Episode Transcript
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(00:10):
Welcome to True Tales byDisability Advocates, authentic
voices of people.
thriving with disabilities.
Where individuals use the art ofstorytelling to change the
world.
The True Tales by DisabilityAdvocates Podcast is produced by
Art Spark Texas, SpeakingAdvocates Program.
Keep listening to hear howlife's challenges can spark a
(00:33):
desire to speak out and advocatefor yourselves and others.
MsBoye (00:48):
Welcome to the
mid-winter episode of True Tales
by Disability Advocates, seasontwo.
You are listening to the podcastwhere Advocates harness the
power of storytelling to buildcommunity with their peers and
hope to develop empathy inothers.
Recognizing that everyone's lifeis enriched by the inclusion of
multiple voices, Art Spark Texashas been training Disability
(01:10):
Advocates as storytellers forover 20 years.
A team of these DisabilityAdvocates creates True Tales to
give disabled storytellers theopportunity to share their
personal stories and livedexperience in their authentic
voices.
We offer our unique and oftenunderrepresented perspective to
the growing community of podcastlisteners world.
(01:32):
Winter is the time of stillnessand darkness when nature
encourages us to look within anddiscover what's ready to grow in
the coming year.
In this episode,"Practice PeaceNot Pity," hosts Toby
Al-Trabulsi and Kristen Gooch,talk to storytellers, Kaye Love
and Darla Murphy about thepractices they use to find peace
(01:55):
in their lives.
As we come to the end of a year,that's been difficult for many
of us, from 11:30 PM on NewYear's Eve to 12:30 AM New
Year's Day around the world,people will participate in the
31st Universal Hour of Peace.
We invite you to take time tolook within and perhaps you'll
find new ways to find peace foryourselves in the coming year.
Toby (02:24):
Welcome to True Tales by
Disability Advocates, where we
change the world one story at atime.
I'm your host Toby Al-Trabulsi.
We're talking about PityFatigue, and I'll be chatting
with our guest Kaye Love.
Welcome, Kaye.
Kaye (02:39):
Thanks for having me.
It's good to be here.
Toby (02:41):
It's great to have you on
the podcast, really appreciate
you coming back for a secondseason.
Kaye (02:47):
Yeah.
This is exciting.
Toby (02:49):
What have you been doing
since since you last were a
guest on the podcast.
Kaye (02:54):
Well, I've had the
opportunity to give some, um,
guest speaking at churchservices and,
Toby (03:01):
Oh cool!.
Kaye (03:01):
Um, I'm in the process of
writing my fourth talk that I'm
gonna get to deliver, to acongregation.
And starting to look at how toget my message about faith and
inclusion out in the world.
Um, I'm also in the process of,starting to apply or return to
(03:23):
studies, to complete a Doctoratein Ministry.
Toby (03:27):
Oh, that's so cool.
How have those talks been going?
What has that experience beenlike for you?
Kaye (03:33):
Oh, it's been very
exciting to kinda share my
perspectives on how ourchallenges can lead to spiritual
growth and closer connection tothe Spirit within and that
Divine part of us that we dohave more kind of an opportunity
to touch as we move through thechallenges in our lives.
Toby (03:53):
And are people pretty,
pretty receptive to your message
and what you have to say?
Kaye (03:59):
Um, they seem to be, the
talks I've done so far have been
online due to the pandemic, sothey have little hearts and
(laughs) on Facebook response.
But I haven't really had theopportunity, this next time is
gonna be my first time inperson, so, they do keep asking
me back, so I'm assuming it's,it's popular.
Toby (04:20):
Oh, that's great.
I love that.
Where, um, where at, if that's
Kaye (04:25):
Unity Church of the Hills
is where I've been speaking
recently and I am hoping to,like I said, go out to some
other congregations in thefuture.
Toby (04:34):
Oh, cool.
Well, please, uh, keep me postedabout that.
That sounds really fun.
And I hope people are, keepbecoming more receptive to your
message cuz that's, that'sreally cool.
As a person who's like notreally, not very res, not
spiritual myself, I find thataspect very fascinating.
Cuz I, I find people'sexperiences of spirituality and,
(04:58):
and religious experience is veryinteresting.
It's like hearing about anotherlife within them.
And it's so interesting.
It sounds very enriching.
Kaye (05:10):
I think we all have a
place that is, that is sacred
and I think some people see itas Divinity and some people just
see it as, kinda with awe andwonder, but may not assign it
to, to something beyond them.
