
(13:42):
increase.
Learn more at va.
gov/disability.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (13:49):
y ou're gonna fall.
It's gonna happen, it just willand it's not a fly analogy or
die analogy it's just guaranteedyou're gonna fall, because you
were the big fish in your smallpond after x amount of time, or
at least you felt like it.
You see if you think you areright and so you're gonna fall.
But one thing I neverconsidered, I guess, which
(14:12):
sounds kind of mathematicallyignorant but one thing I never
considered was zero is not anegative number.
And so, just because you know,we're starting over, I'm a
reservist now but I also writefor Firewatch magazine.
I've had a long distancerelationship with my son for the
last seven, almost eight yearsof his life and he just turned
10.
And now, at leastgeographically, we're co-located
not in the same home butco-located and I gave up a
(14:35):
salaried job.
I didn't retire, like I said,I'm into reserves, but I gave up
a salaried job.
Essentially, in the job I hadat least a company vehicle it
was a government vehicleBenefits for free included and
theoretically, in my opinion,once you reach 10 years in the
Department of Defense, you'reessentially, if you commit to
another 10 to retire, you'reessentially committing to a
(14:57):
10-year million dollar contractand that's gone.
And I was like, hmm, where doesthe grocery money come from now
, or how do I talk to people now?
Who am I?
Who do I even want to look like, now that I'm not clean, shaven
, or now that I can actually,within a certain degree of
reason, just whatever?
(15:18):
Be myself means being.
I didn't have a clue and all Iknew was how I identified over
my 14 year career, because thatwas the social circle I was in,
that was my society.
Kurt Waterstradt (15:31):
Everybody understood you because you all
had a shared understanding, wasmy society.
Everybody understood youbecause you all had a shared
understanding.
So it was really easy to belike if we didn't know anything
else about you.
Porter, you had on a uniform aname, you had your MOS or you
had your job, and people werelike, oh, I know generally what
that guy does, I know what I cancount on him for.
And now you come out and youdon't have that anymore and
(15:59):
you're right.
You're like who am I?
In fact, that's how I ended upwhere I am now.
Like you said, there were ninemonths I was a teacher and then
I went into and I started doingyoga.
I was in a class.
I still remember the date itwas December 12th 2021.
And all the teacher does.
When you go into yoga class, alot of times they ask you to set
your intention.
They're like okay, set yourintention for your class.
And she is a wonderful,wonderful woman.
(16:20):
I know her, she's a friend ofmine now and she was like just
finish this sentence, I am blank.
And she throws out a couple ofgeneric like I'm loved, I'm kind
I'm smart.
Generic like I'm loved, I'mkind I'm smart, I'm in a 95
(16:41):
degree yoga room for 45 minutesstaring in a mirror, trying not
to look at myself in the mirror,and I can't finish the sentence
to save my life.
I couldn't say anything positiveabout myself.
I had no sense of self or value, at least not internally.
I had gotten that from.
Well, he's really good atleadership and he's a great
chief and he's really smart, sohe can do all this analysis work
(17:02):
.
So there I am and I'm justmoving shape to shape, trying to
follow the yoga sequence, and Icouldn't finish the sentence.
So we get to the end and we laydown the final pose, shavasana
corpse pose, and the studio Iwas in.
They give you towels to putacross your eyes for the last
five minutes and I was so happythat she handed me the towel
(17:23):
first because it was close tothe door.
She gives me the blue towel andjust as I put it across my eyes
, I start bawling, I startcrying.
Man, because I'm like.
I genuinely don't know who I am, what I represent.
I couldn't say anything niceabout myself.
I didn't feel positive, Ididn't love myself, I didn't
(17:43):
even like myself and I at thatmoment, as I laid and I cried
for the full five minutes.
We were there.
Nobody disturbed me, becausethere's some rules with yoga,
there's guidelines with yoga,which I really appreciate.
And I just knew, man, like, whenI got up out of that class I
was like, yeah, something has tochange.
I cannot continue down the pathI'm in right now, not knowing
(18:05):
what I was going to do.
And you're like you said, I cantake in a contracting job.
I could have went and workedright back at CENTCOM as a
contractor and made a bunch ofmoney, but I wouldn't have been
happy.
I know I wouldn't have beenhappy.
I know I wouldn't have foundmyself, I'd have been stuck in
that same feeling.
So that was the day that changedeverything for me and from that
(18:26):
point I didn't really knowwhere to go.
I just knew yoga was reallyimportant, I felt a lot better
and I wanted to explore thephilosophy behind it.
I dove into that.
It was just something aboutyoga and the personal journey
that it inspires for you toreally kind of figure out who
(18:47):
you are, and to not only figureout who you are but to cultivate
that kindness, compassion andlove for yourself, just like you
do for everyone else.
I didn't have any of that andit was really, really hard, like
looking back on it.
Now I'm in such a positiveplace.
I'm the healthiest I've everbeen mentally, emotionally,
(19:08):
physically, spiritually, thewhole nine and I can't imagine
what my life would be like if Iwent back to that old bird, like
to think of that old version ofme.
I couldn't even imagine it now,man, like I really can't.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (19:20):
Well, let me give it a shot.
There's a lot of people and I'musing a lot loosely here.
This is based on my quantity ofexposures to people.
All right, so that's my samplegroup, but there's a lot of
people in the DOD active andreserves, not to mention plenty
of veterans that are in it forVA benefits.
Well, here's an example.
(19:41):
When you're new, all you see andI'm saying new as an enlisted
service member primarily all yousee are people that have more
time in service than you, andyou're just absorbing what you
think is relevant and what youthink is important, but you're
basically tuning out all theother stuff the comments, the
atmospherics, the whateverbecause you're like you're in
survival mode or or honeymoon,phase one of the two or both and
(20:04):
after you get you know,whatever two or three contracts,
you start gaining someawareness around you.
It becomes routine, it becomesmuscle memory.
But I think that muscle memoryalso includes not just
repetition with a trigger fingeror how to respond in martial
arts or whatever you're doingphysically, but also mentally
abuse relationship.
We just accept it.
You know, because and this ismy working theory, because what
(20:38):
I tend to hear we go out for pt,right, and I'm talking exercise
, not physical therapy.
We as a, as a squad or as aplatoon, whichever most of my
career for anybody new has beenin the infantry, with the marine
corps, and so you know we goout to train as a squad or as a
platoon or whatever.
You got a fitness test.
What you guys have have purityright.
You have your readiness test andyeah, and all that stuff
happens right and without fail.
(21:00):
You're going to hear somebodysay, okay, all right, I'm ready,
or some sort of comment that'slike no, I'm old, I'm stiff, I
don't want to do this, I don'twant to be here.
Or actually they say I'm old,I'm stiff, I don't want to do
this.
Right, I don't want to be here,or actually they say I'm old,
I'm stiff, I don't want to dothis.
Well, let me, let me save you,dude, I don't care, but you got
to be here, like I got to behere, and I'm not telling you
I'm young and I don't want to behere.
(21:21):
Why, what?
What makes you feel like you'retelling me you're old and stiff
?
And why would you want to breakyourself more, unless you're
accustomed to an abusiverelationship?
Kurt Waterstradt (21:37):
Right, and that's the biggest danger in the
military and some of theservices is people staying too
long just for that extra two anda half percent in their
retirement or better VA benefits, you know.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (21:47):
I could have stayed on perceived
comfort level out of here.
Yeah, yeah.
When I initially went to themilitary entrance processing
center, or whatever MEPSactually stands for, it was on
Water Street here in Tampa Bay,and that was our initial
screening for anybody unfamiliarto get into the DOD not even
specifically the Marine Corps,just to get into the DOD.
(22:09):
And then there were certainother qualifying factors for the
Marine Corps.
Just prior to that, our MarineCorps recruiter pulled us into
the recruiting station and hehad us write on an index card,
which I have since lost.
I have no idea what happened toit Totally defeated his point.
However, had us write on anindex card essentially our why.
(22:29):
And he said when you go toParris Island and you get a
chance to stop and process andyou think to yourself, what am I
doing here?
Read this card and I thought,oh, that's a great idea, ok.
Well, two things happened.
One, I had no idea what to puton it, so I made up stuff that
was half hearted and authenticin hindsight.
And to the very first Chinesefield day, or whatever you want
(22:52):
to call it, the foot lockers gotflipped, everything got thrown
around.
I lost it anyways, it didn'treally matter, but because it
didn't resonate with me anyway,I didn't have a way to get
through all that stuff.
Then in Parris Island and thenas my career went on after the
fact, let alone after my careerto now, because I didn't know
who I was I didn't stop to thinkabout it.
I just I didn't stop to thinkabout it.
I just I don't know.
At least in the Marine Corpsyou put your Kevlar on and you
(23:13):
skull drag and that's it.
Kurt Waterstradt (23:15):
You don't think about it.
Service, right Like, the wholepoint of bootcamp, is for you to
strip away your individuality,because they want you to learn
to put the team and the missionand your group before you.
So, and there's nothing wrongwith that, because you sign on
the line and you are choosing todo that, and it's about overall
service and a cause.
The problem is, though, justlike you talked about, you
(23:37):
didn't know then, necessarily,but now fast forward.
After 14 years, 20 years,however long, someone's in the
like, we do want you to like, goto college and get a degree,
and that'll, that'll really helpyou for advancement, but that
advancement really is also, ithelps them too.
(24:00):
So it's not really, it's notabout figuring out who you are
at any point in time.
It's about making sure that youstay a strong resource,
somebody that people can dependon and help, and don't get me
wrong, that can become part ofyou, but that still doesn't
answer the question of like, whoare you Like?
What really makes you tick?
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (24:20):
All right, folks sit tight and we'll
be right back on TransactingValue.
Join us for Transacting Value,where we discuss practical
applications of personal values,every Monday at 9 am on our
website transactingvaluepodcast.
com.
Wednesdays at 5 pm and Sundaysat noon on
wreathsacrossamericaorg/ radio.
Kurt Waterstradt (24:42):
That can become part of you.
But that still doesn't answerthe question of like who are you
Like?
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (24:47):
what really makes you tick yeah, and
that's a fair point too, and Ithink to support that also with
whatever the expression is, adegree of salt or whatever that
any branch in the Department ofDefense, within that entire
defense industry in effect, isstructured like an organization,
like a corporation,theoretically right, where the
(25:09):
things that they're pushing areto better the returns on
investment, which is obviouslytax dollars, into your
performance for missionaccomplishment in a warfighting
environment or, theoretically,under duress.
