September 12, 2024 • 54 mins
Do you have any questions, any comments about the episode? Jimanekia would love to hear from you!
What if trauma isn't just something to be overcome but an essential part of being human? Join us for an eye-opening discussion with Carly S, a pleasure educator, porn star, model, and blogger, as she takes us on her captivating journey through the adult industry. From her days managing New York's top sex toy stores to her influential roles at Spectrum Boutique and NASTOY, Carly opens up about the multifaceted world of sex work. We also share how our paths crossed through mutual admiration and explore how trauma has shaped Carly's unique outlook on life and work.
In our candid conversation, Carly addresses the unique challenges faced by non-white sex workers, highlighting the stark realities of rate disparities and societal perceptions. We explore the tricky dynamics of forming genuine friendships within the sex work community, balancing the fine line between survival sex work and voluntary participation. Carly also discusses her personal journey, sharing how she transitioned from dancing to mainstream jobs before finding her niche in the adult industry. This chapter is a powerful reminder of the resilience and determination required to navigate this complex landscape.
As Carly moved to a fully digital career during the pandemic, she found solace and strength in a supportive community, therapy, and meticulous organization. We discuss the emotional and logistical efforts sex workers put into fulfilling clients' fantasies while confronting societal taboos and financial penalties. Carly's story is a testament to the importance of community and self-care. Listen in as we celebrate Carly's achievements and her hopes for a future where sex work is less stigmatized and more equitably treated. This is an episode you won't want to miss if you're curious about the true intricacies of sex work.
Thank you all for listening. Set a boundary with yourself this week, set a boundary with someone else. If someone else does not respect that boundary. LET THEM LOOSE YOU! Stay hydrated internally and externally. We do not have an ashy family.
IG: @The_Trauma_Within
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetraumawithin
Jimanekia Ig: @Jimanekia
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Carly S is the queen of wands, pleasure educator,
porn star, model, blogger ofdildo or dildo and a bad bitch
from the Bronx.
Nominated for the XBiz Sexpertof the Year 2023 and 2024, she's
managed and has been thefeature educator of some of New
York's award-winning sex toystores.
You may have seen her teach atExotica Cycles and Sex Sex Expo,
(00:44):
read her work in CosmopolitanGlamour Shape or heard her on
countless podcasts.
She is currently the productmanager for Spectrum Boutique
and manages NASTOY social mediaand PR, and has been a staple in
the adult industry for over adecade.
Y'all, I welcome Carly.
All right, this is going to befun.
(01:08):
I think all of these are fun,but buckle up, because I feel
like it's going to be a ride forus.
My first question to everyone iswho are you?
It's a loaded question, it'seasy.
Everyone always goes bitch whatI mean.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I contain multitudes, so you know.
I mean I am a blogger, I am adog mom, I am I don't know.
I I'm Carly, I am makeupinstant on the internet, I run
the blog dildo or dildo, and Ido lots of different things in
(01:50):
the sex toy industry.
Right now I have my fingers inmany different pots.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Fingers and pots, we'll get there.
Um, how did we meet?
I always like to hear people'sversions of it.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Um, well, I had been following you online and I
thought you were really cool.
And you were like in the groupwith like Zoe Thangria and Dirty
Lola, and I was like, oh cool,like I'll get to meet you, and
you thought that we had alreadymet already.
Sounds about right.
Yeah, I was like I'll get tomeet you and you thought that we
had already met already.
Sounds about right, yeah, and Iwas like no, but I want to meet
you because I think you'rereally cool.
And you were like cool, let'ssmoke.
And then we became BFFs.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Cannabis bringing people together yeah, All these
years.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
And then I was worried that you weren't going
to be my friend anymore becauseI gave you COVID, because we
both caught it at Amni.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I don't think you gave it to me.
Honestly, I know the exactmoment I got it and it was not
you.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Good, I don't feel as bad now because I really wasn't
.
Chippin' Neek is going to hateme Because we were the only ones
that got COVID, because theseother people just have better
immune systems.
I don't know.
I got COVID because of cannabisand not staying in my goddamn
room.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I mean same that was on me.
What does trauma mean to you?
What is trauma to you?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I like to think of trauma now as like that extra
spice that makes you interesting, because I don't feel like I
know a single person thatdoesn't have trauma, and I just
feel like it's the thing thatmakes people you know extra
interesting at this point,because if you don't have trauma
, what do you have to talk about, ain't it the?
Speaker 2 (03:43):
truth?
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I love to just dive into a deep conversation with
strangers.
If people want to tell me theirwhole life story, I'm like, yes
, tell me about how your uncledoesn't love you.
I love to hear the gossip, tellme all of it, so as deep as
people want to get with me, I'mhere for it.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
So today we're talking about sex work and there
are so many stigmas around sexwork.
We're going to talk about yourjourney, and there's so many
things that I love doing thesepodcasts because, sure, I have
relationships with all of thesepeople.
These people are my friends,they are my family for some
individuals, but I feel likeevery time I have this
conversation or theseconversations, I learn something
(04:36):
new.
So this is also a gift for me,and I think that we're going to
have some clarifying things,because people think what they
be thinking.
So for you, what is sex workLike?
How would you describe sex workto someone?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I would say that it's doing erotic labor for money.
So it could be porn, it couldbe sugar babying, it could be
full service escorting, it couldbe dominatrixing, it could be
sexting.
So any sort of like eroticlabor for money is sex work.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I was typing this question out, but I'll just ask
Do you think more peopleparticipate in sex work than
they think or acknowledge?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
one person and like they gave me money and we have
this very specific arrangement,but you're giving them erotic
labor, you're not in arelationship with them and
you're getting money.
So you're a sex worker, boo.
Like sorry to tell you like,even if you don't want to claim
it, like, that's fine, you canidentify however you want.
I'm never going to force atitle on someone but like you
know hate to break it to you,but like you're a sex worker,
(06:09):
like to everybody else.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Like yeah, yeah.
Have you had thoseconversations with people?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Yeah, definitely, and it's.
It's always interesting too,because there's always people on
the other way where they'relike I've had people that like
work in sex shops, that are likeI'm a sex worker, cause like I
sell sex toys, and I'm like notquite, like this is not erotic
labor, this is still retail.
You don't touch anyoneerotically.
(06:38):
We keep the conversationspretty vanilla, like we're not
dirty talking customers,customers.
And if we were, a differentstory exactly like it would be a
completely different experience.
So like, when you keep theseboundaries, you're not
performing erotic labor, thatyou're just in a retail
environment.
So you're not a sex worker.
(06:58):
And like there are, I'm sure,situations where you could do
sex work and sell sex toys.
Sure, yeah, I've kind of donethat now, where I review the
toys, I sell the toys and I makeporn with the toys.
So it's all encompassing.
But if you're just selling thetoys in the store and you're not
(07:21):
doing anything else with it,you're not a sex worker.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
So it's lots of layers to this onion speaking of
layers, how did sex work findyou, or how did you find it?
What is the journey of carly?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I really wanted to date a couple, so.
So, in the heyday of Craigslist, when they still had erotic
services, I met this couple whowanted to explore with someone
(07:58):
else.
They were older, I was like 17.
He was in his 30s.
Should have been the first redflag Flag on the flag.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yes, I was like, oh, I'm so mature.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
He decided that why was I fucking people for free?
I could be doing this for moneyand it made sense to me.
I could be doing this for moneyand it made sense to me and he
presented it as his wholebusiness arrangement where he
was going to drive me around andprotect me and like, set up all
these things and yeah,hindsight he was a pimp and when
(08:37):
she would come with a black eyehe would be like, oh, the baby
fell on her or something likethat and like, hindsight, he was
hitting her.
Because then he started hittingme.
Um and uh, eventually Irealized I can do this without
him.
He's taking my money and noteven protecting me, because half
(08:58):
the time that I would get intoscuffles with clients he
wouldn't even protect me.
So like, why am I even payinghim?
So, uh, then I branched out onmy own.
But that's how I got into it wasI met a shady older man on
craigslist and he showed meabout sex work, and then I just
(09:28):
yeah oh, I made a lot of money,okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, um, and
like everyone has this notion oflike the clients being really
gross and disgusting, but like,honestly, the pimp was the
problem in the situation.
Like I met a lot of reallygreat johns and people when I
(09:49):
was doing it.
Like I had a couple of problemsand like bad stories that I
could tell, but like, for themost part, I met lovely people
who I who tipped well and paidme well.
I paid through my college, thatI paid my mom's bills.
That way I moved out, that wayI supported myself, that way
(10:13):
with money to spare and reallydidn't have any issues besides
the pimp, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
For those that may be listening and are like bitch,
is this a pimp?
Yeah, For those that like,maybe listening and are like
bitch, is this a bit.
How would you give them adviceto get away from them?
Speaker 1 (10:48):
had like photos of me in compromising positions when
I was like 17, 18, which heended up posting on Craigslist
with my phone number and like mydorm room that I had to go to
campus security, and they werealso not helpful.
They yeah, they just showed thephotos around and laughed about
it and were just genuinely nothelpful.
Um, but honestly, the the mosthelpful thing I would say was
(11:09):
like getting involved with um I.
I got involved with a like abattered woman's clinic because
they kept seeing me with bruisesand they helped me get away and
like really like, uh, get a newphone number and like, get a
new bank account because, likehe had access to all that when
(11:30):
you were like navigating all ofthis, like did you have
community?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
like did you have family?
Did you have friends?
Did people know or was itsomething?
You're like I have this lifeand then I have this separate
life.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Oh, no, I, I had two separate lives.
I was going to college, I wasin the marching band, I was also
working.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
What was your plan?
I feel like we talked aboutthis.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did,because we had a tummy.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah , I was playing euphonium.
I was like going to schoolcompetitions I was in the women
came from.
I like had a whole separatelife.
That like looked like I waslike you know, doing whatever.