Toby (05:28):
Yeah.
can you speak more about, aboutthat and, and what kind of led
you to like a spiritual, whatkind of led you to your
spiritual enlightenment journey?
Was it something about, your,therapy practices or, or what?
Kaye (05:42):
So, when I was young, I
had seizures and I noticed when
I got in acceptance of theseizure that I was less likely
to have them.
And I started doing a lot ofacceptance work and meditation
practices and kind of spiritualgrowth towards just seeing the
(06:03):
gifts and everything.
And as I learned to kind ofaccept what's going on more and
more, um, I was Conscious moreand more, and so learning to be
Conscious literally kind ofhelped me to develop more of a
connection to my Sacred Self orHigher Consciousness, um,
(06:26):
spiritually.
Toby (06:28):
Hmm.
So what I'm hearing you say islearning to accept every part
of, of yourself helped you tolearn and live and, and
furthermore, like love everypart of you and, and extend
those feelings and experiencesoutward to every part of your
(06:53):
purview to your perception.
So you could grant that kind ofattitude to your, your fellow
humans.
Kaye (07:01):
Yes.
I think that, you know,everything is Sacred and when we
love what is, and we loveourselves and we love other
people, we experience a peacethat that is not there when
we're in resistance to reality.
Toby (07:16):
Hmm.
That's wonderful.
Kaye (07:19):
And I think, you know,
when I think back on what has
been kinda most meaningful in mylife, it has been learning to
move past, being scared of wheremy body is going and just trust
that whatever happens with mybody is okay.
And the experience I had gettingsent to self-contained school
(07:41):
and getting to go to school withchildren with all kinds of
abilities and disabilities and(laughs) physical configurations
or, or whatever.
I think helped me be more justinclusive in my life of others
and, and riding the bus helpedme with social skills and
(08:03):
relating to people and a lot ofthe things that have happened to
me that people would say,"Ohwow, that's not a good thing,"
have really been good things forme.
And I think when we start seeingthe, the blessings in our
challenges, it shifts the way welive.
Toby (08:18):
I think that is so true,
and it's an immensely hard thing
to do.
And I think that's wonderfulthat you were able to, to do
that and, and you made yourlife's work out of it..
And I'd love more than anythingif you could share your story
with us today.
Kaye (08:38):
Certainly.
Pity Fatigue by Kaye Love.
(08:59):
Pity, it's a complex subject.
It arises out of a true sense ofcompassion and caring.
Yet the attempt to bond througha perception of misfortune
creates a bitter experience foreveryone involved.
Although the signs of pity maybe hard to define objectively,
you know when it's directed atyou.
(09:21):
Have you ever thought, Oh, thismust be horrible! Look at all
the sad faces of everyone aroundme." Have you ever found
yourself exhausted at the end ofthe day, because in addition to
the stress you are experiencingdue to some unwanted,
unpleasant, maybe even traumaticevent, you have to deal with
(09:44):
people becoming horriblydistressed when they see you or
hear of your situation?
Have you ever experienced asinking feeling of shame that
occurs as a result of otherslooking at you like your life is
not worth living?
Have you ever avoided peoplebecause you cannot stand any
(10:04):
more sad faces?
If your answer is yes to any ofthese, then you know, pity is
not pretty.
This is the story of how Idiscovered the phenomenon of
"Pity Fatigue" and vowed that Iwould no longer allow myself to
be affected by the sad responsesfrom people around me.
(10:27):
Nor would I perpetrate pity onothers.
So if you feel like a"PityProvoker or you are a"Pity
Perpetrator", I want you to knowthat there is hope.
While I may not look like a pityprovoker, I have a long history
with the experience of pity.
When I was nine, I hit my headand began to have seizures.
(10:50):
I would awaken, injured, mute,and blind.
During this dark period when Iwas unable to respond there was
always a crowd of people talkingabout how awful it was, how it
should not be happening, such apitiful condition.
The first thing I saw was alwayslooks of terror.
(11:12):
That same look appeared wheneverI talked about seizures.
I also remember seeing the sadexpressions of others when they
saw people with otherdisabilities and hearing
comments about how pitiful theywere.
I remember knowing that I toowas a pitiful purveyor of
sadness to others.
(11:33):
I did not connect thesereactions of others to my
experience of low self-worth asa teenager.
I just thought in addition tobeing epileptic, I was mentally
unstable.
