November 14, 2025 • 35 mins
We explore what it means to heal out loud after childhood incest trauma, how faith shapes the journey, and why “no” and boundaries protect peace. Nay shares practical tools for release, from prayer and journaling to choosing safe spaces, and we reflect on turning pain into purpose.
• naming childhood trauma and ending silence
• healing out loud with intention and care
• rejecting people pleasing and saying no
• setting boundaries around unsafe family spaces
• coping tools including prayer and journaling
• faith, testimony and purpose-led advocacy
• support beyond family and finding community
• starting steps for survivors to release and rebuild
Find Nay: Facebook, YouTube, Instagram; TikTok: Nay Heals other platforms: Nayuplifting Others
Eve's Linktree info - https://linktr.ee/IAMMSEVE?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=2e9744d2-aabc-46b4-8e53-16da4962942e
Find a therapist Get Started (betterhelp.com)
Online Psychiatric Medication & Mental Telehealth Services - Rx Anxiety, Depression & Insomnia Treatment | Cerebral
- Triumph Over Trauma Scripture: II Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto to God, who always causes us to Triumph in Christ....
- Books I'm reading on my healing journey.
- It Didn't Start with You! - How Inherited Family
2 Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto God, who always causes us to Triumph!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (02:10):
Okay, let me pull up one of my recording apps really
quick.
How are you today?
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm doing good.
Thank you so much for agreeingto meet with me and record.
Of course.
I'm gonna try not to call fromstill recovering.
SPEAKER_03 (02:28):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (02:28):
So when I tell you John, the devil was deviling,
because this thickness came outof nowhere.
But God be the Lord, I'm feelingmuch better than it was.
Yes.
Amen.
And so um just to give you aheads up, you know, we're gonna
go, it's gonna be a question andanswer format, like we talked
about.
Yeah, we'll go over a fewquestions.
And then sometimes when we're inthe midst of conversation, other
(02:50):
questions come up.
And so, you know, typically ittakes between, I want to say
maybe 30, 45 minutes, maybe atthe max, depending on you know
what we cover and everything.
Um, I forgot that one of thequestions that I one question
that I didn't ask or that Ididn't give you was um, what
things are you healing from?
Are you comfortable with talkingabout things like that?
(03:11):
Sure, yes.
I just wanted to make sure.
So that's gonna be our firstquestion, and then we'll go into
the best, okay?
Um, I'll introduce you, um, andthen at the end, excuse me, at
the end, you'll tell us where wecan find you, you know, how we
can read you if someone'sinterested in your content or
even communicating, contactingyou, you'll tell us that
information.
(03:33):
Excuse me.
Um trying to make sure to covereverything.
Um typically it takes me a fewdays to edit.
So hopefully, by before thistime next week, I'll give you
the full episode, all the links,all the um audio and visual.
So if you want to share, youknow, edit yourself, you can do
that as well.
Okay.
Okay.
(03:53):
What's your name?
How what how do you want me toaddress you?
SPEAKER_00 (03:56):
I'm Janae.
SPEAKER_01 (03:59):
Nay, it's fine.
Okay, I just wanted to makesure.
Okay, we're going to startrecording one second.
Okay.
Hey guys, welcome back toTriumph Over Trauma.
Today we have a special guest,Nay, with us, and we're gonna be
talking about healing today.
I came across some of Nay'scontent on TikTok, and she was
talking about healing andhealing out loud, and it
(04:21):
definitely intrigued me assomeone who is also on a healing
journey as well, healing fromthings in my past, um, you learn
learning new coping mechanismsand learning how to even
maintain that healing.
And so again, when I saw Nay'scontent, I was like, oh, I gotta
get her on the show because youknow, it really spoke to me.
And I think it really is what'sneeded.
(04:42):
You know, a lot of people arehurting, um, especially in such
a crucial time in our world, inour society, a lot of people are
dealing with different things,sometimes past traumas or just
even, you know, the things thatwe go through on an everyday
basis.
And I'm learning that in orderto grow and to develop healing
is necessary.
(05:03):
And so we're gonna speak uh withthe expert, if you will, on the
topic.
And she's gonna share with us afew things.
I'm happy to have her on theshow.
Welcome to the show, Nate.
How are you?
Thank you.
Um, I'm good.
How are you?
I'm doing well also, doing wellalso.
Glad to have you here.
Like I mentioned before.
We're gonna jump right inbecause we've got a lot of
(05:23):
cover, a lot of questions tocover.
Now, um, I know again, like yousaid, you were talking about
healing and what it looks likefor you, what it means for you,
and just your whole journey andprocess.
Tell us first, what are some ofthe things that you feel you're
healing from in this season ofyour life?
SPEAKER_00 (05:40):
I'm healing from uh childhood trauma, um, incest
abuse.
I've been healing from that forsome years now, and I have a lot
of healing to do, but I amthankful that I'm where I'm at
right now.
SPEAKER_01 (05:53):
Amen.
Amen.
Well, you said a lot.
You said you're healing fromchildhood trauma, you're healing
from incest and abuse.
And there's so many people inour world, in our society, in
our families, even within ourclose-neck communities, who have
experienced similar traumas andthey're not talking about it.
They don't know how to manageit, how to deal with it.
(06:14):
So the fact that you share insuch detail on your platforms
your story and how you'rehealing is amazing.
So I want to give kudos to you.
You're certainly welcome.
Certainly welcome.
Okay, no, I again I looked atyour video and I was all up and
down your page, and I was like,this is so interesting because
sometimes when you are goingthrough healing, especially like
(06:36):
you know, like you said, fromchildhood trauma or things that
you've gone through in the past,people kind of have a tendency
to be like, oh, you should beover that by now.
Like, girl, that was a long timeago.
Like, first of all, I'm just nowcoming to the realization that
there was trauma.
And then I'm realizing that thistrauma had an effect on me.
And then I'm realizing I can'teven, I can't necessarily exact
(07:00):
revenge.
I have to heal, I have toforgive, then I have to let go.
So it is, it is a lot.
What does healing look like foryou?
And today, how would you say youhave changed as a result of your
healing process?
SPEAKER_00 (07:18):
Healing looks for me, it looks like um healing out
loud, um, being authentic withmyself and with the people that
watch me.
And the process is hard becausesometimes I just like want to
just go on my show and not sayanything, but I know that my
voice matters and I'm using myvoice to help the voiceless.
So it's like I have to do it.
SPEAKER_01 (07:40):
Yeah, that's amazing.
I love what you said.
I'm using my voice to help thevoiceless.
That's amazing, first of all.
The courage that it takes tospeak out, the courage that it
takes to confront.
Um, nobody talks about that.
Nobody talks about the fact thatwhen you have someone who is
telling their story, especiallystories that are deeply hidden
(08:03):
in pain, it's it's like this isalmost like surgical.
You things have to come up, haveto come out.
They're being excavated fromyour heart, from your soul, from
your mind.
It's really, really a deep work.
It's a lot.
It is, isn't it?
Now, when you think abouthealing out loud, right?
(08:25):
What does that mean?
And why do you think it'simportant to heal out loud?
SPEAKER_00 (08:31):
It's important because I was silenced for a
long time because of my owninsecurities, me having shame,
guilt, and like how everyonejust welt with it, but they
didn't like talk about it.
So I was I suppressed a lot ofmy memories, a lot of my trauma
and my feelings about it.
(08:51):
So when I started speaking out,it it not only helped me, but it
helped other people.
Like I felt like, okay, I'm justgonna do this to help other
people because I don't wantnobody to feel like how I felt.
And then it starts to be like,you know, I'm healing too.
I'm helping myself at the sametime.
So it's amazing feeling, butit's also still scary at the
(09:12):
same time.
SPEAKER_01 (09:13):
Yeah, I can imagine it is very scary, especially
because um sometimes there's alot of shame is associated with
what we've experienced,especially even though it's um a
lot of times no fault to ourown, there's still some shame
associated with it.
Um, there's grief associatedwith it.
Um, and then there's such astigma around certain traumas,
(09:37):
especially when it comes toabuse, right?
Um and then um according to yourstory, there were some incest
involved.
And so that means that you mayhave to expose family members,
right?
Who were not yet ready to, firstof all, either acknowledge, you
(09:58):
know, make their part in it ortheir fault or wrongdoing.
And so that is a lot to heal outloud, to confront, to expose.
Um, and I think a lot of timespeople think when you're sharing
stories of your magnitude,especially if you've experienced
trauma at the hands of anotherperson, uh people think that you
(10:21):
are that you are healing outloud so that you can make the
other person look bad, right?
Yes, right?
Or that you can, you know, blamethem or have an excuse for you
know what you may beexperiencing or going through.
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (10:38):
And I feel like I'm sorry.
unknown (10:40):
No, okay, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00 (10:41):
I feel like in my situation, I um when I first
made my first video, people wereso like, I'm so proud of you,
congratulations, all that stuff.
But I don't think they knew thatI was gonna start my own
movement of uplifting otherpeople and uplifting myself.
So I feel like they wanted me tobe quiet about the situation.
