Breaking Generational Patterns: The Science Behind Bad Relationships

Why does healing hurt so much? Why do we repeat painful patterns—even when we know better? This week, I sit down with Jasmina Sabi, author of Am I Thinking Correctly?, who opens up about surviving childhood trauma, becoming an escort, and the deep betrayal that broke her open. We talk about how your brain chemistry (dopamine, cortisol, serotonin) shapes your decisions—even when you're unaware—and how healing means facing the truth about yourself and the people you love.

This isn’t just her story. It’s a mirror.
 You’ll walk away with a new understanding of trauma, survival, and how to truly break the cycle.

How to connect:
https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Correctly-Jasmina-Janaye-Sabi/dp/B0F22WXGLQ
https://www.instagram.com/jasmina_sabiall1?igsh=d21idzBuaDhoYnE%3D

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Episode Transcript

Tiffanie (00:00):
Did you know?
Your brain is addicted to itsown chemicals, and that might be
why you keep choosing the wrongpeople.
This week, I'm sitting downwith the survivor of trauma,
addiction and betrayal, whobroke her generational patterns
by learning how her biochemistrywas controlling her behavior.

(00:20):
If you've ever wondered am Ithinking correctly, you'll need
to hear this.
Why do all of our stories seemto begin at heartbreak?

(00:43):
My guest this week is here tohand you a mirror, to dare you
to look deeper and to listen tothe voice within, as we discuss
how the unconscious patterns,trauma and biochemistry shape
your life.
This is a path that's eithergoing to enslave you or set you
free.
What if the darkest chapters ofyour life could become someone

(01:10):
else's survival guide?
I'm Tiffanie, survivorstoryteller and host of True
Crime Connections, where we turnpain into power and stories
into sparks of hope.
Every week, I sit down withsomeone who's lived through the
unimaginable and found thestrength to speak out.
If you've ever questioned yourworth, your reality or your past

(01:34):
, you are not alone here, andtoday's guest proves it.
So I'd like to welcome JasminaSabi.
Thank you so much for beinghere.

Jasmina (01:45):
Thank you so much for all that content.
Like I really appreciate that,like it definitely lets people
know, like this is where we'regoing and you get promoted.

Tiffanie (01:53):
Absolutely.
This is what you're going toget.
What?
So you've been on one hell of apersonal journey.

Jasmina (02:03):
I understand those words now Personal journey.
I understand those words now,personal journey.
I get it now.
I thought I was just movingthrough life.
I thought we were all doing thesame thing.
Are you still a degree?

Tiffanie (02:16):
No, we are on different playing fields.

Jasmina (02:20):
I see, I see that.
I see that.
Yes, I think the fact that yousay biochemistry like I don't
hold a degree, so I'vedefinitely had people come to me
like why are we talking aboutthis subject?
Like what's going on here Iwill say I finally experienced
what humans experience, which isheartbreak.
It's all different types of way, but I guess the biggest

(02:42):
heartbreak is you feel throughtrusted partner, trusted family
member, just trust peoplebecause you feel like they have
morals, or it's just the rightthing to do, or you know it's
just I don't know.
And I hadn't experienced thatbecause I was avoiding a
relationship.
I just remember growing up mylife oh my God, it was so hectic

(03:03):
, so close, so confused me.
I wouldn't have worded it likethat a few years ago, but yeah
it was.
And I just always remember whenmy mother was in relationships
I didn't even understand thepoint of them, because we never
have enough money.
Well, I was always thinking whyare they cute Like that?
That was my thought.
I don't even know why I wasthinking like that as a kid, but

(03:23):
why?
Because my mom always talkedabout like oh my God, I need
help paying my rent, like weneed to do this, and I feel like
that is every single humanbeing is.
I need to watch what I say andwhat I do.
I need help paying this rentand I don't know why.
But something kicked into mewhere I just felt like I didn't
think it was worse, whatever shewas putting up, and it felt
like by the time she did figureit out, it was like three or

(03:44):
four years later and it was justlike and then it happened again
and that is what made me notwant to be in a relationship
then, because I didn't know whatwas happening, why she was
normalizing it.
I didn't know what was normal,I just knew it doesn't feel safe
.
So I don't get why we're here.

Tiffanie (04:12):
And I just kept hearing because we need the
money to help get rent andhaunted me.
I guess it haunted me.
I can see how that could happen, because now you're like
associating love or whatever,but with monetary.
You know what I mean like toyou.

Jasmina (04:20):
That's what it yeah, it was it.
It was confusing.
My grandparents were together.
You know, my grandpa had aranch.
It was almost an acre.
They had horses or whatever.
They didn't look happy.
So it was just this partnershipjust looks dangerous, because
grandma and grandpa have thishouse and have all these horses
and stuff, but they don't sleepin the same room.
Mom, I don't know what's goingon with you.
I just didn't see anything thatlooked healthy.

(04:43):
And I remember when I was inhigh school oh my god, I fell in
love with this guy.
He didn't do nothing special,nothing.
He wasn't in my void.
I was one of those people likenever being kissed, it was like
that, in the background.
I mean, I hung around the kids,but it was like I wasn't.
I didn't, I don't know what Ididn't have.
I didn't have somebody'sfaithful sweetheart.

(05:07):
And I remember it was theneighborhoods that I grew up in.
I hate to say neighborhoods,maybe this is just every
environment, but they weren'tnice, they were bullies and you
felt like you had to save faceand, especially if you're with a
popular crowd, you just werealways trying to keep your
composure, I guess.
And I remember when I was likeman, I was 16 or 17 and I met

(05:30):
this older man and he lookedlike he was 40-something.
I didn't know him, I thought hewas 27.
Like that makes it different,obviously, if somebody hears
that today.
But I just remember I was like,oh, when he was guess, helping
me, like I didn't have to stealfrom stories to get hair or food

(05:51):
or just things like that.
Because, like I said, I justfeel like the way we grew up, my
grandma, grandpa, helped somuch but I, I don't know, I
didn't know what it was, why.
I just felt like it was neverenough help to them, you know,
and they'd unfortunately have anenvironment where I feel like
we were most susceptible to whatgoes on out there.

(06:11):
If you're not watching you andif you're worried about paying
bills, don't do on this.
And so we lived in, I guess,like a gang affiliated
neighborhood.
I hate to say gang because,honestly, where I'm from, if la
for just all that again, I wouldsay that was not a gay and I
was like, well, it definitelywasn't nice.
Whatever it was, it wasn't nice.
I didn't want to be there.

(06:33):
Looked like damn movies, maybeI can say just property, I guess
but it was very chaotic andwhatnot, and so I did steal but
it was funny because I didn'thear.
But my mom, unconsciously to her, was always like you're in
charge because you got thebiggest part.
Everyone listening is Selena,and I didn't realize I recently
heard that was probably one ofthe ancestors and I was like who

(06:55):
the hell is doing that to me?
You know you don't believe,like, oh, you can help me out.
Thank you so much.
And I don't know if just thesingle moms, they just get
comforted by it.
My mom didn't have a boyfriend.
That's why I never understoodthe point of relationships.
If you need my help, why is hehere?
And I think that's what a lotof kids are trying to tell their

(07:16):
parents you still need my damnhelp, why be here?
You still need my help.
So I feel like it was like that.
But yeah, I definitely feltlike I didn't have to rob.
It felt nice, it was just so.
That had a huge impact.
Obviously people would knowtoday I don't know if they do so
much back then of me datingolder men because I felt like I

(07:39):
wasn't being embarrassed.
People weren't going aroundsaying oh, she did this or did
that, making up lies.
It was private to me, it washelpful to me and that that's
what I saw, that I didn't haveto deal with that bullying or
humiliating feeling that I feltin high school.
The money I guess I don't feellike it was really the money If
I didn't think you did nothing.
I guess super lavish it wasjust more so.

(08:06):
The fact that he cared is whatI was saying was saying like,
don't go and steal that.
I want more details about thatin my book.
But when I think about Mulderand I had my son and I remember
I was it's a story to that.
If I go into every detail ofeverything, this will take two
hours but it's in my book.
But overall I remember I foundmyself in a situation I was like
, oh my god, how do I providefor him sell us my job?
I took a title loan out of mycar in the inch.

