May 27, 2024 • 25 mins
Is it possible to triumph over profound adversity and find a renewed sense of purpose? Join us as we welcome back Jen Vonn for a deeply moving continuation of her story in "Triumph Over Trauma." Jen's courageous recount of living with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) sheds light on the complex challenges she's faced with speech and understanding. She reveals her decision to opt for medication over surgery to manage seizures, preserving her language and personality traits. Jen's journey is not just about coping but thriving against the odds, as we also touch on her parents' legal battles to hold her school accountable for the incident leading to her injury.
How does faith interplay with mental health in a world that's increasingly recognizing the importance of both? In "Faith, Mental Health, and Generational Influence," we examine the evolving landscape of mental health within faith communities. This conversation stresses the necessity of professional counseling along with spiritual practices, we spotlight the shift in attitudes across generations, recognizing the role of therapy in fostering holistic well-being and the courage it takes to break cycles of secrecy and neglect.
- What is Trauma? Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. An emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, abuse, neglect or natural disaster.
- How to cope with Trauma Talk to a few trusted people, open up about your struggle, seek online support groups, read self-help books or practice small acts of self-care such as meditation, breathwork, yoga and exercise can help you regain some feeling of control.”
- Find a therapist Get Started (betterhelp.com)
Online Psychiatric Medication & Mental Telehealth Services - Rx Anxiety, Depression & Insomnia Treatment | Cerebral - Triumph Over Trauma Scripture: II Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto to God, who always causes us to Triumph in Christ....
- Books I'm reading on my healing journey.
- It Didn't Start with You! - How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes who we are, & how to end the cycle. https://a.co/d/f22BoLk
Home Coming- Thema Bryant
https://www.amazon.com/dp/059341831X/ref=cm_sw_r_em_api_i_TE4YHJQ63FA21362FP79
The Body Keeps the Score <
2 Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto God, who always causes us to Triumph!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey y'all, welcome to Triumph Over Trauma, the
podcast.
Listen y'all.
I created this podcast because,like so many other people, I've
had a traumatic past.
I didn't always realize howthose things affected me
negatively and how I evencarried them into my adult life,
and so I wanted to create aspace where other people could
come and we could have candidconversations on how you
(00:22):
identify trauma, how do younavigate it and how you recover
from traumatic experiences.
If this resonates with you,then join me.
I am your host and traumasurvivor, ms Eve McNair.
Let's get into it.
What's up guys?
Welcome back to Triumph OverTrauma.
I know it's been a few weeksnow.
I think it's been about threeweeks since the last episode
(00:43):
aired.
That episode was called JenVonn's Story the Power of
Advocacy and Resilience.
Listen.
Her story was so phenomenal tome that I actually had to
re-interview her.
As I was editing the lastepisode I was like, oh, my
goodness, I got some follow-upquestions I need to ask her.
So this week's episode it'spart two is those follow-up
questions that I had to ask her.
So this week's episode it'spart two is those follow up
(01:04):
questions that I had to ask her.
And I'm sure after you listento the first episode of her
story.
You will be wondering the samething that I was before I
re-entered her or re-interviewedher.
Rather, anyways, grab yourtissue, your popcorn, your Bible
, your journal, whatever it isthat you need, because I'm
pretty sure you're going tolaugh, cry and pray after
(01:27):
hearing her response to some ofthe questions I asked.
Thanks again for joining mehere.
I'll talk to you soon.
I was listening to the playbackand getting ready for the edit.
Oh, I should have asked herthis.
Oh, I should have.
You know so, but such aphenomenal story.
You know so, but such aphenomenal story.
I can't wait to hear it.
So I just have a few questions.
(01:54):
I know that you said that afragment of the pencil actually
drifted into your brain rightNow.
That's considered a traumaticbrain injury, a TBI, right?
Yes?
Yes, it is Okay, and I know yousaid it was on the left side.
Did you say that On the leftside?
Did you say that on the leftside?
Yes, and I thought to myselflike the left side of the brain,
I think it's, it's responsiblefor like language, for like
thinking, logic, verbalinformation I'm assuming that
(02:18):
you've had.
I mean to hear from you, tospeak to you?
I cannot, I wouldn't be able totell that, but I'm assuming
that there had to be some sortof challenging cognitively for
you.
Can you speak to that sure?
So you are absolutely correct.
The left side of the brain does, um, work with the language and
(02:38):
actually writing.
So I have not had the surgery todecrease my seizures or stop my
seizures.
One, because I don't have like30 40 seizures a day like other
people.
My seizures were probably liketwice a month.
Okay, I'm great, depending on.
So I chose the route to takemedication.
(03:01):
The second reason is becausethe left side of the brain is
concentrated on the language um,writing, speaking.
I would have honestly had tolearn how to speak, write and
talk again, and I was notprepared for that.
Wow.
So if we had the surgery, thatwould have been.
Yes, yeah, that's one of theeven though you know it's like
(03:24):
80 70 proof that things will getbetter.
But I just chose not to.
I am very, um, I'm very, I'm anintrovert.
I'm also, you know, outgoingperson.
I did not want my personalityto be taken away from me after
surgery.
Yeah, I want to not be myself,right, those not to move forward
(03:47):
with surgery, but I do havecognitive issues.