And so when your stress levelsgo down, for whatever reason,
and you're no longer under thesame standards of duress I don't
know you're in a gym, you cangrunt and throw around 45 pound
(25:34):
plates and sweats if you want,and that's good, for I don't
know what would you say aboutnine months, and then you're
like well, I know what.
You're not in the samestressful type position and also
I want to.
What was the expression I heard?
I want to caveat with thedovetail.
That's one of my favorites.
This doesn't apply to everybody.
This depth, this type ofconversation, right, this type
(25:54):
of introspection.
There's plenty of people thatare going to get into the DOD.
Do just fine, be just fine, getout and carry on with their
lives and just do them right.
They may be self-aware, theymay not be, but they're content.
It doesn't apply to the peoplewho feel stuck though, the
(26:16):
people that feel lost andconfused and overwhelmed and
stressed.
I don't even know the suiciderate after retirement from the
DOD, but I've got a bet out of1.5 to 1.8 million people that
are in the DOD, it's at leastdouble digit percentages of
those that make it to retirement.
I mean right, oh yeah, and thatdoesn't even include the ones
who don't.
But you know, theoretically, forany number of reasons, you
(26:37):
factor in a war fightingenvironment and certain kinetic
outcomes, but then also a degreeof maturity and just overall,
what is it?
Frontal lobe development, prewhat?
26 years old or what?
Pre paying?
Not paying for a rental car?
I guess so 25/26.
Not paying for a rental car?
I guess so 25, 26,.
That if you're not matureenough within the six years
let's say you joined at 18, ifyou're not mature enough within
(26:59):
those six years seven years tobe able to, I guess, legally
handle a vehicle that's notyours, but you're expected to
process the death of somebodyyou've gone through a stressful
situation with that you'verelied on and grown to like same
, same, camaraderie, sharedmisery or whatever you bond over
, let alone somebody you'veknown your entire life and you
(27:21):
enlist together.
Now it changes.
Then why is that different?
Kurt Waterstradt (27:25):
it's not and it shouldn't be, but it's
treated as different yeah, youknow the thing is and you kind
of hit it in the nail on thehead, right you?
So you can do all those thingsand there are a lot of people
they right, they get through theDOD, they do whatever, they
continue on and a contractinggig and and they're content with
all of that.
But what you just talked about,really, too, is something that
(27:45):
we don't talk about a lot, eventhough we it's become more of a
thing with suicide rates in themilitary and the DOD and
veterans everywhere.
But the one thing thateverybody needs and I don't care
if you're content with being acontractor and still working in
the DOD environment for a largenumber of years, however long
(28:07):
you were in, and maybe afterthat, you basically were told to
suppress a lot of things inorder to get the mission done I
mean, think about it In terms ofvulnerability.
When you use the wordvulnerability, people always
think in terms of weakness, orif you come from a cyber
background and you're a nerdlike I was, you're going to be
like, oh, there's a way to getinto that system and we should
(28:29):
exploit that.
The thing is, when you get tothe other side and, like you
just said, if you saw combat,death of another human being how
do you deal with that?
And then, if you didn't evensee combat but you still had
stressful situations and youwent through everyone goes
through life things whilethey're going on look how many
people get divorced.
You have kids.
Your kids might have someissues you have to deploy, so
(28:52):
then you're spending time awayand then you have to try and
reintegrate and the biggestreintegration is, after all, the
time in the military.
And then you have to learn tocommunicate but we're not in
touch with I mean, I'm going togo out on a limb here.
Most people are not very intouch with their emotions.
I know I wasn't, and I thinkthat was one of the biggest
things.
For me was when we talk aboutrelationships mirroring our
(29:15):
value.
If you don't value yourself,your relationships will mirror
that and how you interact withpeople will mirror that.
Sometimes we'll throw ourselvesinto trying to help everybody
else, which, again, it's nothingwrong to want to be helpful.
It's nothing wrong to want tohelp other people.
But it's finite If you don'thave value there and your cup
(29:38):
just keeps getting drained moreand more and more and then
you're not seeing thatreciprocated from your
relationships.
People aren't kind of doing thesame thing to you.
That's where we end up beingjust completely bottomed out.
You may hit bottom, you may hitrock bottom and then you're
like, if you don't feel like youcontribute to other people's
lives, what am I doing?
(29:59):
And I think this is across thejust humanity, but the military
is a very specific sample sizebecause of, like, how abrupt our
changes can be.
You have to be able to havethat value so you know, like you
to love someone else, you haveto love yourself, to just like
yourself, to be okay with whoyou are as a human being.
When things go wrong and you'rea Marine and they always expect
(30:21):
you to do you got to get itdone you need to be at the top,
like we don't want excuses, wedon't want anything like that.
We gave you a task, we expectmission success, like that's how
that goes.
So now you come out and maybeyou're not in the marine corps
anymore, you're not in thatworld and you're trying
something new for the first timeand you know what?
You've never done it before.
(30:42):
Okay, yeah, you might notsucceed at it, you might make a
bunch of mistakes.
It doesn't mean, like man, I'ma failure like no.
Just because you're you cansucceed at one thing, does not
mean you're going toautomatically succeed everything
else, and that's part of givingyourself a little grace.
You know, we give empathy toother people, but we do.
We very rarely give empathy toourselves, we I mean, I know I'm
(31:06):
my own worst critic I'll writeanything and I have to reread it
and reread it and this doesn'tmake sense and I've really come
to a point of, like it's part ofyoga philosophy, right?
So the first part of yogaphilosophy is the himself, which
is non-harm.
Well, that starts with yourself,how you talk to yourself, and
that's really important becauseonce I started healing me and I
(31:28):
started feeling my emotions andletting that stuff flow, man, it
started helping my otherrelationships with my kids Maybe
not my ex wife now, but, uh, mycurrent partner.
Yeah, we, we worked throughthis.
Those things really matter.
And you know, the thing too isthen, when those things get
rocky, I don't look and go well,what did I do?
(31:48):
Don't get me wrong, I'llreflect and see how I may have
contributed to the situation,but I don't automatically just
think that I'm the worst thingthat's ever happened or I've
done something like oh, it'sjust because of me, I'm just a
bad person or I just don'tunderstand.
And when that changes just alittle bit, when you can start
to feel that in yourself, you'llrealize relationships that
(32:12):
aren't healthy for you anymoreand you'll you'll make time for
things that are.
And ultimately, once you healinward man, a lot of the other
stuff starts falling into place.
It's really amazing when ithappens.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (32:25):
Well, I gotta tell you, if nobody's
told you yet, a lot of whatyou're saying is making you look
really soft, Kurt.
Kurt Waterstradt (32:33):
Yes, I'm sure it does, because I was an active
, I'm a retired chief, but I'man active yoga instructor.
And you know what?
It doesn't matter what you,what you think, it does sound
soft.
But when you get to the otherside, and here's the thing, it's
just you like, at this point itis, it is about you.
And that's one of the things Ithink is the hardest mindset
(32:56):
switch for all of us is toreally make it about us without
thinking, wow, I'm selfish,self-love isn't wrong.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (33:02):
Yeah, yeah, and I think that's it.
I think that's the difference.
Right there, right Like selfish, isn't?
I'm putting everybody'spriorities beneath mine, but I
can't help anybody else if Idon't know where my shoes are
when I'm going outside.
All right, folks sit tight andwe'll be right back on
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Josh "Porter" Porthouse (33:50):
I can't help anybody else if I don't
know where my shoes are.
We're not going outside.
You know, I learned that atParris Island.
Very quickly and repeatedly,you told me whatever terms, you
told me to go outside.
So I'm going outside.
I mean, I know I left myunderwear and my shirt and
shorts there, but I'm the firstone out here.
I'm outside.
That's it.
I did the thing.
That's it.
You're just as wrong, right?
(34:12):
It doesn't matter if you helpget everybody else dressed and
out of the shower, you're stillthe one who's a problem.
And yeah, I think you'reexactly right.
And so let me ask you this then.
I guess, before I get too muchfurther into the conversation,
you know what.
This is a segment of the showcalled developing character
developing character and foranybody new to the show, this is
(34:39):
two questions, and I guess,kurt, you included, as
vulnerable as you want to be,but you started talking about
how values that you either allowyourself to get exposed to or
that you sort of accumulate overtime help to satiate some depth
and degree of, I guess, scalefor your relationships or
appropriateness of yourrelationships, and so this is
where these two questions comeinto play.
My first question, and so thisis where these two questions
come into play.
My first question when you werea kid, what were some of the
(35:00):
values that you were actuallyexposed to sort of as your
baseline in humanity growing up?
Kurt Waterstradt (35:04):
Funny enough, I grew up.
It's kind of a contentiousthing now because I teach yoga
and I'm on this philosophicalpath but I grew up in a very
strict Christian home.
So while Christian values Idon't have any problem with
anyone's religious values at allthe number one that always
resonated with me most waskindness across the board.
(35:25):
And here's the one thing aboutkindness I didn't always get it
demonstrated by my parents.
My parents had their ownchallenges in life with people
and ways of living and whatnot,but as a kid I always wanted to
be kind to everybody and to befair in the world.
And you know how kids are.
Man Kids sometimes are some ofthe meanest people around.
(35:47):
I just remember, even thoughthey would be mean to me, I'd
still want to be kind.
I always wanted to make surethat I was showing somebody
kindness, and I think that'sprobably the value that stuck
with me the most.
That's, it's the stayed within.
The only thing about it is,over the years, you show your
kindness and something thathappens to you and you're like
okay, I'm going to kind ofprotect myself a little bit, a
(36:08):
little bit more, a little bitmore.
Now I'll have people buzz mewith their cars and ride my
bicycle and they may yell at mea whole bunch of slurs or
profanity to get off the roadand I don't really feel that.
I don't feel anger well up init anymore.
I don't know what they're goingthrough.
So while they might react thatway to me, I won't wave
(36:30):
sarcastically.
I'll usually just kind of justshrug it off.
Or if they say something to me,I'll be like hey, I hope you
have a nice day, because for meI think that's a value that gets
overlooked a lot of the time.
You know what I mean.
We have values of hard work andyou can get work ethic.
