November 21, 2023 • 28 mins
Why is it, that within the black community, discussions surrounding mental health are often deemed taboo? This is a topic we've long grappled with and, in today's episode, we take this conversation head on. We unpack the poignant narrative in the film "A Snowy Day in Oakland" as it boldly magnifies the societal notions and stigmas revolving around mental health. The film opens a window into the belief that black people tend to conceal their troubles, a habit that can inadvertently stifles progress. Pondering the recent trend of celebrities unveiling their own traumas, we observe the ripple effects on ordinary individuals and the potential it holds in fostering vital mental health conversations.
As we delve further, we broach the subject of the underrepresentation of mental health within the black community and the stigma linked with it - a poignant barrier, no doubt, in seeking help. We stress the importance of cultivating safe, judgement-free zones where such discussions can be held, driving home the point that transparency can be the catalyst for healing and restoration. We also confront the negative stereotypes associated with mental health professionals, underscoring why it's essential for therapists to undergo therapy themselves. Remember, your trauma does not define you. We are all on unique journeys towards healing, and if you have any questions or concerns, we welcome you to reach out. So, join us for this crucial conversation, because silence, after all, is not always golden.
- What is Trauma? Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. An emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, abuse, or natural disaster.
- How to cope with Trauma Talk to a few trusted people, open up about your struggle, seek online support groups, read self-help books or practice small acts of self-care such as meditation, breathwork, yoga and exercise can help you regain some feeling of control.”
- Find a therapist Get Started (betterhelp.com)
Online Psychiatric Medication & Mental Telehealth Services - Rx Anxiety, Depression & Insomnia Treatment | Cerebral - Triumph Over Trauma Scripture: II Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto to God, who always causes us to Triumph in Christ....
- Books I'm reading on my healing journey
It Didn't Start with You! - How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes who we are, & how to end the cycle. https://a.co/d/f22BoLk
2 Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto God, who always causes us to Triumph!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey y'all, welcome to Triumph Over Trauma, the
podcast.
Listen y'all.
I created this podcast because,like so many other people, I've
had a traumatic past.
I didn't always realize howthose things affected me
negatively and how I evencarried them into my adult life,
and so I wanted to create aspace where other people could
come and we could have candidconversations on how you
(00:22):
identify trauma, how younavigate it and how you recover
from traumatic experiences.
If this resonates with you,then join me.
I am your host and traumasurvivor, ms Eve McNair.
Let's get into it.
What's up guys?
Welcome back to Triumph OverTrauma, listen.
(00:43):
I know it's been a little bit,so we're just going to go right
into the episode because, listen, y'all know life be life and we
gotta get in where we can fitin, okay, and today, just where
I fit in.
Listen, this is the women 15th2023.
I'm coming to you with a newepisode.
The episode is based on themovie A Snowy Day in Oakley
(01:04):
Listen.
If you haven't seen the movie,pause the episode.
Go watch it and come back andfinish listening.
If you don't mind spoileralerts, then continue to watch
or continue to listen.
I should say Listen.
So I watched the Snowy Day inOakley about three times.
First time I was like, oh, it'sa cute movie.
Second time I was like, wait aminute, I'm picking up on a lot
of cultural norms here that wesometimes overlook as it relates
(01:27):
to mental health in the blackcommunity, the sickness
associated with mental healththerapy and the need for it.
And so I watched it again athird time and I was like, oh, I
see what's going on here, I seewhat they did here.
You have to watch the movie.
There's literally a characterin the movie for everyone.
I'm pretty sure that everybodycan relate to at least one of
(01:49):
the characters that's in themovie.
There's a married couple,there's a pastor.
There is a bodega owner, it's amale lady.
There's a boutique owner.
This story is centered around,or centered in, a neighborhood
of storefront businesses and allof the businesses each have a
storefront and this woman comesand moves and she's actually a
(02:12):
psychologist and everybody isliterally up in arms regarding
her being there and they're likewhat is going on?
Why is she here?
And they slowly but surely comearound to the fact that not
only could they use mentalhealth therapists, but that they
start to see that there is abenefit to mental health therapy
and slowly the movie kind ofpicks apart each cultural norm
(02:36):
or each stigma that is typicallyassociated with some of the
cultural norms that we seeregarding mental health and the
need for mental health therapy,and so it does have a comedic
flair to it, but I think it'seasy.
I think it has a comedic flairbecause it helps you to digest
the problems that we sometimesignore.
It's a really, really goodmovie.
(02:57):
I'm going to go ahead and pickapart some of those cultural
norms, some of those stigmas,and break down each one of them
and why do we do the way that wedo, why do we think the way we
think regarding them and why dowe feel the way we feel about it
, and let's see if we can findourselves in between any of
these stigmas that we see.
Okay, so one of the stigmasassociated with mental health
(03:22):
that is partly addressed or kindof like exposed in the movie is
the idea that black peopledon't talk about their problems,
that our problems are betweenus and God, and when I heard
that being said and when I heardthat in the movie, I was like
you know what that rings true,because before I became a trauma
and mental health advocate.
(03:42):
I definitely didn't talk aboutany of my issues, any of my past
traumas, any of my mentalhealth concerns, any of my
mental health struggles.
I had never talked about it toanyone outside of Jesus, and
this was before I even came totherapy.
