November 19, 2025 • 47 mins
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ABOUT THIS EPISODE:
If midlife health and self trust have been on your mind, this episode will hit home. I sit down with Courtney Townley, host of Grace and Grit and author of The Consistency Code, to explore why so many women feel burned out, dysregulated and disconnected from themselves during this season of life. We talk about nervous system care, why consistency is really a form of self honoring, and how realignment can become your greatest superpower.
If you have ever struggled with doing all the right things but still not feeling grounded, this conversation will give you a new way to think about health that actually fits your real life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
All of those things are going to help to regulate
the nervous system a little bitbetter.
And we need to be pollinatingmore of those things into our
schedule.
But we're not doing that becausewe're conditioned as a culture
that we can do all things forall people at all times.
So we just kind of moveourselves off that list because
there's just no time for us totake care of ourselves.
SPEAKER_00 (00:22):
Welcome to Tried and True with the Dash of Woo, where
we blend rock solid tips with alittle bit of magic.
I'm Renee Bowen, your host, lifeand business coach, and
professional photographer.
At your service, we are allabout getting creative, diving
into your business, and playingwith manifestation over here.
So are you ready to get inspiredand have some fun?
Let's dive in.
(00:44):
Hey, welcome back to Tried andTrue with The Dash of Woo.
I'm your host, Renee Bowen.
And today we have a reallyamazing guest for you.
Her name is Courtney Townley,and she is talking to us about
health, but through a differentlens today.
So she's the host of thetop-rated podcast called Grace
and Grit, and she helps midlifewomen to cut through the noise
(01:06):
of wellness culture and leadthemselves with less overwhelm
and more confidence.
She's got over three decades inthe wellness industry.
And she's discovered throughthat work that Deep Health isn't
about following someone else'smanual, right?
It's about writing your own.
And that's what she helps womendo as well.
(01:26):
So she's a sought-after speaker,she's an educator, she blends
science with straight talk, andshe helps women navigate
behavior change with grace,grit, and self-trust.
And that's what we're talkingabout in today's show.
It's a really timelyconversation.
I think we we do focus onmidlife and women, but this is
(01:49):
really an important discussion,I think, for everyone.
We we definitely touch onburnout, exhaustion, fight or
flight, living in a state, adysregulated state for years and
the toll that it takes and thesigns to look for and some
strategies on how to actuallybreak out of that that might
seem very simple, but withintention, are extremely
(02:13):
powerful.
I know you guys are gonna get aton out of this.
So let's just get right into myconversation with Courtney.
Hey, Courtney, thanks for beinghere today.
I am very excited about thisconversation because I think
it's very timely, not just forme, but for a lot of the women
who listen to the podcast.
So thanks for being here.
Oh, thanks so much for havingme.
I'm happy to be here.
So one of the things that youtalk about a lot is how health
(02:35):
is not like perfection, right?
You talk about health not asperfection, but as a
realignment.
So can you paint a picture ofwhat that looks like in real
life for like a really dizzycreative woman?
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
Yeah.
So I would say first, let megive you this image because I
think it really helps.
When we think about health moreas a direction rather than a
destination, when we getmisaligned, which happens all
the time, like sometimes ithappens multiple times in a day.
We are literally one decisionaway from realigning into the
direction we intended to go.
(03:10):
Right.
So what is like the nextdecision I could make that would
help to promote my health giventhis day and given this
situation?
And it doesn't always boil downto diet and exercise.
It might be, you know what, Ineed to go pee.
I haven't peed in a bit.
Or I need to make a phone callbecause I really need to get
this thing off my chest, right?
Or get this decision made.
(03:31):
But when we think about itthrough that lens, it really
helps to simplify.
Like, yes, at any given time, Iam only one decision away from
realigning in the direction ofhealth.
SPEAKER_00 (03:42):
Yeah.
No, that's really good.
Because like I guarantee you, somany people, I know for a fact,
don't think that way, right?
Like because we have this we'reso cursed with this.
Well, if it's not gonna beperfect, I don't want to do it
at all.
Or, you know, if I'm gonna go tothe gym, so I'm gonna kill
myself the first week orwhatever it is, right?
Or like go all out.
And then it's just you stop sofast because it's not
(04:06):
sustainable.
So I really like that idea of,okay, well, what is something
small?
Like what's the next right step?
SPEAKER_01 (04:12):
That's that's all it is.
And you know, so often we'retrying to abide by these like
45-step programs, or if I don'tdo all these things in my
self-care bucket today, I'vesomehow failed.
And then we feel like failures.
And when we feel like failures,what do we do?
We tend to make more decisionsthat misalign us from health.
SPEAKER_00 (04:29):
Yeah, absolutely.
Right.
And, you know, numb out or, youknow, get distracted some with
some level of dopamine.
SPEAKER_01 (04:38):
Yes, do something to make us feel better fast for
sure.
SPEAKER_00 (04:41):
Okay.
So, all right.
I love that idea of breaking itdown into steps like that,
especially for like the busy,you know, the busy mom.
But you talk a lot about womenspecifically, and especially in
your new book that we're gonnatalk about, but in in the
midlife, yes, which is me.
Um, and so, you know, like Isaid, it's very timely for me.
(05:01):
But I know a lot of women needto hear this conversation as
well.
So, you know, you've been in thewellness space for a really long
time, like upwards of 30 years.
And whether it's like, you know,health coach, life coach, all of
these different things, andyou've you love to talk about
this idea of self-trust andself-leadership, right?
So how do you bridge that?
(05:23):
How do you get to that place,right?
Of leaning into that self-trust?
What is what does that look likefor you, for a lot of the
clients you've worked with?
SPEAKER_01 (05:34):
Well, I'll start by saying this that I have such a
heart for the midlife populationbecause it's such a fascinating
time.
We have more stress than we'veever contended with in our life
because we're dealing with allthe things career transitions,
aging parents, raising kids, ifthat's a thing for you, um,
changing bodies, changingchemistry.
(05:54):
So we're living at the time inour life with the most amount of
stress that we've ever had, withthe least amount of hormones
that actually help us to managestress.
So estrogen and progesteronespecifically help us to manage
cortisol.
And when those two are leavingthe party, all of a sudden we
don't have the ability to managecortisol in the way that we once
did.
(06:15):
And so I often look at midlife,and I know this is not only my
opinion.
I've heard this a lot of places,that midlife really is an
invitation.
It's an invitation to continueto live the way you've been
living, or it's an invitation tostart doing some serious
renovation work.
So I call midlife the renovationyears because we often arrive at
(06:36):
midlife and we look around andthere's some things we're really
proud of.
Like I built some really awesomestuff here.
Maybe it's family, maybe it's abusiness.
Like you've done some awesomethings.
We're also looking around and wesee some things that, you know
what, this doesn't fit anymore.
This maybe never fit.
And because my tolerance is alsodecreasing because of my lack of
hormones, that's a beautifulthing.
(06:59):
Because we, again, it's a littleeasier in some ways to say,
okay, I need to offload this orI need to change this in order
to nourish my life better atthis stage.
And all of that demandsself-trust.
Because if we don't trustourselves to make decisions that
are in the best interest ofourselves, we'll never really
experience what I call deephealth.
(07:21):
Deep health is like health, cellto soul, right?
It's like not just physicallybeing healthy, but mentally,
emotionally, relationships, allhealth in all of those spaces
and places.
And we have to be able to trustourselves to make decisions on
the regular that help us to movein that direction that I talked
(07:42):
about at the very beginning,move us in the direction of
health, whatever that is foryou.
SPEAKER_00 (07:46):
It's so interesting too, because I don't know.
I mean, I was definitely, well,I could go in a lot of different
directions with this, butbasically what I want, what I'm
trying to convey is that I havebeen through a lot of different
iterations, right?
Like most of us have, especiallyin our 20s, even teens, like
teens, 20s, 30s, 40s.
And then now I find myself in my50s.
(08:09):
First of all, I find it easierto trust myself, which is very
interesting.
And, you know, that could be fora lot of reasons, but also I'm
thinking about my health in awhole different way than I ever,
ever have, right?
Because like before, likeliterally before the age of 50,
probably.
Yeah, pretty much.
(08:30):
It's always been about likemainly how more so how I looked
than how I was, right?
Right.
But disguised as that, you know,because we gaslight ourselves.
And you know, I'm a product of,yeah, I was born in the 70s and
teenage in the 80s and all ofthat.
So, you know, we definitely havebeen programmed by a lot of the
things that we consume and seeand hear and our environment and
(08:54):
family and all of that.
And, you know, my the joke wasalways like, well, I wish I were
as fat now as I as I thought Iwas when I was 18, right?
Like, or and I was not, but itwas because of that
self-perception and how wecompare, you know, we just
constantly compare ourselves toeverything that we see.
(09:14):
And so now I find that, youknow, I go to the gym because I
want to be strong, because Iwant my bones to stay intact.
You know, like I'm just thinkingabout it in such a different
way.
And it hit me the other daywhile I was at the gym.
I was like, I hate the gym.
Like I'm gonna be honest, like Ireally don't love going, right?
(09:37):
That's why it's been always hardfor me to consistently, I think,
stay there.
But now it's different becauseI'm doing it from a deeper, that
deeper sense of health.
Like I really do want to livelonger.
I want to be more active.
I don't want to be breaking downin my 60s and 70s.
And so, do you find that that isthe case with a lot of women in
(09:59):
midlife?
Like we kind of come to thisplace, whether we're trying to
or not, because we're like allthe things that are happening,
right?
Like we're losing the hormones,and so we don't have any like
buffer for being nice about it.
Um, you know, so that might be apart of it too.
Do you find that makes it alittle bit maybe easier for
people to lean into it or wantto?
SPEAKER_01 (10:20):
Yes.
I mean, I think it, I think somewomen arrive at midlife and they
are starting to think of healthso much differently, which is
helpful, right?
And they they do have such a lowtolerance that they are no
longer willing to not makedecisions that help to nourish
them.
There, there is definitely alarge camp of those women.
And I would also say in thatcamp, they do trust themselves,
(10:43):
like what you just described.
You trust yourself, but maybe werumble more with the giving
ourselves permission to followthrough on that trust.
Right.
But then there's a camp of womenwho I think roll into midlife
that have practiced a lifetimeof not trusting themselves.
And they've always looked toother people, they've outsourced
every decision that they do feela little bit disoriented at
(11:05):
midlife with this wordself-trust.
Like, how do I even do that?
And sometimes it shows up assimple, like in a conversation.
I was just having a conversationearlier this morning with a
client asking her, like, what doyou do for fun?
Right.
And what would you do if you hada whole weekend to yourself?
And kind of the look of horrorthat came across her face was
very telling.
