October 29, 2025 • 56 mins
This is an important teaching and exploration of the dance between ‘survival doing’, ‘being’, and ‘authentic doing’ energies. I explore unraveling from the worldly matrix of worth, well-being, success and safety that has conditioned all of us, and embarking on the path to living in greater heart-alignment, energy, and sustainability with your true essence.
Topics explored include:
• being as the base state before action
• 'survival doing' versus 'authentic doing'
• childhood and lineage patterns that shape a sense of urgency within
• body signals of burnout, and how to attune to them as guidance
• small daily attunements to rewire safety
• rebuilding trust through gentle, honest steps
• letting grief open a portal to true movement
The Sanctuary Membership is being revamped and you can now join for only $33/month! Explore and join here!
I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.
Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:03):
Welcome to Transformed by Grief.
My name is Ellie Thomas, and Iam here to guide you on your
transformational grief journey.
From feeling lost, raw, andbrokenhearted, questioning
everything in you and aroundyou, to reconnecting to the
truth of who you are and thebeauty, fulfillment, and
(00:24):
vibrancy of life that is stillavailable in you and through
you.
On this podcast, we explore thedepths of what it means to say
yes to life again after you'vebeen broken open by pain and
grief.
We will explore what it means tocreate a deep, loving, and
reverent relationship toyourself, to grief, and to life
(00:45):
in a way that allows you tobegin to rebuild from the inside
out and to create a powerfulfoundation for a joy-filled,
alive feeling, and fulfillinglife you love.
Hi there.
Welcome back to Transformed byGrief.
(01:06):
We are in the final moments ofpregnancy over here.
Baby's due date approachingquickly, and oh final wave of
energy to share and organize andset up everything that's wanting
(01:27):
to be left in place while I takesome time off to just be in the
process of tending to our littleone and learning how to be a
mama and all of the expansionthat's about to come with that
through the birth portal andbeyond.
And one of the things that hasbeen on my heart is all of these
(01:50):
fantastic integration audiosthat I recorded and have
recorded.
I call them integration audiosin the sanctuary, but really
they're just bonus audioteachings and explorations and
podcast style shares that I havecollected in the Sanctuary
(02:11):
membership and had available tomembers through the last six
plus months.
And these audios have so much inthem.
And this one specifically hasbeen kind of tapping on me to be
shared with the greater audienceof the podcast and not just
(02:35):
members, as it really goes wellwith so many themes that came up
with the episode that I did withPilar.
And also just this recurringtheme that comes up with just
about everybody that I have everworked with and probably will
ever work with because it's ahuge also part of my journey
(02:57):
with myself and in my ownprocess of learning how to move
from the head into the heart,into the body, and to trust the
guidance of energy that comesfrom the core of who I am, more
than just the protective,strategic intellect that is
(03:21):
often quite limited and notconnected to the greater
potential and the greater kindof movement of energy that I'm
here to walk with.
And I find this to be true withmost people that I work with.
A huge part of my one-on-onework in and my work in the
(03:43):
sanctuary is really being thevessel of bringing people down
from that head space into theheart and body and letting them
acclimate and get reallycomfortable with feeling energy
move, and then allowing that tobe our guidance system and
allowing that to be the part ofus that leads and that
(04:07):
expression that gets to havespace in the world instead of
being controlled or shut down orcalculated, which most women
that I work with are extremesensitive beings and also
energetic powerhouses, and yetthrough their own experiences
(04:33):
have been groomed to lead fromthe intellect and been connected
to their sense of worth andtheir sense of power and their
sense of who they should andneed to be through the
intellect.
And I am a huge advocate throughto incorporating and integrating
(04:57):
our intellect into these greaterparts of ourselves.
But first, oftentimes that hasto come into connecting with
being who we are, learning to bewho we are, kind of
deconditioning anddeprogramming.
The intellect is our main sourceof action and our main source of
(05:18):
decision making to then be ableto find our flow forward where
we get to incorporate that, butit doesn't get to be the
reigning part of our lives.
And this audio teaching is allabout exploring this idea of
(05:38):
being versus doing and the dancebetween the two and beginning to
take the exploration of survivaldoing versus authentic doing and
how that connects to being.
(06:56):
So I hope you love it.
I wanted to let you know thatone thing that I'm have been
working on has been reorganizingthe sanctuary to be a resource
for you to tap into at anypoint.
We have for now shifted thecontext since I won't be doing
live calls for a while, but Ihave been reorganizing these 300
(07:19):
plus hours of incrediblematerial, everything from
meditations and energy work thatrange from 12 to 40 minutes to
incredibly beautifultransformational coaching calls
that go really deep into griefand much beyond.
I call the sanctuary your hubfor grief and growth, your space
(07:42):
of refuge to come and exploreeverything that's growing in you
through your grief and yourgrowth.
And so we start from the placeof rooted into moving with what
wants to be connected with andliberated, very similar to
what's being talked about intoday's episode.
(08:03):
But then we also get to moveinto like how does this next
level of expression want to comethrough you in the world?
How does it impact how we wantto see our lives, success, how
we're focused on relationships,how it impacts our health, all
of these aspects.
And so over the past year and ahalf, so much in the sanctuary
has been developed to supportyou in a multidimensional way
(08:24):
from coaching sessions toteachings to meditations and
energy work and guided practicesto community and so much more.
There's so much richness there.
And so I've been in the processof organizing it so that as you
feel called, you can tap into itat any point that you want to,
(08:48):
whether I am on maternity leaveor not, and really reap the
benefits and really sink intothe beauty of what this space
was created for to meet you inpotentially pain, transition,
challenge with yourself or in agreater context of your life,
(09:09):
and come into deep explorationand deep connection with
yourself and begin to unravelwhat needs to be unraveling so
that you can find your flowforward and really build from a
really solid and sturdyfoundation of healing, of
(09:29):
clarity, of honoring yourprocess and honoring everything
that has been required for youto arrive where you arrive, and
also trusting what is ready tocome through as you've released
a lot.
A lot of the focus in thesanctuary is about release so
(09:51):
that we can make space to tapinto what's true and allow that
to lead.
So it goes really well with.
(10:21):
So if you have been interestedin the sanctuary, there's so
much available still and willthat was only going to grow.
I've been putting together somemini courses, some bundles.
It's all kind of starting tocome together, but you can now
access it at a discounted priceas well.
So I'll put all of theinformation in the show notes.
(10:42):
And we would love to have youjoin.
I will still get to pop in andread your things over time.
I won't be as active in the nextfew months, but there are some
beautiful community members thathave been there for a long time.
And you could just pop in and beanonymous and soak it all in for
weeks or months at a time,whatever feels good for you.
(11:03):
So I wanted to let you know thatthat is a really, really great
place to kind of continue towork with all of this over the
next few months as I'm onmaternity leave.
And if you have any questions,for sure, reach out and let me
know.
But for today, this teaching andexploration on the energies of
(11:24):
being versus doing and the dancebetween them.
And I hope it meets you exactlywhere you need it to.
(11:47):
I've just done some of ourenergy resetting practices that
have been so on repeat in mylife as I've been sharing them
with you all in the sanctuary.