But I think some of thosevalues at a human level are most
important to me, and that one Ican think of so many ways.
(36:53):
As a kid that I was, that wasmy primary value, and now I'm
just embracing it more as anadult than I ever did before
yeah, self-control makes makes ahuge difference, I think,
exhibiting any particular valuesor value system.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (37:08):
But you know, also not for nothing here
to play a little, da I thinkyou being on a bicycle not on
the sidewalk but next to thesidewalk is part of their
problem that day.
So, yeah, I'm probably yeah youknow, it may actually be you in
some of those instances, butyeah, no, it's okay and and I
get it.
Kurt Waterstradt (37:26):
I just the only time I've been hit I've
been in a sidewalk or acrosswalk, riding the streets
actually safer and I'm doingabout 20 miles an hour.
I can't do 20 miles an hour ona sidewalk, man.
That's way too dangerous.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (37:37):
So fair enough.
Well, and that's an understated, underrated perspective as well
.
I'm trying to get where I'mgoing and it's a lug nut rule.
Man, you got like four total,you know, I mean just get out of
the way and if there's not ashoulder or if there's not
representation in yourparticular county to get it
addressed, start some some sortof way to get it addressed.
There's nothing wrong withbenefiting a community, but what
(37:59):
we're talking about communityand all the ones you've been
exposed to.
My second question after allthat's happened, what are some
other values that you embody nowor that you try to teach and
stand by now?
Kurt Waterstradt (38:10):
Okay.
So I really do prescribe to alot of the yogic values and
while people talk about yoga andpeople think about yoga is like
Instagram, I'm going to standon my head and I'm going to be
in all these cool shapes or I'mbuying a certain type of pant,
you know.
However you want to look atyoga, I really do believe so.
The first one of yoga, which isknown as the yamas, these are
kind of your disciplines, butyou can think of them
(38:32):
philosophically in this way.
It really is non-harm,truthfulness, non-stealing,
non-excess, non-possessiveness.
Now, to break those down, itreally just makes sense to me,
because the first one non-harmreally starts with yourself and
then everyone else, that senseof kindness, compassion, love
towards everyone else.
(38:53):
You know, this is how I thinkabout it, right, like you said,
I might've been the problem thatday on the road because, hey, I
only got four lug nuts and yougot a truck, you probably got 16
, or whatever the thing about itis.
I think about perspective inthat way, right, like you and I,
we had brunch a couple of weeksago with everyone from fire
watch.
There were five, five of us atthe table.
(39:15):
Yeah, how many rooms were there?
There are five of us at thetable?
How many rooms are there?
How many?
A lot of?
You will say one, but thereisn't.
There's five, because each ofus has our own perspective.
So I don't see the world likeyou see the world, which means
every time I have these, likewhen you have conflict with
people and this is where a lotof this comes from is that
(39:36):
understanding that non-harm,when you take it into your
perspective and you say I don'tsee exactly the same way Porter
does?
So how might Porter see this?
That I don't see it?
It's not a right or wrong thing.
I think about this.
You ever known anybody who'scolorblind?
I had my buddy, Mike.
We were stationed together andevery Christmas would come
around and they put the tinselout, the red and green tinsel
(39:58):
and, you know, decorate anoffice.
He was colorblind and we wouldpoint to something and we'd go
hey, mike, what color is that?
And it would be clearly likegreen.
He's like I don't know, likemuddy brown and it's it's really
true Like in his case, that wasbrown, it wasn't green like I
saw green, it was brown to him.
(40:18):
So when I think of this interms of the values that I live
by now, I think of non-harmbecause, yeah, I don't know what
everybody's going through and Idon't want to contribute to
anybody else's suffering.
Truthfulness that's yourintuition at work.
We talk about gut, gut instinct, like I can feel that this is
what's right for me.
(40:38):
Truth there are some constantsin this world but in terms of
truth, your truth and my truthand how we live may be slightly
different and that's a wholelong conversation that people
can go a lot of different wayswith.
But I listen to intuition andtruth.
Non-stealing now we can alltalk.
We talk about non-stealing likeI'm not going to steal your
(40:59):
vehicle, I'm not going to stealyour lunch money, your sandwich,
but I'm also not going to stealyour time.
I'm not going to steal formyself by living in the past.
I'm not going to steal from mypresent because I'm living
through the lens of my past.
Non-access I mean everybody'sentitled to whatever they think
will make them happy.
In my case, I really do believein the less is more, just
because if I have enough food,what do I need more for at the
(41:22):
time?
If I have enough space formyself, I don't need excessive
anything.
And, to agree, excess is also athing of too much of anything
can be bad for you.
So that kind of asceticism,that non-excess, is really
important.
And the last one, which is themost important, I think, is
non-possessiveness, and that'sthe let go.
(41:42):
And here's the thing about that.
We talk about it.
You and I had this conversationfor those that were listening,
we were talking about when yougo into some of these American
Legions and DFW halls and peopleare rooted in the past.
They are still living throughtheir stories that happened six,
seven, eight, 20, 40, 60 yearsago and that's the only thing
(42:07):
they talk about and that's theonly thing they identify with.
They can't let that go.
You have to learn to let thosethings go so you can actually
live your life now.
But there's a caveat to that youhave to let go of the good
stuff too.
It's great.
I've gone on some travel trips,man, that have been amazing.
I've had some great experiences.
I have those memories and sure,I have pictures and whatever,
(42:31):
but I've let go of what thatfelt like, because that's how
you lead to a life of comparison.
That's how it's like oh, I'mnow on a vacation and this is
really cool.
But you know, the last place Iwent, the waterfall was better,
you know, oh, I went to thatplace and I mean they had better
, better food or better coffee.
I mean this is good, but it'snot quite so.
(42:53):
You have to learn to let go.
So those values, those fiveright there, when you put those
together and you really learn topractice them, and you learn to
do this while you're on a yogamat.
In most cases, that's what theyoga mat is, it's a tool I've
really come to.
Those values overall are mygo-to.
If I can live by those five,I'm in the best place ever.
(43:15):
I feel content with my life.
And you know, there's a,there's a guy at Swami Rama he
said this.
His quote was "contentment isfalling in love with your life,
not just the good parts, butfalling in love with your life
as it is now.
And that really is true whenyou can think about that,
(43:35):
everything it's temporary.
Right, we talked about it.
I mean, I know they talkedabout it, probably in the marine
corps, right?
Yeah, you just gotta.
You're gonna get through thisexercise and you keep pushing,
but you know what it's gonna end.
It's gonna end at some point.
Yeah, every time we ran past thebarracks or you ran past the
barracks a third time, likedon't worry, we only have so
(43:56):
much more, and then we're done.
You know, I, I did some, I didsome commands like that too,
where it's like, oh, you'll getthere, I mean we might do
another 10 miles, but it'll endat some point, you know like.
But those things for me reallyare like, those are the values I
hold on to now, and it allcomes from that place of
starting with the non-harm andthat's internally more.
(44:18):
So I start with that one first,just because how you talk to
yourself, how you treat yourself, when you think of non-harm,
non-violence, I always think ofyour thoughts, your words, your
actions.
What do you think, what do yousay, what do you do?
And we're not in a society asmuch anymore.
I mean, okay, we can talk aboutstatistics or where you live or
(44:38):
whatever actions are maybe notas violent all the time.
We're more civilized.
But you know what, when itcomes to our thoughts and our
words, there there's a lot ofroom for everybody, even me, I,
I think about all the time.
Now it's an awareness.
I'll say something and I'll belike, dang, I, ooh.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (44:57):
Well, you're back in the moment.
You know what I mean.
It's presence in the moment,like you said, whether it's
thoughts, actions, feelings,words, whatever applies, but in
the moment, and now that youmentioned it, the entirety of my
career and I'm willing to betI'm not the only one of what did
one and a half, some oddmillion, that your entire career
focuses on short, mid-range andlong-term training plans or
(45:19):
operations to a certain degreein any campaign, and it's not
rooted in just exhale for asecond, how are you doing now?
Or what are you doing atpresent?
Nobody cares, unless it's a, asit rep or a radio call, right,
like okay.
But even then, what you'retalking about is progress on the
next thing or follow up on thelast thing.
(45:40):
It's not at the moment, usually, unless you're getting yelled
at, and so, yeah, I thinkthere's a lot of that that we
bring with us, and it makes itdifficult to identify some
degree of contentment becausewe're not, like you said,
accustomed or, to a certaindegree, developed in some sense
(46:01):
of maturity enough to just stopand just exhale.
What about now?
And that's a powerful point,man that, though, through all of
this experience you've had ingyms and yoga studios and the
Navy and obviously, fatherhoodand just growing up as a human,
(46:21):
all of these experiences, I mean.
And we've spent the last youknow whatever 45 minutes talking
about how it's developed yoursense of self.
But my last question for thesake of time here I guess in the
last two or three minutes wegot left how are all of these
things helping you instigateself-worth for other people?
Kurt Waterstradt (46:39):
So that's kind of the thing, right, and I'm
going to say this because thepeople I've talked to I haven't
talked to a lot of people, youknow we know that it's there and
the one thing that as a socialspecies we just want to know
that somebody sees us.
So when I can communicate toother people that I've been
where you are, I can feel whatthat felt like, and maybe not
(47:03):
exactly as you, but I have avery similar situation and this
is now where I'm at.
It's just that it's that sameleadership by example.
People then can see that thereis a way forward.
And that's the biggest thing Ithink that's most important is
there's no magic.
You know, that's the thing.
There's no magic being.
There's no quick shortcut.
There's nothing like that, Likedoing the work and sitting with
(47:27):
yourself and constantly pushing, just not even pushing, but
exploring why you feel the wayyou do.
And it's okay to feel the waythat you do.
You should feel more, not less.
You know, a lot of times and Iwas a serial compartmentalizer,
I can compartmentalize the bestof them I might've had the worst
(47:47):
thing imaginable have a fullanxiety attack in the parking
lot and I'd shut it down, walkin the door and lead a meeting,
as you know, the senior enlistedleader and I was, literally 15
minutes ago, on the verge oftears and unsure if I even knew
that life was worth livinganymore.
(48:08):
Like I can compartmentalizewith the best.
So now, knowing that peoplewant you, just want to be seen
when you see another person andthey can honestly feel that you
understand them, that's the mostpowerful thing there is,
because then they know it's notthis theoretical.