(11:02):
Yes, my um, my uncle went toprison for what he did, but then
as an excuse, the the traumathat he caused me and the fact
that nobody wanted to speakabout it, and I didn't I didn't
know how to heal from it until Iwas in my early 20s.
So they still feel like I'm justgonna, in my opinion, they feel
like um by me speaking about it,that I am like unhealed, uh, I
(11:27):
need to go to see therapy, theythink all of these things, and
it comes up because it's like,oh, you gotta let that go.
Let go and let God.
I am letting go and letting God,but I'm also sharing my part and
my story because I know thatit's helping myself it, but it's
also helping somebody else.
Right, right.
SPEAKER_01 (11:45):
That's interesting what you said, that some people
have this have thismisunderstanding that if you're
talking about it, that meansyou're not healed or that means
you're not over it.
And first of all, that burns myit burns me up because first of
all, the Bible itself says thatwe overcome by the blood of the
(12:06):
Lamb and the word of our owntestimony.
That means talking about whatwe've been through and how God
has brought us through it.
So I have to give voice to whathappened because how else will I
tell you that God delivered me?
How else would I tell you thathe healed my broken heart?
How else would I tell you thathis peace is what regulated my
(12:26):
emotions?
Like I have to speak on it,right?
I have to say what happened.
And I remember when I firststarted the podcast and I first
started sharing on social media,and like you said, there would
be family members who were like,Well, you know, you know, just
be careful what you're saying,you know, because you know, you
(12:46):
nobody is the judge, and youknow, only God can judge, and
that's true.
And I had to say, I had to cometo terms with my healing journey
is unique to me.
And what it takes for me to healmay not necessarily be how
somebody else chooses to heal.
There are some people who havegone through certain things, and
(13:08):
they may never tell anotherliving soul.
They may go to a great country,that may be just between them
and Jesus.
And I do feel like healing looksdifferent for everybody, for
every you know, everyindividual, but I don't feel
like that anyone should besilenced into um submission
because of what you think, whatyou think um the outcome or the
(13:31):
negative set you know, outcomecould be based on me telling my
story, right?
Um and I think that sometimeswhen people don't know how to
handle your story, or whenpeople don't know um what this
could possibly mean for them,they don't want to deal with it.
And so like don't bring too muchlight to it, you know, don't
(13:51):
speak on this, you know.
Right.
Um I grew up in one of thosehouseholds that kind of
subscribe to that model.
What happens in this house staysin this house.
Yes.
Unfortunately, what happens inthe house stays in the house,
but it stays in the psyche, itstays in the heart, stays in
your behavior patterns, how youthink and feel about yourself.
And people often negate that,you know.
(14:14):
Yeah, so by you speaking out, byyou telling your story, like you
said, you're not only helpingyourself, but you're helping
others who may never get achance to say what they've been
through, who may never feel likethey are able to say, you know,
to speak in it.
And so I just want to encourageyou to take this moment, even in
(14:34):
the midst of the podcast, tosay, keep doing what you're
doing.
Um, first of all, because itencouraged me as someone who has
already begun their healingjourney to continue to do that,
right?
Because sometimes you feel likeyou're in loan in your own
healing journey.
Ain't nobody else talking aboutthis.
This is crazy.
Um, but you just never know.
You just never know who is goingto first of all come account
(14:56):
come across your content andthen who you're gonna help.
And even if that's look, even ifit's just one person, that means
I think what I'm supposed to do.
Yeah, amen.
Amen.
So now what in what ways do youthink you've grown or become
more of yourself as you as aresult of this this healing
journey that you've begun?
SPEAKER_00 (15:16):
I am more I'm able to speak now.
Like I feel like I was quiet, Iwas a people pleaser, and I did
I let everything go.
Like I just like suppressed alot of stuff and I held on to
it.
And I held on to this peoplepleasing for so long.
And now that I am not peoplepleasing anymore, I'm able to
(15:36):
just say no, set boundaries,stand on them.
I'm still working on that, butI'm starting to stand on my
boundaries and speak up formyself.
SPEAKER_01 (15:46):
Wow, I love that.
You said first of all, I'm ableto say no.
I love the word no, you knowwhy?
Because it's a completesentence.
Yes.
I think when you say yes, nobodyasks you for an explanation.
Oh, what are you saying?
But immediately, as soon as yousay no, well, how come you had
did this before?
You had it was all right.
Everybody wants an explanationas to why you said no, but
(16:08):
nobody, nobody cares when yousay yes.
Um so I love the fact that yousaid it first of all, it starts
with you saying no, and then yousaid you're setting boundaries.
What are some of the boundariesthat you've had to set since
you've begun this journey?
SPEAKER_00 (16:22):
So, like, I used to want to be around my family, but
my family still deals with myuncle.
And I used to suppress myself tobeing around him just to be
around family, and now it'slike, no, I'm not going to the
family function where I knowthat he's going to be at.
So I'll just set it out.
And I don't have to deal withthat, and I'm fine with just
(16:42):
being, if I have to be bymyself, I am okay with that.
SPEAKER_01 (16:46):
Now, when you experience the trauma that
you've experienced as a resultof the incest and those that
incident, I don't know if it wasincidents or incident that
happened, um, and your uncle hadto go to prison.
How did the family react tothat?
Were they supportive?
Were they upset with you?
SPEAKER_00 (17:07):
I can't even explain it because a lot of like I don't
remember a lot of it because Iwas so young.
Okay.
But at the same time, I justfelt like certain family members
treated me differently.
And I just I remember thosefeelings still.
Like I remember how like peoplebarely wanted to speak to me, or
they probably just dealt with mebecause of my mother.
(17:28):
And it was just like, now Idon't want to be around, of
course, those ones because Iremember how you treated me, I
remember how you made me feel,and I'm about to deal with you.
So I feel like some people justlike fake supported, maybe, or
they just dealt with it, youknow.
Like, oh, um I don't know, but Ijust feel like it shows now
(17:50):
because of how they're so whenhe first was released from
prison, how he got of prison andeveryone was so around him and
all that stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (17:59):
So I just feel like it was prison specifically what
for what happened between whathe did to you.
SPEAKER_00 (18:05):
Yes.
Wow.
So as soon as he got out, it wasfamily just being around him and
being around family.
It was just like nothing everhappened.
So it was just it was weird.
SPEAKER_01 (18:18):
And did people expect for you to also be a part
of the celebratory committeewhen he was released?
Did they expect your presence?
SPEAKER_00 (18:25):
I think so.
I really think they did expectme just like, oh, he did his
time, so that's probably nobodyever like voiced it to me, but I
feel like their actions theywanted me to do.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (18:37):
Wow, wow.
And how old were you when theseuh things happened?
SPEAKER_00 (18:42):
Um, it happened when I was, I can't remember, I think
it was eight or nine when ithappened.
And when he was released, it wasI was like maybe uh I want to
say in my early twenties, maybe2021 or 22.
Yeah, wow.
So he was in there for a longtime.
SPEAKER_01 (18:59):
He was in there for a while.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, wow.
Did he ever deny what happened?
Or how did it come about that hewas reported?
And how did that happen?
If you don't mind talking aboutit.
SPEAKER_00 (19:12):
So um it was crazy.
I remember I still remember thatnight, like it was nothing.
It was how it happened.
It it happened, and I was not inmy room.
Right.
When mom came back, and so whenI wasn't in my room, she like I
it she was gone.
I think she had left out.
So when she was coming back inthe house, I was going back to
my room and she was like, Whatare you doing?
(19:33):
Like, what's wrong?
Right.
And immediately she knew thatsomething was wrong and checked
me and went to the hospital.
And from that moment, he wasarrested.
SPEAKER_01 (19:44):
Okay.
Wow, I want to say, first ofall, I want to commend your
mother because there are so manychildren who have experienced
what you've experienced, whatI've experienced, who report,
who tell, um, and they areeither punished or silenced.
(20:04):
Um, or in in some cases, ithappens repeatedly because
nothing is done.
Right.
So I want to commend your motherfor first of all acknowledging
that something was off with herchild, something, you know,
needed attention for taking youto the hospital, and also for,
you know, what happened as aresult, which meant he had to be
(20:25):
um incarcerated.
I want to commend your motherfor that because I share a
similar, similar story ofmultiple incidents where um
sexual abuse happened to me aswell.
And when it was reported, I wasactually punished for it, for
what was considered lying.
Um, and it wasn't until years,until I was in my adult life
(20:48):
that the truth really came outand was accepted.
So, although, yeah, although Iknow that that does not
necessarily lessen the pain orthe effects of that trauma, I'm
so appreciative of the fact thatthere were necessary steps that
had that was taken by yourmother to remedy it.
Because people don't understandthat when you don't react, when
(21:09):
you don't assist, when you don'tcome to your child's aid, that
even makes it worse.
That makes it worse worse.
Yes, um wow.
Now, how do you believe others,whether it be your family, your
friends, how do you think theyview you now as a result of this
new journey?
Are they like, you acting funny?
You're brand new now, like, orare they supportive?
(21:30):
Do you find how do you find thatpeople's reactions to you are?
SPEAKER_00 (21:34):
I feel like it's a few of my family members that
support me.
Um, even for silently, likewatch me silently and maybe
sharing some of my posts.
