August 26, 2024 • 22 mins
On this episode of Transformative Living Radio, Brian Croak, a seasoned professional in Christian counseling, shares invaluable insights on maintaining a holistic balance in life. Using the metaphor of a bicycle wheel, Brian unveils practical strategies to keep the spokes of our lives firm and aligned, addressing common pitfalls and guiding us toward achieving a more harmonious life.
Explore how childhood scripts and deeply ingrained values shape our sense of balance and well-being. Brian delves into the importance of reassessing these scripts and personal values to prioritize what truly matters. Brian introduces thought-provoking techniques such as "living your life backwards" to help us realize the abundance we already possess. Learn how feedback from close relationships can serve as a vital indicator of imbalance and discover the role of accountability partners in maintaining this equilibrium. So, if you're ready, let's begin.
To book your free discovery coaching session today, please click here.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Transformative Living Radio,
where we explore the power ofintentional change for personal
growth and fulfillment.
I'm your host and certifiedlife and leadership coach, andre
Flax.
Finding balance is crucial formaintaining a high quality of
life and work, as it creates afeeling of wholeness and
completeness.
(00:20):
In today's episode, we'llexplore how to find balance in
both life and work with ourspecial guest, brian Kroek, a
licensed professional in thefield of counseling.
So if you're ready, let's begin.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of Transformative Living
Radio.
I'm Andre Flax, your host andcertified life and leadership
(00:44):
coach Radio.
I'm Andre Flax, your host andcertified life and leadership
coach.
Today we have a special guest,someone who I consider is an
expert in the field of Christiancounseling Brian Croke.
Welcome to the show, brian.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Thank you, Andre.
It's a real privilege to bewith you.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Great Now, Brian, you and I have known each other for
quite some time, but could youplease share with the audience a
little bit about yourself andyour expertise in the field of
counseling?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yes, I'll be glad to do it, andre.
Yeah, I was privileged to meetAndre when he was an undergrad
at Rutgers University.
Early on, right there on themain street, george Street of
New Brunswick, we becameroommates and then very good
friends.
I was blessed to be his bestman at his wedding and, after
(01:30):
becoming a pastor for 22 years,I felt a call to expand my
horizon and went for a secondmaster's degree in counseling
and since 2020, have been inprivate practice.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Thanks for sharing that, Brian, and I can't believe
it's been 35 years since wefirst met and in those 35 years
I really come to appreciate allthat you've done and all that
you're currently doing to helppeople transform their lives.
So this episode is abouthelping people to find balance
(02:03):
in their everyday life, If youcan share with us how you define
balance in the context ofeveryday living.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Great question, andre .
So even before we get intolife-work balance as is very
common parlance that peoplespeak in now just balance in
general.
I would say emotional,spiritual, relational and
vocational and we'll talk moreabout vocation, which is more
than just your job, but makingsure that all those things are
(02:35):
working.
I liken it to back when we had,you know, in the center of your
bicycle you have your hub andthen you have spokes, and
balance would be that all thosespokes are working, that they
are firm and they're notwobbling or loose.
So if you feel around the rimof a bicycle tire, you feel the
(02:59):
spokes, and if those spokes areoff balance or rusty, they need
to be replaced.
So what I like to think of youknow, my relational life, my
artistic life, my emotionalhealth and my work life are
those spokes firm?
And if they're not, then attendto the ones that need balance.
(03:21):
Some of them are already solidand strong and they need less
attending to.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Gotcha.
And so in your practice today,what would you say is the most
common area that you find peoplelack balance in?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I would say people get very caught up in financial
goals or financial just tosustain yourself on a
week-to-week basis that thatcould become very, very
consuming.
Of course, the economy is notin great shape.
With inflation, people arebeing stretched paycheck to
paycheck.
That causes its own pressures,andre.
(04:00):
So I think what I see often,and what we discuss often in our
sessions, is to not be sodriven where you have such a
preoccupation with making thatgoal or making that raise that
you're not slowing down enoughto just enjoy the simple things
you know taking time to seewhere you're underway to your
(04:23):
job, what things you pass,taking a bicycle ride to slow
down your life.
