✨ Deluxe Drop: 🌈 Pride Month, 🧠 Men’s Minds & 🍻 Wedding Beers

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey hoes Besties and beautiful disasters, welcome

(00:20):
back to Twin Tangents becausetherapy was booked.
It's June, the sun is out, ouremotions are loud, and we are
barely holding it together.
But we showed up, and thatcounts for something.

SPEAKER_01 (00:33):
That's right.
June came in hot with the prideflag in one hand and a mental
health PSA in the other.
And honestly, we respect thehustle.
Today we're diving into what itmeans to show up fully,
emotionally, personally, andyes, with sunscreen.
Especially if you're prone to atragic forehead burn.

(00:54):
Not so much like me.

SPEAKER_00 (00:57):
June came in hot with emotional growth agenda,
pride month, and men's mentalhealth awareness month.
That's a whole lot of unspokentruth in one calendar square.
Let's drop the facts, thestigma, and a few tears while
we're at it.
This episode is basically abeach bag of identity talk,
sweaty vulnerability, rainbowglitter, and emotional SPF 100.

(01:21):
We're talking about Pride Month,men's mental health awareness,
the highs and lows of summerself-expression, and how society
expects us to glow up when we'rejust trying not to melt down.

SPEAKER_01 (01:33):
We've got tangents, we've got tender chaos, we've
got stories, stats, and a fewidentity crises sprinkled in
like margarita salt.
So whether you're thriving inyour extrovert era or crying in
your car between target runs, wesee you.
We are you.

SPEAKER_00 (01:51):
So unbutton the emotional top button, crack open
that LaCroix or lukewarm traumamemory, and let's get into it.
So how are you?
Are you okay?
How was your weekend?
What'd you do?

SPEAKER_01 (02:04):
I'm good.
It was a very productive weekendand also a very lazy weekend.
Okay.
What did I do on Saturday?
I don't even know now.
Did some house things.
Sunday, I helped a friendreupholster a rocking chair.

(02:24):
Ooh.
And kind of a low-key weekend.

SPEAKER_00 (02:29):
Nice.
Do you...
Do you...
upholster or re-upholster a lotof furniture.
I feel like you've done it oncebefore.
Yeah,

SPEAKER_01 (02:37):
I've done it a couple times.
So the friend that I helped outwith, she's the one...
I helped her with something elsebefore, and then...
Oh, no, she helped me with oneof my pieces of furniture,
re-upholstering it.
And she's very like, I'm goingto show you How to do this so

(02:59):
that I know how to do it.
Okay.
She's the one that has taught meeverything about building my
birdhouses.
Wow.
So she's very crafty andhands-on.

SPEAKER_00 (03:07):
I need to meet this hands-on person.

SPEAKER_01 (03:09):
I could introduce you for sure.
But yeah, she'll teach me thesethings.
And I think her goal is to justmake sure that I have certain
life skills that aren'tnecessarily always taught.

SPEAKER_00 (03:20):
She should have a workshop.
I would totally come.

SPEAKER_01 (03:23):
She should, but she's like 80.
Oh, is

SPEAKER_00 (03:26):
she?

SPEAKER_01 (03:27):
Yeah, she's older.

SPEAKER_00 (03:28):
damn no she's

SPEAKER_01 (03:29):
not really 80 carol if you're listening to this i'm
sorry no but she is older oh

SPEAKER_00 (03:37):
okay so she's like me to you and then you're like
me to her to you i

SPEAKER_01 (03:42):
don't know what that means

SPEAKER_00 (03:44):
so like she's like you're like me and she's like
you in our age oh yes like

SPEAKER_01 (03:52):
that okay

SPEAKER_00 (03:53):
Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 (03:54):
Yes.

SPEAKER_00 (03:54):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (03:55):
So like how you come to me to teach you things.
Oh,

SPEAKER_00 (03:58):
yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (03:59):
Being an adult.

SPEAKER_00 (04:00):
Yeah.
And then

SPEAKER_01 (04:00):
I go to her.

SPEAKER_00 (04:01):
Exactly.
That's exactly what I'm talkingabout.

SPEAKER_01 (04:05):
But how was your weekend?
You had your sister's wedding.

SPEAKER_00 (04:09):
It was good.
It was really busy.
So I do have a funny story.
Well, I don't know if it's afunny story or not, but it's
just a story.
That means it's not funny.
I'm going to tell you anyways.
It was kind of funny.
But it was really nice.
It was actually my sister'swedding this weekend.
Shout out to my sister, Myla,and my new brother-in-law, Jer.

(04:31):
Welcome to the family.
I was a fucking mess thisweekend.
Yeah.
Yeah, so yeah, I was a fuckingmess.
That's pretty much it.

SPEAKER_01 (04:40):
I just want to say congratulations to your sister
and

SPEAKER_00 (04:42):
your new brother-in-law.
Yeah, congrats.
Yeah, it was really successful.
Everything went by reallysmoothly.
We went in town on Friday.
We prepped all day becauseobviously Hmong weddings are
different from Americanweddings.
I think usually Americanweddings, they do it like at a
nice place, like a reception andstuff like that.
For Hmong weddings, we usuallyjust do it in our backyard.

(05:05):
But we set up displays andstuff.
So it was really cute.
We had maybe one to three hoursof sleep on Friday night.
And then Saturday morning, wokeup and then we got to work.
It was really nice.
It was good seeing everybody.
It was good meeting everybody.

(05:26):
Like I was saying, I was a mess.
I will admit I was a mess.
But I brought the familytogether.
And her people could vouch forme.
According to my sister,apparently, I was quite the
entertainter.
Oh.
The

SPEAKER_01 (05:43):
entertainter?

SPEAKER_00 (05:44):
The entertainter.
Yeah, I...

SPEAKER_01 (05:49):
What did you do?
Tell us all about your

SPEAKER_00 (05:51):
chaos.
Yeah, so I didn't know thisabout myself, but apparently I'm
the alcoholic in the family.
So...

SPEAKER_01 (06:00):
Shocker.

SPEAKER_00 (06:01):
It is.
It's news to me.
Welcome

SPEAKER_01 (06:03):
to the club.

SPEAKER_00 (06:03):
Yes.
But I had a...
I'm not going to say a bottle.
I had bottles in my handthroughout the day.
I was just giving people shots,welcoming them to the family.
Oh, God.
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't anythingbad.
I think it was a good wedding.

(06:24):
Normally, there's like a lotmore people, but then we
definitely cut down the guestlist because, you know, my
sister, she's very particular.
She wanted certain people thereand stuff like that.
But then half, pretty much likehis whole family actually came
there to our house or to mybrother's house.
So pretty much it was like afull house.
We met everybody.

SPEAKER_01 (06:43):
So how many people at this, like roughly, if you
had to guesstimate?

SPEAKER_00 (06:48):
I'd say maybe 100.
Okay.
I don't know.
I could be.
I could have saw a double visionof people.

SPEAKER_01 (07:00):
It was actually 50, but.

SPEAKER_00 (07:01):
I do want to see about maybe close to maybe 80 to
100 people.
There was a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 (07:06):
Okay.
That is a lot of people.
Yeah, there was a lot of people.
Especially to be like in yourhouse.

SPEAKER_00 (07:10):
Well, my brother got a bougie house, so.
But still.
Yeah.
You

SPEAKER_01 (07:12):
know, roaming around, bathrooms.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (07:16):
Yeah, it was a lot of people, but it was good.
Yeah, like, when they first gotthere, like, we were kind of
segregated because, obviously,like, In traditional Hmong
weddings, the ladies are likecooking all day long and stuff
like that.
So that's one important thingwhy we went on Friday to prep
everything so that comeSaturday, we wouldn't spend all

(07:38):
day cooking.
We'd actually have time tomingle and stuff, but we still
ended up cooking.
Well, they ended up cooking.
My bitch has us over herepouring shots left to right.
Drinking hand.
Being the entertainer.

SPEAKER_01 (07:51):
Bartender.

SPEAKER_00 (07:52):
Bartender.
That's what it is.
Shot girl.
Whatever you want to call it.
Shot girl.
Yeah, but...
um yeah so then everybody cameit was really nice being her
family but at first i thinkpersonally i felt like it was a
little segregated because likethe men like of our family they
were on the ends there wasinside the house because
normally how traditional weddingworks if if you want me to break

(08:15):
it down to you.
Well, I'm going to break it downanyways.
Educate me.
So how it works is there's twodifferent kinds.
So like, let's say if you'venever been married before, the
wedding is much bigger comparedto a woman who's been like
divorced or a widowed woman.
So for example, my sister, she'snever been married before.

(08:37):
So this was like a bigcelebration.
So how it works is becauseshe's, out of town, her man had
to pretty much come in town andtake her.
And normally, when you leavelike that, when you're never
been married before, you leavewithout telling the parents.
And then when his...

(08:58):
It's not kidnapping, but youcould low-key say it is, but
it's not because she agrees togo with him.
Before old times, though,technically it was kidnapping.

SPEAKER_01 (09:07):
So wait, they leave the party?

SPEAKER_00 (09:09):
No, this is...
I'm talking about in thepre-wedding.
Like I'm explaining how thewedding works.

SPEAKER_01 (09:15):
Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 (09:16):
I'm sorry.
So I should have clarified that.

SPEAKER_01 (09:21):
I'm still stuck on the, it's not technically
kidnapping, but it is.

SPEAKER_00 (09:26):
It's threefold when it comes to the Hmong weddings.
But yeah, so technically it'snot kidnapping.
In the old days, it would havebeen, but it's not because my
sister agreed to go with him.
He lives somewhere.
He lived long distance.
So he came and got her.
He lived long distance?
So he came and got her.
I just had to say it that way.

(09:50):
And so he pretty much came,picked her up, and then they
left.
Once he got to his place, theyhave like a mini celebration,
kind of like welcoming her tothe family.
Then his relatives calls my dadand my dad's relatives to let
them know, hey, your daughterain't kidnapped.
She's with us.
And our son is marrying yourdaughter.

(10:13):
And so they kind of like set upa date on when to do the wedding
and stuff.
So then that's when all theplanning happens.
And so come to the wedding datethe day before.
Technically, the day before,like we usually do weddings on
either Saturday or Sunday.
So the day before the bride andthe groom would arrive to come
to the wedding.

(10:35):
the bride's side of the family.
Then we'd cook, kind of welcomethe groom into the family.
And then the day after wouldusually be the actual wedding
ceremony.
But in this case, because theylived Far away, long distance.
They actually came into townFriday night.
They had an Airbnb.

(10:55):
And then on Friday night, wewere prepping our stuff.
And then on Saturday morning waswhen they actually came.
So when they come, they actuallycome in traditional Hmong
clothes, which my sister and mybrother-in-law and their
groomsmen and their bridesmaids,they look beautiful.
It was really cute.
So

SPEAKER_01 (11:13):
does everybody dress in the traditional Hmong

SPEAKER_00 (11:16):
clothing?
Just the bride, the groom, thebest man, and we call it the
green lady.
Not the bridesmaid, but thegreen lady.
And so the green lady is...
And the...
And the best man, they'reusually only from the guy's side
of the family.
Because the green lady, she hasto kind of follow my sister

(11:36):
around to make sure she doesn'trun away.
Because, like I said...
So she's

SPEAKER_01 (11:41):
being held captive.

SPEAKER_00 (11:42):
Pretty much, yeah.
So that's why, vis-a-vis, if youtalk about like in the olden
days, you know, like ladies,girls, they wouldn't want to get
married.
So then what would happen istechnically they were kidnapped.
And then the girl who...
is now the green lady wouldfollow her around to make sure
she doesn't run back home sothat's the story behind the
green lady and that's why she isfrom the men's family and not

(12:06):
from the girl's family becauseobviously if it's from the
girl's family they'd be like I'mready to go let's hop let's
tippity drop and go and they doit yeah and they do it but so
that's why the green lady's onthe men's or the groom's side of
the family but anyways theyarrive Saturday morning and then
we did this we kind of do likethe welcoming and then we have
this meal together with thegroom's family and the bride's

(12:30):
family and that's when we dokind of like a dowry so um they
pretty much discuss like youknow how much the bride is worth
and stuff like that we still dothat yes nowadays but it's more
we do it more of like a way ofshowing respect that hey like
because we're taking yourdaughter away like you know

(12:52):
money isn't um Money isn't anissue or like it's something
along the lines of like apromise to the family that, hey,
like we're going to give youthis amount of money just to
show you that we will love yourdaughter.
And if we take her, we're goingto care for her.
So,

SPEAKER_01 (13:10):
yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (13:10):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (13:11):
So like the groom's family paid.

SPEAKER_00 (13:15):
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
So it depends.
So like you could get anywherefrom like a grand to like.
20 20k more than that dependingon how generous the family is
and stuff like that but yeah sothey do a dowry and then after
they discuss that then they dolike a final eating everybody

(13:36):
pretty much drinks at the tableand the table what i mean is
it's just full of the men sothey're just discussing things
back and forth once that'sfinished then like the um the
relatives from the bride's sideof the family, they get an
opportunity to pretty much frontthe groom.
And what I mean by that is theycould come up to the groom and

(14:01):
pour them a beer and be like,hey, if you really love my
sister, welcome to the family.
Or if they just want to pour hima shot to kind of say that, hey,
this is my sister or whatever,then the then the groom
technically would have to takeit.
So for example, when it came tothat moment, I actually had two

(14:23):
beers in hand.
I gave one to the best manbecause technically the best man
is in relationship to the groom.
And then I gave one to mybrother-in-law.
So I said, hey, welcome to thefamily.
You know, no hard feelings, butI would like for you to drink
half and I'll drink the otherhalf with you.
So I did that with both of them.
And then pretty much, I became amess after that.

(14:45):
But that's pretty much how itgoes.
And, like, I would say it inHmong.
And I don't know if, like, myterms are correct.
But what they call this is theycall zheng.
It's called zheng.
You would go up to the groom andyou would be like, I'm going to
go zheng.
The groom we call as, like, thevow or the husband.

(15:07):
And then the best man is calledthe...
I might say this wrong.
I'm pretty sure he's called theMekong.
But anyways, yeah.
So it's all that stuff.
And then we did all that.
And then everybody's pretty muchdrinking up until the time that
they leave.
So then at this point, we'reoutside because there's like a

(15:31):
superstition when it comes toweddings.
The bride is not allowed to lookback.
So...
The saying is that if the bridelooks back, then she'll end up
coming back to live with thefamily and not have a good
marriage or whatever.
That's what I've heard.
There's a lot of othersuperstitions about that.
So the reason why when she comesout of the house, we all have to

(15:55):
be outside is because she can'tlook back.
So like if we're like, hey, mylove, like drink this for me or
like, hey, my love, we're goingto miss you.
She's going to have the tendencyto look back to see what it is.
So when they come out the door,everybody has to be outside so
that if we have any last wordsto say to her or anything, then
we're in front of her so thatshe just keeps looking forward.
So she does that all the wayuntil she gets into the car and

(16:17):
she cannot look back untilthey're at the groom's house or
at the house, whoever'srepresenting the groom.
So.
Yeah, it's a long process.
That's

SPEAKER_01 (16:28):
interesting.

SPEAKER_00 (16:29):
Yeah, but all that happens and yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (16:32):
And that's the more like traditional Hmong.

SPEAKER_00 (16:34):
Yes, that's the more traditional Hmong wedding.
And then the Americanizedwedding is obviously like a
ceremony or a reception.
Everybody just comes, dance, eatdrinks.
And then what I mentionedearlier where if you have been
divorced or married before, it'smuch quicker than that.
Pretty much...
The same day, the groom comeswith his people.

(16:56):
And then the men, they just talkamongst themselves.
And then they pretty much setthe bride and the groom
together.
And they say, hey, do you guysreally love each other?
Is anybody forcing anybody to bewith each other?
They both say no.
And then they take them bothseparately, the bride by

(17:17):
themselves and the groom bythemselves.
And they ask, hey, is he forcingyou or is she forcing you to be
with them?
Once they say yes or no, thenthey just continue the
celebration.
And a correction on that, it'sactually they both usually are
asked separately and then at theend come together again.
And asked together if they wantto be there with each other.

(17:40):
And then after that, theycontinue the ceremony.
So, yeah.
So, it's crazy.
It's a crazy tradition.
It's like a long ass day.
But anyways, my funny story wason Friday, it was like pouring
and raining.
I just

SPEAKER_01 (17:53):
realized we haven't even gotten to the funny story
yet.

UNKNOWN (17:55):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (17:56):
Well, here it is.
Be prepared.
So, like on Friday night, wewere preparing.
preparing like rice and stuff.
And it was like 12 o'clock andit was pouring rain.
And I'm just like, Oh my God,like I hope it's nice tomorrow
because obviously like if itrains a lot, not a lot of people
are going to show up, you know?
So here I am, I was asking theuniverse out loud.

