S3 E29 - Anthony Bartolo - Comedic Anxiety Relief - Tromedy with Nancy Norton

Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
You are now listening to Trauma Day with Nancy Norton.
Nancy Norton is a Registered Nurse turned award within
Comedian, a certified Humor professional, and keynote
speaker about the power of humor.
Nancy got out of healthcare for the same reason.

(00:24):
A lot of people get into it to save lives this week on Dramedy.
But then was there something at 32 that you're like, you know
what? I'm going to do this.
Yeah, I mean, this lady, I was, I was seeing someone and it

(00:45):
didn't work out. And it was very painful for me
because I was just like, I'm 32 now and I'm still single and now
I have a master's degree, but I'm back to 'cause I was an
optician, I started working in the optical business when I was
17. Even after I got my master's
degree, I went back into the business, but I was like, I

(01:07):
thought I was going to go into the Naropa and then get a job as
I don't know what I was thinking.
I was like a professor, but I found out how academia really
worked and I was like, I'm not into that.
I, I was just, I felt like I'm back to where I'm square 1 and I
felt like I didn't do anything with my life.
So and then it was just sort of like I forgot about stand up.

(01:29):
When you think about your first jokes, or even any that you're
doing now, were your jokes around the breakup or were they
totally separate like? I mean, I know the first joke
that worked and I still tell it to this day.
I didn't want to do the love anything relations stuff because
I didn't think I was good at it yet.
I was like, I don't know how to do this.
So but I had this joke about I had a serious gambling.

(01:50):
I'm broke. I talk about how broke I was and
how I have a serious gambling problem.
I gambled in a liberal arts degree.
And so that was the first joke that I that worked.
I got a laugh and I whenever I would say it, it got a laugh and
I was like so excited. Do you have a trauma?
Hey, you listening? Do you have a trauma story to

(02:11):
share? If so, send Nancy a message at
nancynorton.tv. That's Nancy Norton dot TVTV.
As in the word television. The Traumedy podcast is
sponsored by Crybaby Badass. You have to feel it to heal it.
You are a Crybaby Badass luminary.

(02:33):
See your light in the mirror. Merchandise available at
nancynorton.tv. It's the traumedy podcast.
Trauma plus comedy equals traumedy.
Welcome to Traumedy. My guest this week is a comedian
and an optician. Welcome, Anthony Bartolo.

(02:57):
Hello. Hello, everybody.
Good to be here. So good to have you.
I've been wanting to have you onthe podcast for a while.
I think I got to know you the best.
Like when I was working on that festival in 20/19/2018, 2018, I
was doing a lot of the mics. Oh yeah, that's right.
And you were at Vision Quest doing?
Vision Quest. Yep.
Yeah, that's a cool. That was a cool, cool open mic

(03:19):
kind of situation. Yeah, it lasted 7 years, which
is a long time. That is a commitment, yeah.
It was. It was.
It was. Here in Boulder, Co, Yeah.
So you were. Were you raised here?
No, I'm from New Jersey. Oh what?
Yeah. So how did you end up in
Boulder? I I went to Naropa here in

(03:40):
Boulder. Oh, I didn't know you were a
Naropa guy. Yeah, I have a master's degree.
You do. Yeah, in religious studies.
No way. OK.
Can I just out of the gate ask you after studying all the
religious, the religious listen,studying religions, what, what

(04:01):
conclusion did you come to a conclusion about religions or is
there is there a best one? Is there a best one?
I mean, like I was raised Catholic and but then I explored
all the different religions fromJudaism to Buddhism, Hinduism,
got into Indian philosophy, and I don't know, somehow

(04:25):
Catholicism got back in my life.But I don't go to church.
Whenever I'm visiting my mom, I would go to church with her.
And it's just this weird thing because it does when I was went
to Catholic school as an altar boy.
So religion was just there in mychildhood.
So I think whatever I'm facing now is sort of a reflection of

(04:48):
that upbringing as a Catholic. Oh, interesting.
Now that so we got to get to that, whatever it is you're
facing now. But there's a part of you, what
I hear you saying is like there's a part of you because of
the deep imprinting from such a young age that you still go back
to Catholicism. Does it help?
Like as a container or a structure or a support?

(05:10):
Yeah, I mean, you know, I I want, I always, I don't know,
maybe it's just AI don't know ifit's nostalgia or for younger
days, you know. Where things were kind of clear,
like black and white. No, that's the thing I did.
I mean, but it was interesting being raised Catholic because it
was just, it was a lot of structure and anxiety.

(05:35):
I love that that's I've never heard those two together, but I
really kind of get it. Tell me about structure and
anxiety. I mean, like basically going to
my parents, like my sister and Iboth went to Catholic school
since we were like kindergarten and I, we graduated through
grade school and there was so much like structure in terms

(06:00):
like I have to be on time. They gave us a lot of homework.
And the thing was it was a very small class.
It was barely like 25 kids so. So you're you're a grade.
Yeah, so like from kindergarten,there's maybe 25 kids, and then
as I proceeded to 8th grade, there was only 10 kids.
Wow 5. Five boys and five girls.
And were they the same ones thatstayed?

(06:22):
Some of them were, some of them came in a little bit later in
like 5th grade. So.
But some of them, yeah, I've been with them since
kindergarten. So it I was thinking like some
of the same teachers that you'rearound.
Yeah, they knew. My sister too, because she's
nine years older than me. So I was like the younger
brother. Yeah, that they, so they knew my

(06:44):
sister and she did well. She exceeded very well in in, in
Catholic school. I don't know if there's
something called May crowning. I don't know if you know what
that is. Oh, tell me.
Which takes about around may youthey pick they select a a female
who they think isn't person of excellence, you know, and so
they chose my sister cuz she waslike they had the best grades

(07:06):
and she she was the one who crowned Mary.
Basically, she took the crown and crowned this statue of Mary
in the church. So it's a huge honor.
It was a huge honor. My sister and I were the only
like Asians in the class. It was predominantly Caucasian.
It was a Polish. We went to a town that was 80%
Polish basically. And this is New Jersey.
This is New Jersey. Wallington, NJ is in the

(07:28):
Guinness Book of World Records for most bars in the Square
Mile. True.
It's really in the Guinness Bookof the World records, most bars
per square mile. And yeah.
And she was, they, they, my sister said that she experienced
some. What do you call that?
Because she was not. She went Polish or white.

(07:51):
Yeah. Because I think they call it
racism. Yeah, that's it.
That was the word. Discrimination.
Racism. Do you feel comfortable sharing
your ancestry? Oh, so my parents, they came
from the Philippines in 1969 illegally.
They just overstayed their 90 day tourist visa by 56 years.

(08:16):
Yeah, that's all they did. Are they still living?
My dad passed away by like 6 years ago.
Oh. I'm sorry.
And my mom, she's like 84. She's, she's still living.
So the story of of my family story, this all kind of happened
before I was born. But my sister remember and she
told me stories, but basically they overstayed their visa.