I read it in a book if you dothese things, you can find
(48:31):
happiness and you can findenlightenment.
No, no man, I'm standing infront of you, I'm looking you in
the eye and with each exhaleloving kindness, it's saying I
see you, I know where you're atand you know what you can.
You're okay.
Because at the end of the day,too, we always feel bad about
(48:51):
like.
I know I did, and I don't wantto speak for other people, but I
would feel bad about all thesethings that I held on to, and
guilt and shame.
And then I felt bad that I feltso bad and I was like why am I
being, like you said, soundingkind of soft?
Like again, why am I being sokind of off-putting about this
like why am I feeling this?
I shouldn't feel that I canpush through this.
(49:12):
I can handle this, what is?
I can handle, like I don't evenunderstand why I'm upset, and
then you get angry with yourselfbecause you were upset and it
makes no sense.
But you're just, because you'renot willing to embrace that
feeling, because it is okay tocry, it is okay to feel.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (49:27):
Dude, that's it.
You start mistaking your ownkindness towards yourself as a
weakness.
Kurt Waterstradt (49:33):
Yeah, 100%.
And when you embrace thatvulnerability vulnerability is
strength across the board,because your relationships will
find a truer meaning you willfeel real connections.
And then you're going to reallybe able to understand when
somebody else isn't reallyhealthy for you and you're like,
okay, maybe this doesn't, thisdoesn't work.
(49:54):
You know, I've had friends inthe military and, yeah, we serve
together.
It's great, but I know thathanging out with them is not
really a good thing for me and Iit's not that I don't care
about them, it's hey, you knowyou want to talk again.
I want to talk, but I don't.
I can't keep reliving this theway that you live.
(50:18):
And it's not judgment, becausethat goes back to perspective
again.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (50:19):
Right, we're all in a different part of
our journey.
Yeah, and everybody, I think,deserves a little bit of dignity
in what honesty can bring, eventhough it is often difficult.
Saying that, I do, again,appreciate your time and this
conversation, man.
It was way more well-rooted andconstructed than I was
(50:40):
expecting, because I thought wewere going to stay fairly
philosophical before I hitrecord.
So I appreciate your ability tocommunicate all of this
effectively.
Thanks for your time, thanksfor your insight, but I really
just appreciate you lettingyourself live through a lot of
that stuff and experience it toa point where you're able to
communicate it effectively.
Kurt Waterstradt (51:02):
Thanks, man.
Yeah, that's why I'm choosingto do the things I do now,
because I know it's reallyimportant and I want to help
people.
That's my why.
So if I can find ways to helppeople where they can come to a
place where they're at theirbest self and they feel, even if
they're at a low point, theyfeel like they're stood, that's
(51:22):
not the end, then that's all Ican ask for and that's what I'll
work for every day.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (51:27):
And so for people to find out more
about you or hear more any ofyour speaking engagements.
Where do people go?
Kurt Waterstradt (51:35):
How do they do it.
So my website's coming up.
It's just my nameKurtWaterstradt.
com.
I am on Instagram and then I'mon LinkedIn Firewatch Magazine.
You write for them, I write forthem.
I got my column, the Byways.
It's an authentic expression ofme and you know what I'm happy
with that.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (51:52):
Yeah, I really appreciate it.
To everybody who's new to theshow, depending on which player
you're streaming thisconversation, just like Kurt
said, you can click see more.
You can click show more, and inthe description for this
conversation you'll see links tohis social and his website as
well, so be able to track thatdown.
Thank you to our show partnersand folks.
Thank you for tuning in andappreciating our value as we all
(52:14):
grow through life together.
To check out our otherconversations or even to
contribute through feedback,follows, time, money or talent,
and to let us know what youthink of the show, please leave
a review on our website,transactingvaluepodcast.
com.
We also stream new episodesevery Monday at 9am Eastern
Standard Time through all ofyour favorite podcasting
platforms like Spotify, iheartand TuneIn.
(52:36):
You can now hear TransactingValue on Re.
We'll see you next time you tosponsor a reef and remember,
honor and teach the value offreedom for future generations.
On behalf of our team and ourglobal ambassadors, as you all
(52:59):
strive to establish clarity andpurpose, ensure social
tranquility and secure theblessings of liberty or
individual sovereignty ofcharacter for yourselves and
your posterity, we will continueinstigating self-worth and
we'll meet you there.
Until next time.
That was Transacting Value.
The views expressed in this podcast
are solely those of the podcasthost and guest and do not
necessarily represent those ofour distribution partners,
supporting businessrelationships or supported
audience.
Welcome to Transacting Value,where we talk about practical
applications for instigatingself-worth when dealing with
(00:23):
each other and even withinourselves, when we foster a
podcast listening experiencethat lets you hear the power of
a value system for managingburnout, establishing boundaries
, fostering community andfinding identity.
My name is Josh Porthouse, I'myour host and we are redefining
sovereignty of character.
This is why values still holdvalue.
This is Transacting Value.
Kurt Waterstradt (00:47):
When we talk about relationships mirroring
our value.
If you don't value yourself,your relationships will mirror
that.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (00:56):
Today on Transacting Value.
See, a problem that a lot ofpeople tend to have is, when you
get stuck in a rut or in aroutine for so long, it becomes
part of your identity.
This conversation we're talkingwith Kurt Waterstradt all
about his experience and how hefigured out for himself what it
was like to reinvent himselfthroughout a process where he
(01:18):
didn't have to sacrifice hissense of self and his identity.
So, without further ado, folks,I'm Porter, his sense of self
and his identity.
So, without further ado, folks,I'm Porter, I'm your host, and
this is Transacting Value.
Kurt, what's up man?
I'm good man.
How are you doing?
I'm doing good.
I appreciate you coming in fromthe rain or whatever, in from
the sweat you bicycle everywhereright.
Kurt Waterstradt (01:37):
Yeah, I do.
I ride my bike all around Tampa.
So yeah, I spend a lot of timein the sun and I do sweat, and
if it rains it's actually kindof nice yeah.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (01:47):
I bet it is.
I bet it is, and so let me openwith this.
I guess, first of all, theusual important pleasantries.
In my opinion, in anyrelationship is a fair degree of
gratitude, a little bit ofhumility and a lot of, I guess,
inquiry.
So thanks for your time.
I appreciate you coming on tothe show to talk a little bit,
tell your story, share yourexperience as it applies to your
(02:08):
own self-worth journey, but Idon't really know a lot about
you.
For anybody new to the show,we're on a video call, Kurt and
I.
At the moment, it's easier totalk face to face when you have
a face with another face, and sohere we are.
But since you guys are onlyhearing the audio out of this
conversation, for the time beingat least, as of right now when
we're recording it, Kurt, take acouple minutes.
(02:28):
Man, who are you?
Where are you from?
You know what sort of thingshave shaped your perspective.
Kurt Waterstradt (02:34):
I am originally from Detroit,
michigan.
Long, long time ago I was inthe military.
Just like you, I did 20 yearsin the US Navy and that was was
my formative years, from 19 to39,.
I retired as a Navy Chief.
I worked in the intelligencecommunity.
That became pretty much a largepart of my life.
At the time.
My wife and I met her in themilitary.
(02:55):
I have three kids Before that.
Even I was in college, checkedout educational stuff just
didn't fit with me at the timeand the military gave me an
option to travel because travelto me is really important.
As you get to know me, I'malways up for a good adventure,
especially if it's overseas orsomeplace I've never been.
I'm one of those people.
I want to see every country.
(03:16):
At least once I haven't beenthere yet.
I've been to six or sevencontinents Antarctica.
I'm looking to find how to getdown there.
But otherwise I like to travel.
And then, after the military, Ididn't really know what to do.
You know I came out and 20years you know it is in the
military you come out and you'relike, okay, what now?
(03:36):
I was a school teacher.
I've always really liked toteach.
I taught students andelementary school mathematics
and middle school Englishlanguage arts, and that was fine
, but it just didn't quite fitwith the life I wanted at the
time and I really didn't knowwhat I wanted at the time.
So, lo and behold, I took aseasonal retail gig and one day
(03:58):
I went to a yoga studio in themilitary.
I mean, you're a Marine, so youknow your body takes a beating
over the years and you have allthese like aches pains.
So I found yoga and I starteddoing yoga just to try and heal
up my body, because I had reallybad back pain and, sure enough,
doing yoga really helped.
But I really didn't know who Iwas.
(04:19):
So as I continued down my yogapath, I had kind of one of those
epiphany moments and I knewthings had to change.
I'd only been retired ninemonths and I was not on a good
path.
And from there, man, I have doveheadfirst into yoga.
I now teach yoga.
I teach yoga to at-riskpopulations, I teach in yoga
(04:41):
studios.
I'm also a professional speaker, as how you and I met, because
I've been starting to work withveteran populations about the
identity challenges when youtransition from military service
into civilian life, right fromFirewatch magazine.
So I'm also a writer.
I never really anticipatedmyself being right here right
now, let alone being a yogainstructor and being able to
(05:04):
offer that to so many differentpeople and opening their eyes to
all the benefits like brandedyoga pants obviously yeah, yeah,
of course.
I mean the yoga pants are reallyimportant, but uh, at the same
time frame you can kind of justdo it whatever you want.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (05:19):
But I would say yes fair, you know,
never know To each his own.
So I'm curious here in thebeginning of all this, I guess
you went from well, I guesstheoretically teaching since you
were 19,.
Right, even as a chief pettyofficer you're not not teaching,
right?
So now I've always taughtmentoring, yeah, in some
(05:40):
capacity, right?
So what was your drive orreasoning?
You went from well, let's say,a warfighting industry like the
Navy, I don't know qualified howyou want, I'd consider it more
of a social science where youhave to specialize in humanities
.
But then you got into socialsciences, math and language arts
, you said, albeit elementaryschool kids, but there's plenty
(06:03):
of sailors, where it's acomparable education level, yeah
, absolutely.
Now you focus almost entirelyon humanities.
What?
Kurt Waterstradt (06:11):
changed.
That's actually really true,all of it.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (06:13):
What changed for you?
Why one from one to the other?
If it's all teaching, why apreference in one or another?
Kurt Waterstradt (06:19):
I look at it this way right, everyone always
talks about their why, theirpurpose, and sometimes you can
know what that purpose is.
But there are differentvehicles for that purpose.