It was all I could do not tojoin the party and pity myself.
However, I was committed tolearn not to be miserable.
I was determined not to gothrough life feeling pathetic.
(11:56):
I would write affirmations aboutbeing okay how I am and tell
myself positive things.
Yet I still had the feeling thatI was less than others.
I increased my efforts to feelbetter through my twenties, by
reading self-help books andgetting therapy.
The experience of myself aspitiful lessoned with effort,
(12:18):
yet it lingered.
Because I had seen a lot ofpeople who seemed like they
could really benefit from beinghappier I entered graduate
school to become aPsychotherapist.
One day in class, my professorsaid," We learn about ourselves
from the facial expressions ofothers." This statement lingered
(12:38):
in my mind as I left.
After class someone asked meabout a huge bruise on my leg as
large, purple and greenblotches, made frequent
appearances on my body.
I said,"Oh, I get those all thetime.
I have seizures.
I thrash about and run intothings." This was not really a
(12:59):
big deal to me.
I was used to it.
Then there it was, VicariousTrauma" all over their faces, as
they said,"How awful that mustbe.
How sad you have to endure it.
I don't know if I could handleit!" As I saw their bitter
looks, I experienced a sinkingfeeling of shame for causing
(13:19):
their discomfort.
Then I flashed back on thelecture.
We learn about ourselves fromthe facial expressions of
others." I thought That is it!It is not about me.
It is the reactions of others."At that moment, I realized I'm
not pitiful.
I'm just responding to theirnegative reactions.
I became very curious about thisphenomenon and started on a
(13:43):
quest to explore it.
When I was out in public, Iwould watch the look on other
people's faces when they saw orheard about Disability.
Some people just look upoverhead, like they hoped to
avoid knowledge of somethingunpleasant.
Some divert their eyes downwardlike they are ashamed of the
judgment they are making.
(14:03):
Some people furrow their browand stare as if they see a
problem to solve.
Watching those distorted facesday after day is exhausting.
Just as professionals who dealwith trauma on a regular basis
get compassion fatigue, Ipropose that people with
conditions others perceive asunfortunate are subject to a
vicarious stress condition Icall"Pity Fatigue".
(14:27):
Now, when I see that squinchedup face that says,"Oh, how bad
for you," I remember that theyare mired in their own fear
attempting to bond through thebitterness they feel.
They are unable to focus on thesweetness of gifts that result
from overcoming obstacles.
They may lack the skills toadjust and be happy I know that
(14:49):
look is not about me or mysituation.
When I see others who are facingsomething that looks difficult
for me, I remember that theyhave strengths and gifts I do
not have, and I become curiousabout who they are.
I choose to bond with the unseensweetness, which lies beyond
what is bitter at firstencounter.
(15:11):
Then I look them in the eyes andsmile.
My psyche is now pity proof.
I no longer perceive myself as a"Pity Provoker", nor do I
perpetrate pity on other people.
The next time you see someone ina situation you perceive as
unpleasant, I invite you to movepast the bitterness, become
(15:31):
curious about the sweetness, andbe more balanced in your
attempts to bond.
Toby (15:50):
Welcome back.
I'm here with our guest KayeLove..
Thanks so much for sharing yourstory with us Kaye.
Kaye (15:56):
You're welcome.
Thank you again, for having me.
Toby (15:59):
Of course.
In your story you talked aboutthe discovery of"Pity Fatigue".
Could you tell us a bit moreabout this concept and how
someone could identify ifthey're a Pity Provoker or a
Pity Perpetrator?
Kaye (16:14):
Uh, yes.
So as I mentioned, it is a formof Vicarious Trauma.
So when we see other peoplehaving traumas, the kind of way
our brains work, we also kind ofjoin them with that.
And then that seeing people havetrauma with our trauma comes
back at us and we get affectedby seeing other people
(16:36):
experience ourselves astraumatic.
And so, um, it's kind of, ifsomebody feels like other people
are always looking at them likethey're sad or pathetic or
something, and start gettingthis experience of themselves as
the source of trauma in otherpeople's lives.
(16:58):
Then they would know that, that,and actually it's not them doing
that, it's just other peoplemaybe not having the coping
skills to deal with thesituation that they perceive.
We can step back from that andsay,"Hey.
Even though somebody else wouldbe traumatized by this, I can
move on and find my strengthsand appreciate myself in my own
(17:21):
way.
