Your Definition of Manhood Will Determine How You Stand

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We explore what it means to be a man in today's world through personal stories, challenges to masculine identity, and practical advice for navigating difficult situations.

• Personal stories of being tested – from unwanted advances to public confrontations
• Different definitions of manhood from three unique perspectives 
• The balance between situational awareness and paranoia
• How to prepare for unexpected threats without living in fear
• The importance of "standing on your business" – living by your stated values
• Why manhood isn't defined by specific duties but by consistency of character
• The challenge of passing masculine wisdom to younger generations

Plant seeds of wisdom without expecting immediate validation. Stand firmly on your principles no matter the situation. Stay dangerous by continually sharpening your mental, physical, and emotional tools.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome back to another episode of the changes
to trophies podcast.
I'm your boy, ant, and we'rehere to talk about something
real, real, spicy today.
But I want to make sure Iintroduce my co-host the right
way.
Uh, we got my boy unique, whois a army vet, barber,
entrepreneur, and we got my boymonte corleone, who is a
musician and on his way to beinga engineer.

(00:38):
I don't know.
I want to say rapper, but doyou?

Speaker 2 (00:42):
would you wear that title like would you say you?

Speaker 1 (00:44):
still wear that title .
Okay, so I don't want to cutrapper, but would you wear that
title?
Would you say you still wearthat title?
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 (00:54):
So I don't want to cut you off on the intro but
bruh told me to kind ofhighlight this because I am
going to go back into where I amrapping again.
I don't want to stop that money.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
One of my close friends was like hey, man, I
don't know why you putting thatmic down.
He heard one of the episodesand was like bro, if you still
love music, man, don't put thatmic down.
So you know, I picked it backup and seeing what I could do or
whatever.
Like I still got it.
I just you know, like I saidbefore, I ain't going to put too
much time into it, like I'mtrying to do.

(01:22):
This is literally a highbecause I like doing music yeah,
I rock with that though.

Speaker 3 (01:27):
Okay, so I think but I think that's something smarter
people even if it's just fortherapy.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
No, we get out something you know.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
I'm saying what we're gonna do, but like just go out
there music.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
So there depends, it's okay, all right, cool.
So we don't.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
We don't work on that , we don't work on this
consideration and you're sayingyou gotta on that, take it into
consideration.
Ain't saying you got to do it,just consider it.
You know what I'm saying?
Absolutely, some people theytoo proud for you.
Definitely yeah, because peoplealways need some type of like
ear that some people can't hearwhat you trying to do.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
You know what I'm saying.
So sometimes it's good to reachout to other people.
I you know what I'm saying.
If you ever need some type ofengineering music I do podcasts,
music, all that always reachout and try to do something
different.
Got another ear yeah yeah, right, and that's with everything.

(02:37):
Because say, for instance, yougot cancer or they want a doctor
says, oh, you have cancer, butyou feel amazing Like go see
another doctor and if thatdoctor say, no, I don't see any
signs of cancer, go see anotherdoctor, just to be sure you know
what I'm saying.
So always use your resourcesand get second and third
opinions before you make a splitsecond decision.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
I rock with that.
And just to bounce off yourpoint, even doctors do that.
So we've been going to thedoctor lately and they had to do
glucose tests.
They literally make you dothree and you gotta pass two of
them.
So even them on that side arepracticing that same logic.
You know what I mean.
So if you really want to getout there and do it you know
what I mean apply yourself, seehow it look from all angles and

(03:19):
then you can give yourself areal answer.
But just to bring that backaround.
But today we're going to talkabout some real dope stuff.
You know what I mean.
We're going to talk aboutmanhood a little bit, and I know
that that subject is kind ofbroad.
I don't want y'all to feel likewe're going to be on here like
this is what a man is today.
That ain't where we coming at.
But I do want to deal with somereal world scenarios and and

(03:40):
see how y'all would navigate itfor one.
And then, of course, we had togive some gems to the folks so
that they know if they ever getcaught up in something.
This is how.
These are the options, at leastthat you have, right, right?
So let's start with uh youngdiddy.
Uh, you know, I mean this hasbeen a hot, hot topic in a lot
of situations, but recentlyremember start treating that boy
like voltimore.

Speaker 3 (04:02):
Hey look, he who should not be named.
Bro, don't say that man name.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
Nah man, diddy Bop Cash was out here doing the
Diddy dance.
Cat bro Cash used to love Diddy.
Everybody was watching Makingthe Band.
You know what I mean.
Like we all endorsed him.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
Don't sit there lying like me.
Hey, hold up.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Everybody at least wanted to see you seasons, you
watching summer it's so funnybecause I literally just wrote a
song and I said, doing mylittle ditty, I changed the
whole line.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
I changed my whole line at this point because I
thought about it.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
I was like it was.
It was cold, though, like thewhole.
Look, you know what I'm sayingI was like damn, it fucked me up
he, he fucked my whole littleline up, but I feel like he did
that for a lot of folks, so allright, so to jump up to the
topic but I feel like he didthat for a lot of folks.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
So all right.
So to jump up to the topic,because I feel like this goes
hand in hand, right?
So terrence howard recentlycame out and he was.
He had some comments about youknow, diddy trying to diddy him
no, he had an interview thatcame out yeah, well, what was it
?
I think he was on a podcast,right?
No?

Speaker 2 (04:59):
I'm just saying he said he came out, I was just, I
was just like putting it in cameout and said y'all the correct
verbiage be picking out so, butwhat I'm saying is he was on a
podcast platform.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
He had some comments about you know diddy trying to
make some moves on him in thepast.
While we gonna get there, right, I do want to talk about y'all.
And I'm not saying have youever been tested like in the
diddy type of way, but withbeing a, being a musician, with
being in the military, withbeing in the public in general,
there's times where your manhoodis tested.

(05:31):
It could have been back inschool where somebody tried to
take your your lunch money typestuff.
It could have been when you wasin the military.
Could have been when you was inthe streets, when you switched
schools cast, didn't know you.
You know what I'm saying.
So people might have testedyour manhood.
Do y'all have like a, aparticular moment that you can
think of up to this point, right?
so from young adulthood up tothis point where your manhood

(05:52):
was tested, you know I'm sayingif, if you do have a good story,
go ahead and share that withthe folks, so like we can.

Speaker 3 (05:57):
Uh, let's talk about it the fact that we laughing
about this that's what I'msaying.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
Like.
That's how I'm like laugh now,so look the like.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
I have no problem with that community, but the
amount of creeps that were backin the day like that, it was
unbelievable.
So I I think I might have beenlike 17.

Speaker 3 (06:22):
Were they creeps or predators, both Okay.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
At this point.
But so I'm.
I got into it with my mom Oneday, you know, and I had.
I had this girlfriend Whose momAllowed me to stay Over at her
house or whatever.
So I got Upset at my mom.
I'm on my way you know what I'msaying To the MetroLink.
Basically, that's the train.
For people that don't know whatthe metro link is you know what
I'm saying?
so, uh, I was on my way I was onmy way walking to the uh metro

(06:50):
link and I was upset.
You know I'm saying I was, Iprobably was rapping to myself
too.
You know I'm saying walking andthis dude was like hey, whoo.
Hey, bro, you need a ride.
I don't know why I said yeah,but I was like, yeah, dude had
his hat backwards Two goals.
I remember it like it wasyesterday.

(07:10):
You know what I'm saying.
I'm like, yeah, bro, you knowwhat I'm saying.
So we, I hop in the car Driving.
I was like you need any moneyor anything.
You know what I'm saying.
He was like, nah, where youtrying to go.
I was like, nah, where youtrying to go.
I was like up the street to theMetrolink or whatever.
He was like, oh man, I got you,bro, drove up there.
And on the ride, bro, hetouched my thigh, bro.

(07:32):
I was like what are you doing,bro, hold on, calm down.
He was like, nah, it's okay.
I was like what you mean?
It's okay.
You know what?

Speaker 3 (07:41):
I'm saying what are you saying to me?
They always say that it's okaytrying to reaffirm you Like.
No, you'll be fine.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Nah, you tripping, bro.
That's crazy.
So I'm wigging out.
At this point I'm like what areyou doing, bro?
So he's looking at me andtrying to drive, so he's pulling
over a little bit and tries todo it again.
At that point I moved to theside like a swivel chair, bro,

(08:09):
like and start kicking the shitout of dude bro, like so bro.
I mean I was kicking dude sohard, bro like and that like
your life depending on it.
Right, yeah, bro because,because I didn't know what was
going on, but like it was, likeit was a shock to you Absolutely
, bro, like that didn't make nosense At that point.