But um, I have my I became thepeople on social media have
become more like my biggestsupporters, my big like my
family because of how theysupport me.
(21:55):
And it's all because of me beingtoo loud has made my family
probably not want to deal withme, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_01 (22:02):
That's okay, that's absolutely okay.
Um, I'm reminded of thescripture in the Bible, and I
always rely on the Biblebecause, first of all, it's
what's getting me through,honey.
But I'm reminded of thescripture in the Bible where
Jesus says that a prophet iswithout honor in his own town.
Now, he was specifically talkingabout his inability uh to
perform miracles because oftheir unbelief, and because also
(22:25):
because the people in that townfelt like, oh, we know him,
that's Joseph's son, like theyjust a carpenter.
I think it is so um astoundingto me that even when it comes to
trauma and to us speaking aboutit, to us talking about it,
sometimes it's the people whoknow you that will support you
the least.
Yeah.
(22:45):
Um, like you said, you havepeople on social media who may
not ever get a chance to meetyou in person, who may be miles
away from you, who willencourage you, um, you know,
based on what you're saying andbased on what you're doing.
So it's not always going to bethose who you expect to be in
your corner.
And I think that that is anothercomponent to healing, is
(23:06):
accepting the fact that theremay be some people who turn on
you when you decide to heal fromwhatever you're healing from,
whether it's trauma, whetherit's, you know, a relationship
or whatever it is that you'regoing through, you could be
going through somethingmedically um health-wise and be
on just be on a new healingjourney.
And they're like, Oh, I can'tget with that, you know.
Right.
So I think it's important tounderstand that although you
(23:29):
there may be people who youexpect to be there that aren't,
there are going to be people whoyou may not expect to be there
who will be.
SPEAKER_03 (23:36):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (23:38):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
What would you say to somebodywho's looking to begin healing
from trauma and who's lookingto, they want to get it all out,
they want to talk about it, theydon't know where to start, they
just want to heal.
They're tired of hurting and youknow, going through in their
mind and in their soul, and theyjust don't know what to do.
What would you say to them?
(23:59):
And how would you encourage themto start their healing journey?
SPEAKER_00 (24:03):
You just have to do it.
You just you have to start fromsomewhere, even if you're
starting by just journalingeverything down, and then even
if you don't post it on socialmedia, but you just get in front
of your camera or just um recordit on your phone and just speak
it.
Releasing is so important.
Like, I love releasing, eveneven if I'm not making a video,
(24:26):
because sometimes likeeverything isn't for social
media, so it's right.
If I just put it in my journal,I know that it's safe and I know
that I'm releasing.
SPEAKER_02 (24:36):
That's the big thing.
SPEAKER_00 (24:38):
Absolutely, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (24:41):
I think one of the things that you said was really
important.
You said everything is not forsocial media, and we know that
we live in an age where youknow, we're gonna run a TikTok,
we're gonna run an Instagram,you know, we can pretty much
find everything we want tounderstand, everything we want
to learn about on the socialmedia platforms.
And although there are somethings that you can't share,
there are some things that youjust have to take to God in
(25:02):
prayer or to you know to yourtherapist, or like you said,
process within yourself.
There are some things that arefor the greater good of you,
your communities, and otherpeople who have gone through
things where you will need tospeak on, where you will need to
care.
So I think it's um it's goodthat you have that balance.
It's good that you know, okay,this one I gotta yeah, I gotta
(25:23):
keep this one to myself for alittle bit.
And I love that you said thatsometimes you just record it,
you just speak it out, you justrelease it by talking about it,
by letting it out of your heart.
You know what I mean?
Giving voice to the fact of Ireally did go through this,
right?
This really did happen.
Um, I think that's amazing,right?
I think that first of all, beingable to speak when when you were
(25:48):
at one point not able to, yes,that shows growth.
That shows growth and that showsfreedom.
Yes.
Um, to me, that's what freedomlooks like.
It's being different than I wasbefore.
Before I couldn't say nothing,right?
Before I couldn't even thinkabout it.
I I didn't even have the abilityto even write it down.
But now I'm able to voice it.
(26:09):
And even if the first person Ivoice it to is to myself, right?
Yes.
Because what I learned is I ammy own audience, right?
Sometimes we we want otherpeople to kind of validate what
we've been through and affirmus.
And I think that's just a partof the human experience.
We all need love, we all needaffirmation, we all need
validation.
(26:30):
Um, but I think it's alsoimportant to understand that
even if no one else agrees withwhat you feel and what you think
and what you've experienced, youcan be in agreement and
understanding within yourself,like I did experience this and
this did affect me, and I acceptmyself and I accept my own
story, right?
I accept what I've been throughand how it has affected me.
(26:51):
How do you, how important do youthink it is for you to come to
terms with it personally beforepublicly?
SPEAKER_00 (26:58):
It's very important to come to terms with it because
if you're if before you even sayit to anyone else or be public
about it, you have to just beokay with what has happened to
you and not let anything or anyonce weigh you away from your
truth.
Because sometimes people willget in our heads and say things
to us and then be like, well,yeah, maybe it wasn't that bad,
(27:20):
or maybe it wasn't this, andthen that just weighs you away
from your truth and your story.
You have to just be okay with itcompletely.
SPEAKER_01 (27:28):
Absolutely.
I agree.
What are some of the copingmechanisms that you learn to um
help you along your healingjourney?
Because I know that there arecertain triggers, I know that
you have good days and bad days,I know that um, you know,
there's a lot that entailswithin the healing journey, and
sometimes people overlook it.
People think because I saw yousmiling yesterday that you're
(27:50):
okay today.
So answer me that.
What do you think about that?
SPEAKER_00 (27:56):
I first of all, I just like to first just sit with
it.
Whatever I'm feeling at themoment, I like to sit with it,
and then I like to just pray.
I like to just talk to God aboutit because like it's a sense of
comforting, like it's socomforting just to talk to God
about whatever I'm dealing withthat day and journaling or just
talking to my boyfriend aboutit.
(28:16):
Like, that's what I like to dothe most.
And then sometimes make a littlepost just to get it out there,
but it's just me, like thatone-on-one with God is so
important.
SPEAKER_01 (28:27):
Let me tell you, baby, you ain't never lied
because there's sometimes whenI'm carrying it, seems like the
weight of the world on myshoulders, and I'm trying to
just make it home, make it backto that home within myself and
within the Lord.
And I get in my little prayercloset and I'm just like, God,
(28:48):
and I release it, and like yousaid, I'm just talking to him
and I'm just spending time withhim, and you can literally feel
the relief, you can feel thepeace, you can feel that
comfort.
Um it's it is indescribablealmost.
One of the things that I haveexperienced as a result of the
trauma I went through.
(29:08):
Um, my trauma spanned whatseemed like over almost a
lifetime, like almost 20 yearsof physical, mental, verbal,
sexual abuse.
And I didn't know that I wascarrying the trauma into my
adult life.
Those are the effects of theeffects of the trauma into my
adult life.
But I was struggling very muchso mentally.
It affected me so much mentally.
(29:31):
And I would have these periodsof dissociation.
One of the things I wasdiagnosed with was
post-traumatic stress disorder,and one of the symptoms is
dissociation.
And I would have these periodswhere I would be gone.
Like I was physically here, butmentally and emotionally, I was
checked out, you know?
Um, and I couldn't get, I justfeel like I couldn't get a grip.
(29:52):
I couldn't be at home withmyself.
I could I it was too much, itwas too much for me to be in
reality.
And so my mind.
Just created an escape and wewere there.
But I remember when I started togo to the Lord in prayer about
what I was going throughmentally.
And I remember feeling home.
(30:15):
I remember remember feeling oneand whole.
And I I couldn't describe whereI had been previously, but I
knew I was back.
But I knew I was back.
And there has been no other, Imean, nothing I've tried.
I've been medicated.
I've gone to therapy, and then Istill have a therapist.
(30:38):
But nothing has been aspowerful, as progressive, as
life-changing as the presence ofGod.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Um, when I can't get it out,when I can't find the words, and
my tears, you know, speak forme.
Yes.
(30:58):
I still, I still, I'm stillrelieved.
I'm still consoled.
I'm comforted.
And so when I hear you say thattalking to God is one of the
strategies that you use to dealwith the trauma that you've been
through, I can wholeheartedlyconcur because I'm just
sometimes I want to tell, I wantto ask people like, like, okay,
(31:18):
if you've been through so manytrauma, do you realize how
effective prayer is?
I'm not just talking about Godbless this and God bless that.
And that has this time andplace, but I'm talking about God
helped my heart, God helped mymind.
Like I feel like we're losingit.
Like, I'm talking about real,authentic, raw prayer.
And sometimes, you know, whenwe're coming to God and we've
had been taught to suppresscertain things, we feel like we
(31:40):
gotta have everything allpolished up for God.
Yeah.
We feel like we gotta say it ina certain way.
Cha, I'll be in there uglycrying.
Yes, me too.
A hot mess.
But I love that I can go to himlike that.
I love that I don't have to putit on and I don't, even though I
have that tendency to feel likeI need to, I I love that he's he
(32:02):
lets me rest.
SPEAKER_03 (32:04):
Yes.