(12:18):
I can feel how much wants tocome through around this.
And oftentimes, in order for meto just allow what wants to come
through to come through, I justgotta hit play and record
because or hit record and and gobecause trying to conceptualize
it all in my mind is kind ofimpossible.
(12:43):
So there may be other thingsthat I come up with after
recording this, and if I do, Iwill create a part two.
But for now, I want to go backto the origins of what kind of
alerted me to okay, it's time tobe talking about this again in a
(13:07):
new way.
And this is something that, as Imentioned on one of our
meditations or calls, the beingdoing dance is one that is in
extremely important on my pathand has been extremely
(13:28):
important, and is one that isextremely relevant to everyone
that I work with, and I believethat those that are drawn to my
(13:50):
work are all here to kind ofcome into deeper levels of being
and to reduce or release thefalse ideas of doing, it's not
so that we're not doing, becausethat's not the point of being
(14:10):
human and not alive and alive.
It's not to not do.
(14:58):
Deconditioning ideas of lazinessand creating greater capacity
within our beings, within ourbodies, within our energetic
fields to trust and root intothe energy of being.
(15:27):
So what do I mean when let's goback to like super basics?
What do I mean when I'm talkingabout being and doing?
When I'm talking about being,I'm talking about simply the ex
being in your pure existence andallowing that to be enough and
(15:53):
not even simply that at thebeginning it might be that, but
allowing yourself to reconnectto the heart of who you are and
to feel the energy in with youin you, um gently ebbing and
flowing or pulsing, or howeveryou experience it, gently alive
in you or fiercely alive in you,and allowing yourself to be in
(16:20):
that experience.
And oftentimes over time, thatexperience does lead us to
action and does lead us toactivity, and does lead us to
outward expression, but theauthentic templates of doing
that come from that are foundedby this deep resourced well of
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connectivity to your heart,yourself, the divine, the truth
of who you are, right?
Even when you're in stillness,right?
And so ultimately you couldthink about this idea of being
as the complete delight,capacity, and safety in simply
(17:09):
being in stillness with yourselfand as you are.
And doing is what it sounds likedoing.
But there's kind of these twofrequencies, these two energies,
(17:30):
these two levels of this.
One that is mind-driven andgiven to us through the patterns
and the templates of the worldand what is supposedly
successful and worthy anddesired, and uh what we should
(17:54):
be living or or how we should beexpressing.
And uh caught up in a lot ofthat is survival energy.
And some of that survival energyis very real because we do need
money and we do need to pay ourbills, and we do need to have a
place to live and pay for food,etc.
(18:15):
And yet this has become a veryout-of-proportion process in our
system.
And there are very real andnatural survival energies that
we are each going to experiencein this life because, yeah, that
is, you know, there's ahierarchy of needs, and that is
(18:38):
a basis.
And yet it has been hijacked,might be kind of hard of a word,
but it has been the this energyhas kind of created a field of
expectation that we haveunconsciously integrated into
the idea of who we think we are,who we need to be, our identity,
(19:02):
and how we can move in theworld.
And then there's the level of,so there's like survival level
doing, and I'll get more intothat in a little bit.
And then there's kind ofauthentic doing.
And authentic doing is when wehave removed and become aware
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of, maybe we haven't fullyremoved them, but we've become
aware of all of the places thatwe are caught up in the matrix
of the world and that survivalenergy of doing and realized how
exhausted we are, and how thatactually doesn't quite feel true
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and right in our beings most ofthe time.
And then we've taken a step backand reconnected to our being
state, to our heart, to theenergy that is in us, this
greater identity than just whatthe world sees or tells us we
(20:05):
need to be.
And then from there, a naturalflow of action can come forth.
And this sometimes looks exactlythe same, and sometimes it looks
very different.
It depends on the person, itdepends on the season of life,
but the energy behind it is verydifferent.
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And one is deeply depleting, thesurvival doing is deeply
depleting, and the authenticdoing is not only energizing and
not depleting, it is oftendeeply healing and rebalancing
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and fortifying to our trust andour confidence in our system.
And when I say system, I'mtalking about kind of our mind,
body, soul, energy, triangle,and aura.
So just sit with that for asecond and notice the inventory
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in your life.
Just by those descriptions,where do you feel like you're
really caught up in the matrixdoing?
And I'll get into it more in asecond, and there's survival
aspects of it.
Do you feel connected or haveyou felt connected with that
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deep state of beingness, ofconnection to your heart,
release of the world, and thiskind of connection to that
greater energy of who you are,and being able to sit in that
and let it come and let it beenough, no matter what's
happening externally.
(21:57):
And have you experienced thatbeautiful natural ebb and flow
of energy that moves you intodoing in an authentic way?
I'm just gonna sit with that fora moment.
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Maybe in other seasons this onehas been easier than another.
Part of the reason that we do somany energetic attunements and
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updates and um connection in thesanctuary is that those are
often the gateway of bringingpeople out of this matrix doing
state and into this deepconnection to being that then
allows every time you do it, atiny recalibration, a tiny
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rewiring of your system to saythis is safe, this is okay,
there's something here for me.
So let's talk a little bit moreabout survival doing.
Survival doing often comes fromthis idea that we have to prove
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there's an unconscious pushenergy that goes with it.
It's basically I need to beprogressing on this uh I already
use the word template, but inthis kind of schema of what a
good person is or what I thinkI'm supposed to do in order to
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be loved, accepted, desired,supported.
And it comes with this deep fearof being nothing.
That there's this fear thatoften lives in that, that if you
were to stop, you would not onlylose everything around you,
(24:16):
which there is potentially sometruth in that, but also that you
would lose yourself, that youwould be nothing, that you would
be all alone whenever I followthe kind of um deep primal path
of exploring this in myself whenI feel anxiety come up around
something, and I've workedthrough this hundreds and
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hundreds of times over the pastfew years.
So I just want to normalize thatthis is something that as long
as this doing energy is kind ofconstantly pulsing in the world,
we are going to feel itsometimes, no matter how much
work we have done to exit that.
(25:01):
And so in this kind of doingstate, when it comes up and when
this kind of survival need to docomes up in my self and in my
body, and I can feel this energyrunning, and I'm not sure where
it came from.
(25:24):
I often follow the emotions andthe patterns all the way back to
the kind of the root fear, theroot primal fear that exists.
And usually the root prime firstit starts off as um, what will
people think?
How will I ever get what I want?
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What will people, you know, howwill people relate to me?
Will my husband be mad at me?
How will how will um others seeme?
There's a lot of kind of thatfluff on the surface, but as I
go deeper and deeper, usually atthe bottom, at the base of this
kind of primal activation isthis fear of being fully
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abandoned, fully alone, withoutanything, no money, no home, no
car.
Just like me sitting rejectedfrom the world and from all my
loved ones on a curb, homelesswithout anything.
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And of course, there's manylosses that would be have to be
very real for that to happen.
But at the base of this sense ofneeding to do and to keep up
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with the world and to present acertain way, there is this fear
of laziness.
And some, you know, the wordlazy can be looked into even
more, which we won't do today.