(08:29):
I couldn't you know.
I don't know, bro.

Speaker 3 (08:33):
Like you know Fight or flight mode?
I was just finna say that,because in that situation Some
people Would give in.
You know what I'm saying itwouldn't they?
Wouldn't they gonna fold underthat?
You know what I'm saying.
Yep, that's why they becomevictims, and then that's,
unfortunately, how some of thesepeople End up turning that way.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying,so I don't want to Cut your

(08:53):
story off, but yeah, oh no, thatwas the end of the story,
because I can't Speak on whathappened next.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
Yeah, you know, of being grown now I know what I
did next.
I could have handled thesituation better or I could have
did something else, but that'snot what I did.
So, you know, I got to themetro link and I went to my
girlfriend's house.
To that point, you know I madeit to where I was going safely,
but like I just you know thatthat right there just happened.

(09:21):
You know I'm saying, and mostlike, look, if you really think
about it, I shouldn't havehopped in that car.
You know what I'm saying.
And most like, look, if youreally think about it, I
shouldn't have hopped in thatcar.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I didn't know him, I, but Iwas also, I'm a male, I'm 17.
I know, like, like whathappened.
I know I can handle myself, soI ain't really tripping.
You know what I'm saying.
And and being from being fromwhere I'm from, that was the

(09:44):
wrong move.
Like, absolutely it was thewrong move.
But Like, absolutely it was thewrong move.
But you know what I'm saying.
I don't know what I wasthinking at that point you know.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
All right, so I know.
You just told us this.
You know what I'm saying now,but after that happened, did you
tell anybody?
Mm-hmm, Okay, Like it was kindof quick.
Reason I'm asking because somepeople, like I said, be in the
CC ways and they're going tohold that in.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, I was like, yeah, they're going to hold that
in Nah once I got to where Iwas going, I told my girlfriend
at the time, I told her mom, hermom called my mom and my mom
ended up calling me and lettingme know like she heard happened
and you know, blah, blah, blah,blah and she you know she was,
she was just like you knowmother and son stuff.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
You know that's good.
You know I'm saying y'allchecked in everybody.
It was a little network yeaheverybody checked in with each
other.
You know I'm saying and whatabout you.
And what about you, bro?

Speaker 1 (10:37):
you got since you asked us.
You know, I'm saying I run itback, I tell mine no, I mean, I
feel like I've had a bunch ofsituations where my manhood was
tested, bro.
The question is, what story amI gonna tell um start for one
for all right, most impactful.
You know what I'm saying mostimpactful is a little is a

(10:58):
little different, so all right.
So my manhood is always testedover a female for whatever
reason, bro like I don't knowwhat it is in life it's.
It's interesting though, becauseI so I want y'all to think
about this when you in a, whenyou in a group of guys, it's
normal for you to kind of bebattle tested, right like a cat
to kind of push you.
I'm faster than you, I'mstronger than you.
Let's arm wrestle, let's.

(11:18):
You know, I'm saying back inthe day, pencil break, like you
know.
I'm saying you want uh tradinglicks.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
Like we, it was uh, yeah, you know it was.
You used to have to proveyourself for whatever reason,
bro, them issues I ain't neverhad them.
Issues like trading licks,whatever me and my homies was
always good.
I always got into it withsomebody over a female bro.
All right, so I'm at a churchpicnic.
Yeah, I know that's crazy.
That's where I'm starting.
I'm at a church picnic.
Yeah, I know that's crazy.
That's where I'm starting.

(11:45):
I'm at a church picnic.
I'm all of maybe 15, 16 yearsold.
Now.
My girlfriend at the time wasfull figure, you know what I
mean, as far as, like, she hadcurvy legs and everything.
But we were swimming for thechurch picnic.
Mind you, all the teenagers arethe ones who went swimming.
Nick, mind you, all theteenagers are the ones who went

(12:07):
swimming.
Bro, this grown extra stockydude bro came and was trying to
talk to my girlfriend at thetime.
Now, mind y'all, 15, 16.
Now, I don't know everybodylistening, I don't know if it's
the same in this generation, butwhen we was 15, 16, nigga, I
thought I was finna bang withthe world Like it didn't matter
who was going to come up, like Iwas going.
You know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
I thought I could kind of whoop anybody.
You know what I'm saying.
You starting to feel yourself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're goingto puff your chest out a little
bit more, because you're tryingto prove yourself.
You're trying to prove yourselfEspecially around a female.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
And maybe that's what it was.
Maybe a nigga was starting topoke his chest out too much with
.
It's cool, you know what I mean.
But long story short, bro, weend up going to a swimming pool.
She got a swimming suit on,obviously, so he started making
remarks.
Now y'all know that I got ananger problem and my anger is a
little different.
Like, while a lot of y'all tendto crash out, I guess I crash

(12:57):
in Like nigga.
I'm sitting there boiling likethe whole time waiting on that
fuse to kind of cook down, andwaiting on that fuse to kind of
cook down, and then I'm finna,blow up on you.
So dude was hollering at mychick.
I had, I had grabbed her away,told her to.
I pulled her away.
He got mad because I told herto, like, get off the water and,
like you know, come chill withme.
Now I'm looking back on this.
I'm like nigga, I shouldn'thave to say anything, but anyway
I had to call her out, right?

Speaker 3 (13:18):
no, no, no you trying to say you should let it play
out I should, I should have as aman, and it would have told you
right then and there we talkabout manhood what that person
lies.

Speaker 1 (13:28):
What that person was willing to be okay with.
But again we was kids and thatwas a grown man, so my issue
wasn't really the loyalty atthat time.

Speaker 3 (13:36):
It was this cat disrespecting me.
You know what I'm saying.
It's good to look back at oldlessons.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
Yeah, yeah for sure.
And that's why I'm saying like,reflected on that, I'm like huh
, like I probably shouldn't havemade that decision.
So, if anybody listening, yousee how, when you reflect on in
the younger days, sometimes thatpath, that story, it's all fun
and games until you look at themini lessons, like Unique was
saying, you're like dang, Iprobably shouldn't have did that
, I shouldn't have made thatmove at that particular time,

(14:00):
exactly.
But bro, so anyway, I calledher out, dude get mad, and he
started like punching the water,bro, the funniest thing, bro,
he started like talking underhis breath.

Speaker 3 (14:13):
It was like I guess he was trying to flex.
I should have said this niggawent Bro.
I'd immediately thought of apillow.
But look, look.
My second thought why did Ipicture a squirtle punching
water?

Speaker 1 (14:35):
Little Pokemon, bro.
Yeah, but the thing is, for meit was funny Because I was with
shout out to my boy BJ.
I was with my boy BJ at thetime and he was kind of like bro
, like don't worry about it,Like dude looks soft type stuff.
You know what I'm saying, hebig but dude looks soft.
And then he was like he tryingto hop down like a young female.
You know what I'm saying?
Dude ain't all the way there,so I wasn't really tripping.

(14:59):
I'm very petty, right, likevery, very petty.
If you've known me, for someyears I used to have hats that
had the word petty on it.
Nigga, that's how petty I am.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
I went back to the pool because we ended up all
walking back up to the picnic atthat point, what happened?

Speaker 3 (15:20):
I said for real Yo, seriously, yes.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
Nigga, I had a red one and a white hat.
Look, nigga, I'm like yeah, Ihad a red one and a white one.

Speaker 3 (15:25):
Nigga, that's how petty my is.
I got a video, you know, I gotreceipts Proud petty nigga.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
I don't care, bro, but see, that's what I'm saying.
It was a different type ofpetty.
I wasn't like sassy petty likethese niggas is today.
Nah, yeah, I the parents hearwhat's going on.
They call all the kids back upto the little pavilion or
whatever.
Right, we all got to go back upthere.
Y'all know my situation with myparents.
I don't really be monitored asclosely as other kids would.

(15:51):
So I went back, bro.
I was like, nah, I was like Ifeel like I feel buddy, I feel
buddy as hell.
I feel like I got mad, but Iain't down there, bro.
He wasn't nowhere to be found,bro, but it just kind of like.
Even reflecting on it now, itshows you how deep that can go.
Like as a man, I felt tested.