It's amazing the power of justgetting on a bicycle, because
we're often so often in our carsor if we work from home that
we're so often on our monitorsof our laptops.
So I think what we try to workon is think of the things that
(04:46):
you actually enjoy and if you'reonly spending too much time
seeking after and chasing aftermoney, then I think you're out
of balance.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Are there any signs that might indicate a person's
life is out of balance?
Could you give some examples orsymptoms that would lead you to
believe that someone's life isout of balance?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yes, I would say that when a client comes to me and
they report they're out ofbalance, that they're maybe,
let's say, on the opposite side,not attending to their
financial goals, spending toomuch time in procrastination.
They are out of balance becausethey're not pursuing goals, and
I think goals should be pursuedboth in your job and also in
(05:33):
your personal life.
So if they self-report but theother source, andre, is when the
relationships in their livesrepeatedly point back to that
gap or that lack of balance,when your children or your
friends or your girlfriend,boyfriend or your spouse, they
are sources of data and to say,wow, I keep hearing the same
(05:57):
message from people close to me.
I better pay attention.
Something is out of balance.
I'm either pulled too much intoone area or I'm neglecting
something.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So when it comes to finding balance.
What are some practicalstrategies or techniques that a
person can use to help bringtheir life back into balance?
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I can't think of something more practical and it
can never be overestimated isthe power of stillness, starting
especially at the beginning ofyour day, but also throughout
the day, to carve out and guardtwo to three minutes of sheer
silence and quiet, doing deepbreathing, doing visualizing, of
(06:41):
putting yourself in a placewhere you're not in the role of
performing.
It's so easy, andre, to fallinto this belief that I am a
human doing and we forget we area human being.
So knowing that all that comesin our day that we're about to
enter into, or the day that weleft behind from yesterday, that
(07:03):
before we step out onto thecanvas, we are, we love, we are
valued, we are and I use theword vocation we are called, we
are called to do our work.
Not only is the sun a gift andthe flowers a gift and the ocean
a gift and stillness where wecan say hold on, I'm not the sum
(07:36):
total of my performance orpeople's approval, or a paycheck
or the ability to pay themortgage.
I am loved and valued as I am.
So I think stopping during theday looking at pictures is a
great way to keep balance, tomake sure that we have goals,
not just professionally, butalso hobbies or travel.
(08:00):
Okay, I'm going to plansomething.
Have a calendar is a greatstrategy that you plan at
regular intervals of getaways.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Gotcha.
So you mentioned a couple ofthings.
The first one you mentioned wasfinding some time for stillness
.
Now I know in my own personallife, before I got to where I am
today from a personaldevelopment standpoint, when I
started out finding when I wouldget quiet, I found that my mind
would race all over the place.
(08:41):
Are there any quick techniquesyou could suggest to people?
Because typically when peoplego into the silence or the quiet
their minds tend to take overand they can be distracted.
What are some practical ways inwhich people can kind of bring
their mind or calm their minddown or bring those thoughts
(09:03):
under control?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yeah, great question.
Well, I'd say, besides the deepbreathing, knowing the
difference between meditationand contemplation when we
meditate, or acceptance.
Acceptance and staying with oneword is a way of meditation, so
(09:37):
that when we get distracted wecan come back to it.
Visualizing is also a wonderfulway to quiet the mind, to draw
up in our imagination a pictureof a place where we feel
completely ourselves, there's norole we have to play.
It could be a place of nature,it could be a part of our yard
(09:59):
where we can draw from thesights, the sounds, the smells
and savor that and feel it andthe touches and try to make that
as vivid as possible.
That is another great tool.
And then there's contemplation.
Contemplation is, rather thanhaving your eyes closed and
(10:19):
turning something over it's,being awake in the moment.
I often will use an object likea plant, and just having a
person or myself slow everythingdown and just look at the
details of the leaf of a plantand stay with it, and in other
words, you're paying attentionto what's in front of you rather
than letting your mind race towhat happened or what's going to
(10:41):
happen.