(08:38):
But my mom said it was somethingthat was kind of normal because
she got the idea from one of hergirlfriends who was a nurse,
saying, you know, just apply fora tourist visa, come to America,
and then, oops. And then just forget to go home
and. Yeah, my mom got a job.
Is she a nurse? No, she wasn't.
She was. She got into data entry.
Oh, OK, OK, so she worked. And like so many immigrants come

(09:02):
here, they work, they pay taxes.I mean, this whole thing with
ICE right now, I'm just asking like, gosh, could somebody like
an 84 year old Filipino woman, you know, the idea that somebody
could get deported after contributing to the system and
being a great like, member of our society, you know, the whole

(09:22):
idea of it. But she ultimately got her
citizenship. Yeah, it was a it's a great
story because like my dad, they got caught because he, he tried
to like apply for a license and which is interesting how like
LAX things were because I goes like he got a job.
Nobody asked questions, you know, nobody asked me his green

(09:43):
card. He just, they paid him, paid
tax, you know, taxes and that was it.
But then he went to it had to reapply for his license,
driver's license, and they askedfor his green card and that's
what happened. And then he also had trouble at
a bus. My parents bought a house in
Virginia. And but the thing was that my
dad, because of the immigration thing, he couldn't find a job in

(10:04):
Virginia. He had to stay in New Jersey.
So he on the weekends he would just take the bus from New
Jersey to Virginia to be with us.
Oh wow. And while on hit the bus to go
back home, some insurance agent asked him for his green card
based on because he was foreign looking.
Yeah, that's what the lawyer. Profiled.
Yeah. He goes like, hey, you can't

(10:25):
just, you know, because you think he's foreign looking.
Asked for a green card. But yeah, he was detained for a
few hours. I, I talked to my mom about
this. Well, this was because of ICE
and everything I wanted to know.Yeah.
What year would this have been? Probably mid 70s OK, assume.
And my dad got a lawyer and I did research because I asked my

(10:45):
mom who the lawyers were and they turned out they were like
one of the best lawyers, immigration lawyers at that
time. And they were working for my dad
and one of his lawyers got in trouble with this with the
federal courts. Because by law, if you're if
you're an immigrant, you should illegally, you should have your
like proof in your pocket with you at all times.

(11:07):
Even if you're like going to King Soopers or to grocery
stores. By law, a constitution should
have it. Oh, I never knew this.
Yeah, and this lawyer didn't believe in that and he kind of
kept like they. So these are people they they
were probably caught, you know, staying overstaying their visa,
but they did had some paperwork and stuff to like they could

(11:27):
stay while they're still in the court.
So he kept all that in his safe in his office.
Oh no, so they wouldn't have their papers.
But he was soaring like if anybody cut, you know, basically
touches, you tell them your lawyer has it, you know, in his
office in the safe. And yeah, the federal court took
issue in that. So I did all this research and
it's kind of, it was kind of weird, but it was also, you

(11:50):
know, interesting that my, they were fighting for my dad and my
mom to stay and my sister told me that they had to say that I,
I have eczema. You do personally, Anthony.
Yes, ever since I was a kid and they I think my sister said that
she had to go and understand andsay that, you know, if you
deport my parents and we have tomood live in the Philippines,

(12:11):
Anthony's eczema, it'll be terrible in that type of
weather. The eczema defense.
I know we don't often hear the eczema defense, but hey, don't
underestimate eczema. It's itchy and it's terrible.
It's really not. Yeah, it's not fun.
So that was. She had to take the stand.

(12:31):
Yeah. So you would have been a little
bitty guy. And then she would.
She was nine years older, so shecould testify.
Yes. And she, yeah, she told me that
story and then my dad told me. So I was like, So what happened?
And The thing is, it took her probably a few years before I
actually made it to courts. It just, and that by the time it
made it to the courts, my dad's lawyer was retiring.

(12:53):
But so they finally was presented in the court and my,
my dad told me that their lawyersaid, I found out who the judge
is. I think you're good because he's
a family man. And so we went to court and the
judge basically said, I can't separate because we were
American citizens, but my parents weren't.
So they were like, I can't separate them.

(13:15):
Yeah. So he granted them green cards.
Is a green card permanent citizenship?
No, it's just you're not a citizen, but it's a, you're like
a registered resident alien basically.
That's what they'd say. Resident alien.
Yeah. That's so bizarre.
But then is that a stepping stone to citizenship?
Correct. Yeah.
And then how long does a green card is it in?

(13:37):
Five years or something like that.
So that gives you time hopefully.
Yeah, I don't know what the current state now is of how long
if you have. I currently have a green card.
But it's funny because I know apparently my parents, they're
interesting. I mean, I procrastinate a lot.
And I think I got this from thembecause they didn't like get

(13:57):
their citizenship. They went way past.
The green card, yeah, they did it again.
They. Well, they were just, they still
had a green card and they're alllegal, but they just didn't go
to the office and get become American students right away.
It actually took them. I remember as a kid, we were
learning about civics and askingmy dad, you're like, so he's
like, if you have a green card, are you an American citizen?

(14:19):
And he said no. And I was like, don't you think
you should? And he's like, yeah, I think I.
Should. So you inspired him?
Yeah. When you're studying civics?
Yeah. What grade would that have been?
Maybe third or social studies classic.
You got you. I have to say the Catholic
school system sounds like you got a good education.
I don't believe I studied civicstill probably middle school.

(14:40):
I don't remember really understanding it was branches of
government and things like that.Yeah, I got that.
They were at least instilled that.
And then we learned New Jersey history.
I remember and so it was a it was a good education, but it was
a lot. It's too strict for me though.
Right, I, I was thinking, I knowwhere I've my mind went earlier,
but let's before I want to bookmark that about you going to

(15:02):
Catholic school and I you remindme of course of my son who is
Asian and I know that's wrong. There's a partner going that is
wrong. How is that wrong?
I don't know, I don't know. I just feels like it's probably
wrong that old white Mama is over here going.
You remind me of my son. He's also Asian, but from Nepal.

(15:23):
But I will say this, I on the immigration point, he won't go
to Denver right now. He and I said, you've got to
have, I've got in this filing cabinet right here.
I've got his citizenship papers,but he needs to have a copy.
He's an immigrant. Oh, is he?
So he's not an American? Citizen.
He is an American citizen, but he's an immigrant.
Yeah. So that when I heard you say,

(15:44):
well, even if you're a citizen, if do you have to have your
immigration papers? No, I think I I mean I had a but
it. That it wouldn't hurt though it.
Wouldn't hurt though, because. I'm telling him, you should put
that, you know that. My Colorado app.
Yeah, I'm. I'm doing a rectangle.
I'm pantomiming A rectangle. Here's your phone.
It's on the phone. I don't know why I'm doing that,

(16:05):
but on the my Colorado app during COVID, you could put
your, your vaccines. Yeah.
So it was nice to go into a whatever when you, they weren't
letting you unless you were vax or whatever and you'd show your
vax card on there. And then I put every, I need to
put a lot of more documents on it because you can put your
driver's license and all this stuff.
So if you forget your wallet, you've got your license, you've
got your insurance cards, blah, blah, blah.

(16:27):
But I'm like, you should, dude, you should put your citizenship
picture of your citizenship paper on their certificate.
Yeah, it's a certificate. It's frameable.
It's frameable. Yeah, it looks like it's
something you're supposed to frame and have on the wall.
That's the way they made it, youknow, a.
Passport that's easier to carry I think.
Yeah, he's have. Do you have any feelings about
ICE right now as a man of color,an Asian person?

(16:50):
Do you identify as a man of color?
I know that sounds. Oh yeah, I guess.
Yeah, I mean, my son's like, definitely like feels that way.
I mean, he's like, I'm brown. I'm not going to Denver.
Why does he want to go to Denver?
Because. He's ice, he said.
There's ice happening in Denver.I mean, I protested, I went down
there that no King's Day and I suck cops.

(17:11):
But I mean, what I think of ICE I've, I mean, I'm certainly, if
I see a guy with like a, a mask grabbing somebody and putting in
my car, I'm going to call the authorities or stop because I
don't know who they are. But you're not afraid for
yourself. I don't know, you know, it's
funny because my mom, she, she, she was, I was talking about her

(17:33):
and she was kind of freaking outbecause she goes like, you
should stop demonstrating. Well, I mean, I don't trust
these guys, but you're a full, you're a natural citizen.
I mean, you're born here, so. That's the thing, I'm born here
and you know, I'm doing all thisprotesting because it's like my,
I don't think my parents, if this, you know what they did,
they did it. Now there would be in trouble.

(17:54):
I know. And for no reason, it's like
they're an asset to our country.They're helping us.
And that's the thing I don't understand.
One of my other friends who's undocumented, I was talking to a
couple, it was a while back, buthe was saying, yeah, my family,
we've all been paying taxes for a very long time, but not really
getting the benefits of the taxes.
You know, I don't think they have all.

