Can People Change?

 There's no such thing as "Capital-T Trauma." Emotional trauma is simply any experience that drives us to deny parts of ourselves for the sake of staying safe.

Alexithymia (not feeling our feelings) can be attributed to trauma: we have experiences that drive us to close and lock doors in our "mansions of self," but in doing so, we lock away our access to the emotions attached to those experiences.
 
Can we change??

• Conditioning/programming? Ryan says no, Abby says yes. Ryan eventually says maybe.
• Actions/behaviors? Abby & Ryan agree that we can absolutely change those.
• Nature vs. Nurture. The stuff we can change is nurture, but we mistake a LOT of nurture stuff for nature stuff.

The Transtheoretical Change Model

1. Pre-contemplation (unconscious incompetence) - Grief: Denial
2. Contemplation (conscious incompetence A) - Grief: Anger
3. Preparation (conscious incompetence B) - Grief: Bargaining
4. Action (conscious competence) - Grief: Depression
5. Maintenance (unconscious competence) - Grief: Acceptance

When you're an adult working through this cycle, your inner traumatized child has already gone through it (the trauma was the first change cycle), and is in maintenance mode. The change cycle you go through as an adult is the process of healing from the part of you that's in maintenance mode.

GRATITUDES:

• Ryan is grateful that Abby gave him clarity on his message during this episode.
• Abby is grateful for the people in her life who give her opportunities to practice choosing to be her best self.

TIME CODES:
3:00 - Body Tests
7:15 - Alexithymia & Trauma
18:21 - Can people really change?
45:40 - The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change
   
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