And the college that I went tothey had the Office of
(12:14):
Multicultural Affairs because itwas a very white college.
So basically anytime a minoritywent into that school, you got
enrolled into that thing and,like you had a mentor, went into
that school, you went, gotenrolled into that thing and
like you had a mentor andluckily, the mentor that I had,
he was really amazing.
He ended up, uh, gettingmurdered a few years after I
left college because he, yeah,he became a porter at a hospital
(12:39):
and he was getting Chinese foodand he, someone like went to
rob him of his sneakers and hegave him all his stuff and like
went to say something and thenthe guy shot him but like was
genuinely the nicest personwould have given you the shirt
off his back.
Like this person shot him forabsolutely no reason.
(12:59):
Yeah, yeah, but like that wasmy community.
Yeah, like Chris Murphy was anangel and like is now a literal
angel.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I'm sure chris is looking at you now like bitch.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I see you yeah, he would be so proud of me because,
like I was always the like, theweirdo, that like was always
looking for a group of friendsand like worried about like
being able to find a job.
And like now I have my ownlittle niche in the world and
like a group of friends thatlike understand me and I'm like,
look at me, chris, I got my ownlittle niche now.
I love that you do.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
You do.
We'll talk more about this aswell.
What do you think some of thebiggest taboos around sex work
are?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
some of the biggest taboos around sex work are no,
there's a list.
Yeah, there's a whole list.
Honestly, like the one that'sthe biggest one to me is
intelligence.
I think that people think thatwhen you do sex work, you're
inherently stupid, becausewhenever I did it and I was
telling people like, oh, I'mdoing this to get me through
college, I think that theythought I was lying.
I was like, no, really, like Ineed to go buy books, like this
(14:09):
is really to like pay off thedorms and like, do the college
thing?
Like my sex work money trulywent to college and like that's
where most of my sex work moneywent was to books and dorms and
going back and forth to schooland all that stuff.
And but every time I said thatlike I don't know if it's
because it's a like a trope, orlike you're stripping through
(14:31):
college or whatever, but like,yeah, no one ever believed that
I was going to school.
They're like you can read right, and I'm like, no, we cannot
read.
I'm probably smarter than you.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Probably, probably While you were navigating this
particular space.
Do you think because you arenot a little white woman, do you
find that you were in differentsituations?
Are people approach youdifferently?
I do think that sex work islooked at differently if you are
(15:06):
not white, I mean just existingin our bodies, and so did any
of that ever come up?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
for you All the time.
I think the biggest one was therate disparity is that like thin
white women can charge double,triple what I was charging, and
I never lowered my rates tomatch, like what I was supposed
to be charging.
Um, and if you didn't want topay that, then you didn't want
(15:35):
to pay that.
But I never lowered my rates.
But people would alwaysquestion me why I thought I
deserve those rates and I waslike, well, you paying them, so
you clearly think I deserve themtoo.
We are in agreeance.
Yeah Right.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
What about like in the community of sex work?
Right, Like when you weren'twhere we are at this age, did
you have other sex workers thatalso you could communicate,
navigate with?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
When I first started I had one friend starting out
that like worked with me but shewas chaos incarnate and she
like wasn't really helpful.
But like I gotta be honest,like it's really hard to get
(16:35):
like friends in sex work, causeI feel like everyone thinks that
you want to take money out oftheir pockets.
And like it's always, beenreally hard to like make real
friends in sex work, cause Ifeel like, at the end of the day
, everyone's always trying tolike screw you out of money and
every time I've tried to likehelp people or like give them
(16:55):
like contacts or support or freetoys or whatever, like they
always end up screwing me overin one way or another.
Yeah and uh, I have stoppeddoing that and stopped like.
I have a couple friends that dosex work now, but now I really
don't try to make friendsbecause, uh, everything has
shown me that it does not work.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Where you are today.
We're going to go back andforth when you are today.
Do you ever look back and go?
I wasn't doing the thing that Iactually thought was best for
me.
I was just doing this forsurvival, or were you like nah,
I like this job?
I think there's also the ideaof all sex work is survival sex
(17:41):
work?
And, as people I know, knowsome people just like to do it
Like they're, like I'm fuckingfor free.
Might as well get a check, youknow, might as well get some
money out of it.
Did you ever have thosethoughts?
Speaker 1 (17:54):
There was definitely nights where, like I had made my
money and like I wanted to gohome and I was done, and then he
would be like well, what aboutmy cut?
And those were nights that Iwould like have to keep working
for.
Like, and that felt more oflike survival work.
And like nights where, like hewould fight me on the street or
(18:17):
like drag me by my hair down thestreet and like those nights
definitely felt like survivalwork or like he would try to get
me to, like, actually walk thestrip, which was not something
that I did more than once ortwice, um, but for the most part
, like it, I wanted to do it andI was happy doing it and fine
(18:38):
doing it most of the time.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
When did the blog start?
Speaker 1 (18:44):
The blog started about a decade ago, when I
started working for a store andI was teaching workshops and I
wanted to be able to have likesomething for people to be able
to reference when they went home.
That was mine that I owned.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Was it because you didn't see, like I, when I got
into the sex ed industry, I waslike I'm not reinventing the
wheel, but like I'm adding to it.
Was it like that?
And you were like I don that.
And you were like I don't,you're not speaking to you're
not speaking to me, so I'm gonnacreate the thing that speaks to
me yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Um, part of it was that I didn't love the way other
people were writing theirreviews, because I kept seeing
them be like I hated this toybecause it didn't work for me
and I'm like that's not reallyhelpful.
Um, because everyone isdifferent, and like the way that
I like to write a review islike here are the positive
(19:43):
things about a toy, here are thenegative things about it, and
like now you can make a decisionif you want to use it, and like
that's the information that I'malways looking for, so that's
the way that I'm always lookingfor, so that's the way that I
present it, and like I thinkthat I also think of things that
maybe, like a thinner personwouldn't think of, like the
accessibility of the toy, thebuttons of the toy Cause of my
(20:06):
nails, like how, how easy is itto press, how easy is it to
charge, how easy was the box toopen, like stuff like that.
Like so there was definitelyunanswered questions and there
was definitely just like Ididn't love the style of reviews
that were really popular at thetime.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
That makes sense to me, types of sex work.
Can you kind of walk us throughhow you went from this pimp who
we hope he chokes on a dickforever, whatever, and how did
you transition to where you aretoday?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
He was in New York.
I was in Pennsylvania going toschool.
He had done the thing where heposted those photos of me.
I like changed my number andlike opened a new account with
the help of that like uh dvclinic.
And then I like dropped out ofschool for a hot second because,
(21:08):
like everything was too muchbecause it was him.
It was like an abusive uhperson I was dating at the time.
That was like compounding stuff.
And then he had gotten arrestedand he was like oh, I want you
to come see me in jail.
And I was like absolutely yeah.
(21:30):
I was like no, and then heviolated parole for the last
time.
So, for all assumptions, Iassume he's in jail because,
like he was on his last strikeand then violated parole.
So like presumably he ain'tgetting out.
And then I was like dancing fora while and then I was like you
(21:53):
know what?
I don't want to keep doing this.
I got a job at starbucks theygot insurance yeah, yeah, yeah
that.
And they had 401k where theymatched it, like that was how I
bought my car, like it helped melike build up my credit and
whatnot.
Uh, and then I went back toschool and, um, I got a job at a
(22:14):
harley davidson doing eventsand marketing, because what I
thought was that people thatride motorcycles are going to be
open-minded like leather people.
And they are not.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
They are like the leather, tricked your ass it
really did.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I really thought I got there and they were all
racist and sexist and homophobicand I was like oh, this is what
I expected.
Yeah, yeah so I will getharassed there, and I was like
this is not fun either.
And then I started looking fornew jobs and I got a job as a
supervisor at a sex shop.
(22:56):
And then I was like, oh, I'mreally good at this.
And then I just kept buildingon that.
Now, here I am.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
So tell the folks, because you do a lot.
Yeah, I really want y'all to golook up Carly's work because
you've probably seen it in abillion places.
Yeah, stolen and not.
So tell us where you are today,I know, but like you are, you
(23:27):
really got them littlefingertips in all the places.
So where are they?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Well, I do customer service and product management
for Spectrum Boutique.
I do social media andcopywriting and outreach for
Nasstoys.
I just got a new contract whereI'm going to be doing the
(23:53):
copywriting and, um, likesetting up the social media for
California fantasies, which is anew company, so watch out for
that.
Um, what else do I do?
Um, I write for expertssometimes.
Uh, I, yeah, I freelance writea lot.
(24:16):
So, like you, you've probablyread my writing and publications
of various things.
Uh, what else do I do?
I do a lot of things that Iforget and then I remember it.
I'm like, oh yeah, I have to dothat thing.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
You've shared a lot of like writing and things.
Are you still involved in sexwork?
I think you mentioned like Ialso use my videos in porn.
What does that look like?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
yeah, so I still I do content creation, I still am
active on social media.
And then um, for a while I wasmaking regular porn where it's
just like you know, stepbrother,or like stuck in the washing
machine or whatever like wait,no, how dare you try to run past
(25:04):
?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
no pause, stuck in the washing machine.
I need an elaboration.
My favorite genre of porn I'venever heard, please, please,
share.
What does that mean?
Are.
Are there an actual one?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
So like yeah yeah, yeah, like stuck is like a whole
genre of porn, so like someonewill get stuck in like a
predicament situation and thentheir butt is like up and like
people will do sexy things tothem, and like people get stuck
in washing machines all the time.
I just think it's so funny Ineed everyone to go look up this
(25:41):
um, and I've gotten to shoot itat like airbnbs that we've been
at because they've they've hadlike the right kind of washing
machine.
But I just feel like it lendsitself to like the perfect dirty
talk, because it's so campy andfunny, it's like it's just so
ridiculous.