(18:16):
It is complicated. And I know that's not
necessarily what you wanted to talk about, but I think it's
it's an it's very interesting. So thanks for sharing that about
your parents, and I just think anything we can do to help gain
empathy for immigrants is good. Yeah, I mean, my parents, they
worked hard, you know, They didn't.
I mean, I hate the current dude.I don't know what to call him

(18:39):
but. The Dark Lord.
Yeah, the Dark Lord. It really pissed me off when he
was talking about eating dogs, you know, eating dogs.
I don't really remember that. Yeah.
Was he talking about Filipinos or?
Different, No, I think he was talking about Haitians, but it's
just like historically Asians have been like, you know,
vilified, vilified as people whoeat your pets.

(19:02):
And it's just bringing him, bringing that up at this time.
It's just, you know, how is that?
I don't know why people voted for him.
I don't. I know it's, it's baffling.
It truly is baffling. And the ones who are people of
color voted for him even. Makes me even more like, what
are you doing? Right?
Yeah. I can't understand that.

(19:22):
I have family members. I'm like, OK, you know, you did
vote for him. I don't know why, but it's such
a strange world now. It is.
Such a strange world. It's hard to understand how how
whatever's happened with misinformation, like whatever
channel or feed that you're on somehow is that, do you think

(19:46):
it's about the Facebook or the news or?
Well, The thing is, sometimes I wonder if it's even the lack of
critical thinking because I haverelatives that like, or family
friends where they voted for Trump, but they had family
members who were illegal immigrants.
And it was just. I don't get it.
Yeah. I know I've been seeing a lot of

(20:06):
reels lately, especially among Hispanic community that voted
for Trump or like this family, they're on stage wearing MAGA
hats, playing music. And I will vote for Donald
Trump. I will.
And then cut to her husband's being deported.
Yeah. Or you know, you see, I know
again, I get my information from.

(20:26):
Filipinos are very pro American.I, you know, we were a colony,
you know, we didn't become independent until like the 40s.
So I read somewhere that the friendliest country to Americans
is the Philippines. So there is this sort of, you
know, sometimes there is a conservative, isn't my think.

(20:47):
Oh. I.
See and that that in them being 80% Catholic.
So there's a lot of, I think there is a deep conservatism in
the culture and I think that's why.
I I understand that. OK, back to your upbringing of
like rigidity. Yeah.
And so there rigidity does not invite critical thinking, right?

(21:10):
You just follow it, correct? You follow the rules, correct.
And so your sister, it worked for her.
She's a good rule follower. But I'm thinking when I was
saying your mommy and my son, 'cause I sent him to, he calls
him hippie schools with very little structure.
So it was like Waldorf influenced elementary school.

(21:34):
But then he kind of complained, like by the time he got to high
school, he chose to go to this engineering school and he said I
don't have study skills. But you know, honestly, I think
he did have critical thinking skills that will last him his
whole life, even though he wasn't academically, he's not an
academic overachiever. I mean, we were high fiving DS
when he graduated high school. I mean, literally like you

(21:55):
passed. That's all I care about.
I I did psychedelic trauma therapy.
He came to pick me up in his carand the first thing I said to
him was fuck grades. You know, like I've been
worrying about his grades. And I was like, don't worry
about it. Just be a good person, make
friends easily. You're going to be OK.
And he's bright. But for you at Catholic school

(22:16):
where you he kind of has ADHD and he's creative.
It's really it's just was hard for him to sit still.
Did you have any of that? Oh yeah, I had anxiety.
I didn't realize it until like Iwas older what it was, but I
just had this deep feeling of anxiety going to school like I
would sometimes I would fake like, you know, my stomach hurts

(22:38):
just to go home. Yeah, 'cause you're so worried.
So worried. And The thing is, is that I
don't know. I was such and I was very quiet
as a kid. That's what a lot of the teacher
said, that he didn't like talking.
Like you know how kids talk whenthey're told they're not to
sometimes or they'll whisper. I never did.
I was just so scared of talking.So I was just a silent strong.

(23:01):
Just, I don't have to say strong, but I was just very
silent. But Stoic maybe just kind of
held your tongue in. You anxiety and I mean also like
then but it was weird because I was really good at religion and
like. What do you mean memorizing all
the stuff or what's that mean? I don't know, I think I

(23:22):
understood the stories a little bit.
I mean, my one of my favorite stories was about Jesus going
against the Pharisees and where he he went into like one of
those, you know, those temples and he just there were people
selling, he was there, people were selling merchandise and he
overthrows. Turns the tables.
Turns the tables. Flips them.
Flips the tables. That's not.

(23:42):
That's not what is a turn. It doesn't turn to me.
Flips them. Flips them and he goes against
the Pharisees and I and I just remembered that story and
thinking about him be like he's going against authority, you
know the authority he's being a rebel.
And then I just sort of put thiswhole like, why do I feel like
the Catholic churches are like the Pharisees now?

(24:03):
I don't know as a kid I was kindof figuring that out.
I was like the Pharisees are currently.
Yeah, so you were able to understand the message?
Yeah, the deep message of what that story was about.
And apply it to your current situation.
Yeah, our priest, I remember every Sunday, would talk about
how much things cost during his,like, homily.

(24:23):
Trying to get more tithing. More, yeah.
Basically more more. What do you call it?
Giving a, you know. Yes, what is it called when I
passed collection collection, we're going to pass the
collection plate. So kind of trying to.
Yeah, talking about like the ceiling is like leaking and how
much that cost. And I was like, how is this
about the Bible? And it was just strange.

(24:45):
Yeah. Did you suffer any other kind of
like, you know, abuses in the church?
No. You were spared the.
Surprisingly, it was as an altar.
But because there are, there were times where there was this
Polish tradition where right after Christmas a priest would
go to your house and then they would write a chalk with the

(25:08):
initials of the three kings and then do a blessing.
And they would have an altar boyescort the priest to these
church, to these houses. And I would do that for after
school till like 8:00 PM. And I was just me and the priest
and nothing happened. It was, yeah, he took me home.
So. So there's not every priest

(25:29):
that's just not generalize, but I know it's interesting maybe
that I'm why am I compelled to ask you that?
But I I felt compelled because people associate.
Yes. I mean, I've witnessed other
stuff about priests. I mean, the the church that I
went to, I had a little bit of money because they had their own
exercise room, because I remember being in directory

(25:49):
hanging out as an altar boy. And the doorbell rings and it's
like, Father Stanley's Nordic track is here and, and they're
like, just put it in the exercise room.
And I'm like they have an exercise.
Room and it's not spelled with an O like exorcise.
Exactly a different water dispenser.

(26:12):
Oh, OK, I'm a. Lot of jewelry came in too.
Like you remember QVC jewelry? Oh, so they were like maybe
where the priest was a little bit of a shopping addict.
Yeah, and. Well, I mean, like, the ceiling
is going to leak. Wink, wink.
I need another. What is it?
What kind of tennis bracelet washe getting?
I don't know. Yeah.
And then I'll talk to the the nuns who are my teachers and

(26:33):
they, they told me that they can't even have credit cards.
They can only the head nun can have a checkbook.
Oh wow. So they're like indentured
servants, yeah. I mean, it was a little weird
that like a priest can have credit cards, they don't get to
pay taxes. Yeah, what's that about?
That's a whole another thing. That's a whole another thing.
I know church and state like, oh, their shelter, they have all

(26:55):
these tax shelters and yet they are influencing all these
elections with the Christian nationalist movement.
I, I'm, I'm not an expert, but Iam bothered by it.
Well, do you think so? You were super quiet.
So you're kind of maybe, you know, when I study a lot of
trauma stuff, you know, they nowhave more FS in the fight

(27:17):
flight, freeze fawn and I forgotwhat the other one was, but like
freeze mode. Do you feel like maybe you were
in freeze mode at school? Yeah, I mean, I was scared of
some of the nuns because they were old and cranky.
They weren't exactly warm. I mean, did you get hit with a
ruler or something? No, but I had one of the

(27:38):
nonsense. I remember the good old days
when we could do that. She was.
She was lamenting. Yeah.
Back in my day, we could beat you.
Yeah, exactly. And then you would be.
But you were well behaved. You didn't.
I was the well behaved one they they would always tell my mom I
was the well behaved 1 and but Ithe bit that's because I was so
uptight and try to stick to the rules.

