Episode Transcript
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Josh Porthouse (00:00):
The views
expressed in this podcast are
solely those of the podcast hostand guest and do not
necessarily represent those ofour distribution partners,
supporting businessrelationships or supported
audience.
Welcome to Transacting Value,where we talk about practical
(00:22):
applications for instigatingself-worth when dealing with
each other and even withinourselves, where we foster a
podcast listening experiencethat lets you hear the power of
a value system for managingburnout, establishing boundaries
, fostering community andfinding identity.
My name is Josh Porthouse, I'myour host and we are redefining
sovereignty of character.
(00:42):
This is why values still holdvalue.
This is Transacting Value.
DeDee Cai (00:49):
They are like what,
how many now?
Nine billion people on theplanet Like we don't need
another person, it's just goingto be pushing papers or like
living the typical lives.
But we need people who aregoing to be teaching us to do
things differently, and that wasfor me.
Josh Porthouse (01:07):
Today on
Transacting Value.
What is it about?
Being a millennial, and maybeeven being a millennial in
business, that oftentimes getsus to a position of I don't know
if I'm right for this.
I don't know if I'm the rightperson to be doing this.
More importantly, who am I nowthat I've done this?
Well, in today's conversation,we're talking with holistic
(01:28):
wellness coach Didi Kai, allabout her story and how it took
her from the corporate world torestaurant touring to now as an
entrepreneur in her own right.
My name is Josh Porthouse, I'myour host and from SDYT Media.
This is Transacting Value, didi.
How are you doing?
DeDee Cai (01:46):
Oh, my goodness, I am
fantastic.
How are you doing?
Thank you so much for having meon today.
Josh Porthouse (01:52):
Absolutely.
I appreciate you making timeand I know, given the holidays,
as of now recording this, it's alittle bit chaotic, so I
appreciate you making space inyour schedule as well.
So thank you.
DeDee Cai (02:03):
Yes, absolutely.
You know I love thisconversation so much and for the
fact that you said yes,holidays can be chaotic, but if
you are doing somethingmeaningful right, it's really
worthwhile.
I mean, it's just only 45minutes or an hour out of our
day and if we get to influenceright, like even our own selves
or other people like, why not?
Josh Porthouse (02:28):
I'm here, I'm
game, I'm ready, I'm excited.
Let's go Absolutely.
And you know what, when you'retalking about something
meaningful and somethingworthwhile, I mean those are
terms that I feel like are sounderrated.
You know, like they're justlike these clouds floating in
the sky with really no context,because they could be anything,
and we're like, oh, this is ameaningful experience for my
children's life, or this is aworthwhile thing for me to do as
an adult.
And then you turn the page.
(02:49):
Five years, 10 years later, youlook back and you're like I
don't know what I was doing.
I don't know what that did forme.
You know I went to school forfour years and I'm not sure what
medical school contribute orwhatever it is.
You know my uncle graduated inmusic as a major and he's been
an architect.
The last 30 years never playedan instrument, you know.
(03:10):
So who knows?
But I'd like to start therebefore we get rolling right,
specifically in your case.
So if we can just take the nextcouple minutes and establish a
baseline, right?
Who are you?
Where are you from?
But what sort of things areshaping your perspective on the
world as it applies to thesekinds of topics?
What got you here?
DeDee Cai (03:30):
Yes, absolutely Well.
Thank you so much for giving methis space to share the story.
But ultimately, how I got here,I would say has been a journey
right, and it's also cliche tosay journey, okay, yes, a
journey right, and it's alsocliche to say journey Okay, yes,
but it is.
It has been, um, because as afirst generation immigrant, I
(03:54):
have a playbook that I wassupposed to follow and I did
right, like I was supposed to dowell in school and find my
corporate job.
And there I go, right Like stayin there for as long as I can
and then retire, hopefully happy.
I did that, I follow it to theT and got a great first
corporate job and I realizedquickly, within the first, I
(04:16):
want to say, week, that it wasmore of a present and it was not
for me, and I started reallyquestioning wait a minute, what
was I following?
Which blueprint or playbook wasI following?
Who was I pursuing?
Whose career was I pursuing?
Because it was not even closeto what I thought happiness or
(04:39):
success should look like when Ilanded my first corporate job
and then, right around the sametime, fast forward to where I
have an opportunity to start myown business and again building
the American dream if it wasn'tfor being successful in
corporate.
Yes, it's going to be startingyour own family business.
(04:59):
So we put all of our lifesavings into it, thinking that
this is the American dream, and,believe it or not, once again,
two times in a row, after fiveyears of running my own brick
and mortar, building it fromscratch, you name it I just
basically took over a piece ofland, built a restaurant, got
all the permits, hire everybody,name it, every single piece of
(05:23):
the business I did from scratch,to realize once again it was my
definition of success.
And I say journey because, asyou can see, supposedly, if you
really look at it, and inretrospect I look back and I
said, okay, wow, I failed twicein a row.
What am I going to do with mylife?
And I thought I knew, but Ididn't know what it was supposed
(05:44):
to be for me.
But I think what really helpsme, grounded in what I do, to
continue on as you hear moreabout my story is all about
being resilient and getting upafter falling down is that I
have this calling also to alwaysmake a difference.
I didn't know what it wassupposed to look like, but I
(06:06):
just followed what I knew howand I trusted right my friends
and definitely my family who hada big influence on me, of what
I needed to do to fulfill, youknow, my calling or or purpose.