And when we drift and we willto what's going to happen or
what we just did the anxiety ofboth past and future.
We gently bring ourselves backto the leaf of the plant and
just say this is where I amright now and I have permission
to be here only and no placeelse.
So I think that is another veryeffective tool.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Wow, excellent.
So let's shift a little bit.
We talked about personalbalance.
Work-life balance is a majorconcern for many people today.
How do you define whatwork-life balance is and what
advice would you offer tosomeone who might be struggling
with work-life?
Speaker 2 (11:25):
balance.
It would be defined as my workis not my identity.
And if I find my identity in mywork, then take note, that's a
major check-in to yourself tosay something's out of whack.
My values are derived from myjob, because when I lose my job
(11:48):
or I lose my ability to work myjob, then my life is in trouble
because I'm deriving my sense ofpurpose and identity only from
the job.
So balance would be like let medraw from my other parts of my
life relationships, skills,pursuits, travel, other areas.
(12:11):
I want to build discipline andsay these are also parts of my
life.
But ultimately my identity comesfrom God.
My identity comes from that.
I am created, that my life is agift.
It's not something I earn.
So when I'm too stressed andharried, andre, when I'm
deriving my worth from theboss's approval or my
(12:36):
colleague's approval or what Imay accomplish, or I'm so driven
by getting that promotion, mostlikely those are clues.
My life's out of balance and Ineed to realize wait a second my
identity ultimately will notcome from these things, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
So, as a counselor, I'm sure you've worked with
clients who may have come to youwith struggling with work-life
balance.
Could you share any personalexperiences or success stories
from clients who you've workedwith who found success with
balancing work and life?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yeah, I think part of what we do is we look at the
scripts and I know you've donework on this too, andre the
scripts from our childhood and alot of people who are very
driven or feel they don'tmeasure up no matter how
successful, quote unquote theyare.
They had to look at the scriptsof their childhood to say where
did that message come from?
It could be I'm never as goodas an older sibling, or I never
(13:42):
will measure up to my father ormother's standards, and learning
to trace back what is thesource of that script?
If my life is out of balanceand realizing I can give myself
a relaxation, I can actuallygive myself a day off.
You'd be amazed how many peoplereally struggle with taking a
(14:05):
day off.
I think that's really importantand I have this saying live your
life backwards.
Imagine the end of your life,imagine when you can't be as
active.
Imagine even you know yourfuneral.
You know and, as I say, nobodywill be saying, gee, I wish I
worked more at the office.
That's not going to happen.
(14:25):
So what we want to do is liveour life backwards and remember
what are the things I want toachieve in each decade, in my
20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70sand 80s, and then, if we can
imagine, at 75 or 80, and then,looking back, where is the
investment that I want to beable to leave as a legacy and
(14:48):
that's another good technique isto live my life backwards and
to realize there arerelationships that maybe need
attending to that are unresolved.
I want to do that now.
There's certain areas of myprofession that I'm avoiding
(15:08):
because I don't think I'm goodat it.
Well, how can I get training toget better at that?
I want to be able to say I hadenough and I think this goes
back to the drivenness we haveusually enough for today and to
look at the stress and anxietyand ask yourself why do you feel
(15:28):
you need more?
Sometimes it's valid, butsometimes I find with clients
that they can't live in themoment and say I have enough, I
could have more, but you knowwhat?
I have enough for today, thankGod, and most of us are dealing
with first world problems.
Some of us have more challengeseconomically, culturally, it's
(15:50):
true, but often people who haveless can teach people who are
more materialistic that you haveenough for now and I think,
living with that understanding Ihave enough versus I always
want to be striving for moreyeah, I think it's a healthy
balance between you knowpursuing your goals or your
(16:12):
vision and knowing that you knowthose visions or those goals
may take time and, to your point, feeling that in this present
moment I have more than enough.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
It's easy said than done, especially for those who
are driven, who are looking toalways move to the next level or
grow to the next level.
