October 29, 2023 • 32 mins
Feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or constantly on edge? Maybe you've been outside your "Window of Tolerance".
Join Natalie Jovanic as they unravel the profound concept of the window of tolerance, a safe zone within which we can effectively manage our emotions. We'll take you on a fascinating exploration into the window of tolerance while providing insights into how trauma impacts our nervous system and how we can recognize and mitigate automatic responses.
Ever wondered why some situations leave you more rattled than others? And what do childhood experiences, trauma, and discrimination have to do with it? Tune in as we take a deep dive into the influences that can narrow our window of tolerance and push us into states of hyper- or hypo-arousal. Arm yourself with effective coping skills that can help you expand your window of tolerance or come back to it if you are in hypo= or hyperarousal. It's time to navigate the often turbulent sea of emotions with more awareness and control, stepping into a journey of healing and growth.
Learn more about us: https://brighthorizontherapies.com/
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Message us: nat@brighthorizontherapies.com
Trauma Demystified is not intended to replace professional guidance, support, medical treatment, or therapy. Please feel free to consult your physician or a mental health professional for any questions about mental health symptoms.
Bright Horizon Therapies is located in the Treaty 7 region in Southern Alberta, which includes the Blackfoot Confederacy, the Tsuut’ina First Nation, and the Stoney Nakoda. This land is also home to Métis Nation of Alberta, Region III. We acknowledge the traditional caregivers of the land and the importance of a commitment to the continued decolonization of our work.
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Episode Transcript
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Natalie Jovanic (they/t (00:00):
Welcome to Trauma Demystified, a
podcast by Bright HorizonTherapies.
I'm Natalie Jovenage, mypronouns are they, them, and I
am your host on this journey.
In this episode, I'll be divinginto the captivating world of
emotions in our nervous system,drawing not only from my
extensive experience as atrauma-informed counselor and
(00:21):
coach, but also from my ownhealing journey from trauma.
Get ready, because today'sepisode "Understanding the
Window of Tolerance, rebalancinga dysregulated nervous system
is going to give you newinsights.
We are going to explore thewindow of tolerance and uncover
how trauma leaves its mark onour nervous system.
(00:42):
But that's not all.
I'll also equip you with somepractical tools that will help
you to widen your window oftolerance.
I hope that these techniqueswill empower you to conquer the
challenges of your emotionalworld like a true champion.
Before I jump into the content,I want to give you some context
on why I want to talk about ittoday.
(01:04):
A dysregulated nervous systemis one of the symptoms of trauma
, and I've made it my mission togive my clients the wisdom of
the window of tolerance at thebeginning of our collaboration.
Most of my clients find thisknowledge helpful to understand
the responsive better and regaincontrol over the often
(01:25):
upsetting symptoms of adysregulated nervous system.
Since I don't know you, andsince this is a podcast, I want
to make sure that you have somestrategies to navigate emotions
before moving forward with thepodcast trauma-demystified.
I hope that this episode helpsyou to not only comprehend your
nervous system better, but alsoprovides you with some
(01:46):
strategies to navigate thestormy seas of your emotions.
So let's embark on this journeyof healing and empowerment.
So what is this window oftolerance when it comes to our
nervous systems?
There are two differentconcepts that explain how it
works.
One is polyvagal theory, theother one is the window of
(02:07):
tolerance.
While they are similar, theyhave different flavors.
I use the window of toleranceto help my clients understand
and manage their emotionalstates, while polyvagal theory
serves us to understand thebroader functioning of our
autonomic nervous system and itsimpact on social interactions
and relationships.
(02:27):
I find that both concepts cancomplement each other when it
comes to the recovery fromtrauma.
Personally, I had valuableinsights from both of them.
While we focus on this episodeon the window of tolerance, I'll
explain more about polyvagaltheory in a later episode.
So let's explore the window oftolerance.
(02:50):
The concept of the window oftolerance has been introduced by
Dan Siegel in 1999 anddescribed three different states
of arousal.
It is usually depicted as agraphic where the area of the
window of tolerance is in themiddle, hyper arousal is below
of it and hyper arousal is abovethe window of tolerance.
(03:13):
In this concept, the window oftolerance describes a zone of
optimal arousal.
So what does optimal arousalmean?
It means that when we are inour window of tolerance, we can
effectively manage and cope withour emotions, even if they are
intense, and this relates topositive or pleasant emotions
(03:37):
and unpleasant emotions.
So, whether it is happiness, orwhether it's guilt or shame or
anger, if we are in our windowof tolerance, we can manage them
and we can be with them.
Additionally, we have access toconscious choice and reason if
we are in our window oftolerance and therefore we have
a sense of control, even if wefeel stressed.
(03:59):
Overall, if we are in thewindow of tolerance, we can
effectively deal and cope withour emotions and with stress.
It is important to understandthat the window of tolerance is
flexible and not written instone.
Depending on what happened tous or what is happening to us,
the window of tolerance canchange, and we can also choose
(04:21):
to actively work towardsexpanding it.
So now let's look at whathappens if we are outside of our
window of tolerance.
As stated before, if we moveoutside of the window of
tolerance, we are either inhyper or hypoavousal.
I'll start with hyperavousal,which means we have moved
outside of the upper boundary ofour window of tolerance.
(04:44):
Hyperavousal is related to thefight-and-flight response and it
usually means that our nervoussystem is highly activated.
So if we are in hyperavousal,we may experience heightened
anxiety, we may have flashbacks,we may feel anger or rage or we
(05:05):
feel very on edge, or we mayhave a higher impulsivity.
Some people may have tendencyto self-injury or suicidality.
Some people may have reallytight muscles.
Some people may feeloverwhelmed or they feel like
they are being out of control.
If we are in hyperavousal, ourprefrontal cortex usually shuts
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down.
This means our executivefunctioning isn't working as if
we were in the window oftolerance.
I have noticed that peoplesometimes blame themselves,
because we may see behaviors inourselves that we don't like.
When we are in hyperavousal,for example, we may experience
uncontrollable outburst of anger.
(05:48):
Please note that theseresponses are automatic
responses and not within ourconscious choice.
They are also often adaptivecocaine mechanisms to traumatic
experiences of the past.
While it is reallyuncomfortable if these behaviors
show up, I often invite myclients to see them as an
opportunity to grow and heal.
(06:08):
They often show up becauseunderneath of them are wounded
parts of us that have not yetbeen healed.
