S3 E30 - Mike McCann - Characters Attract Characters - Tromedy with Nancy Norton

Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
It's the traumedy podcast. Trauma plus comedy equals
traumedy. You're listening to Traumedy,
the podcast that helps you take your pain and play with it.
I'm Nancy Norton, I am a former nurse, comedian and keynote
speaker about the power of humor, why we need it, how it
helps us. And this week we're going to do

(00:25):
video, so you could also be a viewer.
I'm going to try to do video. It's been kind of a dilemma
about doing video on Trauma D because sometimes I feel it
makes us too performative versusdropping in to our heart center.
But I didn't have my podcast equipment with me.
I've been touring all over the place, from Philadelphia to

(00:49):
Anchorage to Homer, AK. This was recorded on my laptop
in a house in Homer, AK, so the audio is not as crisp as it
might be if we're right up against a microphone, but it
turned out pretty good. There's a little muddy parts
here and there, but I think you'll be able to figure out
what we're talking about. Let me know if you have any

(01:11):
questions. This guy, he is a pilot, he's a
nurse, he's a poet, he's a writer, he's a storyteller, he's
a boxer, and he was on the show Yukon Men, the reality show, and
he's been through a lot of stuff.
Because I just love rivers. I love plus I'm cheap.
So if you go up river, you got to paddle and you got to pay for

(01:31):
gas. If you go down, maybe you just
grab a log and you go down, you know, and you know, if you're
not worried about the future, you don't know how you're going
to get back. But you know, the Yukon I still
to this day, the I was just there a week ago.
The Yukon is so powerful. There's so much library and it's
just this movie. If you stay on shore, the people
come to you, they go by, you know, it's alive.

(01:52):
It's it's so alive. And if you look at my buddy
Stanley, Charlie, Alex, it was 50 years ago.
We were all up there just winging it.
You know, Stanley, the main character, Charlie Campbell, it
was, it saved us. I really believe it saved us
from something. I don't know what, but it saved
me. And I still go back to it.
You know nature is healing. The Trauma D podcast is

(02:13):
sponsored by Crybaby Badass. You have to feel it to heal it.
You are a Crybaby badass luminary.
See your light in the mirror. Do you have a trauma?
Hey, you listening? Do you have a traumedy story to
share? If so, send Nancy a message at
nancynorton.tv. That's Nancy Norton dot TVTV.

(02:37):
As in television. If you're a regular listener to
Traumedy and I've tried to upload every week, but I've been
traveling so much that I got behind and I apologize.
I think we've been off two to three weeks, so hang in there.
We're going to find our rhythm again.
But my, my definite goal is to at least to upload at least one

(03:02):
episode a month and hopefully more depending on how much I'm
traveling. And I'm I'm learning I can
record things with Zoom. So I'm going to work on that.
And thanks again for being a regular listener and share with
a friend who might need to know they're not alone or just to
hear a funny story. OK, peace and love.

(03:24):
See you on the other side. OK, OK, welcome to traumedy.
This is a Here we are coming to almost live from Homer, AK, my
guest this week. I have been hearing the most
incredible stories of my life. I want to tell you this is a

(03:47):
storyteller, a writer, a nurse, a pilot, a mountain man and
much, much more. Welcome, Mike McCann, everybody.
Mike McCann, I'm going to clap because I'm excited because I'm
here. Yeah, you're alive.
I had to be here. Dude, You are on borrowed time
in so many ways. I've been.
We've been talking this morning for a couple of hours and I just

(04:09):
keep saying I've got. I feel like I wish I had been
recording all morning, but. Hit replay.
Hit replay. And you one of the things I just
as a launching place is to say it was something that you know,
with traumedy in mind that your your mom used to say that.
Would you mind sharing that at the out of the gate?

(04:31):
Oh, she would sing 2 songs to meat night.
How can I miss you if you don't go away and hit the road Jack?
No I'm kidding. But anyway no her saying was cry
till you laugh and laugh till you cry because the rest is just
filler. Wow.
And you took that to heart, man.It took a while to soak in
because I thought she was just alittle crazy, you know, laughing

(04:53):
and you know when things would get really bad, you know?
But we lived in the projects andshe said I learned how to laugh.
Dude, you, I mean, the stories you've been telling me, I don't
know where to start. Do you?
Where do we start? Like you write these short
stories and you've written books?
I should have drank more and gotinto the Bible, but I didn't.

(05:15):
And so I did other things, you know, and I love stories.
We as kids, we would sit at the end of the row and the stories
were unbelievable. I mean, I'm not talking 7-8
years old. These 910 year old kids, you
know, they talk about taking camp counselors hostage and
stealing Cadillacs. And I'm like, damn.
So one night I came home and I'mlike, mom, I hope someday I have
a story. And she goes, oh, you'll have a

(05:38):
story. So when I had my first story, I
think we stole the tugboat or wedid something crazy.
I was like, I can't tell everybody, but you got to hear
the story. So anyway, it's been going on
ever since. And stories are powerful.
You know, hearing stories just, you know, so be able to share
them and pass them on. There's nothing like a, you
know, nothing like a good story.And that's what's been keeping

(06:00):
us going for millions of years, is passing on the stories,
whether it's about dinosaurs or roadblocks or, you know, I mean,
there's nothing like a good story.
And you you identify as Irish, Is that true?
Is are. You now, I thought I was French.
I thought I was French Canadian because we'd stay up there with
them dark people, you know, darkhaired.
And there was dark. And my Irish relatives were all

(06:22):
a little fair down on Long Island.
And so when I went to Ireland and my relatives were darker
than I was in Ireland, I went whoa.
And then they gave me an Irish passport.
So now I'm Irish. I like the French Canadian port,
but I'm Irish. Is that the so they call that
black Irish is? That what they call it.
Actually, the Spanish ships crashed up on the coast and
there were seventeen of them. And that's where the rhythm
came. You know, Enya and her gang were

(06:43):
all black Irish. That whole coast is dark.
And the music and the humor and the rhythm.
Because the Vikings didn't have a lot of rhythm.
And the Celts, they had rhythm, but nothing like the Spanish.
Yeah, yeah. And you?
That's my theory. I've been, I mean, so I'm here
doing the the Alaska World Arts Festival and there you were at
this thing. I didn't know who you were.

(07:05):
I mean, I'm just like. Still trying to figure it out.
But I mean, I'm so honored that you you were at a show that I
was doing and then I'm like, holy cow, after the show, you're
telling some of these stories and there's a million of them.
And you've travelled internationally.
You said you worked with, didn'tyou work with Anya or something
like that? Anya was just a little girl when
we met. Her dad was a buddy of mine, so
that was cool. But you were funny.

(07:26):
I mean, I I go, I thrive. That's medicine.
We didn't get it. Serious professional comedians
in Homer very often. I risk my life.
I don't know if you noticed, butmy plane wasn't running too
good. And I went through the mountains
and got beat up. And then I came down the coast
and I go. I got to get to the show.
And luckily you were a day laterthan I thought.
So I had a little reprieve and Icould rest up and take it in

(07:48):
because you're, you know, you keeping up with you is not easy,
you know, and you're all over the place.
So it was great. It was good.
It was a yeah. And you're, you're on a show
called what is it UConn, man? That was years ago.
We were on UConn Man, me and Stanley.
Stanley is a buddy of mine. He's from Dorchester and I'm
from Long Island and we go way back.
We, I mean, he, he's a character.
Watch UConn man with Stanley. I'm only on a few episodes, but

(08:12):
we we, we have a good time. I was just there the last week
with him. We said we have a good time.
This is so wild to me. Did I mention that you're a
nurse? Did I even mention that?
Like you're a Yukon man and a nurse, sensitive and a poet?
Yeah, you are. Sensitive I'm over, you know,
definition of a true Alaskan over diversified and totally
unemployable. So that's me doing this that day
and the next, you know, whatever, but that's what we

(08:32):
that's why we're here. This is the end of the game
plank. No Alaska.
If you're ADD, you need to come to Alaska.
That you. Can do everything.
Yeah, I was thinking that this does feel like I don't know.
And it's, again, I, I know this does not compute exactly, but I
had a a crazy Uncle George who lives on island, Marada Key.
And it sort of reminds me of these black sheep that go to the

