Imagine growing up without a father figure - an absence that leaves an indelible mark on your soul. That's the journey I embarked on and continue to navigate, along with countless others who've experienced this unique pain. This episode of Triumph Over Trauma brings to light the poignant narrative of Kirk Franklin, his Father's Day documentary serving as our compass. We dissect the world wind of emotions stirred, reflecting on the trauma of fatherless childhoods and their long-lasting effects even into adulthood.
The conversation then evolves into a ray of hope as we discuss the healing process and the courage required to break generational cycles of trauma. Kirk Franklin's story stands testament to the valor it takes to seek personal healing and reconciliation with estranged family members. The need for transparency in tackling these shared struggles is emphasized, as I aim to inspire you toward your own healing journey. Join me on this profound exploration of trauma, healing, and reconciliation - a conversation that could potentially become a steppingstone on your path to healing.
- What is Trauma? Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. An emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, abuse, or natural disaster.
- How to cope with Trauma Talk to a few trusted people, open up about your struggle, seek online support groups, read self-help books or practice small acts of self-care such as meditation, breathwork, yoga and exercise can help you regain some feeling of control.”
- Find a therapist Get Started (betterhelp.com)
Online Psychiatric Medication & Mental Telehealth Services - Rx Anxiety, Depression & Insomnia Treatment | Cerebral - Triumph Over Trauma Scripture: II Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto to God, who always causes us to Triumph in Christ....
- Books I'm reading on my healing journey
It Didn't Start with You! - How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes who we are, & how to end the cycle. https://a.co/d/f22BoLk
Home Coming- Thema Bryant
https://www.amazon.com/dp/059341831X/ref=cm_sw_r_em_api_i_TE4YHJQ63FA21362FP79
The Body Keeps the Score - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_em_api_i_HXH4RMNC329DT7VPQ5WG
Trauma & Rec
2 Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto God, who always causes us to Triumph!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey y'all, welcome to Triumph Over Trauma, the
podcast.
Listen y'all.
I created this podcast because,like so many other people, I've
had a traumatic past.
I didn't always realize howthose things affected me
negatively and how I evencarried them into my adult life,
and so I wanted to create aspace where other people could
come and we could have candidconversations on how you
(00:22):
identify trauma, how younavigate it and how you recover
from traumatic experiences.
If this resonates with youth,then join me.
I am your host and traumasurvivor, ms Eve McNair.
Let's get into it.
What's up guys?
Welcome back to Triumph OverTrauma.
The last episode we recorded wasthe self-betrayal episode.
It was called you Betrayed you,and we took a look at how
(00:48):
self-betrayal forms, how itoriginates.
Rather, I should say I expressmy own experiences with not only
betrayal from others, but alsohow I had a tendency to betray
myself as a result of some ofthe early childhood trauma that
(01:10):
I experienced, and so that was avery, very insightful episode
for me because it caused me tolook at some of my own behaviors
.
So we need a second to checkthat episode out.
So let's talk about thisdocumentary Kurt Freaklin's
Father's Day documentary.
The documentary brought forthso many different types of
(01:30):
feelings and emotions,experiences, both negative and
positive, that I resonated with,so I want to talk about that
today.
Listen, as a child of an absentfather, there were so many
things about the documentarythat I first of all resonated
with, felt some things, broughtup some unresolved trauma, and
(01:51):
so I'm going to talk about it.
Okay, and I do want to say this, if you have not seen it yet,
you might want to pause this,watch it and then come back to
re-listen, but for those of youwho have seen it, it won't be a
spoiler alert.
So I'm watching this video andobviously I don't know Kurt
Freaklin personally, but it, forme, was enlightening and I have
(02:15):
the utmost respect for him asan artist, as a child of God and
as a man.
But when I watched hisdocumentary, I felt like I
understood him on a greaterlevel.
And not only did I understandhim on a greater level, I
understood some things aboutmyself on a greater level,
having come from a traumaticchildhood myself, having not
(02:38):
grown up with my father, havingnot known him at all, not known
his name, not known anythingabout him besides the memories
that other people have sharedwith me.
I related to Kurt in so manydifferent ways.
Just that emptiness that youfeel with, you know, with
lacking that father's validationand affirmation.