(11:26):
You know, she's so disconnectedfrom who she is and what she
enjoys and what lights her upthat it's a form of
malnutrition.
And it's it's obviously going todeplete her health if she
doesn't start to figure thatpiece out and kind of come home
to herself in that way.
So I think I think there's both.
I think there's women who rollinto midlife ready to trust
themselves and kind of ready tomake that second act their
(11:49):
boldest act yet.
And then there's another groupof women that roll into midlife
really unarmed with skills thatare going to help them to keep
traveling with more grace andease through that second half.
SPEAKER_00 (12:03):
Yeah, no, that makes sense.
I see a lot of that in mycoaching as well.
Yeah.
And that is, yeah, very, verytrue.
And there's that whole level ofburnout too that enters the
conversation, too, you know.
So a lot, I feel like a lot ofwomen, um, especially us doers
and type A professional.
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_00 (12:27):
Eldest daughters.
Um you know, like that wholetrope.
It's like true.
Like we we find ourselves andthen it's like, oh, okay, all of
a sudden now we're in likeactual burnout and we want to
burn everything down to theground.
And you know what I mean?
Like that happens a lot too atthis time because we're also,
like you said before, losingsome hormones, losing all that
(12:48):
stuff.
And so uh, and a lot of womentoo get diagnosed at this age
with ADHD and things like that.
And they're like, they've beenmasking their whole life, right?
And like kind of like justgetting by, doing their thing.
And then all of a sudden, theycannot.
They literally cannot hold it upanymore because there's no
hormones to support it.
And so they find themselves incomplete burnout, like health
(13:08):
related, as well as like thebusiness, maybe that they're
running, all of that.
Um, and I know you talk aboutthis a lot too.
So you call burnout a symptom ofa broken system, right?
So it's not a personal failure.
A lot of women do beatthemselves up about that.
And, you know, they they tend tolike, that's not gonna help
anything, obviously.
(13:29):
Um, so how can women begin tosort of shift from that old
narrative into, you know, it'snot necessarily my fault here,
but how can I, how can I shiftit?
SPEAKER_01 (13:40):
Yes.
I think I think a couple ofthings are really important to
acknowledge.
Like, number one, you'reabsolutely right.
I do not know a midlife womanwho comes into the midlife years
with a regulated nervous system.
Like that's just most women arerolling into midlife with a very
dysregulated nervous system.
And let's be honest, nobody wastalking about nervous system
(14:02):
regulation a few years ago.
So most of us who are in midliferight now spent the first 40, 50
years not understanding themassive impact that the nervous
system has on the human body.
It basically governs everything,right?
Our ability to think throughproblems, our ability to respond
rather than react.
(14:24):
And what happens at midlife,because we have lived for so
long, so dysregulated, and nowwe have hormones leaving the
party that are also helping usto regulate.
If we aren't armed with thingsthat help us to soothe in
healthy ways, we are reachingfor things that are actually,
they're soothing us in themoment, but then they have
massive detrimental healthoutcomes down the road.
(14:46):
So if every time I'm feelingdysregulated, I drink alcohol or
I scroll social media or I eator I shop online, right?
There's a thousand things I cando to make myself feel better
temporarily and escape thatemotional pain, but the price
tag for my health on the otherside is intense.
And we hear this phrase a lot,which drives me crazy, which is
(15:10):
self-sabotage.
Okay.
Self-sabotage, if you look it upin the dictionary, it's when
someone intentionally orpurposefully harms themselves.
I've never worked with a womanwho purposefully or
intentionally harms herself bydrinking alcohol or eating the
crappy food or whatever thething is.
Right.
That's not what she's doing.
She's trying to self-soothe.
(15:31):
She's trying to soften theintensity of what she's feeling
in her body because she neverlearned any other skills.
And so this definitely is a timein our life where I hate, can I
don't know if I can cuss on yourshow, but it's like bitter to a
capa pot, right?
Like now, if you do not haveself-soothing strategies that
(15:53):
actually promote health ratherthan rob it from you, now is the
time to learn.
Now is the time.
And really, what suits mynervous system is probably gonna
be different than what soothesyours, right?
Like, what are the things thatactually help you to get into
that rest and digest state, thathelp you to feel calmer, to help
you to feel a level of peace orjoy or connection?
(16:14):
All of those things are gonnahelp to regulate the nervous
system a little bit better.
And we need to be pollinatingmore of those things into our
schedule.
But we're not doing that becausewe're conditioned as a culture
that we can do all things forall people at all times.
So we just kind of moveourselves off that list because
there's just no time for us totake care of ourselves.
(16:37):
So I think it's it's a matter oflearning strategies that help
help us to regulate better atmidlife, like really beginning a
practice of that and also makingourselves a priority, which is
so hard for someone who's neverdone it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:51):
It's really hard.
So hard.
It can be like almostexcruciating for some people
because I mean, depending on thelevel of programming and trauma
possibly that exists there aswell, which is a really big
factor.
Because, you know, everybody'sgot something, whether it's like
a big T or a little T orwhatever, like there's there's
(17:11):
always something in there.
And you're right, that wholeself-sabotage thing, it's not an
intentional thing.
It's just your unconscious mindtrying to keep you alive and
safe, right?
It's like, okay, let's go.
Let's, this is unsafe.
And so the first thing is tojust stop beating yourself up,
honestly.
Right.
Like if we can kind of at leastget to a place of non-judgment
and neutral observer, then Ifeel like, you know, that's a
(17:33):
huge step.
And I do a lot of that with myclients as well.
And nervous system regulation isa huge part of it.
And you're right, nobody wastalking about this, especially
when we were like moms, youngmoms, you know what I mean?
Or like, even if you don't havechildren, if you were in your
30s and 40s, nobody's reallytalking about that for our age
group.
And now, thankfully, we arehaving this conversation.
(17:55):
You know, I look at my daughterand she's already so much more
well equipped than I was at herage.
She's 25.
And I'm like, how are you thislike stable?
And like, she's just like, Imean, you know, she's got her
stuff, but it's kind of insane.
You know, my husband and I talkabout that a lot, even with our
boys, same kind of thing.
(18:15):
It's like so interesting.
It's great.
However, okay, for those of uswho, you know, are still
learning all of that, right?
Old dog new tricks kind ofthing, right?
Like your brain has been doingone thing for so long and you
live in fight or flight longenough, your body's just gonna
want to stay there because itthinks it's safe now.
So then it's like, okay, how doI, how do I get off of that?
SPEAKER_01 (18:37):
That you know, that's well, I love, I love that
you're bringing that like you'redoing a deep dive into the
nervous system stuff becauseit's I think for so many years
of my career, I was conditionedas a professional to believe
that if we could just getsomeone to do the right exercise
program and eat the right foods,they would be healthy because we
were equating health with a bodytype, right?
(18:59):
With and with weight loss.
But I have worked with so manytype A people, extreme athletes,
incredibly successful businessowners who are such a far cry
from health because they'reliving in a state of chronic
hyperdrive.
And so what happens when we'reliving in a state of chronic
hyperdrive is we're actuallyshutting down digestion.
(19:21):
We're shutting down a lot of thesystems.
Because what does your body doin fight or flight?
It's really just trying todetach you from all the
unnecessary activities in yourbiology to focus on saving your
own life, right?
Fight, flee, or freeze.
And so really helping a woman tounderstand that by doing all the
(19:42):
things she is so resistant to,like taking more time for
herself just to chill out, goingto bed earlier, saying no to
commitments, changing herself-narrative to actually
become a cheerleader rather thana bully, right?
Like these are all things thatwe think are so silly when we
say them, and they're so counterto the whole diet and exercise
(20:05):
culture.
But those things help toregulate the nervous system.
And once your system isregulated, what happens?
All your biology comes backonline.
Your systems start functioningthe way they were designed to
function.
Lo and behold, you start to havemore energy.
And all these weird likesymptoms and things you were
contending with health-wisestart to dissipate.
(20:26):
Not because you hyperfocused ondiet and exercise, but because
you focused on aligning yourlife in a way that helps to
regulate your nervous system.
And that's a completelydifferent exercise than what
we've been sold.
SPEAKER_00 (20:39):
100%.
100%.
Like I it I've seen it with mymy own in my own biology, you
know, and in my own life.
But I also wanted to real quicktouch on while we're on the
subject of nervous system uhdeep dive.
Because yeah, all of those, youknow, fight, flight.
(20:59):
I always say when you live inthat, I mean, biologically, all
the brain is gonna go to yourlimbs so that you can run away
and get faster.
But like you get fast, but youget dumb, right?
Like it you, you get dumb,you're not thinking exploded,
you get right, right.
But there's another one too thatis a huge, huge one that I see
(21:19):
all the time, which is fawn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's that I mean, like somany, and again, a lot of eldest
daughters, a lot of women whohave been told like you can be
everything and you should be.
We fawn more than anything.
And we and it's a really easyone to miss because early on, it
looks you know, like you're justa giving person.
(21:42):
A good person, totally.
Yes.
But deep down, you are literallydenying yourself on the daily,
you know, putting everybody elsefirst.
Um, and and we've been taughtthat that's what you should do,
right?
Like as a parent, especially.
Um, and that over time is reallyinsidious because, like I said,
(22:03):
you don't notice it as much.
You don't like maybe you're nothaving anxiety attacks all the
time, right?
Like, so you're not like seeingyourself in that state, but that
fawn response is a really,really strong hold, takes it
takes hold of you.
I am speaking from personalexperience here.
And so how do you how do youwork with your clients with
(22:25):
that, especially, you know, whenthey are trying to revamp their
health for the 50th time, right?
SPEAKER_01 (22:31):
Yeah, absolutely.
So a couple of things.
Like number one, I just want tosay that I think that we are
rewarded for dysregulation,period.
Whether you're if you're right,if your dysregulation response
is to fight or flee or push oroverachieve or fawn or freeze,
it's almost like it's moreacceptable than living in a way
(22:54):
that regulates your nervoussystem, right?
Cause it's like you're lay, youmust be lazy if you don't want
to work 24 hours a day, right?
You don't want to work throughthe weekends, you must not be a
hustler, right?
You must not be serious aboutwhat you're what you're really
passionate about.
Like we hear these messages allthe time.
And I think with my clients, thebiggest, and this is like what
(23:15):
the first practice I teach inthe consistency code is the
practice of awareness, ofbecoming aware of how you are
spending your precious liferesources.
If you are always spending yourresources on helping other
people to solve their problems,like it can look good from the
outside, but it can also be whatI call a hiding habit where
(23:35):
you're just avoiding your ownshit.
Right.
So, and again, that's a that's adysregulation response.
And so sometimes we're so caughtup in that we don't even see it.
But we have to be willing toturn on the lights and really
see our behavior for what it isto even be able to start to
design a plan or a strategy or askill set to help us overcome
it.