But there's this fear of beingseen or feeling lazy and being
uncomfortable with simply beingthat then translates quickly to
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not getting what we need tosurvive.
And so this might look like Iknow for me I had stuff with my
family around um if I didn't goto the right school, or if I
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didn't get the grades, or if Ididn't participate in the
things, or if I didn't kind ofhold my end of life up at the
house.
Like I understand that all ofthose are important aspects of
life, and yet I began to believethat if I wasn't doing all of
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that, I wouldn't be loved, Iwouldn't be accepted, I wouldn't
be supported.
And this wasn't conscious, ofcourse.
But it was kind of underlyingand ruling a lot of what I did
when at the basis of who I was,I was just deeply exhausted.
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And I was very disconnected fromthe truth of who I was, and that
truth of who I am isn'tnecessarily something we put
into words or something that youdefine perfectly.
It is that it is an energy andyour essence.
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And a lot of times I see doingin the top in I don't want to
say toxic, but in the survivalsense as a distraction.
Because learning to be and beingwith ourselves and being with
that essence energy at thebeginning is deeply
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uncomfortable and does not feelsafe.
Because the whole again schemaof life, the whole template that
we've bought into unconsciously,is that that isn't enough.
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That if I'm not doing, I'm notanything, and therefore I could
lose everything.
Which I think you can probablyalready connect with the
mistruths in that.
You have all experienced enoughmoments of being that have
(30:10):
deeply changed you and begun torewire you and created space for
something very powerful and newin your life, where you know
that yes, there's some doingprobably that needs to be done.
And yet, if you create the spaceto be and to connect with that
(30:36):
greater energy that willultimately lead you forward, you
are not nothing.
And actually, the irony here isthat in those moments of being,
we can tap into a greaterawareness and a greater
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embodiment of who we actuallyare.
And that's what ends up leadingus into authentic doing.
So just let all that kind ofland for a moment.
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In the lies of needing to bedoing all of the time, survival
doing, and those lies are oftenintegrated into what we think of
ourselves, and our mind runswild with them and goes crazy
with them and reminds us of themall the time.
And in the in the action ofsurvival doing, we are very
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connected to the mind.
It is very mind-controlled.
When we are connected to being,it is heart-controlled, it is
heart connected.
And we know that when we connectto our heart, we actually can
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begin to connect to all theseother layers of ourselves as
well.
And we can invite the mind tojoin that and be in
conversation.
But the mind is not, or theintellect is not the sole
leader, it's not the driver.
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And so usually what happens isearly on in childhood, or even
this comes in our lineage alwaysas well.
So it's not just a childhoodthing, but early on in
childhood, there is some moment,conscious or unconscious,
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usually unconscious, where wesay, Oh, I get it.
If I'm not blank, I won'treceive what I need.
I won't receive the love, care,attention, support, etc.
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Or if I'm not doing this,someone else will be in pain.
And therefore, in mysensitivity, I will feel bad and
I will be in pain.
It will hurt me to witness that.
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So instead, I will just makesure that I'm frantically
forever doing this thing orliving in this um living in this
idea that my mind has puttogether as a protection
mechanism to keep me from theselevels of pain.
(34:04):
So usually at a young age, andagain, this is alive in our all
of our lineages too.
So it's not just a childhoodthing, but for a lot of people,
there's this buy-in to thematrix, to the world's schema of
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success, being good, caring forothers, being loved, desired,
etc.
Being healthy.
And you can probably alreadysense like this is at the basis
(34:46):
of everything.
For some people, it's gonna belike if I'm not making people
laugh, or for if I for me, itwas care, you know, caretaking
was a huge part of it.
For some, I even have researchrecently discovered that likely
I am a really good cook becauseof my mom's levels of pickiness
(35:12):
around food and um expectexpectation.
And I learned quickly, oh, if Iwant to keep her happy, which I
did because I had this wholething that her not being happy
meant her not being well, whichher potentially getting sick
(35:33):
again and then dying.
So I took on the job of makingsure the food was damn good.
And it still is, and I enjoy it.
But it's very interesting to goback to the origins of some of
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these things and to recognizethat there are these patterns of
survival that are superpowersand also need some good old
debunking and need some good oldunraveling to really be able to
come out in their truestexpression.
(36:22):
And so thinking about where youare right now and thinking about
where you are in your life, Ijust want you to kind of notice
where you feel bought inconsciously or unconsciously, to
the matrix program that you needto be doing, accomplishing.
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Otherwise, you're unworthy.
You might feel unworthy orworthless or guilty or wrong or
bad.
(37:03):
Where have you in this seasonbeen caught up in that?
And I was explaining to mysister this past week how when
we are in a pattern of the mindor a pattern of protection and
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safety and survival, it isimpossible to see that there is
another way.
We feel like that is the onlyother way, and in this case,
even more so, because we aresold by the world that this is
the way that things work, thisis the way you do things, this
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is the way you get, you progressin life, this is the way you
grow, this is who you're howyou're supposed to tap into your
potential and live up to yourpotential.
And it seems like, well, there'sno other way.
There's no other way but for meto basically kill myself living
(38:13):
at the level that the worldrequires of me or or um demands
of me.
But when we come back to ourbeing state, and when we sink
into the heart and kind of oh,breathe in and make space to
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separate from that program, andwe recognize it with love, and
we recognize it that, yeah, Imean, that got me really far,
and it also burned me the fuckout.
And yes, doing somethingdifferent requires doing, but
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there is important restorationneeded in order to get to that
place of authentic movement,authentic action, as some people
would call it, aligned action.
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And so when we can return andinitiate and create the state of
being as a constant in ourlives, it doesn't need to be the
only state that we're living in,but it is the base state, it is
the um foundation, or we arebuilding it as the foundation of
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how we live.
We begin to see that actuallyall that is just a program, all
the survival doing is just aprogram.
And we begin to see newpossibilities.
And things start to open up andcome to us.
(40:02):
That isn't like I always thinkof head movement, heady-based
movement or intellect-basedmovement, as I've said this
before, squinty eyes and headkind of forward and looking
down, and super determined.
I know that I have had this andstill can have this.
And yet the energy of this isdeeply disembodied and very
(40:24):
taxing.
Have you ever noticed how tiredyou can be at the end of that?
And again, that energy can getyou far.
And then there will be a pointin your life, and maybe you've
passed this point once or twicebefore, where there's a clear
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this just can't be it.
This doesn't feel good anymore.
I'm super drained.
I feel like I'm living insurvival mode.
It seems normal to everybodyelse, but something is off here
for me.
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And when those moments come in,and sometimes there are also
messages that come from the bodyaround sickness or illness, or
feeling um dis-eased, feelingexhausted and depleted, getting
(41:31):
sick, having symptoms ofdifferent kinds, which, yes,
incredible to attend to thosefrom a mind-based health place,
but oftentimes those are simplydeep, deep signals that the way
we're living does not work withour system.
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And I get it, it is terrifyingto even think about that, and it
is um maybe not something thatfeels accessible to change in
this moment.
But the nice thing about it isthat the only steps that need to
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be made is a reconnection toyour beingness, and that begins
with the practices we do all ofthe time to just get into the
heart and to the body and toremember in our beingness.