That's another reason why I'mnot working anymore, because my
common issues declined in thepast 10 years and literally got
worse.
In the past two, three years.
My cognitive issues definitelydeclined as far as, like
sometimes my language speech canbe slurred or slowed down.
(04:11):
I don't understand things asquickly as my peers, it takes me
a little minute and it can beembarrassing, but just part of
the journey.
When you do have epilepsy, whenyou do have a traumatic brain
injury, those are just some ofthe things that you do have to
work around.
Well, again, like I said, tohear from you to look at you,
(04:32):
that's not something I canreadily pick up.
So, again, kudos to you.
You're doing a phenomenal job.
I'm pretty sure there's so muchbehind the scenes work that you
have to do in order to staysharp and you spoke to somebody
that with your regimen andthings that you do for self-care
, so that's amazing.
Again, I'm just in awe.
(04:53):
I'm literally in awe.
Now you know, as I think aboutwhat you said, and it's even how
this incident happened, andimmediately I'm like wait a
minute.
First of all, the school.
This incident happened andimmediately I'm like wait a
minute.
First of all, the school.
I want to say I felt like itwas such an injustice, I mean on
so many levels.
I'm like the boy did what, likewhat happened so immediately
(05:15):
I'm like, who do we need to pullup?
Like you know, were there any,any legal ramifications that
they try to, you know, remedythe situation in any capacity?
So I was out of, like I said, Iwas out of school for four
months.
Okay, during that four monthsmy parents did attempt to sue
(05:37):
the school for not letting themknow that something like that
traumatic happened.
Like I said, it was 1980.
If this were to happen in 2024,it would be canceled, shut down
.
But in 1989 it was I rememberbeing on the witness stand
telling the judge and thewitnesses, the people in the
(06:00):
courtroom, would happen.
But long long story short, wedidn't get anything, not even
hospital bills paid for.
So the little boy and hisfamily moved.
Two weeks after the incident,when I came back to school, he
was no longer there.
And keep in mind like thisschool was like where military
kids went, because we were all.
(06:20):
So I'm not going to say that hemoved because he was stationed
somewhere else, but thatincident happened and two weeks
later he was no longer in myclass.
Wow, so, you know, try to suitthe school, but nothing happened
.
We got nothing.
And I hear the same thing from alot of people right, right,
(06:41):
can't we find him?
He needs to be just, justice,justice, justice.
He doesn't even know, like, howhe affected you, and I'm sure
he doesn't.
I mean, we were both so young.
But friends will say, but hisparents knew that what he did
was wrong and they just moved.
But yeah, I'm not gonna lie,like we have definitely did a
(07:04):
search, but we just haven't, youknow, looked up to find
anything.
But you know it is what it is.
At this point, yeah, yeah, um,very, very noble, mature and
godly of your parents to haveinstilled what seems to be the
(07:25):
power of forgiveness, the powerof letting go, letting God.
What comes to mind, of course,is the scripture vengeance is
mine, save the Lord.
But I know in that momentyou're like I'm going to take
the vengeance, I'm going to getmy leg back, but I know that God
is God and God is just and heis sovereign, and it's not
(07:46):
necessarily that.
You know the human side of us.
Of course.
You know we want to fight, youknow we want to pull up for him.
But, at the end of the day, tosee you triumph in way that you
are is, um, just such a stop onthe devil's head.
Anyway, you know, um, regardlessof who he used, how things went
down, it was definitely a hugenegligence and they are, you
(08:09):
know, responsible.
But I, I would like to think,and I'd like to think in terms
of when we think about ourtraumas and our other things
that we've gone through,especially to no fault of our
own.
What gives me solace is thatknowing that god is just, god is
sovereign, and he will see thatwe are paid back in a way in
which you know we need todeserve to be, and that and
(08:30):
that's where the person'sresponsible as well.
So, um, well, the way I look atit, you, you know he or his
parents may not have beentargeted and maybe charged or
rectified for anything, but Ijust think my mom has taught me
(08:52):
to have faith and see that thegrass on the other side can be
greener.
It's just about how youmaneuver, how you go about it
and, honestly, for years I wasangry, but it was just like god
telling me are you going to beangry?
Are you going to do somethingabout it.
Which one are you going to do?
So I just chose to do somethingabout it.
(09:14):
You know, I can't um punish himfor what he has done, but what
I can do is turn this into apositive situation or a positive
narrative and help others whoare like myself.
Wow, amen, agreed, totallyagree.
Now, you spoke earlier abouttherapy, and again I wanted to
(09:34):
thank you for pointing out thebenefits of therapy, because,
again, there's so much stigmaassociated with trauma, mental
health in general, especiallyfor our types of community, our
community.
Um, what would you say tosomeone who's like kind of on a
fence, questioning whether ornot, uh, therapy is like truly
beneficial?
I I watched this movie calleduh a sunny day in oakland and
(09:58):
just to get a brief synopsisabout this psychologist who
opens up shop in a small kind oflike neighborhood.
It's a storefront shop, and allof the people in that district
that also have businessesthey're like what is this
psychologist doing here?
We don't need no psychologist.
They were calling her a headstraight.
But I say all of that to saywhat?
(10:19):
All of that to say?