(23:56):
And awareness unfortunatelytakes a lot of things that we
don't want to give.
It takes time, it takes quiet,it takes introspection.
And no one's got time for that,right?
No, seriously.
So awareness, I always say, isnot a feel-good exercise, but
you can't, of course, you can'tchange what you don't see.
(24:16):
And Martha Beck, you know, she'slike the ult ultimate life
coach, but she always says thatawareness is the way out.
And I just love that becauseit's so true.
SPEAKER_00 (24:25):
Absolutely.
And it's the sitting with it,you know, like allowing yourself
to actually just sit with thediscomfort instead of numbing
and running away or pushing itaway, whatever.
Again, we were never reallytaught that.
Um, and so if you've been livingall this time not doing it, um,
(24:46):
it's gonna feel reallyuncomfortable, like you said.
And it's not, it's not gonna bea preferred activity at first.
Definitely.
Um, but I mean, if you don't,and I know you see this, if you
don't do that work and you don'tpay attention to it, your body's
gonna make sure you payattention to it somehow.
Yeah.
It's gonna show up in illness,sickness, something is gonna
(25:07):
happen.
It'll step in because that we weare all connected.
Like this is all one system.
SPEAKER_01 (25:14):
I had a mentor years ago and she said it so
beautifully.
She was like, you know, there'ssuch a wisdom to our bodies.
It's always trying tocommunicate with us.
But of course, again, we've beenconditioned to override what our
body's telling us.
Like I always say we act like adictator to our body rather than
a rather than like a friend orlike we're in a relationship
with it.
We just dictate our demands toit.
(25:36):
But she said, you know, yourbody's always communicating with
you.
And when you are starting to getdysregulated, you're gonna start
getting little pebbles thrown atthe window.
And that's the pebble might bemaybe you have a bad cycle, like
a bad period, maybe you have aheadache, uh, maybe you get
acne, right?
You get a little indigestion.
And so you pop a pill, you dowhatever, you know, we're
(25:56):
trained to do to override it,uh, but you kind of ignore it.
And then it keeps coming back,you keep ignoring it.
So then those pebbles start tobecome bigger rocks.
And then the bigger rocksultimately become boulders.
And the boulders, of course, aredisease, right?
Diagnoses, autoimmunitychallenges.
And those are really hard tocome back from.
Not saying it's impossible, butit's a lot more work.
(26:19):
So if we can catch it sooner,which is what awareness allows
us to do.
SPEAKER_02 (26:24):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (26:24):
If we can catch the pebbles and be like, ooh, what's
going on here?
Like, oh, isn't it interestingthat every time I drink red wine
at night, I wake up with aheadache the next morning?
Right.
Right.
Like maybe, maybe I should putthose two things together
instead of arguing for why Ishould be able to drink alcohol
every night because Susie Q downthe street drinks it every night
and she has the perfect life,right?
(26:44):
Because that's what we do.
Like you said earlier, wecompare and we think because
seemingly someone else isgetting away with it, which by
the way, no one is gettinganything, but we tell ourselves
that story and then we justify,well, I should be able to do it
too, even though clearly yourbody is telling you it's not
working.
SPEAKER_00 (27:02):
Clearly.
Yeah.
No, I I overrode, I overrided,overrode, whatever the whatever.
I did not listen to that for along time.
I'm telling you.
Like, I, you know, there waslike this level of that and the
whole like pushing past likestaying up, right?
Um, staying up later that I knewthat I I knew I wasn't good for
(27:25):
me.
I knew it was gonna not make mefeel good.
That and and drinking wine atnight, those two things were, it
was so hard for me to let go ofthat.
Like so, so hard.
I gripped onto those things.
It was like, no, these are thethings that are mine because oh,
guess what?
I was doing everything else foreverybody else all day long.
So those are the only two thingsthat I was actually giving
(27:46):
myself.
So in my mind, I justified it,like you said.
And yeah, so and so can do itand looks fine.
So I went years living like thatand feeling awful.
And when I stopped, when Istarted like, you know, going to
bed early and I stopped drinkingwine, like I don't drink alcohol
(28:07):
at all in my home anymore.
And I mean, I went from, I thinkit was probably almost a nightly
thing, right?
For years to now maybe I'll havea cocktail or a glass of wine if
I'm out at dinner, like once amonth or something, you know
what I mean?
Um, and it doesn't make me feelgreat, by the way.
Like, you know, like onecocktail, one glass of wine, I
will feel that in the morning.
(28:29):
So I know that going into it ifI do it, but it was not that way
for so long.
And nobody wants to hear that.
It's not fun.
That's not something that, like,it's like, oh, you're taking
away all my the only thing thatis mine, right?
So how do you, I know theawareness part is like really,
really big key, but what does ittake, right, for people to make
(28:54):
that change that you've seen?
SPEAKER_01 (28:56):
You're not gonna like my answer, but it's the
answer.
Everyone has to hit the brickwall at a different intensity.
I've had clients, I'm sure youhave too, where they do
something that isn't servingtheir health like one or two
times.
They feel like hell and they'relike, Oh, I'm never doing that
again.
That's a rare breed, by the way.
That's not most people.
Most people, do you remember themovie Parenthood from way back
(29:17):
in the day?
And the kid had the bucket onhis head and he kept running the
wall.
That's how I feel like mostpeople are with listening to
their bodies.
They just keep hitting the brickwall, hitting the brick wall,
hitting the brick wall untilfinally something gets hurt
enough, whether it's themarriage or it's their job or
it's their relationship withtheir kids, or they just there's
just so much self-loathing thatthe pain to stay the same starts
(29:41):
to get bigger than the pain ofwhat it would take to change.
And I that is such a differentmoment for everybody.
And I wish there was a formulabecause man, we could save so
many people needless suffering.
But I I truly feel everyone justhas a different pain threshold.
We see this all the time, likewith addictions and with.
You know, different things thatyou can from the outside, you're
(30:02):
like, man, why do they keepdoing it?
And they just have not hit thatbrick wall hard enough yet.
I do want to see this too,though, because I think this is
really actionable for listeners.
We're trained a lot when we workwith coaches and we do any kind
of self-help to really identifymisalignment.
Like, what does misalignmentlook like for you?
Well, I get reactive or I focusmore on problems than solutions.
(30:25):
Like those are the types ofanswers we usually hear.
But I think it's equally asimportant to really start
acknowledging what alignmentlooks like for you.
You're gonna have moments whereyou taste it.
You wake up feeling good, right?
Or you're just in your backyardand you just feel awesome, like
physically, emotionally,mentally.
But I think we tend to go pastthose moments so quickly, we
(30:48):
don't take time to acknowledgethem.
And so we don't really pursuethem.
And I think that that it's ait's a powerful exercise to
start acknowledging whatalignment looks like, what makes
you feel joyful, what makes youfeel strong, what makes you feel
excited about life, what makesyou want to get up out of bed in
the morning.
(31:08):
Look for those breadcrumbs andlife gets a whole lot better.
SPEAKER_00 (31:12):
Absolutely.
Because then you're gonna findmore of it because you're
programming your brain.
Because our unconscious minddoesn't know what's real and
what's not.
Like it just believes whateverwe tell it.
So if you are looking for thoseand if you can conjure up that
feeling, that's a that's thereally powerful piece of it.
Because I mean, like even justthinking about the last time you
felt that way, right?
(31:33):
Like when was the last time youfelt at peace?
Was it on vacation on the beach12 years ago?
You know what I mean?
Like, how long has it been sinceyou feel that?
And and how can you find thoselittle pieces in your everyday
life?
You know, like you said, we wekind of gloss over those things.
We don't notice them as much oracknowledge them as much.
And so it's such a powerfulthing when you become more
(31:55):
intentional with your focus andawareness of those.
Um, it it's it's such a hack foryour brain because you can just
instantly start all of a suddenwithin like two weeks, you're
like, oh, I'm noticing all ofthese things now, you know, like
that you're bringing in.
You're literally bringing theminto your awareness by doing
that because it's yourresonance, because you've opened
your heart center and there's awhole other thing, you know, all
(32:17):
that stuff that happens.
But I want to kind of talkreally quickly about this
consistency piece because, youknow, your book is actually
called the consistency code fora lot of creatives, especially,
because a lot of my listenersare creative women.
We sort of fear consistency alot, like maybe not consciously,
but unconsciously, because Ithink we feel like it'll stifle
(32:38):
our freedom, right?
Like I'm I'm most creatives havethat desire for freedom.
Like that's kind of really whatwe're after, right?
Like we might think we wantmoney and whatever, it's
freedom, um, is what we reallywant.
But how can consistency actuallycreate more space for creativity
and spontaneity?
SPEAKER_01 (32:58):
Yeah.
Well, let me answer the questiontwo ways.
Like, first of all, I would justsay immediately in answer to
that question, that there isfreedom on the other side of
discipline, period, right?
There just is.
Like, so if I put myself to bedat a reasonable hour, even
though I want to watch my 20thepisode of my favorite Netflix
show, right?
Like, I mean, there's a cost,there's a sacrifice.
(33:20):
But if I lean into thediscomfort of doing the thing
that's going to serve my health,I wake up having more energy,
more resources to do the thingsI want to be doing.
So there is that.
But I would also say that Ithink we have to reframe how we
think about consistency.
And that's really what I do inthis book is I'm challenging
women to think aboutconsistency, not as doing the
(33:41):
same thing over and over untilyou die.
That sounds really awful.
Sounds awful, especially to acreative.
Yeah.
But the the consistency I'mreally advocating for in the
book is consistentself-honoring.
And guess what?
That changes all the time.
Because what I need to do today,given what's happening in my
life today, looks a littledifferent.
(34:02):
To honor myself today looks alittle different than what I did
yesterday or last week.
So it's kind of looking atconsistency through a new lens
of just in this moment rightnow, everyone listening to this
episode, just ask yourself if Iwas going to do one thing to
honor just myself as a human,what might that look like?
And again, it might be laying onthe ground for five minutes,
(34:23):
just doing nothing.
It might be going outside to getyour feet in the grass.
It might be making a phone callto apply for the job you keep,
you know, pining for.
I mean, it could be a lot ofdifferent things, but I think we
we look at consistency assomeone, I need to buy a
three-month program fromsomebody.
And consistency means I checkoff the box and I do it
(34:45):
perfectly.
That's what consistency is.
That's not consistency, right?
I mean, yes, it's a form ofconsistency.
But again, what would it looklike with no outside input for
you to honor yourself today?
You know, I've never worked witha woman who doesn't know ever.
But the bigger problem is she'sconvincing herself she doesn't
know or she's not giving herselfpermission to take action on the
(35:08):
things she does know.
SPEAKER_00 (35:10):
Exactly.