(08:27):
I took out $200 title loan.
The interest was $500 a month.
I did not know that was a bad.
I did not know that was justthe insurance.
You know.
You know people aren't mean outhere, because why did they let
me walk in there, a 19yearyear-old?
It would make me feel like Iwas getting a deal and it was
like, hey, whatever, that's whatthe world is money.

(08:48):
They didn't care they weremaking a commission.
Yeah, I will never forget.
He walked up and slid a $15coupon on the table when I was
trying to figure out if I shoulddo it or not.

Tiffanie (08:59):
A $15 coupon.

Jasmina (09:02):
I swear I was looking at that coupon like, ooh, it was
like $15, maybe 15 max, okay, Idon't really remember, but it
was a joke.
I ended up doing it alonebecause I needed the money to
get another apartment.
And so when I got into myapartment I was thinking, okay,
cool, like me and my son aregood.
And then I lost my job becauseI didn't have a reliable
babysitter.

(09:22):
My family was.
I think everyone can relatethat families don't watch your
baby the way they want to watchit and that's why people I guess
it's nice but it's kind of likedang, you know they're not
going to listen to nothing I'msaying.
And but I lost my job.
I was in a jam and I felt thisad we can apply, we asked for it
and I was thinking like, yeah,right, they're like, tell me,

(09:43):
because I'll be, because theyalways put no black bros.
And I remember I met this onelady who's here I did, and she
was like man, you make so muchmoney and it is so hard to get
out of.
And that's what was replayingin the back of my mind when I
was looking at the site and Iwas thinking like I need the
money out, I'm for this.
And I replied and sure as shit.
And the guy was straightforward, like it's extra money.

(10:04):
And I was like, okay, whatever,I just need some money.
And so I was making money doingthat for a while.
I'd want to the rates andeverything like that in my book
because people are curious,which makes sense, but it's in
my book.
But overall I had got to a placewhere I got into therapy and my
therapist she helped me realize, like you, your background was

(10:25):
so traumatic and I was like thatwasn't normal and she's like
that's not normal.
And I was so confused.
I was like I just didn'tunderstand.
Like if you got upset withsomebody, I thought it was
normal to want to keep them.
I didn't know that wasn't mom.
And I say I was a little bright, but I'm just thinking back
like, but I remember when shehelped me realize, like if foul

(10:50):
wind might infuse, is that thereason why you're doing it?
Is the reason why you're inthis relationship, is the reason
you're drinking.
And I think I had to write apossible book the Body Keeps Us.
For, oh my God, I just was likeblew my mind.
It blew my mind.

Tiffanie (11:07):
It is so crazy how much we don't realize that
childhood shapes us.
In so many homes we do thinkwhat we're going through is
normal.
It's not, until either you goto someone else's house and
they're like, whoa, what thehell's going on over here?
Or you grow up and someone'slike well, do you want to know
why?

(11:27):
You're fucked up.
It's Y and Z.
And you're like, oh shit.

Jasmina (11:32):
You're like no, you're not normal, you're not normal,
we're not playing at each other.
What's not normal?
And then I feel like it gets tothe point where man I got to
figure out fight, fight, fightor freeze kicks in.
And it's very, very important.
And basically, after I hadrealized that I was in therapy,
I had met a Russian friend.
It was funny, psychology is abig thing.

(11:54):
She was like hey, I'm going togive you this vitamin, don't
drink for a weekend, you'regoing to be healed.
And I was like, oh, I'm healed.
Just the fact she told me thatshit was enough, because I had
never been.
I had been sober from alcoholfor probably 14 years, and it
was just her saying that thathelped me.
So I had stopped drinking.
I was in therapy.
I've been going to therapy forlike three years and then I was

(12:15):
like okay, I'm ready for ahusband, you know.
I was like I got myself cleanedup, I presented for the world
and my daughter even told melike, on, your're a regular mom
now.
And I was like, because I was afunctional, you know, and so I
had met this guy and I providedI was still an escort, because
once I guess I knew better I waslike I already got my chance to

(12:37):
pass on to this life and I knewit would do more damage to.
Okay, who cares?
We're starting, friend, youknow, fresh one bedroom, who
cares?
We're all gonna.
I feel like that would havecreated was I mean, from what I
found out so far about childhoodbe very important to you.
It really made me like, okay, Ican't just switch that
environment.
And so I was like but I need toget myself together before I

(12:58):
look for a partner, because whenI was in my early 20s I was
trying to be in a relationshipand it just felt controlling.
I didn't know why it washappening, I just knew it feels
like I can't think, or I gottamove on, I gotta remove myself.
That's all I knew Because, likeI said, I came from a violent
background and it was like atsome point I'm gonna swing on
you, because I thought that wasnormal.
And also I did not know it waspsychological abuse, it was

(13:22):
emotional abuse, financial abuse.
I didn't know all that.
All I knew was fill my pockets,pop on me right now and I'm
going to hit you.
That's all I knew.
And so once I felt like I didlearn enough healthy thing
healthy on myself.
I met an older man with mebeing in that world and he was
like, well, I wanted to have anarrangement with you.
And I was like I always driftedaway from that shit because my

(13:46):
friend she had a sugar nutty butshe almost hated seeing.
She was like, oh, that guylooks like me in the sky.
She just looked so fuckingmiserable and I was just like
why do you keep going to seethis person?
Then, like I just didn'tunderstand that and I was like
because he helps me.
And I was like I don't want toplay that game.
And I've had some men say like,yeah, I'm going to take care of
you.
Then I find out they had afucking wife.
I'm like fuck.

(14:07):
Psychological Because, like Isaid, I always felt like I'm
going to hit you.
So it was really easy for me tonot put myself in those
situations because if I get tooconfused I'm going to hit you or
I'm going to yell and scream orI don't know.
I just don't want to feel that.
You know, there's no amount ofmoney you could pay to make me
suppress that emotion.
I think it was maybe just thespirit.

(14:30):
I feel like that was telling methings that I didn't know on an
educated level, like if you goout here and play this
psychological game with thisperson, you're going to be
angrier with your kids.
Like it was just always sometype of consciousness telling me
what could happen if I did that.
Because I always subconsciouslystudied human behavior and I'll
watch shows like FatalAttraction, because I'm trying

(14:52):
to understand, like what led upto that, not just the hey, you
shouldn't have did that.
I'm like why is it happening?
Is what I'm trying tounderstand.
And people have so manydifferent words for why stuff is
happening.
But that's what we're going toget to biochemistry in a minute.
But so many different wordsthere you're possessed, right.
You're like what is the problem?

(15:15):
So many different things, likeyou're saying why somebody's
responding like this, but whyare they responding like this?
So when I had met this man whowas like let's have an
arrangement, I was like what'sthat?
Look, I don't think this iswhat's work, because I wanted to
be honest with him.
Like look healthy now.
I used to be a bunch ofalcoholics.
I just always was honestbecause I felt like it took more

(15:38):
energy to live and I didn'thave the impulse control.
So you know, you might catch meat the gym, and I did.
I can't get impulse control, soI'm not a good liar.
Some people really are, even.
I guess that they have.
No, I think if they startgetting mad, you know, like,
okay, you're lying Becauseyou're getting super mad, you

(16:00):
know.
So I can't keep thatpsychological game going.
But anyhow, I actuallygenuinely started liking him.
You know what it was.
He listened to me.
I remember we went out to eatand we just listened for like
almost three hours and I waslike, oh my God, he's really
interested in what I was sayingand I guess it was an unfamiliar
feeling.
It felt genuine, it was safeyeah, safe, like okay.

(16:23):
And he was sexy, but I didn'tknow that.
I thought he was 40 somethingbecause he didn't look well,
your ages are just.
You are bad at telling agents Iknow when people like look me up
, they're like I'm telling you Iwas completely unconscious.
I guess I think I was justcompletely unconscious.

(16:45):
There's a lot of people outthere and that's why I'm trying
to bring my story to light,because it is going out.
People like hold up.
I mean, granted, I feel liketoday is so much news Like oh, a
six-year-old shouldn't be witha 30-year-old, and so forth, but
I don't know.
No, actually I won't say myfault or my.

(17:07):
There was that different culturetrip.
My dad was like every day, Iclaim, you meet a very, very old
, he's very rich and he takescare of you and he has no
children.
I was like so I think I thoughtI pushed it out, but maybe I
didn't, maybe it wassubconsciously like put in my
head so I never looked at it asthis was bad, like I didn't look
like this guy's age is bad.