It's like, oh, your clothesaren't gonna get clean, or like
(26:02):
you know what I mean, like it'sjust so ridiculous what makes
the perfect washing machine?
oh, it's that.
It's like low enough that youcan lean on it, but but it's a
top loader, so then you can likelean in it.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, not getting getting your head ripped.
Exactly, that's safety.
Safety, yes, exactly.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
You gotta find the right kind of machine, okay.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Hold on, I need a minute for that.
I love that, okay, what?
What other kind of film work orwhatever else are you doing?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I stopped doing all of that.
So my content was 100% justlike photos of me from photo
shoots and like in-use toyreviews.
And what happened was when Iwent viral on TikTok, some man
sent me a message and was likeyour content isn't what I
expected.
It's not worth the $5.
And I was very offended atfirst.
How dare you and then I was likewhat do you mean?
It's not what you expected.
(27:05):
Because, first of all, I putexactly what I have in my little
header description and I'm likeit says what it's going to be
there.
But because all of my contentis educational, he thought it
was going to be like educationalporn and like I was like, oh, I
could do that, Like that's easy.
(27:25):
And now I like don't even haveto put makeup on because they
really just want to see me likeuse the toy and then tell them
if it was good or not.
And I'm like that is so easyand amazing and I can do that
all day long because I get somany samples of toys I know you
do, yeah, so like never-endingcontent options and like
(27:47):
everyone I'm happy, they'rehappy and like amazing.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
So you do make videos using them, and then you're
like talking while you use it.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Sometimes I'll talk.
At the beginning I'll be likehere's the toy, this is what it
is, now I'm going to use it.
Then I use it.
Sometimes I'll do some foreplayand then at the end I'll be
like would recommend or wouldnot recommend, and then I'll be
like you can go into my otherbio for a link to it.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
And into my other bio for a link to it and then
hopefully they use the link andthen I get an affiliate payout
from that.
So I'm catching up and I'mgoing.
Yes, you better be a businesslady.
Okay, smart, exactly, you aresmart.
What have been the ups anddowns in sex work and the sex ed
industry?
Because sure, they go like this, but also there is a separation
.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I mean it's pretty together because of all the
credit card processing issues,like with SESTA-FOSTA they don't
want to let any of any of thewebsites use any of the credit
card processors.
So constantly getting bannedfrom websites like thinking
you're going to get kicked offof only fans or getting kicked
(29:04):
off of whatever, like porn hub.
I used to be monetized on pornhub.
They don't let you do thatreally anymore.
You can't really sell on there.
Only fans has banned like halfof the content.
Like you used to be able to doso much more.
Now you can't even like onthere.
Only fans has banned like halfof the content.
Like you used to be able to doso much more.
Now you can't even like smoke ajoint on there.
Like just they just keepbanning stuff.
(29:25):
And like it's the same thingwith with um with sex toys like
we can't sell cbd and sex toys.
You can do either or there'sjust so many like arbitrary
rules.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Yeah that is weird yeah for you personally, what
have been your highs and loves?
Speaker 1 (29:48):
I mean highs for me is definitely anytime I get
offered any of these jobs is ahigh for me.
Anytime someone is trusting meand thinking like, oh, carly is
going to do a really good job.
It feels really amazing for megetting recommended for, uh, sex
part of the year.
Twice was amazing, like beingrecognized, as that feels really
(30:11):
really good.
Um, and Lowe's was uh, you knowthe pandemic and like the shops
closing and like not reallyknowing what was going to happen
before I ended up transitioningto 100% digital.
Um, because all of my work wasin person before I really did
all this and um, while I didblog, like I didn't do any of
(30:34):
this other stuff.
So like, like I had thecapacity to do it, but I wasn't
doing it before and I didn'tknow I was going to be able to
build this into like a viable,like livable job.
And it was scary.
I was like cause, at thebeginning of the pandemic I was,
I was camming like 12 hours aday.
How it was so boring, it was soboring, it was so boring.
(30:59):
I have some really funnyscreenshots of some of the
comments that people would makeCause, like I would just do
random makeup and one time I waswearing like dark makeup and
someone was like you look like aslutty vampire.
I was like you're, like I'lltake it, I'm not mad at that.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah, you're like yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
I'll take it, not mad at that.
Yeah, you're like, is that aninsult?
Because I'm in, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, I don't think it's an insult, so thanks you
mentioned earlier that, likewhere you are now, like you
found your people, like you havepeople what does that look like
for you?
What does community look likenow?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
uh, being able to send memes that I think are
funny, yeah, yeah, and peoplenot be like what the hell is
wrong with you?
Um, being able to have likerandom parties.
Like I'm gonna hold asummerween party this year and
everyone is excited for itsummerween.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
I know, go ahead elaborate, you don't have
questions.
The hell is summerween likehalloween, gravity falls.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
They do summerween because they love halloween so
much they do it twice a year.
Okay, okay, I was like I'mgonna do.
I love a thematic party, so I'mgoing to host my own summer
ween party and everyone'sexcited and I'm like my people,
my people, so you know peoplethat are excited about, like a
(32:27):
thematic party, people that areexcited about that stuff, just
like people that are excitedabout the same things I am, and
like like having friends, thatfriends that I can talk about
work and they're not bored orover it.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Hmm, where'd you find these people?
I think I, you know, I findpeople that are like the older I
get, the harder it is to makefriends and relationships, and
I'm like I've been tellingpeople I don't want to talk, I
want to be left alone.
So what does that look like foryou?
Like, how have you found theseindividuals?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
um, honestly, I found them all through work at this
point and then through friendsof other friends.
So, like if, if I, if you havea friend that you're like this
person's cool, then I trust youand we hang out and they're cool
then like we're friends.
Now, like I'm just grabbingfriends of my other friends at
this point Because I've tried togo to like crafting nights and
(33:29):
crafting things and like makeother friends, but like it's
really hard, especially when youwork in these types of
industries, because like youcan't be like so you want to
hear about this Deldo that I gotin the mail.
Like because it's hard to likejust talk about like your job,
because I can't even just scrollthrough the pictures on my
phone because there's boobs inthere, like a lot of titties
(33:52):
yeah yeah, so you know it.
Like I try to like make vanillafriends, but like I feel like
they're more just like wow, thisis so interesting, that's so
weird, but like they don'treally get it.
So like finding people like inthe industry that like have the
same job, that like get it, arethe the only way to really make
friends like this what do youthink would surprise people the
(34:16):
most about you?
um, that I have an expansivepinterest board that's
incredibly organized and brokendown into little micro sections.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
So like it'll have like adinner board and then it'll be
(34:37):
broken down into like pasta orpork or chicken or so if I
really really need inspiration,I can like go in there
organization.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Where did you find her?
How does that help your brainwith?
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I have a row and like like there we are here we go.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
I'm very, give us your what's your big three for
the queers it's virgo, capScorpio, yeah, so I'm very
organized.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
I am sad and I am chaotic.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
You're just a cute little emo kid, listen.
Yeah, basically I get it, I getit, I get it.
While you've been doing thiswork, what has your mental
health looked like?
Speaker 1 (35:29):
It fluctuates definitely.
I've recently gotten intotherapy.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Oh I love.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Right.
It was harder because my momwas a therapist when I was
growing up and she herself.
I didn't know that mom was atherapist when I was growing up
and she herself, yeah, she was asocial worker and a family
therapist and all that goodstuff, uh.
And if you don't know whensomeone is a therapist,
sometimes they want to therapizeyou.
Like I know a lot of thetherapy words and I can ask
(36:03):
myself these questions.
So for a long time it was hardfor me to want to go to therapy
because I'm like I can askmyself these questions.
But even if you can askyourself those questions, it's
still nice to have someone to,like you know, check you and
like be on the outside lookingin.
So it's been helpful,especially like to have someone
that, like you can tell and likewe'll call you on the bullshit.
(36:26):
So it's been good.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
We're good girlfriends over a lovely green
plant.
We're earth humans.
Where did you find yourconnection to cannabis and how
has that shown up as you havenavigated these spaces?
Cause now, like the last of it,cannabis is coming more
(36:50):
entwined with sex and with thesex industry.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Here's a funny story.
I didn't smoke pot untilcollege.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
I didn't smoke till I was 30.
That's even more impressive.
People go what I'm like.
I had questions.
Nobody with a suitcase wasgoing to answer my questions.
That go what I'm like.
I had questions.
Nobody with a suitcase wasgonna answer my questions.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
That's what I'm saying because my mother, like
she, was a social worker.
She was a drug treatment socialworker.
So when I went to high school,my mother was the one that would
send kids to like the drugtreatment center.
So, needless to say, no onewanted to do drugs with me
(37:31):
they're like, they're like,we're not with you so no one
would do drugs with me.
So even though I wanted totripod, everyone was like, ah,
you're gonna tell your mother.
So, uh, I didn't try anythinguntil I got to college and even
then I really only wanted totripod because my mother got
(37:52):
into social work with drugs,because she herself was someone
who was using drugs, who gotclean and then decided to help
other people.
So when I was growing up, wealso, like I grew up going to NA
meetings and AA meetings andwhatnot, so I heard what could
happen to you when you did somedrugs and like I was not
(38:15):
interested scared straightprogram yeah, for real.
Yeah, going, going to thosethings when you're real little
was like yeah yeah, and then theperson that I dated in college
had a very, very bad problem.
They were what uh people liketo call a trash can addict.
Basically, if you, uh, if youhave it, they will do it.
(38:35):
He smoked crack a couple timesand would come home and then
like take all the rent money anddisappear into philadelphia.
So, uh, I would smoke pot andthat'd be it, and I'd be like
I'm good.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Yeah, crack is not for me.
You go live your life.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
But I have really really bad ADHD, which I did not
realize until I got older.
But pot really makes my brainslow down and instead of a
million racing thoughts it'sonly like five or six racing
thoughts Manageable, yeah, soit's really nice, it slows me
down.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Interesting See, I'm learning so much right now as
are these individuals.