But no, those two opportunitieswas not a match for who I was
and took a big revelation,honestly for losing, honestly,
(06:30):
my best friend to suicide theweek of my wedding to realize up
to that point I was sufferingin silence, just like her,
because I was trying to fulfillsomeone else's expectation of me
and how I should live my lifeand what I should do with it.
Josh Porthouse (06:49):
What was that
based on, though?
Because it's not well.
Like you said, it's not yourbaseline as a point of
comparison.
It wasn't your expectations,but you thought it was.
At one point, you know, youthought it fit, and it was what
you were supposed to do.
So how does one equate to theother?
DeDee Cai (07:08):
So when I did what I
was supposed to do, right for
the end result that I waspresented when I got there, it
wasn't exactly what I wanted.
So then that's how I made that.
That's how I realized that it'snot, for me, right.
Oftentimes people have theirown definition of success and
(07:29):
their own definition of what,you know, fulfillment should
look like in a very general way.
But until we really get clearwhich is part of my story, why I
experienced what I did helpedme get clear on what it really
(07:51):
means to be successful for meand not for anyone else.
So, because of my experiences,that's why I was able to discern
wait a minute, that ishappiness and fulfillment and
success for someone else.
That is not my definition ofwhat my life should look like.
So that's why it's a journeyright Like I had to do it all,
(08:12):
wrong to realize wait, I'm goingto have to do it my way,
because if I want fulfillmentand, you know, having a
meaningful line of work, I haveto dig deep and I have to get
back into alignment with who Iam.
Josh Porthouse (08:26):
Wow.
Well, I guess first off I'msorry about your friend and I'm
glad everything else went fairlysmooth that week of your
wedding, I hope.
But looking back, does thatmake everything else, the five
years in the restaurant business, or the handful of years in
corporate, or even schooling forthat matter, I mean, does that
make it a waste?
DeDee Cai (08:48):
Honestly, I wouldn't
say that and that's why I call
it a really a journey is becauseI wouldn't be who I am today
without all of those experiences.
Right, I had to be in corporateto realize wait, no, this is not
, this is not the lifestyle Iwant to live and be bound to a
location.
I had to build my Americandream the way I knew how to
(09:09):
realize no, that is still notwhat I want it to do.
To be wise enough to, after twofailures in a row starting
business like really starting acareer to realize what not to do
, so I really vowed my wholesuccess.
Now to all the experiences thatI've had and because of those
(09:32):
experiences, I know what not todo and because of that, I now
have built a very successfulvirtual online business, because
I knew I didn't want to bebound to four walls.
I know I didn't want to bebound to a location from the
restaurant and I knew that thenext business I was going to
start, it was going to eradicateall the other things that the
(09:53):
typical culture has it like.
This is the career, this is howit's shipping, when it's not
true.
Josh Porthouse (10:00):
That's
interesting too.
Then I mean you mentionedAmerican Dream a few times to
this point and I think that'sanother one of those you know
fulfilling meaningful typeethereal terms that just I don't
know.
It's a little played out overthe last 250 years because
everybody says over now you knowhundreds of millions of people
what it means to them, and it'salways this almost sort of
(10:22):
stereotypical immigrant story.
Now you know what I mean.
You come to a foreign country,you bootstrap some degree of
success, pass it ongenerationally and it grows from
there, and then you end up witha fence and two and a half kids
in a two story home.
You know, everybody does this.
That's what everybody does.
That's the American dream, andI can't help but think it's so
far from the truth, becausethat's the overall, generalized
(10:49):
version.
So what has your dream becomefor you?
What is your version of that?
DeDee Cai (10:56):
So my, my version is
totally working wherever I feel
like working from.
I only use a laptop.
I feel like working from rightOn a laptop.
We were able to move from theNortheast area after living
there for 30 something years andbe moved to Florida because I
want to be by the beach withinsix months.
I can literally work fromanywhere.
(11:16):
I mean, I can do this with you.
This is exactly how I conductall of my client sessions.
I can work from anywhere.
Really, I don't even need a homeright and everything is virtual
right, like being able tooptimize all the tech and
resources that we have now.
That's why the American dreamis so different now than, like
(11:37):
you said, 250 years ago.
But because of our culture andour parents' generations and
things like that is a very bluecolor and we have to work hard,
hard, hard.
No, it's truly.
Maybe also is overplayed too,when you say people playing,
working smart.
It's really truly about workingsmart and to be successful.
(11:58):
For my own definition of successis really knowing what your
strengths are and develop yourweaknesses, and that's what I
didn't really get to experience.
I was just told exactly to go toschool and only follow this
pattern of doing things and staysmall as much as possible and
(12:20):
just do the mediocre level of,you know, service or whatever
that is just going to pay thebills.
But paying the bills is notenough anymore, right, like if
we are so talented and there areso many, they are like what,
how many now?
9 billion people on the planet,like we don't need another
person, it's just going to bepushing papers or like living
(12:42):
the typical lives, but we needpeople who are going to be doing
, teaching us to do thingsdifferently.
And that was for me, like Ijust knew that that's not my
life, like that is totally notmy life.
And as I look back, all of myrelatives now are living their
version of the American dream,which is not, which is not for
(13:02):
me and, yeah, it is not for mychildren, absolutely, now that I
have two kids.
Josh Porthouse (13:08):
All right, folks
, sit tight and we'll be right
back on Transacting Value.
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9am on our websitetransactingvaluepodcastcom,
Wednesdays at 5pm and Sundays atnoon on wreathsacrossamericaorg
slash radio.