Before I even went to therapy,I hadn't even told anybody.
At one point, I wasn't eventalking to God about it.
(04:03):
So I definitely resonated withthat thought that black people
don't talk about their problemsand that their problems are
whether it be mental health orany other type of problems are
most likely between them and God, and I wanted to kind of take a
moment to think about that.
Why is it?
Why have we grown to a pointwhere we don't talk about it?
(04:28):
Why have we become so relegatedto the idea that our problems
aren't to be discussed outsideof prayer Right Now?
Don't get me wrong Prayer ismost definitely a tool that I
have come to appreciate, so muchso in my trauma healing journey
(04:50):
.
But why is the mental healthissues, traumas, trials,
tribulations of life so undertalked about, so under discussed
with anybody else outside ofthe Father, outside of Jesus,
outside of the Lord?
Why don't we talk about it?
Why is it an issue for us totalk about it.
(05:11):
Our issues are struggles andtraumas and our problems.
Why is it and we have to beginto look at that bit, because I
think that holds us back as apeople is that we're not talking
about it, and if we are, we'rekind of like talking at it,
we're kind of like talking overit.
It's starting to be discussed ina lot of different media
outlets.
I remember when the story brokeregarding Kurt Franklin and him
(05:36):
finding his real biological dad, right.
I remember when the story brokeregarding Carrie Washington and
her coming to understand thather, the man she called Father,
wasn't her father.
And I remember thinking, wow,people are addressing father
wounds, right, people areaddressing their parental wounds
.
And I also thought to myselffor so many of us who watch
(06:01):
their stories on TV, there areso many of us who can relate.
Right, though we're not in thespotlight, we still haven't
talked about it, we haven'tdiscussed it.
There is no documentary forwhat we've gone through, but
we've all gone through it.
Maybe there would be, maybe wewould see more stories like this
(06:24):
portrayed in the media or evenaccepted in the media and
entertainment industry if morepeople were talking about it, if
more people were saying, hey,listen, something happened to me
and it has altered my brainchemistry or has changed the way
I think and feel about myself.
It has changed the way I seethe world.
It has changed my perspective,right, because, for instance,
(06:48):
for people who do have parentalwounds, your father is one who
shapes how you show up in theworld, right, your father is one
who shapes how you show up inthe world and your mother is one
who shapes how you feel aboutyourself, and sometimes those
two things collidecatastrophically because we
(07:09):
don't know that I feel the way Ifeel because of a parental
wound, right, because of myrelationship with my father and
my mother, and we go off intothe world and lead lives that we
don't realize are partlyfractured because of how we grew
up, but nobody's talking aboutit, right.
Nobody's saying, hey, these aremy issues, I mean.
(07:31):
But who would?
Especially within certaincommunities, because we're kind
of we've kind of grownaccustomed to not being heard,
to not being listened to, right,to not having platforms that
speak about our pain without itbeing misconstrued to mean
something else.
(07:51):
Right, tell someone thinkingthat we're trying to pull a race
card or something we're notused to speaking about the
things that we've gone throughand we carry that into every
area of our lives andrelationships and how we feel
about ourselves.
We carry that into our adultlife, how we live our lives.
(08:11):
You can see it manifested in somany different ways, and so
that was one of the things thatwas kind of exposed during the
movie is that black people don'ttalk about their problems.
Our problems are between us andGod and they are, but they are
also between you and your mentalhealth therapist, between you
and your family, between you andyour best friend, right?
(08:32):
These are things that we shouldbe.
We should begin to cultivatesafe spaces so that we can talk
about what it is we've gonethrough, not just to God, and
not I don't say that to minimizethe power of talking to the
Lord.
I don't say that to minimize thepower of prayer.
I say that to amplify the powerof transparency with one
(08:54):
another.
Even the Bible itself saysconfess your faults one to
another, right, and God wants usto confess our faults one to
another so that we are healed,so that we are strengthened, so
that we can be forgiven, butalso so that we can be restored.
And when you talk about whenyou take.
When you, when you talk aboutrestoration or being healed or a
(09:16):
healing journey, we oftennegate the fact that
transparency is the bridge thatgets us to the other side.
The other stigma that wasexposed in the movie is that
people often look atpsychologists or psychiatrists
or mental health professionalsas head shrinks, and I never
(09:38):
understood what that means, like, oh, you want to go see a
shrink right.
And when I did some research,there were so many different
like colloquialism, so manydifferent meanings, especially
on urban dictionary, but one ofthe ones that stuck out to me
the most was that there was thisnegative stigma associated with
(09:59):
the negative stigma that mentalhealth professionals of any of
any kind will heal you in termsof being able to shrink your
head and the problems that youhave will dissipate, because
there will be some sort of magicon you that will change the
(10:20):
size of your head, change yourbrain size or your brain
structure.
And sometimes we repeat thingslike that generationally and
don't have any idea where theycome from.
Well, it was originally thoughtthat psychologists were witch
doctors and that they had theability to heal you by casting
some sort of spell that actuallyshrunk your head, shrunk your
(10:43):
brain size, and it's crazybecause I've heard that term so
often and I never knew that itwas related to that.