All of that played a part in alot of the decisions and choices
(03:02):
I made in my life, and so inwatching Kurt's documentary, I
was like wow, and I had so muchmore compassion for Kurt as a
person, as an individual, as afather, as a man of God.
You know, we almost always judgewhat we don't understand, and
it's so easy for us to judge,it's so easy for us to
misinterpret someone's struggleright, like what you know you're
(03:25):
supposed to be this and you'resupposed to be that and you
struggle with this.
Or you know you're supposed toknow better and you're supposed
to be able to easily and readilyand rapidly recover from some
of the things you've experienced.
But when you take a look athistory and the depth of the
compound trauma that heexperienced, with, first of all,
(03:46):
never even having grown up withknowing his biological parents
in close relationship, right,when you take a look at that in
his own words, the fact that hefelt like he never healed
because he would see his motherbut not really be able to go
home with her, and that, youknow, affected him as well, and
(04:09):
I was like, wow, there's so muchabout History that I resonated
with, because I too Would seethere were times in my life
where I would see my mother andNot understand why she wasn't
taking me with her.
There were big times where sheand I were right across the
street from each other, where welived across the street from
each other and I will be in afoster home and I would see her
(04:31):
across the street from me,walking up the street Don't walk
down the street and going about, seemingly going about her life
and her business, and I'm likehello, I'm still here, don't
want to know me, don't want tocome and get me where it's when
it's up to me, and so there isso much compound trauma in that
and it's almost as if the woundof abandonment, the wound of
rejection is, it's like a, it'slike a revolving door of,
(04:55):
because there's always this hopethat they're gonna come for you
.
There's always this hope thatthey're gonna want to be with
you and want to know you andJust to spend the life with you.
And you grow up kind of waitingfor them.
And no matter how old you getyou could be Kurt Franklin's age
, I think he said he was 53, 44,and I can honestly say that
(05:17):
there's still a bit of thatfather wound Left in me, that
God is still healing me now,thanks, of course, to my
heavenly father, thanks to him,that I am able, and him starting
to heal from some of thosethings.
But that wound is so deep, it'sso serious and I feel like
there's so many people in thisearth who who have these same
(05:38):
struggles, issues, challenges,emotions, and we're not talking
about it.
We're not really dealing withit.
I applaud Kirk for histransparency.
I applaud Kirk for his honesty,and what I thought was so
phenomenal was he did not stopat trying to achieve his own
(05:59):
healing, like when you thinkabout generational traumas,
generational curses.
What I loved about thedocumentary is that he did not
stop with trying to achieve hisown healing.
He said within itself how can ITry to reconcile with my own
father when, as a father, I havenot yet reconciled with my son?
And so to see his son walkthrough those doors and to hear
(06:22):
that dialogue With he was hisson, and to see the pain, the
anger, the raw emotion betweenthe two of them, I thought it
was the most beautiful thing.
I thought it was the most realthing or is that word Is that a
word?
The most realist?
I thought it was a what we needto see more of in society in
(06:43):
general.
Right, and my prayer is thatthere will be an ongoing healing
between the father, the son andthe grandfather.
Right, and I thought that thatwas just so phenomenal.
I also appreciated the factthat Kirk's father seemed to be
Kind, he seemed to be patient,he seemed to be understanding.
(07:06):
It seems as if he was touchedwith compassion, touch with
sorrow, touch with the grease of, with the grief of Having had a
son out there, not and nothaving had a relationship with
him.
I thought that was phenomenal,to see that he was touched, to
see that it wasn't like, oh okay, well, I mean, you know, I
didn't know you, I didn't knowyou existed in this, you know?
(07:28):
Oh well, it's.
You know.
He opened his door, his home,his life, his heart to Kirk into
the possibility of having arelationship with him, and I
longed for that.
I longed for that.
I don't know who my father is.
I don't even know his name.
We've tried so many differentthings, so many different
(07:48):
avenues to try to locate him, toDiscover him.
I'm on ancestrycom.
I rebuilt to or down andrebuilt my family tree and I'm
sure that there are relatives onmy ancestry calm that are up or
from my father's side.
But because I don't know hisname, I don't even know where to
start.
And so in seeing his story kindof gave me hope for my story.
(08:10):
I don't know if I'll ever beable to see or meet my father,
or I don't know if he's living.