What do you think about thecombination of the sex industry
and cannabis?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
I think it's really great.
I think it can have a lot ofreally positive effects on
libido, on sensation, on painand sex, on like wetness and sex
, on all kinds of differentthings, on people that maybe
have like cancer or any sort ofother issues.
There's like a lot of reallypractical uses for cannabis and
(39:49):
sex yeah, they've had like a fewlike cannabis lubes out.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
They're what is that one?
The vibrator?
That's also a wee pin that wewere looking at the vapor.
That's wild to me still, buty'all can send me one.
Um.
It's so interesting to like seethis arc of who you are and it
to see you on this side of it ofbeing like try me if you want
to, um, which brings me tosafety.
(40:19):
As we know as being people withbreasts and individuals with
vaginas, we are constantly inharm in harm's way.
Last week, you and I weretalking about this.
Okay, chris, you're gonna cutout this next statement.
We know my girls is gettingboob-bopped in New York.
Okay, we're gonna come back.
So last week we were talkingabout the harm that happens to
(40:45):
you know folks that identify aswomen in general totality, no
matter what your genitals looklike, and like safety.
What do you think safety haslooked like for those in the in
the industry, and do you thinkthat these laws that people are
putting into play are actuallykeeping people safe or causing
(41:05):
more harm?
Speaker 1 (41:07):
They're definitely causing more harm because
they're not listening to any ofthe people that are actually in
the industry.
Everyone that is in theindustry can show all kinds of
statistics aboutdecriminalization and why having
proper banking will protectpeople, why having proper
(41:30):
banking will protect people, andlike we can show stats all day
long of like why these thingswill protect more people.
And the moral majority doesn'tcare.
It's, it's a morality thing,it's not.
It's not a safety thing.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
They don't actually care about safety which is wild
because, as we know, there'speople out here and there's some
airbrush t-shirts.
I'm sorry, I'm confused atwhat's happening outside my home
, but I think that there's justthe idea of what safety actually
(42:05):
is versus what people want toput into play, and thinking
about sex.
Work is one of the oldest andmost used industries out here.
If you look at all of the harmthat has caused, all these
newfound or newly shared storiesof harm that has happened.
It's all about power, it's allabout money, and the exchange of
(42:30):
power and money is sex work,and so why is it that people are
so afraid to have theseconversations?
Why do you think people go ohno, I can't look at it, but are
participating in it.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Or, you know, in such denial of it, look at it but
are participating in it or, youknow, in such a denial of it, I
think, because, at the end ofthe day, it's just a puritanical
society and that, as much asthey want to think that we're
just this, like oversexed, likecommunity or like society, that
we're not and that the vastmajority of people are
(43:06):
conservative and that, even ifit's not even the vast majority,
those are the loudest peopleand those are the people that
are going to be heard and thoseare the people that have the
most power.
Unfortunately, and until we canget more people in power that
have some sort of like lawmaking or changing ability, like
(43:28):
the loudest people are going tobe the only ones heard.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yeah, If there are.
This is where you get to showup and show out.
If there are individuals thathave thought about sex work, are
newly into sex work, what kindof advice would you give to them
if they were like hey, Carly, Ithink this is what I want to do
.
I am 18.
I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
It depends on what kind of sex work they want to
get into.
I would just say the one thingis to know that the internet is
forever.
So anything that you're puttingout there, just know that, like
grandma, grandpa, cousin,friend, they can find it, no
matter how secret you think itis.
You got a mask.
(44:14):
Whatever you're geoblockinglocations, you think that people
can't tell.
Just treat everything as ifpeople already know.
Because I think that thebiggest thing is that, like
people are like, oh, I'm goingto get found out.
And if you treat it as likethere's nothing to be found out
(44:37):
and you can go into it like that, then you're already a step
ahead of it, because if you'regoing into it with the fear of
that, then it might not be thething for you.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
You mentioned something before.
Like you had good stories, youhad good Johns and you had bad
stories when the bad times didhappen, because people are shit.
What made you keep going back?
Was it the money?
Speaker 1 (45:08):
What was it?
It was definitely the money.
It was definitely the money.
Even now, that's what keeps myOnlyFans open.
Like I say this to everybodyOnlyFans only works if you have
fans, and while I don't have aton of fans, I got a couple of
them and it's not paying my rent, but it's paying my light bill
(45:29):
and that, you know, is somethingit's nothing to sneeze at.
I'm not someone making amillion dollars on OnlyFans, but
like it's, it's enough to pay abill a month and that's good.
So bills gotta get paid and it.
It was always the best way tomake not easy money, but quick
(45:51):
money.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Cause what is easy money.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
I wish someone would tell me, cause I hate when
people are like, oh, it's easymoney.
I'm like, oh, you think this iseasy, it's quick money.
There's a lot of things you cando for quick money, but easy
money, please, please, tell mewhat easy money is.
I would love to find that.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
I think that is also another taboo.
Why would I pay you for sex?
It's not actual work.
Let's really remind folks thatit is work.
What comes in the encompassingof sex work?
It's in the title, so what?
What actually comes in it thatyou would be able to push back
on?
You're like, actually, here'sthe thing not only like let's.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
Let's say we're talking about escorting right
now.
We're talking aboutfull-service sex work, all of
the work of like keepingyourself like visually
attractive for people.
So like nails, eyebrows, lashes, makeup, clothes, exactly any
sort of like aesthetic stuffthat you have to do to make
(46:58):
yourself look the way you lookin the pictures.
Because if you show up thereand like you have your hair in a
bun and leggings and you don'tlook made up like the photos,
you're not going to get thatrate.
That's, that's bottom line.
And then you're you're paying,they're paying you to to do an
(47:19):
experience.
You're not going to go in thereand be able to do whatever you
want in this date.
So like you're going in thereto basically enact their
fantasies.
So whatever that is it's amassage and then whatever, or
dinner and then a shower and anovernight so you're not leading
(47:40):
the ship, you're just enactingwhatever you're booked for.
So like you have to visuallylook this way.
And then you're like makingsomeone's fantasy happen.
So you're making this wholefantasy thing happen.
So that's what they're payingyou for is to make their fantasy
happen yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
is there anything else you want to leave with
individuals that are like, oh, Ididn't know, all of this was a
thing in sex work, Like I neverthought about all this.
Look at you.
You had to be included, didn'tyou?
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Yeah he was crying, I was like oh no.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
What do I repeat the question?
Yeah, he was crying.
I was like, oh no, bubba.
What do I repeat the question?
Yeah, what would you likepeople to really know and take
away from understanding what sexwork is and like, just in
general, what do you want peopleto know about sex work?
Speaker 1 (48:46):
I think the thing that I want people to know about
sex work is that it's neverjust sex.
Even if you think that it'sjust filming sex or having sex,
it's never that simple.
That's just what you're seeingand there's always work behind
it that goes into it, whetherthat's setting up the camera and
(49:09):
editing the videos, or all ofthe prep work that goes into
whatever you're doing, or thescreening of the clients and
getting to the appointment andmaking sure everything that you
need for that session is there.
Like.
What you're seeing is like oneeighth of what's actually
required for this work.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
It's, it's so much more yeah, and also I think
there's the idea of you can dosex work and do so many things
right, like you are literally atestament of, like hello, I'm
booked, I'm busy and I'm outhere, and that makes my heart so
happy to know that, excuse methat you get to do the things
(49:57):
you want to do now.
You get to, like, actually pickand choose where your energy is
going.
Are we still doing it to makemoney?
Yes, because it's the first.
As we said, I like lights, Ilike shelter and that is my
favorite thing right now I liketo be in my house.
We are in the year of 2024.
(50:18):
What do you hope?
Changes for the sex industry,for sex work Like what would you
love to see change?
Speaker 1 (50:32):
I would love to see the banks stop penalizing all of
sex work, and that's from thesex workers all the way to sex
toy companies across the board,all the way to sex toy companies
across the board becausethey're really just giving in to
(50:52):
these religious zealots andthey're hurting their own
pockets and I just don'tunderstand who it's helping.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
I mean.
It's always interesting to methat the people that are the
angriest.
I mean, it's always interestingto me that the people that are
the angriest are the people thatuse the services the most.
So really, are you angry or areyou trying to cover up your
bullshit?
Yeah, very true.
The acclimation, for me, is Oneof the last questions.
(51:20):
Actually, the last question Ihave of the show is one of my
favorites Because, as you said,I'm also newsy.
Last question I have of theshow is one of my favorites
because, as you said, I'm alsonewsy.
Um, what is the wildest thing?
Someone has texted or dm'd youin the last two weeks.
I know it's gonna be good.
Speaker 1 (51:34):
I know it's gonna be good too so I won't name names,
but somebody sent me a picturethat they had received of a dick
, picture that had a happy face,like right on their pubic mound
.
That I don't remember if itsaid like thank you or whatever,
but I was like that is a crazytattoo to get.
(51:55):
I want to see what it lookslike when they're not shaved.
So I was like text them now andask them if they have a picture
of that.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
Thank you, yeah, I like that.
I kind of want your welcome,right.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
You're welcome, but I want to see what that happy
face looks like when he's hairy.
Would it be covered?
It depends on how bushy thatperson is.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
That person looked like they weren't that hairy.
How big was it?
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Was it like little?
Or did it like, oh, it coveredlike a good chunk of that pubic
mound.
I was like that is a choice.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
And like as a choice tattoos.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
I was like that is a choice what is the wildest
tattoo you have?
Speaker 2 (52:54):
or people what is the tattoo, because I know you
tatted what is the tattoo thatpeople go wait what the most?
Speaker 1 (53:01):
um, probably the, the rabbit tattoo, the sex toy
rabbit, really Out of everything, right, yeah, people think the
magic wand is a microphone and Idon't correct them.
Speaker 2 (53:20):
You'd be like I do be singing yeah, musical.