(16:11):
I felt like I should have beenin a different situation.
You know what I'm saying.
But, it's cool.
It's cool To this day.
I ain't gonna lie.
I got a little warm tellingthat story, because warm telling
that story, but I feel like Ishould have.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
Yeah, you feel like your manhood was you.
It was tried it was tried.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
You feel like you didn't you didn't stick up for
yourself like how you should howI should have, because I did
something, I reacted obviouslybecause, dudes, you know what
I'm saying, but I feel like forwhat I consider to be the
definition of manhood, which iswhat I'm gonna talk to y'all
about next, what I feel like mydefinition of manhood was I feel
like I didn't embody it in thatmoment and that and that that
messed with me.
You know what I'm saying.
I was like, so I was trying toreally get my leg back.

Speaker 3 (16:50):
I'm like nah.
So have you always felt likeall right now, since that
situation happened, you nevergot your leg back from this day
forward from this day forward.
It's not gonna ever happenagain like you're not gonna.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
You're not gonna sun me.
So one thing is like I'm one ofthem people who I walk away
from conflict.
I don't care you call me, so Idon't really worry about that
because it ain't worth my lifein a lot of situations.
But if I'm in a situation whereI feel like you legit trying to
sun me, like it ain't noconflict and you know some shit
going on, but you trying tolegit little boy me, we have an
issue like we have a huge issue,bro, you know what I'm saying.

(17:23):
So it's like I don't know,because even montay he's worked
with me before.
Bro, even I don't care whatyour title is as a boss, you try
to make me feel small.
Now we have a problem.
I have an issue with you.
You know what?

Speaker 2 (17:43):
I'm saying because it was not okay.
Forget all that, because youcan't whoop my ass Now about
this job issue.
You know what I'm saying Inever really thought about it
like that.

Speaker 3 (17:59):
But look, if somebody can look at that situation and
kind of what you said and saythat's a pride thing.
Absolutely look at that, though,situation and kind of what you
said and say that's a pridething, absolutely, and that's
something that, um, you gottaget over because that could be
hindering you from growth.
But I think every man shouldhave a sense of pride about
themselves.
But I think I think it's thelevel of pride of distinguishing

(18:22):
it between, I guess, being veryhappy with yourself I can't
find a better word for it butsatisfied with how you are as a
man, but not being prideful in away where it's negative and
harming yourself, you know whatI'm saying Right right.
From other situations or evenblessings that you got coming
your way.
Your prideful ass can't get outof the way of yourself.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
Now you're losing a woman.
You're not.
You're not wrong, bro, do youthink?

Speaker 2 (18:47):
pride can be singled out, like you can have pride
about certain things, aboutyourself like taking pride in
something yes, you know what Imean.
Like not your entire self,because you know I'm saying like
as a whole, everybody has aflaw, so you ain't you ain't

(19:07):
really proud of your wholeentire self, but there's certain
things that you should be proud.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
You know I'm saying you should have pride in
yourself, for I think that'swhen we got to bring in that
humble humbleness.
You know, I'm saying becauseyou, you're boasting yeah you
know I'm saying yeah,essentially yeah right.
So that's the key.
Like it's okay to be proud,yeah, but you know I'm saying
don't be prideful, be humble.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
You know, I'm saying I like that, though, because you
gotta make room.
So essentially what you justsaid like you can have pride,
pride can be in the mix, but youcan't be full of it.
You got to make room for theother things to be added into it
.
So I I definitely agree withthat.
Uh, but before we get too faroff, because I do want to hit on
a couple of very importantthings before we get far off.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
Nigga, what was your story?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying,like, what was your story?
Because we was rolling like alocomotive with no brakes.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
We were gonna come.
That's why I said I got somethings I want to touch on.
So all right, um, no break.
Nah, we was finna come.
That's why I said I got somethings I want to touch on.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
So All right With me.
I think y'all have heard thisstory, but y'all probably don't
know this one.
I'm finna go, my sister washaving pride when I was like 15,
15, yeah, 15, 16, something.
But long story short.
And this is why, uh, you knowI'm saying y'all parents be

(20:29):
careful, or y'all let your where, y'all let y'all kids go.
You know I'm saying, uh, goingon somebody's career or
something like that, whenthey're young, like I was, you
know I'm saying 15.
So you know I'm saying so I wasolder, for sure, but so, and I
know how to defend myself.
But still, if somebody who'skind of weak-minded you know I'm

(20:50):
saying the child, or they'revery, uh, naive, you know I'm
saying they can be takenadvantage of.
But long story short, yeah, Ispent all night over this dude.
You know I'm saying career withmy family.
We all knew each other, you knowI'm saying and we watching the
movie, just cooling, you know,I'm saying.
And dude straight up asked mecan he give me fellatio?

Speaker 1 (21:11):
the young cat like a young dude.
We the same age.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Okay, yeah, he was same age.
We said exact same age.
Asked me I don't know what, whyhe thought he could ask me.
You know, I'm saying that.
But he asked me Could he giveme that?
And we at his crib, we in theliving room, his people's in the
In the room over, you know whatI'm saying?
They room.
I told him straight up I saidI'll kill you, bro.
In his crib.

(21:35):
I said I'll kill you, bro.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
In there.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Straight up, left it like that.
I saw him multiple times.
You know what I'm saying, buthe went to that church.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
Yeah, so I tell her that's what it was.
I called my pops.
I ain't say nothing to nobody,I just said just come pick me up
.
You know what I'm saying?
Left it like that.
So that's what happened to myhaving my situation.
I nipped that in the butt realquick you never told nobody no,
I ain't telling my pops.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
Not his like, not the authority figure.

Speaker 3 (22:07):
No I ain't telling nobody, I ain't, I ain't
thinking, I ain't feel like Ineeded to because, like I said,
I feel like I handled like Ishould.
I ain't hurt him.
He was in his crib, I couldhave.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
I mean, I ain't saying I should have, but but
because he didn't react onanything after I said that yeah,
but yeah, that I'm not you knowwhat's crazy, though, bro,
because, like, thinking back onit at when we that age well, we
like you, you respond to whatyou were supposed to right you
feel like level he on levelground with you and everything.
But now, thinking back, weolder, that mean somebody was

(22:37):
introducing him to that.

Speaker 3 (22:39):
You know what I'm saying like you think about it
like we 15, you 15, and thenlooking like I said, we looking
back on situations and no, wenow we know more information
about certain things.
I'm not surprised, right, I'msaying yeah, I'm not surprised,
that was going on, you know andit's, but it all right.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
So to go into manhood right, because I feel like all
of us though there were somesimilarities in some of the
stories all of us have adifferent version of manhood I
think that all we all reacted alittle bit differently.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Like you were more verbal, youwere more like, set the tone and
then he respected it.
From there you actually had toput hands on somebody and like
let them have you know legs?

(23:16):
I guess not, right, right, youknow what I'm saying bro was
literally heel towingeing on thenigga's face.
But then for me you know again,it was threats exchanged but
nothing actually like popped off.
So all of us obviouslydifferent scenario, different
version of me, all of us thankGod, all of us weren't victims.

(23:36):
Right and we walked away.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (23:40):
Because it could have went like nine days.
Obviously, a lot of ofsituations kids don't make it
out of that.
Shout out to the young boywhat's his name.
I forget him.
Young black kid ended upstabbing one of the little
little white boys.
And now they got him.

Speaker 3 (23:52):
I heard that story.
Yeah, I heard that story.
Man, we gotta I gotta do somemore reading up on that so he
just to give y'all an excerpt onwhat right?

Speaker 1 (23:58):
there's a young black dude, he's a, he's a track
athlete.
Apparently, you know, uh, verygifted, very, um, very
intelligent, got like a 4.0through his school and
everything.
But apparently there was twotwins, two twin little white
boys, right, who they confrontedhim at a track meet under a
tent right, this is under a tent.
They say he didn't belong there, he wasn't supposed to be there

(24:18):
.
Mind you, he's a track athlete,they're not.
So in that scenario, you tellme who not supposed to be there?
Mind you, he's a track athlete,they're not.
So in that scenario, you tellme who's not supposed to be
there, right?
However, a scuffle exchangedand he ended up stabbing one of
the little boys.
Uh, and they're, he's.
No, that little boy's no longerhere.

Speaker 3 (24:33):
So now the little black kid is on trial, they
trying to call him a thug andsay all these things right, and
of course it's not self-defenseright.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
But if you think that goes with the what we're
talking about today as far asmanhood?
Because do you feel like?
Because a lot of people areasking like it's not bad that he
defended himself, but did he gotoo far, right Did?

Speaker 3 (24:49):
he have to take his life.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
Yeah, yeah, stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
So it's like so that's like in the military,
they train, of course they'retraining you, but, like when
you're overseas, stuff like that, you have rules of engagement
and, like you have to uh,conduct yourself according to
the threat level.
Yeah, yeah, so like.
But even in civilian where,like you, it's a sustained, it's

(25:13):
overkill yeah, you know whatI'm saying, uh, but I guess in
that particular situation,you're defending you.
If he felt like his life was indanger, then yes, you need to
match force with force that wasthe problem.