Sorry, killing a bug on myfloor, but in my in the
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beingness, there is a deepremembrance of oh yeah, I'm not
just a caricature in a scene oflife, or I'm not just a pawn in
(42:57):
a play, or I'm not just acharacter.
There's something deeply vibrantin me.
Whether my body feels that rightnow or not, whether it feels
safe to just live in that andfrom that right now or not.
(43:21):
And like I said, oftentimes themind can very quickly want to
keep us from even tapping intothat because it's terrifying.
The mind has been wired to say,this is what is required to be
good, successful, to have whatyou need in the world.
Therefore, you must do it.
And the moment you will stop toreconnect with your being, the
mind will say, What the freakare you doing?
(43:45):
We cannot stop.
We cannot stop.
And so part of this process isof kind of moving from survival
doing to authentic doing overtime or authentic action is
through the pathway of the heartand through the pathway of
connecting again, yet again,over and over and over again, a
(44:09):
little bit more to who we are,and to doing the active
deconditioning work about whatwe believe or don't believe to
be true about who we are andwhat we need to be doing or
being to be accepted and okay.
And in that usually lives a lotof grief, and in that usually
(44:33):
lives a lot of pain, ofremembering the pain that still
lives in us.
And because of that, becauseit's not just some blissful
path, although it is alsoblissful, the mind will slam on
the brakes as fast as it can.
(44:58):
It will say, heck no, we're notgoing there.
There has not yet been any prooffor the mind to buy in that
there can be anything good injust being.
And so at first it can feelscary, it can feel like I don't
(45:22):
even know how to start, andthat's why you're here.
That's why we do the things wedo every week, that's why I
create the space so that youjust get to tap in and be part
of it and not have to be untilyou are ready and until you feel
like, oh yeah, I need this in myday-to-day life to incorporate
this, to incorporate thisreconnection to the heart, to
(45:45):
incorporate this welcoming ofyour greater essence and the
greater movement of intuition,of awareness, the knowings and
the messages that want to comethrough that are ready to lead
you forward.
(46:05):
And so we repeat the processover and over and over.
And at some point, yes, there isresponsibility to say, I mean,
there's one great step isjoining a space like this and
saying, I am here and I'm gonnalet this in.
And then the next step whenyou're ready is, and even though
it's going to feel deeplyuncomfortable and very hard, I
(46:29):
am going to commit to bringingthis into my day-to-day, to
connecting with my beingnessevery day to beginning to build
a sense of worth, of trust, ofsafety, of well-being, and
(46:53):
simply being me, not needing toapprove anything, do anything,
answer to anyone.
There is a remembering of whoyou are outside of all that
action that regrounds you andrestores you and re-energizes
(47:17):
you slowly.
And sometimes the next rightthing after something like that,
if there's space for it, is togo take a nap.
Or to just recognize how tiredyou are, and to really, really
(47:39):
be real with yourself about whatis possible and needed in this
season if you're that tired, andto prioritize restoration.
And in order to do this, there'sa lot that needs to be worked
through.
There's guilt, there's limitingbeliefs, there's fear, there's
(48:04):
memories of pain thatunconsciously come up that will
block us.
(48:30):
Built from heart-connectedaction and kind of this overflow
energy that leads you forward.
It requires being willing tounravel each of these, each of
the lies slowly over time forthe rest of your life.
(48:53):
And that might be hard to hearand a hard truth, and sound
like, oh, I don't even haveenergy for that.
I might as well just keep doingyou can, and then your body or
your great your intuition or allyour parts will at some point
say to you, Yeah, we can't dothis anymore.
And you'll have a choice.
(49:14):
There's a choice point in thesebeing doing moments.
Oftentimes those choice pointsare relating to grief and to
loss and to breakups and toendings and to unknowns.
You know that.
We work with that every weekhere.
(49:42):
These are these portal moments,these entryways that are saying,
okay, it's time.
It's time to build some trust.
And I just want to say this issome really deeply radical stuff
because um we are of the firstwaves of people in our world
(50:06):
even contemplating this.
There are millions and millionsand millions of people that this
isn't even in on their radaryet.
And yet I believe that it'sgoing to change very quickly,
and it already is changing.
And so I like to say all of thisfrom a place more of what is
(50:27):
your body and being telling you?
What is happening in your lifeand what is it showing you right
now?
How are you feeling about yourlife and how you feel in your
life?
And how is that alerting you tothis dance between being and
doing?
And maybe places that need to beunraveled, maybe places you need
(50:53):
to make space for stillness, forjust being, for just
experiencing the greater energyof your own heart every day.
This doesn't need to be a, oh,the world is changing when I
(51:13):
want to be at the forefront ofthis.
No, that's not the conversation.
The conversation is how are youfeeling in your life?
Usually when we are called to docome into this kind of deeper,
(51:33):
greater layer of connection toourselves and trying this on,
even if we've done this before,there's always more layers.
We I lost my train of thoughtfor a second, but I think what
(51:56):
I'm trying to say is when we'recalled into this, it is a very
deeply spiritual, naturalmoment.
It doesn't come from the mind,it comes from the rest of the
system being like, hold up, thisisn't sustainable.
(52:20):
This isn't how it feels good tolive.
This isn't us in our truestessence.
This isn't us living in ourpotential, no matter how good it
looks on the outside.
So I think that's where we'llend for now.
I can feel that there are moreparts coming, but I think going
(52:43):
back to this like really basicexchange and really looking at
this process and really takingsome time to reflect in your own
life about where you are andwhere you feel kind of caught up
in the being matrix anddisconnected, I'm sorry, in the
(53:04):
doing matrix and disconnectedfrom your beingness and et
cetera.
And even reflecting on whereyou, when you do connect to your
beingness, where you do feelguided forward, even if it's
just to go take a nap.
But when we tap into thatbeingness, we tap into a deep
(53:26):
well of resource that might feelshallow at the beginning because
we're tired, but it's not trulydepleted.
It just needs some space toreally um the well itself is
profound.
And in the rest or in therecalibration of simply making
(53:48):
space to be in our being, littleby little, it is filled again.
And I also want to say this isnot a process of quick change,
and yet we can feel the resultsreally quickly when we say yes
(54:13):
to this exploration in ourday-to-day life.
So I'm gonna end there.
Please drop your questions, yourreflections, those really help
me know where to take the nextexploration of this.
There's an integration flowthat's going to come out soon
(54:36):
that will allow you to kind ofplay with all of this in your
body and continue to um sinkinto it and notice what it feels
like to be in your being versuswhat it feels like to be in that
survival doing this.
And then in that, what are themessages?
What wants to lead you forward?
(54:57):
What is um, what is thatauthentic movement that's ready
to happen through you?
And gaining more and more andmore um comfort, safety, trust
(55:18):
in that state within yourself,getting to know that part of you
more and feeling like you canlean into it.
Okay, can't wait to hear how allthis lands.
Talk to you soon.
Thank you for listening toTransformed by Grief.
(55:38):
Please take a moment to rate,review, and subscribe to the
show and to share it with aloved one that needs this
medicine today.