What would you say to somebodywho's like is this even real?
Do we even need this.
Is this going to help me?
You know which are some of thethings that they were facing in
the movie as well, you know so.
You know you, especially in ourcommunity.
We get pray about it, um, takeit to god.
We get go to church and go tothe altar and pray, and there's
(10:42):
nothing wrong with any of thoseoptions.
But if we know God, we knowthat God gives people individual
purposes, masters, whatever,however they choose to live
their lives or their careers.
He puts people in position tohelp you flourish.
Except you need to figure outif you want to take those tools.
(11:03):
So I decided to take thosetools, even though to this day,
I get, girl, you should justpray about it.
Girl, you should just write inyour journal.
But sometimes you need anoutlet that's not a friend or a
family member.
You need a different type ofoutlet to help you navigate
those challenging moments thatyou have in life, and that's
(11:26):
what this does for me.
I think it's um helpful.
I think you're going to speak tosomeone especially dealing with
the trauma that I've gonethrough.
Helping you maneuver that, evenlike past trauma, that's what a
therapist is for.
You know, of course I'm gonnago to god.
I'm gonna pray on my knees whenI go to church, but what I'm
(11:46):
also going to do is help thosetools that he's had.
He has people designated for,like a therapist, to go sit down
in their chair.
I think it's healthy, it helpsme deal with my epilepsy, it
helps me deal with life ingeneral.
So I really think it'simportant, when you have a
chronic illness that's invisible, to help you deal with it
everyday ups and downs of life.
(12:06):
I just think it's essential.
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
I love that.
I love that you spoke to thevalidity of it and what the
benefits have been for you,especially, like you said, in
communities of faith.
Word that those, those thingsare said, like you said, in
communities of faith, wherethose things are said, like you
know, just pray, give it to God.
But I think sometimes we forgetthat there's a scripture that
says, in the multitude ofcounsel there is safety, right.
(12:28):
So counsel is beneficial, right, even the scripture that
describes God as having thisspirit of counsel and, like you
said, he gives that gift toindividuals to be a benefit to
us, right, um.
So I love that, becausesometimes I think there's this,
um, false guilt that we have, orashamed that the devil wants to
(12:49):
give people, especially infaith and communities of faith,
like, if I go to council, if Igo to therapy, I'm not trusting
god, right, um, but my faith isnot strong enough if, if I have
to speak to someone.
You know but it's so funny thatit works that way, that that,
that that mindset is set up thatway, or a system that the enemy
sets up, you know why?
(13:10):
Because the generations beforeus, like my mom, my grandmother,
my aunties, they didn't go totherapy, they didn't us dived so
heavy into their faith and whatthey taught us was was also the
same thing, but at the samething.
(13:30):
At the same time, thegeneration before us didn't know
about self-care.
A part of self-care is going totherapy.
You want to have a healthymental health is important,
right.
And the generation before us Ilook at my mom, my God bless the
dead my granny, my aunt.
They just were women thatfought through anything.
(13:51):
They didn't go to sit down andtalk to anyone.
But we live in a world todaywhere mental health is a top
priority and going to speak tosomeone is important.
So I think that's why a lot ofthe generation that we see now
was just like mental health andself-care.
I never saw anyone in my familyolder than me talk about any
(14:15):
type of self-care.
Right, right, right, yeah, yeah.
I remember thinking when I wasyounger if, if I were to come to
my grandpa my grandparentsraised me if I were to come to
them and say, you know, I'mfeeling depressed, I think their
response would have been likego in there and depress them,
you know, and like it was like acatch-22, because I think, on
(14:39):
the one hand, they were tryingto instill a strength in you.
Like you know, don't let it putyou down, just keep on going,
keep on going.
And while I can appreciate thatI have also come to, like you
said, I've also come tounderstand the importance of
mental health.
I mean and if you look at itwith to me, I try to look at it
with a spiritual lens I reallybelieve that the Lord is wanting
(15:01):
to do something in the mentalhealth space and it relates to
people of faith and even in theworld at large.
But there's such a magnifyingglass now that you hear traumas
being spoken about at large,where we were used to keeping
secrets, like you said, keepingthese things in the dark,
keeping secrets, like you said,keeping these things in the dark
(15:21):
, and you can see how keepingthat mindset or having that
behavior, where we keep thingsin secrecy, where we hide it or
where we ignore it, it starts tobreak you down.
It does, and there's such adestructive behavior on the long
haul that comes with avoidance.
You can still have faith andpray to God concerning your
(15:44):
situation, but I think there's afine line between having faith
in God and using it as a tool toavoid.
You know the pain or the traumaor the things that you know
seem scary.
You know scary in life, and soI love that you have such a
balance between faith and mentalhealth and the practicality
(16:05):
that comes with seeking a mentalhealth professional.
Certainly now you spoke againsuch a so highly about your
mother's spirit, spiritualityand how, especially in the early
years of your diagnosis, it wasso beneficial to you and to
(16:28):
even to her, monitoring how youwould develop and the symptoms
that she would see, and itsounds like she has passed on a
legacy or basically laid thefoundation for your faith.
How important to you would yousay that influenced your own
walk with the Lord.
Was it a struggle like youaccepting God's will or that
(16:50):
this happened to you, or was itjust?