(17:27):
I didn't look like that.
I did have a friend I rememberhe told me like why do you keep
getting with these older men?
He was like if they're alone,then there's something's wrong
with them.
But I just always felt like Ididn't want to take what people
said as for sure, and I'm surethat did come from my childhood
of never being sure of what wasgoing on.
I had to figure things out formyself.

(17:48):
So that's still my attitudetoday.
I feel like I'm more self-awareof my surrounding.
But overall I need to see formyself.
I can't just go off of what yousaid or somebody's always going
to tell me I didn't think and Ineed to figure it out.
If I'm not feeling nothing bad,I'm not going to make myself
say that I'm going to causecancer, that's going to cause

(18:08):
phytosis, that's going to causemy hair probably to fall out,
and I don't know why I may causeso many things.
So I kept hearing when you're inthat industry, there are tricks
, and I never understood thattrick.
I said what is a trick?
Because the thing was when Ididn't have any money, if I saw
somebody, they gave me money andI was thankful because I was

(18:30):
like I need this to pay my rent,I need this to take care of my
child.
I never looked at them as youshould.
Why should they just give it tome?
And somebody told me well, theyfeel so stupid about themselves
that they have to pay him.
So what's happening here?
This is a mind-bogglingsituation.
Now you want me to look at thisperson like, oh, they're so

(18:52):
stupid for paying me, so youwant me to also tell myself I
don't deserve somebody to wantto help me.
Or well, they'll be doing.
It's so many damn reasons ofwhy you should feel horrible
about yourself.
But but a judge wakes up andliterally tells people off with
your head every single day, andthat guy gets more respect than
me.
You do that every single dayfor a minute.

(19:13):
I'm proud of this world and youdo it in God's name, even
though that's one of yourcommandments.
But I'm distressed.
So, anyways, I was just like Idon't know what the fuck going
on down here.
I don't know what's going ondown here, but I think I'm just
saying things.
I don't know if there'ssomebody out there with me,

(19:34):
because I'm like, well, I, I'mconfused.
But with this man, oh my god.
It was the worst pain I everfelt in my life.
I didn didn't even know itcould exist.
I didn't know whatpsychological abuse was.
I didn't know that being quietcould be a weapon of torture.

(19:54):
I did not take up a bitter racewith Matt.
He was a 20-year-old veteran.
He was 20 years and a veteran20 years in.
I didn't know about that.
I didn't know that when he toldme, his identity became
conflicted when he was fiveyears old and a brother that was
much older than him and themother I don't know what she was
busy doing.

(20:15):
I guess she had 10 kids, somaybe she didn't have so many
kids, so people watched them,but it definitely threw off his
brain chemistry.
I didn't know how serious thatwas, up to fine.
So I just said three majorthings.
It's major, but I just feltlike I wanted to be a good
person.
I felt like he didn't experienceenough good and I had friends

(20:37):
tell me like I can look at himand tell you can get all this
money, just make him do this,just make him do that.
And I was just like that's sodisgusting.
Why do people keep encouragingme to use this man?
And they're like because he'solder and he's this, he's that.
And I just was like I don'twant to add pain and I wish he
felt the same.
So I feel like where thetwisting bench lit is my

(21:03):
therapist.
When I say this, just for, Iguess, context, well, my
therapist is telling me, likeyou know, he's quiet.
You're not used to somebodybeing quiet when you're on the
street in chaos and all that wastrue and you know you work on
this and work on that and you'renot taking him in consideration
and so forth.
And I feel like the therapistis the bottom of the food chain

(21:25):
when it comes to a much biggerproblem.
And basically he was interestedin me having these specific
kinks look out and at first Ifelt like, okay, um, maybe these
kinks are okay.
Unfortunately, it could relateto circumstances surrounding P
Diddy's case.
I didn't know that.
I guess everyone felt like Iknew, because it looked like you

(21:45):
, and S Roy was like what thehell did you guys think I was?
Because it looked like you andS I was like what the hell did
you guys think I was doing inthere?
Like I think they thought I wasdoing everything under the damn
sun.
I'm like no, I don't operatelike that, like you know.
So it was like you know how itis and I'm like, no, I don't If
it sounds weird or I just neverlike somebody can call me and
say like, hey, it's two of us,I'll be here in about five

(22:07):
thousand.
I used to talk to myself well,somebody's not going to be happy
, because what if I won't stopNow, I can't.
Now you're going to take themoney back.
So I just don't put myself inthat situation.
I'm not going to feel like Ihave to do something.
I think about the wholesituation.
I don't just see money andsituation.

(22:29):
I don't just see money, andthat's very surprising.
I'm noticing with feelings.
They're like you actually tooktime to think about it.

Tiffanie (22:34):
Yes, but do you see how you got that?
I'm telling you that's what Iwas talking about earlier.
Like your mom subconsciouslyput that, I truly believe how
you edit them that way, becausethat's what you associated it
with, that's what you knew yeah,I guess.

Jasmina (22:52):
Well, you just said out loud.
I'm like like, yeah, because Iwas thinking, like, I thought
like you compromised yourdignity all the time and we
didn't even proven off.
And I guess people looked at melike, well, well, you're in
this category, so yourding-a-ling is gone.
You have none.
I did not know that's whatpeople were going to think of me
.
I was very shocked that that'swhat they saw.

(23:14):
But, great, I learned why when Iwasn't into the king, because I
just felt like I was comingfrom a healthy place.
Especially when I learned moreabout his palate, I was like
this isn't healthy.
And he felt like like now it'smaking me really happy.
And I was like what is thathealthy?
I was like it's because of yourchildhood and so forth and I
was like you're basically tryingto confirm me to do this

(23:35):
because you feel like it's goingto happen anyways, or your
identity is conflicted, because,unfortunately, what you went
through at five years old andthe problem was, I don't know,
somebody told him hey, stop,this isn't okay, let's think
about this differently.
But nobody listened because hehad money.
So it was just like you know,whatever, he got somebody else

(23:57):
to do it and then they wouldhate him later.
So I was like I don't give ashit, I'm just playing.
And then when he became myfiance and stuff, I was like
that's stupid, like you need togo get some help.
For me it's therapy.
And we got into therapy BecauseI was like it's not coming from
a healthy place.
I can tell by the way you walk,the way you move, the way you
sweat, because I steady people,I'm steadying you, so I can tell

(24:22):
by your smile, I can tell bythe way your face is.
It's an emotion that you weretrying to keep up, because
nobody took care of it when youwere a kid and it really messed
up.
Basically, I became pregnant,even though he was like, yeah,
let's have one, no, let's nothave one, and I really felt love

(24:44):
with him, like really in lovewith him, and I guess when I
became pregnant, somethinghappened in his brain and he
left and we had just I had leftmy fucking house, that I had
good relationship my man won'tlet me moved into a five-bedroom
house and I felt we were happyand three months later, when he
found I was pregnant, he leftand he told everybody he was

(25:05):
from a domestic violencerelationship and I was like I
mean I'm yelling at him, gettinghis face, like push him, like
you know.
And I remember I was telling myfriend this and she said well,
tell her about this domesticviolence.
I'm like shut up a massivebiolifesimacy bug.

(25:29):
And I was like, well, that'swhy people don't realize when
they're being biobased.
I said I never thought of it.
We don't see it as like we'rehurting you or scaring you, even
if we're yelling and screaming,because it's like you're not
bleeding and that's a big thinggrowing up, are you bleeding?
I don't know if that's in everyother culture, but yeah, it's a
big thing growing up, are youbleeding?
You're not, okay, you're fine.

(25:49):
So I guess that just stopped theprogram and okay, you're not
bleeding.
So somebody's yelling,screaming.
So I was yelling, screaming andpopping my lungs in his face
but I did not think I's60-something and I said you know
what's the fucking funny?
If he's scared, why does hekeep playing with my head?
But fuck, I thought why is hescared?

(26:12):
Why does he keep playing withmy fucking head?
That doesn't make sense.
I said I've been scared and,trust me, if I'm really scared,
I'm not going to keep playingwith your head.
I'm like okay, let me stop.
But me like he would say thingslike I'm done being mad, catch
him, yeah.
And I thought I'm not supposedto fall like this.
He's like you're supposed tojust take it and just walk away

(26:33):
and I'm like they're gonna walkaway and now you got the wrong
one and you.
You could know that by the wayI talk.
I don't know what made youthink you could talk to me like
that.
So anyways, I say that forcontext.
He said he was in a domesticviolence situation.
A lot of people will say thatis domestic violence.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Pretty educated on it and it'sstill a hard pill for me to

(26:56):
swallow that me yelling andscreaming in a man's face is
domestic violence.
I was never taught to evenbelieve something like that
growing up.
That you prefer to man'sfeelings.
I don't, I don't know?