DeDee Cai (13:32):
All of my relatives
now are living their version of
the American dream, which is not, which is not for me and, yeah,
it is not for my childrenAbsolutely, now that I have two
kids.
Josh Porthouse (13:44):
Nice.
Well, that's sort of the that'sthe nice point too right Of
comparing the States, forexample.
You know whether it's democracyor capitalism or some degree of
whatever I don't know politics,whatever you want to attribute
to living here as being cool.
But I think what is cool aboutit is you get the freedom to
decide whatever that dreamactuates as for you, if you want
(14:05):
.
And so developing that kind ofcritical thought, developing
that kind of discernment, likeyou mentioned earlier, aside
from just taking time, is italways in hindsight or do you
think you can project a littlebit and actually try to
accomplish goals you set inadvance?
DeDee Cai (14:21):
I would say back
before I started to be
intentional and really focus onstaying in alignment with what
I'm about.
Definitely it was morehindsight, right Like oh, I had
to do that to like realize that.
But when I started being reallyconscious with all of my
decisions and really take fullresponsibility and ownership for
(14:44):
my own success is when thingsstarted changing.
You know, for me now everythingI do is more of a choice versus
back then.
It was the supposed it like Iwas supposed to do that.
Now it's like no, I get to dothis because I choose it.
Josh Porthouse (15:01):
Okay, well, I
guess.
Congratulations again, then,because it's a sought after
outcome that I don't think a lotof people are able to achieve,
compared to the billions thatcould.
So let me back up.
What's your actual career now?
What have you worked your wayinto at this point?
DeDee Cai (15:18):
I was completely
honestly lost as to, okay, what
am I supposed to do?
And the blessing in disguisewas discovering that I was
suffering from depression andanxiety, just like my friend.
That became the blessing whereI realized that, oh, my goodness
, everything is coming fullcircle Now.
The reason why I was doing X YZ before was trying to validate
(15:41):
myself, so that way I can dowhat I want to do, and because I
was trying to fulfill someoneelse's expectations of me.
That's why the burnt out anddepression and anxiety developed
right Like it developed.
Because it's not one of thosethings that oftentimes, yes, it
could be genetics and thingslike that, but stress, like high
(16:04):
stress and also beingmisaligned, emotionally and
mentally drained, that's whatdepression is.
And because I was able to healmyself, that's when I realized
this is what I need to do, thisis what I'm meant to do, and so
that's when I got on, one stepat a time, right, curing myself
(16:25):
holistically.
Then I realized this is what Iwanna teach people to do, and I
realized that not my best friendand myself there were two
people that were suffering fromthe same thing.
There has to be other peoplewho are going through the same
thing, and absolutely now thatyou know, since the pandemic,
the rates of all of thedepression, anxiety has gone up
(16:48):
through the roof.
There have been so like higherrates of suicide, all of the
things.
I don't want to be a DebbieDowner here, but the reality is
a lot of people like us aresuffering in silence.
And that's how I started mybusiness, fell into business
development because of myexperience having my own
(17:08):
business, like my own restaurantand et cetera.
But what I realized quicklyafter working with so many
entrepreneurs is that not aboutthe strategy and the tactic, but
it's all about the mindset.
Like we need to be able toreally shift, just like how I
was seeing the world, likemediocre is perfect.
No, that is not possible.
Now is excellence, is a habit,right, and so I get to really
(17:32):
teach myself in my own journeywhile lifting others to really
get people to understand thatall it takes is having the right
mindset, and so what I do morenow is performance coaching, but
with Pithits of Profit.
It's a holistic approach tothings.
We really look at reallygetting someone physically fit,
mentally, emotionally andspiritually fit, and then, last
(17:53):
but not least, financially fit.
That's why, fit to Profit youhave to be fit on all levels to
be able to profit fromeverything that you are putting
into your life and business.
Josh Porthouse (18:05):
That's cool, and
so you work with entrepreneurs
in what a startup capacity orestablished small businesses,
nonprofits.
DeDee Cai (18:15):
So what I do more now
is definitely around really
building somebody's self-worthso that way they can feel like
they're so grounded in who theyare to go out there and do the
things.
That's going to really impactthe world is.
I work with two.
There's two levels to thebusiness.
Definitely someone is startingout and then someone who's been
in it for a couple of years butreally looking to level up.
(18:36):
So, as you can see already, asI've shared, it's all 80% of
business and 80% of success isall mindset.
I mean, yes, you can hear aboutit all day and you can reject
it, but comes down to it, it is,if anything, more more than 90%
mindset, because that's what'sgoing to get you to get up and
do the things that you don'twant to do and continue to keep
(18:58):
moving forward, no matter what.
Josh Porthouse (19:01):
What was the?
Uh?
Ben Franklin, I think it wasthat.
Uh, well, I do this all thetime I people like I talked to
you here on the show, and then Iget this idea like oh, that's a
great point.
I have no idea who said thisquote.
I don't know where it came from, but it hits you, know you?
Just you're inspiring, I guess.
But there's a quote, I think itwas Ben Franklin, and he said
(19:22):
what was it?
Success is some percentageinspiration, some percentage
perspiration.
DeDee Cai (19:32):
Does that ring a bell
?
I is it.
Success is for not the chosenfew, but it's for the few who
choose it.
Josh Porthouse (19:40):
Oh, I don't know
, but I like that one too.
That's a good one.