While we cannot control whathappened to us, we are
responsible for our own healingand we also are responsible to
develop behaviors that arehealthy as soon as we recognize
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elements that we don't like.
Just to give you an example Iused to injure myself when I was
under extreme stress in arelationship, and I often felt
ashamed of this behavior.
The behavior was directlyrelated to my childhood trauma.
So while I wasn't responsiblewhat had happened to me in my
childhood, I still wasresponsible to learn healthier
(06:53):
coping skills so that I wouldn'tharm myself.
So when I started my healingjourney and I really learned new
tools of coping, I learned toset healthy boundaries and I
also Healed the woundsunderneath of it.
It really allowed me that thisbehavior didn't show up anymore.
So overall, I would invite youto see it as a journey of growth
(07:15):
and healing, even if you seethings within yourself that you
don't like.
So now that we touched on hyperarousal, let's look at hypo
arousal.
So hypo arousal happens if wecross the lower boundary of the
window of tolerance.
Hypo arousal can also be seenas a shut-down response and it
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is usually connected with thefreeze and fawn response.
Symptoms of hypo arousals arethat we feel depressed or we
feel numb.
We may be unable to speak or wemay feel very low in thinking.
We may not be able to connectwith our emotions, we may feel
dissociated or shut down, and wemay also feel ashamed and
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hopeless.
Sometimes we may lack thecapacity of set a boundary or we
may really experiences aparalysis.
As with hyper arousal, it is anautomatic response of our
nervous system.
So, overall, hypo and hyperarousal are natural response of
our nervous system in the momentof a threat.
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In a way, it is a way how ournervous system wants to take
care of us.
We may go in hyper or hyperarousal due to various reasons.
Many of them are necessary forour survival.
Example of these are, forexample, induced coma, or if you
run very fast, or if you needto escape a real threat.
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In the moment, and ideallyafter these experiences, we are
able to get back into our windowof tolerance when the
experience is over.
However, if the nervous systemremains persistently overactive
or underactive, it can lead tothe emergence of symptoms of
trauma.
If you have experienced trauma,we may also go into hypo and
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hyper arousal if we touch onimplicit or explicit memories of
trauma, which means that partof us get triggered and they may
feel as if you are in dangerright now.
Or we may really be stuck inone of these different states.
For example, in my 20s I wasmostly stuck into hyper arousal
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because it was my copingmechanism as a child.
In my own recovery, mycounsellors never explained to
me the window of toleranceLesson gave me any tools to work
with it.
Looking back, I believe that itmade my healing journey more
complicated than necessary.
Just to give you an example, asdetailed in my memoir A Brave
(09:44):
Two Story, I made the difficultdecision to sever ties with my
abusive father.
Despite this, he persisted instalking me.
With assistance from the police,I managed a secure address to
protect the place where I livedand after several moving around,
I finally began to feel a senseof safety in my apartment.
(10:06):
However, one night the doorbellrang and initially I assumed it
was a mailman.
So I allowed the visitor insideand suddenly a really deep
intuition struck me.
Somehow my father had found meand, in a panic, I swiftly
closed the door and I cautiouslypeered to the spyhole,
confirming my worst fears, as Isaw him there, standing in front
(10:30):
of my door.
This encounter severelydisregulated my nervous system,
pushing me outside of my windowof tolerance into a state of
hyperarousal that lasted formore than a week.
The therapist I was seeing atthis time never acknowledged it
or gave me any tools to workwith it.
Nowadays, I would utilizegrounding techniques to cope
(10:51):
with such situations, but backthen I did not have the
knowledge about these strategies.
I first learned about thewindow of tolerance and my
training to become a counselor.
So, overall, my own experiencetaught me how important it is
that we understand our autonomicnervous system and also that we
have tools and techniques to goback into our window of
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tolerance.
So what's the takeaway from thissection?
The concept of the window oftolerance serves us as a
valuable foundation in guidingthe recovery process.
It helps us with comprehendingour emotional states.
This self-awareness allows usto find strategies to both
return to and expand our windowof tolerance.
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Notably, I've observed that itgives my clients a sense of
control, as it enhances theirunderstanding of how their
autonomic nervous system works.
I make it a point to introducethe concept early in the
therapeutic journey andconsistently check in with my
clients during our sessions toassess where they are at in the
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window of tolerance.
When clients find themselves ina state of hypo or hyperarousal
, we work with strategies toguide them back into the window
of tolerance.
While it is beneficial tounderstand the concept of the
window of tolerance, the trueimpact lies in its practical
application in your life.
Therefore, I invite you tocultivate a genuine interest in
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understanding the current stateof your nervous system.
So I suggest that you startinquiring within yourself what
states of your nervous systemyou recognize.
This is an active engagementwith self-awareness and it can
significantly enhance yourhealing journey.
So now let's look at whatinfluences our window of
tolerance.
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First of all, the development ofour window of tolerance is
influenced by our childhoodexperiences.
When we are born, we have avery tiny window of tolerance
and we need the support fromadults to manage our emotions.
Under ideal circumstances, ourwindow of tolerance expands when
we grow up so that we cantolerate intense emotions like
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depression, anxiety or stress.
This means we can manage eithervery low activation or very
high activation.
However, this requires anenvironment that nurtures the
expansion of our window oftolerance.
First of all, we need to havegood attachments to our
caregivers.
As a child, this means thatthere is an adult who is there
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for us, who hugs us, whoreassures us if we feel upset or
lonely or depressed.
They validate our experiencesand maybe they make us laugh
when it's really difficult.
Overall, the caregiver supportsus to go back into the window
of tolerance.
As a summary, we learn thecapacity to soothe ourselves and
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regulate our nervous systemfrom our caregivers and over
time, our nervous system learnsthat it can be in high or low
arousal and get back to thewindow of tolerance just like a
muscle.
While some people may have beenlucky enough to experience this
in their childhood, many of ushave grown up in this ideal
world.
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Therefore, it's also useful tolook at experiences that may not
allow us to widen our window oftolerance as children.
So what are these experiences?
First of all, one of them is ifyou lack the secure attachment
with a caregiver.
Another one is if youexperience childhood trauma over
exposed to adverse childhoodexperience.
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This is so-called ACEs.
This includes experiences likephysical, mental, emotional or
sexual abuse, physical andemotional neglect or household
dysfunction.