I think it's important forpeople to hear that that in the
present moment is defining thatright now, at this moment, I
have enough and that tomorrowwill take care of itself.
(16:51):
And that's where we find thathealthy balance.
Now we're coming up towards theend of the program, so I want
to give you an opportunity togive your final thoughts or
advice to those who might belistening and maybe asking a
question.
This is great, but where do Istart and how do I start?
(17:13):
So if you can share some finalthoughts or advice on how
someone who is still strugglingwith either work-life balance or
just balance in their ownpersonal life, what advice or
final thoughts would you like toleave?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, thank you, andre, for this opportunity.
I would encourage yourlisteners to go back to that
image of the bicycle wheel withthe spokes and take time to, if
you want, to draw a picture ofthat bicycle wheel and name the
spokes in your life.
And these would be your values.
Okay, relationships, it couldbe being exposed to other
(17:53):
cultures.
Okay, these are the values.
What's what is weak, what's not?
Financial security could beanother one, a particular hobby
that you want to pursue Lookingat your Is hireability.
Am I hireable?
Are my skills up to date?
(18:16):
How do I need to make that moreso so I'm remain a hireable
person, and identify each ofthose and then look at which
ones are weak, which areunderdeveloped.
Maybe I'm spending too muchtime, maybe one of those values
is being physically fit, but Irealize I'm a gym rat and I'm
spending maybe six days at thegym and I really don't need to
(18:37):
do that, and so I decide I'mgoing to take piano lessons and
I'm going to cut back the gymfor now to three days, so some
of those spokes could beoverdeveloped.
I think that could be one way,and then writing in a journal
and talking to someone, I think,taking these reflections and
come to a trusted friend.
It could be your therapist, butit could be just a trusted
(18:58):
friend.
Say, here's what I reflect on,here's what I've concluded.
Would you help me pursue theaccountability I need?
And would you help me pursueaccountability, rather?
And let me come back to you andreport on my progress, because
once you're telling yourselfthat that person, you've given
(19:19):
them the right to ask you hey,how's that going?
You mentioned you want to lose10 pounds, you want to start
looking at new website domains.
So now, when we tell a trustedfriend, it can really push us in
a gracious and gentle way, butalso very firmly, in a direction
going forward.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
It sounds like you're talking about accountability
and finding an accountabilityperson, a partner or someone
that you, as you said, could bea trusted advisor, a counselor,
a coach, a counselor, a coachyou're mentioning having that
person to hold you accountable,in a way to make sure that you
(20:00):
find the kind of balance you'relooking for in pursuing whatever
it is that you're looking to do.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Absolutely, Andre, and I think for some people when
they think of a therapist, itcan be a bit daunting or like
gee, what's wrong with me?
And that's where some peopledon't really need that.
They would really do betterwith someone like yourself, you
know, who specializes as a lifecoach, so I would recommend
finding a life coach likeyourself as a good place to
start.
Excellent.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
So, for those who might need more than a life
coach but maybe looking for somecounseling, where can listeners
find more information aboutyour work and how can they
connect with you?
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Yeah, thank you, Andre.
If our listeners are in NewJersey, I have a license in New
Jersey to meet with clients andit could be in person, which my
office is in Bricktown NewJersey, or it could be online.
They can find me at my email,brian at
healingbranchcounselingcom.
(21:01):
That'shealingbranchcounselingcom, and
I'll be glad to follow up withthem.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Well, that's our show for today.
We hope that you found thisepisode both insightful and
inspiring.
Join us each week for practicaltips, actionable insights and
inspiring stories to help youtransform your life.
We hope you can join us.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
We'll see you soon To experience a free coaching
session with Andre Flax.
Click the link in the shownotes to book your coaching
session today, or contact him atandre at
transformativelivingradiocom.
If you enjoyed this episode,leave us a comment wherever you
get your podcast and share itwith no-transcript.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
All right.
Well, brian, I want topersonally thank you for taking
the time to share your insightsand thoughts about finding
balance in everyday living.
