S3 E30 Video - Mike McCann - Characters Attract Characters

S3 E30 - Mike McCann - Characters Attract Characters - and Mike McCann is a character WITH character, compassion and a ton of creativity. He's been through a lot of traumas and stresses growing up getting beaten in the projects, child abuse by some not quite real nuns, losing friends and family members and finds healing by being of service and being in nature, particularly on a River. he has written books of fast-paced, fascinating and often very funny short stories.

Reach out to us to share a story, ask a question, get CryBaby-BadAss shirts and hoodies or see tour dates: ⁠https://www.nancynorton.tv/⁠

Follow Mike McCann on Youtube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@mikemccann5978⁠

Links to Books:

Give me the Hudson or the Yukon by Mike McCann

⁠https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3120088-give-me-the-hudson-or-the-yukon⁠

Return to the River by Mike McCann:

⁠https://booksrun.com/9780962753015-return-to-the-river⁠

Black Elk Speaks - by ⁠John G. Neihardt⁠, ⁠Black Elk⁠

⁠https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35476.Black_Elk_Speaks⁠

Blink (the power of thinking without thinking) by Malcom Gladwell

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
OK, OK. I mean, welcome to trauma D,
This is a Here we are coming to you almost live from Homer, AK,
my guest this week, I have been hearing the most incredible
stories of my life. I want to tell you this is a
storyteller, a writer, a nurse, a pilot, a mountain man and

(00:24):
much, much more. Welcome, Mike McCann, everybody.
Mike McCann. I'm going to clap because I'm
excited. Clap because I'm here.
Yeah, you're alive. Glad to be here.
Dude, you are on borrowed time in so many ways.
I've been. We've been talking this morning
for a couple of hours and I justkeep saying I've got.
I feel like I wish I had been recording all morning, but.

(00:46):
Hit replay. Hit replay.
And you one of the things I justas a launching place is to say
it was something that you know, with traumedy in mind that your
your mom used to say that. Would you mind sharing that at
the out of the gate? Oh, she would sing 2 songs to me
at night. How can I miss you if you don't

(01:09):
go away and hit the road Jack? No I'm kidding.
But anyway no her saying was crytill you laugh and laugh till
you cry because the rest is justfiller.
And you took that to heart, man.It took a while to soak in
because I thought she was just alittle crazy, you know, laughing
and when things would get reallybad, you know.
But we lived in the projects andshe said I learned how to laugh.

(01:34):
Dude, you, I mean, the stories you've been telling me, I don't
know where to start. Do you?
Where do we start? Like you write these short
stories and you've written books?
I should have drank more and gotinto the Bible, but I didn't.
And so I did other things, you know, and I love stories.
We as kids, we would sit at the end of the row and the stories

(01:55):
were unbelievable. I mean, I'm talking 7-8 years
old. These 910 year old kids, you
know, they talk about taking camp counselors hostage and
stealing Cadillacs. And I'm like, damn.
So one night I came home and I'mlike, mom, I hope someday I have
a story. And she goes, oh, you'll have a
story. So when I had my first story, I
think we stole the tugboat or wedid something crazy.

(02:16):
I was like, I can't tell everybody, but you got to hear
the story. So anyway, it's been going on
ever since. And stories are powerful.
You know, hearing stories just, you know, so be able to share
them and pass them on. There's nothing like a, you
know, nothing like a good story.And that's what's been keeping
us going for millions of years, is passing on the stories,

(02:37):
whether it's about dinosaurs or roadblocks or, you know, I mean,
there's nothing like a good story.
And you, you identify as Irish. Is that true?
Is are you? I thought I was French, I
thought I was French Canadian because we'd stay up there with
them dark people, you know, darkhaired.
And there was dark. And my Irish relatives were all
a little fair down on Long Island.

(02:57):
And so when I went to Ireland and my relatives were darker
than I was in Ireland, I went whoa.
And then they gave me an Irish passport.
So now I'm Irish. I like the French Canadian port,
but it's Irish. Is that the so they call that
black Irish is? That what they call them.
Actually, the Spanish ships crashed up on the coast and
there were seventeen of them. And that's where the rhythm
came. You know, Enya and her gang
rolled black Irish. That whole coast is dark.

(03:19):
And the music and the humor and the rhythm.
Because the Vikings didn't have a lot of rhythm.
And the Celts, they had rhythm, but nothing like the Spanish.
Yeah, yeah. And you?
That's my theory. I've been, I mean, so I'm here
doing the the Alaska World Arts Festival and there you were at
this thing. I didn't know who you were.
I mean, I'm just like still. Trying to figure it out.

(03:41):
But I mean, I'm so honored that you you were at a show that I
was doing and then I'm like, holy cow, after the show, you're
telling some of these stories and there's a million of them.
And you've travelled internationally.
You said you worked with, didn'tyou work with Andy or something?
Like that Andy was just a littlegirl when we met.
Her dad was a buddy of mine, so that was cool.
But you were funny. I mean, I go, I thrive.
That's medicine. We didn't get it serious

(04:03):
professional comedians in Homer very often.
I risk my life. I don't know if you noticed, but
my plane wasn't running too goodand I went through the mountains
and got beat up and then I came down the coast and I go.
I got to get to the show and luckily you were a day later
than I thought. So I had a little reprieve and I
could rest up and take it in because you're, you know, you're
keeping up with you is not easy you.

(04:24):
Know. And you're all over the place.
So it was great. It was good.
It was a yeah. And you're, you're on a show
called what is it UConn, man? That was years ago.
We were on UConn Man, me and Stanley.
Stanley is a buddy of mine. He's from Dorchester and I'm
from Long Island and we go way back.
We, I mean, he, he's a character.
Watch UConn man with Stanley. I'm only on a few episodes, but

(04:45):
we we, we have a good time. I was just there the last week
with him. We said we have a good time.
This is so wild to be Did I mention that you're a nurse?
Did I even mention that? Like you're a Yukon man and a
nurse and a poet? Yeah, you are.
A sensitive definition of a trueAlaskan over diversified and
totally unemployable. So that's me doing this that day
and the next, you know, whatever.
But that's what we that's why we're here.

(05:06):
This is the end of the game plank.
No Alaska. If you're ADD, you need to come
to Alaska. That you.
Can do everything. Yeah, I was thinking that this
does feel like I don't know. And it's again, I, I know this
does not compute exactly, but I had a crazy Uncle George who
lives on island Marada Key and it sort of reminds me of these

(05:27):
black sheep that go to the ends of the.
Fringe dwellers. What did you call it?
Fringe. Dwellers, we're on the fringe.
No, we're. Range dwellers the.
End of the game. Plank fringe.
We're on the fringe. Fringe dwellers.
No, that's just Yeah, No, it's great, everybody.
Such a great turn of phrase on these things.
Fringe dwellers. Fringe dwellers, yeah.
Yep. Could you just tell me the
places you've lived? Because I I was like, wait, you

(05:48):
lived, you grew up in the projects and somehow you're out
taking peyote on the planes in. It's hard to hit a moving
target. That's my theory because I used
to get hit a lot. So I started moving when I was
young. I was born in Jersey and we
moved to New England with the Pilgrims.
It was a little quiet up there. And so we moved back to Brooklyn
because we were on our way to Alaska with my mom.

(06:09):
My dad was building a nuclear reactor and he forgot to send
the tickets because he like, quiet and he must have come.
Anyway, he stayed up here. We were in the projects and so
then. So he left.
He left your family? Yeah.
Yeah, he was gone for many years, but I always say he liked
the quiet, you know, because he ended up in Antarctica or
whatever. But it was good because we we
ended up in the spinning hill projects, which is golden.