Was it easier in that regard?
Because that foundation wasthere?
Um, I think it was always easy,um, seeing my mom my God
blessed that my granny and myaunt instilling in me at such a
young age what and who God was,not just to them, but allowing
(17:12):
me to seek out and find out whoGod was to myself.
On this journey and there weremany days where I questioned him
and why.
But I always go back to beforewe were even created.
God knew the story of my life,so it was more of acceptance on
(17:34):
my part.
I need you to accept thesethings.
I need you to accept thisbecause on the other side,
there's a lot of gifts, there'sblessings I have for you, but
you're not.
I wasn't ready for a long time.
I was not ready.
I was and I shouldn't say I'mnot I wasn't ready, I was afraid
of being on the other side.
(17:56):
When I became confident in myrelationship with God and as
soon as I allowed myself to bevulnerable with him, I'm able to
see the purpose of what I'msupposed to be doing and I feel
as though, if you have arelationship with God, um you,
he'll show you.
You just supposed to be doing.
And I feel as though, if youhave a relationship with God,
he'll show you.
You just have to pay attention.
(18:17):
You know I 20 years ago, when Iwould pray to him.
And why this?
Why me?
Why am I struggling withcognitive issues?
I can't do this.
Now I see, 20 years later, thathe had already had all this
stuff in the making.
Amen, that's awesome.
That's awesome, and I feel likethat's what faith is all about.
It's trusting God in theunknown, trusting God, as they
(18:43):
would say.
Well, you can't trace them, youknow, even when you don't
understand.
I think it develops such anappreciation for his sovereignty
, also for his ability tosupport us in those times.
Right, I say this about my lifethat I have always been at a
turtle speed, and a turtle isvery slow.
(19:03):
A turtle has its own pace.
How they maneuver, yes, likegod decided to to bless me at a
turtle space, because I knowthat's weird and I don't even
know.
I love that analogy.
You know, when a turtle hastheir walk slow, you know they
(19:26):
hide, sometimes for months at atime, and I feel like that's
what God did for me for a while.
He hid, not in a bad way, butit was the hiding for me,
because I had to learn who JenVaughn really was and I also had
to learn who Jen Vaughn was inChrist.
Wow, yeah, wow, that's deep.
(19:46):
I love that, that's awesome.
And sometimes I think about myown processing speed, like you
know, when I look back at someof the traumatic things that I
have experienced and how it hasaffected me mentally,
emotionally, cognitively.
You know, of course, there aretimes where I come to God and I
say like, wow, I can't believethat it took me so long to get
that.
I can't believe that.
(20:06):
I didn't understand that.
And I remember thinking likeGod, okay, if I'm slow, just say
that.
Like, how come I'm not pickingup what you putting down, but
you even mean appreciation forjust God allowing us to be in
that space when sometimes wejust don't get it.
You know, yeah, we don't get it.
We don't get it.
And I'm going to be transparent.
(20:27):
I don't know if I spoke aboutthis I'm not able to have kids
due to my epilepsy.
I'm not able to have kids dueto my epilepsy.
I'm older.
Dealing with the fact that I'm,you know, you're around people
that are mothers and you feel,hmm, why, why not me?
I know my mother is wonderful.
I would love to teach my childall these things, but God
(20:49):
blessed me with nieces andnephews and I may not have been
able to give birth naturally,but I have nieces and nephews
that look at me adoringly.
I love that so much and youknow, I think about still at 41,
I still think about having kids, but I also think that what I
(21:09):
have created is my baby, thisnonprofit organization I have
birthed from nothing and now,five years later, we in it.
We in it.
Wow, that's awesome.
I mean, I can't appreciate youenough for such a positive
(21:29):
outlook and attitude.
That's going to help somebody,because sometimes we want to
have our own pity party and whatwith me.
And not that you are notdeserving of it, because, like I
said, when you think about someof the effects or some of the
ways that this has affected yourentire life, we can say, okay,
girl, yeah, you deserve to bemad at the world.
(21:50):
I'm coming over to party withyou.
I got some stuff I want tocomplain about too, but it just
helps you to look at it Likesometimes we take so much for
granted and it just makes youjust be all the more thankful
and grateful because someoneelse is going through something
you know and handling it andmastering it in a way that we
(22:14):
feel like, oh, my God, I don'teven know if I would do, you
know, if that were me.
So, again, just speaks to suchthat I'm reminded of that
scripture that says I'll giveyou grace.
Um, my grace is sufficient foryou.
God's grace in your life isliterally sufficient for you to
to walk through what you'rewalking through, and sometimes
you don't realize, you know, wethink, oh, but it's literally
(22:36):
sufficient for your situation,for your circumstance, for your
life's work.
And I'm literally seeingevidence of the grace of god
over my life and it just makesyou more, more cognizant.
Yes, it does, it really doeswell.
Again, thank you so much.
I just had those follow-upquestions.
I was like, hopefully, okay,I'm going to listen to it again
(22:57):
and hopefully I won't come upwith no more.
But my wheels started turningand I was like, oh, wait a
minute, I got to go back.
I said she's going to be likelady, leave me.
No, no, no, probably not, Idon't mind at all.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
Thank you, okay, guys.