Thank you, this was so fun forme.
I love doing these talks.
Um, tell the guys, the girls,they them.
They says everyone where theycan find you, where they can get
in your business, where theycan throw you money.
Speaker 1 (53:38):
uh, give us all of that uh, I am makeup and sin on
every platform.
So if you look on Instagram, onTikTok, on Twitter, on Pokemon
Go, you will find me on makeupand sin.
So that's, even if you want tothrow me some dollars on Venmo
or Cash App, makeup and sin.
(53:59):
Anytime a new platform opens, Igrab makeup and sin because
that's my thing.
If you want to check out myblog, it's dildo or dildont and
from there you can also find myspicy content, if that was
something you were interested infinding as well.
Speaker 2 (54:17):
Spicy education.
I love that.
I love that.
Well, thank you, y'all, buckleup.
We're continuing this magic onthe next episode You'll see,
thank you.
Carly S is the queen of wands, pleasure educator,
porn star, model, blogger ofdildo or dildo and a bad bitch
from the Bronx.
Nominated for the XBiz Sexpertof the Year 2023 and 2024, she's
managed and has been thefeature educator of some of New
York's award-winning sex toystores.
You may have seen her teach atExotica Cycles and Sex Sex Expo,
(00:44):
read her work in CosmopolitanGlamour Shape or heard her on
countless podcasts.
She is currently the productmanager for Spectrum Boutique
and manages NASTOY social mediaand PR, and has been a staple in
the adult industry for over adecade.
Y'all, I welcome Carly.
All right, this is going to befun.
(01:08):
I think all of these are fun,but buckle up, because I feel
like it's going to be a ride forus.
My first question to everyone iswho are you?
It's a loaded question, it'seasy.
Everyone always goes bitch whatI mean.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I contain multitudes, so you know.
I mean I am a blogger, I am adog mom, I am I don't know.
I I'm Carly, I am makeupinstant on the internet, I run
the blog dildo or dildo, and Ido lots of different things in
(01:50):
the sex toy industry.
Right now I have my fingers inmany different pots.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Fingers and pots, we'll get there.
Um, how did we meet?
I always like to hear people'sversions of it.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Um, well, I had been following you online and I
thought you were really cool.
And you were like in the groupwith like Zoe Thangria and Dirty
Lola, and I was like, oh cool,like I'll get to meet you, and
you thought that we had alreadymet already.
Sounds about right.
Yeah, I was like I'll get tomeet you and you thought that we
had already met already.
Sounds about right, yeah, and Iwas like no, but I want to meet
you because I think you'rereally cool.
And you were like cool, let'ssmoke.
And then we became BFFs.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Cannabis bringing people together yeah, All these
years.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
And then I was worried that you weren't going
to be my friend anymore becauseI gave you COVID, because we
both caught it at Amni.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I don't think you gave it to me.
Honestly, I know the exactmoment I got it and it was not
you.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Good, I don't feel as bad now because I really wasn't
.
Chippin' Neek is going to hateme Because we were the only ones
that got COVID, because theseother people just have better
immune systems.
I don't know.
I got COVID because of cannabisand not staying in my goddamn
room.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I mean same that was on me.
What does trauma mean to you?
What is trauma to you?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I like to think of trauma now as like that extra
spice that makes you interesting, because I don't feel like I
know a single person thatdoesn't have trauma, and I just
feel like it's the thing thatmakes people you know extra
interesting at this point,because if you don't have trauma
, what do you have to talk about, ain't it the?
Speaker 2 (03:43):
truth?
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I love to just dive into a deep conversation with
strangers.
If people want to tell me theirwhole life story, I'm like, yes
, tell me about how your uncledoesn't love you.
I love to hear the gossip, tellme all of it, so as deep as
people want to get with me, I'mhere for it.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
So today we're talking about sex work and there
are so many stigmas around sexwork.
We're going to talk about yourjourney, and there's so many
things that I love doing thesepodcasts because, sure, I have
relationships with all of thesepeople.
These people are my friends,they are my family for some
individuals, but I feel likeevery time I have this
conversation or theseconversations, I learn something
(04:36):
new.
So this is also a gift for me,and I think that we're going to
have some clarifying things,because people think what they
be thinking.
So for you, what is sex workLike?
How would you describe sex workto someone?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I would say that it's doing erotic labor for money.
So it could be porn, it couldbe sugar babying, it could be
full service escorting, it couldbe dominatrixing, it could be
sexting.
So any sort of like eroticlabor for money is sex work.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
I was typing this question out, but I'll just ask
Do you think more peopleparticipate in sex work than
they think or acknowledge?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
one person and like they gave me money and we have
this very specific arrangement,but you're giving them erotic
labor, you're not in arelationship with them and
you're getting money.
So you're a sex worker, boo.
Like sorry to tell you like,even if you don't want to claim
it, like, that's fine, you canidentify however you want.
I'm never going to force atitle on someone but like you
know hate to break it to you,but like you're a sex worker,
(06:09):
like to everybody else.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Like yeah, yeah.
Have you had thoseconversations with people?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Yeah, definitely, and it's.
It's always interesting too,because there's always people on
the other way where they'relike I've had people that like
work in sex shops, that are likeI'm a sex worker, cause like I
sell sex toys, and I'm like notquite, like this is not erotic
labor, this is still retail.
You don't touch anyoneerotically.
(06:38):
We keep the conversationspretty vanilla, like we're not
dirty talking customers,customers.
And if we were, a differentstory exactly like it would be a
completely different experience.
So like, when you keep theseboundaries, you're not
performing erotic labor, thatyou're just in a retail
environment.
So you're not a sex worker.
(06:58):
And like there are, I'm sure,situations where you could do
sex work and sell sex toys.
Sure, yeah, I've kind of donethat now, where I review the
toys, I sell the toys and I makeporn with the toys.
So it's all encompassing.
But if you're just selling thetoys in the store and you're not
(07:21):
doing anything else with it,you're not a sex worker.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
So it's lots of layers to this onion speaking of
layers, how did sex work findyou, or how did you find it?
What is the journey of carly?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I really wanted to date a couple, so.
So, in the heyday of Craigslist, when they still had erotic
services, I met this couple whowanted to explore with someone
(07:58):
else.
They were older, I was like 17.
He was in his 30s.
Should have been the first redflag Flag on the flag.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yes, I was like, oh, I'm so mature.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
He decided that why was I fucking people for free?
I could be doing this for moneyand it made sense to me.
I could be doing this for moneyand it made sense to me and he
presented it as his wholebusiness arrangement where he
was going to drive me around andprotect me and like, set up all
these things and yeah,hindsight he was a pimp and when
(08:37):
she would come with a black eyehe would be like, oh, the baby
fell on her or something likethat and like, hindsight, he was
hitting her.
Because then he started hittingme.
Um and uh, eventually Irealized I can do this without
him.
He's taking my money and noteven protecting me, because half
(08:58):
the time that I would get intoscuffles with clients he
wouldn't even protect me.
So like, why am I even payinghim?
So, uh, then I branched out onmy own.
But that's how I got into it wasI met a shady older man on
craigslist and he showed meabout sex work, and then I just
(09:28):
yeah oh, I made a lot of money,okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, um, and
like everyone has this notion oflike the clients being really
gross and disgusting, but like,honestly, the pimp was the
problem in the situation.
Like I met a lot of reallygreat johns and people when I
(09:49):
was doing it.
Like I had a couple of problemsand like bad stories that I
could tell, but like, for themost part, I met lovely people
who I who tipped well and paidme well.
I paid through my college, thatI paid my mom's bills.
That way I moved out, that wayI supported myself, that way
(10:13):
with money to spare and reallydidn't have any issues besides
the pimp, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
For those that may be listening and are like bitch,
is this a pimp?
Yeah, For those that like,maybe listening and are like
bitch, is this a bit.
How would you give them adviceto get away from them?
Speaker 1 (10:48):
had like photos of me in compromising positions when
I was like 17, 18, which heended up posting on Craigslist
with my phone number and like mydorm room that I had to go to
campus security, and they werealso not helpful.
They yeah, they just showed thephotos around and laughed about
it and were just genuinely nothelpful.
Um, but honestly, the the mosthelpful thing I would say was
(11:09):
like getting involved with um I.
I got involved with a like abattered woman's clinic because
they kept seeing me with bruisesand they helped me get away and
like really like, uh, get a newphone number and like, get a
new bank account because, likehe had access to all that when
(11:30):
you were like navigating all ofthis, like did you have
community?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
like did you have family?
Did you have friends?
Did people know or was itsomething?
You're like I have this lifeand then I have this separate
life.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Oh, no, I, I had two separate lives.
I was going to college, I wasin the marching band, I was also
working.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
What was your plan?
I feel like we talked aboutthis.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did,because we had a tummy.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah , I was playing euphonium.
I was like going to schoolcompetitions I was in the women
came from.
I like had a whole separatelife.
That like looked like I waslike you know, doing whatever.
And the college that I went tothey had the Office of
(12:14):
Multicultural Affairs because itwas a very white college.
So basically anytime a minoritywent into that school, you got
enrolled into that thing and,like you had a mentor, went into
that school, you went, gotenrolled into that thing and
like you had a mentor andluckily, the mentor that I had,
he was really amazing.
He ended up, uh, gettingmurdered a few years after I
left college because he, yeah,he became a porter at a hospital
(12:39):
and he was getting Chinese foodand he, someone like went to
rob him of his sneakers and hegave him all his stuff and like
went to say something and thenthe guy shot him but like was
genuinely the nicest personwould have given you the shirt
off his back.
Like this person shot him forabsolutely no reason.
(12:59):
Yeah, yeah, but like that wasmy community.
Yeah, like Chris Murphy was anangel and like is now a literal
angel.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I'm sure chris is looking at you now like bitch.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I see you yeah, he would be so proud of me because,
like I was always the like, theweirdo, that like was always
looking for a group of friendsand like worried about like
being able to find a job.