We appreciate you.
What you gave us is a lot tothink about.
We appreciate your time and welook forward to talking to you
more in the future.
All right, I'll have a goodnight and that's our show for
(25:57):
today.
We hope that you found thisepisode both insightful and
inspiring.
Join us each week for practicaltips, actionable insights and
inspiring stories to change yourlife.
We hope you can join us.
We'll see you soon, all right.
Welcome to Transformative Living Radio,
where we explore the power ofintentional change for personal
growth and fulfillment.
I'm your host and certifiedlife and leadership coach, andre
Flax.
Finding balance is crucial formaintaining a high quality of
life and work, as it creates afeeling of wholeness and
completeness.
(00:20):
In today's episode, we'llexplore how to find balance in
both life and work with ourspecial guest, brian Kroek, a
licensed professional in thefield of counseling.
So if you're ready, let's begin.
Hello and welcome to anotherepisode of Transformative Living
Radio.
I'm Andre Flax, your host andcertified life and leadership
(00:44):
coach Radio.
I'm Andre Flax, your host andcertified life and leadership
coach.
Today we have a special guest,someone who I consider is an
expert in the field of Christiancounseling Brian Croke.
Welcome to the show, brian.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Thank you, Andre.
It's a real privilege to bewith you.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Great Now, Brian, you and I have known each other for
quite some time, but could youplease share with the audience a
little bit about yourself andyour expertise in the field of
counseling?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yes, I'll be glad to do it, andre.
Yeah, I was privileged to meetAndre when he was an undergrad
at Rutgers University.
Early on, right there on themain street, george Street of
New Brunswick, we becameroommates and then very good
friends.
I was blessed to be his bestman at his wedding and, after
(01:30):
becoming a pastor for 22 years,I felt a call to expand my
horizon and went for a secondmaster's degree in counseling
and since 2020, have been inprivate practice.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Thanks for sharing that, Brian, and I can't believe
it's been 35 years since wefirst met and in those 35 years
I really come to appreciate allthat you've done and all that
you're currently doing to helppeople transform their lives.
So this episode is abouthelping people to find balance
(02:03):
in their everyday life, If youcan share with us how you define
balance in the context ofeveryday living.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Great question, andre .
So even before we get intolife-work balance as is very
common parlance that peoplespeak in now just balance in
general.
I would say emotional,spiritual, relational and
vocational and we'll talk moreabout vocation, which is more
than just your job, but makingsure that all those things are
(02:35):
working.
I liken it to back when we had,you know, in the center of your
bicycle you have your hub andthen you have spokes, and
balance would be that all thosespokes are working, that they
are firm and they're notwobbling or loose.
So if you feel around the rimof a bicycle tire, you feel the
(02:59):
spokes, and if those spokes areoff balance or rusty, they need
to be replaced.
So what I like to think of youknow, my relational life, my
artistic life, my emotionalhealth and my work life are
those spokes firm?
And if they're not, then attendto the ones that need balance.
(03:21):
Some of them are already solidand strong and they need less
attending to.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Gotcha.
And so in your practice today,what would you say is the most
common area that you find peoplelack balance in?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I would say people get very caught up in financial
goals or financial just tosustain yourself on a
week-to-week basis that thatcould become very, very
consuming.
Of course, the economy is notin great shape.
With inflation, people arebeing stretched paycheck to
paycheck.
That causes its own pressures,andre.
(04:00):
So I think what I see often,and what we discuss often in our
sessions, is to not be sodriven where you have such a
preoccupation with making thatgoal or making that raise that
you're not slowing down enoughto just enjoy the simple things
you know taking time to seewhere you're underway to your
(04:23):
job, what things you pass,taking a bicycle ride to slow
down your life.
It's amazing the power of justgetting on a bicycle, because
we're often so often in our carsor if we work from home that
we're so often on our monitorsof our laptops.
So I think what we try to workon is think of the things that
(04:46):
you actually enjoy and if you'reonly spending too much time
seeking after and chasing aftermoney, then I think you're out
of balance.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Are there any signs that might indicate a person's
life is out of balance?