That is all for today.
I pray that you are encouraged,inspired, motivated to live life
(23:20):
outside of the bounds of thetrauma that you have experienced
.
Listen, don't forget thisepisode is a part of a new
series called your Story, wherewe're looking to hear from you.
We've all gone throughsomething.
We've all experienced somethingtraumatic, something that
might've been devastating,something that might've changed
(23:41):
the course of our lives forever.
I want to hear from you.
Please get in touch with me.
The links are in the show notes.
There are other resources aswell books I'm reading, links to
therapists and things of thatnature but there's also ways to
contact me and get in touch withme.
I am Miss Eve on all of mysocials Facebook, instagram and
(24:02):
TikTok.
Get in touch with me.
Let me hear from you so that wecan set up an opportunity for
you to be a part of this showand share your story.
Thanks so much for tuning intoday and remember now thanks be
unto God, who always causes usto triumph.
God bless you, thank you.
Hey y'all, welcome to Triumph Over Trauma, the
podcast.
Listen y'all.
I created this podcast because,like so many other people, I've
had a traumatic past.
I didn't always realize howthose things affected me
negatively and how I evencarried them into my adult life,
and so I wanted to create aspace where other people could
come and we could have candidconversations on how you
(00:22):
identify trauma, how do younavigate it and how you recover
from traumatic experiences.
If this resonates with you,then join me.
I am your host and traumasurvivor, ms Eve McNair.
Let's get into it.
What's up guys?
Welcome back to Triumph OverTrauma.
I know it's been a few weeksnow.
I think it's been about threeweeks since the last episode
(00:43):
aired.
That episode was called JenVonn's Story the Power of
Advocacy and Resilience.
Listen.
Her story was so phenomenal tome that I actually had to
re-interview her.
As I was editing the lastepisode I was like, oh, my
goodness, I got some follow-upquestions I need to ask her.
So this week's episode it'spart two is those follow-up
questions that I had to ask her.
So this week's episode it'spart two is those follow up
(01:04):
questions that I had to ask her.
And I'm sure after you listento the first episode of her
story.
You will be wondering the samething that I was before I
re-entered her or re-interviewedher.
Rather, anyways, grab yourtissue, your popcorn, your Bible
, your journal, whatever it isthat you need, because I'm
pretty sure you're going tolaugh, cry and pray after
(01:27):
hearing her response to some ofthe questions I asked.
Thanks again for joining mehere.
I'll talk to you soon.
I was listening to the playbackand getting ready for the edit.
Oh, I should have asked herthis.
Oh, I should have.
You know so, but such aphenomenal story.
You know so, but such aphenomenal story.
I can't wait to hear it.
So I just have a few questions.
(01:54):
I know that you said that afragment of the pencil actually
drifted into your brain rightNow.
That's considered a traumaticbrain injury, a TBI, right?
Yes?
Yes, it is Okay, and I know yousaid it was on the left side.
Did you say that On the leftside?
Did you say that on the leftside?
Yes, and I thought to myselflike the left side of the brain,
I think it's, it's responsiblefor like language, for like
thinking, logic, verbalinformation I'm assuming that
(02:18):
you've had.
I mean to hear from you, tospeak to you?
I cannot, I wouldn't be able totell that, but I'm assuming
that there had to be some sortof challenging cognitively for
you.
Can you speak to that sure?
So you are absolutely correct.
The left side of the brain does, um, work with the language and
(02:38):
actually writing.
So I have not had the surgery todecrease my seizures or stop my
seizures.
One, because I don't have like30 40 seizures a day like other
people.
My seizures were probably liketwice a month.
Okay, I'm great, depending on.
So I chose the route to takemedication.
(03:01):
The second reason is becausethe left side of the brain is
concentrated on the language um,writing, speaking.
I would have honestly had tolearn how to speak, write and
talk again, and I was notprepared for that.
Wow.
So if we had the surgery, thatwould have been.
Yes, yeah, that's one of theeven though you know it's like
(03:24):
80 70 proof that things will getbetter.
But I just chose not to.
I am very, um, I'm very, I'm anintrovert.
I'm also, you know, outgoingperson.
I did not want my personalityto be taken away from me after
surgery.
Yeah, I want to not be myself,right, those not to move forward
(03:47):
with surgery, but I do havecognitive issues.
That's another reason why I'mnot working anymore, because my
common issues declined in thepast 10 years and literally got
worse.
In the past two, three years.
My cognitive issues definitelydeclined as far as, like
sometimes my language speech canbe slurred or slowed down.
(04:11):
I don't understand things asquickly as my peers, it takes me
a little minute and it can beembarrassing, but just part of
the journey.
When you do have epilepsy, whenyou do have a traumatic brain
injury, those are just some ofthe things that you do have to
work around.
Well, again, like I said, tohear from you to look at you,
(04:32):
that's not something I canreadily pick up.
So, again, kudos to you.
You're doing a phenomenal job.
I'm pretty sure there's so muchbehind the scenes work that you
have to do in order to staysharp and you spoke to somebody
that with your regimen andthings that you do for self-care
, so that's amazing.
Again, I'm just in awe.
(04:53):
I'm literally in awe.