And mostly, most of the timeit's because she's too exhausted
from all the other things,right?
SPEAKER_01 (35:16):
Or she's worried about being judged or people not
liking her because it's gonnausually self-honoring
inconveniences someone else.
Absolutely.
It just does.
SPEAKER_00 (35:25):
It's a really that's why it's so tough to break that.
Yeah, that especially that thatpeople pleasing thing it is it
is deep, like really, reallydeep for so many women.
I love that because I I feellike you're right, we think
about it in this different way.
(35:46):
And that that's not that's notreally what it's about.
And you're right, discipline isis like the best gift you can
give yourself, but it allchanges when you start to look
at it through that differentlens and give it like you know a
slightly different take, likereframe it, right?
Because you know, you you canyou can convince yourself of
pretty much anything.
(36:07):
It's just that most of us sortof live hypnotically and
reactive.
And you're talking about comingfrom a place of empowerment and
intention.
And that, you know, it so manythings open up to you when you
embrace that.
SPEAKER_01 (36:22):
And I don't know why, like in the health and
wellness industry, we ignore thefact that life is dynamic.
Life is always changing.
We have, you know, I call themcurveballs, but the curveballs
are always being thrown.
So people in our family die,loved ones die, jobs get lost,
like just challenges we nevercould have seen coming show up.
(36:43):
And we're telling ourselves thatwe're only successful in the
health arena if I'm able toabide by this diet and this
exercise protocol all the time.
It's like, no, health is alsodynamic, meaning it's not
something you have or don'thave.
It's something that you'reeither moving towards with your
decisions or you're movingslightly away from.
(37:03):
And there's so many differentdimensions of health, right?
There's the physical, there'sthe mental, emotional,
relationship, environmental,spiritual, so many different
realms of health.
So, my point being that becauselife is dynamic, our strategies
for honoring our health need tobe dynamic.
Self-care does not always lookthe same.
And that belief that it doesalways look the same, I think is
(37:26):
making a lot of women veryunhealthy because they're just
feeling like a constant failurebecause they don't have the
resources to be showing up inexactly the same way all the
time.
And so they get pushed into thisall or nothing mindset.
Well, if I can't quit, then I'mjust not going to do anything at
all.
And then that bodes well forhealth.
SPEAKER_00 (37:44):
Exactly.
So I know you go into this inthe book.
Um, talk to me a little bitabout um, obviously, we can't go
into all the different pieces,but maybe what's the
transformation or even like onepiece of it that you feel is a
pivotal part of that process.
SPEAKER_01 (38:04):
Um, I would say this.
Like, first of all, I'll justsay this really quickly.
There's there's three sectionsto the book because the first
section of the book is all aboutbehavior change science.
It's about the purpose system,it's about the brain, it's about
really understanding and alsohormones, how all those things
are shifting at midlife and whywe have to go about self-care
differently.
The center of the book is allabout the consistency code
(38:24):
framework to help women buildstrategy.
And then the ending is reallyjust kind of wrapping that all
together in a nice littlepackage so you can practice it
consistently.
But the one thing I would say isprobably the core message of the
book is that health at midlife,especially, is really an
exercise in stress management.
And it's two parts.
We have to reduce unnecessarystressors.
(38:47):
So things that are causingstress that have no benefit.
So being a jerk to myself, nobenefit, right?
Never having boundaries, nobenefit.
Um, eating terribly all thetime, really no benefit.
So I have to identify the thingsthat are causing unnecessary
stress and remove them.
And the second thing I have todo is I have to start
(39:10):
identifying where I need to leaninto intentional stress,
pursuing stress on purpose tomake myself more resilient or to
even to make myself more alive.
What are the things Iconsistently have a heart to go
after that I deny myself?
Whether it's a career, creativeendeavor, relationship, right?
Um, strength training is a greatexample, right?
(39:31):
Nobody likes it.
Like you started the podcastsaying that we don't like
strength training, but man, welike the benefits and it makes
us more resilient and it givesus more power.
So that's a form ofintentionally pursuing stress.
That's what strength trainingis.
Yeah.
So those two things can I reduceunnecessary stress and can I
(39:52):
actually lean into intentionalstressors that help to fortify
and bring me more alive?
That's that's the name of thegame.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And those two things are waybigger than this tiny little
diet and exercise conversation.
SPEAKER_00 (40:04):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, honestly, it became, itwas such a shift for me too.
Like when I leaned more into theactual deeper sense of health
and feeling good and longevity,that's when I lost weight.
SPEAKER_01 (40:19):
Right.
Because you had a bigger,compelling reason.
It wasn't about having it reallywasn't about that.
SPEAKER_00 (40:23):
I was like, I don't even care anymore.
Like I, it's just a whole, it'sa whole different mindset,
truly, you know.
And I really feel like I let goof so much in that process.
And like in, I think life isjust literally a series of
letting go.
Like, that's literally themeaning of life.
It's just to learn to let go ofliterally everything.
Um, and you know, so that holdit tight and control and you
(40:48):
know, constantly wanting to likecontrol whether it's calories or
stress or whatever it is, right?
You're trying to control, um, itkeeps you in that state of being
a reactive person in general.
And that's not conducive toanything to receive anything as
(41:08):
well, right?
Like so receiving love,receiving accolade, receiving
compliments, right?
So you have a hard timereceiving compliments, that's a
good sign that something'sclosed off in there.
And, you know, might want to diga little bit deeper.
So I love that you are you breakthat down and and break it down
into those three separate piecesin the book, too.
(41:29):
But it's gonna make it a loteasier for people to get into
it.
Is it also an Audible?
Because that's a jam.
unknown (41:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:37):
I have I did, I did all the recording because as a
podcaster, I think it would beweird if I hadn't recorded my
own book.
Yeah.
Yes, there's an Audible version,there's a Kindle version, and
then there's the actual book.
Awesome.
So I'm really excited about it.
SPEAKER_00 (41:50):
Yeah, I will put the links for everybody below for
that.
But where do you like to connectwith people in general?
Is it Instagram?
Do you want them to hit you upon that side?
SPEAKER_01 (42:01):
I would say Instagram for sure, Grace Grit,
and just my website.
I mean, my web, but my website'skind of the one-stop shop for
all the things.
So graceandgrit.com is a reallyeasy place to find the the
deeper dive of things if peopleare interested.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (42:13):
Yes.
And your show.
So I will I will link those forpeople below so they can get in
touch with you and continuereading or listening to all of
this as well.
But um, yeah, thank you for forsharing all of that.
I think that it, like I said,this is a really timely
conversation.
It's a it's a great time foryour book as well.
I think that a lot of uh womenare gonna find so much value in
(42:35):
it.
So I hope so.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Good stuff, right?
So, okay, what are yourtakeaways?
For me, I specifically want tohighlight that health isn't
about control, it's aboutself-trust.
Okay.
And when we lean more intoself-trust, a whole world opens
up to us.
(42:55):
Another takeaway for me is thatburnout's not failure and stop
beating yourself up for it.
So I see a lot of you guys doingthat.
Like she said, it's a symptom ofa broken system.
Okay.
Like it's it's a chaos system ofthis modern wellness culture
that we've been sold.
But like she said, you canactually rebuild that approach
(43:19):
from the ground up withawareness, emotional
intelligence, andself-leadership.
And then the main thing, too,here is that consistency is not
about perfection, it's aboutrealignment.
So instead of chasingunrealistic ideals, you really
want to lean into gentlyreturning to your center over
(43:43):
and over again through simplepractices that build true deep
resilience and clarity.
And she talks about all of thatin her book.
So I'm definitely going to linkthat for you guys below.
And I'd actually love to giveone of you guys a copy of this
book.
So if you are on Audible, likeme, I am an Audible fanatic.
I listened to, I've listening tolike probably four or five books
(44:05):
at the same time.
It's just how my brain works.
I like to pop back, you know, inand out of them.
So if you are also an audiblelistener and you want to win an
audible copy of her book, TheConsistency Code, here's how to
enter.
It's really simple.
Just leave a review for theshow.
You can do that atratethispodcast.com slash Renee
(44:25):
Bowen.
That's just the easiest way todo it.
You can do it directly fromApple if you're already in the
in the platform inside the app.
But if you just want to make iteasy for yourself, just go to
ratethispodcast.com slash ReneeBowen and you can rate it on any
of the platforms that you listento it.
So that might be easier for you.
Um, so go ahead and do that, andthen please send me a screenshot
(44:47):
that you did, leave a review.
You can do that renee atreneybowen.com and then share it
to your story.
Share about this episode on yourstory on Instagram and tag me.
So those three steps, and youwill be entered to win a copy of
this book.
And I know you guys are gonnalove it.
So, regardless, um, grab a copy,listen to it, read it, however
(45:08):
you like to consume books, andalso go ahead and connect with
Courtney at the links below.
And remember, you don't have toclimb the entire mountain today.
Okay.
You can take it one step at atime.
I talk about this all the timein my coaching.
We talk a lot about what's thenext right step, right?
So whether we're talking about ahealth journey or we're talking
(45:29):
about your self-development ingeneral or building your
business, you know, I a lot ofpeople come to me for various
different reasons for coaching.
Uh, but one of the reasons why Iam a certified life coach is
because it usually always kindof comes back to some of these
themes.
And unless we are working atthat deeper level and making
those changes, the strategiesthat we put in place for your
(45:52):
business are just not gonnastick.
So I want you to be thinkingabout breaking the big things
into smaller steps.
What is the next right step?
What's something that you can doright now?
Something actionable, small, butmeaningful.
If you do it with intention,it's gonna make a huge impact, I
promise.
And that's how you build thatconsistency.
(46:12):
It's how you build your ownself-trust and confidence.
It's in the action.
You can think about it all daylong, but you actually have to
take a step in the direction.
As always, I am happy to chatwith you if you need help with
any of this.
I do have a couple spots openfor one-on-one coaching.
You can grab a call with me.
We just hop on a quick chat, seeif we're a good fit to work
(46:33):
together.
And the link for that is belowas well.
So grab a call, let's chat,let's see what's going on.
I will let you know if I canhelp.
And if I can't, I'm gonna pointyou in a direction that I think
will serve you better.
But if you feel like you've gotsomething on your heart,
something that is weighing onyou, or if you feel stuck, you
feel like you can't get out ofit, or if you feel like you want
(46:54):
to finally build this life ofyour dreams, this life and your
business of your dreams, and youwant accountability and help to
get you there faster, you wantto rewire some old programming
that is still kind of keepingyou stuck, go ahead and just
grab a quick call with me and uhlet's get that done.
We're almost to the end of 2025.
(47:17):
And so it is gonna be 2026before we know it.
And, you know, this last quarterof 2025 and the first quarter of
2026, a lot of you are going tobe in winter months.