Speaker 1 (25:28):
So apparently they asked him to get up out his seat
.
They wanted his seat.
This is the story, right.
Apparently they wanted his seat.
He refused to give him the seat.
Apparently these little boyswere known to be bullies in the
neighborhood or at their schoolor whatever, so they tried to
force him out the seat and jumphim physically yeah so because
of that, he responded physically.
Apparently they were fighting.
And then I don't know where theknife came from.
I'm not sure if he had it or ifhe picked it up from somewhere

(25:50):
or what have you, but that endedup, okay the thing is it's two
on one exactly.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
If there was, if those, if there were multiple
offenders, then guess what?
That knife was, that otherperson?
Equalizer yeah so that's his,that's his defense, because it's
multiple y'all.
So that tragedy that happened,sorry, it happened, but those

(26:15):
were the aggressors.
You know what?
I mean like he wasn't beingaggressive.
He was sitting there and andy'all were being known bullies
quote unquote.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
You know I'm saying so so y'all feel like, just
because I want to keep it onbrand right, y'all feel like, as
far as manhood goes, he did theright thing yeah, okay, I just
wanted that to be my son he wasmy son, I would be.
I wouldn't be upset at him atall you wouldn't be upset, at
which I don't think his familyis right, obviously I think the
community is upset and all theseother things.
But it's an interesting stanceto take, right, Because

(26:46):
unfortunately that means thatlet's put in your son or nephew
or whoever it is to you.
You'd be like, oh yeah, Maybehe did just take a life at the
same time.
So what I want to deal with onit is how far does the manhood
like?
How far do those rules go?
You know what I mean.
How far does the manhood likehow far do those rules go?
You know what I mean when yousay like you want to protect
your manhood, or you say youwant to be a man.

(27:07):
This is what it takes to be aman.
How far do those rules go?
Because?
Does it go as far as having tounfortunately take somebody's
life?
Is that okay, or is that moreso only in extreme cases?

Speaker 2 (27:19):
Because not everybody feels the same.
Manhood so it's protecting yourmanhood has a lot to do with
being a man.
So you use your brain.
You don't go and jump at asituation.
You need to actually be a manand assess the situation yeah, a

(27:39):
logical thinker yeah, becauseif you, if you jump out the
window, you probably gonna getcut, you probably gonna break a
leg.
You know I'm saying just, youknow I'm saying just a little
metaphor.
But you, it's not the rightthing to do.
You gotta go out the door, youhave to go turn the knob.
You gotta go open the door,look out.
You know you gotta assess thesituation.

(28:00):
You cannot go do somethingstupid because it could result
in something tragic, right likewhat just happened.
So say, for instance, what thestory that I just told I
protected my manhood by anymeans necessary because I was
scared right now, in thatsituation with that little boy.
He was scared so he protectedhimself by any means necessary.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
You know what I'm saying and do you feel like
you'd have gone that far though?
So if you were in thatsituation, you had a knife, or
you had something that wasvisible, but not something you
had to get out your bag, or youknow, I'm saying pull out.
If you had something readilyavailable, do you think you
would have used it?

Speaker 2 (28:36):
so I use weapons in extreme situations.
So first I would have used myhands, okay, and then, if I
would have ended up getting onthe ground and see, that's
probably where the situationwould have been different,
because I would have stabbed,been stabbing at people's legs
you know I'm saying so I wouldhave hurt somebody, but I
probably wouldn't have killednobody unless you hit an artery
in the leg.

(28:56):
But yeah, but that's on themyeah because, because at that
point you stomping me you knowI'm saying so I'm?
I'm getting stomped, but at thesame time I'm swinging a knife.
Y'all going to get cut in theleg Now.
I'm not deliberately stabbingyou in the chest Now.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
it also depends on what type of knife you have,
because they could have beenrolling around.
I don't know.
That's what I'm saying.
As far as the details, we'llhave to dig into the case, but I
don't know if they was rollingaround.
I don't know if you know,because we've seen too many
movies.
People fall on knives, peoplejump on top of them.
Yeah, but he could have beenstanding in the defense.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
Those are movies, reality that shit ain't going to
happen, rolling around becausea knife will probably be flat
between you, or like rollthrough your wrist, stab you
feel me Like usually if somebodyfalls, you know it's just like,
but also think about somebodybigger than you, because I'm a
pretty small guy.

Speaker 1 (29:48):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
So I think about like in a situation like yeah, I can
see if he's acting and theyfeel, or he's jumping on top of
you he's coming at you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
And that's why I'm my manhood.
There's things that I'm willingto do to protect but, would you
take them out?

Speaker 3 (30:04):
like me, because I've experienced some stuff like
this, but I've been jumpedbefore, you know.
I'm saying uh, and so you haveto protect yourself by any means
necessary, bro.
To to make it back to who youbelong, to your family um, now,

(30:26):
from my experience with being ina situation like, like monte
said, I'm gonna trust thesehands, but I don't know what you
got.
I don't know what you're gonnabe ready to do.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
Let's say, you feel like I'm whooping your ass, you
and him done it before, sowhooping you and him, and now
you feel like he'm whooping yourass, you and him.

Speaker 3 (30:45):
Done it before, so whooping you and him.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
And now you feel like straight up, like now I'm
laughing because both of themgot their work.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
But now that you see both of y'all at a disadvantage
even though it's both, you knowwhat I'm saying.
Two of y'all.
Now you, finna, go get someextra help, and I don't know if
you got a strap on you.
I don't know if you got enoughon you.
You know what I'm saying, soI'm going to just have to react
to the situation.
Now we all need to have as faras men and it's part of manhood
a level of emotionalintelligence, and that's where

(31:15):
you know what I'm saying.
Experience is going to have tocome in.
You're going to be taught somuch, but I think you got to be
through certain situations toknow how to navigate them.

Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
I agree with that.

Speaker 3 (31:26):
So, but in this particular situation, like I
said, to sum it all up, I haveno, I feel there's no fault by
this young man.
It's unfortunate.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
But he had to protect himself.
How old is he Young, kid he in?
How old is he young, kid?

Speaker 3 (31:41):
he in high school, okay, so yeah, high school.
You know, nah, man, heshouldn't be doing no long
period of time behind nowhere.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
Well, I mean, he still got to go to trial and
stuff, and you know people aretrying to trying to see what's
up.
But for me I'm I'm curious,right, because you was just
talking about situationalawareness and we, to put it in a
sports context, we'll say, likebasketball, iq or right we'll.
He can see what's going onbefore it actually happened.
He know what moves is about tobe made on the thing before

(32:09):
actually having, and I feel likewe forget that that's what
we're supposed to do too, likeall right.
So for for the young cats inhere, I'm gonna drop a couple
jams on you.
When you, when you are going toa restaurant, especially with a
young lady, you always sitfacing the door so you can see
what's coming.
If a threat come in, you knowI'm saying something, pop off.
You always need to be able tobe aware.
I think what the problem is,bro, we wait.

(32:30):
The these new cats, I say theywait to the last minute, they
wait till they in the situationand now it's panic mode
proactive.
They don't prepare for nothing.
So and I ain't saying that's,that's a little dude, I'm just
saying in general, even like wedon't think about that scenario
you don't think about stayingdangerous yeah, even for us we
knew jumping was always a thinggrowing up that was just kind of

(32:51):
what it was.
You know if you walked on thisstreet, you know if you wore
these colors in the wrongneighborhood, you know if you
did these things on this listyou might get jumped.
That was a conversation you hadgrowing up.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Nowadays.
I don't think that's the sameconversation the key to that
point there is people do notfight fair.
That's it.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
Especially nowadays, because there ain't no fighting.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
Back in the day too.
Like they did not fight fair,bro.
Like you got to even thinkabout, bro.
Like even when people was likeman one-on-one, one-on-one, We'd
get out there and be whoopingsomebody's ass and then, guess
what?
They potting a fin to throw apunch, you feel me, and then
it's a big-ass brawl.
That's how big-ass brawls usedto happen, and shit, Because
somebody want to throw the punchand we was always a cat.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
Scanning, walking behind cats Waiting for
something to pop off, but butslimy, slimy slimy.
But see what I'm sayingdifferent definitions of manhood
, because some of us would neverdo that.
Some of us would never be thatcat that walk around and try to
sneak somebody.
We don't believe in, that we'dbe like no, I'm gonna stand up
like toe to toe, we finna go.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
I want to remind a little bit because going to a
restaurant, my wife likes to sitand watch the door she likes to
she likes to watch the door.
Okay, which is cool with me,because you feel like she can
give you the alert.
Yep, and I'm gonna reactdifferent he's just gonna go
because he.