Household dysfunction can havedifferent areas, like mental
illness, death, divorce,addiction, if a parent is in
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prison or if one parent isphysically abusing the other one
.
So, just if I look at my ownlife, abuse was present and also
my mother had a chronic illness, my parents went through a
divorce and there was a lot offighting after the divorce.
So I had many of theseso-called ACEs that influenced
my childhood experiences andthat also led to a fact that I
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was in hyperarousal when I wasan adult.
As I said before, childrenshouldn't have to go through
these experiences, but we alsoneed to be realistic that they
are coming into today's societyand, while we cannot control
what happened to us in ourchildhood, we can make the
choice to learn these skills asadults to improve our own
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well-being.
Apart from our childhood, we canalso have experiences that may
narrow our window of toleranceas adults.
So one of them is if you areexposed to chronic stress, and
this can exclude financialstress or dysfunctional adult
relationships or high stressworkplace.
So there are various factorsthat may lead to chronic stress.
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Another area that can narrowour window of tolerance is if
you are exposed to experiencesof racism, discrimination and
marginalization.
Additionally, our window oftolerance can decrease if you
are in an environment where ouremotions are dismissed.
So these are all factors thatinfluence our nervous system
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over time.
On a little bit different note,there are also temporary factors
like sleep deprivation,exhaustion, hunger or a work
deadline that can narrow ourwindow of tolerance.
Briefly, like for me, I knowwhen I'm hungry I'm outside of
my window of tolerance and Ineed to be really mindful that I
take care of myself so that Idon't put my anger onto other
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people or that I don't get angrywith other people.
I also notice that my stresslevel is really high if I notice
that I snap from my cat, who isvery demanding, but usually if
I'm in my window of tolerance,it doesn't affect me.
So we all respond uniquely andthe impact of a narrowed window
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of tolerance can be differentfrom person to person and we may
also experience it verydifferently.
So I would really invite you tobe curious about your own
experience, because nobody cantell you what happens inside of
you.
So some people may frequentlybe in hyperarousal, others may
go into hypoarousal and somepeople may switch between
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chronic hypo and hyperarousal,and sometimes I can really feel
as if you are stuck in one ofthese states.
Please note that these areadaptive responses to painful
experiences and it doesn't meanthat there is something wrong
with you.
It just means that it'ssomething we need to take care
of and we need to work onexpanding.
As a conclusion, the developmentof the window of tolerance,
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which refers to our ability tomanage intense emotions, is
heavily influenced by ourchildhood experiences.
Our capacity to self-thuse andregulate our nervous system is
learned through these earlycaregiving experiences, similar
to how a muscle strengthenedwith use.
Unfortunately, not everyoneexperiences these ideal
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upbringing and we may have anarrow window of tolerance.
Although we cannot change ourpast, we can learn these skills
as adults.
Furthermore, adult lifeexperiences can narrow our
window of tolerance,particularly chronic stress,
experiences of racism anddiscriminations and environments
that dismiss our emotions.
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We all respond individuallydifferent to these difficult
experiences.
Some people may frequentlyexperience this hyperarousal,
while others fall intohypoarousals, and some people
may switch between chronic hypoand hyperarousal.
So now, what do we do with allof this knowledge?
So now let's explore the powerof the window of tolerance in
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the recovery from trauma.
First of all, I think it'simportant to know if you recover
from trauma, it doesn't meanthat you need to immediately
plunge into revisiting traumaticexperiences.
One of the initial stepsinvolves widening our window of
tolerance and acquiring thetools to return to it when
needed.
It's crucial to develop thiscapacity to identify the state
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of our nervous system andprocess strategies to return to
it.
Therefore, self-assessment isthe first step in understanding
our own window of tolerance, andthis is really a journey of
self-discovery.
So just to give you an exampleon how the window of tolerance
impacts recovery and how it canbe used, for example, as a
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professional, I use eye movement, desensitization and
reprocessing EMDR to supportclients' integrated traumatic
experiences.
Emdr is a widely recognizedmethod for trauma recovery.
However, emdr necessitates thatclients remain within the
window of tolerance whileaddressing past traumas.
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If we find ourselves in a stateof hyper or hypoarousal,
healing these experiencesbecomes challenging.
Hence, it is imperative todevelop the ability to recognize
our emotional states and returnto our window of tolerance
before digging deeper intoworking with our trauma.
While we may not have directcontrol over the width of our
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window of tolerance, since thisis influenced by our past
experiences and other factors,we can work towards expanding it
.
In general, the broader ourwindow of tolerance is, the more
resilient we become.
Overall, working towardsexpanding our window of
tolerance supports us in beingequipped to better navigate
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life's challenges and improveour well-being.
Personally, I really like aquote from Babette Rothschild
that says the first goal oftrauma recovery should and must
be to improve your quality oflife on a daily basis.
I see working with the windowof tolerance as an important
step for this goal.
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So now let's see what are thestrategies that we can use to
widen our window of tolerance.
And just before I jump into thestrategies, please know that
you can ask me for a sheet withthese exercises, and if you're
interested in receiving them,please don't hesitate to reach
out to me by sending a nat@brighthorizontherapies.
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com.
So the initial step inbroadening our window of
tolerance is cultivatingself-awareness to discern
whether we are operating withinits boundaries or experiencing
hypo or hyper arousal.
I encourage you to reallynurture a sense of curiosity
about your emotional state.
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Simply check in with yourselfwithout judgment.
I like to ask myself a questionlike I wonder what state I'm in
right now and then just noticewhat's there.
Based on what state you're in,you can experiment with
different strategies.
Some strategies work better forhyporousals.
Others may work better forhyporousals and may also be
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individually different.
So let's start with strategiesfor hyperarousal.
So if you aren't hyperarousal,you're likely to notice
agitation, acceleration oranxiety, and so the goal for
this state is really to findstrategies that soothe and calm
your nervous system, and thesimplest method to return to
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your window of tolerance is tofocus on your breathing and just
paying attention to your breath.
So when you notice that you'rein hyperarousal, what you can do
is just bring awareness to yourbreath and really observe how
it enters and exits your body.
If you want to, you may justput your hand on your body or on
your belly and just notice yourhand there and then just focus
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on your breath.
So initially, just be mindfulof your breath, without
attempting to modify it.
Really notice it as it is,notice how it enters your nose
and how it exits your nose.