I never knew that it wasrelated to that idea, right, and
it goes to show you that thereare things that are said
generationally in certaincommunities and certain cultural
norms that are passed down thatwe have no idea what their
(11:06):
origins are or how they continueto negatively affect us, like,
for instance, I remember hearingthat if you're driving in a car
you can't turn on the lightthat's inside of the car, then
you could be pulled over forthat.
Now, I don't know if that's truein every state, don't know if
(11:28):
that's literally a motor vehiclelaw, but in the state where I
live, in the state of New Jersey, that is not a law.
It is not illegal to drive withthe inside light on right.
You shouldn't, because not onlycould it be distracting to you
or the person you know, otherpersons on the road, it's not
illegal.
But we've heard that so oftenand I've never seen it in any
(11:53):
other motor vehicle pamphlets.
I don't think it was ever onthe test that I took to get my
driver's license, and Even as myother children came up and they
began to get their license.
It was never something theywere struck, instructed about in
school.
It's literally a myth, an urbanlegend, and sometimes there are
so many urban legends passed onthat we accept this truth and
don't realize it.
But the dangerous thing is whenwe accept these urban legends
(12:16):
as truth when it pertains to ourown physical, mental and
emotional health, right.
The dangerous thing is when weaccept urban legends when it, as
it relates to our mental andemotional health, our silenced,
our psychological health.
And so what was the other one?
There was another one that saysWell, we don't need a
(12:37):
psychologist, a psychiatrist ora mental health therapist,
because we have our pastors andour pastors have God.
But, believe it or not, evenour pastors Go through things
right.
Life lives for everybody.
Life is going to continue tolife, regardless of is if,
regardless of if you're calledto preach, teach the gospel, or
(13:00):
if you're called to, you know,be in the congregation.
And so even our pastors can use, can use therapy.
Even our pastors should Utilizethat resource.
Yes, our pastors, yes, we dohave our pastors and yes, our
pastors do have God.
But that does not negate thefact that counsel is A vital
(13:22):
tool.
Even the Bible says and here Igo quoting scriptures again.
But even the Bible says in themultitude of counsel there is
safety, which means that, whichmeans which, which, which goes
to say that no man is island tohimself and you can never be Be
so okay that you can't utilizeCounsel, wise counsel especially
(13:46):
and sometimes we negate wisecounsel if it's coming from
someone in a mental healthbackground.
Now, and another thing that themovie pointed out is that is
that though the therapist cameto help, you know, to be of
assistance to those who werepsychologically ignored or
Negate, neglected, she herselfneeded some attention.
(14:09):
She herself had some thingsgoing on in the background of
her life.
And what I've come to understandis that even Therapists need
therapists.
Even my own therapist has atherapist right, and I would I
think I would actually bealarmed, I would kind of be
taken back if I had a mentalhealth therapist who said I
don't believe that I need oneright, I don't believe that
(14:31):
therapists should have them,because I would be taken back, I
would be, I would be off put,because I I understand the power
of counsel, I understand thepower of being able to
decompress with someone who isnot only Neutral but who who
holds space professionally Forpeople's emotions, thoughts,
(14:53):
feelings, and without judgment,and who could offer valid
professional In order to helpyou.
Right?
But their opinions or theiranswers have been tried Through
study and research and so, yes,therapists need therapists too.
And now one of the ones that Ithought was the most hilarious
(15:14):
right was there's a young man Iforget his name, but there's a
young man in the movie who goesto see the therapist, but not
for an appointment.
He's basically just trying tosell his CDs and he says to the
therapist listen, nobody's goingto pay you money, nobody's
gonna give you money to talkabout their stuff when they
(15:35):
don't know you.
I'm not gonna pay you to talkabout my problems and I don't
even know you.
But the fact of the matter isis there are problems that we
have that we don't talk aboutwith the people that we do know
for free right, and weundervalue mental health therapy
.
We undervalue the power oftherapy, of counseling, of
(15:56):
Behavior therapy, of cognitivetherapy, of emotional therapy.
We undervalue.
We undervalue the power oftherapy when we, when we say
that I'm not going to pay youmoney for it because either way
you're gonna pay.
You're gonna pay either at thepharmacy when you're filling
prescriptions in or you're gonnapay.
(16:18):
Pay as a result of unresolvedtrauma, when it shows up in your
life, when it manifests indifferent areas like anger,
depression, anxiety.
You're gonna pay in thatcapacity, or you may pay if it
manifests In your relationships,right in your everyday life.
So if you're going to payfinancially, why?
(16:40):
If you're going to have to pay,if there is a cost associated
with gardening your mentalhealth, let it be a cost
associated with preventive carerather than care in the
aftermath.
Right, we should be focusing onpreventive health care rather
than traditional health care.
Traditional health care sayswhen there is a symptom that has
(17:00):
manifested, then we go get help, versus preventive health care
says listen, regardless ofwhether there's a symptom or not
.
I want to get ahead of this,especially having known my past
history, right, things I've gonethrough, things I've
experienced, and so I'm going tobe preventive, or I like to say
proactive instead of reactive.
(17:22):
Now, there was a scene in themovie in which the young
African-American male wasbasically a canvas in the
neighborhood looking forsomebody to buy his CDs.
He was selling his CDs all overthe neighborhood and as he was
leaving the psychologist'soffice after attempting to sell
(17:42):
his CDs to her.
He runs into a police officerand the police officer notices
that he has cash in hand and apolice officer begins to
question him where's he goingand what's he doing with the
money that he has.