I love if I rest.
SPEAKER_01 (32:06):
I love that he lets he accepts me as I am and he
knows where I've been.
And when I come back from aperiod of discreet, when I come
back from where I was like, waita minute, what was that doing?
Distracted or whatever, he stillwhat was me with open zone with
open arms.
Yes.
Oh my god.
It's such an amazing feeling.
So it's such an amazing feeling.
(32:26):
It's no, it's nothing like it.
I mean, it's it's really nothinglike it.
Um and so prayer has certainlybeen one of the tools that I use
and been using and endeavoringto keep using to go from this.
Because it's always going to besomething that you discover.
You might get over one thing andthen you realize, like, oh,
okay, and then I have to go withit, you know.
So it is a journey.
(32:47):
It's not overnight.
Um, it's not linear, you know.
It's not, you know, you wannahave some ups, you're gonna have
some downs, you know.
Yes, it it it is it is certainlyum a challenge.
How do you think your faith hashas guided you and shaped your
healing journey?
Where have you seen God's handin your healing process?
SPEAKER_00 (33:06):
The the whole thing, the whole thing.
Like, when I first um I wasasking God for my purpose.
Like, I was in church and hejust told me, like, I could hear
him say, like, you know, go tolike make a YouTube channel and
share your story.
And I was scared.
Right.
I was so scared, and I didn't doit for like a few months until I
(33:30):
got that push to just do it, andI started, and he's been in it
every step of the way, even whenI feel like I'm falling off and
I'm not doing as I'm supposedto, as an advocating and and and
healing, he's just in it thewhole entire time.
SPEAKER_01 (33:44):
Wow, that's amazing.
I love that you said when I gotthe push.
God knows how to encourage us,he knows how um to lead us and
to guide us into what we'resupposed to be doing.
SPEAKER_03 (33:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (33:57):
Especially when it's for his glory.
Excuse me.
He knows how to get us to aplace where we will say, you
know what, God, I have nothingto lose, but every day to
everything to gain by beingobedient to you.
Um that's an amazing thing.
Uh, I can certainly identifywith a little bit of
procrastination myself.
Because when I was God firsttold me, you know, to start
(34:17):
talking about it, I was like,You want me to say what?
Like, I want to tell you I ain'ttold not a soul.
And you want me to tell thewhole world?
Like, you want me to put that onsocial media?
And obviously, like you said,there's some things that you
know we haven't told that, butthere's some things that we're
still working on, and maybe oneday the Lord will bless me to be
able to, you know, put it in abook because I do believe that
(34:40):
even though right now I'm youknow, again, still healing in
certain areas, I do believe thatyou have to speak to it.
You have to speak to it, evenyou know, no matter how you know
deep or dark it seems, I thinkyou have to speak to it in order
because there's somebody elsewho's who's gone through that,
and they need to know thatthey're not alone.
They need to know that what theyexperience, um, it, you know,
(35:03):
although they have experiencedthat, there's somebody else
who's gone through the samething, whose life God has
touched, whose life God hashealed and has changed as a
result.
Um I'm reminded of thatscripture that says all things
work together for the good ofthose who love God and are
called according to his purpose.
(35:23):
And it's it's only God can turnpain into purpose.
SPEAKER_03 (35:28):
Yes, only God can do that.
SPEAKER_01 (35:30):
Like only God can take what was what the enemy
meant for evil.
Yes, for you good, yes, becausebaby, what I've been through, it
literally should have destroyedme.
And I feel like in certain areasit was destructive, right?
But the Bible says that there isno weapon that's formed against
us that will be able to prosper.
Doesn't mean the weapon won't beformed, right?
(35:54):
He's gonna try it.
Look, he's gonna try.
He's gonna try, he stays on hisjob.
Um but we can overcome with God,and we can overcome with by
telling our stories andnavigating for others and
showing up, you know, in thecall and the purpose that God
has created for us.
SPEAKER_03 (36:14):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (36:14):
Wow, I'm so amazed.
You um shared a lot of intimate,you know, details about your
life and about some of thethings that you've gone through.
And I know that we couldprobably be here all day talking
about, you know, child, whathappened and things like that.
I just I want to thank youbecause I know that it takes a
level of strength andvulnerability to talk about what
you talked about today.
(36:36):
Um especially when it comes tosharing it on not only on social
media, but on the podcast and onthings where you know, you never
know who's gonna hear, who'sgonna listen.
Um what I love about what Isense from you is that you're
not here to necessarily bashanybody, you're not here to make
(36:57):
anybody look bad, but it reallyis about about your evolvement.
It's really is about you.
It's really about your story andhow you've overcame because
there's so many people who havegone through what you've gone
through and didn't make it,right?
They ended up, you know, youknow, you we hear it in church
(37:18):
all the time, you know, peoplewent through what you went
through and they went crazy.
People went through what youwent through and they, you know,
battle with addiction.
People went through what theywent through and they, you know,
had felt marriages andrelationships and just different
negative outcomes as a result umof what they've gone through.
Um, but you are a livingtestimony, a work yet in
(37:39):
progress, but a living testimonyas to what God can do with when
you surrender your pain, whenyou surrender your hearts and
all the things that you haveexperienced.
A literally a living testimonyto God be the glory.
Yes, amen.
Thank you.
You're very welcome, you're verywelcome.
Now, um, I know that there maybe like, girl, I want to hear
(38:01):
more about her story because Idon't know what happened, and
how come this uncle gotreleased?
And what's going on here?
You know, people might, youknow, you know they might want
to know.
So you got to tell us where wecan reach you.
And if somebody says, Listen, Iwant you to tell me more, or I
want to share with you what I'veexperienced, and I want you to
tell me how we are able to healand to confront the things we've
(38:21):
gone through.
Because I do want to say thisthere's somebody who went
through exactly what you wentthrough, whose uncle, brother,
cousin, stranger didn't go tojail, right?
Yeah, and they didn'tnecessarily have any type of any
sense of justice, right?
I mean, and and and even thoughyou know this person was
incarcerated, that does notlessen the pain, that does not
(38:43):
lessen the effects that it hashad on you.
Um, but we do understand thatthere's some people who did not
even experience that.
Right.
But if someone wants to get intouch with you and talk to you,
reach out to you, and just beable to identify with you, where
can they reach you?
SPEAKER_00 (39:00):
Um, Facebook, YouTube, um, Instagram, and um
TikTok, which I just changed myname.
Well, I changed my name.
I made a new TikTok for justlike Nay Hills, Nay.
And then everything else isnearlifting others.
I'm sorry, what's the other one?
Nay thing others?
Yes, near lifting others, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (39:19):
Okay, awesome, awesome.
Nay, it's been a pleasure.
You're such a beautiful,beautiful soul.
I feel like the peace radiatesfrom you, the joy radiates from
that's how you know healing isreally in process.
Because sometimes you can behealing, you could be, you know,
you could be bitter like this,and you know, just all out of
pocket.
But I I just feel a sense ofpeace, you know, from you.
(39:40):
And I I'm just so grateful andthankful again for your time and
for you sharing what you share.
Keep doing what you're doing,and I'll I'm gonna continue your
healing journey.
And maybe one day we cancollaborate.
Maybe we'll do it live togetheror something like that, and we
can, you know, talk about whatwe've been through and try to
help others because this is amovement that definitely needs
to continue.
(40:01):
Um so many people, um youngpeople, you know, middle-aged
people, adult people.
There are people in their, Iwant to say this there are
people who are in their seniorages, right?
And who have carried trauma alltheir lives.
SPEAKER_03 (40:15):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (40:16):
One of the things that I found out is that
unhealed trauma can affect youpost 50 years past the event.
Yes.
So let's say you went throughsomething at 10 and you're now
60 years old, still dealing withthe effects of it.
If it was unhealed, it canaffect you for up to 50 years
(40:37):
post the event.
And that's why you have peoplewho literally go to the grave
with such pain and suchbitterness and such heartbreak
because they've never had achance and the opportunity to
heal.
So you pay it away for somebody.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
Any last words, any advice,anything you'd like to share?
SPEAKER_00 (40:56):
Yes, this to be true to you.
Releasing is powerful, healingis powerful, and it's no such
thing as being weak as you'rehealing.
And healing is a journey, andit's gonna be a roller coaster,
but it's worth it.
What makes it worth it in theend?
Uh to be fully you, to be ableto just live and be free and to
(41:22):
thrive.
SPEAKER_01 (41:23):
Wow, amazing.
I love that.
Because you could be living andnot like you could be existing
and not necessarily living, andlike you said, it's not even
thriving.
So that makes a difference.
That definitely makes adifference.
Nate, thank you again so much.
I really appreciate you.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Thank you so much for your time.
SPEAKER_00 (41:40):
Thank you.
Have a good one.
unknown (41:44):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (41:45):
All right.
Oh, don't hang up yet.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, I just wanted to end itout.
Okay, you did amazing.
Oh my goodness.
Excuse me.
I'm going to try to edit outthose coughs because I'm like,
now my now my throat wanna becoughing.
It takes me a couple of minutes.
Thank you, thank you.
I'm I'm calling but you'rereally getting there.