I don't know his name, I don'tknow anything about him, I don't
know if I have his eyes or hissmile or his mannerism, but when
I watched Kurt Franklin and I,you know, looked at his dad and
you could see him and his fatherand you could see his father
and him and it was just, it wasso phenomenal to watch and I was
(08:34):
like, wow, you know, because Ican honestly say I felt so lost
as a child.
I did grow up in a home wherethere were a mother and a father
figure, so to speak, but it'snothing like knowing who you
come from and knowing whobirthed you is nothing like it.
(08:56):
And so I resonate with Kurt'sstory because I grew up feeling
like so lost and I felt like Ididn't belong to anybody.
I felt like nobody trulyunderstood me.
I felt like nobody truly knewme.
On top of the fact, not only wasI displaced from, not only was
I displaced from my mother, myfather, my siblings, but the
(09:19):
homes, a lot of the homes inwhich I grew up in I didn't have
unconditional love.
They didn't have acceptance andaffection, affirmation and
validation.
So there was always in the backof my mind, like well, maybe if
my mother or father, maybe if Ilived with them, they wouldn't
love me as I am.
(09:40):
Right, because I'm like, surelyonly your father and mother can
love you unconditionally, right?
Like, surely these people carefor me, right?
The people that I lived with,whether they were foster parents
or relatives or whatever, haveyou?
And all the homes that Ifrequented, all the homes that I
lived.
And I thought, like, okay,these people have a level of
(10:03):
care for me, they have a levelof concern for me, they have my
well-being and my welfare inmind.
But surely my own mother andfather loved me so
unconditionally that it doesn'tmatter what I say or what I do
or how I act, they love me somuch.
And surely I have missed out onthat unconditional love,
(10:24):
obviously before coming to knowJesus.
Right, and they're still at 44years old.
They're still a little girl inme.
You know what they say in everylittle girl I mean in every
woman there's a little girl.
In every little girl there's awoman.
Surely there's still a littlegirl in me who longs for her
father's love, her father'sembrace, her father's touch, her
father's affirmation andvalidation.
(10:46):
I remember seeing watchingBishop Jake's confer the mantle
or the responsibility of a womanthat I would lose, or how it
basically transformed or wentfrom woman that I would lose to
woman involved.
I remember seeing him orwatching him transfer that
(11:07):
mantle on her and how heaffirmed her, how he validated
her, how he entrusted her, and Iwas like wow, I was so blown
away by that and I was like God.
I wonder if I'll ever be ableto experience that.
And don't get me wrong, therehave been people in my life who
most certainly have been fatherfigures to me, but I don't
(11:28):
personally think that there'sanything that can compare to the
love that you feel is, though,you need and are missing from
your earthly natural father.
I don't feel like there'sanything that compares to that,
and maybe I feel like thatbecause I never experienced it.
Maybe I feel like that becauseI never knew my father and I'm
still hoping in a way, stillhoping that one day I will be
(11:52):
able to have that.
I'm still hoping that.
I'm still feeling like there'ssomething that I missed, that I
missed out on right, but it'sbeen so introspective for me,
it's been so reflective for me.
I think I'm actually gonnawatch it again because for so
many of us who have struggledwith anger, depression, anxiety,
abandonment, rejection,addiction, so many people who
(12:17):
have had so many different vicesin their life and they don't
understand why, I think a lot ofit stems from some sort of
trauma, but specifically thatfather wound because of the way
that we were designed, becauseof the way we were created.
We were not built, we were notdesigned to live life,
(12:41):
especially during thosefour-month of years, without the
father and mother figures thatwe need right.
We were just not designed tolive like this.
I honestly do also feel like wecan't talk about the absent
father, the missing father, theincarcerated father, the abusive
(13:01):
father.
I think we can't talk aboutthat father who struggles with
addiction, or I feel like wecannot talk about the broken
father without acknowledging thefact that for certain groups,
especially those of Africandescent, I felt like there's no
way that we can talk about themwithout acknowledging the fact
(13:23):
that we were broken, that wewere stripped away from our
fathers, from our families.
And again, this is not to playwhat they were considered the
race car, because it's notnecessarily a game.
This is the reality of life.
It's not something that you usein order to divert from
responsibility, but it isworthwhile acknowledging the
(13:46):
fact or the impact that thatslavery, that separation,
affected us Like.