So typically, duringhyperarousal, the breath tends
to be more shallow or more rapid, and after a few breaths, you
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can experiment with directingyour breath more towards your
belly and observe the effect ithas on you, and then just play
around with your breath untilyou notice that your state of
hyperarousal has reduced.
My breathing is very effective.
It may take some practice ifyou are at a really high level
of activation.
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So what can you do if you're ata high level of activation?
So one of the grounding tools Ilike to use is a so-called 5, 4
, 3, 2, 1 grounding, and here'sa way how you can practice it.
So before you start with thegrounding, just check in with
yourself how intense youremotion is, on a scale from 0 to
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10.
For example, I made this askmyself so what is my emotional
intensity?
And then maybe right now it's a4.
And then you start with thequestions what are five things
you can see?
And then you just label whatyou see.
So, for example, I see a plant,I see a shelf, I see my
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computer, I see my microphoneand I see my mouse.
The next question is what arefour things you can hear?
And then just tell all thethings that you can hear.
The next question is what arethree things you can feel?
And then just notice what arethe things that you can feel.
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For example, right now I canfeel my sweater on my skin, I
can feel the surface I'm sittingon, I can feel how my feet
touch the ground.
The next question is what aretwo things you can smell and
then just notice what you cansmell?
And the last question is whatis one thing you can taste and
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then just say out loud the onething you can taste and after
you went through that, justcheck in with yourself again and
ask yourself how intense is theemotion now?
So usually you may notice alittle bit of a shift and the
number is going down a bit.
And one thing I want to say ifyou say the things out loud,
just say what you notice, butdon't put any type of emotion
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around it.
So I see a plant versus I see aplant I love very much.
So for this grounding exerciseyou just say I see a plant.
So in general, most of myclients find this grounding
exercise quite effective.
The downside is that itrequires that you are present in
your body and this can betriggering for some people.
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So how I use it in the contextsometimes is that I ask first
what are five things you can see.
Then I ask what are four thingsyou can see that are blue, what
are three things that you cansee that are round, and so that
I play a bit around with that,so that people don't need to go
that much into their body.
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If this tool doesn't work foryou, please note that it doesn't
mean that there's somethingwrong with you.
It just means that it's not theright tool at the time.
Another practice to navigatehyperarousal is to go outside
for a walk and just notice theenvironment, like notice what
you see, notice the sky, noticethe smell of the air, notice how
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the wind feels on your face oranything else you can perceive
in your environment.
Going outside can be useful foryou if being outside doesn't
increase your level of anxiety.
For some people, they have ahigher level of anxiety if they
are outside than if they areinside, and then it's not a
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useful method for grounding.
So now that we've touched onthe three tools of hyperarousal,
which means breathing, the five, four, three, two, one,
grounding and going outside,let's look at tools for
hyperarousal.
So hyperarousal often manifestswith symptoms such as numbness,
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dissociations, fogginess and asense of disconnection, and so
when we are faced withhyperarousal, the objective is
to energize our nervous systemand establish a sense of
connection.
So here are several strategieson how you can achieve this.
So the first one is to engagein a physical activity, and this
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can mean doing jumping jacks.
It can be push-ups or planks.
I really like doing jumpingjacks because it's working very
good for me to revitalize mynervous system and also promotes
a sense of connection with mybody.
So the technique depends alittle bit on what you feel
comfortable with, but reallyplay around with it and find a
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physical activity that works foryou.
Another strategy that is usefulis to start dancing to upbeat
music, because the music and therhythm really helps to
stimulate our nervous system.
Alternatively, if you don'tlike dancing, you can just
listen to upbeat music.
So sometimes, if you are in ahyperavousal, we feel so down as
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if you can't move.
So then the question really iswhat is the smallest level of
energizing your nervous systemthat you can do?
So sometimes it can just bemerely getting up and moving
around a little bit and not dojumping jacks or not do dancing.
It may also just involve ashort walk or just do some
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stretching, like.
For me, what really works wellin hyperavousal is if I go for a
walk, especially because thisgives me a sense of connection
with nature.
So now that we touched on thestrategies, the next question is
how do we apply them?
The first and foremost, it'sessential to acknowledge that we
are all unique and what worksfor one person may not work for
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another, so sometimes thesepractices require adjustments to
fit to your specific contact.
So please be patient withyourself and also be prepared to
repeat these exercises, andalso be aware that I just gave
you a couple of tools that areout there.
There's a wide variety ofdifferent strategies out there.
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The second thing which isimportant is that you have
patience with yourself and thatyou repeat the practice.
Sometimes tools really workquickly and sometimes you will
hardly notice a difference inthe beginning.
Just to give you a personalexample, I once encountered
trauma due to systemic violenceand I stayed in hyperavousal for
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several months and there was nomovement in my nervous system,
and in the beginning I felt asif nothing worked because the
change was so minimal.
However, over time, I justcontinued the practice and I
continued the practice and Ireassessed after six months and
after a year, and I noticed overthis period a really profound
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improvement in my well-being,and so this experience really
taught me the lesson to not giveup.
So therefore, I would inviteyou experiment with them, and
sometimes just it takes timeuntil they really start working,
depending on the level ofactivation we are going through.
The other thing, what you cankeep in mind, is that you start
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these techniques during momentsof low activation of your
nervous system, which meansyou're only subtly out of your
window of tolerance.
And maybe you're still in yourwindow of tolerance Because,
similar to building a muscle, weneed to start with a lower
intensity first before we canreally practice these tools if
you have really high levels ofactivation.
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So in this, it's really likemastery comes with practice and
we start where it is easy.
If you find that a particularpractice doesn't have the
desired effect or even makes youfeel worse, please understand
that it doesn't imply there'ssomething wrong with you.
It might simply be that thisspecific practice is not the
right fit for you.
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Unique healing journey,experimenting and customizing
are key to discovering whatworks best for you.
So I really would invite youplay with them and also play
with different situations andjust notice what is the
difference for you over time.
So yeah, for these strategies,I'm now really curious which one
(31:40):
of those that I discussed areyou interested in trying out?
As a summary, we delved into theconcept of the window of
tolerance and influences on ourwindow of tolerance.
In this episode, additionally,I provided you with practical
strategies to effectivelynavigate hypo and hyperarousal.
I hope that you find thisepisode valuable.
(32:01):
If you're interested inreceiving a sheet of grounding
exercises, please don't hesitateto reach out to me by sending a
message tonat@brighthorizontherapies.
com.