Then the young boy gets nervousand begins to run.
The officer winds up shootinghim and a spoiler alert he does
(18:04):
survive.
But in the movie that particularscene kind of exposes what we
think and feel regarding policebrutality, the senseless murders
that we've endured over thelast couple of years.
I mean, there have been so many, I'm afraid to name a few,
(18:24):
because there's been so many,but some of the higher profile
cases that we've seen.
But nobody is talking about thetrauma or the mental health
challenges that one faces afterhaving gone through something
like that.
And then how do we as a societyheal from that?
(18:45):
How do you reconcile that?
Because you still need thepolice and their job is still to
protect and serve.
But it becomes, there becomes alevel of mistrust, there
becomes a level of insecurity,of a feeling of unsafety because
of what has happened to howwe've been treated historically
(19:07):
in the past.
And so even that is one inwhich we should be seeking there
before.
I remember, at the height of thepandemic, where we were
discussing different casesGeorge Floyd, sandra Bland, just
different things that weregoing on.
A group of us were discussingit and I remember the anxiety
(19:30):
welling up.
I remember the anxiety wellingup.
I remember becoming overwhelmedwith fear, with distrust, and
those are things that we have toyield in therapy.
Those are things that we haveto begin to work through so that
we are not fearful Of thepeople who should be protecting
(19:53):
us.
Right, and I think I think theofficers themselves in general,
whether they've been involved inanything like that or not, but
I think the officers in general,I think that they also need,
can benefit from therapy,because there are things that
are happening, things thatthey're seeing, things that
they're exposed to, differenttrainings that they're made
(20:13):
privy to, that need, you know,need to be reviewed, and also
they need a place where they candecompress so that they're not
walking around Full of anxiety.
You know anger, rage andyielding Unfortunately yielding
(20:34):
weapons.
You know that should be used toprotect and serve, but instead
it has been used historically toTo her, to harm us, and so that
was one of the things in themovie that I appreciated and I
thought was interesting, whatwas very sensitive topic and I
almost didn't want to make apoint of it on the podcast
because it's so sensitive and Itry my best to be careful With
(20:58):
what I say and how that I say.
How I say it because I don'twant People to be offended, I
don't want to be insensitive andI don't want to harm anybody
with my words, right?
But I say all that to say,although this was a movie, you
know what they say art imitateslife and you know this is a film
(21:20):
, but it rings very true.
A lot of the different scenariosthat you see in a film Rings
very true to our society today,which is why I said I think that
there is Somebody in the filmthat we all can identify with.
If not, you know more than oneperson, there's at least
somebody in the film that we canall identify with.
So again, I think it's worthwatching, and I mean it wasn't
(21:43):
deeply, deeply serious butBecause of the comedic fear, but
again, I think that's there, sothat is easily digestible, so
that what the author, what Iwould assume the author or the
director is trying to make noteof is that, for those of us who
have been psychologicallyignored or neglected, that
(22:05):
there's still time for us, uh,regardless of how long the issue
, the circumstance, the trauma,the problem existed or presented
itself, no matter how long agothat was, there's still time for
us To receive healing, toreceive help and hope for our
futures.
Um, despite what we've gonethrough, and I think, uh, that
is my takeaway from the filmitself is that we still have
(22:29):
time, not time to waste, youknow, not time to, you know put
it off till next year, or youknow, wait until then, or wait
until this or wait until that,but time right now to deal with
it.
So it is my prayer that yourtakeaway from this episode will
(22:50):
be to identify any A possiblestigmas or biases that you have
toward mental health, um, andthe necessity for mental health
therapists.
Um, I'm hoping that we as asociety in my prayer, honestly,
is that we as a Society canbegin to move away from those
negative thoughts toward it,that we can truly begin to heal,
(23:13):
we can truly begin to open upand tell our stories, as deep
and dark as Her poor, painfulthat they may be, because
Transparency brings freedom andfreedom fosters transparency.
Um, and I think, when we cometo understand that, we'll do
away with some of the shame,some of the guilt, some of those
(23:33):
negative feelings associatedwith, um, opening up or seeking
mental health.
Um, I think we'll do away with.
I think we will do good to doaway with those as we continue
to identify any of them in ourlives.
(23:53):
And as I continue on my owntrauma healing journey, I have
come to the point where Iunderstand the depths, the abs
and the flows, uh, that comealong with healing from
traumatic experiences.
And I understand that I haven'tjust I understand that I
haven't even scratched thesurface of where I've been.
(24:14):
I always say that trauma is themind's picture of where the
soul has been or what the soulhas endured.
And I understand that my soulhas endured a lot and my mind is
still coming to terms with someof those things and therefore,
as a consequence, still havingto heal right, still needing
healing, still requiringVisitation of those painful
(24:37):
experiences of places and things, um, and which you know my
heart and soul have been.
And so let this be a lesson toyou To be a little bit more
gentler, gentler with yourself,a little bit more kinder with
the next person, because younever know where it is that
they're navigating from.
(24:58):
You never know from from whatplace in life they are
approaching you or you areengaging with them.
You never know where they are,and so I feel like Having that
perspective can help us all, notonly in our own journeys, but
also maybe helpful to someoneelse who may also be going
(25:18):
through this journey as well.