We need to be able tounderstand that.
And I say that.
I say that with the full way ofresponsibility that comes with
not only acknowledging whereyou've been, but also
(14:06):
acknowledging where you must go.
So we have been in pain, wehave been in trauma, but we must
go to triumph, we must go tohealing.
We must go or come toreconciliation.
We must first come toconfrontation, we must first
come to transparency in order tomove forward.
(14:29):
You know what they say youcan't know where you're going
until you know where you've been.
And we have all been somewhere.
We've all been in places wherewe can resonate with some or all
of his story and, if we're allhonest, his story is our story,
our story is his story.
So I'm just grateful for thefact that he was transparent.
(14:53):
I pray God's healing.
I pray the furtherance ofhealing for him and furtherance
of reconciliation for him andhis entire family.
I pray that he would not onlybe able to go from healed but to
whole, right.
Y'all know that scripture.
We talked about it before onthis podcast and it talks about
the man at the pole of Bethesdaand Jesus comes to him and acts
(15:14):
him hey, listen will now be madewhole.
To me, the difference betweenbeing healed and whole is that,
well, you can be healed withouta significant transformation,
like you just healed, right.
But I feel like when you weremade whole, there is a
transformation from the insideout.
It's like that scripture thatsays be ye transformed by the
(15:37):
renewing of your mind.
I feel like when you're madewhole, you're made new, you're
renewed, you're different,you're changed, right.
If you're healed from something,then the pain is no longer
present in the heart or thespirit, right, or even in the
body.
But if you've been made whole,not only is the pain absent, the
(15:58):
pain absent, but its effect isabsent even from the mind, right
.
So, for instance, one of thediagnoses I received was
post-traumatic stress disorderas a result of years of trauma
and abuse.
Right, and although I have beenhealed, I've been healed in
(16:21):
some capacity from the pain thatI did carry in my spirit, right
In my heart, even in my body.
You know, trauma can be storedin your body, but I am in the
process of being made wholementally so that when those
memories come up, when thosethoughts arise especially Like
(16:46):
the thoughts that came up when Iwatched Kurt Frankler's
documentary when those thoughtscome up, there's no longer pain,
anger, regret, shame,depression, anxiety associated
with it, because my mind, it'sbeing transformed, because my
(17:08):
mind is being transformed.
You know, there's a descriptionin the Bible that says you know
being transformed by therenewing of your mind, and it's
like wow, like you can literallybecome a different person if
your mind is renewed.
Right, and to me that's whatwholeness is.
It's a changing of a mind, somuch so that when triggers will
(17:29):
arise because they will arisewhen triggers come up when
you're reminded of what you'vegone through, how it made you
feel, and you know what youexperienced, that that change
that is taking place in the mindwill keep you from reacting the
way you once did right.
It will keep you from anger,from depression, from shame and
(17:52):
guilt right, or at least buildor resolve in you so that you
will be able to fight against it.
The Bible says that when theenemy comes in like a flood, the
Lord will raise up a standardagainst it.
I feel like that wholeness isthe standard against the pain,
the trauma, the abuse, all ofthe things that you've
experienced or associated withwhat you experienced.
(18:14):
That wholeness is the standard,or that transformation of the
mind is the standard that Godraises up against it, so that
you will be able to overcome itright and instead of it
overtaking you, instead ofanxiety ruling your day, instead
of depression keeping you fromyour purpose, you will be able
(18:36):
to confront it and overcome it.
Jeremiah 33 and 6 says this butnow I will heal them, I will
make them whole and bless themwith an abundance of peace and
security.
So that lets me know that thatnot only Should we be praying to
(18:57):
be healed, but we should bepraying to be made whole.
So that's my prayer for youtoday, is that God would heal
you, that he would make youwhole, that he would bless you
with an abundance of peace andsecurity.
In Jesus' name, amen, thanksfor doing that.
I'll see you guys next time.
One more thing Don't forget tocheck out the show notes.
(19:20):
So, regardless of what platformyou're listening to me on if
it's Apple Podcast, amazon,google, spotify, iheartradio
there is show notes at thebottom of each episode.
If you click in the show notearea, you'll see tips and
resources, information regardingtherapy, some of the books that
(19:40):
we're reading.
There's an abundance ofinformation there.