Speaker 3 (34:12):
He's just gonna go because she, she already got the
eyes, so he's gonna trust his.
Well, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (34:17):
his wife yep and I'm gonna you know.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
So he's just gonna go see that's.
I don't get me wrong, I rockedwith that.
But damn.
Because, depending on where yousitting at in the restaurant,
that's a dangerous situation.

Speaker 3 (34:29):
But look, this is why I'm glad you brought it back up
, monte, because that's one oftwo things I feel you need to do
.
You need to sit Me personally,I would agree with what Ant said
Facing the door for securityreasons.
Y'all know how I am too.
But number two is youimmediately need to be thinking

(34:50):
and looking at the exits.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
Yeah, absolutely, you know what I'm saying.
So if something does happen,you already have established an
exit route for you and yourfamily and discuss it Like
something that anytime I go to anew place with my wife, I
always let her know somethingcrack off.
We going over there, somethingcrack off we doing this.
If something crack off, this iswhat I need you to do Like, and
it's real quick.
It ain't like a wholediscussion where we leave you

(35:13):
roll on the ground and go to thenah, just that, because you
said something earlier.

Speaker 3 (35:29):
You was talking about like iq you know, I'm saying
situational, that iq, thoughthat can be god-given right.
Yeah, you're talking aboutbasketball, you brought those
sports, yeah, but I feel likethat's something that you also
can develop.
You know, I'm saying throughother ways, through reading,
gaining that knowledge and then,like I said, coming through,
going through differentexperiences to build up the iq.
So which, which way, you knowI'm saying, or which method of
building your iq do you thinkwill be best for a person going

(35:53):
through it or observing, orreading on it?

Speaker 1 (35:57):
going through it, going through it, gonna always
be reading up on it.
Let me tell you why anybody go.
Go take somebody who went toschool for 12 years.
Right, they got all thesedegrees, they have knowledge,
right, but they don't have anyexperience.
Now you go to that.
Go to the person who didn'tnecessarily get no degrees.
They've just been working atthe job for forever.
They know the ins and outs.
They've been through differentscenarios where it looked like

(36:20):
it was supposed to look and whenit wasn't supposed to look that
way.
You know I'm saying it was allout of whack.
So they've had differentexperiences that taught them
what to do, not to mentionmuscle memory.
You know I'm saying they knowthey're gonna know how to react
off bat.
You tell me if, if you, if itwas a cat so a lot of people
that I know from as military,right, let's say it's a drill
sergeant and then you gotsomebody who, who, specialize in

(36:40):
combat.
They don't be like, yeah, he'sloud, but he ain't going to do
nothing Like.
You know what I'm saying.
It's a different approach tothe situation.

Speaker 3 (36:49):
Yeah, I feel you.
Nah, that's good.
I was wanting to see where yourhead's at.
What about?

Speaker 2 (36:53):
you Monte.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
You act like you was thinking about.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
A different way, nah because I feel the same way.
I I feel the same way.

(37:18):
I was just thinking about asituation.
So because I've lived throughthe situations where I've had to
feel like I don't trust anybody.
That was the reason why I do goto a restaurant.
I'm comfortable with my wifesitting there and looking,
because I'm already.
I already have my head on aswivel at all times.
If y'all don't really payattention to it, when we go out
somewhere and we together, y'allmight be uh, laughing and

(37:40):
having fun and y'all might belike bro, look at blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah and y'all mightbe like what is this dude
thinking about?
I'm paying attention toeverything like I'm just looking
around.
Y'all might think I might havean attitude I'm drunk, but no,
I'm just peeping.
You know what I'm saying?
Like I always do that, likeit's always something when I,
when something happened, it'd bethat one person that I looked

(38:02):
at.
That's always yeah, I'm likeyeah.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
I knew it was them, bro, like yeah.
Something right here.
There's something we hit thateverybody I ain't gonna say
everybody, but you y'all knowthis when I say it when you go
into a club, a establishment,especially like a club or a
lounge or something like that,within like the first 10 minutes
, what dudes be doing when theyfirst come in here?

Speaker 1 (38:29):
When they come in the club.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Probably wall posts.
If they ain't getting a drink,cats gonna post up on the wall.

Speaker 3 (38:36):
What you think.
I'm gonna tell you when I'mgoing with it.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
You said when you first Walked in the club.

Speaker 3 (38:40):
Yeah, Growing up, when you first walked in the
club, think about like Saints orsomething like that.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
I walked around when I first got in.
Oh, mama.

Speaker 3 (38:47):
That's what I'm talking about, because what you
was doing, I was seeing who wasin there Exactly.
Bro, I, Exactly Because you gotto know.
You know what I'm saying.
You can't be caught off guard.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Go ahead, bro.
Hold on, I'm going to let bothof y'all go.
Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
All right, shout out to my people Vincent, man,
marley, go to Inca Hoots.
And Inca Hoots was this clubwhen I was in high school, but I
was, I wasn't.
I wasn't old enough to go in,and on Sundays, so I had one of
my partner's brother's ID, so Iwas going in with my big cousins
and every time we went in wehad this particular spot that we

(39:25):
always used to go to.
But when Vince used to walkthrough the club, he, he used to
walk around, and Vince wasshort like me and he used to
knock niggas out.
You know what I'm saying.
So when he walked me, he didn'tdo any sneak attacks, no, no.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
He didn't knock you out of your face, I'm just
saying.
But the way you see it, oh yeah, he reaching up.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
To be frank, he hit somebody before and snatched
their chain at the same time.
It was hilarious.
But but look, so he walkedaround the club with his hands
behind his back all the time andI peeped it and I was like
that's kind of leverage, becauseif he gotta use his weight to
knock somebody out, he comingstraight from with his hands

(40:06):
behind his back.
So I'm like that's dope, and itwas an easy way to maneuver
through the crowd too.
You know what I'm saying.
So I was like all right, cool,and he did exactly that.
He walked around the crowd.
But to that point I was youngpeeping game.
You know what I'm saying.
So when I was with my partners,I go walk around the club, you

(40:27):
know what I'm saying.
See who in here?
You?
I'm saying like all right, andusually it's it's some ops in
there and we deep, so I ain't,we ain't really tripping, but
that that's how you peep game,because you don't want to be
standing nowhere and then out ofthe blue so let's crack off,
and you don't know where it'scoming from you know.

Speaker 3 (40:46):
So what, what you was getting ready to say bro?

Speaker 1 (40:49):
no, I I don't even remember, but I was curious
about.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
I was talking about like you know what I'm saying us
walking around as soon as youcome into a building and I get
so I guess I'm a pivot right.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
I was going to say something specific, but now my
question for y'all is what doesthat look like today?
So that's what it looked likewalking around a club.
What does that look like intoday's society?
So if you go to a restauranteven if you go, let's say you
take your wife dancing, whateverthe case is if you in scenarios
out here in real everyday life,what's your version of walking
around the venue or the party?

(41:21):
Before you know what I'm saying, you get comfortable.
What's that look like in reallife for?

Speaker 3 (41:24):
y'all, like I said, just identifying as your roots
or, okay, ways to uh get out ofa situation that something goes
south.
So like it could be somethingsimple, like identifying what
these doors are.
When I go to the restaurant,one of the first things I'm
asking the waiter, if I can'tsee it, where's the restaurant?
You know the restroom is.
That's why I can identify whatit is, so we're not wasting the

(41:47):
time trying to figure out whatthings are.
You know what I'm saying, but Iguess it just being, like you
said, being your, uh, your headon the swivel yeah, it's a turn
to me.
You know I'm saying me and rioand uh, tita, and all of us kind
of say we say faces up, yeah,you know saying that's why I be
standing on the pride faces up,stand your pivot yeah and that
just mean faces up, mean standalert.