If that makes sense, before wego, I'd like to extend an
invitation to you to host thepodcast with me.
Perhaps you have a question,comment or concern regarding
your own trauma healing journeyor that of someone you care
about.
Feel free to contact me.
Check out the show notes at thebottom of each episode.
(25:39):
There's also a ton of otherresources books, information,
links to other mental healththerapists as such as well.
Also, just a littleannouncement trying for the
trauma does have merch.
We have hoodies, baseball caps,mugs, and we're working on
Adding to that collection.
If you'd like to purchase also,please email me.
(26:01):
You can purchase them via emailor you can purchase them via my
tiktok shop.
I am even all my platformsInstagram, facebook, tiktok in
YouTube Try and forward trauma.
There's also have a YouTubepage where you can see some of
the videos we've posted there aswell.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
Remember now thanks be unto God, who always causes us to
(26:23):
triumph.
That's 2nd Corinthians, 2 and14.
God bless you.
See you next time.
Hey y'all, welcome to Triumph Over Trauma, the
podcast.
Listen y'all.
I created this podcast because,like so many other people, I've
had a traumatic past.
I didn't always realize howthose things affected me
negatively and how I evencarried them into my adult life,
and so I wanted to create aspace where other people could
come and we could have candidconversations on how you
(00:22):
identify trauma, how younavigate it and how you recover
from traumatic experiences.
If this resonates with you,then join me.
I am your host and traumasurvivor, ms Eve McNair.
Let's get into it.
What's up guys?
Welcome back to Triumph OverTrauma, listen.
(00:43):
I know it's been a little bit,so we're just going to go right
into the episode because, listen, y'all know life be life and we
gotta get in where we can fitin, okay, and today, just where
I fit in.
Listen, this is the women 15th2023.
I'm coming to you with a newepisode.
The episode is based on themovie A Snowy Day in Oakley
(01:04):
Listen.
If you haven't seen the movie,pause the episode.
Go watch it and come back andfinish listening.
If you don't mind spoileralerts, then continue to watch
or continue to listen.
I should say Listen.
So I watched the Snowy Day inOakley about three times.
First time I was like, oh, it'sa cute movie.
Second time I was like, wait aminute, I'm picking up on a lot
of cultural norms here that wesometimes overlook as it relates
(01:27):
to mental health in the blackcommunity, the sickness
associated with mental healththerapy and the need for it.
And so I watched it again athird time and I was like, oh, I
see what's going on here, I seewhat they did here.
You have to watch the movie.
There's literally a characterin the movie for everyone.
I'm pretty sure that everybodycan relate to at least one of
(01:49):
the characters that's in themovie.
There's a married couple,there's a pastor.
There is a bodega owner, it's amale lady.
There's a boutique owner.
This story is centered around,or centered in, a neighborhood
of storefront businesses and allof the businesses each have a
storefront and this woman comesand moves and she's actually a
(02:12):
psychologist and everybody isliterally up in arms regarding
her being there and they're likewhat is going on?
Why is she here?
And they slowly but surely comearound to the fact that not
only could they use mentalhealth therapists, but that they
start to see that there is abenefit to mental health therapy
and slowly the movie kind ofpicks apart each cultural norm
(02:36):
or each stigma that is typicallyassociated with some of the
cultural norms that we seeregarding mental health and the
need for mental health therapy,and so it does have a comedic
flair to it, but I think it'seasy.
I think it has a comedic flairbecause it helps you to digest
the problems that we sometimesignore.
It's a really, really goodmovie.
(02:57):
I'm going to go ahead and pickapart some of those cultural
norms, some of those stigmas,and break down each one of them
and why do we do the way that wedo, why do we think the way we
think regarding them and why dowe feel the way we feel about it
, and let's see if we can findourselves in between any of
these stigmas that we see.
Okay, so one of the stigmasassociated with mental health
(03:22):
that is partly addressed or kindof like exposed in the movie is
the idea that black peopledon't talk about their problems,
that our problems are betweenus and God, and when I heard
that being said and when I heardthat in the movie, I was like
you know what that rings true,because before I became a trauma
and mental health advocate.
(03:42):
I definitely didn't talk aboutany of my issues, any of my past
traumas, any of my mentalhealth concerns, any of my
mental health struggles.
I had never talked about it toanyone outside of Jesus, and
this was before I even came totherapy.
Before I even went to therapy,I hadn't even told anybody.
At one point, I wasn't eventalking to God about it.
(04:03):
So I definitely resonated withthat thought that black people
don't talk about their problemsand that their problems are
whether it be mental health orany other type of problems are
most likely between them and God, and I wanted to kind of take a
moment to think about that.
Why is it?
Why have we grown to a pointwhere we don't talk about it?
(04:28):
Why have we become so relegatedto the idea that our problems
aren't to be discussed outsideof prayer Right Now?
Don't get me wrong Prayer ismost definitely a tool that I
have come to appreciate, so muchso in my trauma healing journey
(04:50):
.
But why is the mental healthissues, traumas, trials,
tribulations of life so undertalked about, so under discussed
with anybody else outside ofthe Father, outside of Jesus,
outside of the Lord?
Why don't we talk about it?
Why is it an issue for us totalk about it.
(05:11):
Our issues are struggles andtraumas and our problems.