Tiffanie (27:10):
yeah, I mean, it's also in the words that you're
saying you know, when you putsomeone down, you belittle them
and all that.
That's that's domestic violence, because that's emotional abuse
I did not know that.

Jasmina (27:23):
I actually y'all, I did not know that actually.
No, I did not know that.
I was like it's so normalized.
I would say I don't know ifit's poverty or if it's the
black community or whatever, butthat always happens and you
just find a way to laugh at itand just move on and alright,
whatever.
I didn't know, but the thingwas I noticed a difference in

(27:44):
him and the cops together.
The way it felt like is he dideverything that I wanted, or she
had left Pete in his house,like I felt like it was just
hunting, studying.
They always say, oh, men arehunters, that's a joke.
That's not a joke.
That's what it felt like.
Just what does she want to hear?

(28:04):
How can I give her comfort?
And it was bald because he justwanted me to perform this act
to take care of that.
I don't know if it was a generalin rush or womb that never got
built, meaning as a kid, and soI would say things like let's
invest the bill before you giveout $1,000.
And he's like I don't want to,I just want to spend it, I don't
want to, I just want to spendit.
And I'm like hold on, like itgot so uncomfortable.

(28:25):
I didn't even want to spendmoney Because I was like I don't
know why you're spending likethis.
It was really confusing to me.
And even though he made money,I was like this isn't normal
behavior.
I really loved him.
So I was thinking down the line,like people were like who cares
about shopping and so forth.
I'm like what start all overagain?
I mean, maybe I guess I will atsome point, but I didn't think
this soon.

(28:45):
But I'm trying to.
I'm trying to enjoy him.
I want him to be here and theway he's going, I think he's
going to have a stroke orsomething's going to happen.
And basically to my littlebrother, he was telling me like
he's a trick, he's a trick.
And I was like don't ever saythat about him again.
He's not a trick.
You know, don't talk like that.
He's very helpful, he's a niceman.
And my brother got mad at mebecause I don't know what was

(29:10):
going on with him, but it didn'tfeel like he was progressing.
I was trying to help hischild's mother out because she
was addicted to opioid.
She was sleeping on the floorwith her baby and it was the
winter time and I was like I didnot want to help with this baby
, but I can't ignore new andauthentic daughters.
So I was taking care of thebaby, I was doing so much with
my brother, this girl and Eric,and come to find out Eric had

(29:30):
started a relationship with mybrother's child's mother to to
so my belief, to fulfill thatitch and my brother in person
holy shit oh my gosh, and mybrother in person relationship.
From what I've been told, mybrother will deny like I never
encouraged that.
Nobody wants to really talkabout him.

(29:51):
Like I mean, he went so as faras to get the girl in the
apartment.
He knew she couldn't afford thetype of setup that was.
It was going on for like over ayear after I found out still
had a leak going on and wheneverI was pregnant and this
psychological game was in placeeven though I'm domestic

(30:12):
violence and I'm not trying tosay that it isn't domestic
violence but I feel like ifsomebody's responding in
particular ways for a reason,nobody's just running around
screaming and yelling somethingof wrong and it's hard to show
psychological abuse.
I don't know how you can showthat, especially when they don't
release fog.
That's what would be crazy,because they there.

(30:34):
There's no phones, really, youknow, unless you're, I guess, in
your room and somebody saidsomething.
What you're gonna report thatreally quickly.
I mean, I guess you put that'sa new thing now, but literally
what the hell wants to walkaround like come on, and yeah, I
just remember when I found outI found out because I was on
Instagram and I think he wasfollowing her on Instagram and
she was following him and I wasfour months pregnant.

(30:55):
He had left the house.
He said he was in domesticviolence relationship you're you
know so.
And this was my third childwith a different guy and my kids
were 10 and 11.
So it was like I'm about to gothrough this all over again by
myself and it was just likehumiliating and I'm like why is
he following her?
And he was like you're crazy.
And she was messaging me likewell, if he wanted to watch you

(31:16):
from a baby, I don't evenappreciate you coming at me like
this, like, and my brother saidwhat's wrong with you?
Like your mom was just likewhat is wrong with her?
How could you even thinksomething like that?
And I'm like God, what's wrongwith me?
I had got gestational diabetesduring my pregnancy.
My baby ended up coming early,at 34 weeks before it wrapped

(31:37):
around her neck two times.
I mean, I was so stressedthrough my whole pregnancy
because I didn't understand whyhe left and it was so many
emotions Like he left after Igot this house with him this is
my third trial and then, most ofall, he was in a domestic
violence relationship and I wasjust confused.
Everything was confusing me thehouse, my relationship, who I

(31:58):
was and my domestic violenceperson.
Like I was really lost.
And then when I seen what hedid with that girl, I'm like
were you in a domestic violence?
So it was just like what thehell is going on?
And that's what I told you.
He couldn't have thought he wasin domestic violence.
Why would he do something thatclose to me?
I was like because I'm thinkingabout how I grew up in the
environment I'm in and I feellike that's where a big

(32:22):
difference is when it just comesto, I guess, the world, because
, like where I grew up at, ifyou really felt scared of
somebody, you don't do somethingwhere you feel like they could
unleash.
There was enough danger aroundpeople that you know that
somebody can take your life, andso I never experienced somebody
feeling like they will justkeep, I don't know, dissenting

(32:46):
your feelings or disrespectingyou and there's no consequence.
That was a huge trauma for me.
There's no consequence.
They could just keep doing thisand I just have to stand here
and take it.

Tiffanie (32:58):
Definitely sounds like a toxic relationship, to say
the least.

Jasmina (33:03):
I mean it was just.
Yeah, it definitely was.
It was because it was just alot of different emotions with
him and with me.
I think that everyone hasdifferent emotions.
I think people just don'tdiscuss them, they just don't
acknowledge their past orthey're busy making a scene like
, oh, my life was so great and Iguess everything around the

(33:24):
world is literally falling apartbecause of the play.
I guess we're all saying that,no, you're like this and great,
I don't know what is good downhere.
Who has a good relationship?
What is a good relationship?
I can't even tell anymore,because I feel like what's just
coming out is, for instance,people are like I didn't know
that was sexual assault, Ididn't know that was a ball.

(33:44):
And you got all these differentpeople like I didn't know that
was sexual assault, I didn'tknow that was a ball.
And you got all these differentpeople like, hey, I experienced
that.
But it made me dive deeperbecause I'm just like what is
wrong in people's mind, becauseI'm like carl be just all of a
sudden experiencing this and hey, this happened to me and that
didn't like what is going on,because when that patch happened
with him yes, I could havesummed it up to.
Oh, he was, you know, old.

(34:07):
That's what people said.
He was old, of course he didthat.
Oh, she was on opioids.
All this and I was just like no, there has to be a deeper issue
here, because I just can'tunderstand how somebody could,
how they could, all cometogether and formulate that type
of plan.
It's not normal.
And and people will tell mewell, now you know better, just

(34:28):
get away from those type ofpeople.
And I'm like now I know betterthan nothing.
I know that humans are capableof giving you that type of pain.
That's what I realized.
It might just be in a differentway, but that's what I realized
that I didn't want to feel thattype of pain again.
And there was something I wasn'tfeeling correctly, because
there wasn't a lot of peoplesaying there were so many red

(34:49):
flags and I was just like Idon't want to walk around and
feel like this person's bad,that person's bad.
I don't want to become them,because I don't know if that's
really living, that's surviving,that's cautious, that's not
life, that's not love.
To feel like I gotta sit overhere with these people and hope

(35:10):
that they're not like thesepeople Turns out they are.
Now you want me to go makebreakfast, like what?
No, I was scared.
What the hell was out there,you know, and people were saying
, well, it's like hey, how arethese people?
I'm like I'm sick of hearingthat shit.
Man, from what I'm seeing inthe world, every single category

(35:30):
has good and evil.
How can I tell who's good andwho's evil?
I don't know.
And I had to still work withthis guy and I certainly did not
have my daughter around himbecause he had no criminal
record.
He dressed very nice, he was aveteran.
There was nothing that screamedthat Stein has a problem.