(28:00):
Scared. Yeah, yeah, any.
And I had regular teachers I had, I don't know, they were
weirded me out. I didn't like getting yelled at.
I couldn't take like being what's the word when I guess I
don't know. I remember teachers yelling at
students if it can feel really bad and I have memories of that.
And I'm just like, wow, how is this helping my development as a

(28:25):
child? I mean other than.
You witnessing that you mean? No, I get sometimes when you
like I forget my homework or something.
Like that you getting yelled at?Getting yelled at by the by the
nun or the teacher. It sounds like you're very
sensitive. Yeah, I was.
My mom said that too. My dad said are you too
sensitive? Not too sensitive but but
sensitive like have you heard ofHSP?

(28:46):
Highly sensitive people. Christie Buckley told me about
him. But it's not.
Was it empath or? It's like HSP, highly sensitive
people. There's characteristics of it,
you know, things that might not face somebody else, but somebody
might look at you sternly and you're like, you're scared
because you feel so much. Maybe it is.
Maybe there is a guilt, too. Yeah, there's a guilt too.

(29:09):
Yeah. But how in the world as a shy,
anxious kid, when did you start coming out as like kind of, Or
did you have funny thoughts thatyou just kept to yourself?
Or where'd this humor come from?Well, I remember when how stand
up came into my life, a very, very vivid memory.

(29:29):
We lived in a small house and I was in my room and I heard my
mom laughing hysterically. And I just came over to see what
she was laughing at. And it was we had, we were, we
had HBO. We kind of stole it.
And, you know, split the wires, that's all.
And so. No judgement on my part.
Hey, man. And so, you know, it was like

(29:51):
maybe late 80s, early 90s, and they had the HBO specials and it
was George Carlin's live jammingin New York in 1990 something.
And he was doing this joke abouthow like, how come the Rockets
look like penises? And my mom just laughed.
She just and I go, mom, what's going on?
And she's like the penis, the war and.

(30:13):
The penis. The war.
Yeah, the war, the missiles. And I was like, what?
And I turn and there's this George Carlin just doing and
he's had these funny faces and it made my mom laugh so hard.
Now we only bomb brown people not because they're trying to
cut in interaction, just becausethey're brown.
Now, you might be noticing, I don't feel about that war the

(30:34):
way we were told we were supposed to feel about that war,
the way we were ordered and instructed by the United States
government to feel about that war.
See, my mind doesn't work that way.
I got this real moron thing I do.
It's called thinking. And I'm not a really good
American because I like to form my own opinions.

(30:56):
I don't just roll over when I'm told to.
Sad to say, most Americans just roll over on command.
Not me, not me. I have certain rules I live by
my first rule. I don't believe anything the
government tells me nothing. 0. You don't have to be a history

(31:19):
major or a political scientist to see the bigger Dick.
Foreign policy theory. It sounds like this.
What? They have bigger Dicks bomb
them. And of course the bombs and the
Rockets and the bullets are all shaped like Dicks.
It's a subconscious need to project the penis into other

(31:41):
people's affairs. It's called fucking with people.
So so as far as I'm concerned, that whole thing in the Persian
Gulf nothing more than a big prick waving Dick fight.

(32:02):
And I didn't understand that time, but I was like, oh, is
this what is stand up comedy where this persons just talking
into a microphone and somebody? And just seeing, was it just
something like seeing your mom having a good time?
Yes, and also because she's not political, you know, she's just
but she understood I because I remember, you know as a
teenager, I listened re listened.

(32:24):
I was like wow, this is a very interesting political joke about
you know, penises and missiles, but it but for her it was just
she just laughed hysterically because I don't know, maybe she
got it. She.
Yeah, he could transcend cultural differences and also
the way he told You're right, hedoes the OR I mean, you know,
still does in my mind, but he has passed on, obviously.

(32:44):
But he his body language and hiseyebrows and because it's sort
of a combination of words with like whimsy, you know, a little
bit of whimsy in the movement. I don't know.
So he transcended. He reached your mom.
He. Reached my mom and I was just
like, you know, because I was just like, how how did he do
that? You know, and growing up, he

(33:06):
would just appear in these live specials on HBO.
And as I've been growing up, youknow, I just started listening
to him and then I started reading Brain Droppings as a
like when I was 12, when he had that book, he finally wrote a
book. I just read it and I go like
figuring it out, looking at, andI would laugh at sentences, like

(33:26):
the way he would structure a sentence where he put the period
and the exclamation point. Why this is caps?
I looked at it and I was like, he would laugh because of the
way he did it. He made it.
Even in the written word. In the written word.
He would punctuate things. Yeah, And just would hit me and
I'm like, wow. And I was just, I don't know.
It made me like, I could, I understand why he did that.
I kind of was like, oh, I know why he put that exclamation

(33:48):
point. And that's, I don't know, That's
how I got introduced to, to likehumor and comedy.
And so something in use like I want to do that.
Yeah, well, also I was getting to like I was.
I wanted to be a priest. Also I forgot to mention.
Oh yeah, so you're you looked upto the priest?
I well, no, I sort of looked up into the story of that, the

(34:10):
Jesus and the Pharisees, even a rebelling against the Pharisees
because he is here telling the truth of something.
That's what I admired about the story.
He's like, he's, he's going against something, but he's not
doing it just to be a rebel or to cause a commotion.
He's just because he's trying tosay something.
And I connected with that and I go like, I don't know, maybe I

(34:33):
could do that. Yeah.
And but you. Know speak truth to power.
Truth to Yeah, yeah. And, and it makes sense to me
because I think comedy does that, I mean, in a way, right, I
mean. And that's what Carlin did, too.
Yeah. And so I think that's what sort
of attracted me, this old truth to power thing.
But I was. But the thing was that I don't

(34:56):
know, puberty happened to. And then I was watching Scorsese
movies and because I found out Scorsese grew up Catholic, was
an altar boy and wanted to be a priest as well.
But he found out he had a different calling to be a
director. And he made this movie, Last
Temptation of Christ. And I'm, I don't know if you

(35:16):
remember that movie. Yes, I haven't.
You know, you just made me thinkmaybe I'll watch that.
I haven't watched that in a longtime.
It was my favorite. I think it's the most
transformed movie for me in my life because it broke whatever I
was chained in when I was so uptight when I was younger in
Catholic school. Yeah, when I saw that movie, I

(35:38):
remember watching it first time and just going to bed thinking
about it because Because basically it's a story about
instead of making Jesus this high-powered God, they made him
a man with doubt and question. They ended.
And it was rarely portrayed thatway in the movies.
Like I said, I just got kind of goosebumps when you said that.

(35:58):
And it's called the last temptation because the devil is
like, I'm going to tempt you on the cross where you're like
really suffering. And his last temptation was
that, oh, you're not really a God.
You're really meant to have a kid, have a family, Mary, Mary
Magdalene over there. And that's your life.
That's your real life. You shouldn't be up there with
the cross sacrificing yourself. And, you know, basically he

(36:21):
decides to leave, that it's all a dream.
He realizes that I'm not supposed to marry Mary
Magdalene. I'm supposed to die on the
cross. That's my, my point.
But the I, I, what I liked aboutit was that the questioning, the
spiritual like search for the because he didn't know his, his
meaning. And there was a very sad part in
the movie where he, he bows downand puts his hands together and

(36:43):
asks God not to do it. He was like, I don't want to do
this, I don't want to die. Yeah.
And it's so when I watched that,I was.
Really. Such a painful death.
Yeah. Who wants who's a young man?
Who's a young man? 30s And it just flipped
something in me because I was just like all this thing that I
was taught in the church was bullshit.
Somehow when I watched this, it was just.