If you're ready to deepen intoyour own Transformed by Grief
process, you can join theSanctuary membership or work
with me one-on-one at at leastlove.com.
See you soon.
Welcome to Transformed by Grief.
My name is Ellie Thomas, and Iam here to guide you on your
transformational grief journey.
From feeling lost, raw, andbrokenhearted, questioning
everything in you and aroundyou, to reconnecting to the
truth of who you are and thebeauty, fulfillment, and
(00:24):
vibrancy of life that is stillavailable in you and through
you.
On this podcast, we explore thedepths of what it means to say
yes to life again after you'vebeen broken open by pain and
grief.
We will explore what it means tocreate a deep, loving, and
reverent relationship toyourself, to grief, and to life
(00:45):
in a way that allows you tobegin to rebuild from the inside
out and to create a powerfulfoundation for a joy-filled,
alive feeling, and fulfillinglife you love.
Hi there.
Welcome back to Transformed byGrief.
(01:06):
We are in the final moments ofpregnancy over here.
Baby's due date approachingquickly, and oh final wave of
energy to share and organize andset up everything that's wanting
(01:27):
to be left in place while I takesome time off to just be in the
process of tending to our littleone and learning how to be a
mama and all of the expansionthat's about to come with that
through the birth portal andbeyond.
And one of the things that hasbeen on my heart is all of these
(01:50):
fantastic integration audiosthat I recorded and have
recorded.
I call them integration audiosin the sanctuary, but really
they're just bonus audioteachings and explorations and
podcast style shares that I havecollected in the Sanctuary
(02:11):
membership and had available tomembers through the last six
plus months.
And these audios have so much inthem.
And this one specifically hasbeen kind of tapping on me to be
shared with the greater audienceof the podcast and not just
(02:35):
members, as it really goes wellwith so many themes that came up
with the episode that I did withPilar.
And also just this recurringtheme that comes up with just
about everybody that I have everworked with and probably will
ever work with because it's ahuge also part of my journey
(02:57):
with myself and in my ownprocess of learning how to move
from the head into the heart,into the body, and to trust the
guidance of energy that comesfrom the core of who I am, more
than just the protective,strategic intellect that is
(03:21):
often quite limited and notconnected to the greater
potential and the greater kindof movement of energy that I'm
here to walk with.
And I find this to be true withmost people that I work with.
A huge part of my one-on-onework in and my work in the
(03:43):
sanctuary is really being thevessel of bringing people down
from that head space into theheart and body and letting them
acclimate and get reallycomfortable with feeling energy
move, and then allowing that tobe our guidance system and
allowing that to be the part ofus that leads and that
(04:07):
expression that gets to havespace in the world instead of
being controlled or shut down orcalculated, which most women
that I work with are extremesensitive beings and also
energetic powerhouses, and yetthrough their own experiences
(04:33):
have been groomed to lead fromthe intellect and been connected
to their sense of worth andtheir sense of power and their
sense of who they should andneed to be through the
intellect.
And I am a huge advocate throughto incorporating and integrating
(04:57):
our intellect into these greaterparts of ourselves.
But first, oftentimes that hasto come into connecting with
being who we are, learning to bewho we are, kind of
deconditioning anddeprogramming.
The intellect is our main sourceof action and our main source of
(05:18):
decision making to then be ableto find our flow forward where
we get to incorporate that, butit doesn't get to be the
reigning part of our lives.
And this audio teaching is allabout exploring this idea of
(05:38):
being versus doing and the dancebetween the two and beginning to
take the exploration of survivaldoing versus authentic doing and
how that connects to being.
(06:56):
So I hope you love it.
I wanted to let you know thatone thing that I'm have been
working on has been reorganizingthe sanctuary to be a resource
for you to tap into at anypoint.
We have for now shifted thecontext since I won't be doing
live calls for a while, but Ihave been reorganizing these 300
(07:19):
plus hours of incrediblematerial, everything from
meditations and energy work thatrange from 12 to 40 minutes to
incredibly beautifultransformational coaching calls
that go really deep into griefand much beyond.
I call the sanctuary your hubfor grief and growth, your space
(07:42):
of refuge to come and exploreeverything that's growing in you
through your grief and yourgrowth.
And so we start from the placeof rooted into moving with what
wants to be connected with andliberated, very similar to
what's being talked about intoday's episode.
(08:03):
But then we also get to moveinto like how does this next
level of expression want to comethrough you in the world?
How does it impact how we wantto see our lives, success, how
we're focused on relationships,how it impacts our health, all
of these aspects.
And so over the past year and ahalf, so much in the sanctuary
has been developed to supportyou in a multidimensional way
(08:24):
from coaching sessions toteachings to meditations and
energy work and guided practicesto community and so much more.
There's so much richness there.
And so I've been in the processof organizing it so that as you
feel called, you can tap into itat any point that you want to,
(08:48):
whether I am on maternity leaveor not, and really reap the
benefits and really sink intothe beauty of what this space
was created for to meet you inpotentially pain, transition,
challenge with yourself or in agreater context of your life,
(09:09):
and come into deep explorationand deep connection with
yourself and begin to unravelwhat needs to be unraveling so
that you can find your flowforward and really build from a
really solid and sturdyfoundation of healing, of
(09:29):
clarity, of honoring yourprocess and honoring everything
that has been required for youto arrive where you arrive, and
also trusting what is ready tocome through as you've released
a lot.
A lot of the focus in thesanctuary is about release so
(09:51):
that we can make space to tapinto what's true and allow that
to lead.
So it goes really well with.
(10:21):
So if you have been interestedin the sanctuary, there's so
much available still and willthat was only going to grow.
I've been putting together somemini courses, some bundles.
It's all kind of starting tocome together, but you can now
access it at a discounted priceas well.
So I'll put all of theinformation in the show notes.
(10:42):
And we would love to have youjoin.
I will still get to pop in andread your things over time.
I won't be as active in the nextfew months, but there are some
beautiful community members thathave been there for a long time.
And you could just pop in and beanonymous and soak it all in for
weeks or months at a time,whatever feels good for you.
(11:03):
So I wanted to let you know thatthat is a really, really great
place to kind of continue towork with all of this over the
next few months as I'm onmaternity leave.
And if you have any questions,for sure, reach out and let me
know.
But for today, this teaching andexploration on the energies of
(11:24):
being versus doing and the dancebetween them.
And I hope it meets you exactlywhere you need it to.
(11:47):
I've just done some of ourenergy resetting practices that
have been so on repeat in mylife as I've been sharing them
with you all in the sanctuary.
(12:18):
I can feel how much wants tocome through around this.
And oftentimes, in order for meto just allow what wants to come
through to come through, I justgotta hit play and record
because or hit record and and gobecause trying to conceptualize
it all in my mind is kind ofimpossible.
(12:43):
So there may be other thingsthat I come up with after
recording this, and if I do, Iwill create a part two.
But for now, I want to go backto the origins of what kind of
alerted me to okay, it's time tobe talking about this again in a
(13:07):
new way.