(18:19):
I'm like, oh God, please God,Jesus, whoever's up above, like
please stop raining.
Like, please just stop raining.
I want a good day to, I want tohave good weather for tomorrow.
And like, I'm saying that I'mlike twirling around in the rain
and my mom, like she's carryingthis big pot of rice and I like
accidentally bump into her andshe's like, can you stop praying
to the Lord so above and justkeep doing your work and like my

(18:42):
sister just busts out laughingand i just started laughing
because i almost spilled all thefucking rice so then my mom's
like there almost wasn't anyrice for anybody of us to eat
we're gonna have to start allover and the only reason why
we're up was to just cook therice so i pretty much almost
fucked everything up but that'swell luckily

SPEAKER_01 (18:59):
rice doesn't take that long to

SPEAKER_00 (19:00):
oh no the way we did it takes a long time because we
do it because no like we do itin big steamers not in a little
rice cooker and we cook batchesof rice so like we cook not
batches bags of rice like 20pound bags of rice so it's like
big batches holy

SPEAKER_01 (19:19):
fuck it

SPEAKER_00 (19:19):
yeah so then yeah that was my funny story i guess
it was that funny but it is whatit

SPEAKER_01 (19:24):
is wait were you actually outside twirling in the
rain

SPEAKER_00 (19:26):
i was yeah Because we had a tent on the driveway.
We had a tent on the drivewayand then there's like three or
four big pots of water becausewe were steaming rice.
And so then like my mom justfinished kind of like cooking
one batch.
And so I'm just like, oh, pleaseGod above.
I was saying it in Hmong, butI'm like, please, like if

(19:48):
there's a higher power, likeplease make it stop raining.
But it worked.
It didn't rain at all.
It wasn't cold.
There was no flies.
It was perfect.
So, hence, I would have wastedthat rice just so that we could
have good weather.

SPEAKER_01 (20:02):
Okay, but let me ask you this.
So, as far as Hmong weddings go,it's bad luck to have rain on
your...
Because, I mean, traditionallyfor American weddings, like...
Rain on your wedding day is asign of good luck.

SPEAKER_00 (20:17):
Um, I don't think it was, I don't, I personally don't
know any superstitions aboutrain and stuff.
My concern was just, there mightnot be anybody who shows up
because my brother, he lives tolike an hour away from the
cities and everybody lives inthe cities and that drive.
Like if it was, if it was not mysister, I would have been like,
Oh, it's too far.
Like

SPEAKER_01 (20:37):
peace.
If it would have kept raining,um, Was there no option to move
it indoors?

SPEAKER_00 (20:45):
There was, but it would have been really cramped.
Like I said, 100 people showedup.
And half of them was my lastfamily.
And they flew out from all overthe place.
So we would have been stuck.
And it was really cold.
And it wasn't like soft rain.
It was like...

SPEAKER_01 (21:02):
Downpouring.

SPEAKER_00 (21:03):
Downpouring,

SPEAKER_01 (21:04):
so.
Torrentials.

SPEAKER_00 (21:05):
Yeah, so, but it was really nice.
I think me being drunk the wholetime was probably funnier than
that story, but.
Yeah, but it was really fun.
That

SPEAKER_01 (21:14):
sounds like a lot of drinking, though.

SPEAKER_00 (21:17):
It wasn't that bad, because we're not big drinkers,
excluding what I just said.
I

SPEAKER_01 (21:21):
was like, didn't you say earlier that your family
nominated you as the mostalcoholic?

SPEAKER_00 (21:25):
Yeah, well, my family.
Not me, my family, they're notbig drinkers.
But yeah, it was really fun.
What I was trying to get toearlier, excluding all these
tangents was, yeah, like thefamily, they were kind of
segregated because my love,their family didn't really know
us and we didn't really knowthem.
And we were busy cooking.
And so then like, there's thesedudes up on the steps and

(21:46):
they're all from her side of thefamily.
So then I'm like, why iseverybody so segregated?
Like what's going on?
So I'm like, you know what?
Let me do the honors.
So I took my like shot.
What?
What?

SPEAKER_01 (22:28):
I mean, did you meet any of his family before the
wedding?

SPEAKER_00 (22:33):
None of us.
Yeah.
That's understandable then.
Yeah, this is new.
So I think I've said before, Imake things awkward.
I'm the one who makes myselflook stupid so other people are
comfortable.
So that's what I did.

SPEAKER_01 (22:46):
You're the

SPEAKER_00 (22:47):
instigator.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (22:48):
You're the instigator.
I'm going to make everybodydrink and get drunk.

SPEAKER_00 (22:51):
Period.

SPEAKER_01 (22:52):
To enjoy this wedding.
Nobody's going to not have fun.

SPEAKER_00 (22:55):
Exactly.
Yeah.
You know what?
When I'm around, y'all alwayshave a good time.

SPEAKER_01 (22:59):
That's true.

SPEAKER_00 (23:00):
Yeah.
But yeah, it was really fun.
It was really fun getting tomeet everybody.
Obviously, I made a fool ofmyself because I was wasted, but
it was still really fun.
So yeah, congrats again to mysissy, Myla, and my
brother-in-law, Jer.
We're so happy for you guys.

SPEAKER_01 (23:18):
Yes, congratulations.
I'm sorry I couldn't be there.

SPEAKER_00 (23:22):
Choices.
I know.
He said he had nothing to do allweekend.
Remember that.
And yet he couldn't come to yourwedding.
So,

SPEAKER_01 (23:29):
choices.
But it worked out because I gotto help Carol reupholster her
rocking chair.

SPEAKER_00 (23:34):
I guess.
You didn't get to eat your food,though.
We had egg rolls.

SPEAKER_01 (23:37):
Did you bring any back for me?

SPEAKER_00 (23:39):
No.
It ran out.

UNKNOWN (23:42):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (23:43):
You make 25 pounds of rice and you ran out of egg
rolls?

SPEAKER_00 (23:46):
Well, we didn't fry them all because they kind of,
like, bursted open.

SPEAKER_01 (23:49):
Oh.

SPEAKER_00 (23:50):
But...
All my candy were gone.
Like the treats that I made.

SPEAKER_01 (23:55):
Oh, were they good?
Were they a hit?

SPEAKER_00 (23:57):
I guess they were because I didn't thought that it
was too much.
I made about like 160 pieces.
They were all gone.
So I'm assuming that's a goodthing.
So, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (24:09):
Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_00 (24:10):
Yeah, I'm like, where them pretzels at?
Came back, there was none.
Where

SPEAKER_01 (24:14):
them pretzels at?

SPEAKER_00 (24:16):
Yeah, but...
Yeah, that was my weekend.
It was really busy.
It was kind of crazy.
But yeah, let's reel this backin, you know?

SPEAKER_01 (24:26):
Well, I'm glad that you had a good weekend.

SPEAKER_00 (24:28):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (24:30):
And I'm glad that we're finally getting some nice
weather.
I

SPEAKER_00 (24:34):
can't say about that this weekend.
It was raining, but hopefully wehave nice weather coming

SPEAKER_01 (24:38):
up.
Yeah, but I mean, today it'slike, I think it was like 81
before I came on my way overhere.

SPEAKER_00 (24:43):
Was it?
I have gone outside today.
It's

SPEAKER_01 (24:45):
humid.
It's humid.

SPEAKER_00 (24:45):
Ew.

SPEAKER_01 (24:46):
I love

SPEAKER_00 (24:47):
it.
Ew, you like being moist, huh?
I love being moist.
Moist.

SPEAKER_01 (24:51):
I like to feel my thighs stick

SPEAKER_00 (24:54):
together.
Ew.
Moist.

UNKNOWN (24:57):
Moist.
Moist.

SPEAKER_01 (25:00):
Remember my friend Heather?
She hates that word.

SPEAKER_00 (25:02):
I said that on purpose.
Hey, Heather.
Moist.
One more time for you.

SPEAKER_01 (25:10):
Moist.
I had to get the little...

SPEAKER_00 (25:14):
We heard it.

SPEAKER_01 (25:15):
We heard it.

SPEAKER_00 (25:15):
And then some.

SPEAKER_01 (25:16):
She gonna feel it.

SPEAKER_00 (25:17):
Yeah, she gonna feel it.
Moist.
Hey, moist.
Let's just do a whole episode ofus just saying moist.
Yeah.
We got your present.
We got your present.
All right.
All right.
Is it pride?

(25:38):
Is it therapy?
Is it both?
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (25:41):
Pride isn't just rainbows and TikTok thirst
traps.
Though, let's be honest, thathelps.
And mental health?
Men, it's time to cry.
Hydrate and stop ghosting youremotions.

SPEAKER_00 (25:54):
Alright, so here are some big facts for ya.

SPEAKER_01 (25:58):
Pride started as a riot, not a rainbow balloon
arch.
Hey, Marsha P.
Johnson.

SPEAKER_00 (26:04):
Who was Marsha P.
Johnson?

SPEAKER_01 (26:06):
Marsha P.
Johnson, born in 1945, passedaway in 1992, was a black
transgender activist, dragqueen, and trailblazer in the
LGBTQ plus rights movement.

SPEAKER_00 (26:18):
That's right.
The P in her name stood for payit no mind, her iconic response
when people questioned hergender.

SPEAKER_01 (26:26):
She was a central figure in the Stonewall Uprising
of 1969, which helped spark themodern LGBTQ plus rights
movement.

SPEAKER_00 (26:36):
She was a co-founder of STAR, which meant Street
Transvestite ActionRevolutionaries, with Sylvia
Rivera, a group that supportshomeless trans youth in NYC.

SPEAKER_01 (26:49):
Known for her bold fashion, her generosity, and her
refusal to be silenced, even ina world that constantly tried to
erase her.

SPEAKER_00 (26:58):
Her death in 1992 was originally ruled as a
suicide, but many in thecommunity continue to fight for
her justice and her recognitionof her legacy.

SPEAKER_01 (27:07):
Time to put the edu in edutainment.
Because Pride started as aprotest, not a parade, let's get
into the receipt.
45% of LGBTQ plus people youthseriously considered suicide in
the past year.

SPEAKER_00 (27:26):
LGBTQ plus individuals are more than twice
as likely to experience mentalhealth challenges.

SPEAKER_01 (27:33):
Higher rates of anxiety, depression, and
suicidal ideation, especiallyamong transgender youth.

SPEAKER_00 (27:42):
Now let's pivot from pride to patriarchy,
specifically how it's chokingmen's emotion like a too tight
tie.
Time to get into some truthsabout men's mental health that
most folks still avoid, liketherapy.

SPEAKER_01 (27:56):
When's the last time you asked a dude friend, no, but
like, how's your heart?

SPEAKER_00 (28:03):
And here's some things we should normalize.

SPEAKER_01 (28:06):
Crying in the car, preferably with Taylor or
Beyonce blasting.

SPEAKER_00 (28:10):
Therapy without shame.

SPEAKER_01 (28:11):
Saying, I love you.
And here

SPEAKER_00 (28:15):
are some alarming stats about men's mental health
awareness.
Most men who

SPEAKER_01 (28:24):
struggle don't seek help.
Only 25% of men with mentalhealth issues get treatment.

SPEAKER_00 (28:32):
Ever

SPEAKER_01 (28:35):
felt like you were too much to be loved?

SPEAKER_00 (28:39):
Ever stayed silent because being real felt risky?

SPEAKER_01 (28:43):
Ever felt like a fraud because you smiled through
a breakdown?

SPEAKER_00 (28:46):
Ever felt like you couldn't be your full self?

SPEAKER_01 (28:50):
Have you ever been told to toughen up when you
really needed comfort?

SPEAKER_00 (28:56):
Have you ever stayed silent out of fear of judgment?

SPEAKER_01 (28:59):
Do you know someone who might be struggling quietly?

SPEAKER_00 (29:02):
These

SPEAKER_01 (29:08):
issues aren't exclusive.
Identity may vary, but pain?
That's shared real estate,honey.

SPEAKER_00 (29:16):
Because supporting your people means doing more
than just liking a post duringJune, here are some ally moves
that we could recommend for you.
To the LGBTQ plus folks in yourlife, say their name right, not
kind of right, actually right.
That includes pronouns, chosennames, and making the effort

(29:36):
even when it's not convenient.

SPEAKER_01 (29:39):
Include everyone.
That means not forgetting bi+,pan, ace, and trans folks in
your combos, invites, oradvocacy.
Pride is a party, not a clique.

SPEAKER_00 (29:52):
Show up year-round.
Visibility matters even whenit's not trending.
Be the friend who's there whenthe glitter settles and real
life kicks in.

SPEAKER_01 (30:01):
Listen without trying to fix or compare.

SPEAKER_00 (30:05):
Educate yourself.
Don't rely on others to do allthe explaining.

SPEAKER_01 (30:10):
Advocate for inclusive spaces at work,
school, and in the community.
To the men in your life, say I'mproud of you out loud.
Not just when they achievesomething, but for surviving,
growing, and showing up.

SPEAKER_00 (30:26):
And drop the man up BS.
It's 2025.
Emotional repression isn'tmasculinity.
It's a trauma response.
Let men be soft.
Let them feel.
And let them heal.

SPEAKER_01 (30:39):
Normalize emotional check-ins with male friends.

SPEAKER_00 (30:43):
Change harmful tough guy norms.

SPEAKER_01 (30:46):
Model vulnerability if you're comfortable.
It opens the door for others.

SPEAKER_00 (30:51):
And here are some resources.
A

SPEAKER_01 (30:55):
couple of the LGBTQ plus mental health organizations
include The Trevor Project andTrans Lifeline.
The services include for TheTrevor Project and a 24-7 crisis
hotline via phone, text, andchat for LGBTQ plus youth.

(31:16):
Trevor Text and Trevor Chat,both confidential, real-time
support with trained counselors.
Trevor Space, a safe, affirmingsocial networking site for LGBTQ
plus youth ages 13 to 24.
Their website isthetrevorproject.org.
You can call them at1-866-488-7386.

(31:43):
You can text START to 678-678.
And they have chat available ontheir website.
The Trans Lifeline istransvolunteers.org.
offering peer support and activelistening with an understanding
of trans experiences.

(32:03):
Their phone number is1-877-565-8860 and their website
is translifeline.org.

SPEAKER_00 (32:15):
And some men's mental health platforms are,
heads up guys, Movember,BetterHelp, Beam, and Therapy
for Black Men and Therapy forMen.
For BEAM, Men's Mental Health,Black Emotional and Mental
Health Collective, they're ahealing resource at the
intersection of race andqueerness.

(32:36):
You could go towww.beam.community.
Men's Mental Health Resourcesfor Heads Up is a mental health
support specifically for men,especially around depression and
suicide prevention.
It also includes self-check-intools and therapist directory
and articles.

(32:57):
You could go towww.h-e-a-d-s-u-p-g-u-y-s.org
And that's headsupguys.org ForTherapy for Black Men, it's a
directory connecting Black menwith culturally competent

(33:17):
therapists and promotesopenness, healing, and emotional
growth.
And you can visit them atwww.therapyforblackmen.org For
man therapy, it's a mentalhealth with humorous,
approachable tone focused onmen, and it offers tools such as
self-assessment and resourcesfor substance abuse, divorce,

(33:41):
trauma, and etc.
You can visit them atwww.mantherapy.org.
For Movember, it's not just formustaches.
It's a funds program for men'smental health, suicide
prevention, and more.
And you can visit them atwww.movember.com.

(34:02):
And last one here is forBetterHelp.
This can be used for both formen's mental health and for the
LGBTQ+.
And you can visit them atwww.betterhelp.com you know
aside from all of the weekendmadness you know this is pride
month men's mental healthawareness like where are you at

(34:24):
with all that stuff

SPEAKER_01 (34:26):
i'm excited june is always a good month just i mean
mainly because of my birthday

SPEAKER_00 (34:30):
yeah

SPEAKER_01 (34:33):
another year older another year closer to death

SPEAKER_00 (34:36):
it's okay we all go there

SPEAKER_01 (34:37):
yeah um Damn, that was dark.

SPEAKER_00 (34:41):
Did

SPEAKER_01 (34:42):
that get dark?
Yeah.
Just call me Debbie Downer.
Yeah.
No, I think this is a month thatdefinitely deserves some light
shed on it when it comes to theLGBTQ pride, men's mental health
awareness, which I actuallyonly, not this year, but in

(35:03):
recent years, learned that Juneis men's mental health awareness
month.

UNKNOWN (35:07):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (35:07):
Yeah, I didn't know that until B brought it up.
I think on our episode aboutJuneteenth, I was talking to him
about it.
And he was like, oh, yeah, don'tforget.
It's Men's Mental HealthAwareness Month.

SPEAKER_01 (35:20):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (35:21):
I'm like, oh, okay, baby.
Look at you.
Didn't he

SPEAKER_01 (35:24):
suggest us

SPEAKER_00 (35:25):
doing an episode on that?
Yeah, he did.
Because he's like, don't forgetabout us.
I'm like, oh.
He should be

SPEAKER_01 (35:31):
in here.
We can interview him.

SPEAKER_00 (35:33):
Nah, he can't handle us.

SPEAKER_01 (35:35):
No, he can't.

SPEAKER_00 (35:36):
He can't handle us.
Especially it being June.
I don't want to mess him up toomuch.