(42:09):
Yeah, being you know saying uhuh alert about your surroundings
, being on your pivot is beinglike being like an owl.
Yeah, think about how owls movetheir heads, you know they've
been alert on their 6th or 12th,you know.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
So they're 9 o'clock to 3 o'clock, so this this
situation go ahead, bro, becauseI want to know how y'all ride
that line right, because fromwhat this is what I hear.
What I hear is a lot ofreactions to some.
That's like survival mode.
You went like, just think aboutthe scenarios that y'all
painted, you got ops over herein case you gotta knock a nigga
out, like all of that to mesounds like a response to a

(42:44):
threat.
Everything is a in a responseto a situation that's already
kind of happening.
I guess I'm trying to figureout how do you gauge
survivability and then awareness, right, because I'll bring up
some specifics.
I remember last year my wife uh, one of her good friends came
down to celebrate her birthday,right, and we ended up going out

(43:06):
.
Now, I got kind of twopersonalities.
Yeah, I'm a little, yeah,anyway, right, I got kind of two
personalities.
Yeah, I'm a little, yeah,anyway, right, I got kind of two
personalities.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
So when I'm by myself , I'm a lot more Coast is too
much.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
The bipolar is strong , but, like when I'm by myself,
different mentality.
Right Now I'm still alert, I'mstill paying attention to things
, but I'm a lot more comfortable, I'm a lot more free to move
around when my wife is present.
That's when I kind of go intothe mode that y'all talking
about.
Right, I'm more, I'm scanningeverything, I'm kind of peeping
out.
Now, ironically, right uniquehad told me he's like bro, enjoy

(43:41):
yourself, you shouldn't have tosit back.
You know, do all of that.
Why you?
Why you feel like you need tolike, scope out everything, mug
the room, which I make sense tome.
So my question is how do youride the difference?
Because there's a way to bealert, right, and pay attention
to your surroundings, make sureyou know what's going on, but at
the same time, why go out ifyou're not enjoying yourself?

(44:02):
So you see what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (44:03):
So, like, so, you, I can enjoy myself in survival
mode.
I'm always in survival modebecause, okay, anything can
happen at any time.
Okay, and when I'm with myfamily, that's even worse.
But I don't have to, okay, sayI'm going to a restaurant, I

(44:27):
walk in, I'm not in survivalmode and I'm really not.
I can't really call it asurvival mode.
That is, that is awareness,because when you walking around
and you looking at things, evenif he's looking at the exit
routes, it's like all right,just in case.
You know what I'm saying,that's a just in case thing.
But you're also able to sitdown and enjoy yourself without

(44:50):
something happening.
Also able to sit down and enjoyyourself without something
happening.
It's always being aware, likehaving your head on a swivel
while you eating, just, you know, enjoying conversation.
But you know, look around everynow and then you know I'm
saying just making sure you knowthat that all right, because
because I'm the one who looksaround and I'm like, oh, okay,
table three left.
Nah, cool, you know, I'm sayingthey just got another table
three.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
I think that is being proactive, that's not being
reactive to something thatyou've been through like a
trauma or something, becauseit's you're, you're actively, uh
trying to look for, like yousaid, ways to navigate a
situation but I think that thatdoes speak to trauma.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
So like, all right, so let me, let me dig a little
bit deeper.
When might I tell youspecifically described, uh like
if we go out, you'd be like,dang, this nigga might not.
He might look like he's upset.
We might be telling him a jokeor something.
He don't necessarily laughda-da-da-da, because he's
peeping the scene right.
I want us to pay attentionbecause that to me does not
sound like you enjoying it.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (45:55):
That sounds like you're in survival mode, so it
sounds like there is a switch.
They don't exist together, yougot to go from one to the other
that goes into what I said aboutiq, the other ways to build it.
Okay, that's the way he builtit.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
My way is I was trained in a way so I developed
the knowledge for me, so that'swhy I'm saying that's still a
way like you said, that could bea trauma, but the other because
, like he was saying, like hewas trained to do it, so he
naturally does it.
That's the same thing with me.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
So you feel like you've gotten to a point where
you did it for so long.
Now you naturally do it.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
Yeah, I've just developed it as a skill at this
point.
You know what I'm saying.
So it's not I'm always going tobe chilling, like I'm going to

(46:39):
always enjoy myself, but i'maalways keep a eye, keep my eyes
open.
You know what I'm saying, forfor anything it's not.
You know I it's anything, butanything can happen.
But like the the um say, forinstance, you had a at a
basketball game and you, you,y'all, we enjoying ourselves,
bro, like we gotta peep the game.
You know I'm saying we, younever know what's going on
behind you.
Somebody might be fightingbehind you, might fall down,
something might fall from thesky.
You know I'm saying we, younever know what's going on
behind you.
Somebody might be fightingbehind you, might fall down,
something might fall from thesky.
You know I'm saying, uh, theceiling or something like that.
You know, you never know what'sgonna happen.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
You feel like you have to be looking for that, or
do you feel like you're at apoint where you can't like that?
If something happens, you, likeyou said, you've already been
trained enough to be able torespond to, because look those
all right.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
So paying attention you have have to.
I mean all senses, bro.
All your senses, your eyes,your ears, your nose, bro.
Like everything, bro, you gotto be able to smell something.
If something's burning or ifsomething's snap that sounds
unusual, then you get to lookingaround like what's that?

(47:29):
You know what I'm saying?
That's what I mean, just beingaware.
It ain't like you sitting therelike I know something about to
happen, this shit about tohappen today right, right you
know I'm saying no, don't, yeah,don't, but like I said, you
have to be.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
It had to be a skill at this point, but see I'm and
the reason I'm, and not to cutyou off, but the reason I'm
asking, right, isn't for anton,but we got to understand.
There's people, the people outhere who are, who are listening
to us, right, they may not havehad the same opportunities to be
trained right, so they didn'tgrow up in the environments
where they had to kick a niggawhile he was trying to do some
crazy shit in the car.
They didn't, they didn't go themilitary route, so they weren't

(48:02):
trained.
You know what I'm saying on howto be aware of your
surroundings and how to identifycertain things.
So with the regular Joe, youknow, I mean the cat who maybe,
maybe he grew up in the what wewould call the county or the
suburbs right, and he didn'thave those same go seek the
information.

Speaker 3 (48:18):
That's what I'm saying like.
Go actively seek out theinformation and what way do I?
Stand staying dangerous.
There's so many ways to do it.
You got the internet go like Isaid we said before go seek out
a martial art, go get, go getactual training and go to a
range and pay for some lessons,bro, yeah, yeah, you know what
I'm saying.
Like I said, you can get amartial art, several different
types of martial arts that youcan learn to sharpen your mind,

(48:42):
and you can get your books.
If you you know what I'm saying, go read something about a
different level of self-defense.
You know what I'm sayingthere's other ways to stay
dangerous, bro, like I agreewith you and and it's mentally
too, like it's dudes out herethat don't even know how to
physically defend themselves.
They just a danger because theyminds yeah you know I'm saying
so that's, and I think that'swhat the circle of.

(49:04):
Back to manhood, um, I thinkjust being able to.
My definition of manhood isgoing through life unafraid and
being able to navigate and beingconfident with yourself, being
able to navigate situations.
You know what I'm saying and sothat's what I think manhood is

(49:26):
about is being confident inyourself and staying humble and
being able to navigatesituations.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
I like that.
All right, Monte, you got adefinition of manhood.
What you feel like yours is.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
Well, one, I'm going to answer the question before.
Just for the everyday Joe,self-awareness is in you, I.
I do believe that you should goand get some type of
self-defense training if youdon't have it.

(49:59):
However, self-awareness is inyou looking, hearing, feeling
like you need to pay attention,basically like I.
I get certain people what ifI'm deaf?

Speaker 3 (50:13):
huh what if I'm deaf?

Speaker 1 (50:15):
I almost laughed, bro .
I'm almost bust out laughing,and then ain't nothing funny
about that.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
But hey, I'm cool, I'm blind, I'm daredevil well,
if you're deaf, then you'reprobably not listening to this
podcast, so I'm not necessarilytalking.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
They got braille bro bro said, print out the podcast
sick of this dude.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
I'm not necessarily talking to you, I mean, but of
course.
But of course you can.
You know what's going on andyou can trust your gut, you know
.
That's all I can say for that.
But for the regular Joe, youknow, just, you know, pay

(51:03):
attention.
I know it's tons of people thatgo on dates and they'd be so
into their date, but I thinkit'll probably be a little more
attractive if you're also payingattention.
You know what I'm saying toyour surroundings and she's like
well, what's going on?
Well, I'm just making sure, I'mjust checking out everything.
You know what I'm saying, likenot paranoid, but you know, I'm
just just looking, you know justthat's the thing.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
I guess some people look at this like we paranoid.