Also, if you'd like to be aguest on the show to share your
story, ask questions, whateveryou'd like to contribute in any
capacity by allowing us to hearyour voice, then please look for
the contact banner.
There should be an emailaddress that's linked to the
(20:03):
email for the podcast.
Also, if you follow me on anyof the socials there is Facebook
, instagram, tiktok, youtube youcould find the links for those
socials as well in the shownotes and you could feel free to
DM me or send me a message ifyou want to get in contact with
me that way as well.
But I'd love to have you as aguest on the show.
I'd love to hear your voice andhear your story and just share
(20:28):
some of the experiences.
We've all gone throughsomething and sometimes we just
need community, we just need asafe space to talk and to walk
through it and to get past someof the things we've experienced.
So again, feel free to checkout the information in the show
notes.
There's a bunch of resourcesthere Also, my contact
information is below as well.
(20:48):
Thanks again for all yoursupport, your contributions, for
listening.
I'll see you again next time.
Bye.
Hey y'all, welcome to Triumph Over Trauma, the
podcast.
Listen y'all.
I created this podcast because,like so many other people, I've
had a traumatic past.
I didn't always realize howthose things affected me
negatively and how I evencarried them into my adult life,
and so I wanted to create aspace where other people could
come and we could have candidconversations on how you
(00:22):
identify trauma, how younavigate it and how you recover
from traumatic experiences.
If this resonates with youth,then join me.
I am your host and traumasurvivor, ms Eve McNair.
Let's get into it.
What's up guys?
Welcome back to Triumph OverTrauma.
The last episode we recorded wasthe self-betrayal episode.
It was called you Betrayed you,and we took a look at how
(00:48):
self-betrayal forms, how itoriginates.
Rather, I should say I expressmy own experiences with not only
betrayal from others, but alsohow I had a tendency to betray
myself as a result of some ofthe early childhood trauma that
(01:10):
I experienced, and so that was avery, very insightful episode
for me because it caused me tolook at some of my own behaviors
.
So we need a second to checkthat episode out.
So let's talk about thisdocumentary Kurt Freaklin's
Father's Day documentary.
The documentary brought forthso many different types of
(01:30):
feelings and emotions,experiences, both negative and
positive, that I resonated with,so I want to talk about that
today.
Listen, as a child of an absentfather, there were so many
things about the documentarythat I first of all resonated
with, felt some things, broughtup some unresolved trauma, and
(01:51):
so I'm going to talk about it.
Okay, and I do want to say this, if you have not seen it yet,
you might want to pause this,watch it and then come back to
re-listen, but for those of youwho have seen it, it won't be a
spoiler alert.
So I'm watching this video andobviously I don't know Kurt
Freaklin personally, but it, forme, was enlightening and I have
(02:15):
the utmost respect for him asan artist, as a child of God and
as a man.
But when I watched hisdocumentary, I felt like I
understood him on a greaterlevel.
And not only did I understandhim on a greater level, I
understood some things aboutmyself on a greater level,
having come from a traumaticchildhood myself, having not
(02:38):
grown up with my father, havingnot known him at all, not known
his name, not known anythingabout him besides the memories
that other people have sharedwith me.
I related to Kurt in so manydifferent ways.
Just that emptiness that youfeel with, you know, with
lacking that father's validationand affirmation.
All of that played a part in alot of the decisions and choices
(03:02):
I made in my life, and so inwatching Kurt's documentary, I
was like wow, and I had so muchmore compassion for Kurt as a
person, as an individual, as afather, as a man of God.
You know, we almost always judgewhat we don't understand, and
it's so easy for us to judge,it's so easy for us to
misinterpret someone's struggleright, like what you know you're
(03:25):
supposed to be this and you'resupposed to be that and you
struggle with this.
Or you know you're supposed toknow better and you're supposed
to be able to easily and readilyand rapidly recover from some
of the things you've experienced.
But when you take a look athistory and the depth of the
compound trauma that heexperienced, with, first of all,
(03:46):
never even having grown up withknowing his biological parents
in close relationship, right,when you take a look at that in
his own words, the fact that hefelt like he never healed
because he would see his motherbut not really be able to go
home with her, and that, youknow, affected him as well, and
(04:09):
I was like, wow, there's so muchabout History that I resonated
with, because I too Would seethere were times in my life
where I would see my mother andNot understand why she wasn't
taking me with her.