Why is it and we have to beginto look at that bit, because I
think that holds us back as apeople is that we're not talking
about it, and if we are, we'rekind of like talking at it,
we're kind of like talking overit.
It's starting to be discussed ina lot of different media
outlets.
I remember when the story brokeregarding Kurt Franklin and him
(05:36):
finding his real biological dad, right.
I remember when the story brokeregarding Carrie Washington and
her coming to understand thather, the man she called Father,
wasn't her father.
And I remember thinking, wow,people are addressing father
wounds, right, people areaddressing their parental wounds
.
And I also thought to myselffor so many of us who watch
(06:01):
their stories on TV, there areso many of us who can relate.
Right, though we're not in thespotlight, we still haven't
talked about it, we haven'tdiscussed it.
There is no documentary forwhat we've gone through, but
we've all gone through it.
Maybe there would be, maybe wewould see more stories like this
(06:24):
portrayed in the media or evenaccepted in the media and
entertainment industry if morepeople were talking about it, if
more people were saying, hey,listen, something happened to me
and it has altered my brainchemistry or has changed the way
I think and feel about myself.
It has changed the way I seethe world.
It has changed my perspective,right, because, for instance,
(06:48):
for people who do have parentalwounds, your father is one who
shapes how you show up in theworld, right, your father is one
who shapes how you show up inthe world and your mother is one
who shapes how you feel aboutyourself, and sometimes those
two things collidecatastrophically because we
(07:09):
don't know that I feel the way Ifeel because of a parental
wound, right, because of myrelationship with my father and
my mother, and we go off intothe world and lead lives that we
don't realize are partlyfractured because of how we grew
up, but nobody's talking aboutit, right.
Nobody's saying, hey, these aremy issues, I mean.
(07:31):
But who would?
Especially within certaincommunities, because we're kind
of we've kind of grownaccustomed to not being heard,
to not being listened to, right,to not having platforms that
speak about our pain without itbeing misconstrued to mean
something else.
(07:51):
Right, tell someone thinkingthat we're trying to pull a race
card or something we're notused to speaking about the
things that we've gone throughand we carry that into every
area of our lives andrelationships and how we feel
about ourselves.
We carry that into our adultlife, how we live our lives.
(08:11):
You can see it manifested in somany different ways, and so
that was one of the things thatwas kind of exposed during the
movie is that black people don'ttalk about their problems.
Our problems are between us andGod and they are, but they are
also between you and your mentalhealth therapist, between you
and your family, between you andyour best friend, right?
(08:32):
These are things that we shouldbe.
We should begin to cultivatesafe spaces so that we can talk
about what it is we've gonethrough, not just to God, and
not I don't say that to minimizethe power of talking to the
Lord.
I don't say that to minimize thepower of prayer.
I say that to amplify the powerof transparency with one
(08:54):
another.
Even the Bible itself saysconfess your faults one to
another, right, and God wants usto confess our faults one to
another so that we are healed,so that we are strengthened, so
that we can be forgiven, butalso so that we can be restored.
And when you talk about whenyou take.
When you, when you talk aboutrestoration or being healed or a
(09:16):
healing journey, we oftennegate the fact that
transparency is the bridge thatgets us to the other side.
The other stigma that wasexposed in the movie is that
people often look atpsychologists or psychiatrists
or mental health professionalsas head shrinks, and I never
(09:38):
understood what that means, like, oh, you want to go see a
shrink right.
And when I did some research,there were so many different
like colloquialism, so manydifferent meanings, especially
on urban dictionary, but one ofthe ones that stuck out to me
the most was that there was thisnegative stigma associated with
(09:59):
the negative stigma that mentalhealth professionals of any of
any kind will heal you in termsof being able to shrink your
head and the problems that youhave will dissipate, because
there will be some sort of magicon you that will change the
(10:20):
size of your head, change yourbrain size or your brain
structure.
And sometimes we repeat thingslike that generationally and
don't have any idea where theycome from.
Well, it was originally thoughtthat psychologists were witch
doctors and that they had theability to heal you by casting
some sort of spell that actuallyshrunk your head, shrunk your
(10:43):
brain size, and it's crazybecause I've heard that term so
often and I never knew that itwas related to that.
I never knew that it wasrelated to that idea, right, and
it goes to show you that thereare things that are said
generationally in certaincommunities and certain cultural
norms that are passed down thatwe have no idea what their
(11:06):
origins are or how they continueto negatively affect us, like,
for instance, I remember hearingthat if you're driving in a car
you can't turn on the lightthat's inside of the car, then
you could be pulled over forthat.
Now, I don't know if that's truein every state, don't know if
(11:28):
that's literally a motor vehiclelaw, but in the state where I
live, in the state of New Jersey, that is not a law.
It is not illegal to drive withthe inside light on right.
You shouldn't, because not onlycould it be distracting to you
or the person you know, otherpersons on the road, it's not
illegal.
But we've heard that so oftenand I've never seen it in any
(11:53):
other motor vehicle pamphlets.
I don't think it was ever onthe test that I took to get my
driver's license, and Even as myother children came up and they
began to get their license.
It was never something theywere struck, instructed about in
school.
It's literally a myth, an urbanlegend, and sometimes there are
so many urban legends passed onthat we accept this truth and
don't realize it.