(06:30):
When I look back, it's golden. But, but from there I always
say, you know, I go to Beirut torelax.
I mean, it got a little rough, you know, at times, but not real
bad. You know, when the guns showed
up and the craziness in the late60s, then it was like rough, you
know, but so I hitchhiked out West.
I heard about California and I didn't know it was that far.
It's a long ways. I thought you crossed the Hudson

(06:50):
and the Delaware and then, you know, Chicago's here.
And then California. It was a week later and I'm
driving to Bonneville at 15, can't see, but going 150 or 115.
And I pulled into Beverly Hills and that was cool.
So you come for the Beverly Hillbillies, though, because
I've been watching them. Yeah, anyway, get the fancy pot
passers. Oh yeah, no, I was looking for
what's her name? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(07:10):
What's her name? You know who we're talking
about. The double barrel over the
shoulder boulder holder. No, that was Ellie.
She invented that. But anyway.
I'm like, do you like this framing?
There you go. Yeah, Yeah.
Now that's better, isn't? It framed many times, but.
This we set up a nice backgroundthat you can't see.
We blurred it so it's a mystery.You know, it's a nuns pasta.
Outfits. Yeah, your outfits.
Multiple persons. Well, I think so.

(07:33):
There's a listen, I maybe I shouldn't have blurred the
background, but there is a nun costume back there and you have
to know this guy, this guy had some issues issue.
Well, some nun and. It wasn't just boys life.
I I sign up for issues, there's some fun ones.
In this lifetime. Oh.
Yeah, no. No, but the way that you do, you
roll with it, you're like, yeah,yeah.
And you said I don't like the word molested, but you know,

(07:55):
yeah. I mean, nuns were touching your
pride that. Was young ones.
They weren't really nuns yet. They were practicing, and then
they'd break off once in a while.
They were frisky nuns. It was French nuns.
No, the French nuns are frisky. No, Ave.
Maria. She used to teach me.
Ave. Maria.
Gee, it's good to see you. I learned Latin on a different
kind of a different angle with the nuns.
But what it was, was we'd go up there because my great aunt, my

(08:17):
grandmother's sister, had a convent, you know, all these
French nuns down from Quebec, because that was BC before
cables or condoms or something. Anybody had all these kids and
they send the girls to Scranton,to New London anyway, have fond
memories of getting fondled? No, but it was.
Good see this is trauma this. Is trauma, but I don't know.
I'm like what? You know what?

(08:38):
Yeah. What's going on here?
But. I love what you told me earlier
too, that you're like, OK, I went back at 12 and I'm like
where? Are they now?
I didn't understand that game before, but I've, you know, I'm
catching up, no. But I like how you have this nun
costume. And you said you did some prank
of nuns on the runners. Oh, yeah.
And I thought, you know, this perfectly way of like kind of
reframing it, reclaiming your power, you know, like, become

(08:59):
the nun. Yeah, no, we had great nuns.
We had sisters have no mercy andunlimited guilt and ammunition
and persecution and you and looking back, they cared.
Someone cared a little too much.But you know, and I'm still in
touch. I hate some of the nuns I work
with in Peru. I mean, I have we have so much
fond memories because they dedicate their life.
And when you meet a nun that really walks her talk, you know,

(09:20):
they really no, they're unbelievable.
Sister Theodora, Sister Anne Sillas, they're unbelievable.
And. So there are good nuns, and then
there are some. There's some nuns that are a
little confused like everybody else, you know, but but, but you
got to be grateful for the good ones and the bad one.
Not the bad ones, the rough ones.
They're still I we talk about getting beat, you know, way
back, not really bad, but you know, I'm some of them.

(09:42):
Some of them gruff you when theytwist your ears different
directions. That gets uncomfortable.
And you know when they smack you.
One of them could take out a pigeon with a geography book at
30 yards. That's a tough nun.
Anyway, she's still alive. Sorry, Daniel Mayor.
I feel like the word nunchuck isn't.
It nunchuckers. Yeah, yeah, but I'm like Gary
Duck and he ducks and he takes out James Conley and he's laying
there. And she right away with the good

(10:02):
Lord, must have directed that. No guilt at all anyway.
But you know, But that's our life.
Then we go to public school where you can bounce off,
threaten your teachers, do all the shit, bring guns to school.
We were lucky. Yeah.
Yeah. There's a little bit, you know,
I mean, it was a little pain going on.
And so you know I have defect. And appropriate touching but a
little. Bit, you know, smacking, that's
another form of love, you know, and the brothers, you know, they

(10:23):
were a little it's, it's they wedo the best we can.
If I were to find like, what is the name of your?
You have more than one book. Yeah.
One's called Give me the Hudson or the Yukon, 'cause I love the
Hudson River, 'cause we could steal all kinds of shit and go
up the river and look at, you know, and then the Yukon where
there's nothing. It's just peace.
I didn't know there was ever a river still like that.

(10:44):
They drug me to West Point to play lacrosse.
I looked up. My mother's like, well, what do
you think? I go, I ain't coming here.
This is like Catholic school, you know, they're all marching
around doing this. I've seen that river.
And I was like, I'll jump in that river.
I'll be home tomorrow. You leave me here.
That ain't happening. I don't want to March around the
uniform. I didn't make a good Boy Scout.
I sure in hell I ain't going to make a good whatever you call
them cadets or but anyway, no rivers.

(11:05):
Rivers are it because if you really study rivers, whether
it's Yellowstone, they're everywhere.
And if you really get into them,they keep the whole the the
planet. The rivers are the planet.
And so the Amazon, you know, allthese amazing rivers, you get in
them, it's free. You get in a slideshow.
You didn't, you know, you don't have to.
I go down to Yellowstone. I go down these rivers as a kid.

(11:26):
I do love floating. Around yeah, no rivers I.
Don't need the Rapids as much but I love.
Love you, you know and get you focused I.
Don't need that much adrenaline.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I don't. You rivers if you study.
Yeah, you do some really high. Rivers scared to death?
No, I'm scared to death. But they but they show you.
They show you. Rivers really compare it to our,
our system, you know, the, the, the Yukon isn't amazing, the

(11:48):
history's amazing, the Hudson's amazing, the Hudson River, the
Connecticut River, the Yellowstone, the Missouri, the
Mississippi, if you really there's river nuts.
I mean, I met him in Fu La Foux in Zambezi or whatever, Zambia,
these people, that's all they do.
And I go, I guess I'm one of them because I just love rivers.
I love, plus I'm cheap. So if you go up river, you got a

(12:09):
paddle and you got to pay for gas.
If you go down, maybe you just grab a log and you go down, you
know, And you know, if you're not worried about the future,
you don't know how you're going to get back.
But you know, the Yukon, I stillto this day, I was just there a
week ago. The Yukon is so powerful.
There's so much like, and it's just this movie.
If you stay on shore, the peoplecome to you, they go by, you
know, it's alive. It's it's so alive.

(12:31):
And if you look at my buddy Stanley, Charlie, Alex, it was
50 years ago. We were all up there just
winging it. You know, Stanley, the main
character, Charlie Campbell, it was, it saved us.
I really believe it saved us from something.
I don't know what, but it saved me and I still go back to it.
I have a little camp with Irish flag and people come and stay
and you get 1 airplane today. I don't know the geography that

(12:54):
well. So you're on the Yukon River,
but it's called the Yukon. And can you help me understand?
I could look at Yukon River. I'll show a map.
In Canada, it's 2000 miles long.People say Yukon, that's Yukon
Territory. That's where the river starts,
but it goes all the way down to the Bering Sea and it was big
during the gold worst. There were no roads here.
So everybody came down the YukonRiver, everybody, hundreds of

(13:17):
thousands in 98. And then all these people lived
there. They're villages from way back,
the Athabaskans, the Inuit. No, it's powerful.
It's just powerful. But it's so, you know, nature is
healing. OK.
So if you can get out there, I don't care where it is.
I used to hide in the parks, youknow, or the estates in New
York. I hide even in the street
drains. I thought that was natural, you
know, things flowing down, rats running around.