I think when we're talkingabout mindset though there's so
many cool things we're notreinventing the wheel to success
, sort of like we talked aboutthe American dream, right?
There's no need to take astereotyped idea and try to
place people in these templatesor these jigs or these cookie
(20:01):
cutter cutouts or whatever,because it's different to
everybody, or at least it couldbe, and for all the amount of
perspective and inspiration andhow we're interpreting all these
inputs, it could be differentfor everybody to the degree of
success.
But you really, you really hiton something when you were
talking about mentally,emotionally, physically and
(20:21):
financially being fit to profitas an entrepreneur.
So everything in business, as Iunderstand it, involves
cashflow and revenue, right?
So if we parallel that for justa second, what is this inflow,
outflow, mindset that you'refocusing on?
What do you recommend taking in?
(20:43):
What do you recommend puttingout to be able to make it some
degree of successful?
DeDee Cai (20:49):
Yeah.
So I love that you're askingthat question, because
oftentimes people think that I'mgoing to reach out for another
strategy, I'm going to pay forFacebook ads and things like
that, but the work it's alwaysgoing to be on you as the CEO,
right like you are the CEO.
Right, like you are, yourbusiness right and, yes, you
(21:10):
have to take care of yourself onall of those levels.
Because here is a practicalexample If you are confident in
who you are and the value thatyou create with your work, you
are going to step into aconversation with a potential
client in a very differentmanner.
Right, then, if you're, oh, Ithink I can help, I think so.
(21:33):
That gets to be a practice on avery daily routine, so we get
to work on ourselves on aregular basis, basically as
input, like we have to fulfillourselves, the foundation of
building self-worth andconfidence and success.
It's just really honestly,self-care.
(21:53):
And for some really think that,oh, it's overrated.
I'm telling you right now it isnot overrated, based on my
story, until I really startedtaking care of myself on all
levels, I was not performing.
Maybe, perhaps, in retrospectlooking, maybe that's why my
restaurant wasn't as successfulas it should be, or maybe I
could be I don't know a VP of afortune 500 company rather than
(22:17):
but that's not, that just nothappened to be my story.
But I'm just using those as anexample for you to understand
that to profit from your workand to really increase your net
worth is really investing inyourself first and foremost.
That's the input.
When you are filled up right,then you can go out there and
(22:38):
put out what you need to put outin the world and serving the
world and your business and yourclient at the highest level.
So you have to care about yourinput first, before any output.
Josh Porthouse (23:06):
All right, folks
sit tight and we'll be right
back on Transacting Value
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Josh Porthouse (24:08):
So you have to
care about your input first,
before any output oh, okay, okay, your experience sounds like it
came from primarilyentrepreneurial endeavors the
restaurant.
Obviously you know workingthrough these things.
What if it doesn't?
Does the same formula applyLike, for example, most of my
career has been in the military,usdod and, that being the case,
(24:32):
eventually my career ended andI was left with well, who am I
now?
What do you mean?
You're not going to tell mewhat to do or when to do it.
I had to start thinking formyself and I didn't know who I
was as a baseline.
DeDee Cai (24:47):
Yes, so similarly,
just like how I landed my first
corporate job right, you'reprobably on the same crossroad
as I was.
Who am I?
What am I doing right?
So here's the thing.
That's why sometimes you haveto really take a step back and
get yourself realigned to yourcurrent reality.
(25:09):
And I'm not saying that youcan't think about the future and
plan and shoot for really highgoals, but we have to be able to
shift ourself as an individualto a new environment.
You cannot operate the same wayyou did when you were in the
military, when you had somebodyto tell you what to do.
Right now, you get to tellyourself what to do.
That's the difference.
Josh Porthouse (25:31):
Yes, and you get
to shift.
DeDee Cai (25:35):
Right, Like you get
to shift.
Wow, I'm not doing that anymore.
I'm not in the same environment.
I'm in my new environment.
So what do I need?
Who do I need to be in my newenvironment?
Do I need to take moreownership?
Do I need more routines?
Do I need more support?
Do I need direction?
Do I need clarity?
Right, and that's why it comesdown to always, no matter where
(25:57):
you are, there, you are is beingable to align yourself back to
what is driving you.
Right Before, when you were inmilitary I'm just using it as an
example, because that's whatyou shared your passion and
purpose is just like going outthere and just protect people
and you do whatever it takesRight, so that was more of.
(26:18):
And then your input is trainingand all things.
So it's very similar.
But then the um I want to sayis you're not fulfilling your
vision of what it should looklike, but now you get to fulfill
your vision of what your lifeshould look like.
It probably could be similar,right, and actually your
training in the military isactually going to give you great
(26:41):
benefits, because what I trainmy entrepreneurs to do, and even
myself every single day, is tohave the discipline is to have
the commitment.
It's just, basically, it's allabout serving people and then
it's all always about takingaction right.
You're not gonna wait.
Your teammates gonna get killed.
You know you need to be doingsomething and so, but what you
(27:03):
get to shift is where am I now,what do I get to do and do I get
to listen to myself now?
Or how do I get to set up whatthat looks like for me and how
you're going to be supported inthat?
Josh Porthouse (27:16):
Well, yeah, and
a lot of that, I think, comes
down to confidence too, right,like there's some degree of
maybe doubt that comes withbuilding that degree of
resilience and reliance,especially when it's internally
driven.
But I feel like the confidenceonly comes with experience and
so you can only get it inhindsight, right, but how do you
(27:38):
recommend identifying it orbuilding that degree of
awareness?