(08:55):
ends of the fringe. Dwellers.
What did you call them? Fringe.
Dwellers, we're on the fringe. No, we're.
Range dwellers the. End of the game.
Plank fringe. We're on the fringe.
Fringe dwellers. No, that's yeah.
No, it's great, everybody. Such a great turn of phrase on
these things. Fringe dwellers.
Fringe dwellers, yeah. Yep.
Could you just tell me the places you've lived?
Because I I was like, wait, you lived, you grew up in the

(09:16):
projects and somehow you're out taking peyote on the planes in
it's. Hard to hit a moving target.
That's my theory because I used to get hit a lot.
So I started moving when I was young.
I was born in Jersey and we moved to New England with the
Pilgrims. It was a little quiet up there.
And so we moved back to Brooklynbecause we were on our way to
Alaska with my mom. My dad was building a nuclear

(09:37):
reactor and he forgot to send the tickets because he like
quiet and he must have found. Anyway, he stayed up here.
We were in the projects and so then.
So he left. He left your family?
Yeah. Yeah, he was gone for many
years. So I would say he liked the
quiet, you know, because he ended up in Antarctica or
whatever. But it was good because we we
ended up in the spinny hill projects, which is golden.
When I look back, it's golden. But, but from there I always

(10:01):
say, you know, I go to Beirut torelax.
I mean, it got a little rough, you know, at times, but not real
bad. You know, when the guns showed
up and the craziness in the late60s, then it was like rough, you
know, but so I hitchhiked out West.
I heard about California and I didn't know it was that far.
It's a long ways. I thought you crossed the Hudson
and the Delaware and then, you know, Chicago's here.
And then California. It was a week later and I'm

(10:22):
driving to Bonneville at 15, can't see, but going 150 or 115.
And I pulled into Beverly Hills and that was cool.
So you're looking for the Beverly Hillbillies though,
because I've been watching them.Yeah, anyway, get the fancy pot
passers. Oh yeah, no, I was looking for
what's her. Name.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's her name?
You know who we're talking about.
The double barrel over the shoulder boulder holder.

(10:43):
No, that was Ellie. She invented that.
But anyway. I'm like, do you like this
framing? There you go.
Yeah, Yeah. Now that's better, isn't it?
Look. Framed many times.
But we've we set up a nice background that you can't see.
We blurred it. So it's a mystery.
You know, it's a nuns pasta outfit.
Yeah, your outfits. Multiple persons.
Well, I think so. There's a listen, I maybe I
shouldn't have blurred the background, but there is a nun

(11:03):
costume back there and you have to know this guy, this guy had
some issues. Issue.
Well, some nun. Yeah, and it wasn't just Boy's
life. I I sign up for issues.
Here's some fun ones. In this lifetime.
Oh. Yeah, no.
No, but the way that you do, youroll with it, you're like, yeah,
yeah. And you said I don't like the
word molested, but you know, yeah.
I mean, nuns were touching your pride that.

(11:25):
Was young ones. They weren't really nuns yet.
They were practicing, and then they'd break off once in a
while. They were frisky nuns.
Those French nuns. No, the French nuns are frisky.
No, Ave. Maria.
She used to teach me. Ave.
Maria. Gee, it's good to see you.
I learned Latin on a different kind of a different angle with
the nuns. But what it was, was we'd go up
there because my great aunt, my grandmother's sister, had a

(11:45):
convent, you know, all these French nuns down from Quebec,
because that was BC before cables or condoms or something.
Anybody had all these kids and they send the girls to Scranton,
to New London anyway, have fond memories of getting fondled?
No, but it was. Good.
See this is trauma. This is.
But I don't know. I'm like, what?
You know what? Yeah.

(12:06):
What's going on here? But.
I love what you told me earlier too, that you're like, OK, I
went back at 12 and I'm like. Where are they now?
I didn't understand that game before, but I'm, you know,
catching up. But I like how you have this nun
costume. And you said you did some prank
of nuns on the runners. And I thought, you know, this
perfectly way of like, kind of reframing it, reclaiming your
power, you know, like, become the nun.

(12:26):
Yeah. No, we had great nuns.
We had sisters of no mercy and unlimited guilt and ammunition
and persecution. And you looking back, they
cared. Someone cared a little too much,
but you know, and I'm still in touch.
I hate some of the nuns I work with in Peru.
I mean, I have we have so much fond memories because they
dedicate their life. And when you made a nun that
really walks her talk, you know,they really no, they're

(12:48):
unbelievable. Sister Theodora, Sister Anne
Silla, Sister, they're unbelievable and.
So there are good nuns. There are some.
Nuns that are a little confused like everybody else, you know,
but but but you got to be grateful for the good ones and
the bad one. Not the bad ones.
The rough ones. They're still I, we talk about
getting beat, you know, way back.
Not really bad, but you know, I'm some of them.

(13:09):
Some of them rough you when theytwist your ears different
directions, that gets uncomfortable.
And you know, when they smack you.
One of them could take out a pigeon with a geography book at
30 yards. That's a tough nun.
Anyway, she's still alive. Sorry, Daniel Merrick.
I feel like the word nunchuck isn't.
Nunchuckers. Yeah, yeah, but I'm like Gary
Duck, and he ducks and he takes out James Conney and he's laying
there. And she right away with the good

(13:29):
Lord, must have directed that. No guilt at all anyway.
But you know, But that's our life.
Then we go to public school where you can bounce off,
threaten your teachers, do all this shit, bring guns to school.
We were lucky. Yeah.
Yeah, there's a little bit, you know, I mean, it was a little
pain going on. And so you know I have defect.
And appropriate touching but a little.
Bit, you know, smacking, that's another form of love, you know,

(13:49):
and the brothers, you know, theywere a little it's, it's they we
do the best we can. If I were to find like what is
the name of your You have more than one book.
Yeah, once you call, give me theHudson or the Yukon, 'cause I
love the Hudson River, 'cause wecould steal all kinds of shit
and go up the river and look at,you know, and then the Yukon
where there's nothing. It's just peace.
I didn't know there was ever a river still like that.

(14:11):
They drug me to West Point to play lacrosse.
I looked up. My mother's like, well, what do
you think? I go, I ain't coming here.
This is like Catholic school, you know, they're all marching
around doing this. I've seen that river.
And I was like, I'll jump in that river.
I'll be home tomorrow. You leave me here.
That ain't happening. I don't want to March around the
uniform. I didn't make a good Boy Scout.
I sure in hell ain't going to make a good whatever you call
them cadets or but anyway, no rivers.

(14:32):
Rivers are it because if you really study rivers, whether
it's Yellowstone, they're everywhere.
And if you really get into them,they keep the whole the the
planet. The rivers are the planet.
And so the Amazon, you know, allthese amazing rivers, you get in
them, it's free. You get in a slideshow.
You didn't, you know, you don't have to.
I go down to Yellowstone. I go down these rivers as a kid.

(14:53):
I do love floating. Around yeah, no rivers I.
Don't need the Rapids as much but I love.
Love you, you know and get you focused I.
Don't need that much adrenaline.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I don't you. Rivers if you study.
Yeah, you do some really high. Scared to death?
No, I'm scared to death. But but they show you.
They show you. Rivers, if you really compare it
to our, our system, you know, the, the, the Yukon isn't

(15:15):
amazing, the history's amazing, the Hudson's amazing, the Hudson
River, the Connecticut River, the Yellowstone, the Missouri,
the Mississippi, if you really there's river nuts.
I mean, I met him in Fu La Foux in Zambezi or whatever, Zambia,
these people, that's all they do.
And I go, I guess I'm one of them because I just love rivers.
I love, plus I'm cheap. So if you go up river, you got a

(15:36):
paddle and you got to pay for gas.
If you go down, maybe you just grab a log and you go down, you
know, And you know, if you're not worried about the future,
you don't know how you're going to get back.
But you know, the Yukon, I stillto this day, I was just there a
week ago. The Yukon is so powerful.
There's so much library. And it's just this movie.
If you stay on shore, the peoplecome to you, they go by, you
know, it's alive. It's it's so alive.