And this is something that, as Imentioned on one of our
meditations or calls, the beingdoing dance is one that is in
extremely important on my pathand has been extremely
(13:28):
important, and is one that isextremely relevant to everyone
that I work with, and I believethat those that are drawn to my
(13:50):
work are all here to kind ofcome into deeper levels of being
and to reduce or release thefalse ideas of doing, it's not
so that we're not doing, becausethat's not the point of being
(14:10):
human and not alive and alive.
It's not to not do.
(14:58):
Deconditioning ideas of lazinessand creating greater capacity
within our beings, within ourbodies, within our energetic
fields to trust and root intothe energy of being.
(15:27):
So what do I mean when let's goback to like super basics?
What do I mean when I'm talkingabout being and doing?
When I'm talking about being,I'm talking about simply the ex
being in your pure existence andallowing that to be enough and
(15:53):
not even simply that at thebeginning it might be that, but
allowing yourself to reconnectto the heart of who you are and
to feel the energy in with youin you, um gently ebbing and
flowing or pulsing, or howeveryou experience it, gently alive
in you or fiercely alive in you,and allowing yourself to be in
(16:20):
that experience.
And oftentimes over time, thatexperience does lead us to
action and does lead us toactivity, and does lead us to
outward expression, but theauthentic templates of doing
that come from that are foundedby this deep resourced well of
(16:47):
connectivity to your heart,yourself, the divine, the truth
of who you are, right?
Even when you're in stillness,right?
And so ultimately you couldthink about this idea of being
as the complete delight,capacity, and safety in simply
(17:09):
being in stillness with yourselfand as you are.
And doing is what it sounds likedoing.
But there's kind of these twofrequencies, these two energies,
(17:30):
these two levels of this.
One that is mind-driven andgiven to us through the patterns
and the templates of the worldand what is supposedly
successful and worthy anddesired, and uh what we should
(17:54):
be living or or how we should beexpressing.
And uh caught up in a lot ofthat is survival energy.
And some of that survival energyis very real because we do need
money and we do need to pay ourbills, and we do need to have a
place to live and pay for food,etc.
(18:15):
And yet this has become a veryout-of-proportion process in our
system.
And there are very real andnatural survival energies that
we are each going to experiencein this life because, yeah, that
is, you know, there's ahierarchy of needs, and that is
(18:38):
a basis.
And yet it has been hijacked,might be kind of hard of a word,
but it has been the this energyhas kind of created a field of
expectation that we haveunconsciously integrated into
the idea of who we think we are,who we need to be, our identity,
(19:02):
and how we can move in theworld.
And then there's the level of,so there's like survival level
doing, and I'll get more intothat in a little bit.
And then there's kind ofauthentic doing.
And authentic doing is when wehave removed and become aware
(19:23):
of, maybe we haven't fullyremoved them, but we've become
aware of all of the places thatwe are caught up in the matrix
of the world and that survivalenergy of doing and realized how
exhausted we are, and how thatactually doesn't quite feel true
(19:43):
and right in our beings most ofthe time.
And then we've taken a step backand reconnected to our being
state, to our heart, to theenergy that is in us, this
greater identity than just whatthe world sees or tells us we
(20:05):
need to be.
And then from there, a naturalflow of action can come forth.
And this sometimes looks exactlythe same, and sometimes it looks
very different.
It depends on the person, itdepends on the season of life,
but the energy behind it is verydifferent.
(20:25):
And one is deeply depleting, thesurvival doing is deeply
depleting, and the authenticdoing is not only energizing and
not depleting, it is oftendeeply healing and rebalancing
(20:47):
and fortifying to our trust andour confidence in our system.
And when I say system, I'mtalking about kind of our mind,
body, soul, energy, triangle,and aura.
So just sit with that for asecond and notice the inventory
(21:12):
in your life.
Just by those descriptions,where do you feel like you're
really caught up in the matrixdoing?
And I'll get into it more in asecond, and there's survival
aspects of it.
Do you feel connected or haveyou felt connected with that
(21:34):
deep state of beingness, ofconnection to your heart,
release of the world, and thiskind of connection to that
greater energy of who you are,and being able to sit in that
and let it come and let it beenough, no matter what's
happening externally.
(21:57):
And have you experienced thatbeautiful natural ebb and flow
of energy that moves you intodoing in an authentic way?
I'm just gonna sit with that fora moment.
(22:21):
Maybe in other seasons this onehas been easier than another.
Part of the reason that we do somany energetic attunements and
(22:42):
updates and um connection in thesanctuary is that those are
often the gateway of bringingpeople out of this matrix doing
state and into this deepconnection to being that then
allows every time you do it, atiny recalibration, a tiny
(23:03):
rewiring of your system to saythis is safe, this is okay,
there's something here for me.
So let's talk a little bit moreabout survival doing.
Survival doing often comes fromthis idea that we have to prove
(23:27):
there's an unconscious pushenergy that goes with it.
It's basically I need to beprogressing on this uh I already
use the word template, but inthis kind of schema of what a
good person is or what I thinkI'm supposed to do in order to
(23:50):
be loved, accepted, desired,supported.
And it comes with this deep fearof being nothing.
That there's this fear thatoften lives in that, that if you
were to stop, you would not onlylose everything around you,
(24:16):
which there is potentially sometruth in that, but also that you
would lose yourself, that youwould be nothing, that you would
be all alone whenever I followthe kind of um deep primal path
of exploring this in myself whenI feel anxiety come up around
something, and I've workedthrough this hundreds and
(24:38):
hundreds of times over the pastfew years.
So I just want to normalize thatthis is something that as long
as this doing energy is kind ofconstantly pulsing in the world,
we are going to feel itsometimes, no matter how much
work we have done to exit that.
(25:01):
And so in this kind of doingstate, when it comes up and when
this kind of survival need to docomes up in my self and in my
body, and I can feel this energyrunning, and I'm not sure where
it came from.
(25:24):
I often follow the emotions andthe patterns all the way back to
the kind of the root fear, theroot primal fear that exists.
And usually the root prime firstit starts off as um, what will
people think?
How will I ever get what I want?
(25:46):
What will people, you know, howwill people relate to me?
Will my husband be mad at me?
How will how will um others seeme?
There's a lot of kind of thatfluff on the surface, but as I
go deeper and deeper, usually atthe bottom, at the base of this
kind of primal activation isthis fear of being fully
(26:09):
abandoned, fully alone, withoutanything, no money, no home, no
car.
Just like me sitting rejectedfrom the world and from all my
loved ones on a curb, homelesswithout anything.
(26:31):
And of course, there's manylosses that would be have to be
very real for that to happen.
But at the base of this sense ofneeding to do and to keep up
(26:52):
with the world and to present acertain way, there is this fear
of laziness.
And some, you know, the wordlazy can be looked into even
more, which we won't do today.
But there's this fear of beingseen or feeling lazy and being
uncomfortable with simply beingthat then translates quickly to
(27:18):
not getting what we need tosurvive.
And so this might look like Iknow for me I had stuff with my
family around um if I didn't goto the right school, or if I
(27:38):
didn't get the grades, or if Ididn't participate in the
things, or if I didn't kind ofhold my end of life up at the
house.
Like I understand that all ofthose are important aspects of
life, and yet I began to believethat if I wasn't doing all of
(28:06):
that, I wouldn't be loved, Iwouldn't be accepted, I wouldn't
be supported.