If you enjoyed this content andbelieve it could benefit others
, I encourage you to share itwith a friend or anyone you
think may find it useful.
(32:22):
Your support helps us reach abroader audience.
Stay tuned for our next episode, where we will explore the
various status of recovery fromtrauma, offering insights and
guidance for your journey.
Thank you for being a part ofour trauma-demystified community
and I hope you have a beautifultime.
See you soon.
Welcome to Trauma Demystified, a
podcast by Bright HorizonTherapies.
I'm Natalie Jovenage, mypronouns are they, them, and I
am your host on this journey.
In this episode, I'll be divinginto the captivating world of
emotions in our nervous system,drawing not only from my
extensive experience as atrauma-informed counselor and
(00:21):
coach, but also from my ownhealing journey from trauma.
Get ready, because today'sepisode "Understanding the
Window of Tolerance, rebalancinga dysregulated nervous system
is going to give you newinsights.
We are going to explore thewindow of tolerance and uncover
how trauma leaves its mark onour nervous system.
(00:42):
But that's not all.
I'll also equip you with somepractical tools that will help
you to widen your window oftolerance.
I hope that these techniqueswill empower you to conquer the
challenges of your emotionalworld like a true champion.
Before I jump into the content,I want to give you some context
on why I want to talk about ittoday.
(01:04):
A dysregulated nervous systemis one of the symptoms of trauma
, and I've made it my mission togive my clients the wisdom of
the window of tolerance at thebeginning of our collaboration.
Most of my clients find thisknowledge helpful to understand
the responsive better and regaincontrol over the often
(01:25):
upsetting symptoms of adysregulated nervous system.
Since I don't know you, andsince this is a podcast, I want
to make sure that you have somestrategies to navigate emotions
before moving forward with thepodcast trauma-demystified.
I hope that this episode helpsyou to not only comprehend your
nervous system better, but alsoprovides you with some
(01:46):
strategies to navigate thestormy seas of your emotions.
So let's embark on this journeyof healing and empowerment.
So what is this window oftolerance when it comes to our
nervous systems?
There are two differentconcepts that explain how it
works.
One is polyvagal theory, theother one is the window of
(02:07):
tolerance.
While they are similar, theyhave different flavors.
I use the window of toleranceto help my clients understand
and manage their emotionalstates, while polyvagal theory
serves us to understand thebroader functioning of our
autonomic nervous system and itsimpact on social interactions
and relationships.
(02:27):
I find that both concepts cancomplement each other when it
comes to the recovery fromtrauma.
Personally, I had valuableinsights from both of them.
While we focus on this episodeon the window of tolerance, I'll
explain more about polyvagaltheory in a later episode.
So let's explore the window oftolerance.
(02:50):
The concept of the window oftolerance has been introduced by
Dan Siegel in 1999 anddescribed three different states
of arousal.
It is usually depicted as agraphic where the area of the
window of tolerance is in themiddle, hyper arousal is below
of it and hyper arousal is abovethe window of tolerance.
(03:13):
In this concept, the window oftolerance describes a zone of
optimal arousal.
So what does optimal arousalmean?
It means that when we are inour window of tolerance, we can
effectively manage and cope withour emotions, even if they are
intense, and this relates topositive or pleasant emotions
(03:37):
and unpleasant emotions.
So, whether it is happiness, orwhether it's guilt or shame or
anger, if we are in our windowof tolerance, we can manage them
and we can be with them.
Additionally, we have access toconscious choice and reason if
we are in our window oftolerance and therefore we have
a sense of control, even if wefeel stressed.
(03:59):
Overall, if we are in thewindow of tolerance, we can
effectively deal and cope withour emotions and with stress.
It is important to understandthat the window of tolerance is
flexible and not written instone.
Depending on what happened tous or what is happening to us,
the window of tolerance canchange, and we can also choose
(04:21):
to actively work towardsexpanding it.
So now let's look at whathappens if we are outside of our
window of tolerance.
As stated before, if we moveoutside of the window of
tolerance, we are either inhyper or hypoavousal.
I'll start with hyperavousal,which means we have moved
outside of the upper boundary ofour window of tolerance.
(04:44):
Hyperavousal is related to thefight-and-flight response and it
usually means that our nervoussystem is highly activated.
So if we are in hyperavousal,we may experience heightened
anxiety, we may have flashbacks,we may feel anger or rage or we
(05:05):
feel very on edge, or we mayhave a higher impulsivity.
Some people may have tendencyto self-injury or suicidality.
Some people may have reallytight muscles.
Some people may feeloverwhelmed or they feel like
they are being out of control.
If we are in hyperavousal, ourprefrontal cortex usually shuts
(05:28):
down.
This means our executivefunctioning isn't working as if
we were in the window oftolerance.
I have noticed that peoplesometimes blame themselves,
because we may see behaviors inourselves that we don't like.
When we are in hyperavousal,for example, we may experience
uncontrollable outburst of anger.
(05:48):
Please note that theseresponses are automatic
responses and not within ourconscious choice.
They are also often adaptivecocaine mechanisms to traumatic
experiences of the past.
While it is reallyuncomfortable if these behaviors
show up, I often invite myclients to see them as an
opportunity to grow and heal.
(06:08):
They often show up becauseunderneath of them are wounded
parts of us that have not yetbeen healed.
While we cannot control whathappened to us, we are
responsible for our own healingand we also are responsible to
develop behaviors that arehealthy as soon as we recognize
(06:30):
elements that we don't like.
Just to give you an example Iused to injure myself when I was
under extreme stress in arelationship, and I often felt
ashamed of this behavior.
The behavior was directlyrelated to my childhood trauma.
So while I wasn't responsiblewhat had happened to me in my
childhood, I still wasresponsible to learn healthier
(06:53):
coping skills so that I wouldn'tharm myself.
So when I started my healingjourney and I really learned new
tools of coping, I learned toset healthy boundaries and I
also Healed the woundsunderneath of it.
It really allowed me that thisbehavior didn't show up anymore.
So overall, I would invite youto see it as a journey of growth
(07:15):
and healing, even if you seethings within yourself that you
don't like.
So now that we touched on hyperarousal, let's look at hypo
arousal.
So hypo arousal happens if wecross the lower boundary of the
window of tolerance.
Hypo arousal can also be seenas a shut-down response and it
(07:36):
is usually connected with thefreeze and fawn response.
Symptoms of hypo arousals arethat we feel depressed or we
feel numb.