(15:58):
And if you look at my buddy Stanley, Charlie, Alex, it was
50 years ago. We were all up there just
winging it. You know, Stanley, the main
character, Charlie Campbell, it was, it saved us.
I really believe it saved us from something.
I don't know what, but it saved me and I still go back to it.
I have a little camp with Irish flag and people come and stay
and you get 1 airplane today. I don't know the geography that

(16:21):
well. So you're on the Yukon River,
but it's called the Yukon. And can you help me understand?
I could look at Yukon River. I'll show a map on Canada.
OK, it's 2000 miles long. People say Yukon, that's the
Yukon Territory. That's where the river starts.
But it goes all the way down to the Bering Sea.
And it was big during the gold worst.
There were no roads here. So everybody came down the Yukon

(16:42):
Bridge, everybody hundreds of thousands in 98.
And then all these people lived there.
They're villages from way back, the Athabascans, the Inuit, that
that you know, it's powerful. It's just powerful.
But it's so, you know, nature ishealing.
OK. So if you can get out there, I
don't care where it is. I used to hide in the parks, you
know, or the estates in New York.
I hide it even in the street drains.

(17:02):
I thought that was natural, you know, things flowing down, rats
running around. That's nature.
But it was, it was. It's healing.
Yeah. Very rarely will nature kill
you. Wow, interesting.
So it will, it may, but yeah, itwill take care of you.
I mean, when you find out that the fish are coming this way and
you can eat these beautiful, youknow, and then the logs are

(17:23):
coming that way, you can build your house and the moose are
coming this way, you know, like the best I ever lived, I'm
eating caviar, right? My chickens were eating caviar.
And I'm like, I don't even know what caviar was.
I was like, you know, you can't beat this.
And all my buddies came up, highschool teachers, everybody.
And I felt so lucky to share that with him because it was so,
you know, so it was just. They're just drawn to what you

(17:44):
were. Doing well, the fish and the
being together and then all the characters.
Characters attract characters, right?
Yes. And joy is contagious, you know,
when you get around a bunch of joyful characters, you may, you
know, you may think, you know, I'm in The Sound of Music, you
know, and you may be, you know. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. No English.
Characters and I interrupted your process earlier and I just

(18:04):
want to go back to it because myADHD takes off that you you were
going to show me kind of your places you've lived and then we
can I mean we can immerse in allwe.
Can go. To but I don't know, I was just
curious because I was like, how did you get so you you drove out
to California? You were no, he told this guy's
Bonneville. But no, you were driving his.
Car, that's what you said. You hitchhiked and then and then

(18:27):
you. You were.
How old were you when that was? 15. 15.
In my neighborhood, that was old.
If you lived to 15, you were old, man.
No, no. Some of the stories you told me
about running home, people chasing you, fighting and you're
also a boxer, I. Mean you're not by choice.
They volunteered me. No.
No. Anyway, it's good stories.

(18:47):
Yeah, but I don't know is that do you not I just was really
quickly like then we can I'll give you a OK here you.
Know Gran Mcnally's acid versionof hitchhiked to California.
Find out. It's a little different than I
expected, but it was cool. And then came back to Montana,
heading to Alaska, but I had to get back to school.
My mother was freaking out. You're in, you're in Washington.
That's two hours. I go.

(19:07):
No, mom, look on the map. Washington's, you know, 3000
miles. Get your ass back here.
Anyway, so I headed home becauseI had to go back to school, but
I wanted to come to Alaska because I heard about it and it
seemed cool. But anyway, I've been coming to
Montana and people were so greatpicking me up and, and all this
stuff. And I was working for food at
Yellowstone, cutting wood. Anyway, came back to Canada,

(19:28):
went up with the French Canadians for a little while.
That was interesting because I didn't know what they were
saying, but they seemed happy and so that was good.
Then I stopped to see my grandmother and this is all
within like 10 days time, right?But but I I find this raccoon
that got run over on the highwayoutside of Massachusetts and as
a kid we couldn't have animals. So I really was like, oh man.

(19:49):
And I'd read that book Rascal with the raccoon, which is
golden. So I said, oh, raccoon.
But anyway, he was kind of banged up, but I got him going
again. And then we hitchhiked into New
York with the raccoon. And so, so the raccoon and me
show up, you know, and it was crazy, but.
But the raccoon, he he really gave me some focus and I could
take care of. He's had an eye on a string and
a broken hip. And so there holds Danny stories

(20:11):
in my book. But but I had a thing for
raccoons because they're little thieves.
They got little hands like an old guy.
They'll pick your locks, they'lldo stuff, and they're just
tripped, you know, they were. And to have one.
My own Danny, even though he'd bite my friends and shit, but he
was good to me anyway. Danny.
People still mentioned Danny in New York.
I didn't think it was that big adeal.
Rascal Orson. John Sterling wrote the book

(20:32):
about Rascal. I'm thinking everybody needs a
raccoon pet. Right?
You named him Danny. Danny.
Danny Boy. And.
Oh, something like. Yeah.
But anyway, Danny's got famous. And then I let him go on a big
estate and he only had one eye, so you could see him at night
pretty easy. You wouldn't know the feeling.
Yeah. You're not both.
We have eye issues. The guy in the back there see
him. I'm watching him, yeah.

(20:55):
Yeah, that's what you do when you're a trauma survivor.
You got to keep an eye out for people.
Exactly. No.
And bear spray helps too. I got a little bear spray here
in case I don't see him in time.But anyway, no.
So the traveler thing, you get the bug and once you realize I
come back to New York, I'm goingto finish school and all of a
sudden I'm like, wow. And education is important.
You know, I started doing like focused, you know, because I'd

(21:16):
already been out West, I'd been to Beverly Hills.
Nobody's going to tell me None. I've been to Colorado up there,
rented a horse, rode around likeThe Lone Ranger or somebody.
But anyway, I'm like, wow, this is a big country.
There's a lot. You can live in a cave.
You don't have to go go to Wall Street and make all this money
and marry some beauty queen. You don't have to do this crap.
No, but it was like a secret I had and I'd tell my buddies, no,
you can go in caves out there inColorado.

(21:37):
You can ride a horse for a dollar an hour, you know.
Well, I mean, I was like, wow, this is a big world, so nobody
is going to tell me different at15.
Yeah. Which was a gift.
You know, my mother, she was so worried.
She was so crazy 'cause, you know, and she pray all the time,
like candles, but she said you just came back different.
I said mom, I had no choice, youknow.
But anyway. So you you had a right of it was

(21:58):
like a it was like you're what is that the right of classic?
Vision, you know they had the native send their kids on
speech. Peyote.
Not them. No, I wish I had.
No, no, I didn't do much. I did a little, a little little
booze, but not really. Now I was excited.
I got that. You were just you look.
Back and you see New York skyline and there ain't nothing.
It's like, wow, man, it's exciting and the characters,
what you realize when you hitchhike is people want to tell

(22:21):
you their story. And if they don't know you and
they're never going to see you again, they tell you some stuff,
man. I mean they open up and I'm
like, I'm 15 years old. I ain't no psychiatrist.
I don't know which who you should marry, but they want to
tell you. I got picked up by some beauty
queen in Colorado. So she was on some calendar or
something. And I'm like, wow, and I'm

(22:41):
thinking is this? And she's telling me her
problems. I'm like, you don't look like
you have no problems. But anyway, it was, it was fun
because I remember every I wrotea I tried my best to write my
book about hitch hiking around the US from a 15 year old
perspective. But I would cover up on a lot of
things where I didn't want to say too much, you know.
And so I now I'm opening up again about some of the crazy

(23:03):
stuff and it yeah, but it was the 60s.
There was so much going on, you know, I was into Bangor Canyon,
all of you know, and I wasn't into the weed.
I like shit that speed you up, you know, And so I like, I liked
things that got you going, you know, And so that was my thing.
So. And, well, I was, but it's a
job. No, I got back home, you know,

(23:24):
and I was, we had a big house. Everything was cool, man.
My mom was the happiest she everwas.
Andrew was living with us. David.
No, David had just been killed in a stolen car.
Then it went all went to shit. My mom dies.
My mother bleeds out. Andrew's killed in Vietnam.
I mean, whoa. Mary Ellen's murdered.
Florrie's murdered. On the way to my mother's room,
I'm like, whoa. It's like, man, think if I don't
think, if I, if I hadn't had that background of like life is

(23:48):
pretty, you know, amazing. And if I was just stuck in that
little, I think it would have been overwhelming and I'd have
probably drank myself to death because that's the only thing I
knew at that place for pain. And it was so there, you know,
But I, I would, my cure was to go to the track and one run 21
miles till I fell over. Because if I, if I didn't do

(24:09):
that, I knew I'd go after they put me in.
My uncle wanted to put me in cuffs when my mother died
because I was getting off this plane.
And he said, you're not going after the doctor.
You're not going. And I was 19.
And he said, we got the cuffs, we're going to put you in cuffs.
You got three sisters. It was rough, you know, and, and
so handcuffs to keep me from going after anybody.