And if somebody is walkingaround thinking that everybody
is sad or that a lot of peopleare sad,"Oh, look at that, that
would be awful.
Oh, look at this, this would beawful." Maybe getting curious
about how it would createstrengths and gifts in
somebody's life.
If you're like,"Oh no, what mustit be to have that experience?"
(17:45):
Just regrouping,"What could Iget out of it?
And I'm kind of thinking about,you know, what might the
opportunities be that go withthe challenge?
Toby (17:55):
Great.
So, what I'm hearing you say alot of is, a...
It's about approaching yourfellow human and making honest
connections and pushing throughthat fear.
Kaye (18:08):
Yes.
Toby (18:10):
So, how has the phenomenon
of"Pity Fatigue" affected your
outlook on your interactions inyour daily life, personal and
professional.
Kaye (18:20):
Well, as I mentioned in
the story before, I kind of
clued into what was going onwith how I felt about myself,
you know, I just continuallyhave this experience of myself
as as less than, or other peoplewere having trauma about me and,
"Oh, this must be terrible".
(18:40):
Um, and then after I realizedthis, it was easier for me to
kind of work out of that andsay,"Oh! This person just
doesn't know how they would dealwith my situation." And so it's
both helped me not take otherpeople's reactions personally.
Understanding that what goes oninside other people is more
(19:01):
about them than it is about meor anyone else.
And also, with, um, being ableto know that I don't understand
what kind of coping skillssomebody has or can gain and it
helps me as a counselor and thatI tend to see that I empathize
knowing, having faith, that,whatever challenge we have, we
(19:24):
have a gift that we can developthat's equivalent to that.
So when somebody comes in andsays, oh, all this stuff is
going wrong, I know they have anopportunity that goes with their
challenge and that they canbecome more empowered and and
benefit from that growth.
Toby (19:42):
Awesome.
So you would say that PityFatigue has helped you gain more
insight to who you are as aperson and helps you share that
insight with your fellow humansin creating positive exchange
and encounters.
Kaye (19:58):
Yes.
You just never know what's gonnahappen when you go places.
Toby (20:03):
That's great.
What coping strategies do youimplement as an adult when you
see expressions of pity on onother people's faces, as opposed
to when you were younger andtook things more personally?
Kaye (20:16):
Again, I am more aware and
mindful that what other people
are reacting to is more aboutthem than it is about me.
And one of my favorite analogiesto share when I'm talking to
people about kind of not takingothers' reactions personally is,
if somebody looks disgusted, youknow, we tend to think,"Oh no, I
(20:38):
got lunch at my teeth," orsomething like that but they may
just have indigestion! And sothen I kind of being aware that
whatever's going on withsomebody else is, is not really
about me.
You know?
Um, and, and even if they were,it's not my problem, you know?
Toby (20:58):
Yeah, that's so true.
It doesn't have to affect you.
Kaye (21:02):
Right.
Toby (21:02):
Like it's just Yeah.
you practice that kind ofself-care through, through
Mindfulness or meditation orthings like that.
Kaye (21:11):
Right, and meditation has
helped me with being more aware
of what I'm telling myself.
It helps us to get moreconnected to that higher, more
Sacred part of ourself, but italso helps us notice our
thoughts more.
And so that's one of the thingsI do for myself and in my
practice to teach other people,is that that kind of being able
(21:32):
to be mindful of what are thestories we're making up about
ourselves and other people,helpsus deal more with what's really
there, instead of creating kindof trauma and drama through the
fiction that we tell ourselves.
Toby (21:48):
Uh, great.
Okay.
You've had a strong backgroundin mental health advocacy where
you used performance to advocatefor yourself and fellows like
yourself.
You're, a member of the PodcastWorking Group as well as being a
guest on the podcast, where youshared your story"Faith and
Inclusion".
What has the experience beenlike for you?
(22:10):
Being on both sides of the mic?
Kaye (22:13):
I've really enjoyed this
podcasting opportunity, um, and
getting to share my story, um,about faith inclusion and coming
up this one about"Pity Fatigue"and also hearing the stories of
others and getting to speak withpeople as you're speaking with
me.
And, um, also kind of thatbackground the producing.
(22:34):
Um, those more kind of, um,hidden aspects of it have been
very interesting as well.
Toby (22:41):
Yeah, it's really
enriching to, to get, to see all
these multi-layered facets ofpeople just kind of unravel and,
and see what they're like juster, the stories within stories.