We may be unable to speak or wemay feel very low in thinking.
We may not be able to connectwith our emotions, we may feel
dissociated or shut down, and wemay also feel ashamed and
(07:59):
hopeless.
Sometimes we may lack thecapacity of set a boundary or we
may really experiences aparalysis.
As with hyper arousal, it is anautomatic response of our
nervous system.
So, overall, hypo and hyperarousal are natural response of
our nervous system in the momentof a threat.
(08:21):
In a way, it is a way how ournervous system wants to take
care of us.
We may go in hyper or hyperarousal due to various reasons.
Many of them are necessary forour survival.
Example of these are, forexample, induced coma, or if you
run very fast, or if you needto escape a real threat.
(08:42):
In the moment, and ideallyafter these experiences, we are
able to get back into our windowof tolerance when the
experience is over.
However, if the nervous systemremains persistently overactive
or underactive, it can lead tothe emergence of symptoms of
trauma.
If you have experienced trauma,we may also go into hypo and
(09:03):
hyper arousal if we touch onimplicit or explicit memories of
trauma, which means that partof us get triggered and they may
feel as if you are in dangerright now.
Or we may really be stuck inone of these different states.
For example, in my 20s I wasmostly stuck into hyper arousal
(09:24):
because it was my copingmechanism as a child.
In my own recovery, mycounsellors never explained to
me the window of toleranceLesson gave me any tools to work
with it.
Looking back, I believe that itmade my healing journey more
complicated than necessary.
Just to give you an example, asdetailed in my memoir A Brave
(09:44):
Two Story, I made the difficultdecision to sever ties with my
abusive father.
Despite this, he persisted instalking me.
With assistance from the police,I managed a secure address to
protect the place where I livedand after several moving around,
I finally began to feel a senseof safety in my apartment.
(10:06):
However, one night the doorbellrang and initially I assumed it
was a mailman.
So I allowed the visitor insideand suddenly a really deep
intuition struck me.
Somehow my father had found meand, in a panic, I swiftly
closed the door and I cautiouslypeered to the spyhole,
confirming my worst fears, as Isaw him there, standing in front
(10:30):
of my door.
This encounter severelydisregulated my nervous system,
pushing me outside of my windowof tolerance into a state of
hyperarousal that lasted formore than a week.
The therapist I was seeing atthis time never acknowledged it
or gave me any tools to workwith it.
Nowadays, I would utilizegrounding techniques to cope
(10:51):
with such situations, but backthen I did not have the
knowledge about these strategies.
I first learned about thewindow of tolerance and my
training to become a counselor.
So, overall, my own experiencetaught me how important it is
that we understand our autonomicnervous system and also that we
have tools and techniques to goback into our window of
(11:14):
tolerance.
So what's the takeaway from thissection?
The concept of the window oftolerance serves us as a
valuable foundation in guidingthe recovery process.
It helps us with comprehendingour emotional states.
This self-awareness allows usto find strategies to both
return to and expand our windowof tolerance.
(11:37):
Notably, I've observed that itgives my clients a sense of
control, as it enhances theirunderstanding of how their
autonomic nervous system works.
I make it a point to introducethe concept early in the
therapeutic journey andconsistently check in with my
clients during our sessions toassess where they are at in the
(11:57):
window of tolerance.
When clients find themselves ina state of hypo or hyperarousal
, we work with strategies toguide them back into the window
of tolerance.
While it is beneficial tounderstand the concept of the
window of tolerance, the trueimpact lies in its practical
application in your life.
Therefore, I invite you tocultivate a genuine interest in
(12:20):
understanding the current stateof your nervous system.
So I suggest that you startinquiring within yourself what
states of your nervous systemyou recognize.
This is an active engagementwith self-awareness and it can
significantly enhance yourhealing journey.
So now let's look at whatinfluences our window of
tolerance.
(12:40):
First of all, the development ofour window of tolerance is
influenced by our childhoodexperiences.
When we are born, we have avery tiny window of tolerance
and we need the support fromadults to manage our emotions.
Under ideal circumstances, ourwindow of tolerance expands when
we grow up so that we cantolerate intense emotions like
(13:02):
depression, anxiety or stress.
This means we can manage eithervery low activation or very
high activation.
However, this requires anenvironment that nurtures the
expansion of our window oftolerance.
First of all, we need to havegood attachments to our
caregivers.
As a child, this means thatthere is an adult who is there
(13:26):
for us, who hugs us, whoreassures us if we feel upset or
lonely or depressed.
They validate our experiencesand maybe they make us laugh
when it's really difficult.
Overall, the caregiver supportsus to go back into the window
of tolerance.
As a summary, we learn thecapacity to soothe ourselves and
(13:47):
regulate our nervous systemfrom our caregivers and over
time, our nervous system learnsthat it can be in high or low
arousal and get back to thewindow of tolerance just like a
muscle.
While some people may have beenlucky enough to experience this
in their childhood, many of ushave grown up in this ideal
world.
(14:07):
Therefore, it's also useful tolook at experiences that may not
allow us to widen our window oftolerance as children.
So what are these experiences?
First of all, one of them is ifyou lack the secure attachment
with a caregiver.
Another one is if youexperience childhood trauma over
exposed to adverse childhoodexperience.
(14:29):
This is so-called ACEs.
This includes experiences likephysical, mental, emotional or
sexual abuse, physical andemotional neglect or household
dysfunction.
Household dysfunction can havedifferent areas, like mental
illness, death, divorce,addiction, if a parent is in
(14:50):
prison or if one parent isphysically abusing the other one
.
So, just if I look at my ownlife, abuse was present and also
my mother had a chronic illness, my parents went through a
divorce and there was a lot offighting after the divorce.
So I had many of theseso-called ACEs that influenced
my childhood experiences andthat also led to a fact that I
(15:14):
was in hyperarousal when I wasan adult.
As I said before, childrenshouldn't have to go through
these experiences, but we alsoneed to be realistic that they
are coming into today's societyand, while we cannot control
what happened to us in ourchildhood, we can make the
choice to learn these skills asadults to improve our own
(15:35):
well-being.
Apart from our childhood, we canalso have experiences that may
narrow our window of toleranceas adults.
So one of them is if you areexposed to chronic stress, and
this can exclude financialstress or dysfunctional adult
relationships or high stressworkplace.
So there are various factorsthat may lead to chronic stress.