(24:30):
But he said, you're not going. You got a, you got a mother to
bury and three sisters. I went well, I guess I got a
job. Anyway, he was wanting to
shackle you here. He wanted.
No, at the airport he wanted me,he said.
And he was great. I'm sorry.
I'm. Not getting it.
No, Uncle Tony was great. He just was worried about me
because he knew my answer to everything was grab him, you
know, and shake him. And he's like, you ain't going
after the doctor, You're not going after Monsignor.

(24:53):
Yeah, but I didn't, he didn't know I'd quit drinking like a
year before because when I drink, I like to fight and or I
like anything action. So I was lucky.
I was really, it's always this like almost off the edge.
And then, you know, and then youfind in another path or the
like, I say the angels show up or who are the angels, you know,
in our neighborhood or up. When my mother died, the angels
showed up. They brought food.

(25:15):
They were worried. They were the poor people, the
Bucks, Joey Devereaux, these people took care of us.
And you're like, wow, you know, people, you just, you know, not
the rich people, not the ones counting their golf clubs and
shit. This was, you know, food.
This was food, you know, and food is pretty important.
You know, don't give me. Yeah, the food thing is
interesting, but but then, you know, I get to Montana, I go

(25:36):
back to school. The raccoon got me into college,
by the way, That's a great story.
So Danny, Danny got me into college and I was like, damn,
you know, you don't know who your angels are.
No, what happened was so. Danny saved you in a way.
Oh, no, he's yeah, big time. So you never know.
If you see the raccoon banged upon the road, pick him up.
He might get you into school. You never know.
But but the funniest part was people say, how'd that happen?

(25:57):
I said no. Everybody was like, wow, he's
good with animals. He rescues the raccoons and, you
know, banged up. We had ducks drunk flying around
the house because they were banged up.
And mom would give him a little whiskey that was a cure for
everything. Drunk ducks in your house ain't
pretty, let me tell you. Shipping a little bit flying.
Anyway, Canadian geese honking. She, I don't know why she
thought we had to take care of them.
Canadian geese, but. This is real.

(26:19):
Oh yeah, you can't make that. This is real.
She would. She would, I'd bring them home
and she'd go just give him a little nip.
She had an eyedropper and we hadsome cheap whiskey, you know,
and the poor duck would be thereand then he'd be like, fuck it,
you know, I, I got one wing. I'm good, I'm good and all
around the house. And then they shit while they're
flying. That's a mess.
But anyway. Seriously, you rescued her
animals? Well, she was that way too.

(26:40):
Mom would rescue. Her there.
Was a it's. Like the whole culture was that
way. Like they.
You know, a lot of people ate them.
You know, if they could get my raccoon, they'd eat their
raccoon, but they didn't get them.
But we had a park, and it was a really neat park, but there were
ducks and geese and stuff. And so it was for the rich kids
to come over or the maids would bring the kids and walk around
this park. So.
So we'd get banged up animals. And so it was my mother's.

(27:03):
She had a heart of gold. Yeah.
Yeah. And you had the same heart.
You were like, I got it too. Furious, you know, and plus when
people say oh he's good with that then you you kind of buy
into the program I guess I'm good with animals, you know but.
But the animal thing, because you can't have animals in the
projects, It's a big thing. My sister had a dog with three
legs, one eye and one ear, Right.
So they come home with tripod and my mother's like, well,

(27:25):
we're not supposed to have animals, but maybe half a dog's.
OK, Yeah, it makes. It funny.
Oh, my mom was a killer. Yeah, but those old black guys
got her going. They would come up with the
craziest stuff. Read the story where we blow up
this Kotex machine up in the nice neighborhood and then we
wear this shit all down the street and the old ladies.
That's cool. You look like Disney Channel.
But I was like, what the hell? I said, oh, Burton would go in

(27:48):
the girls room and blow them offthe wall at the train station.
We didn't I didn't do that because I'd go in the guys room,
blow those things up. Burton liked them.
Kotex big ones, the old it's themini pads, you know like a the
big ones you could strap around,look like a veteran, look like a
patriot. So anyway, so, so, so Danny, the
problem with Danny the Coon was after he got better and I let

(28:09):
him go, it took a while. The teachers would use that like
you need to go work with animals.
I'm like, so Doctor Goddard, whowas this neat old guy, he
called, he said where do you want to go to school?
I said, well, I got rejected by all these state schools.
I didn't have grades. I didn't take it serious.
So he said, where, when you wentout West, where would you go?

(28:30):
I said, well, Montana was amazing, man.
The Indians, all this stuff, mountains, let me call.
He calls out to Montana State. And you know, I have this kid
back here and he's really good with animals.
So he calls this Dean Belding, who's in missions.
And the Dean's like, well, how'shis grades?
Well, you know, he's so good. He has a raccoon.
Yeah, but how's his grades anyway?
Doctor Goddard was covering for me.

(28:50):
Finally the guy let him let me in.
And it's all because of the raccoon.
Because Doctor Goddard. Just because you really walk the
top with. It well, he's like, you need to
go to Fish and Game. You need to, I didn't know, you
know, I didn't want to be a vet.You got to go to school too long
and learn all this stuff. So I went to Fish and Wildlife.
But you know, I don't care how many kinds of ducks there were,
you know, there's puddle ducks and this duck, I said.
But the, the neat thing was thatfirst year was just, I thought I

(29:12):
was going to Vietnam. So it was a joke.
You know, I'm going to school. I'd pay people to take my exams
10 bucks to do this because I wanted to look good on paper,
but I couldn't freaking do geometry and chemistry.
I mean, that was that wasn't me.My thing was, you know, fight,
fix or whatever, but not not study your chemistry tables.
Who the hell I didn't plan to live that long.
I don't need all that shit. You know these people want to

(29:34):
live forever. You really thought you were
going to Vietnam and. I think I go to Vietnam.
That was top of the list. And then I figured nobody I know
lives past 25 around here, you know, So what the hell?
What do you think? I mean, you're not from that
neighborhood. You're from this neighborhood
and we die young, you know, or if you really study it, it's
there. You know, like a lot of people
are wore out, but you just I didn't give myself the privilege

(29:56):
of you know, but those were gifts that were given to me.
These teachers that stood by me,Doctor Goddard, Olga Jenkins,
Naomi Smith, some they believed in something.
I think the the creativity, see,not the intelligence.
No, this guy's a bonehead. He will do whatever it takes.
If you need new tires, he'll getyou new tires.
Doctor Godden used to say we didn't pay for anything.
Today I go doc, I got good credit.

(30:18):
You know, I take him out for lunch or whatever.
But for everybody, you know, money wasn't, it wasn't
mandatory, you know, if you had good credit or you stuck up for
somebody that stole some food for him.
Well, I like what you're saying like they they saw they saw in
you, not just I mean creativity,of course, and then but I mean
just talking to you for whateverit was.
Your synapse is fire so fast. You know you are able to access

(30:41):
so much. It's a big hit I got.
It's like the block. No, this stuff in the back.
I don't even, I don't even haven't used it in years.
Yeah, save that for the last decade of your life.
The occipital lobe. See what's back there?
I don't know. Yeah.
But it's amazing. So they saw this in you.
They saw like, look at this kid.He's he's bright, he's capable,
he's creative. He's he's compassionate.