SPEAKER_01 (35:42):
Well, if there's any time to be messed up, now is it.

SPEAKER_00 (35:44):
You're right.

SPEAKER_01 (35:45):
Just

SPEAKER_00 (35:46):
kidding.
Okay.
He's not...
It's not that we're too good forhim.
It's just...

SPEAKER_01 (35:50):
He's too good for

SPEAKER_00 (35:51):
us?
Yeah.
That's probably what it is.

SPEAKER_01 (35:52):
Bitch.

SPEAKER_00 (35:53):
He is a little bitch.

SPEAKER_01 (35:55):
Does he listen to our podcast?
Hell

SPEAKER_00 (35:57):
no.
He's like, I done heard yourvoice...
day in and day out.
I don't want to hear anotherhour of it.

SPEAKER_01 (36:03):
He's just on the other side of that wall.
He hears

SPEAKER_00 (36:07):
it live.
He's probably having a cupagainst the wall and being like,
what do they say about that?

SPEAKER_01 (36:13):
I'm just waiting for him to mention my

SPEAKER_00 (36:16):
name.
I personally, I'm going to behonest, I am very ignorant to a
lot of pride stuff.
I am going to have to admit andMen's mental health.
Obviously, I know what the twois, you know, but for people
who's like me, like I know Ican't relate personally, but I

(36:38):
am like in full support.
I am empathetic, sympathetictowards it.
Like I support it all.
And it's I don't think it'sbrought up enough.
And I think like, yeah.
We were talking about our TikTokpost.
We made this post on TikTok, andagain, it's just to represent

(37:02):
things that we believe in,things that we support.
We had this Pride post up, andit blew up.

SPEAKER_01 (37:12):
The comments on

SPEAKER_00 (37:13):
it.
Yeah, it's crazy.
No hate towards anything, but...

SPEAKER_01 (37:21):
Speak for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 (37:23):
But I don't know.
It was crazy.
I think that's when people comeout of the woodworks and they
really show their true colors.
Mind you, I feel like a lot ofthese were anonymous accounts,
so it's probably not anybodyreal.
But I did not think that postwould get that much traction.

SPEAKER_01 (37:41):
So our Pride post did get a lot of traction.
And I did have some issues withit.
Yeah.
Which I wasn't even followingit.
And then you texted me and youwere like, are you seeing the
comments?
Are you seeing this?
And I'm like, no, I wasn't.
So I went and looked on it.
And obviously I'm the type ofperson that I'm like, I want to
jump on that and like disputesome of this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 (38:03):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (38:04):
But it really, it just shows how many people are
clearly uneducated.

SPEAKER_00 (38:10):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (38:11):
And ignorant.

UNKNOWN (38:14):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (38:14):
But see, the difference you mentioned
earlier, you're like, this isjust, you know, I'm ignorant
when it comes to this.
But the difference between you,what separates you from those
people is they enjoy theirignorance.
Yeah.
They're going to sit in theirignorance and they're going to
stay there.
They're not going to expandtheir mind.
They're not going to learnanything new.

SPEAKER_00 (38:34):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (38:35):
And that's the downfall.
But I know, like, I didn't takeany of the comments or anything
personally.

SPEAKER_00 (38:41):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (38:41):
But what really got me worked up was that the people
are like, You know, there werecomments saying, oh, it's
Veterans Month.

SPEAKER_00 (38:49):
Oh, yeah.
There's a lot of that.

SPEAKER_01 (38:50):
I mean, one, it's not Veterans Month.

SPEAKER_00 (38:52):
Yeah.
It's in November.

SPEAKER_01 (38:54):
It's in November.

SPEAKER_00 (38:56):
We chatted, GPT'd it.
We verified that.
We Googled it.
There was plenty of peoplecommenting, hey, it's in
November.
Give us.
The least you can do is justlike not one, not either.
Either don't say anything ortwo, like move along, you know?

SPEAKER_01 (39:14):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think that that was likethe thing that kind of annoyed
me a little bit.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (39:23):
Yeah, but it was just crazy.
Like, obviously, it's not a bigdeal to us.
Well, to me, when it comes topeople being ignorant, because
obviously, like, I'veexperienced things like this in
the past, being a minority, youknow, but this is not to take
away from pride at all.
And I'm just saying that, like,I am used to people being

(39:45):
ignorant and staying ignorant.
They don't want to like betteror learn, you know?

SPEAKER_01 (39:49):
It's like, even we just said, we like, we chat GPT
and we Googled you, you canverify all this stuff and people
don't do that.
And what really blew my mind,like going through the comments
on that post was the number ofpeople that a, that were like,
well, why don't we celebratestraight pride?
And B the people that were like,Oh, it's veterans month or

(40:12):
whatever.
No, it's Men's Mental HealthAwareness Month.
And it's like one of thosethings where it's like two
things can be true.
Yeah.
It's June.
It is Men's Mental HealthAwareness.
Yeah.
And it's pride.
Yeah.
Like two things can coexist.

SPEAKER_00 (40:28):
100%.

SPEAKER_01 (40:29):
Yeah.
And then I actually came acrossthis.
I think I actually showed thisto you and read this to you.
For all the people, the onething that really, really got to
me was like, Why isn't therestraight pride?
Why can't we have straightpride?
No, it's straight pride.
Okay.
Well, I found this meme shortlyafter we posted that.

(40:51):
And I thought it was a perfectdepiction.
It says, why isn't there astraight pride?
Because every day is straightpride.
Because being straight was neverillegal.
Because no one got kicked outfor coming out straight.
Because no one got jailed forbeing straight.

(41:13):
Because no one has to come outas straight.
Because no one protests straightweddings.
Because there is no straightconversion therapy.
Because no one was killed forbeing straight.
Because straight handholding issafe.
Because no one asks if beingstraight is a phase.

(41:33):
Because no one outed straightkids.
Because straight history is notbeing erased.
That is why there is pride.

SPEAKER_00 (41:41):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (41:41):
And, you know, you go back to the whole, like,
Stonewall thing with Marsha P.
Johnson and all of that.
Like, that is why there ispride.

SPEAKER_00 (41:51):
Like, people actually died and fought for
this.
Like, everything else.

SPEAKER_01 (41:55):
Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 (41:56):
And it's just as important as Veterans Month.
It's just as important as men'smental health or things outside
of that.
Like, it's okay for things tocoexist, you know, but...
we're just here to show supportto the community.
We're just here to show like,Hey, we do care about it.
And you know, we see you and wehear you.

SPEAKER_01 (42:17):
And I think that that was something that we
discussed when we were talkingabout coming up or like starting
the podcast.
We want to advocate for and showsupport for the things that we
believe in.

SPEAKER_00 (42:29):
Exactly.
And

SPEAKER_01 (42:30):
that's not to say that, you know, other things
don't exist or other thingscan't exist, but if it's
something that neither of ussupport, why do we need to
address it?

SPEAKER_00 (42:41):
You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 (42:43):
And that was the other thing I was thinking with
like that one TikTok that weposted, all these people with
their hate comments.
And I'm just thinking to myself,like when I was a kid, I was
told if you don't have anythingnice to say, keep.

SPEAKER_00 (42:54):
Keep it to yourself.
Yeah.
Don't

SPEAKER_01 (42:55):
say anything at all.

SPEAKER_00 (42:56):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (42:57):
These people literally took time out of their
day to comment on something thatthey're probably never going to
see again.

SPEAKER_00 (43:04):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (43:05):
And my question is, is, Why was our post showing up
in their...
Feed.
Yeah, in their algorithm.

SPEAKER_00 (43:13):
Yeah.
And their Explore or For Youpage.

SPEAKER_01 (43:16):
They're either actively searching this stuff
out to be ignorant.

SPEAKER_00 (43:22):
Yeah.
Or they're just bored.
Or they're just

SPEAKER_01 (43:24):
bored, hiding their keyboard warriors, just sitting
there.
I'm just going to sit here andtext and like, dude, get your
own life.

SPEAKER_00 (43:31):
Yeah.
I mean, who are we?
We're really nobody.
We're nobody.
Again, that's the thing thatblew my mind.
It's just like, what?
Yeah, like, okay.
You're really hurting me rightnow.
Like, go look at our otherposts, too, while you're looking
at that one, you know?
Like, help us out a little bit.

(43:52):
Go start some more drama onother posts.
Yeah, if you're angry, look atour other posts and be angry
about that, too, and bring someof your friends.
Like, work with that.

SPEAKER_01 (44:00):
Bring some of

SPEAKER_00 (44:00):
your friends.
Show mutual help.
hate on all our other posts too.
Yes, please.
Please.

SPEAKER_01 (44:05):
Please do that.

SPEAKER_00 (44:07):
But

SPEAKER_01 (44:07):
it's just mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_00 (44:09):
Yeah, it's mind-blowing.
It's crazy.
It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 (44:14):
So I obviously have some strong opinions when it
comes to anti-pride, anti-LGBTQ.

SPEAKER_00 (44:22):
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I do too.
I think, obviously I do too, butagain, I am ignorant in a way
where I don't I probably willnever experience what you go
through, but I can empathizethat, hey, like, you know, I'm
here for you if you need me.
Right.
Like, I know you're goingthrough stuff and it's okay.

(44:42):
You know, it's okay to be human.
Literally, it's just beinghuman.

SPEAKER_01 (44:49):
Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 (44:50):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (44:51):
That's all it is.
I don't understand why there isso much conversation
surrounding...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (45:09):
Yeah.
You know, I could be gay and notbe talking about masturbating
myself because I'm a girl orwhatever.

(45:29):
Like, it's not about that.
It's like, hey, if you want tobe gay or if I want to be gay,
let me fucking be gay.
The

SPEAKER_01 (45:37):
bottom line is, is if all of these ignorant people
who are anti-pride, if you don'twant pride to exist, I think
it's...
I may be going out on a limbhere, so hopefully I don't get
attacked, but...
I think it's safe to say thatpride was created because of
those people.

(45:58):
Yeah.
Like, if you would just mindyour own business, shut up, and
nobody has to be attacked,targeted, killed, murdered.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (46:10):
It's just like, if you don't like this podcast,
move the fuck along.

SPEAKER_01 (46:14):
Exactly.
You don't like that somebody'ssleeping with a guy?
Great.
Don't sleep with them.
Keep walking down the street.

SPEAKER_00 (46:20):
Exactly.
Live your life.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (46:22):
You let other people live their life the way that
they want.
Yeah.
There wouldn't be a need forpride.

SPEAKER_00 (46:29):
Right.
But because of everything that

SPEAKER_01 (46:31):
the LGBTQ community has gone through.

SPEAKER_00 (46:34):
Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 (46:35):
That is why there is pride.

SPEAKER_00 (46:36):
Yeah, and don't take away from that.
Exactly.
Just move the fuck along.
Don't take away from that.

SPEAKER_01 (46:42):
That just goes to show how sad those people are

SPEAKER_00 (46:44):
in their own lives.
Or how bored they are, really.
Come on.
Go scroll on our other posts andlike it or hate it.
Do one better for us, please.
Please.

SPEAKER_01 (46:58):
And get a life while you're at it.
Or a job.

SPEAKER_00 (47:01):
Yeah, that too.

SPEAKER_01 (47:02):
Speaking of doing better.
Let's talk about what thatactually looks like emotionally.

SPEAKER_00 (47:08):
Sometimes growth means letting go of the versions
of you that only knew how tocope, not thrive.
This segment is all aboutunlearning the emotional
nonsense that were fed andredefined what strength,
softness, and self-awarenesslooks like, especially for men.
Um, my first thing here, or myfirst question here is how do

(47:33):
you personally check in withyour mental health?

SPEAKER_01 (47:36):
For me, I normally will make like a checks, kind of
like a checks and balance andkind of see how I'm feeling.
Is there something that I need?
I try to pay more lately.
I've been trying to pay moreattention to my body

SPEAKER_00 (47:49):
because

SPEAKER_01 (47:50):
I do know I've been realizing that there are moments
where I get depressed.
so anxious that I'm just liketensed or have so much
adrenaline or energy in my bodythat I'm like, I need to do
something.
Okay.
Um, so I, I've been trying topay more attention to that.

SPEAKER_00 (48:08):
That's really good.
Um, for me, like, honestly, Inever thought about it until
this question.
I don't do a lot of mentalhealth checks.
Um, I would say my only thing iswhen I'm binge sleeping.
That's my mental health checkbecause that's the only time
where I'm willing to not touchmy phone.

(48:30):
That's the only time where I'mwilling to ignore people's
calls.
That's the only time where I'mjust like, nope, it's all me.
I'm going to sleep until I'mhappy.
So that, I guess, I neverthought about that, but that
would be my mental health check.

SPEAKER_01 (48:45):
I mean, that is a mental

SPEAKER_00 (48:46):
health check.

SPEAKER_01 (48:48):
I mean, if you're sleeping...
I mean, I'm a firm believer youcan't just like sleep.
Like I don't think people canjust be like, I'm going to sleep
now and sleep.

SPEAKER_00 (48:59):
Yeah.
Oh, you can.
So if you're sleeping.
That's his magic power.

SPEAKER_01 (49:03):
Really?

SPEAKER_00 (49:03):
He falls asleep in two minutes or not even two
minutes, two seconds.
He'd be like, don't touch me.
I'm going to sleep.
Two seconds.
Like anytime.
Anytime.
Yep.
He will wake up in the middle ofthe night, but he will knock out
right away.
That's like his superpower.
And I'm just like.
Give me that.
I want that for just one day.
But

SPEAKER_01 (49:23):
if you're sleeping, it's more or less your body's
way of telling you that it needssleep.

SPEAKER_00 (49:29):
Yeah, I guess.
What is a belief aboutmasculinity that you are
currently trying to unlearn?
I can't answer it, but whatabout you?

SPEAKER_01 (49:38):
I can answer that.
One belief about masculinitythat I'm currently trying to
unlearn is that Men haveemotions.
Because, again, that goes backto, you know, what we were
discussing earlier, how men aretaught emotions are a sign of

(50:01):
weakness.
Yeah.
Like...

SPEAKER_00 (50:04):
You as a man, do you feel like that does affect your
mentality on how you look atcertain things?
Yeah.
Does that actually make a bigimpact for you?

SPEAKER_01 (50:15):
I think.
For me, it does, I think.
And I think it's a multifaceted,complex topic just from the
standpoint of...
I feel like I have a lot ofthings going against me as far
as...
being, you know, fitting into amarginalized group or a minority
or whatnot.

(50:39):
And I think that mentally itdoes weigh on me and it is kind
of a struggle at times justtrying to...
I don't know what I'm trying tosay, but I guess...

SPEAKER_00 (50:51):
I think I understand what you're saying.

SPEAKER_01 (50:53):
I just need to worry less about what other people
think.

SPEAKER_00 (50:55):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (50:56):
Just because there is, again, going back, there's
that stigma.
Like...

SPEAKER_00 (51:01):
You're supposed to be tough.

SPEAKER_01 (51:02):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (51:03):
Macho.

SPEAKER_01 (51:04):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (51:04):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (51:05):
Like, okay.
For example, like I rememberwhen I was a little kid visiting
my mom and she told me that Iwas gay.

SPEAKER_00 (51:16):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (51:17):
Because I enunciate.

SPEAKER_00 (51:19):
That's

SPEAKER_01 (51:20):
insane.
That was why.
Because men don't enunciatetheir words.

UNKNOWN (51:24):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (51:24):
I must be a man then.
Cause apparently I don't need tosee it.

SPEAKER_01 (51:29):
Well, it's funny because I just

SPEAKER_00 (51:31):
saw, I'm sorry.
No, I

SPEAKER_01 (51:32):
mean, it's fine.
Um, but it's just, that's justanother example of those things
that I wish not only myself, butlike men would unlearn.

SPEAKER_00 (51:44):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (51:45):
Because it's not always the case.
And that's not always fact.
It's not masculine.
Isn't it?
Black and white.

SPEAKER_00 (51:55):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (51:55):
Anymore, especially because, you know, now we have

SPEAKER_00 (51:58):
very feminine men,

SPEAKER_01 (52:00):
feminine men.
We have heterosexuals.
We have all of this.
And it's just going back to whatwe were discussing earlier.
Why can't we why can't peoplejust be seen as human?
Like it doesn't matter.
And that was one thing that Inever understood as far as like
being part of the LGBTQ pluscommunity.

SPEAKER_00 (52:21):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (52:23):
Personally, You know, if people want to come out
or have a big coming out party,that's their choice.

SPEAKER_00 (52:30):
Do they do that?
I'm asking because I don't know.
I

SPEAKER_01 (52:33):
feel like some people do.
I don't know anybody personally.

SPEAKER_00 (52:37):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (52:38):
But, like, I'm a big...
I'm the type of person, I'mlike...
You don't need to come out.
I don't care.
If you wanted to come up to menext weekend and be like, hey,
this is my girlfriend, Sarah.

SPEAKER_00 (52:50):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (52:50):
Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you, Sarah.
That's the end of the story.
I don't care.
Personally, I don't feel membersof the LGBTQ plus community
should have to come out.