(13:38):
That's nature. But it was, it was.
It's healing. Yeah.
Very rarely will nature kill you.
Wow, interesting. So it will, it may, but yeah, it
will take care of you. I mean, when you find out that
the fish are coming this way andyou can eat these beautiful, you
know, and then the logs are coming that way, you can build
your house and the moose are coming this way, you know, like

(14:00):
the best I ever lived. I'm eating caviar, right?
My chickens were eating caviar. And I'm like, I didn't even know
what caviar was. I was like, you know, you can't
beat this. And all my buddies came up, high
school teachers, everybody. And I felt so lucky to share
that with them because it was so, you know, so it was.
Just they're just drawn to what you were.
Doing well, the fish and the being together and then all the
characters. Characters attract characters,

(14:21):
right? Yes.
And joy is contagious. When you get around a bunch of
joyful characters, you may, you know, you, you may think, you
know, I'm in The Sound of Music,you know, and you may be you
know. Gave me kind of.
Oh yeah, yeah. Characters and I interrupted
your process earlier and I just want to go back to it because my
ADHD takes off that you you weregoing just show me kind of your

(14:45):
places you've lived and then we can I mean we can immerse in all
we. Can go to live.
There, But I don't know, I was just curious because I was like,
how did you get so you you droveout to California?
You were. No, he drove this guy's
Bonneville. But.
No, you were driving his car. That's what you said.
You hitchhiked and then and thenyou, you were.
How old were you when that 15? So 15 in?
My neighborhood, that was old. If you lived at 15, you were

(15:06):
old, man. No, no.
Some of the stories you told me about running home, Oh no,
people chasing you, you're fighting and you're also a
boxer, I. Mean you're not by choice.
They volunteered me. No.
No. Anyway, it's good stories.
Yeah, but I don't know is that do you not I just was really
quickly like then we can. I'll give you a, let me give you
a OK here. You know, Graham Mcnally's acid

(15:28):
version of it's act of California.
Find out. It's a little different than I
expected, but it was cool. And then came back through
Montana, heading to Alaska, but I had to get back to school.
My mother was freaking out. You're in, you're in Washington.
That's two hours. I go.
No, mom, look on the map. Washington's, you know, 3000
miles. Get your ass back here.
Anyway, so I headed home becauseI had to go back to school, but

(15:48):
I wanted to come to Alaska because I heard about it and it
seemed cool. But anyway, I've been coming to
Montana and people were so greatpicking me up and, and all this
stuff. And I was working for food at
Yellowstone, cutting wood. Anyway, came back to Canada,
went up with the French Canadians for a little while.
That was interesting because I didn't know what they were
saying, but they seemed happy and so that was good.

(16:08):
And then I stopped to see my grandmother and this is all
within like 10 days time, right?But, but I, I find this raccoon
that got run over on the highwayoutside of Massachusetts.
And as a kid we couldn't have animals.
So I really was like, oh man. And I'd read that book Rascal
with the raccoon, which is golden.
So I said, oh, raccoon. But anyway, he was kind of
banged up, but I got him going again.

(16:29):
And then we hitchhiked into New York with the raccoon.
And so so the raccoon and me show up, you know, and it was
crazy, but but the raccoon, he he really gave me some focus and
I could take care of him. He's had an eye on a string and
a broken hip. And so there holds Danny stories
in my book. But but I had a thing for
raccoons because they're little thieves.
They got little hands like a oldguy.

(16:49):
They'll pick your locks, they'lldo stuff and they're just
tripped, you know, they were. And to have one my own Danny,
even though he'd bite my friendsand shit, but he was good to me.
Anyway, Danny people still mentioned Danny in New York.
I didn't think it was that big adeal.
Rascal Orson. John Sterling wrote the book
about Rascal. I'm thinking everybody needs a
raccoon pet, right? You named him Danny.
Danny. Danny Boy.

(17:10):
And. Oh, something like, yeah.
But anyway, Danny's got famous. And then I let him go on a big
estate, and he only had one eye,so you could see him at night
pretty easy. You wouldn't know the feeling.
We have eye issues. I don't know the guy in the back
there, see him, I'm watching him.
Yeah, yeah. That's what you do when you're a
trauma survivor. You got to keep an eye out for

(17:31):
people. Exactly, you know, and bear
spray helps too. I got a little bear spray here
in case I don't see him in time.But anyway, no.
So the traveller thing, you get the bug and once you realize I
come back to New York, I'm goingto finish school and all of a
sudden I'm like, wow, an education is important.
You know, I started doing like focused, you know, because I'd
already been out West, I'd been to Beverly Hills.
Nobody's going to tell me. None.
I've been to Colorado up there, rented a horse, rode around like

(17:54):
The Lone Ranger or somebody. But anyway, I'm like, wow, this
is a big country. There's a lot.
You can live in a cave. You don't have to go go to Wall
Street and make all this money and marry some beauty queen.
You don't have to do this crap. No, but it was like a secret I
had. And I tell my buddies, no, you
can go in caves out there in Colorado, you can ride a horse
for a dollar an hour. You know, I mean, I was like,

(18:15):
wow, this is a big world. So nobody was going to tell me
different at 15, which was a gift.
You know, my mother, she was so worried.
She was so crazy because, you know, and she'd pray all the
time and light candles, but she said you just came back
different. I said mom, I had no choice, you
know. But anyway.
So you you had a right of it waslike, it was like you're what is
that the right of classic? Vision, you know they had the
native send their kids on speech.

(18:37):
Peyote. Not them.
No. I wish I had.
No, no, I didn't do much. I did a little, a little booze,
but not really. I was excited.
I got that. You were just you look.
Back and you see New York skyline and there ain't nothing.
It's like, wow, man, it's exciting and the characters,
what you realize when you hitchhike is people want to tell
you their story. And if they don't know you and
they're never going to see you again, they tell you some stuff,

(18:59):
man. I mean they open up and I'm
like, I'm 15 years old. I ain't no psychiatrist.
I don't know which who you should marry, but they want to
tell you. I got picked up by some beauty
queen in Colorado. So she was on some calendar or
something. And I'm like, wow, and I'm
thinking is this? And she's telling me her
problems. I'm like, you don't look like
you have no problems. But anyway, it was, it was fun

(19:20):
because I remember every I wrotea, I tried my best to write my
book about hitch hiking around the US from a 15 year old
perspective. But I would cover up on a lot of
things where I didn't want to say too much, you know, And so I
now I'm opening up again about some of the crazy stuff.
And but it was the 60s. There was so much going on, you
know, I was into Bangor Canyon, all of you know, and I wasn't

(19:43):
into the weed. I like shit that speeds you up,
you know, And so I like, I likedthings that got you going, you
know, And so that was my thing, so and well, I was, but it's a.
Job, you know, No, I got. Back home, you know, and I was,
we had a big house. Everything was cool, man.
My mom was the happiest she everwas.
Andrew was living with us. David.
No. David had just been killed in a

(20:04):
stolen car. Then it went all went to shit.
My mom dies. My mother bleeds out.
Andrew's killed in Vietnam. I mean, whoa.
Mary Ellen's murdered. Flory's murdered.
On the way to my mother's room, I'm like, whoa.
It's like man, think if I don't think if I.
If I hadn't had that background of like life is pretty, you
know, amazing. And if I was just stuck in that
little, I think it would have been overwhelming and I'd have

(20:26):
probably drank myself to death because that's the only thing I
knew at that place for pain. And it was so there, you know,
But I, I would, my cure was to go to the track and one run 21
miles till I fell over. Because if I, if I didn't do
that, I knew I'd go after they put me in.
My uncle wanted to put me in cuffs when my mother died

(20:48):
because I was getting off this plane.
And he said, you're not going after the doctor.
You're not going. And I was 19.
And he said, we got the cuffs, we're going to put you in cuffs.
You got three sisters. It was rough, you know, and, and
so handcuffs to keep me from going after anybody.
But he said you're not going. You got a, you got a mother to
bury and three sisters. I went well, I guess I got a