(31:03):
You know, compassion you have. He likes to fight, but he, you
know, everybody knocks you down,he'll help you up.
I don't know you fight, but it sounded like too you were
telling me earlier that you fight for a reason.
You protect your sister, you protect your mother.
You know what I mean? Like or somebody else that's
more marginalized. I would.
I'm imagining that you protect the vulnerable, right?
You don't talk about triggers, you know, and you go, wow, I

(31:25):
don't like the way this guy's treating this, this lady, you
know, and that was a real thing of mine because my dad was a
bully bastard, but he was scaredto come around, you know?
I mean, them young Polish kids let him know right away my
mother was safe. So yeah, no, it, it, it comes
down to a lot of those early things, you know, that you and
you got to, it's, it doesn't come easy because you got to,

(31:45):
you know, you got to know what the hell you believe in, but
then you got to stick to it. It's easy to say, well, I
believe in Rice Krispies, you know, and then, but really, why
are you eating granola then? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when it comes down to it like.
What are you pretty cut dried? Yeah.
What? What are you?
But you never know how you're going to react.
Sometimes I've reacted where I'mlike, wow, And that's that blink
thing which I love, which is at 2 1/2 seconds.

(32:06):
You know this Gladwell book. No, I don't know, man.
Gladwell, pull it up. No, that's the real.
Deal, Will it? God, that's the that's the thing
with blurry stuff. OK, I tricked it.
Yeah. It's kink, not blink because
you're backwards. Yeah, but that's he's the.
Power of thinking without. He is safe.
So it's like trusting the midbrain or.
What is it? His thing is you've already been

(32:28):
conditioned. You go in on the other side and
justify and magnify and all thisshit.
But the reality is you've already made a call.
And in America, especially now in great white Western America,
you know, we're so programmed. You know, you see somebody of a
different color, whatever, you know, and I grew up with that
where I would react because that's what you do.
And then you'd apologize for it or justify it.

(32:49):
And I'm like, no, I don't need to.
I made the call. I see this guy coming.
I know who he is, you know, but you also got to be wrong.
It's not even, it's not even instant.
It's like the first sample he uses is that poor kid checking
for his keys. He gets shot 29 times in the
Bronx. The Elio or whatever.
I call the cops that I know. I said, what the hell, They
shouldn't have been in the neighborhood.
These guys panicked. And that's what you get with a

(33:09):
lot of these cops. They don't, they panic, they're
not thinking and they react and I react.
I mean, you got to be careful. But blink is golden.
Blink is gold. But it also helps you, you know,
you talk about that neuroplasticity.
Well, you also got neural, concrete, some sides, you know,
where you're just set, you know.Yeah, like right eye, like I've
tried to reprogram my eye with the neuroplasticity and it's

(33:30):
like not having it. So maybe some part of me knows
it needs to be out there. No one needs to leave it alone.
Me. You know, if you're perfect, you
know, you don't want to be perfect.
You got to have something, you know, you're like, oh.
That's right. It's a nice target.
Yeah, No, you get. Up there I go, Oh no, no, no.
The gorgeous comedian. Are you going to have to listen
to about anyway? No.
But then you do the eye thing and I'm like, Oh no, we're good.

(33:51):
And you're a pilot and you, you're.
You can't see? Yeah.
Because you. Yeah, because didn't you say
something what you had to have? Your right.
License a bat? No.
I told this kid, help me read the radio here.
You can't see that I go. Is that 3/5 or 2/5?
What's on the runway? You can't see that I go.
That's why you're there. Really.
Help me land a plane. Oh, I'm scared shit myself.
You have to fly with this thing.Yeah, yeah.

(34:12):
No, I go by feel. And.
Noise part by ear. Yeah, part by sound, that's
what. Yeah, you're there.
Get out. Now the eye thing is interesting
and yeah, it's and as a pilot, you know, it's scary because I I
do have finally I have good glasses and I can see now that's
another gift. The whole flying thing.
I get choked up so much flying by Mount McKinley going how the

(34:33):
hell? How the hell?
You know, I'm flying all over the world, Africa down in or
just I'm going. Well, I wish I just had a wish
that I could get in a plane someday.
I didn't mean to stay in the plane.
You know I'm flying the coolest shit, you know?
That's what you're saying. Watch what you pray for.
You're you're a manifesto. Yeah, No.
No. Oh, be there.
It's going to happen. Oh, be careful, yeah.
Be careful. Yeah, yeah.

(34:54):
Can't imagine. I mean, right now, I mean,
you're still what's going on like in your sight right now.
You were saying earlier I loved what you said because I was
talking about my son in, you know, in my basement at 21.
And you're saying something likeif the mouth is moving, you
can't see. It was like trying to help him
have a vision. Like he does have a vision.
Actually, he he is going to study, you know, to be an EMT

(35:17):
and he is doing that right now. But we'll see.
So you're saying? Drop him off at the fire
station. OK.
And just. The day they're having a class,
yeah, he'll love it and don't talk about it at all.
You know where the class is. You drop him off and he either
stays or plays are gay. It's gone.
Yeah, but stop talking about it.Do it.

(35:38):
But what you were saying but this?
Takes the power, right? The Indians used to tell me all
that talk is smoke. Yeah, and it goes and it's.
But you lose the power. You know, I've noticed that in
my life too. I I'm like, I'm going to but,
but, but, but, but, and then it's like I haven't written the
memoir and I have some stories to tell you and I but I'm just
saying I haven't done it becauseI keep talking about it.

(35:58):
So I got to start talking. About it makes you feel good,
but the reality is it's smoke and if you look at it like smoke
and you go I was compared this is bad but I said you know, it's
like sex you want to talk about it before or afterwards.
It's real it's theory and then it's facts.
Let's talk about the facts. And they're like, that was good.
That's all you got to say. That was wild.

(36:20):
Yeah. But no, that was oh man, that
was horrible. Dude, I've said.
Basic. It's so funny because I have
I've been even saying this on stage a like I love talking
about sex because I'm not havingany.
It's as I get. Yeah, but here's what I tell
this is bad speaking across sex and you can edit this, but this
woman's like laughing her ass off.
I said, you know, you realize that laughter is just a mini

(36:41):
orgasm and you've been like for the last hour you've been coming
like the freaking second coming.Like Christ thing, I got nothing
on you. And she's like.
It's horrible. I go is it that bad or you look
like you're having fun. Relax, honey.
Anyway. But it's true, you know I.
Do think, I do think that way too.
Maybe it's a shared and it's funto have a shared orgasm, right?
We are 5050 on orgasm. What the hell?
That's fair, right? Like you didn't wait for me.

(37:03):
I'm like, bullshit. You know I ain't got jumper
cables with me. Sorry, honey.
No. No, well, I didn't.
Say funny shit. It's the blessing of I will say
I'm, you know, like I've told you earlier, I was not happy
with the female body at first because of the patriarchy.
Yours or somebody else? Yeah, my my own.
I was just unhappy. With the other ones.
I was a kid. I wanted to be a, a boy because

(37:24):
I was like the boys had. I know.
Yeah. They had the 2 toys and they
could climb trees and I, I, I wanted to be a boy.
And then it's like you become a woman and you're like, oh, but I
can have multiple orgasms. You can have.
You know what? Yeah.
Well, I don't want, you know, I can't.
I can't because I, yeah. But my body was.
I mean you guys, I'm just sayinga lot of women can, not me.

(37:45):
No, I had missed. You have a baby.
Carriages I. But as a mother, you can, yeah,
have a baby. But but let's, I just wanted to
focus on the multiple orgasms because it's like, yeah, I make
$0.78 on the dollar. You can keep your $0.22, right?
I mean, you can't buy this kind of bliss.
No, you have a refractory period.
You do have to sit down to pee. That was the.

(38:05):
Trick. You know, when God was handing
them out, he goes, would you rather stand up and pee or have
multiples? And that's an idiot that he was
talking to. I want to pee out window you
fucking idiot. Thank you for your service.
That's all I have to say. You know what I mean?
You, you you came into this lifetime as a male.
And you, you've you've stepped up, dude.
And I I thank you for all the, you know, on the bond behalf of

(38:28):
the females, right. It's been a they have either
protected or pleasured. You know what?
Hey, thank you. Yeah, but.
I mean, I'm, I'm known as kind of, here's the thing.
Being raised by a woman, I always say, because my mother at
night, we'd sit there and we'd talk about dreams.
You could have feelings, OK? And that was OK.
And so with my dad, you couldn'thave feelings.