Now you know, as I think aboutwhat you said, and it's even how
this incident happened, andimmediately I'm like wait a
minute.
First of all, the school.
This incident happened andimmediately I'm like wait a
minute.
First of all, the school.
I want to say I felt like itwas such an injustice, I mean on
so many levels.
I'm like the boy did what, likewhat happened so immediately
(05:15):
I'm like, who do we need to pullup?
Like you know, were there any,any legal ramifications that
they try to, you know, remedythe situation in any capacity?
So I was out of, like I said, Iwas out of school for four
months.
Okay, during that four monthsmy parents did attempt to sue
(05:37):
the school for not letting themknow that something like that
traumatic happened.
Like I said, it was 1980.
If this were to happen in 2024,it would be canceled, shut down
.
But in 1989 it was I rememberbeing on the witness stand
telling the judge and thewitnesses, the people in the
(06:00):
courtroom, would happen.
But long long story short, wedidn't get anything, not even
hospital bills paid for.
So the little boy and hisfamily moved.
Two weeks after the incident,when I came back to school, he
was no longer there.
And keep in mind like thisschool was like where military
kids went, because we were all.
(06:20):
So I'm not going to say that hemoved because he was stationed
somewhere else, but thatincident happened and two weeks
later he was no longer in myclass.
Wow, so, you know, try to suitthe school, but nothing happened
.
We got nothing.
And I hear the same thing from alot of people right, right,
(06:41):
can't we find him?
He needs to be just, justice,justice, justice.
He doesn't even know, like, howhe affected you, and I'm sure
he doesn't.
I mean, we were both so young.
But friends will say, but hisparents knew that what he did
was wrong and they just moved.
But yeah, I'm not gonna lie,like we have definitely did a
(07:04):
search, but we just haven't, youknow, looked up to find
anything.
But you know it is what it is.
At this point, yeah, yeah, um,very, very noble, mature and
godly of your parents to haveinstilled what seems to be the
(07:25):
power of forgiveness, the powerof letting go, letting God.
What comes to mind, of course,is the scripture vengeance is
mine, save the Lord.
But I know in that momentyou're like I'm going to take
the vengeance, I'm going to getmy leg back, but I know that God
is God and God is just and heis sovereign, and it's not
(07:46):
necessarily that.
You know the human side of us.
Of course.
You know we want to fight, youknow we want to pull up for him.
But, at the end of the day, tosee you triumph in way that you
are is, um, just such a stop onthe devil's head.
Anyway, you know, um, regardlessof who he used, how things went
down, it was definitely a hugenegligence and they are, you
(08:09):
know, responsible.
But I, I would like to think,and I'd like to think in terms
of when we think about ourtraumas and our other things
that we've gone through,especially to no fault of our
own.
What gives me solace is thatknowing that god is just, god is
sovereign, and he will see thatwe are paid back in a way in
which you know we need todeserve to be, and that and
(08:30):
that's where the person'sresponsible as well.
So, um, well, the way I look atit, you, you know he or his
parents may not have beentargeted and maybe charged or
rectified for anything, but Ijust think my mom has taught me
(08:52):
to have faith and see that thegrass on the other side can be
greener.
It's just about how youmaneuver, how you go about it
and, honestly, for years I wasangry, but it was just like god
telling me are you going to beangry?
Are you going to do somethingabout it.
Which one are you going to do?
So I just chose to do somethingabout it.
(09:14):
You know, I can't um punish himfor what he has done, but what
I can do is turn this into apositive situation or a positive
narrative and help others whoare like myself.
Wow, amen, agreed, totallyagree.
Now, you spoke earlier abouttherapy, and again I wanted to
(09:34):
thank you for pointing out thebenefits of therapy, because,
again, there's so much stigmaassociated with trauma, mental
health in general, especiallyfor our types of community, our
community.
Um, what would you say tosomeone who's like kind of on a
fence, questioning whether ornot, uh, therapy is like truly
beneficial?
I I watched this movie calleduh a sunny day in oakland and
(09:58):
just to get a brief synopsisabout this psychologist who
opens up shop in a small kind oflike neighborhood.
It's a storefront shop, and allof the people in that district
that also have businessesthey're like what is this
psychologist doing here?
We don't need no psychologist.
They were calling her a headstraight.
But I say all of that to saywhat?
(10:19):
All of that to say?
What would you say to somebodywho's like is this even real?
Do we even need this.
Is this going to help me?
You know which are some of thethings that they were facing in
the movie as well, you know so.
You know you, especially in ourcommunity.
We get pray about it, um, takeit to god.
We get go to church and go tothe altar and pray, and there's
(10:42):
nothing wrong with any of thoseoptions.
But if we know God, we knowthat God gives people individual
purposes, masters, whatever,however they choose to live
their lives or their careers.
He puts people in position tohelp you flourish.
Except you need to figure outif you want to take those tools.
(11:03):
So I decided to take thosetools, even though to this day,
I get, girl, you should justpray about it.
Girl, you should just write inyour journal.
But sometimes you need anoutlet that's not a friend or a
family member.
You need a different type ofoutlet to help you navigate
those challenging moments thatyou have in life, and that's
(11:26):
what this does for me.
I think it's um helpful.
I think you're going to speak tosomeone especially dealing with
the trauma that I've gonethrough.