And this wasn't conscious, ofcourse.
But it was kind of underlyingand ruling a lot of what I did
when at the basis of who I was,I was just deeply exhausted.
(28:34):
And I was very disconnected fromthe truth of who I was, and that
truth of who I am isn'tnecessarily something we put
into words or something that youdefine perfectly.
It is that it is an energy andyour essence.
(29:01):
And a lot of times I see doingin the top in I don't want to
say toxic, but in the survivalsense as a distraction.
Because learning to be and beingwith ourselves and being with
that essence energy at thebeginning is deeply
(29:25):
uncomfortable and does not feelsafe.
Because the whole again schemaof life, the whole template that
we've bought into unconsciously,is that that isn't enough.
(29:46):
That if I'm not doing, I'm notanything, and therefore I could
lose everything.
Which I think you can probablyalready connect with the
mistruths in that.
You have all experienced enoughmoments of being that have
(30:10):
deeply changed you and begun torewire you and created space for
something very powerful and newin your life, where you know
that yes, there's some doingprobably that needs to be done.
And yet, if you create the spaceto be and to connect with that
(30:36):
greater energy that willultimately lead you forward, you
are not nothing.
And actually, the irony here isthat in those moments of being,
we can tap into a greaterawareness and a greater
(31:01):
embodiment of who we actuallyare.
And that's what ends up leadingus into authentic doing.
So just let all that kind ofland for a moment.
(31:27):
In the lies of needing to bedoing all of the time, survival
doing, and those lies are oftenintegrated into what we think of
ourselves, and our mind runswild with them and goes crazy
with them and reminds us of themall the time.
And in the in the action ofsurvival doing, we are very
(31:51):
connected to the mind.
It is very mind-controlled.
When we are connected to being,it is heart-controlled, it is
heart connected.
And we know that when we connectto our heart, we actually can
(32:14):
begin to connect to all theseother layers of ourselves as
well.
And we can invite the mind tojoin that and be in
conversation.
But the mind is not, or theintellect is not the sole
leader, it's not the driver.
(32:37):
And so usually what happens isearly on in childhood, or even
this comes in our lineage alwaysas well.
So it's not just a childhoodthing, but early on in
childhood, there is some moment,conscious or unconscious,
(32:58):
usually unconscious, where wesay, Oh, I get it.
If I'm not blank, I won'treceive what I need.
I won't receive the love, care,attention, support, etc.
(33:18):
Or if I'm not doing this,someone else will be in pain.
And therefore, in mysensitivity, I will feel bad and
I will be in pain.
It will hurt me to witness that.
(33:40):
So instead, I will just makesure that I'm frantically
forever doing this thing orliving in this um living in this
idea that my mind has puttogether as a protection
mechanism to keep me from theselevels of pain.
(34:04):
So usually at a young age, andagain, this is alive in our all
of our lineages too.
So it's not just a childhoodthing, but for a lot of people,
there's this buy-in to thematrix, to the world's schema of
(34:24):
success, being good, caring forothers, being loved, desired,
etc.
Being healthy.
And you can probably alreadysense like this is at the basis
(34:46):
of everything.
For some people, it's gonna belike if I'm not making people
laugh, or for if I for me, itwas care, you know, caretaking
was a huge part of it.
For some, I even have researchrecently discovered that likely
I am a really good cook becauseof my mom's levels of pickiness
(35:12):
around food and um expectexpectation.
And I learned quickly, oh, if Iwant to keep her happy, which I
did because I had this wholething that her not being happy
meant her not being well, whichher potentially getting sick
(35:33):
again and then dying.
So I took on the job of makingsure the food was damn good.
And it still is, and I enjoy it.
But it's very interesting to goback to the origins of some of
(35:56):
these things and to recognizethat there are these patterns of
survival that are superpowersand also need some good old
debunking and need some good oldunraveling to really be able to
come out in their truestexpression.
(36:22):
And so thinking about where youare right now and thinking about
where you are in your life, Ijust want you to kind of notice
where you feel bought inconsciously or unconsciously, to
the matrix program that you needto be doing, accomplishing.
(36:43):
Otherwise, you're unworthy.
You might feel unworthy orworthless or guilty or wrong or
bad.
(37:03):
Where have you in this seasonbeen caught up in that?
And I was explaining to mysister this past week how when
we are in a pattern of the mindor a pattern of protection and
(37:28):
safety and survival, it isimpossible to see that there is
another way.
We feel like that is the onlyother way, and in this case,
even more so, because we aresold by the world that this is
the way that things work, thisis the way you do things, this
(37:48):
is the way you get, you progressin life, this is the way you
grow, this is who you're howyou're supposed to tap into your
potential and live up to yourpotential.
And it seems like, well, there'sno other way.
There's no other way but for meto basically kill myself living
(38:13):
at the level that the worldrequires of me or or um demands
of me.
But when we come back to ourbeing state, and when we sink
into the heart and kind of oh,breathe in and make space to
(38:37):
separate from that program, andwe recognize it with love, and
we recognize it that, yeah, Imean, that got me really far,
and it also burned me the fuckout.
And yes, doing somethingdifferent requires doing, but
(38:57):
there is important restorationneeded in order to get to that
place of authentic movement,authentic action, as some people
would call it, aligned action.
(39:18):
And so when we can return andinitiate and create the state of
being as a constant in ourlives, it doesn't need to be the
only state that we're living in,but it is the base state, it is
the um foundation, or we arebuilding it as the foundation of
(39:40):
how we live.
We begin to see that actuallyall that is just a program, all
the survival doing is just aprogram.
And we begin to see newpossibilities.
And things start to open up andcome to us.
(40:02):
That isn't like I always thinkof head movement, heady-based
movement or intellect-basedmovement, as I've said this
before, squinty eyes and headkind of forward and looking
down, and super determined.
I know that I have had this andstill can have this.
And yet the energy of this isdeeply disembodied and very
(40:24):
taxing.
Have you ever noticed how tiredyou can be at the end of that?
And again, that energy can getyou far.
And then there will be a pointin your life, and maybe you've
passed this point once or twicebefore, where there's a clear
(40:46):
this just can't be it.
This doesn't feel good anymore.
I'm super drained.
I feel like I'm living insurvival mode.
It seems normal to everybodyelse, but something is off here
for me.
(41:09):
And when those moments come in,and sometimes there are also
messages that come from the bodyaround sickness or illness, or
feeling um dis-eased, feelingexhausted and depleted, getting
(41:31):
sick, having symptoms ofdifferent kinds, which, yes,
incredible to attend to thosefrom a mind-based health place,
but oftentimes those are simplydeep, deep signals that the way
we're living does not work withour system.
(41:52):
And I get it, it is terrifyingto even think about that, and it
is um maybe not something thatfeels accessible to change in
this moment.
But the nice thing about it isthat the only steps that need to
(42:12):
be made is a reconnection toyour beingness, and that begins
with the practices we do all ofthe time to just get into the
heart and to the body and toremember in our beingness.