(15:56):
Another area that can narrowour window of tolerance is if
you are exposed to experiencesof racism, discrimination and
marginalization.
Additionally, our window oftolerance can decrease if you
are in an environment where ouremotions are dismissed.
So these are all factors thatinfluence our nervous system
(16:20):
over time.
On a little bit different note,there are also temporary factors
like sleep deprivation,exhaustion, hunger or a work
deadline that can narrow ourwindow of tolerance.
Briefly, like for me, I knowwhen I'm hungry I'm outside of
my window of tolerance and Ineed to be really mindful that I
take care of myself so that Idon't put my anger onto other
(16:44):
people or that I don't get angrywith other people.
I also notice that my stresslevel is really high if I notice
that I snap from my cat, who isvery demanding, but usually if
I'm in my window of tolerance,it doesn't affect me.
So we all respond uniquely andthe impact of a narrowed window
(17:04):
of tolerance can be differentfrom person to person and we may
also experience it verydifferently.
So I would really invite you tobe curious about your own
experience, because nobody cantell you what happens inside of
you.
So some people may frequentlybe in hyperarousal, others may
go into hypoarousal and somepeople may switch between
(17:26):
chronic hypo and hyperarousal,and sometimes I can really feel
as if you are stuck in one ofthese states.
Please note that these areadaptive responses to painful
experiences and it doesn't meanthat there is something wrong
with you.
It just means that it'ssomething we need to take care
of and we need to work onexpanding.
As a conclusion, the developmentof the window of tolerance,
(17:49):
which refers to our ability tomanage intense emotions, is
heavily influenced by ourchildhood experiences.
Our capacity to self-thuse andregulate our nervous system is
learned through these earlycaregiving experiences, similar
to how a muscle strengthenedwith use.
Unfortunately, not everyoneexperiences these ideal
(18:12):
upbringing and we may have anarrow window of tolerance.
Although we cannot change ourpast, we can learn these skills
as adults.
Furthermore, adult lifeexperiences can narrow our
window of tolerance,particularly chronic stress,
experiences of racism anddiscriminations and environments
that dismiss our emotions.
(18:33):
We all respond individuallydifferent to these difficult
experiences.
Some people may frequentlyexperience this hyperarousal,
while others fall intohypoarousals, and some people
may switch between chronic hypoand hyperarousal.
So now, what do we do with allof this knowledge?
So now let's explore the powerof the window of tolerance in
(18:56):
the recovery from trauma.
First of all, I think it'simportant to know if you recover
from trauma, it doesn't meanthat you need to immediately
plunge into revisiting traumaticexperiences.
One of the initial stepsinvolves widening our window of
tolerance and acquiring thetools to return to it when
needed.
It's crucial to develop thiscapacity to identify the state
(19:20):
of our nervous system andprocess strategies to return to
it.
Therefore, self-assessment isthe first step in understanding
our own window of tolerance, andthis is really a journey of
self-discovery.
So just to give you an exampleon how the window of tolerance
impacts recovery and how it canbe used, for example, as a
(19:43):
professional, I use eye movement, desensitization and
reprocessing EMDR to supportclients' integrated traumatic
experiences.
Emdr is a widely recognizedmethod for trauma recovery.
However, emdr necessitates thatclients remain within the
window of tolerance whileaddressing past traumas.
(20:03):
If we find ourselves in a stateof hyper or hypoarousal,
healing these experiencesbecomes challenging.
Hence, it is imperative todevelop the ability to recognize
our emotional states and returnto our window of tolerance
before digging deeper intoworking with our trauma.
While we may not have directcontrol over the width of our
(20:27):
window of tolerance, since thisis influenced by our past
experiences and other factors,we can work towards expanding it
.
In general, the broader ourwindow of tolerance is, the more
resilient we become.
Overall, working towardsexpanding our window of
tolerance supports us in beingequipped to better navigate
(20:48):
life's challenges and improveour well-being.
Personally, I really like aquote from Babette Rothschild
that says the first goal oftrauma recovery should and must
be to improve your quality oflife on a daily basis.
I see working with the windowof tolerance as an important
step for this goal.
(21:08):
So now let's see what are thestrategies that we can use to
widen our window of tolerance.
And just before I jump into thestrategies, please know that
you can ask me for a sheet withthese exercises, and if you're
interested in receiving them,please don't hesitate to reach
out to me by sending a nat@brighthorizontherapies.
(21:29):
com.
So the initial step inbroadening our window of
tolerance is cultivatingself-awareness to discern
whether we are operating withinits boundaries or experiencing
hypo or hyper arousal.
I encourage you to reallynurture a sense of curiosity
about your emotional state.
(21:50):
Simply check in with yourselfwithout judgment.
I like to ask myself a questionlike I wonder what state I'm in
right now and then just noticewhat's there.
Based on what state you're in,you can experiment with
different strategies.
Some strategies work better forhyporousals.
Others may work better forhyporousals and may also be
(22:13):
individually different.
So let's start with strategiesfor hyperarousal.
So if you aren't hyperarousal,you're likely to notice
agitation, acceleration oranxiety, and so the goal for
this state is really to findstrategies that soothe and calm
your nervous system, and thesimplest method to return to
(22:35):
your window of tolerance is tofocus on your breathing and just
paying attention to your breath.
So when you notice that you'rein hyperarousal, what you can do
is just bring awareness to yourbreath and really observe how
it enters and exits your body.
If you want to, you may justput your hand on your body or on
your belly and just notice yourhand there and then just focus
(22:58):
on your breath.
So initially, just be mindfulof your breath, without
attempting to modify it.
Really notice it as it is,notice how it enters your nose
and how it exits your nose.
So typically, duringhyperarousal, the breath tends
to be more shallow or more rapid, and after a few breaths, you
(23:19):
can experiment with directingyour breath more towards your
belly and observe the effect ithas on you, and then just play
around with your breath untilyou notice that your state of
hyperarousal has reduced.
My breathing is very effective.
It may take some practice ifyou are at a really high level
of activation.
(23:39):
So what can you do if you're ata high level of activation?
So one of the grounding tools Ilike to use is a so-called 5, 4
, 3, 2, 1 grounding, and here'sa way how you can practice it.
So before you start with thegrounding, just check in with
yourself how intense youremotion is, on a scale from 0 to
(24:01):
10.
For example, I made this askmyself so what is my emotional
intensity?
And then maybe right now it's a4.