(42:05):
It takes a few days for me toedit because I have to edit from
two platforms, but as soon as Iedit, I'll send you this this um
visual and I'll send you theaudio from the podcast, and
it'll be like hearable links.
And you can make like makelittle clips on TikTok with it,
you know.
Um I do that as well.
I don't know.
Sometimes okay.
I think it I believe it capturedthe whole um visual on here.
(42:30):
Sometimes it doesn't, but I'llsend you the whole thing and you
can you do what you need to dowith it, okay?
So give me a few days, if not bythe end of this week, definitely
be beginning of next week, okay?
Okay.
All right.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
Have a wonderful week.
You too.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Bye bye.
Okay, let me pull up one of my recording apps really
quick.
How are you today?
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm doing good.
Thank you so much for agreeingto meet with me and record.
Of course.
I'm gonna try not to call fromstill recovering.
SPEAKER_03 (02:28):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (02:28):
So when I tell you John, the devil was deviling,
because this thickness came outof nowhere.
But God be the Lord, I'm feelingmuch better than it was.
Yes.
Amen.
And so um just to give you aheads up, you know, we're gonna
go, it's gonna be a question andanswer format, like we talked
about.
Yeah, we'll go over a fewquestions.
And then sometimes when we're inthe midst of conversation, other
(02:50):
questions come up.
And so, you know, typically ittakes between, I want to say
maybe 30, 45 minutes, maybe atthe max, depending on you know
what we cover and everything.
Um, I forgot that one of thequestions that I one question
that I didn't ask or that Ididn't give you was um, what
things are you healing from?
Are you comfortable with talkingabout things like that?
(03:11):
Sure, yes.
I just wanted to make sure.
So that's gonna be our firstquestion, and then we'll go into
the best, okay?
Um, I'll introduce you, um, andthen at the end, excuse me, at
the end, you'll tell us where wecan find you, you know, how we
can read you if someone'sinterested in your content or
even communicating, contactingyou, you'll tell us that
information.
(03:33):
Excuse me.
Um trying to make sure to covereverything.
Um typically it takes me a fewdays to edit.
So hopefully, by before thistime next week, I'll give you
the full episode, all the links,all the um audio and visual.
So if you want to share, youknow, edit yourself, you can do
that as well.
Okay.
Okay.
(03:53):
What's your name?
How what how do you want me toaddress you?
SPEAKER_00 (03:56):
I'm Janae.
SPEAKER_01 (03:59):
Nay, it's fine.
Okay, I just wanted to makesure.
Okay, we're going to startrecording one second.
Okay.
Hey guys, welcome back toTriumph Over Trauma.
Today we have a special guest,Nay, with us, and we're gonna be
talking about healing today.
I came across some of Nay'scontent on TikTok, and she was
talking about healing andhealing out loud, and it
(04:21):
definitely intrigued me assomeone who is also on a healing
journey as well, healing fromthings in my past, um, you learn
learning new coping mechanismsand learning how to even
maintain that healing.
And so again, when I saw Nay'scontent, I was like, oh, I gotta
get her on the show because youknow, it really spoke to me.
And I think it really is what'sneeded.
(04:42):
You know, a lot of people arehurting, um, especially in such
a crucial time in our world, inour society, a lot of people are
dealing with different things,sometimes past traumas or just
even, you know, the things thatwe go through on an everyday
basis.
And I'm learning that in orderto grow and to develop healing
is necessary.
(05:03):
And so we're gonna speak uh withthe expert, if you will, on the
topic.
And she's gonna share with us afew things.
I'm happy to have her on theshow.
Welcome to the show, Nate.
How are you?
Thank you.
Um, I'm good.
How are you?
I'm doing well also, doing wellalso.
Glad to have you here.
Like I mentioned before.
We're gonna jump right inbecause we've got a lot of
(05:23):
cover, a lot of questions tocover.
Now, um, I know again, like yousaid, you were talking about
healing and what it looks likefor you, what it means for you,
and just your whole journey andprocess.
Tell us first, what are some ofthe things that you feel you're
healing from in this season ofyour life?
SPEAKER_00 (05:40):
I'm healing from uh childhood trauma, um, incest
abuse.
I've been healing from that forsome years now, and I have a lot
of healing to do, but I amthankful that I'm where I'm at
right now.
SPEAKER_01 (05:53):
Amen.
Amen.
Well, you said a lot.
You said you're healing fromchildhood trauma, you're healing
from incest and abuse.
And there's so many people inour world, in our society, in
our families, even within ourclose-neck communities, who have
experienced similar traumas andthey're not talking about it.
They don't know how to manageit, how to deal with it.
(06:14):
So the fact that you share insuch detail on your platforms
your story and how you'rehealing is amazing.
So I want to give kudos to you.
You're certainly welcome.
Certainly welcome.
Okay, no, I again I looked atyour video and I was all up and
down your page, and I was like,this is so interesting because
sometimes when you are goingthrough healing, especially like
(06:36):
you know, like you said, fromchildhood trauma or things that
you've gone through in the past,people kind of have a tendency
to be like, oh, you should beover that by now.
Like, girl, that was a long timeago.
Like, first of all, I'm just nowcoming to the realization that
there was trauma.
And then I'm realizing that thistrauma had an effect on me.
And then I'm realizing I can'teven, I can't necessarily exact
(07:00):
revenge.
I have to heal, I have toforgive, then I have to let go.
So it is, it is a lot.
What does healing look like foryou?
And today, how would you say youhave changed as a result of your
healing process?
SPEAKER_00 (07:18):
Healing looks for me, it looks like um healing out
loud, um, being authentic withmyself and with the people that
watch me.
And the process is hard becausesometimes I just like want to
just go on my show and not sayanything, but I know that my
voice matters and I'm using myvoice to help the voiceless.
So it's like I have to do it.
SPEAKER_01 (07:40):
Yeah, that's amazing.
I love what you said.
I'm using my voice to help thevoiceless.
That's amazing, first of all.
The courage that it takes tospeak out, the courage that it
takes to confront.
Um, nobody talks about that.
Nobody talks about the fact thatwhen you have someone who is
telling their story, especiallystories that are deeply hidden
(08:03):
in pain, it's it's like this isalmost like surgical.
You things have to come up, haveto come out.
They're being excavated fromyour heart, from your soul, from
your mind.
It's really, really a deep work.
It's a lot.
It is, isn't it?
Now, when you think abouthealing out loud, right?
(08:25):
What does that mean?
And why do you think it'simportant to heal out loud?
SPEAKER_00 (08:31):
It's important because I was silenced for a
long time because of my owninsecurities, me having shame,
guilt, and like how everyonejust welt with it, but they
didn't like talk about it.
So I was I suppressed a lot ofmy memories, a lot of my trauma
and my feelings about it.
(08:51):
So when I started speaking out,it it not only helped me, but it
helped other people.
Like I felt like, okay, I'm justgonna do this to help other
people because I don't wantnobody to feel like how I felt.
And then it starts to be like,you know, I'm healing too.
I'm helping myself at the sametime.
So it's amazing feeling, butit's also still scary at the
(09:12):
same time.
SPEAKER_01 (09:13):
Yeah, I can imagine it is very scary, especially
because um sometimes there's alot of shame is associated with
what we've experienced,especially even though it's um a
lot of times no fault to ourown, there's still some shame
associated with it.
Um, there's grief associatedwith it.
Um, and then there's such astigma around certain traumas,
(09:37):
especially when it comes toabuse, right?
Um and then um according to yourstory, there were some incest
involved.
And so that means that you mayhave to expose family members,
right?
Who were not yet ready to, firstof all, either acknowledge, you
(09:58):
know, make their part in it ortheir fault or wrongdoing.
And so that is a lot to heal outloud, to confront, to expose.
Um, and I think a lot of timespeople think when you're sharing
stories of your magnitude,especially if you've experienced
trauma at the hands of anotherperson, uh people think that you
(10:21):
are that you are healing outloud so that you can make the
other person look bad, right?
Yes, right?
Or that you can, you know, blamethem or have an excuse for you
know what you may beexperiencing or going through.
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (10:38):
And I feel like I'm sorry.
unknown (10:40):
No, okay, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00 (10:41):
I feel like in my situation, I um when I first
made my first video, people wereso like, I'm so proud of you,
congratulations, all that stuff.
But I don't think they knew thatI was gonna start my own
movement of uplifting otherpeople and uplifting myself.
So I feel like they wanted me tobe quiet about the situation.
(11:02):
Yes, my um, my uncle went toprison for what he did, but then
as an excuse, the the traumathat he caused me and the fact
that nobody wanted to speakabout it, and I didn't I didn't
know how to heal from it until Iwas in my early 20s.
So they still feel like I'm justgonna, in my opinion, they feel
like um by me speaking about it,that I am like unhealed, uh, I
(11:27):
need to go to see therapy, theythink all of these things, and
it comes up because it's like,oh, you gotta let that go.
Let go and let God.
I am letting go and letting God,but I'm also sharing my part and
my story because I know thatit's helping myself it, but it's
also helping somebody else.
Right, right.
SPEAKER_01 (11:45):
That's interesting what you said, that some people
have this have thismisunderstanding that if you're
talking about it, that meansyou're not healed or that means
you're not over it.