Speaker 1 (51:27):
Yeah, some people they say when that's why I was
addressing that perspective,because it looks like from the
outside, people who didn't growup like.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
But there's some women, because you know saying
some women like a man who'smilitant yeah, some people, some
women do, yeah, you're right so, but some people, like you said
you, can perceive it as a levelof paranoia and but, like some
people do deal with that trauma,they're overly alert, like you
like why are you?
Always doing this, bro, likeyou, every time you reach in
your pocket, do you know?

(51:54):
what I'm saying somebody walk inthe room because, yeah, well,
you have a trauma for that Idon't think that's awareness,
that's trauma, that's true, it'sin how you respond.

Speaker 1 (52:02):
It's absolutely in how you respond, because I think
that that's where I was tryingto get it, because I feel like a
lot of people when we talkabout the regular joe, they
don't have the same alarms asthe rest of us.
So, uh, just to give y'all anexample, if I heard like a loud
thud on the front door or theback door, my heart beating
immediately because I didn't, Ididn't bend in the space where
my door was kicked in, right, soI'm like that to me means

(52:24):
something.
So when I heard that type ofI'm automatically on go mode.
Yeah, the regular joe may belike oh, what is that?
The wind, what's going on?
Right, did something fall?
Right?
His, his alarms ain't the same.
They don't.
They don't think the same way.
So that's why I was challengingy'all mindset, because I'm like
, I heard you, but it's gonna behard for them to get there.
It's gonna be hard for them toget in a situation where, if he
was riding the car, he did getin the uber and somebody tried

(52:45):
some craziness.
Not everybody gonna have thewordwithal to oh, I'm going to
kick the you know, what I mean.
Right, right, right.
People going to be trying toget out the door, they're going
to be trying to call people.
They're going to reactdifferently because they didn't
grow up in a war zone.
I feel like we grew up in a warzone.
Whether you was somebody whowent to war or not, you grew up
in a war zone which littledifferent, Like everybody, ain't
the same.
So I guess and to go into it,because I'm going to go back and

(53:17):
I'm going to ask you again,Montae, as far as what you feel
like your definition of manhood-is oh, I'm still thinking about
it, which is good.
I'm going to go ahead and saymine right.
So for me, I understand thatgrowing up I thought manhood had
one definition.
I thought everybody had to like, walk this line, like, right
Manhood was you take out thetrash, you walk on the outside
of the sidewalk, you know whatI'm saying?

Speaker 3 (53:38):
Little stuff like that, chivalry, those are duties
, those are.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
Those are actually absolutely responsibilities that
go with being a man, but thatisn't.
Those aren't like rules ofbeing a man, right.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
For me, being a man is not what I've learned.
It's not a monolith right, it'snot one definition for all of
us.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Essentially it's it's how you define it, and then
what I truly believe for me isstanding in whatever you define.
So if I say that I'm thisperson, or if I say that these
are the things that I'm good at,or this is what I would do if
you stepped in this box, being aman is being able to do those
things that you said you wasfinna do.
So if somebody run up in yourhouse, you'd be like, yeah, run
up in my house, I'm gonna shootthat.
But he run up in your house andthen use like, oh my god,

(54:16):
anything you want, right, likeit's a.
That's not being a man,regardless of how it come out.
It's just like.
In my opinion, you gotta.
Being a man is setting a toneand then operating that tone,
regardless of how tough ormilitant, it is right.
Setting the tone and thenoperating standing on your SOP
standing on your 10 bro, that'sexactly your standard operating

(54:37):
procedure.
Yes, sir, uh, your SOP now lookwe dropping gems.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
For those of y'all who didn't know, that acronym
get you a corporate job.
Go ahead now you literally saidwhat I was saying, what I was
thinking.
You know what I mean.
Like you standing on yourbusiness, I always think of, uh,
that, when you think of, um,yeah, standing on business, but
when you think of, when youthink of manhood right, and you

(55:01):
think of maybe your father oryou know that one person, you
were like dang man, like likethat's a man right there, but
like he, he wanted him one.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
You know what I'm?

Speaker 2 (55:11):
saying you think about who they were.
They stood on business.
If they said something thatthey were gonna do something,
they did it.
You know what I'm saying.
So that's, that's, that's howI've always, that's how I am.
You know what I'm saying.
If I say I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it, you know.
I mean like I ain't, I ain't,finna, I'm not getting ready to
tell you, oh, I'm gonna, I'll bethere at at 3 30 and show up at

(55:37):
3 30 the next day, like youknow.
I'm saying like I just I'm, I'mpunctual about certain things,
you know.
I'm saying I'm, I'm the, now, Iain't gonna lie.
If you're my homeboy and I saythree o'clock, I might come at
like 3 15, but you ain't right.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
You ain't perfect, and I don't think that's the
right thing.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
You ain't trying to be perfect but I stand on what I
say like I'm gonna be there.

Speaker 1 (55:56):
You know what I'm saying like.
It ain't like, I ain't gonnashow up and we, and we more so,
talking about in defense ofright, when somebody tests you
or if you in, if you have afamily, you have a home, you
should have things like a um,like a plan, right.
So well, that's, and that'sreally what we're talking about.
So we feel safe?
yeah, like all right.
So anytime y'all ever been toan apartment complex or a job,

(56:17):
right, what's one of the?
I ain't gonna ask that question.
One of the first things y'allsee when y'all walk in is a fire
exit plan.
You look on walls and stuff.
You see fire extinguishers andyou see a fire exit plan.
So something crack off.
If anything crack off, youshould know where the stir is at
.
You should know which way to go.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
Right, yeah, absolutely and so that's, I
think, anybody like.
Well, they go in that hotelroom.
They ain't looking at that, butsee they're looking at that bed
.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
But that means aware, that's awareness though,
because I look at it every timeright, like at this age, because
and then that's probablybecause of work, because I've
gone through a lot of firesafety trainings.
But at the same time, bro, if Igo somewhere foreign, I know
where the X is at.
If I'm going anywhere for thevery first time, if I'm in a
hotel room, I'm in a businessoffice, I'm in an airport, I

(57:02):
know exactly how to get out thatmood, for the most part Because
I be getting lost sometimes.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
But, like, you know what I'm saying, Like, for the
most part, I'm gonna throw y'alla little curveball real quick,
you know, um, I think about theones, the, the people who, whose
manhood is just a little off.
Right.
So you think about the menbecause, like you think about us

(57:26):
, right?
Yeah, you know for a fact, ifanything was to pass through my
household and my and not there,guess who my wife is going to
call?
She's going to call me to makesure that it's all right with me
, all of that.
Right, you know.
Now you think about the men who.
It doesn't happen.
Hey, they, they, they get ranover at the crib, but there's

(57:49):
also probably the man who's nottaking care of his crib.
So that's also a part ofmanhood Leadership Leadership
You're taking care of yourresponsibilities.
When you have a household youknow what I'm saying Make sure
you're doing everything in yourpower to take care of your
family.

Speaker 3 (58:07):
If you ain't doing that, what you mean by that, bro
, because I want you to kind ofprobably go in depth, because
are you talking about, like Isaid earlier, a responsibility
like duties?

Speaker 2 (58:19):
And what capacity do you need to be taking care of?
No, so not All right.
So check this out Like not theduties.
Yeah, it's making sure thatthere's a roof over your head to
do the duties.
You know what I'm saying?
That's manhood Making sure thatyou got some money coming in
that house to make sure thatit's stable.
The trash it can build up formonths, but you got to be able

(58:42):
to be there and live to havethat trash in there.
So my thing is being a man ismaking sure you go and do
anything.
I mean, go get some.
Go get some stable income byany means necessary, and you
gotta be stable.
Just make sure you're bringingsomething home.
So you can take care of the crib.
You know what I'm saying.
So that's a part of manhood.
Any means necessary, I'm gonnatake care of my family.

(59:04):
You know what I'm saying?
That's, that's and that's so.
I feel like I've been a man fora long time, because that's how
I've always been, because, likeI told you before, I was the
man of the house.
So, by any means necessary, I'mtaking care of this crib.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
Ain't nobody going to do nothing or none of that, but
that's a definition of a man tome Somebody that's taking care
of their crib, because a lot ofthese dudes be sitting there
playing the game and ain'treally taking care of the crib.
Guess what?
I can play the game all daybecause I'm taking care of the
crib.

Speaker 1 (59:37):
My wife don't really trip off of it because you
providing in other ways, youknow, but I think that's the
problem.
So, like cats need to know Ikeep saying cats, but I said it,
bro on one of them clips I saidcats like 38 times.
But uh, these cats, these cats,these guys, these fellas, these
people, partners, whatever youwant to call them.
Look these listeners.
How about?

Speaker 2 (59:57):
that?
Yes, we'll call them that.