But the dangerous thing is whenwe accept these urban legends
(12:16):
as truth when it pertains to ourown physical, mental and
emotional health, right.
The dangerous thing is when weaccept urban legends when it, as
it relates to our mental andemotional health, our silenced,
our psychological health.
And so what was the other one?
There was another one that saysWell, we don't need a
(12:37):
psychologist, a psychiatrist ora mental health therapist,
because we have our pastors andour pastors have God.
But, believe it or not, evenour pastors Go through things
right.
Life lives for everybody.
Life is going to continue tolife, regardless of is if,
regardless of if you're calledto preach, teach the gospel, or
(13:00):
if you're called to, you know,be in the congregation.
And so even our pastors can use, can use therapy.
Even our pastors should Utilizethat resource.
Yes, our pastors, yes, we dohave our pastors and yes, our
pastors do have God.
But that does not negate thefact that counsel is A vital
(13:22):
tool.
Even the Bible says and here Igo quoting scriptures again.
But even the Bible says in themultitude of counsel there is
safety, which means that, whichmeans which, which, which goes
to say that no man is island tohimself and you can never be Be
so okay that you can't utilizeCounsel, wise counsel especially
(13:46):
and sometimes we negate wisecounsel if it's coming from
someone in a mental healthbackground.
Now, and another thing that themovie pointed out is that is
that though the therapist cameto help, you know, to be of
assistance to those who werepsychologically ignored or
Negate, neglected, she herselfneeded some attention.
(14:09):
She herself had some thingsgoing on in the background of
her life.
And what I've come to understandis that even Therapists need
therapists.
Even my own therapist has atherapist right, and I would I
think I would actually bealarmed, I would kind of be
taken back if I had a mentalhealth therapist who said I
don't believe that I need oneright, I don't believe that
(14:31):
therapists should have them,because I would be taken back, I
would be, I would be off put,because I I understand the power
of counsel, I understand thepower of being able to
decompress with someone who isnot only Neutral but who who
holds space professionally Forpeople's emotions, thoughts,
(14:53):
feelings, and without judgment,and who could offer valid
professional In order to helpyou.
Right?
But their opinions or theiranswers have been tried Through
study and research and so, yes,therapists need therapists too.
And now one of the ones that Ithought was the most hilarious
(15:14):
right was there's a young man Iforget his name, but there's a
young man in the movie who goesto see the therapist, but not
for an appointment.
He's basically just trying tosell his CDs and he says to the
therapist listen, nobody's goingto pay you money, nobody's
gonna give you money to talkabout their stuff when they
(15:35):
don't know you.
I'm not gonna pay you to talkabout my problems and I don't
even know you.
But the fact of the matter isis there are problems that we
have that we don't talk aboutwith the people that we do know
for free right, and weundervalue mental health therapy
.
We undervalue the power oftherapy, of counseling, of
(15:56):
Behavior therapy, of cognitivetherapy, of emotional therapy.
We undervalue.
We undervalue the power oftherapy when we, when we say
that I'm not going to pay youmoney for it because either way
you're gonna pay.
You're gonna pay either at thepharmacy when you're filling
prescriptions in or you're gonnapay.
(16:18):
Pay as a result of unresolvedtrauma, when it shows up in your
life, when it manifests indifferent areas like anger,
depression, anxiety.
You're gonna pay in thatcapacity, or you may pay if it
manifests In your relationships,right in your everyday life.
So if you're going to payfinancially, why?
(16:40):
If you're going to have to pay,if there is a cost associated
with gardening your mentalhealth, let it be a cost
associated with preventive carerather than care in the
aftermath.
Right, we should be focusing onpreventive health care rather
than traditional health care.
Traditional health care sayswhen there is a symptom that has
(17:00):
manifested, then we go get help, versus preventive health care
says listen, regardless ofwhether there's a symptom or not
.
I want to get ahead of this,especially having known my past
history, right, things I've gonethrough, things I've
experienced, and so I'm going tobe preventive, or I like to say
proactive instead of reactive.
(17:22):
Now, there was a scene in themovie in which the young
African-American male wasbasically a canvas in the
neighborhood looking forsomebody to buy his CDs.
He was selling his CDs all overthe neighborhood and as he was
leaving the psychologist'soffice after attempting to sell
(17:42):
his CDs to her.
He runs into a police officerand the police officer notices
that he has cash in hand and apolice officer begins to
question him where's he goingand what's he doing with the
money that he has.
Then the young boy gets nervousand begins to run.
The officer winds up shootinghim and a spoiler alert he does
(18:04):
survive.
But in the movie that particularscene kind of exposes what we
think and feel regarding policebrutality, the senseless murders
that we've endured over thelast couple of years.
I mean, there have been so many, I'm afraid to name a few,
(18:24):
because there's been so many,but some of the higher profile
cases that we've seen.
But nobody is talking about thetrauma or the mental health
challenges that one faces afterhaving gone through something
like that.
And then how do we as a societyheal from that?
(18:45):
How do you reconcile that?
Because you still need thepolice and their job is still to
protect and serve.
But it becomes, there becomes alevel of mistrust, there
becomes a level of insecurity,of a feeling of unsafety because
of what has happened to howwe've been treated historically
(19:07):
in the past.
And so even that is one inwhich we should be seeking there
before.