SPEAKER_00 (53:01):
Or they have to announce that they're...
Or

SPEAKER_01 (53:03):
announce

SPEAKER_00 (53:03):
it.
Yeah.
And the thing

SPEAKER_01 (53:04):
is...
Oops, sorry.
No, you're fine.
I'm on a tangent

SPEAKER_00 (53:08):
now.
No, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 (53:09):
But I don't personally think that you need
to.
And I think that continuing tofeed into it and do it is kind
of propelling to keep thatmovement going, that people feel
the need to come out.
And I'm just here to say, I'mAnthony and I'm human.

SPEAKER_00 (53:29):
Yeah.

UNKNOWN (53:29):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (53:31):
It's not, I'm Anthony and I'm gay, or I'm
Anthony and I'm bi.
It's, I'm Anthony and I'm human,and I'm in a happy relationship.

SPEAKER_00 (53:38):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (53:39):
End of story.
Who it's with is none of yourbusiness.

SPEAKER_00 (53:42):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (53:43):
If I want to introduce you, I'll introduce
you.
Like, that's kind of where Istand, and I feel like I might
get flack on this from anybodyin the LGBT community just
because...
Yes, it is something that wefought for, but it's also
something that shouldn't have tohave ever been fought for.

SPEAKER_00 (54:05):
Yeah, that's very true.
That's a very good way to sayit.
What I was going to say was it'sto add on to your thing of like
if you had a friend, like forme, like let's just say three
days from now I come and showyou my girlfriend or whatever.
And you're just going to belike, oh, okay.
It's the thing of, like, if youknow you know, you don't need

(54:27):
to, like...
Like, if you're in a group offriends and they know that
you're gay or lesbian orwhatever, they already know that
you are.
It's just a point of, you knowwhat?
When they're comfortable,they'll tell me.
And that's just what you have tounderstand.
Yeah.
I will have to say, though...

SPEAKER_01 (54:45):
But even then, do they need to tell you?
Yeah.
Do they need to make a big thing

SPEAKER_00 (54:48):
about it?
Right.
I think...
And it comes back to the thingof if they know, they know.
For example, there's people inmy life where I know that
they've been gay or whateversince I was younger.
But I didn't go, oh my God, he'sgay.
Or like, oh, that was so gay,whatever.
When they were ready, they wereready.

(55:08):
And you just go, hey, I'm happyfor you.
That's it.
I'm happy that you're happy.
I'm not happy that you're gay.
I'm not happy that you have aboyfriend.
I'm just happy that you'rehappy.
And that's it.
I don't get it.

SPEAKER_01 (55:20):
I don't get where this whole, like...
And I feel like it's mostly men.
Women are normally okay withanybody that's part of the
community, the LGBTQ community.

SPEAKER_00 (55:30):
I think it's that form of, like, acknowledgement.
Like, hey, like...
Because...
I understand what you're saying.
We're like, you shouldn't haveto get acknowledgement from
people.
But because we're taught that,oh, like men are like this and,
you know, you shouldn't be gay,blah, blah, blah.
Then people feel like, oh, youknow what?

(55:50):
I have to have to explainmyself, which you don't.
You don't have to explainyourself to anybody.

SPEAKER_01 (55:56):
But I mean, even thinking of younger youth.

SPEAKER_00 (55:58):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (55:59):
You know, I think we mentioned earlier, like the
suicide rate with like.
LGBTQ plus youth.

SPEAKER_00 (56:05):
Yeah, it's insane.

SPEAKER_01 (56:07):
It's insane.
And I think part of that isbecause there is this need to
identify yourself and there isthis need to or this need that
you have to come out and youhave to announce it.

SPEAKER_00 (56:26):
Or that you have to be a part of anything.

SPEAKER_01 (56:29):
And then these kids are like, well, my mom and dad
are you know, hardcoreChristians

SPEAKER_00 (56:36):
and I

SPEAKER_01 (56:38):
can't do this.
They're going to kick me out.
And

SPEAKER_00 (56:39):
it's like,

SPEAKER_01 (56:41):
that's unnecessary pressure on a child to have to
identify, like just let themlive their life

SPEAKER_00 (56:47):
and

SPEAKER_01 (56:48):
find out who they are for themselves.

SPEAKER_00 (56:51):
Right.
And I might, this is somethingthat I might get booted for or
whatever, but like,

SPEAKER_01 (56:57):
Change the channel if you don't like

SPEAKER_00 (56:58):
it.
Yeah.
But this is my personal opinion.
You can agree or disagree withme.
But I am, when it comes to liketeaching about like the LGBTQ
and stuff like that in school, Ihave a problem with that.
Just because kids shouldn't needto worry about their gender.

(57:18):
School itself is already hardenough.
And I feel like sometimes whenit's enforced...
People get forced to think thatthey're a certain thing when
they're not, too.
And I'm not saying it's a badthing.
I'm just saying that, let's justsay, for example, me growing up,
right?
Like, I was a big tomboy.

(57:39):
And then, you know, if I'mtaught that, hey, like, there's
these different groups that youhave to consider yourself in, I
would have thought that I wouldhave been gay.
Because I like to do boy things.
I like to do stuff like that,you know?
And I feel like, again, nothingagainst the LGBTQ community.
I think just when it comes tolike teaching it in school.

(58:02):
at such a young age, it's veryconfusing too, because they're
already confused themselves asto like what being a human is
like, you know, stuff like that.
I'm not saying don't teach it.
I'm just saying, don't like, Idon't know, maybe, maybe I'm,
it's making it sound bad, butfor me, I just feel like, um, I
love it that they're bringingawareness to it.

(58:26):
I think they're just bringingawareness to it to a younger
group of kids or a younger groupof people who may interpret it
in the wrong way or who maythink that they have to conform
themselves into a group ofpeople.
I know

SPEAKER_01 (58:43):
what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 (58:44):
So

SPEAKER_01 (58:46):
I would raise the question on that.
I agree with you, but I alsodisagree.

UNKNOWN (58:51):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (58:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(59:13):
Last summer, I was inside.
I was, I don't know, puttingclothes away or something.
But I had my window open.
And you know I live...
Close to.
A playground.

SPEAKER_00 (59:20):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (59:21):
Yeah.
So there were kids next doorplaying basketball.
And some of the things comingout of those kids' mouth, I'm
like, how at your age do youknow what half of that stuff is?

SPEAKER_00 (59:31):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (59:32):
But I mean, again, everybody, you know,
six-year-olds have fucking cellphones now.

SPEAKER_00 (59:36):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (59:37):
So it might not even be a matter of, like, teaching.
But I definitely think that, youknow...
I definitely think thatStonewall and all the LGBTQ plus
historical side of thingsdefinitely should

SPEAKER_00 (59:53):
be taught in school.

SPEAKER_01 (59:55):
But that, again, that's going to be more of like
high school.

SPEAKER_00 (59:59):
Yeah, high school level.
Because I feel like when...
And I'm saying this because Iknow somebody who's like...
who is like a middle school,like a relative.
And, you know, they teach LGBTQin the school.

(01:00:21):
And, you know, I feel like shefeels like she identifies
herself in a certain category.
But then I think it's becauseshe feels like she has these
certain traits, which makes herfall into this category.
But then again, she's so youngthat she doesn't even know.
I personally think she doesn'tknow what she really likes.

(01:00:42):
Maybe she does.
And maybe I'm discounting herthoughts and feelings.
And that's my bad.
Again, I have nothing againstthat.
But I'm the type of people whereI like to know all the
information.
I like to try not to make ajudgment until...

(01:01:02):
Cause that's, that's the thingwe lacked when it was, when I
was in high school.
Like, again, like I said, likeif I learned about like the
LGBTQ stuff in high school andat that time I would have known
that, oh yeah, like boys arelike girls, but like in
elementary, everybody likeseveryone.
Like even girls like me,sometimes I would be like, oh my

(01:01:24):
God, she's so pretty.
And then, you know,

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:28):
To dispute that though, I will say that I think
that when you are part of theLGBTQ plus community, as a
child, it's more of like aninnate thing.

SPEAKER_00 (01:01:40):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:40):
So like, like they'll know.

SPEAKER_00 (01:01:42):
So you, okay.
So which raises my question too.
And again, again, I'm ignorantto this.
I don't know.
Ignorant.
I'm ignorant.
I'm a dumb ignorant bitch.
But yeah, like, I was going toask you, maybe there's certain
things you've obviouslyexperienced that not everybody
experienced clearly.
So like when you were little, isthis something that you already
knew?

(01:02:03):
Is this something, you know,like you said, it's innate to
you?
Like what is your experiencegrowing up with that, you know?
Yeah,

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:12):
no, that's a really good question.
So like my personal experiencewas like I knew something was
off.
Okay.
I knew that I wasn't like theother kids around me.

UNKNOWN (01:02:22):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:23):
And that something was different.
I shouldn't say off.
Something was different.

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:28):
Canceled.
Canceled.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:30):
Done.
But when you're that age, youdon't know.

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:37):
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
It's just, you just don't know.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:39):
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:40):
And kids are really impressionable.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:42):
Kids are impressionable.
But that's also one of thosethings that's part of the whole
journey.

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:47):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:48):
Finding yourself.

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:49):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I guess, I guess.
It's a gray area.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:55):
It's not a fucking gray area.

SPEAKER_00 (01:02:57):
Okay.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sick of gray areas.
Every

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:01):
episode.

SPEAKER_00 (01:03:03):
Okay.
I mean, to me, that's really,really cool.
If you've already known thatwhen you're little that, oh.
Because that answers my ownquestion about my sexuality.
Well, here's the

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:15):
thing.
And here's something that I'vealways tried to rebuttal with...
Okay, yeah.

(01:03:51):
I had a lovely childhood.
And I just want to ask them.
Okay.
I can ask you.
Yeah.
How did you know you werestraight?

SPEAKER_00 (01:03:59):
Are you asking me that question?
I'm asking

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:02):
you.
How did you know that you werestraight?

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:04):
Well, we talked about it earlier.
I had an experience.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:11):
Okay.
Bad example.

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:13):
Yeah.
But you

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:13):
know

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:13):
what

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:13):
I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:14):
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's like what you said.
It's the

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:17):
thing to ask straight people.

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:19):
Yeah.
Yeah.
How did you know you werestraight?
Let's spin the tables.
My thing is, I can't answer toyou, is that I like dick too
much to like a pussy.
That's it.
Like, when I say dick, it turnsme on.
Specifically somebody else's.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:32):
And that's just it.
It's an internal reactionbecause that's what turns you

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:36):
on.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:37):
And that's the same thing for anybody in the LGBTQ
community.
Yeah.
And that's why there's, like,different...
I don't know what the properterm is, so I'm just going to
call it, like, subcategories.

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:49):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:49):
You know, because, I mean, this is going to be a
stereotype.
You know, you've heard thephrases like butch lesbian,
lipstick lesbian, twink, bear,otter.

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:02):
Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:04):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:05):
I really don't.
But, like, there's all thesethings.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:07):
And that, again, that goes back to the whole it's
an internal thing.
You just know it's what turnsyou

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:14):
on.
Yeah.
Yeah, see, that's the thing.
If I saw a kitty, I would belike, ugh, get it away from me.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:20):
Right.
Yeah.
It's just not your cup of tea.

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:23):
Yeah, if I see an eggplant, it's a different
story.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:25):
Whereas somebody might see a 12-inch big black
cod.
And they're like, bam!

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:31):
Yeah.
We riding on that pony.
We riding till dawn, baby! Oh,yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:39):
But no, that's, I mean...
Those are my thoughts.
We really tangented off

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:44):
on that question.
Yeah, we did.
Sorry.
But I have a question that willrelate to that.
I hope.
I don't know if other people,but me, I'm a very curious
being.
And I know that the first time Imet you, I asked you like, hey,
like, are you gay, straight orbi?
And just that in general, isthat offensive to like the LGBT

(01:06:07):
community?
Like is asking you that likeoffensive for me I'm gonna be
honest I didn't think it wasoffensive because I'm actually
genuinely interested because Idon't want to offend you which I
feel like sometimes when peopleask they don't have that agenda
behind that they're just askingto ask but because again I knew

(01:06:30):
you was gonna I was gonna makeyou my friend I wanted to make
sure that I'm also respectful ofthat you know and so like when I
asked you I know we probably metlike I think like Yeah.
And I was like, hey, I'm goingto get this out of the way.
Yeah, I think you did.

SPEAKER_01 (01:06:44):
It was really soon.

SPEAKER_00 (01:06:45):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:06:46):
I don't know.
I think that that's a personalpreference.
I think everybody holds thingsdifferently.

SPEAKER_00 (01:06:52):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:06:55):
Personally, I don't like to advertise or just tell
people.
And for multiple reasons, youknow, like especially in the
workplace.

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:09):
Mm-hmm.
It's unprofessional, obviously.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:12):
Well, no, it's not even like unprofessional, but I

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:14):
shouldn't have.
Not you being unprofessional.
No, no, no.
I know what you mean.
I mean like other people askingyou.
No, I know what you mean.
Which I was unprofessionalbecause I asked you in a work
setting.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:20):
Yeah, but we were cool.

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:21):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:22):
But I think that I'm normally leery about answering
anything like

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:30):
that.
Like if HR came up to you and belike, are you gay or straight?
You'd be like, what is me doing?
Like that.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:36):
Well, I would say straight.

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:38):
Oh, you would?

UNKNOWN (01:07:40):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:40):
Oh.
Because, well, and

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:41):
this.
I would be like, mind your ownbiz wax.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:44):
Maybe I wouldn't say,

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:45):
no, I,

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:46):
it would depend.

UNKNOWN (01:07:47):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:48):
Just because, I mean, again, this goes back to
the whole reason that there'spride.
Oh.
Like.

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:53):
Why do you have to ask me about that?

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:54):
Well, no, because I don't, I think currently, I
think there's still protectionsin place.
But like prior, you could befired for being gay.

SPEAKER_00 (01:08:05):
So

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:06):
that's why I'm very, I'm very, very cautious about
who I let into my inner circleand discussing that with people
that I work with because I neverknow who is going to end up, you
know, backstabbing me if thatprotection is removed.
Again, that's why there is pridebecause there were at one point

(01:08:31):
no protections for people in theLGBT community.

UNKNOWN (01:08:34):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:35):
It literally was the new black versus white.
They would segregate the colorsfrom the white, and then the
next marginalized group was thegays.

SPEAKER_00 (01:08:50):
It's history repeating itself again, once
again, unfortunately.
Yes, we need to

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:55):
learn from history.

SPEAKER_00 (01:08:56):
Yeah.
But, yeah, so...
Yeah, and, you know, when itcomes to, like, men's mental
health, I think, you know...
I feel like just in general, Iwill have to admit, I feel like
we are, as like a human race,slowly starting to like accept
that, but not enough.

(01:09:18):
You know, like there's stillthe...
Stigma.
Yeah, there's still the stigmaof like, oh, stop being a pussy
or like, oh, you're fucking weakand stuff like that.
Don't be a baby.
Yeah, don't be a bitch.
Yeah, like I think...
Or those nicer ways to say it.
But, you know, I think...
At the end of the day, again, itcomes hand in hand.

(01:09:41):
We're all human.
We're just trying to live ourlives and go on to the next day.
We're just trying to live.
That's it.
Whether I'm sad about breaking atoenail or whether I'm sad that
I have to keep not being myself,unfortunately, we're still just

(01:10:02):
trying to live.
And some people, they come outand they express it.
They wear it proud on theirshoulder, like Miss Johnson.
But some other people, maybeit's just the fact that they
can't do that and they findjealousy or hatred out of it.
I don't know.
They're bored, but come on,let's not do that.

(01:10:24):
Support each other.
It may sound hypocritical comingout out of my mouth because like
I said bitch is my middle name Iam mean but you know it's not
hard being nice like it's nevercost a thing to be nice no yeah
so yeah so that

SPEAKER_01 (01:10:45):
and that's something that we need more of in the
world is more kindness moreempathy more understanding yeah
just because it doesn't fit intoyour cookie cutter lifestyle
like If it doesn't fit into it,then don't pay any attention to
it.
Why are you actively seeking tooppress other people?

SPEAKER_00 (01:11:09):
Who's been oppressed all their fucking lives.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:11):
Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 (01:11:11):
Like, yeah.
But to all those people, youknow, who do fall into that
group, you know, not trying togroup you in or anything, but
I'm just saying trying toinclude everybody, you know, the
LGBTQ plus, you know, Men,women, children, youngins,
babies who are suffering insilence.
Like, you know, it's okay tofeel how you feel.

(01:11:34):
You know, your feelings arevalid.
And don't let anybody shut thosefeelings down.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:39):
No.

SPEAKER_00 (01:11:39):
Because you are a badass bitch at the end of the
day.
You a

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:43):
badass bitch.
Period.
Now that we've hyped you up,let's break down why that
confidence gets shut down.
Especially for men.
Alright, so this next segment isgoing to be called Man Enough to
Feel.
Let's be real.
Emotional honesty andmasculinity still don't show up

(01:12:04):
at the same cookout.
In this segment, we're unpackingthe messages men get about
feelings, the unspoken rules ofquote-unquote being a man, and
why emotional repression isn't apersonality trait.
Time to rip the duct tape offyour feelings and talk about
what's underneath.