I still taught you're rightbefore I was even in the Navy.
When I was in high school Iused to teach swim camps to
younger kids.
I was on the swim team in myhigh school and I did real well
and then I actually would teachyounger kids.
So I've always had that driveto teach.
(06:42):
But knowing what the rightvehicle for me was was a lot
more difficult, because in orderto really live your purpose,
you have to know who you are.
And the thing is is, when I was, when I was younger, I joined
the military just to get out ofwhere I lived and kind of see
the world.
(07:02):
But when I got older now it wasa matter of I hadn't really
thought about myself.
What drove me since I was ateenager.
Because, as you know, withmilitary service and this
applies to a lot of people whereyour job has to be focused on
the mission and focused on yourteammates and everything like
(07:23):
that when that goes away, a lotof the things that you were once
into you forget about, becausenow you have all these imprints
and you have all these titlesattached to you and nouns Like,
yes, before I was, I was Kurt asa kid and then I became chief
petty officer, intelligenceanalyst, mentor, you know, cfl,
(07:44):
father husband.
You start adding up all thesenouns and you get a really long
list of them, which is great,but at the same time frame that
doesn't always equate to yourvalue.
So as those start falling off,especially when you have big
life transitions, you go back towho are you?
Who am I?
What really lights me up?
(08:04):
Yeah, you can still know yourpurpose, but how do I live that
purpose in a way that'sbeneficial for my life and I can
still help other people?
I think that's the difference.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (08:17):
I think there's still a definite
benefit.
Nothing against the chief'smess and blood drives and Taco
Bell raising money, but you know, donut days are nice.
I've appreciated a few solidgalley trips in my day as well.
So you definitely don't don'tundersell yourself here.
You had a contribution, okay,but no, in all seriousness
though, of all of thoseinterests or I guess you'd call
(08:39):
them hobbies maybe that you'vegotten into now writing and yoga
, albeit as a profession, butforms of expression, let's say,
what is that?
I guess tie in for you as itapplies to travel, because it
sounds like those are yourprimary two avenues of
self-discovery travel andextrinsic sort of stimulators
(08:59):
and culture and whatever, andthen intrinsic or introspection,
introspective type journeys,right?
So what's the connection therefor you among all those things?
Kurt Waterstradt (09:09):
So with travel , for me it's that being
completely out of an element.
There's no comfort necessarilyaround me, there's nothing that
I'm familiar with, so I feelprimed for growth in those ways,
when you go to a country andyou travel around, like last
year I was in Cambodia, so Itook a bus between Simreap,
(09:33):
where Angkor Wat and the templesare, to capital city of Phnom
Penh, and we stopped in thislittle village.
I couldn't tell you anywhere inbetween.
I don't know what it was.
Village.
I couldn't tell you anywhere inbetween.
I don't know what it was.
I had to be the only Westernwhite American, any of those.
I was the only person probablywithin however many kilometers.
(09:55):
But actually getting a chance tosit in that element and really
experience people who wereinterested in me and I was
interested in them, it fills mycup because then I feel more
connected to a greater group ofpeople and it takes away some of
those illusions I won't evensay illusions.
I think sometimes we just wedon't exactly know.
(10:17):
We hear things but, as you know, you can read something and
then experiencing something isvery different, and this is
where the real difference is andthis is the biggest connection.
I think of it as like startingfrom zero.
So a lot of people think ofzero as like a negative thing.
However, zero in this case oftravel and starting somewhere
new and zero in terms of as Itransitioned into yoga, it was
(10:42):
freeing.
I was free, liberating.
I'm full of inspiration,creativity.
I have no preconceived notions,I have no expertise that tells
me not to try something.
When you have that beginner'smindset, that starting out, I
think that's one of the mostpowerful things we can have and
I feel that every time I travel,just like I feel it and I
(11:04):
cultivate it when I get on a mat.
If I could do this yogasequence for the first time even
though I might have done it ahundred times, but I can stay
present as if it's the firsttime it's a greater sense of
self for me.
I feel more present with whatis going on now, without
thinking about what the past waslike or imagining what the
(11:26):
future might be like.
I think that's the biggestconnection for me.
Josh "Porter" Porthous (11:30):
Presence ?
Yeah, there's.
Well, I'm sure you've knownplenty of people, and probably
from what you said yourselfincluded, right, you had nine
months there in retirement whereyou were trying to figure out
who you were again and I assumeit's been a continuing journey
ever since.
But there's plenty of people.
You know what you could pick anindustry.
There's a very similar conceptacross all of these different
(11:51):
demographics as a through lineto this point where you look at
convicts, serving any degree oftime, foster care, traumatic
upbringing, type phases for kids.
You look at leaving home forthe first time, going to school,
joining the military, whateverhappens at that point for people
I don't know, 18 to 22 yearsold.
(12:11):
You consider a couple of yearsto a long career in any industry
and then you get out or emptynesters.
Well, I've lived my life for mykids, which is great and
admirable, but now you're not,because they're living their
lives for them.
They've alleviated thatstressor from your consideration
, right, they're mature enoughto handle it.
So who are you then?
(12:32):
And oftentimes I think we lookback and we're like man.
I never actually stopped tothink about it and now I'm
absolutely petrified and anxietygoes through the roof, stress
goes through the roof andeverything just seems to be fear
driven, which, I arguinganxiety almost always is.
But those are all thingstheoretically, that haven't
(12:53):
happened yet and so they're allin our control, whatever those
outcomes are, of our decisions.
And I think that you made areally powerful point just now.
Just because we're startingover, or looking at the prospect
of starting over, it's likehanging 10 toes on the diving
board.
You know you get up thereeither way, you're gonna fall,
it's gonna happen, it just will.
(13:13):
All right, folks sit tight andwe'll be right back on
Transacting Value.
Announcer (13:19):
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Affairs.
Va disability compensation isopen to veterans with a
disability rating of 10% or more.
Veterans may qualify for morethan $4,000 a month.
Those with a disability ratingof 10% or more also get free or
low-cost VA health care.
If you have a disability rating, you can apply for a rating
(13:42):
increase.
Learn more at va.
gov/disability.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (13:49):
y ou're gonna fall.
It's gonna happen, it just willand it's not a fly analogy or
die analogy it's just guaranteedyou're gonna fall, because you
were the big fish in your smallpond after x amount of time, or
at least you felt like it.
You see if you think you areright and so you're gonna fall.
But one thing I neverconsidered, I guess, which
(14:12):
sounds kind of mathematicallyignorant but one thing I never
considered was zero is not anegative number.
And so, just because you know,we're starting over, I'm a
reservist now but I also writefor Firewatch magazine.
I've had a long distancerelationship with my son for the
last seven, almost eight yearsof his life and he just turned
10.
And now, at leastgeographically, we're co-located
not in the same home butco-located and I gave up a
(14:35):
salaried job.
I didn't retire, like I said,I'm into reserves, but I gave up
a salaried job.
Essentially, in the job I hadat least a company vehicle it
was a government vehicleBenefits for free included and
theoretically, in my opinion,once you reach 10 years in the
Department of Defense, you'reessentially, if you commit to
another 10 to retire, you'reessentially committing to a
(14:57):
10-year million dollar contractand that's gone.
And I was like, hmm, where doesthe grocery money come from now
, or how do I talk to people now?
Who am I?
Who do I even want to look like, now that I'm not clean, shaven
, or now that I can actually,within a certain degree of
reason, just whatever?
(15:18):
Be myself means being.
I didn't have a clue and all Iknew was how I identified over
my 14 year career, because thatwas the social circle I was in,
that was my society.
Kurt Waterstradt (15:31):
Everybody understood you because you all
had a shared understanding, wasmy society.
Everybody understood youbecause you all had a shared
understanding.
So it was really easy to belike if we didn't know anything
else about you.
Porter, you had on a uniform aname, you had your MOS or you
had your job, and people werelike, oh, I know generally what
that guy does, I know what I cancount on him for.
And now you come out and youdon't have that anymore and
(15:59):
you're right.
You're like who am I?
In fact, that's how I ended upwhere I am now.
Like you said, there were ninemonths I was a teacher and then
I went into and I started doingyoga.
I was in a class.
I still remember the date itwas December 12th 2021.
And all the teacher does.
When you go into yoga class, alot of times they ask you to set
your intention.
They're like okay, set yourintention for your class.
And she is a wonderful,wonderful woman.
(16:20):
I know her, she's a friend ofmine now and she was like just
finish this sentence, I am blank.
And she throws out a couple ofgeneric like I'm loved, I'm kind
I'm smart.
Generic like I'm loved, I'mkind I'm smart, I'm in a 95
(16:41):
degree yoga room for 45 minutesstaring in a mirror, trying not
to look at myself in the mirror,and I can't finish the sentence
to save my life.
I couldn't say anything positiveabout myself.
I had no sense of self or value, at least not internally.
I had gotten that from.
Well, he's really good atleadership and he's a great
chief and he's really smart, sohe can do all this analysis work
(17:02):
.
So there I am and I'm justmoving shape to shape, trying to
follow the yoga sequence, and Icouldn't finish the sentence.
So we get to the end and we laydown the final pose, shavasana
corpse pose, and the studio Iwas in.
They give you towels to putacross your eyes for the last
five minutes and I was so happythat she handed me the towel
(17:23):
first because it was close tothe door.
She gives me the blue towel andjust as I put it across my eyes
, I start bawling, I startcrying.
Man, because I'm like.
I genuinely don't know who I am, what I represent.
I couldn't say anything niceabout myself.
I didn't feel positive, Ididn't love myself, I didn't
(17:43):
even like myself and I at thatmoment, as I laid and I cried
for the full five minutes.
We were there.
Nobody disturbed me, becausethere's some rules with yoga,
there's guidelines with yoga,which I really appreciate.
And I just knew, man, like, whenI got up out of that class I
was like, yeah, something has tochange.
I cannot continue down the pathI'm in right now, not knowing
(18:05):
what I was going to do.
And you're like you said, I cantake in a contracting job.
I could have went and workedright back at CENTCOM as a
contractor and made a bunch ofmoney, but I wouldn't have been
happy.
I know I wouldn't have beenhappy.
I know I wouldn't have foundmyself, I'd have been stuck in
that same feeling.
So that was the day that changedeverything for me and from that
(18:26):
point I didn't really knowwhere to go.