I remember, at the height of thepandemic, where we were
discussing different casesGeorge Floyd, sandra Bland, just
different things that weregoing on.
A group of us were discussingit and I remember the anxiety
(19:30):
welling up.
I remember the anxiety wellingup.
I remember becoming overwhelmedwith fear, with distrust, and
those are things that we have toyield in therapy.
Those are things that we haveto begin to work through so that
we are not fearful Of thepeople who should be protecting
(19:53):
us.
Right, and I think I think theofficers themselves in general,
whether they've been involved inanything like that or not, but
I think the officers in general,I think that they also need,
can benefit from therapy,because there are things that
are happening, things thatthey're seeing, things that
they're exposed to, differenttrainings that they're made
(20:13):
privy to, that need, you know,need to be reviewed, and also
they need a place where they candecompress so that they're not
walking around Full of anxiety.
You know anger, rage andyielding Unfortunately yielding
(20:34):
weapons.
You know that should be used toprotect and serve, but instead
it has been used historically toTo her, to harm us, and so that
was one of the things in themovie that I appreciated and I
thought was interesting, whatwas very sensitive topic and I
almost didn't want to make apoint of it on the podcast
because it's so sensitive and Itry my best to be careful With
(20:58):
what I say and how that I say.
How I say it because I don'twant People to be offended, I
don't want to be insensitive andI don't want to harm anybody
with my words, right?
But I say all that to say,although this was a movie, you
know what they say art imitateslife and you know this is a film
(21:20):
, but it rings very true.
A lot of the different scenariosthat you see in a film Rings
very true to our society today,which is why I said I think that
there is Somebody in the filmthat we all can identify with.
If not, you know more than oneperson, there's at least
somebody in the film that we canall identify with.
So again, I think it's worthwatching, and I mean it wasn't
(21:43):
deeply, deeply serious butBecause of the comedic fear, but
again, I think that's there, sothat is easily digestible, so
that what the author, what Iwould assume the author or the
director is trying to make noteof is that, for those of us who
have been psychologicallyignored or neglected, that
(22:05):
there's still time for us, uh,regardless of how long the issue
, the circumstance, the trauma,the problem existed or presented
itself, no matter how long agothat was, there's still time for
us To receive healing, toreceive help and hope for our
futures.
Um, despite what we've gonethrough, and I think, uh, that
is my takeaway from the filmitself is that we still have
(22:29):
time, not time to waste, youknow, not time to, you know put
it off till next year, or youknow, wait until then, or wait
until this or wait until that,but time right now to deal with
it.
So it is my prayer that yourtakeaway from this episode will
(22:50):
be to identify any A possiblestigmas or biases that you have
toward mental health, um, andthe necessity for mental health
therapists.
Um, I'm hoping that we as asociety in my prayer, honestly,
is that we as a Society canbegin to move away from those
negative thoughts toward it,that we can truly begin to heal,
(23:13):
we can truly begin to open upand tell our stories, as deep
and dark as Her poor, painfulthat they may be, because
Transparency brings freedom andfreedom fosters transparency.
Um, and I think, when we cometo understand that, we'll do
away with some of the shame,some of the guilt, some of those
(23:33):
negative feelings associatedwith, um, opening up or seeking
mental health.
Um, I think we'll do away with.
I think we will do good to doaway with those as we continue
to identify any of them in ourlives.
(23:53):
And as I continue on my owntrauma healing journey, I have
come to the point where Iunderstand the depths, the abs
and the flows, uh, that comealong with healing from
traumatic experiences.
And I understand that I haven'tjust I understand that I
haven't even scratched thesurface of where I've been.
(24:14):
I always say that trauma is themind's picture of where the
soul has been or what the soulhas endured.
And I understand that my soulhas endured a lot and my mind is
still coming to terms with someof those things and therefore,
as a consequence, still havingto heal right, still needing
healing, still requiringVisitation of those painful
(24:37):
experiences of places and things, um, and which you know my
heart and soul have been.
And so let this be a lesson toyou To be a little bit more
gentler, gentler with yourself,a little bit more kinder with
the next person, because younever know where it is that
they're navigating from.
(24:58):
You never know from from whatplace in life they are
approaching you or you areengaging with them.
You never know where they are,and so I feel like Having that
perspective can help us all, notonly in our own journeys, but
also maybe helpful to someoneelse who may also be going
(25:18):
through this journey as well.
If that makes sense, before wego, I'd like to extend an
invitation to you to host thepodcast with me.
Perhaps you have a question,comment or concern regarding
your own trauma healing journeyor that of someone you care
about.
Feel free to contact me.
Check out the show notes at thebottom of each episode.
(25:39):
There's also a ton of otherresources books, information,
links to other mental healththerapists as such as well.
Also, just a littleannouncement trying for the
trauma does have merch.
We have hoodies, baseball caps,mugs, and we're working on
Adding to that collection.
If you'd like to purchase also,please email me.
(26:01):
You can purchase them via emailor you can purchase them via my
tiktok shop.
I am even all my platformsInstagram, facebook, tiktok in
YouTube Try and forward trauma.
There's also have a YouTubepage where you can see some of
the videos we've posted there aswell.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
Remember now thanks be unto God, who always causes us to
(26:23):
triumph.
That's 2nd Corinthians, 2 and14.
God bless you.
See you next time.
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