And like now I have my ownlittle niche in the world and
like a group of friends thatlike understand me and I'm like,
look at me, chris, I got my ownlittle niche now.
I love that you do.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
You do.
We'll talk more about this aswell.
What do you think some of thebiggest taboos around sex work
are?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
some of the biggest taboos around sex work are no,
there's a list.
Yeah, there's a whole list.
Honestly, like the one that'sthe biggest one to me is
intelligence.
I think that people think thatwhen you do sex work, you're
inherently stupid, becausewhenever I did it and I was
telling people like, oh, I'mdoing this to get me through
college, I think that theythought I was lying.
I was like, no, really, like Ineed to go buy books, like this
(14:09):
is really to like pay off thedorms and like, do the college
thing?
Like my sex work money trulywent to college and like that's
where most of my sex work moneywent was to books and dorms and
going back and forth to schooland all that stuff.
And but every time I said thatlike I don't know if it's
because it's a like a trope, orlike you're stripping through
(14:31):
college or whatever, but like,yeah, no one ever believed that
I was going to school.
They're like you can read right, and I'm like, no, we cannot
read.
I'm probably smarter than you.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Probably, probably While you were navigating this
particular space.
Do you think because you arenot a little white woman, do you
find that you were in differentsituations?
Are people approach youdifferently?
I do think that sex work islooked at differently if you are
(15:06):
not white, I mean just existingin our bodies, and so did any
of that ever come up?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
for you All the time.
I think the biggest one was therate disparity is that like thin
white women can charge double,triple what I was charging, and
I never lowered my rates tomatch, like what I was supposed
to be charging.
Um, and if you didn't want topay that, then you didn't want
(15:35):
to pay that.
But I never lowered my rates.
But people would alwaysquestion me why I thought I
deserve those rates and I waslike, well, you paying them, so
you clearly think I deserve themtoo.
We are in agreeance.
Yeah Right.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
What about like in the community of sex work?
Right, Like when you weren'twhere we are at this age, did
you have other sex workers thatalso you could communicate,
navigate with?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
When I first started I had one friend starting out
that like worked with me but shewas chaos incarnate and she
like wasn't really helpful.
But like I gotta be honest,like it's really hard to get
(16:35):
like friends in sex work, causeI feel like everyone thinks that
you want to take money out oftheir pockets.
And like it's always, beenreally hard to like make real
friends in sex work, cause Ifeel like, at the end of the day
, everyone's always trying tolike screw you out of money and
every time I've tried to likehelp people or like give them
(16:55):
like contacts or support or freetoys or whatever, like they
always end up screwing me overin one way or another.
Yeah and uh, I have stoppeddoing that and stopped like.
I have a couple friends that dosex work now, but now I really
don't try to make friendsbecause, uh, everything has
shown me that it does not work.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Where you are today.
We're going to go back andforth when you are today.
Do you ever look back and go?
I wasn't doing the thing that Iactually thought was best for
me.
I was just doing this forsurvival, or were you like nah,
I like this job?
I think there's also the ideaof all sex work is survival sex
(17:41):
work?
And, as people I know, knowsome people just like to do it
Like they're, like I'm fuckingfor free.
Might as well get a check, youknow, might as well get some
money out of it.
Did you ever have thosethoughts?
Speaker 1 (17:54):
There was definitely nights where, like I had made my
money and like I wanted to gohome and I was done, and then he
would be like well, what aboutmy cut?
And those were nights that Iwould like have to keep working
for.
Like, and that felt more oflike survival work.
And like nights where, like hewould fight me on the street or
(18:17):
like drag me by my hair down thestreet and like those nights
definitely felt like survivalwork or like he would try to get
me to, like, actually walk thestrip, which was not something
that I did more than once ortwice, um, but for the most part
, like it, I wanted to do it andI was happy doing it and fine
(18:38):
doing it most of the time.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
When did the blog start?
Speaker 1 (18:44):
The blog started about a decade ago, when I
started working for a store andI was teaching workshops and I
wanted to be able to have likesomething for people to be able
to reference when they went home.
That was mine that I owned.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Was it because you didn't see, like I, when I got
into the sex ed industry, I waslike I'm not reinventing the
wheel, but like I'm adding to it.
Was it like that?
And you were like I don that.
And you were like I don't,you're not speaking to you're
not speaking to me, so I'm gonnacreate the thing that speaks to
me yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Um, part of it was that I didn't love the way other
people were writing theirreviews, because I kept seeing
them be like I hated this toybecause it didn't work for me
and I'm like that's not reallyhelpful.
Um, because everyone isdifferent, and like the way that
I like to write a review islike here are the positive
(19:43):
things about a toy, here are thenegative things about it, and
like now you can make a decisionif you want to use it, and like
that's the information that I'malways looking for, so that's
the way that I'm always lookingfor, so that's the way that I
present it, and like I thinkthat I also think of things that
maybe, like a thinner personwouldn't think of, like the
accessibility of the toy, thebuttons of the toy Cause of my
(20:06):
nails, like how, how easy is itto press, how easy is it to
charge, how easy was the box toopen, like stuff like that.
Like so there was definitelyunanswered questions and there
was definitely just like Ididn't love the style of reviews
that were really popular at thetime.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
That makes sense to me, types of sex work.
Can you kind of walk us throughhow you went from this pimp who
we hope he chokes on a dickforever, whatever, and how did
you transition to where you aretoday?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
He was in New York.
I was in Pennsylvania going toschool.
He had done the thing where heposted those photos of me.
I like changed my number andlike opened a new account with
the help of that like uh dvclinic.
And then I like dropped out ofschool for a hot second because,
(21:08):
like everything was too muchbecause it was him.
It was like an abusive uhperson I was dating at the time.
That was like compounding stuff.
And then he had gotten arrestedand he was like oh, I want you
to come see me in jail.
And I was like absolutely yeah.
(21:30):
I was like no, and then heviolated parole for the last
time.
So, for all assumptions, Iassume he's in jail because,
like he was on his last strikeand then violated parole.
So like presumably he ain'tgetting out.
And then I was like dancing fora while and then I was like you
(21:53):
know what?
I don't want to keep doing this.
I got a job at starbucks theygot insurance yeah, yeah, yeah
that.
And they had 401k where theymatched it, like that was how I
bought my car, like it helped melike build up my credit and
whatnot.
Uh, and then I went back toschool and, um, I got a job at a
(22:14):
harley davidson doing eventsand marketing, because what I
thought was that people thatride motorcycles are going to be
open-minded like leather people.
And they are not.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
They are like the leather, tricked your ass it
really did.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I really thought I got there and they were all
racist and sexist and homophobicand I was like oh, this is what
I expected.
Yeah, yeah so I will getharassed there, and I was like
this is not fun either.
And then I started looking fornew jobs and I got a job as a
supervisor at a sex shop.
(22:56):
And then I was like, oh, I'mreally good at this.
And then I just kept buildingon that.
Now, here I am.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
So tell the folks, because you do a lot.
Yeah, I really want y'all to golook up Carly's work because
you've probably seen it in abillion places.
Yeah, stolen and not.
So tell us where you are today,I know, but like you are, you
(23:27):
really got them littlefingertips in all the places.
So where are they?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Well, I do customer service and product management
for Spectrum Boutique.
I do social media andcopywriting and outreach for
Nasstoys.
I just got a new contract whereI'm going to be doing the
(23:53):
copywriting and, um, likesetting up the social media for
California fantasies, which is anew company, so watch out for
that.
Um, what else do I do?
Um, I write for expertssometimes.
Uh, I, yeah, I freelance writea lot.
(24:16):
So, like you, you've probablyread my writing and publications
of various things.
Uh, what else do I do?
I do a lot of things that Iforget and then I remember it.
I'm like, oh yeah, I have to dothat thing.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
You've shared a lot of like writing and things.
Are you still involved in sexwork?
I think you mentioned like Ialso use my videos in porn.
What does that look like?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
yeah, so I still I do content creation, I still am
active on social media.
And then um, for a while I wasmaking regular porn where it's
just like you know, stepbrother,or like stuck in the washing
machine or whatever like wait,no, how dare you try to run past
(25:04):
?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
no pause, stuck in the washing machine.
I need an elaboration.
My favorite genre of porn I'venever heard, please, please,
share.
What does that mean?
Are.
Are there an actual one?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
So like yeah yeah, yeah, like stuck is like a whole
genre of porn, so like someonewill get stuck in like a
predicament situation and thentheir butt is like up and like
people will do sexy things tothem, and like people get stuck
in washing machines all the time.
I just think it's so funny Ineed everyone to go look up this
(25:41):
um, and I've gotten to shoot itat like airbnbs that we've been
at because they've they've hadlike the right kind of washing
machine.
But I just feel like it lendsitself to like the perfect dirty
talk, because it's so campy andfunny, it's like it's just so
ridiculous.
It's like, oh, your clothesaren't gonna get clean, or like
(26:02):
you know what I mean, like it'sjust so ridiculous what makes
the perfect washing machine?
oh, it's that.
It's like low enough that youcan lean on it, but but it's a
top loader, so then you can likelean in it.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, not getting getting your head ripped.
Exactly, that's safety.
Safety, yes, exactly.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
You gotta find the right kind of machine, okay.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Hold on, I need a minute for that.
I love that, okay, what?
What other kind of film work orwhatever else are you doing?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I stopped doing all of that.
So my content was 100% justlike photos of me from photo
shoots and like in-use toyreviews.
And what happened was when Iwent viral on TikTok, some man
sent me a message and was likeyour content isn't what I
expected.
It's not worth the $5.
And I was very offended atfirst.
How dare you and then I was likewhat do you mean?
It's not what you expected.
(27:05):
Because, first of all, I putexactly what I have in my little
header description and I'm likeit says what it's going to be
there.