(38:48):
Oh, he's just selfish. So feelings were like, and then
I married a woman where you couldn't talk about feelings.
And I was like, oh, even some ofthese females.
Yeah, there are some definite. But it's because of certain
things, you know? And so you, yeah, you know, so
you go, oh, so I sometimes I cuss.
I go, man. Mom, let us at night, we talk
about our dreams. We're living in the projects,
talking about living in the mountains in Idaho or in Alaska

(39:11):
with deer and stuff. And she loved talking these
stories. But it happened one day.
I woke up in Montana a couple years ago.
I go, mom, this is what we were talking about.
But she made it OK. But I've been accused.
My ex told me one time She goes,oh, you think about it is your
feelings, your feelings, your feelings.
So I want to do this cartoon andI shouldn't say I want to
because I should have a lot of families have feeling

(39:33):
extinguishers in their house instead of fire extinguishers.
So when you have a feeling for like, if I said, oh man, I'm
really, I'm so excited. You couldn't do that.
Anything to do with feelings. And if you got alcohol involved,
that's really good because that really controls things.
If you got the alcoholic, the kids can't have feelings and
then they'll be demoted. You know, they're not demoted.
They they're condemned. So someone I went, whoa, man, I

(39:55):
said we got to talk about feelings.
How do you feel if if I wanted to put her on a defense, not
even defense, just shut her downand say, how do you feel about
this? Don't mention feelings.
So I realized it's not just us guys who are turned to be
trained to not, you know, be hard asses.
You know, I can get choked up over shit.
A story about my raccoon. I can get choked up.
That's a gift that my mother gave me.

(40:16):
It's OK. It's OK.
And you'll see, guys, we are, I call them a weep A thon.
We all weep, you know? And so it was about my son.
And these guys were sitting there and I said, man, they go.
And they started and all of a sudden I realized we're all
weeping because we all got kids and we're all worried about our
kids. And they knew my kid and they
were like, that's not fair. And these guys said, you know,
yanked out a tree riot grizzly. But I'm like, it was OK.

(40:39):
It was all OK, you know, and that and by me, she's cutting
loose. That made it OK, you know, No,
we can weep. You know, weeping feels good.
If you don't weep, you know, be careful.
You know, it's going to come outsome other way.
But this male, female thing willwear you out because we trade
roles, you know, I mean, we could do whatever.
I mean, you know, I think, I mean, I think you got to watch

(41:00):
it. But you got to, you got to, you
got. To I appreciate what you're
saying because you're not a you don't, you don't subscribe to
gender roles. No, that's why I have my prison
outfit, my nun outfit, just so Ican.
Got to get it for you. I know because I blurred this
background, but maybe I should have left it.
Well, here's the. Let's see if there's something.
To the miracle mode, Sisters have no mercy.
I like that. Sisters have no mercy.

(41:21):
Unlimited guilt and ammunition. That's it.
And. Then we.
And this is this is where I should be.
This is my full time. I'm uniform.
Yeah. There you go.
There you go. This is like you're with me now.
What was it, Uncle Anthony, thatwanted to put you in cuffs?
What was it? Uncle Tony.
Uncle Tony, okay, hey, I'm not doing this right.
I don't know this stupid software.
It's annoying if I let me see, but anyway.

(41:44):
So, yeah, you know, depending onthe mood, you know, if you want
to fight or whatever, or you want to get to.
Yeah. I mean, you got to do it all.
You know what I tell these kids?They'll say, I got a kid in
Argentina. I'm kind of encouraging.
He's like, well, I'm going to doit.
I said, look, you're too smart, go there.
Do it all, you know, go to school.
I mean, you could do so much. Go off and do that.
You don't have to sign up. You don't have to promise

(42:05):
anybody you're going to be an accountant or a ballet dancer.
Just start and. Then when your heart feels good
and you say I'm in the right place, you don't have to make
sense of it. You have to feel it.
If you feel welcome or comfortable, you don't have to
say, I go places where I'm supposed to be comfortable, but
I'm not. I'm something's wrong and I go,
OK, how do you feel about this? Something's up, you know?

(42:26):
And nowadays it's really awkward.
I'm not awkward. It's really real.
Get away from anything that you're like, oh, something's up
here because there's a lot of something up.
That's right, that's a Shakti Gawain read the she wrote a book
called Living in the Light. And the one thing that just
sticks with me so much is choosethat which makes your heart feel
lighter. And I thought, man, whenever

(42:48):
you're in a dilemma, you know, you can just get bogged down in
that left hemisphere. We were talking about analyzing
pros and cons list. But man, trust your, your body
knows. Like, if you get excited in a
way that's like, not addictive excited, but almost like the
light, like, yeah. Yeah, the power.
Of aw, that's another book you told me about.

(43:09):
I gotta read. That dasher.
DASHER Keltner really good and his YouTube talks are great.
OK, the power of. Aw, you realize the minute you
read it, you go, yeah, that's what it is.
I come by McKinley the other dayflying and I'm thinking, and
it's rougher. I'm thinking the wings are going
to come off. I'm like, but what I mean, this
is, you know, and I'm in that state.

(43:29):
Yesterday we flew down from the Nilchick and I was like looking
at the rivers looking. I go, I mean, what you know, I
mean, it's just so powerful and it's so medicine.
And then I have so many good people here in this town, mainly
because I was a nurse at the hospital for 30 years, that I'm
comfortable and I'm, I weave my way through the town where to be
with the people I'm comfortable with, you know?

(43:51):
No, no, I'm, I'm trying to survive.
No, I hope I make them laugh. I don't know why they laugh at
my stupid stuff. That's the funny part because.
And that's the. You don't know why you're so
funny. You're so.
Funny all the time. Everything you say is funny.
It seems to me, but I'm thinking, no, no, I know I got
funny people, man. And when I call them, they know

(44:11):
I'm desperate. You know, When when Richie the
tells me Italian jokes, you know, Mike, I'm feeling sorry
for you know why everybody's called Tony in New York?
Because when they get on a boat in Naples, they got to sign to
New York. That's how it happens.
I'm like, oh, there you go. Now it makes sense.
But in my oh God, my black friends from Philly and down
South, they know they kill me, man.
They kill. Me so you you make a you phone a

(44:31):
friend when you're when you're having a bad mental health day,
you're like I got to get I need somebody that can make me laugh
because it must take a lot to make you laugh because you are
so it's like. But I'm no, I'm hard man.
You made me laugh and it don't happen because I mean, I'm no, I
study humor. I watch it and there's certain
people that I'm like, wow, and writers I read, you know, Gary
Paulson, WP Casella. I'm like, whoa, I hope I can do

(44:55):
that. But I have people write to me
and say it made me cry. I go what when you started that
motor in the bedroom and it jumped around the house, I'm
like, that's all it took. I.
Need help? That's the naughty short story.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one guy, he says, my kids
and they're dying. I'm like, what?
He says we got to read this story and this.
It's so simple. This is in the book.
I'll get you a copy. I thought I had some here.

(45:17):
They're all everything, go get them.
Like when things were really bada couple years ago, I'm like,
did I write that? I must have been in another.
Anyway. Anyway, now it's all in fun so.
But backing up the funniest. Yeah, I wanted to.
OK. Yeah, So I end up in Montana at
school. It's OK.
It's beautiful, that whole thing.
But I'm like, I'm missing my gang.
You know? When you grow up in a gang,

(45:38):
that's your brothers and your sisters.
So I'm like, I'm so privileged. I'm not here in school.
I go to these ranches. I mean, back then I was
drinking, so I was at a radio station.
I caused a lot of trouble just because I was so bored.
And so then they wanted to throwme out all the time.
But but anyway, finally I said, you know, I'm going to go see
the world. This this is for kids that like
to think and read and go to the library and act smart.

(45:59):
I don't have that problem. So, so I get, I get, I sell 25
calculus books back to the bookstore.
I invented recycling. I used to get them from the I'd
bring them out around the back and sell them back to them and
they would buy them back and I'dget, you know, money for a
ticket. Plus I was washing dishes, but
I'm but I invented recycling andI never left the building.
So I didn't steal them, but theythought I did.

(46:21):
And so they threw me out of school eventually, but I got
back in one more chance. But I get to Europe and I'm
like, I'm going to go to India. I'm going to go do all this
because I already did the US. You know, now it's time for me
to see the world. So I get over there and I'm not
going to starve. And I'm selling my blood in
Portugal. I'm forging rail passes.
All these other kids got credit cards.
I didn't know what a credit cardwas.