Sorry, killing a bug on myfloor, but in my in the
(42:33):
beingness, there is a deepremembrance of oh yeah, I'm not
just a caricature in a scene oflife, or I'm not just a pawn in
(42:57):
a play, or I'm not just acharacter.
There's something deeply vibrantin me.
Whether my body feels that rightnow or not, whether it feels
safe to just live in that andfrom that right now or not.
(43:21):
And like I said, oftentimes themind can very quickly want to
keep us from even tapping intothat because it's terrifying.
The mind has been wired to say,this is what is required to be
good, successful, to have whatyou need in the world.
Therefore, you must do it.
And the moment you will stop toreconnect with your being, the
mind will say, What the freakare you doing?
(43:45):
We cannot stop.
We cannot stop.
And so part of this process isof kind of moving from survival
doing to authentic doing overtime or authentic action is
through the pathway of the heartand through the pathway of
connecting again, yet again,over and over and over again, a
(44:09):
little bit more to who we are,and to doing the active
deconditioning work about whatwe believe or don't believe to
be true about who we are andwhat we need to be doing or
being to be accepted and okay.
And in that usually lives a lotof grief, and in that usually
(44:33):
lives a lot of pain, ofremembering the pain that still
lives in us.
And because of that, becauseit's not just some blissful
path, although it is alsoblissful, the mind will slam on
the brakes as fast as it can.
(44:58):
It will say, heck no, we're notgoing there.
There has not yet been any prooffor the mind to buy in that
there can be anything good injust being.
And so at first it can feelscary, it can feel like I don't
(45:22):
even know how to start, andthat's why you're here.
That's why we do the things wedo every week, that's why I
create the space so that youjust get to tap in and be part
of it and not have to be untilyou are ready and until you feel
like, oh yeah, I need this in myday-to-day life to incorporate
this, to incorporate thisreconnection to the heart, to
(45:45):
incorporate this welcoming ofyour greater essence and the
greater movement of intuition,of awareness, the knowings and
the messages that want to comethrough that are ready to lead
you forward.
(46:05):
And so we repeat the processover and over and over.
And at some point, yes, there isresponsibility to say, I mean,
there's one great step isjoining a space like this and
saying, I am here and I'm gonnalet this in.
And then the next step whenyou're ready is, and even though
it's going to feel deeplyuncomfortable and very hard, I
(46:29):
am going to commit to bringingthis into my day-to-day, to
connecting with my beingnessevery day to beginning to build
a sense of worth, of trust, ofsafety, of well-being, and
(46:53):
simply being me, not needing toapprove anything, do anything,
answer to anyone.
There is a remembering of whoyou are outside of all that
action that regrounds you andrestores you and re-energizes
(47:17):
you slowly.
And sometimes the next rightthing after something like that,
if there's space for it, is togo take a nap.
Or to just recognize how tiredyou are, and to really, really
(47:39):
be real with yourself about whatis possible and needed in this
season if you're that tired, andto prioritize restoration.
And in order to do this, there'sa lot that needs to be worked
through.
There's guilt, there's limitingbeliefs, there's fear, there's
(48:04):
memories of pain thatunconsciously come up that will
block us.
(48:30):
Built from heart-connectedaction and kind of this overflow
energy that leads you forward.
It requires being willing tounravel each of these, each of
the lies slowly over time forthe rest of your life.
(48:53):
And that might be hard to hearand a hard truth, and sound
like, oh, I don't even haveenergy for that.
I might as well just keep doingyou can, and then your body or
your great your intuition or allyour parts will at some point
say to you, Yeah, we can't dothis anymore.
And you'll have a choice.
(49:14):
There's a choice point in thesebeing doing moments.
Oftentimes those choice pointsare relating to grief and to
loss and to breakups and toendings and to unknowns.
You know that.
We work with that every weekhere.
(49:42):
These are these portal moments,these entryways that are saying,
okay, it's time.
It's time to build some trust.
And I just want to say this issome really deeply radical stuff
because um we are of the firstwaves of people in our world
(50:06):
even contemplating this.
There are millions and millionsand millions of people that this
isn't even in on their radaryet.
And yet I believe that it'sgoing to change very quickly,
and it already is changing.
And so I like to say all of thisfrom a place more of what is
(50:27):
your body and being telling you?
What is happening in your lifeand what is it showing you right
now?
How are you feeling about yourlife and how you feel in your
life?
And how is that alerting you tothis dance between being and
doing?
And maybe places that need to beunraveled, maybe places you need
(50:53):
to make space for stillness, forjust being, for just
experiencing the greater energyof your own heart every day.
This doesn't need to be a, oh,the world is changing when I
(51:13):
want to be at the forefront ofthis.
No, that's not the conversation.
The conversation is how are youfeeling in your life?
Usually when we are called to docome into this kind of deeper,
(51:33):
greater layer of connection toourselves and trying this on,
even if we've done this before,there's always more layers.
We I lost my train of thoughtfor a second, but I think what
(51:56):
I'm trying to say is when we'recalled into this, it is a very
deeply spiritual, naturalmoment.
It doesn't come from the mind,it comes from the rest of the
system being like, hold up, thisisn't sustainable.
(52:20):
This isn't how it feels good tolive.
This isn't us in our truestessence.
This isn't us living in ourpotential, no matter how good it
looks on the outside.
So I think that's where we'llend for now.
I can feel that there are moreparts coming, but I think going
(52:43):
back to this like really basicexchange and really looking at
this process and really takingsome time to reflect in your own
life about where you are andwhere you feel kind of caught up
in the being matrix anddisconnected, I'm sorry, in the
(53:04):
doing matrix and disconnectedfrom your beingness and et
cetera.
And even reflecting on whereyou, when you do connect to your
beingness, where you do feelguided forward, even if it's
just to go take a nap.
But when we tap into thatbeingness, we tap into a deep
(53:26):
well of resource that might feelshallow at the beginning because
we're tired, but it's not trulydepleted.
It just needs some space toreally um the well itself is
profound.
And in the rest or in therecalibration of simply making
(53:48):
space to be in our being, littleby little, it is filled again.
And I also want to say this isnot a process of quick change,
and yet we can feel the resultsreally quickly when we say yes
(54:13):
to this exploration in ourday-to-day life.
So I'm gonna end there.
Please drop your questions, yourreflections, those really help
me know where to take the nextexploration of this.
There's an integration flowthat's going to come out soon
(54:36):
that will allow you to kind ofplay with all of this in your
body and continue to um sinkinto it and notice what it feels
like to be in your being versuswhat it feels like to be in that
survival doing this.
And then in that, what are themessages?
What wants to lead you forward?
(54:57):
What is um, what is thatauthentic movement that's ready
to happen through you?
And gaining more and more andmore um comfort, safety, trust
(55:18):
in that state within yourself,getting to know that part of you
more and feeling like you canlean into it.
Okay, can't wait to hear how allthis lands.
Talk to you soon.
Thank you for listening toTransformed by Grief.
(55:38):
Please take a moment to rate,review, and subscribe to the
show and to share it with aloved one that needs this
medicine today.
If you're ready to deepen intoyour own Transformed by Grief
process, you can join theSanctuary membership or work
with me one-on-one at at leastlove.com.
See you soon.
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