And then you start with thequestions what are five things
you can see?
And then you just label whatyou see.
So, for example, I see a plant,I see a shelf, I see my
(24:23):
computer, I see my microphoneand I see my mouse.
The next question is what arefour things you can hear?
And then just tell all thethings that you can hear.
The next question is what arethree things you can feel?
And then just notice what arethe things that you can feel.
(24:45):
For example, right now I canfeel my sweater on my skin, I
can feel the surface I'm sittingon, I can feel how my feet
touch the ground.
The next question is what aretwo things you can smell and
then just notice what you cansmell?
And the last question is whatis one thing you can taste and
(25:07):
then just say out loud the onething you can taste and after
you went through that, justcheck in with yourself again and
ask yourself how intense is theemotion now?
So usually you may notice alittle bit of a shift and the
number is going down a bit.
And one thing I want to say ifyou say the things out loud,
just say what you notice, butdon't put any type of emotion
(25:31):
around it.
So I see a plant versus I see aplant I love very much.
So for this grounding exerciseyou just say I see a plant.
So in general, most of myclients find this grounding
exercise quite effective.
The downside is that itrequires that you are present in
your body and this can betriggering for some people.
(25:53):
So how I use it in the contextsometimes is that I ask first
what are five things you can see.
Then I ask what are four thingsyou can see that are blue, what
are three things that you cansee that are round, and so that
I play a bit around with that,so that people don't need to go
that much into their body.
(26:13):
If this tool doesn't work foryou, please note that it doesn't
mean that there's somethingwrong with you.
It just means that it's not theright tool at the time.
Another practice to navigatehyperarousal is to go outside
for a walk and just notice theenvironment, like notice what
you see, notice the sky, noticethe smell of the air, notice how
(26:34):
the wind feels on your face oranything else you can perceive
in your environment.
Going outside can be useful foryou if being outside doesn't
increase your level of anxiety.
For some people, they have ahigher level of anxiety if they
are outside than if they areinside, and then it's not a
(26:54):
useful method for grounding.
So now that we've touched onthe three tools of hyperarousal,
which means breathing, the five, four, three, two, one,
grounding and going outside,let's look at tools for
hyperarousal.
So hyperarousal often manifestswith symptoms such as numbness,
(27:16):
dissociations, fogginess and asense of disconnection, and so
when we are faced withhyperarousal, the objective is
to energize our nervous systemand establish a sense of
connection.
So here are several strategieson how you can achieve this.
So the first one is to engagein a physical activity, and this
(27:39):
can mean doing jumping jacks.
It can be push-ups or planks.
I really like doing jumpingjacks because it's working very
good for me to revitalize mynervous system and also promotes
a sense of connection with mybody.
So the technique depends alittle bit on what you feel
comfortable with, but reallyplay around with it and find a
(28:02):
physical activity that works foryou.
Another strategy that is usefulis to start dancing to upbeat
music, because the music and therhythm really helps to
stimulate our nervous system.
Alternatively, if you don'tlike dancing, you can just
listen to upbeat music.
So sometimes, if you are in ahyperavousal, we feel so down as
(28:26):
if you can't move.
So then the question really iswhat is the smallest level of
energizing your nervous systemthat you can do?
So sometimes it can just bemerely getting up and moving
around a little bit and not dojumping jacks or not do dancing.
It may also just involve ashort walk or just do some
(28:48):
stretching, like.
For me, what really works wellin hyperavousal is if I go for a
walk, especially because thisgives me a sense of connection
with nature.
So now that we touched on thestrategies, the next question is
how do we apply them?
The first and foremost, it'sessential to acknowledge that we
are all unique and what worksfor one person may not work for
(29:10):
another, so sometimes thesepractices require adjustments to
fit to your specific contact.
So please be patient withyourself and also be prepared to
repeat these exercises, andalso be aware that I just gave
you a couple of tools that areout there.
There's a wide variety ofdifferent strategies out there.
(29:32):
The second thing which isimportant is that you have
patience with yourself and thatyou repeat the practice.
Sometimes tools really workquickly and sometimes you will
hardly notice a difference inthe beginning.
Just to give you a personalexample, I once encountered
trauma due to systemic violenceand I stayed in hyperavousal for
(29:54):
several months and there was nomovement in my nervous system,
and in the beginning I felt asif nothing worked because the
change was so minimal.
However, over time, I justcontinued the practice and I
continued the practice and Ireassessed after six months and
after a year, and I noticed overthis period a really profound
(30:16):
improvement in my well-being,and so this experience really
taught me the lesson to not giveup.
So therefore, I would inviteyou experiment with them, and
sometimes just it takes timeuntil they really start working,
depending on the level ofactivation we are going through.
The other thing, what you cankeep in mind, is that you start
(30:37):
these techniques during momentsof low activation of your
nervous system, which meansyou're only subtly out of your
window of tolerance.
And maybe you're still in yourwindow of tolerance Because,
similar to building a muscle, weneed to start with a lower
intensity first before we canreally practice these tools if
you have really high levels ofactivation.
(30:59):
So in this, it's really likemastery comes with practice and
we start where it is easy.
If you find that a particularpractice doesn't have the
desired effect or even makes youfeel worse, please understand
that it doesn't imply there'ssomething wrong with you.
It might simply be that thisspecific practice is not the
right fit for you.
(31:19):
Unique healing journey,experimenting and customizing
are key to discovering whatworks best for you.
So I really would invite youplay with them and also play
with different situations andjust notice what is the
difference for you over time.
So yeah, for these strategies,I'm now really curious which one
(31:40):
of those that I discussed areyou interested in trying out?
As a summary, we delved into theconcept of the window of
tolerance and influences on ourwindow of tolerance.
In this episode, additionally,I provided you with practical
strategies to effectivelynavigate hypo and hyperarousal.
I hope that you find thisepisode valuable.
(32:01):
If you're interested inreceiving a sheet of grounding
exercises, please don't hesitateto reach out to me by sending a
message tonat@brighthorizontherapies.
com.
If you enjoyed this content andbelieve it could benefit others
, I encourage you to share itwith a friend or anyone you
think may find it useful.
(32:22):
Your support helps us reach abroader audience.
Stay tuned for our next episode, where we will explore the
various status of recovery fromtrauma, offering insights and
guidance for your journey.
Thank you for being a part ofour trauma-demystified community
and I hope you have a beautifultime.
See you soon.
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