There were big times where sheand I were right across the
street from each other, where welived across the street from
each other and I will be in afoster home and I would see her
(04:31):
across the street from me,walking up the street Don't walk
down the street and going about, seemingly going about her life
and her business, and I'm likehello, I'm still here, don't
want to know me, don't want tocome and get me where it's when
it's up to me, and so there isso much compound trauma in that
and it's almost as if the woundof abandonment, the wound of
rejection is, it's like a, it'slike a revolving door of,
(04:55):
because there's always this hopethat they're gonna come for you
.
There's always this hope thatthey're gonna want to be with
you and want to know you andJust to spend the life with you.
And you grow up kind of waitingfor them.
And no matter how old you getyou could be Kurt Franklin's age
, I think he said he was 53, 44,and I can honestly say that
(05:17):
there's still a bit of thatfather wound Left in me, that
God is still healing me now,thanks, of course, to my
heavenly father, thanks to him,that I am able, and him starting
to heal from some of thosethings.
But that wound is so deep, it'sso serious and I feel like
there's so many people in thisearth who who have these same
(05:38):
struggles, issues, challenges,emotions, and we're not talking
about it.
We're not really dealing withit.
I applaud Kirk for histransparency.
I applaud Kirk for his honesty,and what I thought was so
phenomenal was he did not stopat trying to achieve his own
(05:59):
healing, like when you thinkabout generational traumas,
generational curses.
What I loved about thedocumentary is that he did not
stop with trying to achieve hisown healing.
He said within itself how can ITry to reconcile with my own
father when, as a father, I havenot yet reconciled with my son?
And so to see his son walkthrough those doors and to hear
(06:22):
that dialogue With he was hisson, and to see the pain, the
anger, the raw emotion betweenthe two of them, I thought it
was the most beautiful thing.
I thought it was the most realthing or is that word Is that a
word?
The most realist?
I thought it was a what we needto see more of in society in
(06:43):
general.
Right, and my prayer is thatthere will be an ongoing healing
between the father, the son andthe grandfather.
Right, and I thought that thatwas just so phenomenal.
I also appreciated the factthat Kirk's father seemed to be
Kind, he seemed to be patient,he seemed to be understanding.
(07:06):
It seems as if he was touchedwith compassion, touch with
sorrow, touch with the grease of, with the grief of Having had a
son out there, not and nothaving had a relationship with
him.
I thought that was phenomenal,to see that he was touched, to
see that it wasn't like, oh okay, well, I mean, you know, I
didn't know you, I didn't knowyou existed in this, you know?
(07:28):
Oh well, it's.
You know.
He opened his door, his home,his life, his heart to Kirk into
the possibility of having arelationship with him, and I
longed for that.
I longed for that.
I don't know who my father is.
I don't even know his name.
We've tried so many differentthings, so many different
(07:48):
avenues to try to locate him, toDiscover him.
I'm on ancestrycom.
I rebuilt to or down andrebuilt my family tree and I'm
sure that there are relatives onmy ancestry calm that are up or
from my father's side.
But because I don't know hisname, I don't even know where to
start.
And so in seeing his story kindof gave me hope for my story.
(08:10):
I don't know if I'll ever beable to see or meet my father,
or I don't know if he's living.
I don't know his name, I don'tknow anything about him, I don't
know if I have his eyes or hissmile or his mannerism, but when
I watched Kurt Franklin and I,you know, looked at his dad and
you could see him and his fatherand you could see his father
and him and it was just, it wasso phenomenal to watch and I was
(08:34):
like, wow, you know, because Ican honestly say I felt so lost
as a child.
I did grow up in a home wherethere were a mother and a father
figure, so to speak, but it'snothing like knowing who you
come from and knowing whobirthed you is nothing like it.
(08:56):
And so I resonate with Kurt'sstory because I grew up feeling
like so lost and I felt like Ididn't belong to anybody.
I felt like nobody trulyunderstood me.
I felt like nobody truly knewme.
On top of the fact, not only wasI displaced from, not only was
I displaced from my mother, myfather, my siblings, but the
(09:19):
homes, a lot of the homes inwhich I grew up in I didn't have
unconditional love.
They didn't have acceptance andaffection, affirmation and
validation.