(21:08):
job. Anyway, he was wanting to
shackle you here. He wanted.
No, at the airport he wanted me,he said.
And he was great. I'm.
Sorry, I'm not getting it. No, because Tony was great.
He just was worried about me because he knew my answer to
everything was grab him, you know, and shake him.
And he's like, you ain't going after the doctor, You're not
going after Monsignor. Yeah, but I didn't, he didn't
know I'd quit drinking like a year before because when I

(21:30):
drink, I like to fight and or I like anything action.
So I was lucky. I was really.
It's always this like almost offthe edge.
And then, you know, and then youfind in another path or the
like, I say the angels show up. Or who are the angels, you know,
in our neighborhood or when my mother died, the angels showed
up. They brought food.
They were worried. They were the poor people, the

(21:50):
Bucks, Joey Devereaux, these people took care of us.
And you're like, wow, you know, people, you just, you know, not
the rich people, not the ones that counting their golf clubs
and shit. This was, you know, food.
This was food, you know, and food is pretty important.
You know, don't give me. Yeah, the food thing is
interesting, but but then, you know, I get to Montana, I go
back to school. The raccoon got me into college,

(22:11):
by the way. That's a great story.
So Danny, Danny got me into college and I was like, damn,
you know, you don't know who your angels are.
No, what happened was. So Danny saved you in a way.
Oh, no, he's yeah, big time. So you never know.
If you see the raccoon banged upon the road, pick him up.
He might get you into school. You never know.
But but the funniest part was people say, how'd that happen?
I said no. Everybody was like, wow, he's

(22:32):
good with animals. He rescues the raccoons and, you
know, banged up. We had ducks drunk flying around
the house because they were banged up and mom would give him
a little whiskey that was a curefor everything.
Drunk ducks in your house ain't pretty, let me tell you.
Shitting all over, flying. Anyway, Canadian geese honking.
She, I don't know why she thought we had to take care of
them. Canadian geese, but.
This is real. Oh yeah, you can't make that.

(22:53):
This is real. She would.
She would I'd. Bring them home and she'd go
just give him a little Nipsey eyedropper and we had some cheap
whiskey, you know, and the poor duck would be there and then
he'd be like, fuck it, you know,I, I got one wing.
I'm good, I'm good and all around the house.
And then they shit while they'reflying.
That's a mess. But anyway.
Seriously, you rescued her animals?
Well, she was that way too. Mom would rescue there.

(23:15):
Was like the whole culture was that way, like they.
Now a lot of people ate them. You know, if they could get my
raccoon, they'd eat their raccoon, but they didn't get
them. But but we had a park, and it
was a really neat park, but there were ducks and geese and
stuff. And so it was for the rich kids
to come over or the maids would bring the kids and walk around
this park. So.
So we get banged up animals. And so it was my mother.

(23:36):
She had the heart of gold. Yeah, yeah.
And you had the same heart. You were like I I got it.
I'm furious, you know, and plus when people say, oh, he's good
with that, then you, you kind ofbuy into the program.
I guess I'm good with animals, you know, But but the animal
thing, because you can't have animals in the projects.
It's a big thing. My sister had a dog with three
legs, one eye and one ear, Right.
So they come home with tripod and my mother's like, why

(23:58):
weren't supposed to have animals, but maybe half a dogs.
OK, Yeah. Funny.
Oh, my mom was a killer. Yeah, but those old black guys
got her going. They would come up with their
craziest stuff, read the story where we blow up this Kotex
machine up in the nice neighborhood and then we wear
this shit all down the street and the old lady's like, that's
cool, you look like Disney Channel.
But this, I was like, what the hell?

(24:20):
I said, oh, Burton would go in the girls room and blow them off
the wall at the train station. We didn't, I didn't do that
because I'd go in the guys room,blow those things up.
Burton liked them. Kotex big ones, the old, the
mini pads, you know, like the big ones you could strap around,
look like a veteran, look like apatriot.
So anyway, so, so, so Danny, theproblem with Danny the Coon was

(24:41):
after he got better and I let him go, it took a while.
The teachers would use that likeyou need to go work with
animals. I'm like, so Doctor Goddard, who
was this neat old guy, he called, he said where do you
want to go to school? I said, well, I got rejected by
all these state schools. I didn't have grades.
I didn't take it serious. So he said, where, when you went

(25:02):
out West, where would you go? I said, well, Montana was
amazing, man. The Indians, all this stuff,
mountains, let me call. He calls out to Montana State
and you know, I have this kid back here and he's really good
with animals. So he calls this Dean Belding,
who's in the missions, and the Dean's like, well, how's his
grades? Well, you know, he's so good.
He has a raccoon. Yeah, but how's his grades
anyway? Doctor God was covering for me.

(25:23):
Finally, the guy let him let me in.
And it's all because of the raccoon.
Because Doctor God is just. Because you really walk the top
with. It well, he was like, you need
to go to Fish and Game. You need to, I didn't know, you
know, I didn't want to be a vet.You got to go to school too long
and learn all this stuff. So I went to Fish and Wildlife.
But you know what? I don't care how many kinds of
ducks there were. You know, there's puddle ducks
and this duck, I said. But the the neat thing was that

(25:44):
first year was just I thought I was going to Vietnam.
So it was a joke. You know, I'm going to school.
I pay people to take my exams. 10 bucks to do this because I
wanted to look good on paper, but I couldn't freaking do
geometry and chemistry. I mean, that was that wasn't me.
My thing was, you know, fight, fix or whatever, but not not
study your chemistry tables. Who the hell I didn't plan to

(26:04):
live that long. I don't need all that shit.
You know these people want to live forever.
You really thought you were going to Vietnam and I.
Think I go to Vietnam, that was top of the list.
And then I figured nobody I knowlives past 25 around here, you
know, So what the hell? What do you think?
I mean, you're not from that neighborhood.
You're from this neighborhood and we die young, you know, or
if you really study it, it's there.
You know, like a lot of people wore out, but you just, I didn't

(26:28):
give myself the privilege of, you know, but those were gifts
that were given to me. These teachers that stood by me,
Doctor Goddard, Olga Jenkins, Naomi Smith, some they believed
in something. And I think the the creativity,
see, not the intelligence. No, this guy's a bonehead.
He will do whatever it takes. If you need new tires, he'll get
you new tires. Doctor Godden used to say we

(26:48):
didn't pay for anything. Today I go doc, I got good
credit. You know, I take him out for
lunch or whatever, but I do everybody.
You know, money wasn't, it wasn't mandatory.
You know, if you had good creditor you stuck up for somebody
that stole some food for him. Well, I like what you're saying,
right? Like they they saw, they saw in
you not just I mean creativity of course, and then but I mean
just talking to you for whateverit was, your synapses fire so

(27:10):
fast. You know you are able to access
so much well. This is a big hit.
I got a big hit. It's like a block.
Yeah. No, there's stuff in the back.
I don't even, you know, I don't even haven't used it in years.
Yeah, save that for the last decade of your life.
The occipital lobes. He was back there.
I don't know. Yeah, but it's amazing.
So they saw this in you. They saw like, look at this kid.