(01:12:24):
Now, obviously, it's men'smental health awareness.
I know, Nolly, you don't reallyhave any experience in this.
But like I said before, mentalhealth doesn't know any gender.
So you can answer any of thesequestions, obviously.

SPEAKER_00 (01:12:39):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:12:40):
My first question is, do you think men are more
comfortable expressing angerthan sadness?
And if so, why?

SPEAKER_00 (01:12:50):
From...
Obviously, I'm not a man, but Ilive with a man, and I can't
speak from my experiences withthis man.
I personally think that it'seasier for men to express
themselves through angerbecause, one, it's easier to be
mad at something than toactually try to feel sad and try

(01:13:11):
to experience the emotion.
Yeah, I agree with that.
And, you know, this, again...
It just doesn't apply to men.
It applies to women too.
I think, not trying to take awayfrom men's mental health, but
obviously I'm not a man, so Ican't speak on behalf of a man.
But for me, it's obviouslyeasier for me to be sad than

(01:13:34):
angry.
So that's moot.
But I can understand why it'seasier to be angry.
Because if you're angry and youlash out, Then most of the time,
like women or your partner willbe like, okay, you know what?
He's mad.
I'm a, I'm a dip.
I'm a let him be.
Yeah.
Let him cool off.
But if you go into sadness,that's when we start asking, but

(01:13:56):
why do you feel like that?
Like what's going on?
And, you know, and I think atthat point, either you're just
going to start getting irritatedor you're not ready to unwrap
that yet.
And it's going to go down aspiral.
So, yeah, I think it's easier toexpress through anger.
What about you?
Being the man and all.

SPEAKER_01 (01:14:15):
I agree with that.
I think that anger.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(01:14:47):
Okay.
Oh, another movie we're going tohave to watch.
But the famous Tom Hanks line,there's no crying in baseball.

SPEAKER_00 (01:14:55):
Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:14:57):
He's a coach of a women's baseball team.

SPEAKER_00 (01:15:01):
Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:02):
And one of the girls starts crying and he says,
there's no crying in baseball.
Again, there's that whole menthing.
Men aren't allowed to cry.

SPEAKER_00 (01:15:09):
They're supposed to be tough.

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:10):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:15:10):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:11):
Men's

SPEAKER_00 (01:15:12):
are actually turtles.
Like I said, they're tough onthe outside but soft on the
inside.
All right.
My question is, who taught youhow to talk about your emotions
and who didn't?

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:23):
Nobody.

SPEAKER_00 (01:15:23):
That was so sad.
Is

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:28):
that sad?
I

SPEAKER_00 (01:15:30):
wouldn't say it's sad, but I feel like it's kind
of sad.
I

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:35):
don't think that anybody ever really taught me
how to talk.
relate to or to be in tune withmy emotions i wouldn't
necessarily say that i'm a firmbeliever in this but like you
know how sometimes you'll seelike scrolling through social
media there's always likethere's sometimes there's like
zodiac posts and they'll like gothrough each zodiac sign and

(01:15:57):
they'll give a description ofwhat that is

SPEAKER_00 (01:15:59):
so google google taught you how to be set how to
talk about

SPEAKER_01 (01:16:05):
your emotions no no no no no but like anytime that i
came across like a cancer oneokay I'd read it and be like,
yep, that's fucking me.

SPEAKER_00 (01:16:13):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:16:14):
So I do feel like as a cancer, I am more in touch
with my emotions than mostpeople.

SPEAKER_00 (01:16:23):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:16:24):
But I never really knew how to handle those
emotions.

SPEAKER_00 (01:16:28):
Okay.
Does that make sense?
Yes, it does.
It's different feeling them andit's different like

SPEAKER_01 (01:16:33):
knowing

SPEAKER_00 (01:16:34):
how to change.
Yeah.
For sure.
For me, Pisces are veryempathetic, really in tune with
their emotions.
But for me, I said it was sadwhen you said nobody.
But for me, low-key, it's alsonobody.
But I actually learned aboutexpressing my emotions actually

(01:16:58):
through my younger brother.
Like, shout out to my brother,Kamong.
I might get a little emotional.
I'm not going to lie.
But I love my little brother.
Like, he is.
Oh, my God.
Are you going to cry?
I am going to cry.
But, um, my brother, he's verycaring.

(01:17:20):
He's very emotional.
And, like, when he was little,like, he'd say his emotions, and
I wouldn't...
Like, you wouldn't expect a kidto know, like, certain things,
you know what I mean?
But, um...
My brother has always beenreally in tune with his
emotions.
He's the type who doesn't talk alot.

(01:17:40):
He listens a lot.
And I think I learned how tochannel my emotions through him.
It's kind of the thing whereignorance is bliss, but for him,
kids, they say the darndestthings ever.
So when he was little, Forexample, it's kind of funny, but

(01:18:05):
it's kind of not.
But like when he was little,like him and my oldest sister,
they like got into a big fight,right?
And so he was like, again, it'sgoing to get a little dark, but
we use it as an inside joke now.
Obviously, that's how we copewith things.
But he was like really, reallyangry.
And he was just like, I'm so madright now that I'm just going to

(01:18:28):
go outside and freeze to deathand die.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:18:32):
Okay.
How old was he at this point?

SPEAKER_00 (01:18:33):
He was like eight.
Okay.
Yeah.
He was a little kid.
But to me, in my head, it's kindof funny, but I'm just like,
he's a little kid and he alreadyhas the thoughts of like, oh,
you know what?
Instead of hurting you, I'mgoing to hurt myself.
Kind of a thing.

UNKNOWN (01:18:53):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:18:54):
Kids that age don't do that.
They either throw tantrums untilthey get what they want.
Or

SPEAKER_01 (01:18:59):
they

SPEAKER_00 (01:18:59):
go and tell their mom and their dad.
But him, he's very in tune withhis emotion.
I think not a lot of people arelike that.
I learned it from my youngerbrother.
Just because you're an oldersibling doesn't mean you can't
learn from your youngersiblings.

SPEAKER_01 (01:19:17):
We can learn a lot from kids.

SPEAKER_00 (01:19:20):
Yeah.
But then again, I think there'sa fine line between emotions
with like kids, this generationand kids, my generation and
kids, your generation.
Like we've definitely havebecome softer in time.
Um, but that's okay too.
Like, you know, they teach usthings that we don't know.

(01:19:41):
So, or we never have thoughtthey would know.
So yeah.
Shout out to brother.
I love you.

SPEAKER_01 (01:19:49):
Um,

SPEAKER_00 (01:19:49):
I didn't mean to cry.

SPEAKER_01 (01:19:51):
No, it was, it was honestly, it was beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 (01:19:53):
Oh,

SPEAKER_01 (01:19:54):
like, um, cause I can't cry.
So

SPEAKER_00 (01:19:57):
you could cry.
Let me stub your toe.

SPEAKER_01 (01:20:00):
Like legit.
I'm out.

SPEAKER_00 (01:20:02):
I can't cry anymore.
I cry a lot.
So, um, yeah, I wasn't expectingto cry.
Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 (01:20:08):
We can learn a lot from kids.
And we, I think we takeadvantage of that by like, or
let me rephrase that.
We don't take advantage of that.
We just kind of, brush thosethings off and i know we've
talked about this and we've saidwe're not going to talk politics
yeah and so i'm not trying to gopolitical on this but i remember

(01:20:28):
like during the most recentelection i watched a segment on
some news station where it wasvice president kamala harris and
she was doing an interview butthere were kids that were
interviewing her

SPEAKER_00 (01:20:45):
okay That's cute.
And

SPEAKER_01 (01:20:46):
like things like that, like I love that because
kids will...

SPEAKER_00 (01:20:50):
They'll ask you like questions you never even thought
of.
Yes.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:20:54):
And kids don't see the world for what it is as
adults.

SPEAKER_00 (01:20:59):
Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 (01:21:01):
And I know I've tried to like, I've like looked
back on myself as a kid and likeI remember so vividly those
emotions and those feelings likemy birthday or...
holidays or certain events orcertain life events and it's
like that magical feeling insidethat you somehow we lose that

(01:21:26):
when we when we become adults

SPEAKER_00 (01:21:27):
yeah for sure like it's not all stars and rainbows
like at a certain point like igot it when i got my first like
bill like my first phone billi'm like fuck i'm an adult can't
go to mom and daddy now yeah soyeah

SPEAKER_01 (01:21:44):
It's

SPEAKER_00 (01:21:45):
crazy.

SPEAKER_01 (01:21:46):
Yes, cherish the children.
Yes.
So while we're unlearning allthat emotional nonsense, let's
switch it up and feel ourfeelings in a fun way.

SPEAKER_00 (01:21:58):
So I do have a little game here just to kind of
switch things up.
It's a feel your feelings gamefor soft baddies, overthinkers,
and everyone in between.
Pretty much how it works is wehave a mood deck and...
The mood deck has differentcategories.
So each deck has a color vibeand then each color has a

(01:22:22):
different question.
So I'm going to do like a randomcolor picker and then I'm going
to ask you a question.
And then you could answer it.
So, for example.

SPEAKER_01 (01:22:35):
And you're going to answer it too, right?

SPEAKER_00 (01:22:36):
Yes, I'll answer it with you.
But I'm the host of this game,so I might be asking the
questions.
Okay, let's go Jerry Springer.
Yes.
That's my generator.
Okay.
Wait, hold on.
You have to pick a color.

UNKNOWN (01:22:54):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (01:22:58):
I fucked up on the game already.
Oh my God.
You have to pick a color firstand then I get generated.
I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 (01:23:04):
Did you make these already?

SPEAKER_00 (01:23:06):
Yeah, I have them.
I have them.
Okay.
So the three colors are yellow,blue, and red.
So if you pick one of thosecolors and pick a number one
through five, it will generate aquestion for you.
So first is pick your color,yellow, blue, or red.

(01:23:28):
And then pick a number onethrough five.

SPEAKER_01 (01:23:30):
Red four.

SPEAKER_00 (01:23:32):
Okay.
Okay.
Red deck.
It stands for bold andvulnerable.
And question number four is,what would you say to someone
who's where you were a year ago?

SPEAKER_01 (01:23:49):
What would I say to somebody who is currently where
I was a year ago?
Yes.

SPEAKER_00 (01:23:55):
Yes.
This

SPEAKER_01 (01:23:58):
is where we insert theme from Jeopardy.

SPEAKER_00 (01:24:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not my stupid generating music.
I like my music a little bitbetter, but I'm not going to
lie.

SPEAKER_01 (01:24:09):
I mean, I'm not going to lie about that either.

SPEAKER_00 (01:24:11):
Okay.
Go on.

SPEAKER_01 (01:24:13):
I think that I would say just keep going.
Focus on yourself.
Okay.
Because I think that that'ssomething that I've been trying
to do a little bit morerecently.
probably over the last year okayum is i'm trying to focus more
on myself and figure out becausewe had that conversation before

(01:24:33):
about how i felt like i've lostmyself

SPEAKER_00 (01:24:35):
yeah and so i've

SPEAKER_01 (01:24:36):
been trying to like focus more on myself what do i
want what do i need

SPEAKER_00 (01:24:42):
okay

SPEAKER_01 (01:24:44):
i think that that's what i would say i

SPEAKER_00 (01:24:45):
love that

SPEAKER_01 (01:24:46):
What about you?
Or do we have to bleep a newgenerator for you?

SPEAKER_00 (01:24:52):
No.
I do like that question.
Again, the question was, whatwould you say to someone who's
where you were a year ago?
For me, I would, first of all, Iwouldn't tell them anything.
I'd actually hug them first.
And I would say, everything'sgoing to be okay.

(01:25:13):
Just do what you can.
and yeah

SPEAKER_01 (01:25:18):
i love that

SPEAKER_00 (01:25:19):
thank you

SPEAKER_01 (01:25:21):
on the hug too that's

SPEAKER_00 (01:25:22):
yeah um for me like i'm a very high anxiety person
like i think i have yeah i havea lot of issues with that so
like even if it's like theslightest inconvenience i like
freak out about everything so ithink just kind of saying you
know like you'll be okay Just dowhat you can.
So,

SPEAKER_01 (01:25:42):
yeah.
I think, yeah, I overanalyzethings.
Yeah.
I overthink everything.
I'll

SPEAKER_00 (01:25:46):
give you a hug after this episode.

SPEAKER_01 (01:25:49):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (01:25:49):
All right.
Next one.

SPEAKER_01 (01:25:52):
Not to...
Before we move on, like, thatwhole saying, like, it gets
better.
Yeah.
Like, it is true.

SPEAKER_00 (01:26:00):
Yeah, it does get better.
Like,

SPEAKER_01 (01:26:01):
things will get better.
You may not...
You know, you may beexperiencing something right
now, but it will get better.
And that's not to say thatthere's not going to be other
hurdles along the way.
Or after you come out the otherside of whatever you're going
through right now, that there'snot going to be any more
hurdles.

SPEAKER_00 (01:26:19):
Yeah, that's true.
That's what

SPEAKER_01 (01:26:20):
life is.
There's always going to be ahurdle.
There's always going to besomething.

SPEAKER_00 (01:26:23):
Yeah, there's always going to be a bigger mountain to
climb.

SPEAKER_01 (01:26:25):
Yeah.
Nobody in this world canhonestly say that they've never
had any issues.
Yeah,

SPEAKER_00 (01:26:33):
that's true.
That's a good reminder.

SPEAKER_01 (01:26:35):
Yeah.
Like you said earlier, we're alljust humans trying to live our
life.

SPEAKER_00 (01:26:40):
Exactly.
And I'm going to add a littlebit to that, actually.
One of my favorite sayings is,and I learned this from B,
because obviously he makes meanxious, but he's also anxious
himself.
He always tells me that, youknow, only worry about what you
can control.
And I think that's a veryimportant daily reminder for

(01:27:01):
people who are very anxious.
Because when you're anxious, youworry about 10 steps ahead, 10
steps behind, and 10 steps tothe side.
So I think just remindingyourself that, hey, I could only
worry about what I can controlis the best thing to kind of...
Bring you back to like, oh,wait, you know what?

(01:27:22):
You're right.
Like, if I can't control this, Idon't have to worry about it.
It'll happen as it is.
So, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:27:29):
It really is a good reminder.
It really is, yeah.
I mean, speaking for myself,though, I will say that it is
one of those things where it iseasier said than done.
For sure.
But like you said, you just haveto keep reminding yourself and
telling yourself that.
Believe it.

SPEAKER_00 (01:27:46):
Yeah, because you are the baddest bitch.
That's what's up.
All right.
Okay, so go ahead and pickanother color and another
number.
Okay.
So again, yellow, blue, or red.
Can

SPEAKER_01 (01:28:03):
I pick red four again?

SPEAKER_00 (01:28:05):
No, that one's crossed out already.

SPEAKER_01 (01:28:07):
Okay.
Blue two.

SPEAKER_00 (01:28:11):
Blue two.
Okay.
Question number two is, what's aboundary you're learning to
keep?

SPEAKER_01 (01:28:20):
What is a boundary that I'm learning to keep?
I'm learning to keep a boundarymore with my time.
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (01:28:34):
How do you say that specific to our podcast?
Because we always run out oftime.

SPEAKER_01 (01:28:39):
No, no, no.
I'm trying to...
more value my time.
And like, I'm trying, you'veprobably noticed this over the
last year or so.
Like I've, you know, people arealways like, Oh, like Simone,
shout out Simone.
She always would give me shitbecause she'd be like, Oh, do

(01:29:01):
you want to go out to eat?
And it's like, yeah, I can, butnot until next week.
Because for example, like I planevery

SPEAKER_00 (01:29:09):
Friday, I

SPEAKER_01 (01:29:11):
make my schedule for Friday through the following
week of Friday, what I'm eatingfor dinner every single day.

SPEAKER_00 (01:29:18):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:29:19):
And like, that's for me.
Yeah.
It's something for me.
And like that, I mean, that'sjust an example of my time.
Like, okay, I'm Tuesday.
I'm already had, I already hadplans.
I'm having tacos.
And so it's like, she would getfrustrated with me.
Like I can't go out to

SPEAKER_00 (01:29:33):
eat.
So you're like trying to bemindful with your time.
I'm trying to be mindful

SPEAKER_01 (01:29:36):
with my time and like schedule more things so
that I have them planned for AndI'm trying to get out of that
funk where it's like, oh, it'sThursday.
I just finished work.
What am I going to do with therest of my afternoon?
I

SPEAKER_00 (01:29:54):
like that.
I don't

SPEAKER_01 (01:29:56):
do it like doing those last minute things
anymore.
So like I'm trying to like planeverything.

SPEAKER_00 (01:30:01):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:30:02):
And like.

SPEAKER_00 (01:30:04):
Well, you're good with commitment because clearly
I can't have those days.
Because I'm like, oh, I plannedthis.
Nah, we're good.
We're doing something else.
We're sleeping.