(37:04):
It allowed you to break the spell.
Spell, yeah. And then on my 8th grade, so
that's the final grade. And then I graduated and I went
to high school. That's not a Catholic High
School. So my dad lost his job.
He was laid off. So my sister went to Catholic
High School. He was able to afford that.
But then when he got laid off, he said to me, he's like, well,

(37:26):
you're going to public school. How did you feel about that?
So I grew up in Passaic, NJ, which is very urban.
It's next to Paterson, NJ, whereGinsburg grew up.
And it's very urban, very like city.
And my mom was kind of, I don't know, they were just afraid of
sending me to the public school there.
So they, they work to like send me to these Catholic school,

(37:48):
which is across town. So it's just weird.
As a kid, I would go from like city urban into like the suburb
of New Jersey to go to school. So I just saw two different
worlds when I was a kid. 8th grade, last year before I go to
high school, we had to do a bookreport, present presentation and

(38:08):
we had to read a biography and then present it to the class.
And I love doing things like that.
I noticed when I was younger I was like, oh, I love being in
front of kids and like performing or presenting a
project or something like that. There was, that was a weird
feeling because I like, I don't know why I like this so much,
but I had the opportunity because I read Scorsese's

(38:31):
biography talk about the last temptation of Christ.
Wow. So at a as a kid, you read his
biography. Yeah.
Wow. You're precocious.
OK. And then you you're not afraid
of public speaking. You're not afraid of talking to
the kids. It was really.
You're afraid of the teacher, the nuns.
So you're up there and you're like I.
The teacher was a nun. She wasn't.
Right, exactly so. I was taking chances and I was.

(38:53):
So you were. OK and I passed out pamphlets of
articles about the about the movie.
So this is your book report. This is my book.
Report on the OK wait, you're doing it on the biography but
talking about the last temptation of Christ?
I felt like, oh, I'm going to concentrate on that, this.
Is amazing. Look at you.
Go. So I presented it, handed out

(39:14):
pamphlets, and after the presentation the nun was
collecting those pamphlets because I was handing out for
them to take. For the kids to take.
Yeah, and she was taking. She took them away.
She didn't want them thinking about Jesus as a man.
And so or whatever. Well, the Pope said it's not,
yeah, he said you can't watch itor it's like he didn't think it

(39:34):
was honest or true. He came out officially against
the movie. And so she told me that she
pulled me to the side outside the class and says, hey, she
wasn't mean. She just said, I can't let you
pass these out. This is not what the Church
agreed upon. Censor.
They censored you. Yeah, and but it felt good.

(39:58):
Yeah, it. Felt really good before I
graduated. That you got your word out there
and you spoke it out loud. They can't take your words back.
Yeah. The kids got to hear your mess.
They got to hear your report. Yes.
And they saw those pamphlets. Yeah.
It'd be interesting. It'd be interesting to hear from
one of those kids. Do you?
Are you in touch with any of those kids?
No, very rarely. I don't know.

(40:20):
I mean, I was just curious if like, that pamphlet changed my
life, you know what I mean? Like you may have liberated some
other kids that day. I'm not sure.
But I can imagine that Catholic parents are all around the world
were forbidding their kids from seeing that movie.
And you your your mom. They were all right.
They were cool, yeah. I would go to the video store
and I rented Last Temptation of Christ.

(40:41):
Yeah. And.
Was it rated R? Yeah, nudity.
And there was a sex scene between Jesus and Mary
Magdalene, and that's hot. Yeah, but the critics said no.
It's about making love, and I make sure.
I just, you know, I just had this, I just, I know this is a

(41:02):
side note, total side note I'm going off on, but I just had
this realization. The term making love is like
making more love. And this kind of goes back to
religion because I do believe ina higher power, but I'm not into
religion. I'm more of into this spiritual
eclectic. I take a little from
Christianity, a little from Buddhist.
I mean, and I'm not as educated as you are.
It's just whatever has come my way that rings of truth.

(41:24):
And it works for me. But all I'm going to say is
making love. I realize, wait, what if that's
why our souls agreed to come here to earth is just to make
more love? And as comedians, we make light
of things. And I was like, oh, comedians
are making light because I'm always saying love and light.
Like I would say I was like, send people love and light.
And then that got too popular, so I stopped saying it.

(41:48):
But making love and making light, I've never thought about
it as a term of creating it. Like when we Make Love.
I'm not sure I ever have. But I'm like, I probably just
have had sex. I'm trying to think, have I?
I've made love. I think I have made love.
OK, stop talking, Nancy. But do you know, have you ever

(42:14):
thought of it that way, that you're creating more love, or
when you make light, you're making more light?
You have. Of course you have, because
you're a philosophical thinker. Since you were a kid, you've
been philosophical, but it neverdawned on me that it's not.
I don't know. The term just never hit me that
you're making something more that was not there before.
Yes. Shit.

(42:34):
You've always thought you already knew this.
I kind. I mean, it's OK.
I'm the last person. Maybe.
You know, when stuff hits you and it's like, oh, I just
realized this. And you're like, yeah, NASA,
everybody knows this. I mean, you're saying that I'm
making something when I was doing the presentation.
Is that what you're? Saying no, no, I'm just talking
about the term making love. We were when you were saying the
critics said Jesus was making love to Mary Magno.
Yeah, I was saying, oh, I, I just wanted to share this a bit.

(42:58):
Dude. I just had this epiphany this
week that making love is making more love that wasn't there
before. Like, like maybe as souls, like
I always ask myself, what am I doing here on earth?
What is my life purpose? And I'm like, OK, let's say if
you believe in this oneness theory, you know, like like a
higher power source energy. And then this is what I picture.

(43:20):
We go out like spokes off a wheel and then we go off and our
souls have these unique experiences and then we come
back, you know, we go away and come back.
That's how I feel like we go away, have experiences and we
expand consciousness is what I thought.
But then I'm like, whoa, what ifit's really about, like, we go
out, we commune with each other,but somehow by getting together

(43:43):
or making love and making light and laughter, we're expanding
love, light, love and light. Does that make any?
Oh, yeah, sure. Am I high?
I'm not even high. OK, All right, I'm going to cut
this part out. I have the right to edit
another. Like, as if there's measurable
units of love. I don't know.

(44:04):
But yeah, there's always a question, what is love?
But yeah. What is love baby?
Don't hurt me no more. I don't even think that's how
that song goes. But all right, Mary Magdalene,
you did it. You got the pamphlets out.
Yes. You, you perhaps sparked some
critical thinking. We're on it.
I'm finding a thread. I'm finding a through line.

(44:26):
And then you went to high school.
Yes. Public high school in the urban
setting. Yes.
Were you no longer a minority? No, I was the well, it was, it
was mostly Hispanics, African Americans, and then Asians,
Indians, the whites were the minority.

(44:47):
How was that for you? It was interesting.
I liked it. And the thing was that the
teachers were normal people. They were not nuns or priests or
believed in Christ, you know, because we had a none of those
and they were just regular normal people.
You know, I would talk to my English teacher about Stephen
King and, you know, I was like, that was weird because I was
like, oh, you're like a never. You're like a regular person.