Helping you maneuver that, evenlike past trauma, that's what a
therapist is for.
You know, of course I'm gonnago to god.
I'm gonna pray on my knees whenI go to church, but what I'm
(11:46):
also going to do is help thosetools that he's had.
He has people designated for,like a therapist, to go sit down
in their chair.
I think it's healthy, it helpsme deal with my epilepsy, it
helps me deal with life ingeneral.
So I really think it'simportant, when you have a
chronic illness that's invisible, to help you deal with it
everyday ups and downs of life.
(12:06):
I just think it's essential.
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
I love that.
I love that you spoke to thevalidity of it and what the
benefits have been for you,especially, like you said, in
communities of faith.
Word that those, those thingsare said, like you said, in
communities of faith, wherethose things are said, like you
know, just pray, give it to God.
But I think sometimes we forgetthat there's a scripture that
says, in the multitude ofcounsel there is safety, right.
(12:28):
So counsel is beneficial, right, even the scripture that
describes God as having thisspirit of counsel and, like you
said, he gives that gift toindividuals to be a benefit to
us, right, um.
So I love that, becausesometimes I think there's this,
um, false guilt that we have, orashamed that the devil wants to
(12:49):
give people, especially infaith and communities of faith,
like, if I go to council, if Igo to therapy, I'm not trusting
god, right, um, but my faith isnot strong enough if, if I have
to speak to someone.
You know but it's so funny thatit works that way, that that,
that that mindset is set up thatway, or a system that the enemy
sets up, you know why?
(13:10):
Because the generations beforeus, like my mom, my grandmother,
my aunties, they didn't go totherapy, they didn't us dived so
heavy into their faith and whatthey taught us was was also the
same thing, but at the samething.
(13:30):
At the same time, thegeneration before us didn't know
about self-care.
A part of self-care is going totherapy.
You want to have a healthymental health is important,
right.
And the generation before us Ilook at my mom, my God bless the
dead my granny, my aunt.
They just were women thatfought through anything.
(13:51):
They didn't go to sit down andtalk to anyone.
But we live in a world todaywhere mental health is a top
priority and going to speak tosomeone is important.
So I think that's why a lot ofthe generation that we see now
was just like mental health andself-care.
I never saw anyone in my familyolder than me talk about any
(14:15):
type of self-care.
Right, right, right, yeah, yeah.
I remember thinking when I wasyounger if, if I were to come to
my grandpa my grandparentsraised me if I were to come to
them and say, you know, I'mfeeling depressed, I think their
response would have been likego in there and depress them,
you know, and like it was like acatch-22, because I think, on
(14:39):
the one hand, they were tryingto instill a strength in you.
Like you know, don't let it putyou down, just keep on going,
keep on going.
And while I can appreciate thatI have also come to, like you
said, I've also come tounderstand the importance of
mental health.
I mean and if you look at itwith to me, I try to look at it
with a spiritual lens I reallybelieve that the Lord is wanting
(15:01):
to do something in the mentalhealth space and it relates to
people of faith and even in theworld at large.
But there's such a magnifyingglass now that you hear traumas
being spoken about at large,where we were used to keeping
secrets, like you said, keepingthese things in the dark,
keeping secrets, like you said,keeping these things in the dark
(15:21):
, and you can see how keepingthat mindset or having that
behavior, where we keep thingsin secrecy, where we hide it or
where we ignore it, it starts tobreak you down.
It does, and there's such adestructive behavior on the long
haul that comes with avoidance.
You can still have faith andpray to God concerning your
(15:44):
situation, but I think there's afine line between having faith
in God and using it as a tool toavoid.
You know the pain or the traumaor the things that you know
seem scary.
You know scary in life, and soI love that you have such a
balance between faith and mentalhealth and the practicality
(16:05):
that comes with seeking a mentalhealth professional.
Certainly now you spoke againsuch a so highly about your
mother's spirit, spiritualityand how, especially in the early
years of your diagnosis, it wasso beneficial to you and to
(16:28):
even to her, monitoring how youwould develop and the symptoms
that she would see, and itsounds like she has passed on a
legacy or basically laid thefoundation for your faith.
How important to you would yousay that influenced your own
walk with the Lord.
Was it a struggle like youaccepting God's will or that
(16:50):
this happened to you, or was itjust?
Was it easier in that regard?
Because that foundation wasthere?
Um, I think it was always easy,um, seeing my mom my God
blessed that my granny and myaunt instilling in me at such a
young age what and who God was,not just to them, but allowing
(17:12):
me to seek out and find out whoGod was to myself.
On this journey and there weremany days where I questioned him
and why.
But I always go back to beforewe were even created.
God knew the story of my life,so it was more of acceptance on
(17:34):
my part.
I need you to accept thesethings.
I need you to accept thisbecause on the other side,
there's a lot of gifts, there'sblessings I have for you, but
you're not.
I wasn't ready for a long time.
I was not ready.
I was and I shouldn't say I'mnot I wasn't ready, I was afraid
of being on the other side.
(17:56):
When I became confident in myrelationship with God and as
soon as I allowed myself to bevulnerable with him, I'm able to
see the purpose of what I'msupposed to be doing and I feel
as though, if you have arelationship with God, um you,
he'll show you.