(35:51):
There was.
I mean, there wasn't reallyanything and I had to figure out
how to talk to him and ask him.
We still had bills and stufftogether.
He was trying to get me put outof the house when I was
pregnant.
He was trying to get me throughmy violence when I was pregnant
.
He was trying to get me throughmy finals as a reason to put me
and my kids all and the baby.
He made me see their pregnancydetails.

(36:13):
I mean, he made me take a DNAtest when I was seven weeks.
Then he took the meds and I hadto repeat it before him.
It was just like the ultimatehumiliation.

Tiffanie (36:24):
I felt like and I kept hearing you deserve it, because
I was interested in filing thisrelationship and I just nobody
deserves that it's just youdidn't realize a way to cope
with how you were feeling, so itwas normal for you to raise
your voice and yell and do allthese things.
You didn't.

(36:45):
You didn't do it intentionally,saying I'm about to abuse you
Like that's not where you weregoing, but because of the
background.
You didn't realize that it'sjust the cycle, that's it.

Jasmina (36:58):
I didn't, and with him I didn't realize that was his
plan from the beginning, like soI feel like that's what
separated us.
I really didn't have pureintentions when I was with him.
He had been had his heartbroken back in his childhood and
then I think he said he had arelationship where this woman
left him because another guy hadbetter sex.

(37:19):
So it was like he was not inthat mode of I feel I'm having
pure intentions.
Plus he was older.
So he just felt like, okay,what's gonna make me happy?
My last days, I guess, becausethe world's a piece of shit and
I'm just going to, I don't know,create this puzzle and live in
this puzzle and pretend I'mhappy because true love doesn't

(37:40):
exist.
And I didn't know.
He felt like that with me andpeople I guess said it's only
one.
Of course he felt like that,but I'm sorry if I'm 34, and if
a 34-year-old walks up to me andsays I'm going to be your
husband from then, how the fuckthat people are hard for me to
process.
I would just be like this is akid.

(38:02):
That's what I would.
I mean, I'm sorry, that's whatI would think.
But you know, could it was justlike I don't know, I've dated
older men for so long.
I was attracted to them so it'slike I had to restate my whole
mind and you know and who knows,that could change in the future
or whatnot.
But I just knew at the end datethat's what I was attracted to

(38:23):
and it wasn't because of money,it was just that's what I felt
comfortable like the olderperson and I thought he was 40,
something.
I had no idea he was basicallysomething, but overall the pain
was so unbearable.
Yeah, I looked up these trailsfrom it and it was saying that
it takes like four to five yearsto heal.
And that's with perfection.
And like, oh my god, it's gonnatake me five years to heal with

(38:52):
professional help.
And I was already going totherapy once a week for the last
five years.
I'm like how am I gonna get ina relationship?
I'm gonna be paranoid and thenfeed and told me like oh well,
there's a man out there for you.
I said yeah, right, but nowhe's gotta walk on eggshells and
I'm like where'd you go?
Where are you doing my kid?
I was like I don't want to dothat.
Like how do I continue forward?

(39:15):
And that year was the worst year, like the worst came ever felt
in my life, because he alwaysknew that when he was with me it
was for specific reasons and tonot share that with me, so I
could have made a true decision.
Thank you, my God.
I guess that's what happens inrelationships.

(39:38):
I was like you don't share yourtrue intentions, you just lie.
And the fact that I saw thathim as a human was capable of
lying for I guess for a year anda half, I was like who can
pretend for this song?
Because I thought I was smartenough to pick it up and to
notice.
And that's what led me to studyin biochemistry on 5-6.

(40:00):
Because I was like I'm donewith this.
I'm not getting played anymore.
I'm not going to walk aroundangry and upset.
There's from looking around.
There's no safe place.
I need to understand how thehuman mind.
And I started studying.
I looked apologize, startedstudying psychology and then I
got c-minus all the sidefinancial aid and I was like

(40:21):
I'll bring up about.
But I was like, okay, what do Ido in the meantime?
And somehow I started studyingbiochemistry.
I was following throughinstagram and it was this woman.
I said instant gratification.
I was like that's the greatest.
We're all addicted to instantgratification.
I need to research this andbring this to people's attention
, and the more I started talkingabout it.
I spoke to a doctor and theysaid, actually there's four

(40:43):
different drugs in our brain.
I'm like there's drugs, there'sfour.
What I just started learning.
I said everybody'sunconsciously addicted to their
dopamine because the people thatare aware of it I guess they
don't know how to convey themessage, or maybe they just feel
like, well, we'll just stayover here with people that are
balanced, that balance theirdopamine, and the people that's
literally basically running theworld are the ones that are

(41:04):
unconscious of it.
I have no idea how huge it isand your decision-making and why
a childhood upbringing is soimportant.
They tried the scientists.
That's what's running the world, the scientists.
They came up with gentleparenting.
People started making a joke ofit and everyone.
It's just a damn big joke downthere.
It's a big joke.

(41:25):
Everyone's laughing and jokingand there's no way that I can
know all this information andnot try and wake up.
I feel like the whole world,because wherever my children go,
they should feel like that areaknows how their damn brain
functions, because who has timeto wake up?
And my child's born to a placewhere they don't know how their

(41:47):
brain operates.
Now they're susceptible to thisor susceptible to that.
So that pain that I've had onthat relationship, I don't know,
I think it was so big.
I just felt every single painin the world and I was like I'm
late to the party Because it'sbeen normalized since, I'm said,
beginning of time.
I see movies and everything.

(42:09):
Which joke no wonder you have.
I guess people that say why?
Because everyone's just hurtingeach other, because nobody
understands why that painhappened, or there's not enough
people.
There's so many differentinfluences.
People sum it up to oh becauseGod.
Oh, they gotta stop that theykeep using.

(42:30):
They gotta stop this.
Like's so dumb they keep using.
They gotta stop this.
They keep using God's name todo all this pain.
From what I'm saying, go totheir judges, put your hand on
the Bible and tell the truth soyou can tell them that they're
about to die.
I felt that you said you can'tdo that.
There's nothing to groundpeople and that's where

(42:55):
everyone's lost.
There's nothing to ground you,I guess, if they work out and do
this and all that.
And I'm just like man, I wasworking out, I was eating
healthy, I did all that andpeople was like well, maybe you
should have tried a 34-year-old,so I wasn't going to get hurt
if I was with a 34-year-old.
I heard if I was 34-year-oldmaybe you should have been with
a lawyer.
Oh really, I'm safe there too.
Like see where I'm safe at.
Like you get what I'm saying.

(43:15):
Like where is this?
You know, because the fact thatI went about it I felt in a
healthy way, based on mycircumstances, and I still felt
that pain and it was a step thatI heard on the radio.
They were like woman was theescort, she will never find a
man of value.
And I was like well, no wonderpeople stay in that category and
never try to get better,because you guys keep telling

(43:37):
them they never will.
So that's why they stay there,that's why they keep doing it,
that's why the suicide rate isup, that's mainly why that's
true society plays a huge rolein how people are and how people
act, and people don't reallyunderstand that.

Tiffanie (43:53):
But your actions and your words hurt.
You hurt people and people needto take that in accountability,
because you don't know whatthese people have been through
in your life and most ofeverybody is controlled by their
childhood, whether they want tobelieve it or not.

Jasmina (44:11):
Yeah, everybody is controlled by their childhood,
whether they want to believe itor not.
Yeah, they are.
I don't know if we're just atthe average fucking
comprehension level of a humanthat's 14 years old.
I said sounds about right,sounds about right.

Tiffanie (44:24):
Yeah, it sucks and it's a shame, and it really
sucks that nobody figured thisout until I'd say, maybe the
last 10 years or so, when theywere like oh shit, I think
there's a connection, and that'swhy my podcast is True Crime
Connections.
Do you know why?
Because all this shit isconnected.
It's your childhood, it's whatgoes on in your mind, it goes on

(44:45):
in your relationships.
All of it All connected.
That's why you have addictionproblems.
That's why you have addictionproblems.
That's why you have abuseproblems.
That's why you have self-esteemproblems and worth problems.

Jasmina (44:55):
It's all connected.
No, it's all connected, and Iguess what will help people see
how connected it is is talkingabout science.
That's what I came up withBecause I was like they tried.
We all need to walk around andsay they tried.
We all need to walk around andsay how is this working anymore?