Like, oh, I do have things Ican stand on here.
DeDee Cai (27:45):
How do you?
Josh Porthouse (27:45):
do that.
DeDee Cai (27:46):
I would say, as for
my experience, right, like for
anything that you have done inthe past, you know that you can
always do it again, and it'struly confidence is built with
action.
Right, a lot of people thinkthat, oh, I need to be confident
first and then I will takeaction.
It's the reversed you have totake the action and do it.
(28:07):
Wrong.
Especially in entrepreneurship,it's all failing and using the
failure which I call feedback,failing and using the failure
which I call feedback to do itdifferently, to do it
differently, like there's nosuccess without feedback,
without iterating, withoutchanging things, because you,
when you first run out, justremember your military training.
You just don't get it the firsttime when you're in the
(28:29):
simulator, right, like, you haveto keep coming back.
You have to keep coming back.
It's that's why it's trainingright.
Same thing with even like withyourself too, is taking action,
and how you can build thatconfidence is just take action
and then learn from that action,and then that builds the
confidence for the next round,and it's just staying in action
and that's how you can build it,and it's definitely in
(28:51):
hindsight where you can reallyreflect on how you need to
change course or what you needto do to be more successful.
The next round.
Josh Porthouse (28:59):
Absolutely, and
I think there's a constant
through all of those experiences, or let's call them feedback
sessions, as you go through yourjourney, where there's some
degree of consistency, I think,some degree of control that each
one of us has, because it's allreally internally driven.
From the sounds of it, whatyou're describing, you know the
catalyst may be external, butthe driver, the trigger, is
(29:21):
internal, and so I think this isa good opportunity at this
point in the conversation for asegment of the show called
developing character.
D D D, developing character.
Now, it's two questions DDobviously for you or anybody
who's new to the show.
But my goal here is is, I hope,pretty simple that of all of
(29:43):
these opportunities to developour awareness, we are the common
thread in all of ourexperiences, good, bad or
indifferent, right, we are theonly denominator that's there in
all of them.
And I think what comes out ofthose experiences may be our
character or the strength of it,but what grounds those
(30:06):
experiences is a value system,and so my questions.
The two of them are essentiallybased on nature and nurture.
So when you were growing up,what were some of the values
that you were raised on, or thatyou remember being raised
around?
DeDee Cai (30:30):
And then now, after
the last few decades of growth
and feedback.
What are some of the values youhave now?
It's interesting.
You ask that question isdefinitely right nurture, I was
not ever allowed to get a 99 onmy test.
I get punished.
Oh, it's always have to be 100.
There you go right, training tobe the best right, and then
(30:50):
when you're not, it okay why?
And so that's one thing.
So I definitely learned from avery young age to always give it
my 100%, and now, as I'veembarked on my career and being
in business, excellence is ahabit.
It's literally the littlestthings.
(31:11):
It could be literally my sontaking off his shirt.
It's inside out.
Are you going to leave itinside out?
Are you going to turn the rightside out?
So when you do laundry, thelaundry will be complete when
it's dry and you take it out ofthe dry.
So that is what I mean, right?
And then, of course, through myyears of self-development, I'm
(31:31):
still a working progress.
Is you show up anyway?
You show up because you arecommitted, right?
You show up because someoneelse is depending on you, you
know, and not because ofobligation, because you hate it.
No, it's because you choose toshow up, because you choose
every single decision that youmake.
So those are just a couplethings that I was raised with um
(31:55):
and it's really paid dividends,like in the way I run my life
and, of course, now also mybusiness yeah, good for you.
Josh Porthouse (32:05):
so taking that
degree of of ownership, not just
in a professional arena butobviously personally, like you
described, that takes somerepetition, to figure out the
boundaries and not bring workhome with you and the
conversations and the stress.
You said you worked with yourmom, right, yes, that was
interesting.
Yes, my mom was my businesspartner for five years.
DeDee Cai (32:29):
Oh, she lives with us
now in our house we moved here.
We're the only ones here, myhusband and I, I, two kids and
my mom.
That's five of us here in inflorida.
Everyone else is still in thewashington dc, virginia area wow
, yeah, wow.
Josh Porthouse (32:45):
So then,
enforcing or maybe just
designing and developing thosekinds of boundaries to process
and segment and and stillmaintain I guess some sanity
through this feedback loop.
How do you do that?
Because eventually it allstarts to bleed together and
you're like process and segmentand and still maintain I guess
some sanity through thisfeedback loop.
DeDee Cai (33:04):
How do you do that?
Because eventually it allstarts to bleed together and
you're like I just got to getaway, I can't manage this, I
couldn't really put my finger onit before, um, but, and for
some reason I always uh, proudof myself and call myself to be
a chameleon, and what I come torealize most recently is because
I'm just so self-aware and Iknow where I need to be and how
I need to be depends on myenvironment, right.
When I'm working, I am the CEO,like.
(33:27):
I have my hat on as a CEO, like, or as a manager, or as a
business owner.
When I'm home, I'm a wife, I'ma mom, I'm a daughter, right.
So we get to really be mindfulwith where we are and who we are
and the roles that we play,right, and then just that's how
it is, you know, in life.
And I don't get to boss myhusband around just because I do
(33:50):
that all day, every day.
No, he gets to make a decisiontoo, of what I don't know where
we go out or where we go onvacation, and things like that.