(46:41):
So I'm really, you know, after acouple months trying to get by,
it was tough, but I went to amazing in places.
You know, I want to go live withthe Laplanders in Lapland
because they all dressed in weird clothes and lived in a
little big cupcakes with and take Musk ox around.
I go, that's cool. Anyway, I get up there, they're
all drinking in the train station.
So I hung out with them and I'm like, God, that didn't go to the
I'll head back to Spain with Franco and the gang anyway, so

(47:03):
I'm all over the place. But then I remember how
beautiful those Jewish girls were growing up and they were
just so frisky. You know, I'm going to a
kibbutz. So I worked my way down.
But I'd stop in Portugal and sell a pint of blood for $60.00.
That's a lot of money, you know,except one day I sold so much
blood that I was, I passed out in the movie theater watching
Woody Allen in Portuguese do sleepers.

(47:23):
And I remember 3 days of that. I was like Jesus, I got to do
something different. So so but anyway, I got over and
I was with the and name Italy and I was hitch hiking around,
but I was sick. I was I'd really gotten sick.
Whatever. You had depleted yourself.
I depleted, I sold all my blood and I go, oh, this ain't good.
But one time in Portugal when I'm laying there and this big
nurse is there and she's like squeezing me.

(47:45):
There was much blood left, but it was they're valuable to them.
And so anyway, she gave me some spinach and sent me down to the
Woody Allen video. But but I remember going, maybe
I need an education, you know, after a couple months of
starving and I go, maybe I better go back to school.
I jump on this train back to bowto Norway because I like Norway
and everybody's calling beautiful and they don't say

(48:05):
much. And Swedish, same thing.
They don't talk much, but they look good.
But but I'm like, I get a letter.
It's my mother's like, you've been suspended and oh, she goes
on pen pals with Mr. Belding outin Montana.
You've been suspended indefinitely.
I'm like, oh, no, I got the boot.
I'm like, no, no, this can't be bad timing.
So I get down there and fly to New York.

(48:26):
On my return, I like I hadn't sold that.
Go to Saint Patrick's Day parade, hitchhike to Montana
Monday morning. I'm in there with Dean Belding
and he's like, you're done. No, Dean, you wouldn't believe
it. You know, I was in Norway.
I was selling my blood. That's OK.
You do you go do whatever. He's a real tough Marine guy.
Good guy, though. No, you're done.

(48:47):
I said why? Why would you throw me out after
all this? You sold 28 calculus books back
to the bookstore last November. I said, Dean, that's my favorite
subject. He's like, no, you're done.
I made-up some story about some guy.
He said, no, just get out of here.
I said, Dean, I promise you one more chance, please.
You won't hear about me. See me Nothing, man.

(49:09):
I I'm I'm not drinking. I won't stir up any trouble.
I learned to read. I got glasses.
Now I can see the damn book. One more chance.
Anyway, he calls me in. Months later, something's going
on here. Are you still paying people to
take your test? I go no.
He says, look at this. How did you do this?
It was after 1/4. I said I, I I learned to read

(49:30):
and I quit drinking. And.
And he goes, this isn't right upthere with a miracle.
I said, yeah, you bet it is. Anyway, I was on the Dean's list
for months after that. Wow.
Yeah, so because you were motivated.
And he gave me a chance. And he gave you a chance, but
also like you need, you were like, hey, I got to be able to
buy. Food.
I'm going to survive. Yeah, you.
Really by then, and my mother was still alive.
So after she died, then the rules changed.

(49:52):
Then it was like you got to figure out how to do whatever.
But no, no, it was, it was a gift.
It's always, you know, you got to look at the gifts.
And a lot of times the gifts arerough, yeah.
But when you yeah, when you survive it.
We talk about those post traumatic gifts man.
Yeah. But you but the, the I mean you
have, you have like you're not risk averse.
You know what I mean? You have stepped into a lot of

(50:14):
adventures. Quote like you have just a
little. Threshold for boredom, though,
but that's can be risky too, youknow, because, you know, you're
riding freight trains or jumpingaround or, you know, it's a
little coming from the projects was good because it was lively.
And I know what lively can be. You're either music's on,
something's going on, or you're making each other laugh or cry.
Something's going on. Yeah, yeah, it's when.

(50:35):
And yeah, a little down. Time's not bad.
We all got a balance. Yeah.
So how do you do that when you're in?
That's probably when you're writing.
You go into the stillness to. Write nature.
If I hide out in the woods or gosomewhere people don't really.
I spent a lot of time by myself and so.
And you can. You can land and ground.
So, yeah, and I don't like the word pray, but I think it's a

(50:57):
form of prayer. And I think when you get into
the being with the Plains Indians for a while, they helped
me. Like all those rituals, the pipe
ritual is really heavy duty. Is that the peyote?
Or no, that's the pipe with if you read Black Elk Speaks.
And what it does is it seems it gets you, it takes, it takes,
you know, a while to get in thatzone.

(51:19):
But if you're praying with a bunch of old people and they
keep, you know, bringing up really, you know, good things
and thank you, you go into the zone and, and it's a comfortable
place to be because it's in it's, it's, it's a zone.
It's, it's the sacred. You know, once you enter the
sacred, we're all distracted with all this stuff.
And to get to the sacred in New York, I go into St.

(51:41):
Pat's and sit in the front of there.
And just as a kid, I went there and I go to churches.
I've been in all these churches in Europe and I light candles.
I didn't, you know, I was, again, I've ever said that for a
long time. But I go no.
And the only thing I compare that to when I took some peyote
meetings in Lame Deer down in Montana, we'd go all night, We'd
get up having this meal, have this ritual of thanking

(52:03):
everything in the four directions, the four colors of
the food. And then we go to the Catholic
Church. It's St.
Laubrey Mission, and we'd sit inthe front room.
There'd be a whole bunch of us because there'd be a few
meetings and nobody ever talked and we'd be there.
And I said to Marie Sanchez, whyare we going to Catholic Church?
After all, she goes, the ritual,the power of the ritual is

(52:24):
sacred. And when, when you're paying
respects to Christ or whoever, that's powerful.
And so I went, wow. But the funniest part was the
priest would get up there, Father Michelle, and there was
another one and he condemned thepeyote eaters, you know, and I
know people have been up all night and this, you know, and
he'd go on and we'd be like, woah, this is funny.
But they didn't pay any attention.

(52:45):
They just like the ritual because you're paying respects
if you raise your hands and and do you know, there's all this,
this taken thousands of years, but the funniest.
But ten years later, I go down. I have a friend of mine, Angie,
the Eskimo gal. We go to a peyote meeting in
Montana, invited by old friends.My father Michelle is sitting
next to me, the priest that condemned it.
So I go. Father, you know, I thought you

(53:09):
condemned last time I was here. He goes.
Well, if you can't beat him, join him.
He liked their peyote meetings because he, he got it, you know,
Finally. Finally, he well, he probably
got the medicine right. Well, he realized these people
are serious. They're praying.
We don't have to condemn them, but they're crazy.
But for me personally, what it was was I went, whoa, this is

(53:29):
powerful. You know, how do you survive?
I didn't even think of it as howdo you survive?
I'm trying to survive. And I'm intrigued by this and
attracted to it. And then it comes my turn to
come. I wanted to go northern Canada.
I was invited by this old chief small boy, a creed.
My grandmother was part Creed. So I was intrigued by the creed
language and all this. So on the way up there, these
these Cheyenne people are saying, please take this pipe

(53:51):
with you. They put me through this ritual.
I don't even like talking about it because it was so powerful
and scary, right? And powerful.
And I was, I was, what's the word not?
I wasn't. It wasn't that I was unworthy.
I was scared and it was too much.
It was like whoa. But they knew.
Maybe you're not ready. Yeah, that's what I felt.
And but they were you. Did not feel ready.