You're gonna be in a naturalsort of hibernation mode.
It's a great time to work onthis kind of stuff.
So you guys have a great rest ofyour week.
(47:38):
Talk to you soon.
Love you.
Bye.
All of those things are going to help to regulate
the nervous system a little bitbetter.
And we need to be pollinatingmore of those things into our
schedule.
But we're not doing that becausewe're conditioned as a culture
that we can do all things forall people at all times.
So we just kind of moveourselves off that list because
there's just no time for us totake care of ourselves.
SPEAKER_00 (00:22):
Welcome to Tried and True with the Dash of Woo, where
we blend rock solid tips with alittle bit of magic.
I'm Renee Bowen, your host, lifeand business coach, and
professional photographer.
At your service, we are allabout getting creative, diving
into your business, and playingwith manifestation over here.
So are you ready to get inspiredand have some fun?
Let's dive in.
(00:44):
Hey, welcome back to Tried andTrue with The Dash of Woo.
I'm your host, Renee Bowen.
And today we have a reallyamazing guest for you.
Her name is Courtney Townley,and she is talking to us about
health, but through a differentlens today.
So she's the host of thetop-rated podcast called Grace
and Grit, and she helps midlifewomen to cut through the noise
(01:06):
of wellness culture and leadthemselves with less overwhelm
and more confidence.
She's got over three decades inthe wellness industry.
And she's discovered throughthat work that Deep Health isn't
about following someone else'smanual, right?
It's about writing your own.
And that's what she helps womendo as well.
(01:26):
So she's a sought-after speaker,she's an educator, she blends
science with straight talk, andshe helps women navigate
behavior change with grace,grit, and self-trust.
And that's what we're talkingabout in today's show.
It's a really timelyconversation.
I think we we do focus onmidlife and women, but this is
(01:49):
really an important discussion,I think, for everyone.
We we definitely touch onburnout, exhaustion, fight or
flight, living in a state, adysregulated state for years and
the toll that it takes and thesigns to look for and some
strategies on how to actuallybreak out of that that might
seem very simple, but withintention, are extremely
(02:13):
powerful.
I know you guys are gonna get aton out of this.
So let's just get right into myconversation with Courtney.
Hey, Courtney, thanks for beinghere today.
I am very excited about thisconversation because I think
it's very timely, not just forme, but for a lot of the women
who listen to the podcast.
So thanks for being here.
Oh, thanks so much for havingme.
I'm happy to be here.
So one of the things that youtalk about a lot is how health
(02:35):
is not like perfection, right?
You talk about health not asperfection, but as a
realignment.
So can you paint a picture ofwhat that looks like in real
life for like a really dizzycreative woman?
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
Yeah.
So I would say first, let megive you this image because I
think it really helps.
When we think about health moreas a direction rather than a
destination, when we getmisaligned, which happens all
the time, like sometimes ithappens multiple times in a day.
We are literally one decisionaway from realigning into the
direction we intended to go.
(03:10):
Right.
So what is like the nextdecision I could make that would
help to promote my health giventhis day and given this
situation?
And it doesn't always boil downto diet and exercise.
It might be, you know what, Ineed to go pee.
I haven't peed in a bit.
Or I need to make a phone callbecause I really need to get
this thing off my chest, right?
Or get this decision made.
(03:31):
But when we think about itthrough that lens, it really
helps to simplify.
Like, yes, at any given time, Iam only one decision away from
realigning in the direction ofhealth.
SPEAKER_00 (03:42):
Yeah.
No, that's really good.
Because like I guarantee you, somany people, I know for a fact,
don't think that way, right?
Like because we have this we'reso cursed with this.
Well, if it's not gonna beperfect, I don't want to do it
at all.
Or, you know, if I'm gonna go tothe gym, so I'm gonna kill
myself the first week orwhatever it is, right?
Or like go all out.
And then it's just you stop sofast because it's not
(04:06):
sustainable.
So I really like that idea of,okay, well, what is something
small?
Like what's the next right step?
SPEAKER_01 (04:12):
That's that's all it is.
And you know, so often we'retrying to abide by these like
45-step programs, or if I don'tdo all these things in my
self-care bucket today, I'vesomehow failed.
And then we feel like failures.
And when we feel like failures,what do we do?
We tend to make more decisionsthat misalign us from health.
SPEAKER_00 (04:29):
Yeah, absolutely.
Right.
And, you know, numb out or, youknow, get distracted some with
some level of dopamine.
SPEAKER_01 (04:38):
Yes, do something to make us feel better fast for
sure.
SPEAKER_00 (04:41):
Okay.
So, all right.
I love that idea of breaking itdown into steps like that,
especially for like the busy,you know, the busy mom.
But you talk a lot about womenspecifically, and especially in
your new book that we're gonnatalk about, but in in the
midlife, yes, which is me.
Um, and so, you know, like Isaid, it's very timely for me.
(05:01):
But I know a lot of women needto hear this conversation as
well.
So, you know, you've been in thewellness space for a really long
time, like upwards of 30 years.
And whether it's like, you know,health coach, life coach, all of
these different things, andyou've you love to talk about
this idea of self-trust andself-leadership, right?
So how do you bridge that?
(05:23):
How do you get to that place,right?
Of leaning into that self-trust?
What is what does that look likefor you, for a lot of the
clients you've worked with?
SPEAKER_01 (05:34):
Well, I'll start by saying this that I have such a
heart for the midlife populationbecause it's such a fascinating
time.
We have more stress than we'veever contended with in our life
because we're dealing with allthe things career transitions,
aging parents, raising kids, ifthat's a thing for you, um,
changing bodies, changingchemistry.
(05:54):
So we're living at the time inour life with the most amount of
stress that we've ever had, withthe least amount of hormones
that actually help us to managestress.
So estrogen and progesteronespecifically help us to manage
cortisol.
And when those two are leavingthe party, all of a sudden we
don't have the ability to managecortisol in the way that we once
did.
(06:15):
And so I often look at midlife,and I know this is not only my
opinion.
I've heard this a lot of places,that midlife really is an
invitation.
It's an invitation to continueto live the way you've been
living, or it's an invitation tostart doing some serious
renovation work.
So I call midlife the renovationyears because we often arrive at
(06:36):
midlife and we look around andthere's some things we're really
proud of.
Like I built some really awesomestuff here.
Maybe it's family, maybe it's abusiness.
Like you've done some awesomethings.
We're also looking around and wesee some things that, you know
what, this doesn't fit anymore.
This maybe never fit.
And because my tolerance is alsodecreasing because of my lack of
hormones, that's a beautifulthing.
(06:59):
Because we, again, it's a littleeasier in some ways to say,
okay, I need to offload this orI need to change this in order
to nourish my life better atthis stage.
And all of that demandsself-trust.
Because if we don't trustourselves to make decisions that
are in the best interest ofourselves, we'll never really
experience what I call deephealth.
(07:21):
Deep health is like health, cellto soul, right?
It's like not just physicallybeing healthy, but mentally,
emotionally, relationships, allhealth in all of those spaces
and places.
And we have to be able to trustourselves to make decisions on
the regular that help us to movein that direction that I talked
(07:42):
about at the very beginning,move us in the direction of
health, whatever that is foryou.
SPEAKER_00 (07:46):
It's so interesting too, because I don't know.
I mean, I was definitely, well,I could go in a lot of different
directions with this, butbasically what I want, what I'm
trying to convey is that I havebeen through a lot of different
iterations, right?
Like most of us have, especiallyin our 20s, even teens, like
teens, 20s, 30s, 40s.
And then now I find myself in my50s.
(08:09):
First of all, I find it easierto trust myself, which is very
interesting.
And, you know, that could be fora lot of reasons, but also I'm
thinking about my health in awhole different way than I ever,
ever have, right?
Because like before, likeliterally before the age of 50,
probably.
Yeah, pretty much.
(08:30):
It's always been about likemainly how more so how I looked
than how I was, right?
Right.
But disguised as that, you know,because we gaslight ourselves.
And you know, I'm a product of,yeah, I was born in the 70s and
teenage in the 80s and all ofthat.
So, you know, we definitely havebeen programmed by a lot of the
things that we consume and seeand hear and our environment and
(08:54):
family and all of that.
And, you know, my the joke wasalways like, well, I wish I were
as fat now as I as I thought Iwas when I was 18, right?
Like, or and I was not, but itwas because of that
self-perception and how wecompare, you know, we just
constantly compare ourselves toeverything that we see.
(09:14):
And so now I find that, youknow, I go to the gym because I
want to be strong, because Iwant my bones to stay intact.
You know, like I'm just thinkingabout it in such a different
way.
And it hit me the other daywhile I was at the gym.
I was like, I hate the gym.
Like I'm gonna be honest, like Ireally don't love going, right?
(09:37):
That's why it's been always hardfor me to consistently, I think,
stay there.
But now it's different becauseI'm doing it from a deeper, that
deeper sense of health.
Like I really do want to livelonger.
I want to be more active.
I don't want to be breaking downin my 60s and 70s.
And so, do you find that that isthe case with a lot of women in
(09:59):
midlife?
Like we kind of come to thisplace, whether we're trying to
or not, because we're like allthe things that are happening,
right?
Like we're losing the hormones,and so we don't have any like
buffer for being nice about it.
Um, you know, so that might be apart of it too.
Do you find that makes it alittle bit maybe easier for
people to lean into it or wantto?
SPEAKER_01 (10:20):
Yes.
I mean, I think it, I think somewomen arrive at midlife and they
are starting to think of healthso much differently, which is
helpful, right?
And they they do have such a lowtolerance that they are no
longer willing to not makedecisions that help to nourish
them.
There, there is definitely alarge camp of those women.
And I would also say in thatcamp, they do trust themselves,
(10:43):
like what you just described.
You trust yourself, but maybe werumble more with the giving
ourselves permission to followthrough on that trust.
Right.
But then there's a camp of womenwho I think roll into midlife
that have practiced a lifetimeof not trusting themselves.
And they've always looked toother people, they've outsourced
every decision that they do feela little bit disoriented at
(11:05):
midlife with this wordself-trust.
Like, how do I even do that?
And sometimes it shows up assimple, like in a conversation.
I was just having a conversationearlier this morning with a
client asking her, like, what doyou do for fun?
Right.
And what would you do if you hada whole weekend to yourself?
And kind of the look of horrorthat came across her face was
very telling.
(11:26):
You know, she's so disconnectedfrom who she is and what she
enjoys and what lights her upthat it's a form of
malnutrition.
And it's it's obviously going todeplete her health if she
doesn't start to figure thatpiece out and kind of come home
to herself in that way.
So I think I think there's both.