(27:32):
He's he's bright, he's capable, he's creative.
He's he's compassionate. You know, compassion you have.
He likes to fight, but he, you know, after he knocks you down,
he'll help you up. I don't know.
You fight, but it sounded like too you were telling me earlier
that you fight for a reason. You protect your sister, you
protect your mother. You know what I mean?
Like or somebody else that's more marginalized.
I would. I'm imagining that you protect

(27:53):
the vulnerable, right? Talk about triggers, you know,
and you go, wow. So I don't like the way this guy
is treating this, this lady, youknow, and that was a real thing
of mine because my dad was a bully bastard, but he was scared
to come around, you know? I mean, the young Polish kids
let him know right away my mother was safe.
So yeah, no, it, it, it comes down to a lot of those early

(28:14):
things, you know, that you and you got to, it's, it doesn't
come easy because you got to, you know, you got to know what
the hell you believe in, but then you got to stick to it.
It's easy to say, well, I believe in Rice Krispies, you
know, and then, but really, why are you eating granola then?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when it comes down to it likewhat are?
You pretty cut dried, yeah? What?
What are you? But you never know how you're
going to react. Sometimes I've reacted where I'm

(28:35):
like, wow, And that's that blinkthing which I love, which is at
2 1/2 seconds. You know this Gladwell book.
No, I don't know man. Gladwell, no, That's the real.
Deal, will it? God, that's the blurry.
That's the thing with blurry stuff.
I tricked it. Yeah.
It's kink, not blink because you're backwards.
Yeah, but that's he's good. Power of thinking without.
He is safe. So it's like trusting the

(28:58):
midbrain or. What is it?
His thing is you've already beenconditioned.
You go in on the other side and justify and magnify and all this
shit. But the reality is you've
already made a call. And in America, especially now
in great white Western America, you know, we're so programmed,
you know, you see somebody of a different color or whatever, you
know, and I grew up with that where I would react because

(29:19):
that's what you do. And then you'd apologize for it
or justify it. And I'm like, no, I don't need
to. I made the call.
I see this guy coming. I know who he is, you know, but
you also got to be wrong. It's not even it's not even
instinct. It's like the first sample he
uses is that poor kid checking for his keys.
He gets shot 29 times in the Bronx.
The Elio or whatever. I call the cops that I know.
I said, what the hell, They shouldn't have been in the

(29:40):
neighborhood. These guys panicked.
And that's what you get with a lot of these cops.
They don't, they panic, they're not thinking and they react and
I react. I mean, you got to be careful,
but blink is golden. Blink is gold.
But it also helps you, you know,you talk about that
neuroplasticity. Well, you also got neuro
concrete, some sides, you know, where you're just set, you know?
Yeah, like right eye. Like I've tried to reprogram my

(30:01):
eye with the neuroplasticity andit's like not having it.
So maybe some part of me knows it needs to be out there.
No one needs to leave it alone. Me, you know, if you're perfect,
you know, you don't want to be perfect.
You gotta have something, you know, you're like, oh.
That's right. It's a nice target.
Yeah, No, I just get. Up there I go, Oh no, no, no.
The gorgeous comedian. What are you gonna have to
listen to about anyway? No, But then you do the eye

(30:22):
thing and I'm like, Oh no, we'regood.
And you're a pilot and you, you're.
You can't see? Yeah.
Because you. Yeah, because didn't you say
something what you had to have? Your right.
License are bad? No.
I told this kid, help me read the radio here.
You can't see that I go. Is that 3/5 or 2/5?
What's on the runway? You can't see that I go.
That's why you're there. Really.
Help me land a plane. I'm scared shitless.

(30:43):
You have. To fly with this thing.
Yeah, yeah. No, I go by feel.
I know. I park my ear.
Yeah, park my sound, that's whatI Yeah, you're there.
Get out. Now the I thing is interesting
and yeah, it's and as a pilot, you know, it's scary because I I
do have finally I have good glasses and I can see now that's
another gift. The whole flying thing.

(31:03):
I get choked up so much flying by Mount McKinley going how the
hell? How the hell?
You know, I'm flying all over the world, Africa down in or
just I'm going. Well, I wish I just had a wish
that I could get in a plane someday.
I didn't mean to stay in the plane.
You know I'm flying the coolest shit, you know?
That's what you're saying. Watch what you pray for.
You're a manifesto, Yeah. No, no, I'll be there.
It's going to happen. Oh, be careful, yeah.

(31:25):
Be careful. Yeah, yeah.
Can't imagine. I mean, right now, I mean,
you're still what's going on like in your sight right now.
You were saying earlier I loved what you said because I was
talking about my son, you know, in my basement at 21.
And you're saying something likeif the mouth is moving, you
can't see. It was like trying to help him
have a vision. Like he does have a vision.

(31:47):
Actually, he he is going to study, you know, to be an EMT
and he is doing that right now. But we'll see.
So you're saying? Drop him off at the fire
station. OK.
And just the day they're having a class, Yeah, he'll love it and
don't talk about it at all. You know where the class is.
You drop him off and he either stays or plays are gay.

(32:07):
He's gone. Yeah, but stop talking about it.
Do it. But what you were saying but
this? Takes the power, right?
The Indians used to tell me all that talk is smoke.
Yeah, and it goes and it's. But you lose the power.
You know, I've noticed that in my life too.
I I'm like I'm going to but, but, but, but, but, and then
it's like I haven't written the memoir and I have some stories

(32:28):
to tell you and I but I'm just saying I haven't done it because
I keep talking about it. So I got to start talking about.
It makes you feel good, but the reality is it's smoke.
And if you look at it like smokeand you go, I was compared, this
is bad. But I said, you know, it's like
sex. You want to talk about it before
or afterwards. It's real.
It's theory and then it's facts.Let's talk about the facts and
then look, that was good. That's all you got to say.

(32:52):
That was wild. Yeah.
No, that was. Oh man, that was.
Horrible dude. That's like basic.
It's so funny because I have I've been even saying this on
stage a like I love talking about sex because I'm not having
any. It's as I get.
Yeah, but here's what I tell this is bad speaking across sex
and you can edit this, but this woman's like laughing her ass
off. I said, you know, you realize

(33:13):
that laughter is just a mini orgasm and you've been like for
the last hour you've been cominglike the freaking second coming.
Like Christ thing, we got nothing on you.
And she's like. It's horrible.
I go is it that bad or you look like you're having fun.
Relax, honey. Anyway.
But it's true, you know I. Do think, I do think that way
too. Maybe it's a shared and it's fun
to have a shared orgasm, right? We are. 5050 on orgasm.

(33:34):
What the hell? That's fair, right?
Like you didn't wait for me. I'm like, bullshit.
You know I ain't got jumper cables with me.
Sorry honey. No anyway.
No, well, I never. Said funny shit.
It's the blessing of I will say I'm, you know, like I've told
you earlier, I was not happy with the female body at first
because of the patriarch. Yours or somebody else?
Yeah, my my own. I was just unhappy.

(33:54):
With the other ones. I was a kid.
I wanted to be a boy because I was like, the boys had.
I know. Yeah.
They had the good toys and they could climb trees and I, I I
wanted to be a boy. And then it's like you become a
woman and you're like, oh, but Ican have multiple orgasms.
You can have. You know what?
Yeah. Well, I don't want, you know, I
can't. I can't because I Yeah.
But my body was. I mean you guys, I'm just saying

(34:16):
a lot of women can, not me. No, I had missed.
You have a baby, but as a motheryou can, yeah, have a baby.
But but let's, I just wanted to focus on the multiple orgasms
because it's like, yeah, I make $0.78 on the dollar.
You can keep your $0.22, right? I mean, you can't buy this kind
of bliss. No, you have a refractory
period. You do have to sit down to pee.

(34:37):
That was the trick. You know, when God was handing
them out, he goes, would you rather stand up and pee or have
multiples? And that's an idiot that he was
talking to. Oh, I want to pee out window,
you fucking idiot. Thank you for your service.
That's all I have to say. You know what I mean?
You, you you came into this lifetime as a male.
And you, you've you've stepped up, dude.

(34:58):
And I I thank you for all the, you know, on the bond behalf of
the females they have either protected or pleasured.
You know what? Hey, thank you.
Yeah, but. I mean, I'm, I'm known as kind
of, here's the thing. Being raised by a woman, I
always say, because my mother atnight, we'd sit there and we'd
talk about dreams. You could have feelings, OK?