(45:09):
You don't have an agenda. You don't have an agenda.
I mean, except to teach, yes. Wow, that's cool.
What about your anxiety level? How what?
How did it? I had a teacher, you know, it's
fine. I couldn't find it, but her name
was Connie Parisi. I'm going to.
And she was the speech teacher, speech and drama teacher.
And I took her class and we justwrote monologues and presented

(45:33):
them. And that's when I sort of got
all creative and did characters and go and stay and try to go in
front of the class and try to. I was terrible.
I didn't make people laugh, but I was writing and doing things
and being in front of people. And.
Enjoyed it and enjoyed it and all because you know, and she

(45:54):
just gave this space in this classroom and I really thank for
her because she was not criticalwhatsoever.
And it's sad because I tried to look for her online.
I couldn't find her because I don't know how where she.
Is you wanted to thank her? Yeah, I feel like I should
because I remember it was, I wasso because of the constrictions

(46:15):
of Catholic school and then and then I did her class.
It was like, wow, I can be myself and and be experiment and
she would be OK with it. You know, she let us sometimes
curse, you know, but sometimes, yeah.
But. You let you just you invited
your whole self. Yes.
And come senior year, she's directing a school play and it's

(46:41):
Dracula. And she was casting and I, you
know, I auditioned and I didn't get Dracula, but I got Van
Helsing, the killer of Dracula. Whoa, that's a good role.
Yes, because I had more lines than Dracula.
Dracula would only come in at the end and do some stuff and
then leave. Van Helsing.
I noticed I was reading the whole play.
I was like, he has the most lines.

(47:02):
So, you know, I, I did that for like 3 nights in front of a
stage and it was just yeah. Did you love it?
I did. I had fun.
It was kind of weird because I was like, when am I, you know, I
guess I'm doing what I like to do and.
It kind of surprised you, it sounds like.
It did, but well also like at that time I was listening to a

(47:25):
lot of stamp. I was buying the CDs, I was
going buying the comedy albums. I didn't know that.
I just thought they were just HBO specials taped.
I didn't understand that were his comedy albums.
So I'd go in and there's prior and I would pick that up and and
I would collect all these different comedy albums and go
home and listen to them and laugh and learn and so and I

(47:46):
wanted the I, my uncle, he said he started I, I was fifth in my
class when I graduated. So wow.
And. That's a that's a I'm going to
apply for that as a mom, although I was high fiving DS.
I mean, you're both valuable, I know, but that's impressive.
OK, so you were fifth in your class.

(48:08):
And so they did a little like article class of 99, and they
had all the top five kids. And I was there and they did an
interview and I totally forgot about it.
My uncle, because I did stand upin Toronto and and, and I was my
uncle was there and he's like inhe's like 90.

(48:28):
And he said, hey, I saved this. And it was the, the article that
they wrote in high school and itsaid there I wanted to be a
stand up comedian and and a filmmaker.
And I was like, wow, I didn't know she.
Didn't even remember that was your dream.
All right. From that long ago, Yeah.
And then so you knew that at that time.
But then something happened. You went to Naropa or you went

(48:51):
to college or. Yeah.
I I didn't go up on stage until I was 32.
Wow. I was so, I don't know, I don't
think I had the chops in me. Like I worship Carlin, but I was
like, I'm not smart like him. I can't analyze society.
I can barely stand right in. The That can be paralyzing if we
compare ourselves to somebody that is so great, and I mean

(49:17):
just the best of the best of thebest.
And it could be paralyzing like,wow, I can't be Carlin.
So is there any point? Is that the feeling?
I mean like I wrote in newsletters as I was a real dork
in in junior. When I was in junior and senior
I wrote newsletters about comedyand just before blogs.
So I would just hand them out toteachers and students.

(49:38):
And it was, yeah. That's pretty creative, dude.
Yeah, I mean, I, I was doing these things because, I don't
know, I just felt like I wanted to do them.
I was inspired to write because of the Brain droppings book.
So I was like, I want to write like that and be funny.
And but then the idea of going on stage and doing it kind of
like, I don't know if I could dothat.

(50:00):
So yeah, I, I, I didn't go up. I I tried once at a high school,
but I just, I just told George Carlin jokes.
I just. Literally stole word for word.
Yeah. His jokes.
That's what I did in high school.
And then I didn't go up until I was 32.

(50:20):
I was, yeah. Here in Boulder or where were
you? Yeah.
How did that happen? You just.
My I didn't know this but my first stand up set was a comedy
work. Oh, for real?
Yeah, I didn't know you have to do open mics or I just like.
I signed up at New Talent Night.No, we can't.
You know what? Some people do it that way.
Yeah, I've seen some brand new folks that this is their first

(50:42):
time on stage and they're doing it.
My first time was in a comedy club.
I didn't know. How long did you do?
I only had two minutes me. Too, I don't remember it, I
hardly. Remember, you don't.
No, dude, you didn't get the tape.
No, I mean, I said something andthen I went out and there was
collapse. I don't know.
I really don't know. It's it's all a blur.

(51:03):
But something that compelled youto do more.
Yeah, and then I did. My second one was like Kinga's
Lounge in on Colfax. It was a Polish bar and all the
names were there. And I bombed terribly and didn't
go back until like four months later.

(51:24):
Yeah, that's not uncommon after.That I remember.
You do, of course. Yeah.
That one you're. Yeah, we remember those.
What, what compelled you to do it in the first place?
Like, how was there something that was going on in your life
that you're like, you know, astrologically we talk about the
Saturn return at 28 years old, 29.

(51:44):
But then was there something at 32 that you're like, you know
what? I'm going to do this.
Yeah, I mean, it was a lady. I was a lead.
Oh, there we go. I.
Was seeing someone and it didn'twork out and it was very painful
for me because I was just like, I'm 32 now and I'm still single

(52:10):
and I'm now I have a masters degree but I'm back to because I
was an optician. I started working in the optical
business when I was 17 and and Isort of never, even when I was
going to college, I was working part time.
So I've been doing like being anoptician for like 2526 years.
So opticians kind of been you'relike safety net security.

(52:32):
Yes, it was because my dad said it's a skill, you could take it
anywhere with you. So I attained the skill so it
was able to like pay the bills. Even after I got my master's
degree, I went back into the business.
But I was like, I thought I was going to go into the Naropa and
then get a job as I don't know what I was thinking.
I was like a professor. But I found out how academia

(52:54):
really worked and I was like, I'm not into that.
And I just went back to being anoptician.
And with a master's degree. The master's degree and I, I was
just, I felt like I'm back to where I'm square one, like I was
already 2627. I felt I'm like I'm 17 again and
I felt like I didn't do anythingwith my life.

(53:15):
So and then it was just sort of like I forgot about stand up.
I totally for I kind of. Forgot that dream.
Forgot that dream. I thought, you know, I stopped
watching stand up for a moment because I maybe it was kind of
mean at that time, I don't know,around like 2000s.
Maybe it was just, I was just not interested.
And then this relationship I hadreally, you know, it was just

(53:41):
not good. And so I, we, we broke it off.
I was the other man. Let's just be honest.
Oh, you were the other man. Yeah, OK.
The guy end up proposing to her and she said yes.
And so I was pushed, pushed out.So yeah, so I felt dejected

(54:03):
about that. Yeah.
And so I it was like, I don't know, I felt like I need to say
it felt this pain I was feeling and I just remembered stand up.
And then I just started watchingstand up comedy all of a sudden
again and just picking it up andlistening to podcast and

(54:23):
listening to comedians in their podcast and them tell their
story. And so that's sort of what
happened was like, I felt like Igot to do this again.
Let's see if this will. I don't know.
I really didn't know. I stepped in not knowing, yeah,
what's going to happen. Years later?
How many 12 years later? Wow.
And so you're, you're doing a lot of like touring around and

(54:45):
you said you went to Toronto. And yeah, went to do the show
there at the Yuk Yuk's for a moment and then I get, yeah, I'm
pretty stay busy. I always get booked every week
and I go around Colorado mostly and it's fun.
Yeah. Do you think of any jokes, like
when you think about your first jokes or even any that you're
doing now, is there anything you'd like to share that's like,

(55:08):
oh, yeah, I'm expressing some stress or like, even after the
breakup or something? Were your jokes around the
breakup or were they totally separate?
Like, just like, I just want to distract myself from that pain
and I'm going to do something. Yeah, I think.
What's your favorite kind of topics and stuff?
I remembered, I mean I know the first joke that worked and I
still tell it to this day. I didn't want to do the love