I just knew yoga was reallyimportant, I felt a lot better
and I wanted to explore thephilosophy behind it.
I dove into that.
It was just something aboutyoga and the personal journey
that it inspires for you toreally kind of figure out who
(18:47):
you are, and to not only figureout who you are but to cultivate
that kindness, compassion andlove for yourself, just like you
do for everyone else.
I didn't have any of that andit was really, really hard, like
looking back on it.
Now I'm in such a positiveplace.
I'm the healthiest I've everbeen mentally, emotionally,
(19:08):
physically, spiritually, thewhole nine and I can't imagine
what my life would be like if Iwent back to that old bird, like
to think of that old version ofme.
I couldn't even imagine it now,man, like I really can't.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (19:20):
Well, let me give it a shot.
There's a lot of people and I'musing a lot loosely here.
This is based on my quantity ofexposures to people.
All right, so that's my samplegroup, but there's a lot of
people in the DOD active andreserves, not to mention plenty
of veterans that are in it forVA benefits.
Well, here's an example.
(19:41):
When you're new, all you see andI'm saying new as an enlisted
service member primarily all yousee are people that have more
time in service than you, andyou're just absorbing what you
think is relevant and what youthink is important, but you're
basically tuning out all theother stuff the comments, the
atmospherics, the whateverbecause you're like you're in
survival mode or or honeymoon,phase one of the two or both and
(20:04):
after you get you know,whatever two or three contracts,
you start gaining someawareness around you.
It becomes routine, it becomesmuscle memory.
But I think that muscle memoryalso includes not just
repetition with a trigger fingeror how to respond in martial
arts or whatever you're doingphysically, but also mentally
abuse relationship.
We just accept it.
You know, because and this ismy working theory, because what
(20:38):
I tend to hear we go out for pt,right, and I'm talking exercise
, not physical therapy.
We as a, as a squad or as aplatoon, whichever most of my
career for anybody new has beenin the infantry, with the marine
corps, and so you know we goout to train as a squad or as a
platoon or whatever.
You got a fitness test.
What you guys have have purityright.
You have your readiness test andyeah, and all that stuff
happens right and without fail.
(21:00):
You're going to hear somebodysay, okay, all right, I'm ready,
or some sort of comment that'slike no, I'm old, I'm stiff, I
don't want to do this, I don'twant to be here.
Or actually they say I'm old,I'm stiff, I don't want to do
this.
Right, I don't want to be here,or actually they say I'm old,
I'm stiff, I don't want to dothis.
Well, let me, let me save you,dude, I don't care, but you got
to be here, like I got to behere, and I'm not telling you
I'm young and I don't want to behere.
(21:21):
Why, what?
What makes you feel like you'retelling me you're old and stiff
?
And why would you want to breakyourself more, unless you're
accustomed to an abusiverelationship?
Kurt Waterstradt (21:37):
Right, and that's the biggest danger in the
military and some of theservices is people staying too
long just for that extra two anda half percent in their
retirement or better VA benefits, you know.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (21:47):
I could have stayed on perceived
comfort level out of here.
Yeah, yeah.
When I initially went to themilitary entrance processing
center, or whatever MEPSactually stands for, it was on
Water Street here in Tampa Bay,and that was our initial
screening for anybody unfamiliarto get into the DOD not even
specifically the Marine Corps,just to get into the DOD.
(22:09):
And then there were certainother qualifying factors for the
Marine Corps.
Just prior to that, our MarineCorps recruiter pulled us into
the recruiting station and hehad us write on an index card,
which I have since lost.
I have no idea what happened toit Totally defeated his point.
However, had us write on anindex card essentially our why.
(22:29):
And he said when you go toParris Island and you get a
chance to stop and process andyou think to yourself, what am I
doing here?
Read this card and I thought,oh, that's a great idea, ok.
Well, two things happened.
One, I had no idea what to puton it, so I made up stuff that
was half hearted and authenticin hindsight.
And to the very first Chinesefield day, or whatever you want
(22:52):
to call it, the foot lockers gotflipped, everything got thrown
around.
I lost it anyways, it didn'treally matter, but because it
didn't resonate with me anyway,I didn't have a way to get
through all that stuff.
Then in Parris Island and thenas my career went on after the
fact, let alone after my careerto now, because I didn't know
who I was I didn't stop to thinkabout it.
I just I didn't stop to thinkabout it.
I just I don't know.
At least in the Marine Corpsyou put your Kevlar on and you
(23:13):
skull drag and that's it.
Kurt Waterstradt (23:15):
You don't think about it.
Service, right Like, the wholepoint of bootcamp, is for you to
strip away your individuality,because they want you to learn
to put the team and the missionand your group before you.
So, and there's nothing wrongwith that, because you sign on
the line and you are choosing todo that, and it's about overall
service and a cause.
The problem is, though, justlike you talked about, you
(23:37):
didn't know then, necessarily,but now fast forward.
After 14 years, 20 years,however long, someone's in the
like, we do want you to like, goto college and get a degree,
and that'll, that'll really helpyou for advancement, but that
advancement really is also, ithelps them too.
(24:00):
So it's not really, it's notabout figuring out who you are
at any point in time.
It's about making sure that youstay a strong resource,
somebody that people can dependon and help, and don't get me
wrong, that can become part ofyou, but that still doesn't
answer the question of like, whoare you Like?
What really makes you tick?
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (24:20):
All right, folks sit tight and we'll
be right back on TransactingValue.
Join us for Transacting Value,where we discuss practical
applications of personal values,every Monday at 9 am on our
website transactingvaluepodcast.
com.
Wednesdays at 5 pm and Sundaysat noon on
wreathsacrossamericaorg/ radio.
Kurt Waterstradt (24:42):
That can become part of you.
But that still doesn't answerthe question of like who are you
Like?
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (24:47):
what really makes you tick yeah, and
that's a fair point too, and Ithink to support that also with
whatever the expression is, adegree of salt or whatever that
any branch in the Department ofDefense, within that entire
defense industry in effect, isstructured like an organization,
like a corporation,theoretically right, where the
(25:09):
things that they're pushing areto better the returns on
investment, which is obviouslytax dollars, into your
performance for missionaccomplishment in a warfighting
environment or, theoretically,under duress.
And so when your stress levelsgo down, for whatever reason,
and you're no longer under thesame standards of duress I don't
know you're in a gym, you cangrunt and throw around 45 pound
(25:34):
plates and sweats if you want,and that's good, for I don't
know what would you say aboutnine months, and then you're
like well, I know what.
You're not in the samestressful type position and also
I want to.
What was the expression I heard?
I want to caveat with thedovetail.
That's one of my favorites.
This doesn't apply to everybody.
This depth, this type ofconversation, right, this type
(25:54):
of introspection.
There's plenty of people thatare going to get into the DOD.
Do just fine, be just fine, getout and carry on with their
lives and just do them right.
They may be self-aware, theymay not be, but they're content.
It doesn't apply to the peoplewho feel stuck though, the
(26:16):
people that feel lost andconfused and overwhelmed and
stressed.
I don't even know the suiciderate after retirement from the
DOD, but I've got a bet out of1.5 to 1.8 million people that
are in the DOD, it's at leastdouble digit percentages of
those that make it to retirement.
I mean right, oh yeah, and thatdoesn't even include the ones
who don't.
But you know, theoretically, forany number of reasons, you
(26:37):
factor in a war fightingenvironment and certain kinetic
outcomes, but then also a degreeof maturity and just overall,
what is it?
Frontal lobe development, prewhat?
26 years old or what?
Pre paying?
Not paying for a rental car?
I guess so 25/26.
Not paying for a rental car?
I guess so 25, 26,.
That if you're not matureenough within the six years
let's say you joined at 18, ifyou're not mature enough within
(26:59):
those six years seven years tobe able to, I guess, legally
handle a vehicle that's notyours, but you're expected to
process the death of somebodyyou've gone through a stressful
situation with that you'verelied on and grown to like same
, same, camaraderie, sharedmisery or whatever you bond over
, let alone somebody you'veknown your entire life and you
(27:21):
enlist together.
Now it changes.
Then why is that different?
Kurt Waterstradt (27:25):
it's not and it shouldn't be, but it's
treated as different yeah, youknow the thing is and you kind
of hit it in the nail on thehead, right you?
So you can do all those thingsand there are a lot of people
they right, they get through theDOD, they do whatever, they
continue on and a contractinggig and and they're content with
all of that.
But what you just talked about,really, too, is something that
(27:45):
we don't talk about a lot, eventhough we it's become more of a
thing with suicide rates in themilitary and the DOD and
veterans everywhere.
But the one thing thateverybody needs and I don't care
if you're content with being acontractor and still working in
the DOD environment for a largenumber of years, however long
(28:07):
you were in, and maybe afterthat, you basically were told to
suppress a lot of things inorder to get the mission done I
mean, think about it In terms ofvulnerability.
When you use the wordvulnerability, people always
think in terms of weakness, orif you come from a cyber
background and you're a nerdlike I was, you're going to be
like, oh, there's a way to getinto that system and we should
(28:29):
exploit that.
The thing is, when you get tothe other side and, like you
just said, if you saw combat,death of another human being how
do you deal with that?
And then, if you didn't evensee combat but you still had
stressful situations and youwent through everyone goes
through life things whilethey're going on look how many
people get divorced.
You have kids.
Your kids might have someissues you have to deploy, so
(28:52):
then you're spending time awayand then you have to try and
reintegrate and the biggestreintegration is, after all, the
time in the military.
And then you have to learn tocommunicate but we're not in
touch with I mean, I'm going togo out on a limb here.
Most people are not very intouch with their emotions.
I know I wasn't, and I thinkthat was one of the biggest
things.
For me was when we talk aboutrelationships mirroring our
(29:15):
value.
If you don't value yourself,your relationships will mirror
that and how you interact withpeople will mirror that.
Sometimes we'll throw ourselvesinto trying to help everybody
else, which, again, it's nothingwrong to want to be helpful.
It's nothing wrong to want tohelp other people.
But it's finite If you don'thave value there and your cup
(29:38):
just keeps getting drained moreand more and more and then
you're not seeing thatreciprocated from your
relationships.
People aren't kind of doing thesame thing to you.
That's where we end up beingjust completely bottomed out.
You may hit bottom, you may hitrock bottom and then you're
like, if you don't feel like youcontribute to other people's
lives, what am I doing?