That's how I want to say is tokeep things healthy, right, and
of course, it's through workhonestly, like I I really
honestly started working onmyself at the age of 15 because
of my trauma, things like that,but that's how it all started.
(34:13):
It's been a few years now.
I'm almost in my mid 40s andit's just really getting to
understand where you are, whoyou are in that role, and it's
all about being who you are ineach role and being okay with
that.
Josh Porthouse (34:31):
Alrighty folks
sit tight.
We'll be right back onTransacting Value.
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DeDee Cai (35:23):
Where values start in
the home, it's just really
getting to understand where youare, who you are in that role,
and it's all about being who youare in each role and being okay
with that and just beingmindful and intentional, you
know, with how you are being andhow you're showing up.
Josh Porthouse (35:39):
I can appreciate
that a lot.
Actually, I heard a comment theother day that I want to run by
you here.
That said essentially, I'malmost 40 years old and this
isn't my comment.
This was told to me right?
I'm almost 40 years old, Idon't own my own house, I still
work with other people, I stillhave roommates, I'm still
basically paycheck to paycheck,trying to find ways to pay my
(36:01):
bills.
What am I doing with my life?
That phrase, all of that,that's two or three days old now
, I think, and it got brought upto me.
Is that still lacking insuccess?
Is it still unsuccessful?
Is it all a total failure,being that kind of a position,
(36:22):
or how do we use that as atrigger to turn it around?
Because I think that's prettycommon.
DeDee Cai (36:27):
Oh, absolutely Right,
Just like what we talked about.
Where is the responsibility inall of it?
So we need to turn the questionaround Like who is responsible
for that?
Josh Porthouse (36:39):
Yeah, the
ownership, especially.
DeDee Cai (36:41):
Yep, and one of the
biggest success principles we
teach the foundational onebefore anything else is
responsibility, and I need to.
You need that person to be 100%on board that 100% of their
success or unsuccess, howeverthey want to define it, they're
responsible for it.
You're 40 and everything thathas happened for you to get here
(37:08):
, you're the one responsible forit.
And guess what that means?
You get to change it.
Josh Porthouse (37:16):
Oh, I see, Okay.
So it's not just highlightingthe deficiency, but also the
potential 100%.
DeDee Cai (37:23):
When you're 100%
responsible for everything that
you have in your life right nowand the things that you don't
have yet, that's when things getinteresting, right.
Then you can take the feedbackyou can take the feedback up
until this point and say, wow,how can I do things differently?
Josh Porthouse (37:41):
okay, but your
hands are tied.
Let's say, your sole incomesource is on one job and you're
a shift worker, you know lawenforcement or whatever, and you
paycheck to paycheck.
You're a firefighter.
You're like, hey, 25 years hascome and I just got to deal with
it.
It's my third divorce, whatever.
Everybody else is doing it now,like, is there a degree of
acceptance that has to be there,or I guess what I asking is how
(38:04):
do you balance out the futilitythat comes with that degree of
acceptance so that you can shiftit into proactivity?
DeDee Cai (38:11):
So really taking true
ownership for what you already
have and what you can do, thenyou can start identifying the
one next step, then the one nextstep.
But if you're thinking that, oh, because you're 40 and you are
still living at home or you livepaycheck to paycheck, and it's
the system, it's your parents,it's the divorce, it's the
(38:34):
whatever it is, then you're intoa shame of blame game and
that's not going to go anywhere.
You get to take a step back andsay, wait, was I responsible in
that divorce?
Kind of right, like it's notonly one person.
Something happened, right.
Okay, I can take responsibilityin that I'm working a shift
work and I'm getting paid thismuch.
(38:56):
Okay, got it.
What can I shift in my priorityso that maybe, maybe, I can
learn a new skill to dosomething else?
Right, who gets to beresponsible?
I do, right, trust me.
I have worked 18 hour days, Ihave you name it.
I've been through the worst,right.
But it's like you get to beempowered to take responsibility
(39:18):
and know that everything thatyou have gotten up into that
point is this you're doing.
No one forced you, no one madeyou yeah I can sit here and say
my parents made me go to schooland then I end up in the you
know the corporate job that Ihated.
No, that's blaming.
I'm not going to shame myselfeither for making that mistake,
because I didn't know what Ididn't know, right, yeah, so
(39:42):
there's no blame or shame, andspecifically just responsibility
in everything.
That's when things really startopening up.
Josh Porthouse (39:53):
But we still
have to have some degree of
boundaries in that process,right, some degree of I don't
know line in the sand, the redline type analogy.
You know like I'm going to dothis and I'm going to take
ownership in this decisionbecause I'm in this corporate
job, because I'm in the position, I'm in my role, my influence,
my impact, right, but I'm notgoing to let it happen again.
(40:15):
Maybe I recognize it's going totake 12 months, two years to
get out of my situation, butafter that jumping and doing it,
whatever the change is Right.
So how do you recommendidentifying red lines?
Or you know certain whatevernon-negotiables that you could
stand on and say I'm going to goto that point, but I'm never
(40:35):
repeating the rest of this.
DeDee Cai (40:36):
Yeah, I can share
with you my non-negotiables.
It's just the same every singleday.
It doesn't, and that helps youalso get clear on your values.
And what you care about Mine isfaith.
I do my devotionals first inthe morning.
It could be spiritual work, itdoesn't have to be religious.
It's faith fitness.
I work out every single day.
(40:57):
If I don't, I still need tomove my body somehow, whether
it's just movement and whatnot.
Family, your relationships.