(45:19):
Sorry you're part of the problemtoo.
Like God, not everyone is justsuper connected.
You have to understand whatsomebody's feeling, and I feel
like scientists are trying tocome up with.
The problem is all these damnwars as well, but it's like
everyone has a different styleof literally doing.
I feel like the exact samething they say.
They talk about energy, forinstance, your child in your

(45:41):
house.
Oh, if they hear you yellingand screaming, that's going to
affect them.
They can go up and be like thisokay, well, you have a war
going on right here and a wargoing on over there, so I guess
we're in the energy of the house.

Tiffanie (45:53):
Right, I mean you can't ever expect to not raise
your voice in your life Likethat's.
You're asking why I don't thinkthat's humanly possible.

Jasmina (46:06):
Yeah, I mean I yell just when I get excited and
that's not a bad yell, but,jesus, they can hear me down the
street.
I definitely got to a spacewhere I will say, with the
yelling, even though things wentabout it the way it did, I hate

(46:29):
when people say I'm glad I wentthrough that because that pain
was not.
Oh my God, it was like I sweara dog came to me and said, hey,
you did a lot of great things,let's do it again.
I said, can I talk to youreally quickly please, like it's
take up, that pain was just.
And when I felt that pain Iwant to make sure I amplify my
voice in that.
Well, we could stop sittinglittle kids down and saying,
what, what's going to happen toyou at some point.

(46:50):
Right, we have to stop teachingthat At some point you're going
to have to let pain.

Tiffanie (47:03):
Oh God, now, people, you shouldn't be afraid to put
yourself out there and to findlove, to make friends, like,
yeah, the world's full of shittypeople, but it's also full of
great people.
So you can't live in thisbubble and try to protect
yourself, because what you'redoing is not living.
You're here to live.
So everything that you gothrough is going to put you on a

(47:25):
path.
Choose wisely and hope that itworks out.
But there's no guarantee.
There is no guarantee in life,nada.
You are not guaranteed to wakeup tomorrow, so you got to make
life the best that you can.
You can't live in fear, but beopen minded and try to see shit
for what it is.

Jasmina (47:44):
That's where they fail.
Nobody's open minded.
They want everyone's tellingeach other how to think.
And I'm just like, and nobodywants to be vulnerable, because
I feel like people are noteducated.
If people were educated on, Ifeel, like epigenetics and
biochemistry, it was such anormalized conversation.
I think you'd have a lot ofpeople that okay, now I know I

(48:04):
did that because you had anunconscious response.
They said the brain runs onautopilot 90% of the time.
I said no wonder you're not onautopilot.
Who was cautious?
Like it's running on autopilot90% of the time.
That's scary.

Tiffanie (48:19):
And yeah, those people are looking for their next fix.
So I mean, they're just lookingfor how am I going to do it?

Jasmina (48:25):
They're diving in the ocean with the sharks.
That's something.
That's that's not like findingthis really locked up for their
brain chemistry.
You're diving in the ocean, ormaybe I'm sorry.
I I try to picture myselfgetting joy from that and I just
can't.
That's scary.
That's like straight up fearI'll fuck with shirts yeah, I

(48:46):
miss what you're about to godiving at eight in the morning,
like why are you doing that?
That's not okay.
I mean, look, I'm like so it'sthe thing.
If, like this conversation withthem that was not it make
people think like deeper, likewhat's really going on with
somebody that they want to godive in the ocean with the

(49:08):
sharks?
What is going on with them?
you know, I had that'sadrenaline yeah, why is your
damn adrenaline so high?
Like what is going on then,like you know, like I don't know
that's, and I guess they callit empowering, but I'm just like
I don't know why it's so coolto put yourself in a dangerous
situation and I get like mary,you made it out, but I don't

(49:31):
know if that should be myregular routine it ain't gonna
be mine I use the status as highas that because somebody that's
out there doing that they got alot of money.
Okay, they do.
And I'm just saying that we'reso busy looking at the person
addicted to opioids as they'resomething's wrong with them.
It's like what about thatperson out there swimming in the

(49:52):
ocean of the sharks?
Some of all, both of them, youknow.
They are both puttingthemselves in dangers, just in
different ways absolutely.

Tiffanie (50:02):
I mean.
Everyone's chasing was thatdopamine.
There's cortisol, serotonin.
I know I'm missing one.
All is a dangerous cocktail,very dangerous cocktail.
They all give all.

Jasmina (50:22):
But you know, I spoke to a doctor and he was telling
me I don't know, give me no moreinformation, because I don't
want to take on a doctor's job,I just want to do the opening.
But he was telling me,depending on the stress of your
environment, your brain couldcreate more receptors or take
away receptors.
And I was like, well, yourbrain can get filled with more
drugs.

Tiffanie (50:42):
I was like, oh my God, this was like people get
addicted to that hit and sothat's why they do the things
they're doing, because they'refeeling the effects.
Like I know, I went through somuch crap in my life.
My body made a lot of cortisoneand that gave me an autoimmune

(51:02):
disease because I was constantlyin fight, flight freeze.
So I know that's where minecame from and it's like some
bitch, this will make you sick.

Jasmina (51:12):
It will make you sick, it will make you sick.
And I felt like where I need tomake a big enough noise about
it is because when I was doingthe research I was like it's
going to take more than fivepeople knowing two people
knowing this information.
And I feel like when I lookaround the world I feel like
there's so many different thingswhere they're trying to get
people's attention and I feellike God, I hate to make things

(51:32):
about rape films, the biggestdamn distraction on demand.
But anyways, I feel like Blackpeople.
It's a challenge there.
It's a challenge there and Ithink because I remember how my
upbringing was.
Somebody tried to walk up to meand talk about.
I can't even imagine I mighthave sat down and listened, but
I'm so busy trying to surviveI'm like I have to.

(51:53):
I gotta figure this out.
I gotta figure that out.
And I don't know if they have aspokesman or that Kanye West
failed everybody, but I don'tknow.
That's when you don't know howyour brain works.
He didn't know shit aboutbiochemistry and epigenetics.
It takes more than I'msurprised.

(52:14):
He said you said your goddamnbrain is operating and he
doesn't, and that's why theywant to give him a fifth.
I tried to make a video and taghim to just put the bug in his
ear.
But he's somewhere.
Like he listened to me, likeyou know, he's busy saying his
dog, but anyhow, I busy sayinghis dog, but anyhow, I think

(52:36):
that I believe that thatenvironment, or that many people
don't understand how it works.
I don't know, or maybe I thinkit's the rest of the world as
well, like foreigners and stufflike that.
I have no idea who has a lot ofawareness about this stuff and
yeah, I don't think that there'senough awareness there, just
isn't.
They do talk about it, butyou're using words, different
language, I'm going to saysomebody would say different
dialect that people can'tcomprehend.

(52:57):
So they are talking about it.
But if somebody said so, second, drug in your brain, that's
going to make some people turn.
Hey, it's like drug in my brain, but it's like the way you're
speaking is so different.
Somebody can be talking aboutyou like, oh, the horizon, you
know, sounds all fucking happy,unless you're feeling it, I
don't know.
But I think it just needs to bestraight, like there's drugs in

(53:17):
your brains and pulling in yourbehavior.
That shit's not like and Idon't know who's saying that.
I think rappers are busyrapping.
I think actors are busy acting.
The celebrity world, I don't,don't know they're trying to
like talk about this stuff, butI think on I'll say, for
instance, oh girls, stay awayfrom them.

Tiffanie (53:37):
They a hot mess.

Jasmina (53:39):
Goddamn brain chemistry is.
I'm just looking like you know.
I just feel like everyone's sobusy performing.
A woman should perform thisRight, Everyone's performing.

Tiffanie (53:51):
I I mean, this is out there.
It's been out there.
The problem is people don'twant to look at themselves.
In the very beginning of this Isaid we're handing you a mirror
to look inside.
I'm gonna say 80 percent ofpeople don't want to do that.
It's scary in there and peopleare afraid to look inside

(54:12):
themselves.
So it's out there for anyone tofind.
It's just do you really want tofind what you're going to find?