And I, I think you're noexception.
So...
what are some things that youenjoy doing in your free time?
Kaye (23:01):
So I really enjoyed
working on this podcast, for
example, and being part of the,the production team with that.
I participate in TiltPerformance Group and I've been
taking classes on theater andimprov and some things like that
that have been really fun.
Um, as I mentioned earlier, I'malso have been writing some
(23:22):
talks and, and being able topresent the message at church on
occasion.
And, um, I enjoy sewing andcrochet and kind of crafting
hobbies like that, when I canmake the time for it and have
been kind of busy with morecommunity oriented outward stuff
recently.
Toby (23:43):
Oh, excellent! I love
that.
That sounds like a lot.
(Laughs)
Kaye (23:47):
Yes.
Toby (23:48):
Um, so Kaye, what's one
thing that you hope people take
away from hearing your story"Pity, Fatigue" for the first
time?
Kaye (23:58):
I would hope that people
are able to more appreciate
themselves and not let otherpeople's reactions affect them
negatively to be able to say,"Hey, even if somebody is
looking at me like something isreally awful, that doesn't mean
I have to experience it thatway." And also knowing that if
(24:20):
you think of someone else'scondition or situation would be
awful, that, that they be ableto say,"Hey, there may be a gift
there that I can't see, and howdo I connect around that
possibility, um, for growth andstrength?"
Toby (24:37):
That's wonderful.
I, I love that.
Well, thank you Kaye.
if our audience wants toconnect, what's the best way for
them to do that?
Do you have blog accounts orsocial media or website?
Kaye (24:50):
I have a website at
klove.com, which is kind of
underdevelopment right now, butI hope to get some more things
on it.
Um, you can find, um, how towork with me there and I am also
on LinkedIn.
Toby (25:04):
Okay.
We'll make sure to include allof that.
I'm sure our listeners willwanna stay up to date with you.
MsBoye (25:10):
Kaye, I wanna ask you a
question.
Kaye (25:12):
Yes.
MsBoye (25:13):
My question to you is,
we hear a lot these days about
the importance of empathy.
Um, in terms of social changeand working with people who are
different than you,intersectionality and stuff like
that.
Toby (25:26):
Yeah, hmm, your story got
me thinking about the
differences, do you think peopleconfuse the two?, I know.
It feels different for me whenpeople approach me with empathy
versus my experiences beingpitied.
I don't wanna do that to otherpeople.
How can we know the differencebetween the two?
Kaye (25:43):
So when we empathize, we
try to get an understanding of
the person's experience in theirsituation.
And so just like when I wastalking about the experience of,
you know, thrashing about andknocking into things and having
(26:03):
a bruise.
It wasn't really a big deal forme cuz I was used to it, but
everybody else was responding asif it just started happening to
them and they hadn't had thegrief yet and they were
imagining themselves in thatsituation.
So a primary difference betweenempathy and sympathy is
understanding the person intheir situation.
(26:27):
And I'll say there are some keyskills, that unconditional
positive regard is an importantpart of that.
So when we kind of try toimagine what it's like for the
person instead of what it wouldbe like for ourselves and we
hold that person, um, inpositive regard and offer warmth
and genuineness and, and reallytry to be curious about how it
(26:52):
is for them, instead of how itwould be for us.
We move out of sympathy and intoempathy.
Toby (26:59):
That's so true.
MsBoye (27:01):
That's helpful.
Um, one of the things that'shelped me is to recognize when
I'm being dismissive of what theother person is feeling.
Um, like if I catch myselfsaying," At least it wasn't...
blah, blah!".
That's always a good sign for methat I'm not really being
empathetic.
Kaye (27:17):
Mm-hmm.
MsBoye (27:18):
Does that make sense?
Kaye (27:18):
Mm-hmm.
right?
Yes, and I think empathy is notsympathy.
For when we empathize we trulyput ourself in somebody else's
situation and when wesympathize, we tend to more
imagine ourselves in somebodyelse's situation.
And it can be important tounderstand that everybody is
doing the best that they canwith what they have and be
(27:41):
compassionate about theskillset.
But again, understanding otherpeople have strengths that we
don't know about.
MsBoye (27:49):
Right.
And it's also about, for me,admitting that, uh, my
uncomfortableness is with, I'muncomfortable sitting with their
feelings and so I wanna shiftaway from them as soon as I can.
And separate myself from theirfeelings.