So there was always in the backof my mind, like well, maybe if
my mother or father, maybe if Ilived with them, they wouldn't
love me as I am.
(09:40):
Right, because I'm like, surelyonly your father and mother can
love you unconditionally, right?
Like, surely these people carefor me, right?
The people that I lived with,whether they were foster parents
or relatives or whatever, haveyou?
And all the homes that Ifrequented, all the homes that I
lived.
And I thought, like, okay,these people have a level of
(10:03):
care for me, they have a levelof concern for me, they have my
well-being and my welfare inmind.
But surely my own mother andfather loved me so
unconditionally that it doesn'tmatter what I say or what I do
or how I act, they love me somuch.
And surely I have missed out onthat unconditional love,
(10:24):
obviously before coming to knowJesus.
Right, and they're still at 44years old.
They're still a little girl inme.
You know what they say in everylittle girl I mean in every
woman there's a little girl.
In every little girl there's awoman.
Surely there's still a littlegirl in me who longs for her
father's love, her father'sembrace, her father's touch, her
father's affirmation andvalidation.
(10:46):
I remember seeing watchingBishop Jake's confer the mantle
or the responsibility of a womanthat I would lose, or how it
basically transformed or wentfrom woman that I would lose to
woman involved.
I remember seeing him orwatching him transfer that
(11:07):
mantle on her and how heaffirmed her, how he validated
her, how he entrusted her, and Iwas like wow, I was so blown
away by that and I was like God.
I wonder if I'll ever be ableto experience that.
And don't get me wrong, therehave been people in my life who
most certainly have been fatherfigures to me, but I don't
(11:28):
personally think that there'sanything that can compare to the
love that you feel is, though,you need and are missing from
your earthly natural father.
I don't feel like there'sanything that compares to that,
and maybe I feel like thatbecause I never experienced it.
Maybe I feel like that becauseI never knew my father and I'm
still hoping in a way, stillhoping that one day I will be
(11:52):
able to have that.
I'm still hoping that.
I'm still feeling like there'ssomething that I missed, that I
missed out on right, but it'sbeen so introspective for me,
it's been so reflective for me.
I think I'm actually gonnawatch it again because for so
many of us who have struggledwith anger, depression, anxiety,
abandonment, rejection,addiction, so many people who
(12:17):
have had so many different vicesin their life and they don't
understand why, I think a lot ofit stems from some sort of
trauma, but specifically thatfather wound because of the way
that we were designed, becauseof the way we were created.
We were not built, we were notdesigned to live life,
(12:41):
especially during thosefour-month of years, without the
father and mother figures thatwe need right.
We were just not designed tolive like this.
I honestly do also feel like wecan't talk about the absent
father, the missing father, theincarcerated father, the abusive
(13:01):
father.
I think we can't talk aboutthat father who struggles with
addiction, or I feel like wecannot talk about the broken
father without acknowledging thefact that for certain groups,
especially those of Africandescent, I felt like there's no
way that we can talk about themwithout acknowledging the fact
(13:23):
that we were broken, that wewere stripped away from our
fathers, from our families.
And again, this is not to playwhat they were considered the
race car, because it's notnecessarily a game.
This is the reality of life.
It's not something that you usein order to divert from
responsibility, but it isworthwhile acknowledging the
(13:46):
fact or the impact that thatslavery, that separation,
affected us Like.
We need to be able tounderstand that.
And I say that.
I say that with the full way ofresponsibility that comes with
not only acknowledging whereyou've been, but also
(14:06):
acknowledging where you must go.
So we have been in pain, wehave been in trauma, but we must
go to triumph, we must go tohealing.
We must go or come toreconciliation.
We must first come toconfrontation, we must first
come to transparency in order tomove forward.
(14:29):
You know what they say youcan't know where you're going
until you know where you've been.
And we have all been somewhere.
We've all been in places wherewe can resonate with some or all
of his story and, if we're allhonest, his story is our story,
our story is his story.
So I'm just grateful for thefact that he was transparent.
(14:53):
I pray God's healing.
I pray the furtherance ofhealing for him and furtherance
of reconciliation for him andhis entire family.
I pray that he would not onlybe able to go from healed but to
whole, right.
Y'all know that scripture.