(35:18):
And that was OK. And so with my dad, you couldn't
have feelings. Oh, he's just selfish.
So feelings were like, and then I married a woman where you
couldn't talk about feelings. And I was like, oh, even some of
these females. Yeah, there are some definite.
But it's because of certain things, you know?
And so you, yeah, you know, so you go, oh, so I sometimes I
cuss. I go, man.
Mom, let us at night, we talk about our dreams.

(35:40):
We're living in the projects, talking about living in the
mountains in Idaho and Alaska with deer and stuff.
And she loved talking these stories.
But it happened one day. I woke up in Montana a couple
years ago. Go mom.
This is what we were talking about.
But she made it OK. But I've been accused.
My ex told me one time. She goes, oh, you think about
it, your feelings, your feelings, your feelings.
So I want to do this cartoon. And I shouldn't say I want to

(36:03):
because I should have. A lot of families have feeling
extinguishers in their house instead of fire extinguishers.
So when you have a feeling toward like if I said, oh man,
I'm really, I'm so excited you couldn't do that.
Anything to do with feelings. And if you got alcohol involved,
that's really good because that really controls things.
If you got the alcoholic, the kids can't have feelings and
then they'll be demoted. You know, they're not demoted

(36:25):
deed. They're condemned.
So someone I went, whoa, man, I said, we got to talk about
feelings. How do you feel if if I want to
put her on a defense, not even defense, just shut her down and
say, how do you feel about this?Don't mention feelings.
So I realized it's not just us guys who are turned and claimed
to not, you know, be hard asses over shit.
The story about my raccoon, I can get choked up.

(36:46):
That's a gift that my mother gave me.
It's OK. It's OK.
And you'll see, guys. We had, I call him a weep A
thon. We all weep, you know?
And so it was about my son. And these guys were sitting
there and I said, man, they go. And they started.
And all of a sudden I realized we're all weeping because we all
got kids and we're all worried about our kids.
And they knew my kid and they were like, that's not fair.

(37:07):
And these guys said, you know, yanked out a tree by a grizzly.
But I'm like, it was OK. It was all OK, you know, and
that and by me, she's cutting loose.
That made it OK, you know, No, we can weep.
You know, weeping feels good. If you don't weep, you know, be
careful. You know, it's going to come out
some other way. But this male, female thing will
wear you out because we trade roles, you know, I mean, if we

(37:29):
could do whatever. I mean, you know, I think, I
mean, I think you got to watch it.
But you got to. You got to you got to.
I appreciate what. You're saying because you,
you're not a you don't, you don't subscribe to gender roles.
No, that's why I have my. Prison outfit.
OK, my nun outfit just so I can got to get it for you.
I know because I blurred this background, but maybe I should
have left it. Alright, well, here's the let's
see if there's to the miracle. Mode Sisters have no mercy.

(37:51):
I like that Sisters have no. Mercy, unlimited guilt, and.
Ammunition. That's it.
And then we. And this is.
This is where I should be. This is full time uniform.
Yeah, there you go. There you go, This is like
you're with me now. What was it?
Uncle Anthony that wanted to putyou in cuffs?
What was it, Uncle Tony? Uncle Tony, Okay, Hey.
I'm not doing this right. I don't know this stupid

(38:11):
software. It's annoying if I let me see,
but anyway, so yeah. Depending on the mood, if you
want to fight or whatever, or you want to get to.
Yeah. I mean, you got to do it all.
You know what I tell these kids?They'll say, I got a kid in
Argentina. I'm kind of encouraging.
He's like, well, I'm going to doit.
I said, look, you're too smart, go there.
Do it all. Go to school.

(38:33):
I mean, you could do so much. Go off and do that.
You don't have to sign up. You don't have to promise
anybody you're going to be an accountant or a ballet dancer.
Just start. And then when your heart feels.
Good. And you say I'm in the right
place. You don't have to make sense of
it. You have to feel it.
If you feel welcome or comfortable, you don't have to
say I go places where I'm supposed to be comfortable, but

(38:54):
I'm not. I'm something's wrong and I go,
OK, how do you feel about this? Something's up, you know, and
nowadays it's really awkward. I'm not awkward.
It's really real. Get away from anything that
you're like, oh, something's up here because there's a lot of
something up. That's right.
That's. A Shakti Gawain read the She
wrote a book called Living in the Light, and the one thing
that just sticks with me so muchis choose that which makes your

(39:17):
heart feel lighter. And I thought, man, whenever
you're in a dilemma, you know, you can just get bogged down in
that left hemisphere we were talking about like analyzing
pros and cons list. But man, trust your your body
knows. Like if you get excited in a way
that's like, not addictive excited, but almost like
delight. Like, yeah, the.
Power. Of AW, that's another book you

(39:40):
told me about. I gotta read that.
Dasher DASHER keltner really good and his YouTube talks are
great. OK, the power of you realize the
minute you read it, you go, yeah, that's what it is.
I come by McKinley the other dayflying and I'm thinking, and
it's rougher. I'm thinking the wings are going
to come off. I'm like, but what I mean, this
is, you know, and I'm in that state.

(40:01):
Yesterday we flew down from the Nilchick and I was like looking
at the rivers looking. And I go, I mean, what?
You know, I mean, it's just so powerful and it's so medicine.
And then I have so many good people here in this town, mainly
because I was a nurse at the hospital for 30 years.
That I'm comfortable and I'm, I weave my way through the town
where it could be with the people I'm comfortable with, you

(40:22):
know, no. No, I'm.
I'm trying to survive. No, I hope I make them laugh.
I don't know why they laugh at my stupid stuff.
That's the funny part because. And that's the You don't know
why you're so. Funny, you're so.
Funny all the. Time.
Everything you say is funny. It seems to be.
But I'm thinking, no, no, I knowI got funny people, man.
And when I call them, they know I'm desperate, you know?

(40:44):
When? When Richie tells me Italian
jokes, you know, Mike, I'm feeling sorry for, you know why
everybody's called Tony in New York?
Because when they get on a boat in Naples, they got assigned to
New York. That's how it happens.
I'm like, oh, there you go. Now it makes sense.
But in my, oh, God, my black friends from Philly and down
South, they know. They kill me, man.
They kill me. So you.
You. Make a you phone a friend when

(41:04):
you're when you're having a bad mental health day, you're like,
I got to get I need somebody that can make me laugh because
it must take a lot to make you laugh because you are but.
I'm no, I'm hard man. You made me laugh and it don't
happen because I mean, I'm no, Istudy humor.
I watch it and there's certain people that I'm like, wow, and
writers I read, you know, Gary Paulson, WP Casella.

(41:25):
I'm like, whoa, I hope I can do that.
But I have people write to me and say it made me cry.
I go, what? When you started that motor in
the bedroom and it jumped aroundthe house, I'm like, that's all
it took. I need help.
That's the naughtier short story.
Yeah, Yeah. One guy, he says my kids and
they're dying. I'm like what I said, we got to
read this story and this. It's so simple.
This is in the. Book in the I'll get you a copy

(41:49):
I. Thought I had some here.
They're all like when things were really bad a couple years
ago. I'm like, did I write that?
I must have been in. Another anyway.
Anyway, now. It's all in fun, so, but backing
up the funniest. Yeah, I wanted to.
OK. Yeah, so I end up in.
Montana at school, it's OK. It's beautiful, that whole
thing. But I'm like, I'm missing my
gang. You know, when you grow up in a

(42:10):
gang, that's your brothers and your sisters.
So I'm like, I'm so privileged. I'm not here in school.
I go to these ranches. I mean, back then I was
drinking, so I was at a radio station.
I caused a lot of trouble just because I was so bored.
And so then they wanted to throwme out all the time.
But but anyway, I'm finally, I said, you know, I'm going to go
see the world. This this is for kids that like
to think and read and go to the library and act smart.