(55:31):
anything relations stuff becauseI didn't think I was good at it
yet. I was like, I don't know how to
do this. So but I had this joke about I
had a serious gambling. I'm broke.
I talk about how broke I was andhow I have a serious gambling
problem. I gambled in a liberal arts
degree. And so that was the first joke
that I that worked. I got a laugh and I whenever I

(55:52):
would say it, it got a laugh andI was like so excited.
And yeah, because that's, I feltlike that's true.
It's a good joke. Yeah.
Yeah, it's a solid joke, man. It's Rings of Truth.
And I think around Bolder, especially because they say, you
know where, what's the hometown that has the most?
Wallington, NJ. Wellington, New Jersey has the

(56:13):
most bars per square mile and I've been told I don't know I've
not. I haven't fact checked this, but
that Boulder, Co has the most PhDs.
I heard that, yeah. I mean, I was at a bar and the
guy that the guy who was drunk had a PhD in astrophysics.
So yeah, it's true. It's totally true.
A drunk astrophysicist that thatchecks out for me somehow that's

(56:36):
the best kind to have a drunk one just espousing like rules of
physics. I don't know.
All I know is Bernoulli's principle.
That's not even astrophysics. That's that's inside the
stratosphere. I don't know what astrophysics
is. Is that the physics in space?
I think so. God, of course it is.
I don't even know what it is. That's sad.
I have to Google it. Astro.

(56:58):
I never thought of that. Like, are there physics in
space? I guess there are.
I know that every action has an equal and opposite reaction
even, I mean, I know that they move those satellites around.
I did a gig, I did a gig for Echostar.
And one of the things I love about our job is that we, you
know, I do a lot of corporate. So I'm a curious person and I'm
an oral learner because I don't,you know, my eyes are on two

(57:20):
different lines. I, I don't read well.
So I love learning. And they showed me how they move
the satellites around with propellant.
Yeah. And when they get too low on
their propellant, they have to they have to push them into the,
the, the it's like a garbage ring out there.
In out orbiting around our planet.
There's a ring of garbage. Really.

(57:42):
Yeah. Because they rent like, Square.
There's like somehow you rent certain geographic area in the
sky. In.
Space. Yeah, in space.
For garbage. But that no, but then the garb,
no. The space that let's say that
satellite's in Echo Star satellite is in they rent that
and they have to stay within thecertain areas.

(58:03):
That's why the propellant when it drifts, they have to they
have to move the satellite with little I don't know.
I picture a little can of Hairspray.
I can picture that. But then when it gets low on
propellant, they they don't wantit to get stuck there, so they
have to before it runs out of propellant blasted into that
next whatever is. I forget that layer, but there

(58:24):
is like almost like a ring of Saturn of trash going around
Earth. Do you know?
OK, again, I can edit this out, but astrophysicist.
Yeah. PhDs.
So no shame in that. You know what I mean?
I actually think it's more courageous to get a master's
like for you to say, I don't want to do academia.

(58:45):
I, I was, you know what? I think that, you know, one of
my guests, my last guest was a psychiatrist who her whole life
was going towards being a clinical psychiatrist, like
helping adolescents through their stuff.
And then she realized this is not my jam.
My jam is actually research. But I just think it's really
courageous to like, walk away from a master's degree.

(59:08):
I mean because you. I have it.
I got it. You know, but I mean, but like,
you know what I'm saying? Like to not like, OK, since I
got it, now I've got to do it. And living this life that you
don't want just because you. Yeah, I think it's more
courageous to to walk away from it than it is to do it, if that
makes sense. If it's not what you want to do,

(59:28):
you're doing what you love. Yeah.
Yeah, it, I mean, it took me a while, that's the thing.
It took me a while to figure it out.
Yeah. I mean, but the fact and again
that whole Saturn return, I don't know if it's real.
I'm not a. So what are the ages of Saturn?
Like when somehow it's in the same position as when you were
born in 28 years. So it's almost like you have

(59:50):
this. I don't know, man.
I sound crazy when I talk about it, but I'm just saying when I
turned 28, that's when I starteddoing comedy.
I started I had a miscarriage. I got to do I started, you know,
I it was a big 2829 big life changes, divorce, stop doing,
you know, seeing myself as a nurse big changes right around

(01:00:13):
28 to 30 life changes. I don't know, but also like
hitting bottom sometimes like OK, like you said, you you
you're humble, you're like, well, I'm starting over.
I've lost my girlfriend. I've got this job, but it's,
yeah, there's something got to be something else.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I was, it was a low point, I

(01:00:35):
remember. But then this comedy thing came
up and it just, I just, it was weird.
It was weird because I didn't know where it would lead.
And I'm so glad where it LED. Yeah, it's one of those like, oh
wow, it worked out. Isn't it amazing?
Yeah. And then, like, it's cool when
we honor whatever that is, that little calling, then we meet

(01:00:57):
people that we wouldn't have known.
You know, I love our comedy community like you and I.
We have a lot of common friends.You know, I don't see you that
often, but I always feel good when I see you.
And it's like, I know we're nowhere out here.
We're out here for each other. Tobias.
I just went up and did a bunch of video with him.

(01:01:17):
Tobias Livingston, I'm gonna. I want to learn how to live off
the grid. Yeah, just in case.
He gave me my first showcase. He.
Said, Oh, did he? Yeah, he's the one who really,
because I didn't know you could ask for shows.
I thought you'd just do open mics and hopefully somebody to
take notice and book you. And so I did that for a year and
a half. No.

(01:01:38):
And he just said, I'll, I'm taking you to Glenwood Springs.
Oh, that's awesome. Yeah.
So he was like the first person that actually I had a chance and
he when he gave me that gig, I was like, wow, OK.
And then, you know, it did my best and but it gave me
confidence. I'm like, OK, I did that.
And so it was very slow. Hey, I'm a slow grow too.

(01:02:01):
I mean look at me 65. I'm on a long slow.
I love doing this and I, I, I love the gigs I have and I love
the connection with the audienceand I still love it, you know,
and I mean, definitely I've realigned obviously some goals I
used to in the 1st 10 years. I thought I would have a sitcom
and then I wanted to have, you know, I never really had a big

(01:02:24):
special. I've had like little like cable
TV spots or, you know, Drybar comedy specialist, stuff like
that. But it's like, that's OK.
I mean, I it's valid. The craft developing the craft
has validity. What about is there anything
like that you'd want to share? Anything else that's like how

(01:02:45):
you're working through? Are you working through any
other anxieties or stresses right now?
Doesn't sound like there's any big trauma that you needed to
work through other than just generalized anxiety, which is
which is big. I mean.
You mean currently or? Yeah, or anything that comes to
your mind where you know what comedy has helped me get through

(01:03:07):
stuff or, or even like now there's a lot going on.
But yeah, any anything. I mean, I think now that it's
like that time to be more vocal.I, I think that's the thing that
stand up gave me like I am not shy anymore in terms of voicing
my opinions anymore and I could actually, you know, figure out
how what to say, you know, like right now, it's just a strange

(01:03:32):
time. I mean, I still got those
student loan payments that I gotto still pay off.
Oh, you do. Yeah, it's really bad.
I mean, because it was like, youknow, the previous president, I
liked them because he was like, I'll try to help you.
Out. Yeah, they were trying to do
that whole student loan forgiveness program and it never
really happened or what? No, Oh well.

(01:03:53):
The thing was is that they were working on it and then he got
in. And so I'm on this program that
the previous president started where he's like, because it was
on default. He was like, OK, we'll take it
out of default. But you can have to, you have to
start, you know, learning how topay it back.
So I'm out in that situation. Do I have a new you know, I had

(01:04:14):
a joke I tell now about how I think student loan debt now is
is like the thinking man's DUI. Because.
Because it's like, you know, I'mashamed to talk about it.
They're always asking about it when I'm applying for shit, you
know? You know, it's like, I'm just
trying to get a car, man. I'm not.