You have to be in yourrelationship, you have to work
on your relationships and haveto be a husband, partner or
anything like that, like itcould be with yourself, and then
it's going to be fulfillment.
Work comes and then, last butnot least, which is what we call
(41:20):
freedom.
Freedom is really equals towealth or equals to like
finances, however you want tocall it.
For me, money brings freedomright.
So those are my five f's.
Feel free to take it, butthat's what my life on a daily
basis revolve around and that'swhat my life is about, and
because of that, I'm able to dowhat I need to do and really get
(41:43):
deep in.
Wow, what do I get to beresponsible for today?
If I didn't get to work out,who is it to blame.
No blame, no shame.
Okay, got it Noted.
Feedback Okay, tomorrow ortoday, I can still.
If the day is still going, if Ihave time to make a change
right now, you can do that.
So it's never too late.
(42:04):
And the great thing is, when itcomes to self-development and
self-care, I have two things tosay to everyone, and I hope this
gives you a lot of hope is thatyou can't not get it wrong.
When it comes toself-development and the effort
that you put into buildingyourself, it compounds over time
, just like interest.
(42:24):
It's not like you gain the 30pounds overnight, right, it's
every extra cookie, every extradrink, every like workout missed
.
It's not overnight.
So it's the same thing.
You get to rewind it and do itthe right way, one step at a
time.
You can't ever get it wrongbecause guess what?
(42:46):
It's feedback.
You get to take the feedbackLike just because I run long
distance does not mean it's foryou.
Do anything.
Do anything to move your body,like prioritize your physical
exercise, move your body.
We are a chemical system.
We need to have everythingregulated, otherwise we're not
(43:12):
going to be happy, healthy andclear-minded to do what we need
to do, you know, with ourselves.
So that is what I have to say.
When it comes to you have to bewilling to invest in yourself.
And guess what?
Until you make that acommitment, that's when you can
say I'm building myself, I'mbuilding myself worth, I feel
worthy.
And the more remember,confident comes with action, and
the often you do it, the moreconsistent you are, the more
committed you are.
You're going to feel that muchmore confident about yourself.
Josh Porthouse (43:33):
Absolutely, and
it's interesting you brought
that up, because I think theonly things that we're really
given and maybe I'm a littlebiased, I don't know.
I've been born and raised inthe States my whole life, so
(43:53):
anybody listening to this, thisis really all I know we're only
actually guaranteed let's callit an inalienable right to life,
liberty and the pursuit ofhappiness.
But I think what comes withthat that I don't know why it
got left out, but it was theimplied task there is ownership.
Then the only way you you canhave it, you can you have every
right to it, but you got to goget it yourself.
Nobody's getting it out of thefridge for you, you know, and I
think that changes everything.
DeDee Cai (44:15):
Changes everything in
my life right.
Josh Porthouse (44:17):
Yeah.
DeDee Cai (44:18):
Yeah, and and it
changes everyone in my client's
life too Like it's almost likethat is the core foundation to
all of it.
Like if there's noresponsibility there, it's just
like that's a foundation.
If you don't have thefoundations, like you're
building a house on quicksand,right, like there's, there's
nothing that's going to pull youback, right.
(44:39):
And then, because you have theresponsibility, the other four
is going to come.
Here they are first is theresponsibility, next is the
commitment you get to beresponsible.
Okay, now I'm going to commitbecause you are responsible.
Commit, you're committed,responsible, committed,
responsible.
Guess what happened?
Discipline happens.
(44:59):
Think about your militarytraining, right?
Josh Porthouse (45:03):
right.
DeDee Cai (45:03):
Yeah, you chose to be
, you signed yourself up.
Okay, I'm responsible.
Now I'm in it.
Commitment happens regardless.
Right, you're going to have toget up at five o'clock and do
your training and guess what youdo a day in, day out.
It becomes a discipline.
Yeah, right, and you're goingto keep taking action.
Right, you're going to keepdoing the things, which is the
fourth element is taking actionand, last but not least, service
(45:26):
.
That's then when you serve notonly yourself, but the rest of
the world at large.
Josh Porthouse (45:32):
I think then
you're able to.
You really can't before then,because it's not sustainable.
Exactly, dude, you just mind.
Wow, absolutely.
DeDee Cai (45:43):
That's how we operate
, I mean at Fit to Profit.
That's what my whole entire30-something years came down to
those five principles, fivesuccess principles.
We never coach around it, wealways coach through it.
I'm like, okay, what are youresponsible for?
Were you committed?
Were you disciplined at it?
Like, were you taking action?
And if any of them kind oftweak and falls and things like
(46:04):
that, yeah, it always comes downto, okay, who's going to be
responsible?
How are things going to change?
You know, it's a really easyconversation.
I do that with my kids and it'samazing, Like when you start
with the core foundation, it'sjust so, it's such an easy
conversation, it's not.
This not needs to becomplicated.
And success, yes, may look likeit's windy and it's not linear.
(46:28):
Yes, I agree 100%.
But the foundation to all of it, whether you are working a
career in corporate orespecially entrepreneurship, you
have to prioritize you as theCEO.
Josh Porthouse (46:42):
Yeah, I like
that a lot and I think it's easy
to overlook, because you wantto do well, you want to succeed,
which means you need to giveyour attention and you need to
sacrifice other things likeyourself and not implement,
enhance or design boundaries.
I don't want to say no, becausethat's the last time I could
spend all the I guess,irresponsible excuses that come
(47:05):
with that process Solid.