(54:13):
No, I, I was like, whoa, becausewhen you're in that environment,
you know, they were like, I'll take it to.
So I did. I took the pipe up the chief
small boy and then out to MaximiMaximozier and all these guys
out on Toll Creek. But it was like, whoa, how did I
get into this? You know, I mean, it's a couple
years by then. It was a couple years after my
mother died now, but by then I got my nursing degree and I

(54:34):
wanted to work with natives. These people share amazing
stuff. They're in the now, they're
hungry, they survive genocide. I'm like, I can learn from these
people and they're so good hearted.
They're so open. They give you everything.
And this is the black feet, the Cheyenne, the Sioux, the
Assiniboine, the Flatheads. I, I didn't, I didn't associate
with a lot of white people because it was the same old, you

(54:55):
know, my car, my payments, my this, my dad.
You get so bored with that redundant capitalist monologue
of me, me, me, my with the natives.
They'll tell you a story. They'll tell you some rough
stories, but then they'll tell you the the good stories where
you know, things happen and the angels come.
You know, these people survived.I still to this day, you know,

(55:15):
I, I worked with live with the Eskimos up there in, in Cayenne
and all that. I'm still blown away by how they
get by and Eskimos. That's a whole nother world, you
know, but to be part of that? And the humor that they use,
like I interviewed one of my friends, he's Native American.
He's just like the funniest people he knows.

(55:36):
And, and isn't that true though?Like the funniest people I know
in my life have been through theworst stuff.
And it is that post traumatic gift or something.
I always think that humor is a language of higher power of some
sort. Like it's this almost like it's
a frequency thing. Like, it's everything, drugs it,
it releases all this. Yeah.
But it all that like part of your brain where you're

(55:57):
calculating and analyzing and dramatizing it gives it a break.
Yeah. And you go.
I'm here now and I'm. Let's us get you in the present.
Oh. I laughed till I cried with them
Puerto Ricans on the Upper East Side.
I'm like, I can't catch my breath.
You know you guys are too fast and then you don't have time to
respond. Somebody's fast for you.
Oh no, that's crazy. I can't even imagine.
Now they killed me, but it's therapy and, you know, we're

(56:18):
finally, I think well, you, you would what you call it now,
trauma. Trauma D.
Trauma D yeah. You know, just humor and
medicine in the hospitals. I got written up a lot for
screwing around too much. Yes, I did too.
I did too, yeah. I was always in trouble.
You know you were being of service.
I was ahead of time and I actually the patients were
grateful and some of the nurses that I work with to this day,

(56:41):
Jenny the other night said when you used to give report, I said,
Jenny, give me a break. I wanted to, you know, I listen,
you know, and the best nurses, Ireally appreciate it saying you
didn't miss the thing. You know, you're watching these
patients. That's right.
But you're bringing in all this other stuff.
I can imagine you're highly observant.
Yeah, but I'm because you're listening.
I'm listening. But you're, you know, because if
you're you're the trauma survivor part, yeah, you really

(57:02):
care. You care and you're taking it
all in and you're sorting and and you're know intuitively what
to do and then you're doing it. You know, I don't know, I, I
that. Saved me.
I wouldn't have made it if I thought about myself all that
time and oh man, I'd be like, I'm tired of this shit, quit
whining. And no, seriously, you know how

(57:22):
many time can you loop that tape?
Yeah, yeah. Like I can do it a lot.
Yeah, no, but I'm like going that's way none outfit because
you kind of miss her, you know. You put that on.
I didn't. Know nuns didn't wear panties
but my buddy told me don't closearound this man don't don't I'm.
Like you put that on and take advantage of yourself.
Yeah, right. And they're beating you just.
That's a bright side. I'm going to look at the time

(57:43):
because I feel like there's a sense in me that feels like, and
I don't know how to button this up, you know, like how do we
button it up? But there is a part of me.
No, there's no button up. This is just now.
This is Part 1. God, I look like my mother with
this, this hair. It's better.
God, I'm. I have it.
Yeah, Yeah. I was going to say my my.
I don't look like my mother. But what I just kind of wanted

(58:05):
to carry a through line, which is, I mean, you OK, what?
I loved what you said. I want to go back to one thing
you were saying earlier about seeing a vision, seeing a
vision, like stop talking about it, see the vision and follow
the vision. Like you did it.
You got you went out there and started hitchhiking and that's
that saved you because you were like, OK, I don't have to just

(58:26):
escape with a drug or alcohol. I can actually immerse in the
real world and then and then themedicine of creativity, the
medicine of sharing stories. Like it's so important if people
want to find and you have a YouTube channel that is like off
the charts because what is what is your YouTube?
Channel, it's just Mike McCann, Yukon Rapids.

(58:47):
Rapids. Rapids.
OK, yeah. The kids put it together from
you discovery and it was it's taken off.
It's fun. This was taken off from when you
were doing Yukon. Part of the Yukon, man.
But then Tim came to Ireland with me.
And then I I just pitch. I do an orphan.
I work with an orphanage in Peru.
And that that video will kill you.
But those kids. Oh, those kids.
Didn't get to talk about that. But if watch the YouTube

(59:08):
because. OK go to your YouTube because
then you'll hear a lot of your different.
They're short. Luckily, you know, I bore myself
to death. That's why I try to keep it
short and sometimes I get carried away.
But but no, it's fun and it's fun sharing that because if
people go whoa, and here's the thing, and I talk about that
vision and that dream, have yourdream and it can be as crazy as
you want it. And don't, you don't have to

(59:30):
tell anybody that's your dream. So tell them afterwards, you
know, tell them. I was thinking, like I said to
my sister a couple years, I'm going as far away as I can go
where they don't speak English and they smile.
I don't know where it is, but I end up in down this tip of
Terra, Terra, whatever it's called.
And I'm like, wow, this is cool.Then I go to an Irish pub.
Next thing I'm on a boat to Antarctica.
I don't want to go to Antarctica.

(59:51):
The best bunch of kids on this boat.
And next thing I'm like, holy cow, this is great.
They wanted me to come from the hostel.
You're coming with us. I'm like, you know, I ain't I'm
not going. That got you a ticket anyway, so
it gets crazier. So my vision was to go to South
America, talk to be around people that smile and I don't
know what they're talking about because I don't understand any.
And but they went to this and then it went to the food of the

(01:00:13):
food river. Then it went to Peru with the
nuns. And it just doesn't stop.
I just don't know if I can keep up with it because, you know, I
just. Apparently you are.
So far so good. Yeah.
You know, if I'm not having. Yeah, I'm, I'm so.
So you're still flying? You're still yeah and yeah.
I'd be boxing, but he told me noboxing, no hockey.
Well. You were just in the hospital,
your heart stopped and then. For a second it got going again,

(01:00:35):
but but then they put the paddles to me with the ACDC, you
know, and they burned the hair off my chest and like I gave me
that Jackson relaxer. I call it the propathol.
I like that man. I'm like damn right and get the
snooze anyway, so you want to zip this up for now.
I think we will. Okay.
Mike McCann find his book. Yeah, give me the Hudson.

(01:00:57):
Or to Yukon and then the second one is returned to the river.
And they're very short stories. If you can't sleep, they're
really good. They'll put your right to sleep
and and the pages tear out if you're at the outhouse and
you're shipping on paper anyway.I was planning ahead, but no,
it's some fun stuff about fun characters.
Thank. You This was incredible.

(01:01:19):
Burned up this machine. Well, I sure hope you enjoyed
this episode as much as I did. I want to thank my guest Mike
McCann of Homer, AK and of the World.
Be sure and follow Mike McCann on YouTube and hear a collection
of stories, but also get his books.

(01:01:40):
Give me the Hudson or the Yukon.Also return to the river.
Oh I will put links in the show notes to some of the books
referenced, Mike's books as wellas the other books that were
talked about. The power of awe and Black Elk
speaks. Chak de Gawain living in the

(01:02:00):
light Blink. So look at the show notes and
live your best life. Thank you.
I want to thank you the listener.
Thank you for being part of thisCo healing journey that we're
all on on this magical planet. I want to thank my son Nathaniel
Norton for the music loop for traumedy.

(01:02:21):
If you have any questions, you can reach out to me through my
website, nancynorton.tv. That's Nancy Norton NANCYNORTO
n.tv like television. And as always, no matter what,
keep laughing. Trauma D is not a replacement
for trauma therapy, but it may help you get by between

(01:02:42):
sessions.

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S3 E30 - Mike McCann - Characters Attract Characters

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}S3 E30 - Mike McCann - Characters Attract Characters