And first of all, that burns myit burns me up because first of
all, the Bible itself says thatwe overcome by the blood of the
(12:06):
Lamb and the word of our owntestimony.
That means talking about whatwe've been through and how God
has brought us through it.
So I have to give voice to whathappened because how else will I
tell you that God delivered me?
How else would I tell you thathe healed my broken heart?
How else would I tell you thathis peace is what regulated my
(12:26):
emotions?
Like I have to speak on it,right?
I have to say what happened.
And I remember when I firststarted the podcast and I first
started sharing on social media,and like you said, there would
be family members who were like,Well, you know, you know, just
be careful what you're saying,you know, because you know, you
(12:46):
nobody is the judge, and youknow, only God can judge, and
that's true.
And I had to say, I had to cometo terms with my healing journey
is unique to me.
And what it takes for me to healmay not necessarily be how
somebody else chooses to heal.
There are some people who havegone through certain things, and
(13:08):
they may never tell anotherliving soul.
They may go to a great country,that may be just between them
and Jesus.
And I do feel like healing looksdifferent for everybody, for
every you know, everyindividual, but I don't feel
like that anyone should besilenced into um submission
because of what you think, whatyou think um the outcome or the
(13:31):
negative set you know, outcomecould be based on me telling my
story, right?
Um and I think that sometimeswhen people don't know how to
handle your story, or whenpeople don't know um what this
could possibly mean for them,they don't want to deal with it.
And so like don't bring too muchlight to it, you know, don't
(13:51):
speak on this, you know.
Right.
Um I grew up in one of thosehouseholds that kind of
subscribe to that model.
What happens in this house staysin this house.
Yes.
Unfortunately, what happens inthe house stays in the house,
but it stays in the psyche, itstays in the heart, stays in
your behavior patterns, how youthink and feel about yourself.
And people often negate that,you know.
(14:14):
Yeah, so by you speaking out, byyou telling your story, like you
said, you're not only helpingyourself, but you're helping
others who may never get achance to say what they've been
through, who may never feel likethey are able to say, you know,
to speak in it.
And so I just want to encourageyou to take this moment, even in
(14:34):
the midst of the podcast, tosay, keep doing what you're
doing.
Um, first of all, because itencouraged me as someone who has
already begun their healingjourney to continue to do that,
right?
Because sometimes you feel likeyou're in loan in your own
healing journey.
Ain't nobody else talking aboutthis.
This is crazy.
Um, but you just never know.
You just never know who is goingto first of all come account
(14:56):
come across your content andthen who you're gonna help.
And even if that's look, even ifit's just one person, that means
I think what I'm supposed to do.
Yeah, amen.
Amen.
So now what in what ways do youthink you've grown or become
more of yourself as you as aresult of this this healing
journey that you've begun?
SPEAKER_00 (15:16):
I am more I'm able to speak now.
Like I feel like I was quiet, Iwas a people pleaser, and I did
I let everything go.
Like I just like suppressed alot of stuff and I held on to
it.
And I held on to this peoplepleasing for so long.
And now that I am not peoplepleasing anymore, I'm able to
(15:36):
just say no, set boundaries,stand on them.
I'm still working on that, butI'm starting to stand on my
boundaries and speak up formyself.
SPEAKER_01 (15:46):
Wow, I love that.
You said first of all, I'm ableto say no.
I love the word no, you knowwhy?
Because it's a completesentence.
Yes.
I think when you say yes, nobodyasks you for an explanation.
Oh, what are you saying?
But immediately, as soon as yousay no, well, how come you had
did this before?
You had it was all right.
Everybody wants an explanationas to why you said no, but
(16:08):
nobody, nobody cares when yousay yes.
Um so I love the fact that yousaid it first of all, it starts
with you saying no, and then yousaid you're setting boundaries.
What are some of the boundariesthat you've had to set since
you've begun this journey?
SPEAKER_00 (16:22):
So, like, I used to want to be around my family, but
my family still deals with myuncle.
And I used to suppress myself tobeing around him just to be
around family, and now it'slike, no, I'm not going to the
family function where I knowthat he's going to be at.
So I'll just set it out.
And I don't have to deal withthat, and I'm fine with just
(16:42):
being, if I have to be bymyself, I am okay with that.
SPEAKER_01 (16:46):
Now, when you experience the trauma that
you've experienced as a resultof the incest and those that
incident, I don't know if it wasincidents or incident that
happened, um, and your uncle hadto go to prison.
How did the family react tothat?
Were they supportive?
Were they upset with you?
SPEAKER_00 (17:07):
I can't even explain it because a lot of like I don't
remember a lot of it because Iwas so young.
Okay.
But at the same time, I justfelt like certain family members
treated me differently.
And I just I remember thosefeelings still.
Like I remember how like peoplebarely wanted to speak to me, or
they probably just dealt with mebecause of my mother.
(17:28):
And it was just like, now Idon't want to be around, of
course, those ones because Iremember how you treated me, I
remember how you made me feel,and I'm about to deal with you.
So I feel like some people justlike fake supported, maybe, or
they just dealt with it, youknow.
Like, oh, um I don't know, but Ijust feel like it shows now
(17:50):
because of how they're so whenhe first was released from
prison, how he got of prison andeveryone was so around him and
all that stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (17:59):
So I just feel like it was prison specifically what
for what happened between whathe did to you.
SPEAKER_00 (18:05):
Yes.
Wow.
So as soon as he got out, it wasfamily just being around him and
being around family.
It was just like nothing everhappened.
So it was just it was weird.
SPEAKER_01 (18:18):
And did people expect for you to also be a part
of the celebratory committeewhen he was released?
Did they expect your presence?
SPEAKER_00 (18:25):
I think so.
I really think they did expectme just like, oh, he did his
time, so that's probably nobodyever like voiced it to me, but I
feel like their actions theywanted me to do.
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (18:37):
Wow, wow.
And how old were you when theseuh things happened?
SPEAKER_00 (18:42):
Um, it happened when I was, I can't remember, I think
it was eight or nine when ithappened.
And when he was released, it wasI was like maybe uh I want to
say in my early twenties, maybe2021 or 22.
Yeah, wow.
So he was in there for a longtime.
SPEAKER_01 (18:59):
He was in there for a while.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, wow.
Did he ever deny what happened?
Or how did it come about that hewas reported?
And how did that happen?
If you don't mind talking aboutit.
SPEAKER_00 (19:12):
So um it was crazy.
I remember I still remember thatnight, like it was nothing.
It was how it happened.
It it happened, and I was not inmy room.
Right.
When mom came back, and so whenI wasn't in my room, she like I
it she was gone.
I think she had left out.
So when she was coming back inthe house, I was going back to
my room and she was like, Whatare you doing?
(19:33):
Like, what's wrong?
Right.
And immediately she knew thatsomething was wrong and checked
me and went to the hospital.
And from that moment, he wasarrested.
SPEAKER_01 (19:44):
Okay.
Wow, I want to say, first ofall, I want to commend your
mother because there are so manychildren who have experienced
what you've experienced, whatI've experienced, who report,
who tell, um, and they areeither punished or silenced.
(20:04):
Um, or in in some cases, ithappens repeatedly because
nothing is done.
Right.
So I want to commend your motherfor first of all acknowledging
that something was off with herchild, something, you know,
needed attention for taking youto the hospital, and also for,
you know, what happened as aresult, which meant he had to be
(20:25):
um incarcerated.
I want to commend your motherfor that because I share a
similar, similar story ofmultiple incidents where um
sexual abuse happened to me aswell.
And when it was reported, I wasactually punished for it, for
what was considered lying.
Um, and it wasn't until years,until I was in my adult life
(20:48):
that the truth really came outand was accepted.
So, although, yeah, although Iknow that that does not
necessarily lessen the pain orthe effects of that trauma, I'm
so appreciative of the fact thatthere were necessary steps that
had that was taken by yourmother to remedy it.
Because people don't understandthat when you don't react, when
(21:09):
you don't assist, when you don'tcome to your child's aid, that
even makes it worse.
That makes it worse worse.
Yes, um wow.
Now, how do you believe others,whether it be your family, your
friends, how do you think theyview you now as a result of this
new journey?
Are they like, you acting funny?
You're brand new now, like, orare they supportive?
(21:30):
Do you find how do you find thatpeople's reactions to you are?
SPEAKER_00 (21:34):
I feel like it's a few of my family members that
support me.
Um, even for silently, likewatch me silently and maybe
sharing some of my posts.
But um, I have my I became thepeople on social media have
become more like my biggestsupporters, my big like my
family because of how theysupport me.
(21:55):
And it's all because of me beingtoo loud has made my family
probably not want to deal withme, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_01 (22:02):
That's okay, that's absolutely okay.
Um, I'm reminded of thescripture in the Bible, and I
always rely on the Biblebecause, first of all, it's
what's getting me through,honey.
But I'm reminded of thescripture in the Bible where
Jesus says that a prophet iswithout honor in his own town.
Now, he was specifically talkingabout his inability uh to
perform miracles because oftheir unbelief, and because also
(22:25):
because the people in that townfelt like, oh, we know him,
that's Joseph's son, like theyjust a carpenter.