But because all of my contentis educational, he thought it
was going to be like educationalporn and like I was like, oh, I
could do that, Like that's easy.
(27:25):
And now I like don't even haveto put makeup on because they
really just want to see me likeuse the toy and then tell them
if it was good or not.
And I'm like that is so easyand amazing and I can do that
all day long because I get somany samples of toys I know you
do, yeah, so like never-endingcontent options and like
(27:47):
everyone I'm happy, they'rehappy and like amazing.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
So you do make videos using them, and then you're
like talking while you use it.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Sometimes I'll talk.
At the beginning I'll be likehere's the toy, this is what it
is, now I'm going to use it.
Then I use it.
Sometimes I'll do some foreplayand then at the end I'll be
like would recommend or wouldnot recommend, and then I'll be
like you can go into my otherbio for a link to it.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
And into my other bio for a link to it and then
hopefully they use the link andthen I get an affiliate payout
from that.
So I'm catching up and I'mgoing.
Yes, you better be a businesslady.
Okay, smart, exactly, you aresmart.
What have been the ups anddowns in sex work and the sex ed
industry?
Because sure, they go like this, but also there is a separation
.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
I mean it's pretty together because of all the
credit card processing issues,like with SESTA-FOSTA they don't
want to let any of any of thewebsites use any of the credit
card processors.
So constantly getting bannedfrom websites like thinking
you're going to get kicked offof only fans or getting kicked
(29:04):
off of whatever, like porn hub.
I used to be monetized on pornhub.
They don't let you do thatreally anymore.
You can't really sell on there.
Only fans has banned like halfof the content.
Like you used to be able to doso much more.
Now you can't even like onthere.
Only fans has banned like halfof the content.
Like you used to be able to doso much more.
Now you can't even like smoke ajoint on there.
Like just they just keepbanning stuff.
(29:25):
And like it's the same thingwith with um with sex toys like
we can't sell cbd and sex toys.
You can do either or there'sjust so many like arbitrary
rules.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Yeah that is weird yeah for you personally, what
have been your highs and loves?
Speaker 1 (29:48):
I mean highs for me is definitely anytime I get
offered any of these jobs is ahigh for me.
Anytime someone is trusting meand thinking like, oh, carly is
going to do a really good job.
It feels really amazing for megetting recommended for, uh, sex
part of the year.
Twice was amazing, like beingrecognized, as that feels really
(30:11):
really good.
Um, and Lowe's was uh, you knowthe pandemic and like the shops
closing and like not reallyknowing what was going to happen
before I ended up transitioningto 100% digital.
Um, because all of my work wasin person before I really did
all this and um, while I didblog, like I didn't do any of
(30:34):
this other stuff.
So like, like I had thecapacity to do it, but I wasn't
doing it before and I didn'tknow I was going to be able to
build this into like a viable,like livable job.
And it was scary.
I was like cause, at thebeginning of the pandemic I was,
I was camming like 12 hours aday.
How it was so boring, it was soboring, it was so boring.
(30:59):
I have some really funnyscreenshots of some of the
comments that people would makeCause, like I would just do
random makeup and one time I waswearing like dark makeup and
someone was like you look like aslutty vampire.
I was like you're, like I'lltake it, I'm not mad at that.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah, you're like yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
I'll take it, not mad at that.
Yeah, you're like, is that aninsult?
Because I'm in, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, I don't think it's an insult, so thanks you
mentioned earlier that, likewhere you are now, like you
found your people, like you havepeople what does that look like
for you?
What does community look likenow?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
uh, being able to send memes that I think are
funny, yeah, yeah, and peoplenot be like what the hell is
wrong with you?
Um, being able to have likerandom parties.
Like I'm gonna hold asummerween party this year and
everyone is excited for itsummerween.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
I know, go ahead elaborate, you don't have
questions.
The hell is summerween likehalloween, gravity falls.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
They do summerween because they love halloween so
much they do it twice a year.
Okay, okay, I was like I'mgonna do.
I love a thematic party, so I'mgoing to host my own summer
ween party and everyone'sexcited and I'm like my people,
my people, so you know peoplethat are excited about, like a
(32:27):
thematic party, people that areexcited about that stuff, just
like people that are excitedabout the same things I am, and
like like having friends, thatfriends that I can talk about
work and they're not bored orover it.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Hmm, where'd you find these people?
I think I, you know, I findpeople that are like the older I
get, the harder it is to makefriends and relationships, and
I'm like I've been tellingpeople I don't want to talk, I
want to be left alone.
So what does that look like foryou?
Like, how have you found theseindividuals?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
um, honestly, I found them all through work at this
point and then through friendsof other friends.
So, like if, if I, if you havea friend that you're like this
person's cool, then I trust youand we hang out and they're cool
then like we're friends.
Now, like I'm just grabbingfriends of my other friends at
this point Because I've tried togo to like crafting nights and
(33:29):
crafting things and like makeother friends, but like it's
really hard, especially when youwork in these types of
industries, because like youcan't be like so you want to
hear about this Deldo that I gotin the mail.
Like because it's hard to likejust talk about like your job,
because I can't even just scrollthrough the pictures on my
phone because there's boobs inthere, like a lot of titties
(33:52):
yeah yeah, so you know it.
Like I try to like make vanillafriends, but like I feel like
they're more just like wow, thisis so interesting, that's so
weird, but like they don'treally get it.
So like finding people like inthe industry that like have the
same job, that like get it, arethe the only way to really make
friends like this what do youthink would surprise people the
(34:16):
most about you?
um, that I have an expansivepinterest board that's
incredibly organized and brokendown into little micro sections.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
So like it'll have like adinner board and then it'll be
(34:37):
broken down into like pasta orpork or chicken or so if I
really really need inspiration,I can like go in there
organization.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Where did you find her?
How does that help your brainwith?
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I have a row and like like there we are here we go.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
I'm very, give us your what's your big three for
the queers it's virgo, capScorpio, yeah, so I'm very
organized.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
I am sad and I am chaotic.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
You're just a cute little emo kid, listen.
Yeah, basically I get it, I getit, I get it.
While you've been doing thiswork, what has your mental
health looked like?
Speaker 1 (35:29):
It fluctuates definitely.
I've recently gotten intotherapy.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Oh I love.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Right.
It was harder because my momwas a therapist when I was
growing up and she herself.
I didn't know that mom was atherapist when I was growing up
and she herself, yeah, she was asocial worker and a family
therapist and all that goodstuff, uh.
And if you don't know whensomeone is a therapist,
sometimes they want to therapizeyou.
Like I know a lot of thetherapy words and I can ask
(36:03):
myself these questions.
So for a long time it was hardfor me to want to go to therapy
because I'm like I can askmyself these questions.
But even if you can askyourself those questions, it's
still nice to have someone to,like you know, check you and
like be on the outside lookingin.
So it's been helpful,especially like to have someone
that, like you can tell and likewe'll call you on the bullshit.
(36:26):
So it's been good.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
We're good girlfriends over a lovely green
plant.
We're earth humans.
Where did you find yourconnection to cannabis and how
has that shown up as you havenavigated these spaces?
Cause now, like the last of it,cannabis is coming more
(36:50):
entwined with sex and with thesex industry.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Here's a funny story.
I didn't smoke pot untilcollege.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
I didn't smoke till I was 30.
That's even more impressive.
People go what I'm like.
I had questions.
Nobody with a suitcase wasgoing to answer my questions.
That go what I'm like.
I had questions.
Nobody with a suitcase wasgonna answer my questions.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
That's what I'm saying because my mother, like
she, was a social worker.
She was a drug treatment socialworker.
So when I went to high school,my mother was the one that would
send kids to like the drugtreatment center.
So, needless to say, no onewanted to do drugs with me
(37:31):
they're like, they're like,we're not with you so no one
would do drugs with me.
So even though I wanted totripod, everyone was like, ah,
you're gonna tell your mother.
So, uh, I didn't try anythinguntil I got to college and even
then I really only wanted totripod because my mother got
(37:52):
into social work with drugs,because she herself was someone
who was using drugs, who gotclean and then decided to help
other people.
So when I was growing up, wealso, like I grew up going to NA
meetings and AA meetings andwhatnot, so I heard what could
happen to you when you did somedrugs and like I was not
(38:15):
interested scared straightprogram yeah, for real.
Yeah, going, going to thosethings when you're real little
was like yeah yeah, and then theperson that I dated in college
had a very, very bad problem.
They were what uh people liketo call a trash can addict.
Basically, if you, uh, if youhave it, they will do it.
(38:35):
He smoked crack a couple timesand would come home and then
like take all the rent money anddisappear into philadelphia.
So, uh, I would smoke pot andthat'd be it, and I'd be like
I'm good.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Yeah, crack is not for me.
You go live your life.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
But I have really really bad ADHD, which I did not
realize until I got older.
But pot really makes my brainslow down and instead of a
million racing thoughts it'sonly like five or six racing
thoughts Manageable, yeah, soit's really nice, it slows me
down.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
Interesting See, I'm learning so much right now as
are these individuals.
What do you think about thecombination of the sex industry
and cannabis?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
I think it's really great.
I think it can have a lot ofreally positive effects on
libido, on sensation, on painand sex, on like wetness and sex
, on all kinds of differentthings, on people that maybe
have like cancer or any sort ofother issues.
There's like a lot of reallypractical uses for cannabis and
(39:49):
sex yeah, they've had like a fewlike cannabis lubes out.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
They're what is that one?
The vibrator?
That's also a wee pin that wewere looking at the vapor.
That's wild to me still, buty'all can send me one.
Um.
It's so interesting to like seethis arc of who you are and it
to see you on this side of it ofbeing like try me if you want
to, um, which brings me tosafety.
(40:19):
As we know as being people withbreasts and individuals with
vaginas, we are constantly inharm in harm's way.
Last week, you and I weretalking about this.
Okay, chris, you're gonna cutout this next statement.