I think there's women who rollinto midlife ready to trust
themselves and kind of ready tomake that second act their
(11:49):
boldest act yet.
And then there's another groupof women that roll into midlife
really unarmed with skills thatare going to help them to keep
traveling with more grace andease through that second half.
SPEAKER_00 (12:03):
Yeah, no, that makes sense.
I see a lot of that in mycoaching as well.
Yeah.
And that is, yeah, very, verytrue.
And there's that whole level ofburnout too that enters the
conversation, too, you know.
So a lot, I feel like a lot ofwomen, um, especially us doers
and type A professional.
SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_00 (12:27):
Eldest daughters.
Um you know, like that wholetrope.
It's like true.
Like we we find ourselves andthen it's like, oh, okay, all of
a sudden now we're in likeactual burnout and we want to
burn everything down to theground.
And you know what I mean?
Like that happens a lot too atthis time because we're also,
like you said before, losingsome hormones, losing all that
(12:48):
stuff.
And so uh, and a lot of womentoo get diagnosed at this age
with ADHD and things like that.
And they're like, they've beenmasking their whole life, right?
And like kind of like justgetting by, doing their thing.
And then all of a sudden, theycannot.
They literally cannot hold it upanymore because there's no
hormones to support it.
And so they find themselves incomplete burnout, like health
(13:08):
related, as well as like thebusiness, maybe that they're
running, all of that.
Um, and I know you talk aboutthis a lot too.
So you call burnout a symptom ofa broken system, right?
So it's not a personal failure.
A lot of women do beatthemselves up about that.
And, you know, they they tend tolike, that's not gonna help
anything, obviously.
(13:29):
Um, so how can women begin tosort of shift from that old
narrative into, you know, it'snot necessarily my fault here,
but how can I, how can I shiftit?
SPEAKER_01 (13:40):
Yes.
I think I think a couple ofthings are really important to
acknowledge.
Like, number one, you'reabsolutely right.
I do not know a midlife womanwho comes into the midlife years
with a regulated nervous system.
Like that's just most women arerolling into midlife with a very
dysregulated nervous system.
And let's be honest, nobody wastalking about nervous system
(14:02):
regulation a few years ago.
So most of us who are in midliferight now spent the first 40, 50
years not understanding themassive impact that the nervous
system has on the human body.
It basically governs everything,right?
Our ability to think throughproblems, our ability to respond
rather than react.
(14:24):
And what happens at midlife,because we have lived for so
long, so dysregulated, and nowwe have hormones leaving the
party that are also helping usto regulate.
If we aren't armed with thingsthat help us to soothe in
healthy ways, we are reachingfor things that are actually,
they're soothing us in themoment, but then they have
massive detrimental healthoutcomes down the road.
(14:46):
So if every time I'm feelingdysregulated, I drink alcohol or
I scroll social media or I eator I shop online, right?
There's a thousand things I cando to make myself feel better
temporarily and escape thatemotional pain, but the price
tag for my health on the otherside is intense.
And we hear this phrase a lot,which drives me crazy, which is
(15:10):
self-sabotage.
Okay.
Self-sabotage, if you look it upin the dictionary, it's when
someone intentionally orpurposefully harms themselves.
I've never worked with a womanwho purposefully or
intentionally harms herself bydrinking alcohol or eating the
crappy food or whatever thething is.
Right.
That's not what she's doing.
She's trying to self-soothe.
(15:31):
She's trying to soften theintensity of what she's feeling
in her body because she neverlearned any other skills.
And so this definitely is a timein our life where I hate, can I
don't know if I can cuss on yourshow, but it's like bitter to a
capa pot, right?
Like now, if you do not haveself-soothing strategies that
(15:53):
actually promote health ratherthan rob it from you, now is the
time to learn.
Now is the time.
And really, what suits mynervous system is probably gonna
be different than what soothesyours, right?
Like, what are the things thatactually help you to get into
that rest and digest state, thathelp you to feel calmer, to help
you to feel a level of peace orjoy or connection?
(16:14):
All of those things are gonnahelp to regulate the nervous
system a little bit better.
And we need to be pollinatingmore of those things into our
schedule.
But we're not doing that becausewe're conditioned as a culture
that we can do all things forall people at all times.
So we just kind of moveourselves off that list because
there's just no time for us totake care of ourselves.
(16:37):
So I think it's it's a matter oflearning strategies that help
help us to regulate better atmidlife, like really beginning a
practice of that and also makingourselves a priority, which is
so hard for someone who's neverdone it.
SPEAKER_00 (16:51):
It's really hard.
So hard.
It can be like almostexcruciating for some people
because I mean, depending on thelevel of programming and trauma
possibly that exists there aswell, which is a really big
factor.
Because, you know, everybody'sgot something, whether it's like
a big T or a little T orwhatever, like there's there's
(17:11):
always something in there.
And you're right, that wholeself-sabotage thing, it's not an
intentional thing.
It's just your unconscious mindtrying to keep you alive and
safe, right?
It's like, okay, let's go.
Let's, this is unsafe.
And so the first thing is tojust stop beating yourself up,
honestly.
Right.
Like if we can kind of at leastget to a place of non-judgment
and neutral observer, then Ifeel like, you know, that's a
(17:33):
huge step.
And I do a lot of that with myclients as well.
And nervous system regulation isa huge part of it.
And you're right, nobody wastalking about this, especially
when we were like moms, youngmoms, you know what I mean?
Or like, even if you don't havechildren, if you were in your
30s and 40s, nobody's reallytalking about that for our age
group.
And now, thankfully, we arehaving this conversation.
(17:55):
You know, I look at my daughterand she's already so much more
well equipped than I was at herage.
She's 25.
And I'm like, how are you thislike stable?
And like, she's just like, Imean, you know, she's got her
stuff, but it's kind of insane.
You know, my husband and I talkabout that a lot, even with our
boys, same kind of thing.
(18:15):
It's like so interesting.
It's great.
However, okay, for those of uswho, you know, are still
learning all of that, right?
Old dog new tricks kind ofthing, right?
Like your brain has been doingone thing for so long and you
live in fight or flight longenough, your body's just gonna
want to stay there because itthinks it's safe now.
So then it's like, okay, how doI, how do I get off of that?
SPEAKER_01 (18:37):
That you know, that's well, I love, I love that
you're bringing that like you'redoing a deep dive into the
nervous system stuff becauseit's I think for so many years
of my career, I was conditionedas a professional to believe
that if we could just getsomeone to do the right exercise
program and eat the right foods,they would be healthy because we
were equating health with a bodytype, right?
(18:59):
With and with weight loss.
But I have worked with so manytype A people, extreme athletes,
incredibly successful businessowners who are such a far cry
from health because they'reliving in a state of chronic
hyperdrive.
And so what happens when we'reliving in a state of chronic
hyperdrive is we're actuallyshutting down digestion.
(19:21):
We're shutting down a lot of thesystems.
Because what does your body doin fight or flight?
It's really just trying todetach you from all the
unnecessary activities in yourbiology to focus on saving your
own life, right?
Fight, flee, or freeze.
And so really helping a woman tounderstand that by doing all the
(19:42):
things she is so resistant to,like taking more time for
herself just to chill out, goingto bed earlier, saying no to
commitments, changing herself-narrative to actually
become a cheerleader rather thana bully, right?
Like these are all things thatwe think are so silly when we
say them, and they're so counterto the whole diet and exercise
(20:05):
culture.
But those things help toregulate the nervous system.
And once your system isregulated, what happens?
All your biology comes backonline.
Your systems start functioningthe way they were designed to
function.
Lo and behold, you start to havemore energy.
And all these weird likesymptoms and things you were
contending with health-wisestart to dissipate.
(20:26):
Not because you hyperfocused ondiet and exercise, but because
you focused on aligning yourlife in a way that helps to
regulate your nervous system.
And that's a completelydifferent exercise than what
we've been sold.
SPEAKER_00 (20:39):
100%.
100%.
Like I it I've seen it with mymy own in my own biology, you
know, and in my own life.
But I also wanted to real quicktouch on while we're on the
subject of nervous system uhdeep dive.
Because yeah, all of those, youknow, fight, flight.
(20:59):
I always say when you live inthat, I mean, biologically, all
the brain is gonna go to yourlimbs so that you can run away
and get faster.
But like you get fast, but youget dumb, right?
Like it you, you get dumb,you're not thinking exploded,
you get right, right.
But there's another one too thatis a huge, huge one that I see
(21:19):
all the time, which is fawn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's that I mean, like somany, and again, a lot of eldest
daughters, a lot of women whohave been told like you can be
everything and you should be.
We fawn more than anything.
And we and it's a really easyone to miss because early on, it
looks you know, like you're justa giving person.
(21:42):
A good person, totally.
Yes.
But deep down, you are literallydenying yourself on the daily,
you know, putting everybody elsefirst.
Um, and and we've been taughtthat that's what you should do,
right?
Like as a parent, especially.
Um, and that over time is reallyinsidious because, like I said,
(22:03):
you don't notice it as much.
You don't like maybe you're nothaving anxiety attacks all the
time, right?
Like, so you're not like seeingyourself in that state, but that
fawn response is a really,really strong hold, takes it
takes hold of you.
I am speaking from personalexperience here.
And so how do you how do youwork with your clients with
(22:25):
that, especially, you know, whenthey are trying to revamp their
health for the 50th time, right?
SPEAKER_01 (22:31):
Yeah, absolutely.
So a couple of things.
Like number one, I just want tosay that I think that we are
rewarded for dysregulation,period.
Whether you're if you're right,if your dysregulation response
is to fight or flee or push oroverachieve or fawn or freeze,
it's almost like it's moreacceptable than living in a way
(22:54):
that regulates your nervoussystem, right?
Cause it's like you're lay, youmust be lazy if you don't want
to work 24 hours a day, right?
You don't want to work throughthe weekends, you must not be a
hustler, right?
You must not be serious aboutwhat you're what you're really
passionate about.
Like we hear these messages allthe time.
And I think with my clients, thebiggest, and this is like what
(23:15):
the first practice I teach inthe consistency code is the
practice of awareness, ofbecoming aware of how you are
spending your precious liferesources.
If you are always spending yourresources on helping other
people to solve their problems,like it can look good from the
outside, but it can also be whatI call a hiding habit where
(23:35):
you're just avoiding your ownshit.
Right.
So, and again, that's a that's adysregulation response.
And so sometimes we're so caughtup in that we don't even see it.
But we have to be willing toturn on the lights and really
see our behavior for what it isto even be able to start to
design a plan or a strategy or askill set to help us overcome
it.
(23:56):
And awareness unfortunatelytakes a lot of things that we
don't want to give.
It takes time, it takes quiet,it takes introspection.
And no one's got time for that,right?
No, seriously.
