Borrowing Brilliance: How to Seek Wise Counsel Without Draining Relationships

Ever notice how problems grow heavier when carried alone? That weight isn't your imagination—it's what psychologist Ethan Cross calls "the tunnel effect of chatter," where stress narrows our vision until we see only obstacles, never solutions.

When life pressures mount, our minds create tunnels that trap us in negative loops—"I can't do this" or "I'll never figure it out." We become our own worst enemies. But there's a powerful antidote that doesn't require years of therapy or expensive courses: borrowing brilliance through wise counsel. Not just venting (which often keeps us stuck), but strategic conversation that widens our perspective and illuminates paths forward.

The art of borrowing brilliance requires three essential components. First, choose your counsel wisely—not everyone deserves access to your inner world. Some people project their fears while others offer genuine wisdom. Be selective, like Thomas Edison with his trusted circle. Second, frame your request—don't just unload; shape the conversation. Ask "What might I be missing?" instead of "I don't know what to do." This honors both the person and the process. Finally, retain your power—counsel is a compass, not a captain. Maya Angelou exemplified this balance, seeking wisdom while owning her choices completely.

This approach isn't just practical advice—it's backed by both ancient wisdom and modern science. Proverbs tells us "plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed," while research confirms that perspective-giving conversations reduce stress and increase clarity. The beauty is that when you borrow brilliance, everyone rises. Wisdom shared doesn't deplete—it multiplies. Your journey was never meant to be walked alone. The clarity you seek might be just one conversation away, waiting to be invited in. Will you reach out to your wise counsel this week?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Transformative Living Radio,
where we explore the power ofintentional change for personal
growth and fulfillment.
I'm Andre Flax, your host andcertified life and leadership
coach.
Have you ever noticed how heavyproblems feel when you carry
them alone in your mind?
It's like they grow louder thelonger you sit with them, until

(00:21):
they start echoing like thunderin your chest.
But then sometimes you sharewhat's weighing you down with
the right person, someone wholistens deeply, sees clearly and
speaks truth back into you, andsuddenly the storm feels
lighter, the skies begin toclear.
That's not an accident.

(00:41):
That's the power of wisecounsel.
In today's episode, we want totalk about how to borrow
brilliance, how to seek wisdomfrom others in a way that helps
you grow, without draining yourrelationships or giving away
your power.
So grab a pen and a pad and ifyou're ready, let's begin.
Let's begin.
Hello and welcome to anotherempowering episode of

(01:09):
Transformative Living Radio.
I'm Andre Flax, your host andcertified life and leadership
coach.
In today's episode, we want totalk about how to borrow
brilliance, how to seek wisdomfrom others in a way that helps
you grow, without draining yourrelationships or giving your
power away, because when we seekcounsel the right way, we don't

(01:31):
just borrow someone else'sclarity.
We multiply our own.
One of the biggest reasons whywe need outside perspective is
when life pressures us, ourvision narrows.
Psychologist Ethan Cross callsit the tunnel effect of chatter.
Under stress, we get lockedinto one storyline, one negative

(01:53):
loop such as I can't do this, Ialways mess up or I'll never
figure this out.
Think about that.
The mind becomes a tunnel,showing us only the problem,
never the solution.
Melissa was a young woman whowas paralyzed by a career
decision.
She told herself over and overif I make the wrong choice, I'll

(02:18):
ruin everything.
That was her tunnel.
But when she opened up tosomeone, she trusted.
Their words widened her tunnel.
But when she opened up tosomeone, she trusted.
Their words widened herperspective.
They reminded her of herresilience and of the truth that
no single decision defines herlife.
Suddenly, melissa could breatheagain.