Jasmina (54:20):
They don't, and I don't care that they want to find it.
You know there's childrenaround this world that are
falling because you don't wantto miss them, so I think there
needs to be a loud enough bangand somebody just doesn, tells
me to back down.
Right, I keep going viral onInstagram and it's not in a nice
way, but I don't care.
I'm like, yeah, help me.
You know I'm not sayinganything that's wrong, but you

(54:43):
know what I put on there.
Give me your opinion.
So I said, hey, Black women,you don't know how to tame Black
women.
You know, of course, if you goto the other race, like it feels
easier because I'm like that'sdifferent environments, you know
.
And I said I feel like whitemen know how to tame mentally
and I think that maybe Black menknow how to tame, like
physically.
And I think if you guys can sitdown and have a fucking

(55:03):
conversation with one another,you guys can help each other out
Instead of arguing about whosepenis is bigger.
I can't believe it's abutt-move conversation, because
you can have the energy to beattracted to somebody.
I don't feel like it's.
They're arguing about thestupider shit.
So I thought that that was fairto say.
I think that if Black and whitemen had a conversation, because

(55:26):
the inside will naturally form,because Black and white makes
all different shades.
So I feel like if black men andwhite men could have a
conversation, it would help alot.
But they're so busy about no,I'm the powerful one.
No, I'm the powerful one.
What if both of you are trash?
That's how I feel.

(55:47):
And you're not God, Likeeveryone's just trying to act
like they're God and it's likewhy don't you get to know one
another?
But anyways, people wereactually on Instagram like can't
believe.
You used the word tame.
I said who the hell isn'tacting like they am?
I really can't fend.
Who is not hurting one anotherMentally, emotionally,

(56:16):
physically?
Who is not hurting one anothermentally, emotionally,
physically?

Tiffanie (56:18):
who's who's hurting one another?
Who's that pain?
That thing is it's.
It goes both ways and it reallyit sucks.
It really sucks.
There's no reason why we shouldhate another person because
they look different than we do.
Do you want everybody lookinglike you?
No, having differences makes itinteresting.
First thing I said to you youlook gorgeous.

(56:41):
Like what can you?

Jasmina (56:43):
do.
It makes it exotic, and I thinkI made a post where I said it
makes people their jealousy.
I said that shit is exotic.
You can walk in a room andacknowledge your white side.
You can walk in a room andacknowledge your white side.
You can walk in a room andacknowledge your black side.
Why is that?
Why are we tearing them downfor that?
And so I said tame because Iwas just like when I said tame,
I really wasn't thinking like, Ididn't think nothing.
Back.
When I seen the response I wasgetting, I'm like we're not

(57:07):
animals.
We're not animals.
I know you're fucking lying.
Who isn't an animal like?
I really can't tell you.
Pay one another to hurt eachother?
That's literally what.
I'm saying you pay one anotherto hurt each other and then you
use religion to hurt one another.
That's not animalistic, becausewhat you have to see it
physically, I thought payingmeant more than just it and the

(57:33):
fact that people just saw it Iwas like I'll go get a shit,
just help the video go viral.

Tiffanie (57:38):
I'll explain it once it gets enough trim passion like
I was like oh my god, you can'tsay nothing yeah, I think when
tame kind of means like get yourshit in check, like hold back,
everyone's gonna have their ownversion of what shit means.

Jasmina (58:00):
So I mean it got their attention.
So I'm like good, before I wasthinking like I'm like, hey,
it's not what you I try to do.
Sit in the house, I paid youthis, I did.
I mean, that's taming like, butI was just like we'll talk
about it, I guess, when I a longtime now with you.
So when people look back I'llbe like I didn't interview.

(58:22):
Oh, it's true, and we went atthe whole thing.
Well, we had shit episode.
I had to.

Tiffanie (58:28):
Yes, the world we live in is a difficult one, because
there are so many differentpeople out there with so many
different backgrounds, so manydifferent traumas, so many
different ways of thinking andways of life.
There's no way we can ever allbe on the same playing field.
I really wish we could.

(58:49):
It would make life a lotfucking easier, but I just don't
see how it is, because whenparents are parenting their
children, they are instillingthese values, or lack of values.
So I honestly believe we needto get to children when they're
still children in school, teachthem how to talk about things,

(59:13):
teach them about emotions,because kids hold so much inside
and then it's only a matter oftime before they're shooting up
a school because they're bulliedor they're this or they're that
.
These kids need to learn how todeal with their feelings and to
be able to talk about what'sgoing on.
If something's going on at home, you need to know that you can
tell somebody and someone isable to talk about what's going
on.
If something's going on at home, you need to know that you can

(59:33):
tell somebody and someone isgoing to help you.
Unfortunately, we don't havethat in place.

Jasmina (59:40):
I will say for high school.
These adults don't want toacknowledge their own emotions.
How the hell are you going toraise this child to acknowledge
theirs?
Like, for instance, I had madea post where I men are telling
their children you need to getA's and B's, no matter what you
know, through the bully, throughthis, but you can't even put
your emotions to the side andhave a conversation with your
child's mother.
You're in this.

(01:00:02):
Are you kidding me?
You can't even put youremotions on the side to get an a
what happened in conversationwith your child's mother?
But you expect this child to golearn from a teacher that
probably doesn't respect them orcare about how they feel.
We don't even do that as adults.
We're like I'm about to get outof here.
I don't have to stay here andlisten to you.
So it's like there's just notenough reflection and I can

(01:00:23):
understand you saying like Idon't think it's going to change
.
Yeah, does this make God a senseof me?
Did any of the time because Iwas trying to study?
Like when was it happening?
You know, like I'm not evengoing to play that damn game.
There was never a time when itwas me.
There was a time when it wasquiet and nobody was talking
about it.
That's so funny and I'm aboutto make a big bang about it

(01:00:44):
because, as you said, there'splenty of people around me that
are good, that can say you know,like it's what I'm hoping, and
I feel like I have to do itbecause after I felt that pain,
oh my god, it's like I'm gettinghit in the trunk.
Even just like that pain andthat confusion was just like it

(01:01:07):
blew my mind Everything that Ithought was, but you were
blindsided.

Tiffanie (01:01:12):
Not only did he leave, but then he left with your
brother's girlfriend.
So, like whoa, how's that?

Jasmina (01:01:19):
And like when I was praying for a believer, I was
like but I think what reallyhurt me is people were like you
should have known that they werecapable of that.
That's what really broke methat people were telling me
People are capable of a lot.

Tiffanie (01:01:37):
People are capable of love.
People are capable of, I mean,everything, every freaking
emotion that's out there.
Of course people are capable ofit.
You just don't want to thinkthat they'll act on some of that
stuff.

Jasmina (01:01:51):
So I mean, we're human beings, our minds, sometimes
they work on their own, which isscary and then, like I said, we
were like you were a best forit and it was just like you know
.
So I just felt like so I gottatell myself I'm always gonna
have disrespect my whole life,or I gotta disrespect myself out
, and you know what?
That's where I feel like mystrength comes in for my

(01:02:13):
childhood, because I'll try towake into a f you, what do you
think you're talking to?
And it's like no, I'm not gonnatell myself, I'm confined to
this.
Or, for instance, I think a manhas an experience with another
man.
Stay there, you're gay.
You got conflicted and hit byidentity.
What happened to this child?
But it doesn't matter, staythere.
Now you have to name a wholecommunity because you guys

(01:02:34):
follow people where they have tostay.
Why can't they just have anexperience?
Never?

Tiffanie (01:02:40):
let somebody label you .
You are the only one who cansay who you are and stay true to
yourself.
Don't let nobody put no labelon you, because real world,
there are no labels.
People are people.
You're going to do what you gotto do to survive.
People do it every day, sodon't let people put a label on

(01:03:01):
you.
That's bullshit.

Jasmina (01:03:03):
This shit is bullshit and you need to stay here.
Look, I did that to myself fora long time.
I knew myself for a long time.
Like my kids, I want to respectwhen I get older, I just want
to accept it.
I'm going to accept I'm goingto be a lonely woman like I used
to really talk to myself likethat and what an unhealthy way
of thinking.
You know, and it was definitelythanks to my therapist I I was

(01:03:26):
like she always hyped me up.
She told me you know, she's awhite woman and I encourage
people to see the opposite race,because I was saying my race
and I felt like I was stillconfined, but with her she
brought it.
I think I brought a lot ofrealization in her world as well
.
She was like you do like it andthat, and I'm like yeah, don't
you hear stuff like this?
And she's like no, she was likeso I think we were both mind

(01:03:51):
blown.
I didn't believe she had neverheard and she couldn't believe
that.
And she was here and I feellike I said, yeah, that was
totally normal, she was justlike.
I never asked her like hey, Iknow this session is for me, but
are you okay?
Because she was really mindblown by it.
I mean, I don't know, she mightsay no, I wasn't, but I

(01:04:12):
remember her rubbing her headand she was like, oh my God,
like she was just she was mindblown.