So awareness, I always say, isnot a feel-good exercise, but
you can't, of course, you can'tchange what you don't see.
(24:16):
And Martha Beck, you know, she'slike the ult ultimate life
coach, but she always says thatawareness is the way out.
And I just love that becauseit's so true.
SPEAKER_00 (24:25):
Absolutely.
And it's the sitting with it,you know, like allowing yourself
to actually just sit with thediscomfort instead of numbing
and running away or pushing itaway, whatever.
Again, we were never reallytaught that.
Um, and so if you've been livingall this time not doing it, um,
(24:46):
it's gonna feel reallyuncomfortable, like you said.
And it's not, it's not gonna bea preferred activity at first.
Definitely.
Um, but I mean, if you don't,and I know you see this, if you
don't do that work and you don'tpay attention to it, your body's
gonna make sure you payattention to it somehow.
Yeah.
It's gonna show up in illness,sickness, something is gonna
(25:07):
happen.
It'll step in because that we weare all connected.
Like this is all one system.
SPEAKER_01 (25:14):
I had a mentor years ago and she said it so
beautifully.
She was like, you know, there'ssuch a wisdom to our bodies.
It's always trying tocommunicate with us.
But of course, again, we've beenconditioned to override what our
body's telling us.
Like I always say we act like adictator to our body rather than
a rather than like a friend orlike we're in a relationship
with it.
We just dictate our demands toit.
(25:36):
But she said, you know, yourbody's always communicating with
you.
And when you are starting to getdysregulated, you're gonna start
getting little pebbles thrown atthe window.
And that's the pebble might bemaybe you have a bad cycle, like
a bad period, maybe you have aheadache, uh, maybe you get
acne, right?
You get a little indigestion.
And so you pop a pill, you dowhatever, you know, we're
(25:56):
trained to do to override it,uh, but you kind of ignore it.
And then it keeps coming back,you keep ignoring it.
So then those pebbles start tobecome bigger rocks.
And then the bigger rocksultimately become boulders.
And the boulders, of course, aredisease, right?
Diagnoses, autoimmunitychallenges.
And those are really hard tocome back from.
Not saying it's impossible, butit's a lot more work.
(26:19):
So if we can catch it sooner,which is what awareness allows
us to do.
SPEAKER_02 (26:24):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (26:24):
If we can catch the pebbles and be like, ooh, what's
going on here?
Like, oh, isn't it interestingthat every time I drink red wine
at night, I wake up with aheadache the next morning?
Right.
Right.
Like maybe, maybe I should putthose two things together
instead of arguing for why Ishould be able to drink alcohol
every night because Susie Q downthe street drinks it every night
and she has the perfect life,right?
(26:44):
Because that's what we do.
Like you said earlier, wecompare and we think because
seemingly someone else isgetting away with it, which by
the way, no one is gettinganything, but we tell ourselves
that story and then we justify,well, I should be able to do it
too, even though clearly yourbody is telling you it's not
working.
SPEAKER_00 (27:02):
Clearly.
Yeah.
No, I I overrode, I overrided,overrode, whatever the whatever.
I did not listen to that for along time.
I'm telling you.
Like, I, you know, there waslike this level of that and the
whole like pushing past likestaying up, right?
Um, staying up later that I knewthat I I knew I wasn't good for
(27:25):
me.
I knew it was gonna not make mefeel good.
That and and drinking wine atnight, those two things were, it
was so hard for me to let go ofthat.
Like so, so hard.
I gripped onto those things.
It was like, no, these are thethings that are mine because oh,
guess what?
I was doing everything else foreverybody else all day long.
So those are the only two thingsthat I was actually giving
(27:46):
myself.
So in my mind, I justified it,like you said.
And yeah, so and so can do itand looks fine.
So I went years living like thatand feeling awful.
And when I stopped, when Istarted like, you know, going to
bed early and I stopped drinkingwine, like I don't drink alcohol
(28:07):
at all in my home anymore.
And I mean, I went from, I thinkit was probably almost a nightly
thing, right?
For years to now maybe I'll havea cocktail or a glass of wine if
I'm out at dinner, like once amonth or something, you know
what I mean?
Um, and it doesn't make me feelgreat, by the way.
Like, you know, like onecocktail, one glass of wine, I
will feel that in the morning.
(28:29):
So I know that going into it ifI do it, but it was not that way
for so long.
And nobody wants to hear that.
It's not fun.
That's not something that, like,it's like, oh, you're taking
away all my the only thing thatis mine, right?
So how do you, I know theawareness part is like really,
really big key, but what does ittake, right, for people to make
(28:54):
that change that you've seen?
SPEAKER_01 (28:56):
You're not gonna like my answer, but it's the
answer.
Everyone has to hit the brickwall at a different intensity.
I've had clients, I'm sure youhave too, where they do
something that isn't servingtheir health like one or two
times.
They feel like hell and they'relike, Oh, I'm never doing that
again.
That's a rare breed, by the way.
That's not most people.
Most people, do you remember themovie Parenthood from way back
(29:17):
in the day?
And the kid had the bucket onhis head and he kept running the
wall.
That's how I feel like mostpeople are with listening to
their bodies.
They just keep hitting the brickwall, hitting the brick wall,
hitting the brick wall untilfinally something gets hurt
enough, whether it's themarriage or it's their job or
it's their relationship withtheir kids, or they just there's
just so much self-loathing thatthe pain to stay the same starts
(29:41):
to get bigger than the pain ofwhat it would take to change.
And I that is such a differentmoment for everybody.
And I wish there was a formulabecause man, we could save so
many people needless suffering.
But I I truly feel everyone justhas a different pain threshold.
We see this all the time, likewith addictions and with.
You know, different things thatyou can from the outside, you're
(30:02):
like, man, why do they keepdoing it?
And they just have not hit thatbrick wall hard enough yet.
I do want to see this too,though, because I think this is
really actionable for listeners.
We're trained a lot when we workwith coaches and we do any kind
of self-help to really identifymisalignment.
Like, what does misalignmentlook like for you?
Well, I get reactive or I focusmore on problems than solutions.
(30:25):
Like those are the types ofanswers we usually hear.
But I think it's equally asimportant to really start
acknowledging what alignmentlooks like for you.
You're gonna have moments whereyou taste it.
You wake up feeling good, right?
Or you're just in your backyardand you just feel awesome, like
physically, emotionally,mentally.
But I think we tend to go pastthose moments so quickly, we
(30:48):
don't take time to acknowledgethem.
And so we don't really pursuethem.
And I think that that it's ait's a powerful exercise to
start acknowledging whatalignment looks like, what makes
you feel joyful, what makes youfeel strong, what makes you feel
excited about life, what makesyou want to get up out of bed in
the morning.
(31:08):
Look for those breadcrumbs andlife gets a whole lot better.
SPEAKER_00 (31:12):
Absolutely.
Because then you're gonna findmore of it because you're
programming your brain.
Because our unconscious minddoesn't know what's real and
what's not.
Like it just believes whateverwe tell it.
So if you are looking for thoseand if you can conjure up that
feeling, that's a that's thereally powerful piece of it.
Because I mean, like even justthinking about the last time you
felt that way, right?
(31:33):
Like when was the last time youfelt at peace?
Was it on vacation on the beach12 years ago?
You know what I mean?
Like, how long has it been sinceyou feel that?
And and how can you find thoselittle pieces in your everyday
life?
You know, like you said, we wekind of gloss over those things.
We don't notice them as much oracknowledge them as much.
And so it's such a powerfulthing when you become more
(31:55):
intentional with your focus andawareness of those.
Um, it it's it's such a hack foryour brain because you can just
instantly start all of a suddenwithin like two weeks, you're
like, oh, I'm noticing all ofthese things now, you know, like
that you're bringing in.
You're literally bringing theminto your awareness by doing
that because it's yourresonance, because you've opened
your heart center and there's awhole other thing, you know, all
(32:17):
that stuff that happens.
But I want to kind of talkreally quickly about this
consistency piece because, youknow, your book is actually
called the consistency code fora lot of creatives, especially,
because a lot of my listenersare creative women.
We sort of fear consistency alot, like maybe not consciously,
but unconsciously, because Ithink we feel like it'll stifle
(32:38):
our freedom, right?
Like I'm I'm most creatives havethat desire for freedom.
Like that's kind of really whatwe're after, right?
Like we might think we wantmoney and whatever, it's
freedom, um, is what we reallywant.
But how can consistency actuallycreate more space for creativity
and spontaneity?
SPEAKER_01 (32:58):
Yeah.
Well, let me answer the questiontwo ways.
Like, first of all, I would justsay immediately in answer to
that question, that there isfreedom on the other side of
discipline, period, right?
There just is.
Like, so if I put myself to bedat a reasonable hour, even
though I want to watch my 20thepisode of my favorite Netflix
show, right?
Like, I mean, there's a cost,there's a sacrifice.
(33:20):
But if I lean into thediscomfort of doing the thing
that's going to serve my health,I wake up having more energy,
more resources to do the thingsI want to be doing.
So there is that.
But I would also say that Ithink we have to reframe how we
think about consistency.
And that's really what I do inthis book is I'm challenging
women to think aboutconsistency, not as doing the
(33:41):
same thing over and over untilyou die.
That sounds really awful.
Sounds awful, especially to acreative.
Yeah.
But the the consistency I'mreally advocating for in the
book is consistentself-honoring.
And guess what?
That changes all the time.
Because what I need to do today,given what's happening in my
life today, looks a littledifferent.
(34:02):
To honor myself today looks alittle different than what I did
yesterday or last week.
So it's kind of looking atconsistency through a new lens
of just in this moment rightnow, everyone listening to this
episode, just ask yourself if Iwas going to do one thing to
honor just myself as a human,what might that look like?
And again, it might be laying onthe ground for five minutes,
(34:23):
just doing nothing.
It might be going outside to getyour feet in the grass.
It might be making a phone callto apply for the job you keep,
you know, pining for.
I mean, it could be a lot ofdifferent things, but I think we
we look at consistency assomeone, I need to buy a
three-month program fromsomebody.
And consistency means I checkoff the box and I do it
(34:45):
perfectly.
That's what consistency is.
That's not consistency, right?
I mean, yes, it's a form ofconsistency.
But again, what would it looklike with no outside input for
you to honor yourself today?
You know, I've never worked witha woman who doesn't know ever.
But the bigger problem is she'sconvincing herself she doesn't
know or she's not giving herselfpermission to take action on the
(35:08):
things she does know.
SPEAKER_00 (35:10):
Exactly.
And mostly, most of the timeit's because she's too exhausted
from all the other things,right?
SPEAKER_01 (35:16):
Or she's worried about being judged or people not
liking her because it's gonnausually self-honoring
inconveniences someone else.
Absolutely.