(29:59):
And I think this is across thejust humanity, but the military
is a very specific sample sizebecause of, like, how abrupt our
changes can be.
You have to be able to havethat value so you know, like you
to love someone else, you haveto love yourself, to just like
yourself, to be okay with whoyou are as a human being.
When things go wrong and you'rea Marine and they always expect
(30:21):
you to do you got to get itdone you need to be at the top,
like we don't want excuses, wedon't want anything like that.
We gave you a task, we expectmission success, like that's how
that goes.
So now you come out and maybeyou're not in the marine corps
anymore, you're not in thatworld and you're trying
something new for the first timeand you know what?
You've never done it before.
(30:42):
Okay, yeah, you might notsucceed at it, you might make a
bunch of mistakes.
It doesn't mean, like man, I'ma failure like no.
Just because you're you cansucceed at one thing, does not
mean you're going toautomatically succeed everything
else, and that's part of givingyourself a little grace.
You know, we give empathy toother people, but we do.
We very rarely give empathy toourselves, we I mean, I know I'm
(31:06):
my own worst critic I'll writeanything and I have to reread it
and reread it and this doesn'tmake sense and I've really come
to a point of, like it's part ofyoga philosophy, right?
So the first part of yogaphilosophy is the himself, which
is non-harm.
Well, that starts with yourself,how you talk to yourself, and
that's really important becauseonce I started healing me and I
(31:28):
started feeling my emotions andletting that stuff flow, man, it
started helping my otherrelationships with my kids Maybe
not my ex wife now, but, uh, mycurrent partner.
Yeah, we, we worked throughthis.
Those things really matter.
And you know, the thing too isthen, when those things get
rocky, I don't look and go well,what did I do?
(31:48):
Don't get me wrong, I'llreflect and see how I may have
contributed to the situation,but I don't automatically just
think that I'm the worst thingthat's ever happened or I've
done something like oh, it'sjust because of me, I'm just a
bad person or I just don'tunderstand.
And when that changes just alittle bit, when you can start
to feel that in yourself, you'llrealize relationships that
(32:12):
aren't healthy for you anymoreand you'll you'll make time for
things that are.
And ultimately, once you healinward man, a lot of the other
stuff starts falling into place.
It's really amazing when ithappens.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (32:25):
Well, I gotta tell you, if nobody's
told you yet, a lot of whatyou're saying is making you look
really soft, Kurt.
Kurt Waterstradt (32:33):
Yes, I'm sure it does, because I was an active
, I'm a retired chief, but I'man active yoga instructor.
And you know what?
It doesn't matter what you,what you think, it does sound
soft.
But when you get to the otherside, and here's the thing, it's
just you like, at this point itis, it is about you.
And that's one of the things Ithink is the hardest mindset
(32:56):
switch for all of us is toreally make it about us without
thinking, wow, I'm selfish,self-love isn't wrong.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (33:02):
Yeah, yeah, and I think that's it.
I think that's the difference.
Right there, right Like selfish, isn't?
I'm putting everybody'spriorities beneath mine, but I
can't help anybody else if Idon't know where my shoes are
when I'm going outside.
All right, folks sit tight andwe'll be right back on
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Josh "Porter" Porthouse (33:50):
I can't help anybody else if I don't
know where my shoes are.
We're not going outside.
You know, I learned that atParris Island.
Very quickly and repeatedly,you told me whatever terms, you
told me to go outside.
So I'm going outside.
I mean, I know I left myunderwear and my shirt and
shorts there, but I'm the firstone out here.
I'm outside.
That's it.
I did the thing.
That's it.
You're just as wrong, right?
(34:12):
It doesn't matter if you helpget everybody else dressed and
out of the shower, you're stillthe one who's a problem.
And yeah, I think you'reexactly right.
And so let me ask you this then.
I guess, before I get too muchfurther into the conversation,
you know what.
This is a segment of the showcalled developing character
developing character and foranybody new to the show, this is
(34:39):
two questions, and I guess,kurt, you included, as
vulnerable as you want to be,but you started talking about
how values that you either allowyourself to get exposed to or
that you sort of accumulate overtime help to satiate some depth
and degree of, I guess, scalefor your relationships or
appropriateness of yourrelationships, and so this is
where these two questions comeinto play.
My first question, and so thisis where these two questions
come into play.
My first question when you werea kid, what were some of the
(35:00):
values that you were actuallyexposed to sort of as your
baseline in humanity growing up?
Kurt Waterstradt (35:04):
Funny enough, I grew up.
It's kind of a contentiousthing now because I teach yoga
and I'm on this philosophicalpath but I grew up in a very
strict Christian home.
So while Christian values Idon't have any problem with
anyone's religious values at allthe number one that always
resonated with me most waskindness across the board.
(35:25):
And here's the one thing aboutkindness I didn't always get it
demonstrated by my parents.
My parents had their ownchallenges in life with people
and ways of living and whatnot,but as a kid I always wanted to
be kind to everybody and to befair in the world.
And you know how kids are.
Man Kids sometimes are some ofthe meanest people around.
(35:47):
I just remember, even thoughthey would be mean to me, I'd
still want to be kind.
I always wanted to make surethat I was showing somebody
kindness, and I think that'sprobably the value that stuck
with me the most.
That's, it's the stayed within.
The only thing about it is,over the years, you show your
kindness and something thathappens to you and you're like
okay, I'm going to kind ofprotect myself a little bit, a
(36:08):
little bit more, a little bitmore.
Now I'll have people buzz mewith their cars and ride my
bicycle and they may yell at mea whole bunch of slurs or
profanity to get off the roadand I don't really feel that.
I don't feel anger well up init anymore.
I don't know what they're goingthrough.
So while they might react thatway to me, I won't wave
(36:30):
sarcastically.
I'll usually just kind of justshrug it off.
Or if they say something to me,I'll be like hey, I hope you
have a nice day, because for meI think that's a value that gets
overlooked a lot of the time.
You know what I mean.
We have values of hard work andyou can get work ethic.
But I think some of thosevalues at a human level are most
important to me, and that one Ican think of so many ways.
(36:53):
As a kid that I was, that wasmy primary value, and now I'm
just embracing it more as anadult than I ever did before
yeah, self-control makes makes ahuge difference, I think,
exhibiting any particular valuesor value system.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (37:08):
But you know, also not for nothing here
to play a little, da I thinkyou being on a bicycle not on
the sidewalk but next to thesidewalk is part of their
problem that day.
So, yeah, I'm probably yeah youknow, it may actually be you in
some of those instances, butyeah, no, it's okay and and I
get it.
Kurt Waterstradt (37:26):
I just the only time I've been hit I've
been in a sidewalk or acrosswalk, riding the streets
actually safer and I'm doingabout 20 miles an hour.
I can't do 20 miles an hour ona sidewalk, man.
That's way too dangerous.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (37:37):
So fair enough.
Well, and that's an understated, underrated perspective as well
.
I'm trying to get where I'mgoing and it's a lug nut rule.
Man, you got like four total,you know, I mean just get out of
the way and if there's not ashoulder or if there's not
representation in yourparticular county to get it
addressed, start some some sortof way to get it addressed.
There's nothing wrong withbenefiting a community, but what
(37:59):
we're talking about communityand all the ones you've been
exposed to.
My second question after allthat's happened, what are some
other values that you embody nowor that you try to teach and
stand by now?
Kurt Waterstradt (38:10):
Okay.
So I really do prescribe to alot of the yogic values and
while people talk about yoga andpeople think about yoga is like
Instagram, I'm going to standon my head and I'm going to be
in all these cool shapes or I'mbuying a certain type of pant,
you know.
However you want to look atyoga, I really do believe so.
The first one of yoga, which isknown as the yamas, these are
kind of your disciplines, butyou can think of them
(38:32):
philosophically in this way.
It really is non-harm,truthfulness, non-stealing,
non-excess, non-possessiveness.
Now, to break those down, itreally just makes sense to me,
because the first one non-harmreally starts with yourself and
then everyone else, that senseof kindness, compassion, love
towards everyone else.
(38:53):
You know, this is how I thinkabout it, right, like you said,
I might've been the problem thatday on the road because, hey, I
only got four lug nuts and yougot a truck, you probably got 16
, or whatever the thing about itis.
I think about perspective inthat way, right, like you and I,
we had brunch a couple of weeksago with everyone from fire
watch.
There were five, five of us atthe table.
(39:15):
Yeah, how many rooms were there?
There are five of us at thetable?
How many rooms are there?
How many?
A lot of?
You will say one, but thereisn't.
There's five, because each ofus has our own perspective.
So I don't see the world likeyou see the world, which means
every time I have these, likewhen you have conflict with
people and this is where a lotof this comes from is that
(39:36):
understanding that non-harm,when you take it into your
perspective and you say I don'tsee exactly the same way Porter
does?
So how might Porter see this?
That I don't see it?
It's not a right or wrong thing.
I think about this.
You ever known anybody who'scolorblind?
I had my buddy, Mike.
We were stationed together andevery Christmas would come
around and they put the tinselout, the red and green tinsel
(39:58):
and, you know, decorate anoffice.
He was colorblind and we wouldpoint to something and we'd go
hey, mike, what color is that?
And it would be clearly likegreen.
He's like I don't know, likemuddy brown and it's it's really
true Like in his case, that wasbrown, it wasn't green like I
saw green, it was brown to him.
(40:18):
So when I think of this interms of the values that I live
by now, I think of non-harmbecause, yeah, I don't know what
everybody's going through and Idon't want to contribute to
anybody else's suffering.
Truthfulness that's yourintuition at work.
We talk about gut, gut instinct, like I can feel that this is
what's right for me.
(40:38):
Truth there are some constantsin this world but in terms of
truth, your truth and my truthand how we live may be slightly
different and that's a wholelong conversation that people
can go a lot of different wayswith.
But I listen to intuition andtruth.
Non-stealing now we can alltalk.
We talk about non-stealing likeI'm not going to steal your
(40:59):
vehicle, I'm not going to stealyour lunch money, your sandwich,
but I'm also not going to stealyour time.
I'm not going to steal formyself by living in the past.
I'm not going to steal from mypresent because I'm living
through the lens of my past.
Non-access I mean everybody'sentitled to whatever they think
will make them happy.
In my case, I really do believein the less is more, just
because if I have enough food,what do I need more for at the
(41:22):
time?