SPEAKER_01 (01:30:13):
But, I mean, it would be different.
So, like, let's say, like...

SPEAKER_00 (01:30:15):
I hope to get to that level, though.
I do want to plan my days.
It

SPEAKER_01 (01:30:18):
definitely takes practice.
That's for sure.
But, like, let's say that youand I had plans and we have it
on the schedule for nextThursday we're going to go out
to eat.
And then next Thursday comes andyou're like, I don't want to go
out to eat here.
Why don't we go...
Let's go...
here or do this instead becauseI already have that.
It sounds, I can see how itwould sound bad, but because I

(01:30:43):
already have that time blockedoff with you, it doesn't really
matter what we do as long as I'mdoing something with you.
So it doesn't, but I mean,again, I'm trying to time.

SPEAKER_00 (01:30:55):
Time is valuable though.
Time is valuable.
Like I, like I mentioned in ourearlier episode that like, For
me, the way I show love isgiving people time.
So, you know, when you're givingyourself time, you're just
loving yourself.
Exactly.
I love that.

SPEAKER_01 (01:31:10):
But it's like, so like today, for example, my
uncle texted me and he's beengoing through all of my aunt's
like jewelry and stuff.
And I told him, I was like, Iknow she has a lot of jewelry,
but I told him this was likeweeks ago.
I'm like, I would like to...

SPEAKER_00 (01:31:26):
Look at it?
Not even

SPEAKER_01 (01:31:27):
necessarily look at it, but like if he had like...
you know, maybe one or twopieces that meant something to
her.
Like I would like something from

SPEAKER_00 (01:31:37):
yourself

SPEAKER_01 (01:31:38):
for myself to like, keep like, so I could be like,
okay, I know this was herfavorite ring or this was her
favorite necklace.
And I could just have that, youknow?
And he texted me today.
He's like, well, I sortedthrough all of her jewelry and
you got to come over today to,to pick out what you want and
look through it.

(01:31:58):
And I'm like, well, I'll see ifI can.
Cause I already have this planthat every Monday, what do we
do?
Yeah.
Again, going back to time.
I scheduled like every Mondaywe're filming or we're recording
our podcast.
Yeah.
I'm like, I already have plans.
I'll see if I can, you know,weave it in, but I can't make
any guarantees.
And he's like, no, you need tocome over and do this.

SPEAKER_00 (01:32:17):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:32:17):
And I'm like, no, dude, I have prior obligations.
Yeah.
I will try and make it work, butI can't make any guarantees.

SPEAKER_00 (01:32:24):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:32:25):
And I don't, I'm at a point where I don't like
those.
I don't like it when people arelike, you have to do this now.

SPEAKER_00 (01:32:31):
Like they make you feel bad for it.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:32:34):
So I'm trying to get into that mentality of like,
this is my life.
This is my time.
This is my priority.
This is where I'm, how I'mprioritizing.

SPEAKER_00 (01:32:44):
Yeah.
I love that.

SPEAKER_01 (01:32:46):
And so I think he, I think he may have been a little
upset with me, but it's like,

SPEAKER_00 (01:32:49):
no dude.

SPEAKER_01 (01:32:50):
Okay.
Inside we call each other dude.

SPEAKER_00 (01:32:54):
Oh, like

SPEAKER_01 (01:32:54):
ever since I was a little kid, like I'm, little
dude.

SPEAKER_00 (01:32:57):
Oh, that's cute.

SPEAKER_01 (01:32:58):
But anyway, yeah.
Your turn?

SPEAKER_00 (01:33:00):
Yeah.
I do also like that question.
I'm just going to answer thequestions I would get.
It's fine.
They're really good questionsregardless.
But the question is, what's aboundary you're learning to
keep?
And for me, it's saying no andkeeping to the no.
I am like the biggest yes manperson.

(01:33:25):
And I'm like the biggest, likeI'm the biggest need to please
people.

SPEAKER_01 (01:33:29):
Sam,

SPEAKER_00 (01:33:30):
whether or not both of us are people.
Yeah.
Whether or not it's convenientto me or not.
And again, like it's somethingthat be pointed out to me.
Like I know I give him a lot ofshit, but he does like take care
of me.
Sometimes mentally is a

SPEAKER_01 (01:33:46):
good guy.
He's a, you have a good guy,

SPEAKER_00 (01:33:49):
but I have a good guy would be, You're right.
But yeah, he's just like, dude,you can't say yes to everything.
Why are you slaving away forsomething that you're going out
of your way for?
Which I'm just like, you knowwhat?
You are right.
I do do that.
And it's not just me trying toconform his thoughts into what

(01:34:12):
I'm doing.
It actually is what it is.
I do say yes to a lot of thingsthat...
is very inconvenient to mesometimes.
Or, you know, like, I do thingsjust so that other people are
comfortable.
I mean, when it comes todrinking alcohol and, like,
pouring shots for people to makesure they come together, that's

(01:34:33):
a different story.
But,

SPEAKER_01 (01:34:35):
like...
That's also for you.

SPEAKER_00 (01:34:36):
Yeah, that's also for me, actually.
But when it comes to saying no,like, I have a very, like...
It's insane how...
much of a hard time I have tosay no.
Like I will literally get sickover saying no, because I want
to help people so much that I'mjust, I'm just like, no, like I

(01:34:58):
could save them.
Like I could, I could like dosomething to help them.
But at the end of the day, likein terms of saying no, it's more
of like, I need to help myselffirst kind of thing, you know?
Yeah.
So saying no is one of mybiggest things right now.
Um, because again, yeah, it's,it's very hard for me to say no.

(01:35:22):
So

SPEAKER_01 (01:35:23):
yeah, it is very hard to say no.

SPEAKER_00 (01:35:25):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:35:26):
Especially when it's coming from somebody that you
like, no, or

SPEAKER_00 (01:35:29):
somebody you really love.
Like, uh, I'm not saying I saidno to anybody that I know
personally, my friends andfamily, but, um, I'm just saying
out there that like, again, itcomes to keeping boundaries and
keeping healthy boundaries foryourself and, Maybe not
everybody will agree with it,but you know what?

SPEAKER_01 (01:35:49):
It's your life.

SPEAKER_00 (01:35:51):
It's my life.
I pay my own bills.
I feed myself.
Y'all don't do it for me.
So it's my own peace of mind,you know?
So

SPEAKER_01 (01:35:59):
that's like, that really is a good segue when like
you say no to people and whenthey choose to hold that against
you,

SPEAKER_00 (01:36:07):
like

SPEAKER_01 (01:36:08):
regardless of what it is, the bottom line is, is
it's your life and You pay yourbills.
You feed yourself.
They're not doing any of that.
So if you're going to be mad atme, you're going to get over it.
And if you don't get over it andyou're mad at me because I said
no to something, that says moreabout you.

SPEAKER_00 (01:36:28):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:36:28):
Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 (01:36:29):
Yeah.
And I think we're both goingthrough this like, or maybe
everybody is, but like thisself-healing journey, especially
people who take care of otherpeople.
Like it's very hard for you to,Take care of yourself.
Because you're so used to takingcare of other people.
But it's time for us bad bitchesto turn that around.

(01:36:51):
Turn

SPEAKER_01 (01:36:51):
that around.
I was actually thinking aboutthat the other day.
Because you had said somethinglast week to me.
You were talking about how youthought.
You felt like with me.
I'm always taking care of a lotof people.
And I was thinking about that.
And I was like.
Okay.
So you're right.
I do feel sometimes like I'malways taking care of somebody.

(01:37:11):
Like.
You know, she took care of me,so it is what it is.
But, like, I was thinking aboutmy grandma.
And I have no regrets aboutanything between us.
But I was thinking, like, isn'tthat weird that...
So, she's my grandmother.
I was there for her.

(01:37:33):
I was taking her to her doctor'sappointments.
I was doing this.
I was doing that.
And she had eight kids.
And it's like, where were yourkids?

SPEAKER_00 (01:37:43):
Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 (01:37:44):
And then they want to come at me and tell me, well,
why didn't you do this?
Why aren't you doing that?
Ask this.
Take her here.
Where are you?

SPEAKER_00 (01:37:52):
Yeah, where the fuck were you?
Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 (01:37:56):
And so I was thinking about that because then
I was thinking about my auntthat I take shopping every

SPEAKER_00 (01:38:02):
month.

SPEAKER_01 (01:38:03):
I take her shopping once a month.
I take her to the grocery storeor to the bank to get her
medicine.
And for anybody to call me andbe like, you need to do this.
No,

SPEAKER_00 (01:38:17):
I

SPEAKER_01 (01:38:17):
don't need to do that.

SPEAKER_00 (01:38:18):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:38:19):
And it is a little overwhelming and like sometimes
it does weigh on me thinking,when am I going to put Anthony
first?

SPEAKER_00 (01:38:26):
Yeah, like it's not your responsibility.
Right.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:38:30):
It's almost like sometimes I feel like I'm being
taken advantage of.

SPEAKER_00 (01:38:33):
Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 (01:38:33):
And it's like, I always get on my aunt because
she'll text me two weeks beforethe end of the month.
She goes, when are you taking meto the bank or to the store?

SPEAKER_00 (01:38:41):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:38:42):
It's not, can you take me to the bank or to the
store?
It's a demand.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's more of a expectation.

SPEAKER_00 (01:38:47):
Yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:38:48):
I've gotten onto her about it before.
Cause I'm like, it really does.
It, that really bothers me.
Cause it's like, yes, I will doit because she can't drive and
it's easier for me to take herto the store for her to get, you
know, you go to the grocerystore and you get toilet paper,
paper towels, Kleenex, thatalone, like the, in bulk, like,

(01:39:09):
Yeah, that's true.

(01:39:32):
It is what it is.
That's kind of what I signed upfor.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:39:36):
I mean, you know, I think sometimes, like, it might
be because I'm a hard-headedperson or whatever, but...
Or I've just recently come tolearn that, you know...
I forgot who I was talkingabout, too, with this, but it's
in relation to your conversationabout, like, having to take care
of, like...

(01:39:58):
your parents' parents.
For example, like I would haveto take care of my mom's mom,
you know, but she's out theredoing whatever she wants.
But then I'm here at home withgrandma, you know, it's not my
responsibility.
But then at the end of the day,you give me shit for it.
Like where then lies the balanceof like, Trying to be a good

(01:40:23):
daughter, trying to be a goodgranddaughter, trying not to
offend anybody, but trying tostick up for yourself.
It's

SPEAKER_01 (01:40:30):
like you're being pulled in all these different
directions.

SPEAKER_00 (01:40:33):
How can you be a good person in that situation in
turn of being the villain inevery situation?
But at the end of the day, it'snobody's responsibility.
Your only responsibility toyourself is to love yourself and
care for yourself.

UNKNOWN (01:40:51):
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (01:40:51):
And

SPEAKER_01 (01:40:52):
like I said, as far as it goes with my grandma and
my aunt, there's no regrets.
Obviously, if I didn't want todo what I did or anything, I
would have just said no.

SPEAKER_00 (01:41:06):
It's because you love them.
That's your sign of love.
And yes, unfortunately,sometimes people take advantage
of love, but you learn from it.

UNKNOWN (01:41:19):
Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 (01:41:20):
Yeah?
So, yeah.
So, can you, like, take me tothe store next month?

SPEAKER_01 (01:41:27):
No.

SPEAKER_00 (01:41:29):
There you go.
There I go.
I'm getting it.
Yes.
All right.
Let me ask you.
Let's do two more here.

SPEAKER_01 (01:41:40):
Okay.
Let's do yellow five.

SPEAKER_00 (01:41:42):
I

SPEAKER_01 (01:41:44):
am starting to think that you're just, like, making
that noise.

SPEAKER_00 (01:41:48):
I am making the noise.

SPEAKER_01 (01:41:50):
No, I mean like you like making

SPEAKER_00 (01:41:52):
the noise.
Yeah, I do.
It's kind of fun.
All right.
Color yellow.
It stands for light and playful.
And question number five is,what's the funniest way you've
ever tried to self-care?

SPEAKER_01 (01:42:06):
The funniest way that I've ever tried to
self-care.
Oh, that's a good

SPEAKER_00 (01:42:15):
one.
That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 (01:42:18):
Okay, you're not going to find this as funny
because you're, like, a guru atthis.
Okay.
But, like, I went through aphase where I was, like, as a
form for self-care, I was goingto, you know, do the whole,
like, face mask for my skin and,like, try and, like, manicure my

(01:42:41):
nails and, like, take care ofthem.

SPEAKER_00 (01:42:43):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:42:44):
And the only reason I'm saying that's funny is
because I didn't know what thehell I was doing.

SPEAKER_00 (01:42:48):
So you didn't know how to do like a manicure and
face mask?
No.

SPEAKER_01 (01:42:51):
Well, I know how to do the face mask because that's
pretty self-explanatory.

SPEAKER_00 (01:42:55):
I'm like, there are steps on the face mask.
It was

SPEAKER_01 (01:42:58):
more so the nail part.
Like, I don't know what the hellI'm doing.
I'm like pushing this back,cutting this.
And I'm like, you know what?
I just cut my nails.

SPEAKER_00 (01:43:05):
That sounds right.

SPEAKER_01 (01:43:06):
For me, like.
But there's a process, isn't it?
Aren't you supposed to like soakyour nails and then don't you
have to put like oil on or doyou do that after?
I don't know all that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 (01:43:15):
I didn't go to school for it, so I can't tell
you.
I just learned about it.

SPEAKER_01 (01:43:19):
See, you learned about it and I didn't learn
about it.
I just bought little stuff.

SPEAKER_00 (01:43:23):
You know what?
A for effort is all that counts.
Yeah.
A for effort.

SPEAKER_01 (01:43:28):
So I think that

SPEAKER_00 (01:43:29):
would be.
I think you did a good job.
Not that I know how I look like,but I'm sure you did a good job.

SPEAKER_01 (01:43:36):
I have to cut my nails now.
I haven't cut them in a while.

SPEAKER_00 (01:43:39):
I could just give you a manicure right now.

SPEAKER_01 (01:43:41):
You could.
Next time.

SPEAKER_00 (01:43:42):
Yeah.
For me, the funniest way I'veever tried to self-care, you
might laugh at me because I'm afat ass.
You're

SPEAKER_01 (01:43:51):
not a fat ass.

SPEAKER_00 (01:43:52):
Oh, I am a fat ass.
Trust me.
And I said fat ass for a reason.
For me, the funniest way, or Iguess just a way in general, is
eating out by myself.
I try to go eat out by myselfbecause I feel like everybody
has a huge fear of eating alone.
And this one time, I went to eatsushi by myself.

(01:44:19):
It was a sushi buffet.
And I'm like, okay, I'm here.
I'm not that hungry, but I guessI'll get something to eat
because I really want a sushi.

UNKNOWN (01:44:27):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (01:44:28):
Ordered a whole bunch of sushi, fucking downing
it left, right.
I ate like 10 times my regularportion and the waiter.
This whole time, I didn't knowthat there was a waiter just
sitting there watching mefucking eat stuff in my face.
So I'm in the middle eating likemy last three sushi rice rolls
or whatever.
Turned to look at her and she'sjust sitting there looking at me

(01:44:51):
and judging the hell out of me.

SPEAKER_01 (01:44:54):
Was that your server?

SPEAKER_00 (01:44:55):
She wasn't my server, but she was just
standing there.
But she was there the wholetime.
Because she was doing thisclicking sound with her pen the
whole time.
And I didn't know that thatwasn't part of the background
music.
So when I looked at her, I heardthe tapping sound.
And then all of a sudden shestopped tapping.
So I'm like, oh, that damn bitchwas here this whole time.

(01:45:16):
She didn't do nothing or sayanything.
So yeah, that's probably myfunniest time.
And I messaged my sisters thewhole time.
I'm like, here's my portionnumber one.
Here's my portion number two.
Here's my portion number three.

SPEAKER_01 (01:45:27):
Taking pictures of your food too?

SPEAKER_00 (01:45:28):
Yeah.
And then at the end, I'm like,this fucking bitch has been
looking at me watch.
She has been watching me eatthis whole time and she didn't
say anything.
And she's judging me so freakingloud.
And she's like this little stickskinny girl at the counter and
my fat ass is They're fuckingdowning like eight portions.

SPEAKER_01 (01:45:44):
She was probably watching you saying, God, I wish
I could eat.

SPEAKER_00 (01:45:47):
Yeah, that's definitely what she was saying.
While I'm like, I'm butting mypants, making some room and
stretching.
Yeah.
I mean, no offense to any skinnygirls out there.
I'm just saying, I'm actuallyjust jealous of you.
That's all it is.
It's projection.