Kaye (28:04):
Mm-hmm.
Yes, and sometimes when we canalso recognize that we don't
have to take in other people'sfeelings.
That their feelings are theirfeelings, but we can send them
our peacefulness.
So that when we kind of lovepeople where they are and hold
them with warmth andunconditional positive regard,
we don't have to take in theirfeeling.
(28:25):
But we can send thempeacefulness and compassion in
that loving kind of way insteadof that,"Oh, it's too bad for
you."
MsBoye (28:35):
Yeah, great.
That was it.
Thank you.
Brilliant.!
Kaye (28:39):
Thank you.
It's all a process.
Toby (28:41):
Yeah, it's all process.
Kaye (28:42):
I thought you did great.
MsBoye (28:43):
Thank you so much for
giving us all this time.
And I really appreciate that.
Toby (28:47):
Thanks so much for being
our guest, Kaye and for being a
part of the podcast thisepisode.
Kaye (28:53):
Thank you again for having
me.
Toby (28:54):
If you'd like to listen to
Kaye's other story,"Faith and
Inclusion", Season One, EpisodeThree.
We'll put the link in the shownotes.
Thanks for listening to TrueTales by Disability Advocates.
"Pity Fatigue" was produced byKristen Gooch.
Mixing and Editing by Msboye.
Our scripting and productionteam includes Kristen Gooch,
(29:17):
Toby Al-Trabulsi, Joey Gidsegand Jennifer Howell.
Special thanks to Kaye Love forsharing her story with us.
I've been your host, TobyAl-Trabulsi, and you've been
listening to True Tales byDisability Advocates.
MsBoye (29:31):
Stay tuned for Part Two,
Peace Fountain with host Kristen
Gooch and storyteller, DarlaMurphy.
Kristen (29:45):
Welcome back to True
Tales by Disability Advocates,
where we change the world onestory at a time.
I'm Kristen Gooch and I'm yourhost and I'll be chatting with
our storyteller, Darla Murphy,about her story,"Peace
Fountain".
Welcome, Darla.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday.
Darla (30:08):
You're very welcome.
Thanks for having me.
I'm glad to be here.
Kristen (30:13):
Now we know that you're
an OMOD veteran, a writer, a
storyteller.
You've written a novel, uh,you're working on an
autobiography.
You're about to share yourstory, Peace Fountain" with us.
What inspired you to write thisstory?
Darla (30:34):
Well, what inspired me to
write the story is that there,
there really is a fountain rightin my mom's flower bed and I
just decided to write a story onit cuz I like it.
It sounds so pretty.
And, and I just like it.
(30:55):
I like looking at it every daywhen I get picked up by the bus
to go anywhere.
I decided to write the storybecause it really does bring me
peace when I look at it.
So...
Kristen (31:11):
I'm sure you do, that's
so great to hear.
I don't wanna give away too muchof this story, but is it a story
that you wrote in the OMADtraining group?
Darla (31:24):
Yes.
Kristen (31:25):
Okay.
Well, we're very excited.
Please share your story wheneveryou're ready.
Darla (31:34):
Okay.
The Peace Fountain by DarlaMurphy.
(31:55):
There is a fountain that bringsme peace and relaxation whenever
I hear it.
It is a huge water fountain withtwo pieces, both white and gray
with one bigger piece stucktogether with the smaller one.
The bigger one supplies thewater and flows down into the
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smaller one.
The water goes KaShh-shhaw fromthe big one into the small one.
It has two different speeds.
The fountain sits in my mom'sflower bed right outside of the
front windows.
I was so glad my dad fixed itlast week, so I could enjoy the
(32:40):
fountain for the sound again.
I love water.
I love any kind of water, poolwater, the water from the sink,
pretty much any water.
My love for water began at theage of seven.
However, I really didn't noticeit until I was 17 or 18 years
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old.
I went to a camp called"Camp ICan", there I learned how to
swim with my swimming teacher,Connie.
She actually took the time outto teach me to swim.
She would move back and, and I'dswim all the way across the pool
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to her.
She said,"You are going to learnto love the water." Indeed, I
did! I love hearing the water somuch.
I sit very close to the windowto hear the fountain.
Since we moved into my home andput it into place.
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I do a lot of waiting in thisroom for people picking me up,
such as my buddy Lauren or mybrothers.
I go into the room with thewindow halfway up and chill
until they get there.
I really know how to be at peacewith the sound of the fountain.
