Meet Darla Ridilla: Voices in the Body

Healing from trauma is a complex experience that is different form individual to individual. This challenging journey was the key focus in our recent podcast episode.  You will hear the realities of healing from narcissistic abuse with a focus on somatic therapy and personal empowerment. My guest, Darla Ridilla, is a relationship coach and survivor of narcissistic abuse. She shares her journey from despair to strength, illustrating the powerful connection between body sensations and emotional healing. She reveals how recognizing these sensations can unlock a pathway to understanding and overcoming past trauma. 

Throughout the episode, we tackle difficult subjects like trauma bonding, the inadequacies often found within the mental health community, and the importance of finding professionals who can empathize with lived experiences. With her experience, Darla provides essential tools and insights for anyone looking to reclaim their power after heart-wrenching experiences. 

This episode is not just about survival; it’s about thriving after pain and discovering the strength you never knew you had. Whether you find yourself in similar circumstances or simply wish to support someone who does, this is an invitation to explore healing on a deeper, more connected level. Tune in, and let’s walk this path together! Subscribe and share so others can find their way to healing.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello Michelle, how are you?

Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm good.
How are you, Darla?

Speaker 1 (00:04):
I'm well.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Good, I'm just gonna turn you up a little, okay.
So where are you from today?
Where are you coming from?

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Yeah, yeah, so I am in Cottonwood, arizona.
I'm near Sedona, if you'refamiliar.
Yeah, where?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
are you?

Speaker 1 (00:22):
at yes, so I'm a relationship coach.
I'm trained in somatics andtrauma informed coaching.
Are you familiar with whatsomatics is?

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Absolutely not Okay.
Well, it's it's.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
It's basically our body sensations in our nervous
system.
So when we have an experience,particularly like a stressful or
anxiety provoking one, we havethese certain body sensations,
and so what I do is I help women.
I help women to connect thatbody sensation to a previous
experience that they've also hadthose sensations.
And so I work with women tobasically get right with

(01:00):
themselves, their relationshipwith themselves, because once we
get right with ourself then wecan have better relationships
outside of ourselves.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
Sure, sure, what made you get involved in this?
Why did you want to become acoach and help women with this?

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Do you help?

Speaker 2 (01:15):
men at all, or is it just primarily women?

Speaker 1 (01:18):
Just women, yeah, yeah.
So I focus on trauma andnarcissistic abuse and it's
because I had a personal livedexperience with I was married to
a narcissist and I reallyunderstand the dynamics of it
and you know, I'm always goingto be on my own healing journey

(01:38):
and I really just I was reallyfeeling.
I was really feeling let downby the mental health community
because there's a lot of greattherapists out there but they
don't have the lived experienceand so they were re-traumatizing
me without intending to.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Oh, okay, okay, they want you to go backwards and
then sit in your feelings orthere's so much kind of therapy
out there and one of the popularones that I've come across is
they bring you back to thatsituation and they almost make
you walk through it again toprocess that and it's kind of

(02:17):
traumatic, is that?
Yeah, I mean how they they walk, you know, I do go back and for
for just one incident.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
I don't go through, walk you through, I do go back.
For just one incident.
I don't go through the wholething.
But for me it was more.
I was getting victim blamed.
I was being told outright whatto do.
There was just and particularlyin Arizona there's I'm actually
leaving, I'm in the process ofmoving back to Colorado.
There's really a culture herethat's very backwards and I
found it even in the mentalhealth community.

(02:44):
There's really a culture herethat's very backwards and I
found it even in a mental healthcommunity.
They did not understand thatnarcissistic abuse is
brainwashing.
I was the same as being in acult and that I have to be
deprogrammed.
They have to be a little bitmore gentle.
We can be upfront and be likehey, you really need to think
about what you're saying here.

(03:04):
But it was one in particular.
The very last therapist I hadwas very gruff and telling me
what to do.
She did not understand thedynamics.
It's basically like get over it, stop talking, stop doing this,
don't do that, and it's notthat simple.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
It is not, and if you want that kind of response, you
can just go on social media.
Gosh, that is not helpful atall.
So you definitely were awareand you got rid of that.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
And I just felt like and I finished one certification
and I'm so close to finishingthe second one and I felt like,
with my lived experience andmaybe a little bit of
certification behind me, that Ihad just had a lot to offer,
because I do understand it.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Right, and if you could help some women who have
walked in your shoes, it's justsuch a good feeling like, okay,
I went through this, but I'mgonna help someone else, so it
eases that pain and helps yourhealing journey by just a little
bit exactly, exactly okay, soyou wrote a book, correct, or I

(04:12):
am your website?
Pain to power.
What is that?