If I have enough space formyself, I don't need excessive
anything.
And, to agree, excess is also athing of too much of anything
can be bad for you.
So that kind of asceticism,that non-excess, is really
important.
And the last one, which is themost important, I think, is
non-possessiveness, and that'sthe let go.
(41:42):
And here's the thing about that.
We talk about it.
You and I had this conversationfor those that were listening,
we were talking about when yougo into some of these American
Legions and DFW halls and peopleare rooted in the past.
They are still living throughtheir stories that happened six,
seven, eight, 20, 40, 60 yearsago and that's the only thing
(42:07):
they talk about and that's theonly thing they identify with.
They can't let that go.
You have to learn to let thosethings go so you can actually
live your life now.
But there's a caveat to that youhave to let go of the good
stuff too.
It's great.
I've gone on some travel trips,man, that have been amazing.
I've had some great experiences.
I have those memories and sure,I have pictures and whatever,
(42:31):
but I've let go of what thatfelt like, because that's how
you lead to a life of comparison.
That's how it's like oh, I'mnow on a vacation and this is
really cool.
But you know, the last place Iwent, the waterfall was better,
you know, oh, I went to thatplace and I mean they had better
, better food or better coffee.
I mean this is good, but it'snot quite so.
(42:53):
You have to learn to let go.
So those values, those fiveright there, when you put those
together and you really learn topractice them, and you learn to
do this while you're on a yogamat.
In most cases, that's what theyoga mat is, it's a tool I've
really come to.
Those values overall are mygo-to.
If I can live by those five,I'm in the best place ever.
(43:15):
I feel content with my life.
And you know, there's a,there's a guy at Swami Rama he
said this.
His quote was "contentment isfalling in love with your life,
not just the good parts, butfalling in love with your life
as it is now.
And that really is true whenyou can think about that,
(43:35):
everything it's temporary.
Right, we talked about it.
I mean, I know they talkedabout it, probably in the marine
corps, right?
Yeah, you just gotta.
You're gonna get through thisexercise and you keep pushing,
but you know what it's gonna end.
It's gonna end at some point.
Yeah, every time we ran past thebarracks or you ran past the
barracks a third time, likedon't worry, we only have so
(43:56):
much more, and then we're done.
You know, I, I did some, I didsome commands like that too,
where it's like, oh, you'll getthere, I mean we might do
another 10 miles, but it'll endat some point, you know like.
But those things for me reallyare like, those are the values I
hold on to now, and it allcomes from that place of
starting with the non-harm andthat's internally more.
(44:18):
So I start with that one first,just because how you talk to
yourself, how you treat yourself, when you think of non-harm,
non-violence, I always think ofyour thoughts, your words, your
actions.
What do you think, what do yousay, what do you do?
And we're not in a society asmuch anymore.
I mean, okay, we can talk aboutstatistics or where you live or
(44:38):
whatever actions are maybe notas violent all the time.
We're more civilized.
But you know what, when itcomes to our thoughts and our
words, there there's a lot ofroom for everybody, even me, I,
I think about all the time.
Now it's an awareness.
I'll say something and I'll belike, dang, I, ooh.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (44:57):
Well, you're back in the moment.
You know what I mean.
It's presence in the moment,like you said, whether it's
thoughts, actions, feelings,words, whatever applies, but in
the moment, and now that youmentioned it, the entirety of my
career and I'm willing to betI'm not the only one of what did
one and a half, some oddmillion, that your entire career
focuses on short, mid-range andlong-term training plans or
(45:19):
operations to a certain degreein any campaign, and it's not
rooted in just exhale for asecond, how are you doing now?
Or what are you doing atpresent?
Nobody cares, unless it's a, asit rep or a radio call, right,
like okay.
But even then, what you'retalking about is progress on the
next thing or follow up on thelast thing.
(45:40):
It's not at the moment, usually, unless you're getting yelled
at, and so, yeah, I thinkthere's a lot of that that we
bring with us, and it makes itdifficult to identify some
degree of contentment becausewe're not, like you said,
accustomed or, to a certaindegree, developed in some sense
(46:01):
of maturity enough to just stopand just exhale.
What about now?
And that's a powerful point,man that, though, through all of
this experience you've had ingyms and yoga studios and the
Navy and obviously, fatherhoodand just growing up as a human,
(46:21):
all of these experiences, I mean.
And we've spent the last youknow whatever 45 minutes talking
about how it's developed yoursense of self.
But my last question for thesake of time here I guess in the
last two or three minutes wegot left how are all of these
things helping you instigateself-worth for other people?
Kurt Waterstradt (46:39):
So that's kind of the thing, right, and I'm
going to say this because thepeople I've talked to I haven't
talked to a lot of people, youknow we know that it's there and
the one thing that as a socialspecies we just want to know
that somebody sees us.
So when I can communicate toother people that I've been
where you are, I can feel whatthat felt like, and maybe not
(47:03):
exactly as you, but I have avery similar situation and this
is now where I'm at.
It's just that it's that sameleadership by example.
People then can see that thereis a way forward.
And that's the biggest thing Ithink that's most important is
there's no magic.
You know, that's the thing.
There's no magic being.
There's no quick shortcut.
There's nothing like that, Likedoing the work and sitting with
(47:27):
yourself and constantly pushing, just not even pushing, but
exploring why you feel the wayyou do.
And it's okay to feel the waythat you do.
You should feel more, not less.
You know, a lot of times and Iwas a serial compartmentalizer,
I can compartmentalize the bestof them I might've had the worst
(47:47):
thing imaginable have a fullanxiety attack in the parking
lot and I'd shut it down, walkin the door and lead a meeting,
as you know, the senior enlistedleader and I was, literally 15
minutes ago, on the verge oftears and unsure if I even knew
that life was worth livinganymore.
(48:08):
Like I can compartmentalizewith the best.
So now, knowing that peoplewant you, just want to be seen
when you see another person andthey can honestly feel that you
understand them, that's the mostpowerful thing there is,
because then they know it's notthis theoretical.
I read it in a book if you dothese things, you can find
(48:31):
happiness and you can findenlightenment.
No, no man, I'm standing infront of you, I'm looking you in
the eye and with each exhaleloving kindness, it's saying I
see you, I know where you're atand you know what you can.
You're okay.
Because at the end of the day,too, we always feel bad about
(48:51):
like.
I know I did, and I don't wantto speak for other people, but I
would feel bad about all thesethings that I held on to, and
guilt and shame.
And then I felt bad that I feltso bad and I was like why am I
being, like you said, soundingkind of soft?
Like again, why am I being sokind of off-putting about this
like why am I feeling this?
I shouldn't feel that I canpush through this.
(49:12):
I can handle this, what is?
I can handle, like I don't evenunderstand why I'm upset, and
then you get angry with yourselfbecause you were upset and it
makes no sense.
But you're just, because you'renot willing to embrace that
feeling, because it is okay tocry, it is okay to feel.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (49:27):
Dude, that's it.
You start mistaking your ownkindness towards yourself as a
weakness.
Kurt Waterstradt (49:33):
Yeah, 100%.
And when you embrace thatvulnerability vulnerability is
strength across the board,because your relationships will
find a truer meaning you willfeel real connections.
And then you're going to reallybe able to understand when
somebody else isn't reallyhealthy for you and you're like,
okay, maybe this doesn't, thisdoesn't work.
(49:54):
You know, I've had friends inthe military and, yeah, we serve
together.
It's great, but I know thathanging out with them is not
really a good thing for me and Iit's not that I don't care
about them, it's hey, you knowyou want to talk again.
I want to talk, but I don't.
I can't keep reliving this theway that you live.
(50:18):
And it's not judgment, becausethat goes back to perspective
again.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (50:19):
Right, we're all in a different part of
our journey.
Yeah, and everybody, I think,deserves a little bit of dignity
in what honesty can bring, eventhough it is often difficult.
Saying that, I do, again,appreciate your time and this
conversation, man.
It was way more well-rooted andconstructed than I was
(50:40):
expecting, because I thought wewere going to stay fairly
philosophical before I hitrecord.
So I appreciate your ability tocommunicate all of this
effectively.
Thanks for your time, thanksfor your insight, but I really
just appreciate you lettingyourself live through a lot of
that stuff and experience it toa point where you're able to
communicate it effectively.
Kurt Waterstradt (51:02):
Thanks, man.
Yeah, that's why I'm choosingto do the things I do now,
because I know it's reallyimportant and I want to help
people.
That's my why.
So if I can find ways to helppeople where they can come to a
place where they're at theirbest self and they feel, even if
they're at a low point, theyfeel like they're stood, that's
(51:22):
not the end, then that's all Ican ask for and that's what I'll
work for every day.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (51:27):
And so for people to find out more
about you or hear more any ofyour speaking engagements.
Where do people go?
Kurt Waterstradt (51:35):
How do they do it.
So my website's coming up.
It's just my nameKurtWaterstradt.
com.
I am on Instagram and then I'mon LinkedIn Firewatch Magazine.
You write for them, I write forthem.
I got my column, the Byways.
It's an authentic expression ofme and you know what I'm happy
with that.
Josh "Porter" Porthouse (51:52):
Yeah, I really appreciate it.
To everybody who's new to theshow, depending on which player
you're streaming thisconversation, just like Kurt
said, you can click see more.
You can click show more, and inthe description for this
conversation you'll see links tohis social and his website as
well, so be able to track thatdown.
Thank you to our show partnersand folks.
Thank you for tuning in andappreciating our value as we all
(52:14):
grow through life together.
To check out our otherconversations or even to
contribute through feedback,follows, time, money or talent,
and to let us know what youthink of the show, please leave
a review on our website,transactingvaluepodcast.
com.
We also stream new episodesevery Monday at 9am Eastern
Standard Time through all ofyour favorite podcasting
platforms like Spotify, iheartand TuneIn.
(52:36):
You can now hear TransactingValue on Re.
We'll see you next time you tosponsor a reef and remember,
honor and teach the value offreedom for future generations.
On behalf of our team and ourglobal ambassadors, as you all
(52:59):
strive to establish clarity andpurpose, ensure social
tranquility and secure theblessings of liberty or
individual sovereignty ofcharacter for yourselves and
your posterity, we will continueinstigating self-worth and
we'll meet you there.
Until next time.
That was Transacting Value.
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