Could you give some examples orsymptoms that would lead you to
believe that someone's life isout of balance?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yes, I would say that when a client comes to me and
they report they're out ofbalance, that they're maybe,
let's say, on the opposite side,not attending to their
financial goals, spending toomuch time in procrastination.
They are out of balance becausethey're not pursuing goals, and
I think goals should be pursuedboth in your job and also in
(05:33):
your personal life.
So if they self-report but theother source, andre, is when the
relationships in their livesrepeatedly point back to that
gap or that lack of balance,when your children or your
friends or your girlfriend,boyfriend or your spouse, they
are sources of data and to say,wow, I keep hearing the same
(05:57):
message from people close to me.
I better pay attention.
Something is out of balance.
I'm either pulled too much intoone area or I'm neglecting
something.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So when it comes to finding balance.
What are some practicalstrategies or techniques that a
person can use to help bringtheir life back into balance?
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I can't think of something more practical and it
can never be overestimated isthe power of stillness, starting
especially at the beginning ofyour day, but also throughout
the day, to carve out and guardtwo to three minutes of sheer
silence and quiet, doing deepbreathing, doing visualizing, of
(06:41):
putting yourself in a placewhere you're not in the role of
performing.
It's so easy, andre, to fallinto this belief that I am a
human doing and we forget we area human being.
So knowing that all that comesin our day that we're about to
enter into, or the day that weleft behind from yesterday, that
(07:03):
before we step out onto thecanvas, we are, we love, we are
valued, we are and I use theword vocation we are called, we
are called to do our work.
Not only is the sun a gift andthe flowers a gift and the ocean
a gift and stillness where wecan say hold on, I'm not the sum
(07:36):
total of my performance orpeople's approval, or a paycheck
or the ability to pay themortgage.
I am loved and valued as I am.
So I think stopping during theday looking at pictures is a
great way to keep balance, tomake sure that we have goals,
not just professionally, butalso hobbies or travel.
(08:00):
Okay, I'm going to plansomething.
Have a calendar is a greatstrategy that you plan at
regular intervals of getaways.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Gotcha.
So you mentioned a couple ofthings.
The first one you mentioned wasfinding some time for stillness
.
Now I know in my own personallife, before I got to where I am
today from a personaldevelopment standpoint, when I
started out finding when I wouldget quiet, I found that my mind
would race all over the place.
(08:41):
Are there any quick techniquesyou could suggest to people?
Because typically when peoplego into the silence or the quiet
their minds tend to take overand they can be distracted.
What are some practical ways inwhich people can kind of bring
their mind or calm their minddown or bring those thoughts
(09:03):
under control?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yeah, great question.
Well, I'd say, besides the deepbreathing, knowing the
difference between meditationand contemplation when we
meditate, or acceptance.
Acceptance and staying with oneword is a way of meditation, so
(09:37):
that when we get distracted wecan come back to it.
Visualizing is also a wonderfulway to quiet the mind, to draw
up in our imagination a pictureof a place where we feel
completely ourselves, there's norole we have to play.
It could be a place of nature,it could be a part of our yard
(09:59):
where we can draw from thesights, the sounds, the smells
and savor that and feel it andthe touches and try to make that
as vivid as possible.
That is another great tool.
And then there's contemplation.
Contemplation is, rather thanhaving your eyes closed and
(10:19):
turning something over it's,being awake in the moment.
I often will use an object likea plant, and just having a
person or myself slow everythingdown and just look at the
details of the leaf of a plantand stay with it, and in other
words, you're paying attentionto what's in front of you rather
than letting your mind race towhat happened or what's going to
(10:41):
happen.
And when we drift and we willto what's going to happen or
what we just did the anxiety ofboth past and future.
We gently bring ourselves backto the leaf of the plant and
just say this is where I amright now and I have permission
to be here only and no placeelse.
So I think that is another veryeffective tool.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Wow, excellent.
So let's shift a little bit.