Speaker 1 (04:15):
oh, uh, the.
So there's.
I'm in a collaboration book.
I'm in a couple ofcollaboration books that are
coming out later in the spring.
Yeah, so 16 women and we eachwrote a chapter of it and it was
about it was about a situationin our life that was.
That was powerful, likeempowerment moment.

(04:37):
So I wrote about when I almosttook my life, when I almost
committed suicide in 2013because I was getting a divorce
from the narcissist, and how Iwent from thinking I had
everything to feeling like I hadnothing Yet Awakening your
Power Real Stories of Women'sEmpowerment is the actual name

(05:00):
of the book.
It was going to be releasedMarch 31st, but now there's been
a delay, so I don't know whenthat is.
Now I do have a podcast, sothat might be.
That might be.
You have the Power the Road toRecovery from Trauma and
Narcissistic Abuse Is that thename of?

Speaker 2 (05:18):
your podcast.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Oh, that's my podcast .

Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah, okay, gotcha All right.
Well, first, if you don't mindthat we back up to the suicide
part only because that is socommon, especially for women, we
feel like we failed.
You know, we've disappointed somany people, including
ourselves.
So you realized at this pointyour marriage was over.

(05:45):
Was that your decision?
You wanted to break away, orwas it just both of you decided?

Speaker 1 (05:52):
Well, let's put it this way he decided so out of
nowhere, he asked for a divorce.
Well, I look back, there weresigns, but I didn't know what I
was dealing with.
So he, out of nowhere, one day,just acted really weird.
And then, all of a sudden, Isaid I don't know the line
between asking for a divorce ortolerating your behavior.

(06:15):
Is the very words he used.
Wow, yeah, so you?

Speaker 2 (06:19):
were're caught off guard.
Oh my God, I was.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
Yeah.
So I was totally caught offguard.
And then two days later hetried to backtrack and oh, we're
renting this house.
We have two years left on thelease, what are we going to do?
And some shred of who I wasbefore he met me, Cause I was.
I grew up in a very abusivehome, so I learned from an early
age that I could depend on me.

(06:44):
So that little girl was stillthere in some form.
And then I said, Nope, I'm notstaying.
I had no idea what I was in for.
I just said I'm out, I'mgetting an apartment, I'll you.
Oh, you know I'm moving out,I'm done.
You're going to take over thelease, you know.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
So yeah, good for you .
I mean, that took so muchcourage and bravery and you
probably were shaking inside.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yes, I was.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
Okay, so what happens after that?
You guys separated, you gotyour own place.
How were you feeling?
Were you feeling empowered orwere you like oh my god, what am
I doing?

Speaker 1 (07:28):
It opened up so much pain for me, because what I
didn't realize is I was traumabonded.
I had Stockholm syndrome.
I didn't even know until a yearafter I left that I was even in
an abusive relationship.
I actually was continuing tohave dinners with him.
I was reaching out to him on adaily basis because that
addiction was going on with meand I didn't know that was going

(07:49):
to take over.
But no, I became inconsolable.
I was calling and unfortunatelymy daughter, who was in her
young 20s at the time, got putin a very difficult position
because we switched.
I became the child, she becamethe mother and I was calling her
hysterical, crying Like she.

(08:11):
She was like a lifeline for meduring that time, but I also had
like four or five women.
I did a total revamp of myfriends and got rid of a bunch
of people that just weren'tgoing to get me through it.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
But no, I was not doing well, and that's how I
ended up on the floor that day,almost taking my life.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
Wow, this was obviously the floor of your
apartment.
You didn't feel safe and thatyou really had no one to turn to
.
Wow.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
I felt, yeah, I hurt so bad.
I could not continue to livethat way.
But I didn't know how to fix it.
And it was one of those momentsof surrender where I had a
spiritual center, I had a strongspiritual belief and I just
said I don't know what to do,but if I'm not gonna shoot
myself today, you have to showme the way, because I cannot

(09:02):
continue to live like this.
And that's when the counselorshowed up.
That's when I really started toingratiate myself more into
getting support and thecounselor's