We know my girls is gettingboob-bopped in New York.
Okay, we're gonna come back.
So last week we were talkingabout the harm that happens to
(40:45):
you know folks that identify aswomen in general totality, no
matter what your genitals looklike, and like safety.
What do you think safety haslooked like for those in the in
the industry, and do you thinkthat these laws that people are
putting into play are actuallykeeping people safe or causing
(41:05):
more harm?
Speaker 1 (41:07):
They're definitely causing more harm because
they're not listening to any ofthe people that are actually in
the industry.
Everyone that is in theindustry can show all kinds of
statistics aboutdecriminalization and why having
proper banking will protectpeople, why having proper
(41:30):
banking will protect people, andlike we can show stats all day
long of like why these thingswill protect more people.
And the moral majority doesn'tcare.
It's, it's a morality thing,it's not.
It's not a safety thing.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
They don't actually care about safety which is wild
because, as we know, there'speople out here and there's some
airbrush t-shirts.
I'm sorry, I'm confused atwhat's happening outside my home
, but I think that there's justthe idea of what safety actually
(42:05):
is versus what people want toput into play, and thinking
about sex.
Work is one of the oldest andmost used industries out here.
If you look at all of the harmthat has caused, all these
newfound or newly shared storiesof harm that has happened.
It's all about power, it's allabout money, and the exchange of
(42:30):
power and money is sex work,and so why is it that people are
so afraid to have theseconversations?
Why do you think people go ohno, I can't look at it, but are
participating in it.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Or, you know, in such denial of it, look at it but
are participating in it or, youknow, in such a denial of it, I
think, because, at the end ofthe day, it's just a puritanical
society and that, as much asthey want to think that we're
just this, like oversexed, likecommunity or like society, that
we're not and that the vastmajority of people are
(43:06):
conservative and that, even ifit's not even the vast majority,
those are the loudest peopleand those are the people that
are going to be heard and thoseare the people that have the
most power.
Unfortunately, and until we canget more people in power that
have some sort of like lawmaking or changing ability, like
(43:28):
the loudest people are going tobe the only ones heard.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yeah, If there are.
This is where you get to showup and show out.
If there are individuals thathave thought about sex work, are
newly into sex work, what kindof advice would you give to them
if they were like hey, Carly, Ithink this is what I want to do
.
I am 18.
I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
It depends on what kind of sex work they want to
get into.
I would just say the one thingis to know that the internet is
forever.
So anything that you're puttingout there, just know that, like
grandma, grandpa, cousin,friend, they can find it, no
matter how secret you think itis.
You got a mask.
(44:14):
Whatever you're geoblockinglocations, you think that people
can't tell.
Just treat everything as ifpeople already know.
Because I think that thebiggest thing is that, like
people are like, oh, I'm goingto get found out.
And if you treat it as likethere's nothing to be found out
(44:37):
and you can go into it like that, then you're already a step
ahead of it, because if you'regoing into it with the fear of
that, then it might not be thething for you.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
You mentioned something before.
Like you had good stories, youhad good Johns and you had bad
stories when the bad times didhappen, because people are shit.
What made you keep going back?
Was it the money?
Speaker 1 (45:08):
What was it?
It was definitely the money.
It was definitely the money.
Even now, that's what keeps myOnlyFans open.
Like I say this to everybodyOnlyFans only works if you have
fans, and while I don't have aton of fans, I got a couple of
them and it's not paying my rent, but it's paying my light bill
(45:29):
and that, you know, is somethingit's nothing to sneeze at.
I'm not someone making amillion dollars on OnlyFans, but
like it's, it's enough to pay abill a month and that's good.
So bills gotta get paid and it.
It was always the best way tomake not easy money, but quick
(45:51):
money.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Cause what is easy money.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
I wish someone would tell me, cause I hate when
people are like, oh, it's easymoney.
I'm like, oh, you think this iseasy, it's quick money.
There's a lot of things you cando for quick money, but easy
money, please, please, tell mewhat easy money is.
I would love to find that.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
I think that is also another taboo.
Why would I pay you for sex?
It's not actual work.
Let's really remind folks thatit is work.
What comes in the encompassingof sex work?
It's in the title, so what?
What actually comes in it thatyou would be able to push back
on?
You're like, actually, here'sthe thing not only like let's.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
Let's say we're talking about escorting right
now.
We're talking aboutfull-service sex work, all of
the work of like keepingyourself like visually
attractive for people.
So like nails, eyebrows, lashes, makeup, clothes, exactly any
sort of like aesthetic stuffthat you have to do to make
(46:58):
yourself look the way you lookin the pictures.
Because if you show up thereand like you have your hair in a
bun and leggings and you don'tlook made up like the photos,
you're not going to get thatrate.
That's, that's bottom line.
And then you're you're paying,they're paying you to to do an
(47:19):
experience.
You're not going to go in thereand be able to do whatever you
want in this date.
So like you're going in thereto basically enact their
fantasies.
So whatever that is it's amassage and then whatever, or
dinner and then a shower and anovernight so you're not leading
(47:40):
the ship, you're just enactingwhatever you're booked for.
So like you have to visuallylook this way.
And then you're like makingsomeone's fantasy happen.
So you're making this wholefantasy thing happen.
So that's what they're payingyou for is to make their fantasy
happen yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
is there anything else you want to leave with
individuals that are like, oh, Ididn't know, all of this was a
thing in sex work, Like I neverthought about all this.
Look at you.
You had to be included, didn'tyou?
Speaker 1 (48:21):
Yeah he was crying, I was like oh no.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
What do I repeat the question?
Yeah, he was crying.
I was like, oh no, bubba.
What do I repeat the question?
Yeah, what would you likepeople to really know and take
away from understanding what sexwork is and like, just in
general, what do you want peopleto know about sex work?
Speaker 1 (48:46):
I think the thing that I want people to know about
sex work is that it's neverjust sex.
Even if you think that it'sjust filming sex or having sex,
it's never that simple.
That's just what you're seeingand there's always work behind
it that goes into it, whetherthat's setting up the camera and
(49:09):
editing the videos, or all ofthe prep work that goes into
whatever you're doing, or thescreening of the clients and
getting to the appointment andmaking sure everything that you
need for that session is there.
Like.
What you're seeing is like oneeighth of what's actually
required for this work.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
It's, it's so much more yeah, and also I think
there's the idea of you can dosex work and do so many things
right, like you are literally atestament of, like hello, I'm
booked, I'm busy and I'm outhere, and that makes my heart so
happy to know that, excuse methat you get to do the things
(49:57):
you want to do now.
You get to, like, actually pickand choose where your energy is
going.
Are we still doing it to makemoney?
Yes, because it's the first.
As we said, I like lights, Ilike shelter and that is my
favorite thing right now I liketo be in my house.
We are in the year of 2024.
(50:18):
What do you hope?
Changes for the sex industry,for sex work Like what would you
love to see change?
Speaker 1 (50:32):
I would love to see the banks stop penalizing all of
sex work, and that's from thesex workers all the way to sex
toy companies across the board,all the way to sex toy companies
across the board becausethey're really just giving in to
(50:52):
these religious zealots andthey're hurting their own
pockets and I just don'tunderstand who it's helping.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
I mean.
It's always interesting to methat the people that are the
angriest.
I mean, it's always interestingto me that the people that are
the angriest are the people thatuse the services the most.
So really, are you angry or areyou trying to cover up your
bullshit?
Yeah, very true.
The acclimation, for me, is Oneof the last questions.
(51:20):
Actually, the last question Ihave of the show is one of my
favorites Because, as you said,I'm also newsy.
Last question I have of theshow is one of my favorites
because, as you said, I'm alsonewsy.
Um, what is the wildest thing?
Someone has texted or dm'd youin the last two weeks.
I know it's gonna be good.
Speaker 1 (51:34):
I know it's gonna be good too so I won't name names,
but somebody sent me a picturethat they had received of a dick
, picture that had a happy face,like right on their pubic mound
.
That I don't remember if itsaid like thank you or whatever,
but I was like that is a crazytattoo to get.
(51:55):
I want to see what it lookslike when they're not shaved.
So I was like text them now andask them if they have a picture
of that.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
Thank you, yeah, I like that.
I kind of want your welcome,right.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
You're welcome, but I want to see what that happy
face looks like when he's hairy.
Would it be covered?
It depends on how bushy thatperson is.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
That person looked like they weren't that hairy.
How big was it?
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Was it like little?
Or did it like, oh, it coveredlike a good chunk of that pubic
mound.
I was like that is a choice.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
And like as a choice tattoos.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
I was like that is a choice what is the wildest
tattoo you have?
Speaker 2 (52:54):
or people what is the tattoo, because I know you
tatted what is the tattoo thatpeople go wait what the most?
Speaker 1 (53:01):
um, probably the, the rabbit tattoo, the sex toy
rabbit, really Out of everything, right, yeah, people think the
magic wand is a microphone and Idon't correct them.
Speaker 2 (53:20):
You'd be like I do be singing yeah, musical.
Thank you, this was so fun forme.
I love doing these talks.
Um, tell the guys, the girls,they them.
They says everyone where theycan find you, where they can get
in your business, where theycan throw you money.
Speaker 1 (53:38):
uh, give us all of that uh, I am makeup and sin on
every platform.
So if you look on Instagram, onTikTok, on Twitter, on Pokemon
Go, you will find me on makeupand sin.
So that's, even if you want tothrow me some dollars on Venmo
or Cash App, makeup and sin.
(53:59):
Anytime a new platform opens, Igrab makeup and sin because
that's my thing.
If you want to check out myblog, it's dildo or dildont and
from there you can also find myspicy content, if that was
something you were interested infinding as well.
Speaker 2 (54:17):
Spicy education.
I love that.
I love that.
Well, thank you, y'all, buckleup.
We're continuing this magic onthe next episode You'll see,
thank you.
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