We talked about it before onthis podcast and it talks about
the man at the pole of Bethesdaand Jesus comes to him and acts
(15:14):
him hey, listen will now be madewhole.
To me, the difference betweenbeing healed and whole is that,
well, you can be healed withouta significant transformation,
like you just healed, right.
But I feel like when you weremade whole, there is a
transformation from the insideout.
It's like that scripture thatsays be ye transformed by the
(15:37):
renewing of your mind.
I feel like when you're madewhole, you're made new, you're
renewed, you're different,you're changed, right.
If you're healed from something,then the pain is no longer
present in the heart or thespirit, right, or even in the
body.
But if you've been made whole,not only is the pain absent, the
(15:58):
pain absent, but its effect isabsent even from the mind, right
.
So, for instance, one of thediagnoses I received was
post-traumatic stress disorderas a result of years of trauma
and abuse.
Right, and although I have beenhealed, I've been healed in
(16:21):
some capacity from the pain thatI did carry in my spirit, right
In my heart, even in my body.
You know, trauma can be storedin your body, but I am in the
process of being made wholementally so that when those
memories come up, when thosethoughts arise especially Like
(16:46):
the thoughts that came up when Iwatched Kurt Frankler's
documentary when those thoughtscome up, there's no longer pain,
anger, regret, shame,depression, anxiety associated
with it, because my mind, it'sbeing transformed, because my
(17:08):
mind is being transformed.
You know, there's a descriptionin the Bible that says you know
being transformed by therenewing of your mind, and it's
like wow, like you can literallybecome a different person if
your mind is renewed.
Right, and to me that's whatwholeness is.
It's a changing of a mind, somuch so that when triggers will
(17:29):
arise because they will arisewhen triggers come up when
you're reminded of what you'vegone through, how it made you
feel, and you know what youexperienced, that that change
that is taking place in the mindwill keep you from reacting the
way you once did right.
It will keep you from anger,from depression, from shame and
(17:52):
guilt right, or at least buildor resolve in you so that you
will be able to fight against it.
The Bible says that when theenemy comes in like a flood, the
Lord will raise up a standardagainst it.
I feel like that wholeness isthe standard against the pain,
the trauma, the abuse, all ofthe things that you've
experienced or associated withwhat you experienced.
(18:14):
That wholeness is the standard,or that transformation of the
mind is the standard that Godraises up against it, so that
you will be able to overcome itright and instead of it
overtaking you, instead ofanxiety ruling your day, instead
of depression keeping you fromyour purpose, you will be able
(18:36):
to confront it and overcome it.
Jeremiah 33 and 6 says this butnow I will heal them, I will
make them whole and bless themwith an abundance of peace and
security.
So that lets me know that thatnot only Should we be praying to
(18:57):
be healed, but we should bepraying to be made whole.
So that's my prayer for youtoday, is that God would heal
you, that he would make youwhole, that he would bless you
with an abundance of peace andsecurity.
In Jesus' name, amen, thanksfor doing that.
I'll see you guys next time.
One more thing Don't forget tocheck out the show notes.
(19:20):
So, regardless of what platformyou're listening to me on if
it's Apple Podcast, amazon,google, spotify, iheartradio
there is show notes at thebottom of each episode.
If you click in the show notearea, you'll see tips and
resources, information regardingtherapy, some of the books that
(19:40):
we're reading.
There's an abundance ofinformation there.
Also, if you'd like to be aguest on the show to share your
story, ask questions, whateveryou'd like to contribute in any
capacity by allowing us to hearyour voice, then please look for
the contact banner.
There should be an emailaddress that's linked to the
(20:03):
email for the podcast.
Also, if you follow me on anyof the socials there is Facebook
, instagram, tiktok, youtube youcould find the links for those
socials as well in the shownotes and you could feel free to
DM me or send me a message ifyou want to get in contact with
me that way as well.
But I'd love to have you as aguest on the show.
I'd love to hear your voice andhear your story and just share
(20:28):
some of the experiences.
We've all gone throughsomething and sometimes we just
need community, we just need asafe space to talk and to walk
through it and to get past someof the things we've experienced.
So again, feel free to checkout the information in the show
notes.
There's a bunch of resourcesthere Also, my contact
information is below as well.
(20:48):
Thanks again for all yoursupport, your contributions, for
listening.
I'll see you again next time.
Bye.
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