Speaker 1 (59:59):
When I trip off of it .
Right, because you knoweverybody got social media to
some degree and I'll see like awoman painting a room or putting
up some stuff or buildingsomething right.
And they'll catch me in thecomments talking about where
your man at.
I'm trying not to cuss.
Look, you're going to get onething or the other.
Meow, look at that.

(01:00:22):
But anyway, I definitely agreewith your definition of manhood
when you say it's about takingcare of your spot.
That's what I was saying.
So essentially, there's a lotof women who do what we would
call manly things, so buildingsome shit, taking the trash out.
There's plenty of women I knowwho, when they say they cleaning
the house, that includes takingthe trash out.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
You know what.

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
I'm saying that includes all of those things
You're saying.
That's a masculine duty.

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
I'm saying that's what society tells us.
I'm saying that's a bias thatwe normally have.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Do you think that's a masculine duty?

Speaker 1 (01:00:54):
Me personally yes, no Take it out of the trash.
Yeah, no.

Speaker 3 (01:01:00):
I think that there are just some women who don't
like to do it Do you thinkthat's a duty for a man?
No, I do If it's a man in thehousehold.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
I think he should, but I can't attribute that to
Mick.
I think it's about the setup ofthe house.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
I'm not going to look at you if she don't take out
the trash.
Yeah, yeah, I'm not going tojudge you, but it shouldn't be
her responsibility.
Do I feel a man should take outthe trash?
Yes, I do.

Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
Again, I'm not mad at that, because every woman I've
ever been with I'm going to takethe trash out.
I know from experience straightup, I mean, I had a whole
raccoon pop out.

Speaker 3 (01:01:30):
Look like wolverine.
It chased me my backyard dog,so you don't know what's gonna
pop out that trash can like runaround the backyard but nah,
that's uh, and I think thatthat's cool.

Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
But I think that gender rolesdon't exist, bro.
They're not real.
I think that's that's myproblem, right?
Because, as as a young, as ayoung dude who knows how to
clean a house, like I'm prettyproficient in knowing how to
clean some stuff I wouldn'tattribute that to being, like, a
feminine thing I feel like mostmen should at least know how,

(01:02:04):
even if you're not the primaryperson cleaning your house or
cleaning your space.
That's another thing.
Like preparation is key.
So when we talk about being aman, one of my favorite quotes
is from TI, and I don't want tobutcher it, right, but he said
preparation plus opportunity issuccess, right, and so, as a man
we talk about oh, I could justgo do this, right, we always

(01:02:30):
know where the opportunities are, but we rarely prepare for them
, right?
We always last minute as hellto go read something or go
prepare for the situation.
I think if we got better atthat, that would actually help.
What we call like a lot ofmanhood fails nowadays cats used
to shadow box growing up, westay again.
We play games called tradinglicks bloody knuckles.
So as far as combat, we used tothat.

Speaker 2 (01:02:50):
Yeah, like we used to that?

Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
Yeah, like we used to that.
Nowadays are people even inphysical contact.
They don't even play footballoutside, don't touch me.
Yeah, like everybody on thevideo game, everybody playing
Madden instead of being outsidethrowing the football.
It's a different time, man.
But that's why I waschallenging y'all on y'all
definitions of manhood, Becausefor them, yeah, for us, we was

(01:03:11):
like yeah, go outside, runaround with the homies, go see
what's up on the people outside.
Ain't nobody outside, no more.
Your kid could ride up and downthe block with their bike and
probably not see nobody for amile.
You know what I mean.
In the middle of the day, youknow what I mean.
So it's like where everythingis going on.
So I think when we talk aboutmanhood, the definition has to
change, unfortunately for thesenew kids.

(01:03:32):
But I do think the foundationalprinciples that we had growing
up just need to be communicatedmore.
We always had an OG in our face.
It was always something.
Let me talk to y'all real quick.
Let me tell you what's going on.
It was always somebody tryingto spit some games at you.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
They don't listen.

Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
I think that's the problem.
Our job is not for them to getthem to listen.
Our job is to plant the seed.
All you got to do is go saysomething and then move on.
Bro, I think that.

Speaker 3 (01:04:00):
But they ain't watering the flower, bro.
I was just going to say theygot to water their own seed.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
That's the problem.
You can come back and you canwater it occasionally, but I
think what we do is we operate.
We operate on extremes, right?
Another thing about manhoodmanhood.
Manhood exists in all forms.
It don't exist just when yougood.
It don't exist just when youstrong.
It don't exist.
You know what I'm saying?
It's not these specific things.
If, if you're gonna be a man,you're gonna be a man when it's
hard, when you homeless, whenyou ain't got no bread.

(01:04:24):
You're gonna be a man when yougot everything right, when you
up, when you ain't gotta treatbut you still do.
That's being a man Right, likeyou, holding on to your
principles regardless of thesituation that you in.
Right?
You know what I'm saying.
So I think, when it comes togiving these gems to our
listeners Right, because a lotof the cats that I'm familiar
with that's listening to thispodcast, they're the same age as
us or they're a little youngerthan us.

(01:04:46):
So when I'm talking aboutgiving them advice, it's got to
sound like something that theycan actually utilize Right and
move forward with.
I think we get an issue withvalidation as a man and the
things.
I don't think I've ever gonethrough a manhood story where
validation was necessary.
But I think that's how we movethey don't listen, they don't do

(01:05:06):
what I tell them to do.
I think we get caught up as mentoday.
I think we get caught up inthat as men today.
I think we get caught up inthat.

Speaker 3 (01:05:11):
What's your key gem then?

Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
I think my key gem is to keep sowing the seed, bro.
Regardless of if you feel likethe young cat listening,
regardless of if you feel likeyour kids listening, regardless
of if you feel like your bosslistening, plant the seed, bro.
Your job was not to come hereto get results from everybody

(01:05:33):
else.
Your job was to come here toimpact people, to inspire people
, and that's on them to pick up.
I don't know about y'all, butto this day I heard a martin
luther king quote and a quote Iain't never heard before and I
was like dang, like that's legit, inspirational.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's manhood dude been dead50 years.
You know what I'm saying.
But he can leave an impactbehind based on his thoughts,
based on how he stood on hisbusiness, and it resonates to

(01:05:54):
today.

Speaker 3 (01:05:55):
What about you, Monte ?
What's the key gem you feellike you can give to the people?

Speaker 2 (01:05:59):
Man stand on your 10, man Like as a man, as a woman,
like as an alien, whoever thehell you are stand on your 10.

Speaker 3 (01:06:13):
Why did I think of the alien?

Speaker 2 (01:06:15):
on family guy, some aliens instead of your business
man, like do.
Like, when you say you're gonnado something, do it.
Like that's.
That is like one of the things,that's one of my pet peeves.
You know I'm saying if somebodysay they're gonna do something
and they don't do it, I I kindof look, I get a little upset.
You know I'm saying if theydon't do it, so that's, that's

(01:06:38):
what I say to anyone stand onyour business and continue to
move forward in success.
You know I mean like far for me.

Speaker 3 (01:06:48):
um, stay dangerous, like I said, and sharpen your
tools, and that's mentally,physically and emotionally.
Be equipped yourself and staydangerous.
Faces up, stay on your pivot.

Speaker 1 (01:07:04):
Rocks with that hey that's crazy, bro.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
We've been staying dangerous before.
Stay dangerous was a thing.

Speaker 1 (01:07:10):
That's why I said y'all in survival mode.
But all right, y'all, thanksfor rocking with us.
This has been another episodeof the Trenches to Trophies
podcast.
If anything resonated withy'all, if y'all heard anything
that was a part of this episodethat you was like, oh yeah, yeah
, I agree with that, or youdisagree with it, let us know.
Man, share the episode withyour people, let them hear it,
get their opinions and then tagus, man, post it on Facebook,

(01:07:33):
post it on Instagram.
Let us know what's going onwith y'all.
Tap in with us.
We want to know who's listening, right, right, we want to know
who y'all are.

Speaker 2 (01:07:45):
We want y'all to know who we are so we can grow this
thing.
We want to know the good, thebad, you know.
I mean like, tell us give ussome feedback, feedback,
feedback.
We see you listening right,like we can't see the ip address
is visible no, let me know, weknow what you're asking.

Speaker 1 (01:08:05):
I don't want to scare nobody, but but we do love
y'all right.
So again, if y'all want to postsomething, use that hashtag T2T
right.
T the number two and then T Ify'all hashtag that we'll be able
to see everything All right.
Appreciate y'all for listening.
This has been another episode.
Love y'all One.
Peace you.