We talked about personalbalance.
Work-life balance is a majorconcern for many people today.
How do you define whatwork-life balance is and what
advice would you offer tosomeone who might be struggling
with work-life?
Speaker 2 (11:25):
balance.
It would be defined as my workis not my identity.
And if I find my identity in mywork, then take note, that's a
major check-in to yourself tosay something's out of whack.
My values are derived from myjob, because when I lose my job
(11:48):
or I lose my ability to work myjob, then my life is in trouble
because I'm deriving my sense ofpurpose and identity only from
the job.
So balance would be like let medraw from my other parts of my
life relationships, skills,pursuits, travel, other areas.
(12:11):
I want to build discipline andsay these are also parts of my
life.
But ultimately my identity comesfrom God.
My identity comes from that.
I am created, that my life is agift.
It's not something I earn.
So when I'm too stressed andharried, andre, when I'm
deriving my worth from theboss's approval or my
(12:36):
colleague's approval or what Imay accomplish, or I'm so driven
by getting that promotion, mostlikely those are clues.
My life's out of balance and Ineed to realize wait a second my
identity ultimately will notcome from these things, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
So, as a counselor, I'm sure you've worked with
clients who may have come to youwith struggling with work-life
balance.
Could you share any personalexperiences or success stories
from clients who you've workedwith who found success with
balancing work and life?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yeah, I think part of what we do is we look at the
scripts and I know you've donework on this too, andre the
scripts from our childhood and alot of people who are very
driven or feel they don'tmeasure up no matter how
successful, quote unquote theyare.
They had to look at the scriptsof their childhood to say where
did that message come from?
It could be I'm never as goodas an older sibling, or I never
(13:42):
will measure up to my father ormother's standards, and learning
to trace back what is thesource of that script?
If my life is out of balanceand realizing I can give myself
a relaxation, I can actuallygive myself a day off.
You'd be amazed how many peoplereally struggle with taking a
(14:05):
day off.
I think that's really importantand I have this saying live your
life backwards.
Imagine the end of your life,imagine when you can't be as
active.
Imagine even you know yourfuneral.
You know and, as I say, nobodywill be saying, gee, I wish I
worked more at the office.
That's not going to happen.
(14:25):
So what we want to do is liveour life backwards and remember
what are the things I want toachieve in each decade, in my
20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70sand 80s, and then, if we can
imagine, at 75 or 80, and then,looking back, where is the
investment that I want to beable to leave as a legacy and
(14:48):
that's another good technique isto live my life backwards and
to realize there arerelationships that maybe need
attending to that are unresolved.
I want to do that now.
There's certain areas of myprofession that I'm avoiding
(15:08):
because I don't think I'm goodat it.
Well, how can I get training toget better at that?
I want to be able to say I hadenough and I think this goes
back to the drivenness we haveusually enough for today and to
look at the stress and anxietyand ask yourself why do you feel
(15:28):
you need more?
Sometimes it's valid, butsometimes I find with clients
that they can't live in themoment and say I have enough, I
could have more, but you knowwhat?
I have enough for today, thankGod, and most of us are dealing
with first world problems.
Some of us have more challengeseconomically, culturally, it's
(15:50):
true, but often people who haveless can teach people who are
more materialistic that you haveenough for now and I think,
living with that understanding Ihave enough versus I always
want to be striving for moreyeah, I think it's a healthy
balance between you knowpursuing your goals or your
(16:12):
vision and knowing that you knowthose visions or those goals
may take time and, to your point, feeling that in this present
moment I have more than enough.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
It's easy said than done, especially for those who
are driven, who are looking toalways move to the next level or
grow to the next level.
I think it's important forpeople to hear that that in the
present moment is defining thatright now, at this moment, I
have enough and that tomorrowwill take care of itself.
(16:51):
And that's where we find thathealthy balance.
Now we're coming up towards theend of the program, so I want
to give you an opportunity togive your final thoughts or
advice to those who might belistening and maybe asking a
question.
This is great, but where do Istart and how do I start?