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I love the way I get to have aclear mind(breath) to hear the
water and relax.
I gain so much peace by hearingthis sound every day because it
sounds like a waterfall andallows me to feel good.
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I want to hug the waterfountain.
And when it runs out of water,my mom makes my dad fill it back
up just so I can hear the soundof the water fountain.
And the fact that he does thismakes me feel good.
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My mom and I sit and enjoy thewater fountain together.
Kristen (35:53):
Welcome back.
I'm here with our guest, Darla.
What a beautiful story, andthank you so much for sharing it
with us today.
Darla (36:05):
You're welcome.
I was glad to do it.
Kristen (36:09):
In your story, you
mentioned that the fountain in
your mother's flower bed bringsyou a sense of comfort and
peace.
Darla (36:18):
Yes.
Kristen (36:19):
What else do you find
comforting and peaceful?
Darla (36:24):
Well, I like cross
stitching.
I like coloring.
Um, Coloring, um, in the, inthose adult coloring books.
And believe it or not, there'sum, another fountain in the
backyard.
(36:45):
So I like sitting outside.
We have two only the second oneI didn't mention.
I like sitting outside andlistening to that one quite
periodically during the day.
Kristen (36:57):
Oh, wow.
Well, that's good to know.
Um, personally, I love the watertoo, don't get me wrong.
Um, but I also find that writingcan be a really powerful and
(37:19):
peaceful experience.
Does writing do that for you aswell?
Darla (37:25):
Yes, writing, writing
does that for me.
Um, I look at my writing as ajournal.
My wri...., my writings asjournals, so whenever I sit down
to write something, I just thinkin my mind, I'm writing in my
journal.
It's cuz that's comforting forme, which is where I started out
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in the first place.
In my journal and, um, writingletters to different students
in, in my classes.
Kristen (38:02):
So when did you
discover that you had a love for
writing and storytelling?
Darla (38:10):
I discovered it at a
early age, um, but I really
didn't hone in on it aboutseventeen or eighteen years old?
Probably I'd say about in highschool.
Kristen (38:29):
Oh, okay.
So I know for a fact that youhave written a novel called"A
Penny for Your Thoughts".
What's it about?
Darla (38:46):
It's a combination of
different stories that I've
wrote in, um, the OMOD group,and then plus a combination of
different stories that I wrotefor Truman, which is a newspaper
that I, I work for.
Kristen (39:06):
Oh!
Darla (39:06):
Geared toward people with
disabilities.
Kristen (39:09):
Right.
Okay.
So, what...
Well, first off, will you tellus how many stories from OMOD
are in that book?
Are in that novel, I should say"A Penny for Your Thoughts"?
Darla (39:26):
Um, there's a lot.
Okay.
I have a combination of thirtyeight stories.
Kristen (39:39):
Wow!
Darla (39:41):
And each story is
different, but I would say the
majority of the book is from,from OMOD.
Yeah.
Kristen (39:50):
Oh, okay.
That's great.
Will you walk us through thatprocess of what inspired you to
turn that story or turn allthose stories into a novel?
Darla (40:05):
Into a book?
Kristen (40:06):
Yes, into a book.
Darla (40:08):
Um, um, I like to write
and I've always wanted to write
a book.
I just literally always have,have really wanted to write a
book and so I just took all ofthe stories, plus the ones that
I've wrote for the news, writtenfor the newspaper and put them
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into a book.
Mind you, I had no idea thatthey were gonna be a book.
I just, my assistant back then,Lauren, she, um, had'em in her
computer coz she, she typed themout for me.
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I wrote them, but she typed themout for me.
And so she said, she said, um, Isaid,"How many stories do I have
in in your computer?" Becauseshe stored'em on her computer.
And then, um, she said,"You havethirty eight.
What do you want to do withthem?" This was before she left.
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I said,"What?" She said,"What doyou want to do with them?" I
said,"What do you mean, what doI want to do with them?" And she
said, um,"What do you want to dowith them?" And I said,"Let's
turn them into a book." And thenthat's how(laughs) that's how
the idea got started, really.
(41:38):
And then...
Kristen (41:38):
Wow!
Darla (41:38):
I was, I remember being
at the HEB with my dad and I was
telling him," I wanna write abook called A Penny for Your
Thoughts." And then that's wherethe title came from.
Kristen (41:54):
Wow.
Okay.
Wow.
And I know you said before youwanna get that book published,
don't you?