You just supposed to be doing.
And I feel as though, if youhave a relationship with God,
he'll show you.
You just have to pay attention.
(18:17):
You know I 20 years ago, when Iwould pray to him.
And why this?
Why me?
Why am I struggling withcognitive issues?
I can't do this.
Now I see, 20 years later, thathe had already had all this
stuff in the making.
Amen, that's awesome.
That's awesome, and I feel likethat's what faith is all about.
It's trusting God in theunknown, trusting God, as they
(18:43):
would say.
Well, you can't trace them, youknow, even when you don't
understand.
I think it develops such anappreciation for his sovereignty
, also for his ability tosupport us in those times.
Right, I say this about my lifethat I have always been at a
turtle speed, and a turtle isvery slow.
(19:03):
A turtle has its own pace.
How they maneuver, yes, likegod decided to to bless me at a
turtle space, because I knowthat's weird and I don't even
know.
I love that analogy.
You know, when a turtle hastheir walk slow, you know they
(19:26):
hide, sometimes for months at atime, and I feel like that's
what God did for me for a while.
He hid, not in a bad way, butit was the hiding for me,
because I had to learn who JenVaughn really was and I also had
to learn who Jen Vaughn was inChrist.
Wow, yeah, wow, that's deep.
(19:46):
I love that, that's awesome.
And sometimes I think about myown processing speed, like you
know, when I look back at someof the traumatic things that I
have experienced and how it hasaffected me mentally,
emotionally, cognitively.
You know, of course, there aretimes where I come to God and I
say like, wow, I can't believethat it took me so long to get
that.
I can't believe that.
(20:06):
I didn't understand that.
And I remember thinking likeGod, okay, if I'm slow, just say
that.
Like, how come I'm not pickingup what you putting down, but
you even mean appreciation forjust God allowing us to be in
that space when sometimes wejust don't get it.
You know, yeah, we don't get it.
We don't get it.
And I'm going to be transparent.
(20:27):
I don't know if I spoke aboutthis I'm not able to have kids
due to my epilepsy.
I'm not able to have kids dueto my epilepsy.
I'm older.
Dealing with the fact that I'm,you know, you're around people
that are mothers and you feel,hmm, why, why not me?
I know my mother is wonderful.
I would love to teach my childall these things, but God
(20:49):
blessed me with nieces andnephews and I may not have been
able to give birth naturally,but I have nieces and nephews
that look at me adoringly.
I love that so much and youknow, I think about still at 41,
I still think about having kids, but I also think that what I
(21:09):
have created is my baby, thisnonprofit organization I have
birthed from nothing and now,five years later, we in it.
We in it.
Wow, that's awesome.
I mean, I can't appreciate youenough for such a positive
(21:29):
outlook and attitude.
That's going to help somebody,because sometimes we want to
have our own pity party and whatwith me.
And not that you are notdeserving of it, because, like I
said, when you think about someof the effects or some of the
ways that this has affected yourentire life, we can say, okay,
girl, yeah, you deserve to bemad at the world.
(21:50):
I'm coming over to party withyou.
I got some stuff I want tocomplain about too, but it just
helps you to look at it Likesometimes we take so much for
granted and it just makes youjust be all the more thankful
and grateful because someoneelse is going through something
you know and handling it andmastering it in a way that we
(22:14):
feel like, oh, my God, I don'teven know if I would do, you
know, if that were me.
So, again, just speaks to suchthat I'm reminded of that
scripture that says I'll giveyou grace.
Um, my grace is sufficient foryou.
God's grace in your life isliterally sufficient for you to
to walk through what you'rewalking through, and sometimes
you don't realize, you know, wethink, oh, but it's literally
(22:36):
sufficient for your situation,for your circumstance, for your
life's work.
And I'm literally seeingevidence of the grace of god
over my life and it just makesyou more, more cognizant.
Yes, it does, it really doeswell.
Again, thank you so much.
I just had those follow-upquestions.
I was like, hopefully, okay,I'm going to listen to it again
(22:57):
and hopefully I won't come upwith no more.
But my wheels started turningand I was like, oh, wait a
minute, I got to go back.
I said she's going to be likelady, leave me.
No, no, no, probably not, Idon't mind at all.
Thank you so much for your timetoday.
Thank you, okay, guys.
That is all for today.
I pray that you are encouraged,inspired, motivated to live life
(23:20):
outside of the bounds of thetrauma that you have experienced
.
Listen, don't forget thisepisode is a part of a new
series called your Story, wherewe're looking to hear from you.
We've all gone throughsomething.
We've all experienced somethingtraumatic, something that
might've been devastating,something that might've changed
(23:41):
the course of our lives forever.
I want to hear from you.
Please get in touch with me.
The links are in the show notes.
There are other resources aswell books I'm reading, links to
therapists and things of thatnature but there's also ways to
contact me and get in touch withme.
I am Miss Eve on all of mysocials Facebook, instagram and
(24:02):
TikTok.
Get in touch with me.
Let me hear from you so that wecan set up an opportunity for
you to be a part of this showand share your story.
Thanks so much for tuning intoday and remember now thanks be
unto God, who always causes usto triumph.
God bless you, thank you.
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