I think it is so um astoundingto me that even when it comes to
trauma and to us speaking aboutit, to us talking about it,
sometimes it's the people whoknow you that will support you
the least.
Yeah.
(22:45):
Um, like you said, you havepeople on social media who may
not ever get a chance to meetyou in person, who may be miles
away from you, who willencourage you, um, you know,
based on what you're saying andbased on what you're doing.
So it's not always going to bethose who you expect to be in
your corner.
And I think that that is anothercomponent to healing, is
(23:06):
accepting the fact that theremay be some people who turn on
you when you decide to heal fromwhatever you're healing from,
whether it's trauma, whetherit's, you know, a relationship
or whatever it is that you'regoing through, you could be
going through somethingmedically um health-wise and be
on just be on a new healingjourney.
And they're like, Oh, I can'tget with that, you know.
Right.
So I think it's important tounderstand that although you
(23:29):
there may be people who youexpect to be there that aren't,
there are going to be people whoyou may not expect to be there
who will be.
SPEAKER_03 (23:36):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (23:38):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
What would you say to somebodywho's looking to begin healing
from trauma and who's lookingto, they want to get it all out,
they want to talk about it, theydon't know where to start, they
just want to heal.
They're tired of hurting and youknow, going through in their
mind and in their soul, and theyjust don't know what to do.
What would you say to them?
(23:59):
And how would you encourage themto start their healing journey?
SPEAKER_00 (24:03):
You just have to do it.
You just you have to start fromsomewhere, even if you're
starting by just journalingeverything down, and then even
if you don't post it on socialmedia, but you just get in front
of your camera or just um recordit on your phone and just speak
it.
Releasing is so important.
Like, I love releasing, eveneven if I'm not making a video,
(24:26):
because sometimes likeeverything isn't for social
media, so it's right.
If I just put it in my journal,I know that it's safe and I know
that I'm releasing.
SPEAKER_02 (24:36):
That's the big thing.
SPEAKER_00 (24:38):
Absolutely, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (24:41):
I think one of the things that you said was really
important.
You said everything is not forsocial media, and we know that
we live in an age where youknow, we're gonna run a TikTok,
we're gonna run an Instagram,you know, we can pretty much
find everything we want tounderstand, everything we want
to learn about on the socialmedia platforms.
And although there are somethings that you can't share,
there are some things that youjust have to take to God in
(25:02):
prayer or to you know to yourtherapist, or like you said,
process within yourself.
There are some things that arefor the greater good of you,
your communities, and otherpeople who have gone through
things where you will need tospeak on, where you will need to
care.
So I think it's um it's goodthat you have that balance.
It's good that you know, okay,this one I gotta yeah, I gotta
(25:23):
keep this one to myself for alittle bit.
And I love that you said thatsometimes you just record it,
you just speak it out, you justrelease it by talking about it,
by letting it out of your heart.
You know what I mean?
Giving voice to the fact of Ireally did go through this,
right?
This really did happen.
Um, I think that's amazing,right?
I think that first of all, beingable to speak when when you were
(25:48):
at one point not able to, yes,that shows growth.
That shows growth and that showsfreedom.
Yes.
Um, to me, that's what freedomlooks like.
It's being different than I wasbefore.
Before I couldn't say nothing,right?
Before I couldn't even thinkabout it.
I I didn't even have the abilityto even write it down.
But now I'm able to voice it.
(26:09):
And even if the first person Ivoice it to is to myself, right?
Yes.
Because what I learned is I ammy own audience, right?
Sometimes we we want otherpeople to kind of validate what
we've been through and affirmus.
And I think that's just a partof the human experience.
We all need love, we all needaffirmation, we all need
validation.
(26:30):
Um, but I think it's alsoimportant to understand that
even if no one else agrees withwhat you feel and what you think
and what you've experienced, youcan be in agreement and
understanding within yourself,like I did experience this and
this did affect me, and I acceptmyself and I accept my own
story, right?
I accept what I've been throughand how it has affected me.
(26:51):
How do you, how important do youthink it is for you to come to
terms with it personally beforepublicly?
SPEAKER_00 (26:58):
It's very important to come to terms with it because
if you're if before you even sayit to anyone else or be public
about it, you have to just beokay with what has happened to
you and not let anything or anyonce weigh you away from your
truth.
Because sometimes people willget in our heads and say things
to us and then be like, well,yeah, maybe it wasn't that bad,
(27:20):
or maybe it wasn't this, andthen that just weighs you away
from your truth and your story.
You have to just be okay with itcompletely.
SPEAKER_01 (27:28):
Absolutely.
I agree.
What are some of the copingmechanisms that you learn to um
help you along your healingjourney?
Because I know that there arecertain triggers, I know that
you have good days and bad days,I know that um, you know,
there's a lot that entailswithin the healing journey, and
sometimes people overlook it.
People think because I saw yousmiling yesterday that you're
(27:50):
okay today.
So answer me that.
What do you think about that?
SPEAKER_00 (27:56):
I first of all, I just like to first just sit with
it.
Whatever I'm feeling at themoment, I like to sit with it,
and then I like to just pray.
I like to just talk to God aboutit because like it's a sense of
comforting, like it's socomforting just to talk to God
about whatever I'm dealing withthat day and journaling or just
talking to my boyfriend aboutit.
(28:16):
Like, that's what I like to dothe most.
And then sometimes make a littlepost just to get it out there,
but it's just me, like thatone-on-one with God is so
important.
SPEAKER_01 (28:27):
Let me tell you, baby, you ain't never lied
because there's sometimes whenI'm carrying it, seems like the
weight of the world on myshoulders, and I'm trying to
just make it home, make it backto that home within myself and
within the Lord.
And I get in my little prayercloset and I'm just like, God,
(28:48):
and I release it, and like yousaid, I'm just talking to him
and I'm just spending time withhim, and you can literally feel
the relief, you can feel thepeace, you can feel that
comfort.
Um it's it is indescribablealmost.
One of the things that I haveexperienced as a result of the
trauma I went through.
(29:08):
Um, my trauma spanned whatseemed like over almost a
lifetime, like almost 20 yearsof physical, mental, verbal,
sexual abuse.
And I didn't know that I wascarrying the trauma into my
adult life.
Those are the effects of theeffects of the trauma into my
adult life.
But I was struggling very muchso mentally.
It affected me so much mentally.
(29:31):
And I would have these periodsof dissociation.
One of the things I wasdiagnosed with was
post-traumatic stress disorder,and one of the symptoms is
dissociation.
And I would have these periodswhere I would be gone.
Like I was physically here, butmentally and emotionally, I was
checked out, you know?
Um, and I couldn't get, I justfeel like I couldn't get a grip.
(29:52):
I couldn't be at home withmyself.
I could I it was too much, itwas too much for me to be in
reality.
And so my mind.
Just created an escape and wewere there.
But I remember when I started togo to the Lord in prayer about
what I was going throughmentally.
And I remember feeling home.
(30:15):
I remember remember feeling oneand whole.
And I I couldn't describe whereI had been previously, but I
knew I was back.
But I knew I was back.
And there has been no other, Imean, nothing I've tried.
I've been medicated.
I've gone to therapy, and then Istill have a therapist.
(30:38):
But nothing has been aspowerful, as progressive, as
life-changing as the presence ofGod.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Um, when I can't get it out,when I can't find the words, and
my tears, you know, speak forme.
Yes.
(30:58):
I still, I still, I'm stillrelieved.
I'm still consoled.
I'm comforted.
And so when I hear you say thattalking to God is one of the
strategies that you use to dealwith the trauma that you've been
through, I can wholeheartedlyconcur because I'm just
sometimes I want to tell, I wantto ask people like, like, okay,
(31:18):
if you've been through so manytrauma, do you realize how
effective prayer is?
I'm not just talking about Godbless this and God bless that.
And that has this time andplace, but I'm talking about God
helped my heart, God helped mymind.
Like I feel like we're losingit.
Like, I'm talking about real,authentic, raw prayer.
And sometimes, you know, whenwe're coming to God and we've
had been taught to suppresscertain things, we feel like we
(31:40):
gotta have everything allpolished up for God.
Yeah.
We feel like we gotta say it ina certain way.
Cha, I'll be in there uglycrying.
Yes, me too.
A hot mess.
But I love that I can go to himlike that.
I love that I don't have to putit on and I don't, even though I
have that tendency to feel likeI need to, I I love that he's he
(32:02):
lets me rest.
SPEAKER_03 (32:04):
Yes.
I love if I rest.
SPEAKER_01 (32:06):
I love that he lets he accepts me as I am and he
knows where I've been.
And when I come back from aperiod of discreet, when I come
back from where I was like, waita minute, what was that doing?
Distracted or whatever, he stillwhat was me with open zone with
open arms.
Yes.
Oh my god.
It's such an amazing feeling.
So it's such an amazing feeling.
(32:26):
It's no, it's nothing like it.
I mean, it's it's really nothinglike it.
Um and so prayer has certainlybeen one of the tools that I use
and been using and endeavoringto keep using to go from this.
Because it's always going to besomething that you discover.