(01:04:34):
Yeah, I promise I won't do it again.
Would there be, like, a class you could take, You know, like
after a DUI, you have to take driving defensive driving
classes? Like, what would prevent you
from going back into a liberal arts degree?
How? Well, I'm taking I'm.
How do we do an intervention? I I tell we went, I'm going
seeing a financial planner now. So that's, that's what I'm

(01:04:55):
doing. So Oh yeah, I'm, I'm taking
steps basically. Yeah, to not you're working in a
step program. Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, that's great. That's a great analogy.
I like thinking man's DUI, student loan.
Student loan. Yeah, man.
There's this one story where I know another comedian where she

(01:05:16):
was crying because she was like about her student loan debt and
she was crying and I was like, oh, comforting her and I told
her what mines was and then she started laughing.
She's like, Oh my God, it's not that bad.
Yeah, thank you. Did you want to, do you want to
say it out loud? How much money?
Oh no. God yeah, no rope is expensive.

(01:05:40):
It is. Yeah, it is.
And it's like, I don't know. He's like, if I was, if I
thought good, you know, I shouldhave been more.
I had a plan about what I was doing, but I don't know.
It was that weird time where. Nobody's thinking like that in
their 20s, really. I was like, I'm following my
dreams, man, you know, but I don't know.
And then you look at like a professor's salary and you're

(01:06:01):
like, oh, a couple years, I'll pay.
I could pay that down, you know,You know, whatever, I I forgive
you. I'm hoping the government will
forgive me. Yes, that would be amazing.
I know what a different world itwould be.
I always think, I mean, this is what I got to stop being angry
about Bernie Sanders. I'm not over it.
I'm not over it. I mean, I really am not over it.

(01:06:23):
I'm still mad at the DNC for what they did to Bernie.
But anyway. But man, what a different world
I feel like. Yeah, and The thing is that I'm
not the only one. That's the thing.
I'm. No, God, no.
You are not. I used to feel ashamed, like
that's where the DUI idea because I felt ashamed that I
was. You truly did feel.
Yeah, and The thing is that, youknow, because I, I think I the

(01:06:43):
reason why that joke came from is that I started realizing a
lot of people had DUI. So it was like, you know, I was
taking like, surveys. You had a DUI.
He was like, yeah, you had a DUII have huge student loan
debt. What's your student?
And they're like in some like really, I'm not alone.
Yeah, and that's what trauma is all about, so people don't feel
alone out there. You may have just helped relieve
someone else of some shame with humor like.

(01:07:05):
I had people come up to me with the DUI.
They were like, that's a very good joke and I could tell that
you have debt. I was trying to think too about
analogies with it like blow starting your car.
You know like with the student, the student loan you can't blow
start. I don't know who would you blow
to get your student loan. Well.

(01:07:27):
Who or what? What?
Do you want to get this off? Oh, listen, hey, Carl Anthony,
how do they get a hold of you? Anthony, if you if you want help
with your student loan debt, howdo people find you on Instagram?
This is a weird way to lead intoit.
Please do not. He's not going to blow you, I
don't think, but you never know.If you relieve my student loan
debt. Mate, I mean you know this is

(01:07:47):
negotiable. Okay?
Seriously, what is your Instagram?
It is. It's my last.
It's Bartolo. BARTO.
LO and lol comic That's that's my.
Oh that's cool. BAR T0L 0LOL.
Yeah, I don't know. I'm comic.

(01:08:08):
No, no, I like it. So that's on Instagram.
I'm going to put a link in the show notes to that and something
maybe about student loan anxietyor debt or something, I don't
know, a resource for people. I was also thinking about
something about something between Jesus and George Carlin.
Like like, you know, like you'rethis, you're this like if if

(01:08:31):
someone were to do a cartoon of you, like, I mean, because you
do actually, and also a little bit of the Buddha energy you
got, you know, maybe it's the Naropa influence, but it might
be the Asian influence. I.
Kind of look like the guy who started Naropa.
That was the weird part. Do you really?
Yeah, people come gave me doubletakes.
You should have gone. You should have taken advantage
of that. You should have gone around and

(01:08:52):
fired people. Well, you know, I got, I got,
what do you call it? Not baptized but I I became
official Buddhist. They give you a Buddhist name.
Oh, what's your Buddhist name? It's.
Is it? Is it confidential?
No, but it was interesting. It was it they gave it was
Ngawang Tenzin. Ngawa Ngawang Tenzin.

(01:09:13):
Ngawang Tenzin. Yeah.
And apparently it's Divine Lord,holder of the teachings.
Oh, I love that. Yeah.
Divine Lord, holder of the teachings.
What an honor. That's cool.
I've always wanted somebody to give me a cool name.
Yeah, but also like, I don't know.
So it's kind of like, really it's just me and I don't know
why I felt kind of weirded out about.

(01:09:35):
Well, and do you feel like with your comedy, do you have any
desire to teach? No, because I felt learning from
my religion. The problem is when somebody
goes like. I have the answer I.
Have the answer and. That's old Nance, I think I know
stuff. Sometimes, yeah, I am very
skeptical when I meet somebody and they might be the nicest

(01:09:56):
person in the world, but when they say I know God exists, it's
like, no, I kind of went like, Idon't know.
It's just like I would like to have a discussion about that
because I don't know what is knowledge anyway.
What is love? Yeah.
And what is knowledge? Yeah.
Whoa. This is a whole.

(01:10:16):
Now that's a Part 2. Yeah, 'cause, you know, the
Buddhist, I think they're tryingto say that it's just presence,
you know, being present is that knowledge, you know, just
experiencing things as they are without any curtains that we put
on top of things and, you know. Whoa, say that again.
Like, what is the curtain thing again?
Was that like, was that the Wizard of Oz?
What was that? Yeah, kind of like curtains,

(01:10:38):
like you're. Yeah, you're hiding something.
You're. Oh, without the veil.
Yeah, the veil. OK, wait, say it again.
What was the whole sentence? I.
Can't. Doesn't matter, OK.
But I mean like without the curtains, I don't know what I
said, but it's something like people put curtains over things
like I know God and then they they have a but The thing is

(01:10:58):
that they whatever your version of God is, is based on so many
things your life. You know how you're raised.
I mean your. Culture.
Yeah, yeah. This your lens, your specific.
Your lens, Yeah, it's like your curtain.
You put, you put it over. I do have a problem of thinking
I know stuff. I have to, I have to work on
that. It's getting worse too because
now I'm taking testosterone cream and I'm mansplaining stuff

(01:11:21):
to people. So ohh man, I thank you for this
conversation. I mean, this has been
interesting to get to know you alittle better.
And I know we could probably talk again another time more
philosophically or about your comedy, but people can find
links to your Where else can they find your comedy?
YouTube, you know my name. Just search Anthony Bartolo.

(01:11:44):
OK comedian. I mean, there's only the other
guy is Aceo of the other AnthonyBartolo.
CEO of. Something so ignore that.
Ignore that guy, you know, unless you need aceo of
something. Find Anthony Bartolo on
Instagram and YouTube, and anywhere around Colorado or the
country. Yeah.
All right. Thank you.
Thank you. Nancy.

(01:12:06):
Thank you for being a listener on this Co healing journey.
If you enjoyed today's episode, please share trauma to the
podcast with a friend who may need to know that they are not
alone. Trauma can be isolating and
overwhelming. Trauma D is not a replacement
for trauma therapy, but it may help you get by between
sessions. The most courageous thing you

(01:12:27):
can do is to feel your feelings,grieve, and then cry.
Rinse, lather, repeat. Thank you for listening to the
Trauma D podcast. Always remember, no matter what,
keep laughing.

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S3 E29 - Anthony Bartolo - Comedic Anxiety Relief

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}S3 E29 - Anthony Bartolo - Comedic Anxiety Relief