Okay.
Well, so I really only have twoother questions for you for the
sake of time.
One of them is after all ofthese things, now that you've
been through and I think we'vehad a little bit more clarity as
this conversation's developedbut how has it actually
instigated your own self-worth?
(47:26):
I mean, what has it done foryou?
You stumbled on this process,you worked your way through it,
but how do you feel about younow that you've been through it?
DeDee Cai (47:35):
I love that you asked
because, literally, I'm turning
44 in a couple of months and Iliterally wanted to do a share
or post whatever you call it, onsocial.
Compare when I was 24 to whenI'm now turning 44.
24 was all about everyone else.
44 is all about who I am as aperson.
(47:55):
That is just what it gets to be, and unless I could do that
remember responsibility I wasputting the responsibility on
someone else's hands, like I wasfollowing someone else's plan,
thinking that's the plan, and Iwas definitely thinking that I
(48:17):
don't have to do all of the workbecause this plan is supposed
to work out, and so I realizedit didn't to work out until I
realized it didn't.
And so how?
How it gets to be now is that Iam responsible for my own
success.
We've been talking about thatat 44, it's all about me, and
then 2025 gets to be all aboutcommunity.
(48:37):
It gets to be now that I amgrounded in who I am.
Then how does that look for therest of the world and what I
need to do so that way I cankeep working on myself to keep
contributing to the impact thatI get to create with my work.
I'm still again.
(48:58):
I'm a working progress.
Every year is a new goal, but Ican tell you I don't think
self-development there's ever anend to it.
Like you would never arrive,which is the greatest news, but
the worst news for some people.
They're like, wait what?
I would never be 100%enlightened.
No, but there's always thatnext level right of success for
(49:19):
you.
And what does that look like inyour life?
And it gets to be you standing,grounded in yourself, being
whole and complete, to servefrom that place.
Josh Porthouse (49:30):
More solid
foundation, like you said.
So for anybody listening tothis who wants to follow up with
you or maybe eventually becomea client and work with you or
find out any more informationabout this process, you have
somewhere people can go orsomewhere you'd recommend people
look into.
Where do you want them to go?
DeDee Cai (49:49):
Yes, absolutely.
I'm on social.
I'm definitely on Facebook,instagram, also YouTube and
LinkedIn.
Our website is fittoprofitcom,all spelled out
F-I-T-T-O-P-R-O-F-I-Tcom.
Fill out a profit assessment.
We can definitely talk and Ilove getting people to operate
at their highest level andoutperform themselves Like
(50:12):
that's what I love love doingthe most because we have so much
potential.
Honestly, by the time we'redone, supposedly taking our last
breath, I don't think we'll bescratching the surface of what
we're capable of.
That's my belief.
Josh Porthouse (50:26):
Nice, yeah,
that'll be sick.
So for anybody who's new to theshow, depending on the player
you're streaming thisconversation on click see more.
Click show more.
And in the drop downdescription you'll see links to
get to DD, social and obviouslyfit2profitcom as well, so you
can track her down there.
I love what you're doing, Ilove your perspective and how
you're putting it together andultimately, your message
(50:49):
obviously has aligned prettywell with what we're talking
about here on the show as well.
But I said in the beginning, Iappreciate your time and I
appreciate your insight, but Ithink I really also appreciate
your interpretations of yourfeedback and your failures and
your willingness to accept themand own them and do something
(51:10):
with them and not let them keepyou down.
I think that's a powerfulattribute.
So I really appreciate yourability to do all of those
things as well.
But thanks for coming on theshow too.
DeDee Cai (51:22):
Absolutely, and to
you too, Josh.
I mean.
It takes a lot of time andeffort to put a show together,
so you also have something inyour heart that you're also
fulfilling.
So thank you for creating thisspace for us to have this kind
of meaningful conversation andso that we collectively make a
difference in the world.
So thank you to you as well forhaving me.
Josh Porthouse (51:43):
That's kind of
you, but, yeah, absolutely Out
of anybody else who's unfamiliar, or maybe you're also familiar
with the show.
You can go to our website,transactingvaluepodcastcom and
you can listen to all of ourother conversations there.
But there's one thingspecifically on the homepage I
want to draw your attention toreal quick.
In the top right corner there'sa button that says leave a
(52:04):
voicemail, leave a message,click on it and when you do, you
get two minutes of talk timeall to yourself.
Here's what I recommend you dowith it.
One of those opportunities letus know what you think of the
show, give us some feedback, letus know where we're failing or
succeeding or what you recommendwe sustain, and tell me about
it.
What do you think about thehosting, the questions, the
(52:25):
guests, the topics, the flow ofthe show, whatever you like tell
me about it.
Here's what else I recommendyou do Leave the message and
tell Didi what you think aboutthe content.
Let her know what you thinkabout fit to profit or the
lessons she's trying to helppeople with, or how she's
perceiving all of these otheropportunities or what you're
going through, because it's verylikely she's going to help you
or also learn something fromwhat you're going through and we
(52:49):
can forward that audio file onto Didi as well.
So super cool opportunity foreverybody involved and we can
build this out and broaden itout, because life is about the
depth, not always the breadth.
So, didi, again thank you foryour time and to everybody else,
thank you for yours, but untilnext time.
That was Transacting Value.
(53:09):
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(53:30):
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On behalf of our team and ourglobal ambassadors, as you all
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we'll meet you there Until nexttime.
(54:12):
That was Transacting Value.