(02:56):
Now, let's face it Many of usdon't seek counsel.
We vent, and venting feels goodin the moment, like an open
pressure vow, but without.
I listened.
But after months I realized hewasn't looking for clarity.
He was looking for company inhis stuckness.
Now here's the danger when youonly vent, you rehearse the

(03:18):
problem.
You deepen the grooves of selfpity.
Instead of creating a path tochange, venting keeps you in the
storm.
Wise counsel helps you find thepath out.
So how do we seek counsel in away that's powerful and honoring
?
Well, I call this the art ofborrowing brilliance, and there

(03:39):
are three components to it.
The first component is tochoose your counsel wisely.
You see, not every voicedeserves access to your spirit.
Some people project their fears, while others simply echo back
your doubts.
So you want to choose the oneswho lift you, who see you and
who have a track record ofwisdom.

(04:01):
Take Thomas Edison, for example.
He didn't run every ideal pastthe whole world.
He had a trusted circle.
He was selective, and youshould be too.
Now the second component to theart of borrowing brilliance is
to frame your request Instead ofunloading.

(04:23):
Shape the conversation.
Don't say I'm lost, I don'tknow what to do.
Say something like here aresome options.
I'm weighing.
What do you see that I might bemissing?
That single shift transformsthe exchange.
It honors the person you'reasking, asking and it creates
space for clarity.
Now the third and mostimportant component is to retain

(04:47):
your power.
Barring brilliance doesn't meanto outsource your life.
Counsel is a compass, not acaptain.
Maya Angelou, the great authorand poet, was brilliant at this.
She always sought counsel, yes,but she always owned her
choices.
That's what makes counselempowering and not enslaving.

(05:10):
Now I want you to reflect uponthis who are the three people in
your life you can trust forperspective?
Write their names down, and whoare the ones who keep you
circling the storm?
Be honest Now.
The art of borrowing brillianceisn't just good advice, it's

(05:33):
also spiritual law In the bookof Proverbs.
It says law In the book ofProverbs.
It says plans fail for the lackof counsel, but with many
advisors they succeed.
Let me say that again.
Proverbs says plans fail forthe lack of counsel, but with
many advisors they succeed.
And science affirms the sametruth.

(05:56):
Ethan Cross's research showsthat when we invite perspective
giving conversations, our stressdrops and our clarity rises.
And here's the beauty when youborrow brilliance, no one loses
Wisdom.
Shared doesn't deplete, itmultiplies.
Both people rise in theexchange.

(06:18):
So how do we put this intopractice?
Well, there's three things Iwant you to do this week.
Number one write down your wisecounsel.
Circle Three to five names.
Protect that list.
Number two frame your questionwhen you reach out, don't just
unload.

(06:38):
Invite perspective and threeown your decision, listen,
reflect, then choose foryourself, because your inner
critic thrives in isolation.
But when you borrow brilliance,you step into shared wisdom,
shared clarity and sharedstrength.
Remember, counsel doesn'tweaken you.

(07:01):
It makes you wiser.
And every time you borrowbrilliance, you build brilliance
within yourself.
Now, as we wrap up this episode,I want to leave you with this
thought you were never designedto walk this journey alone.
The wisdom you need is oftencloser than you think, woven
into the voices of those aroundyou waiting to be invited in.

(07:24):
You see, the art of borrowingbrilliance isn't about giving
away your power.
It's about expanding yourvision.
It's about being humble enoughto say I can't see it all, and
wise enough to choose thecounsel that lifts, guides and
sharpens you.
But never forget counsel is acompass, not a captain.

(07:46):
You borrow perspective, youborrow strength, but the choice,
the authority, theresponsibility of your life
remains in your hands.
Well, that's our show for today.
We hope that you found thisepisode both insightful and
inspiring.
Join us each week for practicaltips, actionable insights.

(08:07):
Join us each week for practicaltips, actionable insights and
inspiring stories to help youtransform your life.
We hope you can join us.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
We'll see you soon to experience a free coaching
session with andre flats.
Click the link in the shownotes to book your coaching
session today or contact him atandre at transformative living
radiocom.
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