SPEAKER_01 (01:46:03):
Okay.
Going back to that though.
Can we just like, we need toagree that we need to normalize
like going out to eat.
Because I know when you saidthat, like, going out to eat by
yourself

SPEAKER_00 (01:46:13):
yeah

SPEAKER_01 (01:46:14):
like i don't think that i could do it

SPEAKER_00 (01:46:15):
yeah i think

SPEAKER_01 (01:46:16):
that we need to normalize

SPEAKER_00 (01:46:17):
yeah for sure i think um to me like i do do it a
lot more often now but it's thething of just doing it that
first time and then when you'relike oh it's not scary like i
could eat by myself um becausemy first time eating out by
myself was obviously i love foodum there's a local place here in

(01:46:38):
Eau Claire called Thai Orchid.
And my first time eating bymyself was there because I'm
like, I always go there witheverybody.
Why can't I just go by myself?
Because they already know who Iam anyways.
So then I went by myself.
It was kind of like, I was kindof like nervous at first.
I'm like, they're going to comeup and be like, hey, are you
waiting for anybody else?
And I was like so nervous.

(01:46:58):
And I'm like, no, just me, justone.
But then like right after that,I'm like, oh, it's not that bad.
Matter of fact, I'm going toorder everything on your menu,
please.

SPEAKER_01 (01:47:06):
They're like, okay, she's

SPEAKER_00 (01:47:09):
going to order everything?
Yeah.
Game on.
I think it's just when you trythat first time, you kind of get
over it.
But after that, you're justlike, meh, it's nothing.
And also low key, it's kind oftherapeutic because you're
there.
You don't have to do small talk.
You don't have to worry aboutanybody's orders coming out.
Your order comes out.
You're eating.
You're just like doing whatever.
And I always like bring myAirPods.

(01:47:30):
So I'm like watching a moviewhile I'm eating.
And I don't really care aboutwhat other people think of me
anymore.
So I'm just like, whatever.
That's good.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:47:38):
It's good that you've gotten over that.

SPEAKER_00 (01:47:39):
Yeah, I think that's one of the biggest thing too
when it comes to like eating outby yourself where you're scared
that people are going thinkingthat, oh, look at her, poor her
eating by herself.
She ain't got no friends.
Nah, bitch.
I just got paid.
That's all.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:47:53):
No, bitch.
I just got money in my bankaccount.

SPEAKER_00 (01:47:56):
Yeah.
But yeah, I think that's one ofthe ways I do self-care is
eating by myself.

SPEAKER_01 (01:48:02):
Good for you.

SPEAKER_00 (01:48:03):
I mean, I could eat by myself at home, but...

SPEAKER_01 (01:48:06):
Yeah, but

SPEAKER_00 (01:48:07):
then you don't get the full experience.
It's different when you'reeating in public.

SPEAKER_01 (01:48:10):
It's nice to, well, I mean, just eating out in
public, it's nice to be able togo out.
You don't have to worry aboutthe cleanup, the cooking.

UNKNOWN (01:48:19):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:48:20):
And you could be a fat ass and nobody could judge
you.

SPEAKER_01 (01:48:22):
Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 (01:48:22):
You could order as many things and you could say,
nope, I only ordered that onebowl of pho, but actually you
ordered the pho, the papaya, andthe fried rice.

SPEAKER_01 (01:48:30):
Okay, that may have been a bit much, bitch.
I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_00 (01:48:34):
Leftovers are the best.

SPEAKER_01 (01:48:35):
This is a judgment-free zone.

SPEAKER_00 (01:48:38):
You was just judging me.

SPEAKER_01 (01:48:39):
No, I never judge you.
That's a good one.
I think we should normalizeeating out on our own.

SPEAKER_00 (01:48:46):
You are not alone.
Except when you eat out alone.

SPEAKER_01 (01:48:49):
Except One of the things that I'm trying to get
into my head, and this wouldtotally apply to going out to
eat.
I mean, depending on where youlive, if you live in a town of
like a hundred people, itprobably won't work so well.

SPEAKER_00 (01:49:03):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:49:03):
But I'm trying to remind myself, like, I'm never
going to see these people again.

SPEAKER_00 (01:49:07):
Yes.
That's my biggest thing.
Who

SPEAKER_01 (01:49:10):
gives a shit?
Exactly.
What are the chances?

SPEAKER_00 (01:49:12):
Exactly.
So

SPEAKER_01 (01:49:13):
like that server that was watching you, what are
the chances that she's going tobe there next time you go there?

SPEAKER_00 (01:49:17):
Probably, pretty likely, but I don't care.

SPEAKER_01 (01:49:21):
Okay, well, bad example then.

SPEAKER_00 (01:49:23):
But that is a good example I will segue to when
you're going out of town.
That's why I'm the loudestbitch, because...
They're never going to see you.
Yeah, they're never going to seeyou again.
Unless you're rude and theyrecord you, but that's a
different story.
That's a different story,because

SPEAKER_01 (01:49:39):
then you're obviously...
If people are pulling out theircamera to record

SPEAKER_00 (01:49:42):
you,

SPEAKER_01 (01:49:43):
you've crossed a line somewhere along the way.

SPEAKER_00 (01:49:46):
Yeah.
but yeah nobody and honestlyit's not that serious people
don't have time to pay attentionto you I think that's also one
thing is just like get overyourself yeah like nobody's
gonna be sitting there exceptfor that server at the sushi
place nobody's gonna sit thereand watch you eat your whole ass
meal

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:04):
or unless you're at an airport

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:07):
oh yeah

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:07):
because I like to people watch at an airport and
so if there's somebody sittingthere eating I will

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:12):
well I feel like you have so much anxiety at the
airport that you don't even carethat anybody looks at you though

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:17):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:19):
Because legit, I ate my stinky ass sandwich on the
airplane and I didn't give afuck because I'm like, I'm
hungry.

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:25):
When you went to Texas?

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:26):
No, when we went to Florida.
Oh,

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:27):
when you went to

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:28):
Florida.
And I was like, it stinks, but Idon't care.
I'm hungry.
I'm going to eat.

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:32):
What was it?

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:34):
It was like this deli sandwich.
It was like, I think it was liketurkey.
There was like pesto.
It was real good.
Dried tomatoes.
But it stank.
Like, you know, you can smellthat shit from a mile away.
So,

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:45):
yeah.

UNKNOWN (01:50:46):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:47):
Okay, last question.

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:48):
Okay, last one.

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:49):
Yellow, blue, red, and the number of the question.

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:52):
I'm going to do red again.

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:53):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:54):
And what number did I do already?

SPEAKER_00 (01:50:56):
You did number

SPEAKER_01 (01:50:58):
four.
Okay, let's go with three.

SPEAKER_00 (01:51:01):
Okay.
I'm sticking to that shit.
Okay, number three.
Again, red deck is for bold andvulnerable.
Question number three.
When's the last time you letyourself fully break down and
how did you come back?
Oh my God, this is such a goodlast question.

SPEAKER_01 (01:51:21):
This is a really good last question.

SPEAKER_00 (01:51:23):
Okay, you want me to repeat it again?

SPEAKER_01 (01:51:24):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:51:25):
Okay, the question is, when's the last time you let
yourself fully break down andhow did you come back?

SPEAKER_01 (01:51:35):
Um...
I think the last time that Ifully broke down was when my
grandma passed away.

SPEAKER_00 (01:51:41):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:51:42):
So that was in 2016.

SPEAKER_00 (01:51:44):
That's a long time.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:51:48):
And what did I do to come back?
I don't know.
I don't know what I did to comeback, to be honest.
Because I, like I told you...
You know, last time we recorded,I went down a dark spiral after
she passed away.
You

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:04):
know

SPEAKER_01 (01:52:05):
what?

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:06):
We'll come back to that question when you do come
back.
I love that.

SPEAKER_01 (01:52:09):
Yeah, I'm still working

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:10):
on it.
Yeah, you're still working onit.
That's still a good question,too.
You're still working on it.

SPEAKER_01 (01:52:16):
Yeah, trying to find myself.

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:17):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:52:19):
And what about you?
For me?

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:21):
Short

SPEAKER_01 (01:52:22):
and sweet answer from me.

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:23):
Yeah.
Well, we're going to come backto it.

SPEAKER_01 (01:52:26):
Oh, today?
Not

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:27):
today.
We're going to circle

SPEAKER_01 (01:52:28):
around.
He's like, girl, I'm going toneed

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:30):
more time.
When's the last time you letyourself fully break down and
how did you come back?
Let's see.
If I want to be very vulnerablein both, which is the section.

SPEAKER_01 (01:52:46):
In honor of men's mental health awareness.
I know you're not a man,

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:50):
but mental health

SPEAKER_01 (01:52:51):
doesn't know any gender.

SPEAKER_00 (01:52:52):
Yes.
I think.
There, I think there were, I waslike having a rough time with a
relationship, one of myrelationships that I've had.
And I think I was questioninghow, like if I was at fault in
this situation.

SPEAKER_01 (01:53:14):
Can I ask, was this your ex before

SPEAKER_00 (01:53:17):
B?
Oh, no, this is a friendship.

SPEAKER_01 (01:53:18):
Oh,

SPEAKER_00 (01:53:19):
okay.
Yes, so this is based on afriendship.
I think there was somemiscommunication that happened,
and I don't know.
I felt like I was at fault, butI know that I wasn't at fault.
However, it comes to that thingwhere sometimes when people say

(01:53:41):
things, It makes you questionwhere you lie in the actual
friendship, and it makes youthink about if I did do
something wrong.
Because I'm those type ofpeople...
I reflect a lot on my actions.

(01:54:02):
And I'm not the type to blame iton other people.
I'm the type to be like, wait,what did I do wrong?
Yeah, and I do like to own up tothe things that I do.
So I think I questioned myself alot.
And I'm just like, wait, did Ido something wrong?
Maybe I did do something wrong.
I know I didn't do somethingwrong, but maybe I did.

(01:54:22):
Or maybe I approached it ormaybe I said something.
But then...
I think at that time, a lot ofstuff was happening.
And I was questioning, one, myself-worth.
Second, I was questioning if Iwas being a bad friend.
And I think how I came back fromit is just, you know, anybody

(01:54:48):
who knows me knows that I'm avery blunt person.
I try to tell you as it is.
And I think...
You know, I just kind of toldmyself that, hey, you know,
you've told your truth.
And if it's not believed, it'snot up to you to believe it.
It's up to the person to believeit.

(01:55:09):
And I truly believe in that thetruth will prevail kind of a
thing.
So, you know, yeah, if...
if I said my truth and it's mytruth, and if you don't, you
know, don't believe it, youknow, it's not my, yeah, it's
not my responsibility to proveto you.
But at the end of the day, thetruth will always come back

(01:55:31):
around yonder, yonder thecorner,

SPEAKER_01 (01:55:35):
yonder,

SPEAKER_00 (01:55:35):
yonder the corner, you know, but, um, yeah, so
that's pretty much it, you know,just, um, telling myself that,
Hey, like, You know, it is whatit is.
And, you know, the truth willcome out.
And when it does, you know, justknow that you told the truth,

(01:55:57):
you know, and you told yourtruth.
It may not be that otherperson's truth.
It may not be this otherperson's truth, but it's my
truth.
And yeah, so...

SPEAKER_01 (01:56:06):
As long as you're living honest to yourself, at
the end of the day, if anybodyelse doesn't believe you,
that's...
really on them.

SPEAKER_00 (01:56:15):
Yeah.
And that's, that's one of thethings that like, I really do
try to, um, like that's one ofmy biggest morals, I guess, is
to be honest, like even I dosugarcoat a lot of things that I
say, however, I sugarcoat it.
as least as I can to make surethat my point gets across and to

(01:56:38):
make sure that you know thatthis is what I'm genuinely
feeling and it's not coming froma bad place.
So anybody who knows me, who hasknown me, who is going to know
me, that's just who I am.
I try not to lie to you.
I joke around a lot.
I make light of a lot ofsituations, but when it comes to
serious stuff, I do try to...

(01:57:00):
tell you the truth as it is andi do try to i'm not i wouldn't
exactly say walk on eggshellsbut i try to tell you as lightly
as i can to not like worsen thesituation yeah so yeah but
that's that's pretty much ityeah

SPEAKER_01 (01:57:18):
i like that

SPEAKER_00 (01:57:19):
you like what

SPEAKER_01 (01:57:21):
i like why are you looking at me like

SPEAKER_00 (01:57:24):
that Yeah, you like what?

SPEAKER_01 (01:57:25):
I like that you're honest.

SPEAKER_00 (01:57:26):
Oh, yeah.
I like being honest.
Because one of my biggest thingis...
And anybody who's talked to meon a personal level knows that I
will always say this.
You know what?
You can lie to me, but youcannot lie to yourself.

SPEAKER_01 (01:57:44):
Oh, I like

SPEAKER_00 (01:57:45):
that.
Yeah.
So that's one thing that Ialways think about when I'm
telling people things like...
Are you lying to yourself or areyou being honest?

SPEAKER_01 (01:57:55):
Have I said anything that I've been lying to myself?

SPEAKER_00 (01:57:58):
Yeah, that I look skinny.
Oh, wait.
Yeah, that I look skinny.
I thought you meant, like, yousay to yourself.
You look skinny, though.
You got skinny.

SPEAKER_01 (01:58:09):
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
On that note, I think that that,for me, I feel like I'm a very
honest person and, like, I kindof wear my heart on my sleeve
sometimes.
And I don't think a lot ofpeople do that anymore.
I

SPEAKER_00 (01:58:29):
think genuine people still do that because I do that.

SPEAKER_01 (01:58:32):
Yeah, but they're so rare.
I

SPEAKER_00 (01:58:34):
mean, I am a rare breed, so.

SPEAKER_01 (01:58:36):
Right.
We are.
Yeah.
We're both very genuine people.

SPEAKER_00 (01:58:39):
Yeah.
And I

SPEAKER_01 (01:58:40):
don't, like, as you were talking, I was trying to
think about, I was trying toreflect back on, like, my
experiences and certainexperiences You know,
conversations with friends thatmay not have gone as planned or
they took it a certain way.
And the one, like, constant thatI found was that I'm always

(01:59:02):
honest.
Like, I've never really triedto, like, lie about things.

SPEAKER_00 (01:59:07):
Yeah.
And that's good.

SPEAKER_01 (01:59:10):
Except for maybe back in the

SPEAKER_00 (01:59:13):
high school days.

SPEAKER_01 (01:59:14):
No.
No.
Back in my young...

SPEAKER_00 (01:59:15):
Back in the yonder days.
21-year-old

SPEAKER_01 (01:59:18):
drunken phase

SPEAKER_00 (01:59:21):
stupor.
You're really, really pretty.
You're so pretty.
You're so

SPEAKER_01 (01:59:27):
smart.
Your husband's going to

SPEAKER_00 (01:59:29):
love you forever.
Bitch.
You still in that phase.
What do you mean?
I'm still in that phase.
I'll tell you.
You just said me and B was acute couple.
Now I know you was drunk.
But...
Yeah, I think...
I think the reason why we're sohard on ourselves is also
because we look at things in alogical way and we can't lie

(01:59:55):
ourselves out of it.

SPEAKER_01 (01:59:57):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (01:59:58):
And so why lie about it when you could just tell the
truth?
Even though it hurts.
Like you

SPEAKER_01 (02:00:04):
said, the truth is always

SPEAKER_00 (02:00:05):
going to prevail.
Yeah, it's always going toprevail.
It's always going to come out.
And at the end of the day,whether you believe me or not,
Whether you believe whoever.

SPEAKER_01 (02:00:13):
It's not going to affect how you

SPEAKER_00 (02:00:15):
live your life.
Yeah, exactly.
All in all, this was a reallyfun game.
That was a fun game.
We

SPEAKER_01 (02:00:27):
should do something like that more often.

SPEAKER_00 (02:00:29):
Just

SPEAKER_01 (02:00:30):
random questions.

SPEAKER_00 (02:00:31):
I'm going to throw the ball out to our listeners.
I'm going to repeat thequestions again and maybe you
guys can let us know.
or reflect on your life, yourmentality, your experiences.
Our first question was, whatwould you say to someone who's

(02:00:52):
where you were a year ago?
Our second question was, what'sa boundary you're learning to
keep?
Our third one was, what's thefunniest way you've ever tried
to self-care?
And the last one was, when's thelast time you let yourself fully
break down and how did you comeback?

(02:01:13):
And we are super excited to seewhat you guys say.
And if you guys write to us,comment, we may just share it on
the pod.
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (02:01:21):
All right.
I do feel the need to discloseand disclaim here that Nali is
not part of the queer community.

SPEAKER_00 (02:01:28):
But I am an ally.
But she is an ally.
And...

SPEAKER_01 (02:01:34):
allies are allowed to have opinions on this as well
so

SPEAKER_00 (02:01:38):
yes

SPEAKER_01 (02:01:38):
um all right so my first question for you is what
does pride mean to youpersonally and how has that
changed over time

SPEAKER_00 (02:01:48):
um again i'm an ally um but i mean you know growing
up um i've been surrounded bylike all sorts of people
involved in the LGBTQ community.
Obviously one of my best friendsis one of my, I do have two
other best friends who is in theLGBTQ community.