Tiffanie (01:04:18):
I'm just really glad that you did go to therapy
because you wanted to betteryourself and to clear your head,
and that is so important.
And if you do see a therapistand it doesn't work for you,
find another one.
There's so many out there.

Jasmina (01:04:32):
Well, don't give up, because I did.
When I got to the second one, Iremember she was always talking
to me and reminding me of myaunt and I was like, why am I
seeing this lady?
And I didn't go for two years.
But I got back into it and Isaid, let me just make sure I'm
not crazy and I'm very, very,very thankful for her.
I was going to say somethingabout her but I got all kind of

(01:04:52):
in my emotions.
But I was very thankful forthat woman and just like helping
me understand why I was feelingwhat I was feeling.
You know, just on the fact that,just if you're insightful, don
don't be slide both.
I mean, I've been seeing herfor six years and I go every
single week and I'm always like,hey, do you think I was trauma

(01:05:13):
dumping?
Or just like because I thinkI've made a video, they're like
she's trauma dumping.
I was like, come on.
And she was like don't listento them, you're not trauma ducks
, you know.
I was like I'm gonna check inwith you because I want to make
sure I'm staying in a healthyplace and not this mad woman
screaming since she got herheart broken.
I really just want to helppeople by sharing everything I
went through and, mostimportantly, amplifying the fact

(01:05:36):
that it's drugs in your brainthat's influencing your behavior
, because the gene expressionhas been imbalanced since the
beginning of time.
I don't know why they call itthat, they just call it the gene
output.
But yeah, everyone's conflictedin their identity and there is
no particular category that I amseeing that is not conflicted
in their identity or theywouldn't feel like they have to

(01:05:56):
be in this category that says,right there, you're conflicted.
You feel like you have toidentify by this label to say
you're somebody.

Tiffanie (01:06:04):
Right, right.

Jasmina (01:06:13):
So you wrote the book?
Am I thinking correctly?
Yes, you see why?
Yeah, is that out?
Yes, it is out, it's on amazonwe released it march 18th.
So, yeah, it dives into what Iwas thinking on a biochemistry
level, psychological level andthen spirit, how I always was in

(01:06:35):
tune with, I'll say,spirituality and, yeah, those
important details and everythingI just assessed with the whole
point is that sometimes peopledo need to look at somebody's
life in order to have areflection of themselves, and
I'm very honest and everything Iwent through down to me being
confused about which dad thiswas and you know, just just

(01:06:56):
overall, I feel like a lot oftopics talked about more on a
deep level rather than justwatch it on cb for entertainment
right, well, good, I meanhopefully that can give somebody
a mirror or reflection to lookinto themselves, to see what it
is that they've been throughyeah and acknowledge it, I'll

(01:07:18):
say, because they keep tellingthis move on.
that's life and it's like Idon't think anybody's moving on,
we're just all numbers.
We're just numbers.

Tiffanie (01:07:28):
That's the truth, though, too.
That 110%.
That's what America does.
We band-aid, and then we blowup later and don't know why.

Jasmina (01:07:38):
I know Well, we hold up a damn sign like live your life
, don't stay in that.
Like no, there has to be moreto life from that.
Yeah, the whole point of this,every time I open my mouth, is
just to help unite everybody.
There's so many barriers andwe're literally all going
through the same day and I thinkeveryone's tired of numbing.

(01:07:58):
They just don't know how tohave a fucking no.
If people are havingconversations, then they're not
talking Hindi.
Well, no.

Tiffanie (01:08:08):
Right, absolutely.
I had a guy on my show.
He said something that reallymade me think.
He said people hear it but theydon't listen.
And I was like, ooh, like, yeah, like people they hear you,

(01:08:29):
they're not listening.

Jasmina (01:08:32):
I was like sorry, I just want to use context to that
.
So so you know, they always sayin one ear, out the other, over
your head.
And so people should know howstrong the brain is.
And the thing is, if you don'tfind any healthy ways of
releasing the drug from yourbrain, your brain is blocking
out every single thing that itbasically hears unless it's

(01:08:53):
going to help release the drugin the brain.
So if you have a healthy way ofreleasing the drug in your
brain, then you can think moreclearly here.
That's why they say to exercise, be healthy.
They're telling you all that tohelp you with your brain.
People just don't understandwhy.
Because, yes, if you are notreleasing that drug in a healthy
way, your brain will overrideyour frontal lobe because it

(01:09:13):
doesn't give a shit unless it'ssomething you caught.

Tiffanie (01:09:17):
Right, right, I'll just talk about just being
present.
We were talking about schoolshootings and this guy said he
had like a gun in the car andthere was a bunch of people who
were there that were hearing it,but only one person really
listened to what he said andthen went and reported it.

(01:09:37):
Everyone else was just likewell.

Jasmina (01:09:41):
So Anyway, mary and y'all, take care of these kids.
Like I hope you don't know,like I don't put them gas,
everyone's fucking on a plane.
Like oh, I want it, you knowjust completely.
I don't even know if it'ssubconscious, I don't know.
Based on my life I think Idon't know if it was
subconscious or completelyunconscious.
I think it was more towards theunconscious side because I'm

(01:10:03):
like what the hell?

Tiffanie (01:10:07):
If somebody wanted to find you on social media, what's
the best platform?

Jasmina (01:10:10):
The best platform.
I'm going to say Instagram.
Instagram is the best platform.
It's not first or last name.
I don't know if you'll put myname in there, but it's just
spelling Okay.
So, yeah, I'll put all thelinks in the show notes.

(01:10:31):
I didn't do that.
What happened?
But okay, yeah, I feel likeInstagram is a good place,
definitely.
I feel like the information isvery thought-provoking.
I don't think you're going tolike it, which is good, because
that means we're sending ashockwave, or you're already
going to be conscious of it andsay, oh, I know exactly what's
happening.
But yeah, yeah, and my book is.

(01:10:52):
Am I Thinking Correctly?
If you understand finance, youactually will get it for free.
If you download it on Kindle,it's free.

Tiffanie (01:11:01):
Oh, everybody loves freebie.

Jasmina (01:11:03):
Yeah, I want to make sure they read it.
Oh, the loves freebie.
Yeah, I want to make sure theyread it.
Oh, the money will come.
Y'all need to raise this book.

Tiffanie (01:11:09):
I love that Love that Was there anything else you
wanted to add?

Jasmina (01:11:14):
We should go around and chant all soldiers they are to
be in the name of God.
Everyone's saying stop, don'tdo that.
No one is listening.
The soldiers hold the power andeveryone's talking about
slavery.
I can't imagine what they haveto go.
Do we see the effects of havinga war?
And I think that people shouldsay the soldiers deactivate when

(01:11:36):
they don't.
That's simple.
I don't believe in protests.
I don't know if people say well, we're all here because you
seen us.
There is technology.
Don't be fogging up streetssaying I did you hop while
you're following a computer,fogging up traffic and much much
.
You know.
Just you can also deactivatemap guide, close your phone, go

(01:11:59):
back to work.
Everybody ain't got to hear youscreaming or yelling.
It's too hot.
It's the summer.
There you go.
That's pretty hot, it's thesummer.

Tiffanie (01:12:06):
There you go.
That's pretty hilarious, it'shot.
Yeah, it is too hot girl.
Well, I want to thank you forbeing here.
I think somebody is going toget something out of this.
You know, open your eyes andwork on yourself.

(01:12:26):
It's never too late to rebuildyourself.

Jasmina (01:12:31):
Exactly because you don't want your kids saying my
mom does this.
It's better to hear my mom usedto do this.
We don't want to hear used to,but at least we know it's past
tense.
It's not who you are today, youknow, so keep that in mind.

Tiffanie (01:12:48):
They might say you used to do it, but the word is
used to Amen.
Yes, if this story moved, youshare it with someone who needs
to hear it.
Don't forget to follow, rateand review.
It helps more survivors findour community.
Do you want to be part of theconversation and share your

(01:13:24):
story?
Visit truecrimeconnectionscom.
Until next time, be safe, beseen and never forget.
Your story has power, thank you.