Darla (42:05):
Yes, yes, I do, but
here's the thing, with the
publish, with the publishing,um, I wanna put out two
different books.
I wanna put out Penny, and thenI wanna put out, um, Darla 2.0.
When Darla 2.0 comes out.
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I want to, when I finish thatone, in other words, I want to
go ahead and put them both out.
That way they can go, go outthere together and I'll have my
name out there as an authauthor, so
Kristen (42:42):
Awesome.
Now, you've also mentionedbefore they, you're a one woman
show.
You've started a newspaperbusiness called Truman.
First tell us why is it calledTruman?
Darla (43:00):
Well, it's called Truman
because, because I love dogs and
I also like poetry, so I, umcombined the fact that I like
dogs and I like poetry and thefact that my, my mom and my dad
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will not let me get another dog.
Um, so I just named it after thedog that I would get that I
would name you know Truman.
Kristen (43:33):
So now, who's this
newspaper for and what's it
about?
Darla (43:40):
Well, it's a newspaper
that's geared towards people
with disabilities.
And the company, company that itis for is called Blue Sky's
Abilities.
And it's a recreational,recreational newspaper, but I, I
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do everything by myself.
If they, if I just need anassistant, you know, somebody to
type it out for me.
Kristen (44:14):
Okay.
So do you interview like theindividuals that are getting,
uh, recreational therapy throughBlue Sky?
Darla (44:22):
What happens, what
happens is usually when I sit
down to interview somebody, I goand I make up six different
questions pertaining to what itis that they do, and, and then I
send it, send it to them on theum, computer.
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Or I give it to my assistant.
She types it out.
She checks it, she types it out,and then I send it to them on
the computer and they send meback the answers, and I write a
pair of...
a paper on their, on theirtalent based on the answers from
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their questions.
Kristen (45:13):
Oh, okay, well, that's
great.
All right.
And I know that you've also comeup with another project called
"The Apollo's Bag Project".
Um, will you please tell ourpodcast followers about this
(45:37):
project?
I know it's very close to yourheart.
Darla (45:41):
Yes, it is very close to
my heart.
Um, the Apollo's Bag ProProject, again, was created by
myself.
And, um, what it is, is, um,it's a doggy bag for dogs who
(46:03):
get adopted, um, at the shelteror um, with the Humane Society,
with the Humane Society or APA.
Kristen (46:22):
And would you mind
telling our followers who don't
already know what APA standsfor?
Darla (46:29):
It's Austin Pets Alive.
Kristen (46:31):
Okay, perfect.
And you call it"The Apollo's BagProject," why?
Darla (46:39):
Because of the simple
factor that I have a dog named
Apollo and I just wanted him tobe able to give back to the
community as well because we doeverything together.
Kristen (46:55):
What kinda dog is he?.
Darla (46:58):
He's a Yorkie poo.
Kristen (47:00):
Okay, half Yorkie, half
poodle?
Darla (47:04):
Yeah.
Kristen (47:06):
Sounds like a very cute
dog.
Before we go, there's one thingthat I was hoping you could
answer.
What advice would you give toanyone with a disability who
wants to write either a book ora play or an autobiography?
(47:34):
What advice would you give them?
Darla (47:38):
Oh wow.
That, that's a good question.
Um, I would have to say believein yourself and trust in God and
know that, that you are anointedno matter what.
And you know, you might youmight want to be a writer, but
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start out in journals and stuff.
I would say that and the sky'sthe limit.
Kristen (48:09):
Very good advice.
Darla (48:11):
Yep.
Kristen (48:13):
Well, Darla, I can sit
here and I can talk to you all
day.
Um, but we're running outtatime.
Um, but once again, thank you somuch for joining us and we wish
you the best of luck with all ofyour in endeavors and all of
(48:33):
your projects, uh, yet to come.
Darla (48:36):
Okay.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
Kristen (48:40):
Thanks for listening to
True Tales by Disability
Advocates.
Peace Fountain" was produced byToby Al-Trabulsi, edited and
mixed by Msboye.
Our script and production teamincludes Toby Al-Trabulsi Joey
Ginseg, Kristen Gooch, andJennifer Howell.
Special thanks to Darla forsharing her story with us.
(49:02):
I'm your host, Kristen Gooch,and you've been listening to
True Tales by DisabilityAdvocates.
Don't forget to follow Art SparkTexas on Facebook, Instagram,
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