(02:02:09):
I'll just say, I love gays.
I love queers.
I love it all.
And I think I've said thisbefore, but you know, they, you,
you know, people in thatcommunity, they are some of the
most genuine people I've metbecause, you know, they've tried

(02:02:32):
so hard to overshadow whatpeople stigmatize them as.
And, you know, to me, obviously,I don't know the pain that you
guys are going through, but Iwill stand by you guys when
you're going through that pain.
I will stand for you guys onwhat you guys are fighting for.

(02:02:53):
You know, and...
as far as how it's changed overtime, is that honestly, we're
not going to talk aboutpolitics, but I will say this.
It's unfortunate to see thatwe've reversed in time when it
comes to LGBTQ plus rights, justhow they're represented.

(02:03:15):
And we really do need to bringmore awareness and more support
because you guys are...
You guys literally are mybrothers, my sisters, my
cousins, my friends, my family.
And there is no way in hell thatwe are going to go down not
fighting.

(02:03:35):
Amen

SPEAKER_01 (02:03:36):
to that.

SPEAKER_00 (02:03:38):
You guys have fought enough.
Why are we still fighting?
Yeah, why are we still here?
Yeah, like what the fuck isgoing on is all I got to say.
But, you know, that's what pridemeans to me is that, you know,
fighting for it is just like I'mfighting for my family and my
friends.
And to you, Anthony, what doesthat mean to you personally and

(02:04:02):
how has it changed over time foryou?

SPEAKER_01 (02:04:05):
Yeah.
So

SPEAKER_00 (02:04:09):
I'm just

SPEAKER_01 (02:04:11):
thinking because I used to have a very misconceived
perception of what pride was.

SPEAKER_00 (02:04:17):
Okay.
And what was that compared tonow?

SPEAKER_01 (02:04:20):
I always thought pride was literally just an
excuse for the gay community togo out to a parade with skimpy
clothes on and you go to prideand like guys are like hooking
up left and

SPEAKER_00 (02:04:33):
right.
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (02:04:34):
But, um, So I always thought pride was, that's what
it was.
It was just, you know, makeup,glitter, lack of clothing and
being slutty.

SPEAKER_00 (02:04:49):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (02:04:50):
But now for me, pride is more just being
comfortable in your own skin tobe able to.
take on the world.
Really.

SPEAKER_00 (02:05:02):
I love that evolved version of your meaning of
pride,

SPEAKER_01 (02:05:05):
but I also don't embody it yet because I'm still
the, I'm still not fullyembodying it and like being
prideful just from a standpointof like we were just discussing,
like I'm not going to tell myemployer.

SPEAKER_00 (02:05:22):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (02:05:22):
I'm not, I keep it.
On a need-to-know basis.

SPEAKER_00 (02:05:27):
But I feel like you shouldn't feel discriminated for
that either, though.
Because I feel like people couldeasily discriminate you in the
sense of, oh, you're notrepresenting and stuff like
that.
Yeah.
But it's the same as, for me, Ifeel like...
when it comes to being in theHmong community, right?
Like when you, I can't say thisfor me because I speak perfect

(02:05:48):
Hmong, but for people who don'tspeak or they say broken Hmong,
like they get like shit uponbecause for example, if there's
a 30 year old like me and theyare the same age, they've been
in the Hmong community for along time, but they cannot speak
proper Hmong, they will be hatedon.

(02:06:09):
And it's just kind of like thatwhere like, Sometimes I would
prefer to just speak in Englishbecause I don't want people to
know that I know how to speakHmong or vice versa, you know?
And I feel like it's unfair foryou to be judged for that.

SPEAKER_01 (02:06:23):
I would agree.
You know?
I

SPEAKER_00 (02:06:24):
appreciate that.
But again, you know, there's...
It's like there's so many thingsthat comes into play.
Like you're fighting for pride,but at the same time, sometimes
pride fights against you too.
Yeah.
No, I

SPEAKER_01 (02:06:39):
know exactly what you're

SPEAKER_00 (02:06:40):
saying.

SPEAKER_01 (02:06:40):
And that's...
no shade to anybody.
Like that's great.
If you want to go out there withyour rainbow feathered boa and
live your best gay life, morepower to you.

SPEAKER_00 (02:06:52):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (02:06:53):
But don't, I don't think that it should be expected
that because you're part of thecommunity that you have to do
the same.

SPEAKER_00 (02:07:01):
But yeah.
Um, well, my question is, haveyou ever had to choose between
safety and visibility?

SPEAKER_01 (02:07:10):
Yes.

SPEAKER_00 (02:07:11):
Can you explain that to me?
Well,

SPEAKER_01 (02:07:13):
again, this just goes back to the whole thing
with work.

SPEAKER_00 (02:07:16):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (02:07:18):
Safety, job

SPEAKER_00 (02:07:20):
safety.
Oh, gotcha.
Or

SPEAKER_01 (02:07:21):
visibility.
I know what you mean.
Or high school, the locker room.
I mean, obviously, I wasn't themost masculine jock, dude.
But it's one of those things Ithink that...
anybody in the lgbtq communitywe always start our life hiding

(02:07:45):
behind a mask because ofoutsiders who don't who may not
be accepting

SPEAKER_00 (02:07:50):
okay that really that's really sad

SPEAKER_01 (02:07:53):
it is really sad and that's i mean that's kind of why
i'm i've gotten at the pointwhere i'm just so vocal about

SPEAKER_00 (02:07:59):
things and i love that i love how passionate you

SPEAKER_01 (02:08:02):
are I get so

SPEAKER_00 (02:08:03):
worked up.
Yeah, I love how passionate youare.
And the thing is that you'repassionate, but you're also not
stupid.
Like, you know the shit you'retalking about.
Like, there's a lot of peoplewho's, yeah, there's a lot of
people who's very passionateabout things, but they're very,
like, uneducated.
They're just

SPEAKER_01 (02:08:22):
rambling.

SPEAKER_00 (02:08:22):
That's me.

SPEAKER_01 (02:08:23):
They're speaking their personal views.
That's me.
Biases.
No, it's not, because you lookstuff up.
But that's just it.
It's like, it's 2025.
Everybody has Google on theirphone.
Like, Google this shit.

SPEAKER_00 (02:08:35):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (02:08:35):
Stop reposting and sharing hate messages and doing
all this stuff that you'redoing.
Like, do a little research.
Do a little education

SPEAKER_00 (02:08:44):
for yourself.
Come on, man.

SPEAKER_01 (02:08:46):
I know it's hard when your fucking mother is also
your aunt, but, like...

SPEAKER_00 (02:08:50):
Goddamn.
Holy shit.
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (02:08:54):
What about you?
Have you ever had to...
And I mean, this would apply toyou being Hmong, too.

SPEAKER_00 (02:09:00):
For me, like, I think yes and no.
I guess the best way to say itis if you hear me vocally, I
don't have a disadvantagebecause I don't think I have
like an...
Like, you know, like there'ssome...
There's an Asian accent.
Like, good luck, everybody else.
That kind of accent.

(02:09:20):
That's

SPEAKER_01 (02:09:20):
a stereotype.

SPEAKER_00 (02:09:21):
Yeah.
So, like, for me, I think whenit comes to, like, let's say,
for example, like, when I dointerviews, right?
Like, her is actually a verycommon, like, German last name.

SPEAKER_01 (02:09:33):
Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 (02:09:34):
Yeah.
It's H-E-R-R, though.
It's not just H-E-R.
So, like, I think...
I've gotten a bypass because myname looks kind of American and
I don't have an accent.
So I think people probably thinkthat I'm white.
So I feel like majority of thejobs that I've gotten is because
people think I'm white.
But like if they see mephysically, like they're like,

(02:09:55):
oh, she's Asian.
And at that point, you can'tback down because she done
showed up for the interview.
And I'm likable, so there's aplus.
But I think that's probably myonly advantage or disadvantage
is that obviously I'm Asian, Ihave black hair, and I'm a
minority.

(02:10:15):
Yeah.
And I'm not here to discount orI'm not here to like give away
from men's mental health orpride, but obviously we didn't
get a Celebrate Asian a month orAsian Awareness or I don't know
what it's called, but I probablyshould know what it's called,
which is...
Do they have one?
Yeah, so...

(02:10:36):
It actually just passed.
So yeah, it's the Asian Americanand Pacific Islander Heritage
Month.
And it's in the month of May, soit just passed, but we didn't
get to...
celebrate that or we didn't getto mention that but you know
like i'm not trying to discountfrom men's mental health
awareness or pride i'm justsaying i can relate in the part

(02:10:58):
of being a minority that youknow like things don't always go
my way either just because i'masian things don't go always go
my way because i'm a woman youknow um But just to bring
awareness that we do still havea lot of disadvantages from the
way that we look, from the waythat we act.
And that's unfortunate.
Again, we're in 2025.

(02:11:19):
It's like we take two stepsforward and five steps back.
But yeah, I think...

SPEAKER_01 (02:11:28):
Go ahead.
Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 (02:11:29):
I think for people who are in my shoes, for people
who do have a strong Asianaccent and when they do
interviews and their namedoesn't look American, they
probably don't get a lot of joboffers just because of that.
Like I said, it's an advantageand a disadvantage.

(02:11:52):
That's where I can relate to youguys.
Or I could relate to thefighting for human rights or
fighting to be a freaking human.
Okay, we've been deep, but let'spivot to quick hits.
No overthinking, just vibes.
This is where the spiral meetsthe speed round.

(02:12:14):
This is pretty much a rapid firereflections.
I'm going to say something orI'm going to ask Anthony a
question.
And then he's going to say thefirst thing that comes to his
mind.
So, for example, what is oneword that describes your mental
health this week?

SPEAKER_01 (02:12:30):
Drained.

SPEAKER_00 (02:12:31):
Ugh, I felt that.

SPEAKER_01 (02:12:33):
Right?

SPEAKER_00 (02:12:34):
And it's only Monday! It's only freaking
Monday.
Oh, my God.
That's insanity.

SPEAKER_01 (02:12:40):
Okay, what is a song that's been your emotional
crutch lately?

SPEAKER_00 (02:12:46):
Ooh, that's a good one.
For me...
It's a song called Love the HellOut of You by Lewis Capaldi.
I actually found it Kind ofscrolling through TikTok.
And it was performed by AndyGrammer.
He performed it on The MaskedSinger.

(02:13:07):
And I heard his version.
It was so beautiful.
I kind of wish he had a versionon Apple Music or iTunes.
But then he sang it really,really good.
And then I looked it up.
It was by Lewis Capaldi.
It's called Love the Hell Out ofYou.
So, yeah.
That's been my emotional crutchlately.

(02:13:28):
Now, Anthony, what label haveyou reclaimed or completely let
go of?
Ho.

SPEAKER_01 (02:13:37):
I think that you and I are trying to reclaim the word
ho because it normally gets likea negative connotation to it.

SPEAKER_00 (02:13:43):
It does.
We're trying to reclaim ho.
That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 (02:13:46):
Yes.

SPEAKER_00 (02:13:47):
Our ho-munity.

SPEAKER_01 (02:13:48):
Our ho-me's.

SPEAKER_00 (02:13:52):
Yes.
That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 (02:13:56):
All right.
We got time for one more.
Our last one.

SPEAKER_00 (02:13:58):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (02:14:00):
What's one feeling you used to avoid that you're
now learning to sit with?

SPEAKER_00 (02:14:08):
Being hungry.

SPEAKER_01 (02:14:09):
Because you're hungry right now?

SPEAKER_00 (02:14:10):
Yeah.
Well, the thing is, I'm tryingto build a healthy relationship
with food.
And I think that's one thingthat I...
did not grow a healthy habit ofbecause I eat food when I'm sad.
I eat food when I'm hungry.
I eat food when I'm bored.

(02:14:31):
So I'm trying to figure out thecorrect body languages when I'm
actually hungry compared to whenI'm just bored or when I want to
munch on something.
So yeah, that's it for me.

SPEAKER_01 (02:14:46):
Trying

SPEAKER_00 (02:14:47):
to stop being a fat ass.

SPEAKER_01 (02:14:49):
Alright, June isn't just about being loud.
It's about being seen.

SPEAKER_00 (02:14:53):
Crying does not equal weakness, and pride does
not equal perfection.

SPEAKER_01 (02:14:59):
Call to action to any of our listeners.
Check in on your strong friend.

SPEAKER_00 (02:15:03):
Apologize to your past self for suppressing your
weirdness.

SPEAKER_01 (02:15:07):
DM us your chaos, your confessions, and your aha
moments.
We'll read the best ones, withconsent.

SPEAKER_00 (02:15:15):
If June taught us anything, it's that feeling your
feelings doesn't make you weak,and loving out loud doesn't make
you too much.
Whether you're waving a flag orholding it together, you deserve
space.
So go hydrate, send that yougood, text your friend, and
remember, visibility andvulnerability are both a flex.

SPEAKER_01 (02:15:36):
All right, hoes, that's a wrap on our deep dive
into pride and men's mentalhealth.
Whether you laughed, cried, orrewound that one quote three
times, We're glad you're here.
And one quick thing.
Don't ghost us after thisepisode.

SPEAKER_00 (02:15:50):
Follow us on all our socials.
Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, youknow.
And leave us a review.
Five stars only, obviously.
Visit our website atwww.twintangentspodcast.com for
questions, concerns, love notes,or if you just want to say hi.

SPEAKER_01 (02:16:08):
Because community doesn't end when the mic cuts
off.
So come find us.
Until next time, stay loud, staysoft, and stay unbothered.

SPEAKER_00 (02:16:18):
Bye.
Wait, just a quick minute.
I have a little surprise foryou.
Is it a rainbow flag?
It's not.
It's this booty.
Just kidding.
Happy birthday.
Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
No, it's on time for thisepisode.

(02:16:40):
But happy birthday.
Hold on.
I want to sing happy birthday toyou first.

SPEAKER_01 (02:16:44):
Okay, wait.
Can I have a request?

SPEAKER_00 (02:16:46):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (02:16:46):
Can you sing it Marilyn Monroe style?
I

SPEAKER_00 (02:16:49):
don't know what that means.
Okay.
Okay, I can sing to you in aBritish accent.

SPEAKER_01 (02:16:57):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (02:16:58):
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to Anthony.
You're too sweet.
Of course.
You didn't

SPEAKER_01 (02:17:14):
have to get me anything.

SPEAKER_00 (02:17:15):
No, I had to.
I love you.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Can

SPEAKER_01 (02:17:18):
I open

SPEAKER_00 (02:17:19):
it?
Yes, you can open it.
Thank

SPEAKER_01 (02:17:21):
you.
A nice little

SPEAKER_00 (02:17:22):
tote bag.
You're welcome.
I know.
I was like, you cannot becarrying that janky ass looking.
What is it?
My suitcase.
Yeah, your suitcase.
My travel.
My overnight bag.
Yes, your overnight bag.
So I'm like, why not?
Let's get this whole somethingto do it.
It's a cute bag.

SPEAKER_01 (02:17:37):
And we'll make sure to take pictures and post it on
our socials.
It's Taylor Swift and it says,it's me, hi, I'm the problem,
it's me.
Yes,

SPEAKER_00 (02:17:46):
you are the problem.
I don't know if I

SPEAKER_01 (02:17:48):
want to be carrying that around.
I don't want people to know thatI'm the problem.

SPEAKER_00 (02:17:50):
Well, you could flip it around.
That's true.
It's on the other side.

SPEAKER_01 (02:17:53):
It's versatile.
Do you want the receipt?

SPEAKER_00 (02:17:55):
No, you could keep it if you want to return stuff.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (02:17:59):
Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 (02:17:59):
You're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 (02:18:01):
Oh, and a pin?

SPEAKER_00 (02:18:03):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (02:18:04):
1989 Taylor Swift pin and a reputation.
candle.

SPEAKER_00 (02:18:09):
It smells so good.
I almost didn't want to give itto you.
Oh my

SPEAKER_01 (02:18:11):
god, it does smell good.
What scent is it?
Does it say?
I

SPEAKER_00 (02:18:15):
don't know.
I didn't read that much into

SPEAKER_01 (02:18:17):
it.
Yeah,

SPEAKER_00 (02:18:18):
it doesn't

SPEAKER_01 (02:18:19):
say.

SPEAKER_00 (02:18:19):
Thank you, boo.
You didn't need to do that.
Of course I did.
I'll give you a hug after.

SPEAKER_01 (02:18:24):
Okay, deal.
Okay.
Well, now that everybody knowsit's my birthday and I expect
the world to celebrate.
Yay! Alright, y'all.
That's a wrap on this episodeand on a month that means a lot
to us.
Pride and men's mental healthawareness both remind us just

(02:18:45):
how powerful it is to existfully, feel deeply, and be seen.
Whether you're out herethriving, healing, questioning,
or just trying to get throughthe day, we see you, we
celebrate you, and we're rootingfor you.
Quick note before we go.

(02:19:06):
Everything we shared in thisepisode reflects our own
personal experiences, opinions,and views.
Please don't take it out ofcontext or assume it speaks for
all men or the entire queercommunity.
We're just two voices in a muchbigger conversation.
Thanks for showing up with us.

(02:19:27):
We'll catch you next time.
Probably oversharing per usual.

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