It just does.
SPEAKER_00 (35:25):
It's a really that's why it's so tough to break that.
Yeah, that especially that thatpeople pleasing thing it is it
is deep, like really, reallydeep for so many women.
I love that because I I feellike you're right, we think
about it in this different way.
(35:46):
And that that's not that's notreally what it's about.
And you're right, discipline isis like the best gift you can
give yourself, but it allchanges when you start to look
at it through that differentlens and give it like you know a
slightly different take, likereframe it, right?
Because you know, you you canyou can convince yourself of
pretty much anything.
(36:07):
It's just that most of us sortof live hypnotically and
reactive.
And you're talking about comingfrom a place of empowerment and
intention.
And that, you know, it so manythings open up to you when you
embrace that.
SPEAKER_01 (36:22):
And I don't know why, like in the health and
wellness industry, we ignore thefact that life is dynamic.
Life is always changing.
We have, you know, I call themcurveballs, but the curveballs
are always being thrown.
So people in our family die,loved ones die, jobs get lost,
like just challenges we nevercould have seen coming show up.
(36:43):
And we're telling ourselves thatwe're only successful in the
health arena if I'm able toabide by this diet and this
exercise protocol all the time.
It's like, no, health is alsodynamic, meaning it's not
something you have or don'thave.
It's something that you'reeither moving towards with your
decisions or you're movingslightly away from.
(37:03):
And there's so many differentdimensions of health, right?
There's the physical, there'sthe mental, emotional,
relationship, environmental,spiritual, so many different
realms of health.
So, my point being that becauselife is dynamic, our strategies
for honoring our health need tobe dynamic.
Self-care does not always lookthe same.
And that belief that it doesalways look the same, I think is
(37:26):
making a lot of women veryunhealthy because they're just
feeling like a constant failurebecause they don't have the
resources to be showing up inexactly the same way all the
time.
And so they get pushed into thisall or nothing mindset.
Well, if I can't quit, then I'mjust not going to do anything at
all.
And then that bodes well forhealth.
SPEAKER_00 (37:44):
Exactly.
So I know you go into this inthe book.
Um, talk to me a little bitabout um, obviously, we can't go
into all the different pieces,but maybe what's the
transformation or even like onepiece of it that you feel is a
pivotal part of that process.
SPEAKER_01 (38:04):
Um, I would say this.
Like, first of all, I'll justsay this really quickly.
There's there's three sectionsto the book because the first
section of the book is all aboutbehavior change science.
It's about the purpose system,it's about the brain, it's about
really understanding and alsohormones, how all those things
are shifting at midlife and whywe have to go about self-care
differently.
The center of the book is allabout the consistency code
(38:24):
framework to help women buildstrategy.
And then the ending is reallyjust kind of wrapping that all
together in a nice littlepackage so you can practice it
consistently.
But the one thing I would say isprobably the core message of the
book is that health at midlife,especially, is really an
exercise in stress management.
And it's two parts.
We have to reduce unnecessarystressors.
(38:47):
So things that are causingstress that have no benefit.
So being a jerk to myself, nobenefit, right?
Never having boundaries, nobenefit.
Um, eating terribly all thetime, really no benefit.
So I have to identify the thingsthat are causing unnecessary
stress and remove them.
And the second thing I have todo is I have to start
(39:10):
identifying where I need to leaninto intentional stress,
pursuing stress on purpose tomake myself more resilient or to
even to make myself more alive.
What are the things Iconsistently have a heart to go
after that I deny myself?
Whether it's a career, creativeendeavor, relationship, right?
Um, strength training is a greatexample, right?
(39:31):
Nobody likes it.
Like you started the podcastsaying that we don't like
strength training, but man, welike the benefits and it makes
us more resilient and it givesus more power.
So that's a form ofintentionally pursuing stress.
That's what strength trainingis.
Yeah.
So those two things can I reduceunnecessary stress and can I
(39:52):
actually lean into intentionalstressors that help to fortify
and bring me more alive?
That's that's the name of thegame.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And those two things are waybigger than this tiny little
diet and exercise conversation.
SPEAKER_00 (40:04):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, honestly, it became, itwas such a shift for me too.
Like when I leaned more into theactual deeper sense of health
and feeling good and longevity,that's when I lost weight.
SPEAKER_01 (40:19):
Right.
Because you had a bigger,compelling reason.
It wasn't about having it reallywasn't about that.
SPEAKER_00 (40:23):
I was like, I don't even care anymore.
Like I, it's just a whole, it'sa whole different mindset,
truly, you know.
And I really feel like I let goof so much in that process.
And like in, I think life isjust literally a series of
letting go.
Like, that's literally themeaning of life.
It's just to learn to let go ofliterally everything.
Um, and you know, so that holdit tight and control and you
(40:48):
know, constantly wanting to likecontrol whether it's calories or
stress or whatever it is, right?
You're trying to control, um, itkeeps you in that state of being
a reactive person in general.
And that's not conducive toanything to receive anything as
(41:08):
well, right?
Like so receiving love,receiving accolade, receiving
compliments, right?
So you have a hard timereceiving compliments, that's a
good sign that something'sclosed off in there.
And, you know, might want to diga little bit deeper.
So I love that you are you breakthat down and and break it down
into those three separate piecesin the book, too.
(41:29):
But it's gonna make it a loteasier for people to get into
it.
Is it also an Audible?
Because that's a jam.
unknown (41:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (41:37):
I have I did, I did all the recording because as a
podcaster, I think it would beweird if I hadn't recorded my
own book.
Yeah.
Yes, there's an Audible version,there's a Kindle version, and
then there's the actual book.
Awesome.
So I'm really excited about it.
SPEAKER_00 (41:50):
Yeah, I will put the links for everybody below for
that.
But where do you like to connectwith people in general?
Is it Instagram?
Do you want them to hit you upon that side?
SPEAKER_01 (42:01):
I would say Instagram for sure, Grace Grit,
and just my website.
I mean, my web, but my website'skind of the one-stop shop for
all the things.
So graceandgrit.com is a reallyeasy place to find the the
deeper dive of things if peopleare interested.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (42:13):
Yes.
And your show.
So I will I will link those forpeople below so they can get in
touch with you and continuereading or listening to all of
this as well.
But um, yeah, thank you for forsharing all of that.
I think that it, like I said,this is a really timely
conversation.
It's a it's a great time foryour book as well.
I think that a lot of uh womenare gonna find so much value in
(42:35):
it.
So I hope so.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Good stuff, right?
So, okay, what are yourtakeaways?
For me, I specifically want tohighlight that health isn't
about control, it's aboutself-trust.
Okay.
And when we lean more intoself-trust, a whole world opens
up to us.
(42:55):
Another takeaway for me is thatburnout's not failure and stop
beating yourself up for it.
So I see a lot of you guys doingthat.
Like she said, it's a symptom ofa broken system.
Okay.
Like it's it's a chaos system ofthis modern wellness culture
that we've been sold.
But like she said, you canactually rebuild that approach
(43:19):
from the ground up withawareness, emotional
intelligence, andself-leadership.
And then the main thing, too,here is that consistency is not
about perfection, it's aboutrealignment.
So instead of chasingunrealistic ideals, you really
want to lean into gentlyreturning to your center over
(43:43):
and over again through simplepractices that build true deep
resilience and clarity.
And she talks about all of thatin her book.
So I'm definitely going to linkthat for you guys below.
And I'd actually love to giveone of you guys a copy of this
book.
So if you are on Audible, likeme, I am an Audible fanatic.
I listened to, I've listening tolike probably four or five books
(44:05):
at the same time.
It's just how my brain works.
I like to pop back, you know, inand out of them.
So if you are also an audiblelistener and you want to win an
audible copy of her book, TheConsistency Code, here's how to
enter.
It's really simple.
Just leave a review for theshow.
You can do that atratethispodcast.com slash Renee
(44:25):
Bowen.
That's just the easiest way todo it.
You can do it directly fromApple if you're already in the
in the platform inside the app.
But if you just want to make iteasy for yourself, just go to
ratethispodcast.com slash ReneeBowen and you can rate it on any
of the platforms that you listento it.
So that might be easier for you.
Um, so go ahead and do that, andthen please send me a screenshot
(44:47):
that you did, leave a review.
You can do that renee atreneybowen.com and then share it
to your story.
Share about this episode on yourstory on Instagram and tag me.
So those three steps, and youwill be entered to win a copy of
this book.
And I know you guys are gonnalove it.
So, regardless, um, grab a copy,listen to it, read it, however
(45:08):
you like to consume books, andalso go ahead and connect with
Courtney at the links below.
And remember, you don't have toclimb the entire mountain today.
Okay.
You can take it one step at atime.
I talk about this all the timein my coaching.
We talk a lot about what's thenext right step, right?
So whether we're talking about ahealth journey or we're talking
(45:29):
about your self-development ingeneral or building your
business, you know, I a lot ofpeople come to me for various
different reasons for coaching.
Uh, but one of the reasons why Iam a certified life coach is
because it usually always kindof comes back to some of these
themes.
And unless we are working atthat deeper level and making
those changes, the strategiesthat we put in place for your
(45:52):
business are just not gonnastick.
So I want you to be thinkingabout breaking the big things
into smaller steps.
What is the next right step?
What's something that you can doright now?
Something actionable, small, butmeaningful.
If you do it with intention,it's gonna make a huge impact, I
promise.
And that's how you build thatconsistency.
(46:12):
It's how you build your ownself-trust and confidence.
It's in the action.
You can think about it all daylong, but you actually have to
take a step in the direction.
As always, I am happy to chatwith you if you need help with
any of this.
I do have a couple spots openfor one-on-one coaching.
You can grab a call with me.
We just hop on a quick chat, seeif we're a good fit to work
(46:33):
together.
And the link for that is belowas well.
So grab a call, let's chat,let's see what's going on.
I will let you know if I canhelp.
And if I can't, I'm gonna pointyou in a direction that I think
will serve you better.
But if you feel like you've gotsomething on your heart,
something that is weighing onyou, or if you feel stuck, you
feel like you can't get out ofit, or if you feel like you want
(46:54):
to finally build this life ofyour dreams, this life and your
business of your dreams, and youwant accountability and help to
get you there faster, you wantto rewire some old programming
that is still kind of keepingyou stuck, go ahead and just
grab a quick call with me and uhlet's get that done.
We're almost to the end of 2025.
(47:17):
And so it is gonna be 2026before we know it.
And, you know, this last quarterof 2025 and the first quarter of
2026, a lot of you are going tobe in winter months.
You're gonna be in a naturalsort of hibernation mode.
It's a great time to work onthis kind of stuff.
So you guys have a great rest ofyour week.
(47:38):
Talk to you soon.
Love you.
Bye.
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