You might get over one thing andthen you realize, like, oh,
okay, and then I have to go withit, you know.
So it is a journey.
(32:47):
It's not overnight.
Um, it's not linear, you know.
It's not, you know, you wannahave some ups, you're gonna have
some downs, you know.
Yes, it it it is it is certainlyum a challenge.
How do you think your faith hashas guided you and shaped your
healing journey?
Where have you seen God's handin your healing process?
SPEAKER_00 (33:06):
The the whole thing, the whole thing.
Like, when I first um I wasasking God for my purpose.
Like, I was in church and hejust told me, like, I could hear
him say, like, you know, go tolike make a YouTube channel and
share your story.
And I was scared.
Right.
I was so scared, and I didn't doit for like a few months until I
(33:30):
got that push to just do it, andI started, and he's been in it
every step of the way, even whenI feel like I'm falling off and
I'm not doing as I'm supposedto, as an advocating and and and
healing, he's just in it thewhole entire time.
SPEAKER_01 (33:44):
Wow, that's amazing.
I love that you said when I gotthe push.
God knows how to encourage us,he knows how um to lead us and
to guide us into what we'resupposed to be doing.
SPEAKER_03 (33:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (33:57):
Especially when it's for his glory.
Excuse me.
He knows how to get us to aplace where we will say, you
know what, God, I have nothingto lose, but every day to
everything to gain by beingobedient to you.
Um that's an amazing thing.
Uh, I can certainly identifywith a little bit of
procrastination myself.
Because when I was God firsttold me, you know, to start
(34:17):
talking about it, I was like,You want me to say what?
Like, I want to tell you I ain'ttold not a soul.
And you want me to tell thewhole world?
Like, you want me to put that onsocial media?
And obviously, like you said,there's some things that you
know we haven't told that, butthere's some things that we're
still working on, and maybe oneday the Lord will bless me to be
able to, you know, put it in abook because I do believe that
(34:40):
even though right now I'm youknow, again, still healing in
certain areas, I do believe thatyou have to speak to it.
You have to speak to it, evenyou know, no matter how you know
deep or dark it seems, I thinkyou have to speak to it in order
because there's somebody elsewho's who's gone through that,
and they need to know thatthey're not alone.
They need to know that what theyexperience, um, it, you know,
(35:03):
although they have experiencedthat, there's somebody else
who's gone through the samething, whose life God has
touched, whose life God hashealed and has changed as a
result.
Um I'm reminded of thatscripture that says all things
work together for the good ofthose who love God and are
called according to his purpose.
(35:23):
And it's it's only God can turnpain into purpose.
SPEAKER_03 (35:28):
Yes, only God can do that.
SPEAKER_01 (35:30):
Like only God can take what was what the enemy
meant for evil.
Yes, for you good, yes, becausebaby, what I've been through, it
literally should have destroyedme.
And I feel like in certain areasit was destructive, right?
But the Bible says that there isno weapon that's formed against
us that will be able to prosper.
Doesn't mean the weapon won't beformed, right?
(35:54):
He's gonna try it.
Look, he's gonna try.
He's gonna try, he stays on hisjob.
Um but we can overcome with God,and we can overcome with by
telling our stories andnavigating for others and
showing up, you know, in thecall and the purpose that God
has created for us.
SPEAKER_03 (36:14):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (36:14):
Wow, I'm so amazed.
You um shared a lot of intimate,you know, details about your
life and about some of thethings that you've gone through.
And I know that we couldprobably be here all day talking
about, you know, child, whathappened and things like that.
I just I want to thank youbecause I know that it takes a
level of strength andvulnerability to talk about what
you talked about today.
(36:36):
Um especially when it comes tosharing it on not only on social
media, but on the podcast and onthings where you know, you never
know who's gonna hear, who'sgonna listen.
Um what I love about what Isense from you is that you're
not here to necessarily bashanybody, you're not here to make
(36:57):
anybody look bad, but it reallyis about about your evolvement.
It's really is about you.
It's really about your story andhow you've overcame because
there's so many people who havegone through what you've gone
through and didn't make it,right?
They ended up, you know, youknow, you we hear it in church
(37:18):
all the time, you know, peoplewent through what you went
through and they went crazy.
People went through what youwent through and they, you know,
battle with addiction.
People went through what theywent through and they, you know,
had felt marriages andrelationships and just different
negative outcomes as a result umof what they've gone through.
Um, but you are a livingtestimony, a work yet in
(37:39):
progress, but a living testimonyas to what God can do with when
you surrender your pain, whenyou surrender your hearts and
all the things that you haveexperienced.
A literally a living testimonyto God be the glory.
Yes, amen.
Thank you.
You're very welcome, you're verywelcome.
Now, um, I know that there maybe like, girl, I want to hear
(38:01):
more about her story because Idon't know what happened, and
how come this uncle gotreleased?
And what's going on here?
You know, people might, youknow, you know they might want
to know.
So you got to tell us where wecan reach you.
And if somebody says, Listen, Iwant you to tell me more, or I
want to share with you what I'veexperienced, and I want you to
tell me how we are able to healand to confront the things we've
(38:21):
gone through.
Because I do want to say thisthere's somebody who went
through exactly what you wentthrough, whose uncle, brother,
cousin, stranger didn't go tojail, right?
Yeah, and they didn'tnecessarily have any type of any
sense of justice, right?
I mean, and and and even thoughyou know this person was
incarcerated, that does notlessen the pain, that does not
(38:43):
lessen the effects that it hashad on you.
Um, but we do understand thatthere's some people who did not
even experience that.
Right.
But if someone wants to get intouch with you and talk to you,
reach out to you, and just beable to identify with you, where
can they reach you?
SPEAKER_00 (39:00):
Um, Facebook, YouTube, um, Instagram, and um
TikTok, which I just changed myname.
Well, I changed my name.
I made a new TikTok for justlike Nay Hills, Nay.
And then everything else isnearlifting others.
I'm sorry, what's the other one?
Nay thing others?
Yes, near lifting others, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (39:19):
Okay, awesome, awesome.
Nay, it's been a pleasure.
You're such a beautiful,beautiful soul.
I feel like the peace radiatesfrom you, the joy radiates from
that's how you know healing isreally in process.
Because sometimes you can behealing, you could be, you know,
you could be bitter like this,and you know, just all out of
pocket.
But I I just feel a sense ofpeace, you know, from you.
(39:40):
And I I'm just so grateful andthankful again for your time and
for you sharing what you share.
Keep doing what you're doing,and I'll I'm gonna continue your
healing journey.
And maybe one day we cancollaborate.
Maybe we'll do it live togetheror something like that, and we
can, you know, talk about whatwe've been through and try to
help others because this is amovement that definitely needs
to continue.
(40:01):
Um so many people, um youngpeople, you know, middle-aged
people, adult people.
There are people in their, Iwant to say this there are
people who are in their seniorages, right?
And who have carried trauma alltheir lives.
SPEAKER_03 (40:15):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (40:16):
One of the things that I found out is that
unhealed trauma can affect youpost 50 years past the event.
Yes.
So let's say you went throughsomething at 10 and you're now
60 years old, still dealing withthe effects of it.
If it was unhealed, it canaffect you for up to 50 years
(40:37):
post the event.
And that's why you have peoplewho literally go to the grave
with such pain and suchbitterness and such heartbreak
because they've never had achance and the opportunity to
heal.
So you pay it away for somebody.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
Any last words, any advice,anything you'd like to share?
SPEAKER_00 (40:56):
Yes, this to be true to you.
Releasing is powerful, healingis powerful, and it's no such
thing as being weak as you'rehealing.
And healing is a journey, andit's gonna be a roller coaster,
but it's worth it.
What makes it worth it in theend?
Uh to be fully you, to be ableto just live and be free and to
(41:22):
thrive.
SPEAKER_01 (41:23):
Wow, amazing.
I love that.
Because you could be living andnot like you could be existing
and not necessarily living, andlike you said, it's not even
thriving.
So that makes a difference.
That definitely makes adifference.
Nate, thank you again so much.
I really appreciate you.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Thank you so much for your time.
SPEAKER_00 (41:40):
Thank you.
Have a good one.
unknown (41:44):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (41:45):
All right.
Oh, don't hang up yet.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, I just wanted to end itout.
Okay, you did amazing.
Oh my goodness.
Excuse me.
I'm going to try to edit outthose coughs because I'm like,
now my now my throat wanna becoughing.
It takes me a couple of minutes.
Thank you, thank you.
I'm I'm calling but you'rereally getting there.
(42:05):
It takes a few days for me toedit because I have to edit from
two platforms, but as soon as Iedit, I'll send you this this um
visual and I'll send you theaudio from the podcast, and
it'll be like hearable links.
And you can make like makelittle clips on TikTok with it,
you know.
Um I do that as well.
I don't know.
Sometimes okay.
I think it I believe it capturedthe whole um visual on here.
(42:30):
Sometimes it doesn't, but I'llsend you the whole thing and you
can you do what you need to dowith it, okay?
So give me a few days, if not bythe end of this week, definitely
be beginning of next week, okay?
Okay.
All right.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
Have a wonderful week.
You too.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Bye bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.