(42:32):
I don't have that problem. So so I get I get I sell 25
calculus books back to the bookstore.
I invented recycling. I used to get them from the.
I'd bring them out around the back and sell them back to them
and they would buy them back andI'd get, you know, money for a
ticket. Plus I was washing the dishes,
but I'm, but I invented recycling and I never left the
building. So I didn't steal them, but they

(42:53):
thought I did. And so they threw me out of
school eventually, but I got back in one more chance.
But I get to Europe and I'm like, I'm going to go to India.
I'm going to go do all this because I already did the US.
You know, now it's time for me to see the world.
So I get over there and I'm not starving.
I'm selling my blood in Portugal.
I'm forging rail passes. All these other kids got credit
cards. I didn't know what a credit card

(43:13):
was. So I'm really, you know, after a
couple months trying to get by, it was tough, but I went to
amazing in places. You know, I want to go live with
the Laplanders in Lapland because they all dressed in
weird clothes and lived in a little big cupcakes with and
take Musk ox around. I go, that's cool.
Anyway, I get up there, they're all drinking in the train
station. So I hung out with them and I'm
like, God, that didn't go to theI'll head back to Spain with

(43:33):
Franco and the gang anyway, so I'm all over the place.
But then I remember how beautiful those Jewish girls
were growing up and it was just so frisky.
You know, I'm going to a kibbutz.
So I worked my way down. But I'd stop in Portugal and
sell a pint of blood for $60.00.That's a lot of money, you know.
Except one day I sold so much blood that I was, I passed out
in the movie theater watching Woody Allen in Portuguese do

(43:55):
sleepers. And I remember 3 days of that.
I was like Jesus, I got to do something different.
So. So anyway, I got over and I was
with the and named Italy and I was hitch hiking around, but I
was sick. I was I'd really gotten sick.
Whatever you like depleted. Yourself I depleted, I sold.
All my blood and I go, oh, this ain't good.
But one time in Portugal when I'm laying there and this big

(44:15):
nurse is there and she's like squeezing me.
There was much blood left, but it was they're valuable to them.
And so anyway, she gave me some spinach and sent me down to the
Woody Allen video. But but I remember going, maybe
I need an education, You know, after a couple months of
starving and I go, maybe I better go back to school.
I jump on this train back to bowto Norway because I like Norway

(44:36):
and everybody's calling beautiful and they don't say
much. And Swedish, same thing.
They don't talk much, but they look good.
But but I'm like, I get a letter.
It's my mother's like, you've been suspended and oh, she goes
on pen pals with Mr. Belding outin Montana.
You've been suspended indefinitely.
I'm like, Oh no, I got the boot.I'm like, no, no, this can't be
bad timing. So I get down there and fly to

(44:58):
New York. On my return, I sat looking and
sold that. Go to Saint Patrick's Day
parade, hitchhike to Montana. Monday morning.
I'm in there with Dean Belding and he's like, you're done.
Go, Dean. You wouldn't believe it.
You know, I was in Norway. I was selling my blood.
That's OK. You do you go do whatever.
He's a real tough Marine guy. Good guy, though.
No, you're done. I said why?

(45:20):
Why would you throw me out afterall this?
You sold 28 calculus books back to the bookstore last November.
I said, Dean, that's my favoritesubject.
He's like, no, you're done. I made-up some story about some
guy. He said, no, just get out of
here. I said, Dean, I promise you, one
more chance. Please.
You won't hear about me. See me?

(45:40):
Nothing, man. I'm I'm, I'm not drinking.
I won't stir up any trouble. I'm.
I learned to read. I got glasses.
Now I can see the damn book. One more chance.
Anyway, he calls me in. Months later, something's going
on here. Are you still paying people to
take your test? I go, no.
He says, look at this. How did you do this?
It was after 1/4. I said I, I I learned to read

(46:02):
and I quit drinking. And.
And he goes, this isn't right upthere with a miracle.
I said, yeah, you bet it is. Anyway, I was on the Dean's list
for months after that. Wow.
Yeah. So because you were.
Motivated and he gave me. A chance and he gave you a.
Chance, but also like you needed, you were like, hey, I
got to be able to buy food. I'm going to survive.
Yeah, you. Really by then?
My mother was still alive, so after she died, then the rules

(46:24):
changed. Then it was like you got to
figure out how to do whatever, but no, no, it was, it was a
gift. It's always, you know, you got
to look at the gifts and a lot of times the gifts are rough,
but when you when you survive it, we talk about those.
Post traumatic gifts, man. Yeah, but you, but the, the I
mean you have, you have like you're not risk averse.
You know what I mean? You have stepped into a lot of

(46:46):
adventures. Quote like you have just a
little threshold for. Boredom though, but that's can
be risky too, you know, because you know you're riding freight
trains or jumping around, or youknow it's a little coming from
the projects was good because itwas lively.
And I know what lively can be. You're either music's on,
something's going on, or you're making each other laugh or cry.
Something's going on. It's when and a little down

(47:08):
time's not bad. We all got a balance, Yeah.
So how? Do you do that when you're in?
That's probably when you're writing.
You go into the stillness to write Nature, nature if.
I hide out in the woods or go somewhere people don't really.
I spent a lot of time by myself and so and you can, you can.
Land and ground so. Yeah, and I, I don't like the
word pray, but I think it's a form of prayer.

(47:30):
And I think when you get into the being with the Plains
Indians for a while, they helpedme.
Like all those rituals, the piperitual is really heavy duty.
Is that the peyote? Or no, That's the.
Pipe with the If you read Black Elk Speaks and what it does is
it seems it gets you, it takes it takes, you know, a while to
get in that zone. But if you're praying with a

(47:52):
bunch of old people and they keep, you know, bringing up
really, you know, good things and thank you, you go into the
zone and, and it's a comfortableplace to be because it's in it's
it's, it's a zone. It's, it's the sacred.
You know, once you enter the sacred, we're all distracted
with all this stuff. And to get to the sacred in New
York, I go into St. Pat's and sit in the front aisle

(48:14):
there. And just as a kid, I went there
and I go to churches. I've been in all these churches
in Europe and I light candles. I didn't, you know, I was,
again, I've never said that for a long time, but I go no.
And the only thing I compare that to when I took some peyote
meetings in Lame Deer down in Montana, we'd go all night.
We'd get up having this meal, have this ritual of thanking

(48:35):
everything in the four directions, the four colors of
the food. And then we go to the Catholic
Church. It's St.
La Brie Mission. And we'd sit in the front room.
There'd be a whole bunch of us because there'd be a few
meetings and nobody ever talked.And we'd be there.
And I said to Marie Sanchez, whyare we going to Catholic Church
after all? And she goes, the ritual, the
power of the ritual is sacred. And when when you're paying

(48:59):
respects to Christ or whoever, that's powerful.
And so I went, wow. But the funniest part was the
priest would get up there, Father Michelle, and there was
another one and he condemned thepeyote eaters, you know, and I
know people have been up all night and read this, you know,
and he'd go on and we'd be like,whoa, this is funny.
But they didn't pay any attention.
They just like the ritual because you're paying respects

(49:20):
if you raise your hands and and do you know, there's all this,
this taken thousands of years, but the funniest.
But ten years later, I go down. I have a friend of mine, Angie,
the Eskimo gal. We go to a peyote meeting in
Montana, invited by old friends.Father Michelle is sitting next
to me, the priest that condemnedit.
So I go. Father, you know, I thought you

(49:41):
condemned the last time I was here.
He goes. Well, if you can't beat him,
join him. He liked their peyote meetings
because he he got it, you know, Finally, finally.
He well. He probably got the medicine
right. Well, he realized.
These people are serious. They're praying.
We don't have to condemn them, but they're crazy.
But for me personally, what it was was I went, whoa, this is

(50:01):
powerful. You know, how do you survive?
I didn't even think of it as howdo you survive?
I'm trying to survive. And I'm intrigued by this and
attracted to it. And then it comes my turn to
come. I wanted to go northern Canada.
I was invited by this old chief small boy, a Cree.
My grandmother was part Cree. So I was intrigued by the Cree
language and all this. So on the way up there, these
these Cheyenne people are saying, please take this pipe

(50:23):
with you. They put me through this ritual.
I don't even like talking about it because it was so powerful
and scary, right? And powerful.
And I was, I was, what's the word not?
I wasn't. It wasn't that I was unworthy.
I was scared and it was too much.
It was like whoa. But they knew maybe you're not.
Ready. Yeah, that's what I.
Felt and but they did not feel ready.