(17:13):
So if you can share some finalthoughts or advice on how
someone who is still strugglingwith either work-life balance or
just balance in their ownpersonal life, what advice or
final thoughts would you like toleave?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, thank you, andre, for this opportunity.
I would encourage yourlisteners to go back to that
image of the bicycle wheel withthe spokes and take time to, if
you want, to draw a picture ofthat bicycle wheel and name the
spokes in your life.
And these would be your values.
Okay, relationships, it couldbe being exposed to other
(17:53):
cultures.
Okay, these are the values.
What's what is weak, what's not?
Financial security could beanother one, a particular hobby
that you want to pursue Lookingat your Is hireability.
Am I hireable?
Are my skills up to date?
(18:16):
How do I need to make that moreso so I'm remain a hireable
person, and identify each ofthose and then look at which
ones are weak, which areunderdeveloped.
Maybe I'm spending too muchtime, maybe one of those values
is being physically fit, but Irealize I'm a gym rat and I'm
spending maybe six days at thegym and I really don't need to
(18:37):
do that, and so I decide I'mgoing to take piano lessons and
I'm going to cut back the gymfor now to three days, so some
of those spokes could beoverdeveloped.
I think that could be one way,and then writing in a journal
and talking to someone, I think,taking these reflections and
come to a trusted friend.
It could be your therapist, butit could be just a trusted
(18:58):
friend.
Say, here's what I reflect on,here's what I've concluded.
Would you help me pursue theaccountability I need?
And would you help me pursueaccountability, rather?
And let me come back to you andreport on my progress, because
once you're telling yourselfthat that person, you've given
(19:19):
them the right to ask you hey,how's that going?
You mentioned you want to lose10 pounds, you want to start
looking at new website domains.
So now, when we tell a trustedfriend, it can really push us in
a gracious and gentle way, butalso very firmly, in a direction
going forward.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
It sounds like you're talking about accountability
and finding an accountabilityperson, a partner or someone
that you, as you said, could bea trusted advisor, a counselor,
a coach, a counselor, a coachyou're mentioning having that
person to hold you accountable,in a way to make sure that you
(20:00):
find the kind of balance you'relooking for in pursuing whatever
it is that you're looking to do.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Absolutely, Andre, and I think for some people when
they think of a therapist, itcan be a bit daunting or like
gee, what's wrong with me?
And that's where some peopledon't really need that.
They would really do betterwith someone like yourself, you
know, who specializes as a lifecoach, so I would recommend
finding a life coach likeyourself as a good place to
start.
Excellent.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
So, for those who might need more than a life
coach but maybe looking for somecounseling, where can listeners
find more information aboutyour work and how can they
connect with you?
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Yeah, thank you, Andre.
If our listeners are in NewJersey, I have a license in New
Jersey to meet with clients andit could be in person, which my
office is in Bricktown NewJersey, or it could be online.
They can find me at my email,brian at
healingbranchcounselingcom.
(21:01):
That'shealingbranchcounselingcom, and
I'll be glad to follow up withthem.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Well, that's our show for today.
We hope that you found thisepisode both insightful and
inspiring.
Join us each week for practicaltips, actionable insights and
inspiring stories to help youtransform your life.
We hope you can join us.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
We'll see you soon To experience a free coaching
session with Andre Flax.
Click the link in the shownotes to book your coaching
session today, or contact him atandre at
transformativelivingradiocom.
If you enjoyed this episode,leave us a comment wherever you
get your podcast and share itwith no-transcript.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
All right.
Well, brian, I want topersonally thank you for taking
the time to share your insightsand thoughts about finding
balance in everyday living.
We appreciate you.
What you gave us is a lot tothink about.
We appreciate your time and welook forward to talking to you
more in the future.
All right, I'll have a goodnight and that's our show for
(25:57):
today.
We hope that you found thisepisode both insightful and
inspiring.
Join us each week for practicaltips, actionable insights and
inspiring stories to change yourlife.
We hope you can join us.
We'll see you soon, all right.
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