(50:45):
No, I, I. Was like, whoa, because when
you're in that environment, theywere like, I'll take it to.
So I did. I took the pipe up the chief
small boy and then out to MaximiMaximozier and all these guys
out on Toll Creek. But it was like, whoa, how did I
get into this? You know, I mean, it's a couple
years by then. It was a couple years after my
mother died now, But by then I got my nursing degree and I

(51:07):
wanted to work with natives. These people share amazing
stuff. They're in the now they're
hungry, they survive genocide. I'm like, I can learn from these
people and they're so good hearted.
They're so open. They give you everything.
And this is the black feet to Cheyenne to sue the Assiniboine,
the flatheads. I I didn't I didn't associate
with a lot of white people because it was the same old, you

(51:27):
know, my car, my payments, my this, my dad.
You get so bored with that redundant capitalist monologue
of me, me, me, my with the natives.
They'll tell you a story. They'll tell you some rough
stories, but then they'll tell you the the good stories where
you know, things happen and the angels come.
You know, these people survived.I still to this day, you know,

(51:47):
I, I worked with, lived with theEskimos up there in, in Cayenne
and all that. I'm still blown away by how they
get by in Eskimos. That's a whole nother world, you
know, But to be part of that andthe.
Humor that they use. Like I interviewed one of my
friends, he's Native American. He's just like the funniest
people he knows. And and isn't that true though?

(52:10):
Like the funniest people I know in my life have been through the
worst stuff and it is that post traumatic gift or something.
I always think that humor is a language of higher power of some
sort. Like it's this.
Almost like it's a frequency thing.
Like it's everything. Drugs it, it releases all this.
Yeah, but it all that up like part of your brain where you're
calculating and analyzing and dramatizing it gives it a break.

(52:33):
Yeah. And you go.
I'm here now and I'm just get you in the.
Present. Oh, I laughed till I.
Cried with them Puerto Ricans onthe Upper East Side.
I'm like, I can't catch my breath.
You know, you guys are too fast and then you don't have time to
respond. Somebody's fast for.
You. Oh no, that's crazy.
I can't even imagine now they. Killed me, but it's therapy and
you know, we're finally, I thinkwell, you, you would what you

(52:54):
call it now, trauma, traumedy. Traumedy.
Yeah. You know.
Just humor and medicine in the hospitals.
I got written up a lot for screwing around too much.
Yes, I did too. I did too, yeah.
I was always in trouble, you know, You were being of service
I was ahead of. Time and I actually the patients
were grateful and some of the nurses that I work with to this
day, Jenny the other night said when you used to give report, I

(53:16):
said, Jenny give me a break. I wanted to you know, I listen,
you know, and the best nurses. I really appreciate it saying
you didn't miss the thing. You know, you're watching these
patients. That's right, but you're
bringing in all this other stuff.
I can imagine you're. Highly observant, yeah, but I'm
because you're. Listening.
I'm listening, but you're, you know, because.
If you're you're the trauma surviving part, yeah, you really
care. You care and you're taking it
all in and you're sorting and and you know intuitively what to

(53:39):
do and then you you're doing it.You know, I don't I that saved
me. I wouldn't.
Have made it if I thought about myself all that time and oh man,
I'd be like I'm tired of this shit quit whining and no
seriously, you know how many times can you loop that tape
like. I can do it a lot.
Yeah, no, but I'm like going, that's why you ain't a nun

(54:00):
outfit, because you kind of missher, you know?
You put that on. I didn't know Youngs didn't
wear. Panties, but my buddy told me
don't close around this man don't don't I'm like you put
that. On and take advantage of
yourself. Yeah, right.
And they're beating you just that's a bright side.
I'm going to look at the. Time because I feel like there's
a sense in me that feels like and I don't know how to button
this up, you know, like how do we button it up?

(54:21):
But there is a part of me no button.
No, there's no button up. This is just now this is Part 1.
God, I look like my mother with this this hair.
It's better God. I'm I have it.
Yeah, yeah, I was going to say my God.
But I don't look like my mother.But what I just kind of wanted
to carry a through line, which is, I mean, you OK, what?

(54:42):
I loved what you said. I want to go back to one thing
you were saying earlier about seeing a vision, seeing a
vision, like stop talking about it, see the vision and follow
the vision. Like you did it.
You got you went out there and started hitchhiking and that's
that saved you because you were like, OK, I don't have to just
escape with a drug or alcohol. I can actually immerse in the
real world and then and then themedicine of creativity, the

(55:07):
medicine of sharing stories. Like it's so important if people
want to find and you have a YouTube channel that is like off
the charts because what is what is your YouTube channel?
It's just Mike. McCann, Yukon Rapids.
Rapids Rapids. OK, yeah, the kids put it
together from you Discovery and it was it's taken off.
It's fun. This was taken off.
From when you were doing Yukon? Part of the Yukon man.

(55:29):
But then Tim came to Ireland with me.
And then I, I just pitch. I do an orphan.
I work with an orphanage in Peru.
And that, that video will kill you.
But those kids, oh, those kids don't get to talk.
About that, but if. Watch the YouTube because OK go
to your. YouTube because then you'll hear
a lot of your different They're short.
Luckily, you know, I bore myselfto death.
That's why I try to keep it short and sometimes I get

(55:49):
carried away. But but no, it's fun and it's
fun sharing that because if people go whoa, and here's the
thing, and I talk about that vision and that dream, have your
dream and it can be as crazy as you want it and don't you don't
have to tell anybody that's yourdream.
So tell them afterwards, you know, tell them what I was
thinking. Like I said to my sister a
couple years, I'm going as far away as I can go with it.

(56:10):
Don't speak English and they smile.
I don't know where it is, but I end up in down as tip Terra,
Terra, whatever it's called. And I'm like, wow, this is cool.
Then I go to an Irish pub. Next thing I'm on a boat to
Antarctica. I don't want to go to
Antarctica. The best bunch of kids on this
boat. And next thing I'm like, holy
cow, this is great. They wanted me to come from the
hostel. You're coming with us.
I'm like, you know, I ain't, I'mnot going.

(56:32):
They got you a ticket anyway, soit gets crazier.
So my vision was to go to South America, talk to be around
people that smile. And I don't know what they're
talking about because I don't understand any.
And but they went to this and then it went to the food of the
food river. Then it went to Peru with the
nuns and it just doesn't stop. I just don't know if I can keep
up with it because, you know, I just apparently you are.

(56:54):
So far so. Good.
Yeah. You know, if I'm not having.
Yeah, I'm I'm. So you're still flying?
You're still yeah, yeah and yeah, I'd be boxing, but.
He told me no boxing, no hockey.Well, you were just in the.
Hospital your heart stopped and then for a second it.
Got going again, but but then they put the paddles to me with
the ACDC, you know, and they burned the hair off my chest and
like I gave me that Jackson relaxer.

(57:16):
I call it the propathol. I like that man.
I'm like damn right and get a snooze Anyway, so you want to
zip this up for now. I think we will.
Okay, Mike McCann find his book Yeah, give me the Hudson or to.
Yukon and then the second one isreturned to the river and
they're very short stories. If you can't sleep, they're
really good. They'll put your right to sleep

(57:37):
and and the pages tear out if you're at the outhouse and
you're shipping on paper anyway.I I was planning ahead, but no,
it's some fun stuff about fun characters.
Thank you this. Was incredible.
Burned up this machine.